March 15, 2024 • 25 mins
As I stood to deliver the eulogy for my beloved grandmother Joyce, I felt the weight of her 93 remarkable years settle upon the room - a tapestry woven with laughter, resilience, and profound love. Join me, Cole Evans, as we tenderly celebrate her life and the wisdom she imparted on what would have been her 94th birthday. Our journey through Joyce's story is a mosaic of humor, strength, and the gentle softening that came with time, honoring the ironclad matriarch of our family.
Despite her tough exterior and unwavering opinions, Joyce contained multitudes. I'll paint a nuanced portrait - hilarious yet prickly, loving yet often distant at times. Her life's joys, struggles, quirks and wisdom all wove together into one proud, ironclad legacy. Discover the powerful lessons Joyce bestowed upon us, shaping our family's understanding of love, partnership, and authentic living.
Gather around as we recount the remarkable 65-year love story of Joyce and Roger - a testament to enduring affection that continues to inspire us all. Let their tale, and the laughter that was Joyce's signature, remind us of the joys that come from living fully and loving deeply.
Powerful, poignant and surprisingly humorous, this episode celebrates how the prints of those who came before remain forever. It's a moving reminder to live authentically, craft the lasting legacy we'll one day leave behind, and most of all, love deeply.
Enjoy the episode? Post about it and share with your friends! You can tag the show on Instagram @Unstoppable.Podcast or tag me @ColeEvans. Have an idea for a topic you want me to cover? Send me a DM!
Please rate and review the show on whatever app you use to listen, it helps the show grow to new listeners just like you!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
What's up?
Unstoppable Souls, you're tunedin to Becoming Unstoppable.
With Cole Evans, the show tohelp high achievers like you
demolish limiting beliefs andfinally become that authentic,
confident badass you were meantto be.
I've walked the path of outwardsuccess, yet inward
unfulfillment, of appearing puttogether while drowning in
(00:24):
self-doubt and anxiety, and Iknow you're tired of playing too
small.
On this show, we'reobliterating your glass ceilings
and breaking free from thatself-imposed prison.
Get ready to unleash theunstoppable potential of your
most powerful self.
(00:47):
On this episode, I'm sharingsomething very personal the
eulogy I gave at my grandmotherJoyce's funeral last summer.
As we approach what would havebeen her 94th birthday this week
, I want to reflect on herremarkable life and the ironclad
legacy that she leaves behind.
My grandmother was part of thesilent generation, an only child
(01:10):
who went on to have sevenchildren of her own and see
multiple generations descendfrom her.
She was a woman of unwaveringconviction and opinion.
She was hilarious, warm,prickly and utterly real.
There was no filter when itcame to my grandmother.
In this eulogy, I try tocapture the many facets of who
(01:34):
she was as a wife, mother,grandmother and
great-grandmother, the joys andstruggles, her quirks and her
wisdom.
While imperfect like any human.
Her life provides many lessonsfor all of us on how to love
deeply, stand firm in yourbeliefs, create a warm home and,
(01:55):
most importantly, choose apartner with utmost care.
And as I reread thesereflections I shared at her
funeral, capturing the breath ofher 93 remarkable years on this
planet, I'm struck again byjust how much she embodied the
multifaceted nature of lifeitself the love, the strife, the
(02:18):
humor amidst the hardship, thecontrasts and contradictions
that somehow all wove togetherinto one proud, ironclad legacy.
So join me for this episode asI celebrate my grandmother's
life and all the lessons thatradiated from her journey.
The torch has been passed to anew generation, but the
(02:41):
indelible print of how Joycetaught us to fly, to dream and
to live remains forever.
Let's dive into the words thatmade up her farewell and the
wisdom that will ensure herspirit never fades from this
family tree.
Helen Keller said what we onceenjoyed and deeply loved, we can
(03:07):
never lose.
For all that we love deeply,become a part of us.
While today has been expectedfor some time, it doesn't take
away from the weight that comeswith the end of an era.
I thought a lot about what Iwanted to say over this last
week or so.
This was many things to manypeople A committed and loving
(03:31):
wife of 65 years, a mother ofseven, grandmother of 14.
Great grandmother of 13.
And even a great greatgrandmother of six, soon to be
eight.
This is an impressive legacyfor an only child of the silent
generation.
(03:52):
She was a hospitable homemaker,highly opinionated, intensive
and caring, but didn't alwaysknow how to show it.
Funny, sometimes, difficult,sometimes often, and could be
loving and distant at the sametime.
But I think the adjective thatbest describes her is iron clad
(04:15):
Iron clad, impossible tocontradict, weaken or change.
Try as you might to do so, andright as you may be at times,
there was no penetrating heriron shields or changing her
opinion Because of this.
You could sometimes make ithard to know Joyce's heart and
(04:36):
connect with her, and thereforewe all have varying experiences
and relationships with her.
Some would say she's incrediblyloving and kind, others would
say she could be a real bitspicy.
I believe if you look at her 93years as a whole, the main
(05:01):
theme of her life is one of loveand sensitivity, and that
really shown through in the lastfew years of her life.
In 65 years of marriage Rogerwas typically the outgoing
social one and really theeverlasting glue of our family.
(05:23):
In the last seven years sincegrandpa passed away, she's had
to learn how to lower her ironshield, son, and become a bit
more vulnerable.
During this time she becamesweet and more grandmotherly
than most of us had everexperienced and although she was
still highly opinionated,instead fast in her thinking,
(05:45):
she did soften with time.
I remember growing up it wasalways a joke that grandma never
smiled and it was often verydifficult to get a picture of
her smile.
But if you look at the majorityof pictures taken in the last
few years, there she is with thegrin on her face.
(06:07):
This last year or two, as hermind succumbed to old age, I
believe it allowed for her toget out of her head in a way
like never before and live afuller human experience.
To say she had a filter beforeI think we all know would be a
(06:28):
joke.
Joyce did not have a filter, atleast not the politically
correct one that most of us areencouraged to have.
She always spoke her mind, butat the end of her life she was
finally able to lower her ironshields and become more
vulnerable.
(06:49):
She became this sweet little oldlady who was always smiling,
loved to talk and haveconversations, always saying
thank you, and became a personwho loved to give hugs.
When I last visited her thisspring, it was the first time
I'd seen her in almost two years.
It was a memorable experience,difficult as it was, that I'm
(07:14):
glad I didn't pass up.
I wasn't prepared for her to bethis frail little old lady who
didn't know who I was, but sherecognized me each time I
reminded her with a smile on herface.
She was excited to have avisitor and share a conversation
(07:34):
together.
She was kind and full of joy,happy to take pictures together
and talk about her dogs andtravel.
I wish that I'd stayed a littlelonger.
It was a rare one-on-oneexperience with her and it was
the perfect way for me to saygoodbye and close the legacy of
(07:56):
her generation with a lovingsmile and a warm hug.
What an impact she had on eachone of us.
Did you know that at one pointshe carried most of us inside of
her womb?
The human body is so amazing.
A female fetus is born with allthe eggs she will ever have in
(08:16):
her lifetime.
So, before your mother was born, your mother, grandmother, and
the earliest trace of you wereall living in the same body.
We have all been connected withJoyce for a very long time, so
today we are gathered tocelebrate the life of Joyce, our
(08:39):
mother, grandmother, greatgrandmother and matriarch of our
family, and in doing so pass onthe torch from one generation
onto the next, as generationstend to do.
It is our solemn duty to carryon the legacies left and raise
(09:00):
the bar for our children and thecoming generations.
Today, we embrace the legacyand future of the Langless
Family line.
We are at the crossroads of agenerational shift that will
fundamentally change our familystructure.
It's an odd thing to get olderand watch your family evolve.
(09:24):
I realize that our baby boomerparents are now the grandparents
and we are now the full grownadults, most of us with children
of our own, and so it'simportant to share memories and
lessons we gained from a bygonegeneration In over nine decades
(09:45):
of living.
There are many lessons we canlearn from Joyce.
In some ways we can emulate her, and in some ways we can learn
from where she had shortcomingsand apply her opportunities of
growth to our own life.
And isn't that the job of aparent or a grandparent To teach
(10:07):
your children how to do thingsthrough trial and error, that
they may learn from yoursuccessful life experiences and
also from your mistakes.
Mother Teresa said you willteach them to fly, but they will
not fly your flight.
You will teach them to dream,but they will not dream your
(10:29):
dream.
You will teach them to live,but they will not live your life
.
Nevertheless, in every flight,in every life, in every dream,
the print of the way you taughtthem will remain.
So here are five ways to leavean ironclad legacy like Joyce.
(10:51):
Number one it's not what yousay, it's how you say it.
Stay steadfast in your beliefs,regardless of others' opinions.
There are countless times wheneach one of us has been offended
or even hurt because of Joyce'sunapologetic and unfiltered
(11:12):
opinion.
And yet, as I spoke with manyof you when I was writing her
eulogy, everyone mentioned howmuch they appreciated and
respected this trait of hers.
I think the lesson easily fallsunder both categories of
emulating Joyce's ability to notsugarcoat her thoughts, while
(11:32):
also learning to self-advocateand speak your heart in such a
way that better connects withpeople and they appreciate.
Also, don't take shit fromanyone.
Number two keep your house cleanand be a hospitable host.
I think we all definitelyinherited this trait of
(11:55):
appreciating a clean house,although maybe not to the same
OCD standards that Dawn shareswith Grandma.
Anytime Grandma and Grandpahosted a party, you wanted for
nothing.
The food, the activities, thegames and fun were always top
notch and memorable.
(12:15):
She was always very classy andtaught us each how to be the
hostess with the mostest.
After all, not many peoplechoose to put in a pool for
their families that they don'tuse themselves.
Our family holidays growing upwere legendary.
Ask any one of us and Iguarantee you one of the fondest
(12:39):
memories of our family are theholidays we spent together.
Who could forget a Fourth ofJuly where we put on our very
own Fireworks Street show thatlasted for hours well into the
night?
Or our epic Christmas dinnerswhere we played games and died
laughing, sharing memories witheveryone?
(13:02):
Number three the do's and don'tsof how to be a mother and
grandmother.
There is no doubt that Joycehad a fierce loyalty to her
family and instilled that intoher children.
You can see it here todaythrough the mothering and
grandmothering styles of herdaughters.
In the same way that sheemulated her mother and also
(13:27):
improved upon Mimei's maternalshortcomings, we can do the same
.
Some of Joyce's lessons on howto be a mom include cook good,
nutritious meals and make sureyour kids drink their milk, even
when they don't want to, butdon't force them to be part of
the Clean Play Club.
(13:48):
Avoid Catholic guilt.
Allow your kids to have andattend sleepovers and, when
they're older, set reasonablylate curfews.
Education is very important.
Take your kids on vacations andmake great memories with them.
Avoid Catholic guilt.
(14:10):
Build a trusting relationshipwith your child where they know
they can share anything with you.
Practice more forgiveness, lessgrudge holding and never trust
a liar.
Avoid Catholic guilt.
And when you're blessed withgrandchildren, don't pass up the
(14:31):
opportunity to spend time withthem.
Grandmother duties includebabysitting and spoiling them in
ways that you couldn't withyour own kids.
Your time with them is short,so be as involved and present in
your grandkids lives as much asyou can.
And finally, support, but don'tenable, your family.
(14:51):
Sometimes we need to fall onour face and scrape our knees as
humans in order to best learnfrom our mistakes.
Oh, and don't forget to tapeyour baby's ears.
Number four remember to have funand create your own happiness.
This is another one of thoselessons Joyce nailed in some
(15:14):
aspects and also had room forimprovement.
There were times when she couldbe so fun and in the moment,
and other times when she wasuptight and just took life too
serious.
One of the ways Joyceexperienced happiness was from
traveling the world with herhusband Egypt, Paris, quebec and
(15:37):
even the 1976 Montreal WinterOlympics, to name a few, plus
many annual biochemistryconferences that allowed them to
tour the country.
The annual family vacationsthat she and grandpa took y'all
on growing up to the coast andaround the country set the
(15:59):
standard for vacations for eachof our own families for decades
to come.
One way that we can improveupon Joyce's experience is by
having a good group of friendsto socialize with.
Humans are social creatures.
It's hardwired into our DNA toconnect with others.
There were so many life eventswhere she could have used a
(16:22):
close and trusted friend otherthan Roger to be vulnerable with
and actually talk about herfeelings.
It's important to have acommunity to share your life
with.
And who can forget her sense ofhumor, which was often dry or
dark?
Joyce spoke both English andFrench, but let's be honest, her
(16:45):
favorite language was sarcasm,which she taught all of us to
speak fluently.
I remember one night, rightafter grandpa passed away.
My mom and I were over at thehouse with grandma late into the
wee hours of the morning.
She didn't want to be alone andwe were sharing jokes with each
other.
I had my phone out and wasreading adult humor memes and
(17:09):
often when I told the punchlinemy mom would go Cole, you can't
say that in front of yourgrandma.
And without fail, every timeI'd say back why Grandma's
laughing too?
Grandma's dark sense of humoris something we all inherited,
which means we're all screwed,since researchers believe a dark
(17:31):
sense of humor could be anearly warning sign of dementia.
Of all these lessons, I thinkthe greatest one she taught us
is this who you choose as apartner to spend your life with
is one of the most importantchoices you will ever make.
(17:52):
Because, let's be honest, whenit comes to a loving and lasting
marriage, grandma and grandpaset that bar pretty damn high.
Most people would think it'sjust cute how we all believe in
their love story as much as wedo, but it's hard to argue with
over 65 years of happy,loved-filled relationship that
(18:15):
was stood so many trials andtribulations, several of which
most people would not be able tohandle or ever recover from.
This is the life lesson whereJoyce all out excelled and for
the most part, the majority ofus here today have fallen short
of the standard they set for us.
(18:37):
They both knew how to keep thelove alive between them.
Not many couples, married forsix and a half decades, keep up
a regular date night and yetthey often would go out on
Saturday nights to see a newmovie and spend time together.
And like the movies, theirrelationship was in many ways
(18:58):
like the main characters of aNicholas Sparks novel.
Roger worshipped the ground.
She walked on In the years whengrandpa had his health
struggles, with heart attack andheart surgery.
Grandma all but shut down.
He was her whole life.
When grandma's dementia set inand she would ask when's Rod
(19:25):
getting home from work?
And if he played along, shewould light up and talk about
how hard he's been workinglately, how proud she is of him
and that she really hoped thathe had eaten today.
Always the caregiver, alwaysthe amazing wife.
Together they lived out thelove that we all want to
(19:50):
experience in our own life withour partners.
They showed us what it meant tohave unconditional love for
someone to have and to hold, forbetter or worse, for richer or
poorer, in sickness and healthuntil death does them part.
Nothing can replace them, butlove fills the space they left
(20:15):
behind, and that stays forever.
Roger and Joyce were the livingembodiment of 1st Corinthians 13
.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does notboast, it is not proud, it does
not dishonor others, it is notself-seeking or easily angered.
(20:38):
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evilbut rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, alwaystrusts, always hopes, always
perseveres.
Love never fails.
(20:59):
In the last few hours of herlife here on earth, she listened
to her recording of her husbandover and over again.
She had been struggling tobreathe clearly.
But in her final moments,hearing Roger tell her one final
time that when she's by hisside, life is bliss, joyce
(21:20):
breathed clearly once more andpeacefully passed on to meet him
in eternity.
We can take joy today inGrandma and Grandpa being
together again.
Today is not goodbye, just seeyou soon.
I want to close with this.
A limb has fallen from thefamily tree.
(21:45):
I believe they would tell usgrieve not for me.
Remember the best times, thelaughter, the song, the good
life lived while we were strong.
Continue our heritage.
We're counting on you.
Keep smiling and surely the sunwill shine through.
(22:10):
Our minds are at ease, oursouls at rest, remembering all
how we truly were blessed.
Continue traditions, no matterhow small.
Go on with your life.
Don't worry about falls.
We miss you all dearly, so keepup your chin Until the day
(22:35):
comes we're together again.
Hey y'all, thanks for listeningto the show today.
Before we go, I want to takejust a moment together to pause
and breathe and recenterourselves.
This has made such a differencein my life and it is incredible
(22:59):
how much of a difference it canmake and how we feel just
through our breath.
So I want you to take just amoment to pause, be still and
relax and take a big, deepbreath in through your nose and
feel all the way up and thenrelease with a big, audible sigh
(23:23):
all the way out through yourmouth.
Doesn't that feel good?
I encourage you to take momentsfor yourself, just like that.
When you begin to feel stressedor anxiety, when the daily
(23:47):
little stuff of life starts tocreep in and make you feel, just
take a moment for yourself, tojust breathe.
Take a few deep breaths,recenter yourself, feel
positivity, practice gratitude.
(24:08):
It really helps to rebalanceyou and give you the extra
little power you need to gothrough your day unstoppable.
Thanks for joining the showtoday on another episode of
Becoming Unstoppable with ColeEvans.
(24:28):
If you guys enjoyed the show,please share it with the friend
or post on social media.
Be sure to tag the show onInstagram at unstoppablepodcast
or tag me at Cole Evans.
That's C-O-L-E-E-V-A-N-S.
Please follow and rate the showon whatever platform you use.
(24:52):
It helps the algorithms tofeature our show to new
listeners.
Just like you, my goal inhosting this podcast is to make
an impact on people's lives andhelp people to find the peace
and happiness throughself-compassion.
Just like I have, of course,become unstoppable.
(25:16):
I hope you guys have a greatday.
I can't wait to hang out withyou on our next episode.
Until then, this is Cole Evanssigning off.
Stay fabulous, y'all.
What's up?
Unstoppable Souls, you're tunedin to Becoming Unstoppable.
With Cole Evans, the show tohelp high achievers like you
demolish limiting beliefs andfinally become that authentic,
confident badass you were meantto be.
I've walked the path of outwardsuccess, yet inward
unfulfillment, of appearing puttogether while drowning in
(00:24):
self-doubt and anxiety, and Iknow you're tired of playing too
small.
On this show, we'reobliterating your glass ceilings
and breaking free from thatself-imposed prison.
Get ready to unleash theunstoppable potential of your
most powerful self.
(00:47):
On this episode, I'm sharingsomething very personal the
eulogy I gave at my grandmotherJoyce's funeral last summer.
As we approach what would havebeen her 94th birthday this week
, I want to reflect on herremarkable life and the ironclad
legacy that she leaves behind.
My grandmother was part of thesilent generation, an only child
(01:10):
who went on to have sevenchildren of her own and see
multiple generations descendfrom her.
She was a woman of unwaveringconviction and opinion.
She was hilarious, warm,prickly and utterly real.
There was no filter when itcame to my grandmother.
In this eulogy, I try tocapture the many facets of who
(01:34):
she was as a wife, mother,grandmother and
great-grandmother, the joys andstruggles, her quirks and her
wisdom.
While imperfect like any human.
Her life provides many lessonsfor all of us on how to love
deeply, stand firm in yourbeliefs, create a warm home and,
(01:55):
most importantly, choose apartner with utmost care.
And as I reread thesereflections I shared at her
funeral, capturing the breath ofher 93 remarkable years on this
planet, I'm struck again byjust how much she embodied the
multifaceted nature of lifeitself the love, the strife, the
(02:18):
humor amidst the hardship, thecontrasts and contradictions
that somehow all wove togetherinto one proud, ironclad legacy.
So join me for this episode asI celebrate my grandmother's
life and all the lessons thatradiated from her journey.
The torch has been passed to anew generation, but the
(02:41):
indelible print of how Joycetaught us to fly, to dream and
to live remains forever.
Let's dive into the words thatmade up her farewell and the
wisdom that will ensure herspirit never fades from this
family tree.
Helen Keller said what we onceenjoyed and deeply loved, we can
(03:07):
never lose.
For all that we love deeply,become a part of us.
While today has been expectedfor some time, it doesn't take
away from the weight that comeswith the end of an era.
I thought a lot about what Iwanted to say over this last
week or so.
This was many things to manypeople A committed and loving
(03:31):
wife of 65 years, a mother ofseven, grandmother of 14.
Great grandmother of 13.
And even a great greatgrandmother of six, soon to be
eight.
This is an impressive legacyfor an only child of the silent
generation.
(03:52):
She was a hospitable homemaker,highly opinionated, intensive
and caring, but didn't alwaysknow how to show it.
Funny, sometimes, difficult,sometimes often, and could be
loving and distant at the sametime.
But I think the adjective thatbest describes her is iron clad
(04:15):
Iron clad, impossible tocontradict, weaken or change.
Try as you might to do so, andright as you may be at times,
there was no penetrating heriron shields or changing her
opinion Because of this.
You could sometimes make ithard to know Joyce's heart and
(04:36):
connect with her, and thereforewe all have varying experiences
and relationships with her.
Some would say she's incrediblyloving and kind, others would
say she could be a real bitspicy.
I believe if you look at her 93years as a whole, the main
(05:01):
theme of her life is one of loveand sensitivity, and that
really shown through in the lastfew years of her life.
In 65 years of marriage Rogerwas typically the outgoing
social one and really theeverlasting glue of our family.
(05:23):
In the last seven years sincegrandpa passed away, she's had
to learn how to lower her ironshield, son, and become a bit
more vulnerable.
During this time she becamesweet and more grandmotherly
than most of us had everexperienced and although she was
still highly opinionated,instead fast in her thinking,
(05:45):
she did soften with time.
I remember growing up it wasalways a joke that grandma never
smiled and it was often verydifficult to get a picture of
her smile.
But if you look at the majorityof pictures taken in the last
few years, there she is with thegrin on her face.
(06:07):
This last year or two, as hermind succumbed to old age, I
believe it allowed for her toget out of her head in a way
like never before and live afuller human experience.
To say she had a filter beforeI think we all know would be a
(06:28):
joke.
Joyce did not have a filter, atleast not the politically
correct one that most of us areencouraged to have.
She always spoke her mind, butat the end of her life she was
finally able to lower her ironshields and become more
vulnerable.
(06:49):
She became this sweet little oldlady who was always smiling,
loved to talk and haveconversations, always saying
thank you, and became a personwho loved to give hugs.
When I last visited her thisspring, it was the first time
I'd seen her in almost two years.
It was a memorable experience,difficult as it was, that I'm
(07:14):
glad I didn't pass up.
I wasn't prepared for her to bethis frail little old lady who
didn't know who I was, but sherecognized me each time I
reminded her with a smile on herface.
She was excited to have avisitor and share a conversation
(07:34):
together.
She was kind and full of joy,happy to take pictures together
and talk about her dogs andtravel.
I wish that I'd stayed a littlelonger.
It was a rare one-on-oneexperience with her and it was
the perfect way for me to saygoodbye and close the legacy of
(07:56):
her generation with a lovingsmile and a warm hug.
What an impact she had on eachone of us.
Did you know that at one pointshe carried most of us inside of
her womb?
The human body is so amazing.
A female fetus is born with allthe eggs she will ever have in
(08:16):
her lifetime.
So, before your mother was born, your mother, grandmother, and
the earliest trace of you wereall living in the same body.
We have all been connected withJoyce for a very long time, so
today we are gathered tocelebrate the life of Joyce, our
(08:39):
mother, grandmother, greatgrandmother and matriarch of our
family, and in doing so pass onthe torch from one generation
onto the next, as generationstend to do.
It is our solemn duty to carryon the legacies left and raise
(09:00):
the bar for our children and thecoming generations.
Today, we embrace the legacyand future of the Langless
Family line.
We are at the crossroads of agenerational shift that will
fundamentally change our familystructure.
It's an odd thing to get olderand watch your family evolve.
(09:24):
I realize that our baby boomerparents are now the grandparents
and we are now the full grownadults, most of us with children
of our own, and so it'simportant to share memories and
lessons we gained from a bygonegeneration In over nine decades
(09:45):
of living.
There are many lessons we canlearn from Joyce.
In some ways we can emulate her, and in some ways we can learn
from where she had shortcomingsand apply her opportunities of
growth to our own life.
And isn't that the job of aparent or a grandparent To teach
(10:07):
your children how to do thingsthrough trial and error, that
they may learn from yoursuccessful life experiences and
also from your mistakes.
Mother Teresa said you willteach them to fly, but they will
not fly your flight.
You will teach them to dream,but they will not dream your
(10:29):
dream.
You will teach them to live,but they will not live your life
.
Nevertheless, in every flight,in every life, in every dream,
the print of the way you taughtthem will remain.
So here are five ways to leavean ironclad legacy like Joyce.
(10:51):
Number one it's not what yousay, it's how you say it.
Stay steadfast in your beliefs,regardless of others' opinions.
There are countless times wheneach one of us has been offended
or even hurt because of Joyce'sunapologetic and unfiltered
(11:12):
opinion.
And yet, as I spoke with manyof you when I was writing her
eulogy, everyone mentioned howmuch they appreciated and
respected this trait of hers.
I think the lesson easily fallsunder both categories of
emulating Joyce's ability to notsugarcoat her thoughts, while
(11:32):
also learning to self-advocateand speak your heart in such a
way that better connects withpeople and they appreciate.
Also, don't take shit fromanyone.
Number two keep your house cleanand be a hospitable host.
I think we all definitelyinherited this trait of
(11:55):
appreciating a clean house,although maybe not to the same
OCD standards that Dawn shareswith Grandma.
Anytime Grandma and Grandpahosted a party, you wanted for
nothing.
The food, the activities, thegames and fun were always top
notch and memorable.
(12:15):
She was always very classy andtaught us each how to be the
hostess with the mostest.
After all, not many peoplechoose to put in a pool for
their families that they don'tuse themselves.
Our family holidays growing upwere legendary.
Ask any one of us and Iguarantee you one of the fondest
(12:39):
memories of our family are theholidays we spent together.
Who could forget a Fourth ofJuly where we put on our very
own Fireworks Street show thatlasted for hours well into the
night?
Or our epic Christmas dinnerswhere we played games and died
laughing, sharing memories witheveryone?
(13:02):
Number three the do's and don'tsof how to be a mother and
grandmother.
There is no doubt that Joycehad a fierce loyalty to her
family and instilled that intoher children.
You can see it here todaythrough the mothering and
grandmothering styles of herdaughters.
In the same way that sheemulated her mother and also
(13:27):
improved upon Mimei's maternalshortcomings, we can do the same
.
Some of Joyce's lessons on howto be a mom include cook good,
nutritious meals and make sureyour kids drink their milk, even
when they don't want to, butdon't force them to be part of
the Clean Play Club.
(13:48):
Avoid Catholic guilt.
Allow your kids to have andattend sleepovers and, when
they're older, set reasonablylate curfews.
Education is very important.
Take your kids on vacations andmake great memories with them.
Avoid Catholic guilt.
(14:10):
Build a trusting relationshipwith your child where they know
they can share anything with you.
Practice more forgiveness, lessgrudge holding and never trust
a liar.
Avoid Catholic guilt.
And when you're blessed withgrandchildren, don't pass up the
(14:31):
opportunity to spend time withthem.
Grandmother duties includebabysitting and spoiling them in
ways that you couldn't withyour own kids.
Your time with them is short,so be as involved and present in
your grandkids lives as much asyou can.
And finally, support, but don'tenable, your family.
(14:51):
Sometimes we need to fall onour face and scrape our knees as
humans in order to best learnfrom our mistakes.
Oh, and don't forget to tapeyour baby's ears.
Number four remember to have funand create your own happiness.
This is another one of thoselessons Joyce nailed in some
(15:14):
aspects and also had room forimprovement.
There were times when she couldbe so fun and in the moment,
and other times when she wasuptight and just took life too
serious.
One of the ways Joyceexperienced happiness was from
traveling the world with herhusband Egypt, Paris, quebec and
(15:37):
even the 1976 Montreal WinterOlympics, to name a few, plus
many annual biochemistryconferences that allowed them to
tour the country.
The annual family vacationsthat she and grandpa took y'all
on growing up to the coast andaround the country set the
(15:59):
standard for vacations for eachof our own families for decades
to come.
One way that we can improveupon Joyce's experience is by
having a good group of friendsto socialize with.
Humans are social creatures.
It's hardwired into our DNA toconnect with others.
There were so many life eventswhere she could have used a
(16:22):
close and trusted friend otherthan Roger to be vulnerable with
and actually talk about herfeelings.
It's important to have acommunity to share your life
with.
And who can forget her sense ofhumor, which was often dry or
dark?
Joyce spoke both English andFrench, but let's be honest, her
(16:45):
favorite language was sarcasm,which she taught all of us to
speak fluently.
I remember one night, rightafter grandpa passed away.
My mom and I were over at thehouse with grandma late into the
wee hours of the morning.
She didn't want to be alone andwe were sharing jokes with each
other.
I had my phone out and wasreading adult humor memes and
(17:09):
often when I told the punchlinemy mom would go Cole, you can't
say that in front of yourgrandma.
And without fail, every timeI'd say back why Grandma's
laughing too?
Grandma's dark sense of humoris something we all inherited,
which means we're all screwed,since researchers believe a dark
(17:31):
sense of humor could be anearly warning sign of dementia.
Of all these lessons, I thinkthe greatest one she taught us
is this who you choose as apartner to spend your life with
is one of the most importantchoices you will ever make.
(17:52):
Because, let's be honest, whenit comes to a loving and lasting
marriage, grandma and grandpaset that bar pretty damn high.
Most people would think it'sjust cute how we all believe in
their love story as much as wedo, but it's hard to argue with
over 65 years of happy,loved-filled relationship that
(18:15):
was stood so many trials andtribulations, several of which
most people would not be able tohandle or ever recover from.
This is the life lesson whereJoyce all out excelled and for
the most part, the majority ofus here today have fallen short
of the standard they set for us.
(18:37):
They both knew how to keep thelove alive between them.
Not many couples, married forsix and a half decades, keep up
a regular date night and yetthey often would go out on
Saturday nights to see a newmovie and spend time together.
And like the movies, theirrelationship was in many ways
(18:58):
like the main characters of aNicholas Sparks novel.
Roger worshipped the ground.
She walked on In the years whengrandpa had his health
struggles, with heart attack andheart surgery.
Grandma all but shut down.
He was her whole life.
When grandma's dementia set inand she would ask when's Rod
(19:25):
getting home from work?
And if he played along, shewould light up and talk about
how hard he's been workinglately, how proud she is of him
and that she really hoped thathe had eaten today.
Always the caregiver, alwaysthe amazing wife.
Together they lived out thelove that we all want to
(19:50):
experience in our own life withour partners.
They showed us what it meant tohave unconditional love for
someone to have and to hold, forbetter or worse, for richer or
poorer, in sickness and healthuntil death does them part.
Nothing can replace them, butlove fills the space they left
(20:15):
behind, and that stays forever.
Roger and Joyce were the livingembodiment of 1st Corinthians 13
.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does notboast, it is not proud, it does
not dishonor others, it is notself-seeking or easily angered.
(20:38):
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evilbut rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, alwaystrusts, always hopes, always
perseveres.
Love never fails.
(20:59):
In the last few hours of herlife here on earth, she listened
to her recording of her husbandover and over again.
She had been struggling tobreathe clearly.
But in her final moments,hearing Roger tell her one final
time that when she's by hisside, life is bliss, joyce
(21:20):
breathed clearly once more andpeacefully passed on to meet him
in eternity.
We can take joy today inGrandma and Grandpa being
together again.
Today is not goodbye, just seeyou soon.
I want to close with this.
A limb has fallen from thefamily tree.
(21:45):
I believe they would tell usgrieve not for me.
Remember the best times, thelaughter, the song, the good
life lived while we were strong.
Continue our heritage.
We're counting on you.
Keep smiling and surely the sunwill shine through.
(22:10):
Our minds are at ease, oursouls at rest, remembering all
how we truly were blessed.
Continue traditions, no matterhow small.
Go on with your life.
Don't worry about falls.
We miss you all dearly, so keepup your chin Until the day
(22:35):
comes we're together again.
Hey y'all, thanks for listeningto the show today.
Before we go, I want to takejust a moment together to pause
and breathe and recenterourselves.
This has made such a differencein my life and it is incredible
(22:59):
how much of a difference it canmake and how we feel just
through our breath.
So I want you to take just amoment to pause, be still and
relax and take a big, deepbreath in through your nose and
feel all the way up and thenrelease with a big, audible sigh
(23:23):
all the way out through yourmouth.
Doesn't that feel good?
I encourage you to take momentsfor yourself, just like that.
When you begin to feel stressedor anxiety, when the daily
(23:47):
little stuff of life starts tocreep in and make you feel, just
take a moment for yourself, tojust breathe.
Take a few deep breaths,recenter yourself, feel
positivity, practice gratitude.
(24:08):
It really helps to rebalanceyou and give you the extra
little power you need to gothrough your day unstoppable.
Thanks for joining the showtoday on another episode of
Becoming Unstoppable with ColeEvans.
(24:28):
If you guys enjoyed the show,please share it with the friend
or post on social media.
Be sure to tag the show onInstagram at unstoppablepodcast
or tag me at Cole Evans.
That's C-O-L-E-E-V-A-N-S.
Please follow and rate the showon whatever platform you use.
(24:52):
It helps the algorithms tofeature our show to new
listeners.
Just like you, my goal inhosting this podcast is to make
an impact on people's lives andhelp people to find the peace
and happiness throughself-compassion.
Just like I have, of course,become unstoppable.
(25:16):
I hope you guys have a greatday.
I can't wait to hang out withyou on our next episode.
Until then, this is Cole Evanssigning off.
Stay fabulous, y'all.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.