March 8, 2024 • 40 mins
Have you ever peeled back the layers of your past to uncover the person you were always meant to be? Join me, Cole Evans, alongside the brilliant Theo Bill, as we delve into the sacred journey of self-discovery and authentic living. It's a conversation enriched by our personal narratives, as we reveal the intricate dance with self-love and how it's reshaped our lives. Theo brings forth his wisdom on shedding the remnants of childhood conditioning, an act that allows our true natures to thrive. I open up about the seismic shifts in my psyche prompted by therapy, coaching, and even an ayahuasca voyage, underlining the profoundness of embracing every shade of our emotional palette.
This episode is a tapestry of emotional exploration, painted with the strokes of radical acceptance and the will to confront our deepest sources of shame. As we unfold the chapters of our dialogue, you'll hear about the transformative power of somatic release sessions, my journey with breath work, and the liberation that comes with recognizing and accepting every emotion. We'll take you through the transformative effect personal growth can have on family dynamics and relationships, illustrating the power of positive self-perception through heartening transformations. Through Theo's and my experiences, we highlight the potency of intention behind our actions, the significance of living authentically, and the undeniable impact it has on how the world sees and interacts with us.
This episode is a tapestry of emotional exploration, painted with the strokes of radical acceptance and the will to confront our deepest sources of shame. As we unfold the chapters of our dialogue, you'll hear about the transformative power of somatic release sessions, my journey with breath work, and the liberation that comes with recognizing and accepting every emotion. We'll take you through the transformative effect personal growth can have on family dynamics and relationships, illustrating the power of positive self-perception through heartening transformations. Through Theo's and my experiences, we highlight the potency of intention behind our actions, the significance of living authentically, and the undeniable impact it has on how the world sees and interacts with us.
Enjoy the episode? Post about it and share with your friends! You can tag the show on Instagram @Unstoppable.Podcast or tag me @ColeEvans. Have an idea for a topic you want me to cover? Send me a DM!
Please rate and review the show on whatever app you use to listen, it helps the show grow to new listeners just like you!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, I'm Cole Evans and this is Becoming
Unstoppable.
Here we journey togetherthrough the landscapes of our
lives.
It's about transformingobstacles into our stepping
stones, embracing our authenticselves and discovering the power
within.
As we navigate this journey,let's inspire each other to rise
(00:20):
, grow and truly becomeunstoppable.
Our adventure starts now.
Thank you, guys, so much forjoining us on the show today.
Welcome to Becoming Unstoppable, and I want to welcome one of
my very good friends, theo Bill,to the show for our very first
episode together.
Theo is also a coach andspeaker here in Austin, texas.
(00:43):
Theo, why don't you go aheadand tell our listeners a little
bit about yourself?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Thank you very much for having me on the show.
I really appreciate it and I'mvery honored and humbled to have
this conversation and also kindof excited, because we always
have great talks and there'ssuch depth and just joy to what
we have to talk about.
It's always so much fun, so I'mreally looking forward to that.
As far as where I am comingfrom, I live in Austin, texas as
(01:13):
well.
I am a speaker, I am a coach aswell as an author, and I'm also
a singer, as you are, so it'sgreat to have some shared loves
and some shared passions.
I definitely have a lot ofthings that I've been working on
lately, but one of the thingsthat really fuels my passion is
(01:34):
talking about authenticity andhow we can find that true
version of ourselves that isn'thidden amongst the weeds of our
childhood habits and allows abeautiful rose to grow out of
that, so that we can actuallysee that version of ourselves
that we can embrace and that wecan actually love just as much,
(01:56):
as oftentimes, many other peoplelove us, but we don't allow
ourselves to do the same.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, I love that.
That's great, and I mean allthe more reason why I invited
you here today, talking aboutauthenticity, and we've both
been on that journey we bothhave been down and back a couple
of times, I think of becomingour authentic selves and
accepting ourselves and lovingourselves, and so happy to have
you on the show today.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, absolutely yeah .
That path is rich with manydifferent droppings, good and
bad.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
It is for sure.
Well, we've got a lot to talkabout and I don't really have
any type of an agenda for us.
I really just kind of want tojump in and have one of our
amazing conversations, becausethere's always so much value.
So, if it's okay with you,let's just kind of go ahead and
jump right in.
Let's get started One thing thatI'm finding myself, having gone
(02:54):
through a year of reallyintensely working on my mental
health and building a life thatI've wanted.
And then you know, I told youlast month I did an ayahuasca
ceremony and, wow, that likeblew my mind and I feel like I
have this better understandingnow than I ever have.
(03:14):
We are souls having a humanexperience and even just earlier
today I did this body work,somatic release, like breath
work session and it was likeokay, I get it now.
I already have everything thatI need.
I am enough because I'm righthere.
I'm in my heart, my soul is inmy heart.
(03:37):
The mind, that's what reallyfucks with us and that's what we
have to like discipline andfigure out how to manage.
And I told my coach that wasleading me through this, phoebe,
I said, you know, in 30 minutesI feel like I got years worth
of therapy, because therapy isgreat and everyone should do it,
(03:59):
but it just teaches you how tomanage your mind and kind of
like collect your thoughts andwhatnot.
There's so much more beyondthat to the human experience and
really understanding, likefeeling the full spectrum of
emotion.
Emotions aren't good or bad andit's totally okay to feel all
of them yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, I used to.
When I first started gettinginto coaching, I would get
questions, you know, oh, soyou're a coach, what do you do?
And I would always preface itbecause everybody's familiar
with therapy.
I would say, for me, I thinkeverybody should be in therapy
and I think that therapy isincredibly useful for looking at
(04:40):
the book of your past, readingthe chapters of your past
history, whereas coaching issomething that allows you to
move forward.
It's writing the chapters ofyour future, as opposed to just
simply reading and or rereadingand rereading.
In my case and that was, for me, the breakthrough in my one of
(05:02):
the breakthroughs in my mentalhealth was transitioning from
traditional therapy into morecoaching, which is more
outcome-oriented.
It's more future-based ratherthan past-based.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, I definitely see that now myself.
Having a therapist and alsohaving a coach they're two
different things.
And let me tell you if you wantto feel like a super human,
have a therapist and have acoach.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I love it.
Indeed, yeah Well, you've comeso far.
I mean, in just the time thatI've known you, I know you had a
rock and roll, you know up anddown year the year prior, but
just in the last year to 18months that I've known you,
there's been leaps and bounds.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, thank you.
I'm able to be very mindfullyobservant of all of that now and
I have a very humble prideabout it and because of
everything that I've beenthrough, like I know it's no big
deal.
I'm awesome.
(06:12):
I do I have?
Like.
I'm very proud of myselfbecause I put in so much work.
But I also have this compassionfor others and it's like well,
just because I figured some shitout doesn't mean that I'm make
makes me anything better thanyou like.
We are all humans, we are allhaving a very unique experience
(06:36):
and we can all just do the bestthat we can, period.
And I have like way morecompassion for others now in
that and I've also because Ihave compassion for others it's
allowed me to act kind of as amirror and I'm able to have a
lot more compassion for myselfnow and I thought I had that
kind of figured out, but I'vetaken it to like a whole new
(06:58):
level yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
When you can look in the mirror and really and truly
say, wow, I like that person,that's a tremendous moment,
especially in the life of a gayman, in the life of any kind of
minority or any of the LGBTQIAcommunity.
(07:20):
When you've got such of anonslaught from the rest of
society and and there's suchdogma in the in the world today,
with politics and witheverything that that's that's
going on in the divisions, it'sjust as hard today as it was 30
years ago, which is, I thinkit's really sad to say there are
(07:41):
things that are better and I amproud to say that I can state
publicly I am a gay man and notworry about recriminations.
But there are other elements inour community.
There are other parts of thatalphabet that aren't in that
position, that don't have thatprivilege, and that is why I'm
so that it's just.
It's that part I'm verydisappointed in yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
It's all a part of just like accepting yourself and
then accepting others.
And then from there, likegetting others outside of that
to figure out that they shouldalso accept others.
Yep, it's just never ending,you know.
I mean, I can say from from myown perspective or my own life
(08:27):
experience, I mean acceptingourselves as not normal, you
know, and no, I'm, I'm gay orI'm, you know, like that takes
so much, you know.
And then from there, buildingon that and being like, okay,
I've accepted myself and now I'mgonna be okay with showing who
(08:48):
I am to people.
Yeah, and I mean, it's just,it's such a huge process and, to
wrap your head around it, I,you know, I used to be one of
those people that was like, oh,the other people of the alphabet
, they've got a problem, I don'thave a problem, they've got a
problem.
And now I'm just, like I havesuch a greater understanding.
(09:09):
It's like, okay, well, they'renot gay, but they're, you know,
transgender or they're bisexualor they're non-binary or
whatever they are, like itdoesn't matter, we have a very
similar story.
You know, everyone has theirown unique story and their own
unique struggles, but it's likewho fricking cares what letter
of the alphabet, you identify as.
(09:31):
Who cares what gender youidentify as we're all human yeah
and we're all trying to do thebest that we can and figure this
out together, and so I love youfor who you are and I have no
judgment, like you know.
I know you're doing the bestthat you can do yeah it's.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
You hit upon a point.
That is something that I'vereally been pondering of late,
and that is the steps ofacceptance.
For me, when I was juststarting to come out, the first
step was actually admitting tomyself.
That was the most terrifyingstep was me, because I had been
(10:07):
fighting it.
I said, no, I don't want to bethat person that is the exact
opposite of who I want to be.
For 20 years, until I, you know, I was almost a grown, grown
man.
And it was that step ofacceptance of just, maybe that's
not who I am or that's, youknow, that person that I was
(10:29):
fighting against, that mayactually be me.
And then there's this idea that, okay, well, we've got to share
it with just the people that weabsolutely know aren't going to
criticize us, that aren't goingto terrorize us and they're not
going to judge us.
So it's like two steps.
But then there's the third stepof, okay, let's just let it out
(10:51):
of the bag a little bit more,and maybe the people that we
actually do know on a first namebasis.
But then there's the evenbroader of like, for instance,
me stating that I'm a gay man tojust a random social media post
.
That's the broad, that's thewide world, and so it's
interesting that thinking abouthow do we learn to accept
(11:12):
ourselves?
And it's not necessarily aboutbeing gay or transgender or any
of that.
It's about what are we hidingof ourselves from the rest of
the world, or even from ourselves?
It could be something like yourfinancial situation.
It could be something like yoursexual orientation.
(11:32):
Obviously it could be maybe amerit marital issue.
In certain cultures, if you'rehaving marriages on the rocks,
it's just as bad as being gay inin this society.
So it it doesn't matter what itis.
There are ways that we hidefrom the world, but when we
learn to accept that, whateverthat is, there is a huge amount
(11:54):
of power in that mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, well, and acceptance is step step one, you
know, because I accepted that Iwas gay before I came out and
then I came out and I acceptedthat I was publicly out and then
I thought, well, everything'sfine and dandy, but it turns out
I still didn't love myself.
So it's like you have to acceptyourself and then reveal
(12:19):
yourself and accept that you'verevealed yourself, and then you
still have to figure out how tolove yourself.
Or at least this is my storyand that's something that I have
really only recently steppedinto.
You know, I've I've shared, Idid the, the ayahuasca ceremony
and prior to doing that, I feltlike I, I felt like I love
myself.
(12:39):
You know, I felt like I hadfinally come to a point where I
loved me.
And in preparation for doingthis plant medicine ceremony,
you know, I had to come off ofantidepressants and whatnot.
And as I did that, one thingthat I learned was whole, holy
shit, I don't think I lovemyself.
(13:01):
I think that was all masked.
I think that was just the metathe antidepressants, the
anti-anxiety meds that wasmaking me feel, oh, everything's
okay, it's fine and dandy, and,you know, I love me.
I didn't.
I think I loved 10% of me, youknow.
And now, having gone throughthat and lyric, really faced
some crazy stuff and steppingback into, like my childhood
(13:25):
body and being an infant andremembering all of these, now I
really feel like I love myself.
I feel like I'm about 50%.
You know, there's still more togo, I still have more love for
me to figure out, but I'll tellyou, you know, like the working
on the integration of it andworking through what has been
brought up and the things thatI've remembered for my childhood
(13:47):
, and you know, I went back atChristmas time and I talked to
my father and I talked to mybrother and had these just
extremely genuine, intimate,connecting conversations that
we've never had and experiencedso much healing that not only,
like, made my father feel moreloved and made my brother feel
(14:09):
more loved, it made me feel moreloved by them, but also for
myself.
Yeah, and as I continue to dothis work, I'm finding that it's
becoming easier and easier andeven natural to love myself.
You know I was speaking withone of the coaches that I work
(14:29):
with earlier today and tellingher it's kind of like when
you're, when I went through mymental health treatment program
for depression and anxiety.
It was like, okay, I'm puttingin the work, I'm doing all the
things that you're teaching me,but I'm constantly fighting
against my mind.
And this time it's like I'veJumped over that.
(14:54):
I'm constantly doing the work,but it's easy, it's effortless
and I'm seeing results quickerthan I've ever seen before, you
know, and I think that that'sbecause it's the plant medicine,
the ayahuasca of it working.
I think it's the rapidtransformation and the
hypnotherapy.
And, you know, I mean I'vereally put a lot in to Uncover
(15:15):
stuff and root causes, and oneof the biggest root causes of
any of this I mean withaccepting yourself, accepting
others, loving yourself is shame.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Oh yeah, yep, that's a big one, brother.
Yeah, when you, when you areunwilling to look yourself in
the mirror because there are,there's such an amount of
judgment and lack and Anexpectation that's the thing is
you're expecting For there to bea different person looking back
(15:46):
in the mirror from you.
When, when that doesn't happen,then we get angry, we get
disappointment.
All of that wraps up into thatnasty little bundle of shame and
that is, and it's, a huge knotto untangle.
But, like you were saying forme, the same thing, when you are
fighting it, when you areconstantly trying to Push
(16:11):
through Whatever that fit thatthat healing is, it's not gonna
work.
At some point I I, for somereason I have get a mental image
of a dog on its back waitingfor it.
You know, it's like there's a,there's a point when Dogs, if
they're being aggressive andyou're training them, when they
give up and they stop fightingand they just totally relax and
(16:35):
then they roll over.
It's like, okay, that's the egofinally rolling over and it's
allowing me to love myself.
That's like the mental imagethat I think of whenever that
that started to happen for me.
And For same thing when youwere describing it, I'm like,
okay, I get it.
It's like finally rolling overgiving up and saying and just
(16:55):
submitting to the process ofloving yourself and Admitting
that it's also it's.
It's a messy process sometimes.
Yeah you know it's not an easySolution that we are able to
achieve just like that.
No, no, Sometimes it takes along time, sometimes it's.
It can be really rapid, it canbe almost instantaneous,
(17:18):
depending on what it is.
But allowing ourselves thefreedom and the space and the
comfort of Discovering that andexploring that is also some of
the some of the joy of the work.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah, for real.
You know it's it is there is noset order, that it has to
happen and there's no settimeline.
It has to happen.
And I think it's so easy ashumans to be like, oh, I should
already have that done.
And I think we all Fallsusceptible to that.
(17:53):
You know, I mean I, how manytimes have we sat there and it's
like, oh my god, like I'm, I'malmost 35, I should own a house
and I should be married and Ishould have kids and fuck all of
that.
Like there's no order to any ofit.
You know, it's totally okaythat at almost 35, I'm really
(18:13):
stepping into being me for thefirst time ever.
I'm really stepping into lovingmyself for the first time ever.
You know, or 45 or 50 or 25,who cares?
As long as you finally figureit out.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
By the way, I was 35 when it started for me too.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Well, I'm glad to know that I'm in good company
then, because you know I Idefinitely Admire and respect
you, and you've put a lot ofwork in to yourself, and so I'm
glad to hear that.
You know, it sounds like I'm onon that same track.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yes, you are.
You're exactly where you needto be when you need to be doing
what you need to be doing.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, yeah, it's funny that you say that one of
the things.
You know, I, as I was thinkingthrough like, okay, I know I
wanted to have Fio come on and,you know, have a conversation on
the podcast, because we alwayshave such great conversations, I
didn't really know exactlywhere I wanted to go with it,
right, like I was like, okay,you know what, I don't need a
(19:15):
topic, we're just gonna record agreat conversation, because we
always have great conversations.
And it just so happened thatthis afternoon, like literally
today, right before you and Igot on the call, is telling you
I did this breath work somaticrelease session, right?
So Phoebe, my coach, she comesover and you know we drop in and
(19:36):
we do breath work and you knowthis is like it's body work as
well.
So she's like what is your bodytelling you?
And I am such anintellectualizer that my mind's
like Running a thousand miles aminute.
And it's like, well, she wantsto know something.
You've got an answer like whereyou're gonna say so I, you know
, and I always have to fight it.
(19:56):
And she's like don't listen tothe monkey mind, take a breath
in Deep breaths.
And so I'm like, okay.
I'm like, well, what the fuckam I supposed to say?
And I finally come, I say youknow, I just I don't know why,
but I feel like what I'm myintention for this session is
clarity, and I'm questioning whywould I need clarity?
(20:20):
Because I feel like I have somuch clarity recently.
I feel like I've really workedthrough a lot of things, so we
continue to move forward in thissession and you know, she's
like feel things in your bodyand so I'm feeling, you know,
some pain in my jaw and I'mfeeling anger, and anger is
something that I.
Anger and sadness are the twoemotions that I struggle to
(20:43):
express.
And it's because, growing up,you know, I'm able to like kind
of look at the whole timeline ofmy life Growing up.
Those were bad emotions, thosewere emotions we weren't
supposed to do.
You know, my mom was often verysad.
I felt like my dad was alwaysvery angry.
Anytime that my brother or Iwere angry or sad, it was like
(21:03):
stop crying, don't yell at eachother.
So, as we're going through thissomatic release and breath work
and body work and whatnot,she's like feel the anger.
It's not good or bad, justallow yourself to feel it, yep.
And so I'm like all right.
Well, I feel my jaw is clenchedand I've got some pain, my
chest is tight, my shoulders are, you know, shrugged and raised,
(21:26):
my fists are clenched and I'mlike, and I want to yell.
And she's like, then yell, andso I'm like, ah, you know, and
we do that for a couple ofminutes.
It felt really fucking good,you know, cause I was not
allowed to do that as a child.
It was always don't yell, don'tyell, you know.
And also, having been through anabusive and domestic violence
(21:49):
situation in my life in multipletimes, you know, growing up
with a piece of shit stepped dadand going through an abusive
marriage with my ex-husband I donot like yelling and so I
stifle myself when I feel angerand I shove it down.
So, as we're going through allof this and as we begin to work
through it and I release that, Irecognize a few different
(22:12):
things.
I recognize that thefrustration and anger that I'm
feeling is because I doubtmyself and I feel frustrated
with myself that I should befurther along, that I should be
further into my coachingbusiness than I currently am,
you know, and all of thesedifferent things.
And then as we begin to justcontinue to breathe and feel
(22:34):
things she's like okay, and likewhat is your body telling you
now?
And just like, breathe andreceive.
And so I start to feel this,just like I relax and I start to
really feel just a lot of love.
And here's where the claritycomes back.
We like, we come full circle.
(22:54):
I recognize that you know I'mon this journey to become
unstoppable and I want to becomemy highest, most authentic,
most confident self and what Ireally feel in my heart, telling
me my heart, not my mind,because it wants to.
You know, tell me I'm a pieceof shit.
My heart tells me you alreadyare.
(23:16):
You don't have to do anything,just be, be.
That's powerful.
Yeah, you know, because time isa construct, like it's not I
have to arrive and I have to doall of these things to get there
.
I already have everything Ineed within me and so it just
gave me.
Like that was the clarity thatmy body was like you need
(23:37):
clarity.
And I'm like, why?
Because you're already enough.
You don't have to do all thiscrazy shit.
You know, you don't have todoubt yourself, just trust
yourself.
So, yeah, it's all about beingand being present and feeling
your full emotions, becauseemotions aren't a bad thing, and
(23:58):
so I really feel like movingforward.
What I'm gonna do is, when Istart to feel that doubt this is
something she asked me she'slike so next time you feel doubt
, next time you feel anger, likewhat are you gonna do?
And I'm like, well, first I'mgonna allow myself to feel it
and then, second, one of thethings that I found for me,
placing my hand on my chest.
Especially, I like hairy chests, so I've got a hairy chest and
(24:22):
if I can rub my hairy chest, Ifeel loved.
I do, I feel loved, but I alsolike having that hand right over
my heart, because it's justlike mm.
Yeah, all right, I'm heartcentered and this is where my
soul lives, is in my heart andthis is where I am enough.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yep, the big guy says when you're on your head, you
are dead.
So there's a time and a placefor all of those things.
Just like she was saying thatanger, no emotion is a bad
emotion.
It's just whether or not it isappropriate and whether or not
(25:04):
it is useful and has utility inthat moment, just like being in
your head.
We all have to be able toanalyze the situation.
If we were to dash head firstinto the tiger's den, we'd all
be dead and there would be nohuman race.
So the brain has a function,the heart has a function.
We wouldn't have children ifthe heart wasn't working.
(25:27):
It's just a matter of beingable to understand that
habitually.
As men, normally our role isvery analytical.
In society, we are expected notonly to be the quote unquote
bread winner and the one that isstrong and providing, although
(25:47):
that's total bullshit, as y'all,as everybody knows.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Super dated.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
However, there's a lot of programming in our
society that still forces us tocut off emotions from our
responses, from the way that weexpress ourselves, and I mean,
even within our community that'sstill a little bit true, even
though there's a lot of peoplethat are much more expressive
(26:17):
and much more emotive.
But there's still a lot ofresidual programming from the
rest of society that says okay,you're not allowed to feel so.
It's perfectly natural thatthat is something that you would
probably be avoiding, and I'msure there's a lot of people out
there listening who understandexactly what that feels like
(26:37):
that, oh, you start to feelsomething.
No, push it down, can't do it,not allowed, it's bad.
And that's part of acceptingyourself, that's part of loving
yourself, is understanding.
There's this symphony ofemotions that we're allowed, and
it's not just one note, oneinstrument.
We get to play an entiresymphony of our being when we're
(27:03):
able to access all of thedifferent emotions, all of the
different instruments at ourdisposal.
But if we're habitually usingthe same note, the same
instrument every single freakingtime, it gets kind of boring
and it also gets reallypredictive and we end up kind of
not liking ourselves a lot oftimes.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, I wonder if that is maybe one of the reasons
why, as far as I thought I hadcome in loving myself over this
last year, finding out, ah, Ididn't really love myself as
much as I thought, becausewithin me still and it's not
like going through thedepression treatment program
(27:44):
they taught anger and sadness isbad.
They were 100% sharing.
Emotions are neither good norbad, they're just emotions.
But what I did was I took thisskill set and worked amazing for
me, like I'm not saying itdidn't at all and 100% did its
job.
I'm so happy that I have it.
(28:05):
I still use it every single day, but knowing that my inner
child and what I grew up withand you live what you learn
anger and sadness, those are bad, bad emotions.
Quotes you know, yep, I woulduse my skill set to be like,
okay, we're gonna stifle that.
(28:26):
You know.
Like we don't need to befeeling that Like, oh, I'm
pissed off that someone on theboard did this bullshit thing
and I've gotta deal with thismeeting and I'm just gonna
breathe through it.
We're not even gonna feel it,we're just gonna breathe through
it and we're just gonna relax.
In reality, it's okay that I'mpissed off that you did
something stupid, you know, likeit's okay and I'm gonna feel it
(28:50):
and work through it that wayrather than bottle it up.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Yeah, yeah, it's so important not to let stuff build
up, because then it just simplyexplodes.
I mean, you know, you said thatyour stepdad was an angry guy.
I'm sure he had a lot of stuffthat he held tight and it was
like a pressure cooker, you know, which reminds me about you
(29:17):
mentioned when he went back toChristmas and you had those
conversations with your dad andyour brother and when you
mentioned that, it reminded meof something that we call how
you perceive is how you receive,and essentially what that is is
.
It's a fancy way of talkingabout rose colored glasses or
shit colored glasses.
(29:38):
You know, as we grow up, if ourexperience is nothing but shit,
we put those glasses on and thenwe see the world through those
lenses and that is all wereceive back and it becomes a
feedback loop.
But because you showed up as anentirely different person,
you'd have taken those shitglasses off and you put the rose
(29:59):
colored glasses on or the gaycolored glasses on and you were
an entirely self loving,different person and you
actually probably literallytransformed them and changed who
they were for you in thatmoment, they probably were like
who the heck is this person?
And that gave them theopportunity and the space to
(30:20):
actually show up the way thatyou wanted them to.
So I think that that's amazingon your part, because that's all
you.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
I mean I completely agree with that because both my
father and my brother both ofthem said you're a completely
different person than who youwere a year ago.
You're a completely differentperson than who you were when we
saw you six months ago evenlike completely different and I
asked them both to kind ofclarify on that and I shared
(30:52):
with both of them just so much.
But they understood me for thefirst time they had the context
to understand why I've alwaysbeen the way that I've been and
so they understood.
I talked about the gay shamethat I felt and I grew up with
(31:14):
and that I always felt.
Just, I've never felt so superloved and I always felt the gay
shame that I had made me feellike I was just a bad person,
like one thing that I recognizedwas growing up.
The only gay person I knewgrowing up was my mom's brother,
(31:37):
who was an alcoholic and a drugaddict and I mean screwed my
grandparents over in the world'sworst way, like just not a
great role model at all, and myfamily and extended family
always talked about what ahorrible person he was.
And so in my mind, from thetime I was born until I don't
(32:01):
know how long until 34, of mefinding out like hey, I'm gonna
have my own opinion of this guyI associated, especially as a
child.
This is what I learned beinggay means you're a bad person.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And so that's what I internalized.
And so I asked my dad and mybrother like you know, you say
you feel like I am this totallydifferent person.
What do you mean by like, bythat exactly?
And both of them said somethingalong the lines of you're much
calmer than you've ever been andyou're less dramatic and
(32:40):
theatrical, which I think isfunny, because I don't feel like
I've changed that much in how Iexpress myself.
But I guess the way that I wentabout it is what's changed,
because my brother said he saidI don't mean this in a bad way
or a backhanded compliment.
He said you used to be reallyloud and you know you'd cuss a
lot and that's not gonna change.
(33:02):
And you know he said is one ofmy favorite words.
Okay, he said to me it justgave off this kind of fake-ish
energy and it was kind ofnegative and it was a turnoff
and I didn't like to be aroundyou.
And because I was able to givehim the context and he was able
to understand that he was ableto say then I know, now I feel
(33:28):
like you did that because youweren't sure of yourself, and so
then you would double down andlike go even bigger or whatever.
And I didn't get any of that intalking to you this time.
He said this time he said forlack of a better term, it just
seemed normal, you know, youwere calm and you were yourself
and you were sure of yourselfand you didn't need anything
(33:51):
extra on there.
And my father said the veryexact same thing.
And it's because, I think, youknow, through a lot of hard work
and through going through thisplant medicine ceremony, like
any other gay shame that I hadlike, I found the root causes,
the root causes and I was ableto just kind of eliminate them
(34:11):
and overcome them and see themfor what they were.
Because as a child you don'thave the emotional intelligence,
you don't have the mentalcapacity or the life experience
to understand what thingsactually are.
And then they say between zeroand seven, or it may even be
between before age zero, like inthe womb.
(34:33):
That is when your subconsciousmind is becoming fertile, and
then it stops and it runs yourlife from then on.
And now I've been able to belike.
No, those things that I alwaysthose core beliefs that I always
thought were true, they're nottrue.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Yeah, you know when you.
What your dad said rings truefor me and it reminds me of when
I was in my twenties and I wasjust starting to accept myself
and this idea that I was gay.
I had a real problem withflamboyant and effeminate men
(35:13):
because and this goes back towhat your brother had talked
about and your father and alsoyou said that you don't feel
like you're not any more, anyless dramatic or whatever.
I think what it comes down tois the intention.
Are they or were you behavingin a way that was number one
(35:37):
result of you not likingyourself and so, as your brother
said, doubling down?
Or Are you behaving in a waybecause it's a response?
It's a reaction to Someself-hatred or some intention in
yourself to hide, and I thinkthat was what was the disconnect
for me as I was growing up,because I'm very intuitive and I
(35:59):
can I can tell in a realHeartbeat whether somebody's
being authentic and truthful tothem to themselves as well as
others and that there's a,there's a dissonance for me.
So when I see somebody who isjust simply being flamboyant,
because that's the nature of whothey are and they just simply
(36:19):
go through the world spreadingthat joy and love, I don't have
a problem with that.
But when, alright, it's not aproblem, there's a flag in my
head now it's just oh, that'sinteresting.
But when I see somebody who isactively behaving in a way to
cover up or to mask or to besomething other than who they
(36:40):
are and they're acting, that'swhen I am alerted and I'm like,
oh, okay, this person is notbeing authentic and that may
have been what your, your fatherand your brother interpreted,
because your behavior was somuch that you were just like,
okay, I'm gonna behave in a waythat puts everybody down and I'm
gonna be the loudest, most youknow, cussing, flamboyant,
(37:03):
whatever Because I want to beheard and seen and loved and I
don't know how else to do it.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Yeah, yeah, I think that that definitely played a
part, for sure, and it'ssomething that, again, I didn't,
it's not even something I hadto work on.
It just kind of happened as Iaccepted, like fully accepted,
and like began to reallyActually fully love myself.
It just yeah, it just happened.
You know, and I do, I feel somuch more sure of myself than I
(37:33):
ever have before.
And you know, I am finding oneof the things that they taught
us going through the, thetreatment program, was radical
acceptance, and I adopted thatvery quickly because, let me
tell you, before I went throughthat program in my past life, I
was totally gonna go ape shit,karen, on someone if I needed to
(37:55):
Like what do you mean?
That?
This is no, no, no, no, this isunacceptable.
And you know, like, make ithappen, all right, like.
And so I learned radicalacceptance and I adopted that
and I still use it to this dayand I'm very flexible, very go
with the flow, adaptable, easy,it's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal and it'soutside of my control and
(38:18):
getting mad over it is onlygonna make it worse for me.
I did that amazingly for theoutside world, and what I'm
finding now is I'm practicingradical love and radical
acceptance for myself and that'slike a light bulb aha moment.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
There's the title of your book Radical yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Yeah, unstoppable, love.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Radically unstoppable love.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
For sure, awesome.
Well, we are just about out oftime.
So, theo, thank you so much forcoming on my podcast.
It is, oh, it's been such apleasure having you on here and
I will absolutely have you backagain.
Why don't you let everyone knowhow they can contact you, send
you DM, social, anything likethat?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Sure.
So all the social is mr Theobill.
Mr Theo bill, and you can findme at the old bill calm.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on.
I look forward to the next timeyou're on here and All of you
out there listening.
Go out and have an unstoppableday.
Thanks for listening.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Absolutely awesome, thank you.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Thanks for joining the show today on another
episode of becoming Unstoppablewith Cole Evans.
If you guys enjoyed the show,please share it with the friend
or a post on social media.
Be sure to tag the show onInstagram at unstoppable Dot
podcast or tag me at Cole Evans.
(40:01):
That's C-O-L-E A-N-S.
Please follow and rate the showon whatever platform you use.
It helps the algorithms tofeature our show to new
listeners.
Just like you, my goal inhosting this podcast is to make
an impact on people's lives andhelp people to find the peace
(40:25):
and happiness throughself-compassion, passion, just
like I have, of course, becomeunstoppable.
I Hope you guys have a greatday.
I can't wait to hang out withyou on our next episode.
Until then, this is Cole Evanssigning off.
Stay fabulous y'all.
Hello, I'm Cole Evans and this is Becoming
Unstoppable.
Here we journey togetherthrough the landscapes of our
lives.
It's about transformingobstacles into our stepping
stones, embracing our authenticselves and discovering the power
within.
As we navigate this journey,let's inspire each other to rise
(00:20):
, grow and truly becomeunstoppable.
Our adventure starts now.
Thank you, guys, so much forjoining us on the show today.
Welcome to Becoming Unstoppable, and I want to welcome one of
my very good friends, theo Bill,to the show for our very first
episode together.
Theo is also a coach andspeaker here in Austin, texas.
(00:43):
Theo, why don't you go aheadand tell our listeners a little
bit about yourself?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Thank you very much for having me on the show.
I really appreciate it and I'mvery honored and humbled to have
this conversation and also kindof excited, because we always
have great talks and there'ssuch depth and just joy to what
we have to talk about.
It's always so much fun, so I'mreally looking forward to that.
As far as where I am comingfrom, I live in Austin, texas as
(01:13):
well.
I am a speaker, I am a coach aswell as an author, and I'm also
a singer, as you are, so it'sgreat to have some shared loves
and some shared passions.
I definitely have a lot ofthings that I've been working on
lately, but one of the thingsthat really fuels my passion is
(01:34):
talking about authenticity andhow we can find that true
version of ourselves that isn'thidden amongst the weeds of our
childhood habits and allows abeautiful rose to grow out of
that, so that we can actuallysee that version of ourselves
that we can embrace and that wecan actually love just as much,
(01:56):
as oftentimes, many other peoplelove us, but we don't allow
ourselves to do the same.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, I love that.
That's great, and I mean allthe more reason why I invited
you here today, talking aboutauthenticity, and we've both
been on that journey we bothhave been down and back a couple
of times, I think of becomingour authentic selves and
accepting ourselves and lovingourselves, and so happy to have
you on the show today.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Yeah, absolutely yeah .
That path is rich with manydifferent droppings, good and
bad.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
It is for sure.
Well, we've got a lot to talkabout and I don't really have
any type of an agenda for us.
I really just kind of want tojump in and have one of our
amazing conversations, becausethere's always so much value.
So, if it's okay with you,let's just kind of go ahead and
jump right in.
Let's get started One thing thatI'm finding myself, having gone
(02:54):
through a year of reallyintensely working on my mental
health and building a life thatI've wanted.
And then you know, I told youlast month I did an ayahuasca
ceremony and, wow, that likeblew my mind and I feel like I
have this better understandingnow than I ever have.
(03:14):
We are souls having a humanexperience and even just earlier
today I did this body work,somatic release, like breath
work session and it was likeokay, I get it now.
I already have everything thatI need.
I am enough because I'm righthere.
I'm in my heart, my soul is inmy heart.
(03:37):
The mind, that's what reallyfucks with us and that's what we
have to like discipline andfigure out how to manage.
And I told my coach that wasleading me through this, phoebe,
I said, you know, in 30 minutesI feel like I got years worth
of therapy, because therapy isgreat and everyone should do it,
(03:59):
but it just teaches you how tomanage your mind and kind of
like collect your thoughts andwhatnot.
There's so much more beyondthat to the human experience and
really understanding, likefeeling the full spectrum of
emotion.
Emotions aren't good or bad andit's totally okay to feel all
of them yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, I used to.
When I first started gettinginto coaching, I would get
questions, you know, oh, soyou're a coach, what do you do?
And I would always preface itbecause everybody's familiar
with therapy.
I would say, for me, I thinkeverybody should be in therapy
and I think that therapy isincredibly useful for looking at
(04:40):
the book of your past, readingthe chapters of your past
history, whereas coaching issomething that allows you to
move forward.
It's writing the chapters ofyour future, as opposed to just
simply reading and or rereadingand rereading.
In my case and that was, for me, the breakthrough in my one of
(05:02):
the breakthroughs in my mentalhealth was transitioning from
traditional therapy into morecoaching, which is more
outcome-oriented.
It's more future-based ratherthan past-based.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Yeah, I definitely see that now myself.
Having a therapist and alsohaving a coach they're two
different things.
And let me tell you if you wantto feel like a super human,
have a therapist and have acoach.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I love it.
Indeed, yeah Well, you've comeso far.
I mean, in just the time thatI've known you, I know you had a
rock and roll, you know up anddown year the year prior, but
just in the last year to 18months that I've known you,
there's been leaps and bounds.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, thank you.
I'm able to be very mindfullyobservant of all of that now and
I have a very humble prideabout it and because of
everything that I've beenthrough, like I know it's no big
deal.
I'm awesome.
(06:12):
I do I have?
Like.
I'm very proud of myselfbecause I put in so much work.
But I also have this compassionfor others and it's like well,
just because I figured some shitout doesn't mean that I'm make
makes me anything better thanyou like.
We are all humans, we are allhaving a very unique experience
(06:36):
and we can all just do the bestthat we can, period.
And I have like way morecompassion for others now in
that and I've also because Ihave compassion for others it's
allowed me to act kind of as amirror and I'm able to have a
lot more compassion for myselfnow and I thought I had that
kind of figured out, but I'vetaken it to like a whole new
(06:58):
level yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
When you can look in the mirror and really and truly
say, wow, I like that person,that's a tremendous moment,
especially in the life of a gayman, in the life of any kind of
minority or any of the LGBTQIAcommunity.
(07:20):
When you've got such of anonslaught from the rest of
society and and there's suchdogma in the in the world today,
with politics and witheverything that that's that's
going on in the divisions, it'sjust as hard today as it was 30
years ago, which is, I thinkit's really sad to say there are
(07:41):
things that are better and I amproud to say that I can state
publicly I am a gay man and notworry about recriminations.
But there are other elements inour community.
There are other parts of thatalphabet that aren't in that
position, that don't have thatprivilege, and that is why I'm
so that it's just.
It's that part I'm verydisappointed in yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
It's all a part of just like accepting yourself and
then accepting others.
And then from there, likegetting others outside of that
to figure out that they shouldalso accept others.
Yep, it's just never ending,you know.
I mean, I can say from from myown perspective or my own life
(08:27):
experience, I mean acceptingourselves as not normal, you
know, and no, I'm, I'm gay orI'm, you know, like that takes
so much, you know.
And then from there, buildingon that and being like, okay,
I've accepted myself and now I'mgonna be okay with showing who
(08:48):
I am to people.
Yeah, and I mean, it's just,it's such a huge process and, to
wrap your head around it, I,you know, I used to be one of
those people that was like, oh,the other people of the alphabet
, they've got a problem, I don'thave a problem, they've got a
problem.
And now I'm just, like I havesuch a greater understanding.
(09:09):
It's like, okay, well, they'renot gay, but they're, you know,
transgender or they're bisexualor they're non-binary or
whatever they are, like itdoesn't matter, we have a very
similar story.
You know, everyone has theirown unique story and their own
unique struggles, but it's likewho fricking cares what letter
of the alphabet, you identify as.
(09:31):
Who cares what gender youidentify as we're all human yeah
and we're all trying to do thebest that we can and figure this
out together, and so I love youfor who you are and I have no
judgment, like you know.
I know you're doing the bestthat you can do yeah it's.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
You hit upon a point.
That is something that I'vereally been pondering of late,
and that is the steps ofacceptance.
For me, when I was juststarting to come out, the first
step was actually admitting tomyself.
That was the most terrifyingstep was me, because I had been
(10:07):
fighting it.
I said, no, I don't want to bethat person that is the exact
opposite of who I want to be.
For 20 years, until I, you know, I was almost a grown, grown
man.
And it was that step ofacceptance of just, maybe that's
not who I am or that's, youknow, that person that I was
(10:29):
fighting against, that mayactually be me.
And then there's this idea that, okay, well, we've got to share
it with just the people that weabsolutely know aren't going to
criticize us, that aren't goingto terrorize us and they're not
going to judge us.
So it's like two steps.
But then there's the third stepof, okay, let's just let it out
(10:51):
of the bag a little bit more,and maybe the people that we
actually do know on a first namebasis.
But then there's the evenbroader of like, for instance,
me stating that I'm a gay man tojust a random social media post
.
That's the broad, that's thewide world, and so it's
interesting that thinking abouthow do we learn to accept
(11:12):
ourselves?
And it's not necessarily aboutbeing gay or transgender or any
of that.
It's about what are we hidingof ourselves from the rest of
the world, or even from ourselves?
It could be something like yourfinancial situation.
It could be something like yoursexual orientation.
(11:32):
Obviously it could be maybe amerit marital issue.
In certain cultures, if you'rehaving marriages on the rocks,
it's just as bad as being gay inin this society.
So it it doesn't matter what itis.
There are ways that we hidefrom the world, but when we
learn to accept that, whateverthat is, there is a huge amount
(11:54):
of power in that mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, well, and acceptance is step step one, you
know, because I accepted that Iwas gay before I came out and
then I came out and I acceptedthat I was publicly out and then
I thought, well, everything'sfine and dandy, but it turns out
I still didn't love myself.
So it's like you have to acceptyourself and then reveal
(12:19):
yourself and accept that you'verevealed yourself, and then you
still have to figure out how tolove yourself.
Or at least this is my storyand that's something that I have
really only recently steppedinto.
You know, I've I've shared, Idid the, the ayahuasca ceremony
and prior to doing that, I feltlike I, I felt like I love
myself.
(12:39):
You know, I felt like I hadfinally come to a point where I
loved me.
And in preparation for doingthis plant medicine ceremony,
you know, I had to come off ofantidepressants and whatnot.
And as I did that, one thingthat I learned was whole, holy
shit, I don't think I lovemyself.
(13:01):
I think that was all masked.
I think that was just the metathe antidepressants, the
anti-anxiety meds that wasmaking me feel, oh, everything's
okay, it's fine and dandy, and,you know, I love me.
I didn't.
I think I loved 10% of me, youknow.
And now, having gone throughthat and lyric, really faced
some crazy stuff and steppingback into, like my childhood
(13:25):
body and being an infant andremembering all of these, now I
really feel like I love myself.
I feel like I'm about 50%.
You know, there's still more togo, I still have more love for
me to figure out, but I'll tellyou, you know, like the working
on the integration of it andworking through what has been
brought up and the things thatI've remembered for my childhood
(13:47):
, and you know, I went back atChristmas time and I talked to
my father and I talked to mybrother and had these just
extremely genuine, intimate,connecting conversations that
we've never had and experiencedso much healing that not only,
like, made my father feel moreloved and made my brother feel
(14:09):
more loved, it made me feel moreloved by them, but also for
myself.
Yeah, and as I continue to dothis work, I'm finding that it's
becoming easier and easier andeven natural to love myself.
You know I was speaking withone of the coaches that I work
(14:29):
with earlier today and tellingher it's kind of like when
you're, when I went through mymental health treatment program
for depression and anxiety.
It was like, okay, I'm puttingin the work, I'm doing all the
things that you're teaching me,but I'm constantly fighting
against my mind.
And this time it's like I'veJumped over that.
(14:54):
I'm constantly doing the work,but it's easy, it's effortless
and I'm seeing results quickerthan I've ever seen before, you
know, and I think that that'sbecause it's the plant medicine,
the ayahuasca of it working.
I think it's the rapidtransformation and the
hypnotherapy.
And, you know, I mean I'vereally put a lot in to Uncover
(15:15):
stuff and root causes, and oneof the biggest root causes of
any of this I mean withaccepting yourself, accepting
others, loving yourself is shame.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Oh yeah, yep, that's a big one, brother.
Yeah, when you, when you areunwilling to look yourself in
the mirror because there are,there's such an amount of
judgment and lack and Anexpectation that's the thing is
you're expecting For there to bea different person looking back
(15:46):
in the mirror from you.
When, when that doesn't happen,then we get angry, we get
disappointment.
All of that wraps up into thatnasty little bundle of shame and
that is, and it's, a huge knotto untangle.
But, like you were saying forme, the same thing, when you are
fighting it, when you areconstantly trying to Push
(16:11):
through Whatever that fit thatthat healing is, it's not gonna
work.
At some point I I, for somereason I have get a mental image
of a dog on its back waitingfor it.
You know, it's like there's a,there's a point when Dogs, if
they're being aggressive andyou're training them, when they
give up and they stop fightingand they just totally relax and
(16:35):
then they roll over.
It's like, okay, that's the egofinally rolling over and it's
allowing me to love myself.
That's like the mental imagethat I think of whenever that
that started to happen for me.
And For same thing when youwere describing it, I'm like,
okay, I get it.
It's like finally rolling overgiving up and saying and just
(16:55):
submitting to the process ofloving yourself and Admitting
that it's also it's.
It's a messy process sometimes.
Yeah you know it's not an easySolution that we are able to
achieve just like that.
No, no, Sometimes it takes along time, sometimes it's.
It can be really rapid, it canbe almost instantaneous,
(17:18):
depending on what it is.
But allowing ourselves thefreedom and the space and the
comfort of Discovering that andexploring that is also some of
the some of the joy of the work.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Yeah, for real.
You know it's it is there is noset order, that it has to
happen and there's no settimeline.
It has to happen.
And I think it's so easy ashumans to be like, oh, I should
already have that done.
And I think we all Fallsusceptible to that.
(17:53):
You know, I mean I, how manytimes have we sat there and it's
like, oh my god, like I'm, I'malmost 35, I should own a house
and I should be married and Ishould have kids and fuck all of
that.
Like there's no order to any ofit.
You know, it's totally okaythat at almost 35, I'm really
(18:13):
stepping into being me for thefirst time ever.
I'm really stepping into lovingmyself for the first time ever.
You know, or 45 or 50 or 25,who cares?
As long as you finally figureit out.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
By the way, I was 35 when it started for me too.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Well, I'm glad to know that I'm in good company
then, because you know I Idefinitely Admire and respect
you, and you've put a lot ofwork in to yourself, and so I'm
glad to hear that.
You know, it sounds like I'm onon that same track.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yes, you are.
You're exactly where you needto be when you need to be doing
what you need to be doing.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, yeah, it's funny that you say that one of
the things.
You know, I, as I was thinkingthrough like, okay, I know I
wanted to have Fio come on and,you know, have a conversation on
the podcast, because we alwayshave such great conversations, I
didn't really know exactlywhere I wanted to go with it,
right, like I was like, okay,you know what, I don't need a
(19:15):
topic, we're just gonna record agreat conversation, because we
always have great conversations.
And it just so happened thatthis afternoon, like literally
today, right before you and Igot on the call, is telling you
I did this breath work somaticrelease session, right?
So Phoebe, my coach, she comesover and you know we drop in and
(19:36):
we do breath work and you knowthis is like it's body work as
well.
So she's like what is your bodytelling you?
And I am such anintellectualizer that my mind's
like Running a thousand miles aminute.
And it's like, well, she wantsto know something.
You've got an answer like whereyou're gonna say so I, you know
, and I always have to fight it.
(19:56):
And she's like don't listen tothe monkey mind, take a breath
in Deep breaths.
And so I'm like, okay.
I'm like, well, what the fuckam I supposed to say?
And I finally come, I say youknow, I just I don't know why,
but I feel like what I'm myintention for this session is
clarity, and I'm questioning whywould I need clarity?
(20:20):
Because I feel like I have somuch clarity recently.
I feel like I've really workedthrough a lot of things, so we
continue to move forward in thissession and you know, she's
like feel things in your bodyand so I'm feeling, you know,
some pain in my jaw and I'mfeeling anger, and anger is
something that I.
Anger and sadness are the twoemotions that I struggle to
(20:43):
express.
And it's because, growing up,you know, I'm able to like kind
of look at the whole timeline ofmy life Growing up.
Those were bad emotions, thosewere emotions we weren't
supposed to do.
You know, my mom was often verysad.
I felt like my dad was alwaysvery angry.
Anytime that my brother or Iwere angry or sad, it was like
(21:03):
stop crying, don't yell at eachother.
So, as we're going through thissomatic release and breath work
and body work and whatnot,she's like feel the anger.
It's not good or bad, justallow yourself to feel it, yep.
And so I'm like all right.
Well, I feel my jaw is clenchedand I've got some pain, my
chest is tight, my shoulders are, you know, shrugged and raised,
(21:26):
my fists are clenched and I'mlike, and I want to yell.
And she's like, then yell, andso I'm like, ah, you know, and
we do that for a couple ofminutes.
It felt really fucking good,you know, cause I was not
allowed to do that as a child.
It was always don't yell, don'tyell, you know.
And also, having been through anabusive and domestic violence
(21:49):
situation in my life in multipletimes, you know, growing up
with a piece of shit stepped dadand going through an abusive
marriage with my ex-husband I donot like yelling and so I
stifle myself when I feel angerand I shove it down.
So, as we're going through allof this and as we begin to work
through it and I release that, Irecognize a few different
(22:12):
things.
I recognize that thefrustration and anger that I'm
feeling is because I doubtmyself and I feel frustrated
with myself that I should befurther along, that I should be
further into my coachingbusiness than I currently am,
you know, and all of thesedifferent things.
And then as we begin to justcontinue to breathe and feel
(22:34):
things she's like okay, and likewhat is your body telling you
now?
And just like, breathe andreceive.
And so I start to feel this,just like I relax and I start to
really feel just a lot of love.
And here's where the claritycomes back.
We like, we come full circle.
(22:54):
I recognize that you know I'mon this journey to become
unstoppable and I want to becomemy highest, most authentic,
most confident self and what Ireally feel in my heart, telling
me my heart, not my mind,because it wants to.
You know, tell me I'm a pieceof shit.
My heart tells me you alreadyare.
(23:16):
You don't have to do anything,just be, be.
That's powerful.
Yeah, you know, because time isa construct, like it's not I
have to arrive and I have to doall of these things to get there
.
I already have everything Ineed within me and so it just
gave me.
Like that was the clarity thatmy body was like you need
(23:37):
clarity.
And I'm like, why?
Because you're already enough.
You don't have to do all thiscrazy shit.
You know, you don't have todoubt yourself, just trust
yourself.
So, yeah, it's all about beingand being present and feeling
your full emotions, becauseemotions aren't a bad thing, and
(23:58):
so I really feel like movingforward.
What I'm gonna do is, when Istart to feel that doubt this is
something she asked me she'slike so next time you feel doubt
, next time you feel anger, likewhat are you gonna do?
And I'm like, well, first I'mgonna allow myself to feel it
and then, second, one of thethings that I found for me,
placing my hand on my chest.
Especially, I like hairy chests, so I've got a hairy chest and
(24:22):
if I can rub my hairy chest, Ifeel loved.
I do, I feel loved, but I alsolike having that hand right over
my heart, because it's justlike mm.
Yeah, all right, I'm heartcentered and this is where my
soul lives, is in my heart andthis is where I am enough.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Yep, the big guy says when you're on your head, you
are dead.
So there's a time and a placefor all of those things.
Just like she was saying thatanger, no emotion is a bad
emotion.
It's just whether or not it isappropriate and whether or not
(25:04):
it is useful and has utility inthat moment, just like being in
your head.
We all have to be able toanalyze the situation.
If we were to dash head firstinto the tiger's den, we'd all
be dead and there would be nohuman race.
So the brain has a function,the heart has a function.
We wouldn't have children ifthe heart wasn't working.
(25:27):
It's just a matter of beingable to understand that
habitually.
As men, normally our role isvery analytical.
In society, we are expected notonly to be the quote unquote
bread winner and the one that isstrong and providing, although
(25:47):
that's total bullshit, as y'all,as everybody knows.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Super dated.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
However, there's a lot of programming in our
society that still forces us tocut off emotions from our
responses, from the way that weexpress ourselves, and I mean,
even within our community that'sstill a little bit true, even
though there's a lot of peoplethat are much more expressive
(26:17):
and much more emotive.
But there's still a lot ofresidual programming from the
rest of society that says okay,you're not allowed to feel so.
It's perfectly natural thatthat is something that you would
probably be avoiding, and I'msure there's a lot of people out
there listening who understandexactly what that feels like
(26:37):
that, oh, you start to feelsomething.
No, push it down, can't do it,not allowed, it's bad.
And that's part of acceptingyourself, that's part of loving
yourself, is understanding.
There's this symphony ofemotions that we're allowed, and
it's not just one note, oneinstrument.
We get to play an entiresymphony of our being when we're
(27:03):
able to access all of thedifferent emotions, all of the
different instruments at ourdisposal.
But if we're habitually usingthe same note, the same
instrument every single freakingtime, it gets kind of boring
and it also gets reallypredictive and we end up kind of
not liking ourselves a lot oftimes.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, I wonder if that is maybe one of the reasons
why, as far as I thought I hadcome in loving myself over this
last year, finding out, ah, Ididn't really love myself as
much as I thought, becausewithin me still and it's not
like going through thedepression treatment program
(27:44):
they taught anger and sadness isbad.
They were 100% sharing.
Emotions are neither good norbad, they're just emotions.
But what I did was I took thisskill set and worked amazing for
me, like I'm not saying itdidn't at all and 100% did its
job.
I'm so happy that I have it.
(28:05):
I still use it every single day, but knowing that my inner
child and what I grew up withand you live what you learn
anger and sadness, those are bad, bad emotions.
Quotes you know, yep, I woulduse my skill set to be like,
okay, we're gonna stifle that.
(28:26):
You know.
Like we don't need to befeeling that Like, oh, I'm
pissed off that someone on theboard did this bullshit thing
and I've gotta deal with thismeeting and I'm just gonna
breathe through it.
We're not even gonna feel it,we're just gonna breathe through
it and we're just gonna relax.
In reality, it's okay that I'mpissed off that you did
something stupid, you know, likeit's okay and I'm gonna feel it
(28:50):
and work through it that wayrather than bottle it up.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Yeah, yeah, it's so important not to let stuff build
up, because then it just simplyexplodes.
I mean, you know, you said thatyour stepdad was an angry guy.
I'm sure he had a lot of stuffthat he held tight and it was
like a pressure cooker, you know, which reminds me about you
(29:17):
mentioned when he went back toChristmas and you had those
conversations with your dad andyour brother and when you
mentioned that, it reminded meof something that we call how
you perceive is how you receive,and essentially what that is is
.
It's a fancy way of talkingabout rose colored glasses or
shit colored glasses.
(29:38):
You know, as we grow up, if ourexperience is nothing but shit,
we put those glasses on and thenwe see the world through those
lenses and that is all wereceive back and it becomes a
feedback loop.
But because you showed up as anentirely different person,
you'd have taken those shitglasses off and you put the rose
(29:59):
colored glasses on or the gaycolored glasses on and you were
an entirely self loving,different person and you
actually probably literallytransformed them and changed who
they were for you in thatmoment, they probably were like
who the heck is this person?
And that gave them theopportunity and the space to
(30:20):
actually show up the way thatyou wanted them to.
So I think that that's amazingon your part, because that's all
you.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
I mean I completely agree with that because both my
father and my brother both ofthem said you're a completely
different person than who youwere a year ago.
You're a completely differentperson than who you were when we
saw you six months ago evenlike completely different and I
asked them both to kind ofclarify on that and I shared
(30:52):
with both of them just so much.
But they understood me for thefirst time they had the context
to understand why I've alwaysbeen the way that I've been and
so they understood.
I talked about the gay shamethat I felt and I grew up with
(31:14):
and that I always felt.
Just, I've never felt so superloved and I always felt the gay
shame that I had made me feellike I was just a bad person,
like one thing that I recognizedwas growing up.
The only gay person I knewgrowing up was my mom's brother,
(31:37):
who was an alcoholic and a drugaddict and I mean screwed my
grandparents over in the world'sworst way, like just not a
great role model at all, and myfamily and extended family
always talked about what ahorrible person he was.
And so in my mind, from thetime I was born until I don't
(32:01):
know how long until 34, of mefinding out like hey, I'm gonna
have my own opinion of this guyI associated, especially as a
child.
This is what I learned beinggay means you're a bad person.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And so that's what I internalized.
And so I asked my dad and mybrother like you know, you say
you feel like I am this totallydifferent person.
What do you mean by like, bythat exactly?
And both of them said somethingalong the lines of you're much
calmer than you've ever been andyou're less dramatic and
(32:40):
theatrical, which I think isfunny, because I don't feel like
I've changed that much in how Iexpress myself.
But I guess the way that I wentabout it is what's changed,
because my brother said he saidI don't mean this in a bad way
or a backhanded compliment.
He said you used to be reallyloud and you know you'd cuss a
lot and that's not gonna change.
(33:02):
And you know he said is one ofmy favorite words.
Okay, he said to me it justgave off this kind of fake-ish
energy and it was kind ofnegative and it was a turnoff
and I didn't like to be aroundyou.
And because I was able to givehim the context and he was able
to understand that he was ableto say then I know, now I feel
(33:28):
like you did that because youweren't sure of yourself, and so
then you would double down andlike go even bigger or whatever.
And I didn't get any of that intalking to you this time.
He said this time he said forlack of a better term, it just
seemed normal, you know, youwere calm and you were yourself
and you were sure of yourselfand you didn't need anything
(33:51):
extra on there.
And my father said the veryexact same thing.
And it's because, I think, youknow, through a lot of hard work
and through going through thisplant medicine ceremony, like
any other gay shame that I hadlike, I found the root causes,
the root causes and I was ableto just kind of eliminate them
(34:11):
and overcome them and see themfor what they were.
Because as a child you don'thave the emotional intelligence,
you don't have the mentalcapacity or the life experience
to understand what thingsactually are.
And then they say between zeroand seven, or it may even be
between before age zero, like inthe womb.
(34:33):
That is when your subconsciousmind is becoming fertile, and
then it stops and it runs yourlife from then on.
And now I've been able to belike.
No, those things that I alwaysthose core beliefs that I always
thought were true, they're nottrue.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Yeah, you know when you.
What your dad said rings truefor me and it reminds me of when
I was in my twenties and I wasjust starting to accept myself
and this idea that I was gay.
I had a real problem withflamboyant and effeminate men
(35:13):
because and this goes back towhat your brother had talked
about and your father and alsoyou said that you don't feel
like you're not any more, anyless dramatic or whatever.
I think what it comes down tois the intention.
Are they or were you behavingin a way that was number one
(35:37):
result of you not likingyourself and so, as your brother
said, doubling down?
Or Are you behaving in a waybecause it's a response?
It's a reaction to Someself-hatred or some intention in
yourself to hide, and I thinkthat was what was the disconnect
for me as I was growing up,because I'm very intuitive and I
(35:59):
can I can tell in a realHeartbeat whether somebody's
being authentic and truthful tothem to themselves as well as
others and that there's a,there's a dissonance for me.
So when I see somebody who isjust simply being flamboyant,
because that's the nature of whothey are and they just simply
(36:19):
go through the world spreadingthat joy and love, I don't have
a problem with that.
But when, alright, it's not aproblem, there's a flag in my
head now it's just oh, that'sinteresting.
But when I see somebody who isactively behaving in a way to
cover up or to mask or to besomething other than who they
(36:40):
are and they're acting, that'swhen I am alerted and I'm like,
oh, okay, this person is notbeing authentic and that may
have been what your, your fatherand your brother interpreted,
because your behavior was somuch that you were just like,
okay, I'm gonna behave in a waythat puts everybody down and I'm
gonna be the loudest, most youknow, cussing, flamboyant,
(37:03):
whatever Because I want to beheard and seen and loved and I
don't know how else to do it.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Yeah, yeah, I think that that definitely played a
part, for sure, and it'ssomething that, again, I didn't,
it's not even something I hadto work on.
It just kind of happened as Iaccepted, like fully accepted,
and like began to reallyActually fully love myself.
It just yeah, it just happened.
You know, and I do, I feel somuch more sure of myself than I
(37:33):
ever have before.
And you know, I am finding oneof the things that they taught
us going through the, thetreatment program, was radical
acceptance, and I adopted thatvery quickly because, let me
tell you, before I went throughthat program in my past life, I
was totally gonna go ape shit,karen, on someone if I needed to
(37:55):
Like what do you mean?
That?
This is no, no, no, no, this isunacceptable.
And you know, like, make ithappen, all right, like.
And so I learned radicalacceptance and I adopted that
and I still use it to this dayand I'm very flexible, very go
with the flow, adaptable, easy,it's not a big deal.
It's not a big deal and it'soutside of my control and
(38:18):
getting mad over it is onlygonna make it worse for me.
I did that amazingly for theoutside world, and what I'm
finding now is I'm practicingradical love and radical
acceptance for myself and that'slike a light bulb aha moment.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
There's the title of your book Radical yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Yeah, unstoppable, love.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Radically unstoppable love.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
For sure, awesome.
Well, we are just about out oftime.
So, theo, thank you so much forcoming on my podcast.
It is, oh, it's been such apleasure having you on here and
I will absolutely have you backagain.
Why don't you let everyone knowhow they can contact you, send
you DM, social, anything likethat?
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Sure.
So all the social is mr Theobill.
Mr Theo bill, and you can findme at the old bill calm.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on.
I look forward to the next timeyou're on here and All of you
out there listening.
Go out and have an unstoppableday.
Thanks for listening.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Absolutely awesome, thank you.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
Thanks for joining the show today on another
episode of becoming Unstoppablewith Cole Evans.
If you guys enjoyed the show,please share it with the friend
or a post on social media.
Be sure to tag the show onInstagram at unstoppable Dot
podcast or tag me at Cole Evans.
(40:01):
That's C-O-L-E A-N-S.
Please follow and rate the showon whatever platform you use.
It helps the algorithms tofeature our show to new
listeners.
Just like you, my goal inhosting this podcast is to make
an impact on people's lives andhelp people to find the peace
(40:25):
and happiness throughself-compassion, passion, just
like I have, of course, becomeunstoppable.
I Hope you guys have a greatday.
I can't wait to hang out withyou on our next episode.
Until then, this is Cole Evanssigning off.
Stay fabulous y'all.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.