June 20, 2025 • 33 mins
What if your so-called midlife crisis is actually a breakthrough in disguise? In this refreshingly honest and often funny episode, Claire reveals that she rarely sees classic midlife meltdowns in her practice—no impulsive sports cars or dramatic divorces. Instead, she sees people wrestling with big life transitions, especially when the kids move out and questions of purpose move in. Rather than chaos, it's often grief and growth that define this phase.
Hosts Laura and Claire take on the myth of the “unhappiest decade,” push back against the idea that hard equals unhappy, and share personal stories—from accidental marriages to ultra-marathons—that show how even wild choices can lead us closer to who we really are. The episode wraps with a playful question: if you could have a midlife crisis, what would it look like? Goat farms, flight school, and radical haircuts all make an appearance—because maybe, just maybe, your weirdest urges are trying to tell you something true.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs.
I'm Laura Quick and I'm ClaireFehrman.
I am a professional storytellerand I'm currently working on my
first book.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I have worked in mental health for many years in
lots of capacities and this is areally important time to tell
you our big disclaimer this isnot therapy.
We are not your therapists orcoaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very
much at all.
Unless you want to and it turnsout well, then you can trust us
.
That's great.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Are we midlife?
Are we in midlife, you and I?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
are definitely Now wait a second.
Yeah, I don't like to thinklike that, so I feel like
midlife.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You and I are definitely no wait a second,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I don't like to think like that, so.
I feel like midlife is oldernow.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I think we just had the aging specialist on and
we're pretty sure Will and I areat midlife.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Well, certainly, if you go by Alabama standards,
we're way past midlife I'm notkidding, yeah, by average life,
that's true.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
But in our aging episode we're getting closer to
100, which puts us not quitemidway there.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Okay, I like what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Okay, yeah, I'm good with it.
I still feel very young.
Outside of my ankles I feelyoung.
If I sprain an ankle it's goingto hurt for a long time.
I believe we talked about this.
But yeah, outside of that Ifeel young.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
When I got that bruise from Botox, it held on
for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
That was rough.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I'm glad you came up with that story.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
This feels vulnerable , but I'll tell you.
I just said I got a bruise from.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I got a black eye from Botox, yeah, but that was
impermanent.
The skin on my knees havechanged, I'm sure yours have,
and I was in a downward dog.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
My skin has and I was like, oh okay, like I remember
seeing old lady knees and I'mlike, well, that probably won't
happen to me, but 100, not untilit does it did.
There's just nothing I can do.
You cannot age backwards, as welearned so.
So I'm going to keep.
We're going to all keep eatingwell and letting stress roll off
(02:09):
of us and moving that's right.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Move your body, eat for what feels right.
So our episode today is aroundmiddle age and the ever popular
crises of a midlife crisis andif it's real, I actually had a
20 something year old girl walkup to me in the coffee shop
(02:32):
today and she was like are you,laura?
Like I?
I came to your workshopremember last year when we did
that workshop?
And I was like it was so goodto see you.
And I was like, uh, I was likeI'm actually going to record the
podcast today.
And she was like, great, what'sthis one on?
And I was like, oh, it'smidlife crisis.
I was like, uh, she.
I was like I'm actually going torecord the podcast today, and
she was like, great, what's thisone on?
And I was like, oh, it'smidlife crisis.
I was like, but you're far away.
She was super young and she waslike I'm in kind of a quarter
life crisis right now and I waslike there have been songs
(02:54):
written about that.
They are real too.
I feel like crisis can happen,not just in midlife, right I
actually don't see midlifecrisis almost ever in my
practice.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I actually think it might be made up.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
But we'll get to that .
I was about to say is it a realthing?
Like what is it?
I generally think of it justbeing like insecure guys.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Wow yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Right yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
The quintessential got a new car, did something
weird.
Bought a boat Started workingout like really hardcore, maybe
throwing some like steroids inthere.
Trying to act young Datingsomeone like age, not that age
matters, but maybe someonepolarizingly younger.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yes, yes, poor women.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, by the way, mark this down for an episode.
We have to do that episode ofwhy sometimes that, like the
older guys dating younger girls,you don't see a lot of the
opposite of that.
Unless you're my child, I havethoughts on that whole.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
And then he does date women who are substantially
older, like 40?
No, like when he was 19, he wasdating a 27-year-old.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Gross.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Yeah, that's different.
I'm talking about like a22-year-old dating a 55-year-old
or something.
Woman, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Dating a 55, or like a 50-year-old woman dating a
22-year-old.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Guy, right, that's not, that's right, that's what
I'm saying it does happen, butit feels very uncomfortable.
But you will see that happenthe opposite way.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
This is what my thought is, and y'all can argue
with me.
The brain develops later formen, so it makes more sense to
me that a younger woman wouldseek out an older man that is
not only more emotionallydeveloped but maybe more stable
financially, like more secure,where I would never go backwards
(04:48):
Sorry, hunter and no offense toHunter who's filming for us a
young 20 something year old,because you there's a lot of
raising to go through that women, I think progress faster than
that.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I would agree with that.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
But you're the man.
Would you like to fight?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
No, I think that's a great explanation of that from a
non-sexual standpoint.
Okay, I'll add a sexualstandpoint to it, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
So I think that men somehow can age into this hot
maturity.
Like gray hair sometimes looksreally sexy, even the ruggedness
of a weathered face, that is.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I think there's some sex appeal to that for a woman
of just I mean I've.
I see it okay.
What's the?
Here's a warm-up questionwhat's the largest age gap
you've ever had with someone?
You've dated down or up howmany years?
Speaker 2 (05:47):
hang on, I gotta do the math mine's easy.
13 years oh mine's like five orsix older than me yeah, 13
years old, no 10 full 10 10 10old and down wow older, so
you've disproven my theory, wow.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So go ahead, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Oh, look at how red he is.
Okay, is Danielle secretly 10years older than you?
She?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
is Isn't that amazing .
Speaker 1 (06:17):
She looks incredible.
She's 50.
You look great, Danielle.
Danielle, you are a rock star.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Okay, yeah, at a 10-year age gap.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay, and mine was 13 .
13 up 13 up.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Everybody was up, you're up.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, it ended poorly obviously.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Ended poorly.
It was the third accidentalmarriage and divorce.
Well, obviously it was anaccidental marriage, Divorce
yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, it didn't end.
I mean yeah, yeah, it's notdanielle.
So okay.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
So here's my question is midlife crisis just a and
like forget about when thishappens?
If it really happens, crisis isin life in general.
Are they typically like buy thecar, buy the weird car, do the
crazy thing, like from atherapeutic standpoint?
You, you said, I see this.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So you don't see it?
No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Oh, no, no, no, not midlife.
You just said, I do see crisesright oh.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
God, yeah, every day.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
I see a crisis.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
But the definition of midlife I would say the closest
thing to that is when a mothersends her last child to school,
particularly if she was astay-at-home mother.
There's a huge loss of purposeand that's very specific.
(07:35):
I've had many, many women cometo me and we go back and define
purpose and what that reallymeans, and it comes back to
where is their value held.
But they aren't buying aCorvette.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
They are it's more.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It looks like grief.
And so I think, because we growup kind of thinking what a
midlife crisis is and we dothink mostly of men, Insecurity
in men, yeah, Leaving theiraging wife for some hot chick
with no brains and buyingsomething outlandish is what I
(08:09):
think yes or like, and thenstarting to date, a
substantially younger, newerversion of maybe what they had
before.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, and I think okay.
So this is a great time to saythat if you have not watched
four seasons, this kind of likewalks this road with like a
friend group who's been togetherfor a really long time and been
through a bunch of seasonstogether and then one person
like bails on his, I won't, Iwon't ruin it, but I just kind
of did.
It's in the promo, okay.
(08:37):
So yeah, it's funny because Iasked to kind of say the same
thing that you said like themidlife, like I don't
necessarily know if that's true,I do think in my own journey as
a human and I asked Shane if Icould talk about kind of like
what he said he experienced.
He woke up on his 36th birthdayand I had not met him yet,
(09:00):
didn't know he existed, and hehad a friend text him who's
still really good friends withRobin, and she was like welp,
you're officially in your late30s, like your life is over now,
you know.
And she was totally just beingfunny and he said he like
legitimately went into a spiral,like he was like oh my god,
(09:21):
I've like done the things, thebig things he wanted to do, and
he was like but like I'm nothappy, I'm not like none of this
stuff like gave me what Ithought it would like I thought,
if I like accomplished thethings in my career and had a
family and like did this bigshit that eventually I would be
like, yes, I have, I have allthis, whatever.
(09:43):
But he woke up and was like, ohmy God.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Well, you mentioned this earlier to me and it was
weird because I just read it.
It's the bottom of the U-shapedcurve of life.
That was so crazy that youbrought it up today, because I
read about it yesterday and Iwas about to say I'm embarrassed
to say I really don't care, Ihad never even heard that term.
So if that's new to you, it'sthe theory that we're happiest
(10:08):
in our 20s.
Basically, the bottom of thecurve is like raising our kids
so that like 18 year to 20something year period and then
we're happy again when we're 60.
And that is so sad to me.
yeah, it's wrong though right, Iagree, I think it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Well, grateful people are happy people, grateful
people are happy.
So whatever you focus on isgoing to multiply.
Obviously we talk about that.
I talk about that a ton.
And back to shane's thing.
I will say, like I had, so hehad that and he burned on his
life.
I mean he would tell you like hedivorced his wife, he he felt
the bottom of the u-shaped curvehe really felt it and you know,
(10:50):
he did the things, bought thecars, did the thing, and he was
like yep, still not happy.
I mean, he didn't go like fullred corvette or any weird thing
like that, but he, he did, youknow, meet a girl in the
interstate and end up marryingher.
But like I'm not substantiallyyounger than Shane, we're like
four years apart, which I feellike is very reasonable.
But for me, I do resonate withthe child thing and I have
(11:17):
always been like a working mom.
But when Clay was graduatingfrom high school, the holy shit,
this has been such a huge partof my identity I really
struggled, being like, oh my God, two things.
The big thing was is he goingto be okay?
Like, is he actually going tobe ready for this?
And the second thing was whatthe hell am I going to do?
(11:41):
Like, am I going to be okay?
And it was.
It felt like a spiral for sure.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
So I think why you said it's not true is the part I
can see that feels accurate.
Let me start with that is whenyou're at the bottom, like when
you're in the midst of parentingor getting secure financially
or really knowing who you are, Ido think that's hard, but I've
said it before in here, harddoesn't equal bad unless you
(12:11):
choose for hard to equal bad.
Like having two babies at thesame time in diapers wasn't my
like favorite thing that I'veever done in my life, but I
loved it and I was a generallyvery happy person.
So to me, I'm wondering ifthese measures of happiness
whoever's doing them is ifthings are quote like easier
(12:31):
because you're not wipingbottoms and you're not like how
are we going to pay the mortgage, you're more stabilized, with
less on your plate.
But it makes me sad that peopleare looking at this hard part
as bad because it's so precious,like you cried after you saw a
newborn I literally wept on theway here like I'm so thankful I
(12:52):
had a like a little time buffer.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I have, uh, one, one of the young women who work for
me.
She's just had a baby.
But it's like a full circlething because she's Sarah
Margaret has been with me sincewhen she was an intern for me
when she was in college.
I gave her like we threw her a22nd birthday party Taylor Swift
theme where Taylor Swift, alife-size Taylor Swift had a job
(13:14):
offer in her hand, taped to herhand.
And now she is.
I've watched her get marriedand I just held her baby and
then we're like you're at thebottom of the curve.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Good luck honey.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
No, I absolutely was like you're going to be the best
mom and I just love it so much.
And then I called Jane and Iwas like I am weeping in my car
and can't pull my shit together,like what is going on, and he's
like you just love that baby somuch.
But I do think, and back towhat you said, like I think for
(13:47):
me, even though Clay graduatedwas really hard and did feel
like a little bit of a spin outfor sure, and I was like
struggling, I was like, oh myGod, he's not ready, he's a
psychopath.
Like he's not prepared, did Iteach him how to buy groceries?
Probably not.
But the thing that really like,really, when I look back and I
think about crisis, is they weredefinitely not midlife, like
I'm talking, in my twenties, Ihad the most spin outs and that
was based on trauma, themanifestation of trauma, um, and
(14:17):
how it showed up in my life andme trying to find the thing to
make to quiet the noise.
Yeah, like a hundred radiostations playing at the same
time.
This is how my therapist, andyin Nashville every time me and
Shane have a session, he's likeall right, parachuting in, Shane
, when you are anxious, you, youtend to turn the volume down.
You're looking for things toturn the volume down.
Maybe we'll have a drink, maybeyou'll you'll, you'll pile on
(14:39):
something new at work.
But, laura, you turn the volumeup.
You turn the volume up.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
But I'm literally like laughing and I'm like I'm
just thinking about myself inthat situation.
I couldn't go through thatwithout giggling.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
You would laugh the whole time.
Honestly, shane and I cannotmake eye contact when he's doing
it.
God, andy, if you listen tothis.
I'm so sorry.
I'm totally, but he's a greattherapist.
No, straight in, but he talksabout.
(15:09):
I turn the volume up and thatis what happens.
The volume is so loud for meAll the radio stations are
playing at the same time and Ihave to do something.
I used to have to do somethingto turn them off, so what I did
was get married, obviously, andthen over and over and over
again and each time it felt likeI would learn that that is not
the way.
but I did not learn until thelast accidental marriage to the
(15:30):
nice alcoholic man.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Well, I have an idea about how to reframe this for
everyone, because some of whatwe've talked about is you can
break through and furtherdevelop yourself.
Like look at Shane now, afterhe burned it down, like he
really shifted his life.
Okay, so might have had abreakdown to break through, um,
(15:53):
but let's I have a really solidlist of, if y'all think it is
crisis, what do we want to callit?
Uh, let's just say crisis ornot.
And I'm dying because I'm like,oh shit, I've like done a lot
of these so um all right, let'shear it okay, uh, we'll just.
(16:16):
This is a person.
Let's say this the people I'mtalking about are between 35 and
45.
They're not 20.
Okay, they got a tattoo of amountain range.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I don't know.
I don't think that's a crisis.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Where?
Where is the tattoo?
How big is the tattoo?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Let's say like it's on their arm, a little wrist
tattoo.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
I don't think that's a crisis?
I don't think it is either.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Well, my mom just got a tattoo and it really bothered
me, so I'm going to say crisis.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Okay, that's not fair .
I was like there has to becontext to this she started
running ultra marathons.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
You are her.
Are you in a crisis?
That's what I'm like, and whatam I running from?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Wait, wait, wait, though You're more on a two year
, three year health journey.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
True, thank you see breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
It does not feel like a moderate.
I told y'all if I would haveshowed up today and said I'm
running an ultra, y'all would belike you okay agreed yes I also
wouldn't be surprised you areare impulsive and fun.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
That's true, God.
I am fun.
Thanks for bringing that up.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Okay, this is let's say this, for a man started
wearing leather pants regularly.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, that's a crisis .
That's a crisis, that's aproblem.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Adopted a rescue parrot named Carl.
That's you.
I hate that so many arepossibly me.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Okay, many are possibly me.
Okay, that is you.
Do you feel like I do worryabout the amount of animals that
you would collect if you didn'tfeel like you would be reported
in Homewood?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
But that's just her personality.
It's not a crisis.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, that was from birth Collecting things okay.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I've just been in crisis, alright, so bought a
parrot named Pearl.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
These are starting to stress me out.
I didn't read through the wholelist because I'm like I just
did start.
It's like cold plunge.
Literally did it last week, sowe're gonna skip wait, wait.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Actually, that was actually like a great moment.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You called me, remember you, you called me yeah
, well, I have her location forsome security issues for me,
like mental health, not notphysical safety.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I just like to know where she is at all times and
one time I left the country andshe really freaked out and I was
like you can have my location.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
It's never happened again like you can't leave and
not tell me.
So anyways, I went and didcontrast therapy, where you do a
sauna for 20 minutes and then acold plunge for four.
And she texted me somethingfunny and I looked at her
location as one would aftergetting a text where are you?
And she was on like thirdavenue and I was on second
(18:53):
avenue.
I was like I'm leaving contrasttherapy and she's like well, I
left the art museum and I'mgoing to eat dinner at helen and
I was like, well, we aredifferent yeah, speaking of
contrast yeah, I was in aone-piece suit soaking wet on
second avenue a real speedothough.
Okay, took up fencing, just totry something new see I don't
(19:15):
think.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I think that's a no it because I think that's just
an adventurous, want to try newthings, like that's a will.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
See, I was about to say that I feel like not the
leather pants, but most of thethings, and not the sports car,
but most of the things thatwould fall under the guy, like
midlife crisis, are just thingsthat I have done since I was 10.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah, or whatever.
You just like new things.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
The skydiving all, the motorcycle all the stuff.
It's like that's just beenconsistent.
There's never been like a oh,now I'm going to.
No, I do want to learn newthings, yeah, but there's
nothing like the outlandishthings I do, have just been
consistent.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
How about replaced all furniture with floor
cushions?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
That feels like a crisis.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yeah, that feels like an intervention level crisis.
Grew a beard and startedjournaling.
That feels like a likeintervention level crisis.
Grew a beard and startedjournaling.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
It feels like a awakening.
I like it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Okay, this is the meanest list.
It's like did yoga teachertraining check?
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Is it funny, is it?
You didn't write these?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
No, I found a list.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
So, listener, I'm sure you're picking up, but like
half of these are things thatClaire has recently done.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Or currently is doing .
Speaker 2 (20:29):
If they had sourdough on here, I'd be fucked.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
It's not on my list, God, I hope I mean.
Well, let's add it.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I gotta take a look.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Taking a break.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Okay so y'all are pretty loose with these, though
Y'all are like oh, breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Okay so y'all are pretty loose with these, though
Y'all are like oh, breakthrough,right, you're just really
growing.
I feel like there is a fineline, though, right, like if,
between a crisis and a a growthmindset, because a growth
mindset would be like I lovelearning new things and I'm
going to.
You know, I feel a littlestagnant, so I'm going to try
something new.
I think the difference to me,as an outsider, is a crisis
(21:08):
means you're hurting someone orsome group of people that you do
life with because of thedrastic changes you're making.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Oh, interesting yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Because when you think about buying a car like
who cares, buy a car, that Okay.
Because when you think aboutbuying a car like who cares, buy
a car, that's great.
If you think about buying a car, but your family suffers
because you made thisextravagant purchase, that's a
totally different thing.
If you think about like I'mjust not happy, so I'm bailing
on, my marriage of 20 years andmy children are in flux and this
is really hurting them, thatfeels more like a crisis and
(21:45):
again pulling the rip cord justbecause you're not happy and not
doing any work around it.
That's different than like wetried all the things and we
couldn't make it work and we'rejust parting ways.
So for me, when I think of acrisis, I think of like are you
burning some shit down?
That's going to hurt otherpeople.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Okay, I like that.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Because all your hobbies that are on the
checklist are really kind andwonderful and they make people
better and they are goodconversation starters.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
It's all you stuff.
Even if you haven't done thesethings before, like now running
and whatever, it's still you, itstill fits you.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Actually Claire's ran , since I've known her, just not
like this and not well.
I'm glad we got together today.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Are you a faller.
What do you mean?
Not?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
well, she's more of a soft jay jog.
You know what I mean, yawg.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
More of a yawg back in the day, more like me, I
could have kept up with you backthen.
Not like the in-depthexplanation you just gave, but
when I think of the crisis, Ithink of someone trying to be
something that they are not atall, and it's awkward.
They're awkwardly trying to dothings to make themselves
different from what theyactually are.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
One time I Googled how to become a pharmaceutical
rep, and that's a littlecrisis-y.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Is this?
When I started smoking in my20s yes, and people were like
what's happening?
Okay, because here's what.
I'm going to say this to thatbecause that feels.
I hated that when you said itbecause I was like ugh, Because
this is why, when I lived inSavannah, I had this group of
friends that really loved fun,crazy, could get married this
(23:26):
weekend.
Laura, they like loved her, andwhen I was trying to get better
and heal, some things that werelike coming up for me.
I like literally had to movebecause they just did not want
to see a different version of me.
It was like and and I'm notblaming them like obviously
that's whatever, but I could notgrow and heal because of that.
(23:51):
There, I had to likelegitimately.
I moved to alabama partiallybecause of that and you're like
fun, bobby yeah friends, right,yes, yes, I was, and you know
she would pick up.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Nobody wanted her to let go.
Of fun bob I get it.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
I mean fun, laura was fun.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I mean this is the girl who, like you know, my
brother would have to go likeapprove charges because I would
sign my, so you wouldn'tconsider the move and I'm saying
this in a positive way thatwasn't a burn it all down, that
was a breakthrough, even thoughyou had to wipe it all clean, I
mean I literally had to stoptalking to everyone I knew for a
period of time to, and now I Ihave some really great
(24:32):
relationships that I've beenable to rekindle.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I even remember, like one of my closest friends, that
I and longest standingfriendships and we're still very
good friends.
She lives in North Carolina.
Her name is Megan.
If you're listening, I love you.
Um, I remember her saying to me, even after I moved to Alabama
and started my company and shecame to an event and whatever,
and I started dating.
After my third accidentalmarriage and it's dying Divorce
(24:58):
I hate saying it, but it is trueshe said listen, it's okay that
you're not supposed to bemarried.
It's okay that you're just notthe type of person that's going
to be a wife.
And it killed me to hear hersay that because, like, all I
wanted to be was a healthy, goodwife.
(25:20):
Eventually, I wanted to be agood partner to somebody and I
remember when she said that Iwas like shit't, she doesn't
believe I can change she doesn'tbelieve I can, like, fix this
part, whatever's broken in me.
She just doesn't think it'sfixable.
I'm just not supposed to bethat and I was like fuck, and I
(25:41):
took a little break from notfrom her, but from this idea of
like I'm either going to listento that and believe it's true
about myself, or I'm going to gofigure out what's going on and
why do I keep repeating thiscycle?
And is it fixable?
Or is this who I am?
So you know, leave some spacefor your friends and be like I'm
(26:02):
trying to fucking get better.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Well, what was that to me?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
But I like, I'm trying to fucking get better,
will Wait what.
What was that to me?
What I don't know?
It kind of felt good to get itout At me, though.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, no, because you said, I believe, when people are
just like doing stuff thatfeels like, not them.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
That's what I think of when I think of midlife
crisis.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
It resonated with me.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
I was saying you gave a much better definition,
because all I think of is peopletrying to be different.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Okay, so if you're listening, well, obviously
you're listening If you hear thesound of my voice, can you hear
us?
So learning what's breakthroughand growth for you versus
crisis, and what goes along withwho you are to your core, kind
of what Will was saying it'salready part of you and you're
(26:49):
just developing more of itinstead of this black and white,
except when you have to leavethe state.
And then I have a question If,if nothing changed in your lives
in the next 10 years, would yoube upset about something?
Speaker 3 (27:09):
No, I mean like little tweaks here and there,
but nothing substantial.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
If nothing changed in my life.
I don't believe that's possible.
That's not.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
But you wrote this question, laura.
I hate when I write questions.
That's possible, that's not,but you wrote this question,
laura.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I hate, when I write questions that I hate, all right
Shit.
Um I I don't know.
I'm thankful for my life.
So if nothing changed, Ibelieve I would still find a way
to be grateful, cause it's notlike it's monotonous.
My life is different everyfricking day.
I mean honestly monotonous.
My life is different everyfreaking day.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I mean, honestly, my puppy.
A year ago, when I got Glenda,she ate the whole couch.
I remember I have to have adifferent couch Other than that.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Oh.
I want bigger couches.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
I mean, outside of that, I like where I'm going,
yeah, but that couch has to bethrown away.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
We gotta get rid of it.
It's time.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
So your answer's no, because I've got stuff like that
.
I know I've got all kinds oflittle fun stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I was gonna say too, like, yeah, I got some
improvements that I'm in themidst of and some things that it
would I guess no.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I book deal will be announced by the time this comes
out.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
So, like it's gonna be, this comes out by the time
this podcast comes out.
Congratulations, thank you somuch.
Officially, my book comes outseptember 2026 and I signed with
hashette, yeah, so but like mymouth's hanging open, I'm not
just not talking but I thinkthat I it would be heartbreaking
, obviously, if nothing changedin regards to like getting
things over the finish line thatmaybe are in flux now.
So I hope that the things thatI have open right now are closed
(28:50):
and, like I, have a new otherthings so that way bigger
couches books are finished.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah, I wasn't thinking of like that question
of like, oh, just normalprogress with things.
I was thinking more of likethere's something negative that
needs to change, kind of which Idon't, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
I agree with that.
So you gotta get a new couchthough.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah, the rest is gonna be between me and my
therapist, so I just want one ofthose bigger, like Cindy
Crawford couches, oh.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Crawford Homes hey, she's got some good stuff.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
I know, I wonder if it's quality.
It is, it is, it's nice.
It's not any cheap, real nice.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Real nice Good for her.
That's called a breakthrough,are we?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
missing anything on midlife crises.
If you could have a midlifecrisis right now, what would you
do?
If you could really just go forit, just do some crazy shit,
blow something up.
You would get a goat farm, Iwould get the farm I knew you
would.
I knew you were going to saythat I would leave the therapy
business.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
behind I'd have a variety of goats.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
She would be at the farmer's market in Pepper's
Place this weekend selling goatsoap or whatever you sell.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Oh my God, I would love it.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I know you would.
You're a creep, All right Goatsoap or whatever you said.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
I would love it.
I know you would.
Alright, what about you if youcould blow some shit up?
I would take it alone and likefinish all my flight school
stuff and become like a flightinstructor and pilot, like still
do what I do, but then alsothen Be a pilot on the side.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
What about you If you could have a quarter life
crisis?
What would it be?
Probably I want more tattoos.
What about you If you couldhave a quarter life crisis?
What would it be, Hunter?
Probably I want more tattoos.
So I'd probably do that, andthen I would quit everything
that I'm doing and buy a legitfilm camera and just film as
much stuff as I can.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Just go for it.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Just go for it really .
Move to Hollywood, Damn Move toHollywood.
I think you might change yourmind if you get out there,
though it's pretty fucked it'shis crisis, all right, yeah, I
know you can do it definitelythink the uh fish in the small
pond.
You go out there and they're 18million people trying to do
everything you're doing whichwould make you better but also
(30:59):
make you very hungry, probablyif y'all were how old are you?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
25, 22, 22?
If y'all were, how old are you25?
22.
22.
If y'all were 22 and said thatand old people were like, well,
if you get out there you're nottrying to remind, what would you
have thought?
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
I think Hunter can do it.
My advice would be do it inBirmingham.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Agreed.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
And not go to LA, where there are 1500 people,
which way you're planted?
Speaker 1 (31:22):
I love everything you're saying, because you don't
have a ton of competitors hereDoing what you're doing and
honing your craft.
You're like on track, all right.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
And you can take that to the bank, Connor.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
All right, if I could have a midlife or a crisis
right now, I would chop my hairoff.
You'd look so good.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
With a bob, are you?
Speaker 1 (31:42):
kidding.
Yes, like a little.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I mean, all you'd have to do is get Elizabeth put
in if you didn't like it.
That's true.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I don't have a lot to lose.
Do it.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Do it Big fan.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
All right.
Well, I'm thinking about it.
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
What if the next episode I'm Will was the one you
?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
made us think that you had some like crazy stuff
done.
We showed up and you're like,we're like, that looks great
that was the weirdest thing ever.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
You're like disaster, total disaster, and look at you
like wait a minute.
What your hair looks reallygreat.
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Not bad to me.
Anyways, you should do it.
We'll really support you here.
All right, fine?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Okay, call a therapist instead of a crisis.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Before you Cut Bangs is hosted by Laura Quick and
Claire Feerman and produced byWill Lockamade.
Follow along with us everywhere.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Please subscribe to the podcast.
Find us on Instagram.
We're constantly doing polls.
We want to know what you think,and I know that you probably
know this, but reviewing us andgiving us five stars matters
more than anything, and we areso grateful to have you here.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
We talk so much on the podcast about seeking
therapy, getting help findingresources.
I would love to be able to helpyou with that.
My website is up and runningand beautiful.
It is good growth withclairecom.
So, whether you're in the stateof Alabama or not, I want to be
able to help direct you to theright resources.
Good growth with clairecom.
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs.
I'm Laura Quick and I'm ClaireFehrman.
I am a professional storytellerand I'm currently working on my
first book.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I have worked in mental health for many years in
lots of capacities and this is areally important time to tell
you our big disclaimer this isnot therapy.
We are not your therapists orcoaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very
much at all.
Unless you want to and it turnsout well, then you can trust us
.
That's great.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Are we midlife?
Are we in midlife, you and I?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
are definitely Now wait a second.
Yeah, I don't like to thinklike that, so I feel like
midlife.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
You and I are definitely no wait a second,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I don't like to think like that, so.
I feel like midlife is oldernow.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
I think we just had the aging specialist on and
we're pretty sure Will and I areat midlife.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Well, certainly, if you go by Alabama standards,
we're way past midlife I'm notkidding, yeah, by average life,
that's true.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
But in our aging episode we're getting closer to
100, which puts us not quitemidway there.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Okay, I like what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Okay, yeah, I'm good with it.
I still feel very young.
Outside of my ankles I feelyoung.
If I sprain an ankle it's goingto hurt for a long time.
I believe we talked about this.
But yeah, outside of that Ifeel young.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
When I got that bruise from Botox, it held on
for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
That was rough.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I'm glad you came up with that story.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
This feels vulnerable , but I'll tell you.
I just said I got a bruise from.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I got a black eye from Botox, yeah, but that was
impermanent.
The skin on my knees havechanged, I'm sure yours have,
and I was in a downward dog.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
My skin has and I was like, oh okay, like I remember
seeing old lady knees and I'mlike, well, that probably won't
happen to me, but 100, not untilit does it did.
There's just nothing I can do.
You cannot age backwards, as welearned so.
So I'm going to keep.
We're going to all keep eatingwell and letting stress roll off
(02:09):
of us and moving that's right.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Move your body, eat for what feels right.
So our episode today is aroundmiddle age and the ever popular
crises of a midlife crisis andif it's real, I actually had a
20 something year old girl walkup to me in the coffee shop
(02:32):
today and she was like are you,laura?
Like I?
I came to your workshopremember last year when we did
that workshop?
And I was like it was so goodto see you.
And I was like, uh, I was likeI'm actually going to record the
podcast today.
And she was like, great, what'sthis one on?
And I was like, oh, it'smidlife crisis.
I was like, uh, she.
I was like I'm actually going torecord the podcast today, and
she was like, great, what's thisone on?
And I was like, oh, it'smidlife crisis.
I was like, but you're far away.
She was super young and she waslike I'm in kind of a quarter
life crisis right now and I waslike there have been songs
(02:54):
written about that.
They are real too.
I feel like crisis can happen,not just in midlife, right I
actually don't see midlifecrisis almost ever in my
practice.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I actually think it might be made up.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
But we'll get to that .
I was about to say is it a realthing?
Like what is it?
I generally think of it justbeing like insecure guys.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Wow yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Right yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
The quintessential got a new car, did something
weird.
Bought a boat Started workingout like really hardcore, maybe
throwing some like steroids inthere.
Trying to act young Datingsomeone like age, not that age
matters, but maybe someonepolarizingly younger.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Yes, yes, poor women.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, by the way, mark this down for an episode.
We have to do that episode ofwhy sometimes that, like the
older guys dating younger girls,you don't see a lot of the
opposite of that.
Unless you're my child, I havethoughts on that whole.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
And then he does date women who are substantially
older, like 40?
No, like when he was 19, he wasdating a 27-year-old.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Gross.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Yeah, that's different.
I'm talking about like a22-year-old dating a 55-year-old
or something.
Woman, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Dating a 55, or like a 50-year-old woman dating a
22-year-old.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Guy, right, that's not, that's right, that's what
I'm saying it does happen, butit feels very uncomfortable.
But you will see that happenthe opposite way.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
This is what my thought is, and y'all can argue
with me.
The brain develops later formen, so it makes more sense to
me that a younger woman wouldseek out an older man that is
not only more emotionallydeveloped but maybe more stable
financially, like more secure,where I would never go backwards
(04:48):
Sorry, hunter and no offense toHunter who's filming for us a
young 20 something year old,because you there's a lot of
raising to go through that women, I think progress faster than
that.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
I would agree with that.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
But you're the man.
Would you like to fight?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
No, I think that's a great explanation of that from a
non-sexual standpoint.
Okay, I'll add a sexualstandpoint to it, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
So I think that men somehow can age into this hot
maturity.
Like gray hair sometimes looksreally sexy, even the ruggedness
of a weathered face, that is.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I think there's some sex appeal to that for a woman
of just I mean I've.
I see it okay.
What's the?
Here's a warm-up questionwhat's the largest age gap
you've ever had with someone?
You've dated down or up howmany years?
Speaker 2 (05:47):
hang on, I gotta do the math mine's easy.
13 years oh mine's like five orsix older than me yeah, 13
years old, no 10 full 10 10 10old and down wow older, so
you've disproven my theory, wow.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So go ahead, okay.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Oh, look at how red he is.
Okay, is Danielle secretly 10years older than you?
She?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
is Isn't that amazing .
Speaker 1 (06:17):
She looks incredible.
She's 50.
You look great, Danielle.
Danielle, you are a rock star.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Okay, yeah, at a 10-year age gap.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay, and mine was 13 .
13 up 13 up.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Everybody was up, you're up.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, it ended poorly obviously.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Ended poorly.
It was the third accidentalmarriage and divorce.
Well, obviously it was anaccidental marriage, Divorce
yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, it didn't end.
I mean yeah, yeah, it's notdanielle.
So okay.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
So here's my question is midlife crisis just a and
like forget about when thishappens?
If it really happens, crisis isin life in general.
Are they typically like buy thecar, buy the weird car, do the
crazy thing, like from atherapeutic standpoint?
You, you said, I see this.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
So you don't see it?
No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Oh, no, no, no, not midlife.
You just said, I do see crisesright oh.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
God, yeah, every day.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
I see a crisis.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
But the definition of midlife I would say the closest
thing to that is when a mothersends her last child to school,
particularly if she was astay-at-home mother.
There's a huge loss of purposeand that's very specific.
(07:35):
I've had many, many women cometo me and we go back and define
purpose and what that reallymeans, and it comes back to
where is their value held.
But they aren't buying aCorvette.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
They are it's more.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It looks like grief.
And so I think, because we growup kind of thinking what a
midlife crisis is and we dothink mostly of men, Insecurity
in men, yeah, Leaving theiraging wife for some hot chick
with no brains and buyingsomething outlandish is what I
(08:09):
think yes or like, and thenstarting to date, a
substantially younger, newerversion of maybe what they had
before.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, and I think okay.
So this is a great time to saythat if you have not watched
four seasons, this kind of likewalks this road with like a
friend group who's been togetherfor a really long time and been
through a bunch of seasonstogether and then one person
like bails on his, I won't, Iwon't ruin it, but I just kind
of did.
It's in the promo, okay.
(08:37):
So yeah, it's funny because Iasked to kind of say the same
thing that you said like themidlife, like I don't
necessarily know if that's true,I do think in my own journey as
a human and I asked Shane if Icould talk about kind of like
what he said he experienced.
He woke up on his 36th birthdayand I had not met him yet,
(09:00):
didn't know he existed, and hehad a friend text him who's
still really good friends withRobin, and she was like welp,
you're officially in your late30s, like your life is over now,
you know.
And she was totally just beingfunny and he said he like
legitimately went into a spiral,like he was like oh my god,
(09:21):
I've like done the things, thebig things he wanted to do, and
he was like but like I'm nothappy, I'm not like none of this
stuff like gave me what Ithought it would like I thought,
if I like accomplished thethings in my career and had a
family and like did this bigshit that eventually I would be
like, yes, I have, I have allthis, whatever.
(09:43):
But he woke up and was like, ohmy God.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Well, you mentioned this earlier to me and it was
weird because I just read it.
It's the bottom of the U-shapedcurve of life.
That was so crazy that youbrought it up today, because I
read about it yesterday and Iwas about to say I'm embarrassed
to say I really don't care, Ihad never even heard that term.
So if that's new to you, it'sthe theory that we're happiest
(10:08):
in our 20s.
Basically, the bottom of thecurve is like raising our kids
so that like 18 year to 20something year period and then
we're happy again when we're 60.
And that is so sad to me.
yeah, it's wrong though right, Iagree, I think it's wrong.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Well, grateful people are happy people, grateful
people are happy.
So whatever you focus on isgoing to multiply.
Obviously we talk about that.
I talk about that a ton.
And back to shane's thing.
I will say, like I had, so hehad that and he burned on his
life.
I mean he would tell you like hedivorced his wife, he he felt
the bottom of the u-shaped curvehe really felt it and you know,
(10:50):
he did the things, bought thecars, did the thing, and he was
like yep, still not happy.
I mean, he didn't go like fullred corvette or any weird thing
like that, but he, he did, youknow, meet a girl in the
interstate and end up marryingher.
But like I'm not substantiallyyounger than Shane, we're like
four years apart, which I feellike is very reasonable.
But for me, I do resonate withthe child thing and I have
(11:17):
always been like a working mom.
But when Clay was graduatingfrom high school, the holy shit,
this has been such a huge partof my identity I really
struggled, being like, oh my God, two things.
The big thing was is he goingto be okay?
Like, is he actually going tobe ready for this?
And the second thing was whatthe hell am I going to do?
(11:41):
Like, am I going to be okay?
And it was.
It felt like a spiral for sure.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
So I think why you said it's not true is the part I
can see that feels accurate.
Let me start with that is whenyou're at the bottom, like when
you're in the midst of parentingor getting secure financially
or really knowing who you are, Ido think that's hard, but I've
said it before in here, harddoesn't equal bad unless you
(12:11):
choose for hard to equal bad.
Like having two babies at thesame time in diapers wasn't my
like favorite thing that I'veever done in my life, but I
loved it and I was a generallyvery happy person.
So to me, I'm wondering ifthese measures of happiness
whoever's doing them is ifthings are quote like easier
(12:31):
because you're not wipingbottoms and you're not like how
are we going to pay the mortgage, you're more stabilized, with
less on your plate.
But it makes me sad that peopleare looking at this hard part
as bad because it's so precious,like you cried after you saw a
newborn I literally wept on theway here like I'm so thankful I
(12:52):
had a like a little time buffer.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I have, uh, one, one of the young women who work for
me.
She's just had a baby.
But it's like a full circlething because she's Sarah
Margaret has been with me sincewhen she was an intern for me
when she was in college.
I gave her like we threw her a22nd birthday party Taylor Swift
theme where Taylor Swift, alife-size Taylor Swift had a job
(13:14):
offer in her hand, taped to herhand.
And now she is.
I've watched her get marriedand I just held her baby and
then we're like you're at thebottom of the curve.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Good luck honey.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
No, I absolutely was like you're going to be the best
mom and I just love it so much.
And then I called Jane and Iwas like I am weeping in my car
and can't pull my shit together,like what is going on, and he's
like you just love that baby somuch.
But I do think, and back towhat you said, like I think for
(13:47):
me, even though Clay graduatedwas really hard and did feel
like a little bit of a spin outfor sure, and I was like
struggling, I was like, oh myGod, he's not ready, he's a
psychopath.
Like he's not prepared, did Iteach him how to buy groceries?
Probably not.
But the thing that really like,really, when I look back and I
think about crisis, is they weredefinitely not midlife, like
I'm talking, in my twenties, Ihad the most spin outs and that
was based on trauma, themanifestation of trauma, um, and
(14:17):
how it showed up in my life andme trying to find the thing to
make to quiet the noise.
Yeah, like a hundred radiostations playing at the same
time.
This is how my therapist, andyin Nashville every time me and
Shane have a session, he's likeall right, parachuting in, Shane
, when you are anxious, you, youtend to turn the volume down.
You're looking for things toturn the volume down.
Maybe we'll have a drink, maybeyou'll you'll, you'll pile on
(14:39):
something new at work.
But, laura, you turn the volumeup.
You turn the volume up.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
But I'm literally like laughing and I'm like I'm
just thinking about myself inthat situation.
I couldn't go through thatwithout giggling.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
You would laugh the whole time.
Honestly, shane and I cannotmake eye contact when he's doing
it.
God, andy, if you listen tothis.
I'm so sorry.
I'm totally, but he's a greattherapist.
No, straight in, but he talksabout.
(15:09):
I turn the volume up and thatis what happens.
The volume is so loud for meAll the radio stations are
playing at the same time and Ihave to do something.
I used to have to do somethingto turn them off, so what I did
was get married, obviously, andthen over and over and over
again and each time it felt likeI would learn that that is not
the way.
but I did not learn until thelast accidental marriage to the
(15:30):
nice alcoholic man.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Well, I have an idea about how to reframe this for
everyone, because some of whatwe've talked about is you can
break through and furtherdevelop yourself.
Like look at Shane now, afterhe burned it down, like he
really shifted his life.
Okay, so might have had abreakdown to break through, um,
(15:53):
but let's I have a really solidlist of, if y'all think it is
crisis, what do we want to callit?
Uh, let's just say crisis ornot.
And I'm dying because I'm like,oh shit, I've like done a lot
of these so um all right, let'shear it okay, uh, we'll just.
(16:16):
This is a person.
Let's say this the people I'mtalking about are between 35 and
45.
They're not 20.
Okay, they got a tattoo of amountain range.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I don't know.
I don't think that's a crisis.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Where?
Where is the tattoo?
How big is the tattoo?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Let's say like it's on their arm, a little wrist
tattoo.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
I don't think that's a crisis?
I don't think it is either.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Well, my mom just got a tattoo and it really bothered
me, so I'm going to say crisis.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Okay, that's not fair .
I was like there has to becontext to this she started
running ultra marathons.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
You are her.
Are you in a crisis?
That's what I'm like, and whatam I running from?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Wait, wait, wait, though You're more on a two year
, three year health journey.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
True, thank you see breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
It does not feel like a moderate.
I told y'all if I would haveshowed up today and said I'm
running an ultra, y'all would belike you okay agreed yes I also
wouldn't be surprised you areare impulsive and fun.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
That's true, God.
I am fun.
Thanks for bringing that up.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Okay, this is let's say this, for a man started
wearing leather pants regularly.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Yeah, that's a crisis .
That's a crisis, that's aproblem.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Adopted a rescue parrot named Carl.
That's you.
I hate that so many arepossibly me.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Okay, many are possibly me.
Okay, that is you.
Do you feel like I do worryabout the amount of animals that
you would collect if you didn'tfeel like you would be reported
in Homewood?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
But that's just her personality.
It's not a crisis.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, that was from birth Collecting things okay.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
I've just been in crisis, alright, so bought a
parrot named Pearl.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
These are starting to stress me out.
I didn't read through the wholelist because I'm like I just
did start.
It's like cold plunge.
Literally did it last week, sowe're gonna skip wait, wait.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Actually, that was actually like a great moment.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You called me, remember you, you called me yeah
, well, I have her location forsome security issues for me,
like mental health, not notphysical safety.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I just like to know where she is at all times and
one time I left the country andshe really freaked out and I was
like you can have my location.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
It's never happened again like you can't leave and
not tell me.
So anyways, I went and didcontrast therapy, where you do a
sauna for 20 minutes and then acold plunge for four.
And she texted me somethingfunny and I looked at her
location as one would aftergetting a text where are you?
And she was on like thirdavenue and I was on second
(18:53):
avenue.
I was like I'm leaving contrasttherapy and she's like well, I
left the art museum and I'mgoing to eat dinner at helen and
I was like, well, we aredifferent yeah, speaking of
contrast yeah, I was in aone-piece suit soaking wet on
second avenue a real speedothough.
Okay, took up fencing, just totry something new see I don't
(19:15):
think.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I think that's a no it because I think that's just
an adventurous, want to try newthings, like that's a will.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
See, I was about to say that I feel like not the
leather pants, but most of thethings, and not the sports car,
but most of the things thatwould fall under the guy, like
midlife crisis, are just thingsthat I have done since I was 10.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Yeah, or whatever.
You just like new things.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
The skydiving all, the motorcycle all the stuff.
It's like that's just beenconsistent.
There's never been like a oh,now I'm going to.
No, I do want to learn newthings, yeah, but there's
nothing like the outlandishthings I do, have just been
consistent.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
How about replaced all furniture with floor
cushions?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
That feels like a crisis.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yeah, that feels like an intervention level crisis.
Grew a beard and startedjournaling.
That feels like a likeintervention level crisis.
Grew a beard and startedjournaling.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
It feels like a awakening.
I like it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Okay, this is the meanest list.
It's like did yoga teachertraining check?
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Is it funny, is it?
You didn't write these?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
No, I found a list.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
So, listener, I'm sure you're picking up, but like
half of these are things thatClaire has recently done.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Or currently is doing .
Speaker 2 (20:29):
If they had sourdough on here, I'd be fucked.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
It's not on my list, God, I hope I mean.
Well, let's add it.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I gotta take a look.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Taking a break.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Okay so y'all are pretty loose with these, though
Y'all are like oh, breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Okay so y'all are pretty loose with these, though
Y'all are like oh, breakthrough,right, you're just really
growing.
I feel like there is a fineline, though, right, like if,
between a crisis and a a growthmindset, because a growth
mindset would be like I lovelearning new things and I'm
going to.
You know, I feel a littlestagnant, so I'm going to try
something new.
I think the difference to me,as an outsider, is a crisis
(21:08):
means you're hurting someone orsome group of people that you do
life with because of thedrastic changes you're making.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Oh, interesting yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Because when you think about buying a car like
who cares, buy a car, that Okay.
Because when you think aboutbuying a car like who cares, buy
a car, that's great.
If you think about buying a car, but your family suffers
because you made thisextravagant purchase, that's a
totally different thing.
If you think about like I'mjust not happy, so I'm bailing
on, my marriage of 20 years andmy children are in flux and this
is really hurting them, thatfeels more like a crisis and
(21:45):
again pulling the rip cord justbecause you're not happy and not
doing any work around it.
That's different than like wetried all the things and we
couldn't make it work and we'rejust parting ways.
So for me, when I think of acrisis, I think of like are you
burning some shit down?
That's going to hurt otherpeople.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Okay, I like that.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Because all your hobbies that are on the
checklist are really kind andwonderful and they make people
better and they are goodconversation starters.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
It's all you stuff.
Even if you haven't done thesethings before, like now running
and whatever, it's still you, itstill fits you.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Actually Claire's ran , since I've known her, just not
like this and not well.
I'm glad we got together today.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Are you a faller.
What do you mean?
Not?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
well, she's more of a soft jay jog.
You know what I mean, yawg.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
More of a yawg back in the day, more like me, I
could have kept up with you backthen.
Not like the in-depthexplanation you just gave, but
when I think of the crisis, Ithink of someone trying to be
something that they are not atall, and it's awkward.
They're awkwardly trying to dothings to make themselves
different from what theyactually are.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
One time I Googled how to become a pharmaceutical
rep, and that's a littlecrisis-y.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Is this?
When I started smoking in my20s yes, and people were like
what's happening?
Okay, because here's what.
I'm going to say this to thatbecause that feels.
I hated that when you said itbecause I was like ugh, Because
this is why, when I lived inSavannah, I had this group of
friends that really loved fun,crazy, could get married this
(23:26):
weekend.
Laura, they like loved her, andwhen I was trying to get better
and heal, some things that werelike coming up for me.
I like literally had to movebecause they just did not want
to see a different version of me.
It was like and and I'm notblaming them like obviously
that's whatever, but I could notgrow and heal because of that.
(23:51):
There, I had to likelegitimately.
I moved to alabama partiallybecause of that and you're like
fun, bobby yeah friends, right,yes, yes, I was, and you know
she would pick up.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Nobody wanted her to let go.
Of fun bob I get it.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
I mean fun, laura was fun.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
I mean this is the girl who, like you know, my
brother would have to go likeapprove charges because I would
sign my, so you wouldn'tconsider the move and I'm saying
this in a positive way thatwasn't a burn it all down, that
was a breakthrough, even thoughyou had to wipe it all clean, I
mean I literally had to stoptalking to everyone I knew for a
period of time to, and now I Ihave some really great
(24:32):
relationships that I've beenable to rekindle.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I even remember, like one of my closest friends, that
I and longest standingfriendships and we're still very
good friends.
She lives in North Carolina.
Her name is Megan.
If you're listening, I love you.
Um, I remember her saying to me, even after I moved to Alabama
and started my company and shecame to an event and whatever,
and I started dating.
After my third accidentalmarriage and it's dying Divorce
(24:58):
I hate saying it, but it is trueshe said listen, it's okay that
you're not supposed to bemarried.
It's okay that you're just notthe type of person that's going
to be a wife.
And it killed me to hear hersay that because, like, all I
wanted to be was a healthy, goodwife.
(25:20):
Eventually, I wanted to be agood partner to somebody and I
remember when she said that Iwas like shit't, she doesn't
believe I can change she doesn'tbelieve I can, like, fix this
part, whatever's broken in me.
She just doesn't think it'sfixable.
I'm just not supposed to bethat and I was like fuck, and I
(25:41):
took a little break from notfrom her, but from this idea of
like I'm either going to listento that and believe it's true
about myself, or I'm going to gofigure out what's going on and
why do I keep repeating thiscycle?
And is it fixable?
Or is this who I am?
So you know, leave some spacefor your friends and be like I'm
(26:02):
trying to fucking get better.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
Well, what was that to me?
Speaker 2 (26:06):
But I like, I'm trying to fucking get better,
will Wait what.
What was that to me?
What I don't know?
It kind of felt good to get itout At me, though.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, no, because you said, I believe, when people are
just like doing stuff thatfeels like, not them.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
That's what I think of when I think of midlife
crisis.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
It resonated with me.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
I was saying you gave a much better definition,
because all I think of is peopletrying to be different.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Okay, so if you're listening, well, obviously
you're listening If you hear thesound of my voice, can you hear
us?
So learning what's breakthroughand growth for you versus
crisis, and what goes along withwho you are to your core, kind
of what Will was saying it'salready part of you and you're
(26:49):
just developing more of itinstead of this black and white,
except when you have to leavethe state.
And then I have a question If,if nothing changed in your lives
in the next 10 years, would yoube upset about something?
Speaker 3 (27:09):
No, I mean like little tweaks here and there,
but nothing substantial.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
If nothing changed in my life.
I don't believe that's possible.
That's not.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
But you wrote this question, laura.
I hate when I write questions.
That's possible, that's not,but you wrote this question,
laura.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I hate, when I write questions that I hate, all right
Shit.
Um I I don't know.
I'm thankful for my life.
So if nothing changed, Ibelieve I would still find a way
to be grateful, cause it's notlike it's monotonous.
My life is different everyfricking day.
I mean honestly monotonous.
My life is different everyfreaking day.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
I mean, honestly, my puppy.
A year ago, when I got Glenda,she ate the whole couch.
I remember I have to have adifferent couch Other than that.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Oh.
I want bigger couches.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
I mean, outside of that, I like where I'm going,
yeah, but that couch has to bethrown away.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
We gotta get rid of it.
It's time.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
So your answer's no, because I've got stuff like that
.
I know I've got all kinds oflittle fun stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I was gonna say too, like, yeah, I got some
improvements that I'm in themidst of and some things that it
would I guess no.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I book deal will be announced by the time this comes
out.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
So, like it's gonna be, this comes out by the time
this podcast comes out.
Congratulations, thank you somuch.
Officially, my book comes outseptember 2026 and I signed with
hashette, yeah, so but like mymouth's hanging open, I'm not
just not talking but I thinkthat I it would be heartbreaking
, obviously, if nothing changedin regards to like getting
things over the finish line thatmaybe are in flux now.
So I hope that the things thatI have open right now are closed
(28:50):
and, like I, have a new otherthings so that way bigger
couches books are finished.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah, I wasn't thinking of like that question
of like, oh, just normalprogress with things.
I was thinking more of likethere's something negative that
needs to change, kind of which Idon't, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
I agree with that.
So you gotta get a new couchthough.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah, the rest is gonna be between me and my
therapist, so I just want one ofthose bigger, like Cindy
Crawford couches, oh.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Crawford Homes hey, she's got some good stuff.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
I know, I wonder if it's quality.
It is, it is, it's nice.
It's not any cheap, real nice.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Real nice Good for her.
That's called a breakthrough,are we?
Speaker 1 (29:34):
missing anything on midlife crises.
If you could have a midlifecrisis right now, what would you
do?
If you could really just go forit, just do some crazy shit,
blow something up.
You would get a goat farm, Iwould get the farm I knew you
would.
I knew you were going to saythat I would leave the therapy
business.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
behind I'd have a variety of goats.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
She would be at the farmer's market in Pepper's
Place this weekend selling goatsoap or whatever you sell.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
Oh my God, I would love it.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I know you would.
You're a creep, All right Goatsoap or whatever you said.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
I would love it.
I know you would.
Alright, what about you if youcould blow some shit up?
I would take it alone and likefinish all my flight school
stuff and become like a flightinstructor and pilot, like still
do what I do, but then alsothen Be a pilot on the side.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
What about you If you could have a quarter life
crisis?
What would it be?
Probably I want more tattoos.
What about you If you couldhave a quarter life crisis?
What would it be, Hunter?
Probably I want more tattoos.
So I'd probably do that, andthen I would quit everything
that I'm doing and buy a legitfilm camera and just film as
much stuff as I can.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Just go for it.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Just go for it really .
Move to Hollywood, Damn Move toHollywood.
I think you might change yourmind if you get out there,
though it's pretty fucked it'shis crisis, all right, yeah, I
know you can do it definitelythink the uh fish in the small
pond.
You go out there and they're 18million people trying to do
everything you're doing whichwould make you better but also
(30:59):
make you very hungry, probablyif y'all were how old are you?
Speaker 2 (31:01):
25, 22, 22?
If y'all were, how old are you25?
22.
22.
If y'all were 22 and said thatand old people were like, well,
if you get out there you're nottrying to remind, what would you
have thought?
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
I think Hunter can do it.
My advice would be do it inBirmingham.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
Agreed.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
And not go to LA, where there are 1500 people,
which way you're planted?
Speaker 1 (31:22):
I love everything you're saying, because you don't
have a ton of competitors hereDoing what you're doing and
honing your craft.
You're like on track, all right.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
And you can take that to the bank, Connor.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
All right, if I could have a midlife or a crisis
right now, I would chop my hairoff.
You'd look so good.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
With a bob, are you?
Speaker 1 (31:42):
kidding.
Yes, like a little.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
I mean, all you'd have to do is get Elizabeth put
in if you didn't like it.
That's true.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I don't have a lot to lose.
Do it.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Do it Big fan.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
All right.
Well, I'm thinking about it.
Oh my God.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
What if the next episode I'm Will was the one you
?
Speaker 1 (31:59):
made us think that you had some like crazy stuff
done.
We showed up and you're like,we're like, that looks great
that was the weirdest thing ever.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
You're like disaster, total disaster, and look at you
like wait a minute.
What your hair looks reallygreat.
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Not bad to me.
Anyways, you should do it.
We'll really support you here.
All right, fine?
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Okay, call a therapist instead of a crisis.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
Before you Cut Bangs is hosted by Laura Quick and
Claire Feerman and produced byWill Lockamade.
Follow along with us everywhere.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Please subscribe to the podcast.
Find us on Instagram.
We're constantly doing polls.
We want to know what you think,and I know that you probably
know this, but reviewing us andgiving us five stars matters
more than anything, and we areso grateful to have you here.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
We talk so much on the podcast about seeking
therapy, getting help findingresources.
I would love to be able to helpyou with that.
My website is up and runningand beautiful.
It is good growth withclairecom.
So, whether you're in the stateof Alabama or not, I want to be
able to help direct you to theright resources.
Good growth with clairecom.
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