Honesty, Part I: Self-Deception + Dishonesty Within

Episode Transcript
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George B. Thomas (00:03):
When you set aside a regular time for self
reflection, you can use thattime to think about your goals.
More importantly, maybe yourvalues and maybe even more
importantly than that, thebehaviors and find out are your
behaviors actually matching yourvalues and your goals and where
you're trying to get. Anyway, asyourself kind of like ask

(00:25):
questions like, what are my corevalues or what do I want to
achieve in the next year?Getting these focuses can kind
of help you align your actionswith your true self. I'm
purposely pausing there becauseI feel like there are people out
there who have the self thatthey show everybody, and they

(00:46):
have the self that is them.
And too many times we've easilyfallen into this lying to
ourself or this self deceptionthat you're showing up 80, 70,
95 percent of the time as theself you think they want instead
of the self that you are.

Liz Moorehead (01:06):
Welcome back to Beyond Your Defaults. I'm your
host, Liz Morehead. And asalways, I'm joined by George b
Thomas. George, how are you thismorning?

I'm doing good, Liz. How are you doing?

I'm doing great. Let's go right into low lights
and highlights from the weekend.

Okay. I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start.
Liz is like, no BS today. We'rejust gonna get right into it.

Well, I was about to sit here and start telling a
story. I'm like, but wait.That's your highlight.

Yeah. You should probably just get into
it.

We're just gonna roll right into it. So my
highlight from the weekend,George, I didn't have to see
anybody this weekend. I had

no plans. No human interaction?

No. Well, I saw some humans, but there was no,
like, Liz, you have to be here.Liz, you gotta go do this thing.
Because the weekend prior wasreally fun, but I had spent most
of my time seeing other people,getting other stuff done, and it
was, you know, it was good, butit was a travel weekend. And
then this weekend was justquiet.
Formula 1 was back. Got to watchthat and made myself a little

(02:02):
breakfast in bed. A littlesmoked salmon, a little mango.

Oh. It was just overall. Too.

I know. I've been watching you with your new
healthy recipes, and I actuallyended up taking a try at one of
those, like, bean bowls.

Yes. Yeah. Super good. Yes.

But, yeah, overall, my highlight is just
silence and chilling out.

It's a good highlight.

Low light, I twisted my ankle. Oh, no. I
know. It's not too bad. It's notsprained or anything.

Right.

But I used to have a really good working out
routine when I lived inConnecticut because of the way
my office was situated and alsothe fact that it was cooler
weather. Now we are under a heatadvisory. I've been doing a lot
of work stuff, and I was gonnause this weekend to really kind
of get back into my routines. SoI go to the gym and what do I do
the first thing on the track?Tweak my ankle.

(02:54):
Okay. Do you ever have that,George, where you're feeling so
pumped to get a new habitstarted or to restart a habit

Oh, yeah.

Or something like that, and then right out of the
gate, like, and you gotta sityour butt down.

Yeah.

That was me. So I'm fine. I'm not injured. I
didn't have to go anywhere, butit's just a little bit of, oh,
when I'm walking around thismorning. So that's fine.

Alright. I'll jump into mine. So a couple
highlights, actually. So one, Ihave to mention that one of my
nephews came into town, and sohe was gonna go to a concert,
but he stayed at our house, wentto the concert. And, actually,
he's still here, maybe sleeping.
But getting to see him, and wetook him, my girls, my wife out

(03:34):
to mister Tokyo's, which is anall you can eat sushi place. By
the way, if you're a guy who'strying to eat healthy, a sushi
place is a really great place togo. I had miso soup. I had crab
salad. I had this avocado, like,crab sushi roll.
I didn't eat the rice. I ate theinsides of the thing. And then I

(03:55):
had a veggie only hibachi.Again, didn't eat the rice, but
ate the veggies. And I just waslike, oh, this is the most
amazing place to go and actuallybe able to eat healthy.
Even tried a little seaweedsalad. Oh. I'm not a big fan. I
ate half of it, but I'm like,oh, maybe not. I'm kinda going
nerdy with this healthy thing,but I don't know if I'm that

(04:15):
level of nerdiness on thishealthy thing.
But who knows? We'll see. That'sa highlight. But another
highlight is and by the way,this highlight is based off of a
low light. I went to the storeand I was picking up, like,
normal stuff, you know, likeshampoo, soap, deodorant,
toothpaste, you know, hygienestuff.
And I stopped by this aisle thathad these, like, cushion inserts

(04:37):
for your shoes, which I've neverreally, like, bought extra
cushion because I figured myshoes come with cushion and why
would I? But I was like, okay. Ineed to do something, so I'm
gonna buy this cushion thingthat goes in my shoes. And
immediately when I put them inmy shoes, I was like, oh my god.
I'm walking on air.
This is amazing. I will probablycontinue to buy these for the

(05:00):
rest of my life and add these tomy shoes. But this highlight is
based off of a low light. Nowit's funny because, Liz, you and
I both have alluded to mychanging of eating. And the fact
that I went from, like, 311 downpast 290, and now I'm in the 2
eighties over the last 30 days.
And my body feels great, by theway. I don't feel any

(05:22):
inflammation. My arthritis justdoesn't seem to be acting up,
but dank on it. I have this leftheel that feels like somebody
is, like, sticking a steak knifeinto my heel, and it'll come and
go. It'll, like if I'm walkingaround or if, like, I take a,
you know, hot shower orwhatever, then it it doesn't

(05:43):
hurt.
But, like, if I sit for a longperiod time or if I stand for,
like, too long in one place, allof a sudden that heal, and I'm
like, okay. Fasciitis? What? Didyou just speak English? I don't
even know what that is.

You may wanna go get this checked out, but I had
it. It's something calledplantar fasciitis, which is it
sounds horrifying. It's not.It's just like a weird thing in
your foot where, like I can'tremember if it's like a muscle
knot or something like that, butit's like a big painful shooting
pain and I have to be reallycareful if I've been sitting for
too long or something like that.Yeah.
It's probably Okay.

So I need to go get this checked out, but
walking on air and giving extracushion has been helping. But
here's what's frustrating to meis dank on it. I'm, again, kind
of like you're, like, twistedankle. I'm doing everything I
can to not be in pain. The waythat I'm eating, the way that
I'm moving, the way and

So of course. Of course. This

and I'm like, really? Can I just have a time
where anyway, so that's the

whole brother gotta do to stay healthy?

Right. Like

You're like, lord, I'm eating all the beans,
man. What's going on? Can wework something out?

And what's funny is I'm not doing this to
lose the weight. I just happento be losing the weight. My
literal goal, and I've toldpeople this, I'm just trying to
live a life where I'm not inpain.

Oh, I immediately started losing weight the moment
I stopped trying to lose weight.

That's the whole thing that's wild about
it. Yeah. And so it's like it'salmost like God is jokingly be
like, oh, yeah. You can livewithout, like, 90% pain, but
here you go. And I'm like Yep.
Come on.

I'm sending it to you now. Plantar fasciitis is
the inflammation of a certaintype of tissue in your foot

Well, that would be

happens with overuse and some other things.

Look at you using the word that I absolutely
have come to hate, inflammation

of tissue. I know. I'm here to help. No.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

This week's topic, I am so excited. I know I
say this about a lot of topics,but you could probably tell from
my notes, Liz has some feelingsabout this issue.

Well, what's funny is not only do you have
feelings, but you're like, Ithink this should be 2 episodes
before we even got here. And Iwas like, I'm down with that.
And then when I started to do myresearch, I'm like, shoot. This
episode could probably be 2episodes, and the episode after
this could probably be 2episodes.

I think we're gonna have to have this
conversation about each parttwice.

Yeah. We're gonna see where

this ends up. Yeah. Because this week, ladies
and gentlemen, we are talkingabout honesty, specifically self
deception and dishonesty thatmanifests from within. So when
we lie to ourselves, when we aredishonest with ourselves.
Because in our last episode,George, we went through the
superhuman framework, which issomething that enables us to all

(08:27):
live a life beyond our default.
Right?

Yep.

And for those who haven't listened to the episode
yet, I strongly encourage you goback and listen to it. We talked
about honesty as one of the coreten pillars of this superhuman
framework. Now what'sinteresting about this
discussion is that you pointedto 2 types of honesty.

Yeah.

Because when you initially brought it up, of
course, be honest. Don't letpeople that have integrity.

You know, like Yeah. Duh. There are no duhs of
it. Yeah.

It's like, yes, George. Wow.

Earth shattering. Mind breaking.

It's just like when I saw it on the list, it
was like, of course, it's there.But you went out of your way,
and you kind of did it in a verynot sneaky way, but you just
kinda slid it in there.

Oh, yeah.

There's also the challenge of being honest with
ourselves. You just kind of likea quick throw of whale. Excuse
me, sir? What was that drive by?

Yeah.

Sir, we need to come back

Shot shot.

And have a cup. I know. And you talked about how
hard it can be to face one's ownweaknesses, our own limitations,
that you really need to pushyourself to be self reflective.
So with that in mind, we arekicking off the 2 part initial
conversation about honesty,starting with our relationship
that we have with ourselvesabout honesty and self

(09:40):
deception. You excited?

I yes. This is no. I am I am excited. It's just
my goal by the way, in manythings that I do outside of this
professional growth podcast, Ilive by this philosophy of
simplify the complex. This couldquickly become a complex
conversation, and I'm trying togo at this, especially this

(10:03):
first episode, in a kind ofsimplified way, but a very, no
pun intended, honest way.
The reason I did that drive by,the reason I slid it in is
because I have historicallycaught myself doing this. And
well, anyway, we'll get into it.

We're gonna get into it right now. In fact, I
wanna start by asking you, inwhat ways have you observed or
experienced personally withyourself? How self deception can
manifest or rehab in our lives.

I'm gonna get to your question in one second.

Of course.

Yeah.

You know what? There's On every podcast,
George, you little rule breaker.I know. Go ahead.

And we'll make sure we put this in the show
notes. I've Slacked Liz, and I'mlike, o m g, mind blown.

I watched it.

On this piece of content.

Mhmm.

And so I wanna start out with The Brothers
Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky.Dostoevsky. Yeah. Which, by the
way, is not the easiest ofeither of those names to say,
but that's not the importantpart. The important part is that
you remember what was written,and that is above all, don't lie
to yourself.
The man who lies to himself andlistens to his own lie comes to

(11:11):
a point that he cannotdistinguish the truth within him
or around him, and so loses allrespect for himself and for
others. And having no respect,he ceases to love. Now if you
have to rewind that and listento that again, I want you to
just realize there's some realkey concepts there, and

(11:33):
especially when I think about mylife and the life that I've
lived and the stories that we'vebeen telling on this podcast.
And so when I heard the wordstruth within or around, I was
like, oh, like, that's reallypowerful because we should be
focused on the reality in whichwe're living, but understand

(11:54):
that our reality is alwayschanging minute by minute,
second by second, day by day. Wehave this thing that we lean
into where knowledge is truth,but knowledge is not truth.
Knowledge can be true, but it'snot truth because everything's
always changing. It was trueonce, but it doesn't mean it's

(12:14):
true now. And we're just nothistorically good at, like,
drawing a line between those 2.The other one where it says in
there respect oneself, I canimagine living a life where you
don't respect yourself. Becausethe younger George, I lived a
life where I didn't respect whoI was, how I was showing up.

(12:36):
So I understand that, and I'mlike, oh my god. That's the dark
side. Like, that's respectingmyself is one of the things that
I've been running towards, andthis lack of respect for who I
am and what I'm doing and howI'm showing is what I've been
running away from. But, Liz, ifand I've said this several times
in the podcast, like and outsideof this podcast, by the way. Why

(12:57):
do you do what you do?
Why do you show up the way youshow up? What is your, like,
underlying main core concept?And that is love. Love yourself,
love others. And so the factthat this ended with you lose,
you cease to love, I'm like thatlike a shocking punch in the
face to me of, like, oh my god.

(13:18):
And and the reason I think it'sthis shocking, like, punch in
the face is because I realizehow easy it is to lie to
yourself. And once you startthat pattern, how easy that can
become you because you'repracticing that pattern.

You know what's interesting? He also has another
quote, Dostoevsky. ThoseRussians, man, barrel elapse.
I'm telling you. Big rays ofsunshine just walking around,
particularly those Russianauthors.

Yeah.

But Dostoevsky also said lying to ourselves is
more deeply ingrained than lyingto others. So the idea of self
deception and self dishonesty isnot only terrifying in terms of
its consequences, we're almostprogrammed that way, at least
according to mister sunshine.

Right. Well, I and I don't disagree with what
you're saying. And so here's thething. Again, if we start to put
the pieces of the puzzletogether of this podcast and of
my life and of things that Italk about, I talk about a great
master is always the beststudent. And what's funny is
when I heard this, I went to, ohmy gosh.
This is actually how for me,I've tried to divine the line

(14:24):
between truth and true andversus knowledge being truth,
but knowledge or truth beingtrue at some point is that the
master is always learningbecause they're being the
student in life. This was, like,part of the, I wanna research
this. I wanna dig in more so Ican add a layer on top of my own
thought. I immediately was like,oh, god. This whole topic is

(14:46):
gonna be crazy.
So let me back up and go backinto your question. And what
ways have I observed orexperienced with myself how self
deception can manifest? And yousaid wreck havoc in in our
lives, in my lives. And so Idon't know if the listener's
going to connect with this. Ifeel like maybe many will.

(15:08):
Some might not have the sameproblems, but immediately when
you ask that question, Liz, Ithink of I'm weak. I'm not
worthy. I'm unwanted. I'm aloser. I don't belong here.
I'm stuck. Oh my god. I'veruined my life. The problem with
the way that we lie to ourselvesor at least that I lie to myself

(15:30):
is that it usually createseither a toxic mental pit that
is then easy to, like, getflowing in this downward spiral,
or it might sound like somethinglike this. I'm awesome.
I'm the man. I've arrived.They're lucky I'm here. Right?
And so the other side of thiscoin is it throws me into a

(15:53):
journey ripe with ego takingover my brain and who I'm
actually showing.
Even worse, we don't capture thefact that on both sides of these
that in my case, I'm lying tomyself. Or if you connect with
this listeners or Liz thatyou're lying to yourself. And I

(16:14):
love this quote by PeterShepherd that you put into our
show notes. The one that is selfawareness doesn't stop you from
making mistakes. It allows youto learn from them, and that's
the thing.
What I've had to figure out withself awareness, especially
around this topic of selfhonesty is watching out for

(16:34):
those two pillars of this toxic,easy to flow down, negative, or
this, like, hyper uplifting,egotistical, narcissistic side,
and how can I spend time flowingbetween those in a more balanced
way? The thing is, Liz, selfdeception can mess with your

(16:56):
head. When you tell yourselvesthese negative lies, you start
to believe them. Again, if yourun a narrative long enough in
your own mind, it becomes trutheven though it's not true. And
so you start to believe this.
You begin to see everythingthrough this dark distorted
lens, and it becomes almost selffulfilling prophecy. And I've

(17:20):
seen people who get in this modewhere it's like, it's just this
is what happens to me. This ismy life. And many times, I'll
look at myself when I get intothat mode, or I'll look at
others and I'll be like, yo, thebest thing you can do right now
is just get the hell out of yourown way. Like, get out of your
own way because your mind is,like, creating this false
reality that you believe isreal.

(17:41):
You see it as truth, but it'sbecause your energy is flowing
on it. Tony Robbins, he did ainterview. I think it was with
Lewis Howes, I think, if memoryserves me correct. And he said,
I want you to look foreverything brown that you can
see in the room that we're in.And he could name things that
were brown, and then he askedhim to see things that were red.

(18:02):
And he'd okay. So but then theytalked about how he even made
some things that were beige bebrown, and some things that were
maroon be red just so he couldwin. Our brain is always trying
to, like, make us see the thingsin a way and it might not be
truth, but we'll lie to ourselfand make it true so that we can
get the outcome that we'relooking for. And so we're

(18:22):
convincing, ourself or yourselfthat you're, in a couple
different ways not good enough,that you can't achieve your
goals, that you're a failurebecause you've even tried to do
the thing. And this negativeself talk can paralyze you,
making you afraid to step out ofyour comfort zone and take
risks.
And so, again, truth not beingtrue becomes the hurdle mentally

(18:46):
for you as you're trying to moveforward down this road. It's
like a mental pit of quicksandthat slowly pulls you deeper and
deeper until you feel completelystuck. And for anyone listening
to this podcast and trying tolive a life beyond their default
or your default, being paralyzedand in quicksand, ladies and

(19:07):
gentlemen, it's not where wewanna be. Right? And so that's
the negative side for me.
On the flip side, self deceptioncan also pump up your ego. Pump
it up. I, like, wanna startsinging, but I'm not going to.
And when I say pump it up, Idon't mean in a good way. I
mean, unhealthy levels.
By the way, we went deep intothis. If you want more on that
topic of, like, the idea of ego,then you need to listen to

(19:30):
episode 13 where we talk aboutgood ego versus bad ego, what to
do when you get too big for yourbritches, and they're done that.
By the way, I think that's maybeone of our it's pretty stinking
powerful. I think it might beone of our most in the top 10 of
powerful, like, podcast episodesthat we did. But when you let
this side of that coin grow, youstart believing that you're

(19:51):
invincible, that you've goteverything figured out, and that
everyone else should be gratefuljust to be in the presence of
you.
And while confidence is great,this inflated self view can
blind us to our weaknesses andprevent us from growing. And
listen, if you're listening tothis podcast, it's literally

(20:11):
beyond your default. It is apersonal growth podcast. If you
are blind to your weaknesses andyou're preventing yourself from
growing, then frankly, you'rewasting your time even listening
to this podcast, because you'reprobably lying about the things
that you need to truly hear fromthe things that we're saying.
Anyway, it can make you dismissvaluable feedback.
It helps tremendously in a badway alienate those around you,

(20:36):
and ultimately, it can lead toyour downfall. And listen, when
reality finally kicks in andhits you, this is why all of a
sudden you're like, man, whydidn't life kick me in my beep?
Because you were ignoringreality for so long on one of
these sides. So whether you'respiraling down or you're riding
high on a cloud of selfdeception, neither extreme is

(20:59):
healthy or sustainable, and Ihave found these two things that
end up happening. You end upwith a distorted self perception
of yourself or maybe it's evensomething where you have this
realization of unhealthybehaviors.
And we can talk about those,deeper if we want or we continue

(21:21):
to move on, but those are 2things that we should be kinda
looking at and thinking about.

I love that. I have a lot of thoughts. Number
1, for a little while there, Ithought you were just quoting
Radiohead lyrics. You know, I'ma freak. I'm a weirdo.
Yeah. I'm also by the way.Always going to be here always
going to be here for a pump itup Joe Budden reference because
that if you think I'm not nowseriously considering putting
Fast and Furious on in thebackground while I do work today

Pump, pump, pump it up. Yeah.

You clearly read my newsletter that went out
yesterday morning. Maybe.Beondre beondre
default.comforward/newsletter.But let's move beyond that. Go
subscribe.
Go subscribe. A lot of what yousaid really resonated with me.
And I always find these types ofquestions interesting because
you and I will look at the exactsame question and then just go

(22:11):
in completely different

directions. Directions. Yeah.

Now this may be somewhat inspired by some of the
work I've been really focusingon personally in my life, but
I'm gonna pull back the curtaina little bit on how I write our
newsletter. Yeah. Because whatwill happen is usually I'll just
be walking or somebody will saysomething and and then all of a
sudden, the little brain machinestarts going. It's like, where's
my phone? Gotta grab it.
And I'll just start franticallytyping into my notes app.
Because you said something aboutthat light bulb moment when you

(22:37):
start to realize what's actuallygoing on. I had one of those
this weekend.

Mhmm.

And it inspired a little bit of writing, which is
there's a moment when yourealize the reason you are
confused is because you aresetting the conditions only for
confusion to be possible. Youare enabling confusion around
you. You are waiting for answersto come to you instead of just
going out and getting them. Soask yourself, why are you
confused? Is it because youprefer the safety and insulation

(23:01):
that comes with living within acloud of confusion where all
possibilities are still, well,possible?
Or is there something you shouldbe doing about it? And so when I
think about self deception anddishonesty, the way I often see
it manifest in my life is, yes.A lot of the things that you
touched on. Right? The thenegative self talk, the stories
that we tell ourselves, thosebeliefs that then inform our

(23:24):
thoughts, that then inform ouractions, which is how we
manifest either positively ornegatively what our life looks
like.
Right? Because there are twosides to that. You can tell
yourself negative stories, whichcreate negative thoughts, which
create negative outcomes, or youcan tell yourself positive
stories that create positivethoughts, that create positive
outcomes. But when I think aboutself deception, honestly, I've

(23:46):
often run into it the mostsituationally in addition to
that. You know, what is actuallyhappening in a situation?
Right? Like, one of the things Ilike to say is feelings aren't
facts unless they are. Butusually what will happen is, for
example, let's say I have adisagreement with somebody. I
first need to understand, okay,what are the facts of the
situation? What actuallyhappened?

(24:07):
What was actually said betweenus? And then I have my feelings
in a separate spot over like tothe left of the facts. And then
my goal is to figure out, okay,are the feelings I'm having
right now about the facts in thesame spot as the facts? You know
what I mean? Like, am I feelingappropriately given what
occurred?
Or are my feelings on anotherplanet right now, light years

(24:29):
from where the facts of thesituation are? If so, what are
my feelings trying to tell meand I need to pull those
feelings back closer to reality.That's the only time I start
feeling good about having aconversation about something
that I'm not happy about. Butoften I will find myself in
these weird kind of disconnectedmoments where I'm either leaning

(24:50):
too heavily into my feelings andintuitively experiencing an
experience, which is colored bynegative stories, negative self
talk, perceiving the absoluteworst possible meaning in what
somebody was saying to me aboutsomething, and then I'll create
imagined crises in my head.That's usually the big way I see
myself really struggling withthis, is that I'll have an

(25:12):
improper or incorrect view onthe situation, be absolutely
assured of my rightness in that,and then become paralyzed and
stuck with fear because it'salready too late or I don't know
how to move forward or it's animagined crisis that doesn't
even exist.

It's so interesting, Liz. When you were
talking about that, you unlockedsomething in my brain, which I
immediately started typing downbecause I didn't wanna lose it.
Based on what you were saying,my brain went to this. What are
the facts? Question mark.
What are my feelings? Questionmark. What are the fears driving

(25:52):
those feelings? Question mark.What do I need to forget?
Question mark. What do I need tofoster? Question mark. How do I
forge ahead? Question mark.
Putting things that happen insome type of rubrics like that,
I think, will help alleviatesome of the times that we easily
do what we're talking abouttoday, which is just self

(26:13):
deception. Flat out.

Oh, yeah. It's one of the things that over the
past year I've worked reallyhard at specifically is saying,
okay. There are the facts of asituation and then there are the
feelings we have about the factsof a situation. How in alignment
are they? And sometimes yourfeelings and your facts are
gonna be well in alignment.
I perceived him being abutthead. He was in fact a
butthead. I don't feel greatabout him being a butthead.

(26:36):
We're going to talk about it.And then other times, it's the
facts are kind of innocuous.
Sure you kind of disagreed, yourfeelings are on another planet,
Liz.

Yeah.

What is that trying to tell you? What did
that trigger within you? What isthe deeper conversation you need
to either have with yourself orthem or whatever it is? There
are 2 other ways that I see thisreally show up as well, and I
see this a lot in my coaching.And we've talked about your
experience with this.
Right? Which is we have a verystrict idea of either what
identity our identity is or whatwill be tolerated by the public

(27:10):
when it comes to our identity.So for example, right now I'm
working with a new contentmanager who's young, just a
couple years out of college,super sweet girl, super nice,
helping her out just as a favorto a friend. And what's been
interesting is I've watched over3 weeks her writing skyrocket.
Like, she literally sounds likea fundamentally different

(27:30):
person, and she didn't change.
I just was a verbal permissionslip to her like, you don't have
to sound like that. Whateverthis weirdness is right now, I
love this. You can be this. Youcan do this. Come out.
Say it. Say the quiet parts outloud. And her writing changed
immediately. In fact, from week0 to week 1, she created a new

(27:50):
draft. And the friend of minewho asked me talk with her said,
woah.
Okay. This worked. I'm like, oh,god. I hope so you went through
this training too, dude. It wasfunny in that way.
So there's this self deceptionabout identity. Sometimes it's a
matter of we growing up folks.Sometimes you only find out who
you are by getting to know whoyou are through circumstance,
time, life. Like, there's thatpiece of it. But then there's

(28:11):
the self deception of, oh, Ican't be this way out loud.
Well, I can't say those partsout loud. I can't do that out.
Yes. You can. In fact, thereason why you feel so much
friction in your life is becauseyou are exerting more effort to
bring yourself 5 to 20% dimmerto make yourself more palatable.
You don't actually have to learna new skill, you just need to
stop doing something that isn'tmaking you exert too much

(28:32):
energy. Fun fact. The last thingis something I have written
about quite a bit. It has beenthe drum that has caused most of
my friends to say, please stoppersonally attacking me every
week in your newsletter,sometimes twice a week if I'm
feeling spicy. And that isgetting really honest with what
you want and what you don'twant.
In fact, there is a practice Ishared earlier this week that is

(28:54):
based off of a quote from ErnestHemingway that is really
actually, it's advice forwriter's block. That's where it
came from. And it says write onetrue sentence. Write the truest
sentence you know. And sosometimes when I'm feeling stuck
about a situation where I know asituation has now become a
situation, my inner cupcakealarms are going off, everything

(29:15):
in my body is saying alert,There is a call coming from
inside the house.
Fire fire fire but I don'tunderstand what's going on. I do
not understand what's going on.I don't know if it's a feeling.
I don't know if it's a fact. I Ijust know that the situation has
now reached a critical masswhere it must be addressed
because it's taking up too muchoxygen, too much energy.
I will sit down and I will askmyself, what is the most one

(29:37):
true sentence I know about thissituation? I don't try to figure
it out, I just try to think ofthe one thing that comes to mind
that makes me immediately saythat is the truth. And I've
gotten some really interestingoutputs from that.

So

those are my thoughts. I see your brain has
been cranking as I've beentalking.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, boy. Okay. What you got?

No. No. We'll just move on. But there's
definitely, again, we'llprobably have a part 2 to this
part 1 of the other part 2 thatwe'll anyway. So The

part 1 to the part 2 to the part 1?

Yeah. Yeah.

Alright. Well, let's get a little personal
then. Yeah. We've touched uponthis a little bit already. How
have you specifically struggledwith self deception and honesty
in your life?

I hate this question.

It loves you too, George.

Yeah. I've always told myself the one demon
that I couldn't beat was myweight. Things like I'm just big
boned even, oh, god made me thisway. Because this is a episode
on honesty, if I'm going to behonest, chips, ice cream, and
hamburgers made me this way. Notgod.

(30:39):
Not getting up and moving mybutt made me this way. And so if
I stick to this conversation 2years ago when I had lost £79, a
friend and I both lied toourselves and said, we're gonna
take a break for Thanksgivingand Christmas. What's funny is I
knew we were lying to ourselfeven though we were lying to

(31:01):
ourself. It was this thing of,like, I subconsciously looking
back at it realize I think Iwant it off the hook, but I
didn't really want off the hook.It was reverse accountability.
We were both like, screw it. Butin hindsight for me personally,
it was like I was asking thedemon I had been fighting and

(31:21):
winning against to come backinto my life and wreck complete
havoc, which, by the way, endedup me in the hospital again
because we all know whathappened. I had a plan until I
didn't. Listen to that episodeif you're curious about what
that means. But, again, to bevery honest, historically, it's
been easy for me to fall prey tothis or any conversation around

(31:44):
being healthy, losing weight,watching what I'm eating,
watching the amount I'm moving.
Oh, one cookie won't hurt. Oh,it's just a small bowl of chips.
The other thing too that I thinkis easy to fall prey to is if
you live in a world where it'salways their fault. Oh, well,

(32:06):
I'm sitting on this couchsmoking this joint, have drank
those 12 beers because my mathteacher told me I'd never amount
to anything. Oh, you know what?
I'm divorced because I had aroad map before me in my family
tree that showed me that it wassee, here's the thing. If it's

(32:26):
always their fault, then I bythe way, listeners, if you're
connecting with this you, butI'll just say, I have no reason
to grow. They should be the onegrowing. It's their fault. It's
not mine.
Liz, but also listeners, I haveto ask, in life now or
historically, are you lying yourway to staying small in life?

A 100%. Absolutely.

I have absolutely lied my way away from
places I should go and intoplaces I should have stayed away
from in the effort to be safebut small. I've had this
throughout my entire personaljourney. My entire personal
journey where I've done this.And I've done it less for the
last 2 years as far as, like,it's their fault versus, like,

(33:15):
owning it and not giving myselfthat permission slip. I've
battled more with, obviously,everybody knows the weight and
the exercise over the last 2years.
It's very interesting to me toowhen we're having this very
honest conversation. The amountthat I've been working on my
brain to which the lack Iactually paid attention to my
body, and therefore, the, like,looking for the need for how do

(33:38):
I balance both of those. Like,how do I work on my brain and my
body at

this point? Literally only a few months ago
going, self care, what's that?That's for women. Like

I don't need none of that. There's anyway,
Liz, I'm gonna get off the hotseat. What about you personally?
Let's hear, like, how have youdealt with this over the years?

What are you talking about? I'm a perfect
angel.

Oh, yeah. Okay. That section's over. Let's
move on then.

No. No. Let's take a flashback to last week
when you and I were in ourevolved leadership group.

Yeah.

And it was all about the ways in which we self
sabotage because you you saidsomething here that just
triggered something that Iactually didn't even have on my
list of what I was gonna betalking about today. But this is
what makes this conversation soimportant because it's a death
by paper cut situation, ladiesand gentlemen. It's the little
insidious ways that we allow wewe've programmed ourselves to

(34:31):
fall into these mental andhabitual groups of how we live
our lives based on these littlelies we've told ourselves. I've
noticed recently, we've talkedabout this, like, I'm really
starting to level up in a lot ofdifferent ways. I'm finally
starting to put myself outthere.
I'm really starting to commitmyself to you know, I have
become a little slashing andburning expert. I'm devoting my

(34:51):
energy to this. This is out. AndI actually had an argument with
a friend of mine recently thatI'm gonna get to about this in
just a minute saying, you can'tjust decide. It's like, well,
that's really funny, friend,because that just effing did.
Look at that. It is possible.But when we were having

this converse switch. Yeah.

We were having this conversation during our
evolved leadership group lastweek. Your conversation just now
reminded me of one of the lotbiggest lies I've been telling
myself because I've beennoticing as I'm starting to move
up, I'm feeling more friction.Right? I'm becoming that
lobster. Lobster shells don'tgrow with them.
They have to periodically break,they go under a rock, they break
out of them like Hulk and thengrow a new one. It's an

(35:31):
incredibly vulnerable painfulprocess. And if they were human
beings, we just pump them fullof Percocets and be like, it's
gonna be okay. Just like laydown for a little bit, you know.
So I realized I was starting toget to that point.
But, of course, leading up tothat, I'm like, why does this
hurt so much? Why are thingssuddenly getting harder? Why am
I suddenly more afraid? I'mgetting everything that I want.
I'm getting everything that Iwant.

(35:52):
And then finally, Angus Nelson,who is leading this
conversation, challenges us tosay, what is one belief that is
leading to your self sabotage?And I don't know what possessed
me to say it out loud, but Idid, but I dropped into the
chat. I have made so manymistakes and I have hurt so many
people. Not intentionally. Like,I don't go out into the world
being like, f you guys.
Right. But I was living a lifenot beyond my default. I was

(36:15):
living in a fear based prison,making a lot of fear based
choices. And when that happens,people get hurt. I've apologized
to these people.
I've worked hard to make amends,but I had the big fear of
someone's gonna look at me beingsuccessful and say I don't
deserve it, and maybe they'reright. And that was the

(36:36):
permission slip I had givenmyself to stay small, to
continue to engage in selfsabotaging practices. Because
I've noticed I'm now in a spacein my life right now,
particularly in the past fewmonths where I am genuinely
getting everything I want. Andit's not that I'm slipping, but
I'm not as dialed in. I'm not asthere.

(36:57):
And it's because I'm trying toprotect myself. And so I've been
trying to run at this particulararea of self deception in my
life, particularly over the pastfew weeks. It's why I keep
writing about it. It's why Ikeep talking about it. You know
how some people processinternally?
I don't do that. I write. If youwould like to know how I'm
doing, just read the newsletter.That's usually a pretty big

(37:18):
clear indication. I'm alwayscurious.
You and I will have to talk oneday. Like, sometimes an issue
will disappear and be like, oh,so that's Liz, are you well?
How's it going? Is this a cryfor help?

Right.

The other thing I will say is I had an experience
over the weekend that reallyexemplifies what I was talking
about earlier for me in terms ofhow I struggle with self
deception. That little pieceabout confusion that I wrote is
based on a real true Hollywoodstory. I was on a conversation
with a friend of mine and I wasreally upset about something
that had happened the weekprior. Like, really I was

(37:49):
crying. I was upset.
I had had a conversation withsomeone in which I didn't
understand what was happening. Ifelt like I felt like I had
triggered something and I didn'thave all the facts of the
situation, and I kind of endedup on the receiving end of
stuff. I don't know how toexplain it. I don't know. But
I'm gonna go find out.
Because what was interesting isa friend of mine said, well,

(38:11):
what happened? And I said, well,I'm still not quite sure. And he
said, well, can you just justtell me the facts? Don't try to
editorialize. Just take methrough the conversation.
And periodically, he would justgo, well, that's not okay. Okay.
That's not okay either. Thisdoesn't make any sense. I'm
like, uh-huh.
He said, how long did this go onfor? And I said, about an hour.
And he said, what? Liz, I knowyou. How did this person get 5

(38:33):
minutes beyond what they weredoing without you telling them
politely but directly to go tohell and then leaving?
And I said, it's because it's soand so. Probably if it were
somebody else, yes. But becauseit's so and so, I'm not gonna do
that. He said you're gonna callme in 2 days because you're
clearly still processing, butI'm gonna put it on your
calendar. You're going to callme in 2 days, and you're gonna

(38:53):
tell me everything that waswrong with what you just said.

Interesting.

I called him back, and I said, I know you
expected me to come on here andtell you the thing I said wrong
is that I'm making an exceptionfor this person. I agree and
disagree with you. I am finewith having made an exception
with this person, but I amclearly at a point where I need
to go have a conversation.Because I would not go back and
have a do over where I wouldjust say go to hell and leave. I

(39:19):
probably would have handled alot of things differently, but I
need to now go have aconversation because I had
allowed confusion to become anorm in this particular
circumstance.

Mhmm.

Because I had a fear I was lying to myself. It
wasn't that I was being kind. Itwasn't that I was trying to, you
know, whatever or you know, itwas because I was afraid, well,
what will happen? If I actuallystand up for myself the way I
want to stand up for myself,what am I gonna find out? And so
I realized I had been choosingcomfort over clarity in this

(39:51):
particular connection.
But the thing is is that I don'tthink either of us are doing
very well with the confusionthat has been kind of become a
norm between us. I don't thinkeither of us are doing really
great with it because I'veallowed it to persist, because I
have turned off the switcheswhere I typically go out and
say, hi. We're gonna have aconversation. So you know what I
did? George, you would be soproud.

(40:12):
Friday night, I sent a text, andI said, I promised I would
always be direct and honest whenI'm not happy. So this is me
saying I'm not happy. In fact,I'm quite hurt and confused.
Please let me know at yourearliest convenience when we can
meet in person. I'm happy towork around your schedule.
We need to talk, but we're goingto do this face to face. So we
will be talking next weekend. Sothere's it's an interesting

wait. I can't wait for, like, the part 2 of
that. Like, what the heck?That's a cliffhanger right
there.

Oh, yeah.

But, Liz, what's funny is, you know how
we're starting to put togetherquotes, and we're gonna do,
like, some graphics with quotesof things that people say? I
literally jotted down a note.Comfortable confusion over
clarity based on my fears, LizMorehead.

Oh, yeah.

How many people live in that space? I'd
rather have comfortableconfusion than clarity in my
life because I'm afraid of x yz, a, b, c, or 123.

Oh, yeah. It was that moment of, oh, the call is
actually coming from inside thehouse. Yeah. I have set the
conditions for confusions tobecome the norm. We talk a lot
about defaults not being good.
Some of them are good. Mydefault is to run at something.
My default is to point atsomething and say, hi. Excuse
me. What is this?
And I wasn't doing it because Ihave a fear around whatever this

(41:27):
is, and so we're gonna have aconversation about it. And I
personally am also veryinterested to see where it goes.
Because what's funny to me isonce you start doing the things
you said you never were going todo, life starts getting really
interesting. Life starts gettingreally interesting.

Mhmm.

Because I'm sitting here going, like, if you
flip that switch in one area ofyour life, I turned on one light
in this particular conversationthat unrolled over the past week
or so, and all of a sudden it'sgiven me confidence in other
areas to be more direct.

Yep.

Which I love. Alright. So back in the hot
seat, George. What are themethods and practices you
recommend for individuals whoare looking to gain a more clear
or more honest understanding ofthemselves? Because that was the
big point you made.
Right? You have to go out ofyour way. You have to push
yourself to be self reflective,to see ourselves from that

(42:20):
realistic external perspective.

Yeah. Which, by the way, I just want
everybody to know as I gothrough this, this is more of,
like, a unrandomized version ofwhat I'm attempting to do and
things that I try to keep inmind, then, like, hey. I'm
awesome and on the mountain top,and you should know this. That
is not what this is. But I wouldsay setting aside regular time

(42:43):
for self reflection is key.
Like, we you know it. We we livein a busy world. There's always
something to do, something toscroll. There is a way, a lot of
ways for us humans to escape.But when you set aside a regular
time for self reflection, youcan use that time to think about
your goals.

(43:04):
More importantly, maybe yourvalues, and maybe even more
importantly than that, thebehaviors, and find out are your
behaviors actually matching yourvalues and your goals and where
you're trying to get. Anyway, asyourself, kind of like ask
questions like, what are my corevalues? Or what do I want to
achieve in the next year?Getting these focuses can kind

(43:26):
of help you align your actionswith your true self. I'm
purposely pausing there becauseI feel like there are people out
there who have the self thatthey show everybody, and they
have the self that is them.
And too many times we've easilyfallen into this lying to
ourself or this self deceptionthat you're showing up 80, 70,

(43:51):
95 percent of the time as theself you think they want instead
of the self that you are. Imight even suggest that you pair
this time with the time ofmeditation and mindfulness.
Again, giving your time for thismindfulness and meditation,
it'll help you become more awareof your thoughts, maybe more
importantly, your feelings. Andbeing, by the way, aware of your

(44:15):
thoughts and feelings withoutjudgment. Like, kick that
negative guy or gal in yourbrain that is always telling you
the negative things that I kindof started this podcast with
that I deal with out of yourbrain and regularly practice
this time of self reflection andmindfulness, I want you to try
to start to observe, like, yourmental processes because this

(44:37):
can really reveal how we ashumans often deceive ourselves.
Apps like Headspace or Calm canhelp guide you through this
basic meditation. My personalfavorite is actually Headspace.
Got it on my phone. Love it todeath.

Double click on that. Love Headspace. That's my
favorite.

The next thing that I'm gonna talk about
because I think it's importantto talk about, I have not
historically done this thirdone, but the further we get into
this, boy, I'm really beingvulnerable right now.

Do it. Let the love flow through you.

So listen. I've historically sucked at
this. My daughters have evenchallenged me that I'll probably
never do this. But the furtherwe get into this beyond your
default journey first of all, Ihope people realize that the
conversations that we have whenwe get on this mic are not easy.
Anyway, the further we get intothis beyond your default
journey, the more I'm stronglyconsidering this, and that is

(45:34):
spending time with aprofessional therapist who can
help explore my thoughts, yourthoughts, my behaviors, your
behaviors in a deeper waybecause an app is great and
everything, but a human that iseducated on how to extract the
things that we need to extractout of our own brains and how to

(45:55):
deal with them in a healthy wayis pretty huge.
Now I've been over the last,what, 43 episodes, Liz and I
have been extracting things outof our brain, and we've been
doing the best we can to, like,figure them out and work on them
and fix them. But I might begetting to the point where I'm
like, you know what? Maybe Ijust need a pal to talk to, aka

(46:16):
a therapist, to unpack and dosome more deep digging. If I'm
truly trying to show up as whatI'm asking others to do, and
that is live a life beyond yourdefault or beyond my default, I
may need a guide or assistance.Right?

You know, I wanna throw something out there for
you, George, that may behelpful, and it may be helpful
for our listeners, particularlythose of the entrepreneurial set
because I know it's weird.Right? Entrepreneurs, we are
often consultants. We are notafraid to be hired as an expert.
We are not afraid to we're incoaching classes.
We are constantly feeding ourminds with experts. A therapist

(46:55):
is just another kind of expert,my guy. It's just another guy or
gal on a board of directors whois an unbiased third party who
went to school to understand thebrain, how we think, and how we
feel. That's reallyfundamentally all there is to
it. And that's one of thereasons I like therapy quite a
bit is that I can show up withsomeone who is not emotionally

(47:18):
invested in any of the playersof this whole circus, including
me to some degree, and I know Iwill get an unbiased
academically backed experiencedidea or thought.
Yeah. And so if you're someonewho's out there who's like,
well, I can't do therapy. That'sfor people who need hugs. No.
This is just adding to yourboard of directors as a human

(47:40):
being.

Yes. And I think hearing that is great,
awesome, helpful. And, again,everything that we've said in
the past and I hear other peopletalk about and have read upon
this, because I'm like, really?Do I wanna do this? Do I need
this?
I like this idea of it providesme, listeners, if you decide to
do this, a safe space todiscuss, but more than that, to

(48:03):
receive guidance on the issuesthat we might be dealing with.
And, again, I'm I mightimplement this in my life. I
haven't flipped the switch. Ihaven't made a hard decision,
but it's definitely somethingwhere I'm like, at 52, it might
be time, which is really weirdbecause some might think that,
yo, it's too late, bro. But I'mlike, nah, maybe not.

(48:24):
Either way, no matter what youas a listener decide what I
decide to do to improve ourhonesty of ourselves, I do want
to emphasize that we should befocusing on and I have a hard
time with this, but it issomething that we need to do. We
need to emphasize that we shouldfocus on being kind to ourselves

(48:45):
along the way. Listen. It's notif, but when, or you are going
to find times that you'vedeceived yourself, and it might
make you mad, rage mad, likefrustrated. But the only thing
I'm asking of myself and I'masking of you is when you
discover these areas whereyou've been less than honest to

(49:06):
yourself by the way, what we'lltalk about less than honest to
others next week, but less thanhonest to yourself, Have some
self compassion and treatyourself with the same kindness
and understand that you wouldoffer a friend.
Recognize that everyone hasflaws. Acknowledge those flaws.
Take that first step forimprovement and every rest of

(49:28):
the step for the journey ofgrowth that we're all on. So,
like, just be kind to yourselfas you figure out how to
navigate this journey orimplement things like
mindfulness or time or therapy.

So freaking proud of you.

Thank you.

I very rarely get to be the one who says that. So
I'm just gonna take this momentbecause well, no. Because I
think what you're doing isyou're setting a good example. I
think so often, you know, whatwas interesting is and I wrote
about it this in that newsletterI wrote last week, beyond your
default dot com slash slashnewsletter. Often when I would
do that practice of what is thatone true sentence.
Right?

Yeah.

The truth was very rarely something new. It
was very rarely something new.It was something once I said it
out loud, I went, oh, yeah. Mybody in some way has been saying
this for days, for weeks, formonths, for years. This is not
brand new information.

Yeah.

But what you did there is the output of that
work. Is that so often thereason we self deceive is
because there is somethingunpalatable about saying the
truth out loud. It's not that wedon't know what the truth is. In
some cases, we've got blinders.There's something you're still
figuring stuff out.
You're still growing. Maybethere's some sort of deeper
thing. In other cases, the onlylie you're telling yourself is

(50:43):
just not saying it out loud. Youalready know what that truth is.
So I just wanna point out forour listeners, like, sometimes
this is what it takes just tosay it out loud.
This is the truth. This is wherewe are. This is where we're
going. So it's just I lovedthat.

Thank you.

I do have a question though. And this is
something I fall prey to. So I'msure when you saw this question,
you went fantastic. But this isa question for us. Never.
I know. This is a question for afriend and by friend, I mean me.
Because this is a problem I fallinto. Right? There is how do we
differentiate betweenconstructive self criticism?
Right? Where it's like, I shoulddo this. It's time for growth.

(51:17):
Let's get your get your ishtogether. You know, like, boop,
boop, boop.
And harmful self deception.Right? The type where we start
telling ourselves the negativestories that do what you were
talking about at the beginningof this episode. Where's that
line?

Yeah. Actually, believe it or not,
this is a great question. Iactually saw this, and I was
like, oh, I love this question.I'm glad we're going in this
direction. So understanding thedifference between constructive
self criticism and harmful selfdeception, it's an important
piece to unlock and tounderstand for personal growth
or, again, maybe more important,our own personal mental

(51:54):
well-being, which, by the way,this question probably leans
into the reason that I wanted todo this side of honesty before
the normal side of that mostpeople think around honesty is
that that's lying to others.
Buddha said there are only 2mistakes one can make along the
road to truth, not going all theway and not starting. Here's how

(52:18):
I look at these two items andhow I hope this conversation
helps the listeners of today'spodcast. Constructive self
criticism is growth oriented,offering specific feedback aimed
at improvement and learning. Nowlisteners, the keywords there

(52:38):
are improvement and learningthat I want you to focus on.
Constructive self criticismprovides actionable insights
delivered with, which is why Imade a big point a couple
minutes ago, self compassion,Acknowledging both our strengths
and the weaknesses that we have.
And listeners, I just wanna makesure that you heard that part.

(53:02):
Actionable insights deliveredwith self compassion. So this
type of self criticism motivatespositive change and leads to
progress in our lives,ultimately enhancing self esteem
and creating a balanced selfview, keyword balanced, of
oneself. Because literally atthe beginning, I painted the

(53:24):
picture of the chasm of egoversus, like, toxic waste dump.
On the other hand, harmful selfdeception involves denying or in
many cases, rationalizing awaythe truth so that you as the
human can avoid discomfort orbeen here, done that, protect

(53:46):
your ego.
Maybe, by the way, that the egothat you shouldn't be
protecting. Harmful selfdeception often results in a
generalized blame. Oh, it'severybody's fault. Negative
emotions, and, honestly, adistorted self view, either
inflating abilities that youthink you have. And my grandpa's

(54:09):
cod is totally coming back tomind where he'd be like, don't
let your alligator mouthoverride your hummingbird butt.
Like, you think you got skills,bro, but I'm gonna I'm about to
show you if you don't shut upthat you ain't got no skills.
God, I miss my grandpa. He hadhe had some zingers. But this
inflated ability or unrealisticidea of who you are or even hand

(54:32):
in hand with this, like,diminishing self worth might be
what comes out of this. In myopinion, both of those, by the
way, that I just talked aboutare red flag warnings to the
fact that you officially are nolonger on your beyond your
default path.
That's a sharp corner. Shoot.We're in a ditch. We're stuck.
This harmful self deception canlead to stagnation or being

(54:56):
stuck, decreased self esteem,and a lack of motivation.
Ever been there, listeners? Ijust can't get motivated. To
address and learn from ourmistakes. So we need to try to
double down, honestly on thisconstructive self criticism
while we're on this growthjourney that we're talking about

(55:16):
today. To to help grow ourconstructive self criticism, we
all need to practice, again,self compassion by treating
ourself with kindness andunderstanding just as we would
any other human being, friend,family, coworker.
We need to get in the habit of,like, seek, I used the word
objective, seek objective andvaluable feedback. Be careful on

(55:38):
this one, though, becausesometimes you gotta know the
source. It has to be a trustedsource, friends, family,
coworkers, therapists, so thatwe can gain a balanced
perspective of our strengths andareas for improvement as we move
forward. Regular reflection onour actions and decisions,
setting realistic goals, andcelebrating small successes

(56:00):
along the way can help us buildthis positive feedback loop in
our lives, which if you'rehonest with yourself, if you
have to pause this podcast, doit. You might not even need that
long.
I want you to ask, do you evenhave any type of feedback loop
in your life at all? And is it apositive feedback loop? Are you

(56:22):
listening to the world aroundyou, the people around you, the
thing inside of your brain, yourcore, your consciousness, your
little still small voice, like,do you have a feedback loop, or
are you just rolling throughlife? Making sure that we
balance criticism with praisewill help us maintain a healthy

(56:44):
self view while, again,practicing this idea of
mindfulness to stay away or stayaware, whichever direction you
need to go, of your thoughts andfeelings, again, without
judgment, keeping us on thispath of our journey versus,
again, ending up stuck in aditch along the way, which, by

(57:06):
the way, you might have beenstuck in the ditch when you
picked up this podcast. Thatmight have been the reason.
Like, I just feel stuck. I needsomething to get me past it.
Hey. Let me become a listener ofBeyond Your Default. Thoughts?

You know, I loved what you said there just at the
end because because I was aboutto say something else. But you
may have picked up this podcastat a moment, you know, where
life got really hard. And we'vealways been radically honest
about our journeys on thispodcast. And if it helps to
hear, I started recording thispodcast with George in an
emotional ditch. We put it at 7in the morning on Mondays partly

(57:43):
because it was when we had timeand it also made sure that my
depressed ass got out of bed andactually would start the week.
It's not that I wouldn't haveshown up for work, but, like,
mentally, it forced me. Itdidn't matter how I was feeling.
On Mondays at 7 AM, my butt wasout of bed and we were having a
conversation. And I was sittinghere on this mic having genuine,

(58:04):
truthful, sincere conversationswith all of you, but often in
the fetal position. Sometimesmetaphorically, sometimes
literally, ready to vomit allthe time.
But that's what this is allabout. You know, I think we walk
around when we see people haveinformed dialogues the way we're
having about life and what itmeans to pursue it, what it

(58:26):
means to break generationalpatterns, to break habits, to
forge new ones. This is painful,bloody work sometimes. And no
one you're seeing who is havingany of these conversations with
any sort of authority isn't intheir own way going through the
ish. Yeah.
This is kinda part of thepackage deal. You know? And so I

(58:49):
think what happens is we lie toourselves and we say, well,
everybody else is on thisjourney, but I'm doing it wrong.
I'm different. I even catchmyself sometimes when we're
talking on this podcast going,am I really even in the position
to be having theseconversations?
Confronting yet. Right? But Ithink we all have that.

Yep.

We're all walking around thinking everybody's got
all this stuff figured out andso we lie to ourselves and say,
sure I'm on this journey, butI'm never gonna get there. I'm
always gonna be different.There's always gonna be
something behind the curtain.

Doesn't have to be.

Doesn't have to be. The funny thing is it's
probably not.

Right.

Like, anything you have behind the curtain,
maybe we have different stuffbehind our curtain. Everybody's
got a curtain. Everybody's got afew things in their past where
it's, like, maybe they talkabout it out loud like it's
behind them, but it stillsometimes haunts them in the
present day. They stillsometimes go, it's okay. It's
okay.

But you know what? One of my favorite movies
is 8 Mile. I love 8 Mile becauseI love where Eminem is like,
here's all my ish. Now what yougot? If you're willing to be
honest enough with yourself thatyou're honest with the world,
what do they got?
You have nothing to hide frombecause you've said it. It's out
there. Now you can literallymove forward freely.

Liz Moorehead (01:00:11):
No. I love that because this is what I wrote in
yesterday's edition, because Iwas talking about regrets and
how sometimes what will happenis when we have these light bulb
moments, all of a sudden we'relike, oh, we're too late. I
screwed up. They'll neverlisten. Although, immediately,
the negative stories startpiling on.
I wrote, your pain isn't here torub in your face your missed
opportunities and everythingyou've done wrong. Your pain is

(01:00:31):
trying to tell you this is yourdo over. This is your second
chance. If back then had beenthe right time, you would have
taken action. Mhmm.
But you weren't ready, now youare. Don't regret that it took
you so long to get here whereverthat here may be. This journey
took exactly as long as itneeded to take because you are
only standing where you areright now, knowing what you
know, feeling what you'refeeling, loving who you're

(01:00:52):
loving, and chasing what you'rechasing because of every single
step you took to get to thismoment. So instead of dwelling
on everything you should havedone, maybe you should ask
yourself what makes now theperfect time.

George B. Thomas (01:01:02):
It's funny because, I mean, just racing
right to the front of my brainwhen you were reading that. I
can't tell you the amount oftimes I got asked. So do you
wish you would have started yourbusiness 5 years earlier? And my
response is, like, no. Actually,I don't because that time was
the perfect time.

Oh, yeah. It was all perfectly timed. We're only
sitting here on this podcastbecause of a layover on our way
to Frankenmuth, Michigan. Yep.In which we both said to the
first time after nobody elseother than probably nearest and
dearest.
So I'm thinking of going out on

my own.

Yeah. And then we were off to the races. But
George, I wanna end today'sconversation with a flip side of
this because we've been kickingover a lot of rocks. We've been
kicking over a lot of dirt. Sothe flip side of this question
is what is the benefit youreally see of pushing ourselves
to be radically honest fromwithin first even and especially
when it's uncomfortable?

I love this question because it feels like
by asking this question, onemight be trying to reach the
next level or the highest levelon this self honesty
conversation in their life. Andso, hopefully, the listeners are
asking themselves the samequestion. Obviously, we're gonna

(01:02:14):
answer it. But if you're notready for it yet, cool. But if
you've reached that level, it'slike, okay.
Now we're gonna unpack thebaggage, which, by the way, you
can go back, listen to theepisode where we talk about
traveling in your life with,like, excessive baggage. Episode
3, believe it or not, way backwhen, the default, the baggage,
the destination, and theimportance of the beyond. If

(01:02:38):
you're ready to unpack thatbaggage around this
conversation, then I'm proud ofyou. So the first thing that I
think about when you ask thisquestion is that practicing
radical honesty can really boostour personal integrity. Bottom
line, when you're radicallyhonest with yourself, your
actions align more closely withyour true values and beliefs.

(01:03:02):
Because sometimes our actionsare just not aligned with our
values and beliefs because we'rewilling to do things, say
things, lie to ourself becauseof this misalignment. This
alignment gives you a greatersense of integrity and self
respect. By the way, selfrespect like, Mario Brothers,

(01:03:24):
you know how you get thoselittle power ups, and all of a
sudden he becomes, like, hugeMario? Yep. Self respect is
life's power up for you, likeMario's special.
Be because you're you're livingconsistently with the principles
that you wanna follow as you gothrough this life. It reduces
internal conflicts, and itfosters a sense of coherence and

(01:03:49):
purpose in your life, which, bythe way, purpose, again, is a
massive power up. If you'redoing something just to do it
versus you feel like it's yourpurpose to do it and that's why
you're on the planet, aka thispodcast, this community, this
newsletter that, like, this is athing of purpose. This is why
we're willing to go throughconversations like today. But

(01:04:12):
what's funny is when you reducethose internal conflicts and you
have this, like, power up ofpurpose, it makes this beyond
your default journey way lesscomplicated.
Emotional resilience, Liz, isthe next thing that I think of
and is another huge benefit ofbeing radically honest. By

(01:04:32):
regularly confrontinguncomfortable truths, you
literally mentioned earlier inthe podcast, by the way,
comfortable confusion. Byregularly confronting
uncomfortable truths, you becomemore comfortable with
discomfort, which, by the way,being comfortable with
discomfort is a magical place toget to in your life. Being

(01:04:53):
comfortable with discomfort,which then builds emotional
resilience, this ability tokinda handle difficult emotions
and situations with honesty. Bythe way, go back to the story
that you were telling about, butwe're gonna have a conversation
about this.
Mhmm. The ability to handledifficult emotions and
situations with honesty reducesthe anxiety and stress that come

(01:05:16):
with avoidance and denial.Listeners, what are you avoiding
today? What are you denyingtoday? What is that thing for
you?
That chasm that you need to getover. Like, facing reality head
on can be incredibly liberating,and it promotes a sense of calm
and stability in your life. Byavoiding and denying, you are

(01:05:40):
causing yourself to live in alife where it's almost
impossible to find calm andstability in your life. When you
have that in your life, by theway, you're also unlock a better
ability to make decisions. Andby the way, that's another thing
that I think when asking thisquestion about the benefits or

(01:06:02):
what benefits us to be radicallyhonest with ourselves is better
decision making.
It's definitely an advantagethat you'll notice with radical
honesty. Being truthful withyourself gives you clarity and
insight. Again, Liz, youmentioned over clarity based on
my fears. Right? So beingtruthful with yourself gives you

(01:06:24):
clarity and insight, helping tosee situations more clearly and
make more informed decisions.
This helps you evaluate youroptions. It helps you evaluate
your actions without distortionsor biases or and watch out for
this one, ladies and gentlemen.Wishful thinking leading to more

(01:06:47):
effective and rational choicesthat you make along the way. In
the long run, radical honestycontributes to overall
well-being. And by addressingthe root causes of your
behaviors and attitudes throughhonest self assessment, you can
make sustainable positivechanges in your life.

(01:07:09):
And that's what we're here foron this podcast, by the way.
This Beyond Your Default journeyis about sustainable positive
changes in your life, in ourlives. You just need to be able
to unlock this ability to havesustainable positive change in

(01:07:30):
your life. Being radicallyhonest with yourself, make sure
that you live in alignment withyour true self and your true
values, enhancing your happinessand your fulfillment along the
way. Being honest with yourselfhelps you feel more true to who
you are, which boosts yourmental and emotional health.

(01:07:50):
This leads to a happier and moresuccessful life and a very
powerful approach to a journeybeyond your default. Being
honest with yourself helps youfeel more true to who you are.
Do you wanna feel more true towho you are? Do you wanna have a
happier and more successfullife? Do you wanna live a life

(01:08:12):
that has powerful approach toit?
You only can answer thosequestions. Only only you can
answer those questions. So,listeners, I challenge you to
give yourself, and, Liz, I'mgonna steal something that you
said earlier from the show.Listeners, I challenge you to
give yourself a verbalpermission slip to not lie to

(01:08:33):
yourself along this journeybeyond your default.

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