November 30, 2025 • 33 mins
The silence after the kids move out can be louder than the chaos that came before. We sit down with Suzy from Empty Nest Blessed to unpack what really helps in that moment: reclaiming identity, building purpose you actually want, and navigating adult children with trust and respect. Suzy’s story blends warmth, faith, and straight-talking practicals, making the path feel clear even when emotions are messy.
We start with the foundation: who you are beyond the role of mum. Suzy shares a simple exercise to ask ten people for three words that describe you. The responses can reframe your strengths and point you toward work, service, or creativity that fits. From there, we get tactical: a three-list reset to separate what you need to do from what you want to do, plus a counterintuitive move that works wonders: book a one-week getaway within two months of becoming an empty nester. Step back, lower the noise, plan with intention.
The heart of the conversation tackles the toughest transition: shifting from managing your kids to mentoring when asked. We break down why unsolicited advice undermines confidence, how to keep the welcome mat out while keeping your mouth closed, and how to set healthy boundaries with boomerang kids who return home.
Suzy also speaks candidly about fear (of aging, of tech, of asking for what you’re worth) and how small, steady actions rebuild courage. We talk marriage-first rhythms, date nights that model stability, and choosing purpose that fits your season, whether that’s learning, travelling, serving, or starting something new.
Connect with Suzy at emptynestblessed.com or on her Instagram @emptynestblessed
If you’re navigating the empty nest or getting ready for it, this conversation offers clarity, calm, and a practical roadmap. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to tell us the one boundary or brave step you’ll take this week.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:18):
Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organising, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in.
(00:59):
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
I have Suzy here with me, andI'm going to give you a bit of a
breakdown on who this lovelylady is.
So Suzy Mighell is thepersonality and content creator
behind the popular blog andsocial media brand Emptiness
Blessed.
Known for her bright spirit andbiblical encouragement, Susie
(01:20):
inspires more than 400,000monthly readers and followers
with uplifting content oneverything from fashion and
beauty to marriage, travel,parenting, adult kids, aging
joyfully, so much more.
Ranking at the top of Googlefor Emptiness blog and
influencer, she has also beenfeatured in many sources,
(01:40):
including national televisionand radio, among many others.
So coming all the way fromDallas, Texas, please join me in
welcoming Susie.
Suzy (01:51):
Thank you, Mel.
I'm sorry, one of my kidstexted me and I had to turn it
off on my watch.
If that isn't perfect, I don'tknow what is.
So I was like, I like how talkto you.
And it's a picture of thegrandbaby.
You can't even see it, but I'mlike, I don't have time for you.
You can't ignore that.
I'm sorry.
You can't ignore that.
I'm ignoring it for you for alittle while.
Mel (02:11):
Oh, I love it.
It is so good to have you here.
You got a growing audience ofpeople in your demographic that
I know are going to lovelistening to you today.
So to just take it, you know,straight into it.
What inspired you to write yourbook?
Suzy (02:31):
Well, I had been doing emptynessbless.com for 10 years,
and I'd had um social mediagoing and my blog going.
I had lots of followers, andthere were questions and there
were things that I was hearingfrom them over and over and over
again.
And I thought, I can keepwriting on the same subject, you
(02:54):
know, like you do with yourchildren.
When they're young, you keeprepeating yourself thinking it's
going to take eventually.
But but I just thought if I putit all in a book, then it'll be
there and it's a resource forpeople.
And so what I did was I startedwith the very basics of who you
are, because no matter what ageyou are, I think for us as
(03:15):
women, as people, as men, even,it's very, very important for us
to know who we are.
What are our gifts?
What are our abilities?
What are our skills?
What do we bring to the table?
What makes us special andunique?
And then what does God sayabout that?
Who does God say that we are inhis word?
And who is he calling us to be?
So we start there and then I gochronologically through the
(03:38):
empty nest, which I talk aboutthings you can do before your
nest empties when your kidsstart leaving and you think,
uh-oh, it's coming.
I've been a mom and now they'regonna all be gone.
And how's that gonna be?
And you start thinking aboutit.
So, what you can do even thento the feelings that you get
when the children do leave,everyone's gone and it's quiet
and you're all alone, and youjust think, what's next?
(04:01):
So that then what's it like asyou settle in?
Like life in the empty nest,rediscovering your relationship
with your spouse and um, youknow, learning to cook for two
people instead of five or six,and you know, all those things.
So life in the empty nest, andthen really finding purpose in
the empty nest.
(04:22):
What is that like?
And what does it mean to havepurpose?
And purpose is different foreveryone.
For some people, it could mean,you know, traveling all the
time with their husband who's onbusiness.
For others, does that soundgood to you, Mel?
Right off now.
I'm looking forward to thatbody where I can travel so far
away.
(04:42):
Yeah, bless your heart.
You know, but for others, itcould mean going back to school,
going back to work, um,volunteering, taking care of
elderly parents.
There's a wide variety in whatcan give women purpose.
Um, then I continue on throughthe book once we establish
purpose to the biggest sectionof the book, which I hear the
(05:04):
most about from my followers,and that has to do with
parenting adult children andwhat that looks like, how your
relationship changes fromparenting right where you are,
for example, where you'retraining and um working on their
character and talking to themabout virtue and you know,
training their hearts, you'recorrecting all those things to,
(05:26):
and you're really managing theirlives, getting them where they
need to go.
Yeah.
To as they become their ownperson, pulling back, closing
your mouth, keeping that welcomead out, but your mouth closed,
as my friend Jim Burns says, andreally being able to put
yourself in a position to bemore of a mentor rather than a
(05:48):
manager, um, but only whenasked, not giving suggestions,
not giving opinions, all thosethings.
And that is not as easy asflipping on a light switch.
That is a huge, huge change.
But it has to happen because ifyou keep parenting the way you
are, where you're giving themadvice without being asked, it
can undermine them.
(06:09):
So we can talk a little bitmore about that, but it's a big,
big deal.
Mel (06:13):
Well, I even see it from the child's perspective here,
that you know, the relationshipI have with my parents, but also
with my in-laws, is quitehealthy and quite good because
they're not giving theiropinions all the time without us
asking.
We do come to them because weknow we're gonna get good
advice.
(06:33):
That's but also because we knowthat they're only gonna give us
those that advice when we ask.
Uh, because they're trustingthat we've got it in hand, we
know what we know, they'veraised us well, we're good
people, you know, and they'rejust gonna trust that whatever
decisions we make are the rightones, you know, for my husband
(06:54):
and I in our family.
That's amazing.
I I mean, I still talk to mymum every day, pretty much.
I love that.
I love that.
Suzy (07:02):
And I think for us as parents, that's the kind of
relationship we want to havewith our adult children.
But if you keep getting inthere and giving them advice,
suggestions, people are like,oh, I don't really give them
advice for tombs, I just givethem suggestions.
You can't do any of thatbecause they hear the
relationship.
Well, they hear it.
The kids hear it.
See if you agree with this.
(07:23):
They hear it as you don't thinkI'm capable of doing this on my
own.
You don't think that I'm smartenough or talented enough.
You see me as a child.
Yes, you see me as young, andit undermines their competence,
it undermines their belief inthemselves and the abilities
that God's given them to take onthe world and do what they need
to do and what they're calledto do.
(07:44):
So the last thing I think wewould do as parents is undermine
our children in any way.
And yet, when you can't stopgiving advice and um instructing
them and giving thosesuggestions, um, you can, you're
doing exactly that.
You're undermining them.
I always say Susie suggests nosuggestions.
No, Susie is suggesting do notgive suggestions.
(08:08):
Yeah, do not.
Mel (08:11):
It would, I I know, I reckon your book's gonna help me
in about 20 years' time becauseI'm I can already see it now.
It's probably gonna besomething I'm gonna have to work
through because and that's whyI'm a life coach and I love
doing what I do because I loveto try and fix problems.
Yes, and and help people.
So it is going to be somethingthat I'm gonna have to be
(08:32):
conscious of and actively workon when that time comes.
But I'm still in that trainingseason.
So that's it.
Suzy (08:39):
Well, and you know, I think there's such value though.
I want to encourage you, justeven in the season that you're
in, Mel, that when you're livinglife with intention and you're
being thoughtful about whatyou're doing, you're not just uh
scramble to get through theday.
And I love what you're doinghere beyond organized.
Help people get organized withsome structure so they actually
(09:00):
have a thought life andintentionality going into what
they're doing instead of justtrying to survive and tread
water.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So I love what you're doing.
Mel (09:11):
Yeah.
It's being present today.
It is, and in the everydaybecause I know, I know this time
is gonna go fast.
It's it's slow in the moment.
But even when I look at myeldest, she's nearly 10, and I
just think that has flownalready.
And I just maybe that's why Ikeep having more babies to keep
me looking at that.
(09:31):
If you want to get to where Iam, that needs to stop.
You need to stop thateventually.
Believe me, I've stopped now.
For's my limit.
I've I'm I'm stretched.
I love them, but yeah, we'redone.
Um, it's just it goes so fast,and I think of the future and
(09:51):
the life I want to set up forthe future and and hopefully
grandkids one day.
I'm bettering my odds, that'sfor sure.
But I I just think as much as Ican think forward think and and
plan for the future and do allof that, and that's what I'm
setting up by having the lifeI've got.
I also want to be present todayand in the moment today,
(10:12):
because I know this is gonna goso fast.
And I want to be in my 50s,60s, 70s and looking back on
today and going, you know what,I made the most of it.
It went fast.
I wish I could live another dayin it, but I I made the most of
it while I've got it and noregrets, you know?
Suzy (10:30):
So well, and you want to be live intentionally, but you
will make mistakes and of courseand you know every day.
Knowing that you do the bestyou can, that's what matters.
That's it.
Mel (10:41):
That's it.
So I I love that you arespeaking on something that I
also feel like, particularly forwomen that that I've come
across in this area, feel likethey should know what they're
feeling and thinking.
They should be happy.
Now the kids moved out andthey've got their space.
They should be happy with a lotof things, but there's just
(11:02):
this emptiness and they're notquite sure what to do with
themselves.
How do you help, particularlythe women?
I want to focus more on thewomen, how do you help them
navigate this season whenthere's so many emotions that
they almost feel like theyshould feel one thing, but
they're feeling another?
Suzy (11:21):
That's a great question.
I think um, first of all, Iencourage women just to give
themselves grace, be very kindto yourself.
This is a huge transition.
And I would um equate it withwhen you were pregnant and you
knew a baby, that first baby wascoming and you did everything
you can.
You were just readiness andthinking about all the time and
(11:44):
preparations, preparations,preparations.
And then it happened, and youwere like, oh, nothing could
have prepared me for this.
I read the books, I talked toall the people.
You know, so when you'reliving, it is different.
So you have to be kind toyourself and just know that
you're gonna do the best you canand get through it.
So I think that's the firstthing.
And then secondly, I think it'sa real time of overwhelm.
(12:07):
I think people can get veryoverwhelmed.
And so it's very helpful tobreak it down.
I try to encourage them tobreak it down.
There are three main areas.
The first is I tell people,take out, like really literally
like a notepad, like a notepadhere.
You can see here's my notepadfrom today.
A notepad and write down as anempty nester, what are the
(12:32):
things you need to do?
How long has it been since youhad your checkup at the
doctor's?
Have you had a mammogram?
Do you need um to get yourteeth cleaned?
Do you need to, you know, doyou need to get in shape because
you're not healthy?
Care for yourself.
Do you need to, well, do youneed to work on your marriage?
(12:52):
Did you neglect your spouse,your husband while you were busy
raising kids?
Do you guys need to work atgetting back in touch with each
other?
What do you need?
Yeah, what do you need to do?
These are not, oh, I reallywant to travel, I really want
to.
These are need to, and that hasto come first.
Take care of what you need todo.
(13:12):
So it is self-care, yes, butit's also just maybe you need to
give more attention to anelderly parent that you've
neglected and they're decliningand they need more of you, and
you need to at least get inthere and assess what's going
on.
How can I meet these needseffectively?
So, what is it you need to do?
(13:34):
Number two, what do you want todo?
Do you want to travel more?
Do you want to go back toraising orchids?
Do you want to start a businessmaking jewelry?
Do you love pottery?
Do you want to go back tocollege?
Do you want to reenter theworkforce?
What do you want to do?
Do you want to volunteer?
Just put it down on the pad,write it on the list, and just
(13:58):
brainstorm.
It doesn't mean you're going toget to all of it, but what do
you want to do?
Then, number three, I tellwomen, you immediately, it's
very, very, very important.
You must within the first twomonths of becoming an empty
nester, you must plan a trip.
And I'm serious.
You need to plan a littlegetaway.
(14:18):
You don't have to go, this isnot the time to go to the, you
know, cabin in the mountainsthat you've been to five times
or the beach house that yourfamily owns that you've been to
all your life.
This is like take your husband,or if you're single, take your
girlfriend and or your mom orsomebody and go away.
(14:38):
This is not a long weekend.
This is about a week.
And you need to pull back fromyour life.
You'll be able to just all thenoise will go away and you'll be
able to really focus, reallythink, really pray, um, really
hone in on what you want thisseason to be.
(15:00):
And so there's it gives you notonly that, but it gives you
something to look forward to andplan for.
And this isn't the trip whereyou're like, I'm gonna go to
Europe and be a sightseer.
That's not this trip.
This is three months.
Yeah, this is going somewherethat's interesting to you, but
that would be simple.
That, you know, whether it's aresort or a cabin somewhere, um,
(15:23):
and it's not by yourself, it'susually with another person so
that you can just talk.
And the time to be there is toreally just think about what do
I want this life to be like now?
What do I want my purpose tobe?
What do I have to offer?
So I ask women to do anexercise in my book.
It's actually the very firstchapter of the book, as they're
(15:47):
figuring out who they are.
And I ask them to find 10people that um know them well,
can be your children, um, shoulddefinitely be your spouse.
It can be your mom, but itshould be some of your friends,
uh, male, female, both.
So about 10 people and textthem, tell them I'm doing
(16:08):
something weird.
You want to be like, I'm doingsomething weird, don't question
this.
But I'm gonna ask you to thinkof me and think of the first
three things that describe methat you think of, and just text
those back to me really fast.
Don't overthink this, it'sgotta be one word.
And when those words startcoming in, Mel, you will see
(16:32):
yourself in a whole new lightbecause we have what we think we
are putting out there, and wehave what we know of ourselves,
which is the good and the bad.
But when you see how others seeyou, it is a powerful, powerful
thing.
Example, I thought that I wasgonna get words like bossy and
(16:54):
opinionated, know it all, andthings like that.
And instead, I got words likepersuasive, encouraging,
enthusiastic, um, exhorter, um,all these things that people,
you know, uplifting, inspiring,these words that I thought
that's not me because you didn'tknow you were doing it.
(17:16):
Yeah, I didn't know I was doingit.
And um, and so when you startseeing how other people see you,
it can open up this whole newavenue of what you think you
might want to do to find purposein the emptiness season.
When I realized that people sawme as such an encourager and
(17:38):
someone that would inspire them,I that was part of the
confidence that it gave me tostart Empty Nest Blessed.
The mission statement forEmptiness Blessed is to
encourage, inspire, and blessempty nesters.
And it started it 10 years ago,it's still that way today.
Mel (17:56):
I love it.
And I love how it's uh no doubtevolved in that time, but the
core message is still the same.
The same.
I think that's so, sobeautiful.
What do you think is the mainlimiting belief holding women
back in this season?
Suzy (18:10):
That is an excellent question.
And you are a greatinterviewer.
You really are.
You're asking great questions.
Um, I would say you think no,this is good.
I I know exactly what I think.
Um, I'm just admiring yourasking it.
Um the number one thing isfear.
It's fear.
(18:31):
It's fear of feeling or lookingold.
It's fear of looking, peoplelooking down at you now that you
don't have the importance ofI'm so-and-so's mom, or you
know, my child got into thisexcellent university, or my
child has this prestigious job,or whatever.
Yes.
It's just you and you'reafraid.
Um, tech moves so quickly.
(18:53):
Um, our world moves fast.
You can be behind.
Even I'm struggling.
Oh, please.
You can be behind in a day.
Yeah, no, you can be behind ina day.
I mean, Mel, my whole job is onthe internet.
When I was in in college, inuniversity, the internet was not
even invented.
So my degree, what I studied inschool was marketing, public
(19:19):
relations, speaking, writing.
Those are all the things Godwas preparing me for just such a
time as this.
And yet the medium that I'musing did not exist.
Mel (19:31):
Yeah.
Suzy (19:32):
It's amazing.
So you don't need to worry.
He has a plan.
I mean, he has a plan.
Yeah.
And he says, this is the way,walk in it.
And so your job is to walk,take those steps every day.
So I think it's fear.
Um, and I still struggle withthat.
I um when I work with a brand,sometimes I'm fearful to ask for
(19:52):
payment that I think I'm due.
Um, because I'm scared they'llbe like, well, you're not really
worth that, you know, or well,you know, or whatever.
I don't really think you bringthat much value.
So no, thanks.
We're walking away.
You know, or whatever.
I don't, and you know, whetherit's that kind of fear or just
fear that you'll look stupid andyou'll have to ask somebody
(20:13):
that's like younger and morewith it than you are to help
figure something out, um,tech-wise, or whether it's some
sort of terminology people areusing that you're like, I don't
understand and that you're gonnalook dumb or old or like you
know, the ship has sailed orwhatever.
(20:33):
And so I think it's fear, to behonest.
I think it's fear, you know, weall have these dreams, like,
oh, I want to travel more, butdo you really?
I mean, travel's not superglam.
I mean, there's, you know,there's parts of it that are
wonderful, but um, when itreally comes to the
nitty-gritty, every there, everyjob has hard parts and um just
(20:54):
life is is messy and not alwayspretty.
And so, um, yeah, so I hopethat answers your question.
I think it's fear and it'snormal.
We all struggle with it.
Mel (21:05):
I have a bit of a side question, I guess, and it's
probably a little specific andmaybe not relevant for everyone.
But how or what advice wouldyou give to someone where their
children keep coming back andthen leaving and coming back?
And they're trying to mentallyprepare for this emptiness
season, and then all of a suddenthey're thrown back into having
a child come back because thatwe're seeing it a lot these
(21:27):
days.
Suzy (21:28):
It happens a lot.
And um whether it's financialor whether it's an inability to
grow up, yes, or just falling onhard times, you know, whatever
it is, it can be very, verychallenging.
Um we call that, I don't knowif you know this term in
(21:49):
Australia, I don't know, but wecall it being a boomerang child.
A boomerang child that like itwent away and then it came back.
Mel (21:59):
Boomerang side.
Yes.
Suzy (22:03):
So we call that boomerang parenting.
Yeah, boomerang parenting andboomerang children who go away
and then they come back.
So that is a difficult thing.
And I'm sure as a coach, as alife coach, you deal with this a
lot.
People have trouble settingboundaries.
And boundaries are like theyare kind of a bad word.
(22:24):
I mean, like a dirty word.
Nobody likes boundaries.
I always say boundaries aretools for a healthy
relationship.
And so learning to setboundaries with your adult
children is challenging.
And I'll tell you whyspecifically, because you have,
and you know, my friend, you'vegot this little one-year-old
precious one, and you're gonnaraise them all the way up till
(22:47):
they're 18, and then they'readults, for better or worse,
you've done your job.
They're who God made them tobe, and they learn.
Brownwick is done.
And they've launched, and thenand then it's a lot of prey.
Yeah, exactly.
But so during that time onethrough 18, how has your child
viewed you?
You've had one role, and thatis mom, instructor, teacher,
(23:11):
guider, you know, um, corrector,nurse, chauffeur.
I know, right?
Exactly.
Laundress.
Um but they've seen you as amom.
You've seen them go from thislittle one-year-old that you've
got in your arms to this18-year-old boy, maybe who's
taller than you, he's gotwhiskers, he's got muscles, you
(23:35):
know, all those things.
So you're seeing them atdifferent stages.
All they ever do is see you asmom.
So when you've got an adultchild, they're thinking mom, the
way they've always thought ofyou.
They do not think of you as awoman with your own skills,
(23:55):
abilities.
Even if you were a working mom,even if you had a job, because
you know, whether you were afull-time stay-at-home mom and
all you did was your children,or whether you had a flourishing
career and they were in daycareall the time and you were out
at a you know, high-rise officebuilding, does not matter.
They still see you as mom.
(24:16):
And yet you've seen them growand evolve.
But in their mind, you have notgrown and evolved.
So it you can start seeingyourself that way, and that's
not good.
And then also their perspectivetowards you is that.
So when you've got theseboomerang children who are going
away and coming back, they donot expect mom to set a boundary
(24:38):
and to say, I'm sorry, that'snot going to work tonight.
I have um my girlfriends comingover for book club, so you're
not going to be able to be here.
So I love you.
And um, you know, other nightsare good, but tonight that's not
okay, you know, or whatever.
So setting boundaries, havingyour own life.
My kids, I was asking them onetime.
Um, my children are 33, 31, and29.
(25:02):
And I asked them, what has beenthe most challenging thing
about the way you see me nowthat I'm an empty nester?
And one of them said, We had noidea you could do so many
things.
I mean, they were like, I know.
No, but I mean, they were like,You wrote a book, you know, you
(25:22):
got this business, you got,wow, we didn't know that, mom,
way to go.
You know?
And then I think then anotherone said, It kind of hurt that
you had so much that wasinteresting to you outside of me
and us, because I thought itwas just us.
And I was, you know, and it waslike, well, I you're always
(25:45):
number one and you're soprecious to me, but I can't do
other things.
And so I think I think we haveto remember you were a woman
before you were a mother.
Mother is a precious, sacredcalling.
It's a beautiful role, but itis a role you're called to fill.
Just like you're a daughter ora granddaughter, a sister, a
(26:08):
friend, a wife, it's a role.
And it's not who you are.
It doesn't define you any morethan any of those other roles
do.
So it's about getting back intouch with the woman that you
are.
And that's why I start my bookwith let's talk about who you
are and what you have to offer.
And once you really get a holdof that, then it does.
(26:30):
I don't love the word empower,but it does make you feel
empowered then to go on and tojust bloom into being that
flower that God made you to be.
Mel (26:42):
Well, I hope I'm setting my kids up for that kind of
expectation that it doesn't hitthem so hard because my husband
and I are making a little bitmore effort these days to to go
out on a date night or dosomething just the two of us,
because we know when the kidsare gone, it's just gonna be the
two of us, and I want to knowwho I'm married to, and I want
to enjoy that stage two, and Iwant to enjoy this time now.
(27:04):
But the kids are like, Oh, whyare you going without us?
And oh, we want to come too,and all that.
It's like, no, it's mummy anddaddy time.
We need to work on ourrelationship because we come
first to each other.
Like, we love you guys, and youyou're our children and you're
important to us.
But I married your dad first.
He actually comes before you ina lot of ways.
(27:28):
So I want to work on thatbecause one day you'll grow up,
you'll have your own lives, yourown wives and and husbands, and
all of that.
But I'll I'll still be withyour dad, and I want it to work
well and they're they're kind ofunderstanding, you know,
because in my mind it goes Godfirst, then my husband, Sam, and
(27:49):
then my children.
And beautiful.
Um, and I think it also puts itinto perspective that I'm not
then sacrificing my relationshipwith my husband because I'm
constantly on demand for thekids.
Yes.
It puts things in perspective abit better, and I'm seeing how
a lot of relationships havebroken down because oh, but I've
(28:09):
got to attend to littleJohnny's needs all the time, all
the time, all the time.
And it's like, well, what aboutme?
I have needs too.
Suzy (28:16):
So you are you're doing a beautiful thing.
You are modeling for thosechildren what a good marriage
looks like.
Yeah.
And I want to encourage you,Mel, as they get older, don't
just go for a date night, goaway for the weekend.
Go away.
Mel (28:32):
Well, that's what we're doing for my birthday in two
weeks' time.
Good.
For one night.
Yeah.
My mom's coming and she's gonnastay over and watch.
And you know what?
Suzy (28:40):
Tell the children, just say, Daddy's my best friend.
And I'm going with dad.
Daddy's my best friend, and hecomes first.
And that will give them suchconfidence, and you're setting
such a wonderful example.
And you just tell them you'regonna marry your best friend
too, and you're gonna feel likeyou want to be with him.
And I do.
(29:00):
So that's so good.
Mel (29:02):
That's funny because I didn't grow up.
I mean, my parents are togetherand it's and it's fine, but I
didn't grow up with even justhaving them hug in front of us,
right?
Like, we're not very, you know,touchy-feely kind of people.
But every now and then, like, Ijust want to give him a hug.
Suzy (29:18):
Yeah.
Mel (29:18):
You know, I haven't seen him all week.
We've been working and out ofthe house and different places,
and I just want to give him ahug.
And it's funny, because I seeparticularly my youngest two,
and they've got the biggestsmiles on their face.
Oh, it's so nice.
My older two are the boys are abit like, yeah, all right.
Come on, they think it though.
Suzy (29:35):
They think it.
It gives them such confidence,you know, to know that that you
guys are the foundation thattheir family is built on.
So I hope we answered, Ianswered your question about
boomerangs.
Boomerangs are hard.
It is a whole thing.
And I do write about that somein my book, but setting
boundaries in small ways, likeyou're even starting to do now,
(29:57):
and setting boundaries even asan empathy.
D Nester to just say that won'twork for me.
And if they call, just to say,sweetie, I'd love to talk to
you.
This is not a good time.
When would it work for me tocall you back?
Just to have, I have otherthings going on in my life.
I'm my own person.
And you have to remind thembecause again, they've only seen
you as that role.
(30:18):
They think that's all you are,and you're not.
And you have to just a littlebit gently re-educate them.
And um, I want my kids to bevery proud of me and what I'm
doing.
Mel (30:29):
I'm sure they are.
Well, I don't know.
I'm sure they are.
Yeah.
I mean, I can't speak for them,but I'd be pretty proud if
you're my mom.
Thank you.
Suzy (30:39):
Thank you.
Mel (30:41):
Well, I could talk all day, and I I'm definitely gonna have
to get you to come back for apart two and keep going with
more things because I just haveloved talking to you, and I know
that you're just a wealth ofknowledge, which would be
amazing to have more of.
But how in the meantime, howcan people connect with you?
Suzy (31:01):
Well, the biggest thing they can do is join me at
emptynestblessed.com.
And so that is a platform that,as I said, it's been going for
10 years.
I talk about everything that isimportant in the life of an
empty nester.
So we're definitely gonna talkabout fashion.
The holidays are coming up,we're gonna talk about gift
(31:21):
giving, we talk about parentingadult children, we talk about
marriage, travel, um,decorating, organi being
organized, um, beauty, you know,how to deal with wrinkly necks
and you know, all the thingsthat come, menopause, all the
things that come with gettingolder.
(31:42):
But I wanted, I think women areso beautiful and multifaceted.
So I really want to talk aboutthe whole woman.
And um, as I said, you're notjust a mother, you're a whole
woman.
So we are gonna talk about thewhole woman.
And then also um, you canfollow me on social media,
Instagram, Facebook, andPinterest, a little bit on
(32:04):
YouTube, but mostly Instagram,Facebook, Pinterest, and it's at
Empty Nest Blessed.
And so um, my book is availableon Amazon.
It's called, guess what?
Empty Nest Blessed.
Empty Nest Blessed.
Nice and consistent.
That's right.
The subtitle is 60 Days toFinding Joy in the Empty Nest.
(32:27):
So it's beautiful.
Mel (32:29):
Make sure it's all in the description.
Thank you.
Suzy (32:32):
The links are there and it's easy to find.
Wonderful.
It's on ebook, audiobook, andhardback book.
It makes a great gift.
It'd be a good holiday gift.
It's real colorful and happy.
I should have one to show you,but I can't put my finger on one
right now.
Um it's a great gift.
So give it to your friends.
I know what I'll be getting mymom.
(32:52):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Mel.
Mel (32:55):
Great.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on today, Susie.
I really appreciate it and Ireally look forward to us
connecting again in the future.
Suzy (33:03):
I would love that.
We'll have everybody write into you with all their questions
and we'll come on and answerthem.
Definitely a great idea.
Okay, thank you.
Okay, take care.
If you like this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised.com/ toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life of beyond it. See you next time.
Welcome to Beyond Organised, the podcast that helps you simplify your life and amplify your purpose. I'm Mel Schenker, life coach, speaker, founder of She's Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little kids. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly juggling everything but never quite catching up, this is the place for you. Here we go beyond just the tidying up and creating systems. We're talking about real life strategies that bring order to your life, but also we talk about the things beyond the organising, the things that really matter, like your parenting relationships and so much more. So grab your coffee and let's dive in.
(00:59):
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
I have Suzy here with me, andI'm going to give you a bit of a
breakdown on who this lovelylady is.
So Suzy Mighell is thepersonality and content creator
behind the popular blog andsocial media brand Emptiness
Blessed.
Known for her bright spirit andbiblical encouragement, Susie
(01:20):
inspires more than 400,000monthly readers and followers
with uplifting content oneverything from fashion and
beauty to marriage, travel,parenting, adult kids, aging
joyfully, so much more.
Ranking at the top of Googlefor Emptiness blog and
influencer, she has also beenfeatured in many sources,
(01:40):
including national televisionand radio, among many others.
So coming all the way fromDallas, Texas, please join me in
welcoming Susie.
Suzy (01:51):
Thank you, Mel.
I'm sorry, one of my kidstexted me and I had to turn it
off on my watch.
If that isn't perfect, I don'tknow what is.
So I was like, I like how talkto you.
And it's a picture of thegrandbaby.
You can't even see it, but I'mlike, I don't have time for you.
You can't ignore that.
I'm sorry.
You can't ignore that.
I'm ignoring it for you for alittle while.
Mel (02:11):
Oh, I love it.
It is so good to have you here.
You got a growing audience ofpeople in your demographic that
I know are going to lovelistening to you today.
So to just take it, you know,straight into it.
What inspired you to write yourbook?
Suzy (02:31):
Well, I had been doing emptynessbless.com for 10 years,
and I'd had um social mediagoing and my blog going.
I had lots of followers, andthere were questions and there
were things that I was hearingfrom them over and over and over
again.
And I thought, I can keepwriting on the same subject, you
(02:54):
know, like you do with yourchildren.
When they're young, you keeprepeating yourself thinking it's
going to take eventually.
But but I just thought if I putit all in a book, then it'll be
there and it's a resource forpeople.
And so what I did was I startedwith the very basics of who you
are, because no matter what ageyou are, I think for us as
(03:15):
women, as people, as men, even,it's very, very important for us
to know who we are.
What are our gifts?
What are our abilities?
What are our skills?
What do we bring to the table?
What makes us special andunique?
And then what does God sayabout that?
Who does God say that we are inhis word?
And who is he calling us to be?
So we start there and then I gochronologically through the
(03:38):
empty nest, which I talk aboutthings you can do before your
nest empties when your kidsstart leaving and you think,
uh-oh, it's coming.
I've been a mom and now they'regonna all be gone.
And how's that gonna be?
And you start thinking aboutit.
So, what you can do even thento the feelings that you get
when the children do leave,everyone's gone and it's quiet
and you're all alone, and youjust think, what's next?
(04:01):
So that then what's it like asyou settle in?
Like life in the empty nest,rediscovering your relationship
with your spouse and um, youknow, learning to cook for two
people instead of five or six,and you know, all those things.
So life in the empty nest, andthen really finding purpose in
the empty nest.
(04:22):
What is that like?
And what does it mean to havepurpose?
And purpose is different foreveryone.
For some people, it could mean,you know, traveling all the
time with their husband who's onbusiness.
For others, does that soundgood to you, Mel?
Right off now.
I'm looking forward to thatbody where I can travel so far
away.
(04:42):
Yeah, bless your heart.
You know, but for others, itcould mean going back to school,
going back to work, um,volunteering, taking care of
elderly parents.
There's a wide variety in whatcan give women purpose.
Um, then I continue on throughthe book once we establish
purpose to the biggest sectionof the book, which I hear the
(05:04):
most about from my followers,and that has to do with
parenting adult children andwhat that looks like, how your
relationship changes fromparenting right where you are,
for example, where you'retraining and um working on their
character and talking to themabout virtue and you know,
training their hearts, you'recorrecting all those things to,
(05:26):
and you're really managing theirlives, getting them where they
need to go.
Yeah.
To as they become their ownperson, pulling back, closing
your mouth, keeping that welcomead out, but your mouth closed,
as my friend Jim Burns says, andreally being able to put
yourself in a position to bemore of a mentor rather than a
(05:48):
manager, um, but only whenasked, not giving suggestions,
not giving opinions, all thosethings.
And that is not as easy asflipping on a light switch.
That is a huge, huge change.
But it has to happen because ifyou keep parenting the way you
are, where you're giving themadvice without being asked, it
can undermine them.
(06:09):
So we can talk a little bitmore about that, but it's a big,
big deal.
Mel (06:13):
Well, I even see it from the child's perspective here,
that you know, the relationshipI have with my parents, but also
with my in-laws, is quitehealthy and quite good because
they're not giving theiropinions all the time without us
asking.
We do come to them because weknow we're gonna get good
advice.
(06:33):
That's but also because we knowthat they're only gonna give us
those that advice when we ask.
Uh, because they're trustingthat we've got it in hand, we
know what we know, they'veraised us well, we're good
people, you know, and they'rejust gonna trust that whatever
decisions we make are the rightones, you know, for my husband
(06:54):
and I in our family.
That's amazing.
I I mean, I still talk to mymum every day, pretty much.
I love that.
I love that.
Suzy (07:02):
And I think for us as parents, that's the kind of
relationship we want to havewith our adult children.
But if you keep getting inthere and giving them advice,
suggestions, people are like,oh, I don't really give them
advice for tombs, I just givethem suggestions.
You can't do any of thatbecause they hear the
relationship.
Well, they hear it.
The kids hear it.
See if you agree with this.
(07:23):
They hear it as you don't thinkI'm capable of doing this on my
own.
You don't think that I'm smartenough or talented enough.
You see me as a child.
Yes, you see me as young, andit undermines their competence,
it undermines their belief inthemselves and the abilities
that God's given them to take onthe world and do what they need
to do and what they're calledto do.
(07:44):
So the last thing I think wewould do as parents is undermine
our children in any way.
And yet, when you can't stopgiving advice and um instructing
them and giving thosesuggestions, um, you can, you're
doing exactly that.
You're undermining them.
I always say Susie suggests nosuggestions.
No, Susie is suggesting do notgive suggestions.
(08:08):
Yeah, do not.
Mel (08:11):
It would, I I know, I reckon your book's gonna help me
in about 20 years' time becauseI'm I can already see it now.
It's probably gonna besomething I'm gonna have to work
through because and that's whyI'm a life coach and I love
doing what I do because I loveto try and fix problems.
Yes, and and help people.
So it is going to be somethingthat I'm gonna have to be
(08:32):
conscious of and actively workon when that time comes.
But I'm still in that trainingseason.
So that's it.
Suzy (08:39):
Well, and you know, I think there's such value though.
I want to encourage you, justeven in the season that you're
in, Mel, that when you're livinglife with intention and you're
being thoughtful about whatyou're doing, you're not just uh
scramble to get through theday.
And I love what you're doinghere beyond organized.
Help people get organized withsome structure so they actually
(09:00):
have a thought life andintentionality going into what
they're doing instead of justtrying to survive and tread
water.
Exactly.
Yeah.
So I love what you're doing.
Mel (09:11):
Yeah.
It's being present today.
It is, and in the everydaybecause I know, I know this time
is gonna go fast.
It's it's slow in the moment.
But even when I look at myeldest, she's nearly 10, and I
just think that has flownalready.
And I just maybe that's why Ikeep having more babies to keep
me looking at that.
(09:31):
If you want to get to where Iam, that needs to stop.
You need to stop thateventually.
Believe me, I've stopped now.
For's my limit.
I've I'm I'm stretched.
I love them, but yeah, we'redone.
Um, it's just it goes so fast,and I think of the future and
(09:51):
the life I want to set up forthe future and and hopefully
grandkids one day.
I'm bettering my odds, that'sfor sure.
But I I just think as much as Ican think forward think and and
plan for the future and do allof that, and that's what I'm
setting up by having the lifeI've got.
I also want to be present todayand in the moment today,
(10:12):
because I know this is gonna goso fast.
And I want to be in my 50s,60s, 70s and looking back on
today and going, you know what,I made the most of it.
It went fast.
I wish I could live another dayin it, but I I made the most of
it while I've got it and noregrets, you know?
Suzy (10:30):
So well, and you want to be live intentionally, but you
will make mistakes and of courseand you know every day.
Knowing that you do the bestyou can, that's what matters.
That's it.
Mel (10:41):
That's it.
So I I love that you arespeaking on something that I
also feel like, particularly forwomen that that I've come
across in this area, feel likethey should know what they're
feeling and thinking.
They should be happy.
Now the kids moved out andthey've got their space.
They should be happy with a lotof things, but there's just
(11:02):
this emptiness and they're notquite sure what to do with
themselves.
How do you help, particularlythe women?
I want to focus more on thewomen, how do you help them
navigate this season whenthere's so many emotions that
they almost feel like theyshould feel one thing, but
they're feeling another?
Suzy (11:21):
That's a great question.
I think um, first of all, Iencourage women just to give
themselves grace, be very kindto yourself.
This is a huge transition.
And I would um equate it withwhen you were pregnant and you
knew a baby, that first baby wascoming and you did everything
you can.
You were just readiness andthinking about all the time and
(11:44):
preparations, preparations,preparations.
And then it happened, and youwere like, oh, nothing could
have prepared me for this.
I read the books, I talked toall the people.
You know, so when you'reliving, it is different.
So you have to be kind toyourself and just know that
you're gonna do the best you canand get through it.
So I think that's the firstthing.
And then secondly, I think it'sa real time of overwhelm.
(12:07):
I think people can get veryoverwhelmed.
And so it's very helpful tobreak it down.
I try to encourage them tobreak it down.
There are three main areas.
The first is I tell people,take out, like really literally
like a notepad, like a notepadhere.
You can see here's my notepadfrom today.
A notepad and write down as anempty nester, what are the
(12:32):
things you need to do?
How long has it been since youhad your checkup at the
doctor's?
Have you had a mammogram?
Do you need um to get yourteeth cleaned?
Do you need to, you know, doyou need to get in shape because
you're not healthy?
Care for yourself.
Do you need to, well, do youneed to work on your marriage?
(12:52):
Did you neglect your spouse,your husband while you were busy
raising kids?
Do you guys need to work atgetting back in touch with each
other?
What do you need?
Yeah, what do you need to do?
These are not, oh, I reallywant to travel, I really want
to.
These are need to, and that hasto come first.
Take care of what you need todo.
(13:12):
So it is self-care, yes, butit's also just maybe you need to
give more attention to anelderly parent that you've
neglected and they're decliningand they need more of you, and
you need to at least get inthere and assess what's going
on.
How can I meet these needseffectively?
So, what is it you need to do?
(13:34):
Number two, what do you want todo?
Do you want to travel more?
Do you want to go back toraising orchids?
Do you want to start a businessmaking jewelry?
Do you love pottery?
Do you want to go back tocollege?
Do you want to reenter theworkforce?
What do you want to do?
Do you want to volunteer?
Just put it down on the pad,write it on the list, and just
(13:58):
brainstorm.
It doesn't mean you're going toget to all of it, but what do
you want to do?
Then, number three, I tellwomen, you immediately, it's
very, very, very important.
You must within the first twomonths of becoming an empty
nester, you must plan a trip.
And I'm serious.
You need to plan a littlegetaway.
(14:18):
You don't have to go, this isnot the time to go to the, you
know, cabin in the mountainsthat you've been to five times
or the beach house that yourfamily owns that you've been to
all your life.
This is like take your husband,or if you're single, take your
girlfriend and or your mom orsomebody and go away.
(14:38):
This is not a long weekend.
This is about a week.
And you need to pull back fromyour life.
You'll be able to just all thenoise will go away and you'll be
able to really focus, reallythink, really pray, um, really
hone in on what you want thisseason to be.
(15:00):
And so there's it gives you notonly that, but it gives you
something to look forward to andplan for.
And this isn't the trip whereyou're like, I'm gonna go to
Europe and be a sightseer.
That's not this trip.
This is three months.
Yeah, this is going somewherethat's interesting to you, but
that would be simple.
That, you know, whether it's aresort or a cabin somewhere, um,
(15:23):
and it's not by yourself, it'susually with another person so
that you can just talk.
And the time to be there is toreally just think about what do
I want this life to be like now?
What do I want my purpose tobe?
What do I have to offer?
So I ask women to do anexercise in my book.
It's actually the very firstchapter of the book, as they're
(15:47):
figuring out who they are.
And I ask them to find 10people that um know them well,
can be your children, um, shoulddefinitely be your spouse.
It can be your mom, but itshould be some of your friends,
uh, male, female, both.
So about 10 people and textthem, tell them I'm doing
(16:08):
something weird.
You want to be like, I'm doingsomething weird, don't question
this.
But I'm gonna ask you to thinkof me and think of the first
three things that describe methat you think of, and just text
those back to me really fast.
Don't overthink this, it'sgotta be one word.
And when those words startcoming in, Mel, you will see
(16:32):
yourself in a whole new lightbecause we have what we think we
are putting out there, and wehave what we know of ourselves,
which is the good and the bad.
But when you see how others seeyou, it is a powerful, powerful
thing.
Example, I thought that I wasgonna get words like bossy and
(16:54):
opinionated, know it all, andthings like that.
And instead, I got words likepersuasive, encouraging,
enthusiastic, um, exhorter, um,all these things that people,
you know, uplifting, inspiring,these words that I thought
that's not me because you didn'tknow you were doing it.
(17:16):
Yeah, I didn't know I was doingit.
And um, and so when you startseeing how other people see you,
it can open up this whole newavenue of what you think you
might want to do to find purposein the emptiness season.
When I realized that people sawme as such an encourager and
(17:38):
someone that would inspire them,I that was part of the
confidence that it gave me tostart Empty Nest Blessed.
The mission statement forEmptiness Blessed is to
encourage, inspire, and blessempty nesters.
And it started it 10 years ago,it's still that way today.
Mel (17:56):
I love it.
And I love how it's uh no doubtevolved in that time, but the
core message is still the same.
The same.
I think that's so, sobeautiful.
What do you think is the mainlimiting belief holding women
back in this season?
Suzy (18:10):
That is an excellent question.
And you are a greatinterviewer.
You really are.
You're asking great questions.
Um, I would say you think no,this is good.
I I know exactly what I think.
Um, I'm just admiring yourasking it.
Um the number one thing isfear.
It's fear.
(18:31):
It's fear of feeling or lookingold.
It's fear of looking, peoplelooking down at you now that you
don't have the importance ofI'm so-and-so's mom, or you
know, my child got into thisexcellent university, or my
child has this prestigious job,or whatever.
Yes.
It's just you and you'reafraid.
Um, tech moves so quickly.
(18:53):
Um, our world moves fast.
You can be behind.
Even I'm struggling.
Oh, please.
You can be behind in a day.
Yeah, no, you can be behind ina day.
I mean, Mel, my whole job is onthe internet.
When I was in in college, inuniversity, the internet was not
even invented.
So my degree, what I studied inschool was marketing, public
(19:19):
relations, speaking, writing.
Those are all the things Godwas preparing me for just such a
time as this.
And yet the medium that I'musing did not exist.
Mel (19:31):
Yeah.
Suzy (19:32):
It's amazing.
So you don't need to worry.
He has a plan.
I mean, he has a plan.
Yeah.
And he says, this is the way,walk in it.
And so your job is to walk,take those steps every day.
So I think it's fear.
Um, and I still struggle withthat.
I um when I work with a brand,sometimes I'm fearful to ask for
(19:52):
payment that I think I'm due.
Um, because I'm scared they'llbe like, well, you're not really
worth that, you know, or well,you know, or whatever.
I don't really think you bringthat much value.
So no, thanks.
We're walking away.
You know, or whatever.
I don't, and you know, whetherit's that kind of fear or just
fear that you'll look stupid andyou'll have to ask somebody
(20:13):
that's like younger and morewith it than you are to help
figure something out, um,tech-wise, or whether it's some
sort of terminology people areusing that you're like, I don't
understand and that you're gonnalook dumb or old or like you
know, the ship has sailed orwhatever.
(20:33):
And so I think it's fear, to behonest.
I think it's fear, you know, weall have these dreams, like,
oh, I want to travel more, butdo you really?
I mean, travel's not superglam.
I mean, there's, you know,there's parts of it that are
wonderful, but um, when itreally comes to the
nitty-gritty, every there, everyjob has hard parts and um just
(20:54):
life is is messy and not alwayspretty.
And so, um, yeah, so I hopethat answers your question.
I think it's fear and it'snormal.
We all struggle with it.
Mel (21:05):
I have a bit of a side question, I guess, and it's
probably a little specific andmaybe not relevant for everyone.
But how or what advice wouldyou give to someone where their
children keep coming back andthen leaving and coming back?
And they're trying to mentallyprepare for this emptiness
season, and then all of a suddenthey're thrown back into having
a child come back because thatwe're seeing it a lot these
(21:27):
days.
Suzy (21:28):
It happens a lot.
And um whether it's financialor whether it's an inability to
grow up, yes, or just falling onhard times, you know, whatever
it is, it can be very, verychallenging.
Um we call that, I don't knowif you know this term in
(21:49):
Australia, I don't know, but wecall it being a boomerang child.
A boomerang child that like itwent away and then it came back.
Mel (21:59):
Boomerang side.
Yes.
Suzy (22:03):
So we call that boomerang parenting.
Yeah, boomerang parenting andboomerang children who go away
and then they come back.
So that is a difficult thing.
And I'm sure as a coach, as alife coach, you deal with this a
lot.
People have trouble settingboundaries.
And boundaries are like theyare kind of a bad word.
(22:24):
I mean, like a dirty word.
Nobody likes boundaries.
I always say boundaries aretools for a healthy
relationship.
And so learning to setboundaries with your adult
children is challenging.
And I'll tell you whyspecifically, because you have,
and you know, my friend, you'vegot this little one-year-old
precious one, and you're gonnaraise them all the way up till
(22:47):
they're 18, and then they'readults, for better or worse,
you've done your job.
They're who God made them tobe, and they learn.
Brownwick is done.
And they've launched, and thenand then it's a lot of prey.
Yeah, exactly.
But so during that time onethrough 18, how has your child
viewed you?
You've had one role, and thatis mom, instructor, teacher,
(23:11):
guider, you know, um, corrector,nurse, chauffeur.
I know, right?
Exactly.
Laundress.
Um but they've seen you as amom.
You've seen them go from thislittle one-year-old that you've
got in your arms to this18-year-old boy, maybe who's
taller than you, he's gotwhiskers, he's got muscles, you
(23:35):
know, all those things.
So you're seeing them atdifferent stages.
All they ever do is see you asmom.
So when you've got an adultchild, they're thinking mom, the
way they've always thought ofyou.
They do not think of you as awoman with your own skills,
(23:55):
abilities.
Even if you were a working mom,even if you had a job, because
you know, whether you were afull-time stay-at-home mom and
all you did was your children,or whether you had a flourishing
career and they were in daycareall the time and you were out
at a you know, high-rise officebuilding, does not matter.
They still see you as mom.
(24:16):
And yet you've seen them growand evolve.
But in their mind, you have notgrown and evolved.
So it you can start seeingyourself that way, and that's
not good.
And then also their perspectivetowards you is that.
So when you've got theseboomerang children who are going
away and coming back, they donot expect mom to set a boundary
(24:38):
and to say, I'm sorry, that'snot going to work tonight.
I have um my girlfriends comingover for book club, so you're
not going to be able to be here.
So I love you.
And um, you know, other nightsare good, but tonight that's not
okay, you know, or whatever.
So setting boundaries, havingyour own life.
My kids, I was asking them onetime.
Um, my children are 33, 31, and29.
(25:02):
And I asked them, what has beenthe most challenging thing
about the way you see me nowthat I'm an empty nester?
And one of them said, We had noidea you could do so many
things.
I mean, they were like, I know.
No, but I mean, they were like,You wrote a book, you know, you
(25:22):
got this business, you got,wow, we didn't know that, mom,
way to go.
You know?
And then I think then anotherone said, It kind of hurt that
you had so much that wasinteresting to you outside of me
and us, because I thought itwas just us.
And I was, you know, and it waslike, well, I you're always
(25:45):
number one and you're soprecious to me, but I can't do
other things.
And so I think I think we haveto remember you were a woman
before you were a mother.
Mother is a precious, sacredcalling.
It's a beautiful role, but itis a role you're called to fill.
Just like you're a daughter ora granddaughter, a sister, a
(26:08):
friend, a wife, it's a role.
And it's not who you are.
It doesn't define you any morethan any of those other roles
do.
So it's about getting back intouch with the woman that you
are.
And that's why I start my bookwith let's talk about who you
are and what you have to offer.
And once you really get a holdof that, then it does.
(26:30):
I don't love the word empower,but it does make you feel
empowered then to go on and tojust bloom into being that
flower that God made you to be.
Mel (26:42):
Well, I hope I'm setting my kids up for that kind of
expectation that it doesn't hitthem so hard because my husband
and I are making a little bitmore effort these days to to go
out on a date night or dosomething just the two of us,
because we know when the kidsare gone, it's just gonna be the
two of us, and I want to knowwho I'm married to, and I want
to enjoy that stage two, and Iwant to enjoy this time now.
(27:04):
But the kids are like, Oh, whyare you going without us?
And oh, we want to come too,and all that.
It's like, no, it's mummy anddaddy time.
We need to work on ourrelationship because we come
first to each other.
Like, we love you guys, and youyou're our children and you're
important to us.
But I married your dad first.
He actually comes before you ina lot of ways.
(27:28):
So I want to work on thatbecause one day you'll grow up,
you'll have your own lives, yourown wives and and husbands, and
all of that.
But I'll I'll still be withyour dad, and I want it to work
well and they're they're kind ofunderstanding, you know,
because in my mind it goes Godfirst, then my husband, Sam, and
(27:49):
then my children.
And beautiful.
Um, and I think it also puts itinto perspective that I'm not
then sacrificing my relationshipwith my husband because I'm
constantly on demand for thekids.
Yes.
It puts things in perspective abit better, and I'm seeing how
a lot of relationships havebroken down because oh, but I've
(28:09):
got to attend to littleJohnny's needs all the time, all
the time, all the time.
And it's like, well, what aboutme?
I have needs too.
Suzy (28:16):
So you are you're doing a beautiful thing.
You are modeling for thosechildren what a good marriage
looks like.
Yeah.
And I want to encourage you,Mel, as they get older, don't
just go for a date night, goaway for the weekend.
Go away.
Mel (28:32):
Well, that's what we're doing for my birthday in two
weeks' time.
Good.
For one night.
Yeah.
My mom's coming and she's gonnastay over and watch.
And you know what?
Suzy (28:40):
Tell the children, just say, Daddy's my best friend.
And I'm going with dad.
Daddy's my best friend, and hecomes first.
And that will give them suchconfidence, and you're setting
such a wonderful example.
And you just tell them you'regonna marry your best friend
too, and you're gonna feel likeyou want to be with him.
And I do.
(29:00):
So that's so good.
Mel (29:02):
That's funny because I didn't grow up.
I mean, my parents are togetherand it's and it's fine, but I
didn't grow up with even justhaving them hug in front of us,
right?
Like, we're not very, you know,touchy-feely kind of people.
But every now and then, like, Ijust want to give him a hug.
Suzy (29:18):
Yeah.
Mel (29:18):
You know, I haven't seen him all week.
We've been working and out ofthe house and different places,
and I just want to give him ahug.
And it's funny, because I seeparticularly my youngest two,
and they've got the biggestsmiles on their face.
Oh, it's so nice.
My older two are the boys are abit like, yeah, all right.
Come on, they think it though.
Suzy (29:35):
They think it.
It gives them such confidence,you know, to know that that you
guys are the foundation thattheir family is built on.
So I hope we answered, Ianswered your question about
boomerangs.
Boomerangs are hard.
It is a whole thing.
And I do write about that somein my book, but setting
boundaries in small ways, likeyou're even starting to do now,
(29:57):
and setting boundaries even asan empathy.
D Nester to just say that won'twork for me.
And if they call, just to say,sweetie, I'd love to talk to
you.
This is not a good time.
When would it work for me tocall you back?
Just to have, I have otherthings going on in my life.
I'm my own person.
And you have to remind thembecause again, they've only seen
you as that role.
(30:18):
They think that's all you are,and you're not.
And you have to just a littlebit gently re-educate them.
And um, I want my kids to bevery proud of me and what I'm
doing.
Mel (30:29):
I'm sure they are.
Well, I don't know.
I'm sure they are.
Yeah.
I mean, I can't speak for them,but I'd be pretty proud if
you're my mom.
Thank you.
Suzy (30:39):
Thank you.
Mel (30:41):
Well, I could talk all day, and I I'm definitely gonna have
to get you to come back for apart two and keep going with
more things because I just haveloved talking to you, and I know
that you're just a wealth ofknowledge, which would be
amazing to have more of.
But how in the meantime, howcan people connect with you?
Suzy (31:01):
Well, the biggest thing they can do is join me at
emptynestblessed.com.
And so that is a platform that,as I said, it's been going for
10 years.
I talk about everything that isimportant in the life of an
empty nester.
So we're definitely gonna talkabout fashion.
The holidays are coming up,we're gonna talk about gift
(31:21):
giving, we talk about parentingadult children, we talk about
marriage, travel, um,decorating, organi being
organized, um, beauty, you know,how to deal with wrinkly necks
and you know, all the thingsthat come, menopause, all the
things that come with gettingolder.
(31:42):
But I wanted, I think women areso beautiful and multifaceted.
So I really want to talk aboutthe whole woman.
And um, as I said, you're notjust a mother, you're a whole
woman.
So we are gonna talk about thewhole woman.
And then also um, you canfollow me on social media,
Instagram, Facebook, andPinterest, a little bit on
(32:04):
YouTube, but mostly Instagram,Facebook, Pinterest, and it's at
Empty Nest Blessed.
And so um, my book is availableon Amazon.
It's called, guess what?
Empty Nest Blessed.
Empty Nest Blessed.
Nice and consistent.
That's right.
The subtitle is 60 Days toFinding Joy in the Empty Nest.
(32:27):
So it's beautiful.
Mel (32:29):
Make sure it's all in the description.
Thank you.
Suzy (32:32):
The links are there and it's easy to find.
Wonderful.
It's on ebook, audiobook, andhardback book.
It makes a great gift.
It'd be a good holiday gift.
It's real colorful and happy.
I should have one to show you,but I can't put my finger on one
right now.
Um it's a great gift.
So give it to your friends.
I know what I'll be getting mymom.
(32:52):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Mel.
Mel (32:55):
Great.
Well, thank you so much forcoming on today, Susie.
I really appreciate it and Ireally look forward to us
connecting again in the future.
Suzy (33:03):
I would love that.
We'll have everybody write into you with all their questions
and we'll come on and answerthem.
Definitely a great idea.
Okay, thank you.
Okay, take care.
If you like this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can connect with me on Instagram @shes.organised or for some free resources, head over to beyondorganised.com/ toolkit. Remember, organising is a tool to live the purposeful life of beyond it. See you next time.
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