October 23, 2024 • 28 mins
What if the power of community and dedication could shape generations? Join us as we explore the inspiring journey of Richard and Barbara Lustig, pillars of Congregation Rodeph Sholom. With Richard's family ties spanning five generations and Barbara's four, their story is one of legacy, love, and devotion. From their meeting at a CRS Purim Carnival to 64 years of marriage, their shared commitment to nurturing and inspiring future generations has left a lasting impact on the community. Richard's wartime experiences and Barbara's dedication to choir and service showcase their resilience and love.
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Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (00:04):
The human story is the search for
belonging.
From childhood to adulthood, injoy and in struggle, we all sit
in questions of how to makesense of it all.
What is our place?
Why are we here?
What is our story of searching?
Join us in conversation withcommunity members each sharing
some of their own story.
(00:27):
I am Ben Spratt and this isBelonging.
It is such an honor and truly agift to get to be with two
beloved friends, mentors,teachers and legends of this
congregation, Richard andBarbara Lustig.
And there's So, Richard, yourfamily is a five-generation
family here of Roto Shalom thatgoes all the way back as a
founding family when RodephSholom was on Clinton Street,
and throughout the generations,you have risen up to be a model
of this congregation.
no way to tell the story of thetwo of you without really
telling the story of thiscongregation, Richard and
Barbara Lustig.
And there's no way to tell thestory of the two of you without
(00:47):
really telling the story of thiscongregation.
You have served on our boardof trustees, you helped chair
(01:09):
the membership and foundationcommittees and even, as you
continue to be, on our emeritusboard.
Even more importantly, in manyways you have had a lifetime of
growing up as a bar mitzvah andcompromise here, but then
ensuring your children andgrandchildren are woven into the
ethos of Rodeph Sholom alongthe way.
You also served in the army.
(01:31):
You were a part of the SignalCorps, specializing in
cryptography and film, and youactually, before you went to the
army, were helping to chaperoneat a Purim carnival here at
Congregation And, Barbara, yourfamily goes back four
generations here, and yourfamily has generations of
modeling leadership here,chairing so many elements of the
congregation, your motheractually helping to found the
nursery school, and you yourselfhaving held almost every
possible position within thesewalls.
Sholom, where you met one ofthe teen youth groupers, the
amazing Barbara, and so yourlove story really started within
(01:52):
these walls and has continuedthrough these walls, and I know
that you and Barbara justcelebrated 64 years of And,
Barbara, under your leadership,we have not only seen you rise
as a trustee of thiscongregation but as an adult bar
mitzvah of this congregation.
earlier this month.
I believe Rabbi Louis Newmanactually jokingly said Barbara
(02:21):
Lustig, she has served aspresident of everything except
for the men's club.
You also headed up the as thepresident of the Parents
Association, of the Sisterhood,of our Inspiring Women
Initiative and countless otherelements.
(02:43):
Your story, Barbara and Richard, is a story of two people who
have grown up with the love ofcommunity and have chosen to
turn that love of community intothe strengthening of it and
perpetuating it for the nextgenerations.
As one of so many who have beenshaped and changed and embraced
by the two of you, it is such ablessing to have you with us
(03:05):
today and for listeners here toget to hear a bit of your
journey in search for belonging.
Welcome.
Barbara Lustig (03:10):
Rabbi, this has been such an honor for Richard
and I and being part of thiscommunity and seeing it grow the
way it has, and we are honoredbeyond all measure to be here as
your guests.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (03:24):
What a blessing to be with you both, so
grateful.
So, as you know, this is apodcast about belonging and
would love, Barbara, to beginwith you, to hear about your
search for belonging.
Barbara Lustig (03:35):
There was no question in my life that Rodeph
Sholom was a spiritual home.
My father was brought up as anOrthodox Jew.
My mother was brought up atRotev Sholem and when it came to
raising their children, it washere at Rodeph Sholom where we
came.
It was a wonderful, wonderfulopportunity to have formal
(03:56):
Jewish education, but the truthis that our family was very
immersed in the tradition ofJudaism.
First of all, both my parentswere leaders here.
My mother was president of theParents Association.
During her tenure she foundedthe nursery school.
My father was president ofBrotherhood.
But I had a special privilegeas a member of the youth group.
(04:17):
I was asked to be a delegate tothe Board of Trustees.
So I have actually sat on theBoard of Trustees since I'm 14
years old and now I'm a memberof the board, honorary member of
the board and now an emeritusmember.
So it's been a wonderful time,and seeing the congregation
change in so many ways has beenquite extraordinary.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (04:40):
So what did they say?
As they saw you at age 14 beinga delegate to the board, as
they saw you grow up and notonly find the love of your life
within these walls, but thenchoose to be a leader of it, did
they ever comment to you?
Did they offer theirreflections?
Barbara Lustig (04:56):
Yes, it was very interesting because when I met
Richard and he was a chaperoneat the Purim Carnival when I was
15.
I remember at that same nightRichard met my parents.
The next day he came to havebrunch at my parents' home, met
my grandmother.
But when my parents saw thatRichard was really interested in
(05:17):
me and I was a junior at Musicand Art at the time, my mother
called her very dear friend,Lucille Newman, and they said
your neighbor is very interestedin Barbara and there's quite an
age difference.
He's in business, alreadyfinished with college.
Can you tell me about him?
He's wonderful, a great family.
No-transcript.
(06:06):
I was going to finish, or begin,actually, my college years at
the University of Georgia.
There was a branch in Augustaand one of the most wonderful
things there was that RabbiNewman called ahead to the rabbi
in Augusta and said we had thisyoung couple.
We're going to be at the armybase.
(06:28):
Barbara could sing in yourchoir and she comes from a
family very devoted to Judaism.
And the congregation embracedus.
I sang in the choir, Richardwas in the army, I had my whole
life, was just embraced, evenfrom a distance from Rabbi
Newman and Rodeph.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (06:47):
Shalom Beautiful.
So even from afar, roto Shalomwas still holding together and
holding you together, and youwere still building community
wherever you went.
Yes, it's amazing.
So, Richard, I'd love to hearabout your search for belonging.
Richard Lustig (07:01):
Well, I did not come from a family that was
heavily into Judaism.
My father was in World War I.
A shell landed near him andthey found him in a hospital in
(07:23):
France.
He had lost his memory and ittook a while for him to gain his
speech and whatever back.
His father was the founder ofTemple Beth El in Glens Falls.
As I said before, my father wasnot well.
(07:46):
His father must have beenfairly religious to start that
temple, but it didn't seem torub off on him.
My mother, on the other hand,was instrumental in me going to
Rode of Sholom.
We started off on 79th Street,near Mount Nebo, I believe it
(08:09):
was, and then my father moved usto 271 Central Park West, where
we discovered Rabbi Newman wasright above us.
So every time there was awedding at his house, the
(08:30):
chandeliers would shake whenthey broke the glass.
One day, Ellen Freed, I thinkher name was she was a director
of the religious school she cameto me and asked if I would
chaperone the Purim carnivalthat was going on, and I was
(08:54):
walking around and I saw thislovely looking young lady and I
pursued her.
I don't know how many dates wehad.
I pursued her.
I don't know how many dates wehad and I fell in love with her
family because I love sports andBarbara's father was a
(09:16):
professional football player.
So it came as a natural.
So we dated and dated and thenI asked Barbara if she would
marry me.
I said I'll ask your father.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (09:35):
She says oh , you have to ask my sister too.
Barbara Lustig (09:36):
I have to tell you a funny story, if I may,
about when we were dating.
My parents had a summer housein New Jersey, so my parents
were expecting us for theweekend.
So we were getting ready toleave the Lustigs and go to my
parents' home on the JerseyShore and Richard had a suitcase
in one hand and me in the otherhand.
(09:58):
And in the back of the elevatorat 271 was Rabbi Newman who
stood with his hands crossed andhe said I hope you children
aren't planning anything foolish.
And that was our.
We never really got out of theeyes of anyone in the synagogue.
Richard Lustig (10:14):
You never met.
Rabbi Newman, did you Sadly no,he was a very tall gentleman
and when he spoke it was likeGod.
You know, he had a deep voiceand he was a lovely man.
He really was.
Barbara Lustig (10:29):
We were married by Rabbi Newman and Cantor
Hirschberg.
And half the congregation wasat our wedding.
It was very, very special andwe went on our honeymoon and
after that we went directly toGeorgia.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (10:44):
So, from my vantage point, from the moment
that I entered this community,one of the elements about the
two of you that has been mostdazzling is your profound love
for one another.
It is simply a love that exudesinto every space the way that
you look at each other, the waythat you hold each other's hands
(11:05):
, the way that you see that yourpath in life is always defined
by your togetherness.
And I was just wondering if wecould talk a little bit, if
you're willing, about how youcreated such a magnificent
marriage and how you haveallowed that love to live so
loudly in the spaces around you.
For so many of us in our searchfor belonging, a lot of it is
(11:29):
about learning both how we canbe loved and to love in return.
So, 64 years of marriage butnot just that 64 years of
romance and passion and joy andstruggle that you have walked
through all of that together.
Teach us the ways, Tell us.
Barbara Lustig (11:47):
One of the things that we were blessed with
were marvelous examples.
Carolyn and Julian Lustig weredevoted parents to Richard and
Arlene.
My parents, Pearl and David,were wonderful examples and took
care.
My grandma Molly, who livedwith us after my grandpa Julius,
(12:08):
passed away and I rememberRichard going with my father to
buy a car and grandma Molly'swheelchair wouldn't fit in the
trunk and although he loved thatcar, he did not buy it.
It was the kind of devotionthat we have always felt.
We have tried very hard to besupportive and show that respect
(12:29):
and love to our children aswell.
Stephen and Donald.
We were very, shall I say, nothelicopter parents, but we were
at all the athletic events,whether it was Donald's football
game at Johns Hopkins orStephen's sailing for Brandeis.
We tried to always be involved,and lovingly so, but we have
(12:52):
tried very hard always to bethere for each other.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (12:56):
Beautiful and I'm wondering.
You know, Richard, we had aconversation.
It was about a year after I gotmarried so it was about 18
years ago I think and we weretalking about marriage and you
know you were wanting to know alittle bit more about Micah and
you know Micah is a cantor andstrong, intelligent, creative,
(13:19):
thoughtful person and one of thethings that I was so struck by
is you immediately spoke aboutwhat it was in your words
Barbara's strength anddedication and devotion in all
spaces.
And I was also thinking aboutthat move of how do we look at
the people that we are connectedto and whether it's
romantically, in marriage orfriends and things and how do we
(13:43):
create the space in ourselvesto look with admiration about
the gifts that they bring intothe world.
So, Richard, I'd love to knowhow did you get to a place of
enough integrity and confidencein yourself that you could
simply turn to look intoBarbara's eyes and simply just
want the world to see andcelebrate her?
Richard Lustig (14:04):
I am amazed every time I look at Barbara,
because her accomplishmentsnever end and she's a wonderful
leader, she's an excellentmother and a wonderful wife, a
wonderful companion, and shegets better every day, thank you
(14:29):
.
I think it was Barbara thatsort of inspired me to go
further into Judaism and I tookon chairman of membership and
seating and a few otherpositions and, Barbara, we found
(14:53):
that we did not compete withone another.
You know our expertise were alittle different, but we raised
two wonderful children who wenton to make us very proud.
Barbara Lustig (15:13):
That is true.
Stephen and Donald grew up herein the synagogue and feel it's
their home.
In fact, when Stephen and Tracywere married, they were married
in our sanctuary.
I think it's important to knowthat in our house, for example,
Richard will say to me, "Honey,the Yankee game goes on at 8
o'clock or the Stanley Cups aregoing on, so that we have
(15:34):
managed, whether it's beingactive at the Historical Society
or at Hunter College orwhatever, we balance, and we've
always done that and I think ithas come from when I was a
student and he was in the Army.
I was able to be an honorstudent and do well, because I
wasn't dating, I wasn't tryingto combine an outside life.
(15:57):
Richard was in the Army, I wasin school.
We had our paths.
We respected what we had to do.
Richard was always respectful.
If there was something going on, he knew I had to study, he
knew I had a pay-per-do.
That's the kind of support fromthe beginning and I think that
that continued as we progressed.
(16:18):
Whether it was an educationalevent, whether it was a sporting
event, whether it was acultural event going to the
opera, whatever it was, werespected the fact.
This is your night, this isyour program.
We'll get together later, andwe do that now as well.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (16:35):
So you both have seen different eras of the
city, different eras of thiscongregation, and I was
wondering if you could tell usthe story of the two of you in a
New York City that has beenevolving and changing, and what
does it mean to be lifelong NewYorkers and see it through so
many different experiences?
And you know I think even youknow I started my journey here
(16:59):
at Roto Shalom about a monthbefore September 11th 2001.
And over the course of thesepast 23 years I've seen
different chapters of the city.
You have seen so many differentdecades, different mayors,
different leadership, differentrealities, different challenges,
different ways in which peopleexpress their New York pride.
I'd love to hear what have youseen change over these years?
Richard Lustig (17:22):
Well, in growing up I remember I think it was
the 3rd Avenue had an elevatedtrain subway.
That's no longer there.
And I remember double-deckerbuses along the west side but
(17:42):
they were proven later not to betoo safe in turning they may
lean too far.
And also there were trolleycars on Broadway and overhead
wires that would supply theelectricity.
They paved over the tracks andthat was gone.
(18:07):
I don't think we had Uber orLyft taxis.
We didn't have outdoor cafes.
It was pretty simple, you know.
Barbara says that my sister andbrother-in-law are going to
(18:27):
Israel and we'll becommunicating on our little
phones On WhatsApp.
Yeah, I mean, that's one of thebiggest changes I know of, and
every day something new waspopping up.
Barbara Lustig (18:41):
Well, I'll say that September 11th was quite a
horrible time, as you know, andI remember that day I was going
to a meeting at Hunter and onthe bus they made an
announcement that there wasgoing to be a detour.
They didn't even know what hadhappened and I got to York
(19:04):
Avenue and you could see smokerising in the distance.
We didn't know that it was aterrorist attack.
And I was on the phone withStephen's wife and I said are
you all right?
She said there's been an attack.
There are troops, there are allkinds of things going on in
(19:26):
Washington.
How are you?
I said we're all right.
I'm going back home right now.
All of a sudden, a young ladyran over to me.
She said are you on a call?
Don't hang up.
Don't hang up.
I said I won't hang up.
What's the matter?
She said I worked at the tradecenter.
(19:46):
She said my mother is in SaltLake City.
She doesn't know whether I'm atwork or not.
Please, whoever it is, havethem call my mother and say that
I'm okay.
And that was the beginning ofthat day.
And then we all came toservices here at Temple and very
(20:10):
dear friends Jane Eisner,graham, who went to school with
Richard.
His son-in-law, brian Murphy,died on that day.
Doug Neimans was at a meetinghere and didn't go to his office
I believe it was CantorFitzgerald at the Trade Center.
(20:31):
So many things happened on thatday and when you brought that up
I remember it so distinctly.
Everything is not always rosyin life and I lost my mother to
an unfortunate complication.
She broke her hip and the clotswent from her hip to her heart
(20:55):
and my father passed away 15months later, went from her hip
to her heart and my fatherpassed away 15 months later.
So I became the matriarch ofthe family and a leader here.
But as our children grew up andwere married and we're so
blessed with our grandchildrenand what was wonderful was that
our boys, stephen and Donald,had such a rapport with Rabbi
(21:17):
Hirschberg at the time, ofcourse, and Cantor B Rahn that
when Stephen's children becamebar and bat mitzvahed in
Virginia, they invited Cantor BRahn and Paul, and not only as
guests, but that Ephraim coulddo the blessing of the Kiddush
at their synagogue.
And so the feeling of communityhas been generational and I
(21:43):
think that that's what makes ushappiest that our friends, like
the Harkovys and theLichtensteins who've passed away
, of course, the Zuckermanns, somany families, the Zabars I
don't want to mention any morebecause I'm afraid I'll leave
out some of our dearest friends,but it's just been terrific.
(22:07):
And I remember being on theCantorial Search Committee and I
remember seeing when I was anoverseer at the Board of
Overseers at Hebrew UnionCollege Jewish Institute of
Religion, and in that role I wasable to do admissions.
One of the people that Iadmitted, thank God, was Shana
(22:31):
Pavey, who is now our seniorcantor, shana DeLow, who is now
our senior cantor, shana DeLoe,and seeing her progress from one
stage to the other and then tobe your partner here is just so
wonderful.
And the other thing that I wasable to do which I felt so
strongly about was to make surethat cantors received the same
(22:52):
honor that rabbis did after 25years.
At the time they were not, andI thought.
They go to Israel together,they have their studies together
, they respect each other asco-members of the clergy and
it's only right, and so that wasanother thing that I felt very
strongly about.
Richard Lustig (23:10):
It's unbelievable when we talk about
our grandchildren and to thinkof them.
When we talk about ourgrandchildren and to think of
them, they're in their 20s nowand, you know, as you get older,
time seems to pass very fastReally.
You know, when you look back onyour life and you say I can't
(23:38):
believe I did this or I did thisor that, or I can't believe I
accomplished all this, I lookback at when we started our
marriage and where we are now,and it's unbelievable, he said.
I can't believe we did all thisand yet we have.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (23:56):
And I think this is part of what I want to
affirm in you both is you haveseen this congregation through
different leadership, throughdifferent challenges, through
moments when we've had to findways of opening wider the doors
of belonging.
Under your lifetime here, youhave seen the rise of female
clergy, openly queer clergy.
(24:16):
You have seen us embarking on ajourney of trying to embrace a
racial diversity that reflectsworld Jewry and to see that as
we've tried to create greaterembrace for disability and
accommodations and belonging forpeople of all needs.
It is an ever-changing worldaround us and we have the
(24:37):
orientation either of trying toblock what is inevitable, of
trying to block what isinevitable, or instead, as you
were saying, Barbara, how do welook at our agency to move that
change forward towards thebetter?
Barbara Lustig (24:49):
If you embrace the fact that it's a blessing to
be here and it's very importantto be positive to cluno lum,
repairing the world, doingthings that you can.
You can't change everything,but you have to make a stand,
whether it's in a conversationor physically going and doing
(25:13):
something, because we areblessed.
Our parents, my parents, didn'tlive that long.
We cherish every moment.
When the phones came out, Irealized I have to know how to
email, I have to know how totext.
I want to be in touch with mygrandchildren.
So, for example, the StanleyCup playoffs were just on and so
(25:38):
, instead of just calling,Richard and Matthew and Donald
and Stephen are on their phonessending messages.
I'm sending emojis of hockeysticks and goals and so forth.
It was wonderful, it wasterrific.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (25:53):
I want to share one of hundreds of stories
that I could share with ourlisteners that we've had the
chance to be with and reallyexperience together.
But I want to share a recentexperience.
So a number of weeks ago I hadthe honor of getting to be a
part of a program over at theStryker Center at Temple Emanuel
and, as I was instructed, I gotthere nice and early.
(26:14):
And who was there waiting tomake sure they were the first in
the door?
But the two of you.
And I thought for a moment ofwhat it was to sit with two
people who have been my belovedfriends, who have shown me the
very best of Roto Shalom andwhat it was for you to be there,
because you wanted for me tofeel support and to have
(26:36):
familiar faces, but because youalso are people who are always
wanting to grow and learn.
And when I was sitting there onthe stage and getting to be in
conversation and I looked outand I saw the two of you holding
each other's hands with hugesmiles on your faces, and I
think about what it is to growup in this community, to see a
(26:58):
world that is ever-changing, acongregation that is
ever-changing, and to continueto embrace generation after
generation of leaders andwanting to make sure that you
can inspire in us the very bestof what we and this place can be
.
This is a congregation that hasbeen changed by both of your
families and by the two of you,and, as one of many rabbis, as
(27:21):
one of many clergy people thathave grown up in this place, I
want to offer profound gratitudefor having an orientation of
leading with love, of being ableto celebrate a congregation,
not just because of beinganchored in what has been, but
taking that as the source ofstrength so that we continue to
evolve into what we need to be.
And you both just dynamicallyshow that every single time.
(27:43):
We get to evolve into what weneed to be.
And you both just dynamicallyshow that every single time we
get to step into your home,whether you and when you welcome
us into the very heart of thissanctuary space with your smiles
and your love and your radiance.
So just grateful for the two ofyou, such a blessing.
Barbara Lustig (27:57):
Thank you so much.
This has truly been an honor.
Thank you.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (28:02):
Thank you for joining us and listening to
this story of belonging.
Stay connected with us onFacebook and Instagram.
You can find me on Twitter at@Ben H Spratt.
For more information about CRS,visit us online at
rodephsholomorg.
The human story is the search for
belonging.
From childhood to adulthood, injoy and in struggle, we all sit
in questions of how to makesense of it all.
What is our place?
Why are we here?
What is our story of searching?
Join us in conversation withcommunity members each sharing
some of their own story.
(00:27):
I am Ben Spratt and this isBelonging.
It is such an honor and truly agift to get to be with two
beloved friends, mentors,teachers and legends of this
congregation, Richard andBarbara Lustig.
And there's So, Richard, yourfamily is a five-generation
family here of Roto Shalom thatgoes all the way back as a
founding family when RodephSholom was on Clinton Street,
and throughout the generations,you have risen up to be a model
of this congregation.
no way to tell the story of thetwo of you without really
telling the story of thiscongregation, Richard and
Barbara Lustig.
And there's no way to tell thestory of the two of you without
(00:47):
really telling the story of thiscongregation.
You have served on our boardof trustees, you helped chair
(01:09):
the membership and foundationcommittees and even, as you
continue to be, on our emeritusboard.
Even more importantly, in manyways you have had a lifetime of
growing up as a bar mitzvah andcompromise here, but then
ensuring your children andgrandchildren are woven into the
ethos of Rodeph Sholom alongthe way.
You also served in the army.
(01:31):
You were a part of the SignalCorps, specializing in
cryptography and film, and youactually, before you went to the
army, were helping to chaperoneat a Purim carnival here at
Congregation And, Barbara, yourfamily goes back four
generations here, and yourfamily has generations of
modeling leadership here,chairing so many elements of the
congregation, your motheractually helping to found the
nursery school, and you yourselfhaving held almost every
possible position within thesewalls.
Sholom, where you met one ofthe teen youth groupers, the
amazing Barbara, and so yourlove story really started within
(01:52):
these walls and has continuedthrough these walls, and I know
that you and Barbara justcelebrated 64 years of And,
Barbara, under your leadership,we have not only seen you rise
as a trustee of thiscongregation but as an adult bar
mitzvah of this congregation.
earlier this month.
I believe Rabbi Louis Newmanactually jokingly said Barbara
(02:21):
Lustig, she has served aspresident of everything except
for the men's club.
You also headed up the as thepresident of the Parents
Association, of the Sisterhood,of our Inspiring Women
Initiative and countless otherelements.
(02:43):
Your story, Barbara and Richard, is a story of two people who
have grown up with the love ofcommunity and have chosen to
turn that love of community intothe strengthening of it and
perpetuating it for the nextgenerations.
As one of so many who have beenshaped and changed and embraced
by the two of you, it is such ablessing to have you with us
(03:05):
today and for listeners here toget to hear a bit of your
journey in search for belonging.
Welcome.
Barbara Lustig (03:10):
Rabbi, this has been such an honor for Richard
and I and being part of thiscommunity and seeing it grow the
way it has, and we are honoredbeyond all measure to be here as
your guests.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (03:24):
What a blessing to be with you both, so
grateful.
So, as you know, this is apodcast about belonging and
would love, Barbara, to beginwith you, to hear about your
search for belonging.
Barbara Lustig (03:35):
There was no question in my life that Rodeph
Sholom was a spiritual home.
My father was brought up as anOrthodox Jew.
My mother was brought up atRotev Sholem and when it came to
raising their children, it washere at Rodeph Sholom where we
came.
It was a wonderful, wonderfulopportunity to have formal
(03:56):
Jewish education, but the truthis that our family was very
immersed in the tradition ofJudaism.
First of all, both my parentswere leaders here.
My mother was president of theParents Association.
During her tenure she foundedthe nursery school.
My father was president ofBrotherhood.
But I had a special privilegeas a member of the youth group.
(04:17):
I was asked to be a delegate tothe Board of Trustees.
So I have actually sat on theBoard of Trustees since I'm 14
years old and now I'm a memberof the board, honorary member of
the board and now an emeritusmember.
So it's been a wonderful time,and seeing the congregation
change in so many ways has beenquite extraordinary.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (04:40):
So what did they say?
As they saw you at age 14 beinga delegate to the board, as
they saw you grow up and notonly find the love of your life
within these walls, but thenchoose to be a leader of it, did
they ever comment to you?
Did they offer theirreflections?
Barbara Lustig (04:56):
Yes, it was very interesting because when I met
Richard and he was a chaperoneat the Purim Carnival when I was
15.
I remember at that same nightRichard met my parents.
The next day he came to havebrunch at my parents' home, met
my grandmother.
But when my parents saw thatRichard was really interested in
(05:17):
me and I was a junior at Musicand Art at the time, my mother
called her very dear friend,Lucille Newman, and they said
your neighbor is very interestedin Barbara and there's quite an
age difference.
He's in business, alreadyfinished with college.
Can you tell me about him?
He's wonderful, a great family.
No-transcript.
(06:06):
I was going to finish, or begin,actually, my college years at
the University of Georgia.
There was a branch in Augustaand one of the most wonderful
things there was that RabbiNewman called ahead to the rabbi
in Augusta and said we had thisyoung couple.
We're going to be at the armybase.
(06:28):
Barbara could sing in yourchoir and she comes from a
family very devoted to Judaism.
And the congregation embracedus.
I sang in the choir, Richardwas in the army, I had my whole
life, was just embraced, evenfrom a distance from Rabbi
Newman and Rodeph.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (06:47):
Shalom Beautiful.
So even from afar, roto Shalomwas still holding together and
holding you together, and youwere still building community
wherever you went.
Yes, it's amazing.
So, Richard, I'd love to hearabout your search for belonging.
Richard Lustig (07:01):
Well, I did not come from a family that was
heavily into Judaism.
My father was in World War I.
A shell landed near him andthey found him in a hospital in
(07:23):
France.
He had lost his memory and ittook a while for him to gain his
speech and whatever back.
His father was the founder ofTemple Beth El in Glens Falls.
As I said before, my father wasnot well.
(07:46):
His father must have beenfairly religious to start that
temple, but it didn't seem torub off on him.
My mother, on the other hand,was instrumental in me going to
Rode of Sholom.
We started off on 79th Street,near Mount Nebo, I believe it
(08:09):
was, and then my father moved usto 271 Central Park West, where
we discovered Rabbi Newman wasright above us.
So every time there was awedding at his house, the
(08:30):
chandeliers would shake whenthey broke the glass.
One day, Ellen Freed, I thinkher name was she was a director
of the religious school she cameto me and asked if I would
chaperone the Purim carnivalthat was going on, and I was
(08:54):
walking around and I saw thislovely looking young lady and I
pursued her.
I don't know how many dates wehad.
I pursued her.
I don't know how many dates wehad and I fell in love with her
family because I love sports andBarbara's father was a
(09:16):
professional football player.
So it came as a natural.
So we dated and dated and thenI asked Barbara if she would
marry me.
I said I'll ask your father.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (09:35):
She says oh , you have to ask my sister too.
Barbara Lustig (09:36):
I have to tell you a funny story, if I may,
about when we were dating.
My parents had a summer housein New Jersey, so my parents
were expecting us for theweekend.
So we were getting ready toleave the Lustigs and go to my
parents' home on the JerseyShore and Richard had a suitcase
in one hand and me in the otherhand.
(09:58):
And in the back of the elevatorat 271 was Rabbi Newman who
stood with his hands crossed andhe said I hope you children
aren't planning anything foolish.
And that was our.
We never really got out of theeyes of anyone in the synagogue.
Richard Lustig (10:14):
You never met.
Rabbi Newman, did you Sadly no,he was a very tall gentleman
and when he spoke it was likeGod.
You know, he had a deep voiceand he was a lovely man.
He really was.
Barbara Lustig (10:29):
We were married by Rabbi Newman and Cantor
Hirschberg.
And half the congregation wasat our wedding.
It was very, very special andwe went on our honeymoon and
after that we went directly toGeorgia.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (10:44):
So, from my vantage point, from the moment
that I entered this community,one of the elements about the
two of you that has been mostdazzling is your profound love
for one another.
It is simply a love that exudesinto every space the way that
you look at each other, the waythat you hold each other's hands
(11:05):
, the way that you see that yourpath in life is always defined
by your togetherness.
And I was just wondering if wecould talk a little bit, if
you're willing, about how youcreated such a magnificent
marriage and how you haveallowed that love to live so
loudly in the spaces around you.
For so many of us in our searchfor belonging, a lot of it is
(11:29):
about learning both how we canbe loved and to love in return.
So, 64 years of marriage butnot just that 64 years of
romance and passion and joy andstruggle that you have walked
through all of that together.
Teach us the ways, Tell us.
Barbara Lustig (11:47):
One of the things that we were blessed with
were marvelous examples.
Carolyn and Julian Lustig weredevoted parents to Richard and
Arlene.
My parents, Pearl and David,were wonderful examples and took
care.
My grandma Molly, who livedwith us after my grandpa Julius,
(12:08):
passed away and I rememberRichard going with my father to
buy a car and grandma Molly'swheelchair wouldn't fit in the
trunk and although he loved thatcar, he did not buy it.
It was the kind of devotionthat we have always felt.
We have tried very hard to besupportive and show that respect
(12:29):
and love to our children aswell.
Stephen and Donald.
We were very, shall I say, nothelicopter parents, but we were
at all the athletic events,whether it was Donald's football
game at Johns Hopkins orStephen's sailing for Brandeis.
We tried to always be involved,and lovingly so, but we have
(12:52):
tried very hard always to bethere for each other.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (12:56):
Beautiful and I'm wondering.
You know, Richard, we had aconversation.
It was about a year after I gotmarried so it was about 18
years ago I think and we weretalking about marriage and you
know you were wanting to know alittle bit more about Micah and
you know Micah is a cantor andstrong, intelligent, creative,
(13:19):
thoughtful person and one of thethings that I was so struck by
is you immediately spoke aboutwhat it was in your words
Barbara's strength anddedication and devotion in all
spaces.
And I was also thinking aboutthat move of how do we look at
the people that we are connectedto and whether it's
romantically, in marriage orfriends and things and how do we
(13:43):
create the space in ourselvesto look with admiration about
the gifts that they bring intothe world.
So, Richard, I'd love to knowhow did you get to a place of
enough integrity and confidencein yourself that you could
simply turn to look intoBarbara's eyes and simply just
want the world to see andcelebrate her?
Richard Lustig (14:04):
I am amazed every time I look at Barbara,
because her accomplishmentsnever end and she's a wonderful
leader, she's an excellentmother and a wonderful wife, a
wonderful companion, and shegets better every day, thank you
(14:29):
.
I think it was Barbara thatsort of inspired me to go
further into Judaism and I tookon chairman of membership and
seating and a few otherpositions and, Barbara, we found
(14:53):
that we did not compete withone another.
You know our expertise were alittle different, but we raised
two wonderful children who wenton to make us very proud.
Barbara Lustig (15:13):
That is true.
Stephen and Donald grew up herein the synagogue and feel it's
their home.
In fact, when Stephen and Tracywere married, they were married
in our sanctuary.
I think it's important to knowthat in our house, for example,
Richard will say to me, "Honey,the Yankee game goes on at 8
o'clock or the Stanley Cups aregoing on, so that we have
(15:34):
managed, whether it's beingactive at the Historical Society
or at Hunter College orwhatever, we balance, and we've
always done that and I think ithas come from when I was a
student and he was in the Army.
I was able to be an honorstudent and do well, because I
wasn't dating, I wasn't tryingto combine an outside life.
(15:57):
Richard was in the Army, I wasin school.
We had our paths.
We respected what we had to do.
Richard was always respectful.
If there was something going on, he knew I had to study, he
knew I had a pay-per-do.
That's the kind of support fromthe beginning and I think that
that continued as we progressed.
(16:18):
Whether it was an educationalevent, whether it was a sporting
event, whether it was acultural event going to the
opera, whatever it was, werespected the fact.
This is your night, this isyour program.
We'll get together later, andwe do that now as well.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (16:35):
So you both have seen different eras of the
city, different eras of thiscongregation, and I was
wondering if you could tell usthe story of the two of you in a
New York City that has beenevolving and changing, and what
does it mean to be lifelong NewYorkers and see it through so
many different experiences?
And you know I think even youknow I started my journey here
(16:59):
at Roto Shalom about a monthbefore September 11th 2001.
And over the course of thesepast 23 years I've seen
different chapters of the city.
You have seen so many differentdecades, different mayors,
different leadership, differentrealities, different challenges,
different ways in which peopleexpress their New York pride.
I'd love to hear what have youseen change over these years?
Richard Lustig (17:22):
Well, in growing up I remember I think it was
the 3rd Avenue had an elevatedtrain subway.
That's no longer there.
And I remember double-deckerbuses along the west side but
(17:42):
they were proven later not to betoo safe in turning they may
lean too far.
And also there were trolleycars on Broadway and overhead
wires that would supply theelectricity.
They paved over the tracks andthat was gone.
(18:07):
I don't think we had Uber orLyft taxis.
We didn't have outdoor cafes.
It was pretty simple, you know.
Barbara says that my sister andbrother-in-law are going to
(18:27):
Israel and we'll becommunicating on our little
phones On WhatsApp.
Yeah, I mean, that's one of thebiggest changes I know of, and
every day something new waspopping up.
Barbara Lustig (18:41):
Well, I'll say that September 11th was quite a
horrible time, as you know, andI remember that day I was going
to a meeting at Hunter and onthe bus they made an
announcement that there wasgoing to be a detour.
They didn't even know what hadhappened and I got to York
(19:04):
Avenue and you could see smokerising in the distance.
We didn't know that it was aterrorist attack.
And I was on the phone withStephen's wife and I said are
you all right?
She said there's been an attack.
There are troops, there are allkinds of things going on in
(19:26):
Washington.
How are you?
I said we're all right.
I'm going back home right now.
All of a sudden, a young ladyran over to me.
She said are you on a call?
Don't hang up.
Don't hang up.
I said I won't hang up.
What's the matter?
She said I worked at the tradecenter.
(19:46):
She said my mother is in SaltLake City.
She doesn't know whether I'm atwork or not.
Please, whoever it is, havethem call my mother and say that
I'm okay.
And that was the beginning ofthat day.
And then we all came toservices here at Temple and very
(20:10):
dear friends Jane Eisner,graham, who went to school with
Richard.
His son-in-law, brian Murphy,died on that day.
Doug Neimans was at a meetinghere and didn't go to his office
I believe it was CantorFitzgerald at the Trade Center.
(20:31):
So many things happened on thatday and when you brought that up
I remember it so distinctly.
Everything is not always rosyin life and I lost my mother to
an unfortunate complication.
She broke her hip and the clotswent from her hip to her heart
(20:55):
and my father passed away 15months later, went from her hip
to her heart and my fatherpassed away 15 months later.
So I became the matriarch ofthe family and a leader here.
But as our children grew up andwere married and we're so
blessed with our grandchildrenand what was wonderful was that
our boys, stephen and Donald,had such a rapport with Rabbi
(21:17):
Hirschberg at the time, ofcourse, and Cantor B Rahn that
when Stephen's children becamebar and bat mitzvahed in
Virginia, they invited Cantor BRahn and Paul, and not only as
guests, but that Ephraim coulddo the blessing of the Kiddush
at their synagogue.
And so the feeling of communityhas been generational and I
(21:43):
think that that's what makes ushappiest that our friends, like
the Harkovys and theLichtensteins who've passed away
, of course, the Zuckermanns, somany families, the Zabars I
don't want to mention any morebecause I'm afraid I'll leave
out some of our dearest friends,but it's just been terrific.
(22:07):
And I remember being on theCantorial Search Committee and I
remember seeing when I was anoverseer at the Board of
Overseers at Hebrew UnionCollege Jewish Institute of
Religion, and in that role I wasable to do admissions.
One of the people that Iadmitted, thank God, was Shana
(22:31):
Pavey, who is now our seniorcantor, shana DeLow, who is now
our senior cantor, shana DeLoe,and seeing her progress from one
stage to the other and then tobe your partner here is just so
wonderful.
And the other thing that I wasable to do which I felt so
strongly about was to make surethat cantors received the same
(22:52):
honor that rabbis did after 25years.
At the time they were not, andI thought.
They go to Israel together,they have their studies together
, they respect each other asco-members of the clergy and
it's only right, and so that wasanother thing that I felt very
strongly about.
Richard Lustig (23:10):
It's unbelievable when we talk about
our grandchildren and to thinkof them.
When we talk about ourgrandchildren and to think of
them, they're in their 20s nowand, you know, as you get older,
time seems to pass very fastReally.
You know, when you look back onyour life and you say I can't
(23:38):
believe I did this or I did thisor that, or I can't believe I
accomplished all this, I lookback at when we started our
marriage and where we are now,and it's unbelievable, he said.
I can't believe we did all thisand yet we have.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (23:56):
And I think this is part of what I want to
affirm in you both is you haveseen this congregation through
different leadership, throughdifferent challenges, through
moments when we've had to findways of opening wider the doors
of belonging.
Under your lifetime here, youhave seen the rise of female
clergy, openly queer clergy.
(24:16):
You have seen us embarking on ajourney of trying to embrace a
racial diversity that reflectsworld Jewry and to see that as
we've tried to create greaterembrace for disability and
accommodations and belonging forpeople of all needs.
It is an ever-changing worldaround us and we have the
(24:37):
orientation either of trying toblock what is inevitable, of
trying to block what isinevitable, or instead, as you
were saying, Barbara, how do welook at our agency to move that
change forward towards thebetter?
Barbara Lustig (24:49):
If you embrace the fact that it's a blessing to
be here and it's very importantto be positive to cluno lum,
repairing the world, doingthings that you can.
You can't change everything,but you have to make a stand,
whether it's in a conversationor physically going and doing
(25:13):
something, because we areblessed.
Our parents, my parents, didn'tlive that long.
We cherish every moment.
When the phones came out, Irealized I have to know how to
email, I have to know how totext.
I want to be in touch with mygrandchildren.
So, for example, the StanleyCup playoffs were just on and so
(25:38):
, instead of just calling,Richard and Matthew and Donald
and Stephen are on their phonessending messages.
I'm sending emojis of hockeysticks and goals and so forth.
It was wonderful, it wasterrific.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (25:53):
I want to share one of hundreds of stories
that I could share with ourlisteners that we've had the
chance to be with and reallyexperience together.
But I want to share a recentexperience.
So a number of weeks ago I hadthe honor of getting to be a
part of a program over at theStryker Center at Temple Emanuel
and, as I was instructed, I gotthere nice and early.
(26:14):
And who was there waiting tomake sure they were the first in
the door?
But the two of you.
And I thought for a moment ofwhat it was to sit with two
people who have been my belovedfriends, who have shown me the
very best of Roto Shalom andwhat it was for you to be there,
because you wanted for me tofeel support and to have
(26:36):
familiar faces, but because youalso are people who are always
wanting to grow and learn.
And when I was sitting there onthe stage and getting to be in
conversation and I looked outand I saw the two of you holding
each other's hands with hugesmiles on your faces, and I
think about what it is to growup in this community, to see a
(26:58):
world that is ever-changing, acongregation that is
ever-changing, and to continueto embrace generation after
generation of leaders andwanting to make sure that you
can inspire in us the very bestof what we and this place can be
.
This is a congregation that hasbeen changed by both of your
families and by the two of you,and, as one of many rabbis, as
(27:21):
one of many clergy people thathave grown up in this place, I
want to offer profound gratitudefor having an orientation of
leading with love, of being ableto celebrate a congregation,
not just because of beinganchored in what has been, but
taking that as the source ofstrength so that we continue to
evolve into what we need to be.
And you both just dynamicallyshow that every single time.
(27:43):
We get to evolve into what weneed to be.
And you both just dynamicallyshow that every single time we
get to step into your home,whether you and when you welcome
us into the very heart of thissanctuary space with your smiles
and your love and your radiance.
So just grateful for the two ofyou, such a blessing.
Barbara Lustig (27:57):
Thank you so much.
This has truly been an honor.
Thank you.
Rabbi Ben H. Spratt (28:02):
Thank you for joining us and listening to
this story of belonging.
Stay connected with us onFacebook and Instagram.
You can find me on Twitter at@Ben H Spratt.
For more information about CRS,visit us online at
rodephsholomorg.
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