May 2, 2025 • 52 mins
In this darkly hilarious episode, we dive into the infamous Darwin Awards—honoring those who improve the human gene pool by accidentally removing themselves from it in the most absurd ways imaginable. From outrageous miscalculations to truly baffling decisions, these stories walk the fine line between comedy and tragedy. Join us as we explore some of the most jaw-dropping real-life tales of fatal foolishness, and ponder the bizarre beauty of natural selection in action. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you might just walk away a little more cautious.
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- Darwin Awards
- Natural selection
- Fatal mistakes
- Human folly
- Absurd deaths
- Bizarre accidents
- Real-life stupidity
- Survival of the fittest
- Dark humor
- Strange true stories
- Unbelievable deaths
- Death by misadventure
- Podcast comedy
- Weird history
- Cautionary tales
- Gene pool cleanup
- Ridiculous decisions
- Darwinism
- Morbid curiosity
- Podcast episode
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beyond-the-shadows--6218555/support.
https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beyond-the-shadows--6218555/support Link for commercial free listening
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, everybody, join us as we delve into our favorite
dark tales and paranormal mysteries.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Venture with us beyond the safe places that exist in daylight.
As we go beyond their shadows.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
True crime, paranormal hauntings, UFOs, cryptids and unsolved mysteries, conspiracy theories,
past lives, reincarnation and all the like are just a
few of the topics that we will tackle.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
If it haunts your fucking dreams, then it will be
on our show.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Do you know what the most in the world is?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
On the shuttles where you found me at You can't
see me in the deepest blacks when your heart starbusts
and then you see their cracks, all these creepy things
that wind at track well, the demens be where the
actions at. So listen enough you want it, UFOs, all
of them ghosts. We got everything that you want.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
It won't do you know what the most thing in
the world is? Hey everyone, and welcome back to episode
one hundred and thirty nine of Beyond the Shadows.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Welcome back, Shadow people.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So, first up, we wanted to mention that we've had
a ton of reviews on Apple going back a long ways,
but we didn't realize that we were only seeing the
reviews from America. So we usually call out and thank
everybody for the reviews and taking the time. So we
weren't ignoring you guys. We could not see them.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
But we just recently, Yeah, we came across the site
that actually allowed us to see the ones from overseas,
and for some reason, Apple will only show you the
ones from the country that you're in. On occasion, they'll
show one from Canada, but that's it. They don't usually show.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We weren't ignoring you guys. We couldn't see them, no, And.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
We just got a new one that actually did come
from the States. That was from C. Hayes five five nine,
and thank you very much for the review. They really
do mean a lot to us. And then we got
Baron BC. We got Fahad ninety nine, Nicole out of Australia,
Shamin Ma I'm a horrible name. I don't even know
(02:12):
how to say that name. We get the podcast worm
Pocket Punk j Man and this was my favorite test
Tickle six six six, c K Christine two seven five
and Massi Nero and there's Naomi and Lauren and oh
(02:36):
there was one that really stood out to me that
one came from Lone Wolf. I don't know if you
get to see that one or not. It was one
of my favorite. Yeah, it's a one star and it
starts it's just says trash And this is why the
non stop giggling like little schoolgirls make this show unbearable.
(02:58):
Maybe the host should rec forard the show while not
drunk or high on meth. So are you drunk?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, I'm yeah, sort of. That's the myth. Hasn't kicked anything.
That's part of our process right now. Maybe we should
change it.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I don't know, I'm just on a gas station dick pill.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It's quick off the myth. We do a little estrogen pills.
Then we have a quick tickle fight and we're good
to go.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Most people are really nice about their reviews, but go
fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Loan, he's lone Wolf, you know. I guess I'm guessing
he complains about sex off. There's somebody else there, you know.
Thank you very much everybody for taking the time. We
really appreciate it to us.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
All those reviews. They help us so much, and we're
sorry that if you're sitting here. We've mentioned a bunch
of other people and skipped over your name. This is
why we did not see it. So but thank you
and if any of the rest of you have a
chance and having if you could pop over and give
us a review and rating on Apple or on Spotify
or wherever you listen, it helps a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I'm gonna see if I can get to settle down
on the gigling it is. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Good luck, good luck. Uh So.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
People in Seattle around the Denny Blaine Park are asking
police to clamp down on rampant public masturbation.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Why bother, why go to the park? What can you do?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Right? The community group Denny Blaine for All has sued
the city for what they say is ongoing and unaddressed
illegal activity at the park. It's illicit, it's illegal. It's
masturbation multiple times a day, that's their quote. The park
is an unofficial nude beach, so I would think it's
a kind of compliment, right right. You walk by and
somebody takes a look a minute, oh this old thing.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You're too kind. Apparently they don't all see it. Then
keep looking for some compliments. Oh you uh.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Patrick vieb seventy, a Pennsylvania funeral home director has been
arrested and charged with multiple felonies, including theft by deception,
receiving stolen property, and deceptive business practices. He has a
habit of telling grieving pet owners that he will cremate
their beloved pets and return them return to them the ashes,
but in reality he was just tossing the remains into
(05:23):
a landfill and giving them fake ashes.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
You know, we were talking about this off air. I
wonder how often this happens with like people.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I'm guessing it happens more than any of us even
want to know.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yeah, you had a good point, Like if someone's there
and they got like five bodies to go to toss
them in together, and you just give you out, give
it out.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I'm sure it doesn't happen at a lot of different places,
but it probably happens more than you want to know.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Oh, I'm sure. Why is why does Aunt Jane get
the exact same amount of ashes as Uncle Jim, who
was fucking five hundred pounds?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
So this guy's actually ripped off sixty five hundred pen
owners of more than six hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
That's such a scumbag maneuver.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Man really is.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Flight four eighteen from Philadelphia to Chicago was recently forced
out of service after an unnamed woman apparently stripped naked
mid flight and then took a dump on her seat,
her own seat. Can't, no, you cannot. Southwest Airlines did
confirm that police and medical responses in Chicago to a
situation involving a customer. That's their words. That's that's putting it.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Pretty mild data.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
That is more than a situation. If I was on
that flight, I would have been sitting right next to her,
that's you.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
For sure she would have aimed incorrectly and blown it
all over me. That's just my luck. If there's a
nut job on the plane, I'm sitting.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Next to them.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Uh. The aircraft was taken out of service for a
deep cleaning. I mean the fuck that don't deep clean
pull that seat out.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
You got to think someone on the next flight sat
right in there. They didn't. They weren't, like you know,
the last flight, someone ship right in the seat you're
sitting in.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Affected travelers were rebooked onto other flights, But there isn't
a whole lot of information about what the hell happened
or how drunk. This lady had to be. But I mean,
how drunk do you have to be sure that to
be a good idea?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You know, your shitty smelling Uh turns into a flotation.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Right now. The guys in Denny Blaine parka jacking off
again to the story.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
This picture of the guy in the ocean floating with
that as uh horrible.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I'm not gonna take your word for it. I need
the video on the swamp. Next we are off to Florida.
You knew it was coming.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
At about three pm last Saturday, a man was observed
stealing several alcoholic beverages before exiting a Spring Lake market.
Police arrived to find thirty nine year old Richard Christopher
Smith in a black mini van just doing circles around
the store. But that was his getaway.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Just so we've been there, dude, we don't even parking.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Get confused. Yeah, that was good. He doesn't even attempt
to get away until the cops arrive. He does circles
till they arrive, then he takes off. So when they
attempted to stop him, that's when he speeds away. So
at one point he drove by a deputy and slowed down,
holding a bottle of Kettle one vodka sprits out the
window as he drove by. He then tried to ram
(08:25):
two police vehicles, but they spiked his tires first before
tasing him. He was charged with two counts of aggravated
assault on a law enforcement officer, two counts of resisting arrest, DUI,
refusal to submit to do a DUI test, and petty theft.
I was just going to give you a drink. That's it.
That's his quote as he was being arrested. Lastly, last week,
(08:50):
we have a climber that needed to be air lifted
off Japan's Mount Fuji with altitude sickness. The man's name
isn't given, but he was a twenty seven year old
Chinese student living in Japan in what's that old saying,
if at first you don't succeed, then fail fail again.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Four days later he was right back on Mount Fuji
to look for his cell phone. There he was found
by another climber, once again suffering from altitude sickness, and
rescuers had to come get him again.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, he went back to get that phone.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
He's a he's a student, so I'm guessing he's gonna
graduate for quite a while. A lot of people want
this guy arrested in charge or something. He didn't technically
do anything illegal, but that is kind of pushing the
emergency services a.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Bit, just for being stupid. I mean, if they arrest
people for being stupid, weren't from the.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Whole list of charges. Yeah, that's the news for this week.
So what do you get for us?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
We're gonna do another episode of the Darwin Awards.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
People like those. We'll be right back, guys.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You know what, all right, I'm ready to mess up
some names and some cities. Let's say. Thirteenth May twenty
twenty two. In Spain, Dutch football pro more Ad something
(10:22):
or other was hungry for a vacation prank, leaping off
a cliff into the ocean, thinking my athletic strength will
carry me way out into the beautiful blue waters thirty
meters blow. He instructed his kinfolk to film the fatal
feet let out a triumphrant, yodel and tombstone into the abyss.
(10:44):
Keep in mind that thirty meters is high even for
experienced cliff divers. That ten meters is the horizontal distance
needed to reach deep water from the cliff. Face, and
that calculated velocity of impact is eighty eight click fifty
five miles per hour. The sick flip became a free
(11:04):
fall into sharp sea rocks below, because not even a
great footballer can leap ten meters horizontally. Adding insult to injury,
the impact velocity was equal to being hit by a
vehicle on the motorway. The Dutch athlete died in the brine,
aged thirty one. Everybody, everybody wants to record everything these days.
(11:27):
You know, it's I mean, this guy's already famous enough,
but nope, let's get a fifteen more minutes a fame himself.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
He's got immortality now.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
All right. Fifteenth April twenty twenty two in California, Why
did a Las Vegas resident jump out of the car
inside of the car wash at midnight? Avoiding a bee?
Who knows? All we know is that they did Renee
Tacky drove into a car washed, then exit. Did the
(12:00):
scion hatchback while the drive was still in gear under
its own power. The Scion eventually crept forward, as cars do,
and the fifty six year old was pinned beneath the vehicle.
Police said the car wash was not even active at
the time. The driver was noticed by the next person
to visit the car wash. Authorities took the unresponsive body
(12:23):
to the medical center, where death was confirmed. No extenuating
circumstances have been found, so we bestow upon Renee a
washed up Darwin Award.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
How many people get run over by their own car
which they were.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Driving in a car wash. It's not even operating. Probably
more than you know. Twenty six August two thousand and
six and Leicester, England. Darren's death was a mystery. The
(13:00):
thirty three year old was found slumped in the hallway
of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to the chest.
Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but
they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the
inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a
seat at the Winter's Bench of the Darwin Awards. Darren
(13:23):
had called a friend that day. Minutes after he rang off,
he rang back and asked for an ambulance. The emergency
responder said the front door was ajar and Darren was
lying near a blood stained knife. The knife was his own,
purchased while on holiday in Spain. Forensic investigator saw no
(13:45):
indication of a struggle. The coroner reported that the stab
wound seemed to be self inflicted. However, Darren has shown
no prior suicidal tendencies, and it also had called for
an ambulance. His wife was on holiday at the time
of the incident, but Nabels was able to clear up
(14:05):
matters and revealed why the subject would go down in
history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving
for holiday, she remembered that Darren wandered out loud if
his new jacket was stab proof. Nope, answer, so that's right. Darren,
(14:32):
alone and board had decided to fuck around and find
out if his jacket could stand a knife attack. He
used his Spanish steel blade and did not bother to
test his jacket while it was draped over the back
of a chair. Nope, our man thought it was best
approach was to wear the garment and stab himself. Sadly,
(14:53):
his jacket armor seed less resistant to a sharp blade
than he had hoped. We're going to reached a verdict
of accidental death by misadventure.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Misadventures just blatant stupid jacket?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Is this jacket stab proof?
Speaker 2 (15:11):
What? Therefore, you don't have to wear it.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You wear your stab proof jacket with your blueproof hat. Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Yeah, this guy's at the head of the table. You're
just talking about.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Thirty one August nineteen ninety five, Egypt. Six people drowned
Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen
into a well on South Egypt. An eighteen year old
farmer was the first to descend into the sixty foot well.
He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled
(15:47):
him down. Police said his sister and two brothers, none
of whom could swim well, went in one by one
to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then
came to help, but they apparently were pulled by the
same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled
out of the well in the village of Naslat, two
(16:10):
hundred and forty miles south of Cairo. The chicken was
also pulled out alive. Wow, the chicken survived six of them, didn't.
I mean after the first full I mean, if your
family you got to go after him that, I don't know. Yeah,
I don't which family member? Oop. Sorry, Troy, ain't looking
(16:33):
good for you.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
If you wore down there, I'd be chucking stones. Grab
the stones.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Nineteen eighty two, Texas. At the Amarillo Fairgrounds, some buildings
were in need of a coat of paint, so local
contractors were hired to do the job. Between the buildings
was in an angled culvert designed to drain rain water
away from the buildings. Because of the slowp the wielded
(17:01):
painters scaffolding tended to roll downhill, so the painters removed
the wheels from the scaffolding. They were in the process
of moving the scaffolding when the metal structure met a transformer.
The painters were killed. The story made headlines. The town
was abuzz with talk of the tragedy, howaday come to pass,
(17:22):
and where the city was liable for damages. The city
officials decided they needed to conduct an investigation. With much fanfare,
they arrived at the scene of the incident prepared to
personally recreate the circumstances. Two officials grabbed the scaffolding in
the exact location as the two painters began to move
the scaffolding and were promptly electrocuted. They went back just
(17:49):
to test to see if it could happen kill them both. Wow.
This is something I can see happened to me for sure.
I don't know. I think they're bullshit hot wow. Twenty
two March nineteen ninety nine. Like a magician, he pulled
(18:11):
out a twenty five year old exploded anti tapemine found
in his backyard. This will win the argument, he said,
speaking in one of twelve languages of Cambodia. This is
a second week in a row, I've mentioned Cambodia. Three
frenemies were sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a cafe
(18:33):
in southeast Cambodia, skipping that town name their friendship. Argument
continued for hours and the tone escalated. Finally, one disgruntled
man had his fill of the bs. The game was
a crazy mix of Russian Lette and flaming bagapoo. He
(18:55):
tossed the clay more under the table and the men
began playing a crazy mix like a that of Russian
Lette and flaming bag of poo. Each tossed down a
drink and stomping and began stomping the mine. The other
villages fled in terror. The cafe patrons were deeply aware
of the consequences headed their way. Decades of armed strife
(19:18):
had littered Cambodia with dangerous, unexploded munitions. The aftermath of
war is dreadful. Citizens are constantly reminded not to tamper
with decaying war machines. Minutes later, the bomb detonated with
a tremendous force, killing the three men in the bar.
The wives could not even find their remains because the
(19:38):
blast destroyed everything. The newspaper reported, so they had literally
got a land nine out, each taking their turn stomping.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Can't you even feel bad for these No, not a bet.
The insurance company ain't gonna pay up on that claim.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
They were doing what. Fifteenth July nineteen ninety nine, Alabama,
a twenty five year old soldier died of injury sustained
from a three story fall precipitated by his attempt to
win a high altitude spitting contest. The former military specialist
(20:17):
had a blood alcohol level of zero point one four percent,
paving the way for a well earned Darwin Award. He
was so intent on victory and so drunk that he
attempted to employ a dangerous an untested technique to add
momentum to his saliva. The contender backed away from the window,
(20:40):
then hurled himself towards the metal balcony rail while spitting.
In the tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over
the rail, which he grasped fleetingly before plummeting twenty four
feet to the concrete below. I mean, you've got to
win those spinning contests. He's going down like no pitch.
(21:04):
Seventeen April two thousand and six, England. There's always someone
who thinks good advice doesn't apply to them. For example,
if a doctor advises you that you are going to
be covered with a flammable medical treatment, most people would
take the advice on board and not strike a match
until the flammable material has been removed. Philip was in
(21:27):
the hospital to treat a skin disease. The said treatment
consists of being smeared in a paraffin based cream. Philip
was warmed that the cream could ignite, so he definitely
should not smoke. However, Philip sixty knew better than his
doctor and he just had to have another cigarette. Smoking
(21:48):
was not permitted on the reward, but Philip took the
setback and destride and snuck out onto the fire escape.
Once he was hidden, he lit up inhaled and peace
descended as he got his fix of nicotine. It was
only after he finished his cigarette at the moment he
(22:10):
ground out the butt with his heel that things went downhill.
The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As
his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pajamas ignited.
The resulting inferno cremated his skin condition and left first
degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment,
(22:33):
he died in intensive care later that month. All Right,
November eighth, two thousand and six, News only now reaches
the ear of Charles Darwin. From his ears to your eyes. Sutherland,
England paramedic found a prone man suffering injuries, including a
(22:56):
scorched colon, caused by a black Cat thunderbolt rocket. The
twenty two year old had unbelievably inserted his rocket in
his backside, laid down on his front side and lit
the fuse in an attempt to make the rocket fly
up in the air, but it was pointing the other way. Wow.
(23:18):
The regional Firework Association chairman spoke for us all when
he said, this sort of thing is beyond belief. Not
only you stupid enough to, I mean that you've seen.
This is straight up out of jackass. Yeah, to put
it the wrong way, and this is this is confirmed.
This really happened to.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Put its fucking idiot to put it in there the
wrong way. It's just next.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Total fucking war on. When you go through the Darwin Awards,
it tells you whis confirmed and what's not. I'm only
doing confirmed cases and all this shit is real. Third
of February nineteen ninety, Washington. The following mind boggling attempt
(24:02):
at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first try,
due to his lack of previous record of violence and
his terminally stupid choices. His target was H and J.
Leather and Firearms, a gun shop. The shop was full
of customers firearm customers. To ender the shop, the robber
(24:22):
had to step around a marked police car parked at
the front door. A uniform officer was standing at the
counter having coffee before work. Upon entering the premises, the
would be robber announced a hold up and fired a
few wild shots. The officers and a clerk promptly returned fire,
(24:43):
covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby
removing the confused criminal from the gene pool. No one
else was hurt. Literally, try to run an rob a
gunshop with a cop at the counter and another one
out front.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
What a fucking moron.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Two thousand and three. Australia parents often warn that firecrackers
can blow your hand off or your asshole apparently, but
as a twenty six year old Australian man, they can
also remove your gonads from the gene pool. An ambulance
rushed to in Ilara Park after Yeah, that's not right,
(25:26):
seriously not right. We have plenty of Australian listeners that
can let him hear it, guess. After receiving reports that
a man was hemorrhaging from his behind. The merciful unidentified
man had placed a lit firecracker between the cheeks of
his buttocks, stumbled and fell upon it. We do caution
(25:48):
people against these acts, said Acting Senior Sergeant John Klabisky
of the local Police. So this is the second person
to literally blow their ass off with a firecracker. Keep
the firecrackers away from your ass.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
You shouldn't have to caution people. Gets common sense, I
would think.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Emergency surgeon doctor McCurdy said that the resulting wound looked
like a war injury. The explosion was forced upward again,
blasted a great hole in the pelvis, ruptured to the euretha,
and injured muscles, rendering the man incontinent as well as
sexually dysfunctional. He survived to tell the tale, making him
(26:30):
eligible for the honor of a living Darwin Award. Those
are usually called honorable mentions and not typically a Darwin
You have to die to be a Darwin Award, but
as an honorable mention. Third March two thousand and two, England.
As Kim and Paul left the Sheffield pub, they noticed
(26:50):
that a street light was burned out, creating a pool
of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion,
they began to canoodle, consummating their relationship on the asphalt
outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right
on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair
(27:10):
were warned of the danger of their cordal position, not once,
not twice, but three times by a car driver, a
bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off duty paramedic honked
and shouted, you want to get up, otherwise you'll get
run over. The man simply said cheers, mate, and the
(27:33):
paramedic heard a female laughing. A bus driver swerved to
avoid them and drove past with wheels on the curb.
A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus
was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued,
oblivious to the approach of a small, single decker nipper bus.
(27:57):
The bus driver mistook the the shape for a bag
of rubbish in the poorly lit streets and was unable
to stop in time. There was a dull thud. Kim
and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found
Kim laying on her back with their jumpers pulled up,
and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down.
(28:19):
The only downside to the timely removal of lunacy from
the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver.
Despite the couple's irregular actions and a police investigation with
the statement that said to expect a driver to anticipate
a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary,
a judge fined him for his careless driving and his
(28:43):
license was revoked for six months. Wow. Yeah, the dude
this is the guy I got screwed out of all
I mean, she got screwed. Fortunately, his employers considered him
an excellent employee and planned to give him other duties
for six months. Planned to keep this job. Yeah, he
thinks there's people banging on the side of the road.
Well yeah. Twelve February two thousand and three, three men
(29:12):
wielding knives tried to rob a slaughterhouse, but when it
came to hand to hand combat with sharp blades, butchers
working in a slaughterhouse are more than a match for
your average thief. They stabbed two of the intruders to death.
The third man escaped from the angry butchers and fled
in his car. Police soon spotted him, and after a
(29:33):
brief car chase, the would be thief pulled over and
leapt from his vehicle. But instead of fleeing into the underbrush,
he tried to dodge heavy traffic and escape across the highway.
Perhaps he thought the threatening butchers with knives was not
a sufficient demonstration of his intelligence. Within seconds, the natural
(29:54):
justice system met out his punishment in the form of
a large truck, which struck killed him. September two thousand
and three, Mexico, an unidentified sixty year old man was
still thirsty after drinking what most would consider too much alcohol.
(30:16):
He stumbled towards a nearby beehive, hoping to follow the
beer with a bit of honey. Nothing is better to
watch your beer than a little bit honey, he thought
the bees would surely share. Instead, they obeyed a darwiny
signal bred into them for millennia. Over one thousand noble
(30:39):
fighters gave their all, sacrificed the stingers and their lives
to protect the hive. The man quite reasonably responded with
terminal anaphylactic shock. A hospital spokesman disputed the theory that
bees had killed him, attributing his demise to the stupid
things drunken people do and pointing out out that he
(31:00):
was otherwise healthy and would have enjoyed a long life.
The combination was lethal. September seventh, two thousand and three.
Back to Cambodia, Kim, nicknamed the Big Giant, was an intimidating,
large former military policeman. When he arrived at the Somewhere
(31:26):
Home over drug Taylor and extored it and to extort
money and amphetamines. He was a much smaller man. Soon afterwards,
he pulled the pin from the grenade to threaten the dealer,
who immediately decided to give him the items he demanded.
Then Kim, who had been drinking forgot to put the
(31:46):
pin back before slipping the grenade into his pocket. He
walked to his motorbike, well satisfied with the transaction. As
he climbed aboard, the grenade exploded. The drug dealer recovered
his cash and in what condition it is unknown.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
A lot of people blowing their junk up tonight.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
It's a common theme. You gotta be you gotta be
pretty fucking stupid not put the pin back in. It'd
be the whole time. If you pull the pin on
the thing, you get that in your hand, you like,
I gotta get that back in there, Just pop it
in your pocket. Twenty fifth August twenty ten, South Korea.
(32:29):
An angry handicapped man, annoyed that the elevator departed without him,
thinks it over before ramming his wheelchair into the doors
bam once twice three times in all success in failure
combined as he gained access to the elevator and plunged
(32:49):
down the rabbit hole shaft to his death. This forty
year old man earns immortality as the most irritated Darwin
Award winner to ever walk roll the planet. This one
has a video with it, so if you look this
up you can see this guy. He's mad. The elevator leaves,
he takes his wheelchair bam bam, and the doors. You
(33:10):
can see the doors fucking moving on the first on
the first couple, the right over the edge, right down
the shaft. Unbelievable. Nineteenth July twenty ten, Washington, thanks to
the Skagit Raceway. The town of.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
That was quite the sigh. This is gonna be good.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
We're gonna just go with Wooly population ten thousand, filled
with racing folks. During the American Sprint Car Series, two
crew members smart people with a high degree of mechanical abilities,
were working at a custom machine shop when they dreamed
up an unusual thrill rune. The men put a fifty
(34:02):
five barrel in the parking lot, poured in four gallons
of gasoline, sat on top of the barrel, and lit
the bunghole. Apparently they thought the barrel would skid across
the parking lot like a rocket with a tail of flames,
shooting out the two rodeo clowns sitting on top, waving
(34:22):
their caps and woohoo in. But instead of sliding across
the pavement, well, let's just point out that four gallons
of gasoline in a fifty five gallon drum greatly resembles
a bomb. The barrel blew up beneath them with enough
force that the end of the barrel landed one hundred
and twenty feet away. The two inspired sparks landed in
(34:45):
the the Harbor View Medical Center in Seattle, where one
man lost his life the other survived with a sobering
lesson on the power of internal combustion. Wow, we're going
to try this one. In the late fall and early
(35:05):
winter months, snow covered mountains become infested with hunters. One
ambitious pair climbed high up a mountain in the search
of their quarry. The trail crossed a small glacier that
had crusted over. The lead hunter had to stomp a
foothole in the snow one step at a time in
order to cross the glacier. Somewhere near the middle of
(35:27):
the glacier, the next stop hit not snow, but a rock.
The lead hunter lost his footing and fell down the
crusty glacier. He zipped off the edge and out of sight.
Unable to help, his companion watched him slide away. After
a while, he shouted out, are you okay? Yes, came
(35:49):
the answer. Reasoning that it was the quick way off
the glacier, the second hunter plopped down and accelerated down
the ice, following his friend. There, just over the end
to the glacier was his friend holding on to the
top of a tree that barey protruded from the snow.
There was no other tree drops nearby, nothing to grab,
nothing but one hundred foot drop onto the rocks. Oh.
(36:12):
As the second hunter shot past the first, he uttered
his final epiphany, a single word, fuck fock.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
That would have been my.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Can you imagine just seeing that come up? Oh? Was quick? Yeah,
His buddy's just slipping at him as he slides by.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Somebody's like, what the fuck you think? Just throw down
a rope like a.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Seven June twenty sixteen, Wyoming Colin Scott, twenty three, was
enjoying a graduation vacation at Yellowstone National Park when the
beautiful pork chopped glacier a geyser hot springs reminded him
that he could use a good soak, But hot potting
(37:05):
is a forbidden delight, ruled off limit for good reason.
You will die hot potting. They have a name for it.
You think about that hot You don't know how each
one of those fucking uh hot pools. They're all different
temperatures and shit.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Not only that, allegedly, the only way to know is
to get it tested.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I guess you're right. Still, this was a college graduation trip.
The Portland resident thought his education conferred the smarts to
know when to break a rule. So Colin left the
boardwalk and cruised up the hill and search for a
private hot pot soaking spot. In this area of the park,
(37:47):
thin mineral crust that resembled solid ground concealed scalding water pools,
but he avoided these unseen pitfalls and found a secluded spring.
Recorded on unreleased video, Colin is seen reaching down to
check the temperature, slipping and falling into the boiling acidic
(38:08):
water that was the beginning of the end. Chemistry students
will be familiar with the properties of a turbulent hot
acid solution. A significant amount of rapid dissolving was underway
while recovery workers were struggling with dangerously unstable ground and
the light and a lightning storm. When they reached the
(38:29):
springs the next day, the water had finished her work.
There were no remains. Only a wallet and flip flops
were left of poor Colin.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Reallyx folly eats though.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Right, it's really good for the skin. I mean, not
only is it boiling hot water, but it's fucking acid.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
I don't know, it just doesn't seem like that much fun.
Twenty two January twenty sixteen, Michigan, referred to as a
distracted driver, Clifford Rage owns fifty eight was driving without pants,
without a seatbelt, and with a porno flick screaming on
his mobile place had a wide open sunroof on a
(39:12):
cold winter Sunday, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
This guy hangs out Parkshire.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
He should have kept his hands on the wheel instead
of the stick. In the wee hours at three forty am,
Clifford's Toyota went out of control on the eye Eye
excuse me, on ramp to I seventy five. He rolled
and crashed and ejaculating our hero through the sunroof and
(39:43):
a spectacular climax to his life coming gone. Clifford and
his beloved Wanky will be fondly remembered. Jesus, that was
them numb. You know, you just couldn't wait to get home.
Twenty three September twenty sixteen. This one's in Virginia. Sidney
(40:08):
Zalea Gonzalez, twenty was pinning a king sized mattress to
the top of the van with the weight of her body,
intent on claiming the free curb side fine when her
luck ran out. Perhaps the young woman was testing a
physics theory and betting that friction would keep the two
(40:29):
fixed in place. Alas, both of them slipped off the
moving vehicle and unfortunately, one of them did not bounce back.
The young woman was nominated for the notorious Darwin Awards
when it became apparent that she was suffering from a
terminal case of BedHead. The poor judgment of the dearly
departed was confirmed when Prince William's police spokesman Nathaniel Probus
(40:56):
stated that the van was driven by an unlicensed driver.
Police also shared the opinion that the woman the women
were not trying to pull off some kind of stunt,
which was true enough. First off, you ain't ever catching
me get a fucking.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Matter, Domi's getting rid of it for a reason.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
I do not want someone else's fucking juice filled, fucking matcress.
And it's not like she cleaned it. She was on
top of it, trying to hold it down. That's the
worst part of that story, right. Sixteenth November twenty fifteen.
Croatia Beaujean was a petty criminal who spent much of
(41:40):
his life in prisons. A small town crook with a
extensive dossier was marked as persistent rather than successful. For example,
death letters persistently sent to his ex girlfriend landed the
criminal mastermind in Pula to serve an eight month sentence,
(42:03):
adding to an accumulative five years already spent behind bars
during his incarceration. His behavior was so outstanding that on
a fateful Monday, the prison guards locked him in the
padded cell in solitary confinement. Little did they know the
suspect that the cool down time would leave him literally
(42:23):
more hot headed than before. The brilliant prisoner had managed
to smuggle a lighter into the rubber room. Both hands
were cuffed behind his back, but that did not prevent
our pal from retrieving the lighter and flicking. The bit
captured on video at three point thirty five pm, he
(42:45):
strikes the lighter and purposely starts a fire near the door.
The video, tactfully edited, shows the euphoria of the moment
as the rubber walls begin to light a blaze as
he nonchalantly swaggers around his tomb. The fire grows. Suddenly,
panic sets in as he realizes that suffocation is imminent.
(43:08):
What a surprise. The prison guards were really not expecting
to sell to burst into flames, and why would they.
They noticed a smoky situation too late to save the
prisoner from himself, making the case of the Charred Crook
the first prisoner death in the history of the country
at twenty five years of age. The only excellence Beaujean
(43:30):
displayed was in the manner of his demise. We recognize
his outstanding efforts with the uncoveted Darwin Awards. Better luck
next time, literally lit the entire pat Those things shouldn't
be flamable like that.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
No, what the fuck do you think was gonna happen?
What was his ultimate goal here?
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I imagine he thought, oh, light a fire. They'll have
to get me out. Get out of this place quick.
But not so much. Seventeen December twenty fourteen, Pakistan, two
corresponds in co respondents nominated the gullible volunteer to be
killed and resurrected by a holy man, and not a
(44:09):
holy man who was experienced with the procedure, but a
beginner who thought he'd give it a whirl for five years,
a popular I don't know, a popular surf sufi surfe.
It's a religious man. He had been performing miracles for villagers.
(44:33):
Now he was ready to increase the stakes to a
full resurrection, but he was not interested in reviving any
old corpse. The novice naturally preferred to breathe life back
into fresh meat, so he would put word out to
his followers that he wanted to kill and revive a
faithful man, a faithful married man, a married man with children.
(44:59):
He seemed to be stacking the deck to resurrect a
person with a strong incentive to return, a person with
no desire to linger in death, and in the grip
of the overwhelming obvious Darwin moment, forty year old Mohammed
Nayez stepped up and volunteered to be murdered the very
(45:20):
next day, lest alone anyone claimed that Mohammed was mentally ill,
which would disqualify him from his Darwin award. Please remember,
the resurrection by saint is an idea that is popular
in Christianity as well. Bible versus Matthew ten eight says
Jesus commanded his apostles healed the sick, raise the dead,
(45:42):
cleanse lepers, cast out demons, and Catholic Cathletic cath fucking
Catholic Catholetic converters. Catholic saints have been recorded as performing
the miracle of raising the dead on Tuesday. The idea
was announced on Wednesday. The follower was killed on Thursday.
(46:05):
The overly optimistic Surfy was behind bars for murder. Generally,
no Darwin award given for murder, but in this case,
the apostle volunteered for the scheme and earned his just rewards.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
Doesn't say not that it matters. Doesn't say how they.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
How they killed them? No, no, I even tried pulling
it up to see if it said what how they
killed him? But no, they probably choked him.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Can't something simple I really wanted?
Speaker 1 (46:37):
I can't stand why I can't bring it back. But
probably putting a freaking fire crackup his asshole. I mean
that seems to be the way to go.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
It's been popular tonight, so that might have been it.
So that could be something minor. I need you really
fucked up. I want to show off my powers.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
So that's my fucked up darnawards. Sorry, guys, I am
sick tonight. I have been having a freaking horrible time
getting through this, so pardon if it's even worse than normal.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Fucking Loan Wolf gonna light me up here.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Oh man, I started off the night by pukin and
this has been rough, but we will bring you one
shitty episode if we have to.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
All Right, it was a good one. We're gonna head
over to the fire pit. See you over there, guy.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
All right, so before we start a fire pit, we
already recorded a fire pit. We messed up so bad
first off, and said don't say my name, and we
said the name, and then we played the whole recording,
and then it said don't play my voice. We're gonna
reach out to that person and see if we could
(47:53):
play there. The recording was great. I know they're a
little nervous, I think to have it on, but boy
did we jack out. This has been a bad night
for we.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
We could have gotten away with not telling you guys.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
It's one on Ryan.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
You guys didn't hear us fuck up like ten times.
We're gonna go and tell you.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
Oh, they at least ten times tonight. This is just eleven.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
If you guys have any fire pits, send them to
be on the Shadows two o seven at gmail dot
com or any of our socials.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Yeah, we're starting to run a little thin, guys, so
please get those stories into us.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Tonight's fire pit comes to us from Bruce. I figured
i'd fire fire off another story for you guys. Don't worry,
no difficult Cajun French words this time. This is less
my story and more of my mother's. But it's pretty entertaining.
But there are some dark context I have to go over. Firstly,
I have to start with a little bit of backstory.
Of backbackstory, my mother moved in with my grandparents to
(48:48):
help take care of my grandmother in the last years
of her life. The decline of her health was very
slow and very difficult to watch. Towards the end. As
a near lifelong smoker, she suffered from congestive heart failure
and COPD These two diseases both affect the lung's ability
to fill with oxygen, basically suffocating the sufferer slowly. I
(49:09):
can attest to this as I suffer from early stages
of congestive heart failure, and when I was at my worst,
I couldn't catch my breath and I genuinely thought I
was going to die. As you can imagine, it's a
pretty shitty way to die, especially when you factor in
that she was put on oxygen for several years. One day,
when my grandfather came in from mowing the grass, he
found my grandmother unresponsive and she had ripped off her oxygen.
(49:33):
She was pronounced dead when the medic arrived. My mother
still lives in this house, and I had lived there
for several years after she passed as well. Okay, enough
with the depressing shit. Let me tell you about the
type of person my grandmother was. She absolutely loved Walmart.
She spent so much time in our local Walmart that
she started helping customers, and the manager ended up offering
(49:56):
her a job as a door greader. When she wasn't working,
we would still generally at Walmart shopping. She wasn't ever
very fast, but you would turn your head and she
would have disappeared down the next aisle. She was a
lover of practical jokes and ribs. There was a story
passed around my family about a time when my great aunt,
my grandmother, and I were walking around Walmart, and at
(50:17):
her suggestion, we chased my great out and around the store,
all while I was yelling, aren't re farted over and
over in a very apparent and intentional South Carolina redneck accent.
We still laugh over this, and there are hundreds of
other stories and funny sayings just like this from the
time she passed even until today. Things will go missing
(50:39):
for months at a time, or we moved to an
obvious but completely incorrect place like a child hiding things
for a laugh, usually either before or just as we
noticed the items moved or missing. My mother, I, or
both of us would catch a whiff of my grandmother's perfume.
When my twins were born and we still lived there,
(51:00):
we will both lay in their pack and play or
cribs and talk to the air cooling giggling. There are
similar stories about all of the grandkids and great grandkids
after she passed. I can test that all of these
things wire my grandmother. Nothing scary this time, just a
story about a wonderful woman who still likes to play
pranks and loves playing with her great grandchildren.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
That's awesome, very.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
Good story, Bruce.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
Yeah, you see that. There's a lot of videos out
there little kids like reacting to something that they're just
shorts there. Yeah, but you can't see anything.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
I think they're more receptive kids.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
We've talked about that. Definitely more receptive.
Speaker 2 (51:38):
But something like a grandmother or great grandmother is obviously
super friendly. The kids aren't scared, they have no reason
to be. Yeah, absolutely, and they have no idea they're
talking to a ghost.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Great stories, man, We really appreciate it. Guys, we're getting low.
Please get some fire pits into us. Beyond the Shadows
two o seven at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
We won't say your name if you don't want to stay.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
We won't play you reco arding if we don't want
us to, and we'll try to do better on the
next of the episode. Sorry, guys, this is a rough
one for us, and we will just catch you in
the next one later. Guess
Hey, everybody, join us as we delve into our favorite
dark tales and paranormal mysteries.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Venture with us beyond the safe places that exist in daylight.
As we go beyond their shadows.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
True crime, paranormal hauntings, UFOs, cryptids and unsolved mysteries, conspiracy theories,
past lives, reincarnation and all the like are just a
few of the topics that we will tackle.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
If it haunts your fucking dreams, then it will be
on our show.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Do you know what the most in the world is?
Speaker 3 (00:42):
On the shuttles where you found me at You can't
see me in the deepest blacks when your heart starbusts
and then you see their cracks, all these creepy things
that wind at track well, the demens be where the
actions at. So listen enough you want it, UFOs, all
of them ghosts. We got everything that you want.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
It won't do you know what the most thing in
the world is? Hey everyone, and welcome back to episode
one hundred and thirty nine of Beyond the Shadows.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Welcome back, Shadow people.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So, first up, we wanted to mention that we've had
a ton of reviews on Apple going back a long ways,
but we didn't realize that we were only seeing the
reviews from America. So we usually call out and thank
everybody for the reviews and taking the time. So we
weren't ignoring you guys. We could not see them.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
But we just recently, Yeah, we came across the site
that actually allowed us to see the ones from overseas,
and for some reason, Apple will only show you the
ones from the country that you're in. On occasion, they'll
show one from Canada, but that's it. They don't usually show.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
We weren't ignoring you guys. We couldn't see them, no, And.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
We just got a new one that actually did come
from the States. That was from C. Hayes five five nine,
and thank you very much for the review. They really
do mean a lot to us. And then we got
Baron BC. We got Fahad ninety nine, Nicole out of Australia,
Shamin Ma I'm a horrible name. I don't even know
(02:12):
how to say that name. We get the podcast worm
Pocket Punk j Man and this was my favorite test
Tickle six six six, c K Christine two seven five
and Massi Nero and there's Naomi and Lauren and oh
(02:36):
there was one that really stood out to me that
one came from Lone Wolf. I don't know if you
get to see that one or not. It was one
of my favorite. Yeah, it's a one star and it
starts it's just says trash And this is why the
non stop giggling like little schoolgirls make this show unbearable.
(02:58):
Maybe the host should rec forard the show while not
drunk or high on meth. So are you drunk?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, I'm yeah, sort of. That's the myth. Hasn't kicked anything.
That's part of our process right now. Maybe we should
change it.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I don't know, I'm just on a gas station dick pill.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It's quick off the myth. We do a little estrogen pills.
Then we have a quick tickle fight and we're good
to go.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Most people are really nice about their reviews, but go
fuck yourself.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Loan, he's lone Wolf, you know. I guess I'm guessing
he complains about sex off. There's somebody else there, you know.
Thank you very much everybody for taking the time. We
really appreciate it to us.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
All those reviews. They help us so much, and we're
sorry that if you're sitting here. We've mentioned a bunch
of other people and skipped over your name. This is
why we did not see it. So but thank you
and if any of the rest of you have a
chance and having if you could pop over and give
us a review and rating on Apple or on Spotify
or wherever you listen, it helps a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I'm gonna see if I can get to settle down
on the gigling it is. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Good luck, good luck. Uh So.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
People in Seattle around the Denny Blaine Park are asking
police to clamp down on rampant public masturbation.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Why bother, why go to the park? What can you do?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Right? The community group Denny Blaine for All has sued
the city for what they say is ongoing and unaddressed
illegal activity at the park. It's illicit, it's illegal. It's
masturbation multiple times a day, that's their quote. The park
is an unofficial nude beach, so I would think it's
a kind of compliment, right right. You walk by and
somebody takes a look a minute, oh this old thing.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
You're too kind. Apparently they don't all see it. Then
keep looking for some compliments. Oh you uh.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Patrick vieb seventy, a Pennsylvania funeral home director has been
arrested and charged with multiple felonies, including theft by deception,
receiving stolen property, and deceptive business practices. He has a
habit of telling grieving pet owners that he will cremate
their beloved pets and return them return to them the ashes,
but in reality he was just tossing the remains into
(05:23):
a landfill and giving them fake ashes.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
You know, we were talking about this off air. I
wonder how often this happens with like people.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I'm guessing it happens more than any of us even
want to know.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yeah, you had a good point, Like if someone's there
and they got like five bodies to go to toss
them in together, and you just give you out, give
it out.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I'm sure it doesn't happen at a lot of different places,
but it probably happens more than you want to know.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Oh, I'm sure. Why is why does Aunt Jane get
the exact same amount of ashes as Uncle Jim, who
was fucking five hundred pounds?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
So this guy's actually ripped off sixty five hundred pen
owners of more than six hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
That's such a scumbag maneuver.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Man really is.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Flight four eighteen from Philadelphia to Chicago was recently forced
out of service after an unnamed woman apparently stripped naked
mid flight and then took a dump on her seat,
her own seat. Can't, no, you cannot. Southwest Airlines did
confirm that police and medical responses in Chicago to a
situation involving a customer. That's their words. That's that's putting it.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Pretty mild data.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
That is more than a situation. If I was on
that flight, I would have been sitting right next to her,
that's you.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
For sure she would have aimed incorrectly and blown it
all over me. That's just my luck. If there's a
nut job on the plane, I'm sitting.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Next to them.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Uh. The aircraft was taken out of service for a
deep cleaning. I mean the fuck that don't deep clean
pull that seat out.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
You got to think someone on the next flight sat
right in there. They didn't. They weren't, like you know,
the last flight, someone ship right in the seat you're
sitting in.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Affected travelers were rebooked onto other flights, But there isn't
a whole lot of information about what the hell happened
or how drunk. This lady had to be. But I mean,
how drunk do you have to be sure that to
be a good idea?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
You know, your shitty smelling Uh turns into a flotation.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Right now. The guys in Denny Blaine parka jacking off
again to the story.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
This picture of the guy in the ocean floating with
that as uh horrible.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I'm not gonna take your word for it. I need
the video on the swamp. Next we are off to Florida.
You knew it was coming.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
At about three pm last Saturday, a man was observed
stealing several alcoholic beverages before exiting a Spring Lake market.
Police arrived to find thirty nine year old Richard Christopher
Smith in a black mini van just doing circles around
the store. But that was his getaway.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Just so we've been there, dude, we don't even parking.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Get confused. Yeah, that was good. He doesn't even attempt
to get away until the cops arrive. He does circles
till they arrive, then he takes off. So when they
attempted to stop him, that's when he speeds away. So
at one point he drove by a deputy and slowed down,
holding a bottle of Kettle one vodka sprits out the
window as he drove by. He then tried to ram
(08:25):
two police vehicles, but they spiked his tires first before
tasing him. He was charged with two counts of aggravated
assault on a law enforcement officer, two counts of resisting arrest, DUI,
refusal to submit to do a DUI test, and petty theft.
I was just going to give you a drink. That's it.
That's his quote as he was being arrested. Lastly, last week,
(08:50):
we have a climber that needed to be air lifted
off Japan's Mount Fuji with altitude sickness. The man's name
isn't given, but he was a twenty seven year old
Chinese student living in Japan in what's that old saying,
if at first you don't succeed, then fail fail again.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Four days later he was right back on Mount Fuji
to look for his cell phone. There he was found
by another climber, once again suffering from altitude sickness, and
rescuers had to come get him again.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Yeah, he went back to get that phone.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
He's a he's a student, so I'm guessing he's gonna
graduate for quite a while. A lot of people want
this guy arrested in charge or something. He didn't technically
do anything illegal, but that is kind of pushing the
emergency services a.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Bit, just for being stupid. I mean, if they arrest
people for being stupid, weren't from the.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Whole list of charges. Yeah, that's the news for this week.
So what do you get for us?
Speaker 1 (09:45):
We're gonna do another episode of the Darwin Awards.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
People like those. We'll be right back, guys.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You know what, all right, I'm ready to mess up
some names and some cities. Let's say. Thirteenth May twenty
twenty two. In Spain, Dutch football pro more Ad something
(10:22):
or other was hungry for a vacation prank, leaping off
a cliff into the ocean, thinking my athletic strength will
carry me way out into the beautiful blue waters thirty
meters blow. He instructed his kinfolk to film the fatal
feet let out a triumphrant, yodel and tombstone into the abyss.
(10:44):
Keep in mind that thirty meters is high even for
experienced cliff divers. That ten meters is the horizontal distance
needed to reach deep water from the cliff. Face, and
that calculated velocity of impact is eighty eight click fifty
five miles per hour. The sick flip became a free
(11:04):
fall into sharp sea rocks below, because not even a
great footballer can leap ten meters horizontally. Adding insult to injury,
the impact velocity was equal to being hit by a
vehicle on the motorway. The Dutch athlete died in the brine,
aged thirty one. Everybody, everybody wants to record everything these days.
(11:27):
You know, it's I mean, this guy's already famous enough,
but nope, let's get a fifteen more minutes a fame himself.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
He's got immortality now.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
All right. Fifteenth April twenty twenty two in California, Why
did a Las Vegas resident jump out of the car
inside of the car wash at midnight? Avoiding a bee?
Who knows? All we know is that they did Renee
Tacky drove into a car washed, then exit. Did the
(12:00):
scion hatchback while the drive was still in gear under
its own power. The Scion eventually crept forward, as cars do,
and the fifty six year old was pinned beneath the vehicle.
Police said the car wash was not even active at
the time. The driver was noticed by the next person
to visit the car wash. Authorities took the unresponsive body
(12:23):
to the medical center, where death was confirmed. No extenuating
circumstances have been found, so we bestow upon Renee a
washed up Darwin Award.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
How many people get run over by their own car
which they were.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Driving in a car wash. It's not even operating. Probably
more than you know. Twenty six August two thousand and
six and Leicester, England. Darren's death was a mystery. The
(13:00):
thirty three year old was found slumped in the hallway
of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to the chest.
Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but
they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the
inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a
seat at the Winter's Bench of the Darwin Awards. Darren
(13:23):
had called a friend that day. Minutes after he rang off,
he rang back and asked for an ambulance. The emergency
responder said the front door was ajar and Darren was
lying near a blood stained knife. The knife was his own,
purchased while on holiday in Spain. Forensic investigator saw no
(13:45):
indication of a struggle. The coroner reported that the stab
wound seemed to be self inflicted. However, Darren has shown
no prior suicidal tendencies, and it also had called for
an ambulance. His wife was on holiday at the time
of the incident, but Nabels was able to clear up
(14:05):
matters and revealed why the subject would go down in
history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving
for holiday, she remembered that Darren wandered out loud if
his new jacket was stab proof. Nope, answer, so that's right. Darren,
(14:32):
alone and board had decided to fuck around and find
out if his jacket could stand a knife attack. He
used his Spanish steel blade and did not bother to
test his jacket while it was draped over the back
of a chair. Nope, our man thought it was best
approach was to wear the garment and stab himself. Sadly,
(14:53):
his jacket armor seed less resistant to a sharp blade
than he had hoped. We're going to reached a verdict
of accidental death by misadventure.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Misadventures just blatant stupid jacket?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Is this jacket stab proof?
Speaker 2 (15:11):
What? Therefore, you don't have to wear it.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You wear your stab proof jacket with your blueproof hat. Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Yeah, this guy's at the head of the table. You're
just talking about.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Thirty one August nineteen ninety five, Egypt. Six people drowned
Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen
into a well on South Egypt. An eighteen year old
farmer was the first to descend into the sixty foot well.
He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled
(15:47):
him down. Police said his sister and two brothers, none
of whom could swim well, went in one by one
to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then
came to help, but they apparently were pulled by the
same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled
out of the well in the village of Naslat, two
(16:10):
hundred and forty miles south of Cairo. The chicken was
also pulled out alive. Wow, the chicken survived six of them, didn't.
I mean after the first full I mean, if your
family you got to go after him that, I don't know. Yeah,
I don't which family member? Oop. Sorry, Troy, ain't looking
(16:33):
good for you.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
If you wore down there, I'd be chucking stones. Grab
the stones.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Nineteen eighty two, Texas. At the Amarillo Fairgrounds, some buildings
were in need of a coat of paint, so local
contractors were hired to do the job. Between the buildings
was in an angled culvert designed to drain rain water
away from the buildings. Because of the slowp the wielded
(17:01):
painters scaffolding tended to roll downhill, so the painters removed
the wheels from the scaffolding. They were in the process
of moving the scaffolding when the metal structure met a transformer.
The painters were killed. The story made headlines. The town
was abuzz with talk of the tragedy, howaday come to pass,
(17:22):
and where the city was liable for damages. The city
officials decided they needed to conduct an investigation. With much fanfare,
they arrived at the scene of the incident prepared to
personally recreate the circumstances. Two officials grabbed the scaffolding in
the exact location as the two painters began to move
the scaffolding and were promptly electrocuted. They went back just
(17:49):
to test to see if it could happen kill them both. Wow.
This is something I can see happened to me for sure.
I don't know. I think they're bullshit hot wow. Twenty
two March nineteen ninety nine. Like a magician, he pulled
(18:11):
out a twenty five year old exploded anti tapemine found
in his backyard. This will win the argument, he said,
speaking in one of twelve languages of Cambodia. This is
a second week in a row, I've mentioned Cambodia. Three
frenemies were sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a cafe
(18:33):
in southeast Cambodia, skipping that town name their friendship. Argument
continued for hours and the tone escalated. Finally, one disgruntled
man had his fill of the bs. The game was
a crazy mix of Russian Lette and flaming bagapoo. He
(18:55):
tossed the clay more under the table and the men
began playing a crazy mix like a that of Russian
Lette and flaming bag of poo. Each tossed down a
drink and stomping and began stomping the mine. The other
villages fled in terror. The cafe patrons were deeply aware
of the consequences headed their way. Decades of armed strife
(19:18):
had littered Cambodia with dangerous, unexploded munitions. The aftermath of
war is dreadful. Citizens are constantly reminded not to tamper
with decaying war machines. Minutes later, the bomb detonated with
a tremendous force, killing the three men in the bar.
The wives could not even find their remains because the
(19:38):
blast destroyed everything. The newspaper reported, so they had literally
got a land nine out, each taking their turn stomping.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Can't you even feel bad for these No, not a bet.
The insurance company ain't gonna pay up on that claim.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
They were doing what. Fifteenth July nineteen ninety nine, Alabama,
a twenty five year old soldier died of injury sustained
from a three story fall precipitated by his attempt to
win a high altitude spitting contest. The former military specialist
(20:17):
had a blood alcohol level of zero point one four percent,
paving the way for a well earned Darwin Award. He
was so intent on victory and so drunk that he
attempted to employ a dangerous an untested technique to add
momentum to his saliva. The contender backed away from the window,
(20:40):
then hurled himself towards the metal balcony rail while spitting.
In the tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over
the rail, which he grasped fleetingly before plummeting twenty four
feet to the concrete below. I mean, you've got to
win those spinning contests. He's going down like no pitch.
(21:04):
Seventeen April two thousand and six, England. There's always someone
who thinks good advice doesn't apply to them. For example,
if a doctor advises you that you are going to
be covered with a flammable medical treatment, most people would
take the advice on board and not strike a match
until the flammable material has been removed. Philip was in
(21:27):
the hospital to treat a skin disease. The said treatment
consists of being smeared in a paraffin based cream. Philip
was warmed that the cream could ignite, so he definitely
should not smoke. However, Philip sixty knew better than his
doctor and he just had to have another cigarette. Smoking
(21:48):
was not permitted on the reward, but Philip took the
setback and destride and snuck out onto the fire escape.
Once he was hidden, he lit up inhaled and peace
descended as he got his fix of nicotine. It was
only after he finished his cigarette at the moment he
(22:10):
ground out the butt with his heel that things went downhill.
The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As
his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pajamas ignited.
The resulting inferno cremated his skin condition and left first
degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment,
(22:33):
he died in intensive care later that month. All Right,
November eighth, two thousand and six, News only now reaches
the ear of Charles Darwin. From his ears to your eyes. Sutherland,
England paramedic found a prone man suffering injuries, including a
(22:56):
scorched colon, caused by a black Cat thunderbolt rocket. The
twenty two year old had unbelievably inserted his rocket in
his backside, laid down on his front side and lit
the fuse in an attempt to make the rocket fly
up in the air, but it was pointing the other way. Wow.
(23:18):
The regional Firework Association chairman spoke for us all when
he said, this sort of thing is beyond belief. Not
only you stupid enough to, I mean that you've seen.
This is straight up out of jackass. Yeah, to put
it the wrong way, and this is this is confirmed.
This really happened to.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Put its fucking idiot to put it in there the
wrong way. It's just next.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Total fucking war on. When you go through the Darwin Awards,
it tells you whis confirmed and what's not. I'm only
doing confirmed cases and all this shit is real. Third
of February nineteen ninety, Washington. The following mind boggling attempt
(24:02):
at a crime spree appeared to be the robber's first try,
due to his lack of previous record of violence and
his terminally stupid choices. His target was H and J.
Leather and Firearms, a gun shop. The shop was full
of customers firearm customers. To ender the shop, the robber
(24:22):
had to step around a marked police car parked at
the front door. A uniform officer was standing at the
counter having coffee before work. Upon entering the premises, the
would be robber announced a hold up and fired a
few wild shots. The officers and a clerk promptly returned fire,
(24:43):
covered by several customers who also drew their guns, thereby
removing the confused criminal from the gene pool. No one
else was hurt. Literally, try to run an rob a
gunshop with a cop at the counter and another one
out front.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
What a fucking moron.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Two thousand and three. Australia parents often warn that firecrackers
can blow your hand off or your asshole apparently, but
as a twenty six year old Australian man, they can
also remove your gonads from the gene pool. An ambulance
rushed to in Ilara Park after Yeah, that's not right,
(25:26):
seriously not right. We have plenty of Australian listeners that
can let him hear it, guess. After receiving reports that
a man was hemorrhaging from his behind. The merciful unidentified
man had placed a lit firecracker between the cheeks of
his buttocks, stumbled and fell upon it. We do caution
(25:48):
people against these acts, said Acting Senior Sergeant John Klabisky
of the local Police. So this is the second person
to literally blow their ass off with a firecracker. Keep
the firecrackers away from your ass.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
You shouldn't have to caution people. Gets common sense, I
would think.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Emergency surgeon doctor McCurdy said that the resulting wound looked
like a war injury. The explosion was forced upward again,
blasted a great hole in the pelvis, ruptured to the euretha,
and injured muscles, rendering the man incontinent as well as
sexually dysfunctional. He survived to tell the tale, making him
(26:30):
eligible for the honor of a living Darwin Award. Those
are usually called honorable mentions and not typically a Darwin
You have to die to be a Darwin Award, but
as an honorable mention. Third March two thousand and two, England.
As Kim and Paul left the Sheffield pub, they noticed
(26:50):
that a street light was burned out, creating a pool
of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion,
they began to canoodle, consummating their relationship on the asphalt
outside the pub. Witnesses said the couple was lying right
on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair
(27:10):
were warned of the danger of their cordal position, not once,
not twice, but three times by a car driver, a
bus driver, and a pedestrian. An off duty paramedic honked
and shouted, you want to get up, otherwise you'll get
run over. The man simply said cheers, mate, and the
(27:33):
paramedic heard a female laughing. A bus driver swerved to
avoid them and drove past with wheels on the curb.
A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus
was headed their way. Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued,
oblivious to the approach of a small, single decker nipper bus.
(27:57):
The bus driver mistook the the shape for a bag
of rubbish in the poorly lit streets and was unable
to stop in time. There was a dull thud. Kim
and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found
Kim laying on her back with their jumpers pulled up,
and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down.
(28:19):
The only downside to the timely removal of lunacy from
the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver.
Despite the couple's irregular actions and a police investigation with
the statement that said to expect a driver to anticipate
a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary,
a judge fined him for his careless driving and his
(28:43):
license was revoked for six months. Wow. Yeah, the dude
this is the guy I got screwed out of all
I mean, she got screwed. Fortunately, his employers considered him
an excellent employee and planned to give him other duties
for six months. Planned to keep this job. Yeah, he
thinks there's people banging on the side of the road.
Well yeah. Twelve February two thousand and three, three men
(29:12):
wielding knives tried to rob a slaughterhouse, but when it
came to hand to hand combat with sharp blades, butchers
working in a slaughterhouse are more than a match for
your average thief. They stabbed two of the intruders to death.
The third man escaped from the angry butchers and fled
in his car. Police soon spotted him, and after a
(29:33):
brief car chase, the would be thief pulled over and
leapt from his vehicle. But instead of fleeing into the underbrush,
he tried to dodge heavy traffic and escape across the highway.
Perhaps he thought the threatening butchers with knives was not
a sufficient demonstration of his intelligence. Within seconds, the natural
(29:54):
justice system met out his punishment in the form of
a large truck, which struck killed him. September two thousand
and three, Mexico, an unidentified sixty year old man was
still thirsty after drinking what most would consider too much alcohol.
(30:16):
He stumbled towards a nearby beehive, hoping to follow the
beer with a bit of honey. Nothing is better to
watch your beer than a little bit honey, he thought
the bees would surely share. Instead, they obeyed a darwiny
signal bred into them for millennia. Over one thousand noble
(30:39):
fighters gave their all, sacrificed the stingers and their lives
to protect the hive. The man quite reasonably responded with
terminal anaphylactic shock. A hospital spokesman disputed the theory that
bees had killed him, attributing his demise to the stupid
things drunken people do and pointing out out that he
(31:00):
was otherwise healthy and would have enjoyed a long life.
The combination was lethal. September seventh, two thousand and three.
Back to Cambodia, Kim, nicknamed the Big Giant, was an intimidating,
large former military policeman. When he arrived at the Somewhere
(31:26):
Home over drug Taylor and extored it and to extort
money and amphetamines. He was a much smaller man. Soon afterwards,
he pulled the pin from the grenade to threaten the dealer,
who immediately decided to give him the items he demanded.
Then Kim, who had been drinking forgot to put the
(31:46):
pin back before slipping the grenade into his pocket. He
walked to his motorbike, well satisfied with the transaction. As
he climbed aboard, the grenade exploded. The drug dealer recovered
his cash and in what condition it is unknown.
Speaker 2 (32:04):
A lot of people blowing their junk up tonight.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
It's a common theme. You gotta be you gotta be
pretty fucking stupid not put the pin back in. It'd
be the whole time. If you pull the pin on
the thing, you get that in your hand, you like,
I gotta get that back in there, Just pop it
in your pocket. Twenty fifth August twenty ten, South Korea.
(32:29):
An angry handicapped man, annoyed that the elevator departed without him,
thinks it over before ramming his wheelchair into the doors
bam once twice three times in all success in failure
combined as he gained access to the elevator and plunged
(32:49):
down the rabbit hole shaft to his death. This forty
year old man earns immortality as the most irritated Darwin
Award winner to ever walk roll the planet. This one
has a video with it, so if you look this
up you can see this guy. He's mad. The elevator leaves,
he takes his wheelchair bam bam, and the doors. You
(33:10):
can see the doors fucking moving on the first on
the first couple, the right over the edge, right down
the shaft. Unbelievable. Nineteenth July twenty ten, Washington, thanks to
the Skagit Raceway. The town of.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
That was quite the sigh. This is gonna be good.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
We're gonna just go with Wooly population ten thousand, filled
with racing folks. During the American Sprint Car Series, two
crew members smart people with a high degree of mechanical abilities,
were working at a custom machine shop when they dreamed
up an unusual thrill rune. The men put a fifty
(34:02):
five barrel in the parking lot, poured in four gallons
of gasoline, sat on top of the barrel, and lit
the bunghole. Apparently they thought the barrel would skid across
the parking lot like a rocket with a tail of flames,
shooting out the two rodeo clowns sitting on top, waving
(34:22):
their caps and woohoo in. But instead of sliding across
the pavement, well, let's just point out that four gallons
of gasoline in a fifty five gallon drum greatly resembles
a bomb. The barrel blew up beneath them with enough
force that the end of the barrel landed one hundred
and twenty feet away. The two inspired sparks landed in
(34:45):
the the Harbor View Medical Center in Seattle, where one
man lost his life the other survived with a sobering
lesson on the power of internal combustion. Wow, we're going
to try this one. In the late fall and early
(35:05):
winter months, snow covered mountains become infested with hunters. One
ambitious pair climbed high up a mountain in the search
of their quarry. The trail crossed a small glacier that
had crusted over. The lead hunter had to stomp a
foothole in the snow one step at a time in
order to cross the glacier. Somewhere near the middle of
(35:27):
the glacier, the next stop hit not snow, but a rock.
The lead hunter lost his footing and fell down the
crusty glacier. He zipped off the edge and out of sight.
Unable to help, his companion watched him slide away. After
a while, he shouted out, are you okay? Yes, came
(35:49):
the answer. Reasoning that it was the quick way off
the glacier, the second hunter plopped down and accelerated down
the ice, following his friend. There, just over the end
to the glacier was his friend holding on to the
top of a tree that barey protruded from the snow.
There was no other tree drops nearby, nothing to grab,
nothing but one hundred foot drop onto the rocks. Oh.
(36:12):
As the second hunter shot past the first, he uttered
his final epiphany, a single word, fuck fock.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
That would have been my.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Can you imagine just seeing that come up? Oh? Was quick? Yeah,
His buddy's just slipping at him as he slides by.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Somebody's like, what the fuck you think? Just throw down
a rope like a.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Seven June twenty sixteen, Wyoming Colin Scott, twenty three, was
enjoying a graduation vacation at Yellowstone National Park when the
beautiful pork chopped glacier a geyser hot springs reminded him
that he could use a good soak, But hot potting
(37:05):
is a forbidden delight, ruled off limit for good reason.
You will die hot potting. They have a name for it.
You think about that hot You don't know how each
one of those fucking uh hot pools. They're all different
temperatures and shit.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Not only that, allegedly, the only way to know is
to get it tested.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I guess you're right. Still, this was a college graduation trip.
The Portland resident thought his education conferred the smarts to
know when to break a rule. So Colin left the
boardwalk and cruised up the hill and search for a
private hot pot soaking spot. In this area of the park,
(37:47):
thin mineral crust that resembled solid ground concealed scalding water pools,
but he avoided these unseen pitfalls and found a secluded spring.
Recorded on unreleased video, Colin is seen reaching down to
check the temperature, slipping and falling into the boiling acidic
(38:08):
water that was the beginning of the end. Chemistry students
will be familiar with the properties of a turbulent hot
acid solution. A significant amount of rapid dissolving was underway
while recovery workers were struggling with dangerously unstable ground and
the light and a lightning storm. When they reached the
(38:29):
springs the next day, the water had finished her work.
There were no remains. Only a wallet and flip flops
were left of poor Colin.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Reallyx folly eats though.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Right, it's really good for the skin. I mean, not
only is it boiling hot water, but it's fucking acid.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
I don't know, it just doesn't seem like that much fun.
Twenty two January twenty sixteen, Michigan, referred to as a
distracted driver, Clifford Rage owns fifty eight was driving without pants,
without a seatbelt, and with a porno flick screaming on
his mobile place had a wide open sunroof on a
(39:12):
cold winter Sunday, and you have a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
This guy hangs out Parkshire.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
He should have kept his hands on the wheel instead
of the stick. In the wee hours at three forty am,
Clifford's Toyota went out of control on the eye Eye
excuse me, on ramp to I seventy five. He rolled
and crashed and ejaculating our hero through the sunroof and
(39:43):
a spectacular climax to his life coming gone. Clifford and
his beloved Wanky will be fondly remembered. Jesus, that was
them numb. You know, you just couldn't wait to get home.
Twenty three September twenty sixteen. This one's in Virginia. Sidney
(40:08):
Zalea Gonzalez, twenty was pinning a king sized mattress to
the top of the van with the weight of her body,
intent on claiming the free curb side fine when her
luck ran out. Perhaps the young woman was testing a
physics theory and betting that friction would keep the two
(40:29):
fixed in place. Alas, both of them slipped off the
moving vehicle and unfortunately, one of them did not bounce back.
The young woman was nominated for the notorious Darwin Awards
when it became apparent that she was suffering from a
terminal case of BedHead. The poor judgment of the dearly
departed was confirmed when Prince William's police spokesman Nathaniel Probus
(40:56):
stated that the van was driven by an unlicensed driver.
Police also shared the opinion that the woman the women
were not trying to pull off some kind of stunt,
which was true enough. First off, you ain't ever catching
me get a fucking.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
Matter, Domi's getting rid of it for a reason.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
I do not want someone else's fucking juice filled, fucking matcress.
And it's not like she cleaned it. She was on
top of it, trying to hold it down. That's the
worst part of that story, right. Sixteenth November twenty fifteen.
Croatia Beaujean was a petty criminal who spent much of
(41:40):
his life in prisons. A small town crook with a
extensive dossier was marked as persistent rather than successful. For example,
death letters persistently sent to his ex girlfriend landed the
criminal mastermind in Pula to serve an eight month sentence,
(42:03):
adding to an accumulative five years already spent behind bars
during his incarceration. His behavior was so outstanding that on
a fateful Monday, the prison guards locked him in the
padded cell in solitary confinement. Little did they know the
suspect that the cool down time would leave him literally
(42:23):
more hot headed than before. The brilliant prisoner had managed
to smuggle a lighter into the rubber room. Both hands
were cuffed behind his back, but that did not prevent
our pal from retrieving the lighter and flicking. The bit
captured on video at three point thirty five pm, he
(42:45):
strikes the lighter and purposely starts a fire near the door.
The video, tactfully edited, shows the euphoria of the moment
as the rubber walls begin to light a blaze as
he nonchalantly swaggers around his tomb. The fire grows. Suddenly,
panic sets in as he realizes that suffocation is imminent.
(43:08):
What a surprise. The prison guards were really not expecting
to sell to burst into flames, and why would they.
They noticed a smoky situation too late to save the
prisoner from himself, making the case of the Charred Crook
the first prisoner death in the history of the country
at twenty five years of age. The only excellence Beaujean
(43:30):
displayed was in the manner of his demise. We recognize
his outstanding efforts with the uncoveted Darwin Awards. Better luck
next time, literally lit the entire pat Those things shouldn't
be flamable like that.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
No, what the fuck do you think was gonna happen?
What was his ultimate goal here?
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I imagine he thought, oh, light a fire. They'll have
to get me out. Get out of this place quick.
But not so much. Seventeen December twenty fourteen, Pakistan, two
corresponds in co respondents nominated the gullible volunteer to be
killed and resurrected by a holy man, and not a
(44:09):
holy man who was experienced with the procedure, but a
beginner who thought he'd give it a whirl for five years,
a popular I don't know, a popular surf sufi surfe.
It's a religious man. He had been performing miracles for villagers.
(44:33):
Now he was ready to increase the stakes to a
full resurrection, but he was not interested in reviving any
old corpse. The novice naturally preferred to breathe life back
into fresh meat, so he would put word out to
his followers that he wanted to kill and revive a
faithful man, a faithful married man, a married man with children.
(44:59):
He seemed to be stacking the deck to resurrect a
person with a strong incentive to return, a person with
no desire to linger in death, and in the grip
of the overwhelming obvious Darwin moment, forty year old Mohammed
Nayez stepped up and volunteered to be murdered the very
(45:20):
next day, lest alone anyone claimed that Mohammed was mentally ill,
which would disqualify him from his Darwin award. Please remember,
the resurrection by saint is an idea that is popular
in Christianity as well. Bible versus Matthew ten eight says
Jesus commanded his apostles healed the sick, raise the dead,
(45:42):
cleanse lepers, cast out demons, and Catholic Cathletic cath fucking
Catholic Catholetic converters. Catholic saints have been recorded as performing
the miracle of raising the dead on Tuesday. The idea
was announced on Wednesday. The follower was killed on Thursday.
(46:05):
The overly optimistic Surfy was behind bars for murder. Generally,
no Darwin award given for murder, but in this case,
the apostle volunteered for the scheme and earned his just rewards.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
Doesn't say not that it matters. Doesn't say how they.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
How they killed them? No, no, I even tried pulling
it up to see if it said what how they
killed him? But no, they probably choked him.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Can't something simple I really wanted?
Speaker 1 (46:37):
I can't stand why I can't bring it back. But
probably putting a freaking fire crackup his asshole. I mean
that seems to be the way to go.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
It's been popular tonight, so that might have been it.
So that could be something minor. I need you really
fucked up. I want to show off my powers.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
So that's my fucked up darnawards. Sorry, guys, I am
sick tonight. I have been having a freaking horrible time
getting through this, so pardon if it's even worse than normal.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Fucking Loan Wolf gonna light me up here.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Oh man, I started off the night by pukin and
this has been rough, but we will bring you one
shitty episode if we have to.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
All Right, it was a good one. We're gonna head
over to the fire pit. See you over there, guy.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
All right, so before we start a fire pit, we
already recorded a fire pit. We messed up so bad
first off, and said don't say my name, and we
said the name, and then we played the whole recording,
and then it said don't play my voice. We're gonna
reach out to that person and see if we could
(47:53):
play there. The recording was great. I know they're a
little nervous, I think to have it on, but boy
did we jack out. This has been a bad night
for we.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
We could have gotten away with not telling you guys.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
It's one on Ryan.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
You guys didn't hear us fuck up like ten times.
We're gonna go and tell you.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
Oh, they at least ten times tonight. This is just eleven.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
If you guys have any fire pits, send them to
be on the Shadows two o seven at gmail dot
com or any of our socials.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
Yeah, we're starting to run a little thin, guys, so
please get those stories into us.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Tonight's fire pit comes to us from Bruce. I figured
i'd fire fire off another story for you guys. Don't worry,
no difficult Cajun French words this time. This is less
my story and more of my mother's. But it's pretty entertaining.
But there are some dark context I have to go over. Firstly,
I have to start with a little bit of backstory.
Of backbackstory, my mother moved in with my grandparents to
(48:48):
help take care of my grandmother in the last years
of her life. The decline of her health was very
slow and very difficult to watch. Towards the end. As
a near lifelong smoker, she suffered from congestive heart failure
and COPD These two diseases both affect the lung's ability
to fill with oxygen, basically suffocating the sufferer slowly. I
(49:09):
can attest to this as I suffer from early stages
of congestive heart failure, and when I was at my worst,
I couldn't catch my breath and I genuinely thought I
was going to die. As you can imagine, it's a
pretty shitty way to die, especially when you factor in
that she was put on oxygen for several years. One day,
when my grandfather came in from mowing the grass, he
found my grandmother unresponsive and she had ripped off her oxygen.
(49:33):
She was pronounced dead when the medic arrived. My mother
still lives in this house, and I had lived there
for several years after she passed as well. Okay, enough
with the depressing shit. Let me tell you about the
type of person my grandmother was. She absolutely loved Walmart.
She spent so much time in our local Walmart that
she started helping customers, and the manager ended up offering
(49:56):
her a job as a door greader. When she wasn't working,
we would still generally at Walmart shopping. She wasn't ever
very fast, but you would turn your head and she
would have disappeared down the next aisle. She was a
lover of practical jokes and ribs. There was a story
passed around my family about a time when my great aunt,
my grandmother, and I were walking around Walmart, and at
(50:17):
her suggestion, we chased my great out and around the store,
all while I was yelling, aren't re farted over and
over in a very apparent and intentional South Carolina redneck accent.
We still laugh over this, and there are hundreds of
other stories and funny sayings just like this from the
time she passed even until today. Things will go missing
(50:39):
for months at a time, or we moved to an
obvious but completely incorrect place like a child hiding things
for a laugh, usually either before or just as we
noticed the items moved or missing. My mother, I, or
both of us would catch a whiff of my grandmother's perfume.
When my twins were born and we still lived there,
(51:00):
we will both lay in their pack and play or
cribs and talk to the air cooling giggling. There are
similar stories about all of the grandkids and great grandkids
after she passed. I can test that all of these
things wire my grandmother. Nothing scary this time, just a
story about a wonderful woman who still likes to play
pranks and loves playing with her great grandchildren.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
That's awesome, very.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
Good story, Bruce.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
Yeah, you see that. There's a lot of videos out
there little kids like reacting to something that they're just
shorts there. Yeah, but you can't see anything.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
I think they're more receptive kids.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
We've talked about that. Definitely more receptive.
Speaker 2 (51:38):
But something like a grandmother or great grandmother is obviously
super friendly. The kids aren't scared, they have no reason
to be. Yeah, absolutely, and they have no idea they're
talking to a ghost.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Great stories, man, We really appreciate it. Guys, we're getting low.
Please get some fire pits into us. Beyond the Shadows
two o seven at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
We won't say your name if you don't want to stay.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
We won't play you reco arding if we don't want
us to, and we'll try to do better on the
next of the episode. Sorry, guys, this is a rough
one for us, and we will just catch you in
the next one later. Guess
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