May 12, 2024 • 52 mins
Miss Nookie is a hedonistic dominant cuckoldress-pimptress who is polyamorous and monoromantic. She also founded the kinky dating service Dating Kinky, and is an uplifting voice in the kink and ethical non-monogamy community. Having grown up with "swinky" parents, Miss Nookie knows a GREAT DEAL about living a vital, happy, kinky and healthy lifestyle.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Welcome to Beyond Monogamy with your host, Blogger, podcaster,
and speaker Crystal Welch. This show explores how
relationships are changing in the 21st century from consensual
non monogamy to cuckoldry, polyamory, and interracial love.
This is the place to learn everything you wanted to know
about consensual non monogamy. Now, without any further ado,
(00:24):
let's welcome your host, CrystalWelch, and dive head first into
this episode. Good morning, Crystal Welch
here. I'm so happy to be bringing you
an exciting new episode. Today I'm interviewing Miss
Nookie Notes. Which don't you love that name
Nookie most people call her. Nookie grew up in the lifestyle
(00:47):
and around people of every colorand bent.
Her primary fetishes are communication and behavior
modification. She's a lifestyle dominant who
runs her relationships and she is a very hedonistic in the
bedroom. We love that she's the owner.
She is the owner and developer of a new kinky education and
(01:09):
dating site called Dating kinky.com.
Please go check that out. She is an educator.
So many of our my followers havequestions and you are a great
resource for them. So I thank you so much for being
here today. All right, let us launch here.
(01:31):
I have a million questions. So I'm going to try and get as
many of these in as I can. So tell me this, I was
intrigued. Your description about growing
up in the lifestyle, Tell us a little bit more about that.
So I my parents were Swingsters,swanky folk, I guess.
So I grew up in a home where a lot of the people who came to
(01:56):
visit were, you know, trans folkor gay or leather or polyamorous
or in power exchange relationships.
And I was never, like, indoctrinated.
They never, like, sat me down and told me about the kinky
birds and the bees or whatever. But when I finally stepped into
(02:18):
a fetish club at 19, and I thought to myself, holy hell,
these are my people, it began todawn upon me.
Wait a minute here. Now I know what was going on.
Now I get it. You know, that is incredibly
fascinating. I've never met another person
(02:38):
who grew up in that. And that is a question that
comes up from so many people like people that might have
children that want to engage in this lifestyle.
Like what did your parents tell you to sort of shield you from
all the graphic detail but also let you know that it was, you
(02:58):
know, it's it's how they're going to run their friendships
and their adult lives and tell us from a kid point of view how
all of that played and what did they say?
So it's interesting because, youknow, I keep thinking back and I
guess they just said that, you know, people love each other in
lots of different ways. And, you know, my parents were,
(03:21):
they were more swanky or open than polyamorous.
So there wasn't a ton of, like, there weren't sleepovers from
other people and stuff like thatso much when I was around.
And I also didn't have the Internet.
So I wasn't like, maybe as savvyas a lot of kids are today.
(03:43):
One of my girlfriends does have two sons.
One of them is 18. I think the other one is 24
right now. And I have been privileged to
sort of be a part of their livesfor several years.
And she would use the writings that I have written over the
years that were age appropriate for her teenage son and read
(04:07):
them to him and talk to him about, you know, different types
of lifestyles or sexualities or whatever based on what she
thought might be important to him as he was at whatever stage
in his life. The older son actually came out
to the venue that we ran together when we ran a kinky
venue and he started his journeythere and she knew that he was
(04:32):
meeting people that were, you know, good players and able to,
you know, set him right on the journey.
So I think it's really just a matter of you know, where are
you and how are you going to raise your kids.
I was just raised to be open minded and to believe that
everybody has a right to love and happiness and I think that
(04:53):
just paved the way for anything.Wow, that's incredibly
inspiring. And I wish we could clone you
and your parents across the US right now because we badly,
badly need some more of that. I'm going to be calling on you
too, so I encourage everyone to go to Nookie's site, Dating
Kinky. There may be resources for you.
(05:15):
I know I've gotten a lot of questions of people about how to
talk to their kids. In fact we I'm a cuckoldress.
My husband has is currently fighting for custody of a trans
girl and to get her out of Texasand so so we are looking for
those kinds of resources ourselves.
(05:37):
So I'm gonna probably be tappingyou on the shoulder, Nikki
'cause you are definitely Nikki with the.
Parents I know because there's there's some amazing people out
there. Yeah, yeah.
And it's. Yeah.
So anyway that's a side note, but that's a great resource for
all of you who are listening because these are real things
and that's exactly what we have planned to do because we're
(05:58):
going to continue our lifestyle.But we are more polling too.
So we will have you know and we have talked about doing it much
like you just described. We are.
We've engaged in this lifestyle for a very long time.
We never discussed it with him. He was born boy, but identifying
as girl because, you know, a my husband didn't have custody and
(06:21):
his mother's a very radical fundamentalist Christian who,
you know, her head explodes at the mere mention of anything
that's not celibate, you know, which is not us so.
Yeah. So, yeah, So, so anyway, that's
really, really helpful. And I'm.
I'm excited. I'm excited about that and
really happy that I know that about you too, 'cause I can, I'm
(06:42):
going to be sending you other people who need your particular
kind of expertise, I think. So let's talk about dating
Kinky. Now, you created that website.
What were your goals and objectives?
I mean, what were you trying to accomplish when you started it?
And how is that going? And how are how who are your
(07:03):
followers now? Who Who's shaping up to really
be following your your educationand your?
Program. So I originally starting started
dating Kinky because the sites that we have available to us and
the apps that we have available to us as Kinky folk.
Tended. Towards being kind of sleazy and
(07:25):
that life isn't a dating app, right?
It's a community. It's a it's a Facebook for kinky
people. So I was trying to put together
a dating site where pink kinky people could connect with each
other and that was set up specifically to connect kinky
people and part of that. I've always been a fan of
(07:47):
education, and I believe that connecting people is one step of
the process. And then giving them the
education to make the most of those connections is the other
step. And so we have a very full
education calendar and library. We have over 400 videos now,
(08:12):
replays videos and audios, 400 videos and over 400 audios.
So they we have replays in both video and audio format on a lot
of different topics. And so I find that the people
who come to dating Kinky are people who are either looking
for education and then they sortof find their way into dating if
(08:36):
they don't already have partners.
Or they're people who are comingto find those partners and
somehow they stumble into the education and have the
opportunity to grow and become more of who they are.
That is excellent and and I'm very much aligned with that too.
(08:56):
I'm I'm on a passionate mission.I believe in sexually empowered
women, but I'm also looking to depornify cuckoldry.
I'm so. Tired of.
Just just the sex aspect being talked about when there's so,
so, so much more to it. There's such richness there and
so much to be excavated. So I'm really thrilled that you
(09:18):
are, you know, the foundation ofyour program.
It sounds like it's education, and I'm thrilled about that
because it just can't be enough of it.
And given your background, you have a tremendous amount to
offer. In my opinion, so.
I'm not hoping on the on the cuckolding.
I when I first stepped into it, you know, it was the era of
(09:40):
Tumblr cuckolding and all the memes and everything.
And when I looked at it, I'm like, I don't think this is
going to work. But, you know, I I kept looking
and I kept learning and I found what I call, you know, the
nookie in the cuckolding. And there's just so much more to
(10:01):
it. There's so much more to it, and
I'm always going to be supportive of other, especially
other women who who get it because I think it's the the
charge is up to us to demystify all of this stuff and to
normalize it and to try and remove the best that we can.
(10:21):
Remove some of the shame and theslut shaming and the shame in
general out of it so that peoplecan see what's actually here and
what they might be able to take away for themselves and develop
their own, their own lives with.So that's cool.
Now I'm going to ask you anotherquestion.
I understand that you and Miss Scarlett have started a bull
(10:41):
friend life, which I was fascinated to see.
She's another great, a great voice in the lifestyle.
And tell me, tell us what boyfriend life is about.
How did you, what's the idea behind it?
What are you guys trying to accomplish and where do you see
that thing going? Well, I mean, first of all, I
absolutely adore Scarlett. So I wanted to do something with
(11:05):
her and with that amazing energythat she has.
So there's that. And the other thing is that she
and I and I, it feels like you both agree that there's a lot of
depth to cuckolding, hot wiping stag and vixen, even the MMS
(11:26):
threesomes that has been unexcavated.
It's been, it's been overlooked in favor of, you know, by women
in the three summer swinging world or masculine focused
(11:48):
multiples or open drives. And so and then the other thing
was, of course, bull friend rather than focusing in on a
bull, I'm not completely I neverhave been completely
comfortable. With.
Calling a human that I'm connecting with a bull, It's the
(12:10):
word that we use, so it communicates.
But she and I got together and we're like, we wanna do
something that's different. And so Bull Friend to me pulls
in that third energy. But also the idea is to humanize
it, because we're humanizing things in this.
(12:31):
We're not, we're not fetishes. We are people that are coming
together to meet the needs of all of us.
And how can we do this in the way that is collaborative?
And so we started that to sort of like keep in touch with
everybody who has these interests.
(12:52):
And we are working on some educational content.
We've been doing interviews withbull friends who, you know, have
the opportunity to really talk about their part of the
experience. I learned something from each
one that we've done. The very first one, I realized
(13:15):
that although I've always considered my bull friends, like
humans and growing into friends,that there are definitely things
that I could do a lot better in,you know, how I make those
connections and how I interact with them.
And so that's been super exciting.
(13:36):
So we're yeah, it's it's mostly,you know, education and
connection. We're going to be building a
community to bring people together on Discord.
So we have mutual spaces for everybody and then we have Cuck
spaces for the cucks to talk about what they're going
through. Or the Cuck wannabes.
(13:56):
We'll have, you know, femmes spaces, We'll have king spaces.
And that way we'll have the opportunity to both talk
generally about the lifestyle with everybody and also to talk
more specifically about the lifestyle with the people who
inhabit our roles. That is very, very exciting and
(14:17):
I think you guys have identifiedwe took a light run at that.
Actually Scarlett helped me a while ago to do something like
that on Telegram. But I we it didn't hold together
just because I don't think I hada big enough vision for it and
didn't have the time to develop in the way that you are doing
(14:39):
that. And I think you've identified a
space that's badly needed, and Idon't know anybody else that's
doing it precisely that. And so we need, we need all of
us, 'cause we all have differentperspectives, we all have
different different methodologies and different
interests, but they're all compatible.
I mean, it all comes under the banner of a sex positive
(15:02):
community where we can honor andrespect everybody else's deal,
whatever it is, and learn and learn from, teach what we know
and learn from others that that know other things.
And that's exciting. That's really exciting to me.
I think that's great. So congratulations on that.
I joined. I'm in.
(15:23):
OK, now we have. The next thing that I want to
talk about is a program that's upcoming year in June called
Women in Charge Female Lead. Tell me about that.
OK, so this is pretty exciting for me.
Over the past several years, we've been hosting 3 online
(15:46):
weekend events per year. So everything is online.
You don't have to go anywhere. You can attend in your pyjamas
if you want to, you know, no travel fees.
It's it's it makes it so much easier to access and this one is
specifically focused in on FLR femdom and women in charge
(16:08):
relationships. So it's a, you know, it's a
fantasies meets reality type of situation.
So for the femmes that consider themselves dominant, it's about,
you know, taking their dominant skills to the next level,
learning to dominate safely, creatively and confidently and
(16:28):
encouraging growth, learning anddiscipline within their
relationships and building and guiding the relationships that
they feel like they could thrivein.
And for the submissives of all genders, it's about we'll be
talking about how to really submit in a woman LED dynamic,
(16:51):
how to find the right dominant partner, how to learn and train
to please that dominant partner in the best way.
What kind of submissive are they, You know, What are the
pieces of submission including things like cuckoldry?
Scarlets will be hosting a panelon women centric non monogamy,
(17:20):
so that'll include cuckolding, but it'll also include, you
know, the reverse harem with thewoman in the center and and
multiple men in you know, a morecommitted type relationship and
so on and so forth. So we're going to be focusing in
on a lot of what I like to call the parallel fetishes as well
(17:42):
and the lifestyle bits and pieces that all sort of come
together including like Darren Infinity is going to be talking
about chastity for Penis Havers,right?
So we're going to be touching inon a lot of specifics, but I am
actually going to be teaching a six hour workshop on Saturday
(18:03):
for all of those who are interested in this type of
lifestyle, a woman LED lifestylestarting from the very
beginning. And you know, how do you shape
the life that you want your bestlife with the woman in charge as
the central focus? And I'm super excited about that
(18:27):
because I mean, I I live an amazing life.
And I know women, some women wholive amazing lives as well, And
I've gotten the chance to talk with them.
And then I also know quite a fewpeople, dominant women and
submissives, who adore dominant women, who are really struggling
(18:49):
to find their identity and to express that in such a way to
create the life they want, either with the partner they
have, or to find that partner and shape that life together.
Well, you said a whole lot rightthere.
And yeah, I'm really excited. That's that's a lot.
(19:11):
That's a lot. And I will say just as an aside
to my followers too, I will be doing a segment on Nokia's
program here on the importance of financial independence for
women who want to be sexually independent.
They are inextricably linked. Oftentimes that gets missed by
both men and women and it's incredibly important.
(19:32):
And so I'm really happy to participate my little, my little
piece of that. But I think also well 6 hour
workshop that is really cool andit can encompass so much.
You know what I love about the idea of doing an online, what
would we call that an online event like that?
(19:54):
Is that it? That Will it have the
opportunity to be interactive insome ways?
Will it be questions and answersand stuff like that, 'cause I
think it's gonna, I think it's gonna inspire a lot of that.
And so it's great that your presenters who make themselves
available to answer specific questions, 'cause that's when
people really take stuff away. One of the questions that I get
(20:16):
a lot from my followers. I would say my followers are
predominantly male. Males who want to be couples or
who want to be submissive or. Both.
They may be in a relationship oror they're looking for a
relationship. But universally, the one of the
(20:37):
major major questions I get it every single week is how do I
get my woman to engage with me in this.
And so any education along thoselines, you know, I I answer only
in a cursory manner because I I don't have.
I would spend literally all day every day interacting, which I'd
love to do with my followers. But there there's certain time
(20:59):
constraints, but you know the the main things that.
I book on the topic at one point.
Well for somebody for how to essentially how to to create a
woman LED relationship out of the relationship you have or out
of a relationship that you're moving into.
(21:20):
And what I would say for those who are in a relationship is
that it's going to be really difficult for you because you
already have patterns of behavior within your
relationship that you are going to have to overcome alone and
(21:44):
start serving and behaving in the submissive manner that you
want to live in. Without her buy in, you're going
to have to show her how this benefits her.
And it's a little different withcuckolding.
I'll talk about that in just a second, but I'm going to show
(22:04):
her how this benefits her and engage her in the process
without asking for what in her eyes is probably freaky shit to
get you over that hump, right? And with cuckolding, it's it's a
little bit harder because then you've also got the aspect of
(22:28):
open sexuality. And if you married somebody
who's not openly sexual to beginwith, or if you partnered with
somebody who's not openly sexualto begin with, the idea of
cuckolding could be incredibly distressing to them.
Now if you're getting into a newrelationship.
(22:50):
So a lot of people will say, youknow, go for swingers, go for
women who have been slutty in their lives, etcetera, etcetera,
etcetera. I would say it's worth looking
in those pools because a lot of people do come from the swing
world, but those pools are also people who tend to really,
(23:11):
really value the Uber masculine man, the people who end up being
bull friends. So I would suggest looking
specifically for women who are open minded about sexuality and
value both the sex aspect of things but the human and the
connection as well. Because and and just using
(23:35):
myself as an example, when I metmy cuckold, he was my 10th man
ever, right. So and I, I will tell you we
have gone way, way beyond that in the years we've been
together. But I was open to the sexuality
and the key for me. And this is what I hear from a
(23:56):
lot of women in different words and different ways from
different backgrounds. The key for us and Crystal, you
can tell me if you feel this is the connection with our cuckold
is what drives so much more of our sexuality.
It's like our cuckolds fill us up so much that our cups runneth
(24:20):
over and we have so much sexuality to share with others
and that's a huge key. So being open to sexuality is
the place you want to begin specifically for a cuckolding or
even a super sexy based kink dynamic in my opinion.
(24:42):
Yeah, no, I think you're dead on, right?
I I do. I think that that is the key.
I just had a conversation with somebody this morning trying to
figure out how to get his girlfriend on board here and I
said, look, don't try that. First of all, what you want to
do, don't. Don't try and get her to do
(25:03):
anything. Yeah, that's a badass.
Yeah. What I would suggest is, you
know, get a, you know, as you said, you may have to do, they
may have to do some inner work on themselves.
What is your level of communication with her to begin
with? Read some things.
Read some things. If she's open to communicate
(25:25):
with you and she wants to build intimacy with you and she wants
to and you guys are working toward that consciously
together, then you are in a goodposition to bring her along to
what your interest might be. But I would suggest and see if
you agree with this. No key.
I usually what I point people tois my website, your website,
(25:48):
Scarlett's stuff. Watch some things, Listen to
some things, read some things with your partner and then
discuss it with him. What did they hear there?
What was intriguing to them? What turned them off?
What? What you know?
Is there anything in that that we just listened to that we
might experiment with like that?And I said the one thing that
(26:10):
will ruin your relationship is to try and manipulate your woman
or try and get her to do something.
It's not the point and you will fail.
So this is the opposite. It's the.
Opposite the head relationship or cuckolding to try to force
her to do something for you? Yes, yes.
(26:32):
Exactly like hello. I, I, you know, I get that.
I get that conversation quite a bit.
And you know, somebody will say,how do I talk about these
things? How do I talk about kink, you
know, with my partner? And the first thing I say is how
comfortable are you talking about everything?
(26:53):
Like if you can't talk about, doyou know what you do that
pleases your partner best? Can you rate the top 10 things
in order? Do you know what they fantasize
about? Do do they feel comfortable that
they can please you? Do they know what your fantasies
are? You know, Like if you can't even
say what things can I do that can please my partner in these
(27:19):
ten sexual ways and these ten non sexual ways for sure and
know without a doubt. That your partner would be able
to collect, corroborate. That you're not ready to talk
about King adding kink to your relationship or cuckolding to
your relationship, 'cause you don't yet have the communication
skills. And I talk about that.
(27:41):
I wrote a book called UnderstandMe Now, and that's an order.
And the idea that I talk about is I give you a series of steps
to Start learning how to communicate with your partner
and how to share fantasies in ways that are non threatening.
(28:03):
Because, you know, dumping. I've been dreaming about
cuckolding for the past 10 yearsand here are all the extreme
things I'm into on somebody who doesn't even know about it that
doesn't work, right? So how to build that
communication, How to start talking about sexuality?
And also there's also the parts of you.
(28:27):
Are you, are you really trying to force this?
Because a lot of people will say, well, I just know that she
would love it. Well, if she would love it, then
give her the time to come aroundfor otherwise you're doing it
for you. You're.
Pushing it on her for you and that's you might end up creating
(28:51):
a cuckold dress that leaves you and find somebody who's going to
be there for her while she explores her life.
Because ultimately, you're you're you're creating a
monster. When you're creating a femdom or
a cuckold dress, you're you're show, you're not.
You're not giving her power, youare revealing the power she's
(29:14):
already had. And if she comes into that power
and you're not being the person she needs, you're gonna lose.
And why that's something you sethim out.
No, nobody wants that. But that is such an important
point right there. I thank you for saying that
because that is just critically important.
(29:38):
I think a lot of this too, and when I when I field all the
questions that I do, we're in a society where it's been a
patriarchal society forever. Men have in many ways, and these
are generalizations which I don't like to do very often, but
generally men have have become entitled to women's sexuality,
(29:59):
and that's changing now, That's changing.
So that's one thing to recognizeis that if you still hold that
old kind of antiquated idea thatbecause you're the man you get
to dictate how your woman is gonna be sexual with you, you
are on the wrong track. Because the truth is, women,
(30:20):
women as a group have evolved beyond that many, many women are
rejecting. I mean, you wonder where
feminism has come from and femdom has come from and
sexually empowered females have come from.
It's because women are finally in the 21st century standing up
saying I own my body, I own my experience, I own my own
(30:42):
desires, I own my own methodologies, and you now have
to fit into that. That's a sea change for men, and
I get that it's difficult, but if you don't really embrace that
in its entirety to support and love your woman and really
excavate her, excavate your partner, who is she?
(31:03):
What makes her tick? What are the things that she
hasn't even thought about now that she might be wildly excited
about? But it's not about you dictating
that to her. It's about you excavating it
from her. She has her own ideas and her
own inclinations, and you guys can learn together.
But Nikki, you said the most important things, the
(31:24):
foundational communication, that's just so, so critical.
And with that in place, you havea very good chance.
But you also are now getting a sense that there are multiple
places that have really valuableresources.
And I'm going to ask you, Nuki, this is sort of a side note too,
but I have a resource page that I would love to include your
(31:45):
stuff in because it's stuff thatall of, you know.
I'm not going to recreate all that stuff.
I've recreated some of it, but but I would love to include some
of your projects on my resource page so I can point people to
you and have a way to point themto you and and A and a place to
go because you've got some really good, you've got some
really good structure around allof that.
(32:07):
All right. So we're at our final fun
question. Tell me all about your recent
experience at that hotel takeover wild party down there
and. OK, so for those of you who who
do not know, my partner and I were just recently in Atlanta
(32:29):
for Splash Mocha and it was my first time.
It was our first time, my first time doing anything like that.
So just for those of you who aren't aware, I did not come
into cuckolding from swinging. I came into cuckolding through.
(32:50):
Kink. And like I said, I was.
And I'm I'm not saying this in aderogatory way.
I was not a slut when I started cuckolding.
I just, I didn't have it in me. In fact, I almost rejected it
because I've always found that it's more fun to have sex when I
have a connection. So naturally, going into a hotel
(33:14):
that is going to be full of people looking for and engaging
in sex was a little nerve racking for me.
I didn't know what to expect. You know, like I imagined it
would probably be a lot like thekinky hotel takeovers that I've
been to, where it's people of all shapes and sizes, you know,
(33:37):
getting their freak on. And it was, but it was sex
instead of just kink. And that added a difference for
me because I'm not super evolvedwhen it comes to, you know, sex
in public and so on and so forth.
Like, I just haven't had as manyexperiences overall.
(34:00):
My partner and I, on the way back from Atlanta, we were
talking to our cuckolding buddies across the country who
also had kind of the same reservations that I did, Thought
might it might not be as intimate as they wanted or, you
know, it might be kind of this meat market type of thing.
(34:21):
And we were telling them, no, no, no, you're going to love it.
The people that run it are amazing.
The people that go are vetted and they're super respectful and
there's a lot of really beautiful men there.
And the couples are so much fun to talk to.
And we just had a grand time andon top of it we got to meet
(34:46):
somebody who's only an hour downthe road from us.
So that was super awesome. We connected wonderfully with
with him. We're planning to go to Houston
in November and we're we're going to try to see if we can
get a day pass to the event downin Fort Lauderdale in August,
'cause that's my birthday month and he's got family in the area,
(35:09):
so we might do that. But it looks like in November,
if things go well, I might actually end up teaching at the
Splash Mocha event. We talked with the organizers.
They have a a Dick worship classand my partner and I were like,
why isn't there a petting the pussy class?
(35:31):
There needs to be like this is all about women.
We need to show how to please, let's see with you take take the
penis out of it. I mean all of those guys know
how to stick it in and fuck, butdo you know how to use your
hands? And do you know how to use your
mouth to please your cuckold dress?
Or, if you're a bull, to please your lover?
(35:52):
And so we suggested that, and itlooks like we might end up
actually teaching that in November.
Thank you from all the women in the crowd.
Collectively, we hear the collective roar of the crowd
that it's. It's interesting to hear your
story. I went to my first splash Mocha
last November in Houston, which is where I finally met, where I
(36:16):
met Scarlett in person for the first time.
And I I felt exactly like you did.
I didn't think I belonged there.I'm not a swinger, you know.
I've been locked in my house fortwo years with a pandemic and
going into a hotel with 1500 people that aren't masked or
vast as far as I know, you know.So I had all kinds of
(36:36):
reservations about it. And I had a very similar
experience to yours. It was beautiful.
One of our friends put together a little cocktail party.
I'm sure Scarlett told you aboutthat.
That was really wildly successful and we connected with
new friends, new couples and andto tell those other women who
(36:58):
might have similar reservations,like both nookie and I did you
don't have to do anything at these parties that you don't
feel like doing. And I'm very much a connector.
Very much. I don't.
I just am not the volume girl. That's not my I don't have any
judgement about people that are.It's just not my deal.
And so I thought, well, what theheck am I going to do with my
(37:20):
time there? I don't think anybody's lying
for a girlfriend. I thought, nobody's looking for
a girlfriend. At this thing.
But here's an interesting thing.The person who sort of picked me
graciously because I was too withdrawn, I think to like
choose Anybody, the very first thing he did, he was quiet.
(37:40):
He was thoughtful. He was commutative.
He sat me down, we sat down at atable and he goes, what kind of
experience would you like to have this weekend?
I mean, what an insightful, sensitive, tuned in, evolved
question there are. Amazing.
Humans in that space. Yes, and that is that is you
(38:04):
know what what what Nookie just said about them being vetted.
You know, the guys that are there, from my experience, know
how to freaking act. They know how to act.
They're not jerks. They're not pushy.
They're not, you know, they are looking to see what it is that
you want. And he did his very best to
deliver exactly that all weekendlong.
(38:24):
And so he had, he sat me down and asked me what, you know,
what kind of experience I wanted.
I said, well, you know, I didn'tthink I was going to be here.
First of all, I'm a little, I'm a lot uncomfortable.
And I said if I was going to characterize the experience that
I want, that I'm going to respond best to.
I want a girlfriend experience. And he says, well, what do you
mean by that? And I said, well, you know, like
(38:45):
I was a girlfriend, some affection, some communication, a
little, you know, some connection.
And he, he got it immediately and did exactly that.
And so we ended up having a ball.
We had a ball. So I might, we might see you in
November at slash again. Yeah, it'd be really fun 'cause
it is, it is a very fun crowd and and there's some super,
(39:08):
super, super quality people thatare regular attenders there.
OK, let's see, what else didn't we cover?
I'm sure there's a million things, but I'm so grateful that
you have shared all that you're doing because I think it's
incredibly, incredibly valuable.Oh, I know.
Another question I have for you is I know there's a bunch of us
(39:28):
that are actively engaged in creating healthy sex positive
community, no matter what your dynamic is and how do you see
how how do you see that we can what are the best ways do you
think other than what you're doing, what Scarlett's doing,
what I'm doing, what Venus is doing, what everybody else
(39:50):
that's in the space. I'm not talking about women
specifically because I think we're the ones that are going to
drive this. I do.
You know, the men tend to go porn right away.
The women are saying no, let's be thoughtful, let's be let's
see what really is here for us, and let's see how we can make
the most of this. Those of us that have found joy
(40:12):
and female lead dynamics and cuckoldry and however it is that
we're running our deal, but how do you see us building and
developing that community in a way?
Like I'm I'm working on a project right now with Venus to
to shop from the rooftops, the the joys of intimacy in cuck in
(40:33):
in a cuck relationship. So we're going to be doing a
couple of moan talks about that just because we both are aware
of the fact that more women needto be heads up, more women need
to understand the benefits, the benefits of grabbing a hold of
their own sexual lives and theirown sexual experience.
(40:55):
And and having having not not just settling for whatever comes
to them, but defining what they want and developing what they
want. And so I'm particularly
interested in how do we engage more women?
I think to me the the, the. The.
Challenge is that from my perspective, we don't
(41:18):
necessarily want to specificallyengage more women from and
again, this is my perspective. What I want to do is I want to
engage more people who want to live the life they fantasize
(41:42):
about. So I think the challenge is like
when when you you talk about mengoing straight to porn, the
challenge is that they are fearful that they cannot live
that life, so they live it vicariously through porn.
Women are fearful that they cannot live that life, so they
tend to shut themselves off so they're not judged by society.
(42:06):
What? Yeah.
So what I think we need to do asproselytizers is to engage those
people who have that little ittybitty, tiny spark of courage and
fan the flames and live by example and live joyously and
(42:33):
out loud and tell them, you know, 10 years ago, you know, I
was where you are. I was unsure and didn't even
know about cuckolding. And when somebody suggested it
to me, I'm like, I don't think this is going to work for.
And I took that step and here are the things I did and here
are the things that Crystal did.And here are the things that
Anne did and Venus did and Scarlett did and Anya did and
(42:56):
and and and and and, and, and and here are the men.
Like on YouTube when people go to the dating kinky channel and
they see the chats that Ann Cuckoldras and Venus and I have
done about cuckolding and, you know, somebody says, how can you
be so cruel? How can you do this?
(43:19):
You know, answering them as compassionately as possible and
saying, I understand that you have been cheated on.
There's a difference between cuckolding as a consensual
fetish, where we collaborate to get our needs met and what you
went through. And I assure you that my partner
(43:41):
and I have no harm being done. In fact, we are.
We are strong and we are growingand we are amazing people
together and so, so much in love, right?
So we need to, to meet all of this stuff and fan those teeny
tiny little sparks of courage into flames of passion.
(44:08):
To find and live our best sexualand kinky lives and to not with,
especially within the frameworksof who we are as people and
within our relationships. To be ashamed of that which Anya
and I are are talking about and very slowly working on putting
together a project specifically about shame, because we were
(44:33):
talking about parenting earlier.And that's one of the things
that my parents never gave me. They never ever gave me any
shame around sexuality, right? That was that was that was a no
go. It wasn't even considered.
There was no reason to be ashamed.
As a teenager, of course, I was still awkward and ashamed.
But you know, as you grow up, you realize I this was not
(44:57):
indoctrinated into me. I don't have to be ashamed of
anything. And that frees you in so many
ways. Other people, they need to
unlearn those habits, and we need to provide steps for them
to unlearn those habits, and steps for them to open their
relationship to more communication and more
sexuality, or open their relationship to the kink they
(45:20):
want. Or even just to start fucking
having conversation over dinner.Right.
Start where you are. We'll meet you where you are.
We'll help you with the resources to get to where you
want to be. You have to take those steps and
you have to do it with an open heart and an open mind and
(45:40):
authenticity. And not by sending messages
online. Like can you tell me how you
touched his Dick? Because.
No, no, we. Can't tell you that.
We're not going to tell you that.
That's not what we're here for. Right.
Yeah, that that is, that is absolutely true.
We. It's interesting.
(46:03):
As you were talking, I was thinking about, you know, your
simple question like do you discuss sex in your day-to-day
life? And well, think about the two
when I think of the challenges. And I'm going to address this in
my in your event that so many women are hesitant or complacent
(46:27):
about their finances, which hurts them and it keeps them
trapped. It's sex and money are the two
things that in most American families are taboo to discuss in
the family. For most families, they don't
discuss either one. What are two of the most charged
(46:47):
important elements of a human life?
And it's the two things that theaverage family here find so
difficult to talk about or discuss.
And so we arrive screeching in our adult years.
We don't know shit about sex, and we don't know shit about
money. And we might want to learn about
sex, but almost nobody wants to learn about money.
(47:08):
And then we're wondering why we're broke.
And women are a big part of this.
So I'm going to March into something.
I'll probably piss some people off, but it's stuff that you
need to hear. Because these are the things.
If you're not completely conversant with your finances
now, or your sex or your sexuality or what you think
might be there, you must be. If you're going to live a full
(47:31):
life, a full and happy and free life it comes with, you have to
be willing to not only learn about these things, but you got
to March right into them. There's actually stuff you have
to do, and I think that stops a lot of people too.
They like I know for women am I I specialized in women in my
former career, and I know women in general love to learn, love,
(47:54):
love, love, love, love to learn anything.
They not so much to do, not so much to do.
I'm talking, I'm talking specifically about finance right
here. They love to learn about it, but
they don't actually want to budget or anything else like
that. And then they wonder why, you
(48:15):
know, it doesn't always work out.
Anyway, I'm so, so, so glad I got to talk to you and
understand a lot more about whatyou're doing.
So I think it's incredibly important work.
And I would just welcome you to send me some links to your stuff
so I can add you to my resource page because I will certainly
point people your way. You know, I'm just here as an
(48:35):
advocate for the lifestyle. I never intended to make this
any kind of a business, but it'sstarting to get a little
overwhelming now. So I'm starting to rethink all
of that. And you know what it needs to
look like. But I think you have a very,
very important perspective and alot of valuable resources that
(48:55):
that the world in general could benefit from.
And so I thank you, Thank you for the work that you do.
Thank you for spending a bit of time with me.
And please send me some of your links that I can add to my
resource page. Absolutely.
My pleasure. And one thing I do want to touch
on real quick because I think you said something that hits a
nail on the head. You mentioned sex and money are
(49:19):
the two things we tend not to talk about in American
households. Those are also the two biggest
power struggles in American households.
Those are the two things that will create the biggest amount
of power imbalance and fear and resentment, and that's something
(49:41):
that I think is really, really key.
It is. Those are the two sources of
power. So when we're talking about
women who want to be in control and in command of their own
lives, first of all, and in command of their sexual lives
and in command of their financial lives, there's
actually stuff you need to learnand there's actually stuff you
(50:03):
need to do. And so I know collectively we're
going to do our best to lay thatout in a way that people can
grab a hold of. But those two things, you're
you're exactly right. They're the two power centers of
a human life. You know, those two things
dictate almost everything. And it isn't it ironic that
(50:24):
those are the two power centers and ironically the two things
that families have the hardest time talking about.
And so, so here, here we are in our adult years trying to you
know, make up for lost time and try and plug, plug the gaps for
some other people that might be looking for that freedom and how
do they navigate their way toward that freedom.
And I know that we'll we'll all do our best to to get them
(50:47):
there. So thank you again, Nookie.
I'm so appreciative of your time.
I know you're really hella busy and this has been great.
I will be posting Nookie's stuffup on my resource page.
Please go check out her, you know, keep an eye out.
We'll be we'll be sending out some ads for her women in Charge
(51:08):
event and go to dating Kinky andand look at some of those
resources because she might haveexactly the question that you
have on your mind might already be answered over there and so
I'm happy to share sharing is good.
We can't all do everything you know.
We can only do our own part and somebody else picks up, somebody
(51:30):
else picks up the other stuff. So anyway, anything, anything
else we need to to close with Nookie that we didn't?
Cover. Not that I can think of.
I think, you know there, I mean there's there's a million things
we didn't cover, but we have allthe time in the world and we can
(51:51):
move on in another connection, yeah.
OK. We will do that.
Thanks again. We appreciate you being here and
I'm excited for for everyone to hear this, this little segment
here because I think it's going to give there's a lot of food
for thought in here and I appreciate you for that.
My pleasure. Thank you.
(52:12):
All right. Till next time.
Thank you for tuning in. You can access Crystal's latest
blog and podcast at C Welch Polyon Medium and find her on
Twitter at Crystal Welch 99. Your questions and comments are
always welcome. Also, if you're enjoying the
show, please feel free to rate, subscribe, or leave a review
(52:33):
wherever you listen to your podcast.
We appreciate it and we'll catchyou in the next episode.
Welcome to Beyond Monogamy with your host, Blogger, podcaster,
and speaker Crystal Welch. This show explores how
relationships are changing in the 21st century from consensual
non monogamy to cuckoldry, polyamory, and interracial love.
This is the place to learn everything you wanted to know
about consensual non monogamy. Now, without any further ado,
(00:24):
let's welcome your host, CrystalWelch, and dive head first into
this episode. Good morning, Crystal Welch
here. I'm so happy to be bringing you
an exciting new episode. Today I'm interviewing Miss
Nookie Notes. Which don't you love that name
Nookie most people call her. Nookie grew up in the lifestyle
(00:47):
and around people of every colorand bent.
Her primary fetishes are communication and behavior
modification. She's a lifestyle dominant who
runs her relationships and she is a very hedonistic in the
bedroom. We love that she's the owner.
She is the owner and developer of a new kinky education and
(01:09):
dating site called Dating kinky.com.
Please go check that out. She is an educator.
So many of our my followers havequestions and you are a great
resource for them. So I thank you so much for being
here today. All right, let us launch here.
(01:31):
I have a million questions. So I'm going to try and get as
many of these in as I can. So tell me this, I was
intrigued. Your description about growing
up in the lifestyle, Tell us a little bit more about that.
So I my parents were Swingsters,swanky folk, I guess.
So I grew up in a home where a lot of the people who came to
(01:56):
visit were, you know, trans folkor gay or leather or polyamorous
or in power exchange relationships.
And I was never, like, indoctrinated.
They never, like, sat me down and told me about the kinky
birds and the bees or whatever. But when I finally stepped into
(02:18):
a fetish club at 19, and I thought to myself, holy hell,
these are my people, it began todawn upon me.
Wait a minute here. Now I know what was going on.
Now I get it. You know, that is incredibly
fascinating. I've never met another person
(02:38):
who grew up in that. And that is a question that
comes up from so many people like people that might have
children that want to engage in this lifestyle.
Like what did your parents tell you to sort of shield you from
all the graphic detail but also let you know that it was, you
(02:58):
know, it's it's how they're going to run their friendships
and their adult lives and tell us from a kid point of view how
all of that played and what did they say?
So it's interesting because, youknow, I keep thinking back and I
guess they just said that, you know, people love each other in
lots of different ways. And, you know, my parents were,
(03:21):
they were more swanky or open than polyamorous.
So there wasn't a ton of, like, there weren't sleepovers from
other people and stuff like thatso much when I was around.
And I also didn't have the Internet.
So I wasn't like, maybe as savvyas a lot of kids are today.
(03:43):
One of my girlfriends does have two sons.
One of them is 18. I think the other one is 24
right now. And I have been privileged to
sort of be a part of their livesfor several years.
And she would use the writings that I have written over the
years that were age appropriate for her teenage son and read
(04:07):
them to him and talk to him about, you know, different types
of lifestyles or sexualities or whatever based on what she
thought might be important to him as he was at whatever stage
in his life. The older son actually came out
to the venue that we ran together when we ran a kinky
venue and he started his journeythere and she knew that he was
(04:32):
meeting people that were, you know, good players and able to,
you know, set him right on the journey.
So I think it's really just a matter of you know, where are
you and how are you going to raise your kids.
I was just raised to be open minded and to believe that
everybody has a right to love and happiness and I think that
(04:53):
just paved the way for anything.Wow, that's incredibly
inspiring. And I wish we could clone you
and your parents across the US right now because we badly,
badly need some more of that. I'm going to be calling on you
too, so I encourage everyone to go to Nookie's site, Dating
Kinky. There may be resources for you.
(05:15):
I know I've gotten a lot of questions of people about how to
talk to their kids. In fact we I'm a cuckoldress.
My husband has is currently fighting for custody of a trans
girl and to get her out of Texasand so so we are looking for
those kinds of resources ourselves.
(05:37):
So I'm gonna probably be tappingyou on the shoulder, Nikki
'cause you are definitely Nikki with the.
Parents I know because there's there's some amazing people out
there. Yeah, yeah.
And it's. Yeah.
So anyway that's a side note, but that's a great resource for
all of you who are listening because these are real things
and that's exactly what we have planned to do because we're
(05:58):
going to continue our lifestyle.But we are more polling too.
So we will have you know and we have talked about doing it much
like you just described. We are.
We've engaged in this lifestyle for a very long time.
We never discussed it with him. He was born boy, but identifying
as girl because, you know, a my husband didn't have custody and
(06:21):
his mother's a very radical fundamentalist Christian who,
you know, her head explodes at the mere mention of anything
that's not celibate, you know, which is not us so.
Yeah. So, yeah, So, so anyway, that's
really, really helpful. And I'm.
I'm excited. I'm excited about that and
really happy that I know that about you too, 'cause I can, I'm
(06:42):
going to be sending you other people who need your particular
kind of expertise, I think. So let's talk about dating
Kinky. Now, you created that website.
What were your goals and objectives?
I mean, what were you trying to accomplish when you started it?
And how is that going? And how are how who are your
(07:03):
followers now? Who Who's shaping up to really
be following your your educationand your?
Program. So I originally starting started
dating Kinky because the sites that we have available to us and
the apps that we have available to us as Kinky folk.
Tended. Towards being kind of sleazy and
(07:25):
that life isn't a dating app, right?
It's a community. It's a it's a Facebook for kinky
people. So I was trying to put together
a dating site where pink kinky people could connect with each
other and that was set up specifically to connect kinky
people and part of that. I've always been a fan of
(07:47):
education, and I believe that connecting people is one step of
the process. And then giving them the
education to make the most of those connections is the other
step. And so we have a very full
education calendar and library. We have over 400 videos now,
(08:12):
replays videos and audios, 400 videos and over 400 audios.
So they we have replays in both video and audio format on a lot
of different topics. And so I find that the people
who come to dating Kinky are people who are either looking
for education and then they sortof find their way into dating if
(08:36):
they don't already have partners.
Or they're people who are comingto find those partners and
somehow they stumble into the education and have the
opportunity to grow and become more of who they are.
That is excellent and and I'm very much aligned with that too.
(08:56):
I'm I'm on a passionate mission.I believe in sexually empowered
women, but I'm also looking to depornify cuckoldry.
I'm so. Tired of.
Just just the sex aspect being talked about when there's so,
so, so much more to it. There's such richness there and
so much to be excavated. So I'm really thrilled that you
(09:18):
are, you know, the foundation ofyour program.
It sounds like it's education, and I'm thrilled about that
because it just can't be enough of it.
And given your background, you have a tremendous amount to
offer. In my opinion, so.
I'm not hoping on the on the cuckolding.
I when I first stepped into it, you know, it was the era of
(09:40):
Tumblr cuckolding and all the memes and everything.
And when I looked at it, I'm like, I don't think this is
going to work. But, you know, I I kept looking
and I kept learning and I found what I call, you know, the
nookie in the cuckolding. And there's just so much more to
(10:01):
it. There's so much more to it, and
I'm always going to be supportive of other, especially
other women who who get it because I think it's the the
charge is up to us to demystify all of this stuff and to
normalize it and to try and remove the best that we can.
(10:21):
Remove some of the shame and theslut shaming and the shame in
general out of it so that peoplecan see what's actually here and
what they might be able to take away for themselves and develop
their own, their own lives with.So that's cool.
Now I'm going to ask you anotherquestion.
I understand that you and Miss Scarlett have started a bull
(10:41):
friend life, which I was fascinated to see.
She's another great, a great voice in the lifestyle.
And tell me, tell us what boyfriend life is about.
How did you, what's the idea behind it?
What are you guys trying to accomplish and where do you see
that thing going? Well, I mean, first of all, I
absolutely adore Scarlett. So I wanted to do something with
(11:05):
her and with that amazing energythat she has.
So there's that. And the other thing is that she
and I and I, it feels like you both agree that there's a lot of
depth to cuckolding, hot wiping stag and vixen, even the MMS
(11:26):
threesomes that has been unexcavated.
It's been, it's been overlooked in favor of, you know, by women
in the three summer swinging world or masculine focused
(11:48):
multiples or open drives. And so and then the other thing
was, of course, bull friend rather than focusing in on a
bull, I'm not completely I neverhave been completely
comfortable. With.
Calling a human that I'm connecting with a bull, It's the
(12:10):
word that we use, so it communicates.
But she and I got together and we're like, we wanna do
something that's different. And so Bull Friend to me pulls
in that third energy. But also the idea is to humanize
it, because we're humanizing things in this.
(12:31):
We're not, we're not fetishes. We are people that are coming
together to meet the needs of all of us.
And how can we do this in the way that is collaborative?
And so we started that to sort of like keep in touch with
everybody who has these interests.
(12:52):
And we are working on some educational content.
We've been doing interviews withbull friends who, you know, have
the opportunity to really talk about their part of the
experience. I learned something from each
one that we've done. The very first one, I realized
(13:15):
that although I've always considered my bull friends, like
humans and growing into friends,that there are definitely things
that I could do a lot better in,you know, how I make those
connections and how I interact with them.
And so that's been super exciting.
(13:36):
So we're yeah, it's it's mostly,you know, education and
connection. We're going to be building a
community to bring people together on Discord.
So we have mutual spaces for everybody and then we have Cuck
spaces for the cucks to talk about what they're going
through. Or the Cuck wannabes.
(13:56):
We'll have, you know, femmes spaces, We'll have king spaces.
And that way we'll have the opportunity to both talk
generally about the lifestyle with everybody and also to talk
more specifically about the lifestyle with the people who
inhabit our roles. That is very, very exciting and
(14:17):
I think you guys have identifiedwe took a light run at that.
Actually Scarlett helped me a while ago to do something like
that on Telegram. But I we it didn't hold together
just because I don't think I hada big enough vision for it and
didn't have the time to develop in the way that you are doing
(14:39):
that. And I think you've identified a
space that's badly needed, and Idon't know anybody else that's
doing it precisely that. And so we need, we need all of
us, 'cause we all have differentperspectives, we all have
different different methodologies and different
interests, but they're all compatible.
I mean, it all comes under the banner of a sex positive
(15:02):
community where we can honor andrespect everybody else's deal,
whatever it is, and learn and learn from, teach what we know
and learn from others that that know other things.
And that's exciting. That's really exciting to me.
I think that's great. So congratulations on that.
I joined. I'm in.
(15:23):
OK, now we have. The next thing that I want to
talk about is a program that's upcoming year in June called
Women in Charge Female Lead. Tell me about that.
OK, so this is pretty exciting for me.
Over the past several years, we've been hosting 3 online
(15:46):
weekend events per year. So everything is online.
You don't have to go anywhere. You can attend in your pyjamas
if you want to, you know, no travel fees.
It's it's it makes it so much easier to access and this one is
specifically focused in on FLR femdom and women in charge
(16:08):
relationships. So it's a, you know, it's a
fantasies meets reality type of situation.
So for the femmes that consider themselves dominant, it's about,
you know, taking their dominant skills to the next level,
learning to dominate safely, creatively and confidently and
(16:28):
encouraging growth, learning anddiscipline within their
relationships and building and guiding the relationships that
they feel like they could thrivein.
And for the submissives of all genders, it's about we'll be
talking about how to really submit in a woman LED dynamic,
(16:51):
how to find the right dominant partner, how to learn and train
to please that dominant partner in the best way.
What kind of submissive are they, You know, What are the
pieces of submission including things like cuckoldry?
Scarlets will be hosting a panelon women centric non monogamy,
(17:20):
so that'll include cuckolding, but it'll also include, you
know, the reverse harem with thewoman in the center and and
multiple men in you know, a morecommitted type relationship and
so on and so forth. So we're going to be focusing in
on a lot of what I like to call the parallel fetishes as well
(17:42):
and the lifestyle bits and pieces that all sort of come
together including like Darren Infinity is going to be talking
about chastity for Penis Havers,right?
So we're going to be touching inon a lot of specifics, but I am
actually going to be teaching a six hour workshop on Saturday
(18:03):
for all of those who are interested in this type of
lifestyle, a woman LED lifestylestarting from the very
beginning. And you know, how do you shape
the life that you want your bestlife with the woman in charge as
the central focus? And I'm super excited about that
(18:27):
because I mean, I I live an amazing life.
And I know women, some women wholive amazing lives as well, And
I've gotten the chance to talk with them.
And then I also know quite a fewpeople, dominant women and
submissives, who adore dominant women, who are really struggling
(18:49):
to find their identity and to express that in such a way to
create the life they want, either with the partner they
have, or to find that partner and shape that life together.
Well, you said a whole lot rightthere.
And yeah, I'm really excited. That's that's a lot.
(19:11):
That's a lot. And I will say just as an aside
to my followers too, I will be doing a segment on Nokia's
program here on the importance of financial independence for
women who want to be sexually independent.
They are inextricably linked. Oftentimes that gets missed by
both men and women and it's incredibly important.
(19:32):
And so I'm really happy to participate my little, my little
piece of that. But I think also well 6 hour
workshop that is really cool andit can encompass so much.
You know what I love about the idea of doing an online, what
would we call that an online event like that?
(19:54):
Is that it? That Will it have the
opportunity to be interactive insome ways?
Will it be questions and answersand stuff like that, 'cause I
think it's gonna, I think it's gonna inspire a lot of that.
And so it's great that your presenters who make themselves
available to answer specific questions, 'cause that's when
people really take stuff away. One of the questions that I get
(20:16):
a lot from my followers. I would say my followers are
predominantly male. Males who want to be couples or
who want to be submissive or. Both.
They may be in a relationship oror they're looking for a
relationship. But universally, the one of the
(20:37):
major major questions I get it every single week is how do I
get my woman to engage with me in this.
And so any education along thoselines, you know, I I answer only
in a cursory manner because I I don't have.
I would spend literally all day every day interacting, which I'd
love to do with my followers. But there there's certain time
(20:59):
constraints, but you know the the main things that.
I book on the topic at one point.
Well for somebody for how to essentially how to to create a
woman LED relationship out of the relationship you have or out
of a relationship that you're moving into.
(21:20):
And what I would say for those who are in a relationship is
that it's going to be really difficult for you because you
already have patterns of behavior within your
relationship that you are going to have to overcome alone and
(21:44):
start serving and behaving in the submissive manner that you
want to live in. Without her buy in, you're going
to have to show her how this benefits her.
And it's a little different withcuckolding.
I'll talk about that in just a second, but I'm going to show
(22:04):
her how this benefits her and engage her in the process
without asking for what in her eyes is probably freaky shit to
get you over that hump, right? And with cuckolding, it's it's a
little bit harder because then you've also got the aspect of
(22:28):
open sexuality. And if you married somebody
who's not openly sexual to beginwith, or if you partnered with
somebody who's not openly sexualto begin with, the idea of
cuckolding could be incredibly distressing to them.
Now if you're getting into a newrelationship.
(22:50):
So a lot of people will say, youknow, go for swingers, go for
women who have been slutty in their lives, etcetera, etcetera,
etcetera. I would say it's worth looking
in those pools because a lot of people do come from the swing
world, but those pools are also people who tend to really,
(23:11):
really value the Uber masculine man, the people who end up being
bull friends. So I would suggest looking
specifically for women who are open minded about sexuality and
value both the sex aspect of things but the human and the
connection as well. Because and and just using
(23:35):
myself as an example, when I metmy cuckold, he was my 10th man
ever, right. So and I, I will tell you we
have gone way, way beyond that in the years we've been
together. But I was open to the sexuality
and the key for me. And this is what I hear from a
(23:56):
lot of women in different words and different ways from
different backgrounds. The key for us and Crystal, you
can tell me if you feel this is the connection with our cuckold
is what drives so much more of our sexuality.
It's like our cuckolds fill us up so much that our cups runneth
(24:20):
over and we have so much sexuality to share with others
and that's a huge key. So being open to sexuality is
the place you want to begin specifically for a cuckolding or
even a super sexy based kink dynamic in my opinion.
(24:42):
Yeah, no, I think you're dead on, right?
I I do. I think that that is the key.
I just had a conversation with somebody this morning trying to
figure out how to get his girlfriend on board here and I
said, look, don't try that. First of all, what you want to
do, don't. Don't try and get her to do
(25:03):
anything. Yeah, that's a badass.
Yeah. What I would suggest is, you
know, get a, you know, as you said, you may have to do, they
may have to do some inner work on themselves.
What is your level of communication with her to begin
with? Read some things.
Read some things. If she's open to communicate
(25:25):
with you and she wants to build intimacy with you and she wants
to and you guys are working toward that consciously
together, then you are in a goodposition to bring her along to
what your interest might be. But I would suggest and see if
you agree with this. No key.
I usually what I point people tois my website, your website,
(25:48):
Scarlett's stuff. Watch some things, Listen to
some things, read some things with your partner and then
discuss it with him. What did they hear there?
What was intriguing to them? What turned them off?
What? What you know?
Is there anything in that that we just listened to that we
might experiment with like that?And I said the one thing that
(26:10):
will ruin your relationship is to try and manipulate your woman
or try and get her to do something.
It's not the point and you will fail.
So this is the opposite. It's the.
Opposite the head relationship or cuckolding to try to force
her to do something for you? Yes, yes.
(26:32):
Exactly like hello. I, I, you know, I get that.
I get that conversation quite a bit.
And you know, somebody will say,how do I talk about these
things? How do I talk about kink, you
know, with my partner? And the first thing I say is how
comfortable are you talking about everything?
(26:53):
Like if you can't talk about, doyou know what you do that
pleases your partner best? Can you rate the top 10 things
in order? Do you know what they fantasize
about? Do do they feel comfortable that
they can please you? Do they know what your fantasies
are? You know, Like if you can't even
say what things can I do that can please my partner in these
(27:19):
ten sexual ways and these ten non sexual ways for sure and
know without a doubt. That your partner would be able
to collect, corroborate. That you're not ready to talk
about King adding kink to your relationship or cuckolding to
your relationship, 'cause you don't yet have the communication
skills. And I talk about that.
(27:41):
I wrote a book called UnderstandMe Now, and that's an order.
And the idea that I talk about is I give you a series of steps
to Start learning how to communicate with your partner
and how to share fantasies in ways that are non threatening.
(28:03):
Because, you know, dumping. I've been dreaming about
cuckolding for the past 10 yearsand here are all the extreme
things I'm into on somebody who doesn't even know about it that
doesn't work, right? So how to build that
communication, How to start talking about sexuality?
And also there's also the parts of you.
(28:27):
Are you, are you really trying to force this?
Because a lot of people will say, well, I just know that she
would love it. Well, if she would love it, then
give her the time to come aroundfor otherwise you're doing it
for you. You're.
Pushing it on her for you and that's you might end up creating
(28:51):
a cuckold dress that leaves you and find somebody who's going to
be there for her while she explores her life.
Because ultimately, you're you're you're creating a
monster. When you're creating a femdom or
a cuckold dress, you're you're show, you're not.
You're not giving her power, youare revealing the power she's
(29:14):
already had. And if she comes into that power
and you're not being the person she needs, you're gonna lose.
And why that's something you sethim out.
No, nobody wants that. But that is such an important
point right there. I thank you for saying that
because that is just critically important.
(29:38):
I think a lot of this too, and when I when I field all the
questions that I do, we're in a society where it's been a
patriarchal society forever. Men have in many ways, and these
are generalizations which I don't like to do very often, but
generally men have have become entitled to women's sexuality,
(29:59):
and that's changing now, That's changing.
So that's one thing to recognizeis that if you still hold that
old kind of antiquated idea thatbecause you're the man you get
to dictate how your woman is gonna be sexual with you, you
are on the wrong track. Because the truth is, women,
(30:20):
women as a group have evolved beyond that many, many women are
rejecting. I mean, you wonder where
feminism has come from and femdom has come from and
sexually empowered females have come from.
It's because women are finally in the 21st century standing up
saying I own my body, I own my experience, I own my own
(30:42):
desires, I own my own methodologies, and you now have
to fit into that. That's a sea change for men, and
I get that it's difficult, but if you don't really embrace that
in its entirety to support and love your woman and really
excavate her, excavate your partner, who is she?
(31:03):
What makes her tick? What are the things that she
hasn't even thought about now that she might be wildly excited
about? But it's not about you dictating
that to her. It's about you excavating it
from her. She has her own ideas and her
own inclinations, and you guys can learn together.
But Nikki, you said the most important things, the
(31:24):
foundational communication, that's just so, so critical.
And with that in place, you havea very good chance.
But you also are now getting a sense that there are multiple
places that have really valuableresources.
And I'm going to ask you, Nuki, this is sort of a side note too,
but I have a resource page that I would love to include your
(31:45):
stuff in because it's stuff thatall of, you know.
I'm not going to recreate all that stuff.
I've recreated some of it, but but I would love to include some
of your projects on my resource page so I can point people to
you and have a way to point themto you and and A and a place to
go because you've got some really good, you've got some
really good structure around allof that.
(32:07):
All right. So we're at our final fun
question. Tell me all about your recent
experience at that hotel takeover wild party down there
and. OK, so for those of you who who
do not know, my partner and I were just recently in Atlanta
(32:29):
for Splash Mocha and it was my first time.
It was our first time, my first time doing anything like that.
So just for those of you who aren't aware, I did not come
into cuckolding from swinging. I came into cuckolding through.
(32:50):
Kink. And like I said, I was.
And I'm I'm not saying this in aderogatory way.
I was not a slut when I started cuckolding.
I just, I didn't have it in me. In fact, I almost rejected it
because I've always found that it's more fun to have sex when I
have a connection. So naturally, going into a hotel
(33:14):
that is going to be full of people looking for and engaging
in sex was a little nerve racking for me.
I didn't know what to expect. You know, like I imagined it
would probably be a lot like thekinky hotel takeovers that I've
been to, where it's people of all shapes and sizes, you know,
(33:37):
getting their freak on. And it was, but it was sex
instead of just kink. And that added a difference for
me because I'm not super evolvedwhen it comes to, you know, sex
in public and so on and so forth.
Like, I just haven't had as manyexperiences overall.
(34:00):
My partner and I, on the way back from Atlanta, we were
talking to our cuckolding buddies across the country who
also had kind of the same reservations that I did, Thought
might it might not be as intimate as they wanted or, you
know, it might be kind of this meat market type of thing.
(34:21):
And we were telling them, no, no, no, you're going to love it.
The people that run it are amazing.
The people that go are vetted and they're super respectful and
there's a lot of really beautiful men there.
And the couples are so much fun to talk to.
And we just had a grand time andon top of it we got to meet
(34:46):
somebody who's only an hour downthe road from us.
So that was super awesome. We connected wonderfully with
with him. We're planning to go to Houston
in November and we're we're going to try to see if we can
get a day pass to the event downin Fort Lauderdale in August,
'cause that's my birthday month and he's got family in the area,
(35:09):
so we might do that. But it looks like in November,
if things go well, I might actually end up teaching at the
Splash Mocha event. We talked with the organizers.
They have a a Dick worship classand my partner and I were like,
why isn't there a petting the pussy class?
(35:31):
There needs to be like this is all about women.
We need to show how to please, let's see with you take take the
penis out of it. I mean all of those guys know
how to stick it in and fuck, butdo you know how to use your
hands? And do you know how to use your
mouth to please your cuckold dress?
Or, if you're a bull, to please your lover?
(35:52):
And so we suggested that, and itlooks like we might end up
actually teaching that in November.
Thank you from all the women in the crowd.
Collectively, we hear the collective roar of the crowd
that it's. It's interesting to hear your
story. I went to my first splash Mocha
last November in Houston, which is where I finally met, where I
(36:16):
met Scarlett in person for the first time.
And I I felt exactly like you did.
I didn't think I belonged there.I'm not a swinger, you know.
I've been locked in my house fortwo years with a pandemic and
going into a hotel with 1500 people that aren't masked or
vast as far as I know, you know.So I had all kinds of
(36:36):
reservations about it. And I had a very similar
experience to yours. It was beautiful.
One of our friends put together a little cocktail party.
I'm sure Scarlett told you aboutthat.
That was really wildly successful and we connected with
new friends, new couples and andto tell those other women who
(36:58):
might have similar reservations,like both nookie and I did you
don't have to do anything at these parties that you don't
feel like doing. And I'm very much a connector.
Very much. I don't.
I just am not the volume girl. That's not my I don't have any
judgement about people that are.It's just not my deal.
And so I thought, well, what theheck am I going to do with my
(37:20):
time there? I don't think anybody's lying
for a girlfriend. I thought, nobody's looking for
a girlfriend. At this thing.
But here's an interesting thing.The person who sort of picked me
graciously because I was too withdrawn, I think to like
choose Anybody, the very first thing he did, he was quiet.
(37:40):
He was thoughtful. He was commutative.
He sat me down, we sat down at atable and he goes, what kind of
experience would you like to have this weekend?
I mean, what an insightful, sensitive, tuned in, evolved
question there are. Amazing.
Humans in that space. Yes, and that is that is you
(38:04):
know what what what Nookie just said about them being vetted.
You know, the guys that are there, from my experience, know
how to freaking act. They know how to act.
They're not jerks. They're not pushy.
They're not, you know, they are looking to see what it is that
you want. And he did his very best to
deliver exactly that all weekendlong.
(38:24):
And so he had, he sat me down and asked me what, you know,
what kind of experience I wanted.
I said, well, you know, I didn'tthink I was going to be here.
First of all, I'm a little, I'm a lot uncomfortable.
And I said if I was going to characterize the experience that
I want, that I'm going to respond best to.
I want a girlfriend experience. And he says, well, what do you
mean by that? And I said, well, you know, like
(38:45):
I was a girlfriend, some affection, some communication, a
little, you know, some connection.
And he, he got it immediately and did exactly that.
And so we ended up having a ball.
We had a ball. So I might, we might see you in
November at slash again. Yeah, it'd be really fun 'cause
it is, it is a very fun crowd and and there's some super,
(39:08):
super, super quality people thatare regular attenders there.
OK, let's see, what else didn't we cover?
I'm sure there's a million things, but I'm so grateful that
you have shared all that you're doing because I think it's
incredibly, incredibly valuable.Oh, I know.
Another question I have for you is I know there's a bunch of us
(39:28):
that are actively engaged in creating healthy sex positive
community, no matter what your dynamic is and how do you see
how how do you see that we can what are the best ways do you
think other than what you're doing, what Scarlett's doing,
what I'm doing, what Venus is doing, what everybody else
(39:50):
that's in the space. I'm not talking about women
specifically because I think we're the ones that are going to
drive this. I do.
You know, the men tend to go porn right away.
The women are saying no, let's be thoughtful, let's be let's
see what really is here for us, and let's see how we can make
the most of this. Those of us that have found joy
(40:12):
and female lead dynamics and cuckoldry and however it is that
we're running our deal, but how do you see us building and
developing that community in a way?
Like I'm I'm working on a project right now with Venus to
to shop from the rooftops, the the joys of intimacy in cuck in
(40:33):
in a cuck relationship. So we're going to be doing a
couple of moan talks about that just because we both are aware
of the fact that more women needto be heads up, more women need
to understand the benefits, the benefits of grabbing a hold of
their own sexual lives and theirown sexual experience.
(40:55):
And and having having not not just settling for whatever comes
to them, but defining what they want and developing what they
want. And so I'm particularly
interested in how do we engage more women?
I think to me the the, the. The.
Challenge is that from my perspective, we don't
(41:18):
necessarily want to specificallyengage more women from and
again, this is my perspective. What I want to do is I want to
engage more people who want to live the life they fantasize
(41:42):
about. So I think the challenge is like
when when you you talk about mengoing straight to porn, the
challenge is that they are fearful that they cannot live
that life, so they live it vicariously through porn.
Women are fearful that they cannot live that life, so they
tend to shut themselves off so they're not judged by society.
(42:06):
What? Yeah.
So what I think we need to do asproselytizers is to engage those
people who have that little ittybitty, tiny spark of courage and
fan the flames and live by example and live joyously and
(42:33):
out loud and tell them, you know, 10 years ago, you know, I
was where you are. I was unsure and didn't even
know about cuckolding. And when somebody suggested it
to me, I'm like, I don't think this is going to work for.
And I took that step and here are the things I did and here
are the things that Crystal did.And here are the things that
Anne did and Venus did and Scarlett did and Anya did and
(42:56):
and and and and and, and, and and here are the men.
Like on YouTube when people go to the dating kinky channel and
they see the chats that Ann Cuckoldras and Venus and I have
done about cuckolding and, you know, somebody says, how can you
be so cruel? How can you do this?
(43:19):
You know, answering them as compassionately as possible and
saying, I understand that you have been cheated on.
There's a difference between cuckolding as a consensual
fetish, where we collaborate to get our needs met and what you
went through. And I assure you that my partner
(43:41):
and I have no harm being done. In fact, we are.
We are strong and we are growingand we are amazing people
together and so, so much in love, right?
So we need to, to meet all of this stuff and fan those teeny
tiny little sparks of courage into flames of passion.
(44:08):
To find and live our best sexualand kinky lives and to not with,
especially within the frameworksof who we are as people and
within our relationships. To be ashamed of that which Anya
and I are are talking about and very slowly working on putting
together a project specifically about shame, because we were
(44:33):
talking about parenting earlier.And that's one of the things
that my parents never gave me. They never ever gave me any
shame around sexuality, right? That was that was that was a no
go. It wasn't even considered.
There was no reason to be ashamed.
As a teenager, of course, I was still awkward and ashamed.
But you know, as you grow up, you realize I this was not
(44:57):
indoctrinated into me. I don't have to be ashamed of
anything. And that frees you in so many
ways. Other people, they need to
unlearn those habits, and we need to provide steps for them
to unlearn those habits, and steps for them to open their
relationship to more communication and more
sexuality, or open their relationship to the kink they
(45:20):
want. Or even just to start fucking
having conversation over dinner.Right.
Start where you are. We'll meet you where you are.
We'll help you with the resources to get to where you
want to be. You have to take those steps and
you have to do it with an open heart and an open mind and
(45:40):
authenticity. And not by sending messages
online. Like can you tell me how you
touched his Dick? Because.
No, no, we. Can't tell you that.
We're not going to tell you that.
That's not what we're here for. Right.
Yeah, that that is, that is absolutely true.
We. It's interesting.
(46:03):
As you were talking, I was thinking about, you know, your
simple question like do you discuss sex in your day-to-day
life? And well, think about the two
when I think of the challenges. And I'm going to address this in
my in your event that so many women are hesitant or complacent
(46:27):
about their finances, which hurts them and it keeps them
trapped. It's sex and money are the two
things that in most American families are taboo to discuss in
the family. For most families, they don't
discuss either one. What are two of the most charged
(46:47):
important elements of a human life?
And it's the two things that theaverage family here find so
difficult to talk about or discuss.
And so we arrive screeching in our adult years.
We don't know shit about sex, and we don't know shit about
money. And we might want to learn about
sex, but almost nobody wants to learn about money.
(47:08):
And then we're wondering why we're broke.
And women are a big part of this.
So I'm going to March into something.
I'll probably piss some people off, but it's stuff that you
need to hear. Because these are the things.
If you're not completely conversant with your finances
now, or your sex or your sexuality or what you think
might be there, you must be. If you're going to live a full
(47:31):
life, a full and happy and free life it comes with, you have to
be willing to not only learn about these things, but you got
to March right into them. There's actually stuff you have
to do, and I think that stops a lot of people too.
They like I know for women am I I specialized in women in my
former career, and I know women in general love to learn, love,
(47:54):
love, love, love, love to learn anything.
They not so much to do, not so much to do.
I'm talking, I'm talking specifically about finance right
here. They love to learn about it, but
they don't actually want to budget or anything else like
that. And then they wonder why, you
(48:15):
know, it doesn't always work out.
Anyway, I'm so, so, so glad I got to talk to you and
understand a lot more about whatyou're doing.
So I think it's incredibly important work.
And I would just welcome you to send me some links to your stuff
so I can add you to my resource page because I will certainly
point people your way. You know, I'm just here as an
(48:35):
advocate for the lifestyle. I never intended to make this
any kind of a business, but it'sstarting to get a little
overwhelming now. So I'm starting to rethink all
of that. And you know what it needs to
look like. But I think you have a very,
very important perspective and alot of valuable resources that
(48:55):
that the world in general could benefit from.
And so I thank you, Thank you for the work that you do.
Thank you for spending a bit of time with me.
And please send me some of your links that I can add to my
resource page. Absolutely.
My pleasure. And one thing I do want to touch
on real quick because I think you said something that hits a
nail on the head. You mentioned sex and money are
(49:19):
the two things we tend not to talk about in American
households. Those are also the two biggest
power struggles in American households.
Those are the two things that will create the biggest amount
of power imbalance and fear and resentment, and that's something
(49:41):
that I think is really, really key.
It is. Those are the two sources of
power. So when we're talking about
women who want to be in control and in command of their own
lives, first of all, and in command of their sexual lives
and in command of their financial lives, there's
actually stuff you need to learnand there's actually stuff you
(50:03):
need to do. And so I know collectively we're
going to do our best to lay thatout in a way that people can
grab a hold of. But those two things, you're
you're exactly right. They're the two power centers of
a human life. You know, those two things
dictate almost everything. And it isn't it ironic that
(50:24):
those are the two power centers and ironically the two things
that families have the hardest time talking about.
And so, so here, here we are in our adult years trying to you
know, make up for lost time and try and plug, plug the gaps for
some other people that might be looking for that freedom and how
do they navigate their way toward that freedom.
And I know that we'll we'll all do our best to to get them
(50:47):
there. So thank you again, Nookie.
I'm so appreciative of your time.
I know you're really hella busy and this has been great.
I will be posting Nookie's stuffup on my resource page.
Please go check out her, you know, keep an eye out.
We'll be we'll be sending out some ads for her women in Charge
(51:08):
event and go to dating Kinky andand look at some of those
resources because she might haveexactly the question that you
have on your mind might already be answered over there and so
I'm happy to share sharing is good.
We can't all do everything you know.
We can only do our own part and somebody else picks up, somebody
(51:30):
else picks up the other stuff. So anyway, anything, anything
else we need to to close with Nookie that we didn't?
Cover. Not that I can think of.
I think, you know there, I mean there's there's a million things
we didn't cover, but we have allthe time in the world and we can
(51:51):
move on in another connection, yeah.
OK. We will do that.
Thanks again. We appreciate you being here and
I'm excited for for everyone to hear this, this little segment
here because I think it's going to give there's a lot of food
for thought in here and I appreciate you for that.
My pleasure. Thank you.
(52:12):
All right. Till next time.
Thank you for tuning in. You can access Crystal's latest
blog and podcast at C Welch Polyon Medium and find her on
Twitter at Crystal Welch 99. Your questions and comments are
always welcome. Also, if you're enjoying the
show, please feel free to rate, subscribe, or leave a review
(52:33):
wherever you listen to your podcast.
We appreciate it and we'll catchyou in the next episode.
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