May 4, 2025 • 27 mins
Have you ever achieved something wonderful only to feel guilty about it? That strange, uncomfortable feeling that somehow you don't deserve good things?
This episode dives into a powerful conversation I had with a dear friend who, after losing significant weight and undergoing skin removal surgery, felt guilt instead of celebration. Her words stunned me: "Good things like this don't happen to people like me." This sentiment opened a profound exploration of why we sometimes reject happiness even when we've worked hard to earn it.
Many of us, particularly women, carry mental scripts from our upbringing or past experiences that tell us we're not worthy of success or joy. We become so accustomed to struggle that when good things arrive, we don't know how to process them properly. Even more concerning, we sometimes believe that by claiming our own happiness, we're somehow diminishing others'.
I share my personal journey with negative self-talk and how my husband's simple "piggy bank" intervention (a dollar for every negative comment about myself) revealed I was making twenty self-critical remarks daily. The path to change began with simply catching myself, then gradually introducing positive affirmations until my mindset genuinely transformed.
Your words hold power over your beliefs and your beliefs shape your reality. Whether you're struggling with parenting overwhelm, relationship challenges, or career roadblocks, changing your self-talk can be the catalyst for profound transformation. This episode offers practical strategies for breaking the cycle of guilt and negative self-perception so you can finally embrace the happiness you deserve.
Ready to start speaking life over yourself? Listen now and discover how your light doesn't dim anyone else's, it only helps others see what's possible in their own lives.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mel (00:18):
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised and, more importantly,a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real-lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organizing, the things thatreally matter, like your
parenting relationships and somuch more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome to today's episode.
(01:04):
I am actually really excited totalk to you about this one.
It doesn't have a ton to dowith organizing, but it really
has a lot to do with how we seeourselves.
So I have this beautiful,beautiful friend.
We have worked together invarious jobs for a few years and
(01:26):
we've done a lot of lifetogether, and I have seen her
struggle with her weight forquite a long time Now.
This is something that she hashad to deal with her whole life
and in the last few years shelost all that excess weight.
(01:47):
She'd probably argue with me onthat one, but I would say she's
lost a ton and she's doneincredibly well to keep it off.
She has just come out ofhospital for having the skin
removal surgery.
Being the skin removal surgery,that's not an easy process in
(02:08):
itself.
That's painful and she hasworked so hard to get to where
she is at.
And this is sort of that finalpart of the chapter of this book
.
Obviously, your weight, yourhealth, all that kind of stuff,
it's a lifelong journey.
I get that.
But for this part of it this issort of that final chapter.
(02:36):
And when she got the bandagesoff and stuff and she got to
look at her stomach for thefirst time, what did you think
she felt?
How would you have felt?
I know for me I would have beenlike ecstatic.
I can tell you, after four kids, I could barely see my feet
over my stomach from abdominalseparation and all that stuff.
(03:00):
So I know for me I would beecstatic if I looked down and I
could see, you know, even downto my feet.
But that, unfortunately, wasnot how she felt.
She felt guilty and I asked herwhy?
(03:20):
Why do you feel guilty whenyou've finally achieved your
goal?
And she said to me good thingslike this don't happen to people
like me.
It doesn't happen to people inmy family.
(03:42):
It doesn't happen to people inmy family.
I'm not used to this.
I'm not used to things goingright, and I had to stop and
think for a minute because Ifeel like we can get caught up
in the cycles of where we comefrom, our background, how we're
(04:03):
raised, our family life, all ofthat, and we can have sort of a
negative filter in some ways ofhow our life is going to look
because of how it has lookedbefore.
So then when something good doeshappen, don't know how to
process it and you go to sort ofthis default and guilt is a
(04:27):
pretty common one, and I seethis all the time with women and
mums and that you know we getthis life.
I know I have had moments whenI look at my kids and I look at
my life and I go wow, likefinally, in the house we built
(04:47):
we've got four beautiful kids,I've got a fantastic husband,
I've got all these things.
And there are moments when I'mlike I just I need a break, I
need to step away for a minute,like it's all too much, and then
you start feeling guiltybecause you think I finally got
(05:07):
the life I wanted and I've got alife that a lot of people want.
I'm not naive to that.
But then the guilt comes forfeeling that way and it made me
think why?
Why do we default to this guilt?
And I think a big part of it isbecause we just don't know how
(05:29):
to process it and we haven't hada chance to rewrite the script
in our mind.
And so, talking to my friendabout this, I encouraged her to
start speaking life, startspeaking positive to the
(05:51):
situation.
I said, look, it might feelsilly to begin with because you
don't necessarily believe it,but what you say often enough
does become what you believe.
And if she can say actually Ido deserve this, I worked so
freaking hard for this, this ismy time, this is my moment to be
(06:15):
happy she can speak this kindof stuff into her.
I can guarantee after a whileshe'll start to believe it.
Because what we believe, a bigpart of our fundamental beliefs,
comes from what we say toourselves.
(06:36):
Yes, it's influenced by otherpeople, different opinions,
different things that go, oh yep, that's persuasive, oh yeah, I
could see that point of view,all that kind of stuff.
But really it comes down towhat we say, what comes out of
our mouths.
We hold so much power in ourwords and it does help shape our
(06:59):
mind.
So, so I'm hoping that thismight encourage you.
If you're in a situation wheresomething's actually going right
for you and you're not quitefeeling it the the emotions
don't match up with theexperience I encourage you to
(07:21):
just start speaking life.
Start speaking good things overyou, because you alone are the
only ones that can actuallycontrol the outcome of your life
.
Look, I am a firm believer inGod.
(07:45):
I am a Christian, so there's alot more other parts to it, but
for this time, this moment, whatI'm going into, I want to
encourage you on what you say toyourself, and if you are
(08:05):
someone who shares the faith,like me, then press into what
God says about you, because hecreated you and he created you
just the way you are.
Now you might go, Mel, I've gotthis disability, I've got
mental health issues, I've gotthis, that, this, that, yes, and
(08:28):
we do live in a fallen worldand things don't always go right
in our minds of how thingsshould go, but nothing is wrong
with you.
It doesn't matter what theworld might say, what you might
even think you are enough.
(08:50):
You are who the world needs,who your family needs.
Your children need your parents, friends, you, no one else.
(09:11):
It's funny how we prioritizeeveryone else and their feelings
and their thoughts on thingslike this.
We think we can't be happybecause I'm not being humble
enough, I'm being selfish, allof that.
(09:31):
But, like in the situation withmy friend, her experience here
is not negatively affectinganyone else.
It's not that she has had agood thing at the expense of
someone else.
It's like you know she hasn'trobbed someone and now she's got
(09:55):
the great thing and the personthat owned it doesn't.
It's not.
It's not the case, and I thinkwe think that by us being happy,
we're taking happiness awayfrom others.
And that's not true.
Why can't we all be happy?
And I get that as women, we canthink about everyone else and
(10:24):
everyone else's happiness somuch easier than our own.
I've struggled with this, too,for so long, but I've even come
to a point where I just go no, Ideserve to be happy.
I do, and there's only one me.
There is no one else like me.
(10:45):
And yeah, I might have doublegangers and that, and I swear I
saw my double ganger in Germanyquite a number of years ago,
even my husband was taken back.
But you know, we might havepeople that look like us, we
might have people that thinklike us, but ultimately there's
only one of us.
Might have people that thinklike us, but ultimately there's
(11:09):
only one of us, and you areenough.
You're irreplaceable.
You are deserving of beinghappy.
Now I don't know your situation.
I don't know what you're goingthrough, and it can be for some
(11:31):
of us a really tough season,whether it's motherhood, whether
it's breakdowns ofrelationships.
Whatever situation you mightfind yourself in, it can be
tough.
I am not discrediting whateversituation you might find
yourself in, but sometimes wecan't change the season we're in
(11:57):
and what's going on around usall that much.
We might be able to influencelittle bits here and there and
make things a bit easier forourselves, and that's where a
lot of my coaching comes in isto help create some of that
order and control.
But despite the circumstances,despite the situation we might
find ourselves in, we can changewhat we say to ourselves.
(12:22):
We can change the way we think.
So I want to encourage you thisweek to maybe get a little bit
uncomfortable in saying somereally good things about
(12:44):
yourself.
Maybe write down five things ona post-it note, stick around
the mirror or have reminders popup on your phone.
Do something that is going toremind you ah, I need to say
this to myself, I need to say itagain and again and again and
(13:05):
something that's going to forceyou to do it.
You're going to feel weird,you're going to feel
uncomfortable.
You're going to.
You know people around youmight think you're crazy, but it
starts with you.
And once you start speakinggood about yourself, trust me,
(13:25):
so much changes.
When I started speaking morepositively to myself a number of
years ago, all of a sudden myconfidence grew and with that
confidence came a whole notherlevel of attraction.
(13:46):
I don't really, I guessattraction is the word for it
but when it came to work, whenit came to friendships, all of
that, I all of a suddenattracted this level of
conviction and authority that itdidn't matter what role I was
in.
(14:06):
I could have been in the bottomservice role, but people were
like she knows more than therole she's in.
She's in control of so muchmore.
This role, this title, thisthing doesn't define her.
Now, yeah, that's a workexample.
(14:27):
But when you start believing Iam good enough.
You start carrying yourselfdifferently.
You start opening doors tothings that all of a sudden
you've got more jobopportunities, you've got other
things there, because peoplenotice.
(14:48):
People notice when you'refeeling more confident, more in
control and you carry yourselfto a level that a lot of people
around you probably aren't, alevel that a lot of people
around you probably aren't.
(15:09):
And it's funny how, when I wasgoing for my last job, you know
they're saying that when a mangoes for a role, he kind of
looks over the requirements andif he kind of thinks, oh yeah, I
tick maybe 60, 70% of it, he'slike yep, I'm good enough and
he'll go for it.
There's just this confidencethat men seem to have a little
bit more naturally than women.
(15:32):
Or maybe not naturally, maybeit's conditioned I'm not an
expert on that but when a womangoes for a job and she sees the
requirements, she thinks I needto tick all of that, 100% of
that.
If she goes, oh, I haven'tquite got the five years
experience or I haven't quitegot that skill, or she'll just
(15:53):
write off the job completely.
Now, not every woman, but a lot.
And it's funny because I waslike that too and when I went
for this last job didn't quitetick everything because I had no
banking experience, but I'dbeen in insurance for 10 years
and I looked at it and I kind ofticked everything else but
(16:16):
because of the journey I'd beenon, I went.
I know I can do this job, Iknow I'm a fast learner, I know
that whatever I might fall shortin now, I'm going to catch up
in no time because I know myselfand I'm confident I can do it.
And look, in a matter of weeksI was doing things that some
(16:37):
people for a couple of yearsstill weren't doing so.
And when I look at them, it'snot that they weren't capable,
they just didn't back themselves.
And a big part of what drivessuccess and happiness and all of
that is how you see yourself,how you back yourself, that
(17:03):
level of confidence.
So with today I really justwanted to encourage you that,
even if life is just crappyright now and you're thinking,
(17:23):
oh, my goodness, like this isoverwhelming, this is so hard, I
can't keep on top of my kidsand the house and my job and you
know, and then you've got totry and find time for your
partner and everything on top ofthat, and oh, just the thought
of him touching me makes me wantto just scream because you're
(17:46):
so stressed out.
Then I encourage you.
I mean I could tell you, stopfeeling guilty, you deserve it.
I could tell you till I'm bluein the face.
It's not going to mean anythingand it's not helpful, but I'm
(18:08):
hoping that you can take awayfrom this going I'm actually
going to start speaking a littlebit nicer to myself.
I'll finish with one more storywhen I was.
I'll finish with one more story.
(18:29):
When I was dating my husband inthe early days I spoke so badly
about myself.
I was 22, I think at the timeand I was probably the queen of
negative self-talk.
I was, yeah, very good at itand he couldn't quite understand
(18:51):
why.
I mean he liked what he saw,but I just saw someone who just
was never good enough, justwasn't good at anything.
But I was hoping I was goodenough for him.
But then he sat down for dinnerwith my family one night and I
(19:16):
was sort of the butt of jokes.
It was just always a thing withmy family that you know, I was
just the center of the joke alot of the time and I would
laugh because I go.
Well, that was pretty funny,even though it wasn't my expense
.
But I kind of got used to thatbecause I was like, well, at
least no one else is being jokedabout, because I don't want
(19:37):
anyone else to go and get hurt,and I kind of developed this
thick skin.
It didn't bother me so muchuntil I realized it bothered me
down the track.
But once Sam experienced thatat the time, he then understood
why I wasn't so kind to myselfand that's because they weren't
(20:03):
saying the kindest things to me.
Now don't get me wrong, myfamily love me.
They've always loved me andthere's never been any doubt in
it.
But it's that banter, thatAussie banter that we have, and
my husband is very German, likehe grew up here Sounds Aussie,
but he is actually German, andso he just still can't quite get
(20:29):
a grip on the Aussie banter.
And when he experienced thatand he saw what I had to deal
with, I guess he then realizedthat he needed to get me into a
position where I was starting tospeak kindly to myself.
(20:51):
Now that came at a cost.
So what he made me do now I'vealways struggled a bit with
money in the earlier years and Iwas terrible at it.
So he made me get a piggy bankand every time I said something
(21:14):
negative, I had to put a dollarin there and then, when we had
enough money or whatever, wewere going to do it, we were
going to spend it and it wasn'tjust going to be spent for me on
my bills and things or whatever.
So I remember early on therewas one day and at the end of
(21:36):
the day I ended up with 20 bucksin there and I thought, geez, I
said 20 things about myselfthat wasn't kind and that could
have been in the form of a joke.
It could have just been inthere.
Oh my gosh, why did I do that?
(21:56):
That's so stupid kind of talk.
And yeah, 20 bucks in a day.
So we and we caught up thatnight we went down to Hungry
Jack's and we bought some dinnerand, yeah, thanks to my
negative talk, money and Irealized I was going to go broke
(22:20):
very quickly.
So I did start being moreintentional with how I talked
and it took a while.
And look, every now and then itcomes out.
I am not perfect, I have notgot it all down pat, but I am so
different from that girl, I amso different from how I was back
(22:43):
then and I really do have myhusband to thank for that and I
and I started off by just tryingnot to say something bad, and
it was hard.
But when I started actuallysaying no, I can do this, I
think I can do this, I'm goodenough to do this or I deserve
(23:06):
this, and whatever it wassometimes I was just biting my
tongue that all helped inpulling me out of this negative
place and actually going intothis more positive one, and so
(23:29):
maybe you need something morepractical like that too.
Maybe you need some sort ofconsequence for when you say
something negative.
So anyway, I know I've probablyrambled a bit.
I do treat this a lot like aconversation, as I've said
before, and I would love to hearyour thoughts on this.
(23:52):
I would love to hear if thishas helped you, or even if
you're stuck in this place.
I really do care about everyperson I come in contact with.
I don't want anyone anyone tofeel like they don't deserve to
(24:14):
be happy because you do, and Idon't care if you were once a
terrible person, that you hurt alot of people and you did some
bad things, maybe even like gota criminal history.
I do not care, because thatdoesn't need to define you and
your worth and who you are,because you can make a decision
(24:41):
to start speaking life, startspeaking good things into you
and look.
I'm sorry if I am the onlyperson that is believing in you
right now, but even if that'sthe case, I'd love to hear from
you.
(25:01):
I'd love to be able to supportyou on your journey, because, as
much as organising is my jamand I help women in particular
I've helped men too but as muchas I help people in creating
some order and control in theirlife, it's not because we just
(25:24):
want to have the pretty home orthe color-coded calendar.
It looks good, but that's notthe reason.
The whole reason is so we canhave a more enjoyable life, so
we're not bogged down by thosethings that actually we don't
(25:45):
tend to care about so much, thatwe actually have the time for
what matters, because you couldthrow all the money in the world
at something, but if you don'thave enough time, what have you
got?
So time is precious and if I canhelp you speed up the process
(26:06):
so you can start enjoying yourlife, then I encourage you to
start speaking life today,because you know your light
doesn't dim anyone else's.
It only helps them see what'spossible.
So by you finding your ownlight, finding your own joy,
(26:29):
finding your own happiness likegenuinely being happy for where
you're at then you're only goingto help other people to start
seeing the good things in theirlife too.
If you loved this episode,don't forget to hit subscribe so
(26:50):
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on Instagram, atshizorganized, or for some free
resources, head over tobeyondorganizedcom slash toolkit
.
Remember, organising is a toolto live the purposeful life
beyond it.
See you next time.
Welcome to Beyond Organised , the podcast that helps you
simplify your life and amplifyyour purpose.
I'm Mel Schenker, life coach,speaker, founder of She's
Organised and, more importantly,a wife and mum of four little
kids.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed, like you're constantly
juggling everything but neverquite catching up, this is the
place for you.
Here we go beyond just thetidying up and creating systems.
(00:42):
We're talking about real-lifestrategies that bring order to
your life, but also we talkabout the things beyond the
organizing, the things thatreally matter, like your
parenting relationships and somuch more.
So grab your coffee and let'sdive in.
Welcome to today's episode.
(01:04):
I am actually really excited totalk to you about this one.
It doesn't have a ton to dowith organizing, but it really
has a lot to do with how we seeourselves.
So I have this beautiful,beautiful friend.
We have worked together invarious jobs for a few years and
(01:26):
we've done a lot of lifetogether, and I have seen her
struggle with her weight forquite a long time Now.
This is something that she hashad to deal with her whole life
and in the last few years shelost all that excess weight.
(01:47):
She'd probably argue with me onthat one, but I would say she's
lost a ton and she's doneincredibly well to keep it off.
She has just come out ofhospital for having the skin
removal surgery.
Being the skin removal surgery,that's not an easy process in
(02:08):
itself.
That's painful and she hasworked so hard to get to where
she is at.
And this is sort of that finalpart of the chapter of this book
.
Obviously, your weight, yourhealth, all that kind of stuff,
it's a lifelong journey.
I get that.
But for this part of it this issort of that final chapter.
(02:36):
And when she got the bandagesoff and stuff and she got to
look at her stomach for thefirst time, what did you think
she felt?
How would you have felt?
I know for me I would have beenlike ecstatic.
I can tell you, after four kids, I could barely see my feet
over my stomach from abdominalseparation and all that stuff.
(03:00):
So I know for me I would beecstatic if I looked down and I
could see, you know, even downto my feet.
But that, unfortunately, wasnot how she felt.
She felt guilty and I asked herwhy?
(03:20):
Why do you feel guilty whenyou've finally achieved your
goal?
And she said to me good thingslike this don't happen to people
like me.
It doesn't happen to people inmy family.
(03:42):
It doesn't happen to people inmy family.
I'm not used to this.
I'm not used to things goingright, and I had to stop and
think for a minute because Ifeel like we can get caught up
in the cycles of where we comefrom, our background, how we're
(04:03):
raised, our family life, all ofthat, and we can have sort of a
negative filter in some ways ofhow our life is going to look
because of how it has lookedbefore.
So then when something good doeshappen, don't know how to
process it and you go to sort ofthis default and guilt is a
(04:27):
pretty common one, and I seethis all the time with women and
mums and that you know we getthis life.
I know I have had moments whenI look at my kids and I look at
my life and I go wow, likefinally, in the house we built
(04:47):
we've got four beautiful kids,I've got a fantastic husband,
I've got all these things.
And there are moments when I'mlike I just I need a break, I
need to step away for a minute,like it's all too much, and then
you start feeling guiltybecause you think I finally got
(05:07):
the life I wanted and I've got alife that a lot of people want.
I'm not naive to that.
But then the guilt comes forfeeling that way and it made me
think why?
Why do we default to this guilt?
And I think a big part of it isbecause we just don't know how
(05:29):
to process it and we haven't hada chance to rewrite the script
in our mind.
And so, talking to my friendabout this, I encouraged her to
start speaking life, startspeaking positive to the
(05:51):
situation.
I said, look, it might feelsilly to begin with because you
don't necessarily believe it,but what you say often enough
does become what you believe.
And if she can say actually Ido deserve this, I worked so
freaking hard for this, this ismy time, this is my moment to be
(06:15):
happy she can speak this kindof stuff into her.
I can guarantee after a whileshe'll start to believe it.
Because what we believe, a bigpart of our fundamental beliefs,
comes from what we say toourselves.
(06:36):
Yes, it's influenced by otherpeople, different opinions,
different things that go, oh yep, that's persuasive, oh yeah, I
could see that point of view,all that kind of stuff.
But really it comes down towhat we say, what comes out of
our mouths.
We hold so much power in ourwords and it does help shape our
(06:59):
mind.
So, so I'm hoping that thismight encourage you.
If you're in a situation wheresomething's actually going right
for you and you're not quitefeeling it the the emotions
don't match up with theexperience I encourage you to
(07:21):
just start speaking life.
Start speaking good things overyou, because you alone are the
only ones that can actuallycontrol the outcome of your life
.
Look, I am a firm believer inGod.
(07:45):
I am a Christian, so there's alot more other parts to it, but
for this time, this moment, whatI'm going into, I want to
encourage you on what you say toyourself, and if you are
(08:05):
someone who shares the faith,like me, then press into what
God says about you, because hecreated you and he created you
just the way you are.
Now you might go, Mel, I've gotthis disability, I've got
mental health issues, I've gotthis, that, this, that, yes, and
(08:28):
we do live in a fallen worldand things don't always go right
in our minds of how thingsshould go, but nothing is wrong
with you.
It doesn't matter what theworld might say, what you might
even think you are enough.
(08:50):
You are who the world needs,who your family needs.
Your children need your parents, friends, you, no one else.
(09:11):
It's funny how we prioritizeeveryone else and their feelings
and their thoughts on thingslike this.
We think we can't be happybecause I'm not being humble
enough, I'm being selfish, allof that.
(09:31):
But, like in the situation withmy friend, her experience here
is not negatively affectinganyone else.
It's not that she has had agood thing at the expense of
someone else.
It's like you know she hasn'trobbed someone and now she's got
(09:55):
the great thing and the personthat owned it doesn't.
It's not.
It's not the case, and I thinkwe think that by us being happy,
we're taking happiness awayfrom others.
And that's not true.
Why can't we all be happy?
And I get that as women, we canthink about everyone else and
(10:24):
everyone else's happiness somuch easier than our own.
I've struggled with this, too,for so long, but I've even come
to a point where I just go no, Ideserve to be happy.
I do, and there's only one me.
There is no one else like me.
(10:45):
And yeah, I might have doublegangers and that, and I swear I
saw my double ganger in Germanyquite a number of years ago,
even my husband was taken back.
But you know, we might havepeople that look like us, we
might have people that thinklike us, but ultimately there's
only one of us.
Might have people that thinklike us, but ultimately there's
(11:09):
only one of us, and you areenough.
You're irreplaceable.
You are deserving of beinghappy.
Now I don't know your situation.
I don't know what you're goingthrough, and it can be for some
(11:31):
of us a really tough season,whether it's motherhood, whether
it's breakdowns ofrelationships.
Whatever situation you mightfind yourself in, it can be
tough.
I am not discrediting whateversituation you might find
yourself in, but sometimes wecan't change the season we're in
(11:57):
and what's going on around usall that much.
We might be able to influencelittle bits here and there and
make things a bit easier forourselves, and that's where a
lot of my coaching comes in isto help create some of that
order and control.
But despite the circumstances,despite the situation we might
find ourselves in, we can changewhat we say to ourselves.
(12:22):
We can change the way we think.
So I want to encourage you thisweek to maybe get a little bit
uncomfortable in saying somereally good things about
(12:44):
yourself.
Maybe write down five things ona post-it note, stick around
the mirror or have reminders popup on your phone.
Do something that is going toremind you ah, I need to say
this to myself, I need to say itagain and again and again and
(13:05):
something that's going to forceyou to do it.
You're going to feel weird,you're going to feel
uncomfortable.
You're going to.
You know people around youmight think you're crazy, but it
starts with you.
And once you start speakinggood about yourself, trust me,
(13:25):
so much changes.
When I started speaking morepositively to myself a number of
years ago, all of a sudden myconfidence grew and with that
confidence came a whole notherlevel of attraction.
(13:46):
I don't really, I guessattraction is the word for it
but when it came to work, whenit came to friendships, all of
that, I all of a suddenattracted this level of
conviction and authority that itdidn't matter what role I was
in.
(14:06):
I could have been in the bottomservice role, but people were
like she knows more than therole she's in.
She's in control of so muchmore.
This role, this title, thisthing doesn't define her.
Now, yeah, that's a workexample.
(14:27):
But when you start believing Iam good enough.
You start carrying yourselfdifferently.
You start opening doors tothings that all of a sudden
you've got more jobopportunities, you've got other
things there, because peoplenotice.
(14:48):
People notice when you'refeeling more confident, more in
control and you carry yourselfto a level that a lot of people
around you probably aren't, alevel that a lot of people
around you probably aren't.
(15:09):
And it's funny how, when I wasgoing for my last job, you know
they're saying that when a mangoes for a role, he kind of
looks over the requirements andif he kind of thinks, oh yeah, I
tick maybe 60, 70% of it, he'slike yep, I'm good enough and
he'll go for it.
There's just this confidencethat men seem to have a little
bit more naturally than women.
(15:32):
Or maybe not naturally, maybeit's conditioned I'm not an
expert on that but when a womangoes for a job and she sees the
requirements, she thinks I needto tick all of that, 100% of
that.
If she goes, oh, I haven'tquite got the five years
experience or I haven't quitegot that skill, or she'll just
(15:53):
write off the job completely.
Now, not every woman, but a lot.
And it's funny because I waslike that too and when I went
for this last job didn't quitetick everything because I had no
banking experience, but I'dbeen in insurance for 10 years
and I looked at it and I kind ofticked everything else but
(16:16):
because of the journey I'd beenon, I went.
I know I can do this job, Iknow I'm a fast learner, I know
that whatever I might fall shortin now, I'm going to catch up
in no time because I know myselfand I'm confident I can do it.
And look, in a matter of weeksI was doing things that some
(16:37):
people for a couple of yearsstill weren't doing so.
And when I look at them, it'snot that they weren't capable,
they just didn't back themselves.
And a big part of what drivessuccess and happiness and all of
that is how you see yourself,how you back yourself, that
(17:03):
level of confidence.
So with today I really justwanted to encourage you that,
even if life is just crappyright now and you're thinking,
(17:23):
oh, my goodness, like this isoverwhelming, this is so hard, I
can't keep on top of my kidsand the house and my job and you
know, and then you've got totry and find time for your
partner and everything on top ofthat, and oh, just the thought
of him touching me makes me wantto just scream because you're
(17:46):
so stressed out.
Then I encourage you.
I mean I could tell you, stopfeeling guilty, you deserve it.
I could tell you till I'm bluein the face.
It's not going to mean anythingand it's not helpful, but I'm
(18:08):
hoping that you can take awayfrom this going I'm actually
going to start speaking a littlebit nicer to myself.
I'll finish with one more storywhen I was.
I'll finish with one more story.
(18:29):
When I was dating my husband inthe early days I spoke so badly
about myself.
I was 22, I think at the timeand I was probably the queen of
negative self-talk.
I was, yeah, very good at itand he couldn't quite understand
(18:51):
why.
I mean he liked what he saw,but I just saw someone who just
was never good enough, justwasn't good at anything.
But I was hoping I was goodenough for him.
But then he sat down for dinnerwith my family one night and I
(19:16):
was sort of the butt of jokes.
It was just always a thing withmy family that you know, I was
just the center of the joke alot of the time and I would
laugh because I go.
Well, that was pretty funny,even though it wasn't my expense
.
But I kind of got used to thatbecause I was like, well, at
least no one else is being jokedabout, because I don't want
(19:37):
anyone else to go and get hurt,and I kind of developed this
thick skin.
It didn't bother me so muchuntil I realized it bothered me
down the track.
But once Sam experienced thatat the time, he then understood
why I wasn't so kind to myselfand that's because they weren't
(20:03):
saying the kindest things to me.
Now don't get me wrong, myfamily love me.
They've always loved me andthere's never been any doubt in
it.
But it's that banter, thatAussie banter that we have, and
my husband is very German, likehe grew up here Sounds Aussie,
but he is actually German, andso he just still can't quite get
(20:29):
a grip on the Aussie banter.
And when he experienced thatand he saw what I had to deal
with, I guess he then realizedthat he needed to get me into a
position where I was starting tospeak kindly to myself.
(20:51):
Now that came at a cost.
So what he made me do now I'vealways struggled a bit with
money in the earlier years and Iwas terrible at it.
So he made me get a piggy bankand every time I said something
(21:14):
negative, I had to put a dollarin there and then, when we had
enough money or whatever, wewere going to do it, we were
going to spend it and it wasn'tjust going to be spent for me on
my bills and things or whatever.
So I remember early on therewas one day and at the end of
(21:36):
the day I ended up with 20 bucksin there and I thought, geez, I
said 20 things about myselfthat wasn't kind and that could
have been in the form of a joke.
It could have just been inthere.
Oh my gosh, why did I do that?
(21:56):
That's so stupid kind of talk.
And yeah, 20 bucks in a day.
So we and we caught up thatnight we went down to Hungry
Jack's and we bought some dinnerand, yeah, thanks to my
negative talk, money and Irealized I was going to go broke
(22:20):
very quickly.
So I did start being moreintentional with how I talked
and it took a while.
And look, every now and then itcomes out.
I am not perfect, I have notgot it all down pat, but I am so
different from that girl, I amso different from how I was back
(22:43):
then and I really do have myhusband to thank for that and I
and I started off by just tryingnot to say something bad, and
it was hard.
But when I started actuallysaying no, I can do this, I
think I can do this, I'm goodenough to do this or I deserve
(23:06):
this, and whatever it wassometimes I was just biting my
tongue that all helped inpulling me out of this negative
place and actually going intothis more positive one, and so
(23:29):
maybe you need something morepractical like that too.
Maybe you need some sort ofconsequence for when you say
something negative.
So anyway, I know I've probablyrambled a bit.
I do treat this a lot like aconversation, as I've said
before, and I would love to hearyour thoughts on this.
(23:52):
I would love to hear if thishas helped you, or even if
you're stuck in this place.
I really do care about everyperson I come in contact with.
I don't want anyone anyone tofeel like they don't deserve to
(24:14):
be happy because you do, and Idon't care if you were once a
terrible person, that you hurt alot of people and you did some
bad things, maybe even like gota criminal history.
I do not care, because thatdoesn't need to define you and
your worth and who you are,because you can make a decision
(24:41):
to start speaking life, startspeaking good things into you
and look.
I'm sorry if I am the onlyperson that is believing in you
right now, but even if that'sthe case, I'd love to hear from
you.
(25:01):
I'd love to be able to supportyou on your journey, because, as
much as organising is my jamand I help women in particular
I've helped men too but as muchas I help people in creating
some order and control in theirlife, it's not because we just
(25:24):
want to have the pretty home orthe color-coded calendar.
It looks good, but that's notthe reason.
The whole reason is so we canhave a more enjoyable life, so
we're not bogged down by thosethings that actually we don't
(25:45):
tend to care about so much, thatwe actually have the time for
what matters, because you couldthrow all the money in the world
at something, but if you don'thave enough time, what have you
got?
So time is precious and if I canhelp you speed up the process
(26:06):
so you can start enjoying yourlife, then I encourage you to
start speaking life today,because you know your light
doesn't dim anyone else's.
It only helps them see what'spossible.
So by you finding your ownlight, finding your own joy,
(26:29):
finding your own happiness likegenuinely being happy for where
you're at then you're only goingto help other people to start
seeing the good things in theirlife too.
If you loved this episode,don't forget to hit subscribe so
(26:50):
you don't miss what's comingnext.
And if you want to continue theconversation, you can connect
with me on Instagram, atshizorganized, or for some free
resources, head over tobeyondorganizedcom slash toolkit
.
Remember, organising is a toolto live the purposeful life
beyond it.
See you next time.
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