014- Crash Out, Not In. Stop Being the Bigger Person.

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We’re taught to keep the peace, rise above, and “be the bigger person.” But what if constantly being “bigger” is quietly breaking you? In this episode, Najwa shares a bold reframe: if you must choose between crashing out and crashing in, don’t let the crash happen inside you. Suppressed truths corrode self-esteem, confidence, and your ability to choose the right people.

Through vivid metaphors (arrows, tightropes, and the crash-out vs. crash-in analogy), Najwa names the double standards that keep you policing your reactions while others never examine their behavior. You’ll learn how to spot environments that force you out of character, why integrity eventually says “no more,” and a gentle way to expand your time with people who regulate your nervous system instead of dysregulating it.

If you’re exhausted from always holding it together while others keep pulling you down, this conversation will help you speak your truth and protect your energy—without abandoning your goodness.

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Show Notes & Timestamps

00:00 – Crash Out vs. Crash In
Why internalizing harm destroys voice, dignity, confidence, and faith in humanity.

01:12 – Stop Being the “Bigger Person”
How environments that require constant composure pump you full of unsaid truths.

02:12 – The Cost of Holding It In
What “crashing in” does to your self-esteem and how shame keeps you silent.

03:11 – Keep Harm Outside You
Arrow metaphor: either remove it (express) or bleed silently (suppress).

04:25 – Double Standards & Selective Honesty
When others never self-reflect but demand perfection from you.

06:36 – The Trap of “Unbothered”
How you were taught that your reaction—not their behavior—is the shameful thing.

07:41 – Having to Teach Basic Decency
The sadness of explaining respect to people who won’t extend it.

08:57 – The Tightrope
Being forced to balance while others push and provoke (and why you eventually snap).

11:02 – The Aftermath: Exhaustion & Isolation
Why being “bigger” leaves you drained for the people who actually love you.

12:29 – “Good Person” Cage
How quiet kindness becomes something manipulators bank on.

13:38 – A Gentle First Step
Spend one hour with someone who regulates your nervous system; body check-in practice.

16:44 – Subtle Humbling
How silence after your good news is a tell.

18:47 – Energy Economics
One draining hour vs. one nourishing hour—and the 23-hour ripple effect.

20:17 – Manufactured Overreaction
They push until you break, then call it “too much.”

21:16 – When Integrity Says “No More”
The moment you stop self-abandoning and speak.

24:10 – Journal Prompt
“If my integrity spoke freely today, what would it say and do?”

25:14 – The Ceiling They Create
Why constant “bigger person” mode keeps you stuck at survival level.

26:34 – Mind Platter, p. 6: “Stay True to Yourself”
On not chasing people’s views; confidence in your intentions.

27:34 – Real Change Comes From Within
Affirmation of self-led transformation.

27:58 – Words That Found Me (Unknown Author)
“This is not being the bigger person… it’s suppression.”

28:48 – Final Reframe
If you must choose, crash out—not in. Speaking truth is not being “smaller”; it’s honoring your worth.