November 14, 2024 • 23 mins
Anne's Blog on Cuckold Marriage
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I'm black only, that's my choice.
It is a preference. It doesn't mean I'm a fetishist,
it means that I'm AI have preferences.
I've often said that you know Bichard prefers big boob blondes
and nobody ever accused has everaccused him of being a boobist.
(00:27):
Hey everybody, I just wanted to give you a quick notice.
I am starting to offer a one-on-one coaching session.
It's called Ask Crystal, it is coaching for individuals and
couples as they explore ethical non monogamy.
Whatever your dynamic is, I've been living in this dynamic for
10 years and I've learned a ton.And I hope to share some of that
(00:49):
wisdom with you in the hopes that it will help you.
So you'll get the details in theshow notes and I hope to see you
there. Good afternoon, Crystal Welch
here and I'm here with my good friend Anne.
And we're going to tackle another cuckold topic that has
been a hot topic and and continues to be a hot topic for
(01:10):
many people in this lifestyle. And that is the issue of
fairness. So many people say how can you
do that to your husband? It seems so unfair and doesn't
he feel deprived all the time? So what we thought we would do
is break this conversation up ina couple of parts.
(01:31):
Anne and I will talk about our own perspective about the
fairness issue or let's say the power imbalance in a cuckold
relationship. And then in a couple weeks, I'm
not sure exactly the time frame,but we're going to have our
husbands on here and they're going to be able to share their
own perspective about fair, what's fair, unfair, or how they
(01:54):
feel about that whole issue. Because this question comes up a
lot. I just shared with Ann a short
time ago that I don't see any unfairness because I get the
tangible benefit that Bichard isgetting out of this and I'm
going to let him speak to that himself.
But I never feel like it's unfair what we do.
(02:18):
It's unequal in some ways. I very much enjoy the power
exchange and you'll hear from Bitcher that he does too.
I like being in control and not all the time, but in in an
intimate situation, I like beingin control.
To me, it's just sort of, I've been a woman in business all my
(02:39):
life. And you know, there's an old
saying that goes around in in business, a woman has to be, you
know, twice as good to get paid half as much as I think it's a
direct affront to the misogyny of the world.
I mean, that's my deep, my deeper philosophical feeling
about me being in control. I want to be in control of
(02:59):
everything all the time and and perpetually my hair's
perpetually on fired by the by the misogyny in the world.
And so that's that's what I get out of it.
And I enjoy that very much. And and he enjoys playing the
other side of that. So that's the short answer for
us. And tell us about your feeling
about unfairness and how you seeit with you and James.
(03:24):
Well, as far as you know, the term fairness, I've never really
thought of it that way. I think the only time I feel
like if there's any unfairness and this we talked about this in
the whole angst issue, you know,cuckold risk angst.
I feel like if I go on a tangentand I'm not communicating,
(03:48):
that's not fair. But as far as our sexual dynamic
and me having multiple lovers and James not, you know, being
monogamous, to me, that's what we want.
That drives them. There's no unfairness whatsoever
(04:09):
in our dynamic. And I think when people pose
that question, they're not trulyunderstanding the depth and the
complexity of cuckolder. You know, they're I think
people, they see humiliation on a video and that's like, how can
that that just can't be fair? So I think we discovered
(04:31):
cuckolding and I mentioned this before.
I was just something we stumbledon the the term and there wasn't
anybody asking anybody, do you want to do this?
It's just how we evolved. But I don't see any unfairness
at all. When people bring up the term
unfairness, that means that somebody's getting something and
(04:54):
the other person's getting nothing.
And that just doesn't apply for us or really any other couple
that I know. It's different.
Each person gets something different out of it, but that
doesn't mean that one person is devoid of any pleasure in this.
They wouldn't be doing it if that were the case.
I mean, that's like, it's just as simple as I can put it, but
(05:18):
you brought up something else that's important.
I think one of the most confusing things for people
looking from the outside into a cuck relationship, Some cuck
couples, not all, enjoy humiliation play in our
relationship. It's playful, it's never mean
spirited. It's not meant to hurt or
(05:39):
damage. But but those kind of jabs just
send Bitcher to the moon. It just makes him insane.
Now, whether or not he'll be able to describe to you all why
that is, I'm not sure, because I'm not sure that we know.
But it there is very much something to it and we're not
(06:04):
ashamed of it and we play with it very, very actively.
And there's not a thing wrong with it.
You know, Again, it's everythingis by mutual consent here.
He especially gets off when, youknow, we can play amongst
ourselves when we're by ourselves.
But when I'm with a lover, he just, it just drives him wild
(06:25):
for me to, you know, give him a little verbal humiliation in
that in that situation. And so again, that's an area
that many people are confused about because they think, how
could he? How could he do that?
How could he like to do that? I mean, what is wrong with him?
I mean, that's basically the implied message.
There. Or why?
(06:46):
Yeah. Or why didn't you just marry a
black man? Like how could you do this?
Well, no, that and that comes upright behind it very often.
And, you know, the truth is, if I lived in a, in an area that
was 5050 in diversity, I, I marry, I might have well married
a black man. You know, I just have never
lived in an area that that's, it's that the 1st.
(07:08):
And so I would have had the samecriteria for a partner as
whether he was black or white orAsian or whatever he was.
It would be the same personal characteristics and the same
qualities. But now that I am married and
we're in a consensual cuck relationship, I'm black only.
That's my choice. It is a preference.
(07:30):
It doesn't mean I'm a fetishist,it means that I'm AI have
preferences. I've often said that you know
Bitchard prefers big boob blondes and nobody ever accused
has ever accused him of being a boobist or a blondist.
You know, it's fine for him to have his preference, but the
(07:50):
minute I tell somebody that I'm black, only then it's you're a
fetishist. But as far as, you know,
fairness, if anybody's been unfair, I'm the one who's been
unfair by not by bottling up what I'm feeling, because we are
the ones that are. James is pretty good about
expressing his emotion and sharing it with me.
(08:11):
But sometimes I don't share as openly as I could, you know, on
the right times, you know, I'm obviously much better and
learning and always improving. But that's the only time
unfairness happens, I think. For us, that's high class
self-awareness right there to recognize that you don't share
(08:34):
as openly. I mean, that's that's good
stuff. And the fact that you can
recognize it means that you can be aware of it and change it.
OK, here's a question from from a listener.
How do we respond to things within our dynamic?
Like, do we deny them PIV sex? You know, what are the bounds
(08:58):
around that and how do we determine that and how is it
received and what does it mean to both people?
I mean, that's a, that's a weighty topic too.
And for us, everything is situational.
It depends on the person that we're with.
It depends on how comfortable they are with everything.
(09:19):
And that really largely determines what we do or what we
don't do. But when we're by ourselves,
it's still situational. You know, if I want to get
humped, I get humped. If I don't, I don't, I don't, I
don't, I don't know how else to say that, but yeah, it's like
(09:40):
that. So when we're with when I'm with
a lover, then it, it's very situational and it's, it's based
on that, that person and what they're comfortable with.
Some of the, the lovers that I've had have most of them are
very comfortable with verbal humiliation.
Some of them don't want any involve really any involvement
(10:03):
from, from Bitchard or maybe they'll let him watch or listen
or something like that. So it it's very, it's very
situational and we don't have any hard and fast rules when
there's a third party involved. We don't have any hard and fast
rules because it really is how the three of us blend our unique
interests together so that everybody has the kind of
(10:23):
experience that they want. What about you, Anne?
Well, most cases, James isn't part of the sexual dynamic.
When I'm with a lover, it's not to say he hasn't been in the
room or, you know, he's been blindfolded and sitting there
and, you know, he's been included, but he's never part of
(10:44):
the sex, at least not yet. And who knows?
You know, things are always changing.
I don't foresee it, but, you know, we shall see.
But no, not in a PIV point of view.
But when it comes to our own dynamic, you know, we've evolved
so much and we've learned so much over this, what, the past
(11:04):
eight years or so. You know, we used to say, OK,
well, no penetration for me like4 days, 48 hours before I'm with
a lover. You know, that was the thing.
And then we kind of got to the point where he wasn't come, He
wasn't allowed in me at all. And now it gets to the point
(11:24):
where we're more intimate, but he's not allowed to ejaculate in
me at all. Like that's the I draw that
line. No, he cannot come in me.
Wow, that's that's a super interesting trajectory.
That's super interesting. So talk more about that.
Well, I, I, I feel like we have,we have two amazing children.
(11:50):
You know, his swimmers did fine.So we have did the job, did the
job, you know, got two productive adults, you know, so
that that's good. And it's such a rush for me to
be fucked by a black man and to have his seed and to, you know,
(12:12):
whether I swallow his seed or it's he fucks me, you know, he
buries his seed deep inside me. It's such a power rush.
And so there, there's that distinguishing.
That's the difference. And James, you know his his
size, he knows he can't satisfy me fully.
We even talked about this this morning like there's certain
positions where he going to enter me.
(12:34):
It's going to be best for him because I need so much size in
order for him to feel like he can get something out of it.
It's probably better if we try it, you know, a certain way.
And so that what I'm happy aboutis we are still have a physical
connection. Is it as often as it was before
(12:55):
cuckolding? No, but it's probably more
special. You know, when it happens,
especially when you know, you have times in between times when
you're, I hate to say in a slump, but you haven't had an
encounter in a while. And you just, you just need
that. You need that intimate
connection. I need that intimate connection
(13:17):
with him, which then drives me. And then I always finish off
masturbating because he knows that, you know, I'll get my wand
out or whatever. And but it's part of our, you
know, our sexual dynamic. But, you know, things change.
Things are not the same. You know, you think you, you've
(13:37):
read stuff online, you've read people's blogs.
It's like, OK, well, this is howyou need to do it.
We're going to do it this way. And then you try something else
and then it's like, wait, you don't have to do what everybody
else is doing. It's like, well, they're doing
that. Why can't we like all there's so
many more resources available now from just real genuine
people than there were when we started.
(13:59):
And so we just, we're going based on this one website and
it's like, OK, this is what we're doing.
But now if we were to start now,there's so many more resources
out there that and people sharing their voices on their
experiences that I think it would like, who knows where we
would be? Maybe we would have done it the
same way. I don't know.
I don't have any regrets, but I also know that, you know, we're
(14:22):
not locked in to anyone thing. Yeah, that's exactly how we
approach that too. You know, we we see this, it's
been very much an evolutionary path for us.
We never imagined when we first got together.
We sort of we kind of did the threesome thing in the beginning
(14:46):
and but it quickly evolved to the cuck dynamic because he
determined that that was more enjoyable for him.
And you know, I was going to have it either way.
So but it's been very much an evolutionary path.
And you said something importantthat at the end of the day, the
(15:06):
most important thing to us is that we maintain a high level of
intimacy between us. Everything hinges around this
relationship and the people outside of it are are add-ons
and lovely add-ons. But we make it a habit if we're
(15:27):
in sort of a dry spell sexually,we talk more, we are more
affectionate with each other. We try and maintain that
intimacy in other ways. And I think this is the real
life part of cuckoldry and why it's not a just a fetish play.
(15:49):
It's real life, real life, real relationship.
And, and it ebbs and flows like all relationships do.
There are times that it's highlycharged and highly active and
other times it's completely different and it's calm and, you
know, but we are aware of the fact that when we're in sort of
a desert that we do other thingsto maintain a deep intimacy and
(16:15):
a connection. So we'll, you know, we spend an
hour 2 in the morning when we first wake up and like really
just talk over the whatever, whatever's on our mind.
And, and I try and make it a practice and he does too, you
know, to reach out and be more physically affectionate, you
know, whether it's just a littleback rub or, or whatever, you
(16:36):
know, and those things keep us connected even though it might
not be sexually connected, you know, every week like that.
I tend to, I mean, the most important thing is the
relationship between like myselfand, and James.
That's the, that's the, he's the, he's my number one.
And whatever needs to happen is that's, you know, that's always
(17:03):
going to be the priority. OK.
So another question that we got is if in the pursuit of
following our own passions as sexually empowered women, do we
occasionally pursue something and then find out later on that
husband's not on board and how do we reconcile that?
(17:25):
I can think of an an example. So anything that I relationship
that I seek or go after, he's onboard.
You know, I don't keep anything from him.
When things can get a little dicey is when a deeper
friendship develops between myself and lover and James might
(17:48):
be feeling excluded or left out.And I'm a social person and he's
not, I wouldn't call him shy. He's but he's not, you know,
there are some guys that are constantly texting and, and
doing that. That's he's, that's not him.
That's just not his style. So one of them, our first
encounters actually with a guy who lived in San Francisco and
(18:11):
we met here in town for drinks. And then I was going to be in
the Bay Area. So I actually flew up and stayed
in a hotel with him, you know, overnight.
But this lover, you know, he texted James throughout the
evening and there was communication.
But then over time, he left James out of any conversation.
And I said, you know, this is really like a relationship of
(18:33):
three people. And he goes, well, I don't see
it that way. And I said, well, it's going to
have to end then. But there were some hard
feelings. And I think that would be an
example of something kind of getting out of hand in a way.
There was. I have another lover here that I
don't get to see as often as I like.
And, you know, we have a really kind of a fun rapport back and
(18:55):
forth. But finally, he wanted to get
together. And I said, you know, you
haven't really had a conversation with James.
Why don't we just get drinks instead of like meeting at a
hotel? Why don't the three of us?
And that really kind of set kindof grounded our friendship.
So it was more three-way and not, but I had to like I said,
we this needs to happen, you know, because James is like,
(19:16):
why, why can't why, why are you doing this?
Why can't? Like I want to I want him to be
my friend too. You know, so it you have to,
even though you go after these men and you say this is what
turns me on and this is what I want.
Sometimes they can kind of spin.You can kind of get wrapped up
in this new friendship boyfriendsort of thing and it can cause
(19:40):
some hard feelings. Yes, that's a very, very good
example. And I think it's not terribly
unusual. I know we, when we had our
first, we had really hard boundaries around that when we
first started and then we met this guy and it just really got
completely involved. But he but, but, but Bichard was
(20:03):
always involved. He was there from the first
meeting. You know, he was right with us
the entire weekend and so he wasnever excluded.
Had that whole thing happened 'cause he and I ended up sort of
falling in love. Had that happened outside of
Bichard or on my own, that wouldhave been a big problem.
It would have because he would have felt.
(20:25):
Really excluded and you know it,it wouldn't have been right but
and as it turned out, that guy actually wanted that couple
dynamic. He wanted you know, they were
very, very good friends and he and I were just passionate
lovers and and it worked great. Now if we could find that again,
I'd be really happy But so but Bichard has evolved.
(20:48):
We both evolved on that topic and we now seek for people that
only people that are willing to connect.
And so that really leaves a small field even smaller because
there's not that many people that we have found in the
lifestyle that are, you know, they like the very, very casual
(21:09):
sort of hit and run kind of a deal.
And there can be a place for that.
I'm not saying there isn't. But for me, I would prefer
longer term, more involved friendship.
And I'm I feel lucky and I and Iappreciate Bichard too because
he's on board with that as well.He sees how much better that
(21:30):
makes the sex. It gives him another Ave. to
make a new friend. And we see all of that as good.
But I know that this issue is problematic for a lot of
couples, you know, trying to draw a line in the sand and and
not encourage involvement to happen.
But human beings being what we are, you know, if you are highly
(21:54):
attracted to someone and you've got incredible chemistry and you
have great sex, there's at leastan outside chance you're going
to get attached one way or the other.
And you know, and it, it would do you well to discuss the
possibility of that before it happens.
You know, how, how would we feel?
I mean, you can never tell untilyou're with, in the in the arena
(22:15):
with the person that it's, that it is.
But it'd be really good to talk that over with your partner
early on in the lifestyle, as early as you can, just because
you know, human beings can get involved when, when things are
clicking right along. That's what causes involvement.
And, and it's it. It would be good for both of you
(22:36):
to know how both of you feel. About that right Yeah No, I
agree 'cause the last thing you want is anyone anyone
uncomfortable and especially your especially your cock.
Usually when I meet with gentlemen, unless we're
traveling, I usually go alone atfirst to get coffee.
So because I want to see what the guys like before it.
(22:58):
I my thing is why I introduce James if I probably doesn't do
anything for me, like why I bring him in.
And so it's just a matter of introducing James, which he
always does meet them and you know, seeing where it goes from
there. So but it's like I'm in a
wasteland too, so. OK, that's it for today.
(23:28):
Thank you very much, Anne, and goodbye.
Bye. Bye everyone.
I'm black only, that's my choice.
It is a preference. It doesn't mean I'm a fetishist,
it means that I'm AI have preferences.
I've often said that you know Bichard prefers big boob blondes
and nobody ever accused has everaccused him of being a boobist.
(00:27):
Hey everybody, I just wanted to give you a quick notice.
I am starting to offer a one-on-one coaching session.
It's called Ask Crystal, it is coaching for individuals and
couples as they explore ethical non monogamy.
Whatever your dynamic is, I've been living in this dynamic for
10 years and I've learned a ton.And I hope to share some of that
(00:49):
wisdom with you in the hopes that it will help you.
So you'll get the details in theshow notes and I hope to see you
there. Good afternoon, Crystal Welch
here and I'm here with my good friend Anne.
And we're going to tackle another cuckold topic that has
been a hot topic and and continues to be a hot topic for
(01:10):
many people in this lifestyle. And that is the issue of
fairness. So many people say how can you
do that to your husband? It seems so unfair and doesn't
he feel deprived all the time? So what we thought we would do
is break this conversation up ina couple of parts.
(01:31):
Anne and I will talk about our own perspective about the
fairness issue or let's say the power imbalance in a cuckold
relationship. And then in a couple weeks, I'm
not sure exactly the time frame,but we're going to have our
husbands on here and they're going to be able to share their
own perspective about fair, what's fair, unfair, or how they
(01:54):
feel about that whole issue. Because this question comes up a
lot. I just shared with Ann a short
time ago that I don't see any unfairness because I get the
tangible benefit that Bichard isgetting out of this and I'm
going to let him speak to that himself.
But I never feel like it's unfair what we do.
(02:18):
It's unequal in some ways. I very much enjoy the power
exchange and you'll hear from Bitcher that he does too.
I like being in control and not all the time, but in in an
intimate situation, I like beingin control.
To me, it's just sort of, I've been a woman in business all my
(02:39):
life. And you know, there's an old
saying that goes around in in business, a woman has to be, you
know, twice as good to get paid half as much as I think it's a
direct affront to the misogyny of the world.
I mean, that's my deep, my deeper philosophical feeling
about me being in control. I want to be in control of
(02:59):
everything all the time and and perpetually my hair's
perpetually on fired by the by the misogyny in the world.
And so that's that's what I get out of it.
And I enjoy that very much. And and he enjoys playing the
other side of that. So that's the short answer for
us. And tell us about your feeling
about unfairness and how you seeit with you and James.
(03:24):
Well, as far as you know, the term fairness, I've never really
thought of it that way. I think the only time I feel
like if there's any unfairness and this we talked about this in
the whole angst issue, you know,cuckold risk angst.
I feel like if I go on a tangentand I'm not communicating,
(03:48):
that's not fair. But as far as our sexual dynamic
and me having multiple lovers and James not, you know, being
monogamous, to me, that's what we want.
That drives them. There's no unfairness whatsoever
(04:09):
in our dynamic. And I think when people pose
that question, they're not trulyunderstanding the depth and the
complexity of cuckolder. You know, they're I think
people, they see humiliation on a video and that's like, how can
that that just can't be fair? So I think we discovered
(04:31):
cuckolding and I mentioned this before.
I was just something we stumbledon the the term and there wasn't
anybody asking anybody, do you want to do this?
It's just how we evolved. But I don't see any unfairness
at all. When people bring up the term
unfairness, that means that somebody's getting something and
(04:54):
the other person's getting nothing.
And that just doesn't apply for us or really any other couple
that I know. It's different.
Each person gets something different out of it, but that
doesn't mean that one person is devoid of any pleasure in this.
They wouldn't be doing it if that were the case.
I mean, that's like, it's just as simple as I can put it, but
(05:18):
you brought up something else that's important.
I think one of the most confusing things for people
looking from the outside into a cuck relationship, Some cuck
couples, not all, enjoy humiliation play in our
relationship. It's playful, it's never mean
spirited. It's not meant to hurt or
(05:39):
damage. But but those kind of jabs just
send Bitcher to the moon. It just makes him insane.
Now, whether or not he'll be able to describe to you all why
that is, I'm not sure, because I'm not sure that we know.
But it there is very much something to it and we're not
(06:04):
ashamed of it and we play with it very, very actively.
And there's not a thing wrong with it.
You know, Again, it's everythingis by mutual consent here.
He especially gets off when, youknow, we can play amongst
ourselves when we're by ourselves.
But when I'm with a lover, he just, it just drives him wild
(06:25):
for me to, you know, give him a little verbal humiliation in
that in that situation. And so again, that's an area
that many people are confused about because they think, how
could he? How could he do that?
How could he like to do that? I mean, what is wrong with him?
I mean, that's basically the implied message.
There. Or why?
(06:46):
Yeah. Or why didn't you just marry a
black man? Like how could you do this?
Well, no, that and that comes upright behind it very often.
And, you know, the truth is, if I lived in a, in an area that
was 5050 in diversity, I, I marry, I might have well married
a black man. You know, I just have never
lived in an area that that's, it's that the 1st.
(07:08):
And so I would have had the samecriteria for a partner as
whether he was black or white orAsian or whatever he was.
It would be the same personal characteristics and the same
qualities. But now that I am married and
we're in a consensual cuck relationship, I'm black only.
That's my choice. It is a preference.
(07:30):
It doesn't mean I'm a fetishist,it means that I'm AI have
preferences. I've often said that you know
Bitchard prefers big boob blondes and nobody ever accused
has ever accused him of being a boobist or a blondist.
You know, it's fine for him to have his preference, but the
(07:50):
minute I tell somebody that I'm black, only then it's you're a
fetishist. But as far as, you know,
fairness, if anybody's been unfair, I'm the one who's been
unfair by not by bottling up what I'm feeling, because we are
the ones that are. James is pretty good about
expressing his emotion and sharing it with me.
(08:11):
But sometimes I don't share as openly as I could, you know, on
the right times, you know, I'm obviously much better and
learning and always improving. But that's the only time
unfairness happens, I think. For us, that's high class
self-awareness right there to recognize that you don't share
(08:34):
as openly. I mean, that's that's good
stuff. And the fact that you can
recognize it means that you can be aware of it and change it.
OK, here's a question from from a listener.
How do we respond to things within our dynamic?
Like, do we deny them PIV sex? You know, what are the bounds
(08:58):
around that and how do we determine that and how is it
received and what does it mean to both people?
I mean, that's a, that's a weighty topic too.
And for us, everything is situational.
It depends on the person that we're with.
It depends on how comfortable they are with everything.
(09:19):
And that really largely determines what we do or what we
don't do. But when we're by ourselves,
it's still situational. You know, if I want to get
humped, I get humped. If I don't, I don't, I don't, I
don't, I don't know how else to say that, but yeah, it's like
(09:40):
that. So when we're with when I'm with
a lover, then it, it's very situational and it's, it's based
on that, that person and what they're comfortable with.
Some of the, the lovers that I've had have most of them are
very comfortable with verbal humiliation.
Some of them don't want any involve really any involvement
(10:03):
from, from Bitchard or maybe they'll let him watch or listen
or something like that. So it it's very, it's very
situational and we don't have any hard and fast rules when
there's a third party involved. We don't have any hard and fast
rules because it really is how the three of us blend our unique
interests together so that everybody has the kind of
(10:23):
experience that they want. What about you, Anne?
Well, most cases, James isn't part of the sexual dynamic.
When I'm with a lover, it's not to say he hasn't been in the
room or, you know, he's been blindfolded and sitting there
and, you know, he's been included, but he's never part of
(10:44):
the sex, at least not yet. And who knows?
You know, things are always changing.
I don't foresee it, but, you know, we shall see.
But no, not in a PIV point of view.
But when it comes to our own dynamic, you know, we've evolved
so much and we've learned so much over this, what, the past
(11:04):
eight years or so. You know, we used to say, OK,
well, no penetration for me like4 days, 48 hours before I'm with
a lover. You know, that was the thing.
And then we kind of got to the point where he wasn't come, He
wasn't allowed in me at all. And now it gets to the point
(11:24):
where we're more intimate, but he's not allowed to ejaculate in
me at all. Like that's the I draw that
line. No, he cannot come in me.
Wow, that's that's a super interesting trajectory.
That's super interesting. So talk more about that.
Well, I, I, I feel like we have,we have two amazing children.
(11:50):
You know, his swimmers did fine.So we have did the job, did the
job, you know, got two productive adults, you know, so
that that's good. And it's such a rush for me to
be fucked by a black man and to have his seed and to, you know,
(12:12):
whether I swallow his seed or it's he fucks me, you know, he
buries his seed deep inside me. It's such a power rush.
And so there, there's that distinguishing.
That's the difference. And James, you know his his
size, he knows he can't satisfy me fully.
We even talked about this this morning like there's certain
positions where he going to enter me.
(12:34):
It's going to be best for him because I need so much size in
order for him to feel like he can get something out of it.
It's probably better if we try it, you know, a certain way.
And so that what I'm happy aboutis we are still have a physical
connection. Is it as often as it was before
(12:55):
cuckolding? No, but it's probably more
special. You know, when it happens,
especially when you know, you have times in between times when
you're, I hate to say in a slump, but you haven't had an
encounter in a while. And you just, you just need
that. You need that intimate
connection. I need that intimate connection
(13:17):
with him, which then drives me. And then I always finish off
masturbating because he knows that, you know, I'll get my wand
out or whatever. And but it's part of our, you
know, our sexual dynamic. But, you know, things change.
Things are not the same. You know, you think you, you've
(13:37):
read stuff online, you've read people's blogs.
It's like, OK, well, this is howyou need to do it.
We're going to do it this way. And then you try something else
and then it's like, wait, you don't have to do what everybody
else is doing. It's like, well, they're doing
that. Why can't we like all there's so
many more resources available now from just real genuine
people than there were when we started.
(13:59):
And so we just, we're going based on this one website and
it's like, OK, this is what we're doing.
But now if we were to start now,there's so many more resources
out there that and people sharing their voices on their
experiences that I think it would like, who knows where we
would be? Maybe we would have done it the
same way. I don't know.
I don't have any regrets, but I also know that, you know, we're
(14:22):
not locked in to anyone thing. Yeah, that's exactly how we
approach that too. You know, we we see this, it's
been very much an evolutionary path for us.
We never imagined when we first got together.
We sort of we kind of did the threesome thing in the beginning
(14:46):
and but it quickly evolved to the cuck dynamic because he
determined that that was more enjoyable for him.
And you know, I was going to have it either way.
So but it's been very much an evolutionary path.
And you said something importantthat at the end of the day, the
(15:06):
most important thing to us is that we maintain a high level of
intimacy between us. Everything hinges around this
relationship and the people outside of it are are add-ons
and lovely add-ons. But we make it a habit if we're
(15:27):
in sort of a dry spell sexually,we talk more, we are more
affectionate with each other. We try and maintain that
intimacy in other ways. And I think this is the real
life part of cuckoldry and why it's not a just a fetish play.
(15:49):
It's real life, real life, real relationship.
And, and it ebbs and flows like all relationships do.
There are times that it's highlycharged and highly active and
other times it's completely different and it's calm and, you
know, but we are aware of the fact that when we're in sort of
a desert that we do other thingsto maintain a deep intimacy and
(16:15):
a connection. So we'll, you know, we spend an
hour 2 in the morning when we first wake up and like really
just talk over the whatever, whatever's on our mind.
And, and I try and make it a practice and he does too, you
know, to reach out and be more physically affectionate, you
know, whether it's just a littleback rub or, or whatever, you
(16:36):
know, and those things keep us connected even though it might
not be sexually connected, you know, every week like that.
I tend to, I mean, the most important thing is the
relationship between like myselfand, and James.
That's the, that's the, he's the, he's my number one.
And whatever needs to happen is that's, you know, that's always
(17:03):
going to be the priority. OK.
So another question that we got is if in the pursuit of
following our own passions as sexually empowered women, do we
occasionally pursue something and then find out later on that
husband's not on board and how do we reconcile that?
(17:25):
I can think of an an example. So anything that I relationship
that I seek or go after, he's onboard.
You know, I don't keep anything from him.
When things can get a little dicey is when a deeper
friendship develops between myself and lover and James might
(17:48):
be feeling excluded or left out.And I'm a social person and he's
not, I wouldn't call him shy. He's but he's not, you know,
there are some guys that are constantly texting and, and
doing that. That's he's, that's not him.
That's just not his style. So one of them, our first
encounters actually with a guy who lived in San Francisco and
(18:11):
we met here in town for drinks. And then I was going to be in
the Bay Area. So I actually flew up and stayed
in a hotel with him, you know, overnight.
But this lover, you know, he texted James throughout the
evening and there was communication.
But then over time, he left James out of any conversation.
And I said, you know, this is really like a relationship of
(18:33):
three people. And he goes, well, I don't see
it that way. And I said, well, it's going to
have to end then. But there were some hard
feelings. And I think that would be an
example of something kind of getting out of hand in a way.
There was. I have another lover here that I
don't get to see as often as I like.
And, you know, we have a really kind of a fun rapport back and
(18:55):
forth. But finally, he wanted to get
together. And I said, you know, you
haven't really had a conversation with James.
Why don't we just get drinks instead of like meeting at a
hotel? Why don't the three of us?
And that really kind of set kindof grounded our friendship.
So it was more three-way and not, but I had to like I said,
we this needs to happen, you know, because James is like,
(19:16):
why, why can't why, why are you doing this?
Why can't? Like I want to I want him to be
my friend too. You know, so it you have to,
even though you go after these men and you say this is what
turns me on and this is what I want.
Sometimes they can kind of spin.You can kind of get wrapped up
in this new friendship boyfriendsort of thing and it can cause
(19:40):
some hard feelings. Yes, that's a very, very good
example. And I think it's not terribly
unusual. I know we, when we had our
first, we had really hard boundaries around that when we
first started and then we met this guy and it just really got
completely involved. But he but, but, but Bichard was
(20:03):
always involved. He was there from the first
meeting. You know, he was right with us
the entire weekend and so he wasnever excluded.
Had that whole thing happened 'cause he and I ended up sort of
falling in love. Had that happened outside of
Bichard or on my own, that wouldhave been a big problem.
It would have because he would have felt.
(20:25):
Really excluded and you know it,it wouldn't have been right but
and as it turned out, that guy actually wanted that couple
dynamic. He wanted you know, they were
very, very good friends and he and I were just passionate
lovers and and it worked great. Now if we could find that again,
I'd be really happy But so but Bichard has evolved.
(20:48):
We both evolved on that topic and we now seek for people that
only people that are willing to connect.
And so that really leaves a small field even smaller because
there's not that many people that we have found in the
lifestyle that are, you know, they like the very, very casual
(21:09):
sort of hit and run kind of a deal.
And there can be a place for that.
I'm not saying there isn't. But for me, I would prefer
longer term, more involved friendship.
And I'm I feel lucky and I and Iappreciate Bichard too because
he's on board with that as well.He sees how much better that
(21:30):
makes the sex. It gives him another Ave. to
make a new friend. And we see all of that as good.
But I know that this issue is problematic for a lot of
couples, you know, trying to draw a line in the sand and and
not encourage involvement to happen.
But human beings being what we are, you know, if you are highly
(21:54):
attracted to someone and you've got incredible chemistry and you
have great sex, there's at leastan outside chance you're going
to get attached one way or the other.
And you know, and it, it would do you well to discuss the
possibility of that before it happens.
You know, how, how would we feel?
I mean, you can never tell untilyou're with, in the in the arena
(22:15):
with the person that it's, that it is.
But it'd be really good to talk that over with your partner
early on in the lifestyle, as early as you can, just because
you know, human beings can get involved when, when things are
clicking right along. That's what causes involvement.
And, and it's it. It would be good for both of you
(22:36):
to know how both of you feel. About that right Yeah No, I
agree 'cause the last thing you want is anyone anyone
uncomfortable and especially your especially your cock.
Usually when I meet with gentlemen, unless we're
traveling, I usually go alone atfirst to get coffee.
So because I want to see what the guys like before it.
(22:58):
I my thing is why I introduce James if I probably doesn't do
anything for me, like why I bring him in.
And so it's just a matter of introducing James, which he
always does meet them and you know, seeing where it goes from
there. So but it's like I'm in a
wasteland too, so. OK, that's it for today.
(23:28):
Thank you very much, Anne, and goodbye.
Bye. Bye everyone.
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