November 23, 2025 • 30 mins
Some conversations feel like a deep exhale. This one with psychologist and mindfulness instructor Monika Varela goes straight to the heart of calm: how to hold yourself when life is loud, messy, or frightening, and how small, reliable practices can restore choice when everything else feels out of your hands.
Monika shares her journey from corporate schedules and burnout to one-to-one therapeutic work and hospital-based mindfulness for oncology patients and carers. We unpack what “holding space” actually means—preparing yourself before sessions, meeting people without judgement, using body-based awareness and breath to let hard feelings exist long enough to soften. She explains why trust is built, not rushed, and how a safe container allows clients to say the things they have never voiced. Along the way we talk candidly about stigma, the myth that help is only for crisis, and the courage required to ask for support.
Cancer is a recurring thread, approached with compassion. We explore acceptance as a physical release, the power of naming the reality, and the harm of shame-heavy wellness messages that imply illness is a personal failure. For patients who cannot control much, even choosing to colour or watch the sun move across a window can restore dignity. Monika’s mantra is simple and hard-won: focus on what you can control today: breath, attention, boundaries, tiny rituals that hold under stress. One grounding breath won’t fix a diagnosis or a tantrum, but daily practice builds the capacity to choose your response when it matters.
We also connect mindfulness with organisation, showing how light structure reduces reactivity so you can respond with intention. Expect practical tools: micro-pauses, body scans, compassionate self-talk, and respectful ways to support loved ones who cope differently. If you’re ready to trade overwhelm for steadier habits and kinder inner dialogue, this conversation will meet you where you are.
Find Monika on Instagram @yourjoyfulbeing
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:37):
Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organising, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in.
(01:00):
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
I have the lovely Monika herewith me today.
So I'm gonna give you a bit ofan introduction to who this
lovely lady is.
So Monika Varela is aBarcelona-based psychologist,
mindfulness instructor, andEnglish public speaking trainer.
(01:21):
She first encounteredmeditation at eight and began a
formal practice in 2005,sustaining a Zen path ever
since.
Sounds lovely.
Monica helps people who arestretched in find their pace
again.
Calmer days, kinder self-talk,and steady habits that fit real
life.
Her style is warm, practical,and evidence-informed.
(01:44):
Think breathwork, mindfulroutines, and clear boundaries
you can keep.
I do like the sound of that.
Known for making mindfulnessnatural and accessible to any
level, she has also collaboratedfor eight years with a public
hospital in Barcelona,facilitating mindfulness for
oncology patients and theircarers.
(02:06):
That is quite an introduction.
Thank you so much for comingon, Monika.
Lovely to have you.
It's lovely to be here.
Thank you for having me.
You are so welcome.
I just, I love that you go intothese very stressful
situations, especially inhospitals and that too.
And your whole purpose is tojust bring that calm and that
(02:29):
peace and just something that isso probably desperately needed
in this environment.
So I would love to hear whatinspired you to get into this
field of work.
Monika (02:42):
It's a very interesting question.
I always knew that I wanted towork with people.
And ever since when I was 12, Iworked in a kindergarten, you
know, and I really enjoyed beingwith the adults, with the
teachers, helping out in thekindergarten summer camps,
because back then, like 30 yearsago, this was allowed, you
know, kids like a 12-year-oldwere able to go to a
(03:04):
kindergarten.
But I remember feeling so muchpeace and serving and being part
of a community of the teachersthat I just knew I wanted to
work with people and I lovedwatching the kids grow.
I loved connecting with thekids, watching them learn.
I mean, and when I turned hit18, I wanted to work in service
(03:24):
for people, but I was reallylost.
And I took a gap year learningGerman.
And then in that gap year, Idecided that I would study
psychology because I felt thatwith psychology, you understand
the human mind, the emotions.
And I would have the option ofworking as a therapist, which I
currently do now.
But also back then I was like,maybe I can also work in HR.
(03:46):
And that's that means helpingand collaborating with people.
So that's why I chose thatcareer path.
And then I worked kind of inHR, managing an an English
academy.
But then about 10 years ago, Iswitched to working one-to-one
with coaching clients.
And now that I've started as atherapist as well, too.
Mel (04:05):
Wow.
So what what made you decide toswitch?
Because you were clearlyheading one direction.
What made you sort of want tohead a different direction?
If that's not too complicated aquestion.
Monika (04:18):
It's no, I think, well, when I was in the corporate
world managing English courses,academies, contracts, different
companies, putting peopleschedules together, uh,
international people,everything.
It was quite I loved theconnections and the interactions
I had with the people,motivating them, being a team
leader.
But I really needed to slowdown and I was missing the
(04:39):
one-to-one conversations that Iused to have.
Yes, after experiencing burnoutback in 2016, I think, I
decided to make a shift and gointo coaching and now therapy or
mindfulness-based therapy,however you want to call it.
I think of myself as someonewho offers emotional support to
(05:01):
people.
Yeah.
Yes.
And in the you haven't asked methis, but I do see myself later
on working with people andtheir grief processes.
And that's why I go to thehospital to offer mindfulness
sessions to oncology patientsand their family members.
It's something that reallygrounds me.
(05:22):
And people are so grateful toyou when you're there with them.
It's it's beautiful, despitethem having difficult moments.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mel (05:33):
That's a precious gift that you're giving someone that is
really fulfilling, I'm sure.
And I can totally relate toyour story as well with leaving
the corporate world.
I am still in the corporateworld.
So I still have a nine to fivejob whilst I am balancing this
(05:54):
whole growing business and a lotmore clients and everything
like that.
So my hands are very full, andI'm hoping to step back a little
bit in the new year, which isexciting.
But I get it.
I get it.
I've been leading teams, I'vebeen doing so much.
I've worked in insurance for solong and then banking, and I
have done a great job.
(06:14):
And I love what I do there.
But it's just, I have found mycalling with this business and
doing this and this just everyperson I help just makes me feel
like I'm achieving more andmore of my purpose.
And I'm sure that is the samething for you too, that you just
(06:34):
can't quite put a price onliving out almost like your
calling or what you feel calledto you.
Um, because you're the kind ofperson that I feel looking at
you through social media and allof that, you're the kind of
person I feel is quite a highachiever, and you could do great
(06:55):
at anything that you put yourmind to.
But this is what is satisfying,and it's really exciting to
hear your journey and see that.
So you've given a little bit ofa breakdown on who you help,
but how do you help thesepeople?
Monika (07:11):
Well, first of all, I I give them space to just feel
their emotions.
When they come to me, whetherit's online or in person, I feel
I've always done a bit ofmeditation beforehand.
So I'm I've like cleared myselfout of my own issues because
I'm like I'm a mom, I have I'm amom of two, I'm married, my
(07:32):
kids go to school.
We have like so many thingsgoing on in life, you know.
But I I make sure to freemyself from what's going on
inside me or to hold space.
I just be free myself doesn'tmean to ignore them, but to hold
space for myself, then I'maware that someone else is in
front of me and I give space tothem, my full presence.
And when you give your fullpresence to someone, you just
(07:53):
see the other person as if theytake up more space and expand.
And we give uh permission forthose emotions that can't
flourish during the day, duringtheir busy lives, you know, to
just express themselves in asession.
We talk about them.
Sometimes the mind isintervening, you know, so we
(08:13):
just really do body work inwhich we we feel the body where
the emotion is in the body, andwe we let it just sit there and
we breathe it out together aswell.
Sometimes with mirroringexercises, or maybe I'll even
put my hand, place my hand ontop of the person and just let
them feel the emotion in theirbody.
And through breathingpractices, we just let go of
(08:35):
that.
That's kind of the emotionalbreathing part, but then there's
also the talking part of givinga different perspective.
My um the space with me is nojudgment, and I'm incredibly
open-minded.
So I offer deep, deep andprofound acceptance to whatever
clients will tell me.
And maybe this doesn't happenin the very first session.
(08:57):
You know, it's true that we weneed some space and more
sessions.
Yeah, to build the trust andthe the container, you know.
But um, but people, well, theysay they they feel very
confident in working with me orin a safe space, you know.
That's the feedback I alwaysgive.
And they say, Oh, I feel I cantell you anything.
(09:18):
I I can't believe I'm sayingthis out loud.
And I I feel that's great, thatwe don't have that many spaces
in our society, you know, tojust go and talk to someone.
Mel (09:28):
Yeah, or the right people.
Like there's plenty of coaches,there's plenty of psychologists
and therapists and all that outthere.
But when you find one that youknow is genuine, that you know
that they actually care aboutyou, they're not just saying all
the words.
You feel it, you know that theycare.
It's priceless.
(09:49):
Yeah.
Like you can't actually put anamount to that kind of
experience and that feeling.
And I've even gone through afew psychologists over the
years, um, through abuse andstuff that I've walked through
and all of that.
And I could always tell prettyquick, pretty early on,
(10:10):
generally the first session ortwo, this person's not right for
me.
And then I found one lady thatI saw for years because that's
she just got it and connected.
And I'm sure it's the same withwith the people that you're
helping, whether it's in theoncology department or whether
you're coaching online or orwhoever it is you're serving,
(10:31):
they're gonna sense and knowthat you genuinely care.
So, and that's definitely thefeeling that I get from you
without you even having to sayit.
So I think it's great.
So, in your professionalopinion, what do you think is
the main thing that holds peopleback from perhaps seeking this
(10:57):
help or or getting guidancearound the mindfulness and the
calm and all the things that youteach and help with?
Monika (11:06):
Yes, I feel people think that they can do everything on
their own.
And they grow up, at least Igrew up in a society where
people thought that going totherapy, getting a coach, or
doing a self-developmentprogram, that you had to be
depressed or incredibly sad.
And they really had issues.
They associated to trauma inyour life, like a big trauma,
(11:29):
you know.
And then maybe it's better ifno one knows that you're going
through hard times when inreality um we grew up.
Everyone goes through them.
Yesterday or this week I wasseeing um a reel, you know, but
by this, by a woman whose bookI'm reading, like she's a
neuroscientist.
She was saying that 70% ofpeople will go through trauma,
(11:51):
traumatic experiences in theirlives, and only about 5% of them
will go and ask for help.
So there's a huge gap, youknow, and people have resistance
to it.
We still think that thatlooking for help or asking for
help is is a sign of weaknessinstead of a sign of strength,
you know.
Mel (12:10):
Yeah.
Monika (12:10):
Because I am for sure a better person thanks to all the
help I received.
I started going to therapy whenI was 15.
Same.
Mel (12:18):
And it really helped me.
Yes, you too.
I completely concur.
I I I would not be sitting heretalking to you even now,
running this podcast, havingthis life, having four kids.
I mean, the sexual abuse andstuff that I walked through, I
never even wanted to have afamily.
Like, yeah, and and to gothrough probably the most
(12:39):
uncomfortable experience of mylife, but the most freeing and
healing.
I mean, I wouldn't have thelife I I love.
I wouldn't have the children Ilove.
I wouldn't have I probablywouldn't even have the husband I
love because I wouldn't haveallowed someone to love me.
You know, it's just my life, Iknow would be drastically
(13:01):
different if I hadn't got thehelp.
And it was, as I said, the mostuncomfortable and painful
experience at the time.
But it was that that pain Iknew I needed to walk through to
get to the other side.
And I knew I could get to theother side.
Yeah.
I just have to get there.
And and I'm sure from whatyou're seeing from your side of
(13:23):
it, you are seeing all the hurtand the pain and the roadblocks
and all the the trauma, all theI mean, even the people going
through the cancer, that's ahuge thing.
And so many people are goingthrough it these days that it's
almost like I feel society ismaking it seem like having
(13:45):
cancer is now just a normalthing.
And it's a it's very traumaticand it's very full-on.
And people should feel safe tobe able to talk to someone about
it, and what you're going likewhat you're providing is
invaluable, really.
Monika (14:03):
You know, yes, it is true that yeah, people are
seeing it as a normal thing, andI'm not sure that that's bad in
the sense that we need to atleast be able to talk about
cancer.
I had a client who didn't evenwant to say the word.
She would say, No, no, no, Idon't want to say the word, you
know?
And and we work through that.
If a person doesn't want to saythe word or they don't want to
(14:25):
talk about it, okay, maybe youdon't have to.
I mean, I won't make them.
But sometimes just talk callingthings by the way they're
they're called, instead ofsaying the C word, just saying,
Yes, I have a cancer, it justgives it space.
And you can now, thanks toscience, a lot of people can
co-live with their cancer, youknow, and it's okay.
But of course, it's it's apity, but it is kind of more
(14:48):
usual, maybe not normal, butusual that we're seeing more
people with it.
Mel (14:51):
I think that's also where it would be valuable in what you
provide.
Yeah, that it doesn't matter ifyou're someone that can't even
say the word, or you're fullyaccepting of the situation and
you just want to process andmove through.
Yeah.
Like having someone to processit with that can help with this,
(15:13):
you would be a great person tohelp with the processing, no
matter what side of the spectrumyou're on when it comes to
dealing with it.
Monika (15:25):
Yes, because everything starts with acceptance first,
and that that's hard, you know,to to accept the diagnosis.
It's it's it's really it'sdifficult for the people, for
the person I work, for thepeople I work with, for the
families as well.
Mel (15:40):
Yeah.
Monika (15:40):
And once you accept it, there's I see that there's like
a release in the body.
If it's a tumor, for example,it's it's a part of you too.
You are also that tumor.
And when you start seeing it asthe enemy, I think that there
is a bit of release.
And the tumor sometimes, ifwe're talking talking about a
tumor, it comes to give you amessage.
And we can even in therapy, wecan also talk to it and listen
(16:03):
to it and just get ideas of whatmessage we're getting from this
visitor that is also a part ofus.
And I just like to saysomething, I don't uh that
sometimes people feel guilty forhaving cancer, or they start
thinking, oh, why did thishappen to me?
You know, I didn't deserve it.
I was so healthy.
And it's true, you know, butthe way I see it is that your
(16:24):
suffering is my suffering too,you know.
So whatever is happening toyou, it's also happening to me.
So even though it hurts thatyou have cancer, you know, it's
also my cancer.
And this in a way brings metogether with the client, but
also with society in general.
And it's the only way I canunderstand why cancer is
becoming so normal or whychildren or or babies, you know,
(16:46):
are sometimes born with cancer.
They haven't done anything.
Nobody deserves it.
Mel (16:50):
No, nobody deserves it.
It's not anything that, well,from my beliefs, I don't believe
it's anything that you havedone necessarily.
It's caused it.
Now, sometimes you smoke a lotand you might get lung cancer.
Sometimes there are some formof consequences to things, but
even then you can't necessarilysay that's the direct thing.
(17:14):
It's sometimes things justhappen.
And for most people, there isno common link that they can
find.
It's just what genetics orwhatever.
And it it can be quite anobstacle for a lot of people
when um they feel like they'vedone something that's caused
this, they've done something todeserve this, that they've
(17:36):
failed in some way.
And it's I've been seeing it alot with my own father at the
moment going through cancer andall the processes, and I think
he's still in a bit of thedenial phase.
It's been a few months, butit's and and you know, it's
quite a process, and he's doingreally well.
He he is doing really well, hadsurgery a couple weeks ago, and
(17:57):
he was told he'll probably bein for about four weeks.
They released him a week laterbecause he was doing so well.
So, you know, but he alsorefuses to believe he's got it
or whatever.
It's just like, no, I'm good,I'm healthy, I'm just gonna
fight this, just move on.
Monika (18:15):
So and what what where is his cancer?
It was the appendix.
Appendix.
Mel (18:22):
It's very rare.
And it's removed andeverything, but um, yeah, it
left a massive mass the size ofa like a rock melon inside of
his stomach.
And uh yeah, he had that allremoved a few months ago, and
then he just had the full cancersurgery, cleaning everything
out, removing more that theyfound, and all of that recently.
(18:44):
So they had to cut him all theway down the abdomen, like very
big.
But he's just a fighter, and herefuses to accept that he's
even got it really.
It's just like, okay, just dowhat we've got to do, treat it.
Yep, let's get back on.
Cause I want to get back on my10k runs and push-ups and stuff.
(19:05):
I mean, he's he's not a youngman, but he's certainly more fit
than I am.
So look, everyone goes into itwith a different mindset though,
hey?
Monika (19:16):
Um yes, and no, and here we like if I can offer just any
piece of advice, it's aboutrespecting his whatever he
decides, you know.
You can offer the space, youcan be there for him.
Yeah.
Um you always feel, well, not Ican't say always, but people
feel like it's never enough.
And maybe you can never doenough, you know, but but just
accepting and be and holdingspace for whatever it is that
(19:38):
he's needing.
And I'm just saying, asking,well, asking you this because my
mother-in-law was recentlydiagnosed with cancer as well.
And and it's it's the journeyis just starting with us.
She's been operated as well,and she has the whole cut all
the way to the stomach.
And and she's also in a bit ofdenial phase, you know.
But we have to just be therefor her and and see how it goes
(19:59):
without if she I know that if inthe moments when she starts
complaining, we just have tolisten to her and then offer her
like glimpses of our own umviews of life, you know.
Yeah, hope.
Offer hope.
Yeah, no, hope, hope, or justdifferent ways of doing it.
Oh, maybe I would do it likethis, you know?
So there are different ways inwhich you can communicate with
(20:20):
the people.
Mel (20:21):
Yeah, maybe we'll try that.
And yeah, and I think even withmy dad, it's like, okay, yep,
it's happening.
Let's deal with it, let's moveon.
And I know not everyone getsthat opportunity to even move
on, but it's yeah, you just takeit one day at a time and do
what you can.
Monika (20:38):
It's really nice.
It's really nice right now thatyou're saying that you're
acknowledging the fact that noteveryone gets that opportunity.
I um I really appreciate itbecause recently two weeks ago,
I was in a breath work exercise,um, not conference, like a
course or show.
I don't know what you want tocall it.
It was there were 600 people ina in a mall, and we had all
paid to see these breathworkteachers.
(21:00):
And I went because well, a momfriend invited me and I thought
it'd be really nice.
And they had these really coolheadphones, and they had they
guided the meditations withmusic, headphones, the audio.
It was impressive.
It was really beautiful.
And 600 people were in a in awere in an auditorium and it was
really cool.
Wearing headphones.
Yes, like this.
(21:20):
Oh however, however, I I leftlive leaving with mixed
feelings, and I don't want tocriticize the work of these
experts, you know, in breathwork as well.
But they their argument all thetime was was about how if you
don't do the breath work, you'regonna get sick, you're gonna
get cancer.
So I didn't like this, youknow.
And that's not the right kindof language in my mind.
(21:43):
This is what I heard.
Okay, I would have to watch thereplay, you know, as well.
But they what what was I whatwhat what I was missing was the
holding space or acknowledgingthat some people don't have a
second chance.
Yeah, you know, oracknowledging the the kids who
come to this world with alreadywith already having cancer, you
know?
Yeah.
(22:04):
Yes.
So some people just and it'snot because they didn't do the
breath work, but yeah, but andnow in this in social media,
there's also this discourse ofif you don't do the self-care,
this is gonna happen to you.
And I don't want anyone to feelthat anything's gonna happen to
you.
Mel (22:19):
It's such a negative perspective.
It doesn't bring life, itdoesn't speak life into people
either.
And I think, again, noteveryone is going to survive
cancer.
Not everyone is going tosurvive whatever the traumatic
situation is they've gonethrough or whatever.
But if you're still here,there's hope.
(22:39):
And we want to focus on todayand what we can do today and be
moving forward and workingtowards a future and having hope
for a future, but alsoacknowledging that today is
precious.
Let's just appreciate today.
And that's my thoughts andthat's my opinions.
And I'm not saying I'm not anexpert at all in this, like this
(23:02):
is your domain more thananything.
But I just feel like if we canmaintain a positive outlook and
what we can do, what we cancontrol, because so much would
be out of your control, so muchof it's out of your control.
But what can I control?
And a big part of it is ourmind, and that's what you're
doing.
I think like I've said about 10times already, what you're
(23:28):
doing is invaluable, it'spriceless.
Because if someone can regain alevel of control to a situation
they didn't ask for, then evenif it's just their mindset and
their perspective, that isalready worth just so much more
(23:49):
because all of a sudden you'reliving again.
You're not just surviving.
Monika (23:55):
Yes, I really like it.
Like I like how you frame it,yes.
And you've said it really wellabout just giving people, yes,
control to choose what they cancontrol as well, or to act over
what they can control, you know.
Um, for example, in thehospital, sometimes people can't
move.
And we take them maybe amandala for them to color
(24:17):
because that if they have theenergy, you know, like it
depends how sick they are.
They they can look, they cancolor, you know, or if you just
sit them, well, or put them on abed where they can see the
nature, they can't control,like, oh look, I'm looking at
the sun, how it's moving throughthe day, or what they're taking
in.
And these are small things.
(24:37):
Yeah.
That gives them hope andconnects them to the moment.
Mel (24:40):
And it's so, I think, probably even undervalued for
someone that's not in theirshoes, that doesn't necessarily
understand how even, yeah, justbeing able to look out the
window and just I'm choosing tofocus on this thing and that
thing, and they're that might beall the control they've got,
but that's still better thannothing, right?
(25:01):
It's better than not waking up.
Look, it's probably a veryheavy conversation, what we've
been having.
And I had no idea whichdirection it would go, but I can
appreciate that there will bepeople listening to this who are
walking through it one way oranother, whether they've got
cancer themselves, whetherthey've got family members with
(25:22):
cancer.
And I know that's not even yourmain thing.
Like you don't just work in theoncology department, no help
with mindfulness and that as awhole.
So I don't want people to thinkthat this episode is not
relevant to them if they're notwalking through it personally
(25:43):
either.
Um, because what you do is somuch more.
And given your profession as awhole, what is one thing that
you wish more women knew?
Monika (25:56):
The meaning they give to experience is what defines
their experience.
So they are in control of howthey react.
Yeah.
And the now I feel like I'mtelling the women off sometimes
because I know that sometimesyou're not in control.
You're a little kid, he's gonnastart putting a tantrum and
you're just gonna end upshouting.
(26:16):
So I don't know.
But if you're able, when yousee that tantrum from your kids,
you know, and you're able totake a deep breath and just not
overreact over something smallthat a tiny human being is
doing, you know, and just thatone deep breath.
So that if women knew that withone breath, they can regain
control of the situation.
That's what I would want themto know.
(26:37):
That they can regain control ofany situation when with one
deep grounding breath.
Wow.
And I just like to say thatit's not like that one deep
grounding breath.
It's like the fact that youpractice mindfulness throughout
your day in different moments ofthe day, that then you have the
capacity.
You prepare, you're prepare forthat moment.
It's not like, oh yes, now whenI get angry, I'm gonna get, I'm
(26:58):
gonna, I'm just gonna breathe.
No, it all knows at thatmoment.
Yes.
But if we if we if we dopractice self-care with
mindfulness, we will have thetools to react, to act in a
grounded way in those difficultmoments.
And that's what I want to helpwomen with.
And we we need a sel a safespace just so where we can talk
(27:22):
about everything that's goingon, put it in little
compartments, and just have moreorder in our mind and our
emotions and our body.
Mel (27:31):
I love that.
That actually ties in very muchwith what I do as well, in like
getting organized, in helpingwith the different areas of your
life, whether it's your time,your home, your business,
whatever it is, helping getorganized.
So then when life throws thosethings at you that are out of
(27:52):
your control, like the tantrumsfrom a toddler, that everything
else in your life that you couldcontrol is in order to a
degree.
There's a balance.
So then when life throws thingsat you that inevitably are
gonna happen, generally on adaily basis, something will
happen, then you can approach itin a way where you're not
(28:15):
reacting to the situation.
Exactly.
You're being prospond in howyou respond.
And so it's very much alignedwith what you're saying from
your perspective on things.
And I think I love it.
I love it.
I agree because I do the samesort of thing I do.
So I think it's great.
So we could probably talkforever, and we have talked for
(28:39):
a bit, and I loved theconversation.
So thank you so much.
But for everyone who'slistening that goes, I need to
connect with this woman, wherecan they find you?
Monika (28:51):
Thank you so much.
At the moment, in English, youcan find me under the Instagram
um profile name called YourJoyful Being.
Your Joyful Being.
I used to post mainly aboutmotherhood, but now I'm posting
about general wellness tips thateveryone, whether you're a mom,
a businessman, or an oncologypatient, you know, will benefit
(29:13):
from.
And you can contact me there.
There's a link to my to mywebsite where we can you can
book a session with me.
Mel (29:20):
Lovely.
Well, I'll make sure all theinformation is in the
description there to make itnice and easy for everyone
listening.
But thank you so much fortaking time out of your day to
share with everyone today.
I really, really enjoyed it.
Monika (29:36):
Thank you, Mel.
I really enjoyed ourconversation too.
Thank you.
If you like this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised.com/ toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life of beyond it. See you next time.
Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organising, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in.
(01:00):
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
I have the lovely Monika herewith me today.
So I'm gonna give you a bit ofan introduction to who this
lovely lady is.
So Monika Varela is aBarcelona-based psychologist,
mindfulness instructor, andEnglish public speaking trainer.
(01:21):
She first encounteredmeditation at eight and began a
formal practice in 2005,sustaining a Zen path ever
since.
Sounds lovely.
Monica helps people who arestretched in find their pace
again.
Calmer days, kinder self-talk,and steady habits that fit real
life.
Her style is warm, practical,and evidence-informed.
(01:44):
Think breathwork, mindfulroutines, and clear boundaries
you can keep.
I do like the sound of that.
Known for making mindfulnessnatural and accessible to any
level, she has also collaboratedfor eight years with a public
hospital in Barcelona,facilitating mindfulness for
oncology patients and theircarers.
(02:06):
That is quite an introduction.
Thank you so much for comingon, Monika.
Lovely to have you.
It's lovely to be here.
Thank you for having me.
You are so welcome.
I just, I love that you go intothese very stressful
situations, especially inhospitals and that too.
And your whole purpose is tojust bring that calm and that
(02:29):
peace and just something that isso probably desperately needed
in this environment.
So I would love to hear whatinspired you to get into this
field of work.
Monika (02:42):
It's a very interesting question.
I always knew that I wanted towork with people.
And ever since when I was 12, Iworked in a kindergarten, you
know, and I really enjoyed beingwith the adults, with the
teachers, helping out in thekindergarten summer camps,
because back then, like 30 yearsago, this was allowed, you
know, kids like a 12-year-oldwere able to go to a
(03:04):
kindergarten.
But I remember feeling so muchpeace and serving and being part
of a community of the teachersthat I just knew I wanted to
work with people and I lovedwatching the kids grow.
I loved connecting with thekids, watching them learn.
I mean, and when I turned hit18, I wanted to work in service
(03:24):
for people, but I was reallylost.
And I took a gap year learningGerman.
And then in that gap year, Idecided that I would study
psychology because I felt thatwith psychology, you understand
the human mind, the emotions.
And I would have the option ofworking as a therapist, which I
currently do now.
But also back then I was like,maybe I can also work in HR.
(03:46):
And that's that means helpingand collaborating with people.
So that's why I chose thatcareer path.
And then I worked kind of inHR, managing an an English
academy.
But then about 10 years ago, Iswitched to working one-to-one
with coaching clients.
And now that I've started as atherapist as well, too.
Mel (04:05):
Wow.
So what what made you decide toswitch?
Because you were clearlyheading one direction.
What made you sort of want tohead a different direction?
If that's not too complicated aquestion.
Monika (04:18):
It's no, I think, well, when I was in the corporate
world managing English courses,academies, contracts, different
companies, putting peopleschedules together, uh,
international people,everything.
It was quite I loved theconnections and the interactions
I had with the people,motivating them, being a team
leader.
But I really needed to slowdown and I was missing the
(04:39):
one-to-one conversations that Iused to have.
Yes, after experiencing burnoutback in 2016, I think, I
decided to make a shift and gointo coaching and now therapy or
mindfulness-based therapy,however you want to call it.
I think of myself as someonewho offers emotional support to
(05:01):
people.
Yeah.
Yes.
And in the you haven't asked methis, but I do see myself later
on working with people andtheir grief processes.
And that's why I go to thehospital to offer mindfulness
sessions to oncology patientsand their family members.
It's something that reallygrounds me.
(05:22):
And people are so grateful toyou when you're there with them.
It's it's beautiful, despitethem having difficult moments.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mel (05:33):
That's a precious gift that you're giving someone that is
really fulfilling, I'm sure.
And I can totally relate toyour story as well with leaving
the corporate world.
I am still in the corporateworld.
So I still have a nine to fivejob whilst I am balancing this
(05:54):
whole growing business and a lotmore clients and everything
like that.
So my hands are very full, andI'm hoping to step back a little
bit in the new year, which isexciting.
But I get it.
I get it.
I've been leading teams, I'vebeen doing so much.
I've worked in insurance for solong and then banking, and I
have done a great job.
(06:14):
And I love what I do there.
But it's just, I have found mycalling with this business and
doing this and this just everyperson I help just makes me feel
like I'm achieving more andmore of my purpose.
And I'm sure that is the samething for you too, that you just
(06:34):
can't quite put a price onliving out almost like your
calling or what you feel calledto you.
Um, because you're the kind ofperson that I feel looking at
you through social media and allof that, you're the kind of
person I feel is quite a highachiever, and you could do great
(06:55):
at anything that you put yourmind to.
But this is what is satisfying,and it's really exciting to
hear your journey and see that.
So you've given a little bit ofa breakdown on who you help,
but how do you help thesepeople?
Monika (07:11):
Well, first of all, I I give them space to just feel
their emotions.
When they come to me, whetherit's online or in person, I feel
I've always done a bit ofmeditation beforehand.
So I'm I've like cleared myselfout of my own issues because
I'm like I'm a mom, I have I'm amom of two, I'm married, my
(07:32):
kids go to school.
We have like so many thingsgoing on in life, you know.
But I I make sure to freemyself from what's going on
inside me or to hold space.
I just be free myself doesn'tmean to ignore them, but to hold
space for myself, then I'maware that someone else is in
front of me and I give space tothem, my full presence.
And when you give your fullpresence to someone, you just
(07:53):
see the other person as if theytake up more space and expand.
And we give uh permission forthose emotions that can't
flourish during the day, duringtheir busy lives, you know, to
just express themselves in asession.
We talk about them.
Sometimes the mind isintervening, you know, so we
(08:13):
just really do body work inwhich we we feel the body where
the emotion is in the body, andwe we let it just sit there and
we breathe it out together aswell.
Sometimes with mirroringexercises, or maybe I'll even
put my hand, place my hand ontop of the person and just let
them feel the emotion in theirbody.
And through breathingpractices, we just let go of
(08:35):
that.
That's kind of the emotionalbreathing part, but then there's
also the talking part of givinga different perspective.
My um the space with me is nojudgment, and I'm incredibly
open-minded.
So I offer deep, deep andprofound acceptance to whatever
clients will tell me.
And maybe this doesn't happenin the very first session.
(08:57):
You know, it's true that we weneed some space and more
sessions.
Yeah, to build the trust andthe the container, you know.
But um, but people, well, theysay they they feel very
confident in working with me orin a safe space, you know.
That's the feedback I alwaysgive.
And they say, Oh, I feel I cantell you anything.
(09:18):
I I can't believe I'm sayingthis out loud.
And I I feel that's great, thatwe don't have that many spaces
in our society, you know, tojust go and talk to someone.
Mel (09:28):
Yeah, or the right people.
Like there's plenty of coaches,there's plenty of psychologists
and therapists and all that outthere.
But when you find one that youknow is genuine, that you know
that they actually care aboutyou, they're not just saying all
the words.
You feel it, you know that theycare.
It's priceless.
(09:49):
Yeah.
Like you can't actually put anamount to that kind of
experience and that feeling.
And I've even gone through afew psychologists over the
years, um, through abuse andstuff that I've walked through
and all of that.
And I could always tell prettyquick, pretty early on,
(10:10):
generally the first session ortwo, this person's not right for
me.
And then I found one lady thatI saw for years because that's
she just got it and connected.
And I'm sure it's the same withwith the people that you're
helping, whether it's in theoncology department or whether
you're coaching online or orwhoever it is you're serving,
(10:31):
they're gonna sense and knowthat you genuinely care.
So, and that's definitely thefeeling that I get from you
without you even having to sayit.
So I think it's great.
So, in your professionalopinion, what do you think is
the main thing that holds peopleback from perhaps seeking this
(10:57):
help or or getting guidancearound the mindfulness and the
calm and all the things that youteach and help with?
Monika (11:06):
Yes, I feel people think that they can do everything on
their own.
And they grow up, at least Igrew up in a society where
people thought that going totherapy, getting a coach, or
doing a self-developmentprogram, that you had to be
depressed or incredibly sad.
And they really had issues.
They associated to trauma inyour life, like a big trauma,
(11:29):
you know.
And then maybe it's better ifno one knows that you're going
through hard times when inreality um we grew up.
Everyone goes through them.
Yesterday or this week I wasseeing um a reel, you know, but
by this, by a woman whose bookI'm reading, like she's a
neuroscientist.
She was saying that 70% ofpeople will go through trauma,
(11:51):
traumatic experiences in theirlives, and only about 5% of them
will go and ask for help.
So there's a huge gap, youknow, and people have resistance
to it.
We still think that thatlooking for help or asking for
help is is a sign of weaknessinstead of a sign of strength,
you know.
Mel (12:10):
Yeah.
Monika (12:10):
Because I am for sure a better person thanks to all the
help I received.
I started going to therapy whenI was 15.
Same.
Mel (12:18):
And it really helped me.
Yes, you too.
I completely concur.
I I I would not be sitting heretalking to you even now,
running this podcast, havingthis life, having four kids.
I mean, the sexual abuse andstuff that I walked through, I
never even wanted to have afamily.
Like, yeah, and and to gothrough probably the most
(12:39):
uncomfortable experience of mylife, but the most freeing and
healing.
I mean, I wouldn't have thelife I I love.
I wouldn't have the children Ilove.
I wouldn't have I probablywouldn't even have the husband I
love because I wouldn't haveallowed someone to love me.
You know, it's just my life, Iknow would be drastically
(13:01):
different if I hadn't got thehelp.
And it was, as I said, the mostuncomfortable and painful
experience at the time.
But it was that that pain Iknew I needed to walk through to
get to the other side.
And I knew I could get to theother side.
Yeah.
I just have to get there.
And and I'm sure from whatyou're seeing from your side of
(13:23):
it, you are seeing all the hurtand the pain and the roadblocks
and all the the trauma, all theI mean, even the people going
through the cancer, that's ahuge thing.
And so many people are goingthrough it these days that it's
almost like I feel society ismaking it seem like having
(13:45):
cancer is now just a normalthing.
And it's a it's very traumaticand it's very full-on.
And people should feel safe tobe able to talk to someone about
it, and what you're going likewhat you're providing is
invaluable, really.
Monika (14:03):
You know, yes, it is true that yeah, people are
seeing it as a normal thing, andI'm not sure that that's bad in
the sense that we need to atleast be able to talk about
cancer.
I had a client who didn't evenwant to say the word.
She would say, No, no, no, Idon't want to say the word, you
know?
And and we work through that.
If a person doesn't want to saythe word or they don't want to
(14:25):
talk about it, okay, maybe youdon't have to.
I mean, I won't make them.
But sometimes just talk callingthings by the way they're
they're called, instead ofsaying the C word, just saying,
Yes, I have a cancer, it justgives it space.
And you can now, thanks toscience, a lot of people can
co-live with their cancer, youknow, and it's okay.
But of course, it's it's apity, but it is kind of more
(14:48):
usual, maybe not normal, butusual that we're seeing more
people with it.
Mel (14:51):
I think that's also where it would be valuable in what you
provide.
Yeah, that it doesn't matter ifyou're someone that can't even
say the word, or you're fullyaccepting of the situation and
you just want to process andmove through.
Yeah.
Like having someone to processit with that can help with this,
(15:13):
you would be a great person tohelp with the processing, no
matter what side of the spectrumyou're on when it comes to
dealing with it.
Monika (15:25):
Yes, because everything starts with acceptance first,
and that that's hard, you know,to to accept the diagnosis.
It's it's it's really it'sdifficult for the people, for
the person I work, for thepeople I work with, for the
families as well.
Mel (15:40):
Yeah.
Monika (15:40):
And once you accept it, there's I see that there's like
a release in the body.
If it's a tumor, for example,it's it's a part of you too.
You are also that tumor.
And when you start seeing it asthe enemy, I think that there
is a bit of release.
And the tumor sometimes, ifwe're talking talking about a
tumor, it comes to give you amessage.
And we can even in therapy, wecan also talk to it and listen
(16:03):
to it and just get ideas of whatmessage we're getting from this
visitor that is also a part ofus.
And I just like to saysomething, I don't uh that
sometimes people feel guilty forhaving cancer, or they start
thinking, oh, why did thishappen to me?
You know, I didn't deserve it.
I was so healthy.
And it's true, you know, butthe way I see it is that your
(16:24):
suffering is my suffering too,you know.
So whatever is happening toyou, it's also happening to me.
So even though it hurts thatyou have cancer, you know, it's
also my cancer.
And this in a way brings metogether with the client, but
also with society in general.
And it's the only way I canunderstand why cancer is
becoming so normal or whychildren or or babies, you know,
(16:46):
are sometimes born with cancer.
They haven't done anything.
Nobody deserves it.
Mel (16:50):
No, nobody deserves it.
It's not anything that, well,from my beliefs, I don't believe
it's anything that you havedone necessarily.
It's caused it.
Now, sometimes you smoke a lotand you might get lung cancer.
Sometimes there are some formof consequences to things, but
even then you can't necessarilysay that's the direct thing.
(17:14):
It's sometimes things justhappen.
And for most people, there isno common link that they can
find.
It's just what genetics orwhatever.
And it it can be quite anobstacle for a lot of people
when um they feel like they'vedone something that's caused
this, they've done something todeserve this, that they've
(17:36):
failed in some way.
And it's I've been seeing it alot with my own father at the
moment going through cancer andall the processes, and I think
he's still in a bit of thedenial phase.
It's been a few months, butit's and and you know, it's
quite a process, and he's doingreally well.
He he is doing really well, hadsurgery a couple weeks ago, and
(17:57):
he was told he'll probably bein for about four weeks.
They released him a week laterbecause he was doing so well.
So, you know, but he alsorefuses to believe he's got it
or whatever.
It's just like, no, I'm good,I'm healthy, I'm just gonna
fight this, just move on.
Monika (18:15):
So and what what where is his cancer?
It was the appendix.
Appendix.
Mel (18:22):
It's very rare.
And it's removed andeverything, but um, yeah, it
left a massive mass the size ofa like a rock melon inside of
his stomach.
And uh yeah, he had that allremoved a few months ago, and
then he just had the full cancersurgery, cleaning everything
out, removing more that theyfound, and all of that recently.
(18:44):
So they had to cut him all theway down the abdomen, like very
big.
But he's just a fighter, and herefuses to accept that he's
even got it really.
It's just like, okay, just dowhat we've got to do, treat it.
Yep, let's get back on.
Cause I want to get back on my10k runs and push-ups and stuff.
(19:05):
I mean, he's he's not a youngman, but he's certainly more fit
than I am.
So look, everyone goes into itwith a different mindset though,
hey?
Monika (19:16):
Um yes, and no, and here we like if I can offer just any
piece of advice, it's aboutrespecting his whatever he
decides, you know.
You can offer the space, youcan be there for him.
Yeah.
Um you always feel, well, not Ican't say always, but people
feel like it's never enough.
And maybe you can never doenough, you know, but but just
accepting and be and holdingspace for whatever it is that
(19:38):
he's needing.
And I'm just saying, asking,well, asking you this because my
mother-in-law was recentlydiagnosed with cancer as well.
And and it's it's the journeyis just starting with us.
She's been operated as well,and she has the whole cut all
the way to the stomach.
And and she's also in a bit ofdenial phase, you know.
But we have to just be therefor her and and see how it goes
(19:59):
without if she I know that if inthe moments when she starts
complaining, we just have tolisten to her and then offer her
like glimpses of our own umviews of life, you know.
Yeah, hope.
Offer hope.
Yeah, no, hope, hope, or justdifferent ways of doing it.
Oh, maybe I would do it likethis, you know?
So there are different ways inwhich you can communicate with
(20:20):
the people.
Mel (20:21):
Yeah, maybe we'll try that.
And yeah, and I think even withmy dad, it's like, okay, yep,
it's happening.
Let's deal with it, let's moveon.
And I know not everyone getsthat opportunity to even move
on, but it's yeah, you just takeit one day at a time and do
what you can.
Monika (20:38):
It's really nice.
It's really nice right now thatyou're saying that you're
acknowledging the fact that noteveryone gets that opportunity.
I um I really appreciate itbecause recently two weeks ago,
I was in a breath work exercise,um, not conference, like a
course or show.
I don't know what you want tocall it.
It was there were 600 people ina in a mall, and we had all
paid to see these breathworkteachers.
(21:00):
And I went because well, a momfriend invited me and I thought
it'd be really nice.
And they had these really coolheadphones, and they had they
guided the meditations withmusic, headphones, the audio.
It was impressive.
It was really beautiful.
And 600 people were in a in awere in an auditorium and it was
really cool.
Wearing headphones.
Yes, like this.
(21:20):
Oh however, however, I I leftlive leaving with mixed
feelings, and I don't want tocriticize the work of these
experts, you know, in breathwork as well.
But they their argument all thetime was was about how if you
don't do the breath work, you'regonna get sick, you're gonna
get cancer.
So I didn't like this, youknow.
And that's not the right kindof language in my mind.
(21:43):
This is what I heard.
Okay, I would have to watch thereplay, you know, as well.
But they what what was I whatwhat what I was missing was the
holding space or acknowledgingthat some people don't have a
second chance.
Yeah, you know, oracknowledging the the kids who
come to this world with alreadywith already having cancer, you
know?
Yeah.
(22:04):
Yes.
So some people just and it'snot because they didn't do the
breath work, but yeah, but andnow in this in social media,
there's also this discourse ofif you don't do the self-care,
this is gonna happen to you.
And I don't want anyone to feelthat anything's gonna happen to
you.
Mel (22:19):
It's such a negative perspective.
It doesn't bring life, itdoesn't speak life into people
either.
And I think, again, noteveryone is going to survive
cancer.
Not everyone is going tosurvive whatever the traumatic
situation is they've gonethrough or whatever.
But if you're still here,there's hope.
(22:39):
And we want to focus on todayand what we can do today and be
moving forward and workingtowards a future and having hope
for a future, but alsoacknowledging that today is
precious.
Let's just appreciate today.
And that's my thoughts andthat's my opinions.
And I'm not saying I'm not anexpert at all in this, like this
(23:02):
is your domain more thananything.
But I just feel like if we canmaintain a positive outlook and
what we can do, what we cancontrol, because so much would
be out of your control, so muchof it's out of your control.
But what can I control?
And a big part of it is ourmind, and that's what you're
doing.
I think like I've said about 10times already, what you're
(23:28):
doing is invaluable, it'spriceless.
Because if someone can regain alevel of control to a situation
they didn't ask for, then evenif it's just their mindset and
their perspective, that isalready worth just so much more
(23:49):
because all of a sudden you'reliving again.
You're not just surviving.
Monika (23:55):
Yes, I really like it.
Like I like how you frame it,yes.
And you've said it really wellabout just giving people, yes,
control to choose what they cancontrol as well, or to act over
what they can control, you know.
Um, for example, in thehospital, sometimes people can't
move.
And we take them maybe amandala for them to color
(24:17):
because that if they have theenergy, you know, like it
depends how sick they are.
They they can look, they cancolor, you know, or if you just
sit them, well, or put them on abed where they can see the
nature, they can't control,like, oh look, I'm looking at
the sun, how it's moving throughthe day, or what they're taking
in.
And these are small things.
(24:37):
Yeah.
That gives them hope andconnects them to the moment.
Mel (24:40):
And it's so, I think, probably even undervalued for
someone that's not in theirshoes, that doesn't necessarily
understand how even, yeah, justbeing able to look out the
window and just I'm choosing tofocus on this thing and that
thing, and they're that might beall the control they've got,
but that's still better thannothing, right?
(25:01):
It's better than not waking up.
Look, it's probably a veryheavy conversation, what we've
been having.
And I had no idea whichdirection it would go, but I can
appreciate that there will bepeople listening to this who are
walking through it one way oranother, whether they've got
cancer themselves, whetherthey've got family members with
(25:22):
cancer.
And I know that's not even yourmain thing.
Like you don't just work in theoncology department, no help
with mindfulness and that as awhole.
So I don't want people to thinkthat this episode is not
relevant to them if they're notwalking through it personally
(25:43):
either.
Um, because what you do is somuch more.
And given your profession as awhole, what is one thing that
you wish more women knew?
Monika (25:56):
The meaning they give to experience is what defines
their experience.
So they are in control of howthey react.
Yeah.
And the now I feel like I'mtelling the women off sometimes
because I know that sometimesyou're not in control.
You're a little kid, he's gonnastart putting a tantrum and
you're just gonna end upshouting.
(26:16):
So I don't know.
But if you're able, when yousee that tantrum from your kids,
you know, and you're able totake a deep breath and just not
overreact over something smallthat a tiny human being is
doing, you know, and just thatone deep breath.
So that if women knew that withone breath, they can regain
control of the situation.
That's what I would want themto know.
(26:37):
That they can regain control ofany situation when with one
deep grounding breath.
Wow.
And I just like to say thatit's not like that one deep
grounding breath.
It's like the fact that youpractice mindfulness throughout
your day in different moments ofthe day, that then you have the
capacity.
You prepare, you're prepare forthat moment.
It's not like, oh yes, now whenI get angry, I'm gonna get, I'm
(26:58):
gonna, I'm just gonna breathe.
No, it all knows at thatmoment.
Yes.
But if we if we if we dopractice self-care with
mindfulness, we will have thetools to react, to act in a
grounded way in those difficultmoments.
And that's what I want to helpwomen with.
And we we need a sel a safespace just so where we can talk
(27:22):
about everything that's goingon, put it in little
compartments, and just have moreorder in our mind and our
emotions and our body.
Mel (27:31):
I love that.
That actually ties in very muchwith what I do as well, in like
getting organized, in helpingwith the different areas of your
life, whether it's your time,your home, your business,
whatever it is, helping getorganized.
So then when life throws thosethings at you that are out of
(27:52):
your control, like the tantrumsfrom a toddler, that everything
else in your life that you couldcontrol is in order to a
degree.
There's a balance.
So then when life throws thingsat you that inevitably are
gonna happen, generally on adaily basis, something will
happen, then you can approach itin a way where you're not
(28:15):
reacting to the situation.
Exactly.
You're being prospond in howyou respond.
And so it's very much alignedwith what you're saying from
your perspective on things.
And I think I love it.
I love it.
I agree because I do the samesort of thing I do.
So I think it's great.
So we could probably talkforever, and we have talked for
(28:39):
a bit, and I loved theconversation.
So thank you so much.
But for everyone who'slistening that goes, I need to
connect with this woman, wherecan they find you?
Monika (28:51):
Thank you so much.
At the moment, in English, youcan find me under the Instagram
um profile name called YourJoyful Being.
Your Joyful Being.
I used to post mainly aboutmotherhood, but now I'm posting
about general wellness tips thateveryone, whether you're a mom,
a businessman, or an oncologypatient, you know, will benefit
(29:13):
from.
And you can contact me there.
There's a link to my to mywebsite where we can you can
book a session with me.
Mel (29:20):
Lovely.
Well, I'll make sure all theinformation is in the
description there to make itnice and easy for everyone
listening.
But thank you so much fortaking time out of your day to
share with everyone today.
I really, really enjoyed it.
Monika (29:36):
Thank you, Mel.
I really enjoyed ourconversation too.
Thank you.
If you like this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised.com/ toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life of beyond it. See you next time.
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