November 4, 2022 • 28 mins
In this episode of "Being F'ing Honest," hosts Jennifer Wong and Charity Rodriguez discuss their experiences with addiction and meditation. They discuss how they were more concerned about looking like they were in charge than being scared of people who had been on drugs or alcohol. Jennifer also talks about her love for people who struggle with addiction and how she is addicted to people. They share how they started doing meditation groups on Zoom during the pandemic and how it was challenging to get people to prioritize it. Charity also talks about a funny incident where someone tried to smoke weed at a concert and how they stayed away from that person. Finally, the hosts reflects on their past as a goody two shoes and how their family would make jokes about people who drank even one drink. Don't forget to subscribe to "Being Honest" wherever you listen to podcasts!
Chapters:
00:03:38 DUI Offenders Find Unexpected Calm In Meditation Class
00:06:19 Hypnosis Training Leads To Miraculous Results In Teaching Class
00:08:54 Man Overcomes Fear To Help Drug Users In Need
00:12:55 Concertgoer Reports Smoker At Concert To Avoid Conflict
00:18:40 Addicted To People
00:24:56 Hypnotherapist Helps Patient Overcome Panic Attacks Through Meditation
Key Takeaways:
The podcast features a guest who used hypnosis techniques to teach meditation. The guest struggled with feelings of inadequacy but was able to help some students achieve deep meditation. The guest grew up in a strict household where alcohol was frowned upon, but later became interested in drugs and partying. Many of the guest's long-term relationships have been with drug addicts or recovering addicts.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jennifer Wong (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Our Podcast being
effing honest. I'm JenniferWong.
Charity Rodriguez (00:10):
And I'm Charity Rodriguez.
Jennifer Wong (00:12):
We invite you into our conversations about
everyday issues experienced byeveryday people. We share our
stories with honesty and humor,hoping to bring people together
in community by showing howvulnerability can deepen bonds
when done with kindness and nonjudgment. We know it's tough. So
we'll go ahead and go first
Charity Rodriguez (00:45):
Okay, all right. So you wanted to talk
about
Jennifer Wong (00:50):
leading groups?
Oh, yeah. I mean, we got startedabout me teaching a meditation
group for 12 years. And then youwere sharing about
Charity Rodriguez (01:01):
I was supporting new parents first
time parents. It's a volunteergroup that I I work with, so I'm
still part of them. I just do itwhen I am a bit you know, able
Jennifer Wong (01:14):
Are you doing it from a regular but you did you
in the beginning more regular?
Charity Rodriguez (01:18):
As as Yeah, more regularly at the beginning.
And it just takes a lot though.
It takes a lot to, but you'reall excited to get. And then
it's like, oh, my gosh, there'sa lot of
Jennifer Wong (01:30):
work. Ray is and I
Charity Rodriguez (01:32):
but you go ahead because you have some good
stories. You know, tell me one.
Good story. One. Good story. One
Jennifer Wong (01:38):
good story. Oh, gosh, okay. Wow. Yeah. Well, let
me just start rambling. And I'msure it'll come out. But so I
taught, okay, drug and alcoholrecovery center for 12 years
teaching meditation. And Iremember because I was just
sharing with you that lookingback 12 years ago, when I
started my first group, I wasterrified. You know, like, my 21
(02:02):
year old and I always talk abouthow teenage girls terrify us
even now, I don't know. Theyjust do. And so I felt like I
was going to be standing infront of a bunch of teenagers.
Because, I mean, I had myexperience with people with drug
and alcohol. You know, and I, Iwas in Al Anon. So I mean, I
(02:22):
was, I was familiar, but I don'tknow what it's like to be
standing in front of people thatare just coming out of detox
that, you know, it can be veryintense. And I remember, before
my very first group, I wassitting in my car, and I got
there like, 10 minutes early,and my armpits were sweating.
And I couldn't breathe, and mymouth was dry. And I had, like,
(02:46):
I had printed out what I wasgonna do. And I was like, Oh, my
God, I got to stick to it. And Iwas like, so worried that I had
to be perfect, because I alwaysneeded to be perfect with my
hypnosis clients. And I rememberwalking in. And the first
Recovery Center I went to, washuge. I mean, it was giant, and
(03:07):
there were people everywhere.
And I walked into like, a grouproom that had carpeting. And
they have these little backjacks. So they lean up against
these things. And it was likebeing in front of a bunch of
teenage kids. Like there wastotal chaos and airplanes were
flying and people were cursingand there was people vaping and
I was just like, how am I goingto get control? It's like no one
(03:31):
mentioned. You better have theability to control the room. It
was like, Oh, my God. I rememberjust like my stomach gurgling
and Hello, everybody. Nobody waslike, Bueller. Bueller. Bueller.
Nobody's hearing me. And I'mlike, Hello. We're gonna
(03:54):
meditate. And I rememberfinally, like, somebody else had
to come in and like, get themall riled up and say, Okay, this
is Jennifer Wong. She's yourmeditation instructors. So
you're all gonna sit your assesdown. You're gonna listen. And
I'm like, Oh, it was not. Imean, I'd had meditation groups
(04:17):
before, but people were happy tobe there. They volunteered to be
there. Like half of these peoplewere there because they had
DUIs. They didn't even want toget sober. They were had no
interest, you know, so Oh, myGod. But
Charity Rodriguez (04:32):
But Wait, how did you come to this group?
Like, how did you get connectedwith?
Jennifer Wong (04:37):
So I had started my business business and in
order to get clients, I joinedthis thing called BNI was
business networkingInternational. And through that,
I met an acupuncturist. And herecommended me because he was
already working at this recoverycenter doing acupuncture for the
clients. And so then Iinterviewed with the director
(04:58):
and they said had me come inonce a week to do a one hour
class. And I remember thinking aone hour class for meditation,
like, how am I going tostructure this. And then when I
walked into the first group, Ijust went, Oh my God, I don't
know what I'm doing. I had noidea what I was doing. And so I
just winged it. I mean, I wassweating so much that the whole
(05:19):
sides my shirt, my armpits arejust wet when it was over,
because I was so sick.
Charity Rodriguez (05:27):
But you ended up doing this for 12? For 12
years. Yeah. So you kept going,you believed I just believed it
was
Jennifer Wong (05:35):
the right thing to do. And I love teaching
meditation. And like I wastelling you, when I first
started, I had these ideas ofwhat meditation was, you know,
because of who I studied with.
And these were all people whohad been meditating forever. And
they didn't sit down and go, Oh,you know, when you sit down,
you're gonna have a lot ofthoughts. They were like, No,
sit down and breathe and getinto your quiet place. I was
(05:56):
like, What the fuck I there isnothing quiet between my ears,
you know? But now I'm supposedto go and teach these people
that are thinking the same thingI was, except they're saying it
to me. Like, what? We can'tmeditate? How long is this
class. I mean, it's just, it wasso much resistance. So they
taught me a lot is really whathappened. They taught me how to
(06:19):
teach a class is what ended uphappening. But miraculously, I
used my hypnosis, step myHypnosis Training to really get
them into a space and it andlike, I'd say, for half of them,
it worked, you know. And itreally brought up a lot about
me, like, my own feelings of notbeing good enough of being
(06:41):
stupid of being fake. You know,I'm just out here trying to
teach meditation that I don'teven know what I'm doing, you
know, and, but using my hypnosistechniques, I could get some of
them in. And I remember after myfirst class, one girl just
going, I have never gone thatdeep before in my life, you
know? And I was like, Okay,
Charity Rodriguez (07:04):
I'll be back next week. But yeah, I
Jennifer Wong (07:11):
did it for 12 years, you take your wins, there
was just something that keptleading me to do it, to do it,
to do it to keep doing it. Idon't know how I got it your
first year, because I was onlygoing once a week. So you know,
I'd only do for a month, youknow, which is what? So it'd be
like, 52 a year? Yeah. 52. So itwasn't that many. So the first
year was really just learningand trying to figure it out.
(07:33):
And, and I would listen to theirfeedback, you know, because I'd
always start the class, like,tell me where you're at, what's
your experience, and I alwayshad a different group. So I
could never like do like, thisweek, we're gonna build on next
week. And you know, I couldn'tdo that. Because every week I'd
have different clients, it wasalways a very transient
population, you know. And thensometimes I'd have people that
(07:55):
were there for 90 days. So thenI'd see him for 12 sessions. And
then there were some people thatI'd see the day after they got
out of detox. So they'd be justrocking and holding themselves
in my class. Like, they couldn'tsit still. They were shaking,
you know, I mean, they're ondrugs to get off drugs. It was
like crazy. And it was like, howdo you get this guy over here
(08:18):
that I look at his face, and I'mlike, he's ready to scream. And
then I got this person over herethat's had eight groups with me
and they're ready to they'realready laying down, they're
ready to go. I had some classeswhere people would just all lay
down and fall asleep. And I waslike, this is not nap time.
People. This is not naptime. Andso like one of the, for a while,
(08:41):
I did a group with the guy thatstarted with the acupuncture.
And so that took a good 15minutes. He was way more
assertive. And he'd been there along time. He knew what to do.
And so I remember the one timehe said, remember, this is
meditation, it's not sleep,because if it was a sleep class,
(09:01):
we'd all be enlightened. Like,if it was about sleeping, we all
be enlightened. And then hesaid, and besides, this is your
money. You know, you want to payher to sleep. It's up to you,
you know, and I was like, Lookat him. You go.
Charity Rodriguez (09:17):
Okay, okay.
Well, okay, wait, I now couldyou always have me bring up so
many questions. And I'm like,wait a second. Okay, a, what
made you decide to do this? Ihonestly have not had any active
contact with people coming offdrugs on jugs, in the process of
(09:39):
coming off drugs, like anything.
There may be a drug user sittingnext to me in an office. I
didn't know. But I'm justtalking about like, you just
waited there and you're like,yeah, let me go and help these
people. I in my younger yearswould have been like, Oh no,
because the that might rub offon me. And then I'll end up
(10:02):
being a drug user or oh mygoodness, the horrors of it. I
mean, I'm just telling youhonestly, I'm being honest. That
that's what I would have thoughtit I would have. I would have
been like, Nope, that's not forme. Good luck. I would have
thought you needed. I don't knowsome train psychologist,
psychiatrists, detox, firstly,
Jennifer Wong (10:25):
have them there.
The thing I guess, that
Charity Rodriguez (10:28):
I just would imagine it like they do in the
movies, where they're like, oh,just up and they're sitting
there, and they're restraininggum. And they're like, they're
trying to come up. I honestlyhave never, I lead such a
sheltered life. I never, evercame up with or a saw, or was it
the company of or interactedwith or anything? Okay, I lie, I
(10:52):
lie. When I was in my first job.
I was like 14 or 15. And Iworked at a theater, where big
performance this came in toperform and whatever. And there
was this one guy, he was theoldest one of us. We were
ushers, and we would usherpeople to their seats, you know,
at the beginning of a concert.
(11:17):
And but I was the youngest one.
And I was very naive. I didn'tknow but I worked really hard.
And you know, I did my stuff. Sothis guy, he would always go
into the stairwell with thisother guy, you know, there would
be in there. It was like Whaty'all talking about? I don't
know, like, we just always knew,you know, Jeff a matter in the
hallway, you know, and in thestairwell. And my boss had come
(11:37):
in, and he was looking for them.
And I knew where they're at. Iknow how go get them. And I, you
know, went running over the air.
And I come around the corner,and I hit this wave of smoke.
And it was pot, but I didn'tknow that it was just like, I
had never smelled smoke. I mean,pot. I didn't know what we was.
(11:58):
And I was just like, like, itjust hit me. And I'm like, what
is that? Update? Dude? It's, Ididn't say dudes, but I was
like, Matt, it really smells inhere. We need to let Mr.
Robinson know that there's agross smell in here needs to be
(12:21):
taken care of. And I'll go tellthem but by the way, Mr.
Robinson is looking for youguys. We got to go back into the
the lounge. And they just lookedat me like, you know, like, Are
you kidding me? Are you like?
And then I could see that theywere angry. Like they were like,
(12:44):
she choked, like, and then itwas like, You better not tell
anybody about this. And I waslike, No, I didn't know what
they were talking about. I waslike, We gotta go. Like, we got
to go back to that. And Iimmediately ran off right to see
how they were just so angry.
Like, you better not tellanybody like this. Lady.
Jennifer Wong (13:08):
Oh, my God. It was like,
Charity Rodriguez (13:11):
and then it was later somebody smoked,
actually tried to smoke in theat the counselor at one of the
concerts. Somebody was smokingit. And I had walked by and I
could smell that and somebodywas walking with me. And they
were like, oh, man, we're gonnahave to report them. They're
smoking weed. And you know, theywalked off. And I was like,
that's
Jennifer Wong (13:31):
what that
Charity Rodriguez (13:33):
that's what that was. I see. And then I
stayed away from that guy. Istayed away from that. I didn't
want to be left alone with them.
Because I was like, trying to
Jennifer Wong (13:49):
see, and that's why I ended up teaching because
I was the kid that said they'resmoking weed. I want some of
that. Oh, yes. I was like, oh,where's the party? How do I get
some of that? You know, I waslike, Oh, I'm smoked pot when I
was in fifth grade, or sixthgrade grade with my girlfriends,
(14:10):
and then we smoked cigarettes.
And we did everything. We werelike, we just couldn't wait to
try everything. I would sneakout I would go to parties. I
would meet boys. And of course,whatever. And you know, you know
me all into astrology. Well, Ihave this thing in my eighth
house, which is all about deathand dying and darkness. And it's
like, of course, of course,that's where I am. You know, but
I didn't know that till later.
(14:31):
But yeah, I had to be with theparty. And I would say if I've
had 10 long term relationships,eight of them have been drug
addicts or alcoholics orrecovering from such a thing.
And I didn't even know that whenI pick them. I mean, one of my
husband's was sober for a yearbefore I even you know, got
(14:51):
serious with him before I evenmet him. But still, you know,
even though he never used asubstance while we were
together. He still was from thatHe had stories, crazy stories,
and I love hearing people'scrazy stories. And I think that
in some circles, they call themdrunk logs. So they like tell
about when they got busted. Andsome of them are so funny. Like,
(15:15):
I can't stop laughing like,that's my kind of humor. Those
are my peeps, you know? So is itscary? It is scary, but I was
more concerned about lookinglike I was in charge than really
being scared of them. You know,I was more worried about losing
control of the group and notlooking like I knew my shit more
(15:36):
than I was about being aroundpeople that had been on drugs or
not, I mean, I'm surrounded bythem. I love them. I mean, some
of the people I love the mostare alcoholics, you know. So
that's just, that is just, youknow, the universe will lead us
where we're supposed to be. Andthat's why we're all so
different, right? Because wehave different things we're
supposed to do in the world. Solike, you would never want to
(15:59):
even touch that. And I can'timagine not touching it. I'm
like, they couldn't wait. Butthat just was
Charity Rodriguez (16:06):
not part of like, I didn't know what am I
house drank? Like, no, my daddidn't drink. My mother didn't
know. But we didn't drink andbut we lived very isolated
lives. Like, we just went toschool, and we came home. And
that was it. We all went to thegrocery store together, we all
stick together, we staytogether. And we were just
always together. Like that wasthe world. And I just was like,
I can't wait to get out of this.
Just so that I could have thatlittle bit of freedom of free
(16:28):
thought of like, I want to dowhat I want to do. Not that I
wanted to go smoke or drink ordo anything. I just wanted to
stay out late with my friendsand talk nerdy things that was
and then say, you know, I wantedto come home at 10 o'clock at
night versus nine o'clock atnight. That was it that did
anything else. So I was Yeah, Iwas I know. I know. I know. I
(16:51):
know. I was a very, very, verygoody two shoe. I know, I was
very isolated. I know, I didn'thave a lot of worldly experience
in the world. But, ya know, Ijust felt like, and we would
make jokes of people that drank.
(17:13):
Right? Even one drink. Family,like at the dinner table
wouldn't be like, Oh, we'regonna you know, they invited us
to some kind of party tonight.
Oh, are they going to bedrinking there? Yeah, oh, a
bunch of alcoholics. Right? Thatwould be like the leap that my
family would make. Oh, youbetter be careful when little
drink and Miss Johnson is gonnabe like swinging from the
rafters. That's how we thoughtwhat alcohol did but that was
(17:39):
just like the example that ourparents had, you know, the
stories that they had said,like, oh, yeah, you know, I knew
this guy. And he'd drink. Like,it wasn't like he drank 15 or
20. Like we didn't know, it wasjust like, he drank. And if he
drank, that means you're losingit's black and white, you know,
lowers your inhibitions. Andyou're just a wild person. So we
(18:00):
went like, No, I didn't, that'swhat I was thinking. I was like,
I'm not gonna do that. I don'twant to lose control. I don't
want to be embarrassed in frontof people. So no, I'm good. And
I just didn't like the taste ofit.
Jennifer Wong (18:15):
I'm happy to hear that there are people like your
family out there, you know,because like, everybody I
experienced is the other. Sowhen my now 21 year old, grew up
and went through high school,and did not drink or do drugs, I
was like, What is wrong withour? I kept going? Don't you
want to go to party with yourfriends? Like, what are you
(18:35):
doing on Fourth of July?
Shouldn't you be at a party,she's like, they're just gonna
get drunk and be stupid. I don'twant to go and I'm like, I would
have been like, Sign me up.
Like, I What do you need me tobring? Where do I show up? I
need to drive anybody you know,that I would have been like all
over it. So I had to tone itdown. Just go. Okay. That's
actually a very smart decision.
I didn't have any very manysmart decisions growing up. And
(19:01):
I, you know, by the grace ofGod, they say in the program, I
didn't have the addiction. ButI'm addicted to people. You
know, I was addicted to them. Iwas addicted to their drama. I
was addicted if I didn't evenreally want to fix them. I just
found them very entertaining.
Like, I just think they're sofunny. And they're not afraid.
And they're just crazy. And, youknow, I think one of the things
(19:24):
I loved about them is becauseonce they were self medicated,
they would totally bethemselves, right? Like, the
inhibitions would go away. So Iwould, even though the people
will say, Well, no, you'reseeing them under the influence,
but I could see them as who theyreally were. Because when they
didn't have that they weretrying to pretend and they were
stressed and they were but whenthey were relaxed. I knew who
(19:44):
they were, you know, so I don'tknow.
Charity Rodriguez (19:48):
So but why Why were you attracted to that?
What
Jennifer Wong (19:51):
was fun were seeing your why it was they were
so much fun. My favorite familymember was my uncle who is about
maybe 13 or 14 years older thanme. And I mean, he was probably
an alcoholic drug addict, but noone in our family labeled it
that they just said, Oh, he justdrinks a lot or he just can't
(20:13):
get his shit together as more ofwhat I heard. But now that I
have been in Al Anon, and Iunderstood alcoholism, better,
Mike, he was a full alcoholic. Imean, he had a problem. But we
didn't look at the problem. Wejust said, he can't get his shit
together, you know, because hehad things in his life that did
not go well for him. But he wasmy favorite person. And you know
why? He was fun. He was free. Hedidn't follow the rules. He
(20:37):
played music. He could play aguitar or piano a banjo. I just
was like, I'm in. whereveryou're going. I am going and
there's tons of drinking. Andsometimes there's cocaine. And
sometimes there's marijuana.
Yeah, let's go.
Charity Rodriguez (20:51):
Oh, my God.
Okay, we are now like running inopposite directions. That is in
the middle. And you're like,yes. And I know, I'm like, so
far god. I'm like, No, notinterested. Don't care, though.
Do you know, like, I will helpyou by putting help on a tray
and pushing it out to you with along extended arm that is now, I
(21:13):
don't like chaos. I don't like Ilike fantastical, wild, crazy,
you know, sci fi drama. But likereal drama, real chaos, real
life, people's feelings andemotions. And they're falling
(21:37):
apart. And I'm just like, Idon't know what to do how to
help you. I don't I don't knowhow to help. So I don't know
what to do. So then that justis, whoa,
Jennifer Wong (21:52):
well, I think that that's what you know, so I
haven't really done drugs oralcohol on like, 20 years. But I
think that, that chaos caught upto me. And then I went into my
own self help work. And it wasmeditation and hypnosis that
really made a difference for me.
And that's why, and then I waslike, I know what can help,
because it helped me so it canhelp somebody, you know, it's
(22:12):
possible. So I had to go out anddo this, I became a
Hypnotherapist. And, and thenlike, not everybody liked
hypnosis. So I got intomeditation, took some trainings,
I and I was like, I got to sharethis, like, this is powerful.
And all the research is there,right? So I was like, I'm backed
by research, because there'stons of research on what
(22:35):
meditation does to youphysiologically, as well as
emotionally and behaviorally. SoI, I tried to make a business
out of it. But I did enjoyteaching, I really did. I was
really sad when the pandemic hitand like, and I was, I kind of
let myself go from it. But
Charity Rodriguez (22:56):
I think we all it was really,
Jennifer Wong (22:57):
I loved it. And then I was doing meditation
groups on Zoom for a whileduring the pandemic, and I'd
have like three people, youknow, because it's not something
people feel is a priority. Youknow, it's not a priority. Shit,
I got, I gotta make money, Igotta feed the kids, I gotta
pick up the kids, I don't havetime to sit and meditate Are you
nuts, but the people that wouldlove to and actually in the
group, there would be towardsthe end and my teaching style
(23:20):
changed a lot from just getquiet to, I know you're going to
close your eyes, and it's goingto be louder than it's been when
your eyes are open, you aregoing to fidget you are going to
want to scream and run out ofhere. I know that and that's
normal, you know. And then whenI started getting more real with
my teaching, I got more peoplethat could sit with it more
(23:40):
often. And by the end, I'd saythe last five years, people
would be like, I'm so gladyou're here. I'm so glad you're
here. I've been waiting for yourclass all week, you know, and
they seem like they never knewwhen my class was because they
were running around with theirhair on fire. But they'd see me
and they'd be like, Oh, I'm soglad you're here and I'd be
like, I'm in the right place.
You know, I'm doing the rightthing. Even if I help one
person, that's enough.
Charity Rodriguez (24:03):
Okay, I think maybe I just don't like being
alone with my thoughts. I'm justlike, maybe that's that's my
right issue. Like, I don't whatI do with all that cut, what
would I find if I went thatdeep? I mean, what, who would I
be? I don't know. I have noidea. Um, I don't know. I'm
learning. I am learning Jenniferwith you. I am learning I am
(24:26):
trying by step by step. I feellike I take two steps forward.
And then I take three stepsback. I don't know. I don't know
about that. I'm not sure I'll goand check this out. But then I
keep pulling back and like Iknow
Jennifer Wong (24:46):
well, I think that's what's so good about an
instructor or with someonethat's kind of leading it
because it doesn't feel as scarywhen somebody's with you in it.
You know, sometimes when I wouldmeditate by my So if I'd be
like, I don't know if I want togo here, and there would be
thoughts that I just did notwant to deal with, I actually
had an MD that she was my MD,and I was telling her that I was
(25:09):
in a therapist, and I taughtmeditation, and she said, I have
a panic attack, as soon as Iclose my eyes and get calm,
like, I can't relax. And I raninto a lot of people like that,
like they couldn't relax, likerelaxing was traumatic for them.
And now that I've done more workon Oh, you know, my own trauma,
(25:31):
it's like, I can see thatbecause maybe there was
something in your subconsciousthat as soon as you relaxed, you
had someone come and beat you,or something right, or
ridiculed, or who knows what itis because it can be so far in
the subconscious. And then youbuild all these stories around
it, that what actually happenedisn't even true anymore. And I
would see that with my hypnosisclients a lot. And they'd be
(25:52):
like, Oh, my God, that is evenwhat I remember it being this is
what it is, you know. And sothis truth gets revealed. But
yeah, I had a few people thatwere like, as soon as it was
like, close your eyes, theywould just go into panic.
Charity Rodriguez (26:07):
Okay, and there's where you have me hooked
to a psychological drama. I'mlike, That's interesting. I love
that kind of, that's an awesomestory idea. Like, you close your
eyes, and it brings you back tosome kind of trust. Like, that's
where I'm like, yeah. But like,they go there. But I liked the
idea of somebody else goingthere. And I want to hear that
(26:28):
story. And I think that is sofascinating. And that's why I
love those kind of books likethat, and stories and movies and
whatever. But yeah, maybebecause I just can't, maybe cuz
my life might be boring. I don'tthink my life is boring. But
Jennifer Wong (26:44):
well, I don't know, cherry. If you started
uncovering that you might not beas boring as you think.
Charity Rodriguez (26:50):
Well, I don't think I'm boring. I just I don't
think that I, I mean, you knowwhat it's like, I could have a
party by myself. Right? Like, Idon't need people. I don't need
drugs. I don't need I mean,people meet me and I have been
told, you know, people laterhave said, like, I thought that
you because you just oh wait,you know, like he just so happy.
(27:11):
And that just doesn't seemnatural. And I was just like,
oh,
Jennifer Wong (27:16):
well tell us about when you were volunteering
for the parenting group?
Charity Rodriguez (27:21):
No, I'll tell you that another time because I
know we've hit our third.
That'll be the next and I'lltell you, I'll tell you. All
right. Have a great
Jennifer Wong (27:30):
day. Take care.
Bye. Bye. Go meditate.
Charity Rodriguez (27:37):
Yay. Thank you for listening to being
effing honest with your hosts,Jennifer Wong and charity
Rodriguez. Subscribe to our showwherever you listen to podcasts.
And if you have a suggestion,question or topic you want us to
talk about, connect with us atwww being effing honest.com And
until next time, we hope you'realways being effing honest
Hello, and welcome to Our Podcast being
effing honest. I'm JenniferWong.
Charity Rodriguez (00:10):
And I'm Charity Rodriguez.
Jennifer Wong (00:12):
We invite you into our conversations about
everyday issues experienced byeveryday people. We share our
stories with honesty and humor,hoping to bring people together
in community by showing howvulnerability can deepen bonds
when done with kindness and nonjudgment. We know it's tough. So
we'll go ahead and go first
Charity Rodriguez (00:45):
Okay, all right. So you wanted to talk
about
Jennifer Wong (00:50):
leading groups?
Oh, yeah. I mean, we got startedabout me teaching a meditation
group for 12 years. And then youwere sharing about
Charity Rodriguez (01:01):
I was supporting new parents first
time parents. It's a volunteergroup that I I work with, so I'm
still part of them. I just do itwhen I am a bit you know, able
Jennifer Wong (01:14):
Are you doing it from a regular but you did you
in the beginning more regular?
Charity Rodriguez (01:18):
As as Yeah, more regularly at the beginning.
And it just takes a lot though.
It takes a lot to, but you'reall excited to get. And then
it's like, oh, my gosh, there'sa lot of
Jennifer Wong (01:30):
work. Ray is and I
Charity Rodriguez (01:32):
but you go ahead because you have some good
stories. You know, tell me one.
Good story. One. Good story. One
Jennifer Wong (01:38):
good story. Oh, gosh, okay. Wow. Yeah. Well, let
me just start rambling. And I'msure it'll come out. But so I
taught, okay, drug and alcoholrecovery center for 12 years
teaching meditation. And Iremember because I was just
sharing with you that lookingback 12 years ago, when I
started my first group, I wasterrified. You know, like, my 21
(02:02):
year old and I always talk abouthow teenage girls terrify us
even now, I don't know. Theyjust do. And so I felt like I
was going to be standing infront of a bunch of teenagers.
Because, I mean, I had myexperience with people with drug
and alcohol. You know, and I, Iwas in Al Anon. So I mean, I
(02:22):
was, I was familiar, but I don'tknow what it's like to be
standing in front of people thatare just coming out of detox
that, you know, it can be veryintense. And I remember, before
my very first group, I wassitting in my car, and I got
there like, 10 minutes early,and my armpits were sweating.
And I couldn't breathe, and mymouth was dry. And I had, like,
(02:46):
I had printed out what I wasgonna do. And I was like, Oh, my
God, I got to stick to it. And Iwas like, so worried that I had
to be perfect, because I alwaysneeded to be perfect with my
hypnosis clients. And I rememberwalking in. And the first
Recovery Center I went to, washuge. I mean, it was giant, and
(03:07):
there were people everywhere.
And I walked into like, a grouproom that had carpeting. And
they have these little backjacks. So they lean up against
these things. And it was likebeing in front of a bunch of
teenage kids. Like there wastotal chaos and airplanes were
flying and people were cursingand there was people vaping and
I was just like, how am I goingto get control? It's like no one
(03:31):
mentioned. You better have theability to control the room. It
was like, Oh, my God. I rememberjust like my stomach gurgling
and Hello, everybody. Nobody waslike, Bueller. Bueller. Bueller.
Nobody's hearing me. And I'mlike, Hello. We're gonna
(03:54):
meditate. And I rememberfinally, like, somebody else had
to come in and like, get themall riled up and say, Okay, this
is Jennifer Wong. She's yourmeditation instructors. So
you're all gonna sit your assesdown. You're gonna listen. And
I'm like, Oh, it was not. Imean, I'd had meditation groups
(04:17):
before, but people were happy tobe there. They volunteered to be
there. Like half of these peoplewere there because they had
DUIs. They didn't even want toget sober. They were had no
interest, you know, so Oh, myGod. But
Charity Rodriguez (04:32):
But Wait, how did you come to this group?
Like, how did you get connectedwith?
Jennifer Wong (04:37):
So I had started my business business and in
order to get clients, I joinedthis thing called BNI was
business networkingInternational. And through that,
I met an acupuncturist. And herecommended me because he was
already working at this recoverycenter doing acupuncture for the
clients. And so then Iinterviewed with the director
(04:58):
and they said had me come inonce a week to do a one hour
class. And I remember thinking aone hour class for meditation,
like, how am I going tostructure this. And then when I
walked into the first group, Ijust went, Oh my God, I don't
know what I'm doing. I had noidea what I was doing. And so I
just winged it. I mean, I wassweating so much that the whole
(05:19):
sides my shirt, my armpits arejust wet when it was over,
because I was so sick.
Charity Rodriguez (05:27):
But you ended up doing this for 12? For 12
years. Yeah. So you kept going,you believed I just believed it
was
Jennifer Wong (05:35):
the right thing to do. And I love teaching
meditation. And like I wastelling you, when I first
started, I had these ideas ofwhat meditation was, you know,
because of who I studied with.
And these were all people whohad been meditating forever. And
they didn't sit down and go, Oh,you know, when you sit down,
you're gonna have a lot ofthoughts. They were like, No,
sit down and breathe and getinto your quiet place. I was
(05:56):
like, What the fuck I there isnothing quiet between my ears,
you know? But now I'm supposedto go and teach these people
that are thinking the same thingI was, except they're saying it
to me. Like, what? We can'tmeditate? How long is this
class. I mean, it's just, it wasso much resistance. So they
taught me a lot is really whathappened. They taught me how to
(06:19):
teach a class is what ended uphappening. But miraculously, I
used my hypnosis, step myHypnosis Training to really get
them into a space and it andlike, I'd say, for half of them,
it worked, you know. And itreally brought up a lot about
me, like, my own feelings of notbeing good enough of being
(06:41):
stupid of being fake. You know,I'm just out here trying to
teach meditation that I don'teven know what I'm doing, you
know, and, but using my hypnosistechniques, I could get some of
them in. And I remember after myfirst class, one girl just
going, I have never gone thatdeep before in my life, you
know? And I was like, Okay,
Charity Rodriguez (07:04):
I'll be back next week. But yeah, I
Jennifer Wong (07:11):
did it for 12 years, you take your wins, there
was just something that keptleading me to do it, to do it,
to do it to keep doing it. Idon't know how I got it your
first year, because I was onlygoing once a week. So you know,
I'd only do for a month, youknow, which is what? So it'd be
like, 52 a year? Yeah. 52. So itwasn't that many. So the first
year was really just learningand trying to figure it out.
(07:33):
And, and I would listen to theirfeedback, you know, because I'd
always start the class, like,tell me where you're at, what's
your experience, and I alwayshad a different group. So I
could never like do like, thisweek, we're gonna build on next
week. And you know, I couldn'tdo that. Because every week I'd
have different clients, it wasalways a very transient
population, you know. And thensometimes I'd have people that
(07:55):
were there for 90 days. So thenI'd see him for 12 sessions. And
then there were some people thatI'd see the day after they got
out of detox. So they'd be justrocking and holding themselves
in my class. Like, they couldn'tsit still. They were shaking,
you know, I mean, they're ondrugs to get off drugs. It was
like crazy. And it was like, howdo you get this guy over here
(08:18):
that I look at his face, and I'mlike, he's ready to scream. And
then I got this person over herethat's had eight groups with me
and they're ready to they'realready laying down, they're
ready to go. I had some classeswhere people would just all lay
down and fall asleep. And I waslike, this is not nap time.
People. This is not naptime. Andso like one of the, for a while,
(08:41):
I did a group with the guy thatstarted with the acupuncture.
And so that took a good 15minutes. He was way more
assertive. And he'd been there along time. He knew what to do.
And so I remember the one timehe said, remember, this is
meditation, it's not sleep,because if it was a sleep class,
(09:01):
we'd all be enlightened. Like,if it was about sleeping, we all
be enlightened. And then hesaid, and besides, this is your
money. You know, you want to payher to sleep. It's up to you,
you know, and I was like, Lookat him. You go.
Charity Rodriguez (09:17):
Okay, okay.
Well, okay, wait, I now couldyou always have me bring up so
many questions. And I'm like,wait a second. Okay, a, what
made you decide to do this? Ihonestly have not had any active
contact with people coming offdrugs on jugs, in the process of
(09:39):
coming off drugs, like anything.
There may be a drug user sittingnext to me in an office. I
didn't know. But I'm justtalking about like, you just
waited there and you're like,yeah, let me go and help these
people. I in my younger yearswould have been like, Oh no,
because the that might rub offon me. And then I'll end up
(10:02):
being a drug user or oh mygoodness, the horrors of it. I
mean, I'm just telling youhonestly, I'm being honest. That
that's what I would have thoughtit I would have. I would have
been like, Nope, that's not forme. Good luck. I would have
thought you needed. I don't knowsome train psychologist,
psychiatrists, detox, firstly,
Jennifer Wong (10:25):
have them there.
The thing I guess, that
Charity Rodriguez (10:28):
I just would imagine it like they do in the
movies, where they're like, oh,just up and they're sitting
there, and they're restraininggum. And they're like, they're
trying to come up. I honestlyhave never, I lead such a
sheltered life. I never, evercame up with or a saw, or was it
the company of or interactedwith or anything? Okay, I lie, I
(10:52):
lie. When I was in my first job.
I was like 14 or 15. And Iworked at a theater, where big
performance this came in toperform and whatever. And there
was this one guy, he was theoldest one of us. We were
ushers, and we would usherpeople to their seats, you know,
at the beginning of a concert.
(11:17):
And but I was the youngest one.
And I was very naive. I didn'tknow but I worked really hard.
And you know, I did my stuff. Sothis guy, he would always go
into the stairwell with thisother guy, you know, there would
be in there. It was like Whaty'all talking about? I don't
know, like, we just always knew,you know, Jeff a matter in the
hallway, you know, and in thestairwell. And my boss had come
(11:37):
in, and he was looking for them.
And I knew where they're at. Iknow how go get them. And I, you
know, went running over the air.
And I come around the corner,and I hit this wave of smoke.
And it was pot, but I didn'tknow that it was just like, I
had never smelled smoke. I mean,pot. I didn't know what we was.
(11:58):
And I was just like, like, itjust hit me. And I'm like, what
is that? Update? Dude? It's, Ididn't say dudes, but I was
like, Matt, it really smells inhere. We need to let Mr.
Robinson know that there's agross smell in here needs to be
(12:21):
taken care of. And I'll go tellthem but by the way, Mr.
Robinson is looking for youguys. We got to go back into the
the lounge. And they just lookedat me like, you know, like, Are
you kidding me? Are you like?
And then I could see that theywere angry. Like they were like,
(12:44):
she choked, like, and then itwas like, You better not tell
anybody about this. And I waslike, No, I didn't know what
they were talking about. I waslike, We gotta go. Like, we got
to go back to that. And Iimmediately ran off right to see
how they were just so angry.
Like, you better not tellanybody like this. Lady.
Jennifer Wong (13:08):
Oh, my God. It was like,
Charity Rodriguez (13:11):
and then it was later somebody smoked,
actually tried to smoke in theat the counselor at one of the
concerts. Somebody was smokingit. And I had walked by and I
could smell that and somebodywas walking with me. And they
were like, oh, man, we're gonnahave to report them. They're
smoking weed. And you know, theywalked off. And I was like,
that's
Jennifer Wong (13:31):
what that
Charity Rodriguez (13:33):
that's what that was. I see. And then I
stayed away from that guy. Istayed away from that. I didn't
want to be left alone with them.
Because I was like, trying to
Jennifer Wong (13:49):
see, and that's why I ended up teaching because
I was the kid that said they'resmoking weed. I want some of
that. Oh, yes. I was like, oh,where's the party? How do I get
some of that? You know, I waslike, Oh, I'm smoked pot when I
was in fifth grade, or sixthgrade grade with my girlfriends,
(14:10):
and then we smoked cigarettes.
And we did everything. We werelike, we just couldn't wait to
try everything. I would sneakout I would go to parties. I
would meet boys. And of course,whatever. And you know, you know
me all into astrology. Well, Ihave this thing in my eighth
house, which is all about deathand dying and darkness. And it's
like, of course, of course,that's where I am. You know, but
I didn't know that till later.
(14:31):
But yeah, I had to be with theparty. And I would say if I've
had 10 long term relationships,eight of them have been drug
addicts or alcoholics orrecovering from such a thing.
And I didn't even know that whenI pick them. I mean, one of my
husband's was sober for a yearbefore I even you know, got
(14:51):
serious with him before I evenmet him. But still, you know,
even though he never used asubstance while we were
together. He still was from thatHe had stories, crazy stories,
and I love hearing people'scrazy stories. And I think that
in some circles, they call themdrunk logs. So they like tell
about when they got busted. Andsome of them are so funny. Like,
(15:15):
I can't stop laughing like,that's my kind of humor. Those
are my peeps, you know? So is itscary? It is scary, but I was
more concerned about lookinglike I was in charge than really
being scared of them. You know,I was more worried about losing
control of the group and notlooking like I knew my shit more
(15:36):
than I was about being aroundpeople that had been on drugs or
not, I mean, I'm surrounded bythem. I love them. I mean, some
of the people I love the mostare alcoholics, you know. So
that's just, that is just, youknow, the universe will lead us
where we're supposed to be. Andthat's why we're all so
different, right? Because wehave different things we're
supposed to do in the world. Solike, you would never want to
(15:59):
even touch that. And I can'timagine not touching it. I'm
like, they couldn't wait. Butthat just was
Charity Rodriguez (16:06):
not part of like, I didn't know what am I
house drank? Like, no, my daddidn't drink. My mother didn't
know. But we didn't drink andbut we lived very isolated
lives. Like, we just went toschool, and we came home. And
that was it. We all went to thegrocery store together, we all
stick together, we staytogether. And we were just
always together. Like that wasthe world. And I just was like,
I can't wait to get out of this.
Just so that I could have thatlittle bit of freedom of free
(16:28):
thought of like, I want to dowhat I want to do. Not that I
wanted to go smoke or drink ordo anything. I just wanted to
stay out late with my friendsand talk nerdy things that was
and then say, you know, I wantedto come home at 10 o'clock at
night versus nine o'clock atnight. That was it that did
anything else. So I was Yeah, Iwas I know. I know. I know. I
(16:51):
know. I was a very, very, verygoody two shoe. I know, I was
very isolated. I know, I didn'thave a lot of worldly experience
in the world. But, ya know, Ijust felt like, and we would
make jokes of people that drank.
(17:13):
Right? Even one drink. Family,like at the dinner table
wouldn't be like, Oh, we'regonna you know, they invited us
to some kind of party tonight.
Oh, are they going to bedrinking there? Yeah, oh, a
bunch of alcoholics. Right? Thatwould be like the leap that my
family would make. Oh, youbetter be careful when little
drink and Miss Johnson is gonnabe like swinging from the
rafters. That's how we thoughtwhat alcohol did but that was
(17:39):
just like the example that ourparents had, you know, the
stories that they had said,like, oh, yeah, you know, I knew
this guy. And he'd drink. Like,it wasn't like he drank 15 or
20. Like we didn't know, it wasjust like, he drank. And if he
drank, that means you're losingit's black and white, you know,
lowers your inhibitions. Andyou're just a wild person. So we
(18:00):
went like, No, I didn't, that'swhat I was thinking. I was like,
I'm not gonna do that. I don'twant to lose control. I don't
want to be embarrassed in frontof people. So no, I'm good. And
I just didn't like the taste ofit.
Jennifer Wong (18:15):
I'm happy to hear that there are people like your
family out there, you know,because like, everybody I
experienced is the other. Sowhen my now 21 year old, grew up
and went through high school,and did not drink or do drugs, I
was like, What is wrong withour? I kept going? Don't you
want to go to party with yourfriends? Like, what are you
(18:35):
doing on Fourth of July?
Shouldn't you be at a party,she's like, they're just gonna
get drunk and be stupid. I don'twant to go and I'm like, I would
have been like, Sign me up.
Like, I What do you need me tobring? Where do I show up? I
need to drive anybody you know,that I would have been like all
over it. So I had to tone itdown. Just go. Okay. That's
actually a very smart decision.
I didn't have any very manysmart decisions growing up. And
(19:01):
I, you know, by the grace ofGod, they say in the program, I
didn't have the addiction. ButI'm addicted to people. You
know, I was addicted to them. Iwas addicted to their drama. I
was addicted if I didn't evenreally want to fix them. I just
found them very entertaining.
Like, I just think they're sofunny. And they're not afraid.
And they're just crazy. And, youknow, I think one of the things
(19:24):
I loved about them is becauseonce they were self medicated,
they would totally bethemselves, right? Like, the
inhibitions would go away. So Iwould, even though the people
will say, Well, no, you'reseeing them under the influence,
but I could see them as who theyreally were. Because when they
didn't have that they weretrying to pretend and they were
stressed and they were but whenthey were relaxed. I knew who
(19:44):
they were, you know, so I don'tknow.
Charity Rodriguez (19:48):
So but why Why were you attracted to that?
What
Jennifer Wong (19:51):
was fun were seeing your why it was they were
so much fun. My favorite familymember was my uncle who is about
maybe 13 or 14 years older thanme. And I mean, he was probably
an alcoholic drug addict, but noone in our family labeled it
that they just said, Oh, he justdrinks a lot or he just can't
(20:13):
get his shit together as more ofwhat I heard. But now that I
have been in Al Anon, and Iunderstood alcoholism, better,
Mike, he was a full alcoholic. Imean, he had a problem. But we
didn't look at the problem. Wejust said, he can't get his shit
together, you know, because hehad things in his life that did
not go well for him. But he wasmy favorite person. And you know
why? He was fun. He was free. Hedidn't follow the rules. He
(20:37):
played music. He could play aguitar or piano a banjo. I just
was like, I'm in. whereveryou're going. I am going and
there's tons of drinking. Andsometimes there's cocaine. And
sometimes there's marijuana.
Yeah, let's go.
Charity Rodriguez (20:51):
Oh, my God.
Okay, we are now like running inopposite directions. That is in
the middle. And you're like,yes. And I know, I'm like, so
far god. I'm like, No, notinterested. Don't care, though.
Do you know, like, I will helpyou by putting help on a tray
and pushing it out to you with along extended arm that is now, I
(21:13):
don't like chaos. I don't like Ilike fantastical, wild, crazy,
you know, sci fi drama. But likereal drama, real chaos, real
life, people's feelings andemotions. And they're falling
(21:37):
apart. And I'm just like, Idon't know what to do how to
help you. I don't I don't knowhow to help. So I don't know
what to do. So then that justis, whoa,
Jennifer Wong (21:52):
well, I think that that's what you know, so I
haven't really done drugs oralcohol on like, 20 years. But I
think that, that chaos caught upto me. And then I went into my
own self help work. And it wasmeditation and hypnosis that
really made a difference for me.
And that's why, and then I waslike, I know what can help,
because it helped me so it canhelp somebody, you know, it's
(22:12):
possible. So I had to go out anddo this, I became a
Hypnotherapist. And, and thenlike, not everybody liked
hypnosis. So I got intomeditation, took some trainings,
I and I was like, I got to sharethis, like, this is powerful.
And all the research is there,right? So I was like, I'm backed
by research, because there'stons of research on what
(22:35):
meditation does to youphysiologically, as well as
emotionally and behaviorally. SoI, I tried to make a business
out of it. But I did enjoyteaching, I really did. I was
really sad when the pandemic hitand like, and I was, I kind of
let myself go from it. But
Charity Rodriguez (22:56):
I think we all it was really,
Jennifer Wong (22:57):
I loved it. And then I was doing meditation
groups on Zoom for a whileduring the pandemic, and I'd
have like three people, youknow, because it's not something
people feel is a priority. Youknow, it's not a priority. Shit,
I got, I gotta make money, Igotta feed the kids, I gotta
pick up the kids, I don't havetime to sit and meditate Are you
nuts, but the people that wouldlove to and actually in the
group, there would be towardsthe end and my teaching style
(23:20):
changed a lot from just getquiet to, I know you're going to
close your eyes, and it's goingto be louder than it's been when
your eyes are open, you aregoing to fidget you are going to
want to scream and run out ofhere. I know that and that's
normal, you know. And then whenI started getting more real with
my teaching, I got more peoplethat could sit with it more
(23:40):
often. And by the end, I'd saythe last five years, people
would be like, I'm so gladyou're here. I'm so glad you're
here. I've been waiting for yourclass all week, you know, and
they seem like they never knewwhen my class was because they
were running around with theirhair on fire. But they'd see me
and they'd be like, Oh, I'm soglad you're here and I'd be
like, I'm in the right place.
You know, I'm doing the rightthing. Even if I help one
person, that's enough.
Charity Rodriguez (24:03):
Okay, I think maybe I just don't like being
alone with my thoughts. I'm justlike, maybe that's that's my
right issue. Like, I don't whatI do with all that cut, what
would I find if I went thatdeep? I mean, what, who would I
be? I don't know. I have noidea. Um, I don't know. I'm
learning. I am learning Jenniferwith you. I am learning I am
(24:26):
trying by step by step. I feellike I take two steps forward.
And then I take three stepsback. I don't know. I don't know
about that. I'm not sure I'll goand check this out. But then I
keep pulling back and like Iknow
Jennifer Wong (24:46):
well, I think that's what's so good about an
instructor or with someonethat's kind of leading it
because it doesn't feel as scarywhen somebody's with you in it.
You know, sometimes when I wouldmeditate by my So if I'd be
like, I don't know if I want togo here, and there would be
thoughts that I just did notwant to deal with, I actually
had an MD that she was my MD,and I was telling her that I was
(25:09):
in a therapist, and I taughtmeditation, and she said, I have
a panic attack, as soon as Iclose my eyes and get calm,
like, I can't relax. And I raninto a lot of people like that,
like they couldn't relax, likerelaxing was traumatic for them.
And now that I've done more workon Oh, you know, my own trauma,
(25:31):
it's like, I can see thatbecause maybe there was
something in your subconsciousthat as soon as you relaxed, you
had someone come and beat you,or something right, or
ridiculed, or who knows what itis because it can be so far in
the subconscious. And then youbuild all these stories around
it, that what actually happenedisn't even true anymore. And I
would see that with my hypnosisclients a lot. And they'd be
(25:52):
like, Oh, my God, that is evenwhat I remember it being this is
what it is, you know. And sothis truth gets revealed. But
yeah, I had a few people thatwere like, as soon as it was
like, close your eyes, theywould just go into panic.
Charity Rodriguez (26:07):
Okay, and there's where you have me hooked
to a psychological drama. I'mlike, That's interesting. I love
that kind of, that's an awesomestory idea. Like, you close your
eyes, and it brings you back tosome kind of trust. Like, that's
where I'm like, yeah. But like,they go there. But I liked the
idea of somebody else goingthere. And I want to hear that
(26:28):
story. And I think that is sofascinating. And that's why I
love those kind of books likethat, and stories and movies and
whatever. But yeah, maybebecause I just can't, maybe cuz
my life might be boring. I don'tthink my life is boring. But
Jennifer Wong (26:44):
well, I don't know, cherry. If you started
uncovering that you might not beas boring as you think.
Charity Rodriguez (26:50):
Well, I don't think I'm boring. I just I don't
think that I, I mean, you knowwhat it's like, I could have a
party by myself. Right? Like, Idon't need people. I don't need
drugs. I don't need I mean,people meet me and I have been
told, you know, people laterhave said, like, I thought that
you because you just oh wait,you know, like he just so happy.
(27:11):
And that just doesn't seemnatural. And I was just like,
oh,
Jennifer Wong (27:16):
well tell us about when you were volunteering
for the parenting group?
Charity Rodriguez (27:21):
No, I'll tell you that another time because I
know we've hit our third.
That'll be the next and I'lltell you, I'll tell you. All
right. Have a great
Jennifer Wong (27:30):
day. Take care.
Bye. Bye. Go meditate.
Charity Rodriguez (27:37):
Yay. Thank you for listening to being
effing honest with your hosts,Jennifer Wong and charity
Rodriguez. Subscribe to our showwherever you listen to podcasts.
And if you have a suggestion,question or topic you want us to
talk about, connect with us atwww being effing honest.com And
until next time, we hope you'realways being effing honest
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