The Parent-Athlete Relationship

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Parents are some of the most powerful influences in an athlete’s life. The car rides, sideline reactions, and dinner table conversations all leave lasting impressions that can either build confidence or increase pressure.

In this episode, I explore the parent–athlete relationship—what helps, what hurts, and how parents, coaches, and athletes themselves can create environments that support resilience, confidence, and joy in sport.

Whether you’re a parent on the sidelines, a coach guiding a team, or an athlete reflecting on your own experiences, this episode is filled with tools to make the parent–athlete relationship a force for growth.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker (00:01):
I'm Dr.
Nassim Ebrahimi, and welcome toBecoming My Stronger Me, a
podcast designed to help youbecome stronger in mind, body,
and heart.
In season two, the mentalperformance series, we'll
explore the intricaterelationship between mental
performance, sports excellence,leadership, and personal growth
to help you become your strongeryou.

(00:21):
Today we're talking about oneof the most influential forces
in an athlete's journey, theparent-athlete relationship.
Athletes may spend hours withtheir coaches and teammates, but
parents are there before andafter practice.
They're there in the car rideshome, on the sidelines, and at

(00:45):
the dinner table.
And all of those interactions,big or small, shape how an
athlete sees themselves, seestheir sport, and sees their
potential.
Today we'll explore what helps,what hurts, and how parents and
coaches and athletes themselvescan build relationships that

(01:07):
truly support growth.
So why does that parent-athleterelationship matter?
Sports psychology research hasshown again and again that
parents have an enormous impacton their child's experience in
sport.
A 2019 review in the Journal ofApplied Sports Psychology found
that when athletes perceivedtheir parents as supportive

(01:31):
rather than controlling, theyreported higher confidence,
stronger motivation, and moreenjoyment.
Conversely, when parents wereover involved or critical,
athletes were more likely toburn out or quit altogether.
Think about it.
The ride home from practice,the sideline reactions, and even

(01:55):
the tone of voice after a toughloss, all of these are moments
that leave lasting impressions.
A supportive nod or a proud ofyour effort can lift an
athlete's confidence, while asigh of disappointment or
silence can weigh them down fordays.

(02:16):
Let's talk about pressure whenthat parent support turns into
stress.
Parents almost always mean wellwhen they push their kids.
They want to see them succeed.
But when encouragement crossesinto pressure, it can backfire.

(02:38):
For example, comments like youhave to score today or don't
waste this opportunity increaseanxiety instead of confidence.
Research on parentalexpectations has shown that when
kids perceive the bar asimpossibly high, they often play

(02:59):
tight, they second guessthemselves, or they avoid taking
risks altogether.
The fear of disappointing aparent becomes heavier than the
joy of the game.
Even nonverbal cues matter.
Parents who pace, who grimace,or shake their heads on the

(03:20):
sidelines may not even realizehow much athletes notice.
Kids are incredibly attuned totheir parents' body language,
and they often interpret it asjudgment, even if the parent is
just nervous.

So the question for parents is: does my presence reduce my (03:35):
undefined
child's stress or add to it?
One practical tip is to createa consistent pre-game routine.
For example, instead of givinglast-minute instructions in the
car, which often adds pressure,use that time to play music or

(03:59):
simply chat about non-sporttopics.
It signals to your child, Ilove you beyond what happens in
this game.
Now let's talk about praise andbuilding confidence the right
way.
Praise is one of the mostpowerful tools a parent has, but
it can cut both ways.

(04:21):
If praise only focuses onoutcomes like scoring, winning,
or getting playtime, it canteach athletes that their worth
is tied to results thatsometimes they can't really
control.
Carol Dweck's research ongrowth mindset shows that
praising effort, process, andstrategies leads to greater

(04:45):
resilience and motivation.
So instead of saying, great jobscoring the goal, you might
say, I loved how hard you workto find space, or I noticed how
you encourage your teammateafter they made a mistake.
This kind of praise reinforcesbehaviors athletes can repeat

(05:05):
regardless of the scoreboard.
And I've seen this play outfirsthand.
An athlete I worked with hadparents who always asked, Did
you win after games?
Eventually, the athlete dreadedthe car ride home.
And when we shifted theparents' first question to,
what's something you were proudof from today?

(05:28):
The athlete's enjoyment andconfidence started to rebound.
That one shift reframed thesport as a space for growth, not
just performance.
And now let's talk aboutparents as a source of support,
becoming that safe base.

(05:49):
Support is about creating thatsecure foundation.
Research on self-determinationtheory shows that athletes
thrive when three basic needsare met: autonomy, competence,
and relatedness.
And parents can play a vitalrole in each of these.

(06:12):
Autonomy means giving kids somecontrol over their sport.
That could be letting themchoose which position to try or
whether they want extratraining.
When we talk about competence,competence means reinforcing
their skills.
Saying things like, I saw howmuch faster your passes are

(06:35):
getting.
So that the athlete feelscapable.
And for relatedness, we want tomake sure that the athlete
feels loved and connected,regardless of the wins or the
losses.
Sometimes support is practical,like carpooling at 6 a.m.
without complaint.

(06:56):
Other times it's emotional,listening when your athlete
vents without immediatelyoffering solutions.
One high school player oncetold me the best thing my dad
does is just sit with me after aloss and not say anything until
I'm ready to talk.

(07:17):
That's what support looks like.
And I also have some advice forcoaches.
Coaches are often the bridgebetween the parent and the
athlete when we're talking aboutsports.
Proactively addressing theparent-athlete relationship can
prevent conflict andmisalignment.

(07:39):
Some coaches hold preseasonmeetings to explain what kind of
feedback athletes need fromtheir parents, things like
cheering effort, not givingtactical instructions from the
sidelines.
For example, one coach I workedwith asked parents to adopt
three sideline rules.
Encourage everyone, not justyour child.

(08:02):
Avoid coaching from the stands,and keep your body language
positive.
Parents reported feeling moreinvolved in a supportive way
with the team.
And athletes reported lessstress during games.
Coaches who set these kinds ofexpectations help create an

(08:26):
ecosystem where parents,athletes, and staff are all
headed in the same direction.
And here are some of my finalthoughts for you.
Here's what helps praise foreffort and process,
encouragement that reducesanxiety, and support that

(08:47):
communicates unconditional love.
What hurts the athlete?
Well, excessive pressure, tyingtheir worth to outcomes, or
inconsistent support that leavesthe athletes guessing where
they stand.
The parent athlete relationshipis one of the most powerful

(09:09):
influences in sport.
Done well, it producesresilient, confident athletes
who not only love the game, butcarry those lessons into their
lives.
Done poorly, it can steal theirjoy, increase their anxiety,
and drive athletes away from thevery sport that they once

(09:33):
loved.
As parents and coaches andmentors, we all play a role in
shaping these relationships.
And the message we send,whether spoken or unspoken,
matters deeply.
At the end of the day, athletesdon't just remember the games.
They remember how we made themfeel.

(09:54):
Until next time, don't forgetto subscribe to the podcast,
join our Facebook group, send inyour stories and feedback.
And if you're looking for amental performance coach or want
more information, go towww.becoming my strongerme.com.
I can't wait to hear from you.