Episode Transcript
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Jennifer Wong (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Our Podcast being
effing honest, I'm JenniferWong.
Charity Rodriguez (00:10):
And I'm Charity Rodrigues.
Jennifer Wong (00:12):
We invite you into our conversations about
everyday issues experienced byeveryday people. We share our
stories with honesty and humor,hoping to bring people together
in community by showing howvulnerability can deepen bonds
when done with kindness and nonjudgment. We know it's tough. So
we'll go ahead and go first.
(00:51):
Hello, and welcome to OurPodcast being effing honest, I'm
Jennifer Juan. And I'm CharityRodriguez. And we invite you
into our conversations ofeveryday issues experienced by
everyday people with honesty,humor, and authenticity. Our
hope is to bring people togetherand community by creating safe
environments of non judgement.
And we know this can be tough.
(01:13):
So we will go ahead and gofirst.
Charity Rodriguez (01:16):
Okay, let me tell you real quick what I've
been doing, because I'm prettyexcited about it. This Friday,
and yesterday, Saturday, I wasat a conference, and it was the
Texas business woman conference,and it took place on a San
Antonio Antara drive an hour anda half everyday to get there.
(01:37):
But I went because, you know, Ihad all these business ideas in
my head, and I was just in themode of how do I do a business
plan? How do I get some fundingloans? How do I do what banks?
How do I want to do investors?
Do I want to what does all ofthis mean? It was just a lot of
lean and know your worth how todo in a corporate setting?
(01:58):
Because it's not just for womenin business is for women,
working women, just workingwomen? What do you need to be
doing? How do you advanceyourself? And it's, it wasn't so
much about everyone here needsto be the CEO of their whatever?
No, it's just how to becomfortable, and how to know
your worth, and how to ask formore money, if that's what
(02:21):
you're looking for, how torecognize micro aggressions, how
to respond, and just a lot ofstuff. And I walked away from
they're so jazzed and somotivated and focused, like,
Yes, I had all of this externalbanter. And there was a speaker
(02:41):
on that. What we're going totalk about today, the inner
critic, and this is what Ineeded to hear right now. Like I
walked in with what I thought Ineeded to hear. But I walked
away with what I really neededto hear. And for whatever
reason, this time upon hearingit the, you know, 200th time,
(03:03):
because those were all thingsthat I have heard before, right,
and I read books, you hear ithere and there, you get a little
pop up every morning, yourinspiration. No, they, I hear
it, I dismiss it, I move on,because I don't have time for
that. That doesn't apply to me.
I'm not trying to be the nextCEO. But the way they presented
(03:26):
it, it was direct. I was seen, Iwas heard, it was just a really
wonderful experience, and how tobe cognizant of how do people
experience you? That was a eyeopener of like, oh, I hadn't
thought about that. Because youcannot experience yourself the
(03:46):
way other people experience you.
In your mind, you may bethinking one thing, your
approach, you know, to asituation a circumstance, a
conversation, could be onething, but how it's received.
You don't know that because inyour mind, you know, you may be
looking at people, and they'relooking at you funny, and you're
just like, what I just asked youto do X, Y and Z. And there
(04:08):
could be so much hidden, meaninga tone that you're not hearing,
because you're like, but I'mreally passionate about this,
but they're just like, she'sreally aggressive. And she's
really pushy. And she's reallydemanding. And I was like, Oh, I
hadn't thought about those kindsof things. Anyway, it was just
(04:31):
like yeah,
Jennifer Wong (04:35):
did you ladies get to practice that like
getting feedback on how you'recoming? It
Charity Rodriguez (04:39):
was just a weird just we did it with an
opportunity to do that. But Itook so many notes like I have
three or four I think like fivepages of notes and let me just
read you a couple of thingsbecause I was like oh my god.
Yes, influence is not cancontrol. So you, you and you are
(05:02):
influencing someone, you're notcontrolling that person, you
have buy in from those people inwhat you believe, not you
demanding and pushing andtelling them what to do. But
they're buying in because theybelieve in your mission in the
mission. And there's a differentthing that there is a
difference. And we have to beaware of that. Because very
(05:24):
people get that confused,finding connection, listening to
understand, and not listening torespond. And that was one that I
that really resonated with me, Ireally was like, I need to do
that more. Your goal must bebigger than yourself. It can't
just be like, I want a milliondollars. So it's like, okay,
(05:45):
yeah, you can do just aboutanything to make money, like you
want it, you know, it could begood or bad, but you can do
things to make some money. Soyour goal, what is it really
fill yourself that you areoverflowing to others. So it's
not just, you know, being fullof hot air, and you're
(06:09):
constantly exhausted, you needto be full of life energy
purpose, so much so that itflows overflows to other people,
and it motivates them, it givesthem energy. So you don't have
to say a lot to get to thepoint, there isn't a lot of
explanation. And a lot of like,I have to convince you to be on
my side. Because there you are,your energy, your presence, your
(06:35):
goals are just, it's burstingfrom you. And people look at you
and say, I want some of that. Iwant to be a part of that, too.
So they're coming and they'relistening, and they're ready.
They're open to receive, versusWhy do I always have to? Why is
it always a battle? Why am Ialways having to convince them?
(06:56):
Right? Why is it so muchdiscussion and conversation to
get them? Like, why don't theyjust get it? What else? I mean,
there's a lot of stuff that wasjust like, oh my gosh, oh, this
is another one. Okay? That innervoice and limiting beliefs. And
some of it is boys are taught tobe brave. And girls are taught
(07:17):
to be perfect. And there werelots of examples of that. But
that really resonated with me.
Because I remember, as a younggirl, my sisters and I were not
allowed to leave our block. Wecould go outside a play, but we
could not leave the block. Mymother knew if I had stepped
across the block just to go talkto Gigi across the street. My
(07:42):
mother would be on that porch sofast or good. That's in North
America, come back here. Whatare you doing? Now my brothers,
they had bicycles, they could goall over town. They could go
ride with whoever, ricky, johnnyand Bobby, where they were, who
knows, but they were allowed toleave the block. And I was like,
(08:05):
Ah, that's right. Like I had tosit and be a good hostess and
watch the door. Make sure youknow greet people, if anybody
shows up, but then there's alsolike, don't be talking to
strangers, but I hadn't, youknow, recognize who's a stranger
who's not a stranger? Alert mymom? Oh, yeah, mommy, somebody's
here, you know, and then justsit there and listen. Right? Not
(08:28):
you're seeing kind of not heardkind of thing. So I was like,
ah, that is so true. But thenbeing a woman in you know, our
society. It's a the limitingbeliefs are cultural, our
familial could be religious,there are assumptions and their
(08:49):
interpretations of what all ofthat means. And it is part of
that voice, that negative voicethat we have to deal with, that
we as women have to deal with.
We're constantly apologizing forthings that we shouldn't be
apologizing, we're apologizingto people, because we don't want
(09:15):
them to feel bad. But then yourpurpose, your message, your
whatever it is that your intentthat you went there with, kind
of gets lost.
Jennifer Wong (09:26):
That's that perfection thing, right? Like,
we have to be perfect. We can'thurt anybody's feelings. We can
stay in
Charity Rodriguez (09:32):
that.
Exactly. So yeah, I mean, it'sit's a hard one. And then
there's the fear, fear offailure. And this is the one
that hit me for I've heard this.
I've heard it over and over andover and over, and it just never
ever clicked. I always dismissedit like yeah, whatever. Yeah,
(09:54):
whatever. Like that was alwaysmy response. Like, I don't want
to hear that right now or just Iwas just trying to be a
battering ram. It was fear offailure, which I finally
accepted and admitted that Ihave a somewhat paralyzing fear
(10:17):
of failure, and simultaneously afear of success. Because if I
succeed, then what? How do Ireplicate that success? Or maybe
it was so fraught with so manydifferent things that I don't
(10:40):
want to go through that, again,to achieve that success. And if
I'm going to be a one hitwonder, then all eyes are on me,
people are looking at me andexpecting, you know, even more
than next time. And I would belike, Oh, I don't want I don't
want that. Because just asquickly as people are wanting to
(11:01):
build you up, what I saw was,when you're up there just as
quick to want to bring you down,which is
Jennifer Wong (11:10):
really relevant to what we're doing. We're
putting something out to theworld. And part of this podcast
is being able to handle theaccolades as well as the
criticism, just the way it is,as I'm listening to you speak if
we are embodying the things thatyou said in the beginning, like,
just being so full, and inbelieving in what we're doing
(11:30):
for a greater good other thanourselves. Then we come Silicon
Valley.
Charity Rodriguez (11:34):
Absolutely.
So I'm gonna stop talking. No,no, I
Jennifer Wong (11:39):
like what you're saying. I mean, this is a great
way to be in alignment with ourhex. It's like, what's going on?
This is the conversation. Thisis what's inspiring us and
firing us up right now. This iswhat we need to be talking
about.
Charity Rodriguez (11:54):
So we put our topic so our topic let's you are
the one that came up with atopic for this week. So well,
okay,
Jennifer Wong (12:00):
so, and I heard you mentioned it twice. And I
thought, yeah, let's do theinner critic. I mean, especially
with all this information, thisis a great guy.
Charity Rodriguez (12:09):
So I spoke I said, you know some things
because I was just reallyjazzed. But go.
Jennifer Wong (12:14):
Well, before we leave your thoughts. Let me ask
you this. When you left theseminar, when it was over, at
the end of the week, it soundedlike, what would you say were
the things that were in yourmind that you kept thinking, I
Charity Rodriguez (12:29):
need to commit to what I want, I need to
embrace it, I need to own it, Iwant to want it, I need to say
it, I need to believe it. That'swhat I walked away with. And
that's what was my fire and itkind of got rid of a lot of
noise, and helped me focus onmoving forward in my life. So
(12:53):
yeah,
Jennifer Wong (12:54):
what else happened?
Charity Rodriguez (12:55):
It was an empowering feeling. Like, I
mean, you asked me this way,like, Oh, why are you so happy?
And I'm just like, because Iknow what I'm gonna do. Like,
you can't stop me now. And I'mready to be seen. I'm not so
fearful about being seen. I'mnot so like, I want to succeed,
(13:17):
I want to fail, because it'sokay. Like, I know, I'll be
okay. Before, it's like, if Ifail, oh, my gosh, that's it, I
need to hide my head in a littlecorner. And I'll never be able
to do it again. And everyonewill be like, who was she gonna
be thinking she could do X, Yand Z. But now it's, I'm a
(13:38):
woman, I am human. And I amtrying. That's it. And if you
know, and if with each failureis a little success is knowledge
is information. of, okay, don'tdo that. That didn't work, move
on. You have to take a step,you're making an informed step
(13:59):
with each mistake, because youknow, what didn't work? Got
that. Don't do that. But youkeep going. And that's something
that I would say to my children,right? Like, I would constantly
be like, when you fall down,what do you need to do? You need
to get back up kids, but I wasnot. Now I realized that kind of
rang hollow because it wasn'tincarnate. It was just stuff
(14:21):
that I was saying. But I didn'tnecessarily believe that for
myself. And I think that it wasmy fear, like because I didn't
believe it for myself, right?
Because I was so fearful of thatI was trying to not pass that
fear on to my children. If I sayit long enough, hard enough, and
enough times, they'll overcomeit. But it's like, well, when
(14:45):
were you going to do that? Youknow, when you charity. Going to
believe that? And now in my 50
Jennifer Wong (14:54):
years mom is so tricky is tricky. That's
Charity Rodriguez (14:57):
absolutely tricky.
Jennifer Wong (14:59):
And that's how It's like going back to what you
said, like we need to beembodying it right? We need to
be so full of our intention. Idon't use that word, but so full
of our intention that it justoozes out of us. We're not
convincing anybody, like imagineif we didn't have to convince
our kids and we just, but youknow what we fake it till we
make it and like you said, wehave mistakes. And we just, we
(15:21):
keep being drawn by this threadsfalling,
Charity Rodriguez (15:24):
but how
Jennifer Wong (15:25):
do we know what's right grit,
Charity Rodriguez (15:26):
that was another thing that they talked
about having that grit, grit,the grit is what is going to
define or decide if you aresuccessful? Oh, and that was
another little quote, and apiece of knowledge or nugget of
knowledge that came out. Therewas a woman, Kimberly, and she
was the key speaker. And shesaid that she had done all this
(15:51):
research, she she was likereally research based and
whatnot, that the key to successthat they found is not your
competence. It's not yourcompetence. Doesn't matter what
your IQ is, how many degrees youhave, you know how knowledgeable
you are. It's your confidence.
She's like, that is what decidesif you are going to succeed,
(16:16):
you're confident. So tellingmyself every day? Oh, I can't do
that. I don't know enough. Oh, Ididn't go to school for that. I
didn't read a book about that Idid. I'm not writing any papers
about that topic. She's like,forget that. That doesn't
matter. It's your confidence. Doyou believe in what you're
(16:38):
doing, selling, talking aboutwanting to achieve? And then you
will keep going because youbelieve in it. And you have to
believe in it first beforeanybody else. It's not you
trying to convince anybody else.
You have to believe like, that'sjust like, that's true. They
(16:58):
have I don't believe it, it. I'mwasting my time.
Jennifer Wong (17:01):
Right? And energetically, it's not going
out that way. You'll
Charity Rodriguez (17:07):
get there. If you keep on walking, you're
gonna stumble. But if you keepon walking, you keep taking
those steps. Oh, another quotethat came out of this weekend
was don't shy away fromdifficult things. I am notorious
for no way but like, I only gofor sure things assure thing
like, right, if I know that I'mgoing to win. If I know that I
(17:29):
can succeed. If I know. At leastI'll get you know, pretty close.
Yes. But things don't like, oh,I don't know. That's gonna be
kind of hard. And what's thepoint? Like, what am I gotta get
out there, I've gotta like,fail, you know, spectacularly
and I'm there, I'm not evengonna get the top prize or, you
know, whatever. So then I don'tdo it. But doing the hard things
(17:53):
is where the growth happens.
She's like, that's where youlearn that where you're building
your foundation blocks. Eachblock is an error, a mistake,
but it pushes you up and it getsyou higher and higher, and
closer and closer to your goal.
(18:15):
Let me see. Oh, another one thatI really liked was courageously
intentional. I like that one.
Don't live inside a box. Bewilling to remove the box?
Completely. Hell is like, yeah,because everyone's like, you got
(18:36):
to think outside the box. Andthis one woman. Let's like get
rid of the box. I just carry onthat bus completely. There is no
box, stop looking at the box orwhere's the box? Or I gotta
know, there is no box. Guesswhat, not what you decide. It's
your, you know, your destiny,your your future, you deciding,
(19:00):
taking control taking ownershipnot? Well, they put this box
there and I can't figure it out.
And until I figure it out, I'mnever gonna get anywhere. Like,
there's no box. This is now mylandscape. My, you know, Canvas,
(19:21):
I can do whatever I want to do.
I can make it look like I wantto make it look like I can
design it. However I want todesign it. You are taking
control of your narrative.
You're taking control of yourfuture. You're taking control of
everything. taking ownership ofit sounds like Yes. Get rid of
(19:43):
the books.
Jennifer Wong (19:45):
Yes. And Brene Brown talks about that a lot
about innovation is based invulnerability. And I think that
goes back to what you said. Goahead and make a mistake. We
have to be vulnerable. Thattakes a lot of old ability to be
willing to make a state amistake and to go forward
confidently in something that wedon't already have all the
(20:08):
answers to that's vulnerable. We
Charity Rodriguez (20:09):
were talking, you talked about creating your
tribe, having your, your people,your group, your, you know,
women to help inspire you. Andthey talked a lot about that.
And the importance of havingyour tribe, because they will
help hold you accountable. Whenyou a good tribe, yes. Exactly.
(20:33):
To your truth to your to who youare, and to what it is you're
trying to achieve. So you know,if you say I want to, you know,
have a business in the next twoyears, okay, that's good. But
when you're saying, I'm reallytired, do I really want to do
this? You're a good tribe or belike, you said, you wanted to be
(20:54):
a company owner. And now youryour little tired? They're gonna
go, that's good. I got you. Howcan I help you keep going? You
know, keep going. They're notgoing to go like, yeah, you're
right. That is exhausting. Iwouldn't be doing that. It was
like, No, forget that. Ooh, thatother way. I just You need
people that are like, Yes, Ihear that you're tired. But you
(21:18):
said you want it to do this. Howbad do you want this? I'll help
you. What do you want me to do?
How can I help you, but you saidyou wanted to do it? You just
gotta give up? Because you're alittle tired. We'll know if I
really want to do okay, get backin there and keep going.
Jennifer Wong (21:34):
Yep. And that, you know, it's interesting, you
say that there's a verypaternalistic, and a
materialistic support, I think.
And there, I like a balance ofboth. I like a little bit of
that. And what I've really beenlearning in my tribes is the
maternal way of supporting andmotivating. And sometimes I've
(21:54):
gotten to that where I'vegotten, I've been in so many
groups, and God, I've done somuch. But sometimes I start with
an intention. And then I'm like,No, I really don't want to do
this, now that I've explored it.
This isn't really authentic forme. And so the paternal might
have said, come on. But thematernal part of my tribe will
(22:15):
say, Well, what is it that youwant to do, then, you know, what
has been revealed? And where doyou want to go next? You know,
and sometimes it's just, you'retired? Take a break, yes, just
take a breaks, you know, whichthe paternal side would never
say, take a break. And why don'tyou go take a couple days off?
(22:38):
And that has been a huge piecefor me to understand. But yes, I
see exactly where you're goingwith that as well. Like, a
tribe, a community. Yes. supportyou in your hand.
Charity Rodriguez (22:49):
You know, to be kind with yourself, be kind
to yourself, it's okay to take abreak. It's okay. If you are
tired, you don't have to do itall. Even though in society that
is the expectation that is whateverybody expects women to do.
We are mothers, we aredaughters, we are sisters, we
(23:11):
are you working. And then you dohave this persona of, you know,
you have to be perfect, and weget the blame for everything and
anything that goes wrong andyour house. Your kids do
something crazy. It's yourfault, because you weren't doing
whatever you say, think youshould have been doing. And one
(23:34):
of the speakers Her name wasAlicia. She was really cool. I
really liked her and resonatedwith her. She is Korean. She was
born in Korea. And she liveshere now in the States. She came
over and she was a toddler. Buther mom lives with her and her
grandmother lives with her. AndAlicia is a realtor, this big,
(23:59):
high power realtor out inVirginia. And she works and she
works hard and she owns her ownbusiness. And you know, she's
doing all of these things. Shewas talking about how her mom
was apologizing to her husband,for Alicia not being a good
(24:23):
wife. And oh, yes. And herresponse to her mom was mom
saying that I'm bringing in 110%of the income that's running
this, you know, ship. I think,you know, Johnny can do a few
(24:44):
damn meals every now and then.
Just like yeah, yes, that isright, like, so she's not making
dinner every night either. Butthat's the expectation right?
But that's also a culturalthing. But it's a cultural thing
that also happens in the law.
community. I know my mom and dadwere like, especially my mom was
like, Yeah, you're working. Andthen like, Did you wait, what
(25:07):
did you make your husband fordinner tonight? Was like,
nothing? Like, oh,
Jennifer Wong (25:14):
like it's generational to it is.
Charity Rodriguez (25:16):
So it's just, it's coming from every where
comes from everywhere.
Jennifer Wong (25:25):
So, as I'm assuming that I'm part of one of
your tribes, what is your nextstep in? I mean, it doesn't even
have to be big, like, what'ssomething doable that you would
like to do in that vein,
Charity Rodriguez (25:39):
one of the things and I wrote this down was
the podcast. Like I was doingit, and it was like, okay, yeah,
you know, we're just doing, I'mlearning that. But I made the
conscious decision, I wrote itdown. I was like, Yes, I want
this podcast to succeed. Like, Ireally want to take it to the
(25:59):
next level, and I'm gonnareally, you know, prepare
myself, I'm gonna, I'm not gonnawing it, I'm gonna do my
research, have good and reallylearn all of the technical stuff
that I've been kind of puttingoff, because I'm, like, tired,
and I don't feel like it today.
And I got some other stuff todistract me. But I was like, No,
I'm going to do this, like notI'm not like expecting a
(26:20):
rainfall of money or anything.
But that's not the point. It'slike, I just want us to put out
a quality podcast with honestyand sincerity. And if we touch
one or two people, like yes,and, you know, yeah, is that is
it. That's the goal. That's whatI want it to be just for us to
put out a quality podcast.
That's
Jennifer Wong (26:42):
great. Great. And we're, I mean, we're on our way,
you've done a lot in that veinalready.
Charity Rodriguez (26:49):
Right, we have done a lot, we have done a
lot,
Jennifer Wong (26:51):
we have to acknowledge our successes, too.
Because if we don't feel likewherever succeeding anywhere,
we're just gonna feel hopelessand tired for nothing, you know,
but it's like, look how muchwe've already done. I mean,
you've done most of it, youknow, so give yourself a pat, I
show up, I have ideas, butyou're doing all the technical
and going to the classes andBuzzsprout and website, you
(27:15):
know, so there's a lot that'salready we
Charity Rodriguez (27:17):
have done a lot. Absolutely. And we have to
remember to just go back andlisten to why we are doing this.
We want to create community, Ithat is really important. We
want to be honest, that isreally important. And be
(27:40):
transparent. You know, behonest, be transparent, be
present. So
Jennifer Wong (27:47):
yep. And one of my intentions on that, too, is
anything that goes on here isfor the highest and greatest
good of all, you know, so like,this morning, when I was
walking, I was praying in I wasjust asking, you know, fill me
Spirit fill me with the wordsand the energy that I need to
(28:08):
share my experience, strengthand hope and maybe inspire
somebody or motivate somebody,you know, bigger than myself. I
mean, I already know thisinspires and motivates me. I
already know that, because thisis part of my goals. But it
would be so lovely. If this wasfor others as well. You know, I
don't know what anybody needs.
I'm not going to tell anybodywhat they need. I'm not going to
(28:30):
convince anybody. But I know forme listening to other people's
stories has spurred somethinghas clicked something has, you
know, given me headlights in anew direction. Yeah. So yeah, I
kind of hope the same. And thatI love that we're talking about
the inner critic today. Becauseas a woman with the
(28:53):
characteristics that youdescribed being perfect, you
know, we're not allowed to bebrave. That's the other thing
your your brothers were allowedto be brave. We were not so
failure feels even thickness tous. You know, we don't have that
support in were growing up, wewere able to fail. And they
(29:13):
said, Oh, it's okay. Go backout. That's a very masculine
type of energy. So that innercritic, I think just jumps in,
yes. You know, on that,subconsciously, without us even
thinking about it or knowingabout it. It's there. Hmm. And
that and that awareness allowsus to start shifting. So that
came up for me because I'm in awriters group. Oh, yeah. And
(29:38):
it's funny because I just postedon my Facebook page today about
how I'm going to start sharingmy writing pieces, because I was
actually inspired by a moviecalled The tender bar. Oh, yeah.
And it's a freebie on Amazon.
And in the very last minute ofthe movie, he says, you know,
(29:59):
when you set out to be a lawyer,you go to law school, you get a
diploma for your effort, youpass the bar. And in the text,
it declares you officially alawyer. That's how most jobs
work. But you're a writer, theminute you say you are, nobody
gives you a diploma, you have toprove it, at least to yourself.
And I was like, I heard Ilistened to that in January, and
(30:22):
I thought, okay, then I justhave to declare myself a writer.
And I don't need to prove it toanybody else. I have to prove it
to myself. So I did sign up totry to get into this really
prestigious writers group out inTahoe, and I submitted my first
piece of work to be judged,really, which was really hard
(30:44):
for me, this is this isvulnerability on a large scale.
And they denied me. But first,because I believe this so much,
I was not even upset. I waslike, Okay, where's the next
place? I can go, what's the nextthing I can do? So I started
sharing it with my community.
And they've been with me everystep of the way. They encouraged
me to apply to that writersgroup, no matter what, just go
(31:07):
and see what's gonna happen, youknow, and then, and I built
confidence in that. And I keptthinking, well, even if they
don't let me in, I'm still gonnawrite Yeah. And so anyway, I
shared it with my girlfriend,and then she shared it with a
girlfriend, and that girlfriendis wonderful. And she is a woman
in her 70s, who's a badass andwho has done things. She started
(31:31):
a retreat center that has lasted2530 years, with absolutely no
idea. And it has enriched somany people's lives, I can't
even tell you the stuff on thewebsite is just I read it, and
my heart is overwhelmed withjoy, you know. And so here's a
woman. And anyways, so sheshares it with her. And she
(31:53):
tells me, Hey, I've got a lot ofresources, my daughter's in a
publisher, and I have stuff thatwe could talk about. So I called
her and she explained to me, youknow, are you looking to hone in
on the skill? Or do you want todo the craft, there's a
difference, you know, what doyou need. And so I told her, and
she funneled me into thiswriters group of women that are
(32:14):
so beautifully welcoming, thatare so vulnerable, that are
showing up that are notjudgmental, and this is a
writers group, where we shareour pieces every week. And there
isn't really any criticism, it'show we may have been touched by
(32:34):
a piece, how it's working, theywill call out certain lines that
stuck with them, you know, it'sthis beautiful way of
supporting. So it's not like weare going to teach you how to
get out there and submit yourarticles. And it's not that it's
just build your confidence. Andfor me, I get to be around other
people who are declaringthemselves writers, and what
(32:58):
that energy is like and how itfeels to be in this energy. And
then we're how I fit into it.
And I'm a very mutable person.
So in general, I want to makemyself fit in. And in this case,
I'm really, I see myself doingthat. But I'm also coming as I
am. So my inner critic tells me,You have no business being in
(33:22):
this group of writers. They'refabulous. They are deep. They
write in ways I wish I couldwrite, they write in ways that
make me go God, I wish I didthat. But I'm showing up anyway.
And and I'm telling my innercritic, it's okay, I hear you.
I'm not cutting my inner criticoff, because I've tried that
(33:43):
before. And she gets louder. Sonow I'm saying, Okay, I see you,
I hear you, I love you. You'veprotected me in the past, but
now I want to let me fall down.
You know, let me bruise myself,let me get back up. Just sit
over there for a minute. And soI submit my stuff anyway. And
(34:04):
I'm really realizing like I, Iprobably will never write a
book. I like short, quick,sustained, succinct, I like it
tied up in a bow at the end, Iget really bored of myself when
I try to write a story and itgoes on and on and on. And
instead of trying to make myselfbe that I'm like, I'm learning
(34:24):
that I can be an essay writer, Icould do prose. I know a lot of
like, social media stuff is likethree paragraphs. It's quick.
And so this morning, I finallyposted one of my writings online
and I just I prefaced it with.
This is just part of my processof gaining confidence to keep
sharing my work because I havestacks of journals that will not
(34:48):
be shared with anybody butthat's not what it means to me
to be a writer. It's not justfor myself. It's always to
inspire to share my experience,strength and hope Look and see
where it goes, you know, withalways good intentions, you
know, even if it drags you downa dirty, ugly Road, maybe that's
where you're supposed to go.
(35:08):
I've been down some dirty, uglyroads, you know, and it's okay.
It's okay. So my writing is veryshort. And these other writers
are so prolific and they havesuch great vocabulary and their
flow and their cadence, and I'mlike, boom, boom, boom, boom,
done. But that's, that's me. AndI'm okay with that.
Charity Rodriguez (35:28):
Jennifer, those people didn't just come
out of the womb that way. They,it took time for them to get to
that point. And even if you're,you think like, oh, no, but
they're just awesome. It go backand look, well, how long have
you been doing this? You know,and I'm sure whatever the first
(35:49):
thing they wrote, and you lookat what the last thing they
wrote, that would be vastlydifferent. So give yourself
grace and give yourself time,you will get there you have
committed to it, and it hasopened and enlightened you to
receive, right? And when youhear that inner voice, change
(36:11):
that narrative, if it's tellingyou, you're not good enough,
change it to like, Well, what doI have to do to be that whatever
it is, like, whatever you'retelling yourself, you know, like
you pushed yourself to just putit out there, even you
preference it with, it's part ofmy process. But you put it out
there, just you don't have tosilence the voice. You don't you
(36:33):
can put the voice aside. Butjust, well, let's change what
that voice is saying to me andsee where that goes.
Jennifer Wong (36:42):
Yeah, well, thank you for your encouragement, I do
appreciate that. And that was abig piece of just putting it out
there anyway. And I'm, I'mreally liking it, you know. And
the other thing that I learnedin this group, is because it's a
group that meets regularly, Iget this opportunity for
(37:02):
repetition. And I learned reallywell through repetition. So
every week, I have to writesomething. And every week, I
have to put it out there. So I'mlearning a new muscle, you know,
and also, I realized in thisprocess, it's okay to ditch a
story. So I've always been awriter that when I'm inspired, I
(37:23):
write it and it's done. I don't,I don't edit. I don't do second
drafts, it's one and done. I'vealways been the way I do it. And
if it isn't one and done, it'sdone forever. So this is
teaching me how to actually beokay, through I've written pages
for the next group and said, Ihate the whole thing, scrapped
it and started again, which I'venever been able to do. So I'm
(37:45):
learning and I'm getting outsidethat box that you talked about,
you know, there is no box, it'svery freeing. There is still a
lot of freedom in that there is
Charity Rodriguez (37:54):
there is no hold on, because you said you
are one and done when you doyour writing. But why why are
you winning? Done? Why do youjust want to write one time and
call it a day?
Jennifer Wong (38:06):
Well, because I lacked confidence. And also, I
think I'm lazy, like the thoughtof having to rewrite is like,
Oh, I don't know, if I have allthese hours, I gotta pick up the
kids. I gotta make dinner. Igotta, you know, so. But I'm
making space for that now,because it's my it's my value.
It's important to me. You know,in all this work I've done of
figuring out myself, this is myvalue for right now. It may
(38:31):
change. But this right now iswhat's important to me. You
know, of course, there's thetaking care of my kids nurturing
my kids taking care of the housedoing my nine to five. But in my
free time, instead of maybewatching three movies, watch one
movie, and spend an hour right.
And what's funny is now that I'min this group, I want to write,
like, in my free time I like Igo grab my computer, and I'm
(38:54):
like, oh, and I'll just startwriting, you know, so it's been
really cool. It's been adifferent way of approaching my
dreams. And look at what bookthat my microphone was
Charity Rodriguez (39:09):
by Jensen said, Okay, that's right, uplift
that microphone. Raise You
Jennifer Wong (39:16):
badass at making money by Jen Sincero. And this
was given to me my coach,
Charity Rodriguez (39:21):
how did you I was gonna say how do you get a
coach? How did you get a coach?
Like, what's that about? BecauseI've often thought about that,
like, I need a coach, I need amentor. But how did you find the
coach or how did you getconnected with this coach?
Jennifer Wong (39:33):
So I knew I wanted to do live coaching for
about since 2014 2015. And I'vebeen looking for a good place to
take my training. I haven'treally found anything or there
were a couple that I reached outto and they never got back. So I
found this one. Oh my gosh. Itcame to me through a woman I met
(39:54):
in a 12 step group out ofnowhere, like it was totally
random and I was like That's sorandom. I'm gonna fall Follow
it. And then I did this. I did acoaching training many, many
hours. And the woman that taughtour group, I really liked her
and I did personal coaching withher too.
Charity Rodriguez (40:12):
Good to know.
All right,
Jennifer Wong (40:15):
but if you're interested, I'm a coach, and I
have many people that I wouldrefer you to Okay.
Charity Rodriguez (40:21):
We'll have to talk later. Because yes, I want
to coat the approach in my lifewas validation or like, Is this
okay? Is this okay? Like, am Idoing the right thing? Like, did
I do it? Right? Is this okay?
But now it's just no, justhaving some informed and
knowledgeable people around you.
(40:41):
I can have confidence in whatI'm I'm doing. But it's, it's
good to have some support thatknows what they're talking about
versus them. I love you. I loveyou unconditionally. Uh, yes,
you go, go, go. But am I goingto make a good financial
decision here? Or not? And it'snot always good to just like,
(41:03):
You got this, You go girl? Well,let's, you know, some of the
asks you the questions, or makesyou ask the questions of
yourself, and the right kind ofquestions of yourself.
Jennifer Wong (41:16):
Exactly. Because the coach will never tell you
what to do. If if there's acoach giving you advice. They're
not coaching you they'refacilitating, it's a whole
different thing. Yes. But acoach will help you come to your
own answers. Like we that's abig piece, we just ask the right
questions. And, and then we havetools, of course to help you
when you're stuck, and how toget you where you want to go.
(41:37):
But we never tell you what youshould do
Charity Rodriguez (41:40):
a retreat center. Jennifer, you are part
of my tribe.
Jennifer Wong (41:43):
It's so funny you say that. I think it's funny you
say that, because I started myfirst like, I went on this huge,
huge crusade to figure out who Iwas back in 2006. And the first
seminar I went to in SanFrancisco 600 people, we were
supposed to write down what wethought our purpose was. And I
envisioned, I actuallyenvisioned a Wellness Center.
(42:07):
Because I was into physicalhealth at the time, and I wrote
it all out, I still have it. Andit was like going to be like
modern and different. And wewere going to integrate natural
and Western medicine and we'regoing to have meditate, we were
going to embody the whole HEDIS.
So as I'm getting older, I stillfeel that but I would love to
have a retreat center thatembody both, you know, because,
(42:29):
for me, it's the whole person,like, specialization has become
such a part of our society. Youknow, even when you go to a
doctor, everybody's aspecialist, it's hard to find a
really good family practitioner.
So I just want something reallyall encompassing, where people
could choose. But I also knowthat when my dreams are too big,
(42:54):
it's just too big. Like, I haveto start somewhere. And I
learned that in my coaching, youknow, start with the smallest,
most doable things. I have thesebig grandiose ideas, and they're
not doable. But if I break itdown to something I can chew on.
Yes, I do. little piece. Yes. SoI would love to do a retreat
center. And mine is always innature, yes to be. I don't want
(43:17):
to hear cars. I don't want tohear helicopters. I just want to
hear in nature. For the mostpart. I want people to be able
to just be on the earth andreally be on the earth. I mean,
we walk on the earth all day.
But honestly think about howmany times your actual bare feet
touched the Earth. Yes. It's notoften we're either in a house or
in shoes. And I just thinkthat's so. But anyway, that's I
(43:41):
could go on.
Charity Rodriguez (43:45):
I'm right there with you. I absolutely
believe in that I am. So there,we're putting it out there.
We're putting it out there. Andlet's see what comes back. I
have to say a lot. I have to doa lot. Like I'm just telling you
a little bit. I don't have tosay a lot. But now it's like,
(44:07):
like, let's go let's do this.
And so yeah, from where westarted to where we are now.
It's like wow, I can recognize adifference in myself. So we'll
see you know, like after another10 episodes like okay, where are
we now do a little check in likeso cuz we're getting ready to
upload this. I mean, we've beendoing this but we haven't
(44:27):
uploaded it. So after this islike our start date,
Jennifer Wong (44:32):
launch date, June 17 2022. launch date, June
17 2022, which in numerology is20 which is a to cooperation
imbalance. We are so ready.
We're cooperating on balancingand that's what needs to happen
in a community within ourselvesagainst our inner critic, or
with our inner criticcooperation and balance
Charity Rodriguez (44:56):
right and live courageously. That's all
and say, Yeah, all right. Allright. Yes, man. Let us end
there.
Jennifer Wong (45:05):
Oh
Charity Rodriguez (45:09):
yay. Thank you for listening to being
effing honest with your hosts,Jennifer Wong and charity
Rodriguez. Subscribe to our showwherever you listen to podcasts.
And if you have a suggestion,question or topic you want us to
talk about, connect with us atwww being effing honest.com And
until next time, we hope you'realways being effing honest.
(45:42):
Yay. Thank you for listening tobeing effing honest with your
hosts, Jennifer Wong and charityRodriguez. Subscribe to our show
wherever you listen to podcasts.
And if you have a suggestion,question or topic you want us to
talk about, connect with us atwww being effing honest.com And
until next time, we hope you'realways being effing honest
Hello, and welcome to Our Podcast being
effing honest, I'm JenniferWong.
Charity Rodriguez (00:10):
And I'm Charity Rodrigues.
Jennifer Wong (00:12):
We invite you into our conversations about
everyday issues experienced byeveryday people. We share our
stories with honesty and humor,hoping to bring people together
in community by showing howvulnerability can deepen bonds
when done with kindness and nonjudgment. We know it's tough. So
we'll go ahead and go first.
(00:51):
Hello, and welcome to OurPodcast being effing honest, I'm
Jennifer Juan. And I'm CharityRodriguez. And we invite you
into our conversations ofeveryday issues experienced by
everyday people with honesty,humor, and authenticity. Our
hope is to bring people togetherand community by creating safe
environments of non judgement.
And we know this can be tough.
(01:13):
So we will go ahead and gofirst.
Charity Rodriguez (01:16):
Okay, let me tell you real quick what I've
been doing, because I'm prettyexcited about it. This Friday,
and yesterday, Saturday, I wasat a conference, and it was the
Texas business woman conference,and it took place on a San
Antonio Antara drive an hour anda half everyday to get there.
(01:37):
But I went because, you know, Ihad all these business ideas in
my head, and I was just in themode of how do I do a business
plan? How do I get some fundingloans? How do I do what banks?
How do I want to do investors?
Do I want to what does all ofthis mean? It was just a lot of
lean and know your worth how todo in a corporate setting?
(01:58):
Because it's not just for womenin business is for women,
working women, just workingwomen? What do you need to be
doing? How do you advanceyourself? And it's, it wasn't so
much about everyone here needsto be the CEO of their whatever?
No, it's just how to becomfortable, and how to know
your worth, and how to ask formore money, if that's what
(02:21):
you're looking for, how torecognize micro aggressions, how
to respond, and just a lot ofstuff. And I walked away from
they're so jazzed and somotivated and focused, like,
Yes, I had all of this externalbanter. And there was a speaker
(02:41):
on that. What we're going totalk about today, the inner
critic, and this is what Ineeded to hear right now. Like I
walked in with what I thought Ineeded to hear. But I walked
away with what I really neededto hear. And for whatever
reason, this time upon hearingit the, you know, 200th time,
(03:03):
because those were all thingsthat I have heard before, right,
and I read books, you hear ithere and there, you get a little
pop up every morning, yourinspiration. No, they, I hear
it, I dismiss it, I move on,because I don't have time for
that. That doesn't apply to me.
I'm not trying to be the nextCEO. But the way they presented
(03:26):
it, it was direct. I was seen, Iwas heard, it was just a really
wonderful experience, and how tobe cognizant of how do people
experience you? That was a eyeopener of like, oh, I hadn't
thought about that. Because youcannot experience yourself the
(03:46):
way other people experience you.
In your mind, you may bethinking one thing, your
approach, you know, to asituation a circumstance, a
conversation, could be onething, but how it's received.
You don't know that because inyour mind, you know, you may be
looking at people, and they'relooking at you funny, and you're
just like, what I just asked youto do X, Y and Z. And there
(04:08):
could be so much hidden, meaninga tone that you're not hearing,
because you're like, but I'mreally passionate about this,
but they're just like, she'sreally aggressive. And she's
really pushy. And she's reallydemanding. And I was like, Oh, I
hadn't thought about those kindsof things. Anyway, it was just
(04:31):
like yeah,
Jennifer Wong (04:35):
did you ladies get to practice that like
getting feedback on how you'recoming? It
Charity Rodriguez (04:39):
was just a weird just we did it with an
opportunity to do that. But Itook so many notes like I have
three or four I think like fivepages of notes and let me just
read you a couple of thingsbecause I was like oh my god.
Yes, influence is not cancontrol. So you, you and you are
(05:02):
influencing someone, you're notcontrolling that person, you
have buy in from those people inwhat you believe, not you
demanding and pushing andtelling them what to do. But
they're buying in because theybelieve in your mission in the
mission. And there's a differentthing that there is a
difference. And we have to beaware of that. Because very
(05:24):
people get that confused,finding connection, listening to
understand, and not listening torespond. And that was one that I
that really resonated with me, Ireally was like, I need to do
that more. Your goal must bebigger than yourself. It can't
just be like, I want a milliondollars. So it's like, okay,
(05:45):
yeah, you can do just aboutanything to make money, like you
want it, you know, it could begood or bad, but you can do
things to make some money. Soyour goal, what is it really
fill yourself that you areoverflowing to others. So it's
not just, you know, being fullof hot air, and you're
(06:09):
constantly exhausted, you needto be full of life energy
purpose, so much so that itflows overflows to other people,
and it motivates them, it givesthem energy. So you don't have
to say a lot to get to thepoint, there isn't a lot of
explanation. And a lot of like,I have to convince you to be on
my side. Because there you are,your energy, your presence, your
(06:35):
goals are just, it's burstingfrom you. And people look at you
and say, I want some of that. Iwant to be a part of that, too.
So they're coming and they'relistening, and they're ready.
They're open to receive, versusWhy do I always have to? Why is
it always a battle? Why am Ialways having to convince them?
(06:56):
Right? Why is it so muchdiscussion and conversation to
get them? Like, why don't theyjust get it? What else? I mean,
there's a lot of stuff that wasjust like, oh my gosh, oh, this
is another one. Okay? That innervoice and limiting beliefs. And
some of it is boys are taught tobe brave. And girls are taught
(07:17):
to be perfect. And there werelots of examples of that. But
that really resonated with me.
Because I remember, as a younggirl, my sisters and I were not
allowed to leave our block. Wecould go outside a play, but we
could not leave the block. Mymother knew if I had stepped
across the block just to go talkto Gigi across the street. My
(07:42):
mother would be on that porch sofast or good. That's in North
America, come back here. Whatare you doing? Now my brothers,
they had bicycles, they could goall over town. They could go
ride with whoever, ricky, johnnyand Bobby, where they were, who
knows, but they were allowed toleave the block. And I was like,
(08:05):
Ah, that's right. Like I had tosit and be a good hostess and
watch the door. Make sure youknow greet people, if anybody
shows up, but then there's alsolike, don't be talking to
strangers, but I hadn't, youknow, recognize who's a stranger
who's not a stranger? Alert mymom? Oh, yeah, mommy, somebody's
here, you know, and then justsit there and listen. Right? Not
(08:28):
you're seeing kind of not heardkind of thing. So I was like,
ah, that is so true. But thenbeing a woman in you know, our
society. It's a the limitingbeliefs are cultural, our
familial could be religious,there are assumptions and their
(08:49):
interpretations of what all ofthat means. And it is part of
that voice, that negative voicethat we have to deal with, that
we as women have to deal with.
We're constantly apologizing forthings that we shouldn't be
apologizing, we're apologizingto people, because we don't want
(09:15):
them to feel bad. But then yourpurpose, your message, your
whatever it is that your intentthat you went there with, kind
of gets lost.
Jennifer Wong (09:26):
That's that perfection thing, right? Like,
we have to be perfect. We can'thurt anybody's feelings. We can
stay in
Charity Rodriguez (09:32):
that.
Exactly. So yeah, I mean, it'sit's a hard one. And then
there's the fear, fear offailure. And this is the one
that hit me for I've heard this.
I've heard it over and over andover and over, and it just never
ever clicked. I always dismissedit like yeah, whatever. Yeah,
(09:54):
whatever. Like that was alwaysmy response. Like, I don't want
to hear that right now or just Iwas just trying to be a
battering ram. It was fear offailure, which I finally
accepted and admitted that Ihave a somewhat paralyzing fear
(10:17):
of failure, and simultaneously afear of success. Because if I
succeed, then what? How do Ireplicate that success? Or maybe
it was so fraught with so manydifferent things that I don't
(10:40):
want to go through that, again,to achieve that success. And if
I'm going to be a one hitwonder, then all eyes are on me,
people are looking at me andexpecting, you know, even more
than next time. And I would belike, Oh, I don't want I don't
want that. Because just asquickly as people are wanting to
(11:01):
build you up, what I saw was,when you're up there just as
quick to want to bring you down,which is
Jennifer Wong (11:10):
really relevant to what we're doing. We're
putting something out to theworld. And part of this podcast
is being able to handle theaccolades as well as the
criticism, just the way it is,as I'm listening to you speak if
we are embodying the things thatyou said in the beginning, like,
just being so full, and inbelieving in what we're doing
(11:30):
for a greater good other thanourselves. Then we come Silicon
Valley.
Charity Rodriguez (11:34):
Absolutely.
So I'm gonna stop talking. No,no, I
Jennifer Wong (11:39):
like what you're saying. I mean, this is a great
way to be in alignment with ourhex. It's like, what's going on?
This is the conversation. Thisis what's inspiring us and
firing us up right now. This iswhat we need to be talking
about.
Charity Rodriguez (11:54):
So we put our topic so our topic let's you are
the one that came up with atopic for this week. So well,
okay,
Jennifer Wong (12:00):
so, and I heard you mentioned it twice. And I
thought, yeah, let's do theinner critic. I mean, especially
with all this information, thisis a great guy.
Charity Rodriguez (12:09):
So I spoke I said, you know some things
because I was just reallyjazzed. But go.
Jennifer Wong (12:14):
Well, before we leave your thoughts. Let me ask
you this. When you left theseminar, when it was over, at
the end of the week, it soundedlike, what would you say were
the things that were in yourmind that you kept thinking, I
Charity Rodriguez (12:29):
need to commit to what I want, I need to
embrace it, I need to own it, Iwant to want it, I need to say
it, I need to believe it. That'swhat I walked away with. And
that's what was my fire and itkind of got rid of a lot of
noise, and helped me focus onmoving forward in my life. So
(12:53):
yeah,
Jennifer Wong (12:54):
what else happened?
Charity Rodriguez (12:55):
It was an empowering feeling. Like, I
mean, you asked me this way,like, Oh, why are you so happy?
And I'm just like, because Iknow what I'm gonna do. Like,
you can't stop me now. And I'mready to be seen. I'm not so
fearful about being seen. I'mnot so like, I want to succeed,
(13:17):
I want to fail, because it'sokay. Like, I know, I'll be
okay. Before, it's like, if Ifail, oh, my gosh, that's it, I
need to hide my head in a littlecorner. And I'll never be able
to do it again. And everyonewill be like, who was she gonna
be thinking she could do X, Yand Z. But now it's, I'm a
(13:38):
woman, I am human. And I amtrying. That's it. And if you
know, and if with each failureis a little success is knowledge
is information. of, okay, don'tdo that. That didn't work, move
on. You have to take a step,you're making an informed step
(13:59):
with each mistake, because youknow, what didn't work? Got
that. Don't do that. But youkeep going. And that's something
that I would say to my children,right? Like, I would constantly
be like, when you fall down,what do you need to do? You need
to get back up kids, but I wasnot. Now I realized that kind of
rang hollow because it wasn'tincarnate. It was just stuff
(14:21):
that I was saying. But I didn'tnecessarily believe that for
myself. And I think that it wasmy fear, like because I didn't
believe it for myself, right?
Because I was so fearful of thatI was trying to not pass that
fear on to my children. If I sayit long enough, hard enough, and
enough times, they'll overcomeit. But it's like, well, when
(14:45):
were you going to do that? Youknow, when you charity. Going to
believe that? And now in my 50
Jennifer Wong (14:54):
years mom is so tricky is tricky. That's
Charity Rodriguez (14:57):
absolutely tricky.
Jennifer Wong (14:59):
And that's how It's like going back to what you
said, like we need to beembodying it right? We need to
be so full of our intention. Idon't use that word, but so full
of our intention that it justoozes out of us. We're not
convincing anybody, like imagineif we didn't have to convince
our kids and we just, but youknow what we fake it till we
make it and like you said, wehave mistakes. And we just, we
(15:21):
keep being drawn by this threadsfalling,
Charity Rodriguez (15:24):
but how
Jennifer Wong (15:25):
do we know what's right grit,
Charity Rodriguez (15:26):
that was another thing that they talked
about having that grit, grit,the grit is what is going to
define or decide if you aresuccessful? Oh, and that was
another little quote, and apiece of knowledge or nugget of
knowledge that came out. Therewas a woman, Kimberly, and she
was the key speaker. And shesaid that she had done all this
(15:51):
research, she she was likereally research based and
whatnot, that the key to successthat they found is not your
competence. It's not yourcompetence. Doesn't matter what
your IQ is, how many degrees youhave, you know how knowledgeable
you are. It's your confidence.
She's like, that is what decidesif you are going to succeed,
(16:16):
you're confident. So tellingmyself every day? Oh, I can't do
that. I don't know enough. Oh, Ididn't go to school for that. I
didn't read a book about that Idid. I'm not writing any papers
about that topic. She's like,forget that. That doesn't
matter. It's your confidence. Doyou believe in what you're
(16:38):
doing, selling, talking aboutwanting to achieve? And then you
will keep going because youbelieve in it. And you have to
believe in it first beforeanybody else. It's not you
trying to convince anybody else.
You have to believe like, that'sjust like, that's true. They
(16:58):
have I don't believe it, it. I'mwasting my time.
Jennifer Wong (17:01):
Right? And energetically, it's not going
out that way. You'll
Charity Rodriguez (17:07):
get there. If you keep on walking, you're
gonna stumble. But if you keepon walking, you keep taking
those steps. Oh, another quotethat came out of this weekend
was don't shy away fromdifficult things. I am notorious
for no way but like, I only gofor sure things assure thing
like, right, if I know that I'mgoing to win. If I know that I
(17:29):
can succeed. If I know. At leastI'll get you know, pretty close.
Yes. But things don't like, oh,I don't know. That's gonna be
kind of hard. And what's thepoint? Like, what am I gotta get
out there, I've gotta like,fail, you know, spectacularly
and I'm there, I'm not evengonna get the top prize or, you
know, whatever. So then I don'tdo it. But doing the hard things
(17:53):
is where the growth happens.
She's like, that's where youlearn that where you're building
your foundation blocks. Eachblock is an error, a mistake,
but it pushes you up and it getsyou higher and higher, and
closer and closer to your goal.
(18:15):
Let me see. Oh, another one thatI really liked was courageously
intentional. I like that one.
Don't live inside a box. Bewilling to remove the box?
Completely. Hell is like, yeah,because everyone's like, you got
(18:36):
to think outside the box. Andthis one woman. Let's like get
rid of the box. I just carry onthat bus completely. There is no
box, stop looking at the box orwhere's the box? Or I gotta
know, there is no box. Guesswhat, not what you decide. It's
your, you know, your destiny,your your future, you deciding,
(19:00):
taking control taking ownershipnot? Well, they put this box
there and I can't figure it out.
And until I figure it out, I'mnever gonna get anywhere. Like,
there's no box. This is now mylandscape. My, you know, Canvas,
(19:21):
I can do whatever I want to do.
I can make it look like I wantto make it look like I can
design it. However I want todesign it. You are taking
control of your narrative.
You're taking control of yourfuture. You're taking control of
everything. taking ownership ofit sounds like Yes. Get rid of
(19:43):
the books.
Jennifer Wong (19:45):
Yes. And Brene Brown talks about that a lot
about innovation is based invulnerability. And I think that
goes back to what you said. Goahead and make a mistake. We
have to be vulnerable. Thattakes a lot of old ability to be
willing to make a state amistake and to go forward
confidently in something that wedon't already have all the
(20:08):
answers to that's vulnerable. We
Charity Rodriguez (20:09):
were talking, you talked about creating your
tribe, having your, your people,your group, your, you know,
women to help inspire you. Andthey talked a lot about that.
And the importance of havingyour tribe, because they will
help hold you accountable. Whenyou a good tribe, yes. Exactly.
(20:33):
To your truth to your to who youare, and to what it is you're
trying to achieve. So you know,if you say I want to, you know,
have a business in the next twoyears, okay, that's good. But
when you're saying, I'm reallytired, do I really want to do
this? You're a good tribe or belike, you said, you wanted to be
(20:54):
a company owner. And now youryour little tired? They're gonna
go, that's good. I got you. Howcan I help you keep going? You
know, keep going. They're notgoing to go like, yeah, you're
right. That is exhausting. Iwouldn't be doing that. It was
like, No, forget that. Ooh, thatother way. I just You need
people that are like, Yes, Ihear that you're tired. But you
(21:18):
said you want it to do this. Howbad do you want this? I'll help
you. What do you want me to do?
How can I help you, but you saidyou wanted to do it? You just
gotta give up? Because you're alittle tired. We'll know if I
really want to do okay, get backin there and keep going.
Jennifer Wong (21:34):
Yep. And that, you know, it's interesting, you
say that there's a verypaternalistic, and a
materialistic support, I think.
And there, I like a balance ofboth. I like a little bit of
that. And what I've really beenlearning in my tribes is the
maternal way of supporting andmotivating. And sometimes I've
(21:54):
gotten to that where I'vegotten, I've been in so many
groups, and God, I've done somuch. But sometimes I start with
an intention. And then I'm like,No, I really don't want to do
this, now that I've explored it.
This isn't really authentic forme. And so the paternal might
have said, come on. But thematernal part of my tribe will
(22:15):
say, Well, what is it that youwant to do, then, you know, what
has been revealed? And where doyou want to go next? You know,
and sometimes it's just, you'retired? Take a break, yes, just
take a breaks, you know, whichthe paternal side would never
say, take a break. And why don'tyou go take a couple days off?
(22:38):
And that has been a huge piecefor me to understand. But yes, I
see exactly where you're goingwith that as well. Like, a
tribe, a community. Yes. supportyou in your hand.
Charity Rodriguez (22:49):
You know, to be kind with yourself, be kind
to yourself, it's okay to take abreak. It's okay. If you are
tired, you don't have to do itall. Even though in society that
is the expectation that is whateverybody expects women to do.
We are mothers, we aredaughters, we are sisters, we
(23:11):
are you working. And then you dohave this persona of, you know,
you have to be perfect, and weget the blame for everything and
anything that goes wrong andyour house. Your kids do
something crazy. It's yourfault, because you weren't doing
whatever you say, think youshould have been doing. And one
(23:34):
of the speakers Her name wasAlicia. She was really cool. I
really liked her and resonatedwith her. She is Korean. She was
born in Korea. And she liveshere now in the States. She came
over and she was a toddler. Buther mom lives with her and her
grandmother lives with her. AndAlicia is a realtor, this big,
(23:59):
high power realtor out inVirginia. And she works and she
works hard and she owns her ownbusiness. And you know, she's
doing all of these things. Shewas talking about how her mom
was apologizing to her husband,for Alicia not being a good
(24:23):
wife. And oh, yes. And herresponse to her mom was mom
saying that I'm bringing in 110%of the income that's running
this, you know, ship. I think,you know, Johnny can do a few
(24:44):
damn meals every now and then.
Just like yeah, yes, that isright, like, so she's not making
dinner every night either. Butthat's the expectation right?
But that's also a culturalthing. But it's a cultural thing
that also happens in the law.
community. I know my mom and dadwere like, especially my mom was
like, Yeah, you're working. Andthen like, Did you wait, what
(25:07):
did you make your husband fordinner tonight? Was like,
nothing? Like, oh,
Jennifer Wong (25:14):
like it's generational to it is.
Charity Rodriguez (25:16):
So it's just, it's coming from every where
comes from everywhere.
Jennifer Wong (25:25):
So, as I'm assuming that I'm part of one of
your tribes, what is your nextstep in? I mean, it doesn't even
have to be big, like, what'ssomething doable that you would
like to do in that vein,
Charity Rodriguez (25:39):
one of the things and I wrote this down was
the podcast. Like I was doingit, and it was like, okay, yeah,
you know, we're just doing, I'mlearning that. But I made the
conscious decision, I wrote itdown. I was like, Yes, I want
this podcast to succeed. Like, Ireally want to take it to the
(25:59):
next level, and I'm gonnareally, you know, prepare
myself, I'm gonna, I'm not gonnawing it, I'm gonna do my
research, have good and reallylearn all of the technical stuff
that I've been kind of puttingoff, because I'm, like, tired,
and I don't feel like it today.
And I got some other stuff todistract me. But I was like, No,
I'm going to do this, like notI'm not like expecting a
(26:20):
rainfall of money or anything.
But that's not the point. It'slike, I just want us to put out
a quality podcast with honestyand sincerity. And if we touch
one or two people, like yes,and, you know, yeah, is that is
it. That's the goal. That's whatI want it to be just for us to
put out a quality podcast.
That's
Jennifer Wong (26:42):
great. Great. And we're, I mean, we're on our way,
you've done a lot in that veinalready.
Charity Rodriguez (26:49):
Right, we have done a lot, we have done a
lot,
Jennifer Wong (26:51):
we have to acknowledge our successes, too.
Because if we don't feel likewherever succeeding anywhere,
we're just gonna feel hopelessand tired for nothing, you know,
but it's like, look how muchwe've already done. I mean,
you've done most of it, youknow, so give yourself a pat, I
show up, I have ideas, butyou're doing all the technical
and going to the classes andBuzzsprout and website, you
(27:15):
know, so there's a lot that'salready we
Charity Rodriguez (27:17):
have done a lot. Absolutely. And we have to
remember to just go back andlisten to why we are doing this.
We want to create community, Ithat is really important. We
want to be honest, that isreally important. And be
(27:40):
transparent. You know, behonest, be transparent, be
present. So
Jennifer Wong (27:47):
yep. And one of my intentions on that, too, is
anything that goes on here isfor the highest and greatest
good of all, you know, so like,this morning, when I was
walking, I was praying in I wasjust asking, you know, fill me
Spirit fill me with the wordsand the energy that I need to
(28:08):
share my experience, strengthand hope and maybe inspire
somebody or motivate somebody,you know, bigger than myself. I
mean, I already know thisinspires and motivates me. I
already know that, because thisis part of my goals. But it
would be so lovely. If this wasfor others as well. You know, I
don't know what anybody needs.
I'm not going to tell anybodywhat they need. I'm not going to
(28:30):
convince anybody. But I know forme listening to other people's
stories has spurred somethinghas clicked something has, you
know, given me headlights in anew direction. Yeah. So yeah, I
kind of hope the same. And thatI love that we're talking about
the inner critic today. Becauseas a woman with the
(28:53):
characteristics that youdescribed being perfect, you
know, we're not allowed to bebrave. That's the other thing
your your brothers were allowedto be brave. We were not so
failure feels even thickness tous. You know, we don't have that
support in were growing up, wewere able to fail. And they
(29:13):
said, Oh, it's okay. Go backout. That's a very masculine
type of energy. So that innercritic, I think just jumps in,
yes. You know, on that,subconsciously, without us even
thinking about it or knowingabout it. It's there. Hmm. And
that and that awareness allowsus to start shifting. So that
came up for me because I'm in awriters group. Oh, yeah. And
(29:38):
it's funny because I just postedon my Facebook page today about
how I'm going to start sharingmy writing pieces, because I was
actually inspired by a moviecalled The tender bar. Oh, yeah.
And it's a freebie on Amazon.
And in the very last minute ofthe movie, he says, you know,
(29:59):
when you set out to be a lawyer,you go to law school, you get a
diploma for your effort, youpass the bar. And in the text,
it declares you officially alawyer. That's how most jobs
work. But you're a writer, theminute you say you are, nobody
gives you a diploma, you have toprove it, at least to yourself.
And I was like, I heard Ilistened to that in January, and
(30:22):
I thought, okay, then I justhave to declare myself a writer.
And I don't need to prove it toanybody else. I have to prove it
to myself. So I did sign up totry to get into this really
prestigious writers group out inTahoe, and I submitted my first
piece of work to be judged,really, which was really hard
(30:44):
for me, this is this isvulnerability on a large scale.
And they denied me. But first,because I believe this so much,
I was not even upset. I waslike, Okay, where's the next
place? I can go, what's the nextthing I can do? So I started
sharing it with my community.
And they've been with me everystep of the way. They encouraged
me to apply to that writersgroup, no matter what, just go
(31:07):
and see what's gonna happen, youknow, and then, and I built
confidence in that. And I keptthinking, well, even if they
don't let me in, I'm still gonnawrite Yeah. And so anyway, I
shared it with my girlfriend,and then she shared it with a
girlfriend, and that girlfriendis wonderful. And she is a woman
in her 70s, who's a badass andwho has done things. She started
(31:31):
a retreat center that has lasted2530 years, with absolutely no
idea. And it has enriched somany people's lives, I can't
even tell you the stuff on thewebsite is just I read it, and
my heart is overwhelmed withjoy, you know. And so here's a
woman. And anyways, so sheshares it with her. And she
(31:53):
tells me, Hey, I've got a lot ofresources, my daughter's in a
publisher, and I have stuff thatwe could talk about. So I called
her and she explained to me, youknow, are you looking to hone in
on the skill? Or do you want todo the craft, there's a
difference, you know, what doyou need. And so I told her, and
she funneled me into thiswriters group of women that are
(32:14):
so beautifully welcoming, thatare so vulnerable, that are
showing up that are notjudgmental, and this is a
writers group, where we shareour pieces every week. And there
isn't really any criticism, it'show we may have been touched by
(32:34):
a piece, how it's working, theywill call out certain lines that
stuck with them, you know, it'sthis beautiful way of
supporting. So it's not like weare going to teach you how to
get out there and submit yourarticles. And it's not that it's
just build your confidence. Andfor me, I get to be around other
people who are declaringthemselves writers, and what
(32:58):
that energy is like and how itfeels to be in this energy. And
then we're how I fit into it.
And I'm a very mutable person.
So in general, I want to makemyself fit in. And in this case,
I'm really, I see myself doingthat. But I'm also coming as I
am. So my inner critic tells me,You have no business being in
(33:22):
this group of writers. They'refabulous. They are deep. They
write in ways I wish I couldwrite, they write in ways that
make me go God, I wish I didthat. But I'm showing up anyway.
And and I'm telling my innercritic, it's okay, I hear you.
I'm not cutting my inner criticoff, because I've tried that
(33:43):
before. And she gets louder. Sonow I'm saying, Okay, I see you,
I hear you, I love you. You'veprotected me in the past, but
now I want to let me fall down.
You know, let me bruise myself,let me get back up. Just sit
over there for a minute. And soI submit my stuff anyway. And
(34:04):
I'm really realizing like I, Iprobably will never write a
book. I like short, quick,sustained, succinct, I like it
tied up in a bow at the end, Iget really bored of myself when
I try to write a story and itgoes on and on and on. And
instead of trying to make myselfbe that I'm like, I'm learning
(34:24):
that I can be an essay writer, Icould do prose. I know a lot of
like, social media stuff is likethree paragraphs. It's quick.
And so this morning, I finallyposted one of my writings online
and I just I prefaced it with.
This is just part of my processof gaining confidence to keep
sharing my work because I havestacks of journals that will not
(34:48):
be shared with anybody butthat's not what it means to me
to be a writer. It's not justfor myself. It's always to
inspire to share my experience,strength and hope Look and see
where it goes, you know, withalways good intentions, you
know, even if it drags you downa dirty, ugly Road, maybe that's
where you're supposed to go.
(35:08):
I've been down some dirty, uglyroads, you know, and it's okay.
It's okay. So my writing is veryshort. And these other writers
are so prolific and they havesuch great vocabulary and their
flow and their cadence, and I'mlike, boom, boom, boom, boom,
done. But that's, that's me. AndI'm okay with that.
Charity Rodriguez (35:28):
Jennifer, those people didn't just come
out of the womb that way. They,it took time for them to get to
that point. And even if you're,you think like, oh, no, but
they're just awesome. It go backand look, well, how long have
you been doing this? You know,and I'm sure whatever the first
(35:49):
thing they wrote, and you lookat what the last thing they
wrote, that would be vastlydifferent. So give yourself
grace and give yourself time,you will get there you have
committed to it, and it hasopened and enlightened you to
receive, right? And when youhear that inner voice, change
(36:11):
that narrative, if it's tellingyou, you're not good enough,
change it to like, Well, what doI have to do to be that whatever
it is, like, whatever you'retelling yourself, you know, like
you pushed yourself to just putit out there, even you
preference it with, it's part ofmy process. But you put it out
there, just you don't have tosilence the voice. You don't you
(36:33):
can put the voice aside. Butjust, well, let's change what
that voice is saying to me andsee where that goes.
Jennifer Wong (36:42):
Yeah, well, thank you for your encouragement, I do
appreciate that. And that was abig piece of just putting it out
there anyway. And I'm, I'mreally liking it, you know. And
the other thing that I learnedin this group, is because it's a
group that meets regularly, Iget this opportunity for
(37:02):
repetition. And I learned reallywell through repetition. So
every week, I have to writesomething. And every week, I
have to put it out there. So I'mlearning a new muscle, you know,
and also, I realized in thisprocess, it's okay to ditch a
story. So I've always been awriter that when I'm inspired, I
(37:23):
write it and it's done. I don't,I don't edit. I don't do second
drafts, it's one and done. I'vealways been the way I do it. And
if it isn't one and done, it'sdone forever. So this is
teaching me how to actually beokay, through I've written pages
for the next group and said, Ihate the whole thing, scrapped
it and started again, which I'venever been able to do. So I'm
(37:45):
learning and I'm getting outsidethat box that you talked about,
you know, there is no box, it'svery freeing. There is still a
lot of freedom in that there is
Charity Rodriguez (37:54):
there is no hold on, because you said you
are one and done when you doyour writing. But why why are
you winning? Done? Why do youjust want to write one time and
call it a day?
Jennifer Wong (38:06):
Well, because I lacked confidence. And also, I
think I'm lazy, like the thoughtof having to rewrite is like,
Oh, I don't know, if I have allthese hours, I gotta pick up the
kids. I gotta make dinner. Igotta, you know, so. But I'm
making space for that now,because it's my it's my value.
It's important to me. You know,in all this work I've done of
figuring out myself, this is myvalue for right now. It may
(38:31):
change. But this right now iswhat's important to me. You
know, of course, there's thetaking care of my kids nurturing
my kids taking care of the housedoing my nine to five. But in my
free time, instead of maybewatching three movies, watch one
movie, and spend an hour right.
And what's funny is now that I'min this group, I want to write,
like, in my free time I like Igo grab my computer, and I'm
(38:54):
like, oh, and I'll just startwriting, you know, so it's been
really cool. It's been adifferent way of approaching my
dreams. And look at what bookthat my microphone was
Charity Rodriguez (39:09):
by Jensen said, Okay, that's right, uplift
that microphone. Raise You
Jennifer Wong (39:16):
badass at making money by Jen Sincero. And this
was given to me my coach,
Charity Rodriguez (39:21):
how did you I was gonna say how do you get a
coach? How did you get a coach?
Like, what's that about? BecauseI've often thought about that,
like, I need a coach, I need amentor. But how did you find the
coach or how did you getconnected with this coach?
Jennifer Wong (39:33):
So I knew I wanted to do live coaching for
about since 2014 2015. And I'vebeen looking for a good place to
take my training. I haven'treally found anything or there
were a couple that I reached outto and they never got back. So I
found this one. Oh my gosh. Itcame to me through a woman I met
(39:54):
in a 12 step group out ofnowhere, like it was totally
random and I was like That's sorandom. I'm gonna fall Follow
it. And then I did this. I did acoaching training many, many
hours. And the woman that taughtour group, I really liked her
and I did personal coaching withher too.
Charity Rodriguez (40:12):
Good to know.
All right,
Jennifer Wong (40:15):
but if you're interested, I'm a coach, and I
have many people that I wouldrefer you to Okay.
Charity Rodriguez (40:21):
We'll have to talk later. Because yes, I want
to coat the approach in my lifewas validation or like, Is this
okay? Is this okay? Like, am Idoing the right thing? Like, did
I do it? Right? Is this okay?
But now it's just no, justhaving some informed and
knowledgeable people around you.
(40:41):
I can have confidence in whatI'm I'm doing. But it's, it's
good to have some support thatknows what they're talking about
versus them. I love you. I loveyou unconditionally. Uh, yes,
you go, go, go. But am I goingto make a good financial
decision here? Or not? And it'snot always good to just like,
(41:03):
You got this, You go girl? Well,let's, you know, some of the
asks you the questions, or makesyou ask the questions of
yourself, and the right kind ofquestions of yourself.
Jennifer Wong (41:16):
Exactly. Because the coach will never tell you
what to do. If if there's acoach giving you advice. They're
not coaching you they'refacilitating, it's a whole
different thing. Yes. But acoach will help you come to your
own answers. Like we that's abig piece, we just ask the right
questions. And, and then we havetools, of course to help you
when you're stuck, and how toget you where you want to go.
(41:37):
But we never tell you what youshould do
Charity Rodriguez (41:40):
a retreat center. Jennifer, you are part
of my tribe.
Jennifer Wong (41:43):
It's so funny you say that. I think it's funny you
say that, because I started myfirst like, I went on this huge,
huge crusade to figure out who Iwas back in 2006. And the first
seminar I went to in SanFrancisco 600 people, we were
supposed to write down what wethought our purpose was. And I
envisioned, I actuallyenvisioned a Wellness Center.
(42:07):
Because I was into physicalhealth at the time, and I wrote
it all out, I still have it. Andit was like going to be like
modern and different. And wewere going to integrate natural
and Western medicine and we'regoing to have meditate, we were
going to embody the whole HEDIS.
So as I'm getting older, I stillfeel that but I would love to
have a retreat center thatembody both, you know, because,
(42:29):
for me, it's the whole person,like, specialization has become
such a part of our society. Youknow, even when you go to a
doctor, everybody's aspecialist, it's hard to find a
really good family practitioner.
So I just want something reallyall encompassing, where people
could choose. But I also knowthat when my dreams are too big,
(42:54):
it's just too big. Like, I haveto start somewhere. And I
learned that in my coaching, youknow, start with the smallest,
most doable things. I have thesebig grandiose ideas, and they're
not doable. But if I break itdown to something I can chew on.
Yes, I do. little piece. Yes. SoI would love to do a retreat
center. And mine is always innature, yes to be. I don't want
(43:17):
to hear cars. I don't want tohear helicopters. I just want to
hear in nature. For the mostpart. I want people to be able
to just be on the earth andreally be on the earth. I mean,
we walk on the earth all day.
But honestly think about howmany times your actual bare feet
touched the Earth. Yes. It's notoften we're either in a house or
in shoes. And I just thinkthat's so. But anyway, that's I
(43:41):
could go on.
Charity Rodriguez (43:45):
I'm right there with you. I absolutely
believe in that I am. So there,we're putting it out there.
We're putting it out there. Andlet's see what comes back. I
have to say a lot. I have to doa lot. Like I'm just telling you
a little bit. I don't have tosay a lot. But now it's like,
(44:07):
like, let's go let's do this.
And so yeah, from where westarted to where we are now.
It's like wow, I can recognize adifference in myself. So we'll
see you know, like after another10 episodes like okay, where are
we now do a little check in likeso cuz we're getting ready to
upload this. I mean, we've beendoing this but we haven't
(44:27):
uploaded it. So after this islike our start date,
Jennifer Wong (44:32):
launch date, June 17 2022. launch date, June
17 2022, which in numerology is20 which is a to cooperation
imbalance. We are so ready.
We're cooperating on balancingand that's what needs to happen
in a community within ourselvesagainst our inner critic, or
with our inner criticcooperation and balance
Charity Rodriguez (44:56):
right and live courageously. That's all
and say, Yeah, all right. Allright. Yes, man. Let us end
there.
Jennifer Wong (45:05):
Oh
Charity Rodriguez (45:09):
yay. Thank you for listening to being
effing honest with your hosts,Jennifer Wong and charity
Rodriguez. Subscribe to our showwherever you listen to podcasts.
And if you have a suggestion,question or topic you want us to
talk about, connect with us atwww being effing honest.com And
until next time, we hope you'realways being effing honest.
(45:42):
Yay. Thank you for listening tobeing effing honest with your
hosts, Jennifer Wong and charityRodriguez. Subscribe to our show
wherever you listen to podcasts.
And if you have a suggestion,question or topic you want us to
talk about, connect with us atwww being effing honest.com And
until next time, we hope you'realways being effing honest
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