Episode Transcript
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Mel (00:18):
Welcome to Beyond Organised
, the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised and, more importantly,a wife and mom of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organizing, the things thatreally matter, like the
parenting relationships and somuch more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
This episode is going to be alittle bit different this week,
(01:03):
because this isn't something I'mnecessarily having to walk
through personally a lot of thetime, but many of you are, and
it's something that does keepcoming up a lot, and it's really
what to do, where to getstarted, how to get started when
you've got no support started,how to get started when you've
(01:29):
got no support.
So I know for many of you, youwant to get on top of your life,
you want to have balance andpeace, but you're a single mom
or you've got a husband or apartner, but they work away a
lot.
They'll do shift work a lot.
You're not going to be able torely on them to do a lot of the
things around the house and withthe kids, and all of that just
(01:50):
because of their work demands.
There's a lot of differentscenarios where you feel like
you don't have support.
There's a lot of situationswhere you don't actually have
the support and you are on yourown.
So I wanted to talk through afew of the things that I have
been working on with a fewpeople in this situation,
(02:14):
because, apart from the physical, practical things which I will
run through today, there is ahuge load of mental stuff to
deal with.
When it comes to that, youcould be going through divorce
and custody battles and justscarcity when it comes to
(02:34):
finances and provisions.
So there's so, so, so much thatcan be unpacked with this that
I'm not going to be able tocover a lot of the emotional,
mental side of it on thisepisode, but I will give some
practical tips that can at leasttry and alleviate some of that
(02:55):
pain, really actually help youregain a little bit more control
in your day-to-day.
So there's three main thingsthat I recommend that I've seen
work and also from a lot of thedifferent people that I follow
in this space that are in thissituation.
This is something that hasworked for them.
(03:16):
But the first point is ruthlesssimplification.
We need to go all in when itcomes to simplifying your life
in a manner of delete.
So I talk about the 4D filter alot, and delete is one of those
Ds that is at the top of thelist and really is sort of the
(03:39):
key thing to simplifying.
So when it comes to thesimplifying, we need to approach
it differently.
I think for a lot of us thatare in a relationship and have
got some help, we can split someof that a bit easier, even if
it's not 50-50.
We know that if one of us fallsshort, the other one can pick
us up that kind of thing.
(04:01):
But I think for a lot of you whoare doing this on your own, but
I think for a lot of you whoare doing this on your own,
you're expecting the same levelof output that two people would
do instead of one.
That's really tough, that'sreally hard on yourself.
Now, I get it.
There's some things.
You have to be two people, youhave to be mom and dad and you
have to do more.
I get that Just because there'sone of you doesn't mean all the
(04:24):
things that need to get done.
Stop, I do get that, but weneed to cut back.
So that could be in simplifyingthe way you structure your meals
.
So if you're someone that cooksevery night, maybe that needs
to change.
Maybe it's not even doing a bigcook-up or anything like that,
because even for me right now, Idon't even do big cook-ups.
(04:47):
What I do, which has helpedquite a number of you out there
who are on your own, is that Icook one meal double batch,
maybe even triple batch and thenso I'll just say I do that on
the Monday night and on theTuesday night I'll cook a
different meal, but thenWednesday night we'll have the
(05:08):
leftovers from Monday, andThursday night we'll have the
leftovers from Tuesday, and thenFriday night it's going to be
frozen pizzas or something.
So then obviously you got theweekend and you can do the same
thing again with that, but Ionly really cook three nights a
week, yet six out of the sevenare home-cooked meals, and then
(05:30):
the other one is usually frozenpizza.
My kids love frozen pizza andthere's never any arguments or
anything like that.
So they have that and I'll justhave whatever's left over a can
of soup or something like that.
So even mealtime could besimplified of soup or something
like that.
So even mealtime could besimplified.
I've mentioned in previousepisodes as well, with routines
and rhythms and popping thatload of washing on in the
(05:51):
morning, maybe before you go outthe door to drop kids off to
school and go to work, and allof that.
If you've got a delay timer onyour washing machine, you could
set it so then it washes justbefore you get home and then you
can either put it in the dryeror you hang it out on a clothes
airer wherever you are.
You could set up routines thatway, even cleaning.
(06:12):
Look, if your kids are a littlebit older, get them to help
where you can.
But I get that some of you arelike in baby toddler season and
they just add to the stress.
They don't do a lot of helpingeven if they're trying.
Like my three-year-old daughter, she loves to help and she
loves to try, but it always endsup being more work for me than
(06:34):
not.
Loves to try, but it alwaysends up being more work for me
than not.
So it can be hard, but it's goodto go through, maybe write a
list of all the things that youneed to do, that is expected of
you in your home and what youcan do out of those things.
To simplify, okay.
So number two I create threepriorities in a day.
I know that there's a lot ofpeople that say just have one
(06:55):
priority, and there's certainsituations where I'll say, just
pick one thing.
But overall I pick three thingsfor the day, but it's not three
things to do with the home orsomething like that.
I pick one priority when itcomes to my home or the
household, so it could be thefamily or the household, so it
(07:18):
could be the family.
One when it comes to my workand one when it comes to me,
personal care, kind of things.
So you don't need to be doing amillion things in a day.
Just if you do end up having alaundry day, maybe it's just you
and one child or something likethat.
You don't need to be doingloads of washing every single
day.
Maybe you just do it on aSaturday morning or something
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like that.
That's fine.
But picking a particularpriority for the day out of the
home, work and personal, you canpick any three categories you
like.
That's just what I use and Ifind it covers everything that I
need, but picking one priorityout of that and getting that
done.
So then if all the other thingsdon't get done, you're not
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overwhelmed to the point whereyou're feeling like nothing is
getting done.
You said today is laundry day,got the laundry, got the washing
done.
I didn't get around to cleaningthe toy room or anything like
that, and that's fine, becausethat wasn't the priority.
Now I know that at a certainpoint, if you keep getting
(08:23):
further and further behind, thatdoesn't help.
So there are still tasks thatneed to get done in the day.
I'm not saying just do onething in a day, but have
priorities that that's the thingthat's going to make the
biggest impact, that reallyneeds to get done.
And then once that's done, youcan still get all these other
tasks done.
But if not all of it got done,you're not feeling so
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overwhelmed that you're gettingfurther and further behind
because you've at least done thething that you know you needed
to get done today to be able tokeep moving forward.
So number two was picking thethree priorities from those
(09:06):
three different categories.
Now the third one, and I think,if anything, this is probably
the most important one, andyou're going to go.
Mel, I hear what you're sayingand I think this is a great idea
, but there's no possible way.
I am telling you, though thisis not optional.
This is absolutely essential,as someone that has seen this
(09:31):
time and time again, not just inmy work, but friends, family.
Unfortunately, there's a lot ofpeople near and dear to me that
are single moms, and this isessential, but not just for the
single moms.
This is really essential foreveryone.
It is prioritizing self-caremoments.
(09:51):
Self-care moments, now, itdoesn't have to be an hour out
of every day kind of thing, butwhen I have more of that
one-on-one time with people, Itry and break up the self-care
sort of into three categories adaily one, a weekly one and a
(10:12):
monthly one.
Probably thinking, whoa Mel,just one thing alone is just
impossible.
Now you want me to do it daily,weekly and monthly.
Yes, so now, daily five minutes.
There's a lot you can do infive minutes.
It could just be writing in ajournal for the day.
(10:35):
Sometimes that takes a bit morethan five minutes, depending on
how much you need to write, butit could be writing in a
journal.
It could just be sitting downdrinking a hot coffee in silence
, giving your nervous system achance to have a break and not
(10:56):
be so on edge.
It could be that you just whipout your coloring book and you
just color for five minutes.
Maybe you just sit in prayerfor five minutes.
Whatever it is, there's a lotof ideas and I'll come back to
some of those ideas and how youcan work that out.
(11:17):
Now, weekly you might picksomething that's a bit bigger.
Maybe it's catching up with afriend for an hour, playdates
and things like that, if you'vegot the time and you've got the
money, and that maybe you go fora massage or get your nails
done, or whatever it is that'simportant to you.
It doesn't have to be the samething every week.
Just know that maybe you don'twork on a Friday and the kids
(11:43):
are at school and you've got anhour to do something.
Whatever it is.
Now, for probably a lot of you,you probably are working
full-time and you don't have anytime to yourself outside of the
kids.
That's okay.
There are things that you canstill do, even with the kids
around, so maybe once they're inbed at night on a Friday night,
you can do like a Zoom catch-upwith some of your girlfriends
(12:04):
and have a chat like a wine andcake over Zoom or something,
because none of you canphysically leave the house,
because you can't afford ababysitter or anything like that
.
There are plenty of ideas thatI'm more than happy to share
with you.
If you really are stuck withthat and look monthly, this is
one that needs to be somethingthat actually gets you excited,
(12:28):
something to look forward to forthe month, keeps you motivated,
keeps you going when some daysare pretty tough, and that could
be organizing a babysitter oncea month to help with the kids
for a few hours while you go outand do something, or it could
just even be that you know thatthere's a particular day coming
up where you can have a nap,anything.
(12:48):
So I have got inside the she'sOrganized Hub, which I've
mentioned before.
I have got a list of thingsthat are both paid and free,
from five minutes to 60 minutes.
I've got a whole list of ideasand stuff in there.
But even if you're not insidethe hub and you really want some
help, reach out.
(13:08):
I'm more than happy to give yousome ideas to help you.
So they're the three mainthings to get you started.
So simplifying by decluttering,deleting, just removing some of
the weight off, so maybe notcooking every night and not
having to clean everything everyday, or whatever it is.
(13:28):
Simplify Then.
Have your three priorities fromthose three categories and then
have those self-care moments.
Those things are needed to getyou started and I would be
making them the priority becausethat is stuff that removes
things off your plate, helps youfocus a bit more and also
(13:51):
refills your cup so you can keepgiving, because you're no good
to anyone, especially those thatare dependent on you.
If you literally have nothingto give and I know so many of
you have nothing left to givethat's what you feel and I want
to change that you are.
(14:13):
The whole reason why I am doingwhat I'm doing is because I want
all of you every single one ofyou listening to feel like you
have the power and the controlto actually get the most out of
your life and not feel like yourlife is controlling you.
So if you're wanting moreinformation on the she's
(14:37):
Organized Hub, you can go to thedescription or beyondorganised.
com/ toolkit the link's in therefor the hub Got a lot of stuff
happening in there and I wouldlove to have you join us.
But if you're someone that isreally feeling unsupported you
(14:58):
know, mel, this really hit me.
I hear what you're saying but Istill just can't see how this
is possible, how this is goingto actually work then I
encourage you to find an hour tobook in a time with me where we
will go through together andcreate a plan, get you started
(15:23):
on this.
All you got to do is just fillout a form and it's completely
free and we can start creating aplan to move you forward and
get unstuck and actually get thesupport you need.
So, as much as having communityin that is fantastic, sometimes
you just need someone that hearsyou and sees you and knows
(15:46):
exactly what you're goingthrough you and sees you and
knows exactly what you're goingthrough.
So if that's you, head to thedescription.
There'll be a link there and Ireally just want to serve you.
I want to help you, I want toget you moving forward.
But if you have any otherquestions or things you'd like
answered on the podcast, justhead to the description and all
the details are there and Ireally hope and pray that you
(16:09):
all have a very lovely andblessed week.
See you next time.
If you loved this episode,don't forget to hit subscribe so
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on Instagram @shes.
organised, or, for some freeresources, head over to
beyondorganised.
com/ toolkit.
Remember, organising is a toolto live the purposeful life
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beyond it.
See you next time.