July 13, 2025 • 25 mins
Ever found yourself promising not to yell at your kids, only to break that promise when overwhelmed? You're far from alone and there's a path forward.
Dr. Sarita Singhal joins the Beyond Organised podcast to share her remarkable journey from frustrated parent to transformative coach. As a pediatric gastroenterologist, Dr. Singhal assumed her medical training would make parenting straightforward. Reality quickly proved otherwise. "I found myself struggling to connect with them in the way I wanted to," she reveals, describing the exhaustion of balancing a medical career with raising children who have completely different personalities.
What makes this conversation so powerful is the honesty with which Dr. Singhal discusses her own parenting challenges and the comprehensive approach she developed through them. Her CARE Model (a 12-week program starting with parental wellbeing before addressing child behavior) tackles the root causes of family friction rather than just symptoms. "You can't show up fully for your child if your cup is empty," she emphasizes, challenging the notion that good parenting means constant self-sacrifice.
The most transformative insight? Change begins with us, not our children. Dr. Singhal explains how breaking generational patterns takes courage and awareness, but creates the family dynamics we truly desire. "We all carry so much of what we've seen and experienced in our childhood, often without realizing it," she notes. This conversation offers practical approaches to staying regulated so you can help your child do the same, because as both women acknowledge, children mirror our behaviors.
Whether you're struggling with toddler tantrums or teenage power struggles, this episode provides compassionate guidance from someone living the journey herself. Connect with Dr. Singhal at www.parentingrefreshed.com or @dr_saritasinghal on Instagram to discover how parent coaching might help your family find more peace, connection, and joy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mel (00:18):
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organizing, the things thatreally matter, like the
parenting relationships and somuch more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
(01:04):
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
I have here the lovely DrSarita Singhal and just to give
you a bit of a background on her, she is a pediatric
gastroenterologist by trainingand works at Connecticut
Children's Medical Center.
She's also a certified parentcoach and mom of three beautiful
boys.
Dr Sarita helps parents build astrong relationship with their
(01:25):
children and find more peace andjoy in their parenting journey.
She has created a care model,which is a 12-week program that
takes her clients to a much moreconnected place with their kids
and helps them become aconfident, connected and
empowered parent.
Welcome to the show.
Sarita (01:42):
Thank you.
Thank you, Mel, thank you forhaving me here today.
Mel (01:45):
It is so lovely to have you .
I've been so looking forward tohaving you on this episode
because, as most people probablyknow, I've got four kids and
life can be chaotic, it doesn'tmatter how organized I am.
There's still so much that youcan't control, particularly with
little kids, and it can getreally overwhelming sometimes
(02:06):
just because of them.
So I've just been so lookingforward to having you on here.
I'm really excited.
So, to kick us off, whatinspired you to become a parent
coach when you're already adoctor?
Sarita (02:21):
So you know, as a pediatrician I felt pretty
confident stepping intoparenthood.
I felt like I had the training,I had the knowledge, I had the
experience of working with kids,so I was very well prepared.
But very quickly I realizedthat real life with your own
children is so much moredifferent.
You know, things are prettymanageable at first when I had
my first kid, but as I had mysecond child, everything kind of
(02:44):
shifted for us.
Suddenly I was parenting thesetwo kids with completely
different personalities and whatworked for one of mine didn't
work for the other.
Over time I started like found.
I found myself struggling toconnect with them in the way I
wanted to, and then the work wasgetting busy, so balancing the
work and the family life wasgetting harder.
I just felt exhausted all thetime, kind of juggling it all,
(03:10):
and then there were moments Ijust felt overwhelmed and
frustrated.
And I love my kids, like mostof us do, and we want to do a
good job.
But this constant stress, powerstruggles and yelling it
started affecting ourrelationship and I would just
promise myself that I'm notgoing to yell, but I found
(03:30):
myself to be on the edge all thetime and it just was too much
for all of us, like we were allexhausted and over time I
realized that something neededto change.
I didn't know what to do or howto do it, so I started with
like small steps.
I started reading books, youknow, listening to podcasts, and
(03:53):
it just wasn't enough, like Icouldn't stick to all the
knowledge I gathered from thesethings.
And then, over time, I was likeif I need to transform our
dynamics, I need to go deeper.
I really need to learn some newtools, some new strategies, not
just for my kids but for myself.
And that's when I startedlearning about positive
parenting.
(04:13):
And that's when I startedworking on like understanding
the nervous system right, likehow their brains work and what
drives their behavior, what aretheir needs, and at the same
time, I did a lot of inner workand what drives their behavior,
what are their needs, and at thesame time, I did a lot of inner
work and understanding mygenerational patterns, like my
behaviors, my fears and beliefsaround parenting, and learning
(04:35):
about my nervous system and howto regulate it.
So I learned a lot as I wentthrough this journey myself and
I started focusing on likeemotional connection with my
kids and over time I did see ashift.
I mean, we're not perfect.
It's not that I never tell no.
There are times when I still do,but I do feel that it's so so
(05:01):
much better.
And now I have a third kid too,so I mean things are so much
better, and now I have a thirdkid too, so I mean things are so
much better.
And that kind of drove me intogetting certified and becoming a
parent coach, because I want tohelp other parents now.
I wanted to help other parentsfind the same peace and
connection that I did and Itruly believe, if you have the
right tools and support, we canall become the parents we hope
(05:23):
for and we can build a strongrelationship.
But a lot of people just don'tknow what to do or how to do it.
And that's where my role comesin and that's what I want to do.
Mel (05:36):
I absolutely love that and you're so right when I think, as
parents, we want to have themanual right.
When I think, as parents, wewant to have the manual right.
There is no manual and just tohave someone in your corner
cheering you on and just going,it's okay, this is normal.
But instead of continuing downthis path, we can just pivot a
(06:01):
little bit this way and I lovethat, and it really does take a
community and I think we live soseparately and independently
these days and we're left havingto raise these little ones on
our own, really, and it can bereally hard.
So how do you help parents as acoach?
Sarita (06:22):
So there are many different ways in which I can
help parents.
I have this program called CareModel, which is what I use to
take my clients to a much moreconnected place.
You know, I see parentsstruggling every day in my
medical practice my neighbors,friends, relatives and I feel
like they're exhausted.
They want to do a good job,they want to build a strong
relationship without powerstruggles, but don't always know
(06:45):
how.
And that's why I created thiscare approach to make things
simpler for the parents and Ican take them from a place of
frustration to a place ofconnection with their kids.
So it's basically a 12-weekprogram and I've divided into
four phases.
In the first phase, I talk tothe parents about them, like
(07:05):
their well-being, about takingcare of themselves, because you
know you can't show up fully foryour child if your cup is empty
.
Taking care of ourselves, likementally or physically or
emotionally.
So the first phase of my programis focused on parents taking
(07:26):
care of themselves.
Also, I talk about, you know,understanding their generational
pattern, their parenting styles, like how are they doing things
currently and what drives themto do things that way.
In the second phase, I helpparents connect with their child
on a deeper level.
So we talk about understandingthe child's brain, their nervous
(07:49):
system, their developmentalneeds, decode the difficult
behavior and learning how toco-regulate your child when they
have tantrums or like thosedifficult emotional moments.
And then I teach parents toolson how to communicate
effectively with their child sotheir message is clear, it's
compassionate but at the sametime like emotionally attuned
(08:12):
with their child.
Then we work on establishinghealthy boundaries, like in a
respectfully yet firm manner,and lastly, just put it all
together into their familysystem.
So, applying all these toolsand learning that you still have
to be flexible andcompassionate, because with
parenting right, it's a lifelongthing.
(08:32):
As your kids are growing, youencounter different problems,
different struggles, differentneeds, your needs, your child's
needs.
So we work on like how you canapply all these different tools
that you've learned in differentphases of life.
Mel (08:49):
Wow, that sounds like what I need really.
It sounds so good and socomprehensive and I love that
you start off your program withputting us first.
You know, putting us as aparent first and that's
something that I coach on aswell just from the organizing
(09:12):
space is yeah, you can organizeyour time and your home and work
and money and all of that, butself care is a very critical
part of it too, and you can'tgive from an empty cup.
So I say the same thing.
So I love that because, yeah,once we start to refuel
ourselves and kind of find ourown identity in some ways as a
(09:34):
parent, it makes sense to thenbe able to then, I guess, have a
bit more patience and a calmermanner when dealing with our
kids.
No, absolutely.
Sarita (09:48):
I feel like I'm not the best at self-care and when I'm
making my schedule for the day,or like when I wake up in the
morning and think about how myday is going to look like, I
don't always include, like myexercise schedule or like you
know any, any, any breaks formyself.
And yeah, I would say, overtime I'm becoming a little
(10:11):
better.
Like I pick up my two-year-oldright after my work from his
daycare and now at times I willget to his daycare and I'll just
sit in the car and you knowtake a break for 10 minutes
before I step in.
Because I know like once I pickhim up.
It's going to be crazy the restof the day and I'm driving the
(10:32):
older kids to their activities.
Mel (10:35):
So yeah, I've just kind of like started incorporating some
breaks here and there, or youknow, just just so I can take a
breath, put myself together it'sso funny how, when we're
helping other people, it's soeasy to be able to pinpoint
different things and oh yeah,try this and and do that, but
(10:55):
when it comes to ourselves,sometimes we're like, hang on,
we need to take our own advicehere yeah, yeah so even, even we
aren't perfect as coaches.
Sarita (11:06):
Yeah, no, absolutely, and it's funny, like my husband
would often remind me of thisthat okay, you gotta.
You know you have to go foryour yoga session.
You can't miss that.
I'm like how do I go?
Like I'm my schedule's sopacked with good stuff and it's
like it's okay if one of ourkids misses, you know, one swim
lesson or a tennis lesson or aclass here and there, but you
(11:31):
gotta take care of yourself.
And and he says that too he'slike that's what you preach
people, right my husband's thesame.
Mel (11:39):
My husband's the same, but it's been really good because
he's stepped up and sort of done, taken on a lot more, so that I
can have that break too.
And it sounds like your husbandis good like that too, so it
makes all the difference, beingpart of a good team, hey.
Sarita (11:53):
Absolutely.
It's a teamwork and we have todivide and conquer and it's not
easy, but it's doable.
Mel (12:00):
Yeah, definitely I agree.
So what do you like in yourexperience so far?
What do you feel is sort of themain thing holding these
parents back from this lifemoving forward?
Sarita (12:14):
Yeah, I feel like one of the most important things I've
learned, both personally and inmy work as a parent coach, is
that transformation is possiblefor anybody.
But it's true that a lot ofpeople get stuck even before
they begin, because real changecomes with a lot of resistance.
You know, change is hard andthe process, before you step
(12:39):
into any kind of transformationprocess, it feels so big, it
feels so uncertain, which isvery challenging.
Our brains are wired to seekwhat's predictable and familiar,
(13:06):
even when it's not working.
A lot of parents I work withthey know that they don't want
to yell, they don't want to shutdown, but falling into those
patterns is so much easier thantrying something new or
something vulnerable.
New or something vulnerable.
(13:26):
And then I also feel that we allcarry so much of what we've
seen and experienced in ourchildhood, often without
realizing it.
So if we grew up in a housewhere yelling, control,
emotional distance was normal,we might fall into those same
patterns without questioningthem.
And breaking those patterns,breaking the generational
patterns, takes a lot of courage, takes a lot of awareness, and
(13:47):
that's where people meetresistance.
So I feel like you need to do alot of inner work, which is
difficult to do and in parenting, most of us fall into trap of
thinking that we have to manageour kids' behaviors, we have to
correct them, we have to controlthem, we have to fix them, and
we don't realize that what trulyneeds work is us Like we need
(14:11):
to do a lot of inner work andchange lives within us.
So how are we reacting tothings?
How are we understanding things?
That's really important and Ifeel like that's the biggest
barrier.
Mel (14:23):
Yeah, transformation they copy us, so if we're yelling
that like my three-year-old,she's a lot like me and I love
some of your posts that you'vehad on recently about how our
little ones can be like us youknow, and that sort of conflict
(14:44):
with the ones that are most likeus.
And she is a little me, she's alittle redhead and got all the
fiery attitude.
She's got a whole lot going on.
She's also the most like,sweetest, polite, beautifully
mannered child there is.
But, boy, if she's not happy,the whole world knows it.
(15:04):
And it's hard at times becauseI mean, I'm not much of a yeller
, but there are times when I getfrustrated and if I was to
smack her, she would smack back.
If I was to yell at her, shewould yell back.
So like I guess things that Igrew up with, just they wouldn't
(15:25):
work with her anyway.
And and.
I'm not, you know, I'm not bigon smacking and all of that
anyway, but um, it's more, if Iwas to do like physical things
with her, she would just copy itback and it just we would get
nowhere.
So I have to have more of thatapproach, of I've got to
(15:46):
approach her calm and thenhopefully she comes down to my
level, even though on the insideI could be boiling and just
like just stop.
But it's like it really startswith me and how I approach her,
because she's going to copy meultimately and if she sees that
I'm not yelling at her andhitting her in that, then every
(16:09):
now and then when she goes tohit me and she's yelling at me,
I'm like hang on a second, am Idoing that to you?
No, like.
So it's a work in progress.
I mean, she's also three,that's like not a great age.
Yeah, todd knows no, yeah, it awork in progress I mean, she's
also three that's like yeah, nota great.
Yeah, toddlers, yeah they havetheir own minds and they're
seeking all that independence.
Sarita (16:29):
And I absolutely agree with you and you know that's the
key.
We tell our kids not to yell orscream or behave a certain way,
but we're doing the same thing,so you know kids will kids will
be like it's okay for mom to dothis, but not okay for me to do
this.
So this is an important part ofit's very confusing.
(16:52):
Exactly so, and especially fortoddlers, because they're
absorbing everything and they'reabsorbing everything, and
that's why one of the importantthings is for us to be aware you
may be somebody who is notyelling, but you may be somebody
who is shutting down, likethere are different ways of how
people react to stress andfrustration and overwhelm.
(17:13):
And we just need to be awareokay, I am stressed now and then
have some tools in your box toregulate yourself and then you
work with your child inregulating them, because if
you're yourself dysregulated,you can't really help regulate
your child, and that's whenthings kind of start spiraling
down.
Mel (17:34):
Yeah, completely agree, as much as I even like.
I feel like I know a lot ofthis and I'm trying a lot of it.
Gosh even four kids in.
I feel like I need you.
I could learn so much from you.
Sarita (17:47):
I'm here for you, mel, anytime.
You know, just sometimes, justtalking to you, I feel like
every parent needs you.
Mel (17:55):
I think it doesn't matter how well we feel like we're
doing or other people might becomplimenting how well behaved
our kids are or anything likethat.
We could all use just a littlebit of a different perspective
or refresher or encouragement,because there are some days that
(18:15):
are so, so hard.
And you know one of mybeautiful friends.
She reached out recentlybecause she's struggling with
her boys and it's all so full on, and so I've offered to take
them next week for a few hoursto give her a break.
It's like if you don't reachout for help, then people don't
know you need it.
So it's important to sort ofhave that village and have that
(18:39):
support and we all just try andhelp each other.
Sarita (18:42):
Yeah, no, absolutely, and reaching out for help is
such an important part ofself-care too.
Most women like includingmyself like I am not so
comfortable reaching out forhelp.
I would reach out for help whenit's like a total crisis
situation.
Mel (18:56):
Disparate I'm changing that .
Sarita (18:58):
I'm changing that even with like the family members or
my husband, or with our nanny ormy friends, I'm trying to like
push myself to get morecomfortable asking for help,
because you don't want to be ina crisis situation before you
seek out help.
Mel (19:17):
It's funny how I don't know whether it's just a thing
that's wired into us as mums, orjust how we grew up, or I don't
know but yeah, asking for help.
I think a lot of us feel likeasking for help means you're
failing.
Yeah, and that's just not thecase.
You know you're not failing,and so what I've been trying to
(19:39):
help my friends with, and andeverything as well, is just ask.
If I can't do it, I can't do it, but if I can, I will help you.
So let's try and help eachother before we get to a stage
where we're so desperate and sodepleted that we're no good to
anyone.
It's easy for me to help myfriends, but even I have to
(20:00):
still take my own advice and Ihave to be like hang on a second
, oh, are you able to help mewith this or that?
And yeah, it's hard, it is hard, but what's the worst people
can say is no, and you're noworse off than if you didn't ask
in the first place anyway.
But at least people are awarenow.
So, and look, a lot of the timeI've found, whenever I've
(20:23):
needed help over the years withcertain things, friends are
always very quick to jump in andhelp, because that's what
friends do, and family dependson everyone's situation and what
they've got, but I love that.
So, oh gosh, I feel like I canask a million questions and talk
about a million things and wedon't have a million hours.
(20:44):
So in your experience and whatyou've done so far as a coach,
how do you feel that relates andworks in with you as a doctor?
Like, do the two worlds kind ofcross over?
Sarita (21:02):
So they do cross over in the manner that as a doctor
because I'm a pediatrician I seeall these, I interact with
parents and kids like all thetime and that kind of gives me
that broadens my perspective,because I'm not just dealing
with people who are in my familyor in my friend circle.
(21:23):
I see like all differentcategories of parents, like
different parenting styles,different situations, different
problems that people deal with,and I take care of so many sick
children and that gives me a lotof perspective too that if I'm
getting an opportunity to makeit better for my kids and for
(21:46):
other kids, why not?
And you know, that's one of themotivation or incentives from
my parent coaching work, thatthese kids are our next
generation and if I can givesomething to them, I would love
to and I would want to.
So yes, my experience in mymedical practice gives me a lot
(22:08):
of perspective.
Mel (22:10):
My goodness, you are just one beautiful human being.
I don't even know how you findthe time.
To be honest, I mean, I canonly imagine being a
pediatrician is already likefull on work.
So adding coaching on top ofthat, you must really be
(22:30):
passionate and really care aboutthe people you're serving and
who you're helping, and I justthink that's absolutely
beautiful.
So I guess, to probably wrap itup not that I want to, but
where can people find you andwhat can people do next if they
want to work with you?
Sarita (22:51):
So I would say that if somebody is listening to this
today and, as a parent, theyfeel stuck and deep down, they
feel like they're ready, theywant something to change.
I think it's amazing becausethe fact that the awareness I
would say is it's the first stepin the shift and that awareness
is powerful.
So, where people can find me,you can learn more about my work
(23:15):
and my coaching program byvisiting my website, which is
wwwparentingrefreshed.
com, and then I have anInstagram handle which is
dr__saritasinghal.
People can schedule a freediscovery call with me via the
website, where we can kind offigure out if we can work
together.
(23:35):
And I also wanted to mentionthat, yes, I do have this
12-week program, but I alsooffer, like private coaching
sessions, depending on what theneeds of the clients are.
So those are also possibilities.
Mel (23:50):
Fantastic.
Well, I'll put all the detailsin the description.
So if anyone wants to get intouch with you, please, please,
reach out to Sarita, because Ihave really loved watching all
her content.
And then, even today, justtalking to you has been
fantastic, and I just thinkthere's not enough people doing
(24:12):
what you do.
To be honest, like I don't seea lot of parent coaches that are
actually in it.
Still, like you've got ateenager in between and a
two-year-old.
Like you are living.
You are living what you'repreaching, so to speak.
So I just think it's fantastic,and if you guys want to reach
(24:35):
out, I'll pop the details in thedescription and you can get in
touch with Sarita whenever itsuits you.
Okay, well, thank you forjoining us today.
Sarita (24:46):
Yeah, thank you.
Mel (24:48):
I will continue to see you on the socials and look forward
to talking to you again soon.
Sarita (24:55):
Absolutely.
Thank you, Mel.
Thank you so much for having me.
I had a great time with you.
Oh, you're so welcome.
Mel (25:02):
If you loved this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on Instagram at @shes.
organised, or, for some freeresources, head over to
beyondorganised.
com toolkit.
Remember, organising is a toolto live the purposeful life
beyond it.
See you next time.
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised, but, more importantly, a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organizing, the things thatreally matter, like the
parenting relationships and somuch more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
(01:04):
Welcome back to another episodeof Beyond Organised.
I have here the lovely DrSarita Singhal and just to give
you a bit of a background on her, she is a pediatric
gastroenterologist by trainingand works at Connecticut
Children's Medical Center.
She's also a certified parentcoach and mom of three beautiful
boys.
Dr Sarita helps parents build astrong relationship with their
(01:25):
children and find more peace andjoy in their parenting journey.
She has created a care model,which is a 12-week program that
takes her clients to a much moreconnected place with their kids
and helps them become aconfident, connected and
empowered parent.
Welcome to the show.
Sarita (01:42):
Thank you.
Thank you, Mel, thank you forhaving me here today.
Mel (01:45):
It is so lovely to have you .
I've been so looking forward tohaving you on this episode
because, as most people probablyknow, I've got four kids and
life can be chaotic, it doesn'tmatter how organized I am.
There's still so much that youcan't control, particularly with
little kids, and it can getreally overwhelming sometimes
(02:06):
just because of them.
So I've just been so lookingforward to having you on here.
I'm really excited.
So, to kick us off, whatinspired you to become a parent
coach when you're already adoctor?
Sarita (02:21):
So you know, as a pediatrician I felt pretty
confident stepping intoparenthood.
I felt like I had the training,I had the knowledge, I had the
experience of working with kids,so I was very well prepared.
But very quickly I realizedthat real life with your own
children is so much moredifferent.
You know, things are prettymanageable at first when I had
my first kid, but as I had mysecond child, everything kind of
(02:44):
shifted for us.
Suddenly I was parenting thesetwo kids with completely
different personalities and whatworked for one of mine didn't
work for the other.
Over time I started like found.
I found myself struggling toconnect with them in the way I
wanted to, and then the work wasgetting busy, so balancing the
work and the family life wasgetting harder.
I just felt exhausted all thetime, kind of juggling it all,
(03:10):
and then there were moments Ijust felt overwhelmed and
frustrated.
And I love my kids, like mostof us do, and we want to do a
good job.
But this constant stress, powerstruggles and yelling it
started affecting ourrelationship and I would just
promise myself that I'm notgoing to yell, but I found
(03:30):
myself to be on the edge all thetime and it just was too much
for all of us, like we were allexhausted and over time I
realized that something neededto change.
I didn't know what to do or howto do it, so I started with
like small steps.
I started reading books, youknow, listening to podcasts, and
(03:53):
it just wasn't enough, like Icouldn't stick to all the
knowledge I gathered from thesethings.
And then, over time, I was likeif I need to transform our
dynamics, I need to go deeper.
I really need to learn some newtools, some new strategies, not
just for my kids but for myself.
And that's when I startedlearning about positive
parenting.
(04:13):
And that's when I startedworking on like understanding
the nervous system right, likehow their brains work and what
drives their behavior, what aretheir needs, and at the same
time, I did a lot of inner workand what drives their behavior,
what are their needs, and at thesame time, I did a lot of inner
work and understanding mygenerational patterns, like my
behaviors, my fears and beliefsaround parenting, and learning
(04:35):
about my nervous system and howto regulate it.
So I learned a lot as I wentthrough this journey myself and
I started focusing on likeemotional connection with my
kids and over time I did see ashift.
I mean, we're not perfect.
It's not that I never tell no.
There are times when I still do,but I do feel that it's so so
(05:01):
much better.
And now I have a third kid too,so I mean things are so much
better, and now I have a thirdkid too, so I mean things are so
much better.
And that kind of drove me intogetting certified and becoming a
parent coach, because I want tohelp other parents now.
I wanted to help other parentsfind the same peace and
connection that I did and Itruly believe, if you have the
right tools and support, we canall become the parents we hope
(05:23):
for and we can build a strongrelationship.
But a lot of people just don'tknow what to do or how to do it.
And that's where my role comesin and that's what I want to do.
Mel (05:36):
I absolutely love that and you're so right when I think, as
parents, we want to have themanual right.
When I think, as parents, wewant to have the manual right.
There is no manual and just tohave someone in your corner
cheering you on and just going,it's okay, this is normal.
But instead of continuing downthis path, we can just pivot a
(06:01):
little bit this way and I lovethat, and it really does take a
community and I think we live soseparately and independently
these days and we're left havingto raise these little ones on
our own, really, and it can bereally hard.
So how do you help parents as acoach?
Sarita (06:22):
So there are many different ways in which I can
help parents.
I have this program called CareModel, which is what I use to
take my clients to a much moreconnected place.
You know, I see parentsstruggling every day in my
medical practice my neighbors,friends, relatives and I feel
like they're exhausted.
They want to do a good job,they want to build a strong
relationship without powerstruggles, but don't always know
(06:45):
how.
And that's why I created thiscare approach to make things
simpler for the parents and Ican take them from a place of
frustration to a place ofconnection with their kids.
So it's basically a 12-weekprogram and I've divided into
four phases.
In the first phase, I talk tothe parents about them, like
(07:05):
their well-being, about takingcare of themselves, because you
know you can't show up fully foryour child if your cup is empty
.
Taking care of ourselves, likementally or physically or
emotionally.
So the first phase of my programis focused on parents taking
(07:26):
care of themselves.
Also, I talk about, you know,understanding their generational
pattern, their parenting styles, like how are they doing things
currently and what drives themto do things that way.
In the second phase, I helpparents connect with their child
on a deeper level.
So we talk about understandingthe child's brain, their nervous
(07:49):
system, their developmentalneeds, decode the difficult
behavior and learning how toco-regulate your child when they
have tantrums or like thosedifficult emotional moments.
And then I teach parents toolson how to communicate
effectively with their child sotheir message is clear, it's
compassionate but at the sametime like emotionally attuned
(08:12):
with their child.
Then we work on establishinghealthy boundaries, like in a
respectfully yet firm manner,and lastly, just put it all
together into their familysystem.
So, applying all these toolsand learning that you still have
to be flexible andcompassionate, because with
parenting right, it's a lifelongthing.
(08:32):
As your kids are growing, youencounter different problems,
different struggles, differentneeds, your needs, your child's
needs.
So we work on like how you canapply all these different tools
that you've learned in differentphases of life.
Mel (08:49):
Wow, that sounds like what I need really.
It sounds so good and socomprehensive and I love that
you start off your program withputting us first.
You know, putting us as aparent first and that's
something that I coach on aswell just from the organizing
(09:12):
space is yeah, you can organizeyour time and your home and work
and money and all of that, butself care is a very critical
part of it too, and you can'tgive from an empty cup.
So I say the same thing.
So I love that because, yeah,once we start to refuel
ourselves and kind of find ourown identity in some ways as a
(09:34):
parent, it makes sense to thenbe able to then, I guess, have a
bit more patience and a calmermanner when dealing with our
kids.
No, absolutely.
Sarita (09:48):
I feel like I'm not the best at self-care and when I'm
making my schedule for the day,or like when I wake up in the
morning and think about how myday is going to look like, I
don't always include, like myexercise schedule or like you
know any, any, any breaks formyself.
And yeah, I would say, overtime I'm becoming a little
(10:11):
better.
Like I pick up my two-year-oldright after my work from his
daycare and now at times I willget to his daycare and I'll just
sit in the car and you knowtake a break for 10 minutes
before I step in.
Because I know like once I pickhim up.
It's going to be crazy the restof the day and I'm driving the
(10:32):
older kids to their activities.
Mel (10:35):
So yeah, I've just kind of like started incorporating some
breaks here and there, or youknow, just just so I can take a
breath, put myself together it'sso funny how, when we're
helping other people, it's soeasy to be able to pinpoint
different things and oh yeah,try this and and do that, but
(10:55):
when it comes to ourselves,sometimes we're like, hang on,
we need to take our own advicehere yeah, yeah so even, even we
aren't perfect as coaches.
Sarita (11:06):
Yeah, no, absolutely, and it's funny, like my husband
would often remind me of thisthat okay, you gotta.
You know you have to go foryour yoga session.
You can't miss that.
I'm like how do I go?
Like I'm my schedule's sopacked with good stuff and it's
like it's okay if one of ourkids misses, you know, one swim
lesson or a tennis lesson or aclass here and there, but you
(11:31):
gotta take care of yourself.
And and he says that too he'slike that's what you preach
people, right my husband's thesame.
Mel (11:39):
My husband's the same, but it's been really good because
he's stepped up and sort of done, taken on a lot more, so that I
can have that break too.
And it sounds like your husbandis good like that too, so it
makes all the difference, beingpart of a good team, hey.
Sarita (11:53):
Absolutely.
It's a teamwork and we have todivide and conquer and it's not
easy, but it's doable.
Mel (12:00):
Yeah, definitely I agree.
So what do you like in yourexperience so far?
What do you feel is sort of themain thing holding these
parents back from this lifemoving forward?
Sarita (12:14):
Yeah, I feel like one of the most important things I've
learned, both personally and inmy work as a parent coach, is
that transformation is possiblefor anybody.
But it's true that a lot ofpeople get stuck even before
they begin, because real changecomes with a lot of resistance.
You know, change is hard andthe process, before you step
(12:39):
into any kind of transformationprocess, it feels so big, it
feels so uncertain, which isvery challenging.
Our brains are wired to seekwhat's predictable and familiar,
(13:06):
even when it's not working.
A lot of parents I work withthey know that they don't want
to yell, they don't want to shutdown, but falling into those
patterns is so much easier thantrying something new or
something vulnerable.
New or something vulnerable.
(13:26):
And then I also feel that we allcarry so much of what we've
seen and experienced in ourchildhood, often without
realizing it.
So if we grew up in a housewhere yelling, control,
emotional distance was normal,we might fall into those same
patterns without questioningthem.
And breaking those patterns,breaking the generational
patterns, takes a lot of courage, takes a lot of awareness, and
(13:47):
that's where people meetresistance.
So I feel like you need to do alot of inner work, which is
difficult to do and in parenting, most of us fall into trap of
thinking that we have to manageour kids' behaviors, we have to
correct them, we have to controlthem, we have to fix them, and
we don't realize that what trulyneeds work is us Like we need
(14:11):
to do a lot of inner work andchange lives within us.
So how are we reacting tothings?
How are we understanding things?
That's really important and Ifeel like that's the biggest
barrier.
Mel (14:23):
Yeah, transformation they copy us, so if we're yelling
that like my three-year-old,she's a lot like me and I love
some of your posts that you'vehad on recently about how our
little ones can be like us youknow, and that sort of conflict
(14:44):
with the ones that are most likeus.
And she is a little me, she's alittle redhead and got all the
fiery attitude.
She's got a whole lot going on.
She's also the most like,sweetest, polite, beautifully
mannered child there is.
But, boy, if she's not happy,the whole world knows it.
(15:04):
And it's hard at times becauseI mean, I'm not much of a yeller
, but there are times when I getfrustrated and if I was to
smack her, she would smack back.
If I was to yell at her, shewould yell back.
So like I guess things that Igrew up with, just they wouldn't
(15:25):
work with her anyway.
And and.
I'm not, you know, I'm not bigon smacking and all of that
anyway, but um, it's more, if Iwas to do like physical things
with her, she would just copy itback and it just we would get
nowhere.
So I have to have more of thatapproach, of I've got to
(15:46):
approach her calm and thenhopefully she comes down to my
level, even though on the insideI could be boiling and just
like just stop.
But it's like it really startswith me and how I approach her,
because she's going to copy meultimately and if she sees that
I'm not yelling at her andhitting her in that, then every
(16:09):
now and then when she goes tohit me and she's yelling at me,
I'm like hang on a second, am Idoing that to you?
No, like.
So it's a work in progress.
I mean, she's also three,that's like not a great age.
Yeah, todd knows no, yeah, it awork in progress I mean, she's
also three that's like yeah, nota great.
Yeah, toddlers, yeah they havetheir own minds and they're
seeking all that independence.
Sarita (16:29):
And I absolutely agree with you and you know that's the
key.
We tell our kids not to yell orscream or behave a certain way,
but we're doing the same thing,so you know kids will kids will
be like it's okay for mom to dothis, but not okay for me to do
this.
So this is an important part ofit's very confusing.
(16:52):
Exactly so, and especially fortoddlers, because they're
absorbing everything and they'reabsorbing everything, and
that's why one of the importantthings is for us to be aware you
may be somebody who is notyelling, but you may be somebody
who is shutting down, likethere are different ways of how
people react to stress andfrustration and overwhelm.
(17:13):
And we just need to be awareokay, I am stressed now and then
have some tools in your box toregulate yourself and then you
work with your child inregulating them, because if
you're yourself dysregulated,you can't really help regulate
your child, and that's whenthings kind of start spiraling
down.
Mel (17:34):
Yeah, completely agree, as much as I even like.
I feel like I know a lot ofthis and I'm trying a lot of it.
Gosh even four kids in.
I feel like I need you.
I could learn so much from you.
Sarita (17:47):
I'm here for you, mel, anytime.
You know, just sometimes, justtalking to you, I feel like
every parent needs you.
Mel (17:55):
I think it doesn't matter how well we feel like we're
doing or other people might becomplimenting how well behaved
our kids are or anything likethat.
We could all use just a littlebit of a different perspective
or refresher or encouragement,because there are some days that
(18:15):
are so, so hard.
And you know one of mybeautiful friends.
She reached out recentlybecause she's struggling with
her boys and it's all so full on, and so I've offered to take
them next week for a few hoursto give her a break.
It's like if you don't reachout for help, then people don't
know you need it.
So it's important to sort ofhave that village and have that
(18:39):
support and we all just try andhelp each other.
Sarita (18:42):
Yeah, no, absolutely, and reaching out for help is
such an important part ofself-care too.
Most women like includingmyself like I am not so
comfortable reaching out forhelp.
I would reach out for help whenit's like a total crisis
situation.
Mel (18:56):
Disparate I'm changing that .
Sarita (18:58):
I'm changing that even with like the family members or
my husband, or with our nanny ormy friends, I'm trying to like
push myself to get morecomfortable asking for help,
because you don't want to be ina crisis situation before you
seek out help.
Mel (19:17):
It's funny how I don't know whether it's just a thing
that's wired into us as mums, orjust how we grew up, or I don't
know but yeah, asking for help.
I think a lot of us feel likeasking for help means you're
failing.
Yeah, and that's just not thecase.
You know you're not failing,and so what I've been trying to
(19:39):
help my friends with, and andeverything as well, is just ask.
If I can't do it, I can't do it, but if I can, I will help you.
So let's try and help eachother before we get to a stage
where we're so desperate and sodepleted that we're no good to
anyone.
It's easy for me to help myfriends, but even I have to
(20:00):
still take my own advice and Ihave to be like hang on a second
, oh, are you able to help mewith this or that?
And yeah, it's hard, it is hard, but what's the worst people
can say is no, and you're noworse off than if you didn't ask
in the first place anyway.
But at least people are awarenow.
So, and look, a lot of the timeI've found, whenever I've
(20:23):
needed help over the years withcertain things, friends are
always very quick to jump in andhelp, because that's what
friends do, and family dependson everyone's situation and what
they've got, but I love that.
So, oh gosh, I feel like I canask a million questions and talk
about a million things and wedon't have a million hours.
(20:44):
So in your experience and whatyou've done so far as a coach,
how do you feel that relates andworks in with you as a doctor?
Like, do the two worlds kind ofcross over?
Sarita (21:02):
So they do cross over in the manner that as a doctor
because I'm a pediatrician I seeall these, I interact with
parents and kids like all thetime and that kind of gives me
that broadens my perspective,because I'm not just dealing
with people who are in my familyor in my friend circle.
(21:23):
I see like all differentcategories of parents, like
different parenting styles,different situations, different
problems that people deal with,and I take care of so many sick
children and that gives me a lotof perspective too that if I'm
getting an opportunity to makeit better for my kids and for
(21:46):
other kids, why not?
And you know, that's one of themotivation or incentives from
my parent coaching work, thatthese kids are our next
generation and if I can givesomething to them, I would love
to and I would want to.
So yes, my experience in mymedical practice gives me a lot
(22:08):
of perspective.
Mel (22:10):
My goodness, you are just one beautiful human being.
I don't even know how you findthe time.
To be honest, I mean, I canonly imagine being a
pediatrician is already likefull on work.
So adding coaching on top ofthat, you must really be
(22:30):
passionate and really care aboutthe people you're serving and
who you're helping, and I justthink that's absolutely
beautiful.
So I guess, to probably wrap itup not that I want to, but
where can people find you andwhat can people do next if they
want to work with you?
Sarita (22:51):
So I would say that if somebody is listening to this
today and, as a parent, theyfeel stuck and deep down, they
feel like they're ready, theywant something to change.
I think it's amazing becausethe fact that the awareness I
would say is it's the first stepin the shift and that awareness
is powerful.
So, where people can find me,you can learn more about my work
(23:15):
and my coaching program byvisiting my website, which is
wwwparentingrefreshed.
com, and then I have anInstagram handle which is
dr__saritasinghal.
People can schedule a freediscovery call with me via the
website, where we can kind offigure out if we can work
together.
(23:35):
And I also wanted to mentionthat, yes, I do have this
12-week program, but I alsooffer, like private coaching
sessions, depending on what theneeds of the clients are.
So those are also possibilities.
Mel (23:50):
Fantastic.
Well, I'll put all the detailsin the description.
So if anyone wants to get intouch with you, please, please,
reach out to Sarita, because Ihave really loved watching all
her content.
And then, even today, justtalking to you has been
fantastic, and I just thinkthere's not enough people doing
(24:12):
what you do.
To be honest, like I don't seea lot of parent coaches that are
actually in it.
Still, like you've got ateenager in between and a
two-year-old.
Like you are living.
You are living what you'repreaching, so to speak.
So I just think it's fantastic,and if you guys want to reach
(24:35):
out, I'll pop the details in thedescription and you can get in
touch with Sarita whenever itsuits you.
Okay, well, thank you forjoining us today.
Sarita (24:46):
Yeah, thank you.
Mel (24:48):
I will continue to see you on the socials and look forward
to talking to you again soon.
Sarita (24:55):
Absolutely.
Thank you, Mel.
Thank you so much for having me.
I had a great time with you.
Oh, you're so welcome.
Mel (25:02):
If you loved this episode, don't forget to hit subscribe so
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on Instagram at @shes.
organised, or, for some freeresources, head over to
beyondorganised.
com toolkit.
Remember, organising is a toolto live the purposeful life
beyond it.
See you next time.
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