April 27, 2025 • 32 mins
What if everything you've been taught about balance is wrong? That's the question at the heart of this illuminating episode that challenges our traditional understanding of what balance really means—especially for busy mums.
Speaking with refreshing honesty (and admittedly exhausted from the demands of mothering four young children), Mel Schenker dismantles the myth that balance is some perfect equilibrium we eventually achieve. Instead, she reveals a liberating truth: balance is constant movement, like riding a bicycle or walking a tightrope. The moment you stop adjusting, you fall.
Through a vulnerable retelling of her own harsh epiphany—a Mother's Day spent crying in the bathroom after days of perfectionistic preparation for everyone but herself—Mel demonstrates how many women reach burnout by consistently putting themselves last. This pivotal moment led to the development of The Baltrix Method™, a practical framework that addresses five essential pillars of balance: time (your foundation), money and self-care (your walls) and home and work (your roof). When one area weakens, the entire structure becomes vulnerable.
What makes this approach revolutionary is its practicality and purpose. The goal isn't perfect organisation for its own sake, but rather creating space for what truly matters: meaningful connections with the people we love. Mel explains how self-care isn't selfish but essential maintenance—like putting on your oxygen mask first so you can help others effectively.
Whether you're struggling with exhaustion, overwhelm or simply feeling that something's off in your life, this episode offers both compassion and introduces strategies to start recalibrating today. Connect with Mel to begin your journey toward authentic, sustainable balance.
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Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life beyond it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mel (00:18):
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised and, more importantly,a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real-lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organising, the things thatreally matter, like t parenting,
relationships and so much more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome back to today's episode.
(01:03):
Today, I'm going to be jumpinginto what balance is and not
what we've been told it is, butwhat it actually is and what
that means for us mums.
And before I jump into it,though, I'm going to be so
honest with you.
I am incredibly tired.
I wasn't going to do thisepisode today.
(01:24):
I thought I'm way too tired Ican barely string two sentences
together but then I thoughtabout it more and the whole
purpose of this podcast was tobe real, to do life with you, to
have you on the journey with me, but also so you can trust that
(01:47):
, even though I'm still in thethick of this I actually do know
what I'm talking about I dohave strategies that actually
help me, despite being bone deadtired.
So I hope that you can forgiveme if I do happen to say a few
(02:07):
ums and I stutter here and thereand I pause for a minute
because I'm not editing this.
I don't chop and change andthrow a whole lot of stuff
together.
I keep this raw, like aconversation.
Even though it is a little bitone-sided right now, it is a
conversation and I want it tojust be part of my day and this
(02:31):
is what I am today.
I am tired, so please forgiveme if it doesn't come across
very coherently but I will giveit a good go because I really do
want to get this message to youabout balance, and I feel like
(02:51):
today is a pretty good exampleof me showing you how balance
can look, even when you are soexhausted.
So here we go, I'm going tojump right in.
So we get told often on socialmedia in the world you know,
(03:13):
even just looking at ourfriends' lives and how it all
goes that we kind of get thisimage of balance being this
destination that you get to that.
Maybe it's taken quite a fewyears and you know trials and
triumphs, but it's this enddestination and you get there
and life is easier.
(03:37):
But that's not reality.
That seems to be something thatso many of us mums strive for,
but that's not real.
I'm sorry to break it to you.
That's not real.
But on my journey of trying tofind more balance and less
stress and overwhelm in my life,I realised that so many of us
(04:01):
just look at balance wrong.
Balance is not this staticequilibrium, you know, like a
seesaw, and you finally getsomewhere in the middle and you
just stop.
It's like then what?
(04:30):
What comes next?
That's not how it actually goes.
Balance is this constantmovement, constant readjustment
and realignment of our every day.
It's an every day kind of thingand part of it's a choice, but
a big part of it is how we setourselves up and it can take
time.
It can take a little bit oftime, but there are things you
can do today to get it startedand to take a little bit of that
pressure off.
So when I was going throughthis and trying to understand
(04:59):
what balance actually is, I cameacross, I guess, a whole lot of
different things, and you know,there was this one quote that I
got from Einstein actually,"life is like riding a bicycle
to keep your balance, you mustkeep moving, and there was
(05:21):
actually enough things out therethat I go.
Well, yeah, balance is movement.
It is like riding a bike Ifyou're walking a tightrope, you
don't just stop, you fall off.
It is a constant movement, aconstant readjustment and
realignment of how we take oursteps so we can stay moving
(05:42):
forward.
And look, sometimes we fall offthe bike, sometimes we fall off
the rope let's hope it's not avery high one, but you do get
back on and you keep going oryou try again, because we're
still alive and as long as thereis breath in your lungs and
another day has come, there isalways hope and there is always
(06:05):
a chance to achieve balance forthat day.
I hope that encourages you.
So I want to give you a littlebit of a background on me and
part of what drove me to thisbalance.
So I'd already been on thisorganising journey for quite a
(06:26):
few years and doing pretty wellat keeping things organised and,
as I mentioned in the lastepisode, you know I had a bit of
a breakdown moment at theexpense of my kids.
But there was this other timewhere it was Mother's Day.
(06:47):
It was Mother's Day probablyabout three years ago now, and I
had taken on the mantle oforganising Mother's Day for, you
know, my husband's family andfor my family, and looking after
everyone else, because you know, our mums were doing a lot too,
(07:08):
even though it was their day,and I didn't want them to have
to do so much.
So I took it on, even thoughI'm a mum as well and I was not
getting my own day.
So, anyway, I had been cleaningfor days in the lead up.
(07:28):
You know, kids weren't evenallowed to touch the walls, for
goodness sake.
It was like I was um, I reallywanted it to be perfect and I
have struggled withperfectionism for so long.
So now I call myself a reformedperfectionist.
It's still a work in progress.
(07:48):
I still have my moments,particularly when I'm tired, but
there was this time wheneverything just needed to be
perfect, and it wasn't because Ineeded it to be perfect, it's
because I wanted my mum, Iwanted my mother-in-law, to have
a really good day, because theydeserved it and they still do
(08:09):
deserve it.
But in the process of cookingfor days and cleaning for days
and all of this and putting itall together on the day, the
morning of you know, I'm tryingto not get my kids to pull out
any toys or get anything messy,because everyone's coming soon
(08:31):
for lunch and I'm I was sooverwhelmed I went into my
bathroom and I just cried, Icried and I cried and I thought
what am I doing?
What am I doing to myself thatI keep putting myself in these
situations that are just sostressful, not enjoyable.
(08:52):
And I mean, it's Mother's Day.
I'm a mum, I should be enjoyingthis day.
What's going on?
And it just it felt unfair.
But I really had no one toblame but myself.
Why was I putting myself inthese situations?
No one else was putting it onme, I was putting it on me and
(09:16):
it was a really tough daybecause, as everyone rocked up
and lunch was being served andeveryone's having a great time
and commenting on how greateverything is, you know my
sister-in-law.
I love her to death.
She is incredible and she's aredhead as well.
And she has kids too and shewas thanking me for having them
(09:42):
over for lunch and how nice itis that she didn't have to do
anything on Mother's Day, and itwas such a pure and beautiful
comment.
But it made me really upset andalmost angry on the inside, and
not at her but at myself again,cause I'm thinking, yeah, like
(10:05):
everyone else gets to enjoytheir mother's day.
And here I am again, not aboutme, like it's not about me again
.
And you know, that day was aday that kind of pushed me a bit
further again, because it wasanother Mother's Day that I
(10:25):
never received a gift.
My husband, he is amazing, he iswonderful and he does so much
with the kids and I can'tcomplain, but bless him, he
really didn't get it.
That even I'll jump to it.
But pretty much I said to himbecause I was and I was done, I
(11:03):
was so done and I was like, yep,I'm not your mum, but I'm the
mother of our children andthey're too young to get me
anything or do anything for me.
That's your job.
And he was so sorry he had justnot even thought about it
(11:26):
before.
And look, I know some of youare probably going to be like
what?
That's ridiculous, how could he?
But I will say he is someonethat you know, working an 80
hour week and then coming homeand being present with the kids,
and all that is so normal forhim.
Like, I do not blame him at alland I never said anything.
(11:48):
I never said anything earlier.
And sometimes we think, oh,surely they know, surely they
understand, and why do I need tosay anything?
But I'm telling you understand,and why do I need to say
anything?
But I'm telling you, sometimeswe just need to communicate it
and then see what happens afterthat.
Now, look, he went out, he gotme flowers, he did that and he's
(12:09):
looked after me every yearsince.
But that day was full on and itall came out.
But more than anything, I wasannoyed at myself.
How could I let myself get to astate where I look after
(12:31):
everyone, like making it perfectfor everyone, and I can't even?
I just can't look after myself.
I felt guilty, I felt selfish,like no, no, it should be about
my mum, it should be about mymother-in-law, it should be
about everyone else but not me.
(12:52):
Why, why?
I mean, it seems so sillysaying it now, but that's just
that's where I was at.
I just never thought aboutmyself.
And that was a moment when Ireally started to question
balance and I really had none.
(13:16):
I was so out of balance withthings like, yeah, I was getting
more organised and I wasgetting more on top of
everything, but when it came tome and my own self-care, my own
moments of peace and rest, itdidn't exist.
And if I thought, hey, I wantto have a break, I almost felt
(13:38):
guilty for it.
It's just, it shouldn't be likethis, because it was getting to
a point where the fact that Iwasn't looking after myself, I
wasn't actually looking aftereveryone else properly, I was
putting expectations on themthat were never theirs to begin
with.
And oh, okay, yes, some thingsbringing it up with my husband
(14:01):
about the you know, mother's dayand all of that.
Some good things came out of ittoo, but it could have been done
in a way that wasn't having meat a snapping point and, um,
look, we, we don't always get itright, but one thing I really
did get out of that that Ialways knew, but I didn't always
(14:24):
implement was the importance ofjust communicating, just saying
, hey, this is what's upsettingme, this is what's bothering me.
I don't know if it's justified,I don't, but this is where I'm
at, and then see how theyrespond.
You know, you can't just assumethat your partner or your
(14:47):
parents or your friend, orwhoever it is, just knows what
you're thinking.
Yeah, maybe, once you've toldthem, they think, oh goodness, I
should have realised this.
But you need to give them achance.
You need to actually expresshow you're feeling with kindness
(15:07):
and compassion.
But unless you have thatconversation, you can't blame it
entirely on them is what I'mtrying to get at.
So, in this pursuit of balanceand trying to understand how I
(15:29):
make this work in my everydaylife and now I've got four kids,
you know, I've got a nownine-year-old, six-year-old, a
three-year-old and a baby andbalance is still being recreated
every day as to what that lookslike, because as the seasons
change, as I've had morechildren, as I've gone back to
(15:50):
work, all that kind of stuffbalances look different.
Now, the best way I found tomake things work in the everyday
wasn't to have more systems,wasn't to be more organised,
(16:13):
believe it or not, it wasactually to carry less, and the
more that I dug around andreally started to understand
what it was that I needed, Iactually came across five areas
of my life that really needed tohave a level of cohesion for me
to function well, and, as timehas gone on, this has thankfully
(16:37):
been able to help a lot ofother women out there in finding
their balance too.
So I have come up with what .
Now, the Bell Tricks method iswell, I came up with that word
because it's a combination ofbalance and matrix.
So it's not just some airyfairy concept of balance.
(17:01):
There's an actual strategy andsomewhat formula behind it.
Now, if you're someone like mewho likes to have some more
facts and some more data andsome actual practical and some
(17:22):
actual practical, tangiblethings to get your hands on,
then this is for you, because Iam that person.
I like data, I like facts.
You can't argue with it andthat's what I've come up here
with.
So, with the Bell Tricks method, there's sort of a breakdown of
a few different parts to it,but the overarching part in it
is that I came across five areasthat really needs balance to be
(17:47):
able to have a happy life,really a well-functioning life.
So those main five pillars aretime, money, self-care, your
home, so your family life, andyour work, your work life.
Now, to break it down a littlebit further with your time, I
(18:09):
see that as the foundation.
So without control over yourtime and without some order,
everything else crumbles.
Without some order, everythingelse crumbles.
Now, money and self-care, I seeit like walls.
So I'm painting an image of a2D house here.
(18:35):
So your money is your financialwellbeing and helps move you
forward in life, but also keepsyou going.
Today, self-care is the otherwall and if you don't look after
yourself, the whole house cancrumble.
That is your wellbeing, bothphysically, mentally, but also
emotionally and spiritually.
It is a part of you that's notselfish, it's not at the expense
(19:00):
of others, it's putting youfirst, like the oxygen mask on
the airplane, you know.
So you can help save everyoneelse.
You can be what you need to beand who you need to be for
everyone else.
That is the self-care.
It's not the luxuries, it's theessentials.
So I'll go into more of thatlater anyway.
(19:26):
But then part of the roof.
So we've got the roof here andone side you've got home.
The other side, you've got workNow with your home.
That is your family and yoursafety and your literal home.
So that is the sort of theheartbeat of your every day is
your home.
But your work is yourcontributions.
(19:49):
Now, I don't mind if you'reworking nine to five, if you're
doing shift work, if you're astay-at-home mum, you are
working.
Your work is your contributions.
Whether it's paid or unpaid, itis your contributions to your
family and to the world aroundyou.
So with these five things time,money, self-care, home work
(20:13):
there needs to be a balanceacross it all.
If something is out ofalignment, so just say you've
got a hole in your roof and yourhome is not functioning well.
Well, you're not going to gofixing a wall, putting
(20:34):
everything into the money sideof things.
There's a hole in your roof andthere's a storm coming.
We need to kind of patch thingsup to begin with and then we
can actually go about focusingon reestablishing our overall
structure and reinforcing it tobecome stronger.
(20:56):
Reinforcing it to becomestronger.
So you focus on what needsimmediate attention and then we
can build up from there.
So I have got some resources tohelp with balance and other
things like that, which you canfind at b s com.
com.
com slash toolkit, and that issomething that can help you with
(21:21):
balance and everything elsethat will be popped in there as
time goes on.
But, um, one thing that I knowis something that I am working
on that you will journey with meis the self-care.
So my time is pretty good, mymoney is a lot better than it
(21:44):
was, my home pretty wellorganised, my work pretty
balanced, but self-care it isstill very low.
Pretty balanced, but self-careit is still very low.
So I'm going to need your helpto keep me accountable with that
, to make sure that I'm lookingafter myself as well.
And you know, it's self-care inthis season, with little kids
(22:07):
down the track, it could be time, it could be other things that
constantly need readjustment.
There's no sort of mastering andforgetting.
It's, you know, constantre-evaluation and looking at
things and going is this working?
Do I need to change this inthis time?
And it's a constant motion,like riding that bike.
(22:28):
You know it's just one pedaland then the next.
You know you just keep going,but every now and then sometimes
you just need to stop, reassessand work out what's working and
what's not.
Maybe you need to change gears.
So that's sort of my main partof the Baltics method with those
(22:52):
five pillars, but there areother parts that I incorporate
in it which I'll touch onquickly.
So I talk a lot about reactiveliving versus proactive living.
I also talk about parallelproductivity, so that's a phrase
that I've coined.
There's a lot of differentnames for it out there.
(23:13):
It's instead of multitasking,which we know is not very
productive.
This is pairing a highcognitive function with a low
cognitive function.
So like listening to a podcastwhile you're going for a walk or
listening to a podcast whileyou're folding laundry, it's
doing something that requires alevel of concentration with
(23:34):
something that is just automaticthat you don't need to think
about.
So I will be breaking down intothose further in further
episodes as well.
And I also have what I call theVexanova technique and I'll go
into why I called it that downthe track.
But that is my whole mindsetside of my business and what I
(23:59):
do, and that goes hand in handwith the Beltrics method and
everything to do with balanceand organising.
So I'll be going into themindset stuff as well down the
track.
Know, years ago when peoplementioned anything to do with
mindset and that I thought oh,here we go, another kooky person
(24:21):
and all that kind of stuff.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if that's you, butI've really come to see that
unless if our mind is speakinglife and it's aligned with our
vision for the future, we'regoing to be stuck in the same
(24:41):
cycle and that really is the keyto being able to find that
balance.
So I will dive further intothat in future episodes, but I
wanted to just give you a littlebit of a taste of balance, how
I see it and how this all playsa part in having a more
(25:05):
organised life, and into all thethings that matter, like our
parenting and our relationshipsand everything.
Like our parenting and you knowour relationships and
everything.
Because like that, five pillarsof balance the time, money,
self-care, home and work.
I mentioned how it's like a 2Dhouse, but what are those things
(25:26):
housing?
It's housing the relationships,the people inside it.
It's all well and good havingyour time and everything well
organized and structured andhaving everything perfect, but
if the house is empty, what'sthe point?
So the whole purpose of havingbalance, the whole purpose of
(25:49):
having this balance across thesefive areas, is to maximize the
memories, the experiences andthe overall connection we have
with the people that matter most.
And I have been a coach in thecorporate world for many years.
(26:10):
I have done this kind of stufffor a long time, but actually
being able to sit down, nut itout and go what's really
important, it made me realise Idon't want to just help people
in the corporate world.
I what I've lived.
I want to help fast track youbecause this is something that I
(26:39):
have learnt over 12 years, andin particularly the last few
years pretty intensely trying tounderstand why.
Why do some people thrive?
Some people really struggle andyet sometimes the people that
are thriving are the ones thathave had a really hard life.
(27:00):
And you'll get to know mybackground and my life a bit
more.
And, yes, I've walked throughabuse, I've walked through some
pretty tough stuff, but I lookat my life overall and I'm happy
, I'm okay with where I'm at andI wish I could get more sleep.
But where I'm at, I know, isgoing to serve you, it's going
(27:27):
to help you and if there issomeone out there, if you are
listening and you go oh, mygoodness, this is where I'm at.
I'm tired, I can't thinkclearly.
I don't have much direction forwhere I want to go.
(27:47):
I can't seem to juggleparenting and work and
friendships and whatever else.
I just need some help.
Well, that's what I'm here forand, hey, I gave you full
warning that today's episode wasprobably not going to be
completely well said and Iprobably did jump around a
(28:12):
little bit, but I hope that youcould get a grasp on the
beginnings of what it is that Iwant to talk through and go
through with you, because I knowthis.
I know this in and out and Iknow this will help you, because
this has helped other mums.
(28:33):
This has helped other people,not even mums, just men, women.
It has helped in being able tounderstand how to practically
put things together and I'mgoing to break things down
further in further episodes tobe able to really help with
particular areas, being able toeducate you on certain things,
(28:55):
but not just that.
We are going to cover all thethings that go beyond the
organising and we're going tohave some pretty cool guest
speakers coming on soon that aregoing to help you with your
journey and add more balance toyou guys, but also to me.
I'm going to learn a lot too,and I'm really looking forward
(29:19):
to it, so I hope that you gotsomething out of today, because
organising really is just apiece of the puzzle.
It's just the beginning.
(29:45):
But having a balanced day-to-day, being able to make decisions
that actually align with yourpurpose and your calling and
being intentional about it,that's what we want to get to.
That's what we want to do everyday, and some days you're going
to wake up tired.
Look, most days you probablywake up tired, and you probably
don't even need to have a babyfor that to be the case.
(30:07):
You're going to be questioningwhere you're at.
You question whether you're inthe right job, whether you know
there's better ways that you canstay on top of things at home.
You're going to question a lotof things.
(30:32):
If you haven , you will be ableto put things together that can
help enhance your life, get themost out of your life and live
a more simple life.
Life, and I hope that todayspoke to you.
(31:02):
I would love to hear yourthoughts and I would love to
answer your questions.
So if you've got anything thatyou really want to have answered
or you just want to share yourthoughts with me, you can reach
me at e com s p.
com.
com slash podcast and you canemail me beyondorganised.
com well podcast atbeyondorganizedcom, and I will
(31:24):
respond to your messagespersonally.
And, yeah, I would love to haveyour questions on the show and
I'd love to be able to workthrough them, because that's why
I'm here.
I'm here for you.
I'm as much as I love talkingabout myself not really I am
here for you, and whatever it isthat you need from me as your
(31:47):
coach, I'm ready.
Let's do it.
So in the next episode, we'regoing to dive a little bit
further into the mindset side ofthings and hopefully I am less
tired when I can run throughthat with you.
So please reach out if you needanything and I will talk to you
(32:10):
next time.
If you loved this episode,don't forget to hit subscribe so
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on Instagram a shes.
organised.
organised, or, for some freeresources, head over to
beyondorganizedcom.
Slash toolkit.
organising, organizing is atool to live the purposeful life
(32:30):
beyond it.
See you next time.
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised and, more importantly,a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real-lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organising, the things thatreally matter, like t parenting,
relationships and so much more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome back to today's episode.
(01:03):
Today, I'm going to be jumpinginto what balance is and not
what we've been told it is, butwhat it actually is and what
that means for us mums.
And before I jump into it,though, I'm going to be so
honest with you.
I am incredibly tired.
I wasn't going to do thisepisode today.
(01:24):
I thought I'm way too tired Ican barely string two sentences
together but then I thoughtabout it more and the whole
purpose of this podcast was tobe real, to do life with you, to
have you on the journey with me, but also so you can trust that
(01:47):
, even though I'm still in thethick of this I actually do know
what I'm talking about I dohave strategies that actually
help me, despite being bone deadtired.
So I hope that you can forgiveme if I do happen to say a few
(02:07):
ums and I stutter here and thereand I pause for a minute
because I'm not editing this.
I don't chop and change andthrow a whole lot of stuff
together.
I keep this raw, like aconversation.
Even though it is a little bitone-sided right now, it is a
conversation and I want it tojust be part of my day and this
(02:31):
is what I am today.
I am tired, so please forgiveme if it doesn't come across
very coherently but I will giveit a good go because I really do
want to get this message to youabout balance, and I feel like
(02:51):
today is a pretty good exampleof me showing you how balance
can look, even when you are soexhausted.
So here we go, I'm going tojump right in.
So we get told often on socialmedia in the world you know,
(03:13):
even just looking at ourfriends' lives and how it all
goes that we kind of get thisimage of balance being this
destination that you get to that.
Maybe it's taken quite a fewyears and you know trials and
triumphs, but it's this enddestination and you get there
and life is easier.
(03:37):
But that's not reality.
That seems to be something thatso many of us mums strive for,
but that's not real.
I'm sorry to break it to you.
That's not real.
But on my journey of trying tofind more balance and less
stress and overwhelm in my life,I realised that so many of us
(04:01):
just look at balance wrong.
Balance is not this staticequilibrium, you know, like a
seesaw, and you finally getsomewhere in the middle and you
just stop.
It's like then what?
(04:30):
What comes next?
That's not how it actually goes.
Balance is this constantmovement, constant readjustment
and realignment of our every day.
It's an every day kind of thingand part of it's a choice, but
a big part of it is how we setourselves up and it can take
time.
It can take a little bit oftime, but there are things you
can do today to get it startedand to take a little bit of that
pressure off.
So when I was going throughthis and trying to understand
(04:59):
what balance actually is, I cameacross, I guess, a whole lot of
different things, and you know,there was this one quote that I
got from Einstein actually,"life is like riding a bicycle
to keep your balance, you mustkeep moving, and there was
(05:21):
actually enough things out therethat I go.
Well, yeah, balance is movement.
It is like riding a bike Ifyou're walking a tightrope, you
don't just stop, you fall off.
It is a constant movement, aconstant readjustment and
realignment of how we take oursteps so we can stay moving
(05:42):
forward.
And look, sometimes we fall offthe bike, sometimes we fall off
the rope let's hope it's not avery high one, but you do get
back on and you keep going oryou try again, because we're
still alive and as long as thereis breath in your lungs and
another day has come, there isalways hope and there is always
(06:05):
a chance to achieve balance forthat day.
I hope that encourages you.
So I want to give you a littlebit of a background on me and
part of what drove me to thisbalance.
So I'd already been on thisorganising journey for quite a
(06:26):
few years and doing pretty wellat keeping things organised and,
as I mentioned in the lastepisode, you know I had a bit of
a breakdown moment at theexpense of my kids.
But there was this other timewhere it was Mother's Day.
(06:47):
It was Mother's Day probablyabout three years ago now, and I
had taken on the mantle oforganising Mother's Day for, you
know, my husband's family andfor my family, and looking after
everyone else, because you know, our mums were doing a lot too,
(07:08):
even though it was their day,and I didn't want them to have
to do so much.
So I took it on, even thoughI'm a mum as well and I was not
getting my own day.
So, anyway, I had been cleaningfor days in the lead up.
(07:28):
You know, kids weren't evenallowed to touch the walls, for
goodness sake.
It was like I was um, I reallywanted it to be perfect and I
have struggled withperfectionism for so long.
So now I call myself a reformedperfectionist.
It's still a work in progress.
(07:48):
I still have my moments,particularly when I'm tired, but
there was this time wheneverything just needed to be
perfect, and it wasn't because Ineeded it to be perfect, it's
because I wanted my mum, Iwanted my mother-in-law, to have
a really good day, because theydeserved it and they still do
(08:09):
deserve it.
But in the process of cookingfor days and cleaning for days
and all of this and putting itall together on the day, the
morning of you know, I'm tryingto not get my kids to pull out
any toys or get anything messy,because everyone's coming soon
(08:31):
for lunch and I'm I was sooverwhelmed I went into my
bathroom and I just cried, Icried and I cried and I thought
what am I doing?
What am I doing to myself thatI keep putting myself in these
situations that are just sostressful, not enjoyable.
(08:52):
And I mean, it's Mother's Day.
I'm a mum, I should be enjoyingthis day.
What's going on?
And it just it felt unfair.
But I really had no one toblame but myself.
Why was I putting myself inthese situations?
No one else was putting it onme, I was putting it on me and
(09:16):
it was a really tough daybecause, as everyone rocked up
and lunch was being served andeveryone's having a great time
and commenting on how greateverything is, you know my
sister-in-law.
I love her to death.
She is incredible and she's aredhead as well.
And she has kids too and shewas thanking me for having them
(09:42):
over for lunch and how nice itis that she didn't have to do
anything on Mother's Day, and itwas such a pure and beautiful
comment.
But it made me really upset andalmost angry on the inside, and
not at her but at myself again,cause I'm thinking, yeah, like
(10:05):
everyone else gets to enjoytheir mother's day.
And here I am again, not aboutme, like it's not about me again
.
And you know, that day was aday that kind of pushed me a bit
further again, because it wasanother Mother's Day that I
(10:25):
never received a gift.
My husband, he is amazing, he iswonderful and he does so much
with the kids and I can'tcomplain, but bless him, he
really didn't get it.
That even I'll jump to it.
But pretty much I said to himbecause I was and I was done, I
(11:03):
was so done and I was like, yep,I'm not your mum, but I'm the
mother of our children andthey're too young to get me
anything or do anything for me.
That's your job.
And he was so sorry he had justnot even thought about it
(11:26):
before.
And look, I know some of youare probably going to be like
what?
That's ridiculous, how could he?
But I will say he is someonethat you know, working an 80
hour week and then coming homeand being present with the kids,
and all that is so normal forhim.
Like, I do not blame him at alland I never said anything.
(11:48):
I never said anything earlier.
And sometimes we think, oh,surely they know, surely they
understand, and why do I need tosay anything?
But I'm telling you understand,and why do I need to say
anything?
But I'm telling you, sometimeswe just need to communicate it
and then see what happens afterthat.
Now, look, he went out, he gotme flowers, he did that and he's
(12:09):
looked after me every yearsince.
But that day was full on and itall came out.
But more than anything, I wasannoyed at myself.
How could I let myself get to astate where I look after
(12:31):
everyone, like making it perfectfor everyone, and I can't even?
I just can't look after myself.
I felt guilty, I felt selfish,like no, no, it should be about
my mum, it should be about mymother-in-law, it should be
about everyone else but not me.
(12:52):
Why, why?
I mean, it seems so sillysaying it now, but that's just
that's where I was at.
I just never thought aboutmyself.
And that was a moment when Ireally started to question
balance and I really had none.
(13:16):
I was so out of balance withthings like, yeah, I was getting
more organised and I wasgetting more on top of
everything, but when it came tome and my own self-care, my own
moments of peace and rest, itdidn't exist.
And if I thought, hey, I wantto have a break, I almost felt
(13:38):
guilty for it.
It's just, it shouldn't be likethis, because it was getting to
a point where the fact that Iwasn't looking after myself, I
wasn't actually looking aftereveryone else properly, I was
putting expectations on themthat were never theirs to begin
with.
And oh, okay, yes, some thingsbringing it up with my husband
(14:01):
about the you know, mother's dayand all of that.
Some good things came out of ittoo, but it could have been done
in a way that wasn't having meat a snapping point and, um,
look, we, we don't always get itright, but one thing I really
did get out of that that Ialways knew, but I didn't always
(14:24):
implement was the importance ofjust communicating, just saying
, hey, this is what's upsettingme, this is what's bothering me.
I don't know if it's justified,I don't, but this is where I'm
at, and then see how theyrespond.
You know, you can't just assumethat your partner or your
(14:47):
parents or your friend, orwhoever it is, just knows what
you're thinking.
Yeah, maybe, once you've toldthem, they think, oh goodness, I
should have realised this.
But you need to give them achance.
You need to actually expresshow you're feeling with kindness
(15:07):
and compassion.
But unless you have thatconversation, you can't blame it
entirely on them is what I'mtrying to get at.
So, in this pursuit of balanceand trying to understand how I
(15:29):
make this work in my everydaylife and now I've got four kids,
you know, I've got a nownine-year-old, six-year-old, a
three-year-old and a baby andbalance is still being recreated
every day as to what that lookslike, because as the seasons
change, as I've had morechildren, as I've gone back to
(15:50):
work, all that kind of stuffbalances look different.
Now, the best way I found tomake things work in the everyday
wasn't to have more systems,wasn't to be more organised,
(16:13):
believe it or not, it wasactually to carry less, and the
more that I dug around andreally started to understand
what it was that I needed, Iactually came across five areas
of my life that really needed tohave a level of cohesion for me
to function well, and, as timehas gone on, this has thankfully
(16:37):
been able to help a lot ofother women out there in finding
their balance too.
So I have come up with what .
Now, the Bell Tricks method iswell, I came up with that word
because it's a combination ofbalance and matrix.
So it's not just some airyfairy concept of balance.
(17:01):
There's an actual strategy andsomewhat formula behind it.
Now, if you're someone like mewho likes to have some more
facts and some more data andsome actual practical and some
(17:22):
actual practical, tangiblethings to get your hands on,
then this is for you, because Iam that person.
I like data, I like facts.
You can't argue with it andthat's what I've come up here
with.
So, with the Bell Tricks method, there's sort of a breakdown of
a few different parts to it,but the overarching part in it
is that I came across five areasthat really needs balance to be
(17:47):
able to have a happy life,really a well-functioning life.
So those main five pillars aretime, money, self-care, your
home, so your family life, andyour work, your work life.
Now, to break it down a littlebit further with your time, I
(18:09):
see that as the foundation.
So without control over yourtime and without some order,
everything else crumbles.
Without some order, everythingelse crumbles.
Now, money and self-care, I seeit like walls.
So I'm painting an image of a2D house here.
(18:35):
So your money is your financialwellbeing and helps move you
forward in life, but also keepsyou going.
Today, self-care is the otherwall and if you don't look after
yourself, the whole house cancrumble.
That is your wellbeing, bothphysically, mentally, but also
emotionally and spiritually.
It is a part of you that's notselfish, it's not at the expense
(19:00):
of others, it's putting youfirst, like the oxygen mask on
the airplane, you know.
So you can help save everyoneelse.
You can be what you need to beand who you need to be for
everyone else.
That is the self-care.
It's not the luxuries, it's theessentials.
So I'll go into more of thatlater anyway.
(19:26):
But then part of the roof.
So we've got the roof here andone side you've got home.
The other side, you've got workNow with your home.
That is your family and yoursafety and your literal home.
So that is the sort of theheartbeat of your every day is
your home.
But your work is yourcontributions.
(19:49):
Now, I don't mind if you'reworking nine to five, if you're
doing shift work, if you're astay-at-home mum, you are
working.
Your work is your contributions.
Whether it's paid or unpaid, itis your contributions to your
family and to the world aroundyou.
So with these five things time,money, self-care, home work
(20:13):
there needs to be a balanceacross it all.
If something is out ofalignment, so just say you've
got a hole in your roof and yourhome is not functioning well.
Well, you're not going to gofixing a wall, putting
(20:34):
everything into the money sideof things.
There's a hole in your roof andthere's a storm coming.
We need to kind of patch thingsup to begin with and then we
can actually go about focusingon reestablishing our overall
structure and reinforcing it tobecome stronger.
(20:56):
Reinforcing it to becomestronger.
So you focus on what needsimmediate attention and then we
can build up from there.
So I have got some resources tohelp with balance and other
things like that, which you canfind at b s com.
com.
com slash toolkit, and that issomething that can help you with
(21:21):
balance and everything elsethat will be popped in there as
time goes on.
But, um, one thing that I knowis something that I am working
on that you will journey with meis the self-care.
So my time is pretty good, mymoney is a lot better than it
(21:44):
was, my home pretty wellorganised, my work pretty
balanced, but self-care it isstill very low.
Pretty balanced, but self-careit is still very low.
So I'm going to need your helpto keep me accountable with that
, to make sure that I'm lookingafter myself as well.
And you know, it's self-care inthis season, with little kids
(22:07):
down the track, it could be time, it could be other things that
constantly need readjustment.
There's no sort of mastering andforgetting.
It's, you know, constantre-evaluation and looking at
things and going is this working?
Do I need to change this inthis time?
And it's a constant motion,like riding that bike.
(22:28):
You know it's just one pedaland then the next.
You know you just keep going,but every now and then sometimes
you just need to stop, reassessand work out what's working and
what's not.
Maybe you need to change gears.
So that's sort of my main partof the Baltics method with those
(22:52):
five pillars, but there areother parts that I incorporate
in it which I'll touch onquickly.
So I talk a lot about reactiveliving versus proactive living.
I also talk about parallelproductivity, so that's a phrase
that I've coined.
There's a lot of differentnames for it out there.
(23:13):
It's instead of multitasking,which we know is not very
productive.
This is pairing a highcognitive function with a low
cognitive function.
So like listening to a podcastwhile you're going for a walk or
listening to a podcast whileyou're folding laundry, it's
doing something that requires alevel of concentration with
(23:34):
something that is just automaticthat you don't need to think
about.
So I will be breaking down intothose further in further
episodes as well.
And I also have what I call theVexanova technique and I'll go
into why I called it that downthe track.
But that is my whole mindsetside of my business and what I
(23:59):
do, and that goes hand in handwith the Beltrics method and
everything to do with balanceand organising.
So I'll be going into themindset stuff as well down the
track.
Know, years ago when peoplementioned anything to do with
mindset and that I thought oh,here we go, another kooky person
(24:21):
and all that kind of stuff.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if that's you, butI've really come to see that
unless if our mind is speakinglife and it's aligned with our
vision for the future, we'regoing to be stuck in the same
(24:41):
cycle and that really is the keyto being able to find that
balance.
So I will dive further intothat in future episodes, but I
wanted to just give you a littlebit of a taste of balance, how
I see it and how this all playsa part in having a more
(25:05):
organised life, and into all thethings that matter, like our
parenting and our relationshipsand everything.
Like our parenting and you knowour relationships and
everything.
Because like that, five pillarsof balance the time, money,
self-care, home and work.
I mentioned how it's like a 2Dhouse, but what are those things
(25:26):
housing?
It's housing the relationships,the people inside it.
It's all well and good havingyour time and everything well
organized and structured andhaving everything perfect, but
if the house is empty, what'sthe point?
So the whole purpose of havingbalance, the whole purpose of
(25:49):
having this balance across thesefive areas, is to maximize the
memories, the experiences andthe overall connection we have
with the people that matter most.
And I have been a coach in thecorporate world for many years.
(26:10):
I have done this kind of stufffor a long time, but actually
being able to sit down, nut itout and go what's really
important, it made me realise Idon't want to just help people
in the corporate world.
I what I've lived.
I want to help fast track youbecause this is something that I
(26:39):
have learnt over 12 years, andin particularly the last few
years pretty intensely trying tounderstand why.
Why do some people thrive?
Some people really struggle andyet sometimes the people that
are thriving are the ones thathave had a really hard life.
(27:00):
And you'll get to know mybackground and my life a bit
more.
And, yes, I've walked throughabuse, I've walked through some
pretty tough stuff, but I lookat my life overall and I'm happy
, I'm okay with where I'm at andI wish I could get more sleep.
But where I'm at, I know, isgoing to serve you, it's going
(27:27):
to help you and if there issomeone out there, if you are
listening and you go oh, mygoodness, this is where I'm at.
I'm tired, I can't thinkclearly.
I don't have much direction forwhere I want to go.
(27:47):
I can't seem to juggleparenting and work and
friendships and whatever else.
I just need some help.
Well, that's what I'm here forand, hey, I gave you full
warning that today's episode wasprobably not going to be
completely well said and Iprobably did jump around a
(28:12):
little bit, but I hope that youcould get a grasp on the
beginnings of what it is that Iwant to talk through and go
through with you, because I knowthis.
I know this in and out and Iknow this will help you, because
this has helped other mums.
(28:33):
This has helped other people,not even mums, just men, women.
It has helped in being able tounderstand how to practically
put things together and I'mgoing to break things down
further in further episodes tobe able to really help with
particular areas, being able toeducate you on certain things,
(28:55):
but not just that.
We are going to cover all thethings that go beyond the
organising and we're going tohave some pretty cool guest
speakers coming on soon that aregoing to help you with your
journey and add more balance toyou guys, but also to me.
I'm going to learn a lot too,and I'm really looking forward
(29:19):
to it, so I hope that you gotsomething out of today, because
organising really is just apiece of the puzzle.
It's just the beginning.
(29:45):
But having a balanced day-to-day, being able to make decisions
that actually align with yourpurpose and your calling and
being intentional about it,that's what we want to get to.
That's what we want to do everyday, and some days you're going
to wake up tired.
Look, most days you probablywake up tired, and you probably
don't even need to have a babyfor that to be the case.
(30:07):
You're going to be questioningwhere you're at.
You question whether you're inthe right job, whether you know
there's better ways that you canstay on top of things at home.
You're going to question a lotof things.
(30:32):
If you haven , you will be ableto put things together that can
help enhance your life, get themost out of your life and live
a more simple life.
Life, and I hope that todayspoke to you.
(31:02):
I would love to hear yourthoughts and I would love to
answer your questions.
So if you've got anything thatyou really want to have answered
or you just want to share yourthoughts with me, you can reach
me at e com s p.
com.
com slash podcast and you canemail me beyondorganised.
com well podcast atbeyondorganizedcom, and I will
(31:24):
respond to your messagespersonally.
And, yeah, I would love to haveyour questions on the show and
I'd love to be able to workthrough them, because that's why
I'm here.
I'm here for you.
I'm as much as I love talkingabout myself not really I am
here for you, and whatever it isthat you need from me as your
(31:47):
coach, I'm ready.
Let's do it.
So in the next episode, we'regoing to dive a little bit
further into the mindset side ofthings and hopefully I am less
tired when I can run throughthat with you.
So please reach out if you needanything and I will talk to you
(32:10):
next time.
If you loved this episode,don't forget to hit subscribe so
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on Instagram a shes.
organised.
organised, or, for some freeresources, head over to
beyondorganizedcom.
Slash toolkit.
organising, organizing is atool to live the purposeful life
(32:30):
beyond it.
See you next time.
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