May 11, 2025 • 32 mins
Ever wondered if organised people were just born that way? My journey proves otherwise. Twelve years ago, I was drowning in debt with zero money management skills and a home full of clutter. Today, I manage investments, run a business and maintain a functional home while raising four children. The transformation wasn't overnight, nor was it straightforward.
My organising odyssey began with finances after my husband graciously cleared my pre-marriage debt. Rather than learning my lesson, I continued struggling with budgeting and spending, creating uncomfortable conversations and feelings of inequality in our marriage. The breakthrough came when instead of judgment, my husband offered partnership, acknowledging we needed to tackle our financial chaos together. This collaborative approach became the foundation for all future organising efforts.
What surprised me most was how organising one area created ripple effects throughout my life. As I decluttered our bathroom (chosen strategically for its lack of sentimental items), I discovered I'd been spending money to "solve" problems actually caused by excess stuff. With less physical clutter, my financial decisions improved, eventually leading us out of debt completely. When motherhood arrived, time management naturally followed as I adapted to the reality that "just running to the shops" now involved multiple steps with a baby.
The most valuable lesson came from going too far: becoming so organised that perfection became the enemy of peace. I'd snap at family members for "messing up" what I'd just cleaned, not recognising how my excessive standards were stealing our joy. This led to developing what I call the "4D Filter": Delete (remove what's unnecessary), Delegate (assign tasks to others), Delay (postpone non-urgent tasks), and Do Differently (create simpler systems).
Finding your personal organisational sweet spot (where you function well without sacrificing happiness) is the true goal. Whether you're just beginning to tackle clutter or you've gone too far into perfectionism, there's a middle ground where organisation serves your life rather than consuming it. Connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or grab free resources at beyondorganised.com/toolkit to continue your journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mel (00:18):
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organizing, the things thatreally matter, like the
parenting relationships and somuch more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome to today's episode.
(01:14):
I wanted to take it back alittle bit.
I wanted to go back to how Igot started with organising,
with this organising journey.
I'm hoping that by me sharingmy stories and sharing my
journey with this podcast, it'sgoing to help you with your
journey.
So most people think I got intoorganising because I'm
(01:40):
naturally tidy or because I hadkids that needed to be managed
and all of that.
But the truth is thisorganizing journey started long
before the babies.
People ask me you know how doyou do it all Kids, clean, home
work, friends, all of it and Itell them I certainly don't have
(02:04):
it all figured out.
It's taken me 12 years to getto this point and there's a lot
I have learned along the way.
So I'll share a little bit ofhow I started out and what set
me on this path and a practicaltip to help you not have to
spend the next 12 years of yourlife figuring it out 12 years of
(02:32):
your life figuring it out.
So I guess it all started reallyback early when I first got
married 12 years ago, and Ididn't set out at all to be this
organised person or anything.
I just wanted to get on top ofmy finances, our finances.
I was terrible with money.
I came into the marriage withdebt.
My husband cleared it all,which was nice because I guess
(02:56):
you know what's his money ismine and vice versa, but I
certainly wasn't expecting himto bail me out.
That was a really tough pillfor me to swallow, very humbling
, but I did not want to facethat again.
I did not want to experiencethat again.
I needed to get on top of how Iview money, let alone how I
(03:23):
spend it and everything elsethat goes into it.
So organizing actually startedwith my money.
But I failed again and againand again and again.
Um, we had many awkwardconversations and I have to tell
(03:43):
you, in the early days I feltlike we were unequal that's
probably the best way to put itand you might be someone that's
partnered with someone thattheir spending is out of control
, or you are the person thatspending is out of control, and
I've seen it so much on you knowmum's groups and all that on
(04:07):
Facebook where you know thewomen are saying, oh, my partner
, you know, spent all his moneyon that and everyone's like, oh,
leave him.
And I just think far out, ifSam had left me in the early
days, I would not be here today.
No way.
(04:27):
I mean, apart from the fact Iwouldn't have my kids and all of
that, I would not have learnedthe skills to be able to help
you and I don't know where I'dbe.
I just I don't know, and I'mglad he didn't give up on me.
I just I don't know and I'mglad he didn't give up on me.
But I was also willing to learn.
I knew that I did not know whatI was doing.
(04:59):
I didn't even know how interestworked or anything like that,
which to what I know now.
You know I manage my owninvestments and all that kind of
stuff, like to what I know.
Now that blows my mind that Ididn't even know how it worked.
But you might be in thatposition where you do not
realize how all this financestuff works.
(05:21):
And I'm glad that I went onthis journey and that I learned,
because I probably wouldn't endup, having worked in a bank,
you know, in the servicing andthe operations department side
of things.
I just, you know I'm dealingwith interest rates and all that
kind of stuff.
So I'm grateful for what Ilearned.
(05:42):
But it took me a long time andit started in trying to stick to
a budget.
Well, that didn't work becauseyou had a certain amount of
money and I was like, okay, sowe'll spend $20 a week on
groceries.
Well, that's not realistic.
So you know, things got blownout because I wasn't really
(06:06):
budgeting and and understandinghow we lived and how we needed
things to in the air, so a lothad to be cut back and
sacrificed and all of that andbeing able to see everything
come in and go out, it removedthe ambiguity and helped clarify
(06:30):
a lot of things and helped mego.
Oh, actually I can stopspending on that, but it was
still chaotic and my mind wasnot.
It was so restrictive.
I saw it as a restrictivepunishing of things, and now, no
way it is, it's enabling.
(06:51):
It's enabling the kind offuture that I want for me and my
family, and I do not see it asa restriction at all because I
don't budget in a way that isrestrictive.
Because I don't budget in a waythat is restrictive, I account
for all things, includingnon-essentials and things like
(07:11):
that.
And, yep, I'm feeling thatliving crisis pinch as well,
with the cost of everything, andyou know I'm not immune to it.
I'm feeling every bit of it too.
You know I'm not immune to it.
I'm feeling every bit of it too, and you know, having been on
maternity leave with my fourthchild, there is no money really,
(07:34):
but we also don't have any debtand that, and we've managed to
not, you know, go backwardsduring this time.
So even you're going to haveseasons where you just need to
stay afloat until you getthrough to the next season, and
that's where we're at right now,just making it week to week.
(07:58):
But I know that soon thingswill start to pick up again and
we can breathe a little bitbetter, things will start to
pick up again and we can breathea little bit better.
But if this was the old me youknow, 10 years ago, 12 years ago
, I could tell you we probablywould have racked up another I
don't know $30,000, $40,000 ofdebt by now, just taking a year
(08:22):
off for the baby at least.
So it started with the money.
But getting that in order wasnot what changed everything,
unfortunately, because the bigproblem, apart from my spending,
was I was spending to makethings easier for me in the home
(08:45):
.
So I was introduced to a coupleof different decluttering gurus
and some incredible, incrediblepeople out there and I actually
had no idea that declutteringwas a thing.
I just didn't realize thatpeople actually got rid of
(09:08):
things.
I only ever got rid ofsomething once it got used, like
a I don't know the toothpastewas empty.
Then you throw it away.
Before that, I just neverreally I don't know.
Yeah, when I say that I was notorganized and I really had no
clue, I had no clue at all onanything.
(09:34):
So I learned a lot when it cameto decluttering the home and
getting on top of the home, andI started with the bathroom
because that had no sentimentalitems.
It had the quickest return oninvestment, I should say.
(09:57):
I got through it within acouple of hours and it felt
amazing.
I got rid of all the things thatwe didn't need, the things that
I'd been holding onto because,oh yes, I might need that foot
mask one day and it's beensitting there for five years and
(10:18):
expired two years ago.
Yeah, no, it's gone.
So I got a bit ruthless, threwaway a whole lot of stuff and,
to be honest, I have not thoughtabout any of that again.
And if there was anything thatI did need, I have bought it
(10:46):
again.
But in my money once I startedto get a hold of everything in
the home, when you don't have asmuch stuff and you actually see
all the things you have got andyou realize you don't need a
lot of the extra fluff, then youdon't need to spend money on a
(11:08):
whole lot of stuff that youthink, oh, hang on, that's just
going to add more clutter and isthat going to just end up in a
donation box six months from now?
So it made me stop and think abit more, and that's when I
started to see us bring down ourdebt because, yeah, even though
(11:30):
Sam helped clear the debtcoming in.
I didn't learn anything.
So I was putting things on thecredit card and then still not
able to clear it properly at theend of the month because, also,
when we were starting out, wehad nothing Like.
We both came from living at homewith our parents, so, you know,
money disappeared pretty quickand I wasn't managing it
(11:53):
properly and he was just workingreally hard and I paid every
bill on time.
So that was never an issue.
I never missed a bill oranything like that.
But I wasn't managing the moneyproperly.
And one time I actually had tosit down and I had to talk to
him and say, hey, we're not in avery good position, and I
(12:15):
showed him how, you know, wecan't pay the credit card, we
can't do any of this.
And I felt horrible becausehe'd just come off like an
80-hour work week and I'd beenworking too.
But it was not a comfortableconversation at all and I felt
(12:35):
like a failure, the worst wifeever, you name it.
I felt it.
Yeah, instead of him gettingupset with me, yelling at me any
of that, he just said I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I have not beenmore involved and I haven't
(12:58):
helped you.
I knew that money was not yourstrong point and I just assumed
that you'd be okay.
So he apologised, which I wasshocked about but really
grateful for, because we didn'tresent each other, we didn't
(13:25):
attack each other, we justhelped each other.
We didn't attack each other, wejust helped each other.
And because of him not attackingme, not saying what is wrong
with you and why couldn't youmanage that Because that's all
the stuff I was talking tomyself, saying to myself,
because he didn't do that to meI changed, I improved, I got
(13:47):
better.
And when I started getting ontop of things within the home
and he could even see a physicalchange in how we were doing
things, it started to positivelyimpact the finances too.
And not just that, I started toactually say to myself, just
(14:11):
that.
I started to actually say tomyself maybe I can do this,
maybe I can learn, maybe I canchange, I can improve.
And it started to build a morepositive self-talk and a
confidence that I'd never hadbefore, a confidence that, okay,
maybe I can do the whole wifething and eventually mothering
(14:31):
thing and maybe I can adult it'sprobably the best way to put it
so that then ripple effect intothe other pillars, I will say
the other areas of my life.
So, as you may recall, inearlier episodes I talked about
(14:53):
how I have the five pillars.
We've got time, home work,money, self-care.
So I was starting to get thehome pillar in order and my
money pillar was starting to getinto order.
It still took about anotherfour years from there pillar was
starting to get into order.
It still took about anotherfour years from there to be able
to clear the debt.
So it was a slow, painfulprocess, but one that helps me
(15:16):
see to never go back there.
But I still time work,self-care, still had to work on
those three.
Now my time did start to becomemore efficient, and that was
particularly once I had my firstchild, my son.
I started to realize that Ican't just hop in the car and
(15:37):
drive down to the shops.
It takes about 30 minutes atleast to hop in the car and
drive down to the shops becauseit's not just hopping in, it's
getting him changed, changingnappies.
Oh yep, make sure he's fed, doall that.
Oh no, he's just had, you know,filled his nappy again.
All right, change it again.
(15:57):
Hop in the car.
Oh no, wait, forgot this.
Oh no, he's just vomited allover himself.
Get out of the car, likeseriously.
I just wanted to hop in the carand go to the shops but no.
So everything changed when itcame to time management once I
became a mum and that reallyhelped positively impact how I
(16:21):
was then when I went back towork as well.
So I was working from homeright from the start of being a
mum, way before.
Covid, where I worked, was wayahead of the time still is that
place.
I don't work there anymore butit was really a good place to
(16:46):
work when I had such littlefamily and everything.
So, getting on top of the home,I had less clutter around.
I was becoming more efficientwhen I was working because I
could think clearly and thenwhen I was in the office I
wasn't thinking about themillions of things I had to do
at home and the mountain ofwashing and the mountain of like
.
I was on top of it and my timebecame a bit more efficient.
(17:12):
And once I stepped intoleadership roles and I learned
more about time blocking and allthat kind of stuff, the more
and more order came into my timeand then and that flew like
flowed on into the work side ofthings.
But I kept learning, I keptgrowing in my efficiency, but
(17:36):
there was probably that sweetspot that I then overshot and I
kept going to the point whereyou heard on the first episode I
ended up snapping because I wasaiming for this level of
perfection.
That was not sustainable andvery hard to attain and it was
(18:02):
costing me my happiness and myjoy and it certainly was
impacting my family's happinessand joy.
So there is such thing as goingtoo far with this organizing
journey and I definitely had thefour pillars out of the five
(18:22):
more down pat and I was doing somuch better.
But self-care that last pillarthere, oh my gosh, didn't even
exist.
It was like a hole in the wall.
It just there's somethingmissing.
And the more I became organized,the more I was doing stuff
(18:45):
around the house and with workand everything else.
And I was doing stuff aroundthe house and with work and
everything else, and I was justaiming for this level that,
quite frankly, impressed a lotof people but was just not
sustainable.
The time for me justdisappeared.
It became almost non-existent,and that's why I was getting
(19:08):
angry at everyone, because I'msaying you know, stop making a
mess.
I've just cleaned that.
Stop making a mess.
You know it's not fair.
I want to have some time formyself.
I want to sit down and relaxwhen in reality I probably
didn't need to clean that thingfor the 20th time because who's
really going to care and I couldhave done that once they went
(19:30):
to bed and then I wouldn't havehad to have redone it another 20
times.
Okay, there's things that youstill have to get done during
the day, because otherwise thehouse will probably be burnt
down by the end of the day.
But if your kids are anything,anything like that, but yeah, it
was just this unbalanced way ofbeing organized and I became
(19:57):
resentful, and that is somethingthat I do not encourage anyone
to get to.
So you might be someone that isnot very organized right now,
just sort of on early on in yourjourney, I encourage you to,
you know, get a bit of order anda bit of control in your life,
because it really does help makea difference.
(20:19):
But I also encourage you tostop at a certain point and if
you are that person that hasgone maybe too far the other way
, to the point where the wholepurpose of having an organized
life was to bring you some joyand now you feel completely
robbed of it.
Well, there's hope for you too,because I now call myself a
(20:43):
reformed perfectionist.
I'm not a perfectionist anymore.
Look, there are stilltendencies and it can be a
little bit tricky at times, butI've changed the way I talk as
well, and what I speak overmyself, and I don't call myself
(21:03):
a perfectionist anymore, but Ido still have a spirit of
excellence.
I still aim to do things thebest that I can before I get to
a point that iscounterproductive.
So it's finding that level foryou and we're all at different
(21:30):
levels, we all have differentlevels of capacity with things,
and it's okay.
I think if you're doing thebest you can without going too
far, then you hit that sweetspot for you in this season of
your life.
So once I let go of havingeverything perfect and being too
organized the other way, thenthe self-care side of things
(21:55):
started to go up again and exist.
It's like the wall got patchedand now I can confidently say
that, even though my life isstill crazy in a lot of ways,
(22:31):
but I can confidently say that Iam pretty well balanced.
And balance is not this staticplace of like you got a seesaw
and you come to this staticmedium because then what?
That's not how life works.
It's like getting on a bikeevery day and pedaling and
(22:52):
riding and hoping you don't falloff.
It's a bit like that.
And look, there's going to bethings that come and go in your
life and you've got to know whatto hold on to and what to let
go of.
And that's not easy in thebeginning because I held on to
everything, because I thought Ineeded to be across everything
(23:12):
or have everything.
But there are certain thingsand certain people that don't
align with where you're at orwhere you want to go.
And that kind of leads me into.
The next point is once I dealtwith a lot of the physical
(23:34):
clutter and it helped withgetting these other areas of my
life into better balance.
I then realized I had so muchmental, I had so much mental
like emotional clutter that Ineeded to deal with too.
And until you start goingthrough these things, you kind
(23:58):
of don't realize how much isbeyond the surface and you know
you start unraveling because allof a sudden you start seeing
how maybe particular friendshipsare toxic and you didn't
realize how much they arebringing you down.
You didn't realize that byworking that second job to help
(24:22):
pay the bills becauseeverything's through the roof,
you thought, yep, I can do this,it's sustainable and I'm
somewhat enjoying it.
You didn't realize that therewas a greater cost somewhere
else.
And look, I get it.
You got to do what you got todo and I technically have two
jobs right now Well, three ifyou include motherhood.
(24:45):
So, I get it.
You got to do what you got to do, but I encourage you to
prioritize time for you, becauseif you do not put yourself
first and I know I drum on aboutthis a lot but if you do not
look after yourself, you don'tput yourself first.
You are good to no one.
(25:06):
You're no good to your family,you're no good to your friends,
to your workplace, no one.
You have to look after yourself, and it's not selfish, Like you
wouldn't believe how manypeople I talk to where they just
can't put themselves first andlook, I was one of them.
(25:27):
It's hard putting yourselffirst, but when you start to see
it in a way that it's not justabout you, it is a way of being
able to serve those you lovebetter and have your heart in it
more, then it becomes a littlebit easier to look after
(25:49):
yourself.
So if you're someone thatstruggles to put yourself first
just for the sake of needing toput yourself first, think of it
as a way of still being able tothen look after the people you
love so much better because youput yourself first.
It's like the oxygen masktheory.
You know, in the airplaneyou've got to put on your own
(26:10):
mask before you can saveeveryone else.
So I do encourage you to dealwith physical clutter, mental
clutter and all that.
And you're thinking, okay, well, that's good, but how, where do
I start?
What do I do?
Everything's a bit of a messand there's so much in my life
(26:32):
to filter through.
I don't know how to.
Well, I may have mentioned thisbefore, I can't remember now,
between social Tricks method,where you've got the five
pillars and all of that, I alsohave what's called the 4D filter
(26:55):
.
So within that filter we've gotthe delete.
So, looking at whether it'sphysical stuff, let's just go
off physical stuff for now thatyou can remove actual items from
your home, from your schedule,from your work, whatever it is,
(27:22):
delete.
Then you've got delegate.
Is there someone else who cando this task?
So for me, in probably the lastfour or five months I've
started to get my kids to help abit more with some of the tasks
that I was doing, becausestarting this business and
podcasts and everything else isa much bigger demand than I'd
(27:46):
ever anticipated, and so I needmore help.
And my two older boys mydaughter tries to help, but it's
not that helpful.
But my two older boys they nowunstack the dishwasher in the
morning for me and they put awaywhat they can the glasses and
stuff they can't quite reach, sothey just leave it on the bench
and I put it away.
(28:06):
But that still saves me so mucheffort.
So delegate, you know you mightthink, oh, I can't get my kids
to do this because it's so muchmore efficient if I do it, it's
quicker if I do it, it's easierif I do it.
Well, yeah, maybe, but we needto also teach them skills,
because I want them learningskills that I had to learn once
(28:30):
I moved out of home.
I want them to learn beforethey get to that stage and for
it to become normal and to helptheir future wives, partners,
and to do their bit too.
So it might take a little bitlonger right now, but it does
help.
It really does help.
I don't have to worry about asmany things I still oversee,
(28:54):
because that's just how I am,but yeah, it does help.
So, after we do the delete andthe delegate, we have delay.
Now, this isn't for everythingand I'm not telling you to go
putting off doing a certain taskthat you need to do.
But if you are getting to thepoint where you're becoming
(29:16):
over-organized and it's like, oh, I've got to do these 20 things
every day, all the time, well,maybe just step back for a
minute and go actually, do Ineed to be scrubbing the shower
right now?
Like, actually, instead ofdoing it every week, maybe I
could get away with doing itevery two weeks in this season,
(29:37):
because I've got a lot on myplate.
Like, is it really going tokill anyone?
Probably not.
Or you just clean the floorpart where your feet touch or
whatever.
Like, you delay and you putthings off a little bit.
And then the final one is dodifferently.
So this one I like forautomating, having better
(29:58):
systems, putting things in place.
That's going to actuallysimplify the way you do things.
So, like an easy one is ifyou're paying bills manually all
the time, well, maybe set updirect debits and other ways to
actually automate it and make iteasier for you.
Maybe set up so then itnotifies you on your phone when
(30:18):
a payment's gone through orcomes out, so you don't have to
keep logging in to see ifpayments have gone through and
all of that.
So there's always a way thatthings can be done differently
and possibly more efficient, andit might take you a minute or
two to set up initially, but itwill save you more in the long
run.
So I just want to encourage youthat you know you don't always
(30:44):
need more containers, moresystems, more anything.
Sometimes you need less.
So I know I've rambled on a lot,I've talked a lot.
I'm sorry if it's bored you todeath, but I do want to just let
you know and encourage you thatI started off terribly.
(31:04):
I then went too far the otherway and now I'm somewhere in the
middle and it can happen foryou too.
And if you've got questions, ifthere's particular things that
is bugging you and you want toknow more about, please send
through an email.
I'll be more than happy toanswer your questions directly.
(31:24):
And yeah, I really look forwardto hearing from you and
remember to send through yourquestions and that too, so I can
keep answering them through onfuture episodes as well.
So I hope you got something outof today and I'll talk to you
next time.
If you loved this episode,don't forget to hit subscribe so
(31:48):
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on instagram atshizorganized, or, for some free
resources, head over tobeyondorganizedcom.
Slash toolkit.
Remember, organising is a toolto live the purposeful life
beyond it.
See you next time.
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organizing, the things thatreally matter, like the
parenting relationships and somuch more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome to today's episode.
(01:14):
I wanted to take it back alittle bit.
I wanted to go back to how Igot started with organising,
with this organising journey.
I'm hoping that by me sharingmy stories and sharing my
journey with this podcast, it'sgoing to help you with your
journey.
So most people think I got intoorganising because I'm
(01:40):
naturally tidy or because I hadkids that needed to be managed
and all of that.
But the truth is thisorganizing journey started long
before the babies.
People ask me you know how doyou do it all Kids, clean, home
work, friends, all of it and Itell them I certainly don't have
(02:04):
it all figured out.
It's taken me 12 years to getto this point and there's a lot
I have learned along the way.
So I'll share a little bit ofhow I started out and what set
me on this path and a practicaltip to help you not have to
spend the next 12 years of yourlife figuring it out 12 years of
(02:32):
your life figuring it out.
So I guess it all started reallyback early when I first got
married 12 years ago, and Ididn't set out at all to be this
organised person or anything.
I just wanted to get on top ofmy finances, our finances.
I was terrible with money.
I came into the marriage withdebt.
My husband cleared it all,which was nice because I guess
(02:56):
you know what's his money ismine and vice versa, but I
certainly wasn't expecting himto bail me out.
That was a really tough pillfor me to swallow, very humbling
, but I did not want to facethat again.
I did not want to experiencethat again.
I needed to get on top of how Iview money, let alone how I
(03:23):
spend it and everything elsethat goes into it.
So organizing actually startedwith my money.
But I failed again and againand again and again.
Um, we had many awkwardconversations and I have to tell
(03:43):
you, in the early days I feltlike we were unequal that's
probably the best way to put itand you might be someone that's
partnered with someone thattheir spending is out of control
, or you are the person thatspending is out of control, and
I've seen it so much on you knowmum's groups and all that on
(04:07):
Facebook where you know thewomen are saying, oh, my partner
, you know, spent all his moneyon that and everyone's like, oh,
leave him.
And I just think far out, ifSam had left me in the early
days, I would not be here today.
No way.
(04:27):
I mean, apart from the fact Iwouldn't have my kids and all of
that, I would not have learnedthe skills to be able to help
you and I don't know where I'dbe.
I just I don't know, and I'mglad he didn't give up on me.
I just I don't know and I'mglad he didn't give up on me.
But I was also willing to learn.
I knew that I did not know whatI was doing.
(04:59):
I didn't even know how interestworked or anything like that,
which to what I know now.
You know I manage my owninvestments and all that kind of
stuff, like to what I know.
Now that blows my mind that Ididn't even know how it worked.
But you might be in thatposition where you do not
realize how all this financestuff works.
(05:21):
And I'm glad that I went onthis journey and that I learned,
because I probably wouldn't endup, having worked in a bank,
you know, in the servicing andthe operations department side
of things.
I just, you know I'm dealingwith interest rates and all that
kind of stuff.
So I'm grateful for what Ilearned.
(05:42):
But it took me a long time andit started in trying to stick to
a budget.
Well, that didn't work becauseyou had a certain amount of
money and I was like, okay, sowe'll spend $20 a week on
groceries.
Well, that's not realistic.
So you know, things got blownout because I wasn't really
(06:06):
budgeting and and understandinghow we lived and how we needed
things to in the air, so a lothad to be cut back and
sacrificed and all of that andbeing able to see everything
come in and go out, it removedthe ambiguity and helped clarify
(06:30):
a lot of things and helped mego.
Oh, actually I can stopspending on that, but it was
still chaotic and my mind wasnot.
It was so restrictive.
I saw it as a restrictivepunishing of things, and now, no
way it is, it's enabling.
(06:51):
It's enabling the kind offuture that I want for me and my
family, and I do not see it asa restriction at all because I
don't budget in a way that isrestrictive.
Because I don't budget in a waythat is restrictive, I account
for all things, includingnon-essentials and things like
(07:11):
that.
And, yep, I'm feeling thatliving crisis pinch as well,
with the cost of everything, andyou know I'm not immune to it.
I'm feeling every bit of it too.
You know I'm not immune to it.
I'm feeling every bit of it too, and you know, having been on
maternity leave with my fourthchild, there is no money really,
(07:34):
but we also don't have any debtand that, and we've managed to
not, you know, go backwardsduring this time.
So even you're going to haveseasons where you just need to
stay afloat until you getthrough to the next season, and
that's where we're at right now,just making it week to week.
(07:58):
But I know that soon thingswill start to pick up again and
we can breathe a little bitbetter, things will start to
pick up again and we can breathea little bit better.
But if this was the old me youknow, 10 years ago, 12 years ago
, I could tell you we probablywould have racked up another I
don't know $30,000, $40,000 ofdebt by now, just taking a year
(08:22):
off for the baby at least.
So it started with the money.
But getting that in order wasnot what changed everything,
unfortunately, because the bigproblem, apart from my spending,
was I was spending to makethings easier for me in the home
(08:45):
.
So I was introduced to a coupleof different decluttering gurus
and some incredible, incrediblepeople out there and I actually
had no idea that declutteringwas a thing.
I just didn't realize thatpeople actually got rid of
(09:08):
things.
I only ever got rid ofsomething once it got used, like
a I don't know the toothpastewas empty.
Then you throw it away.
Before that, I just neverreally I don't know.
Yeah, when I say that I was notorganized and I really had no
clue, I had no clue at all onanything.
(09:34):
So I learned a lot when it cameto decluttering the home and
getting on top of the home, andI started with the bathroom
because that had no sentimentalitems.
It had the quickest return oninvestment, I should say.
(09:57):
I got through it within acouple of hours and it felt
amazing.
I got rid of all the things thatwe didn't need, the things that
I'd been holding onto because,oh yes, I might need that foot
mask one day and it's beensitting there for five years and
(10:18):
expired two years ago.
Yeah, no, it's gone.
So I got a bit ruthless, threwaway a whole lot of stuff and,
to be honest, I have not thoughtabout any of that again.
And if there was anything thatI did need, I have bought it
(10:46):
again.
But in my money once I startedto get a hold of everything in
the home, when you don't have asmuch stuff and you actually see
all the things you have got andyou realize you don't need a
lot of the extra fluff, then youdon't need to spend money on a
(11:08):
whole lot of stuff that youthink, oh, hang on, that's just
going to add more clutter and isthat going to just end up in a
donation box six months from now?
So it made me stop and think abit more, and that's when I
started to see us bring down ourdebt because, yeah, even though
(11:30):
Sam helped clear the debtcoming in.
I didn't learn anything.
So I was putting things on thecredit card and then still not
able to clear it properly at theend of the month because, also,
when we were starting out, wehad nothing Like.
We both came from living at homewith our parents, so, you know,
money disappeared pretty quickand I wasn't managing it
(11:53):
properly and he was just workingreally hard and I paid every
bill on time.
So that was never an issue.
I never missed a bill oranything like that.
But I wasn't managing the moneyproperly.
And one time I actually had tosit down and I had to talk to
him and say, hey, we're not in avery good position, and I
(12:15):
showed him how, you know, wecan't pay the credit card, we
can't do any of this.
And I felt horrible becausehe'd just come off like an
80-hour work week and I'd beenworking too.
But it was not a comfortableconversation at all and I felt
(12:35):
like a failure, the worst wifeever, you name it.
I felt it.
Yeah, instead of him gettingupset with me, yelling at me any
of that, he just said I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I have not beenmore involved and I haven't
(12:58):
helped you.
I knew that money was not yourstrong point and I just assumed
that you'd be okay.
So he apologised, which I wasshocked about but really
grateful for, because we didn'tresent each other, we didn't
(13:25):
attack each other, we justhelped each other.
We didn't attack each other, wejust helped each other.
And because of him not attackingme, not saying what is wrong
with you and why couldn't youmanage that Because that's all
the stuff I was talking tomyself, saying to myself,
because he didn't do that to meI changed, I improved, I got
(13:47):
better.
And when I started getting ontop of things within the home
and he could even see a physicalchange in how we were doing
things, it started to positivelyimpact the finances too.
And not just that, I started toactually say to myself, just
(14:11):
that.
I started to actually say tomyself maybe I can do this,
maybe I can learn, maybe I canchange, I can improve.
And it started to build a morepositive self-talk and a
confidence that I'd never hadbefore, a confidence that, okay,
maybe I can do the whole wifething and eventually mothering
(14:31):
thing and maybe I can adult it'sprobably the best way to put it
so that then ripple effect intothe other pillars, I will say
the other areas of my life.
So, as you may recall, inearlier episodes I talked about
(14:53):
how I have the five pillars.
We've got time, home work,money, self-care.
So I was starting to get thehome pillar in order and my
money pillar was starting to getinto order.
It still took about anotherfour years from there pillar was
starting to get into order.
It still took about anotherfour years from there to be able
to clear the debt.
So it was a slow, painfulprocess, but one that helps me
(15:16):
see to never go back there.
But I still time work,self-care, still had to work on
those three.
Now my time did start to becomemore efficient, and that was
particularly once I had my firstchild, my son.
I started to realize that Ican't just hop in the car and
(15:37):
drive down to the shops.
It takes about 30 minutes atleast to hop in the car and
drive down to the shops becauseit's not just hopping in, it's
getting him changed, changingnappies.
Oh yep, make sure he's fed, doall that.
Oh no, he's just had, you know,filled his nappy again.
All right, change it again.
(15:57):
Hop in the car.
Oh no, wait, forgot this.
Oh no, he's just vomited allover himself.
Get out of the car, likeseriously.
I just wanted to hop in the carand go to the shops but no.
So everything changed when itcame to time management once I
became a mum and that reallyhelped positively impact how I
(16:21):
was then when I went back towork as well.
So I was working from homeright from the start of being a
mum, way before.
Covid, where I worked, was wayahead of the time still is that
place.
I don't work there anymore butit was really a good place to
(16:46):
work when I had such littlefamily and everything.
So, getting on top of the home,I had less clutter around.
I was becoming more efficientwhen I was working because I
could think clearly and thenwhen I was in the office I
wasn't thinking about themillions of things I had to do
at home and the mountain ofwashing and the mountain of like
.
I was on top of it and my timebecame a bit more efficient.
(17:12):
And once I stepped intoleadership roles and I learned
more about time blocking and allthat kind of stuff, the more
and more order came into my timeand then and that flew like
flowed on into the work side ofthings.
But I kept learning, I keptgrowing in my efficiency, but
(17:36):
there was probably that sweetspot that I then overshot and I
kept going to the point whereyou heard on the first episode I
ended up snapping because I wasaiming for this level of
perfection.
That was not sustainable andvery hard to attain and it was
(18:02):
costing me my happiness and myjoy and it certainly was
impacting my family's happinessand joy.
So there is such thing as goingtoo far with this organizing
journey and I definitely had thefour pillars out of the five
(18:22):
more down pat and I was doing somuch better.
But self-care that last pillarthere, oh my gosh, didn't even
exist.
It was like a hole in the wall.
It just there's somethingmissing.
And the more I became organized,the more I was doing stuff
(18:45):
around the house and with workand everything else.
And I was doing stuff aroundthe house and with work and
everything else, and I was justaiming for this level that,
quite frankly, impressed a lotof people but was just not
sustainable.
The time for me justdisappeared.
It became almost non-existent,and that's why I was getting
(19:08):
angry at everyone, because I'msaying you know, stop making a
mess.
I've just cleaned that.
Stop making a mess.
You know it's not fair.
I want to have some time formyself.
I want to sit down and relaxwhen in reality I probably
didn't need to clean that thingfor the 20th time because who's
really going to care and I couldhave done that once they went
(19:30):
to bed and then I wouldn't havehad to have redone it another 20
times.
Okay, there's things that youstill have to get done during
the day, because otherwise thehouse will probably be burnt
down by the end of the day.
But if your kids are anything,anything like that, but yeah, it
was just this unbalanced way ofbeing organized and I became
(19:57):
resentful, and that is somethingthat I do not encourage anyone
to get to.
So you might be someone that isnot very organized right now,
just sort of on early on in yourjourney, I encourage you to,
you know, get a bit of order anda bit of control in your life,
because it really does help makea difference.
(20:19):
But I also encourage you tostop at a certain point and if
you are that person that hasgone maybe too far the other way
, to the point where the wholepurpose of having an organized
life was to bring you some joyand now you feel completely
robbed of it.
Well, there's hope for you too,because I now call myself a
(20:43):
reformed perfectionist.
I'm not a perfectionist anymore.
Look, there are stilltendencies and it can be a
little bit tricky at times, butI've changed the way I talk as
well, and what I speak overmyself, and I don't call myself
(21:03):
a perfectionist anymore, but Ido still have a spirit of
excellence.
I still aim to do things thebest that I can before I get to
a point that iscounterproductive.
So it's finding that level foryou and we're all at different
(21:30):
levels, we all have differentlevels of capacity with things,
and it's okay.
I think if you're doing thebest you can without going too
far, then you hit that sweetspot for you in this season of
your life.
So once I let go of havingeverything perfect and being too
organized the other way, thenthe self-care side of things
(21:55):
started to go up again and exist.
It's like the wall got patchedand now I can confidently say
that, even though my life isstill crazy in a lot of ways,
(22:31):
but I can confidently say that Iam pretty well balanced.
And balance is not this staticplace of like you got a seesaw
and you come to this staticmedium because then what?
That's not how life works.
It's like getting on a bikeevery day and pedaling and
(22:52):
riding and hoping you don't falloff.
It's a bit like that.
And look, there's going to bethings that come and go in your
life and you've got to know whatto hold on to and what to let
go of.
And that's not easy in thebeginning because I held on to
everything, because I thought Ineeded to be across everything
(23:12):
or have everything.
But there are certain thingsand certain people that don't
align with where you're at orwhere you want to go.
And that kind of leads me into.
The next point is once I dealtwith a lot of the physical
(23:34):
clutter and it helped withgetting these other areas of my
life into better balance.
I then realized I had so muchmental, I had so much mental
like emotional clutter that Ineeded to deal with too.
And until you start goingthrough these things, you kind
(23:58):
of don't realize how much isbeyond the surface and you know
you start unraveling because allof a sudden you start seeing
how maybe particular friendshipsare toxic and you didn't
realize how much they arebringing you down.
You didn't realize that byworking that second job to help
(24:22):
pay the bills becauseeverything's through the roof,
you thought, yep, I can do this,it's sustainable and I'm
somewhat enjoying it.
You didn't realize that therewas a greater cost somewhere
else.
And look, I get it.
You got to do what you got todo and I technically have two
jobs right now Well, three ifyou include motherhood.
(24:45):
So, I get it.
You got to do what you got to do, but I encourage you to
prioritize time for you, becauseif you do not put yourself
first and I know I drum on aboutthis a lot but if you do not
look after yourself, you don'tput yourself first.
You are good to no one.
(25:06):
You're no good to your family,you're no good to your friends,
to your workplace, no one.
You have to look after yourself, and it's not selfish, Like you
wouldn't believe how manypeople I talk to where they just
can't put themselves first andlook, I was one of them.
(25:27):
It's hard putting yourselffirst, but when you start to see
it in a way that it's not justabout you, it is a way of being
able to serve those you lovebetter and have your heart in it
more, then it becomes a littlebit easier to look after
(25:49):
yourself.
So if you're someone thatstruggles to put yourself first
just for the sake of needing toput yourself first, think of it
as a way of still being able tothen look after the people you
love so much better because youput yourself first.
It's like the oxygen masktheory.
You know, in the airplaneyou've got to put on your own
(26:10):
mask before you can saveeveryone else.
So I do encourage you to dealwith physical clutter, mental
clutter and all that.
And you're thinking, okay, well, that's good, but how, where do
I start?
What do I do?
Everything's a bit of a messand there's so much in my life
(26:32):
to filter through.
I don't know how to.
Well, I may have mentioned thisbefore, I can't remember now,
between social Tricks method,where you've got the five
pillars and all of that, I alsohave what's called the 4D filter
(26:55):
.
So within that filter we've gotthe delete.
So, looking at whether it'sphysical stuff, let's just go
off physical stuff for now thatyou can remove actual items from
your home, from your schedule,from your work, whatever it is,
(27:22):
delete.
Then you've got delegate.
Is there someone else who cando this task?
So for me, in probably the lastfour or five months I've
started to get my kids to help abit more with some of the tasks
that I was doing, becausestarting this business and
podcasts and everything else isa much bigger demand than I'd
(27:46):
ever anticipated, and so I needmore help.
And my two older boys mydaughter tries to help, but it's
not that helpful.
But my two older boys they nowunstack the dishwasher in the
morning for me and they put awaywhat they can the glasses and
stuff they can't quite reach, sothey just leave it on the bench
and I put it away.
(28:06):
But that still saves me so mucheffort.
So delegate, you know you mightthink, oh, I can't get my kids
to do this because it's so muchmore efficient if I do it, it's
quicker if I do it, it's easierif I do it.
Well, yeah, maybe, but we needto also teach them skills,
because I want them learningskills that I had to learn once
(28:30):
I moved out of home.
I want them to learn beforethey get to that stage and for
it to become normal and to helptheir future wives, partners,
and to do their bit too.
So it might take a little bitlonger right now, but it does
help.
It really does help.
I don't have to worry about asmany things I still oversee,
(28:54):
because that's just how I am,but yeah, it does help.
So, after we do the delete andthe delegate, we have delay.
Now, this isn't for everythingand I'm not telling you to go
putting off doing a certain taskthat you need to do.
But if you are getting to thepoint where you're becoming
(29:16):
over-organized and it's like, oh, I've got to do these 20 things
every day, all the time, well,maybe just step back for a
minute and go actually, do Ineed to be scrubbing the shower
right now?
Like, actually, instead ofdoing it every week, maybe I
could get away with doing itevery two weeks in this season,
(29:37):
because I've got a lot on myplate.
Like, is it really going tokill anyone?
Probably not.
Or you just clean the floorpart where your feet touch or
whatever.
Like, you delay and you putthings off a little bit.
And then the final one is dodifferently.
So this one I like forautomating, having better
(29:58):
systems, putting things in place.
That's going to actuallysimplify the way you do things.
So, like an easy one is ifyou're paying bills manually all
the time, well, maybe set updirect debits and other ways to
actually automate it and make iteasier for you.
Maybe set up so then itnotifies you on your phone when
(30:18):
a payment's gone through orcomes out, so you don't have to
keep logging in to see ifpayments have gone through and
all of that.
So there's always a way thatthings can be done differently
and possibly more efficient, andit might take you a minute or
two to set up initially, but itwill save you more in the long
run.
So I just want to encourage youthat you know you don't always
(30:44):
need more containers, moresystems, more anything.
Sometimes you need less.
So I know I've rambled on a lot,I've talked a lot.
I'm sorry if it's bored you todeath, but I do want to just let
you know and encourage you thatI started off terribly.
(31:04):
I then went too far the otherway and now I'm somewhere in the
middle and it can happen foryou too.
And if you've got questions, ifthere's particular things that
is bugging you and you want toknow more about, please send
through an email.
I'll be more than happy toanswer your questions directly.
(31:24):
And yeah, I really look forwardto hearing from you and
remember to send through yourquestions and that too, so I can
keep answering them through onfuture episodes as well.
So I hope you got something outof today and I'll talk to you
next time.
If you loved this episode,don't forget to hit subscribe so
(31:48):
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on instagram atshizorganized, or, for some free
resources, head over tobeyondorganizedcom.
Slash toolkit.
Remember, organising is a toolto live the purposeful life
beyond it.
See you next time.
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