The Happiness Paradox: When We Don’t Feel What We “Should” Feel

In this episode of Beyond Your Default, George and I dive into one of the most transformative frameworks in personal growth: the Four Cornerstones of the Superhuman Framework. This isn’t just about ticking off a list of personal goals. It’s about creating a foundation that aligns with our deepest values—passion, purpose, persistence, and love. These aren’t just ideals. They’re actionable principles that help us live a more integrated, balanced, and fulfilled life, well beyond the “default” mode that most people settle for.

🌱 Subscribe to the Beyond Your Default newsletter for weekly doses of inspiration!

The Four Cornerstones of the Superhuman Framework aren’t just theory—they’re a blueprint to shift how we show up in the world. In this episode, George and I break down each cornerstone and discuss what it looks like to embrace them fully. If you’ve ever felt like there’s more to life but weren’t sure how to tap into it, this conversation will give you the tools to do so.

Key Highlights from Our Conversation
1. Defining the Four Cornerstones: George walks us through the core principles—Passion, Purpose, Persistence, and Love—and explains how these cornerstones work together to form a balanced, powerful approach to life and work. We talk about why they’re essential not just for high achievers but for anyone looking to live a more intentional life.

2. Passion: Fueling Our Journey
Passion isn’t just a buzzword; it’s the energy that drives us forward, even when the going gets tough. George shares personal stories of how passion has been his compass, helping him navigate both successes and setbacks. We dive into why finding and nurturing our passions is critical to a fulfilling life.

3. Purpose: The Anchor in the Storm
Purpose gives us direction. It’s not about following someone else’s roadmap but discovering what we’re truly here to do. We discuss how identifying and aligning with our purpose provides a sense of stability, even in chaotic times. George shares insights on how to find your purpose and let it guide your decisions.

4. Persistence: The Power to Keep Going
Persistence is the grit that keeps us moving when passion alone isn’t enough. George talks about the importance of resilience, especially for high achievers who often face burnout. We explore practical ways to cultivate persistence, so you can stay the course without sacrificing your well-being.

5. Love: The Core of It All
Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s the thread that connects everything we do. From loving the people around us to finding self-compassion, love fuels our ability to live authentically. George explains why love is the cornerstone that holds everything together and how we can all bring more of it into our daily lives.

Why This Matters
The Four Cornerstones of the Superhuman Framework offer a path to living beyond the superficial markers of success. This episode is a reminder that life is more than just achieving goals; it’s about becoming a person who lives with integrity, resilience, and genuine connection. If you’re ready to challenge the default settings of your life and embrace something deeper, this episode is for you.

Related Episodes:
How to Cultivate Passion in Everyday Life
Finding Purpose in Uncertain Times
Building Resilience: Persistence Without Burnout
Practicing Self-Compassion and Love
Powerful Quotes from the Episode
“Passion fuels the journey, but purpose gives it direction.”
“Persistence isn’t about ignoring the obstacles; it’s about knowing why you’re willing to face them.”
“Love is the cornerstone that holds everything together. Without it, all the success in the world feels empty.”
“When you live with purpose, every decision feels like a step toward something meaningful.”
If you’re ready to embrace a framework that goes beyond the hustle, tune in to this episode and start building your superhuman foundation.

Episode Transcript

George B. Thomas (00:02):
You see, we tend to tie our self worth to
our productivity, to our output.And we kind of always are
thinking that happiness willcome if we just achieve just a
little bit more. If I just startanother business, if I just do
another podcast, the irony hereis that happiness is often

(00:24):
already present in our lives.People just don't stop long
enough to actually notice thatit's freaking here, which goes
back to the beginning of ourconversation that you're having.
And I'm like, sometimes we justneed to realize, like, we're
doing way better than we thoughtwe were and we're actually happy
if we just shut our dang brainsoff.

(00:45):
But, Liz, I think there's oneother thing I wanna mention
here, and that is, again, theexternal pressure for high
achievers in that whole notsocial comparison, but just
comparison comes into play. Weas high achievers are usually
surrounded by other successfulhumans, and that makes it way

(01:05):
easier for us to minimize ourown accomplishments. I'll never
be Gary v. I'll never be JayShetty. When when everyone
around you is winning, it'stough not to feel like you need
to do more, which can then,again, overshadow the happiness
that you've actually learned.
And sometimes, you just have torealize the only thing I can be

(01:25):
is the best George b Thomas.

Liz Moorehead (01:30):
Welcome back to Beyond Your Default. I'm your
host, Liz Morehead. And asalways, I am joined by one of my
favorite humans on the planet,George b Thomas. How the heck
are you this morning?

George B. Thomas (01:39):
Liz, I am doing absolutely wonderful. I'm
super excited to be having thisconversation with you. My brain
goes in so many directions whenyou kind of slid this across the
digital desk, if you will. Ithink it will add a ton of value
to those who maybe fall prey tothe thing that we're gonna talk

(01:59):
about today.

Liz Moorehead (02:00):
I am so excited to hear you say that because you
and I do a lot of work togetherto plan out these episodes. And
often, you know, we're operatingfrom the framework that is the
beating heart of the beyond yourdefault journey, and that's the
superhuman framework. And Iwanted to have a conversation. I
wanted us to revisit one of thepillars, happiness. But from a

(02:21):
very specific perspective, thehappiness paradox, which is the
title of this episode.
And I remember your face went,what's that?

George B. Thomas (02:28):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (02:28):
What what does that even mean? And just I
appreciate, as always, the trustyou have in me when it's like, I
have something specific I wantto bring to the table today. But
before we get into that, what'syour highlight and your lowlight
from the weekend?

George B. Thomas (02:41):
Here's what's funny, Liz. On a side tangent
of, like, being uber humancentric and creating the
superhuman framework, I'm also,for the last 2 years quietly
been becoming an AI nerd, and soit's funny you mentioned my face
when you said the happinessparadox. Because my highlight
this weekend was sitting on myback porch, and ChatGPT released

(03:04):
their new AI voice assistantwhere you can talk to it, like,
have a conversation with it.And, Liz, I sat on my back
porch, and I said, what is thehappiness paradox? And then it
told me what it was.
And I said, why is the happinessparadox a thing that humans
struggle with? And it told mewhat it told me. And I kept
asking it different directionsand going deeper, and it was

(03:27):
like having my own littlehappiness paradox consultant
that was, like, talking methrough the understanding of,
like, where you were comingfrom. And there were so many
times where I was like, oh, thisis why I think this way. Oh,
this is why I do that thing.
And so being able to take whatat first sounds like this

(03:49):
complex thing, the happinessparadox, and, like, be able to
have it simplified down and thenunderstand, oh, I know how we
can run with this episode. I getwhy we're creating this piece of
content. That for me was like,oh, this is awesome.

Liz Moorehead (04:05):
I do love for a second, though, that there's
always, like, a, I trust Liz.You weren't as overt as with the
self care episode when you'relike, so this is what we're
doing.

George B. Thomas (04:14):
Well, so first of all, I know the self care
thing literally was rooted inthe fact that I historically
suck at self care. The happinessparadox was more of a I'm
intrigued because I rememberhaving multiple conversations
with different humans of itending up with them not being
able to tell me what makes themhappy, which is a totally kind

(04:35):
of sideways or, you know, cousinto this conversation a little
bit. So so there's that. But thethe low light for me and it's
not much of a low light. Like, Ireally can't complain.
But my wife and daughters weregone again. Well, for 4 days,
they were doing another dogshow, which they're crushing
these dog shows, by the way. I'mso proud of them. Like, seeing

(04:55):
Facebook and, like, these blueribbons and purple ribbons and
all the colors of the ribbonsthat they're getting, and just
the fact that they can have thisjourney and go have fun and do
something that they love. By theway, that's not my low light
that they're on this journeydoing the things that they love.
My low light was that theyweren't at home. Therefore, it
was, like, me and Noah, and wehad to fend for ourselves and

(05:17):
basically be bachelors and watchother dogs that were still here.
And so I probably watched waytoo much Netflix because I got
sucked in by, dare I say, onthis podcast, Fear of the
Walking Dead. And I was like, ohmy god. This is so bad, but so

(05:38):
good in so many ways.
And so I could have probablybeen more productive, but as I
say that, I realized that I didthat and also sent you 14 ebooks
over the weekend. Anyway, Idon't know. I need help. Ladies
and gentlemen, I need help.

Liz Moorehead (05:52):
I mean, it's good. Every time you send me
something, a content strategistgets its wings. So, you know, I
it's fine for me. I'm good. Myhighlight and low light.
So my highlight last weekend wasactually the culmination of a
highlight of the entire week. Solast week, I went up to house
sit for some friends in Windsor,Connecticut, and I made the

(06:12):
conscious decision of I'm notgoing to see anybody while I'm
up there. I am going todisconnect. I am going to
refocus. And I wasn't sure if Ineeded a reset on my life in
some sort of significant way orjust some sort of circling of
the wagons to make sure that wewere moving in the right
direction.

(06:32):
And I spent all last week, inaddition to doing all of my work
and all of that good stuff,reorganizing and restructuring
kind of the operating system Iuse to run my life. And I feel
absolutely incredible. It wasfunny. I'd say probably a year
or so ago, if you would ask meto spend a week by myself

(06:53):
intentionally, I would have feltfear of abandonment, fear of
loneliness creeping in, youknow, all of the fears that I
think that could become quitenatural if you were going
through any sort of divorce likeI was going through or other
things. But instead, I remembergoing through last week going,
okay.
These are the things that needto change. These are the things

(07:13):
that are doing better. Overall,it was just a really satisfying
weekend where it was less about,let me try to architect a brand
new life with a whole new set ofhabits and things that I will
never be able to keep up withbecause you shouldn't make
massive drastic life change. Andinstead, it felt like
refinement. Instead, it feltlike recognition of how far I

(07:34):
had come, and that felt reallyamazing.
So when I got back hereyesterday, I looked at my my
apartment and my studio. I'mlike, okay. So these are the
things that need to change tosupport the changes that I now
want to make. I stronglyrecommend this to anybody to
just take some time away, and Ididn't do it as a vacation. I'm
a busy gal.
You know, you don't have to dropoff the face of the earth and

(07:56):
become a monk for a week as muchas that would be nice. That's
not always the easiest step.

George B. Thomas (08:00):
Really good right now.

Liz Moorehead (08:02):
Sounds great in theory, not always practical.
But I thought this is actually agood exercise of when to do it.
How can I evolve my life in away while I'm still living the
life? While I'm still you know,so I'm making more realistic
decisions. The low light

George B. Thomas (08:17):
Well, wait. Before you before you go to the
low light, I wanna say, first ofall, I commend you for taking
the time to do that, and I thinkit's absolutely amazing that you
had this kind of mindset ofrefinement. Because so many
times in my life, I've, like,let's blow this shit up. And

(08:37):
sometimes your life doesn't needthat even though sometimes
that's how we're programmed. Sothe fact that you took time to
do this and it was a mindset ofrefinement, I'm super excited
for you.

Liz Moorehead (08:49):
Oh, absolutely. It was about, do I have these
systems in place to live thelife that I want? Because in
many ways, I am. But I couldfeel I'm I'm starting to feel
some friction around the edges.Right?
My sleep schedule wasn't quitewhere I wanted it to be. My
workout schedule is good, butI'm constantly kind of moving it
around. How am I keeping trackof certain things? Do I have my

(09:13):
own self care routines down pat?Yeah.
You know, I used to do a ton ofself reflection and journaling.
That had become fundamentallyabsent. I've brought that back.
So when we do our next work inprogress check-in, which is
surprisingly not too far away,I'll talk a little bit more
about this because there arecertain things I'm gonna commit
to for a month that I'm testingout just to see how they feel.

(09:35):
But, yeah, I'm really excited.

George B. Thomas (09:36):
Are we really close to, like, another therapy
couch session?

Liz Moorehead (09:40):
Closest. Yeah. We do it every 20 episodes, and
we're on 56. Wow. Yeah.
7 up far.

George B. Thomas (09:48):
Okay. I'll start to brace myself.

Liz Moorehead (09:50):
Yep. It's okay. I'll start to brace myself too.
We've both gotten pretty good atour little excavations.

George B. Thomas (09:56):
Let me throw a couple digital punches across
the microphone.

Liz Moorehead (09:59):
The lowlight was I got to spend the night in
Mount Laurel, New Jersey'sfinest econo launch.

George B. Thomas (10:05):
Oh, nice.

Liz Moorehead (10:08):
I had to make a responsible decision. So when I
was on my way back fromConnecticut, there was a big
accident that ended up making itsuper late when I getting back,
and I was just about to hitDelaware. And once you hit
Delaware, you're like,Maryland's not too far away.
It's not too bad. But I wasstarting to feel it behind my
eyes.
I'm like, I could make it, butthis will be heck on earth. And

(10:30):
I'm like, oh, look. There's athere's an exit with lots of
lodgings, and I ended up in theworld's finest econo lodge. And
I'm like, you know what? Atleast it'll be cold in here.
It was cold with a knocking airconditioner.

George B. Thomas (10:40):
But you know what?

Liz Moorehead (10:42):
It's one of those things where it's like the
mattress was probably about 3matchbooks thick. We did what we
had to do.

George B. Thomas (10:49):
You probably wanted to levitate over it
anyway in general. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (10:53):
Yeah. It was kind of funny, and I was like, you
know, I'm just gonna fall asleepto Matlock and just hope for the
best. Got up the next morning,got my crappy feet free coffee
downstairs, but, hey, it wasfree, and then got right back on
the road. You know, and ifthat's the low light, that's
kind of funny. So I'll take it.

George B. Thomas (11:11):
Yeah. Without a doubt. There's much worse that
could be happening.

Liz Moorehead (11:14):
I have a more interesting story that's gonna
intro us into our conversationabout the happiness paradox
today. Okay. So I had a veryfunny conversation with a friend
of mine last week. She had justrecently started dating this guy
maybe about a month or so ago,and they're the same kinda
weirdo. They're absolutelyperfect for each other.

George B. Thomas (11:31):
I know people like that.

Liz Moorehead (11:33):
And the thing is is that she and I are quite
similar. Her backgroundrelationship wise has not
historically been the best. It'sbeen a bit painful in different
ways. So her experience withhappy, healthy relationships is,
you know, on the on the minimalside. Right?
She and I were having aconversation on the phone last
week, and she's like, I justfeel terrible. I'm like, well,

(11:55):
what's wrong? Did somethinghappen? We'll call we'll call
him Mike. Did something happenwith Mike?
It's just, no. He's great. Ijust can't shake this horrible
feeling right now. And Mike, forhis work, spends a few days a
week in a different place andthen travels back home. It's
just part of his job.
And I said, well, wait a minute.Hold on. We'll call her Susie. I

(12:15):
said, Susie, question. Do youjust miss him?
And she went, oh god. Is thatwhat this feeling is? This is
terrible. Why do we even wantthis? We had a good laugh about
it because she was sitting therefeeling like, oh my gosh.
If I'm feeling this way, it mustbe terrible. She didn't know how
to name the feeling. And thenwhen she put a name to it, she
realized, I just miss him. AndI'm like, that's a happy thing.

(12:38):
And it got me thinking aboutthis idea of happiness, right,
and what happiness looks like,what it feels like, doing the
work of what how to define whatmakes us happy, what it means to
find it and experience it andcultivate it.
But I've noticed that there'ssomething that I'm sure maybe
there's a different name for it,but I like to call it the

(12:59):
happiness paradox. Those momentswhere we don't feel the
happiness even when we finallyachieve whatever that thing is
that will genuinely make us feelhappy. And we know it's here. It
is defined. And these thingsthat are, quote, making us happy
aren't of the harmful or selfdestructive variety.
Right? We've called out that wewant a happy, healthy

(13:23):
relationship where we could bevulnerable and feel supportive,
and it's a partnership. And itarrives, and we know it. We get
that dream job. We startachieving real professional or
personal success.
Right? But then the feelings andthe facts don't align.

George B. Thomas (13:40):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (13:40):
Like, you might struggle to trust or feel
comfortable in that new healthyrelationship like my friend,
Susie. You may get the successyou want, but then you might
feel overwhelmed or even fearfulof the success, and that's
something a lot of people talkabout, fear of success despite
it being something positive thatyou've worked for. Or sometimes
the thing actually shows up, andyou don't even realize it's

(14:03):
there. You don't see it. Sosomeone might be so used to
negativity or disappointmentthat they fail to notice that
the good thing they want hasshown up.
And it's this weird thing.Right? Because we expect you
know, we did all thatconversation in the happiness
the happiness podcast when weinitially discussed this pillar.
I think we have this expectationthat when we get the things that

(14:24):
we want, we get the things thatare gonna make us happy, we're
gonna meet those moments of joywith joy. We're gonna meet those
moments of joy with open armsand excitement.
But oftentimes, there is adissonance. There is a
disconnect, and we don't alwaysfeel the happiness we expect to
feel when we reach our goals,which is what I wanted to talk
to you about today.

George B. Thomas (14:43):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (14:43):
And how we navigate those paradoxical
experiences.

George B. Thomas (14:46):
Yeah. It's it's interesting because a
couple things, like, shoot to mybrain as you're kinda getting
into this. Like, the amount ofhumans that I've seen self
sabotage, the amount of humansthat I've seen, by the way,
myself included, where you set agoal, and then right as or right
before you are about to achievethat goal, you set a new goal

(15:07):
that's further or farther, andso you don't pause for the
success or the joy. Anyway,there's there's so many things
that we just kind of do becauseI think we don't take time to
think about this part of theconversation of of happiness
that we're gonna have today.

Liz Moorehead (15:23):
So, George, when I ask you if you've ever had an
experience like this, I'm gonnaguess the answer is yes.

George B. Thomas (15:28):
Oh my god. Yeah. So one of the things and
I'll I'll just kinda talk aboutmy professional life for a
second. One of the things that Ihad said in, like, 2012 is I
wanna speak on the inboundstage. Now I met on the main
stage, but even just speaking atinbound is a little bit of a big

(15:48):
deal.
And so in 2016, I actually gotto speak at inbound for the
first time. It was a breakoutsession, but I didn't know what
was next. And, therefore, Iwasn't able to enjoy the fact
that this was happening, and Ieven kind of, by default, moved

(16:08):
it to, well, it's not the mainstage. It's just a breakout. And
so I should have been happy inthat moment, but I found
multiple ways to set or align toa different goal or to brush off
the fact that it was kind ofhappening.
And so I could rinse and repeatthis for probably multiple

(16:28):
things in my career, but also,like, multiple things in my
personal life. I think it'ssomething, Liz, that everybody
ends up kind of falling prey tobecause it's a little bit of a I
feel like sometimes it's a sneakattack, a psychological sneak
attack that we do to ourselves.

Liz Moorehead (16:46):
I will say hearing you immediately go, oh
god. Yeah. Makes me feel

George B. Thomas (16:50):
a little bit better.

Liz Moorehead (16:52):
Yeah. So over the past year, I've done a lot of
work to deconstruct and rebuild.We don't need to go down that
path again, but it's somethingI've talked about in detail
through the course of thispodcast. And one of the reasons
I actually wanted to take thispast week to do exactly what I
said I did during theintroduction when we were
talking about our weekend wasbecause a few weeks ago, I woke

(17:14):
up and realized I had beentelling myself the wrong story.
You know, I had been feeling abit adrift.
Right? You know, I'm I'm gonnabe 42 this later this month.
Yeah. I'm not living in the bighouse like I used to be dating.
What is that?
Like, no. Thank

George B. Thomas (17:31):
you. I don't I don't even wanna think about
that.

Liz Moorehead (17:34):
But I was sitting around kind of poo pooing my own
life. And then I was I wassitting on the edge of my bed,
and I actually thought tomyself, I wish I could talk to
George, but it's, like, 4 in themorning.

George B. Thomas (17:45):
I know he's definitely call me.

Liz Moorehead (17:46):
Probably up. Don't call me. I'm not gonna
call not gonna do that. Notgonna do that. I'm like, we're
friends, but, like, we're not 4AM in the morning friends unless
something is actually broken.
We're not we're not havingexistential conversations about
life at 4 AM if they can easilybe held

George B. Thomas (17:58):
in pain. There's an emergency, call me.
If it's like if it can wait,let's make it wait.

Liz Moorehead (18:03):
No. Because a few weeks ago, as you know, and I I
mentioned on the show, like, Ihad a bit of a health scare.

George B. Thomas (18:08):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (18:08):
And it kinda knocked a bit of sense into me,
and I'm sitting on the edge ofmy bed. I went, wait a minute.
Let me describe my circumstancesas if I'm talking to somebody
else. I'm living in anincredible studio apartment in
the middle of the historicdistrict of Annapolis. My
neighbors are artists.
My hallways are filled withcanvases of art. I meet people

(18:29):
in the hallway, so I neverthought I would meet before,
artists, musicians. If I wannago anywhere or see people, I
just walk downstairs to myfavorite coffee house, and I
meet new people there. I takedaily walks by the US Naval
Academy. I work for myself, andI'm successful at doing so.
I would love to have someone inmy life, but I do not need

(18:50):
someone.

George B. Thomas (18:51):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (18:51):
I get to travel. I get to have incredible
experiences. So let me get thisstraight. What exactly am I
upset about? Because on paper,this is the thing I said I
wanted.
Yeah. My freedom. And so when Ithink about why I did what I did
last week, it's like, because Iwoke up and goes, oh, this is
the life. We're here. We madeit.
We did it. But I had to do thatwork to retell the story. So

(19:14):
here's my question to you. Whatdo you think contributes to that
kind of disconnect betweenachieving the success, achieving
the things that we want, andthen actually feeling it when it
gets there.

George B. Thomas (19:26):
Yeah. So before I answer that, I wanna
just say that what you did, Iwould suggest that any of the
listeners and even myself taketime to do that. Because, Liz,
I'll be honest with you. Thereare many days that I wake up and
I say, why am I doing this? I'mnot doing enough.
I'm not doing it right. Like, Icould be doing it better. And

(19:47):
then I have moments where I'llbe, like, on a podcast or
something, and somebody will saysomething like, dude, people
wanna be you. And I'm like,wait. No.
Nobody wants to be me. And thenthey're like, no. Seriously.
Like, you have the life. Itjukes me into, like, dude, why
are you freaking doing that toyourself?
Anyway and I say all of thathumbly because I have to remind

(20:09):
myself, Liz, you're reminding meright now on this podcast that I
have a pretty spectacular life.Like, we've arrived at a pretty
fun and interesting place. Andso all of that to say I fall
prey to this more than somemight think. And I think a big
part of this disconnect is thedifference between external and
internal motivation, and I'vebattled with this. I literally

(20:32):
have a saying that I say becauseI'm trying to program my brain
when I'm saying it, but but wehumans, we often kind of equate
success with externalachievements like getting a
promotion.
By the way, when you own yourown company, you can't lean on
I'm gonna get a promotion. It'sjust it's not coming that you
can earn more money. Again, whenyou own your own business, you

(20:53):
can earn more money, but most ofthe time, you're probably gonna
try to put it back into thebusiness or the humans that are
actually helping you grow thatbusiness, so that's weird. Or
gaining recognition. And, by theway, once you gain recognition,
you realize that, sure, it'sgood to be known, but what does
that even mean for you, and howare you gonna leverage it in the

(21:13):
world that you're trying tonavigate?
So although those things canprovide this, like, temporary
high, but they don't fulfill ourneed as humans for this deeper
personal growth, this deeperconnection, this deeper purpose,
which, by the way, is whypurpose is one of the four
cornerstones of the superhumanframework. But real happiness

(21:36):
comes from this intrinsic value,like meaningful relationships or
finding purpose or simplyenjoying what we do. Again, I
talk about going to play insteadof going to work because I
always wanna enjoy what I'mdoing. When when we focus too
much on the external validationof those things, I think we, as

(21:58):
humans, lose sight of thisinternal drivers that actually
create the lasting joy, a leveldeeper than happiness that we're
all seeking. And, Liz, this iswhy I always talk about again,
because it's the programmingstatement for me that I'm trying
to lean into, almost eradicatethe conversation that we're

(22:19):
having today is, like, I'mchasing significance versus
success, meaning I'm chasinginternals versus externals.
And so some of the times, Ithink this ends up being a a
thing that we battle withbecause we often have this
disconnect because our valuesdon't align with what we're
chasing. Like, we go afterthings that society says are

(22:43):
successful, money or prestige,without actually taking the
time, kind of like you did, andand asking if those things,
those externals align with whatwe actually give 2 craps about,
what we care about. And when wedo achieve those things, by the
way, those, hey. If you do this,it's gonna mean this about you.

(23:06):
They can feel really emptybecause they don't connect with
our deeper desire forcreativity, connection, or
meaning.
And it's literally like we'vebeen climbing a mountain only to
realize it wasn't the mountainwe wanted to climb and how much
energy and time did we wasteclimbing that mountain. I mean,
no wonder we feel unfulfilledeven after reaching big

(23:29):
milestones. They're the wrongdang milestones. And and, Liz,
something that is realinteresting too where my brain
goes here, we have to talk aboutthis comparison culture that we
live in, especially in this, youknow, teenage years, maybe
twenties, social media age. Itfeels like and this is one of

(23:51):
the reasons why I try to stayoff of social media as much as
possible while I don't have aproblem paying my daughter as,
you know, money to do social,while I even love the idea of
embracing HubSpot's new AI agentfor social media because when I
think about what it does, it itbombards me with other people's

(24:15):
highlight reels.
I don't I don't know if you havethe same thing. I don't know if
the listeners deal with this,but it's like, feel great about
what you've accomplished

Liz Moorehead (24:23):
for

George B. Thomas (24:23):
a second. Because then you scroll through
your feed, and suddenly, you seesomeone with a bigger house. You
see somebody with a bettervacation. You see somebody with
more likes. What you don't seeis the debt that they went in to
actually get that house or go onthat vacation.
But your brain doesn't work thatway. You see these highlight
reels, and you're like, oh, mylife sucks. And and, like,

(24:44):
rationally, we know it. It'sjust a curated version of their
life. It's what they wanteverybody to think or believe,
but but emotionally, like, ithits hard.
And suddenly, we feel like we'renot enough, which is a terrible
place to be in when you'retrying to not be stuck and
you're trying to live a lifebeyond your default. This

(25:04):
comparison culture, Liz, candrive us to chase goals that
might not even make us happy.The big house, the being
married, the whatever, like, thething. Right? Just because we
feel like we need to keep upwith the highlight reels of
those humans that we see,frankly, it's freaking

(25:24):
exhausting.
And for me, personally, I don'tknow about you lizard listeners,
it leaves us kind ofdisconnected from our own sense
of fulfillment. But, Liz, I'mcurious from your side of the
fence, like, what are yourthoughts on on this?

Liz Moorehead (25:38):
I wanna cosign on everything you just said because
I think, you know, this issomething I've written about in
the newsletter before, beyondyour
default.comforward/newsletter.But this idea of do you are you
chasing what you actually wantor what you think you should
want? Because I was the girlliving in a big half $1,000,000
house in the nice neighborhoodwith all the things and then the

(25:58):
dogs and the big backyard andthen miserable, was unhappy. The
call was coming from inside thehouse.

George B. Thomas (26:05):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (26:05):
And there was this moment where my ex husband
and I and we've actually beenable to find a way to to stay
friends. It's been kindainteresting as we've gone
through this process. But

George B. Thomas (26:16):
That is not my story with my ex, but go ahead.

Liz Moorehead (26:19):
There was this moment before everything kinda
fell apart, and I was justsitting outside in our backyard,
and I just blurted out, why doesit feel like no one's lived here
in a really long time? And hehe, without thinking, said,
because I'm not sure anybodyhas. And it both it kind of
freaked us both out, and we justkind of both walked away. And
that's what happens. You end upwith good people in situations

(26:40):
that become toxic, that calcify.
And sometimes that happens on anindividual level where we chase
the things that we think we'resupposed to want, and we check
all the boxes. And for somereason, the more happy boxes we
check, the unhappier we get. Sothat's one piece. Yeah. But then
there are the experiences whereyou are actually getting the
thing that is aligned with youand you still reject it like a

(27:03):
bad organ transplant, if youeven recognize it at all.
For example, let's say you wantto have an ex a romantic
relationship where you get toshow up and it's healthy and
it's vulnerable and it has allof these elements that you want.
If vulnerability has beensomething you have struggled
with in the past, meaning youhaven't felt safe to be

(27:26):
vulnerable in the past, which iswhy you want to be with a
partner who makes you feelpsychologically safe, you know
what's gonna happen? You'regonna try to kill the baby. You
are going to have a fight orflight response because that
happiness, my friends, isidentified by reflex, by your
subconscious, and yourpsychology as a threat. So for

(27:47):
example, let's say we're gonnause air quotes.
Hypothetically, you are someonewho wants that, but you had to
acknowledge yourself, hey, Liz.Why did you stay? And it's
because I was in a positionwhere where I didn't have to be
vulnerable, which meant evenwhen things were at their worst,
I had a measure of safety andsecurity. Because of the home

(28:08):
life I grew up in, there is alevel of threat and fear that
comes with actually beingvulnerable with another person.
So we have to understand thatwe're gonna have those moments
where we're gonna be met withthe thing that we want, but our
programming is to initially killthe baby.
This is a threat. I understandthis intellectually is what's
gonna make you happy, but thisis this is too much.

George B. Thomas (28:29):
I think there's a an added, like, double
click into that of, like, whyare you there? Why did you stay?
Because we also go, like, well,if I don't, they'll judge me.
Who are they? Like, it dependson your life and who you
immediately think of.
But to be honest with you, theyprobably won't and they probably
will, but they will alsoprobably show up in a way of,

(28:51):
like, we wondered why you weredoing that anyway.

Liz Moorehead (28:54):
Oh, as someone who just went through that, I
will be perfectly honest withyou and say there will be people
who judge you. But then youlearn that is more like if I'm
sitting there telling you I amunhappy, in fact, I'm pretty
sure no one is winning in thissituation, that this is a really
well packaged disaster. Do youreally wanna give up the house?

(29:14):
Do you really want it itactually became nothing about
feelings or the person. It was,well, you have everything that
you want.
So those are connections that,quite frankly, okay Bye bye. Go
off. Be free. So there's thatpiece of it. But then there's
also even if you're willing tolet it in.
Well, what if I break it? Whatif I mess it up? Am I deserving
of this? All of these storiescome in because we are putting

(29:37):
ourselves in a position toexperience something wholly new
and unknown. Yeah.
And our subconscious and thatfleshy paperweight in our brain
is desperately trying to keep ussafe from reexperiencing pain,
harm. So we may experienceprogramming that runs counter to
what we believe is logical. Iget the happy relationship. I

(30:00):
should just be happy. And thenif you're programmed this way,
you I had to sit down on theedge of my bed after a an
experience of my whole life maybe about to change in a very
negative way from a healthperspective, thank goodness it
did not Yeah.
To realize my feelings wereclouding my judgment of the
facts. I was telling myself theworst story possible about my

(30:23):
circumstances until I realized,Liz, you chucklehead. This is
what you want. It's not justwhat you thought you wanted.
This is what you want and isactually good for you.
And that veil of self deceptionlifted. Nothing changed about my
circumstances. But what willhappen is when you are deeply
afraid, if there's somethingaround the experience that

(30:44):
you're having is pushing youinto a comfort zone where you
have to release control, whereyou have to actually leap into
the unknown and really do it.Don't just do the Instagram
version of it, where you areliving a life that is different
than anything you had everplanned. You have to accept the
fact that some of that is justgoing to feel uncomfortable.

(31:05):
That means you're gonna starttelling yourself these negative
stories.

George B. Thomas (31:08):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (31:09):
Those are some of my thoughts that I wanna add on
to what you're talking aboutbecause you're absolutely right.
The way we are taught to thinkabout what happiness is, I
think, often contributes to thisfeeling of disconnect. Right?
Because say that that thinglike, how many times have you
and I heard stories of somebodygetting this opportunity that
they really want, but they thinkof it negatively because they're
worried about what other peoplemight think, whether that's

(31:30):
personal, professional,romantic. This guy is perfect to
me.
What from what will my parentsthink? Oh, I really want this
job, but I don't know. You know,like, all of these things where
it's like, man, we live in asociety that preaches
individualism and chasing life,liberty, and the pursuit of
happiness, but only under aspecific set of conditions. I
don't think so.

George B. Thomas (31:50):
The pursuit of happiness, by the way, be
careful with that because it'sthe pursuit of happiness that
actually creates the happinessparadox. Oh, I understand.
Sometimes you just have torealize, like, being happy is
being able to just sit in it,not chase it. Like, so many
times you like, if you try tochase a butterfly, it's almost
impossible. But if you just sitthere, many times it'll just
land on you.

(32:10):
Anyway, I'll quit waxingphilosophical. Like, it's hard
to achieve, but it's a magicplace when you get there, is not
giving 2 craps what they thinkand giving all the craps about
what you think.

Liz Moorehead (32:25):
I wanna say yes, and. It's a genuine yes, and,
not one of those yes, ands whereyou can tell somebody watched
it, so

George B. Thomas (32:32):
you should be

Liz Moorehead (32:32):
forced and that it's not a but. Yeah. It's a yes
and. It is not giving a crapwhat other people think, giving
a crap what you think, but alsobeing mindful of, like, there
are some peep like, George, Igive a crap what you think.
Yeah.
Like, not you're not gonna be inthe room for every single one of
my decisions, but it's okay togive a crap about what the right
people think.

George B. Thomas (32:52):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very good very good
point to add in there.

Liz Moorehead (32:56):
But you have to learn yourself first, though.
Like, I can't to to be veryclear on why it's a genuine yes
and, I had a disagreement with afriend of mine recently who was
quite frankly very hurt that Iyou knew I had been moving back
to Maryland for months.

George B. Thomas (33:09):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (33:10):
Many of the people in Connecticut did not.
In fact, there was one personwho I waited to tell very late.
Well, he and I finally had aconversation about it, and I
said, 2 things are true. Irecognize exactly where you're
coming from, and let me explainwhy this happened. I spent
almost 2 decades or moreprogramming myself to make
decisions based on what otherpeople think

George B. Thomas (33:30):
Yes.

Liz Moorehead (33:31):
To the point where I would look in the mirror
and not know if I was wearing anoutfit, if it's because I
actually liked it, or if it'sbecause I thought I was who I
was supposed to be or all ofthese different things. Like, I
I literally did not know who Iwas or what I wanted. And I
said, on hindsight, what I didwas kind of an overcorrection,
but I needed everybody out ofthe room while I made a

(33:51):
decision. And I had to be verycareful about who I told and
when because I needed to notwalk away feeling like I was
doing something wrong, be doingsomething I was right.

George B. Thomas (34:03):
Yep.

Liz Moorehead (34:03):
And you were one of the last people I told
because you mean so much to me,and I was so worried about what
was gonna happen. We're finenow. Yeah. And he ended up
understanding. But to yourpoint, this is why it's a yes
and.
If you have historically been apeep pleaser to the point of
self destruction where you lookin the mirror and you're like,
is this my beautiful life? Isthis my beautiful house? Like,
that talking head song, but,like, in the worst way possible,

(34:24):
you kinda have to relearn how tomake promises to yourself that
you actually want to keep andunderstand why you're making the
decision that you wanna make.Then you get to decide about
whose opinions you care about,but you have to learn to repair
that relationship with yourselffirst.

George B. Thomas (34:38):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (34:39):
I wanna dig into a very specific segment of the
population. You know, thepopulation who tends to listen
to this episode. We got our ourhigh achievers, right, our
people who like the idea of agrowth mindset. But if you
listen to our growth mindsetepisode in the healthy way, not
in the toxic self destructiveway. Why do you think we see
this a lot with high achieverswho sometimes struggle to

(35:02):
recognize or embrace their ownhappiness when it arrives?
Because everybody succumbs tothis, But, man, when we're in
our groups of people, all of usare happy and not happy at the
same time. It is wild to me.

George B. Thomas (35:14):
I'm gonna do my best to answer this question
like I'm not talking aboutmyself. See, high achievers, we,
I, they, struggle with embracingmy, our happiness.

Liz Moorehead (35:29):
Friends, Romans, fellow,

George B. Thomas (35:30):
failing countrymen. Be because we're
always chasing the next bigthing, Liz. Like, success is
often for high achievers amoving target. Once we reach a
goal or get very, very close toa goal, instead of taking time
to celebrate it, we have alreadymoved on to the next one. I
mean, I talked about my inboundstory at the beginning of this

(35:52):
podcast.
Like, I was already on to a nextthing. I can even say this
about, like, the money that I'veearned over the years. Like,
I'll be happy when I make60,000. All of a sudden in 2013,
when I worked for MarcusSheridan, that was happening.
I'll be happy when I make a125,000.
When we got acquired by ImpactBrand and Design, that was
happening, but it wasn't. I justkept moving it or, like and

(36:15):
there's so much that we do thisin our life. Like, this mindset
makes it hard to slow down andappreciate the moment because in
our minds, in their minds, in mymind, there's always something
more to accomplish, the the nextbig thing. I also think that and
I'm phoning this this one in fora friend. Perfectionism, it

(36:35):
plays a significant role here.
As high achievers, we set theseincredibly high standards, not
just for others, but forourselves. Even when we reach
important milestones, we tend todownplay the success or allow
ourselves to 0 in on what didn'tgo perfectly. Liz, I'm just a

(36:57):
guy. I say this, I'm just a guybecause of this thing that I'm
talking about right now. Like,it creates a situation where
nothing is ever good enough,making it challenging to feel
the happiness, the joy thatshould come from the success or
successes that are happening tothese high achievers.
That there's also again, talkingabout everybody except for

(37:22):
myself, not really. There'salso, like, a fear that if we
stop to relish our achievements,we'll lose the momentum and fall
behind. Falling behind is one ofmy biggest fears. You see, we
tend to tie our self worth toour productivity, to our output,

(37:44):
and we kind of always arethinking that happiness will
come if we just achieve just alittle bit more. If I just start
another business, if I just doanother podcast, the irony here
is that happiness is oftenalready present in our lives.
People just don't stop longenough to actually notice that

(38:05):
it's freaking here, which goesback to the beginning of our
conversation that you're having.And I'm like, sometimes we just
need to realize, like, we'redoing way better than we thought
we were, and we're actuallyhappy if we just shut our dang
brains off. But, Liz, I thinkthere's one other thing I wanna
mention here, and that is,again, the external pressure for

(38:27):
high achievers in that whole notsocial comparison, but just
comparison comes into play. We,as high achievers, are usually
surrounded by other successfulhumans and that makes it way
easier for us to minimize ourown accomplishments. I'll never
be Gary v.
I'll never be Jay Shetty. Whenwhen everyone around you is

(38:49):
winning, it's tough not to feellike you need to do more which
can then, again, overshadow thehappiness that you've actually
learned. And sometimes you justhave to realize the only thing I
can be is the best George bThomas. Liz, what do you have
brewing in the cranium of yours?I saw you, like, have a visceral
response to a couple of thethings that I said.

Liz Moorehead (39:11):
Yeah. Particularly the idea of, do you
have to go build somethingholding new, or do you already
have that opportunity you'relooking for in your front yard?
Right? It's this idea of I thinkthis is something we also come
to. Do you actually need a newcar?
Do you just need to take the caryou have for a car wash and
maybe give it a little tune up?Do you already have the tools
that you already need? Do youactually have to have something

(39:31):
fresh and wholly new? I wasthinking about it, an experience
I had actually around the workthat we do with Beyond Your
Default. And, you know, it's youknow, I've always wanted to be a
writer.
This is the personal growth areais something that I've always
really worked hard in. And Iremember before we started doing
beyond your default, I just keptfeeling like I have to create
this wholly new thing. And thenit turned out the opportunity

(39:53):
was something already in mybackyard, and that Yep. Ended up
and I think we expect thesethings to show up and just be
massive and grand when reallythe great works that we will
ever create are the ones thatbegin in our own garden, not in
the gardens found somewhereelse.

George B. Thomas (40:10):
Yes. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (40:10):
You know, you may bring the flowers from your own
garden into someone else's, butthe strongest crops we will ever
till and cultivate will be ourown.

George B. Thomas (40:18):
I I love that so much. And, Liz, it's funny,
not to interrupt you, but you'reliterally unlocking something in
my brain. I jokingly said at thebeginning of this episode, yeah.
I sent Liz 14 ebooks over theweekend. And my brain wants to
say that that was nothing.
It was no big deal. But as Ihear you talking, my brain goes,

(40:39):
do you not realize the massiveboulder that you just lifted so
that in 30 days, 60 days, 90days, you'll be able to throw it
into the pond of life? And doyou not understand the tsunami
that is about to take place? AndI would say no. At the moment, I
didn't, but in the moment of ourconversation, I do.
And so sometimes it it becausewe become so good at something,

(41:02):
because we streamline as highachievers the processes,
sometimes we feel like it's notthat big a deal when, actually,
we are doing Herculean effortsto mere mortal humans who look
and go, how are they doing allof that? Yet we're here going,
that was nothing.

Liz Moorehead (41:20):
Oh, yeah. Absolutely. The other piece of
it too, I will say, that jumpsout of my mind about high
achievers specifically is, let'sface it, kittens. We're control
freaks. We don't wanna

George B. Thomas (41:30):
You're obviously talking about anybody
but me. Right? Absolutely. Okay.Okay.

Liz Moorehead (41:34):
The thing. We say things like, oh, I know the
outcome I wanna achieve. I don'tcare how we get there or what it
looks like. Wrong. But that'shuman nature.
Right?

George B. Thomas (41:43):
Get out of my head.

Liz Moorehead (41:45):
I know. It's this thing of all I want is to have,
let's just say, happy,successful, healthy relationship
with someone who is emotionallyavailable.

George B. Thomas (41:56):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (41:57):
We there's passion, there's mutual
attraction, there's trust,there's humor, there's
longevity, there's all of thethings

George B. Thomas (42:02):
That's a list.

Liz Moorehead (42:02):
That make it a long term partnership. Right?
But he has to be exactly thisheight. We have to meet this
way. We cannot meet that way.
What do you mean he's not hereyet? Of course, we're gonna meet
naturally and organically. Is hehere yet? You know, like, it's
and that's just like a verybasic example, but I want to
leave a ding in the universe. Iwanna do x y z.

(42:26):
Whatever that ends up lookinglike, I'm okay with. I know
these things come aboutorganically. So here's the
18,000 step plan. If we don'tfollow this exactly to the
letter, I don't care what theoutcome looks like. We will have
failed.
Right? We get very hung up onyou know, because you and I have
talked about you believe in thepower of prayer. So do I. Some

(42:46):
people call that actual prayerin a connection with God. Some
people call that more kind of,like, manifestation, and some
people just call that agency.
I sit down and decide what Iwant. I understand that if I act
in certain ways that areaccordance with what I actually
want, it will show up. It willjust happen, whether that's the
flying spaghetti monster, God,the universe, or just our

(43:07):
secular abilities to be freewill wielding humans.

George B. Thomas (43:11):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (43:11):
Right? But we get way too hung up on the how. We
get way too hung up on it has tolook exactly like this or it's
not the thing. Right? If you hadtold me last year to design what
a free life looked like, itwould not be this.
Yeah. It would not be this. Itwould be wildly different and
probably not as free because Ididn't know how to define free.

(43:35):
I didn't know what that actuallymeant. You know, when you when
you try to define these thingswithin an inch of their lives
and then control things withsuch a grasp.
Right? It's a clenched fist. Andwhen you have your fist clenched
around an opportunity, you willnever give it the oxygen to take
a true shape. You will always berestricting it to be a very

(43:57):
specific form. It also doesn'tallow any room for your wants
and desires to evolve.

George B. Thomas (44:02):
Yeah. It's interesting because as you're
talking about that, I I'm justbeing real. I actually think I
don't do that. I think I amactually good on that level.
Could I be better?
Yes. But I give things a lot ofroom to breathe and a lot of
room to, like, pivot ortransition into spaces or places
they need to be. But I do agreewith you that I have seen so

(44:24):
many I'm thinking of an actualfriend. We'll call him Keith.
That's not his name.
But we've literally hadconversations of, like, bro, you
gotta let go and let god,brother. Like, you can't you
can't control every freakingpiece of your business and your
life and your wife and yourlike, dude, you're gonna have an

(44:45):
aneurysm. Like, chill out,Keith. And but he's a high
achiever, and he falls in lineto that thing of, like Well so
tight, so clenched.

Liz Moorehead (44:56):
Well, because in order to let go, it's not just
the simple act of release. It'sthe not so simple act of
acknowledging what it is you'reactually afraid of.

George B. Thomas (45:04):
Facts.

Liz Moorehead (45:04):
Because if you let go of something, sometimes
something isn't going to expand.Right? Something isn't gonna
grow into something bigger ormore beautiful. Sometimes you
have to contend with the factthat when you let go of
something, you're gonna realizethe only reason it was there was
because you were clinging to it.And it has been gone for ages if
it was ever there to begin with.
And those I had an experiencelike that, quite frankly, about

(45:27):
a month or so ago. I said, whatwould happen if I just let go?
And I knew I knew the moment Ilet go, my worst fears were
going to be confirmed. It was arelationship that was only there
because I was holding on. Andthe moment I released, it didn't
disappear.
It was already gone.

George B. Thomas (45:45):
Yep.

Liz Moorehead (45:46):
But you know what? That was a gut punch I
needed to take because it leftroom for other things. Like,
those are the things we have todo. We oftentimes, we we have
these exertions of control inour lives because we believe
that if we are not hyper focusedon every element, it's not going
to show up. Do you know whathumans are a 100% bad at almost

(46:07):
all the time?
Predicting the future, we nevera 100% get it right.

George B. Thomas (46:11):
See, I'm so glad I bought that crystal ball
at the flea market, like, 5years ago. I've been killing

Liz Moorehead (46:16):
it. Man.

George B. Thomas (46:16):
I've been killing it.

Liz Moorehead (46:17):
You're like you're like the guy who bought
half a stock at 85. Rude.

George B. Thomas (46:21):
I know. Right? So I don't have a crystal ball.
I'm joking, people.

Liz Moorehead (46:25):
So there are lots of different ways, obviously,
that this type of happinessparadox can manifest itself. But
I would be curious, in yourexperience, how can someone
reframe their mindset orapproach when they experience
that disconnect between theirfeelings and the happiness or
success that's sitting right infront of them.

George B. Thomas (46:41):
Yeah. And, again, I'm gonna try to talk
through this piece like I've gotthis all figured out, but I
don't. Liz, when when thisquestion came through, I had to
really sit down and think aboutthis one. But I think one of the
most powerful ways to reframe,and I think that's a key word
right there, the mindset whenyou feel that disconnect is to

(47:03):
practice presence. We humans areoften future focused, always
thinking about the next goal,but happiness lives in the
present.
So if we try to make it a habitto pause and really take in,
like, the current achievement orachievements that are taking
place, And when I say pause,what I what I want you to do is

(47:23):
reflect on how far you've come.As you know, I have this
whiteboard, and I I refuse toerase it because it says I've
come a long way since 2013, andI have. Daily, when I walk in
and out of this office, I canreflect on how far I've come.
What mechanism do you,listeners, do you, Liv Liz, have

(47:43):
in your life where you can seehow far you've come from where
you started? I mean, it mightseem simple, but taking that
moment or those moments toappreciate the journey, they can
bring great joy.
One of the things I love isgetting on podcast as being
interviewed and being able totell the story of the journey

(48:04):
because it is a manufacturedreflection of all of the things
that have been freaking amazingthat I probably didn't pay
attention to as I was goingthrough it, but have to pay
attention to it as I tell thestories. Redefining success on
your own terms is another thingthat I think is key. We kind of

(48:25):
alluded to this earlier of,like, comparison, but what what
does success look like in yourterms instead of measuring it by
external matters? Years ago, Istarted to say this, and I just
still don't care. Titles.
I don't give a 2 squats aboutCEO, CMO. At one of my jobs, I

(48:46):
was an inbound evangelist. Whatthe is that even? I don't nobody
can tell you what it is, butthat was my title. Right now, my
title, even though owner of,like, multiple companies, it's,
like, chief HubSpot helper.

Liz Moorehead (48:58):
Okay. My favorite. Yeah. Mine is content
therapist, I think.

George B. Thomas (49:01):
Yeah. I don't care about titles. Another one
is money. I have this reallyweird mindset towards money now
where it's less of that I wantit or need it, but more of it's
just a resource to do thingsthat need to be done inside the
business and inside of life. Andand so for you, you have to stop
and think about what successmeans at a deeper level.

(49:22):
It might mean for you buildingmeaningful relationships. It
might mean for you findingbalance. That's a key part for
myself. Like, I am always tryingto find ways, and I like the
word integration better than Ilike balance, but that's
probably because I'm also partnerd. But finding that
integration to work and personaland and family and the enjoyment

(49:44):
of success, but finding balanceor, you know, growing in a way
that matters to you, whateverthat is.
When you align your goals, yourtrue goals with what genuinely
fulfills you, happiness becomespart of success, not something
that we're chasing after. Likeand I I said when you said the
words, because I'm I know wherethey come from. I know that it's

(50:05):
our forefathers, but the pursuitof happiness might be, like, the
worst thing that we've ever beentold or that we think. Because,
again, I don't like this idea ofchasing it. But the thing that I
wanna put a stake in the groundright here is, like, there's
been so many conversations I'vehad with people, and I'd be
like, so what makes you happy?
And their response is like, Idon't know. You have to take

(50:28):
time. Sit by the tree, in afield, wherever, and understand,
like, what makes me happy. Andonce you know that, then the the
magic becomes not forgetting tocelebrate the small wins
alongside the big wins. Wehumans, I am talking about
myself, we often jump from onegoal to the next without pause.

(50:50):
We don't recognize the successof the smaller steps. We don't
realize those smaller steps wereprobably Herculean steps, to be
honest with you. And if we dopause, if we do think, if we do
allow ourselves to add up thesuccess metrics that truly
matter to us, and, again, in ahealthy way that doesn't become

(51:10):
egotistical or narcissistic, butis at least a balance of a true
sense of what we're doing andwho we are, this gets us to a
sense of fulfillment. It's the1% better. It's about enjoying
the daily progress, not justwaiting around for the big
moments.
Not just waiting around for thebig moments, Liz. About Liz, do

(51:31):
you have any, like, bonusthoughts, tips, other
conversations we need to havehere?

Liz Moorehead (51:35):
Yeah. I would say a couple of things. First of
all, number 1, maybe I'm onlyspeaking for me, but at least in
my experience, I don't considera happy thing to have arrived
until I feel it. I think I, fora really long time in my
programming, had it as, well,happiness is something you feel.
So until I feel it, I'm nothappy.
And that's not necessarily thecase depending on your

(51:56):
programming. Right? We've spenta lot of time talking about the
fact that, like, sometimes youcan have the thing you want
sitting right in front of you,and you're just like, what are
you? Why are you here? I don'tlike you.
You make me feel uncomfortable.Right? So I think sometimes we
have to acknowledge that when weget those things that we want,
it's not necessarily going toelicit the feeling response that

(52:17):
we expect. So to use yourfeelings always as the trigger
response, it's not always gonnabe accurate. The other thing I
will say are a few things.
1, allow yourself to havecomplex feelings. Right? Because
if you are chasing after thingsthat you will genuinely make you
happy, these are not selfdestructive things. These are
not things society are tellingyou should want. Right?

(52:39):
You may have complex feelingsabout it because going against
the grain of society or goingagainst the grain of what you
have decided to do for yourselfand your whole life may bring up
complicated feelings at first asyou experience something new, as
you step into genuinely unknownspaces, as you put yourself in a
position of having to learn newthings, to not totally always be

(53:01):
the expert. Right? Often,happiness brings with it a sense
of new opportunity, which meanswe are going to have to learn
how to be in that healthyrelationship, how to run that
new business, how to speak onbigger stages, how to promote a
book alongside doing whatever itis within your business. Right?
You are going to experiencecomplex feelings.

(53:22):
Don't throw toxic positivity atit. Allow yourself to feel
exactly what it is that you'refeeling and approaching your
feelings from a place ofcuriosity rather than judgment.
Perfect example. I had adisagreement with a friend
months ago, and I was kindapissy in my head about it in my
in my head, and he's like,alright. Let's go ahead and plan
our annual brewery trip.
And in my head, I'm like, Idon't wanna do that. That's the

(53:44):
last thing I wanna do. I wannasee you. You're a butthead. But,
intellectually, I earmarked thatfeeling and went, you are being
a child.
Make the plans. And then whenyou've cooled off a little bit,
let's ask ourselves what thisfeeling was trying to tell us.
Don't judge yourself for havingfeelings. Say, well, what is
this feeling? Why is it here?
Where does it come from? Does itactually have a name? There's

(54:05):
this really interesting activityI've been doing over the past
few weeks where I have this appwhere it will prompt you and
it'll say, well, what are youfeeling? Positive, neutral, or
negative? And then they'll say,okay.
So what is this positivefeeling? Name it. What is this
neutral feeling? Name it. And Iwas surprised.
One of the positive is, well, Ijust feel happy. It's like,
well, no. Actually, I feeltrusting. Well, why do I feel

(54:27):
trusting? Naming our feelingssometimes, being curious about
them without judgment can oftenreally help us understand where
we are and why we're feeling theway we're feeling.
And then finally, I haven'tmentioned this as something you
should do in a while, whichmeans it's time for me to bring
it up. Kittens, if you havetrauma that is making it hard
for you to be happy or trustingor vulnerable, go to therapy.

(54:49):
Meet with a professional.Sometimes there is no growth
mindset worksheet in the worldthat is going to take the place
of the fact that maybe you havetrust issues because of stuff
that happened a long time ago. Iam doing all of this work on my
own.
I'm doing all of my growthmindset work on my own. I have
my apps. I have my systems. Ihave all these different things
I'm doing. And then twice amonth, I meet with somebody

(55:10):
because, like, childhood was notfun.
My parents taught me some reallymessed up things about love and
relationships and not beingthere for people, which makes it
really hard for me to feel safein emotionally vulnerable
situations.

George B. Thomas (55:23):
Which, by the way, I'll just throw out you
coulda had the best childhood onthe planet. Life is still gonna
life. It's not a bad thing tohave somebody to be able to talk
to about it knowing that it'sjust not gonna go anywhere else.
Like, some sometimes we don'thave that friend. Therefore,
it's time to, air quotes, hire afriend that we can freaking just

(55:45):
unpack some of the ish that wego through or the ish that
people put us through just so wecan show up a a little bit
better each and every day.

Liz Moorehead (55:54):
I love that because I consider my therapist
like a strategic adviser.

George B. Thomas (55:58):
Yeah. Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (55:59):
I just need an expert third party opinion. For
example, the same reason whypeople hire me, because I am a
niche expert in the field ofcontent.

George B. Thomas (56:08):
Yeah.

Liz Moorehead (56:09):
Sometimes I need a niche expert in the area of
what is happening in my brainand why. Right? Like, there are
times where, you know, is okay,and it is what needs to be done.
Right? So it is this blend ofreframing the stories that we
tell ourselves, understandingthe feelings mix that may
actually come up when you arepresented with wholly new

(56:30):
opportunities of happiness.
But sometimes it's also justacknowledging our story and
acknowledging that sometimes wejust need to talk through a few
things. That it's not about aworksheet. It's about working
with somebody who is built tohandle these types of things.
What strategies can highachievers use to prevent that
kind of burnout ordissatisfaction when those
external accomplishments don'talign with their feelings of

(56:50):
happiness?

George B. Thomas (56:51):
Yeah. I mean, burnout. It is a huge issue,
especially when we kinda likewe've talked here. We get caught
up on our goals. We forget we'rehuman beings.
We try to treat ourselves likewe're machines, and we're not.
So many of us, we sacrificesleep. We sacrifice joy. Some of
us even sacrifice relationshipsfor this word that is success.

(57:15):
And we do this because we tellourselves that we'll rest after
the next milestone, or I'llsleep when I'm dead.
I hate that phrase, by the way.The unfortunate thing about I'll
rest after the next milestone isthat you're just gonna make sure
there's another milestone. Andbefore we know it, we're burned
out, and suddenly success feelslike more of a burden than a

(57:36):
win. I don't know if you're inthat place now, if you've been
in that place historically, butI hope that you're not in that
place in the future. Becausewhen success feels more like a
burden, we have climbed thewrong mountain.
We have unpacked the wrong box.We are in the wrong place. And
and so, Liz, to answer yourquestion, like, something that's

(57:57):
been huge for me and, again, Iknow I've talked about a couple
times the whole play, pray, maketheir day thing. But when I talk
about that, part of what I'mtalking about is this practicing
gratitude. Just, again, for allthe small things, for all the
big things, for all the things,like, when you're like, I am
grateful that I woke up thismorning.
I'm grateful that I can breatheright now. I'm grateful that we

(58:20):
have x y z a b c. That's a gamechanger in preventing burnout.
We, humans, and if we're stillgoing in that, like, tight
vertical of high achievers no.I'll just say humans.
We overlook our accomplishmentsmany times because we're focused
on the next challenge. And sothis idea of daily gratitude
practice, whether it be in themorning or whether it be in the

(58:40):
evening when you lay your headin bed, to recognize what you've
already achieved and appreciatethe journey, not just the
destination, is is a huge thing.Like, celebrating that progress
instead of celebrating theresults. There's a big
difference there, progressversus results. Often, us
humans, we only celebrate whenwe hit those big goals, which

(59:01):
leaves us feeling like we'renever doing enough.
And so these small wins, thisincremental progress, it creates
a sense of ongoing momentum andsatisfaction, which helps
prevent this burnout because nowwe're, like, stopping at a gas
station and filling up every sooften instead of trying to drive

(59:22):
clear across the United Statesor whatever country you're in
before you actually refuel.Remembering that your work
should connect to somethingbigger, I think, is huge too.
External rewards. Again, peoplehave heard on this podcast if
they've been listening for anylength of time, like, the
ripples. Right?

(59:43):
And if I tie this rememberingthat your work should connect to
something bigger, I also go tothe superhuman framework and the
fact that it it's not acoincidence that the four
cornerstones are love, purpose,passion, and persistence. Like,
it's something bigger. Ifthere's not a mistake, it wasn't

(01:00:03):
a mistake that one of the 10 hpillars is holiness. It's about
something bigger. When when wetie our efforts to a sense of
purpose, whether it's helpingothers, it's making an impact,
or or aligning with your values,you have this ability to then
create a deeper fulfillment thatkeeps you grounded even when

(01:00:24):
external success doesn't quitealign with the internal
happiness, but at least you'regrounded in those moments.
So that's kind of how I try tounpack it, how I play with this
kind of concept, and definitelywhy those pieces of the
superhuman framework have beenbuilt, especially around this
topic of, like, burnout andfilling up your tank along the

(01:00:46):
way. So, Liz, we've had a hugejourney here around the
happiness paradox. So what's theone thing that you hope the
listeners, take away fromtoday's conversation?

Liz Moorehead (01:00:58):
Mine is very simple. If you related to any of
the stuff that we talked abouttoday, 1, you are not a weirdo,
and you're not broken, andyou're not alone. This is way
more common than you think itis. This whole conversation was
not oriented around the idea offixing you. You are wonderful
just as you are, and this isabout bringing recognition to
that.

(01:01:18):
George, what about you?

George B. Thomas (01:01:19):
Yeah. My one thing is, be able to answer the
question, what makes me happy?And when you can truly answer
the question, what makes mehappy, then the next thing that
I want you to do is not justchase it. Sure. There's gonna be
hard work.
You're gonna have to put thingsin place, but the first thing I
want you to do is I want you tosit in it. I want you to imagine

(01:01:42):
it. I want you to believe it.Because if you can manufacture
it in your mind and you canmarinate on it and you can see
it, then once you're doing thework, once you're taking the
steps, once you're manufacturingthe journey, you've mentally
kind of been there. You mentallykind of understand what you

(01:02:02):
need, where to go, what to do,but it is less of a chase.
It's more of an understandingand then when you get to it just
enjoy it. Because trust me, itwon't be too long knowing you,
knowing me before we set backout on another journey to reach
a point beyond your default.