October 18, 2024 • 34 mins
Taking therapy beyond the traditional couch, Laura and Claire explore unconventional methods like somatic and movement-based therapies that might just unlock those traumas your body refuses to let go of.
Most importantly, how many times can Laura be scared by a fake spider, and what are our three hosts most afraid of (other than the fake spider)?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs.
I'm Laura Quick and I'm ClaireFehrman.
I am a professional storytellerand I'm currently working on my
first book.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I have worked in mental health for many years in
lots of capacities and this is areally important time to tell
you our big disclaimer this isnot therapy.
We are not your therapists orcoaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very
much at all, unless you want toand it turns out well, then you
can trust us, that's great.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Heads up.
There is a spider, Laura, rightbehind you, If somebody wants
to.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I hate spiders when.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Right in the mirror, right there.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I hate you.
I love a practical joke.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Yeah, so it's almost Halloween and Claire has a huge
spider on her mirror like twofeet in diameter.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I love a holiday.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
It's good, halloween's coming up.
It's a fun one.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It's how you know you still have little kids because
you're like doing it For sure.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I had a good childhood and I will always do
the giant spider Peg I like it,peg, I'm just kidding, wait what
did my kids name her?
I forget.
I'll have to ask.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Because of work, I have to do like six or seven
different Halloween events.
Usually I try to like spreadout costumes, but it gets too
much.
Do you dress up?
Well, some of them, I have to.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Okay, well, that's a great segue.
So tell me what's the bestcostume you've ever worn for
Halloween?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
My favorite, I think, was Tobias Funke.
Never Nude from ArrestedDevelopment, Dr Tobias Funke.
So I had the blue face and head, so the blue man that's awesome
.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I don't know who you were.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh yeah, Jorts.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Sure, that's really good.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Well, of course it was Danielle's idea.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
My personal favorite was Tina Gordon, driver of
Sticks and Stuff race car.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Oh yes, Hi, Tina Gordon.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Hi, I'm Tina Gordon, driver of Sticks and Stuff race
car Boy.
Have we got a deal for you,Sleigh?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
beds $2.99.
I bet Laura didn't know.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, you didn't live here.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
You didn't live here, so when we were kids, there was
like a local commercial forSticks and Stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
It was a furniture store.
Maybe they're still inexistence.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
No, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
We all just buy at Ikea and online now, but Teemu.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
American-made.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Teemu, tina Gordon was a female race car driver
that was sponsored by Sticks andStuff.
Okay, and every day, everynight, on TV was the commercial
for Tina Gordon, driver Sticksand Stuff race car, and boy has
she got a deal for you.
And everything was $2.99.
Sleigh bits $2.99, sleigh beds$2.99, cannonball beds $2.99.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And then she'd go whoo.
Where did you get the race caroutfit?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I boughta little boy like I went to party city
because there was no amazon atthis time and I mean I don't
know if there was, but I boughtlike a little boy's race car
driver outfit okay you know mine, y'all already know about and
we have to go back and listen tolast year's uh halloween.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
But I did dress as a government shutdown.
When the government shut downand just wore a giant sign of
our country with like a.
With like a, it's like shutdown, like closed on the time,
and then I had a georgewashington wig on.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
So I feel like that was pretty good.
Yeah, it's good creative, yeahsee look at us.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, super creative.
What about scary stories,though?
Do you have any uh like reallycreepy stories?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
oh, I don't know if I have creepy stories.
I was thinking about like thescariest thing you've ever done
or that's ever happened to you.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
That's not necessarily like creepy crawler
that doesn't might not have todo with halloween, it's just
scary.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yeah, I call it.
You're like.
For me it's like theanti-bucket list, like something
you've done but will never doagain, because it was so scary
well, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
I lived in a haunted house, for sure like when clayna
moved to lagrange when he waslike eight and he used to call
it LaGrange Atlanta.
He would tell people we movedto LaGrange Atlanta and I'm like
, okay, don't say that, becauseit's LaGrange is not Atlanta.
But we lived in the oldest homein LaGrange in the downtown
district.
It was really beautiful and Iwas like, wow, this is so
(04:22):
gorgeous and the worst,creepiest stuff.
So our dog had just died andClay was convinced that the dog
was coming to visit us becauseof how many creepy things were
happening in the house Waterturning on by itself, water
turning off, piano playing inthe middle of the night.
You the worst, worst, likehaunting, feeling like
(04:48):
somebody's standing over you atnight when you're trying to
sleep, like presence in the room, and it was a dark time and
Clay used to be like Cooper cameto visit me and I'd be like,
okay, we have to leave thishouse.
We eventually got out of thelease because of how bad like it
was.
That terrifying, awful.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Who thinks.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Yeah, terrifying, awful.
Yeah, creep, creep.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
um no but that's okay .
Hey, but that's okay.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
That doesn't mean also does not believe in ghosts
it doesn't mean they don't exist.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I just I don't think I wish you could have lived in
this fucking house also.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
There's so many things I how would I know.
Maybe they yeah, maybe my dad's, where he swears, he's seen one
.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I'm telling you, it's happened.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
It was very creepy.
Okay, well, I believe in it, Ibelieve you.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Now later on, a different episode.
When we talk about dating, I'mgoing to tell you the worst date
that ever happened, also inthat house, that led me to
believe that there was more thanjust ghosts there the gun one.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
You had a worse date than that.
Well, the gun one, nope you hada worse date than that.
Well, the gun one was arelationship.
I had an actual relationshipwith that psychopath.
Nope, nope.
This is a date with not uglyMike but cute Mike.
And he got to be cute Mikebecause there was an ugly Mike.
My friends called him that.
I'm sorry if any of these Mikesare listening.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Such a broad name yeah it could be anybody.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Any Mike, for literally it could be one of
these three mics, we're talkinginto Exactly, it could be my
brother.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
It wasn't, but anyways, yeah, okay, go on Any
creepy stories or somethingscary you'll never do again.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Lift jumping.
I get like specifically ChimneyRock, which is down Lake Martin
, lake martin.
Yeah, it's like 72 feet, Ithink, from the top, like this,
the highest point.
And look, I'm a person who has,you know, hundreds of skydives
and was basically asemi-professional skydiver, and
I will never, ever, but once youclimb up there, you can't climb
down, right, it's too dangerous, right you're there yeah, and
(06:39):
so, uh, it's the only way to getdown is to jump.
Yeah, and the fall is longenough to where you just feel
your stuff accelerating andaccelerating.
It's like when is this going tobe?
It's not good.
And as you're climbing up,there are plaques to people that
have died.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Excuse me, yes, I'd rather be haunted by a ghost for
the rest of my life that playedthat piano than have to do
Chimney Rock one time.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
It's the worst.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I've seen it, but I've never done it.
If there's any ghosts listening?
That wasn't an invitation.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It was just a declaration yeah, we're closing
all doors.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Closing all doors, it looks high from the water and
then when you get up there,you're like oh.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Claire, do you believe in ghosts?
100%.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Have you had any experiences?
Well, here's the thing I'venever seen one Okay, or like
that unsettled feeling.
But I'm also just probablyoverly sensitive.
But when people tell me ghoststories and they're like people
I know and trust, I'm likethat's wild, like I'm like no
doubt, but as y'all tell these,I'm sure after we record I'll
(07:35):
think of one.
I'm just not like a big risktaker because I get scared so
easily.
I mean, I've told y'all when meand mom called the cops because
the home, the house door waslocked from the inside and we
were in it.
Yes, I have no, okay, so it'sgenetic.
Like my mom's like this, I'mlike this.
So I was probably in college.
I was in college because I camehome to visit my mom, bus in my
(07:58):
room and she's like did youlock the back door?
And I was like no, and she'slike's like well, somebody did
we live in like the safestneighborhood, okay, and I was
like, well, I'm not worriedright now because no burglar is
gonna come in and lock the door.
And she's like I thinksomebody's in here.
So we had to call the police.
I had to, she wanted to callthe cops.
(08:21):
Oh god, those small town policehave to come over and they're
like, just to get this straight,we're here because the door was
locked from the inside.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
God 100%.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
And then we have some black people to pull over, if
you don't mind.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
That's right.
We're going to have to get thehell out of here.
We get a quota to meet tonight,so they checked, I'm not going
to generalize.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
But yeah, I still do that that small town police
force is known for that.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
They are.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
They are.
It's awful and apparently otherplaces.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yes, so yeah, I mean I'm sure I can think of one
later, but I think I'm just likenot enough of a risk taker.
I'll tell you one thing I'mnever going on a fucking cruise
again, and nothing, even bad,happened.
I just like never want to havethat sensation again of being on
a boat with a lot of people ina buffet that you can't get off
floating golden corral.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I'm out, yeah.
So I would say that's a spookylittle experience that I don't
want.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Some people are like we do a disney cruise every year
, or whatever.
I'm like, out, I am out likesomething.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
When people say they're cruisers, like that's
like their thing, I'm alwayslike OK, pass, I'm sure you're
great.
Thanks, pass, ok.
Well, what are we talking abouttoday?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Well, I think we need to get back to our roots and
talk a little bit about therapy.
Ok, let's go.
With our seasons changing andall of y'all bracing for
daylight savings, does that meandaylight savings time is ending
or starting?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Starting it's savings .
Does that?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
mean daylight saving time is ending or starting.
I get confused.
Um, it's saving yeah.
No, the summer is daylightsaving time never correct us.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Okay, just tell us the truth okay you're here so
daylight savings, reverse.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Reverse is ending yeah, I believe we're starting.
We're about to fall back I hearthe thing.
Now you are making me questionwell, that's what a therapist so
do you know you really want totake a look at what's going on
on the inside and then there'sme who just says weird shit and
has no idea if it's true let'ssee.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yeah, okay, thank you .
Daylight saving time is insummer, so it's about to finish.
We're about to go to standardtime.
So every time people say, likewe got to get rid of daylight
saving time, they that's raw.
What they're.
What they're trying to say isthey want it to always be
daylight saving time.
I'll say this, though we canalmost do the whole episode on
that, because it's such aninteresting argument the should
(10:39):
we have these time changes?
Should we not?
And what's the right?
Like if we were going to getrid of time change what's which
we?
Which way should we go?
Standard, because almosteverybody's like oh, we want,
like what happens in the summer,but there's not, it's not more
light, it's just when the lightcomes right.
The light doesn't change.
And so here's the deal if wegot, if we had daylight saving
(10:59):
all year round in the winter,the sun wouldn't be coming up to
like close to 8 am.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Which I'm fine with Ugh.
I'm a more this guy.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
It's like health reasons.
It's terrible, that's like aterrible idea, yeah.
So really, what we need isstandard time year round and
just accept that, sorry, it'snot going to get dark.
It's going to get dark at 7, 45or 8, not 9.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yeah, but now it's going to get dark at like 4 pm,
so stop playing Will.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
You don't understand, though the morning is affected
the same way I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I think this is bullshit.
I would like a medium.
I'd like it to be like just getdark at 8pm all the time and
honestly, the world would.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
You gotta move close to the equator.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I'm not doing that, I'm not trying to be hot all the
time either.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Alright, you got that Brazilian butt left back in the
earlier season.
Okay, so Therapy.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
So therapy, because people are starting to get a
little seasonal depression.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
They're worried about getting it.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
OK.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
It'll be all over your Instagram after we talk
about it and we all just have torelax a little bit.
But I don't want to jump intoseasonal depression.
I'll save that for when y'allare feeling seasonally depressed
.
But what we can startconsidering is if you've been in
therapy, because I feel like wejust like preach it all the
time.
Sometimes, talk therapy doesn'twork anymore, right, laura?
(12:22):
Definitely.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
So for you know, dummies like me who don't go to
therapy, this is what I think itis.
It's just when you're sittingin front of a person and talking
to them, Correct as opposed tolike.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
what other therapy is there?
We would love to tell youSpoiler.
The spoiler alert of this isyou've been in therapy for a
year.
Oh sure Coming to this podcasthas been your therapy.
Yeah, you're.
You actually owe us thousandsof dollars.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
So it turned out.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
So OK, talk therapy.
You asked me a question.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
So standard talk therapy, which is incredibly
functional.
It helps a lot of people.
It is typically a 50 minutesession with one client and one
therapist.
And you come in I mean, it'sprobably what you've seen in TV
and movies and the therapist hastheir notebook.
And the therapist their job isto ask the right questions,
right, so you hopefully can getto your right answer.
Therapists should not givedirect advice.
(13:16):
They could give feedback orlike here's some tools, but it's
not like your marriage is tough.
You know what?
I feel like you should probablygo ahead and divorce, like you
would never step in.
That would be overstepping yourscope of practice.
Therapists wouldn't givemedical advice.
They could refer you to amedical provider, things like
that.
So let's start with why talktherapy works.
(13:37):
Typically, it works becausewe've never been given an
unbiased witness to our story.
Okay, so we hold on to maybewhat we consider something dark,
embarrassing, shameful,confusing, really sad, that we
can't burden other people with,or we think it's a burden, so
we're going to pay somebody togive it to.
And then a good therapist whenyou tell them the worst thing
(13:59):
you've ever done and we don't dothat in this circle when you
tell them the worst thing.
If they go right, they're notthe unbiased witness, right?
It's the fucking chicken thingthat I've talked about on this,
so like if the therapist who'sfucking chicken.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
I told you that oh yes, that's right.
Yes.
Again I told you that oh yes,that's right.
Yes, Again, I'd blocked it out.
That's how I deal See.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
So if you missed that , you'll have to go find that on
some episode that we recordedages ago.
But the unbiased witnessprovides a safe space with no
reactivity, and I've done this along time.
I'm probably a more reactivetherapist because I'm like, oh
my God, that's wild.
Like I will give, I'm not likea poker face.
That's very interesting.
How does that make you feeltype therapist?
That would suck for me as aclient.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
I would hate that.
I'll go into therapy trying towin.
You know like I really want toget a reaction out of you.
No, I'm just kidding.
I agree, though.
Yeah, I think that the safestthing that's ever happened is to
have somebody look at you andgo, wow, you're a miracle like
you made it through that, andthat must have been really hard.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
And yes, and part two to that is a good therapist
teaches you.
Of course I do these things.
What a relief to just be ableto be like.
I behave this way inrelationship.
I behave this way as a parent.
I show up like this.
Of course I do.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
They connect all these things.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
So it's a good dot connector and then we find
relief.
Sometimes, if people are like Idon't really like to show
emotion, they get into atherapist's office and they get
to start crying and it's justlike ringing out an emotional
rag.
Super relieving Doesn't have tobe any light bulb moments, it's
just like I need a place.
I'm going to come vent and talkabout this stuff.
Therapy isn't venting, but youcan come and like expose
(15:44):
yourself in a safe place.
Bottom that's like bottom ofthe barrel, that's not the right
phrase, but like that's thebaseline of talk therapy.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yes, an unbiased witness to your story who makes
you feel less alone.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
And why it works.
We're harmed in relationshipsso we have to heal in it.
Does it have to be done intherapy?
No, but if you've had reallyshitty boyfriends, then you get
a really good one.
You've healed in a relationship.
You got security when maybe youdidn't so harmed in
relationship.
Heal in relationship and whenyou don't have good
relationships, you get to showup to a therapist's office.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And they will model healthy, they'll mirror back
healthy to you, unless they'recrazy and there are crazy
therapists which leads us tothis conversation.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Can we talk about this really quick?
And I know I've asked you this.
I don't know if it's been onthese mics or off of them, but
why are some of the people Iknow with the most issues in
their lives therapists as aprofession?
Like there are two people.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Claire, is this an attack?
No, no, trust me, it's justgiving me feedback.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
No, but I'm not kidding, there are two people
that I know that outwardly havejust the most chaotic, crazy
life and just all the problemsin the world and their jobs are
they?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
are?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I actually think I know one of them that you're
talking about they're therapistsyeah I don't understand that so
is the question why they do itor how.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
How is that?
How am I going to listen to theperson that Is insane Is also.
Their life is just a completenightmare.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Well, we'll have some compassion for them first, oh
sure.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
No 100%, but just from no.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I wasn't saying that in a shitty way, but so like
Question and answer is maybethey show up altogether for the
client.
You know, hopefully they're notdisclosing their crazy cuckoo
town to the client and they'reable to separate that from it A
(17:33):
lot.
I mean, there's a book calledthe Wounded Healer and it talks
about how most therapists arereally deeply wounded people
that have gone through thishealing process.
So I will say there are a lotof wounded people that might not
have done their own work thatdecide to become therapists.
But that's the same thing oflike.
Does the cardiologist have tohave had a heart attack to be a
good cardiologist?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
No, you know so it's, and I think like one of the
things that I always ask beforeI hire a therapist or even
before I refer somebody to atherapist, and add that you, on
an average year, I'm referring40 people to a therapist.
I bet you, on an average year,I'm referring 40 people to a
therapist 40, at least, maybemore.
It's insane, and it's justbecause I talk about it.
I talk about my own journey,and so they feel safe enough,
(18:07):
and normally I'm making a callto somebody like Claire, who I
know knows all the right peopleand can push them.
I am clearly not a therapist,but I'm an advocate, and so what
I will tell you is one of thequestions I always ask someone
before I hire them or refer themis are you under the care of
someone, are you doing your ownwork?
And you don't have to discloseto me who you're seeing or how
(18:28):
often you're going, but I wantto know they're taking care of
themselves, because if you'regoing to take care of other
people, you need to be takingcare of yourself and doing your
work.
Not everybody does that andsome therapists might not even
feel comfortable disclosing thatinformation, but if I'm going
to refer you, I have to knowyou're you're taking care of
yourself.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
I don't want you to be the train wreck who's almost
like the physical trainer, Likewhen you go to a gym and the
trainer is out of shape you gotbad eyebrows, you are not
touching my eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
If you have shitty hair, you are not touching my
hair.
And if you're chubby and you'retrying to tell me how many
squats to do, get the fuck outof here with that this happened
once.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
It was a fella and he just I was like I was like stop
following me around and tryingto tell me what to do.
You do it.
You go, do it.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
You go do it, you take a whirl.
So that is something that'simportant, because these people
you're talking about, I would bevery curious if they've ever
actually seen a therapist.
I didn't know that was a thinguntil I was mentoring somebody
and I was like so what have youdone in therapy?
I asked them a question.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
This was years ago and this person was like well,
I've never seen a therapist, andthey were in grad school at the
end in internship seeingclients and I mean, I have no
interest personally, so that's'slike a massive red flag there's
a national company right nowthat has an ad campaign that
plays all the time uh on, likeyoutube for me, whatever, and
they're one of their big thingsis their therapists are in
therapy and they talk about thatlike people are sometimes
shocked when you hear that I'm atherapist and I go to therapy,
(19:52):
but I'm a human too, and blahblah yeah, that's so good.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
So that is my guess is, if they're super kooky,
super unhealthy, I would likeput money on.
They haven't done their ownwork or they haven't done their
own good work.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I just didn't know if that was like pretty normal or
what.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I have a really good cohesive group of therapists,
all of like in many, manydifferent states that, like I
talk with all the time that I'mlike, hey, where do we put this
person?
Do y'all know how to treat this?
And they're so why are wetalking about this?
First, we neglected y'all for alittle while, you know, and
we're sorry.
We missed you guys seriously.
And so when I started and said,back to basics, like I know
(20:31):
y'all have heard us talk abouttherapy and if some of you have
been kind of on that fence, wecall that a pre contemplative
state and if you're ready totake action I would suggest
doing it and we can give youresources for that.
But if you're like man I'vetried talk therapy, I've done so
many sessions, I don't feellike I'm getting anywhere, I
feel like I'm just spinning mywheels Then a couple of things
(20:52):
could be happening for you andwe'll dive into both.
But two of the options ofwhat's happening to you is
number one you're with the wrongperson, and number two is talk
gets us only so far.
So I still use a talk therapist.
But I've also done other typesof therapy, which Will cannot
(21:12):
wait to dive into, that are moresomatic-based or movement-based
or and I'm going to explain allthese things psychodrama-based,
where I'm able to tap in to adeeper part of my brain, which
we've also talked about, thatlizard brain, that mammal brain
where my pain is stored, andthen I have a different amount
(21:33):
of relief and then I can'tremember if I'm saying A, b and
C, or one, two, three.
But the third place issometimes you get to take a
therapeutic break and you can dothings that I make fun of life
coaches all the time because Ikind of think it's bullshit, but
there's something to be saidfor a life coach of like man
(21:53):
I've talked and talked aboutpain and trauma Like I can't
talk about this anymore, I can'tfeel about it anymore and I
need action.
That's actually when a coach issuper awesome.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Yes, of action, steps rather than processing,
processing, processing okay, sohere's what I know I've done
almost every type of therapythere is, but but, um, I'm
learning more about movement andI've clear has some easy, some
really fucking wild places tolearn more, where one lady was
(22:25):
running around a room clackingon gongs moving sound all around
the room and I was like howdoes she do?
Speaker 2 (22:33):
it.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
She bells, played bells on my feet, nope and
literally I didn't go back, hita gong on my actual ass.
I was like all right, well,that's great, thank you for that
.
I really appreciate it.
But so, like, I'm probably likeout there and I'm always
willing to do whatever.
You know the thing that'shardest.
It's really easy for me to sitdown and talk, very easy.
I'm so good at it.
(22:54):
I'm shocked at how good I am atit.
Honestly, I sometimes am thetherapist.
I'm just kidding.
What's really hard for me iswhen my therapist might look at
me and say, where do you feelthat in your body?
And I'll be like, why don't youfuck all the way off, worry
about your own body, okay, butthere is now I'm seeing a
(23:15):
somatic therapist and it hasbeen very challenging for me.
I will say, like shifting fromtalk therapy into these more
challenging spaces, that that isthe thing that if you have
plateaued in your work with talktherapy, that is when I had to
ask Claire and Claire was myfirst call hey, I need somebody
who can help me get this stuffout of my body, because your
(23:36):
body really does carry yourtrauma and even if you've
released it, you can still bewalking around with remnants of
that trauma because your bodyremembers.
There's a book called the bodykeeps a score, which is
extremely heavy, and I do youneed to read it in segments,
probably because it is so heavyfrom a like the stories that are
being told, but it just provesthat point and so I love if you
(24:00):
are at that place with your talktherapist it is a great thing
to phone a friend who also doestherapy and ask them what have
they been up to, or researchthese types of therapy
therapists that were therapiesthat we were talking about,
because there's just so much outthere and if you've only done
talk therapy man, you barelyscratched the surface to the
(24:21):
healing that you couldexperience.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And a lot of therapists do both, and so you
can ask.
you know someone that you'realready seeing.
Already seeing, hey, I'mfeeling a little bit stuck.
I feel like I'm talking aboutthe same things, um, and if
you're talking about the samethings in therapy, I promise the
therapist is saying is thinkingthe same thing, a good one will
say hey, I noticed we'retalking about the same things.
What do we need to dodifferently?
What do we need to shift?
So when we talk about, um, howto know when to switch, it's
(24:46):
repeating yourself over and overagain without like lasting
change and still being triggered.
I say, you know, I hate thatword, but still being triggered
by the same shit in your lifeand it doesn't shift at all.
So it's like, even like lack ofawareness.
I'm still kind of doing thesesame things.
And if you ever feel like you'retrying to like impress or feel
(25:07):
like you might disappoint yourtherapist excuse me, therapist
those are big flags for me.
I've had clients and if you'rea client that you've done this
with your therapist, you'reamazing and I highly recommend
it.
I had a client feel reallydisappointed in me and she told
me that and she was like I.
She came in and did really deepwork and sometimes, after you
(25:30):
do really deep work, you havelighter sessions and you can
talk about, you know, food orfilm or weather, and she read
that as claire doesn't careabout me anymore because I'm not
crying and like I'm not havingthese profound experiences, and
she like so I don't even knowwhat we're doing, and so when
someone is, that could haveeasily offended a therapist.
(25:52):
But I was like that was braveand I was like, so tell me what
I'm missing?
And the reality was we weren'tmissing anything.
She'd done really profound work.
And so being able to tell yourtherapist like, hey, I actually
feel, really I feel a lot betterwhen you make me fucking cry,
let's do some more work.
See what your therapist says,like before you just go bail on
the therapist challenge them.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Oh, also, I would love to tell people like, listen
, remember, you're paying for aservice, so like it is
appropriate to talk to themabout what your goals are and
what you're trying to accomplish.
My recent the therapist that Ihired this year under the
advisement of Claire, he askedme what I wanted to accomplish
and I was like you know, I'mjust kind of in maintenance,
(26:33):
which is fucking hilarious,because there's actually no such
thing.
If you've lived my life, andtypically when you say something
like that, your life's about toblow up.
So don't say that.
But I think that there weresome challenges with like I've
been writing.
I've been writing some like oldtrauma stuff that even though
I've done a lot of work aroundit, it brought up new things and
I needed to go get a different,a different type of body work
(26:56):
or somatic stuff, and it's beenreally really, really good so
what does body work mean?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
it's probably what we should say yes, um.
So there are therapists that dosomatic experiencing and
they're gonna do a lot ofwhere's that in your body.
They'll teach you kind of howto move it in and out.
Um, the one, the person Iworked with, we did it all
outside.
It was like nature-basedsomatic therapy and at one point
I was crying in front of a treeabout my mother, so like it's
way out there, but like I knewthe behavioral changes with my
(27:24):
relationship with my mom, but mygrief was still there with her
and so I just bawled my eyes outon a trail at Red Mountain and
guess what?
We moved it from where I wascarrying it, vomited it all up
emotionally on a tree and movedon.
And I am dumbing this down in areally profound way If you don't
want to see a somaticexperiencing therapist because
(27:44):
you're like that is a little bittoo out there, there's
something called psychodrama andthere are people all over the
world that do psychodrama andthat's a lot of talking to an
empty chair.
That's a lot of role play.
That's a lot of.
I wish I could say this to mydead uncle, who is a horrible
person but I can't, and you getto in that office, like, invite
(28:09):
that person into the spacemetaphorically, let all of that
out and allow that piece of youto be healed.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I remember the first time I experienced something
like that was with my favoritegrownup.
Like I say this cause I hadlots of therapies, therapists
that were like pretendtherapists, where I was just
like going in and like hope Ican hope.
I I can hope I can entertainthem today.
Um, but Don set a really thisreally unique photo of a little
(28:36):
girl who didn't.
Her face was down and he waslike saying, asking me to talk
to my like little person, mylike young Laura, and and I was
first like what the fuck?
What is happening?
But man, some really magicalthings can happen when you go
into that experiential spacewhere you're able to go back and
(28:56):
your brain doesn't know thedifference.
So, if that sounds really crazy, even like with sales teams
which I do tons of salestrainings I do a lot of role
play and that makes people souncomfortable, but your brain
doesn't know the difference ifyou're role playing or if it's
really happening.
And so you're teaching yourbrain a new way of thinking and
(29:16):
doing and you're rewritingstories.
So if you were really afraid togo make that sale, then all of
a sudden we role played it andyou realize you didn't die.
Your brain says, oh, I'm notgoing to die, I can totally do
this, and I think it's kind ofthe same way that.
Well, that's in my experience.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
That was good.
So the last thing life coachingwhy I hate them and why I love
them.
Coaching is not therapy.
That's super important tounderstand.
So a good coach is not goingback and reworking your trauma.
They might go back and say, hey, let me hear about these
patterns that you have so we canmove forward.
We have to go backwards beforewe move forward.
So I usually don't recommendstarting with a coach.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I know this will be shocking to y'all, but I have
had coaches as well, because Ilove getting every type of
fucking support I can get Doingit right.
But I also want you to knowthat I did not hire a
professional coach, really,until I even had the realization
that I had so many blind spotsbecause of all the things that
had happened to me, and I wasable to take those in.
(30:11):
And so what I think is reallygood about life coaches or
business coaches or, you know,whatever they may be, is that
you, if you're in a loop intherapy, it might mean it's time
to go take it and put it intoaction.
Of like I've been talking aboutthis for 10 years.
I need some action steps toyour point, because great
coaches will not let you staythe same or they'll let you go.
(30:33):
They'll be like hey, we're, thisisn't working.
I need to.
I can't work with you becauseyou're not changing.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Coaching's high accountability and therapy's
high support.
Totally so, and that's a bigdifference.
So I love when somebody kicksmy ass.
It's my favorite when they'relike I thought you said you were
gonna.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I love it.
Thought you said you were gonnado so, and so why didn't you do
that?
When will you have it done?
Can you get it done today by 3pm?
I'm like, oh my god, yes, I'llget it done by 3 pm.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I'm like you hurt my feelings and took a tone with me
.
So moral of the story will doesnot believe in ghosts.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
We do um yes, I'm not saying they don't exist.
There's just nothing in myworld that makes me think yeah,
that's the thing I just I wantyou to know.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
A challenge accepted.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Yeah, I mean prove me wrong, casper come on like I'm
here getting a ouija board forour next one, whoa no, we're not
.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I have had a bad experience and I absolutely
cannot under any circumstances.
Clay went to ICQ for seven days.
Guys, I will never play with aOuija board again.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
You know that Ouija boards.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Will.
I will throw my tea at you,shut it.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
We're going to put a pin in that and circle back at a
later date.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Totally Whole episode .
No, I'm going to bring my Ouijaboard.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
No, you're not, Not in Claire's house.
We'll have to do it on a 100percent not.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
I have so much sage and palisade we're gonna do it,
you can put it on your truckarms okay.
So back to the moral of thisstory is um, if you have not
started therapy coaching andyou're in a place where you need
the unbiased witness,accountability, support and to
make a shift, go do it now,before daylight savings,
(32:16):
daylight saving time okay,because seasonal, seasonal
depression, or the idea ofseasonal depression, is
something that comes up a lotfor people.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
So go do it now, even if you just go try.
Go try someone and don't beafraid to change therapist.
I feel like that is a big thing.
If the therapist you've beenworking with is just not a good
fit and you've asked fordifferent things and they're not
giving it to you, find somebodyelse, and if you need help with
that, you can always message uson Instagram and we will help
you find support Anywhere,anywhere.
(32:51):
Anywhere in the world.
Claire is Claire and her familyare so wildly connected and
knows everybody, everybody,everybody, so we'd love to help.
I'm not really sure why I saidthree.
Everybody's Green tea is reallygetting to me today.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Everybody, everybody, everybody.
It's like a Tina Gordoncommercial Hitting some good
Alabama commercials.
Today, everybody goes to.
Milo's of course Milo's, milo'sthis episode was sponsored by
Sticks and Stuff.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
She's retired now, living in Cedar Bluff, alabama.
Tina Of course she is.
She did Drive in the Bushseries, which is like the you
know baby.
Nascar yeah.
It's like Saturday's race wasthe Bush series, and then Sunday
was like the.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
NASCAR, the Winston Cup or whatever they called it.
Okay, hey, we're so happy to beback.
Thank you guys again forsticking with us.
We've been doing this for overa year now and it has been so
much fun.
We love hearing from you.
Please, please, please, tell uswhat you want to talk about.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
we've got a lot of fun content coming through the
holidays never correct me bigold spider right there see you
in two weeks.
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs.
I'm Laura Quick and I'm ClaireFehrman.
I am a professional storytellerand I'm currently working on my
first book.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I have worked in mental health for many years in
lots of capacities and this is areally important time to tell
you our big disclaimer this isnot therapy.
We are not your therapists orcoaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very
much at all, unless you want toand it turns out well, then you
can trust us, that's great.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Heads up.
There is a spider, Laura, rightbehind you, If somebody wants
to.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Are you fucking serious?
Yeah, I hate spiders when.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Right in the mirror, right there.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I hate you.
I love a practical joke.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Yeah, so it's almost Halloween and Claire has a huge
spider on her mirror like twofeet in diameter.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I love a holiday.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
It's good, halloween's coming up.
It's a fun one.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It's how you know you still have little kids because
you're like doing it For sure.
I love it.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I had a good childhood and I will always do
the giant spider Peg I like it,peg, I'm just kidding, wait what
did my kids name her?
I forget.
I'll have to ask.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Because of work, I have to do like six or seven
different Halloween events.
Usually I try to like spreadout costumes, but it gets too
much.
Do you dress up?
Well, some of them, I have to.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Okay, well, that's a great segue.
So tell me what's the bestcostume you've ever worn for
Halloween?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
My favorite, I think, was Tobias Funke.
Never Nude from ArrestedDevelopment, Dr Tobias Funke.
So I had the blue face and head, so the blue man that's awesome
.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I don't know who you were.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh yeah, Jorts.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Sure, that's really good.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Well, of course it was Danielle's idea.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
My personal favorite was Tina Gordon, driver of
Sticks and Stuff race car.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
Oh yes, Hi, Tina Gordon.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Hi, I'm Tina Gordon, driver of Sticks and Stuff race
car Boy.
Have we got a deal for you,Sleigh?
Speaker 3 (02:07):
beds $2.99.
I bet Laura didn't know.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah, you didn't live here.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
You didn't live here, so when we were kids, there was
like a local commercial forSticks and Stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
It was a furniture store.
Maybe they're still inexistence.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
No, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
We all just buy at Ikea and online now, but Teemu.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
American-made.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Teemu, tina Gordon was a female race car driver
that was sponsored by Sticks andStuff.
Okay, and every day, everynight, on TV was the commercial
for Tina Gordon, driver Sticksand Stuff race car, and boy has
she got a deal for you.
And everything was $2.99.
Sleigh bits $2.99, sleigh beds$2.99, cannonball beds $2.99.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
And then she'd go whoo.
Where did you get the race caroutfit?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
I boughta little boy like I went to party city
because there was no amazon atthis time and I mean I don't
know if there was, but I boughtlike a little boy's race car
driver outfit okay you know mine, y'all already know about and
we have to go back and listen tolast year's uh halloween.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
But I did dress as a government shutdown.
When the government shut downand just wore a giant sign of
our country with like a.
With like a, it's like shutdown, like closed on the time,
and then I had a georgewashington wig on.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
So I feel like that was pretty good.
Yeah, it's good creative, yeahsee look at us.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, super creative.
What about scary stories,though?
Do you have any uh like reallycreepy stories?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
oh, I don't know if I have creepy stories.
I was thinking about like thescariest thing you've ever done
or that's ever happened to you.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
That's not necessarily like creepy crawler
that doesn't might not have todo with halloween, it's just
scary.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yeah, I call it.
You're like.
For me it's like theanti-bucket list, like something
you've done but will never doagain, because it was so scary
well, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
I lived in a haunted house, for sure like when clayna
moved to lagrange when he waslike eight and he used to call
it LaGrange Atlanta.
He would tell people we movedto LaGrange Atlanta and I'm like
, okay, don't say that, becauseit's LaGrange is not Atlanta.
But we lived in the oldest homein LaGrange in the downtown
district.
It was really beautiful and Iwas like, wow, this is so
(04:22):
gorgeous and the worst,creepiest stuff.
So our dog had just died andClay was convinced that the dog
was coming to visit us becauseof how many creepy things were
happening in the house Waterturning on by itself, water
turning off, piano playing inthe middle of the night.
You the worst, worst, likehaunting, feeling like
(04:48):
somebody's standing over you atnight when you're trying to
sleep, like presence in the room, and it was a dark time and
Clay used to be like Cooper cameto visit me and I'd be like,
okay, we have to leave thishouse.
We eventually got out of thelease because of how bad like it
was.
That terrifying, awful.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Who thinks.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Yeah, terrifying, awful.
Yeah, creep, creep.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
um no but that's okay .
Hey, but that's okay.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
That doesn't mean also does not believe in ghosts
it doesn't mean they don't exist.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I just I don't think I wish you could have lived in
this fucking house also.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
There's so many things I how would I know.
Maybe they yeah, maybe my dad's, where he swears, he's seen one
.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
I'm telling you, it's happened.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
It was very creepy.
Okay, well, I believe in it, Ibelieve you.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Now later on, a different episode.
When we talk about dating, I'mgoing to tell you the worst date
that ever happened, also inthat house, that led me to
believe that there was more thanjust ghosts there the gun one.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Nope.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
You had a worse date than that.
Well, the gun one, nope you hada worse date than that.
Well, the gun one was arelationship.
I had an actual relationshipwith that psychopath.
Nope, nope.
This is a date with not uglyMike but cute Mike.
And he got to be cute Mikebecause there was an ugly Mike.
My friends called him that.
I'm sorry if any of these Mikesare listening.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Such a broad name yeah it could be anybody.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Any Mike, for literally it could be one of
these three mics, we're talkinginto Exactly, it could be my
brother.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
It wasn't, but anyways, yeah, okay, go on Any
creepy stories or somethingscary you'll never do again.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Lift jumping.
I get like specifically ChimneyRock, which is down Lake Martin
, lake martin.
Yeah, it's like 72 feet, Ithink, from the top, like this,
the highest point.
And look, I'm a person who has,you know, hundreds of skydives
and was basically asemi-professional skydiver, and
I will never, ever, but once youclimb up there, you can't climb
down, right, it's too dangerous, right you're there yeah, and
(06:39):
so, uh, it's the only way to getdown is to jump.
Yeah, and the fall is longenough to where you just feel
your stuff accelerating andaccelerating.
It's like when is this going tobe?
It's not good.
And as you're climbing up,there are plaques to people that
have died.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Excuse me, yes, I'd rather be haunted by a ghost for
the rest of my life that playedthat piano than have to do
Chimney Rock one time.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
It's the worst.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I've seen it, but I've never done it.
If there's any ghosts listening?
That wasn't an invitation.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
It was just a declaration yeah, we're closing
all doors.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Closing all doors, it looks high from the water and
then when you get up there,you're like oh.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Claire, do you believe in ghosts?
100%.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Have you had any experiences?
Well, here's the thing I'venever seen one Okay, or like
that unsettled feeling.
But I'm also just probablyoverly sensitive.
But when people tell me ghoststories and they're like people
I know and trust, I'm likethat's wild, like I'm like no
doubt, but as y'all tell these,I'm sure after we record I'll
(07:35):
think of one.
I'm just not like a big risktaker because I get scared so
easily.
I mean, I've told y'all when meand mom called the cops because
the home, the house door waslocked from the inside and we
were in it.
Yes, I have no, okay, so it'sgenetic.
Like my mom's like this, I'mlike this.
So I was probably in college.
I was in college because I camehome to visit my mom, bus in my
(07:58):
room and she's like did youlock the back door?
And I was like no, and she'slike's like well, somebody did
we live in like the safestneighborhood, okay, and I was
like, well, I'm not worriedright now because no burglar is
gonna come in and lock the door.
And she's like I thinksomebody's in here.
So we had to call the police.
I had to, she wanted to callthe cops.
(08:21):
Oh god, those small town policehave to come over and they're
like, just to get this straight,we're here because the door was
locked from the inside.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
God 100%.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
And then we have some black people to pull over, if
you don't mind.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
That's right.
We're going to have to get thehell out of here.
We get a quota to meet tonight,so they checked, I'm not going
to generalize.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
But yeah, I still do that that small town police
force is known for that.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
They are.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
They are.
It's awful and apparently otherplaces.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yes, so yeah, I mean I'm sure I can think of one
later, but I think I'm just likenot enough of a risk taker.
I'll tell you one thing I'mnever going on a fucking cruise
again, and nothing, even bad,happened.
I just like never want to havethat sensation again of being on
a boat with a lot of people ina buffet that you can't get off
floating golden corral.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I'm out, yeah.
So I would say that's a spookylittle experience that I don't
want.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Some people are like we do a disney cruise every year
, or whatever.
I'm like, out, I am out likesomething.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
When people say they're cruisers, like that's
like their thing, I'm alwayslike OK, pass, I'm sure you're
great.
Thanks, pass, ok.
Well, what are we talking abouttoday?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Well, I think we need to get back to our roots and
talk a little bit about therapy.
Ok, let's go.
With our seasons changing andall of y'all bracing for
daylight savings, does that meandaylight savings time is ending
or starting?
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Starting it's savings .
Does that?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
mean daylight saving time is ending or starting.
I get confused.
Um, it's saving yeah.
No, the summer is daylightsaving time never correct us.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Okay, just tell us the truth okay you're here so
daylight savings, reverse.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Reverse is ending yeah, I believe we're starting.
We're about to fall back I hearthe thing.
Now you are making me questionwell, that's what a therapist so
do you know you really want totake a look at what's going on
on the inside and then there'sme who just says weird shit and
has no idea if it's true let'ssee.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yeah, okay, thank you .
Daylight saving time is insummer, so it's about to finish.
We're about to go to standardtime.
So every time people say, likewe got to get rid of daylight
saving time, they that's raw.
What they're.
What they're trying to say isthey want it to always be
daylight saving time.
I'll say this, though we canalmost do the whole episode on
that, because it's such aninteresting argument the should
(10:39):
we have these time changes?
Should we not?
And what's the right?
Like if we were going to getrid of time change what's which
we?
Which way should we go?
Standard, because almosteverybody's like oh, we want,
like what happens in the summer,but there's not, it's not more
light, it's just when the lightcomes right.
The light doesn't change.
And so here's the deal if wegot, if we had daylight saving
(10:59):
all year round in the winter,the sun wouldn't be coming up to
like close to 8 am.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Which I'm fine with Ugh.
I'm a more this guy.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
It's like health reasons.
It's terrible, that's like aterrible idea, yeah.
So really, what we need isstandard time year round and
just accept that, sorry, it'snot going to get dark.
It's going to get dark at 7, 45or 8, not 9.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Yeah, but now it's going to get dark at like 4 pm,
so stop playing Will.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
You don't understand, though the morning is affected
the same way I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I think this is bullshit.
I would like a medium.
I'd like it to be like just getdark at 8pm all the time and
honestly, the world would.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
You gotta move close to the equator.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
I'm not doing that, I'm not trying to be hot all the
time either.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Alright, you got that Brazilian butt left back in the
earlier season.
Okay, so Therapy.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
So therapy, because people are starting to get a
little seasonal depression.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
They're worried about getting it.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
OK.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
It'll be all over your Instagram after we talk
about it and we all just have torelax a little bit.
But I don't want to jump intoseasonal depression.
I'll save that for when y'allare feeling seasonally depressed
.
But what we can startconsidering is if you've been in
therapy, because I feel like wejust like preach it all the
time.
Sometimes, talk therapy doesn'twork anymore, right, laura?
(12:22):
Definitely.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
So for you know, dummies like me who don't go to
therapy, this is what I think itis.
It's just when you're sittingin front of a person and talking
to them, Correct as opposed tolike.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
what other therapy is there?
We would love to tell youSpoiler.
The spoiler alert of this isyou've been in therapy for a
year.
Oh sure Coming to this podcasthas been your therapy.
Yeah, you're.
You actually owe us thousandsof dollars.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
So it turned out.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
So OK, talk therapy.
You asked me a question.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
So standard talk therapy, which is incredibly
functional.
It helps a lot of people.
It is typically a 50 minutesession with one client and one
therapist.
And you come in I mean, it'sprobably what you've seen in TV
and movies and the therapist hastheir notebook.
And the therapist their job isto ask the right questions,
right, so you hopefully can getto your right answer.
Therapists should not givedirect advice.
(13:16):
They could give feedback orlike here's some tools, but it's
not like your marriage is tough.
You know what?
I feel like you should probablygo ahead and divorce, like you
would never step in.
That would be overstepping yourscope of practice.
Therapists wouldn't givemedical advice.
They could refer you to amedical provider, things like
that.
So let's start with why talktherapy works.
(13:37):
Typically, it works becausewe've never been given an
unbiased witness to our story.
Okay, so we hold on to maybewhat we consider something dark,
embarrassing, shameful,confusing, really sad, that we
can't burden other people with,or we think it's a burden, so
we're going to pay somebody togive it to.
And then a good therapist whenyou tell them the worst thing
(13:59):
you've ever done and we don't dothat in this circle when you
tell them the worst thing.
If they go right, they're notthe unbiased witness, right?
It's the fucking chicken thingthat I've talked about on this,
so like if the therapist who'sfucking chicken.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
I told you that oh yes, that's right.
Yes.
Again I told you that oh yes,that's right.
Yes, Again, I'd blocked it out.
That's how I deal See.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
So if you missed that , you'll have to go find that on
some episode that we recordedages ago.
But the unbiased witnessprovides a safe space with no
reactivity, and I've done this along time.
I'm probably a more reactivetherapist because I'm like, oh
my God, that's wild.
Like I will give, I'm not likea poker face.
That's very interesting.
How does that make you feeltype therapist?
That would suck for me as aclient.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
I would hate that.
I'll go into therapy trying towin.
You know like I really want toget a reaction out of you.
No, I'm just kidding.
I agree, though.
Yeah, I think that the safestthing that's ever happened is to
have somebody look at you andgo, wow, you're a miracle like
you made it through that, andthat must have been really hard.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
And yes, and part two to that is a good therapist
teaches you.
Of course I do these things.
What a relief to just be ableto be like.
I behave this way inrelationship.
I behave this way as a parent.
I show up like this.
Of course I do.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
They connect all these things.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
So it's a good dot connector and then we find
relief.
Sometimes, if people are like Idon't really like to show
emotion, they get into atherapist's office and they get
to start crying and it's justlike ringing out an emotional
rag.
Super relieving Doesn't have tobe any light bulb moments, it's
just like I need a place.
I'm going to come vent and talkabout this stuff.
Therapy isn't venting, but youcan come and like expose
(15:44):
yourself in a safe place.
Bottom that's like bottom ofthe barrel, that's not the right
phrase, but like that's thebaseline of talk therapy.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yes, an unbiased witness to your story who makes
you feel less alone.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
And why it works.
We're harmed in relationshipsso we have to heal in it.
Does it have to be done intherapy?
No, but if you've had reallyshitty boyfriends, then you get
a really good one.
You've healed in a relationship.
You got security when maybe youdidn't so harmed in
relationship.
Heal in relationship and whenyou don't have good
relationships, you get to showup to a therapist's office.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And they will model healthy, they'll mirror back
healthy to you, unless they'recrazy and there are crazy
therapists which leads us tothis conversation.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Can we talk about this really quick?
And I know I've asked you this.
I don't know if it's been onthese mics or off of them, but
why are some of the people Iknow with the most issues in
their lives therapists as aprofession?
Like there are two people.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Claire, is this an attack?
No, no, trust me, it's justgiving me feedback.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
No, but I'm not kidding, there are two people
that I know that outwardly havejust the most chaotic, crazy
life and just all the problemsin the world and their jobs are
they?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
are?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I actually think I know one of them that you're
talking about they're therapistsyeah I don't understand that so
is the question why they do itor how.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
How is that?
How am I going to listen to theperson that Is insane Is also.
Their life is just a completenightmare.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Well, we'll have some compassion for them first, oh
sure.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
No 100%, but just from no.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I wasn't saying that in a shitty way, but so like
Question and answer is maybethey show up altogether for the
client.
You know, hopefully they're notdisclosing their crazy cuckoo
town to the client and they'reable to separate that from it A
(17:33):
lot.
I mean, there's a book calledthe Wounded Healer and it talks
about how most therapists arereally deeply wounded people
that have gone through thishealing process.
So I will say there are a lotof wounded people that might not
have done their own work thatdecide to become therapists.
But that's the same thing oflike.
Does the cardiologist have tohave had a heart attack to be a
good cardiologist?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
No, you know so it's, and I think like one of the
things that I always ask beforeI hire a therapist or even
before I refer somebody to atherapist, and add that you, on
an average year, I'm referring40 people to a therapist.
I bet you, on an average year,I'm referring 40 people to a
therapist 40, at least, maybemore.
It's insane, and it's justbecause I talk about it.
I talk about my own journey,and so they feel safe enough,
(18:07):
and normally I'm making a callto somebody like Claire, who I
know knows all the right peopleand can push them.
I am clearly not a therapist,but I'm an advocate, and so what
I will tell you is one of thequestions I always ask someone
before I hire them or refer themis are you under the care of
someone, are you doing your ownwork?
And you don't have to discloseto me who you're seeing or how
(18:28):
often you're going, but I wantto know they're taking care of
themselves, because if you'regoing to take care of other
people, you need to be takingcare of yourself and doing your
work.
Not everybody does that andsome therapists might not even
feel comfortable disclosing thatinformation, but if I'm going
to refer you, I have to knowyou're you're taking care of
yourself.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
I don't want you to be the train wreck who's almost
like the physical trainer, Likewhen you go to a gym and the
trainer is out of shape you gotbad eyebrows, you are not
touching my eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
If you have shitty hair, you are not touching my
hair.
And if you're chubby and you'retrying to tell me how many
squats to do, get the fuck outof here with that this happened
once.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
It was a fella and he just I was like I was like stop
following me around and tryingto tell me what to do.
You do it.
You go, do it.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
You go do it, you take a whirl.
So that is something that'simportant, because these people
you're talking about, I would bevery curious if they've ever
actually seen a therapist.
I didn't know that was a thinguntil I was mentoring somebody
and I was like so what have youdone in therapy?
I asked them a question.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
This was years ago and this person was like well,
I've never seen a therapist, andthey were in grad school at the
end in internship seeingclients and I mean, I have no
interest personally, so that's'slike a massive red flag there's
a national company right nowthat has an ad campaign that
plays all the time uh on, likeyoutube for me, whatever, and
they're one of their big thingsis their therapists are in
therapy and they talk about thatlike people are sometimes
shocked when you hear that I'm atherapist and I go to therapy,
(19:52):
but I'm a human too, and blahblah yeah, that's so good.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
So that is my guess is, if they're super kooky,
super unhealthy, I would likeput money on.
They haven't done their ownwork or they haven't done their
own good work.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I just didn't know if that was like pretty normal or
what.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
I have a really good cohesive group of therapists,
all of like in many, manydifferent states that, like I
talk with all the time that I'mlike, hey, where do we put this
person?
Do y'all know how to treat this?
And they're so why are wetalking about this?
First, we neglected y'all for alittle while, you know, and
we're sorry.
We missed you guys seriously.
And so when I started and said,back to basics, like I know
(20:31):
y'all have heard us talk abouttherapy and if some of you have
been kind of on that fence, wecall that a pre contemplative
state and if you're ready totake action I would suggest
doing it and we can give youresources for that.
But if you're like man I'vetried talk therapy, I've done so
many sessions, I don't feellike I'm getting anywhere, I
feel like I'm just spinning mywheels Then a couple of things
(20:52):
could be happening for you andwe'll dive into both.
But two of the options ofwhat's happening to you is
number one you're with the wrongperson, and number two is talk
gets us only so far.
So I still use a talk therapist.
But I've also done other typesof therapy, which Will cannot
(21:12):
wait to dive into, that are moresomatic-based or movement-based
or and I'm going to explain allthese things psychodrama-based,
where I'm able to tap in to adeeper part of my brain, which
we've also talked about, thatlizard brain, that mammal brain
where my pain is stored, andthen I have a different amount
(21:33):
of relief and then I can'tremember if I'm saying A, b and
C, or one, two, three.
But the third place issometimes you get to take a
therapeutic break and you can dothings that I make fun of life
coaches all the time because Ikind of think it's bullshit, but
there's something to be saidfor a life coach of like man
(21:53):
I've talked and talked aboutpain and trauma Like I can't
talk about this anymore, I can'tfeel about it anymore and I
need action.
That's actually when a coach issuper awesome.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Yes, of action, steps rather than processing,
processing, processing okay, sohere's what I know I've done
almost every type of therapythere is, but but, um, I'm
learning more about movement andI've clear has some easy, some
really fucking wild places tolearn more, where one lady was
(22:25):
running around a room clackingon gongs moving sound all around
the room and I was like howdoes she do?
Speaker 2 (22:33):
it.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
She bells, played bells on my feet, nope and
literally I didn't go back, hita gong on my actual ass.
I was like all right, well,that's great, thank you for that
.
I really appreciate it.
But so, like, I'm probably likeout there and I'm always
willing to do whatever.
You know the thing that'shardest.
It's really easy for me to sitdown and talk, very easy.
I'm so good at it.
(22:54):
I'm shocked at how good I am atit.
Honestly, I sometimes am thetherapist.
I'm just kidding.
What's really hard for me iswhen my therapist might look at
me and say, where do you feelthat in your body?
And I'll be like, why don't youfuck all the way off, worry
about your own body, okay, butthere is now I'm seeing a
(23:15):
somatic therapist and it hasbeen very challenging for me.
I will say, like shifting fromtalk therapy into these more
challenging spaces, that that isthe thing that if you have
plateaued in your work with talktherapy, that is when I had to
ask Claire and Claire was myfirst call hey, I need somebody
who can help me get this stuffout of my body, because your
(23:36):
body really does carry yourtrauma and even if you've
released it, you can still bewalking around with remnants of
that trauma because your bodyremembers.
There's a book called the bodykeeps a score, which is
extremely heavy, and I do youneed to read it in segments,
probably because it is so heavyfrom a like the stories that are
being told, but it just provesthat point and so I love if you
(24:00):
are at that place with your talktherapist it is a great thing
to phone a friend who also doestherapy and ask them what have
they been up to, or researchthese types of therapy
therapists that were therapiesthat we were talking about,
because there's just so much outthere and if you've only done
talk therapy man, you barelyscratched the surface to the
(24:21):
healing that you couldexperience.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And a lot of therapists do both, and so you
can ask.
you know someone that you'realready seeing.
Already seeing, hey, I'mfeeling a little bit stuck.
I feel like I'm talking aboutthe same things, um, and if
you're talking about the samethings in therapy, I promise the
therapist is saying is thinkingthe same thing, a good one will
say hey, I noticed we'retalking about the same things.
What do we need to dodifferently?
What do we need to shift?
So when we talk about, um, howto know when to switch, it's
(24:46):
repeating yourself over and overagain without like lasting
change and still being triggered.
I say, you know, I hate thatword, but still being triggered
by the same shit in your lifeand it doesn't shift at all.
So it's like, even like lack ofawareness.
I'm still kind of doing thesesame things.
And if you ever feel like you'retrying to like impress or feel
(25:07):
like you might disappoint yourtherapist excuse me, therapist
those are big flags for me.
I've had clients and if you'rea client that you've done this
with your therapist, you'reamazing and I highly recommend
it.
I had a client feel reallydisappointed in me and she told
me that and she was like I.
She came in and did really deepwork and sometimes, after you
(25:30):
do really deep work, you havelighter sessions and you can
talk about, you know, food orfilm or weather, and she read
that as claire doesn't careabout me anymore because I'm not
crying and like I'm not havingthese profound experiences, and
she like so I don't even knowwhat we're doing, and so when
someone is, that could haveeasily offended a therapist.
(25:52):
But I was like that was braveand I was like, so tell me what
I'm missing?
And the reality was we weren'tmissing anything.
She'd done really profound work.
And so being able to tell yourtherapist like, hey, I actually
feel, really I feel a lot betterwhen you make me fucking cry,
let's do some more work.
See what your therapist says,like before you just go bail on
the therapist challenge them.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Oh, also, I would love to tell people like, listen
, remember, you're paying for aservice, so like it is
appropriate to talk to themabout what your goals are and
what you're trying to accomplish.
My recent the therapist that Ihired this year under the
advisement of Claire, he askedme what I wanted to accomplish
and I was like you know, I'mjust kind of in maintenance,
(26:33):
which is fucking hilarious,because there's actually no such
thing.
If you've lived my life, andtypically when you say something
like that, your life's about toblow up.
So don't say that.
But I think that there weresome challenges with like I've
been writing.
I've been writing some like oldtrauma stuff that even though
I've done a lot of work aroundit, it brought up new things and
I needed to go get a different,a different type of body work
(26:56):
or somatic stuff, and it's beenreally really, really good so
what does body work mean?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
it's probably what we should say yes, um.
So there are therapists that dosomatic experiencing and
they're gonna do a lot ofwhere's that in your body.
They'll teach you kind of howto move it in and out.
Um, the one, the person Iworked with, we did it all
outside.
It was like nature-basedsomatic therapy and at one point
I was crying in front of a treeabout my mother, so like it's
way out there, but like I knewthe behavioral changes with my
(27:24):
relationship with my mom, but mygrief was still there with her
and so I just bawled my eyes outon a trail at Red Mountain and
guess what?
We moved it from where I wascarrying it, vomited it all up
emotionally on a tree and movedon.
And I am dumbing this down in areally profound way If you don't
want to see a somaticexperiencing therapist because
(27:44):
you're like that is a little bittoo out there, there's
something called psychodrama andthere are people all over the
world that do psychodrama andthat's a lot of talking to an
empty chair.
That's a lot of role play.
That's a lot of.
I wish I could say this to mydead uncle, who is a horrible
person but I can't, and you getto in that office, like, invite
(28:09):
that person into the spacemetaphorically, let all of that
out and allow that piece of youto be healed.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I remember the first time I experienced something
like that was with my favoritegrownup.
Like I say this cause I hadlots of therapies, therapists
that were like pretendtherapists, where I was just
like going in and like hope Ican hope.
I I can hope I can entertainthem today.
Um, but Don set a really thisreally unique photo of a little
(28:36):
girl who didn't.
Her face was down and he waslike saying, asking me to talk
to my like little person, mylike young Laura, and and I was
first like what the fuck?
What is happening?
But man, some really magicalthings can happen when you go
into that experiential spacewhere you're able to go back and
(28:56):
your brain doesn't know thedifference.
So, if that sounds really crazy, even like with sales teams
which I do tons of salestrainings I do a lot of role
play and that makes people souncomfortable, but your brain
doesn't know the difference ifyou're role playing or if it's
really happening.
And so you're teaching yourbrain a new way of thinking and
(29:16):
doing and you're rewritingstories.
So if you were really afraid togo make that sale, then all of
a sudden we role played it andyou realize you didn't die.
Your brain says, oh, I'm notgoing to die, I can totally do
this, and I think it's kind ofthe same way that.
Well, that's in my experience.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
That was good.
So the last thing life coachingwhy I hate them and why I love
them.
Coaching is not therapy.
That's super important tounderstand.
So a good coach is not goingback and reworking your trauma.
They might go back and say, hey, let me hear about these
patterns that you have so we canmove forward.
We have to go backwards beforewe move forward.
So I usually don't recommendstarting with a coach.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
I know this will be shocking to y'all, but I have
had coaches as well, because Ilove getting every type of
fucking support I can get Doingit right.
But I also want you to knowthat I did not hire a
professional coach, really,until I even had the realization
that I had so many blind spotsbecause of all the things that
had happened to me, and I wasable to take those in.
(30:11):
And so what I think is reallygood about life coaches or
business coaches or, you know,whatever they may be, is that
you, if you're in a loop intherapy, it might mean it's time
to go take it and put it intoaction.
Of like I've been talking aboutthis for 10 years.
I need some action steps toyour point, because great
coaches will not let you staythe same or they'll let you go.
(30:33):
They'll be like hey, we're, thisisn't working.
I need to.
I can't work with you becauseyou're not changing.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Coaching's high accountability and therapy's
high support.
Totally so, and that's a bigdifference.
So I love when somebody kicksmy ass.
It's my favorite when they'relike I thought you said you were
gonna.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
I love it.
Thought you said you were gonnado so, and so why didn't you do
that?
When will you have it done?
Can you get it done today by 3pm?
I'm like, oh my god, yes, I'llget it done by 3 pm.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I'm like you hurt my feelings and took a tone with me
.
So moral of the story will doesnot believe in ghosts.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
We do um yes, I'm not saying they don't exist.
There's just nothing in myworld that makes me think yeah,
that's the thing I just I wantyou to know.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
A challenge accepted.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Yeah, I mean prove me wrong, casper come on like I'm
here getting a ouija board forour next one, whoa no, we're not
.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
I have had a bad experience and I absolutely
cannot under any circumstances.
Clay went to ICQ for seven days.
Guys, I will never play with aOuija board again.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
You know that Ouija boards.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Will.
I will throw my tea at you,shut it.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
We're going to put a pin in that and circle back at a
later date.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Totally Whole episode .
No, I'm going to bring my Ouijaboard.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
No, you're not, Not in Claire's house.
We'll have to do it on a 100percent not.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
I have so much sage and palisade we're gonna do it,
you can put it on your truckarms okay.
So back to the moral of thisstory is um, if you have not
started therapy coaching andyou're in a place where you need
the unbiased witness,accountability, support and to
make a shift, go do it now,before daylight savings,
(32:16):
daylight saving time okay,because seasonal, seasonal
depression, or the idea ofseasonal depression, is
something that comes up a lotfor people.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
So go do it now, even if you just go try.
Go try someone and don't beafraid to change therapist.
I feel like that is a big thing.
If the therapist you've beenworking with is just not a good
fit and you've asked fordifferent things and they're not
giving it to you, find somebodyelse, and if you need help with
that, you can always message uson Instagram and we will help
you find support Anywhere,anywhere.
(32:51):
Anywhere in the world.
Claire is Claire and her familyare so wildly connected and
knows everybody, everybody,everybody, so we'd love to help.
I'm not really sure why I saidthree.
Everybody's Green tea is reallygetting to me today.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Everybody, everybody, everybody.
It's like a Tina Gordoncommercial Hitting some good
Alabama commercials.
Today, everybody goes to.
Milo's of course Milo's, milo'sthis episode was sponsored by
Sticks and Stuff.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
She's retired now, living in Cedar Bluff, alabama.
Tina Of course she is.
She did Drive in the Bushseries, which is like the you
know baby.
Nascar yeah.
It's like Saturday's race wasthe Bush series, and then Sunday
was like the.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
NASCAR, the Winston Cup or whatever they called it.
Okay, hey, we're so happy to beback.
Thank you guys again forsticking with us.
We've been doing this for overa year now and it has been so
much fun.
We love hearing from you.
Please, please, please, tell uswhat you want to talk about.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
we've got a lot of fun content coming through the
holidays never correct me bigold spider right there see you
in two weeks.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.