June 30, 2022 • 37 mins
This week, Anne and Heather are joined by their newlywed producer Ryan to debrief his recent reading with psychic Frank Paris, and recap his beautiful wedding in Mexico’s wine country. Did the wedding go as planned? Did Frank’s read on Ryan hold up?
Listen and find out!
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From Straw Hut Media
Listen and find out!
Be sure to follow the pod on IG!
From Straw Hut Media
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Straw Hot Media.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
We're better day. Good with that and his.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Oh hi, everybody, welcome back to get It's called Better Together.
It is with Heather Anne. How we talked about that.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Heather.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Oh, that's really funnycause it rhymes that way. Yeah, welcome
back everybody. It is really nice to be sitting here
in Heather's beautiful home. I was away for a little bit, uh,
shooting a movie called Girl in the Motel, which was unbelievable.
I don't often talk about my acting projects, let alone
(00:41):
watch them. But this this this movie was called Girl
in the Motel and and it's coming out on in
October on Lifetime.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And and it is.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
A movie about the sex trafficking industry that is going on,
which is a multi billion dollar industry.
Speaker 5 (00:54):
And it's just is just draw jaw dropping, draw dropping,
is draw dopping of the horrors that is that happens.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
To our our girls.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
And of course that is something that goes along with
everything we believe, which is abuse has to be eradicated.
It's very very important that we tell these stories. And
so to have been what I play a mother whose
whose daughter gets kidnapped and and uh and.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
That and it's the journey of her going to rescue retire.
It's based on a true story.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
It's it's is a very It was grueling in the
best of ways.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I know, you like when I get to you while
you were working.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I was at home trying to work. But but what
happened was on the side my computer.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
You know that moment that yes, that Johnny Depth trial.
Well listen, I mean obviously me.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
And as our listeners may not know, we record not
well today we're at the house, but we usually record
from our studio, which is in the Eastern Columbia Building,
which is where all.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
The Johnny Depp drama.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
I mean, I just have died of these sisters apartment
upstairs one of the things that I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
We were on the penthouse floor for a while, yes,
as well, which is the floor with which is the
Johnny the drama. And being there we got to know
a lot of the people that live there and the
drama of Johnny and Amber. Really, the drama of Amber
was told to us before the trial even started by
(02:29):
the people who lived there.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And and I mean this is just straight.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Gossip and dish, but they all talked about how unkind
she was and how I mean she was to him.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Well, the entire building is set up really to be
as it's a it's a live work building, and so
everybody there is pretty much artists. You get drawn into
that place for a particular reason. And of course Johnny
was the kind of the king master of an artist building.
He lived at the top. He had all of his
friends basically living up there. Not all of his friends
(03:01):
living up there, but it was a real community of
artists and on the whole floor that, I mean just incredible.
But one of the things I do want to say,
if there's if there's an and I I did not
but did not follow the trial.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
I respect Johnny. I loved working with him. There was
years ago.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I do not know him personally other than I know
his soul, because you can't lie that way. The abuse
is something that is a disease in a culture that
is spread through privacy and secrecy and hiding the truth.
There is a bottom line, and I don't know if
(03:39):
this ever came up in the trial. Bottom line, you
do not have people around you who could see, witness
or experience on any level what that abuse would be.
Because the whole entire part of it is the it's
mind closed doors.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yes, the point you're making is that is that if
generally speaking, abuse happens in secrecy. So if you are
in a abuse her the chance that you are going
to rent an entire floor and put all your friends
and families.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Around to witness every single thing you're.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
Doing, and her friends and family exactly open up the doors.
It is the exact opposite of what the what abuse?
Number one, give them all free places, free to come
and see what you're doing, and it doesn't add zero percent.
And also you don't go searching for a bruise. Also,
abuses a habit. It is a pattern. It is a
(04:31):
perpetual and horrendous habit that infuses and destroys from the
moment it enters a room. This is it does not
it's it's not something that you chase after. And from
what I could hear from well, I mean multiple every.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Well did you see this? Did you see that? Did
you say you weren't you a little bit starstruck when
you saw a doorman the other day?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Well?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I did so.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
The guy, the guy that's at the desk was my
favorite interview because they asked him and he's just sitting
there he's so disgruntled to be uh interviewed for the
trial and he's on television like it's like you would
think he would be starstruck, right, No, he was vaping
from his car, completely disgruntled and is he's talking, Johnny
is just dying laughing because they're like, did you notice
(05:18):
that Amber was wearing eyeliner?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
He's like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
He's like, did you notice if Amber was wearing eyeshadow?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
He's like, I don't know. Did you notice if she
was wearing foundation? He's like, I don't even know what
you want to ask him?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And then and then he said, so you didn't know
if she was wearing foundation, eyeliner or blush, but you
are certain that she didn't have a black eye. And
he's like, look, you know, I don't know what eyeliner, blush,
and foundation are, but I certainly know what a black
eye is.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And she didn't have one, you know, And it was like,
my my drop. It was like it was so fans.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
But you know what we're both as mothers of sons.
It's a very dangerous thing when when somebody can accuse
somebody of something so severe like that, And I just
I mean look, our justice system played it out.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
We all got to see it.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah. False the moments, the moments with the rings, for
me was the best when when they said they she
was sitting on the on the stand and they said,
was now you testified that Johnny always wore big chunky
rings on every finger. She's like, yes, he always wore
big chunky rings on every finger. And then they said,
was there ever a time that you saw Johnny without
(06:31):
those rings.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
On his finger?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
And she's like, there was, I've never seen him without.
And we're all as a viewer, you're like, girl, you
can't see where this is going. And she's like an
idiot up there going like, oh no, always. And then
they show the picture of her of the night that
he she said he punched her in the face several
times and it's like a little bruise. But and then
they show the rings that are like sharp, like you
(06:54):
devil skulls. And then they're like, so you're saying that
he punched you in the face with all those rings
on and there's no cuts or scratches, and she's like.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Well, I can't be certain he was wearing the rings
that night. Oh except for then, I mean and I
was like, girl by a little girl.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So that's when she lost me. That's when I'm like,
you know what, pants on fire?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Okay, well I think she unfortunately didn't get her pants
lit on fire, but she should and she.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
That was I mean, can we I mean, I don't
even know what to say about that. That's abuse. That's abuse,
don't it? Just that's abuse? All right, let's just call
a spade a spade.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
So, but what I also want to say, and and
I'm and you know what, I'm glad that the truth
came out. And by the way, there is no way
in hell that Johnny Depp would be on trial suing
somebody knowing that his entire life is going to get exposed,
including a ship on his bed. Gross horrible. He would
never do it. You would never do it. He knew
what was going to come out. Don't do that to people.
(08:00):
Do not falsely accuse people of something. It is it is,
It destroys.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I cannot imagine how many.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Year just rips somebody apart when you falsely accuse them
of something. And I'm glad he stood up for himself
and I'm sorry that he had to go through that.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
And if anybody hasn't seen a tourists.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
You have to see it, because, by God, there is
a person there, Johnny Depp, who is not only just
a human being, he's also one of the most magnificent
actors on the planet.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
And he did a movie with Angelina.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
That I just saw, and I just want to remind everybody, like, listen,
this dude is you go look at his face, and this.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Movie is taken away, his career taken away, which is
why he did that.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
And by God, I mean, he's just the gift that
he gives. You have to watch the movies, most romantic
movies in the world.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So one final and then we'll be done.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And then we'll go my final faith because that's all
I did, was I I cheated and.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Doing the most harrowing movie in my life over seventeen
hours a day.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
In the middle of working, I was working, and then
on the go and then on the sidelines, like you know,
they come for you with this stuff. They know that
I want to see it, and they know about my
A d D. They being the you know, the information
to your highway, and and then just then I'm done. Okay,
So there's a scene there and by the way, her
(09:21):
lawyers were.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Are you telling if it's a scene, we're over her?
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Oh yeah, She's already like yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
So so in the second act there's there's a moment
I remember her lawyers, who couldn't be more over her
say to Johnny, uh so at this point, you poured
yourself a mega pint of wine. And he, because he's
such a good actor and his timing is so right,
he just chuckles and he goes a mega pint. He's like,
(09:52):
I don't know what a mega pine. I poured myself
a very large glass of wine. So now I was
on the street the other day and I saw somebody
wearing a shirt that said I'll have a mega pine,
you know. So it's like this whole thing, and I mean,
pour yourself a mega pint, y'all.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
I mean what it was a disastrous thing to have
happy for Johnny and his family about girls screwed.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
I think I will say, just because this happens doesn't
mean that the years of pain and horror and torture
that he went through imagining that this was a truth
that people were now starting to try to wrap his head,
wrap their heads around, whether they believed it or not.
And this was what happens in our culture, it's not
it's not guilty until proven innocent. What happens is you're
guilty and everything else. You have to suffer the ramifications
(10:41):
of it, and then oh good, six years later, now
you prove what.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
We all knew. Well, y'all knew you didn't do.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
It, Johnny, and now we'll get hired back again. It's
just repulsive how the culture has to jump on board.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
With an acute was when Kate Moss came on and
testifies and said how kind he was to her, and
they in the trial they had said Johnny threw her
down the stairs, and she comes and testifies, she goes,
I fell down the stairs. Johnny came and picked me up,
carried me, put me in bed, and called for medical attention.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Oh my god. And he was never abusive to her.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
He was never abusive to his wife, I mean, the
mother of his children. So anyways, all right, a person
is an abuser anyway, Johnny Depp.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
We well done, well done.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
For the team really by by fighting that fight he ran.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
My god, I'm glad god justice came.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Now we're going to take a quick break and when
we come back, we have some retard the groom air
co dressed and wide. So if you guys haven't seen
(12:03):
the episode of our producer Ryan with Frank Paris, you
must watch that and then you'll be up to date
with what we're about to bring you up to speed
with Ryan, our producer went to Mexico and we're going
to find out if the wedding actually happened.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
It is such great sorrow that why did I get
to a ten Ryan's wedding? I mean, it is so
sad wouldn't work. This is one of the things about
being a well, you know, working actress.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
You got to take the job.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
And so I missed Ryan's wedding and I haven't even
seen a picture.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
But I mean, that's a hard thing to come by.
Let me tell you, I don't understand. You can maybe
find a sanscript or maybe they maybe they etched it
out in stone or something.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Did they put a time counsel in the ground allowed
to be allowed to go get it fifty years later?
But anyways, Ryan's going to join and we would like
to Brinda.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
We call these the just the two.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Of us, just the three of us, and we're going
to do it just the three of us.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Today. This is this is just Frank.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Harris gave Ran a reading and Ryan had no idea
what was about to happen. And Frank is a psychic
healer who has the ability to go to find what
he calls the original wound, the thing that that as
a that at some point in your life had such
a profound effect on you that all of your decisions
(13:29):
and the things that happened to you in your life
relate back to that. And he just has this ability
to look at a person and see that.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
And that is what join us.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
For just the three of us, we can make it
if we tried, just the three of us.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
You and Do and I. Hi, Ryan, welcome to our shows.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Were say congratulations on you ready, We're sorry that we
couldn't be there.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I understand.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
We have a present for you though, you do Yeah,
what do we want? Do you want to tell them
we're going.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
To make would never? Would you know?
Speaker 4 (14:13):
I think it's number one nightmare. You remember you remember
our gender our gender discussion. She's a she, No, I'm
a siss. Since she's started with a no, We're not
going to make out for you, that is no.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
But we wanted to treat you and Mags to a
weekend at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
That is so great, a little mini honeymoon.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Love it.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
We thought that by the pool. Oh, the room by
the pool, and it's really fun there. Have you ever
been there? You can bowl and stuff inside and you'll
be by the I've.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Been in there once. I recorded a podcast there once.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
So anyways, you you picked the weekend, let me know, and.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
It's station. Everybody needs a break after wedding. You want
to get him and we didn't want to get him
a bowl or books.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, I love that, but we did look at your
registry and then and then we did the.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Registry with with I really like the registry.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
It was cash or cash.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
That was all it is.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
It was just like a honeymoon fund. That's like what
we're doing.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
He looks give you. We wanted to give you a
little bit of a ball to.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Get you that honeymoon fund.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
We're doing.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Also need you here.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
September. I'm going to go on a honeymoon in September, so.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
You can go. So good, you can go and have
a couple of weeks. I will do that great.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
So so he did get married, spoiler.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
I got married. I have a ring now, okay, so so.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
My gosh, let's see, you're not going to be mine.
He's done. Neither one of these are mine.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
So so when we last left with Ryan, he had
he had had a really powerful reading with Frank Paris
who who I think Ryan. I'll let him speak, but
I think he was surprised by by the reading and
how yeah deep it went. So do you want to
tell us how you felt and then what happened afterwards?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Sure, okay, well let me for Yeah. I had no
idea what to expect when when I talked to Frank.
I've worked with like a lot of different people in
the wellness space, and a lot of times it feels
like nothing. I don't know, So I didn't really know
what to expect. I didn't know if I was gonna
expect it to like perform in any way. So I
was like, I don't want I can't perform right now.
I don't want to do that. So I was really
(16:35):
shocked when the first thing that was said was we
got to work on your relationship with women, and I
was just like, oh, it was such a hard thing
to hear, you know, and especially so I did. What
I hadn't haven't said, is that that day I got
a text from my mom saying she's not coming to
the wedding.
Speaker 6 (16:53):
So I know, did that that happened after, happened before,
it happened before, and you haven't before heard this?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
And then I heard the and then I heard the
thing from Frank, and so ever since it was you know,
ever since that call, I was like, can I get
my mom? My sister was trying to help get her
to come to the wedding, and all this stuff seemed
like it was all going to happen and work out.
And then I got texts like from her again like
three or four days before, saying just like no, not
coming and I can't come. She's she blamed it on
(17:25):
a whole Mexico thing. Scared of Mexico. I don't. I
think it plays maybe a role, but it's mostly she
doesn't want to think that, she doesn't want to, you know,
see or be around my dad because they I think
she just feels guilty or of things that happened. So anyway,
so that's my news.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Wow, Wow, I mean there was there is There was
a moment where I was afraid that he was going
to say that Mag's is all wrong, and you know,
I was terrified. I was like, and then and he
said the complete opposite. He said how wonderful and how
much she loves you, and what a beautiful soul she is,
and that they were going to have children and all
(18:05):
this stuff.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
So let's talk about Mags's reaction to it, all right.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Well, I told her about it. I don't know if
she's she's like, I need to hear this. I don't
know if she's listened to it yet.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
Okay, So it didn't become a thing where you're like, listen,
I need to do blind need to watch this with you.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I do. I did tell her that. I did tell
her about it, and I told her I was like
surprised by what the person said, and she was like, oh,
I've got to listen. But she would have told me
if she had listened to it. So I don't think
she has it. I think she's forgotten. So I should
remind her, I guess, because I think.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Well, there was a lot going on for her at
that exact moment.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I mean, yeah, it was absolutely and the most stressful
time of my life. That whole thing was insane, absolutely insane.
But anyway, so, yeah, I don't know. I haven't talked
to her about.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
You haven't told her about the children. I did.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I asked her about the children. I asked if if
there are twins in her family, and she said, I
think on one side of her family. Yeah, so so yeah,
so I don't know. So that's still a possibility too.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Well, we were, I mean, one I heard from frankin
of course, what you would hear from Frank would be well,
I mean, I can't imagine because I know the layers
that go after be speaks to you.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
But there was clearly a.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
I mean, I mean clearly the relationship with your mother
has been one that has been a boundary breaker.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Yeah. Yeah, it's been a tough relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Is there a way that you could describe it to
us that wouldn't make you feel that you were exposing
too much?
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Does that feel like an unsafe place?
Speaker 1 (19:42):
No? No, No, it's fine. So when I was I
thought it was twenty one, but then I talked to
my sister, so it was a couple of years after
i'd maybe it was twenty two or twenty three. I
got a call from my mom. She called me crying,
saying that she had an affair and she's leaving, and
she had I told my dad this morning that morning,
and she was about to tell my sister. My sister
(20:04):
is ten years younger than me, and they're here and
awake her up and tell her together and then and
that it's over. And I had a really hard time understanding.
She was always the nurturing one to me and always
like the person that I could go to when I
had any issues or anything like that. I was more
like afraid of my dad, you know, he's the father
figure kind of person. Those roles have completely changed now,
(20:25):
but so I remember after that call, I was just like,
are you okay? Is everything fine? Like how are you?
And anyway, slowly it developed where I just got angry.
I just got mad and then I saw what, you know,
my dad's suffering, and I was just upset by the
way she chose to go about this whole thing, and
I just was just just got pissed. I didn't talk
(20:45):
to her for a few years, slowly started talking again,
and they they still haven't. They've not seen each other
since since that. I'm you know, I'm thirty six now,
so I don't know how long that's been you know,
fifteen thirteen years something like that.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
You know, how long were they married when that happened?
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Twenty one years? Okay, yeah, yeah, And you know that's it.
They both she remarried, she's remarried. He's been in a
relationship now for nine My dad happy. They're both like
living their best lives. I mean, at least that's what
it seemed. It makes me think that because of this
(21:24):
whole wedding situation, that she's still got some shit she's
dealing with, even though right now she's blaming it on
the whole what not coming because of Mexico?
Speaker 4 (21:36):
So, and what has your relationship been, how have you
had any And also I'm thinking about.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Your sister too. Did your sister and you bond over this?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Uh? It was tough because I was already out of
the house, right and I felt really guilty because she
was stuck in the middle of it and getting tossed
back and forth between the two of them. As soon
as she turned eighteen, she got out as quick as
possible because it was just a mess in there, just
putting every you know, making her make these decisions like
who do you want to be with? Who do you
(22:05):
want to choose all this crap, you know, and that's
really hard, you know. And so if I was twenty two,
twenty three, she was, you know, twelve or thirteen. Just
such a hard age to like you're already dealing with
middle school and high school and anyway, Yeah, so I
mean we she I actually got really mad at her
because she took my mom's side, you know, because my
(22:28):
mom is the very she's very nurturing, you know, and
she pretends like nothing's ever wrong, and so my sister.
She made my sister feel that way, I think, you know.
And so it was and my dad was just sad
and angry.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
You were out of the house, and I was gone, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, so I had her and I thought about it
because I was just like, why are you I just
didn't understand, you know, I just didn't understand. I feel
like I understand a lot better now, and now she
as an adult and she she's is.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
She still with the man that she left your father for?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
No? No, no, So yeah, that that was just a thing,
I guess. I guess it happened a few times. She
would go and do her thing and come back, and
I don't know, my mom said that she was planning
on She had wanted to leave the relationship, but she
was waiting till my sister got out of college, which
I think is also a really crazy thing to think.
(23:22):
You know that she was going to try to make
this work. People do that, And I was just like, anyway, yeah, well.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
So there's still a healing that needs stepping between you
and your mother. It sounds like.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. She left me
h after the wedding, and a few days later she
called left me a voicemail, and I have it on
my phone. I still haven't listened to it. I don't
I'm not ready to listen to it.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Well I can, I can?
Speaker 4 (23:49):
Can we listen to it right now? You have two
supporters here. Can we can support this?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I not only I can relate to that because I
don't know if I've ever talked about this with you,
But when I when my parents were married for thirty
five years and I was actually pregnant with my daughter
and my dad left my mom, and it was I say,
to this day, it was the worst thing that ever
(24:20):
happened to me in my entire life. It's harder than
my own divorce, their divorce, and I was a grown person,
and I remember just being so surprised, Why is this
so horrible? Why is this so painful? Why is this
so life altering shattering? And it was and I did
not speak to my dad. I spoke to him, but
(24:42):
we didn't really have It took a decade for me
to get over it. And I got over it by,
you know, talking to a friend of mine saying, like,
you know, they're just people, like they're flawed people, and
we don't often look at our parents like they're just
actually humans that flawed and yeah, she fucked up, and
(25:03):
she but it doesn't it. And then it started to
happen for me when I was in my own marriage
and I was like, oh, this isn't working. And I
started thinking about God picturing leaving, and when I was
picturing lee because because I also took it as my
dad not loving the family, and and and and if
(25:27):
you only loved the family that much, he would stay.
And it wasn't until I was in the position of
kind of wanting out that I realized I don't love
my kids any less. By wanting out of this, I not,
not not even a little bit, I just can't do it.
And so but my parents to this day are still
(25:48):
not in the same room together ever, and it ruins holidays,
It ruins you know, I have to pick who comes
to the baptism, who comes to the graduations, who comes
to I.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Was already stressed about this wedding, Like I told Mags,
I'm like, I don't want to invite family all, like,
can we just do it with friends? You know, like
can we not have to deal with it? Because I
knew this was going to be a thing. And then
she's like, I can't. I can't not invite my family.
She was like, I have to family, and I was like, okay,
I can't. If you invite years, I have to invite mine.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Which is why it's so important for.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Divorced parents to which is why I've killed myself literally,
well not literally because I'm still alive.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But I have worked very hard.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
To keep a relationship with my ex with the sole
goal that we can be in the same room together.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah that's I mean, I wish that that could happen,
and maybe, you know, in another ten years. I have
no idea, but I mean, my parents had me when
they were eighteen nineteen, you know, and so like I
remember at one point, you know, in my in my
mid to late twenties, thinking like, holy shit, they had
like a teenager at this point, you know, you know,
and I was just like, that's wild. I can't imagine.
(27:06):
I'm still trying to figure out my life.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Old was your mom when she left her dad?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
So she's like, you know, nineteen years younger than me.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
So don't make me do math.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
So I was twenty three, So I mean.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
She's nineteen years old older.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was like forty yeah, early forties, right,
Is that so right?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, well that's about when it happened. Yeah, yeah, that's
about when you can't do it anymore. It is.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So it's so horrifying.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
You know, my but James, I was never married to him,
but James still says to me. He will still text me,
you destroyed this family. You did this to us, you
did this, you made this happen. It's like I did
not leave atlass In Homer, I left you.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
The adult relationship wasn't working.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
And I think it's really horrendous when when parents ever
even say.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
This in front of their children, but the children feel it.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Children feel it and I, you know, I go over
there and I bring them things that I sit down
and watch movies with them to do to try to
massage the part of the soul in the child.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
My boy, I was to say, this is going to
be okay, but.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
It is so incredibly confusing to children.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
And I'm amazed.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
I always say that, I was amazed by you being
so up set. This is one thing that you said,
you wish your dad would have stayed with your mom.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
I wish my dad would have stayed with my mom
and had a side piece.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
That's what I put.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Because she would be because I I think that, you know,
and and look now I see my it didn't turn
out as well for my My mother was you know,
didn't see it coming and and has had a harder time.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
You know, my dad is living.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
His best life and my mom is you know, she's
she's fine, she has friends, she met somebody that was wonderful,
and then he died of cancer.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
So that was horrible.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
So it's a little it's it's it's you know, but
I still stand by that's the worst thing that ever
that it was. It was devastating to me and I
was thirty, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
What do you see on the other side of it, Ryan,
what do you what do you how do you.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
See a healing? Do you see the other side?
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Do you see the flip side where this emotion can
be turned into something that that Why do you see
the vision of the future being with your mom?
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (29:32):
With my mom?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
I mean I'm not sure. I I've never seen my
dad happier and so like that makes me feel so
good he is now yeah, yeah, And you know he
had to go through the whole horrible it was. I've
never seen him cry before like that was watching him,
watching him cry, him comes into my arms and hug
me when all this is going down, was one of
(29:54):
the most insane things of my life, you know. And
but now he is, he's gon, he's so far over
it and he just doesn't care. And he would have
no problem seeing her, even though he was the one
that was really it was hurt. That's why I think
it's a guilty thing. And I don't know, you know,
I thought that my mom and I were fine. I
(30:15):
was still I don't know, I was still very bothered
by the whole situation. I don't necessarily know how to
even address it with her. She still blames my dad
for certain things when I see her, which I don't
understand that either.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
I know somebody doesn't have it.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
I mean, just for perspective, you don't go and have
an affair because everything's working out shortly in your marriage.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Obviously they there, Yeah, obviously there was some kind of
communication issues in the relationship.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
And that doesn't mean here putting that on that. I'm
sure she's trying to balance it out. But if you
if you were to see into the well, into the
wound here or the original wound that is going to
continue with her, how do you think that could be?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
How do you think that could be flipped?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I don't no, I mean I think that I just
need to, like, I just need to forgive her and
some kind of I mean that's literally.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
That's what I did. That's what I ended up doing,
because it might when we're getting that, you know, you you.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Life is there's gonna you know, she's not going to
be here forever, and and.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
You know, people are imperfect.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And I think the thing to just really stick is
that it she didn't do it because she loves you
and your sister any less. She did it because she
just couldn't do it anymore. And I bet you if
you asked her, she would have handled it differently too.
But when you're in that moment, right, you.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Just it just felt like her not coming to the
wedding last minute also felt like a very similar course
for a similar jab.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Yes, yes, of course, it feels like.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
That brought back a lot of those same feelings.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Yeah, for me of course. And also rejecting you, not
bringing you into the equation. Not you were a twenty
two year old man. You could have want you were
an adult enough for her to have shared this information
with you made you feel cared for in that or
at least a part of the a part of the
(32:10):
dynamic that she was that she was considering you didn't
feel considered.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
So. Yeah. So people are people oftentimes do the best
they can and are flawed, and you just like there's certain.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Family, but there's family where you just have to accept
them for.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Not being exactly who you want them to be. And
and well.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
The facts of the better is you don't decide not
to be disappointed anymore it's already happened, and decide not
to be disappointed in them anymore because they are. That's
a decision to make that decision to make. Somebody told
me something really interesting about forgiveness, Because forgiveness, uh, you know,
like everybody's yeah, I gotta forgive my mom.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Like, no, I don't. Actually I don't want you. I'm
not interested. I don't you know what I am.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
No, yours is a difference.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
I understand that. But but what came of it.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
It was a very interesting thing that forgiveness is really
about forgiving yourself man.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
And I was like, what do I have to forgive.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Myself all all of the my inability to be able
to handle to deal with the pain. Can we really
can we really address our attachment to pain in a
situation and say, I forgive myself for being in that pain.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
And not knowing how to get out of it. But
I forgive myself. Now I can accept what has happened.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
I can tell the truth about my story, which is
this is the first.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Badge of honor.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
By being able to move on, you can now give
that story to the gods. You shared it. That story
with your mom is something that you gave to others
to care for. Now being able to look at it
and say, okay, I can actively participate in a choice
to move forward.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
That's what we do in better Together. That is a
part of the practice.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
I actively participate in taking care of my feelings and
saying I don't need to live with this anymore. But
I can forgive myself for the things that we're so
confusing and hurtful and painful that might have adjusted my
behavior with others. And I accept that for myself and I'm.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Going to move on from here.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Yeah, I think you're right. I think that's exactly right.
That's right.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
So Ryan, do you forgive yourself? You didn't do anything.
I'm just explained, Ryan, you forgive yourself?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (34:26):
I think once I listen to that voicemail, maybe then
you'll forgive yourself. After the voice. You can forgive you?
Can I give you?
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Can I give you? I can I give you a hint?
Speaker 4 (34:37):
You can forgive yourself right now, and then you can
listen to the voicemail and you might be able to
listen to the voicemail with beers that that might hear it.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
But again, what I say is, don't be disappointed, because
if you put yourself in that position for your mom
to disappoint you, that voicemail is not going to say
what you want.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
It to say.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
That's why, then you're getting yourself disappointed again, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Well, that's what I've been, that's what That's what I
feel like, is exactly what happened, is that I I
set myself up for a disappointment.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Yes, well you're doing that right now.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Now.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
You're living in the fear of it rather than in
your presence of all. But because you are having that
be the thing that is overpowering you rather than you
being in the center of saying, listen.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I'm just a little angry and I don't want to
hear her, so that that's basically sense. I get that.
I get that. That's all I get that. I don't
think I already know. I mean now that I see
this pattern, you know, I just feel like I know
what to expect. I don't like it, but at least
I know that's what's going to know. I know what
(35:36):
to expect in the future.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
But it's possible that she did both of those things
that she did, leaving in the way that she did,
kind of running away and not coming to the wedding.
It's because she's, like we've discussed that you and I
are both which is somebody who does not like conflict.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
That is clearly she does not. Yeah, both of my
parents act try to avoid it. Yeah that Yeah, that's
why I think it's an excuse because she did not
say this stuff about Mexico. I mean about why why
she's not coming to wedding.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
She's conflict exactly.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
She only said she's scared of Mexico, you know, even
though you know we had people driving her and all
this stuff, and you know. Yeah, so no, that's I agree.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Yeah, so we all learned from that and it doesn't work.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
We're all gonna get I'm gonna I'm working on that.
I have no problem with you good fronting conflicts, I know.
So today we were going to actively participate in something
with Ryan here, and we're gonna look at our lives
and we're going to say, listen, I'm going to take
a look at my emotions.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
I'm gonna I'm going to seek getting out of the pain.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Of my life and the behaviors that I've had around it,
look at it with clarity and truth, and move forward
in loving kindness. Thank you for being on our show today, Ryan.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Thanks for having me again. We love you, Love you
to better together.
Speaker 7 (37:04):
And a big, big thanks to our Better Together team,
Ryan Tillotson, Silvana Alcola, Daniel Ferrara and of course and
in heathern. If you haven't already, please subscribe on whatever
device or platform you're listening to this on and as always,
see you next week
Straw Hot Media.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
We're better day. Good with that and his.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Oh hi, everybody, welcome back to get It's called Better Together.
It is with Heather Anne. How we talked about that.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Heather.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Oh, that's really funnycause it rhymes that way. Yeah, welcome
back everybody. It is really nice to be sitting here
in Heather's beautiful home. I was away for a little bit, uh,
shooting a movie called Girl in the Motel, which was unbelievable.
I don't often talk about my acting projects, let alone
(00:41):
watch them. But this this this movie was called Girl
in the Motel and and it's coming out on in
October on Lifetime.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And and it is.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
A movie about the sex trafficking industry that is going on,
which is a multi billion dollar industry.
Speaker 5 (00:54):
And it's just is just draw jaw dropping, draw dropping,
is draw dopping of the horrors that is that happens.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
To our our girls.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
And of course that is something that goes along with
everything we believe, which is abuse has to be eradicated.
It's very very important that we tell these stories. And
so to have been what I play a mother whose
whose daughter gets kidnapped and and uh and.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
That and it's the journey of her going to rescue retire.
It's based on a true story.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
It's it's is a very It was grueling in the
best of ways.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I know, you like when I get to you while
you were working.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I was at home trying to work. But but what
happened was on the side my computer.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
You know that moment that yes, that Johnny Depth trial.
Well listen, I mean obviously me.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
And as our listeners may not know, we record not
well today we're at the house, but we usually record
from our studio, which is in the Eastern Columbia Building,
which is where all.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
The Johnny Depp drama.
Speaker 4 (02:02):
I mean, I just have died of these sisters apartment
upstairs one of the things that I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
We were on the penthouse floor for a while, yes,
as well, which is the floor with which is the
Johnny the drama. And being there we got to know
a lot of the people that live there and the
drama of Johnny and Amber. Really, the drama of Amber
was told to us before the trial even started by
(02:29):
the people who lived there.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
And and I mean this is just straight.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Gossip and dish, but they all talked about how unkind
she was and how I mean she was to him.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
Well, the entire building is set up really to be
as it's a it's a live work building, and so
everybody there is pretty much artists. You get drawn into
that place for a particular reason. And of course Johnny
was the kind of the king master of an artist building.
He lived at the top. He had all of his
friends basically living up there. Not all of his friends
(03:01):
living up there, but it was a real community of
artists and on the whole floor that, I mean just incredible.
But one of the things I do want to say,
if there's if there's an and I I did not
but did not follow the trial.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
I respect Johnny. I loved working with him. There was
years ago.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I do not know him personally other than I know
his soul, because you can't lie that way. The abuse
is something that is a disease in a culture that
is spread through privacy and secrecy and hiding the truth.
There is a bottom line, and I don't know if
(03:39):
this ever came up in the trial. Bottom line, you
do not have people around you who could see, witness
or experience on any level what that abuse would be.
Because the whole entire part of it is the it's
mind closed doors.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Yes, the point you're making is that is that if
generally speaking, abuse happens in secrecy. So if you are
in a abuse her the chance that you are going
to rent an entire floor and put all your friends
and families.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Around to witness every single thing you're.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
Doing, and her friends and family exactly open up the doors.
It is the exact opposite of what the what abuse?
Number one, give them all free places, free to come
and see what you're doing, and it doesn't add zero percent.
And also you don't go searching for a bruise. Also,
abuses a habit. It is a pattern. It is a
(04:31):
perpetual and horrendous habit that infuses and destroys from the
moment it enters a room. This is it does not
it's it's not something that you chase after. And from
what I could hear from well, I mean multiple every.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Well did you see this? Did you see that? Did
you say you weren't you a little bit starstruck when
you saw a doorman the other day?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Well?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I did so.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
The guy, the guy that's at the desk was my
favorite interview because they asked him and he's just sitting
there he's so disgruntled to be uh interviewed for the
trial and he's on television like it's like you would
think he would be starstruck, right, No, he was vaping
from his car, completely disgruntled and is he's talking, Johnny
is just dying laughing because they're like, did you notice
(05:18):
that Amber was wearing eyeliner?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
He's like, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
He's like, did you notice if Amber was wearing eyeshadow?
Speaker 3 (05:23):
He's like, I don't know. Did you notice if she
was wearing foundation? He's like, I don't even know what
you want to ask him?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And then and then he said, so you didn't know
if she was wearing foundation, eyeliner or blush, but you
are certain that she didn't have a black eye. And
he's like, look, you know, I don't know what eyeliner, blush,
and foundation are, but I certainly know what a black
eye is.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
And she didn't have one, you know, And it was like,
my my drop. It was like it was so fans.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
But you know what we're both as mothers of sons.
It's a very dangerous thing when when somebody can accuse
somebody of something so severe like that, And I just
I mean look, our justice system played it out.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
We all got to see it.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah. False the moments, the moments with the rings, for
me was the best when when they said they she
was sitting on the on the stand and they said,
was now you testified that Johnny always wore big chunky
rings on every finger. She's like, yes, he always wore
big chunky rings on every finger. And then they said,
was there ever a time that you saw Johnny without
(06:31):
those rings.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
On his finger?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
And she's like, there was, I've never seen him without.
And we're all as a viewer, you're like, girl, you
can't see where this is going. And she's like an
idiot up there going like, oh no, always. And then
they show the picture of her of the night that
he she said he punched her in the face several
times and it's like a little bruise. But and then
they show the rings that are like sharp, like you
(06:54):
devil skulls. And then they're like, so you're saying that
he punched you in the face with all those rings
on and there's no cuts or scratches, and she's like.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Well, I can't be certain he was wearing the rings
that night. Oh except for then, I mean and I
was like, girl by a little girl.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
So that's when she lost me. That's when I'm like,
you know what, pants on fire?
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Okay, well I think she unfortunately didn't get her pants
lit on fire, but she should and she.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
That was I mean, can we I mean, I don't
even know what to say about that. That's abuse. That's abuse,
don't it? Just that's abuse? All right, let's just call
a spade a spade.
Speaker 4 (07:39):
So, but what I also want to say, and and
I'm and you know what, I'm glad that the truth
came out. And by the way, there is no way
in hell that Johnny Depp would be on trial suing
somebody knowing that his entire life is going to get exposed,
including a ship on his bed. Gross horrible. He would
never do it. You would never do it. He knew
what was going to come out. Don't do that to people.
(08:00):
Do not falsely accuse people of something. It is it is,
It destroys.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I cannot imagine how many.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Year just rips somebody apart when you falsely accuse them
of something. And I'm glad he stood up for himself
and I'm sorry that he had to go through that.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
And if anybody hasn't seen a tourists.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
You have to see it, because, by God, there is
a person there, Johnny Depp, who is not only just
a human being, he's also one of the most magnificent
actors on the planet.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
And he did a movie with Angelina.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
That I just saw, and I just want to remind everybody, like, listen,
this dude is you go look at his face, and this.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Movie is taken away, his career taken away, which is
why he did that.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
And by God, I mean, he's just the gift that
he gives. You have to watch the movies, most romantic
movies in the world.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
So one final and then we'll be done.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And then we'll go my final faith because that's all
I did, was I I cheated and.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Doing the most harrowing movie in my life over seventeen
hours a day.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
In the middle of working, I was working, and then
on the go and then on the sidelines, like you know,
they come for you with this stuff. They know that
I want to see it, and they know about my
A d D. They being the you know, the information
to your highway, and and then just then I'm done. Okay,
So there's a scene there and by the way, her
(09:21):
lawyers were.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Are you telling if it's a scene, we're over her?
Speaker 4 (09:25):
Oh yeah, She's already like yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
So so in the second act there's there's a moment
I remember her lawyers, who couldn't be more over her
say to Johnny, uh so at this point, you poured
yourself a mega pint of wine. And he, because he's
such a good actor and his timing is so right,
he just chuckles and he goes a mega pint. He's like,
(09:52):
I don't know what a mega pine. I poured myself
a very large glass of wine. So now I was
on the street the other day and I saw somebody
wearing a shirt that said I'll have a mega pine,
you know. So it's like this whole thing, and I mean,
pour yourself a mega pint, y'all.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
I mean what it was a disastrous thing to have
happy for Johnny and his family about girls screwed.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
I think I will say, just because this happens doesn't
mean that the years of pain and horror and torture
that he went through imagining that this was a truth
that people were now starting to try to wrap his head,
wrap their heads around, whether they believed it or not.
And this was what happens in our culture, it's not
it's not guilty until proven innocent. What happens is you're
guilty and everything else. You have to suffer the ramifications
(10:41):
of it, and then oh good, six years later, now
you prove what.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
We all knew. Well, y'all knew you didn't do.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
It, Johnny, and now we'll get hired back again. It's
just repulsive how the culture has to jump on board.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
With an acute was when Kate Moss came on and
testifies and said how kind he was to her, and
they in the trial they had said Johnny threw her
down the stairs, and she comes and testifies, she goes,
I fell down the stairs. Johnny came and picked me up,
carried me, put me in bed, and called for medical attention.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
Oh my god. And he was never abusive to her.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
He was never abusive to his wife, I mean, the
mother of his children. So anyways, all right, a person
is an abuser anyway, Johnny Depp.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
We well done, well done.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
For the team really by by fighting that fight he ran.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
My god, I'm glad god justice came.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Now we're going to take a quick break and when
we come back, we have some retard the groom air
co dressed and wide. So if you guys haven't seen
(12:03):
the episode of our producer Ryan with Frank Paris, you
must watch that and then you'll be up to date
with what we're about to bring you up to speed
with Ryan, our producer went to Mexico and we're going
to find out if the wedding actually happened.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
It is such great sorrow that why did I get
to a ten Ryan's wedding? I mean, it is so
sad wouldn't work. This is one of the things about
being a well, you know, working actress.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
You got to take the job.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
And so I missed Ryan's wedding and I haven't even
seen a picture.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
But I mean, that's a hard thing to come by.
Let me tell you, I don't understand. You can maybe
find a sanscript or maybe they maybe they etched it
out in stone or something.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Did they put a time counsel in the ground allowed
to be allowed to go get it fifty years later?
But anyways, Ryan's going to join and we would like
to Brinda.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
We call these the just the two.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Of us, just the three of us, and we're going
to do it just the three of us.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Today. This is this is just Frank.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Harris gave Ran a reading and Ryan had no idea
what was about to happen. And Frank is a psychic
healer who has the ability to go to find what
he calls the original wound, the thing that that as
a that at some point in your life had such
a profound effect on you that all of your decisions
(13:29):
and the things that happened to you in your life
relate back to that. And he just has this ability
to look at a person and see that.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
And that is what join us.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
For just the three of us, we can make it
if we tried, just the three of us.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
You and Do and I. Hi, Ryan, welcome to our shows.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Were say congratulations on you ready, We're sorry that we
couldn't be there.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I understand.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
We have a present for you though, you do Yeah,
what do we want? Do you want to tell them
we're going.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
To make would never? Would you know?
Speaker 4 (14:13):
I think it's number one nightmare. You remember you remember
our gender our gender discussion. She's a she, No, I'm
a siss. Since she's started with a no, We're not
going to make out for you, that is no.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
But we wanted to treat you and Mags to a
weekend at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
That is so great, a little mini honeymoon.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Love it.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
We thought that by the pool. Oh, the room by
the pool, and it's really fun there. Have you ever
been there? You can bowl and stuff inside and you'll
be by the I've.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Been in there once. I recorded a podcast there once.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
So anyways, you you picked the weekend, let me know, and.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
It's station. Everybody needs a break after wedding. You want
to get him and we didn't want to get him
a bowl or books.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Yeah, I love that, but we did look at your
registry and then and then we did the.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Registry with with I really like the registry.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
It was cash or cash.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
That was all it is.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
It was just like a honeymoon fund. That's like what
we're doing.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
He looks give you. We wanted to give you a
little bit of a ball to.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Get you that honeymoon fund.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
We're doing.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Also need you here.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
September. I'm going to go on a honeymoon in September, so.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
You can go. So good, you can go and have
a couple of weeks. I will do that great.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
So so he did get married, spoiler.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
I got married. I have a ring now, okay, so so.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
My gosh, let's see, you're not going to be mine.
He's done. Neither one of these are mine.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
So so when we last left with Ryan, he had
he had had a really powerful reading with Frank Paris
who who I think Ryan. I'll let him speak, but
I think he was surprised by by the reading and
how yeah deep it went. So do you want to
tell us how you felt and then what happened afterwards?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Sure, okay, well let me for Yeah. I had no
idea what to expect when when I talked to Frank.
I've worked with like a lot of different people in
the wellness space, and a lot of times it feels
like nothing. I don't know, So I didn't really know
what to expect. I didn't know if I was gonna
expect it to like perform in any way. So I
was like, I don't want I can't perform right now.
I don't want to do that. So I was really
(16:35):
shocked when the first thing that was said was we
got to work on your relationship with women, and I
was just like, oh, it was such a hard thing
to hear, you know, and especially so I did. What
I hadn't haven't said, is that that day I got
a text from my mom saying she's not coming to
the wedding.
Speaker 6 (16:53):
So I know, did that that happened after, happened before,
it happened before, and you haven't before heard this?
Speaker 1 (17:05):
And then I heard the and then I heard the
thing from Frank, and so ever since it was you know,
ever since that call, I was like, can I get
my mom? My sister was trying to help get her
to come to the wedding, and all this stuff seemed
like it was all going to happen and work out.
And then I got texts like from her again like
three or four days before, saying just like no, not
coming and I can't come. She's she blamed it on
(17:25):
a whole Mexico thing. Scared of Mexico. I don't. I
think it plays maybe a role, but it's mostly she
doesn't want to think that, she doesn't want to, you know,
see or be around my dad because they I think
she just feels guilty or of things that happened. So anyway,
so that's my news.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
Wow, Wow, I mean there was there is There was
a moment where I was afraid that he was going
to say that Mag's is all wrong, and you know,
I was terrified. I was like, and then and he
said the complete opposite. He said how wonderful and how
much she loves you, and what a beautiful soul she is,
and that they were going to have children and all
(18:05):
this stuff.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
So let's talk about Mags's reaction to it, all right.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Well, I told her about it. I don't know if
she's she's like, I need to hear this. I don't
know if she's listened to it yet.
Speaker 4 (18:16):
Okay, So it didn't become a thing where you're like, listen,
I need to do blind need to watch this with you.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I do. I did tell her that. I did tell
her about it, and I told her I was like
surprised by what the person said, and she was like, oh,
I've got to listen. But she would have told me
if she had listened to it. So I don't think
she has it. I think she's forgotten. So I should
remind her, I guess, because I think.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Well, there was a lot going on for her at
that exact moment.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I mean, yeah, it was absolutely and the most stressful
time of my life. That whole thing was insane, absolutely insane.
But anyway, so, yeah, I don't know. I haven't talked
to her about.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
You haven't told her about the children. I did.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I asked her about the children. I asked if if
there are twins in her family, and she said, I
think on one side of her family. Yeah, so so yeah,
so I don't know. So that's still a possibility too.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Well, we were, I mean, one I heard from frankin
of course, what you would hear from Frank would be well,
I mean, I can't imagine because I know the layers
that go after be speaks to you.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
But there was clearly a.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
I mean, I mean clearly the relationship with your mother
has been one that has been a boundary breaker.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Yeah. Yeah, it's been a tough relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Is there a way that you could describe it to
us that wouldn't make you feel that you were exposing
too much?
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Does that feel like an unsafe place?
Speaker 1 (19:42):
No? No, No, it's fine. So when I was I
thought it was twenty one, but then I talked to
my sister, so it was a couple of years after
i'd maybe it was twenty two or twenty three. I
got a call from my mom. She called me crying,
saying that she had an affair and she's leaving, and
she had I told my dad this morning that morning,
and she was about to tell my sister. My sister
(20:04):
is ten years younger than me, and they're here and
awake her up and tell her together and then and
that it's over. And I had a really hard time understanding.
She was always the nurturing one to me and always
like the person that I could go to when I
had any issues or anything like that. I was more
like afraid of my dad, you know, he's the father
figure kind of person. Those roles have completely changed now,
(20:25):
but so I remember after that call, I was just like,
are you okay? Is everything fine? Like how are you?
And anyway, slowly it developed where I just got angry.
I just got mad and then I saw what, you know,
my dad's suffering, and I was just upset by the
way she chose to go about this whole thing, and
I just was just just got pissed. I didn't talk
(20:45):
to her for a few years, slowly started talking again,
and they they still haven't. They've not seen each other
since since that. I'm you know, I'm thirty six now,
so I don't know how long that's been you know,
fifteen thirteen years something like that.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
You know, how long were they married when that happened?
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Twenty one years? Okay, yeah, yeah, And you know that's it.
They both she remarried, she's remarried. He's been in a
relationship now for nine My dad happy. They're both like
living their best lives. I mean, at least that's what
it seemed. It makes me think that because of this
(21:24):
whole wedding situation, that she's still got some shit she's
dealing with, even though right now she's blaming it on
the whole what not coming because of Mexico?
Speaker 4 (21:36):
So, and what has your relationship been, how have you
had any And also I'm thinking about.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Your sister too. Did your sister and you bond over this?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Uh? It was tough because I was already out of
the house, right and I felt really guilty because she
was stuck in the middle of it and getting tossed
back and forth between the two of them. As soon
as she turned eighteen, she got out as quick as
possible because it was just a mess in there, just
putting every you know, making her make these decisions like
who do you want to be with? Who do you
(22:05):
want to choose all this crap, you know, and that's
really hard, you know. And so if I was twenty two,
twenty three, she was, you know, twelve or thirteen. Just
such a hard age to like you're already dealing with
middle school and high school and anyway, Yeah, so I
mean we she I actually got really mad at her
because she took my mom's side, you know, because my
(22:28):
mom is the very she's very nurturing, you know, and
she pretends like nothing's ever wrong, and so my sister.
She made my sister feel that way, I think, you know.
And so it was and my dad was just sad
and angry.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
You were out of the house, and I was gone, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah, so I had her and I thought about it
because I was just like, why are you I just
didn't understand, you know, I just didn't understand. I feel
like I understand a lot better now, and now she
as an adult and she she's is.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
She still with the man that she left your father for?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
No? No, no, So yeah, that that was just a thing,
I guess. I guess it happened a few times. She
would go and do her thing and come back, and
I don't know, my mom said that she was planning
on She had wanted to leave the relationship, but she
was waiting till my sister got out of college, which
I think is also a really crazy thing to think.
(23:22):
You know that she was going to try to make
this work. People do that, And I was just like, anyway, yeah, well.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
So there's still a healing that needs stepping between you
and your mother. It sounds like.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. She left me
h after the wedding, and a few days later she
called left me a voicemail, and I have it on
my phone. I still haven't listened to it. I don't
I'm not ready to listen to it.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Well I can, I can?
Speaker 4 (23:49):
Can we listen to it right now? You have two
supporters here. Can we can support this?
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I not only I can relate to that because I
don't know if I've ever talked about this with you,
But when I when my parents were married for thirty
five years and I was actually pregnant with my daughter
and my dad left my mom, and it was I say,
to this day, it was the worst thing that ever
(24:20):
happened to me in my entire life. It's harder than
my own divorce, their divorce, and I was a grown person,
and I remember just being so surprised, Why is this
so horrible? Why is this so painful? Why is this
so life altering shattering? And it was and I did
not speak to my dad. I spoke to him, but
(24:42):
we didn't really have It took a decade for me
to get over it. And I got over it by,
you know, talking to a friend of mine saying, like,
you know, they're just people, like they're flawed people, and
we don't often look at our parents like they're just
actually humans that flawed and yeah, she fucked up, and
(25:03):
she but it doesn't it. And then it started to
happen for me when I was in my own marriage
and I was like, oh, this isn't working. And I
started thinking about God picturing leaving, and when I was
picturing lee because because I also took it as my
dad not loving the family, and and and and if
(25:27):
you only loved the family that much, he would stay.
And it wasn't until I was in the position of
kind of wanting out that I realized I don't love
my kids any less. By wanting out of this, I not,
not not even a little bit, I just can't do it.
And so but my parents to this day are still
(25:48):
not in the same room together ever, and it ruins holidays,
It ruins you know, I have to pick who comes
to the baptism, who comes to the graduations, who comes
to I.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
Was already stressed about this wedding, Like I told Mags,
I'm like, I don't want to invite family all, like,
can we just do it with friends? You know, like
can we not have to deal with it? Because I
knew this was going to be a thing. And then
she's like, I can't. I can't not invite my family.
She was like, I have to family, and I was like, okay,
I can't. If you invite years, I have to invite mine.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Which is why it's so important for.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Divorced parents to which is why I've killed myself literally,
well not literally because I'm still alive.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But I have worked very hard.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
To keep a relationship with my ex with the sole
goal that we can be in the same room together.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah that's I mean, I wish that that could happen,
and maybe, you know, in another ten years. I have
no idea, but I mean, my parents had me when
they were eighteen nineteen, you know, and so like I
remember at one point, you know, in my in my
mid to late twenties, thinking like, holy shit, they had
like a teenager at this point, you know, you know,
and I was just like, that's wild. I can't imagine.
(27:06):
I'm still trying to figure out my life.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Old was your mom when she left her dad?
Speaker 1 (27:10):
So she's like, you know, nineteen years younger than me.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
So don't make me do math.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
So I was twenty three, So I mean.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
She's nineteen years old older.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was like forty yeah, early forties, right,
Is that so right?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, well that's about when it happened. Yeah, yeah, that's
about when you can't do it anymore. It is.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So it's so horrifying.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
You know, my but James, I was never married to him,
but James still says to me. He will still text me,
you destroyed this family. You did this to us, you
did this, you made this happen. It's like I did
not leave atlass In Homer, I left you.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
The adult relationship wasn't working.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
And I think it's really horrendous when when parents ever
even say.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
This in front of their children, but the children feel it.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Children feel it and I, you know, I go over
there and I bring them things that I sit down
and watch movies with them to do to try to
massage the part of the soul in the child.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
My boy, I was to say, this is going to
be okay, but.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
It is so incredibly confusing to children.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
And I'm amazed.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
I always say that, I was amazed by you being
so up set. This is one thing that you said,
you wish your dad would have stayed with your mom.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
I wish my dad would have stayed with my mom
and had a side piece.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
That's what I put.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Because she would be because I I think that, you know,
and and look now I see my it didn't turn
out as well for my My mother was you know,
didn't see it coming and and has had a harder time.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
You know, my dad is living.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
His best life and my mom is you know, she's
she's fine, she has friends, she met somebody that was wonderful,
and then he died of cancer.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
So that was horrible.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
So it's a little it's it's it's you know, but
I still stand by that's the worst thing that ever
that it was. It was devastating to me and I
was thirty, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:19):
What do you see on the other side of it, Ryan,
what do you what do you how do you.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
See a healing? Do you see the other side?
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Do you see the flip side where this emotion can
be turned into something that that Why do you see
the vision of the future being with your mom?
Speaker 2 (29:32):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (29:32):
With my mom?
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:33):
I mean I'm not sure. I I've never seen my
dad happier and so like that makes me feel so
good he is now yeah, yeah, And you know he
had to go through the whole horrible it was. I've
never seen him cry before like that was watching him,
watching him cry, him comes into my arms and hug
me when all this is going down, was one of
(29:54):
the most insane things of my life, you know. And
but now he is, he's gon, he's so far over
it and he just doesn't care. And he would have
no problem seeing her, even though he was the one
that was really it was hurt. That's why I think
it's a guilty thing. And I don't know, you know,
I thought that my mom and I were fine. I
(30:15):
was still I don't know, I was still very bothered
by the whole situation. I don't necessarily know how to
even address it with her. She still blames my dad
for certain things when I see her, which I don't
understand that either.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
I know somebody doesn't have it.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
I mean, just for perspective, you don't go and have
an affair because everything's working out shortly in your marriage.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Obviously they there, Yeah, obviously there was some kind of
communication issues in the relationship.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
And that doesn't mean here putting that on that. I'm
sure she's trying to balance it out. But if you
if you were to see into the well, into the
wound here or the original wound that is going to
continue with her, how do you think that could be?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
How do you think that could be flipped?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I don't no, I mean I think that I just
need to, like, I just need to forgive her and
some kind of I mean that's literally.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
That's what I did. That's what I ended up doing,
because it might when we're getting that, you know, you you.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
Life is there's gonna you know, she's not going to
be here forever, and and.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
You know, people are imperfect.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And I think the thing to just really stick is
that it she didn't do it because she loves you
and your sister any less. She did it because she
just couldn't do it anymore. And I bet you if
you asked her, she would have handled it differently too.
But when you're in that moment, right, you.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Just it just felt like her not coming to the
wedding last minute also felt like a very similar course
for a similar jab.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Yes, yes, of course, it feels like.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
That brought back a lot of those same feelings.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Yeah, for me of course. And also rejecting you, not
bringing you into the equation. Not you were a twenty
two year old man. You could have want you were
an adult enough for her to have shared this information
with you made you feel cared for in that or
at least a part of the a part of the
(32:10):
dynamic that she was that she was considering you didn't
feel considered.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
So. Yeah. So people are people oftentimes do the best
they can and are flawed, and you just like there's certain.
Speaker 4 (32:23):
Family, but there's family where you just have to accept
them for.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Not being exactly who you want them to be. And
and well.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
The facts of the better is you don't decide not
to be disappointed anymore it's already happened, and decide not
to be disappointed in them anymore because they are. That's
a decision to make that decision to make. Somebody told
me something really interesting about forgiveness, Because forgiveness, uh, you know,
like everybody's yeah, I gotta forgive my mom.
Speaker 3 (32:52):
Like, no, I don't. Actually I don't want you. I'm
not interested. I don't you know what I am.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
No, yours is a difference.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
I understand that. But but what came of it.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
It was a very interesting thing that forgiveness is really
about forgiving yourself man.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
And I was like, what do I have to forgive.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Myself all all of the my inability to be able
to handle to deal with the pain. Can we really
can we really address our attachment to pain in a
situation and say, I forgive myself for being in that pain.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
And not knowing how to get out of it. But
I forgive myself. Now I can accept what has happened.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
I can tell the truth about my story, which is
this is the first.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Badge of honor.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
By being able to move on, you can now give
that story to the gods. You shared it. That story
with your mom is something that you gave to others
to care for. Now being able to look at it
and say, okay, I can actively participate in a choice
to move forward.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
That's what we do in better Together. That is a
part of the practice.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
I actively participate in taking care of my feelings and
saying I don't need to live with this anymore. But
I can forgive myself for the things that we're so
confusing and hurtful and painful that might have adjusted my
behavior with others. And I accept that for myself and I'm.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Going to move on from here.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Yeah, I think you're right. I think that's exactly right.
That's right.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
So Ryan, do you forgive yourself? You didn't do anything.
I'm just explained, Ryan, you forgive yourself?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (34:26):
I think once I listen to that voicemail, maybe then
you'll forgive yourself. After the voice. You can forgive you?
Can I give you?
Speaker 3 (34:35):
Can I give you? I can I give you a hint?
Speaker 4 (34:37):
You can forgive yourself right now, and then you can
listen to the voicemail and you might be able to
listen to the voicemail with beers that that might hear it.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
But again, what I say is, don't be disappointed, because
if you put yourself in that position for your mom
to disappoint you, that voicemail is not going to say
what you want.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
It to say.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
That's why, then you're getting yourself disappointed again, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Well, that's what I've been, that's what That's what I
feel like, is exactly what happened, is that I I
set myself up for a disappointment.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Yes, well you're doing that right now.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Now.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
You're living in the fear of it rather than in
your presence of all. But because you are having that
be the thing that is overpowering you rather than you
being in the center of saying, listen.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I'm just a little angry and I don't want to
hear her, so that that's basically sense. I get that.
I get that. That's all I get that. I don't
think I already know. I mean now that I see
this pattern, you know, I just feel like I know
what to expect. I don't like it, but at least
I know that's what's going to know. I know what
(35:36):
to expect in the future.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
But it's possible that she did both of those things
that she did, leaving in the way that she did,
kind of running away and not coming to the wedding.
It's because she's, like we've discussed that you and I
are both which is somebody who does not like conflict.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
That is clearly she does not. Yeah, both of my
parents act try to avoid it. Yeah that Yeah, that's
why I think it's an excuse because she did not
say this stuff about Mexico. I mean about why why
she's not coming to wedding.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
She's conflict exactly.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
She only said she's scared of Mexico, you know, even
though you know we had people driving her and all
this stuff, and you know. Yeah, so no, that's I agree.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Yeah, so we all learned from that and it doesn't work.
Speaker 4 (36:27):
We're all gonna get I'm gonna I'm working on that.
I have no problem with you good fronting conflicts, I know.
So today we were going to actively participate in something
with Ryan here, and we're gonna look at our lives
and we're going to say, listen, I'm going to take
a look at my emotions.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
I'm gonna I'm going to seek getting out of the pain.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
Of my life and the behaviors that I've had around it,
look at it with clarity and truth, and move forward
in loving kindness. Thank you for being on our show today, Ryan.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
Thanks for having me again. We love you, Love you
to better together.
Speaker 7 (37:04):
And a big, big thanks to our Better Together team,
Ryan Tillotson, Silvana Alcola, Daniel Ferrara and of course and
in heathern. If you haven't already, please subscribe on whatever
device or platform you're listening to this on and as always,
see you next week
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