BTE4.11 Pastoring Blended Families with Dr. James and Ginger Dellaripa and Eric Epperson

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Brad Warren, and this is Beyond the Event, a
youth ministry podcast presentedby Christ in Youth, where we
help you maintain momentumbetween the mountaintops.
Today is going to be differentand awesome.
We are going to be talking toDr James and Ginger Della Ripa.

(00:22):
They are two wonderful, lovelypeople who happened to both be
divorced and remarried eachother, and they both brought
kids into that relationship andthey started a ministry called
the Family Core to help blendedfamilies figure out what.

(00:44):
To help blended families figureout what life is supposed to
look like when you enter intothis very, very complicated and
challenging arrangement.
Now, if you're a youth pastor,you 100% have blended families
that you minister to.
We all know that.
But sometimes I think maybe itwould be good to spend a little
bit of time intentionallythinking about those students,

(01:05):
about those parents, about thosefamilies and how we can help
them navigate something thatreally kind of sucks sometimes,
and so that's what we're goingto talk about today, but first I
have the pleasure of talkingwith my boss, eric Epperson.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Hey, hey, brad, how are you?
There's no need to refer to me,as I don't think I ever
literally have before.
Let's refer to me as yourboss's boss.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
My boss's boss.
Yeah, I was being presumptuous.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
I'm kidding Dude.
I would say this You're afriend first oh, that's very
sweet An enemy second,Occasionally.
A confidant third Anaccountability partner.
Fourth and no longer an improvpartner?
No, you're a fellow improviser.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
We used to do that together.
That was so fun.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
It was a good time man.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
I really miss, I honestly miss it.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I miss doing it.
I'm glad you do.
It was a running siblings herein town was always such a joy
for me because it allowed me notonly to hang out with people I
like, but also just like get upand do stuff with people.
Like we sit around so manytimes and we talk about like, oh
, we should do that.
How many times have you gonelike we should rent a sailboat

(02:16):
and go around the world or weshould launch a podcast or we
should whatever?
And Siblings was such a raremoment where somebody actually
said, yeah, let's do it, yeah.
So we said sure, and then wedid it, yeah, and and went from
there.
So, uh, man, it's good to goodto be with you and I know for,
for, like folks that watch onyoutube, um, they're able to see
this, this space, the reallycool space that we're in, and I

(02:37):
think what people don't realizeis that this actually you live
here, this is your room it's avery small room.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
The camera is actually sitting up on my bunk
bed, so this is cool.
Thanks for having us into yourapartment.
Yeah, no problem, I will mystudio here, um, in more ways
than one.
Yeah, yeah, I see what you dostudio apartment.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
That's good.
Hey, what number of podcasts isthis?

Speaker 1 (02:59):
uh, this is 52.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
You got any plans for the 100th Is 52.
You got any plans for the?

Speaker 3 (03:06):
100th Making it to the 100th.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
That's currently my plan.
We'll see how it goes.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Well, I want to say the 60th.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
No, no one celebrates that.
Here's what I'll say.
This is very meta what I'mabout to say.
I haven't recorded the 50th yet.
Oh what?
Yeah, we're like out of order.
It's a whole weird thing, okayso like this is the 52nd episode
, but the 50th episode that willbe published.
Yeah, uh, I have not recordedyet, so people already may have

(03:39):
heard it.
It's with jason french.
I hope it was an enlighteningconversation.
I'm sure so, jason.
It's the past, but also thefuture.
It was an enlighteningconversation.
I'm sure so, jason.
It's the past, but also thefuture.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Isn't that weird, something kind of like
interstellar kind of.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah, it's like I don't even know how to talk
about it.
It is not yet, and it was.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
So when is this?
What time are we in?
Right now, then In podcast time.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
I don't know.
Vamp a little bit and I'll tellyou.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Well, I mean like so is it like?
Have we had Valentine's Day yet?

Speaker 1 (04:07):
I think it's around that time.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
So it's happy Valentine's Day.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
It is Listening in real time Pastoring blended
families, February 17th.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Oh man, we just had the NBA All-Star game last night
.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Oh yeah, that was probably great.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Crazy that thing that LeBron did.
Can you believe it?

Speaker 1 (04:26):
At game last night.
Oh yeah, that was probablygreat, crazy, that thing that
LeBron did.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Can you believe it At his age?
Still on that level?
Yeah, old guy's still got it.
Still got it.
The Super Bowl.
Wow, who would have thought theBuccaneers they did it, they
pulled it off.
What a man that play at the endof the game when they beat the
we're going to maybe Michaelwill put it in later the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
Oh yeah, Win.
The Buffalo Bills Lost to theSan Francisco 49ers.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Who didn't even make the playoffs this year.
What a comeback.
Yeah, crazy, anyway, anyway Ilove what you're doing, both in
this podcast and just the waythat you serve across the across
the board, and and see how Ireally do love the creativity
you bring to our team.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Well I you've always been a really encouraging and
empowering person.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Oh, thanks, thank you Thanks, um.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Having said that, it's time for the mailbag.
Oh cool, um, michael's not here.
This episode is being guestrecorded by Terry Omar, who,
frankly, is a legend.
We need to get Terry on at somepoint.
The story wants to be Terrywants to hear stories, I know,
but I want him to be heard.
But you're right, but for nowI'm going to ask them all bad

(05:36):
questions, okay, Okay.
Matt Berry.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
He's just a general CY people or did someone?
They're not actually asking me.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yes, they're not actually asking.
Hey ask Eric Epperson this.
This is like ask somebody onstaff.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
That's pretty arrogant, that I would.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Even that would even cross my mind.
A couple people did havequestions specifically for
French Cause.
I did tell them that French wasyeah, and as they should.
Matt Tibbett asked me aquestion for Bradley out of all
the wilderness leaders thatyou've ever had, who's your
favorite?
And the answer is Matt Tibbitt.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
Obviously, I see what you're saying yeah, Um okay.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Now it's your turn.
Uh, matt Berry.
Okay, matt Berry, this is whathe wants to know who was a
leader that made a difference inyour life?
I'm going to like, as a studentyou know who's a leader that
made a difference in your life?
What did they do to help,challenge and push you when you
were younger?

Speaker 2 (06:37):
Lots of them.
It's funny.
Thank you for the for thisquestion.
That was intended for anyone,but fell to me.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
It's kind of nice to think about that.
It's really nice to think ofthe list of names, yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
Honestly, was it Matt Berry?
You said yeah, sincerely.
That's a gift to be called topause and think about that.
Yeah, lots of names and facescome to mind.
I think the one thing thatwould tie them all together
would be there are people thatsaw something in me and then
gave me a chance to try it Okay,and that's both in school and

(07:11):
at church.
I think about a guy namedMadison Tomlinson who was like
the 10th grade principal realname, 10th grade principal at
Muskogee High School.
He was my ninth grade biologyteacher before he moved into the
administration role, and I'venot thought about Mr Tomlinson
in a long time, but he was thesponsor for a club on campus

(07:32):
called Teens for Christ, andTeens for Christ was a group of
teens that were for Christ, butit was kind of like an FCA for
non-athletes and we met everyWednesday and had essentially a
Bible.
It was a Bible study, yeah, butI was elected an officer at
Teens for Christ for a few yearsin high school and what it
allowed me to do is it actuallygave me a space to program a

(07:56):
Bible study on a weekly basis,to reach out to youth pastors in
the community and ask them tocome, give devotions and then
lead my peers in a way which waswild and, I think, difficult
for people to do, and a lot ofpeople don't get an opportunity
to lead peers until it's kind oftoo late and then it becomes a
really awkward uh piece.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, but it's easy to see how every single one of
those things you just said likehas created you as you are today
.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, uh, my youth pastor, rusty, same
way, um would give usopportunities to give devotions.
Rusty would also bring me withhim, um to do speaking
engagements, you know what Imean.
And so not a youth trip but likeand it's funny that we're
talking about um blendedfamilies with um the Del Ripas

(08:44):
this this during this podcast,because that was my story in
high school.
My parents divorced before Istarted high school and I found
myself just kind of in between.
My parents honored me and eachother well through that process,
but it was some back and forth.
So Rusty would bring me alongas he would go speak at youth
camps and retreats, and two hourride in the car, I sit back in

(09:04):
the back of the room watchinghim speak.
And then he would like bring mealong as he would go speak at
youth camps and retreats and, um, you know, two hour ride in the
car, I sit back in the back ofthe room watch him speak, and
then, uh, you know, drive backlike some really cool
discipleship opportunities, bothupfront, and then you know car
rides, and then I I'd say a guynamed Lewis, who I would still
consider a mentor, but the firstyear my wife and I were married
.
He was the, we were.

(09:25):
I was interning at a church andhe was the lead elder and I'm
an I'm a youth intern.
You know they're paying me, youknow, 500 bucks a month or
something crazy like that I was.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
all you have to do is end that sentence and it's
still like they're paying me.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
They're paying me.
How am I going?

Speaker 1 (09:41):
to spend 500 bucks a month, but you know they're
paying me it's like a lot.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
How am I going to spend 500 bucks a month?
But they're paying me and I'mjust the youth intern, right?
But somehow in my mind I thinkI need to meet with the lead
elder every week.
And so I asked him.
I was like, hey, can we getlunch once a week?
And he was like a realsuccessful businessman and
obviously understanding that hewas volunteering his time at the
church and leading there.

(10:04):
But he said sure, and so wewould get Charlie's chicken
every week in Muskogee and wewould talk about life and
ministry and marriage.
And he and his wife Becky arestill you know, they're 20
something years older than me atthis point still, but when I

(10:26):
was 20 and now that I'm 42,they're the kinds of people that
I want to be like in the nextchapter.
It's always nice to have thatlike benchmark people.
But it's like, yeah, I want to,and I think it's just at every
season of our life we just needto tap people on the shoulder
and say, can I just hang out,yeah, with you, and um,

(10:47):
occasionally people will say,sure, I feel like changes.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
often my life, people will say, sure, yeah, I've
never like.
I don't think it's pretty rareto be met with rejection on that
.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
You're like I'm really busy.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah like yeah, anyway, I don't
know, and I think I thought youwere going to talk about.
Are you the one that talksabout like an older woman who
volunteered in your youth group?
Maybe I'm making that up.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
So here's the deal.
I'd never.
I mean, I was a youth internfor a year and then I came to
work at CIY Like I've never-.
No, no, no, as a student, anolder woman.
There were these twins, uhnamed, uh, named mary marie, and
they would show up every week,but there was no older woman
that volunteered in my I don'tknow what is she?
What was?
What's the rest of that story?

Speaker 1 (11:31):
I don't know she just , I just felt like I don't know
who I'm thinking of.
This is bad radio.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
No, it's good, um no, we had some characters around
the church, but I don't thinkthere was an older woman.
Okay, that I'm um it woman.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
It's funny because two of the people on my list
that I would think of are bothwomen in their 50s and 60s.
One of them was thereceptionist in my middle school
and she was the sponsor of ourFCA and just believed in me.
It's like Vicky Moody justrooting for me all the way.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
We did.
Maybe we've talked about thisin some format or not.
We did some big researchproject last year on students
who are now adults, who madedecisions at CIO events to go
into full-time ministry, andthey did it.
They actually pulled it off.
They made it, and so we askedthem in retrospect, why did you
follow through?
And we gave them a bunch ofthings to pick from the far and

(12:27):
away.
The number one and two thingthat people said this is what
got me into ministry was I hadadults in my church that
believed in me and they gave meopportunities to serve right
away.
That's the secret sauce to getsomebody to actually follow
through with a call to ministry.
And I think you would say, andI would say a hundred times over

(12:50):
that's what did it for us.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
That happened in spades.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, a hundred percent, yeah, yeah, so I don't
think so.
So we did have this one guynamed John and he was a youth
sponsor and he was, um, he wasmassive, he was like, uh, six
foot eight and, you know,weighed 300 pounds, just a giant
of a man.
Um, and I'm gonna get thereferences wrong, but, um, I

(13:14):
remember this one lock in.
We did, and this was when I wasa youth intern and we did a.
This was like in the fall oflike 2002, and we did a lord of
the rings themed lock-in, andone of the games that we played
was we hid little rings.
We turned off all the lights inthe church building and we hid
a bunch of little rings allaround the church building in

(13:35):
the dark.
Yeah, right, and the missionwas the kids had to go find
these little rings and the adultsponsors would dress up as orcs
and chase them.
But John was so big and such amassive man.
Who's the ultimate bad guy inLord of the Rings?
Sauron, isn't that his name?

(13:56):
Yeah, yeah, sauron.
So John would, he'd stand inthe sanctuary and what the kids
had to do was they had to findthese little rings.
And what do you do?
The quest in Lord of the Ringsis to throw the ring into the
fire.
Yeah, right so, but we didn'thave, you know, a cauldron of
fire, so they would have tothrow the rings into the

(14:16):
baptistry, and so John stood upby the baptistry.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
And he's trying to defend Matumbo.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
So these are the man, these are the kinds of people
that just kind of showed up tochurch and said, okay, sure,
I'll do whatever, even if it'sthat and that might be somewhat
I don't know if it's adisservice to dishonoring the
baptismal, but it's what we did,yeah.
Thanks, matt, no sacred galsright Opportunity to to honor
some folks that made a bigdifference in my life.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Yeah, that is special to be able to reflect like that
, Speaking of people that havemade a difference in your life.
Our next question is from AlexRueda, who was my college
roommate.
Yeah, and a great friend, he'sa tall guy too.
He is a tall guy.
Yeah, he would have played thatrole valiantly, maybe at Moved
next summer.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
We can do that I also .

Speaker 1 (15:03):
I need to, alex.
I'm going to have you on theshow at some point.
He'd be really great.
I know Alex wants to know whatare some things that were
different about students thissummer 2024, compared to last
summer 2023?
.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
Wow, they were a year older.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
What's something?

Speaker 2 (15:23):
different in 2024 compared to 2023.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
I feel like I feel like 2021, yeah, was so bizarre,
sure, um, and it was weird andwe were like social distancing
and had to send groups home andstudents were just coming out of
COVID and that really heavilyimpacted some of them and

(15:48):
heavily didn't.
I will say I don't know whatthe like stark difference was
between 23 and 24, but I willsay I felt that still in 2023,
like the remnants of that kindof time, and 2024 was the first
like really normal feelingsummer.
Yeah, I can't really put myfinger on what that is.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
I think, I think there's something to that.
So when I meet a collegestudent now um, part of their
story, COVID is a part of theirstory in a way that it's not for
a um, a high school freshman,Um, you know how like, um, like
in high school, back when you'rein high school, and and there
would be a girl who was oncrutches for whatever reason and

(16:31):
that became part of herpersonality, yeah, you know what
I mean.
It's like I got to leave classearly and someone carry my book.
I'm allowed to go to lunch firstI can do this, I'm like I'm a
girl on crutches, yeah, oh,whatever.
And so you're like shut up,brittany.

Speaker 1 (16:46):
Whatever crutches, yeah, oh whatever, uh, and so
did like you're like shut upbritney, whatever um so britney
she made, britney she was oncrutches she was a crutches girl
.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
I guarantee she was.
She was a crutches girl.
So I think there was.
There was a part of it wherecovid and lockdown and isolation
, I mean like was such a bigpart of, like, their adolescence
.
Yeah, and I look at my own kid.
It was defining yeah, I got myown kid who was going to be a
high school student next year.

(17:14):
She was like oh, covid happenedin third grade, yeah.
And we're getting further andfurther away from it Doesn't
mean it's still very important.
It was still very impactful,but it didn't shape them in the
same way that it did for a highschool or just even a couple of
years before.
And as we move in in the nextcouple of years, as we get

(17:36):
further and further away from it.
I mean, when my now thirdgrader becomes a sixth grader
and starts going to the SuperStart and Mix, she'll have no
memory of it.
Yeah Right, yeah, you know asixth grader and starts going to
the super start and mix, she'llhave no memory of it.
Yeah right, yeah, um.
And and she was like what?
Like in like pre-k, during the,during those, you know, the
covid days, and she was such ananti-masker it was ridiculous.
Uh, you know, I mean we likeput a mask on her and she would

(17:58):
send her to preschool and she'slike I'm not wearing this faith
over fear.
You know it's all a hoax.
I'm like shut up, just you know, come on, um.
But like I think we're.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
That's a good thing that we're the funny thing is
that is such ren's personality.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
You can't make me.
I'm not a sheep, yeah, okay, soI I.
I would certainly say that atthe same time, I was struck by
um last summer I think it mighthave been thematic and what we
did as we walked through Psalm23 and rest, I commend this
generation of young people forbeing in tune in a way with

(18:34):
what's going on between theirears and what's going on in
their heart in a really, reallyprofound way that I think we
could learn from that.
My gosh, I never, as a highschool student, I never once
thought about my mental healthwhat you know, what I mean, what
do you mean?
I never once you know weequated our spiritual health to

(18:57):
they'll do my quiet time and youknow that's really it.
But for them to think aboutkind of their holistic self and
throwing their whole self intofollowing Jesus is, I think,
really profound and encouraginglast century into kind of a

(19:29):
post-COVID world.
But then also, students reallybeing in tune with mental,
spiritual and physical health ina real profound way, I think is
huge.
Also, I'll say this man, I'vegot a teenage daughter and all
her friends.
Man, they're obsessed with skin, the skin care.
Like it, you'd be, you'd be.
That was not a thing right whenwe were, when we were kids, and

(19:50):
so it's like what, like they'relike, what's your skin care
routine?
I'm like I wash my face.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (19:55):
you know how many steps is alice's routine oh it's
, it's too many and I'm notgonna.
I'm not gonna talk about itbecause this.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
This exists, uh, exists well beyond, and I'd want
it to.
But, yeah, she's really, reallygreat.
But it is a cultural shift thatI've seen where they're like in
tune with those types of things.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
It's because of all the like get ready with me
videos on TikTok and that kindof stuff.
It's a lot of yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yeah, and honestly good for them, because we spent
our childhood just going outsideand there were still I guess
there still are tanning salons,but everybody tanned in the 90s
and now they're paying for it.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
They're walking around like purses, my goodness,
I was going to say I think.
The other thing that I think isI think that that COVID led to
some huge behavioral issueswhere it's like the kids forgot
what freedom was, yeah, and thenthey got to a week of camp and
they're like I am going to lightthat building on fire, yeah,

(20:56):
sure you know.
Yeah, and so that was tough fora couple years there.
Yeah, I feel like there were alot more disciplinary things.
2024 didn't feel that as much.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
I don't know.
That's how I feel.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
I think so.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
So between that and skincare, I think we got a
different crop coming.
I'm trying to think back allthings summer 2024.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
It was an Olympics year, so there was a lot more
patriotism, patriotism and a lotmore people interested in track
.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
Oh man.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
That's true.
Oh man, that is true.
It's like I'll watch gymnasticsand go ah, I will.
I will watch this once everyfour years.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
And then in four years I'll watch it again.
Okay.

Speaker 2 (21:36):
Is that helpful?

Speaker 1 (21:37):
That, that was great.
Okay, Um, that was a greatconversation.
I'm looking very forward to ournext conversation with James
and Ginger.
You ready to go?

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Yeah, so I'm here, let's do it.
All right, let's do it.
You're going to love thesepeople.
They really are just fantasticpeople doing the work.
It's fun.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
I want to start by knowing how you guys got
together.
How did you start dating?
Did you meet?
What was the beginning?
Of this relationship maybe thebetter question like who pursued
.
Who always?

Speaker 4 (22:09):
pushes this on me?
Who?
pursued who probably knows areyou asking that question?
Am I going to answer it now?
Yeah, like who?
Who made the first move?
Um, james and I.
Um, he came from flagstaff andstarted working at a facility
down here in Peoria and I wasworking in the OR and the

(22:29):
administration side.
So his partners, who I hadworked with for seven or eight
years prior, said we have thisdoctor coming down for Flagstaff
, he's going to be in our group,get him privileged like
straight away and basically justso he could be a total
workhorse.
And so I got him privileges atthe facility and he started
working there and, um, I wasreally mean to him and he looked

(22:51):
so it worked out.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
What do you mean you were, what do you mean you were
really mean to him.
Give me an example.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
Well, he came from a?
Um, he came from like anacademic setting.
He was at texas heart for along time and then he started
the heart program up inFlagstaff.
So when he got down here, um,it was like his way or the
highway type of thing and theroom was going to run his way.
And so when he got into ourfacility which was a highly

(23:19):
efficient, you know, movequickly but he wanted to make
sure our room knew that it wasgoing to run his way and so I
let him know it was not, it wasnot, and now you're married.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
James did it run your way ever, or was it always
Ginger's way?

Speaker 3 (23:35):
I had to, but yeah, no, it was her room for sure.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
So how do you get from that place to like hey, you
want to go out Before you?

Speaker 2 (23:46):
say it.
Let's be honest, I love thatstory.
That's much better than thewhile you were sleeping story
that I had in my mind of how youall met that Ginger, you came
in on a gurney and James nursedyou back to health, but that's
fine too.
That's great, it's not exactlythe meet.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
Cute that, eric was talking about.

Speaker 3 (24:06):
Well, since then?
No, we knew each other over thecourse of years.
In the meantime, I was still aworkhorse, and I think you were
a workhorse too at your facilityand really because of those
workhorse personalities, both ofour family lives basically fell
apart and we ended up eachgoing through divorce, you know,

(24:28):
and divorces is false on bothsides of those relationships.
The short story of that is,years later, as we're both in
agony, wrapping up our divorces,or it was looking for, you know
, some type of release there sowe could get out and enjoy
ourselves a little bit, get outof the misery of being, you know

(24:50):
, receiving law documents andwondering about court documents
and all that kind of stuff.
And so I asked her out one dayand, uh, I said, hey, you know,
I heard you're going through thesame trials.
I am right now.
Let's go.
You know, we know each other awhile, we get along really well.
Let's just be friends and goout and get a dinner or
something like that.
And uh, she said, yes, uh, witha contingency in place, and

(25:13):
that was because it was going tobe a saturday date, okay, um,
that we had to go to church, uh,before we went out for dinner,
good, rule hold on.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
Let's pause there for a second james, james were you
going to?
Church and those days, or wasthis a new concept for you?
Okay?

Speaker 4 (25:29):
no, and you know what he said, eric yeah I'll go with
you because I want to go, butI'm pretty sure the place is
going to burn down when I walkinto it.
Yeah, all right.
Okay, that was fun I spent.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
I spent the weekends in the hospital, basically at
that point in time.
Yeah, so we went on a Saturdayto church, which was foreign to
me to begin with.
Sure, it was the afternoon, itwas a beautiful day out, sunny,
bright skies.
We pull into the parking lot,the parking lot's full of cars,
yeah, and there's music blaringout of the building, you know

(26:04):
today's kind of Christian music,which I wasn't familiar with
either.
And so you know, I waswondering what was going to be
going on in there.
Were there going to be crystalsand symbols, and what was
happening.
You know we're going to beputting hands on each other,
that kind of thing, right.
And we go in there andeverybody's into the music and
we find our place with seats andthe music's going on.

(26:25):
I can see everybody's very intothe worship service at this
point in time, and then thatsettles down and the pastor gets
up and serves just abrilliantly joyful, positive
message for the day.
And I remember looking aroundat first, seeing how people's
attention were, you know, werethey really listening to this

(26:47):
guy?
Were they talking rather thanthe phone?
What were they doing?
But they were paying attentionand I began to very much do the
same thing, pay attention.
And I was into the message allthe way and I remember he left
it at a very positive, verypositive place at the end of the
day and he asked everybody.
He said is everybody good as heend of the day?
And he asked everybody said iseverybody good?
As he wrapped up the message andI thought to myself I feel
pretty good, I feel pretty goodright now, and so we walked out

(27:10):
of there.
I was a bit mystified and Iwanted to obviously learn more
about the church and what thewhole idea about Saturday
services was all about.
So we went out to dinner andtalked more about it and I let
her know that.
You know, I was really thankfulthat she had invited me to
church and we had a great dinnerthat night.
And you know, we parted ways,saw each other basically the
next week.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
So I asked her out again.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
I asked her out again and I said you know, let's keep
this going, let's keep going tochurch.
And then, you know, get to knoweach other over dinner or a
movie or something like that.
And that's how our relationshipstarted.
Just as relationships wereending, our relationship was
starting.
That's how it started and itwas a wonderful introduction
back into the church life.

(27:55):
You could see that everybodythere was just super happy,
great spirits, pastor was highenergy and it was just a great
start of introducing me backinto life with Christ.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yeah, I love a good missionary dating success story.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Well, James, it's interesting you talk about this
really transitional period ofyour life where one relationship
, these relationships, arecoming to an end but another one
is obviously beginning, and welove the local church here at
CIY.
But I'm curious what you haveseen now as you've built this
life and this marriage together.
You really did build that onthe backs of the church.

(28:32):
How has that impacted everydecision that you've made now
that you've been married?
For?
I don't know the exact number,but I know years at this point.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Yeah.
It's been 11 years and when weso, we knew that that was going
to be a foundation, because Ihad drawn a line in the sand and
that's just how it was going tobe, and he took to it straight
away.
So, as you guys know, thepercentage of the male taking
the lead and bringing the kidsto church is exponential to the
wife doing it and so our kidsit's for our three older

(29:05):
children it had become thefoundation of their transition,
because the transition day waswe came home and then we went to
church and so they knew thatthey had a very supportive youth
program and we had made onemove away from that actual
initial church that we startedin.
And then, after a couple monthsof church shopping, my father

(29:27):
had said why don't you try CCVand I'd like to see my grandkids
.
So we started doing that andtaking the kids from where we
live all the way out to Peoria,which is a good I don't know 35
minute drive.
But it was worth it becausestraight away our children were
like this is our church home,this is where we're going, we're
not going to miss, and so itbecame fundamental for even our

(29:48):
kids, which was huge in thecustodial grounds that we were
in.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
Yeah, so while we were blending, you know, we were
sharing custody schedules backand forth on both sides and we
would have the kids together andthen we would be empty nesters.
So when the kids were together,they knew what the weekend was
going to consist of.
We were going to go to churchand, like James said, ccb has
really strong youth programs, soit made it just that much
easier to to get them to churchand then at that point it just

(30:17):
became fun for them, like goingto church was actually a joy for
all three of them and it didhelp to solidify that, basically
put our epicenter together ofwhat our family was going to
surround ourselves with, andthen we built our family off of
that right.
We built our family off of theword of the Bible, off of prayer
to Jesus and then all theactivities that went along that

(30:41):
the church can offer.
So when people were, when thekids were away, and then they
came home, they knew what we'regoing to do, they knew what our
life was about and that had avery good grounding effect on
bringing our family together.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
You got how many kids combined?
Help us with those numbers.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
It was three, three, three originally yeah, okay.

Speaker 4 (31:00):
When we met it was 12 , seven and 4.
And then they quickly turned.
Our youngest one had quicklyturned 5.
And then, 8 years in, we addedanother one which is a female,
and then, a couple years later,we added our last one, which is
a male.
So we have 5 all together, andthey just were always ours.
And that's the way that theyall get along.

(31:24):
Knock on wood, they transitionwell, but they all are very
keenly aware that Christ is atthe center, and I think that
that was just an easy foundationfor them to build their
relationships off of too.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
So I'm always curious about this At what point in
every couple that's that'sblending, does this differently,
and I consider you guys expertson this.
So I'm going to ask you, um, atwhat point in your dating
relationship do you like bringthe kids in?

(31:57):
Do they like?
At what point do they knowwhat's going on?

Speaker 4 (32:01):
And, like you know, what I mean Start to acknowledge
the weight that the otherperson has in your life.

(32:22):
James and I kind of starteddating him independently as a
12-year-old boy, just one-on-onewith him.
He knew we were in arelationship.
We did not expose thatrelationship to the girls yet
because maturation-wise theyweren't ready and we weren't
ready.
So really a massivecontributing factor would be if

(32:45):
our oldest did not.
As a teen boy he could do one oftwo things Like I'm going to
like you or I'm going to hateyou and I'm going to make it
misery, or I'm going to make itokay.
And so we spent a lot of timenurturing that relationship.
James and him spent a lot oftime nurturing that relationship
.
So we introduced him first tothat type of environment and I

(33:06):
think that there was a level ofrespect on both sides.
We parallel co-parented withhis biological father, so there
was just that constant train ofyou do what you do at your house
and we do what we do at ourhouse, and there was never
cross-questioning about that.
And so he knew his lane, he knewhow it was at his biological

(33:27):
dad's house, he knew how it wasat his at his biological dad's
house and he knew how it was athome and um, and it's still that
way and but the girls, we knewthat we were going to have a
different type of transition.
So, um, bodie and James reallysolidified their relationship
and then we moved into umintroducing the girls um to this
, into um introducing the girlsum to this, to the situation.

(33:52):
So when, the when I met thegirls, um, we did it all
together and introduced the kidsum together right, but the
girls knew about ginger and theyknew about bodhi.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
You know we had had discussions about about that,
that situation, um, you know, atthe time we were still working
out custody schedule, so, um, Ididn't have as much access to
the girls at that time, and sothey were very curious as to
what dad was up to outside ofjust working, um, and so I would
bring her over to where I lived, uh, from time to time and, uh,

(34:21):
I believe I met you first,right, and they met you first at
that in that moment, Um, yeah,moment, um, yeah, that they that
they did and I I did.

Speaker 4 (34:31):
We did stuff like um, I helped them decorate a room
for themselves at dad's.
I helped like picking out, youknow, doing a comforter and a
bedroom set and those types ofthings where it made like we
were introducing that they had ahome there, um, with dad, and
they felt included and that theyhad a place and just trying to
have their identity at dad'shouse.

(34:53):
And so I think, like you said,brad, it's different for every
family because the dynamics areso different and, statistically,
your children can go fromhaving a nuclear family and when
they blend, there is an aspectof over 200 relationships that
come within that, as far as,like, new mom, siblings,

(35:15):
grandparents, cousins, extendedfamily and all of those things.
Just a swirling universe forthem.
So we were very intentionalAbout trying to keep things as
clean and detailed, and notmessy, and open and transparent
with them as we could.
But again, we started it withchurch.

(35:36):
It was, we were at churchstraight away and so they knew
that that was the pillar.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
So when they met each other, there wasn't any turf
wars or any types of jealousies,mostly probably because there
were some separations in ages.
They weren't one year apart oranything like that.
They were coming from differentbackgrounds.
And then there's genderdifferences as well, right?

(36:02):
So I think they were just morecurious to know that they had a
new brother, and I think Bodhiwas more curious to know that
they had a new brother, and Ithink Bodie was more curious to
know that he had a couple ofsisters to now watch over, and
it was actually very pleasant towatch their relationships fall
into place and get to know eachother.

Speaker 4 (36:22):
Yeah, it was refreshing, and not everybody's
story is that way.
I think every blend has itsbattles, no matter what that
looks like, and I think God justtruly blessed us with the
ability for the children toblend and it being so cohesive,
because we had plenty of otherbattles outside of what was
under our roof.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
So I'm a kid of a couple of blended families.
Actually, Are your parentsmarried?
My parents are married 40 yearsand my parents eventually
remarried when I was an adult.
But I remember being at mydad's and stepmom's wedding and
they built a wonderful lifetogether, Really grateful for
them.
But this old lady comes up tome at their wedding and says I'm

(37:05):
your new grandma.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
That's what she said to me and it was my stepmom's
mom, and you were an adult and Iwas like a grown person.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
yeah, and I was like well, you got a lot of birthdays
to back pay for.

Speaker 3 (37:20):
Let's get those $5 bills going.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
Yeah no joke.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
Someone else added a Christmas list.
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
So you know, you never know.
This is media that we'reputting out to the world.
You never know who's going tohear about it.
You all are leaders in theblended family space, but I want
you to speak to maybe a man orwoman who's gone through divorce
.
They've got a couple of kids athome and they're thinking about
pursuing a relationship, or, Idon't want to say, getting back

(37:48):
in the game.
That seems really trite, butwhat would you say to them as a
word of encouragement?
To say, hey, no matter whatyou've been through, god can
step in and redeem this nextchapter and this next story,
whether it's practical orspiritual.
Just give that person someencouragement.

Speaker 4 (38:06):
Right.
I think the reason why he saysyou know this is on you.
You tell this part is because Iwouldn't say that he didn't
have religion in him at all, buthe was away from it, which we
all do in our lifetime to stepaway from it.
I had just been at a reversepoint where I had been away from
it but I was back and being inrelationship with God and having

(38:28):
your Lord as your partnerbefore you step out into these
big decisions.
I think that that's where itwas for me is that I drew a line
and I and I knew that I thoughthe was super duper, but if he
said no to church, then it wasjust going to make it easy.
So just putting yourself in thatlove triangle that if you're

(38:49):
both starting here and you'reboth chasing after God, that
you'll eventually come together.
It's such a delicate situationthat you're putting your
children into that you have tokeep your eyes focused on God so
that he can help determine whatyour path is.
Because you're in blendedfamilies, they say you're going

(39:11):
to drag your whole family withit and, most importantly, that's
going to be your kids.
So I would say they focus onGod, keep your relationship with
God before you enter into anyrelationship outside of that, so
it can make those boundariesand parameters easy for you.
If he doesn't want to go, itprobably wasn't meant to be.
This is true.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
This is true.
So was there?
I want to talk about yourministry a little bit here.
Was there like, through thisprocess of getting to know each
other and courting and gettingmarried and blending your
families?
Was there like a catalyzingincident or set of incidents

(39:51):
that you can remember, where youwere like, oh my gosh,
parenting like four people orsix people, parenting the same
three children, is hard, isgoing to be a difficult thing
for us is hard, is going to be adifficult thing for us.

Speaker 3 (40:10):
Well, yeah, I mean when when we, when we first had
everybody together in the houseyou have so many more schedules
going on.
We had different schools to payattention to, we had different
sporting events to pay attentionto, dance music lessons.
You know, all that camecrashing down into one household

(40:30):
, right, and she wasn't used toit.
I wasn't used to it because wewere adding all these other
schedules into a daily mix andso we had to figure out how to
make all this work right.
So we were pulling calendarsfrom Apple and Google, we were
using storage space fordocuments, we going in the right

(40:55):
direction.
At the same time, the catalyzingmoment was the fact that, oh my

(41:17):
gosh, we need to do somethingdifferent here.
We're doing a good job andwe're getting some compliments,
kids are on time, they're welladjustedjusted, hair's done for
the girls, bodhi's doing well inschool, like all these types of
things were looking good on thesurface, but behind the scenes

(41:38):
it was, you know, an oldoperator switchboard where
you're just like plugging this,that and the other thing, trying
to make it all look seamless.
So the catalyzing moment waswhen we decided you know what we
need to do something ourselvesand make this happen.
The catalyzing moment itself,specifically, was the Holy
Spirit moment, when Ginge wokeme up at about three in the

(42:00):
morning, which her Holy Spiritmoments always happen about
three in the morning, same shelikes to let me know straight
away and then I forget, I goback to bed and I forget when I
wake up at seven the nextmorning.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
So I keep something next to my bed, so I just I wake
up at three in the morning, youneed to call James.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
Oh gosh, you need to call James at three in the
morning.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
I am.
I'm going to call you James.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
He's good.
The Holy Spirit says we need tobuild an app, something that
helps people organize better,which is obviously something
that you have great expertise in.
Yeah, of course I'm a physician, so of course there's
technology in there, right.
He literally said tell him no,Tell him no, Nope.

(42:44):
Well, I mean, we had just madeso many adjustments to our lives
and now we're going to jump thefence and get involved in
something that we know nothingabout.

Speaker 4 (42:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (42:54):
I was like that sounds great, hon, go back to
sleep.
But the next morning I wake up,I'm having my coffee, I'm going
through my emails and thatconversation from about three
hours ago is in my head and I'mthinking about it.
And I started really thinkingabout it and I thought to myself
everything that I just told you.
Well, you know, she has done agreat job of keeping things

(43:17):
organized and keeping the kidson track and I do what I can to
help.
So I began to think about itand I thought, okay, maybe we
could build an app.
I went around that morning.
I grabbed all the 3x5 notecards I could find.
I grabbed all the coloredpencils in the house.
Weeks later the kids are likewhere's all the colored pencils?

(43:38):
I'm like I don't know.
I don't know where they are.
I started frameworking whatthis app might look like just
throwing one card out, next cardout, next card out and what
would be the pillars, the piecesof functionality that would
help organize these types offamilies, make them better
connect and we came up with somefeatures.
We came up with a chat feature,a data storage feature, a

(44:00):
calendar that's shareable.
We came up with a geolocationcheck-in service and we thought
these are the types of thingsthat provide safety and help
with communication and not allowthe kids to fall in the gap
when they're moving from onehousehold to another, helps
parents that no longer want tohave relationships with their

(44:20):
exes, helps them to parentbetter, look like the adults
that they're supposed to.
We drafted this up over 2019 andwe call it our version one, and
we found a developer who workedwith us really great in a great
way, and we launched it at theend of 2020 or in the middle of
2020.

(44:41):
And we ended up on the appstores and this thing was around
the world.
It was on six continents aroundthe world by the end of 2020.
We couldn't believe it.
We're getting emails indifferent languages and we're
just way over our head.
At this point, we're like, okay, maybe this is actually
something and we better pay someattention to this.

(45:02):
It was a bit of a glitchyproduct, but so many people were
on it, we thought, okay, let'sgo back to the drawing board,
let's rebuild this from the datalogic layer up, improve it
aesthetically, improve the userexperience.
And so we did that in 21 andrelaunched it in 22 with a
different developer, and now wehave our version one out there.

(45:22):
Again, we're six continentsaround the world, over 2,200
users, 35 or 36 countries atthis point right now, and what
we found is that people areasking us all kinds of questions
.
The app is a tool, but thenthey're now coming to us asking

(45:43):
us hey, I got a situation and wesaid can I talk with you via a
call?
And so what we did is we set uplike a calendly so we'd go
through an onboarding experiencewith the app, but at the same
time we're kind of doing sometroubleshooting for some
families out there.
So that now has thus blended orboiled over into the ministry

(46:06):
side of things.
We got back with CCV some of thepastors in the church and we
started talking about what washappening with Family Corps and
they let us know that this isyour ministry, guys, do you know
that?
And we hadn't really come tothat conclusion that this was
our ministry.
At that point.
We were just, you know,checking the boxes.
We were trying to make thingshappen and we were noticing that

(46:27):
people were paying attention tous and beginning to ask us some
questions, but we didn'trealize that this was a mission
now.
We were on a mission here, andso since then now we have
started a ministry of our own,the Family Corps Blended Family
Ministry, and we're wearing twohats.

(46:47):
Now we're building the app outand we're now building the
ministry side of things so thatwe can provide resources and get
people the right answers thatthey need for their specific
situation, whatever theirchallenges are with their
blended families.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
So, James, you said this.
So really, essentially, whatthe FamilyCorp app is is it's a
place to help blended familiesdo logistics right.
You got a permission formthat's got to go back to school.
You have a shared documentfeature where you can dump that
and both families have access toit.
There's chat back and forth, soyou're not trying to track
people down the line you said.
I really liked it's like ithelps adults be the grownups

(47:23):
they're supposed to be, orsomething like that.
That's certainly it's amazing,right, the grownups are supposed
to be, or something like that.
That's certainly it's amazing,right.
When you handle the logistics,the emotional level stays
controllable.
It becomes purely a you know, ascheduling conversation, more
than a heated, a heated debateas you've, as this app has given
you a platform for ministry.
What are some of the majorconcerns that you're seeing

(47:46):
blended families having?
And I'm hopeful that maybe ayouth pastor could listen in to
what you're hearing and so thatthey could better respond to
those kids that show up to youthgroup or Sunday school every
other week and they've neverreally thought about why.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
And this isn't an if like.
Obviously the statistics areinsane of the number of children
that are a part of a blendedfamily.
In the United States, it'sprobably like up to half of the
students in a youth ministry.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
I'll give you some stats and then I'll let James
talk about some of the specificsthat we come across on a daily
basis.
So about 40% of people in theUnited States have the word step
in their family somewhere.
So that's 40% of every kid thatyour pastors are going to come
in contact with is dealing withsome type of blended family or
co-parenting relationship thathas other children involved in

(48:37):
those families that aren'tnecessarily biologically related
to From the CDC, ages 3 to 17,.
You have 9 million clinicallydiagnosed cases of anxiety in
that age range in the UnitedStates and 4.5 million
clinically diagnosed cases ofdepression in that age range All

(48:59):
their behavioral disordersabout 4 million.
And that's 2020 stats, thestats.
Today.
I'm not sure what they are, butif you extrapolate out kids in
blended families or kids beingco-parented through divorce or
other types of single parentingsituations, you increase the
percentage of how many of thosechildren are struggling with

(49:21):
anxiety and depression.
And this is just what we knowright Clinically, what we know
has been reported.
So there's so many more kidsout there in that population
that haven't been diagnosed withthese types of problems and
these types of issues haven'tbeen addressed.
What we know is, as these kidsgrow they go from young kids to

(49:43):
older kids, to teenagers is thatif these situations aren't
addressed, they turn intobehavioral disorders.
And these behavioral disordersare manifest with suicide,
substance abuse and violentoutbursts.
And we're seeing that in ourkids today, right, our young
adult youth.
We're seeing more and more ofthat today.

(50:04):
Those statistics are onlymoving upward, more and more of
that today, those statistics areonly moving upward.
So the app is hopefully a toolthat can help to decrease the
emotional lability, and then theministry side of it is dealing
with the resources for theseparents Specific issues.

Speaker 4 (50:24):
I know that we've just come across a couple just
recently.
Yeah, I think the major one iscommunication just recently.
Yeah, I think the major one iscommunication, the communication
component between households,not only religious
miscommunications.
You know, usually what you seeis one parent's going to church,
the other house is not.
So like we were talking aboutbefore we went on air.
You're trying to make a trip, aone-day trip, but it's going to
be a two-day trip, right, if youcan imagine.

(50:46):
These kids are not making atrip, a vacation, but they're
doing this over 200 times a yearfor two-night overstays.
So they're going to mom's fortwo nights, they're going to
dad's for two nights, thenthey're going to go to mom for
five nights, then they're goingto go back to dad for two, back
to mom, two, back to dad forfive.
So in that comes a Sunday or aSaturday when they're going to

(51:07):
church.
So you know for what yourquestion was, brad.
These youth pastors arereceiving a child that has done
probably now seven to 14exchanges between the last time
they saw him, or you know, thestatistic is a kid gets to
church once a month is on theaverage.
In these circumstances, whenyou're dealing with kids in a

(51:28):
custodial situation.
So in the time that a pastor, ayouth pastor, has seen that
child, he's basically done, youknow, 14 exchanges.
He spent two nights in oneplace, two nights in one place,
five nights in another place,and so all the emotions that
come with it, thedisorganization that comes with
it, the lack of communicationthat comes with it, the lack of

(51:51):
bonding that they get, becauseyou know they only get to see
new stepdad, new stepmom.
They're trying to bond withthem and figure out who they are
and they want them to know whothey are.
But you only get two days, soyou get 48 hours to learn who
this child is and then they'reback out the door.
They could be gone for two days, they could be gone for two
days, they could be gone forfive days.
So a pastor gets them andreally our older children who

(52:14):
spoke on this without a pastor,a youth pastor willing to hear
their story and what makes themthe way they are, they don't
have a fighting chance.
Them the way they are, theydon't have a fighting chance.
So, with all of the transitionand the lacks lack of
communication, lack oforganization, lack of emotional

(52:36):
attachment you're seeing thesekids maybe 12 times a year, 24
times a year if you're lucky andthe trauma that these kids
experience going back and forthis so heavy and the emotional
burden that is put on them.
They didn't pick the marriage,they didn't pick the divorce,
they didn't pick the new spouse,they didn't pick the siblings
and everything that comes withit.
It's just like getting a newcoworker every two days and then

(52:59):
trying to get an opportunity tolearn who they are, find out
what their needs are, and thenyou got to live with them and
share a bathroom with them anddrive in the car with them, and
those children are going throughthe exact same thing, but
they're transitioning to adifferent home and then you're
putting them all back in amelting pot together.
And so I think for studentpastors, it is crucial for the

(53:24):
children's well-being that yougive the extra attention or
devotion to these children tolet them know.
How can I pray for you?
Is there anything you need meto know?
Has something changed?
Because statistically, eventhough 40% of those kids that
are coming in have step andblend in them somewhere, 70% of
second marriages fail that haveblends with kids in them, so

(53:47):
they may start to get attachedand mom and dad give up, or mom
and stepdad, mom and mom, or dadand stepmom give up.
So now they're in a completelydifferent array of problems,
right?
And so, again, the onlyfoundation may be is the stake
that they have in the ground inyour youth program, and so I

(54:09):
think it's just very vital foryouth pastors to, you know, keep
their eyes on those childrenthat you know may identify as
blended or have step in itsomewhere, because there's
underlying issues that if theydon't get addressed they become
a problem later, it's becausethey truly feel like they have

(54:31):
control over nothing, nothing inthe world.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
Everything is just handed to me.

Speaker 3 (54:38):
There's a mandate out there.
This is what you have to dotoday.
This is what you have to dotomorrow.
This is where you're going.
This is where you're going, andthen there's very little time
for them to feel like they haveany sense of self and direction
over themselves.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
It's so interesting what you said there, ginger,
because as a youth pastor it'sso easy, natural, to just invest
in the students that I see 50times a year, a hundred times a
year, like proximity and timecreates relationship right, and

(55:16):
to kind of consider those kidsthat I see 12 times a year you
hear the word a lot fringe likekind of people that exist on the
outer boundaries of of my youthgroup and I've never really
thought of that as kind ofmaking victims almost out of
students and blended familiesand I wonder too, what, what, as

(55:37):
I listen to this, how we can,as youth leaders and small group
leaders, let let remindstudents that we love seeing
them, but also steer clear ofany kind of shaming, whether
intentional or unintentional,maybe even jokingly, to go oh,
brad, where you been?

Speaker 2 (55:52):
I've only seen you once this month and they go.
Yeah, dude, I'm at my dad'severy other week.
I couldn't be here if I wantedto be, and so to have some to
extend some real grace that theyare just so much is out of
their control schedule-wise.
It's a really good reminder.
Anything logistically youthpastors should be thinking

(56:13):
through as they're serving kidsand blended families.
I know you guys do such a greatjob at seeing logistics as
ministry right.
That's something that you alljust did such a great job, I
think logistics.

Speaker 4 (56:25):
I think when you look at when you're planning out for
further resources, try to makesure that you have some way of
communicating with them, whereyou're circling back on what was
taught last Sunday, what themessage was, what the goal is,
what you've been challenged todo, because if these kids can
only come every other weekend ormaybe once a month, you know

(56:46):
any type of message or resourceor email or some way to
communicate with them, to belike hey, this first week, this
is what we studied, this is whatyour challenge is.
Would love to hear from you onthat.
This is what we're doing in thesecond week, and so they can
kind of forecast out.
What we found is an attemptfrom our children on the other

(57:06):
side, when we say they're at theothers, them actually making an
attempt to say, hey, can I go?
Can I go?
Not, can I go, you know,because it was kind of against
the law to say, hey, can I?
They're doing this on Saturdaynight, can I go and go to dad's
house or mom's house?
But if they said, hey, this iswhat they're doing at my church,
Can I just go to church.

(57:28):
It's not seeing mom or dad, butcan I just go to church.
Will you just drop me off at myyouth group and then pick me
right back up?
It has nothing to do with can Isee them extra, because that's
the way it was looked at.
Well, I don't want them to havetwo extra hours, but for them
to say, hey, you know what myyouth pastor, brad, said, that
we were doing something I'mreally interested in.
Can you just drop me off atchurch?
You don't have to stay, justpick me up or I'll find a ride

(57:50):
or something.
But actually giving them arunway to see you know, they
might have an interest in aspecific topic that you're
ministering about, but theydon't know if they're not there.
And if they're not there, theyshould be given the opportunity
to know what is being studied.
So if they're self-drivenenough that they could study it

(58:14):
on their own and have a bettersense of being with the other
teens that had been taught itfor the last two or three weeks,
it might give just a differentcomfort level for them to not
walk into yet another room oranother environment where they
have to adapt and chameleon intowhat's going on, that they
already have some perspective ormaybe some input into what your
other students have had theopportunity to learn.
You know two and three and fourweeks out of the month.

Speaker 1 (58:34):
Well, I'm sure socially too, like these kids
are all together every week.
You know I have a group ofeighth grade guys that come over
to my house every Sundayafternoon and like the
relational bond that is forgedthere is strong and I can't
imagine if there was somebodythat was trying to like plug

(58:55):
into that in an intimate andreal way one time a month and
then we didn't see him for threeweeks and then they come back
and like emotionally I can, andrelationally I can imagine that
taking a toll as well.

Speaker 3 (59:08):
Right yeah, they're new every time they show up.

Speaker 1 (59:11):
Every time they show up.
Wow, it's like being a firstgrader every, every transition.

Speaker 4 (59:16):
It's like being a first grader over and over and
over again and it's not to.
I know, brad, you use the wordvictimize.
Um, they don't.
The majority of them don't seethemselves as victims, they see
themselves as survivors becausethey walk into every situation
going.
I'm gonna have to survive thissituation because it's going to
change in 36 hours and it'sgoing to change again and so and

(59:38):
then with um, I'm sure theydon't know the statistic, but
trying to walk, trying to adaptyourself, trying to adapt
yourself, trying to watch yourparents and new step individual
adapt, knowing 70% of them aregoing to fail so that
relationship may not be stable.
It has a 30% chance of themhaving one stable relationship

(59:58):
on one side of the home thatthey can count on.
So if we can continue to, youknow, as your position, brad,
being a foundation for them thatis steady and current all the
time, it's not only you know,you as a youth pastor showing
the light of God, but it's beingthe light so they have

(01:00:19):
somewhere to come back to.
It's not making you a parent,but it is making you a pillar.
And I happened to.
Our oldest daughter was on apodcast several weeks ago and
she literally said if I didn'thave my youth pastors and the
people that I knew loved meoutside of my home, I wouldn't
be as successful in what I dotoday without it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
Just be consistent, wow, okay.
So I want to talk about you twofor a moment.
You know this you step intothis ministry that God calls you
literally into.
You're in this blended family.
Second marriage, ginger.
You've said it Statistically,the odds are against you.
All that has to weigh on you alittle bit when you think about

(01:01:01):
your own marriage.
What has God taught you inthese last 11 years?
What do you all do for the twoof you?
Right, because you know, maybea youth pastor certainly a youth
pastor is going to be serving agroup of blended family kids,
but a youth pastor listening tothis might also, more than
likely, be married.
So what things have you alllearned about marriage and how

(01:01:22):
you work on your relationship sothat everything else falls into
place, flows in place?

Speaker 4 (01:01:28):
I think what we identified very quickly, because
we came on the attack side soquickly that we weren't going to
be separated, and so we usedMark 10, 9 as our family verse
for the five of us.
When we were joined, the fiveof us got baptized together and
then we had bracelets made thatsaid Mark 10 on it.

(01:01:50):
So what God has joined together, let no man separate.
And so we became kind of ourown army, and that was outside
of the home, but we were very,we were very diligent to say
what happens under this roofstays under this roof.
It's the five of us when, whenwe go out, we're a team and
nobody's going to separate us.

(01:02:11):
So we, we worked very hard atthat United front.
And when, like when he went towork and came home and was just
trying to, you know, as dads,you guys walk in and you really
kind of just look at your wifeand go like what's going on?
What kind of just look at yourwife and go like what's going on

(01:02:34):
?
What am I?
What am I facing here?
Um, whatever it was, he alwaystold the kids while we were
blending, like whatever she saysgoes no question.
And so our united front lastedat home too.
So even our children now thoseolder children are 27, 22 and 19
um when they have a peer orsomebody say, oh well, just go
ask your dad or just go, youknow, just go ask your mom.
And they're like that does notwork.
From day one they told us thatwasn't going to work.

(01:02:54):
So I had always said, if yousay it to me good, bad or
indifferent, you've said it todad too, because I will
immediately let him know.
And so that became from a stepperspective that became actually
useful for us, because whatthey couldn't say to him they
were able to say to me and I wasable to to portray their

(01:03:14):
thoughts or feelings, and thesame for him if it, if it needed
to come back the other way.
So, um, putting up a unitedfront straight away and I think
finding a Bible verse to standon was a big deal because it
brought our kids into um.
The day we got married, ourkids were our best man, our maid
of honor and our flower girl.
So the five of us um kind ofgot married together and with no

(01:03:38):
one else, and again, justcreating that United front has
has done well for us.
And when we added the youngersiblings in has done well for us
and when we added the youngersiblings in they knew they were
part of the force.
So, um, again I think, thatunited front and and not backing
down away from it because theworld's going to push back.
Whether you're in busy nuclearfamily or a blended family, the

(01:03:59):
world's going to push.
Uh, it just pushes a lot harderon blended families because of
the aspect of shame, um, churchand church and people are like
you're going to take yourblended family that has broken,
divorced, blended, all thosethings.
You're going to take that intochurch.
But we felt very well acceptedat our church and our children

(01:04:20):
obviously did too.
So again, the united front athome and church when you step
outside.
So again, the United front athome and church when you step
outside.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
I love it, I love it.
So couple quick questions.
I want to make sure, because Ithink that your app like if a
youth pastor is wondering howcan I minister to blended
families, I think putting thisapp into their hands is like a
huge way.
Promoting it to your parentsfor sure.
It's called Family Core, rightavailable on all the app stores

(01:04:52):
available on the app storesright and tell me a little bit
about how they would interactwith it.
Like there's a free tier and apaid tier, so you can try it out
right yeah, it's called theFamily Core and we have a
webpage, wwwthe yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:05:07):
Yeah, so it's called the family core and we have a
webpage wwwthefamilycorecom, andgo there to get all the
information about the app andthen on the stores you can
download the, the mobile appversion.
But we recommend people sign upon the webpage because then
they can sign up for anonboarding session for free and
we can give them kind of a tourof how the app works.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
Is that onboarding session with you all?
Absolutely.
Like via Zoom?
Or does Ginger call them at 3in the morning and say okay here
, we go, let's do it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:39):
It's pretty late at night, believe it or not.

Speaker 1 (01:05:44):
What a service that's when parents are free.

Speaker 2 (01:05:48):
No hey.
Brad laughs because he doesn'thave kids.
That is true, 5 am is the onlyhour of my day that's mine Go
ahead.
Sorry, we interrupted.

Speaker 3 (01:05:55):
It tells you about all the different features that
the app provides and what it'sgood at doing.
And then, yeah, we have a freeversion, so you can just be on
that infinite item forever.
There's a little bit oflimitations when it comes to the
data storage and the calendarentries.
Otherwise, it's the same typeof functionality.

(01:06:16):
The paid version is going tohave some upgrades coming soon.
We haven't released that yet,but it'll be coming soon.
That'll help to separate whatthe free version has and what
the paid version has.
There's some things that ourcustomers have been asking for,
and so we're going to launchsome new features for the paid
version in 2025.

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
How much is the paid version?

Speaker 3 (01:06:38):
The paid version itself is $4.99 a month right
now $5 a month.
Cancel at any time, and it's upto 10 members per family or per
account for that same low price.
So one person is, the is theaccountant and manager of the
family, and they can invite upto nine other individuals they
could invite.

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
They can invite the co-parent, they can invite the
uh ex-mother-in-law.
They can invite that.

Speaker 3 (01:07:02):
Yeah, okay invite, yeah, the nanny, whomever is
involved in managing the kids inthat family.
And why we encourage you to goto the webpage to sign up is
because we really do want you todo an onboarding session,
because there's a lot ofbehind-the-scenes features to
the app where you can set alltypes of different permissions
to keep personal and privateinformation only in the hands of

(01:07:25):
those people that you want toknow about that information
Contacts, lists, event status,geolocation, check-ins, all that
.
Not everybody on your platformneeds to know every single piece
of information.
We can help people, show themhow to set up their
notifications and their settingsproperly so that they only
share.

Speaker 1 (01:07:44):
You might even God forbid like a co-parenting
situation where you wouldn'twant that person to know where
the child is at all times, orlike.
Is that the kind of thing?

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
well, yeah, like a biological child here.
My ex over here doesn't need toknow what's going on here.
They need to know about thechild.
I mean them.
Yeah, they need the birthcertificate and the social
security number here.
They just need that, the accessto that information over here
yeah, for that individual child.

Speaker 4 (01:08:10):
But what, like I think what you're you're poking
at, brad, is that, um, sometimesin custodial situations, they
they don't have the abilitythrough the courts to know where
that child is, but during theircustody time, you, you do so.
Um, the, the is HIPAA and COPAcompliant, so we follow the
protecting the kids and then allof your information, but it's

(01:08:32):
on check-in only, so it doesn'ttrack.
It's not a live tracker.
We really went for the point ofencouraging kids to check in
with their parents and for thebenefit of blended kids is, when
you check in once, if bothparents have the ability to see
the geolocation of where thechild is, they'll both get a
message across their board thatthe child is checked in and

(01:08:54):
where they're at.
So, again, not a live tracker,but it does encourage
communication between the childand the and the kid.
But it also gives theopportunity for the parent that
that just wants to know theirchild is okay.

Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
They get the same check-in notification if they
have the right to do so.
Another example is you have thechild.
You take them to thepediatrician because it's your
day.
They get an immunization shot.
You update the vaccination card.
You just quickly scan thevaccination card, load it into
the app, you tag the otherparent on the document.

(01:09:31):
They'll get a push notificationthat something's changed in the
app for that child and thenthey can go and check it.
So just through the pushnotification system you're
communicating with that otherparent.
You don't have to call them,you don't have to text them, you
don't have to email them.
They don't know that somethingchanged.

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
The platform itself is doing that, or just leave
them guessing, not communicateit at all Exactly.

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
And then when that other parent views the document,
you'll get a push notificationback that they viewed it.
So you're completing thiscircle of communication and
everybody has acted like theparent they're supposed to be
going all the way back to thebeginning of this conversation.
It just helps you better behaveon this neutral platform when

(01:10:14):
otherwise you wouldn'tnecessarily be getting along.
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
Okay, are either of you still practicing medicine?

Speaker 3 (01:10:22):
I'm still practicing medicine.

Speaker 1 (01:10:23):
You're still practicing medicine and also
doing all this.
That's crazy.
So, um, I want to kind of wrapup our conversation.
We've taken up a lot of yourguys' time, but, um, this whole
conversation has been soencouraging to me around here at
CIY.
Um, have any of your kidsattended CIY events?

Speaker 3 (01:10:44):
Oh, yeah, yeah, with CC I think they all have in some
way or form.

Speaker 1 (01:10:50):
I'm sure you will have heard the phrase.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
I think we know them.

Speaker 1 (01:10:51):
Brad, you think I just Well, because they go to
CCV.

Speaker 2 (01:10:54):
Anesthesiologists who also serve blended families.
Come on now.
That would mean your algorithmwould pop up.
You're the only one.

Speaker 3 (01:11:02):
Basically because we realize the power of the youth
programs.
Through CCV and then all thecamps that CIY has been involved
with and helping out CCV intheir camps.
We realize the reach that youguys have, the positive impact
that you guys have.
It's just I don't know whatelse to even compare it to.

(01:11:26):
It is so valuable and everytime we get a chance to bring a
kid in that hasn't been involvedwith church before and they get
to go to one of these programsthat CIY is putting on,
especially the summertime campprograms, I am so encouraged.
You see these kids' faces lightup.
They love the experience and itjust puts them into a whole

(01:11:49):
other realm of consciousnessthat Jesus loves me and it
doesn't matter what's going onback there, all the static back
there, jesus loves me and youguys are on the forefront of
bringing people who just don'tknow into the know and that's
why we're so encouraged aboutCIY.

Speaker 4 (01:12:06):
Such a benefit for kids.

Speaker 1 (01:12:08):
Yeah, I mean, I'm a product of it.
I sat in those seats and hadthose experiences that you're
describing.
So that's very generous, verykind of you to say I didn't ask
that question so that you wouldsay all of those very nice
things.

Speaker 3 (01:12:22):
I'm sure you will have heard the phrase kingdom
worker.

Speaker 1 (01:12:27):
Kingdom worker, though, and in my mind you guys
are just apex kingdom workers,like people who aren't in
vocational ministry and just hada gift I'm going to call being
a blended family, a gift in thiscase, which I'm sure you see it
as as well had a calling andjust kept following God every

(01:12:49):
step that he led you down thisroad, and I'm just blown away by
you guys.
I think you are kingdom workersof just the highest esteem.

Speaker 2 (01:12:57):
It's Ephesians 2.10, lived out right that God has
obviously prepared these goodworks in advance for you to do
and woke you up in the middle ofthe night, called you to it in
the midst of already a life ofkingdom work, right, like I'm
convinced that the work you weredoing in the hospital and still
doing the hospital is part ofGod's plan and very redemptive
in and of itself.

(01:13:18):
But it's really fun to see acouple that would say why not
this, why not also take thisnext step and see where it goes?
Dr James, I do have a questionfor you though, if I may.

(01:13:41):
Yeah, because, from what Iunderstand, dispel a myth for me
.
Like you all understand theformulas and those types of
things and the chemistry behindit, but there's also, from what
I understand, still a lot ofmystery around, like how it
actually all works.
Is that fair to say?
Like you only know so much?

Speaker 1 (01:14:01):
Please don't answer that question.
And then you kind of go.
Okay, we'll see what happens.

Speaker 2 (01:14:04):
And we can cut this.
We can cut this right.

Speaker 3 (01:14:06):
No we're not going to this.
This is fascinating.
We call them theories.

Speaker 1 (01:14:09):
There are working theories out there, okay so yeah
, oh, all of a sudden he gets alittle bit a little bit over
here.
Tell me about these theorieswell, it's all a mystery true
enough.

Speaker 3 (01:14:23):
There there's.
There's some of the some of thecompounds.
We know exactly how they workon the nervous system.
Others, there's workingtheories as to how they actually
produce the state of anesthesiaor the state of unconsciousness
.

Speaker 1 (01:14:36):
So we just know that they do work.
We don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:14:39):
They are reliable and predictable.

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
That's what I want my tombstone to say Reliable and
predictable that's allscientific jargon.
Another question I broke my toeyesterday dropped a
sledgehammer on it.
You did yes, I've been in painthis whole time.
Can you send me anything?
Write me a script, I don't knowwe can talk about that off mic.

Speaker 4 (01:15:04):
You want a bandaid?

Speaker 3 (01:15:06):
prayers are coming your way.

Speaker 1 (01:15:07):
That was a good if anybody at the, a American
medical association, islistening to this.
That was an emphatic.

Speaker 4 (01:15:15):
No, it was funny.
Yeah, okay, no, we'll prayheavily for you, brad.

Speaker 1 (01:15:20):
Thank you very much, and you guys will be in our
prayers as well.
It has been just an absolutetreat to talk to you guys today.
I appreciate it so much.

Speaker 4 (01:15:27):
Thank you, us too.
Thank you for having us.
Thanks to you guys.
Thank you very much Thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:15:31):
We love what you guys do, so it's great to spend some
time with you.

Speaker 2 (01:15:34):
It's easy to be big fans.
Keep it up.

Speaker 1 (01:15:43):
Those are two just really delightful, wonderful
people Loved that conversation alot, so we covered a lot of
stuff right Broad, far reachingthings.
What's the one thing that, likefour months from now, you think
you're going to remember aboutthis conversation?

Speaker 2 (01:15:59):
Well, the number is 40%.
40% of kids in America todayhave step in their family
somewhere.
Yeah, that's a lot.
I think it's a reallyconvicting thing to actually
think through that kids areliving life, complicated life,
outside of the hour or two hoursthat they spend in your youth
ministry every week, and so youought to think through logistics
.
It's all about logistics.

(01:16:20):
If you handle the logistics,the emotions kind of stay back
and stay in check, and so let'sdo what we can to do that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:32):
And then I would say man, just a youth pastor, really
should leverage that app andnot try to be the expert but say
, hey, parents, this issomething I yeah, yeah, yeah,
and just like youth pastor,dedicating some intentionality
to these people who have step orwhatever in their before their
name.
So, um, yeah, it was reallygreat stuff.
Thanks for being here, Eric.
It's good to be here man.

Speaker 2 (01:16:53):
I mean, I said at the beginning like I just I love
what you're doing and you, youand other people I recognize,
but you have made this happen,and so, while the hundredth
episode is still, I'll be sureto have you on, you know what?
Hey, put it down, let's have meand let's get a big name for
the 100th episode.

Speaker 1 (01:17:14):
What do you mean?
Like Kirk Cameron?

Speaker 2 (01:17:18):
Cameron, if you're listening to this, hey, no, for
real, everyone who's listeningto this.
There might be somebody whoknows somebody who knows
somebody who?
Knows, kirk Cameron, let's haveKirk Cameron on the 100th
episode.
You could get Sandy Patty, Icould get.
Sandy Patty and I go to thesame church.
Okay, I'll get Sandy Patty andKirk Cameron.

Speaker 1 (01:17:32):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:33):
Everyone will be like what is this?

Speaker 1 (01:17:35):
All the 22 year old youth pastors are going to be
like what?

Speaker 2 (01:17:38):
No, I like how you say Kirk Cameron, because I was
going to say Bob Goff but I canjust call Bob Goff.

Speaker 1 (01:17:55):
But I can just call Bob Goff.
Yeah, his number's in the book.
He could be on our podcastagainst his will.
His voicemail message All right, Eric, we need to wrap up here.
I'm going to have you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:59):
please close us out by reading our blessing over our
listeners Thanks, thanks forthis opportunity.
Brad, appreciate you.
May God show you grace andbless you.
May he make his face shine onyou.
May you experience the love ofChrist, through whom God gives
us, gives you fullness of life.
May you be strengthened by hispower.
May Christ himself make hishome in your heart, that you

(01:18:21):
would be full of his love andgrace and that those you serve
would see Jesus in you.

Speaker 1 (01:18:29):
Today's episode was produced by Michael Hester,
Lauren Bryan and myself.
It was guest recorded by thelegendary Terry Elmart Holding
for applause.
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