October 1, 2025 • 40 mins
In this episode, I sit down with my friend Brian from Osaka, Japan, to hear the powerful story of how God transformed his life.
Born into a home marked by abuse and silence, Brian learned to bury his pain and rely only on himself. For decades he chased survival, success, and even numbed his hurt with gambling, but nothing brought peace. By his forties, the weight of anxiety, rage, and brokenness had taken its toll…until God broke through.
From a childhood of trauma to the brink of divorce, and then to the moment he finally heard the Lord whisper, “I’ve always been here with you,” Brian’s testimony is a breathtaking reminder that God is ready to meet you at your limits and restore what nothing else can.
If you’ve ever wondered whether God sees you in your darkest moments, this conversation will strengthen your faith and stir your hope.
Thanks for tuning in to Bible Bish!
Come for the tea, stay for the truth -you just might leave changed. 🕊️
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brian (00:00):
I tried everything for self-help self-improvement.
I read books, I did all kindsof things, but nothing worked.
The moment I, I gave my heartto God, everything started
to improve in my life.
Kayley (00:11):
It's like you went from being selfish
to being self-aware.
Brian (00:14):
Yeah, that makes sense
Kayley (00:16):
because, and it's, and you were a victim.
Mm-hmm.
RightlyWelcome to the Bible Podcast.
My name is Kayley Bishop.
I'm your host and fun enough.
I am actually in Osaka, Japan.
Never thought that was evergoing to happen, but here I am.
The Lord totally brought me herefor a couple months this summer,
(00:36):
and I was able to meet a reallywonderful gentleman named Brian,
and he is actually a friend ofmine through the church that
I started attending in Osakacalled New Hope international
Fellowship of Osaka, and I wasso torn to pieces, my eyeballs
(00:58):
cried all the tears they couldwhen you shared your testimony
at church last month, and Ijust knew I had to get you on
the podcast to share that storyonce again for everyone to
listen to, not just my audience,but hopefully people here in
Japan far and wide because itis such an incredible story.
(01:19):
And so Brian, first of all,thank you for saying yes
to sharing, and I am justgonna let you take it away.
I want you to start fromthe very beginning of what
God did for you and how heradically changed your life.
Brian (01:33):
Sure.
Well, first off, thanksfor having me and uh, it's
a pleasure to be here.
my name is Brian Shibata.
Um, I am born andraised in Toronto.
my parents areimmigrants to from Japan.
My father is from Hokkaido.
My mother's from Osaka.
Hmm.
and when they came to Canada,they met each other and
they, they built a life there,and that's when I was born.
(01:54):
And I, I spent the first 18years of my life there, and
then I moved to Japan after18 and pretty much my entire
life I was, I was atheist.
I didn't believe in God.
I thought actually peoplewho believed in God
were actually idiots.
And yeah.
Before I talk about my journeyof Christ, just talking about
how I was, uh, born and raised.
(02:16):
But, um, in my, in, in my home,I was, there was no religion.
We didn't practicereligion growing up.
And, um, when I was achild, we were very poor.
Um, we were struggling tomake ends meet and my father
was working all the time andmy mother was a housewife.
And my parents were very,um, they were struggling a
(02:37):
lot to, to just, you know,feed us and everything.
And I think.
Oh, sorry, I'm, I'm gettinga little nervous talking.
Kayley (02:45):
No, you know, that's, that's okay.
Brian (02:47):
yeah, there was a lot of fighting and arguing in the
household and from, from a veryyoung age, uh, from when I was
around four or five years old,my father was quite abusive.
Whenever, whenever I wouldmisbehave or do something
wrong, he would kick meor he would just hit me
and just throw me down thestairs and my mother would.
Always tell me, you know,like, just bury all these
(03:10):
negative thoughts you haveinside you, just don't,
don't talk about them and
Kayley (03:16):
just so, so when you were beat by your father mm-hmm.
Would you run to yourmom to look for help or,
Brian (03:22):
My mom, no, she would, she wouldn't stop.
She would be in the, inthe same room, but she
wouldn't stop the beatings.
'cause, you know, um, I thinkmy, my mother disagreeing
to my father was, was, wassomething that would set
my father more on fire.
So he, she would just lethim do his thing kind of.
Kayley (03:42):
Mm. So you really didn't have anyone that was
rescuing you from those moments.
Brian (03:48):
Yeah.
No.
Kayley (03:49):
And so when she told you you just need to shove
all your feelings down.
Mm-hmm.
When did she tell you that?
Was that after you were beat,she would just come and console
you and tell you that something,
Brian (04:00):
it would happen after the beating.
And you know, once when I was,when my father was, was finished
and I was just in the cornercrying, and then my mother would
tell me, you know, like, justhold it all inside you and just.
Don't, don't ever talk aboutit until you forget about it.
And once you forgetabout it, just continue.
Like repeat that process.
So that was taught at me, thatwas taught at a very young age.
Kayley (04:22):
Wow.
Brian (04:23):
Yeah.
Kayley (04:24):
Okay, so you're raised in a very non-religious home.
Mm-hmm.
Which is standard for Japan.
There's not a lot ofreligion in Japan.
I've heard it's Shinto,uh, which is that a
derivative of Buddhism?
Brian (04:37):
Um, yeah, it's a form of Buddhism.
I would say most Japanesepeople, they would say
that they're Buddhist.
Uh, but they don't practice it.
Like my parents, like, theynever practice Buddhism.
Okay.
But they would alwaystell themselves that
they're Buddhist.
Interesting.
So I think that's very interest.
Yeah.
I think that's verycommon in Japan.
Okay.
Japanese culture.
Kayley (04:53):
Okay.
So keep going with your story.
Uh,
Brian (04:56):
yes.
So, um, yeah, growing up,um, I, I, I was, I was,
it was always at home.
It was always flight or flight.
And, my father was very abusive,but I think I always told
myself that I'm gonna standup for myself, stand up for
what I believe it was, right.
So whenever I would disagreewith something that my
(05:16):
parents would say, myfather would get very mad
and he would be abusive,but I would never succumb
to whatever he was saying.
Like, you know, like,yeah, you'll never
turn out to be nothing.
And I'll be like, no.
Like, I don't believe in that.
But, it was very, um, I, Ialways had to fight for, fight
for my, I, I wouldn't sayright, but like, just basically
(05:37):
fight for my own space.
Kayley (05:38):
Yeah.
Brian (05:39):
And so being at home was very, um, to me it was, I
think when I was around eightor so, I had to, Basically
believing myself that, youknow, in order for me to live
in this household, like I haveto learn to survive on my own.
Kayley (05:53):
Wow.
Brian (05:54):
So, yeah, it, it was, I learned survival
from a very young age.
Kayley (05:58):
Did you have any teachers or any friends
outside of the home thatyou sought refuge in?
Brian (06:04):
Um.
Not really, because I thinkat that age I didn't, I didn't
feel comfortable telling,telling other people what
was going on in the house.
Yeah.
Like I was kindof ashamed of it.
I kind of blamed myself for alot of the abuse that happened.
'cause you know, my fathersalways taught me that, you
know, I'm only abusing youbecause you're misbehaving.
So I kind of took it that,you know, I was in the wrong.
(06:25):
So, yeah.
Yeah.
I never really felt comfortabletalking about it at a young age.
Kayley (06:30):
Okay.
So what precipitatedyour move back to Japan?
Brian (06:35):
My story to coming to Japan when I was 18 was
basically, um, after finishinghigh school, I just, I didn't
know what I wanted to do withmy life, but I realized that
living at home was very toxic.
Kayley (06:47):
Yeah.
Brian (06:48):
Um, so I needed to leave and.
At that time, I thought, youknow, maybe moving to Japan
would be a good idea just to,you know, just hit the reset
button in my life, I was, Iwasn't happy, uh, at school.
I didn't, I didn't have reallymany close friends and, um, I
think one of the biggest thingsfor me was that I just, I just
(07:08):
wanted to get out on my own.
Kayley (07:09):
Yeah.
Brian (07:10):
And I remember when I told my, told my mom.
My mother the first time that,you know, I wanna move to Japan.
She was like, that'sthe dumbest thing ever.
It's like, you're gonna fail.
And when when I told myfather the same thing,
he was like, yeah, like.
Like a spoiled brat.
Like, you won't beable to make it.
You're not gonna, like, you'll,you'll amount to nothing.
And I was like, okay.
So that, that, that just set mymind, that, you know, like it
(07:34):
just re reaffirmed that leavingwas the right decision for me.
Kayley (07:37):
Mm-hmm.
Brian (07:38):
So I told my parents like, I'm gonna go with
or without your blessing.
Yeah.
And if it's without yourblessing, then I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna like, literallycut ends with my parents.
So I was, I, I was prepared to.
That's what I was preparedto do when I came to Japan.
So, and in the end when theyknew I was serious 'cause.
When I said I'm gonnamove to Japan, they didn't
(07:58):
think I was serious.
But then when I told them, youknow, I bought a plane ticket
and I saved enough money tomove to Japan, then that's when
they said, okay, you know what?
You can go to Japan andyou know, we won't give
you our blessings, butyou know, just do whatever
you want with your life.
So
Kayley (08:12):
I'm sure for you, having been in such an abusive,
toxic household, that probablyjust felt like hell to you.
So what, what's scary aboutgoing to some place that
you've never been, and whoknows if you'll survive,
but it's probably betterthan what you've known.
Brian (08:29):
absolutely.
for me, Japan was kind oflike an adventure to me.
Yeah.
'cause I didn't, I didn'tunder, I, I didn't speak
Japanese fluently at that point.
But, um, rather than livingat home, like, just for
me, like I new start wasexactly what I wanted.
So.
Like, there was a lot of thingsthat, that, that was, that I
was worried about if I, if Imoved to Japan, like what am
(08:49):
I gonna do, like with a job,friends, a place to stay?
But just more thanthat was just, uh, the
need to leave home Hmm.
Was I think, strongerthan anything I've ever,
ever assaulted in my life.
Kayley (09:01):
Wow.
So, so how did youget your start here?
Brian (09:04):
So, yeah, good question.
Um, I, I came here with athousand dollars to my name.
And when I came here, I stayedat my, my, my aunt's place.
Okay.
But her place wasvery, very small.
Like she lived with heruncle and her mother, and
they lived in like literallya one room apartment and
(09:24):
it was very small, so Wow.
I immediately needed to finda place to stay on my own.
And, when I was lookingaround, a lot of the, a
lot of the places that wereoffering rent were quite
expensive, like a few thousanddollars just to move in.
And I remember walking around,uh, walking around my, my
aunt's place and I saw, uh,uh, a dorm that was open.
(09:45):
For, for university students.
And I called the placeand I told them, I'm not a
student, but can I move in?
And she goes like,oh no, I'm sorry.
Like, we only allow students.
And I was like, and I waslike, okay, I, I can't
take no for an answer.
I need, I need a place to stay.
So, so I, I told, I toldthe person, it's like, I
came from ge, I came fromCanada and I don't have a
place to stay and I'm 18 andI really need to, I really
(10:06):
need to find a place to stay.
And she was like, what?
Who are you?
And I was like, um, I'm in frontof your apartment right now.
And she was like, hold on asec, let me come visit you.
So she came to see me andwhen I told her my story, she
was like, wow, like you cameto Japan on your own at 18?
And I was like, yeah.
And she was like, okay, so we'llgive you a special exception.
So,
Kayley (10:25):
oh my goodness.
Yeah.
And it was supposed to be acollege dorm and you got in.
It
Brian (10:29):
was, yeah.
Kayley (10:30):
Wow.
Brian (10:30):
And, um, they, they, they waived all
the front fees for me.
And the rent wasonly $200 a month.
So that was somethingI can afford.
So thank God.
So I found a place to stay.
Now the next was to finda job, but I didn't even
know how to find a job.
I couldn't even write a resume.
Like my, my Japanesewriting was so messy.
And, um, I rememberthinking like, what am
(10:52):
I gonna do for a job?
And, um.
when I was reading a magazineat a convenience store, there
was a universal studio Japanwas opening and they were hiring
5,000 staff for their opening.
And I was, okay, maybeI can get this job and
that would be a start.
And I called them and sureenough, I got the job.
So now I have a place to stay.
I have a job, now Ican finally make money.
(11:16):
But, um, my funds werequite short at that time.
Yeah.
So, and when I, when I startedto work, the pay was literally.
I had to wait two monthsbefore I got my first paycheck.
Oof.
So the last 30 days, I thinkI was on a $2 a day budget.
I couldn't even afford to train.
I was walking probably anhour to, or two hours just
(11:38):
to, just to get to work.
So.
Kayley (11:40):
Wow.
Brian (11:41):
Yeah,
Kayley (11:41):
I mean, that's commitment, but I feel like
when you're 18, you've.
You've got the energy to do it.
If there's ever a timeto, to live like that.
Yeah.
It's when you're 18.
Brian (11:50):
Yeah, when you hit rock bottom and you know, you tell
yourself that, you know, like,you're gonna get out of this.
Mm-hmm.
You don't have time to dwellon like what you don't have.
Kayley (11:58):
Yeah.
Brian (11:58):
So it's like, what am I gonna do?
Like what's thatnext step I can take?
And then what's thenext step after that?
So it's like just takingstep after step after step.
Until you finally get to aplace like, okay, finally,
now you can breathe.
So,
Kayley (12:10):
wow.
Looking back, uh, you know,you being a Christian now, can
you see God's hand moving inyour life during that time?
Brian (12:19):
At that time, no.
I, I didn't, I didn'tsee any God inside me.
Like, I think growing up in avery chaotic household, like
I, I had to believe in myself.
So in my mind, I waslike, there is no God.
Like I have to protect myself.
I have to look after myself.
Hmm.
So at that point in my life, Ididn't believe in God and I, I
(12:40):
still thought that at that timein my life, that people who
believe in God were fools, so
Kayley (12:45):
wow.
Yeah.
So when did that change?
Brian (12:47):
It changed at a much, much later day when I was, when
I, when I had, when I hit 40,I think, when I hit 40, 41.
Kayley (12:55):
So you've got about 22 years there.
Brian (12:57):
Yeah.
20.
Kayley (12:58):
Yeah.
So tell me about the momentsthat led up to you finally
giving your life to the Lord orbelieving that there was a God.
Brian (13:07):
Yeah, sure.
Um, so.
Once I came to Japan,I finally, you know, I
settled in and I startedto make a life for myself.
The first job I found afterUSJ, when I was working for
a Japanese company, like theywould always la they would
label me as, you know, like,you are, you're, you're a
Canadian, so you know, you'renot gonna work hard like
a typical Japanese person.
So that was kind of likethe label that was given
(13:28):
to me when I first startedworking, which is around 19.
And at that time I was like,okay, you know what, like, I'm
gonna work harder than, than,than even the, the locals and
the Japanese people because,and, and Japanese people are
really dedicated to their work.
But I was like, I'm just gonnaput myself more into my work.
And I think at a youngage, I knew how to channel
(13:49):
a lot of negative energy.
Like people's disbeliefin me was what, what,
what, what was my fuel?
Wow.
My mother telling me, I'll,I'll amount to nothing.
Or, you know, my fathertelling me I'm worthless.
And those are the things that,you know, kind of propelled
me like, you know what, I'll,I'll tell you otherwise,
like, I will, I'll proveyou wrong kind of thing.
(14:10):
So I use negativity to fuel me.
And, you know, even when I cameto Japan, a lot of people were
like, you know what, you're,you're not Japanese enough.
I would tell them, well, I'mnot because I'm from Canada.
But they would be like, oh,you're so disrespectful.
You should be more, youshould be more Japanese.
I was like, yeah,that's why I'm here.
I'm here to learn.
But like, I just kept tellingmyself that, you know, like I,
(14:34):
I, I, I always found a way tofuel myself through negativity.
Mm-hmm.
Which is, which is theonly way I knew how to do.
And I did that for aslong as I can remember.
And I think when I came intomy late thirties, I was going
through severe burnout, andat that time I think I have
literally done everythingin my own power I could to,
(14:58):
to channel my own negativeenergy in any way possible.
I was addicted to gambling,like very heavily addicted.
what started off as a 1000yen per night at its peak
was I was probably gamblinga million yen a day, and this
went on for years and years.
So I would always find copingmechanisms deal with all the
(15:20):
anxiety and rage that I was justkeep on suppressing in myself.
Yeah.
And yeah, this wenton to the point where.
I, I just, I was completelylost and when I was, uh, I
got married when I was, Ithink 34, 35, and my, uh, I
had a daughter and she wasaround four, and that, that's
(15:41):
when my anxiety hit its peak.
And I just, I, I had somuch rage inside me and I
just, and I would, I wouldfight with my wife a lot
and we would have a lot ofdisagreements and I think.
Every time we disagreed,she, it felt like it
was a trigger to me.
Like a lot of my, I, Iwas, I would remember a
(16:02):
lot of my childhood traumasthat, you know, my parents
never agreed on anything.
They always disagree.
They always fought, theynever, they never worked things
out together and they wouldalways resent each other.
So whenever I had a disagreementwith my wife and she would.
She would not agree withme, it would trigger me to,
to my childhood trauma, andit would just set me off.
(16:23):
It's like, okay, so she doesn'tagree with me, so I'll, what,
what is it gonna take forher to, to agree with me?
And I would just con like,continue to argue with
her until she understoodwhat I was saying.
And you know, we.
That went on for years andyears and we were just fighting
and fighting and fighting.
And it got to the pointwhere it's like, you know,
(16:44):
we, maybe we should divorceif we can't agree on things.
And when we told, when I toldmy daughter that, you know.
Mommy and daddy mightdivorce, but we know this is
none of this is your fault.
And we, and we, and weboth love you so much.
She just couldn't stop crying.
Wow.
And yeah, and she, and she said,you know, daddy, leave it to
me like, like, leave it to me.
(17:05):
I will, I, I will make surethis family stays together.
And that reallyhit me to my core.
So, and, and I told myselflike, is this so important for
me to be right all the time?
I think that was the momentwhere, you know, I just
let go of all the, thepride and ego that I had.
Mm-hmm.
(17:25):
And, I, I, uh, I askedGod to take away my
rage and my anxiety and.
It, it, it, it, it took about ayear for me to really get rid of
a, a lot of my old habits, butI think at that time in my life,
I finally let go of everythingand the next day I told my wife,
you know, I, I, I, I think Isee things differently now.
(17:47):
Mm-hmm.
I just.
I don't need tobe right anymore.
I just wanna besupportive to you.
Kayley (17:52):
Wow.
Brian (17:53):
And yeah, that was, that was really the moment
that I, I, I, for the firsttime more than ever, I felt
God's presence in my heart.
But
Kayley (18:01):
Wow.
Brian (18:02):
Yeah.
It, it, like, I mean, I grewup in a life where, God wasn't
supposed to be in my life.
Like the, the, the life that Ilived, like, you know, I was,
I was for self, like I wasmeant for self-destruction.
But, you know, through thegrace of God, I finally
gave up on my, you know.
I believing in myself.
Mm-hmm.
And the moment when I startedto trust my own thoughts and
(18:23):
I, and I, and I, and I putit in the hands of God, like
all the healing in my heartbegan and a lifetime's worth
of anxiety and rage and allthese negative feelings that
I had inside me just startedto go away little by little.
Kayley (18:37):
Wow.
God is so good.
Brian (18:39):
God is great.
Kayley (18:40):
You know your little girl saying, don't worry,
daddy, I'm gonna fix this.
She was four, five.
Brian (18:46):
Yeah, she was four at the time.
Kayley (18:48):
I feel like there are probably a lot of kids that
are product of divorce thatlikely felt if I would've just
done more, maybe my parentswould still be together.
And so I, I mean, myparents are not divorced.
I grew up with twoloving parents.
I never lacked love, Inever lacked support.
(19:09):
Uh, but I cannot imaginewhat it would feel like
to be a little girl.
With the weight of her parents'marriage on her shoulders.
And I just, I'm in a way likeso glad that it broke you, that
you saw that as, wait a second.
This is not, this is the reverseof, of what it should be.
(19:29):
I actually am responsible formy marriage, not my daughter
who was four years old.
Yeah.
but you said you finallydecided to let God.
have a chance in maybechanging your perspective.
So my question for you is,when did you start allowing
yourself to consider thatGod actually existed?
Because something must haveled you to that place where you
(19:51):
finally left atheism behind andsaid, my life is such a mess.
Maybe there is a God.
Yeah.
When, when did youstart contemplating that
maybe there is a God?
Brian (20:02):
Yeah.
Uh, great question.
I think when my anxiety gotto a boiling point, like
I just, I, I was thinkingtherapy, I was thinking,
you know, what can I do, youknow, self-help, meditate,
uh, cold plunges saunas.
I, I, I tried everything butnothing was working okay.
And that's when, um, uh, Iwatched this YouTube videos
(20:22):
with a guy named Johnny Chang,
Kayley (20:24):
and
Brian (20:24):
he was so articulate with.
How he had met God.
Kayley (20:29):
Hmm.
Brian (20:30):
And it just like what he said, uh, was his whole
life, he trusted himself.
Kayley (20:37):
Hmm.
And he
Brian (20:37):
trusted his own thoughts.
And he was completely miserable.
Kayley (20:42):
Wow.
Brian (20:42):
And that really hit home.
It's like, wow,that's, that's me.
And he kind of grew upin a similar childhood
where there was a lotof, uh, abuse growing up.
Mm-hmm.
So, I really resonated withwhat he said, and, and he,
he articulated in a way thateven, even a nonbeliever
can be like, you know what?
Like that, that makes sense.
(21:02):
Yeah.
And I think I got to thepoint where, in my life
where it's like, I'vedone everything I could.
To get me as far asI could on my own.
Kayley (21:10):
Yeah.
Brian (21:11):
But I was miserable.
Wow.
Like I, I was justcompletely miserable and I
was like, it makes sense.
To not trust myself.
Wow.
If I'm miserable.
Yeah.
So that's, that's actuallywhen I had the courage
to, to email Pastor James.
The very next day, I emailedPastor James, like, why
don't you come into church?
And when I came to see him,you know, like I, I, I told
(21:33):
him about everything I wasgoing through and when I
talked to him, I was kindof hoping for like a, you
know, like, so here's whatyou gotta do, this is what
you have to do to get to God.
And you know, this is astep by step instruction.
So that's what I was.
Wow.
No, that's what I was lookingforward to when I saw him and
when I talked to him aboutmy pain and, you know, when
I was hoping for answers,what he said to me was,
(21:55):
you know, God loves you.
And I, I, I remember it's like.
What, like what am Isupposed to do with that?
Like, yeah.
And at that time, you know,I didn't understand, like
I just, I, I was curiousabout God, but I didn't
understand and I didn't, Ididn't know what that meant
when he said, God loves you.
And I was like, okay, so, so,okay, what am I supposed to do?
(22:18):
And, and
Kayley (22:19):
wow.
Brian (22:20):
But he said it again.
And you know, God loves youjust, just the way you are and.
that really hit me in my heart.
Yeah.
Because I didn't love myself.
I, I hated myself.
Kayley (22:36):
Wow.
Brian (22:37):
And how can God love me when I don't love myself?
Kayley (22:41):
Yeah.
Brian (22:43):
And.
That's when I, that's when,that's when I heard God for
the first time in my life.
I heard God's voice in myheart, and it wasn't loud.
It was a very smallvoice, and he said, I've
always been here with you.
Ugh.
And that, that really,that really hit home to me.
He's like, I'm just,I have flashbacks of
(23:04):
my childhood memories.
You know, when, there was, attimes when I was contemplating
suicide, but there was avoice inside me and he's
like, no, don't do it.
Hold on.
Kayley (23:14):
Wow.
Brian (23:16):
I thought that was my inner conscience.
But those were,those were God's.
Like I remember now, like thosewere God's voices telling me
in my heart, don't give up.
Don't give up.
And
Kayley (23:25):
wow.
Brian (23:26):
And, when he said, what, what do you want?
And I said, I want, I want my,I want my rage and my anxiety to
go away and God said it's done.
That's when, that's when thetransformation happened I
hadn't, I hadn't understoodhow to love myself, and I
didn't know how, becauseyou know, in my mind, my own
(23:48):
parents don't even love me.
And you know, how can I lovemyself when, when nobody that's
supposed to love me loves me?
So I don't know how to do that.
But by accepting God's lovewas the first time in my
life that I had felt peace.
Kayley (24:06):
Wow.
Brian (24:06):
And that really.
I think the very next day, likeI felt a huge weight lifted
off of my back and that reallyjust, it just felt so, I've
never felt so good in my lifebefore and I was like this.
If this is what ChrisChristianity feels like,
if this is what believein God, I feel like I've
been missing out on a lot.
(24:27):
Wow.
So he, he really started toheal my, childhood trauma
and a lot of my pain that Iwas holding in for so long.
But, you know.
'cause I have lived for over 40years as a, as a non-believer.
Like I still clingedonto my old habits.
Yeah.
Even after God told me,you know, he loved me just
(24:48):
the way I am, I was stillarguing with my wife and I was
still having disagreements.
So even, even after God changedmy heart, what I realized that
I didn't truly love myself.
Kayley (24:59):
Wow.
Brian (24:59):
And you know, I was still being prideful.
I was still beingself-righteous and.
That's when, you know, we gotto the point where maybe if, if
we can't agree with each other,then maybe we should divorce.
And that's when, that'swhen my daughter took it on
herself to carry the burdenthat I was supposed to carry.
And that's when I realized that,you know, like I just, I, I had
(25:24):
accepted God's love, but I had,I had not truly loved myself.
So that's why I was stillclinging onto my own pride.
Wow.
That's when I, I, I justsaid, you know what,
just it's not worth it.
And I was confusing a lot of,I was projecting a lot of my
child trauma towards my wifebecause my parents always.
(25:47):
Disagreed on everything,and they never talked
about anything.
So I told myself Iwould do the opposite.
I would, I would talkfor hours and hours and
hours until, until my wifeunderstood my point of view.
Hmm.
But in reality, I wasjust forcing, forcing
her to accept my opinion.
Wow.
And I would, and Iwasn't accepting hers,
(26:07):
so I was actually doing.
I was doing the same thingmy parents were doing.
So, and, and I didn't realizethat because from my whole,
my whole, my mindset was,you know what, I'm not
gonna be like my parents.
I'm not gonna turn out likethem, so I'm gonna do the
opposite of what they're doing.
But, you know, I was stillbelieving I was still
self-righteous I was believingthat I was in the right, and
(26:31):
when my wife would disagreewith me, I would always
tell myself that I'm thevictim because I have to
put up with all this stuff.
So I would create all thesefalse narratives in my mind.
Kayley (26:41):
Wow.
Brian (26:42):
And a lot of it was rooted in because
I didn't love myself.
I was, I was being, I wasbeing angry towards my wife.
I, I think the, the biggestdifference in my heart was
when I told myself, you know,being right or wrong, doesn't
it, you know, if it's notworth it, like if it's gonna,
if it's gonna destroy thefamily that I built and cause
(27:03):
so much harm to my daughter,then, then I don't care about
being right or wrong anymore.
Like.
Kayley (27:10):
Wow.
I just
Brian (27:10):
wanna, I just wanna be the, I just wanna be
the husband I dreamed of.
I wanna be the, the, thefather that, that, you
know, I always wanted to be.
So just letting go of allthat and, you know, without
God's grace and none ofthis would've happened.
So.
Kayley (27:23):
it's, it's think it's really important to mention that
you had an encounter with God.
Mm-hmm.
Before this happenedwith your daughter.
And I think.
If I can just makean observation.
Sure.
What it sounds like happenedis in your humility of
seeking out a church, I'massuming you just looked for
a Christian Church to visit.
(27:45):
Yeah.
And then you find new hope.
Mm-hmm.
You reach out to Pastor James,like that is all humility.
Mm-hmm.
God favors the, the humble,but opposes the proud.
So you decided, okay.
In my humility, maybe thereis a God, and maybe this
could be the way for me.
So you go, you hear God's voice.
Mm-hmm.
You're humbled, yourecognize that he loves you.
(28:07):
All of these old beliefsare starting to fall away.
Mm-hmm.
So that you're able tosee with new eyes Yeah.
The circumstance that you'reliving in and then realize,
this is not how I wanna live.
Yeah.
I just think like.
The revelation of God, ofhearing his voice for the
first time had to happenbefore you recognized the pain.
(28:28):
Yeah.
That your decisions werecausing in, in your home.
God is so good.
Yeah.
He's so good in the timingof how everything can unfold.
Yeah.
So.
Tell me now.
'cause this reallywasn't that long ago.
Was this like a year ago?
Brian (28:41):
yeah, it was really recent.
Like, uh, less than a year ago.
Kayley (28:45):
Less than a year.
Brian (28:46):
Yeah.
Kayley (28:47):
So tell me how your marriage is now.
Brian (28:49):
Oh, it's amazing.
It's, it's 10, I mean, there'salways room for improvement,
but like every day I tellmy wife, you know, you
know how beautiful you are.
Like, and I tell my daughter,you know, like, you're so, like,
you're, you're the most amazing.
Daughter that a fathercan have asked for.
You're perfect in every way.
Kayley (29:08):
Wow.
Brian (29:09):
Yeah.
but like, be before I gave up,before I, I let go of, you know,
always needing to be right.
Like I would alwaysget stressed.
About small things.
Yeah.
Like the small things wouldalways accumulate and then I
would just blow up somewhereand, you know, all that is
completely gone anymore.
Now we still have disagreements,we still have arguments, but
(29:30):
like it's, it doesn't upsetme like it used to before.
'cause it's, you know, I thinkrealizing that, accepting
the fact that I am and Iwill always be imperfect.
And I will have negativethoughts, but you know, I
used to let negative thoughtscompletely take over me.
And now I'm able to distinguishthat, you know, when I
(29:51):
have negative thoughts,it's like, okay, this, this
is Satan talking to me.
This is trying to take over.
He's not, he's notgonna do that anymore.
Wow.
So having, having the, beingable to identify that the
negative thoughts aren'twho you are has been one
of really big processes.
So.
Kayley (30:09):
Oh, that's really powerful.
The negative thoughtsaren't who you are.
Brian (30:13):
Yeah.
And I try to focuson the PO positive.
So like, even, even like when,when we have a disagreement
or something, when I might getupset in my mind immediately,
like I, I would always tellmyself, but, but all the
good things that she does forme, like all the good things
that my wife, she's alwayssupporting me, she's always,
you know, encouraging me.
So, wow.
Even when I get those smallnegative thoughts when we
(30:35):
have disagreements, likeit doesn't bother me.
Nowhere near to what it, Imean, I would literally say
it's probably zero right now.
Like how much it bought, it usedto, it used to be like a 10.
Wow.
Now it's literallyprobably 0.01.
Kayley (30:48):
My goodness.
Yeah.
And this is just therevelation of God loving you.
Brian (30:53):
Yeah.
He, he, he truly changedmy heart and in, in ways I
thought was unimaginable.
Kayley (30:59):
It's like you went from being selfish
to being self-aware.
Brian (31:04):
Yeah, that makes sense
Kayley (31:05):
because, and it's, and you were a victim.
Mm-hmm.
Rightly so
Brian (31:10):
to myself.
Kayley (31:11):
But from, it started when you were a kid, your
parents, you were a victimof abuse from your parents.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And then.
It turned you inwardbecause it was no longer
safe to go anywhere.
Mm-hmm.
To go seek refuge in anyone.
So now you're focused entirelyon yourself of Well, I have
to be my protector then,and everyone that doesn't
(31:31):
agree with me is against me.
Yeah.
So it was a veryself-focused Yeah.
Way of living andway of operating.
And of course, how are youever going to have peace with a
significant other, with a spouseif this is how you're living.
Absolutely.
And who knows what I mean?
You know her background,you know her story.
Yeah.
I don't, but I know yours.
And now I'm hearing someonewho's incredibly self-aware
(31:55):
you are living out.
Romans where it says, takeevery thought captive and
make it obedient to Christ.
Every thought that youknow is not of God,
that it's of the enemy.
You're saying we'recapturing that.
We are submitting it toJesus and saying, I know that
that's the devil speaking.
It's not the Lord, and who amI gonna listen to right now?
Yeah.
And I just think it's soincredibly powerful because.
(32:17):
God says, like, think onwhat is pure, what is lovely,
what is worthy of praise youturning these negative thoughts
you may have about your wifeand remembering the things
that are worthy of praise.
Look at the way my,my wife loves me.
Yeah.
Look at the way my, my wifesupports me and helps me.
That is so godly.
That is godly thinking.
That is good thinking.
(32:37):
That is thinking that'sgoing to lead towards
communion and mm-hmm.
Prosperity and progressand connection.
And so I, I do know thatyour wife is not a Christian.
Mm-hmm.
Yet, yeah.
But I wanna know where thatdynamic may be shifting.
Is she finding herselfmore open to it now?
'cause she's seen atransformation in you.
(32:58):
Where does, wheredoes her faith look
Brian (33:01):
right now?
Um, I mean, she, shebelieves in many gods.
Okay.
And in that God, she believesthat Jesus is one of the gods.
But, um, yeah, she, she, sheknows firsthand how much Jesus
has healed me in ways that even,even to her to this day, it
still shocks her like, you know,like, you've changed so much.
Kayley (33:19):
Wow.
Brian (33:20):
So she knows firsthand how much God
has changed my heart andalso like She encourages
praying before dinners andshe encourages to read the
Bible to, to our daughter.
Kayley (33:31):
Mm. Every now
Brian (33:31):
and then.
So, um, she, she believeswholeheartedly in,
in, you know, Jesus.
Uh, but I think her timewill come naturally to when
she believes that, you know,he's the, he's the one.
Kayley (33:43):
Yeah.
Brian (33:44):
But yeah.
But firsthand, she knowshow much God has helped
with, with everything inmy life, so in our life to,
Kayley (33:51):
and she comes to church with you?
Brian (33:53):
She does.
She's very, very supportive.
Kayley (33:55):
Wow.
I just, that is so good.
Brian (33:59):
But we met when I was a non-believer as well too.
So it's kind of hypo for,it's, it's kind of me being
a hypocrite if I force.
On her.
'cause you know, when Ihad met her, we were both
completely nonbelievers.
So I think it willhappen organically.
Yeah.
Just like my journeyas everything has
happened organically.
So I think it will, it willhappen organically in her time.
Kayley (34:19):
Yeah.
And
Brian (34:20):
I think I just, you know, just continue
to live by example.
Kayley (34:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
Uh, one of the greatestlessons that the Lord taught
me was to be invitational.
Mm-hmm.
And to let him dothe heavy lifting.
Yeah.
Uh, my, I'm just in chargeof being invitational
and inviting people in toconversation, to church, uh,
to talking about the Lord.
And talking about my storyand like what God has
changed and done in my life.
(34:45):
That's the invitation.
Yeah.
And I am not responsiblefor their heart changing.
I can't change their heart.
Mm-hmm.
But God can.
Yeah.
And so if I just open the doorfor them to walk through Yeah.
That's all I'mresponsible to do.
And um, Lord willing, they walkthrough it and Lord willing, God
does something in their life.
Yeah.
And so I'm just really thankfulthat he has done that for you,
(35:07):
that he's radically changedyour heart and I know things are
gonna continue to shift and takenew form in your home and in
your family, and so absolutely.
I'm just really excitedfor your faith journey.
Um, thank you.
I, I just, it's abeautiful testimony.
It's a beautiful story.
It makes me wanna cry.
I have cried alreadyjust from listening.
Brian (35:28):
I, I think like, I really went as far like, I mean, for,
for people who still don'tbelieve in Christ right now,
like I would, I would tellthem, you know, like, just
go to the ends of the earthwith believing in yourself.
Like, wow.
You are gonna hit a limitsomewhere eventually.
'cause you know, it's, it'sreally like, I mean, people
(35:48):
who think that their livesare truly happy without
God, to me, I'll be like,Hey, it's not your time.
Right?
Like, everybody has their timeand God's timing is perfect.
So, you know, like I, Iliterally, honestly from
from the bottom, my, I thinkI went to, I went to the
depth, I went far as I goon my own, you don't, you
(36:09):
can't deny who you are.
And I was able to look myselfin the mirror and say, you
know, I'm completely miserable.
So some people deny thatthey're miserable, so
it's really hard to,
Kayley (36:19):
or they, they get caught up in alcohol or narcotics or,
Brian (36:22):
yeah.
Or they find other copingmed mechanisms and it
just works out for them.
But for me, like I, I. Youknow, the gambling was just,
was just a mask for hiding.
Hiding my anxiety or just,you know, not dealing with
what I needed to deal with.
You're just numbing out.
Yeah, I was literally numbingit out and, you know, for those
people who are able to, youknow, make ends meet by doing
(36:45):
that, and hey, by all means, youknow, but it's not gonna last.
Like yeah, you're gonna hityour limits some somehow.
Yeah.
So what I would say is that,you know, go to your limits.
Go to your limits on your own.
And once you realize, onceyou get to the point where
it's like, you know what,I can't do it anymore.
Kayley (37:01):
Yeah.
Brian (37:02):
Then I think, I think it's, it's much easier to
accept, accept God into yourlife when you have done it.
So, but for most people, withouteven pushing, pushing themself
that far, it makes it that muchharder to truly believe in God.
So
Kayley (37:19):
I think that's a really good point to make because.
Go to the end of yourself.
Yeah.
If you, if you wannalive for yourself.
Yeah.
Do it to the full degree,and then look in your Yeah.
You don't, yeah.
Yeah.
And then look at yourselfin the mirror and ask
yourself, are you happy?
Yeah.
Brian (37:33):
Yeah.
And I did.
Kayley (37:35):
I just love your story so much.
I mean, it, it definitelygets me in the heart
because to go from.
Abuse and to completeself-hatred, to running off
to a, a different country.
Even though you spoke alittle Jap Japanese, you
didn't, you weren't fluent.
Mm-hmm.
Even though you were Japaneseby heritage, by family, the
(37:59):
Japanese people rejected you.
Mm-hmm.
And.
And then to find yourselfangry, full of grief and
anxiety and rage to seeyour marriage crumble.
I mean, to be the gamblingaddict, you really have just
ran the gamut and what atestimony to see God redeem
all of that and heal the partsin in your heart that were
(38:21):
just so s sad and defeated.
And that's just what he does.
He's the great restorer.
He's the great redeemer.
He is pure love.
He's the kind of love thatcasts out all kinds of fear.
Yeah.
And so thank you fortelling me your story, and
I'm so excited to sharethis with the community,
(38:41):
the Bible Bish community.
And so thank you for tuning in.
I hope that you were encouragedby Brian's testimony.
I hope that.
If you see yourself in hisshoes before he gave his
life to the Lord, I hopethat you decide to turn that
rage back to God and say,Lord, can you take this away?
He doesn't.
(39:02):
He has no desire for you to livein rage, to live in anxiety.
He actually wantsthe opposite for you.
Mm-hmm.
He wants you to live in peacethat passes understanding.
He wants you to live in joythat is incomprehensible, and
he has that available to youeven if you are a Christian,
and you're dealing with rageand you're dealing with anxiety.
(39:22):
That is not the storyGod wants for your life.
So can you lay itdown at his feet?
Can you give it over to him?
Can you go to him in humilityand say, Lord, take this away,
because he will, and Brian isthe result of that happening.
So thank you, Brian.
Thank you.
Yay.
(39:43):
All good.
I tried everything for self-help self-improvement.
I read books, I did all kindsof things, but nothing worked.
The moment I, I gave my heartto God, everything started
to improve in my life.
Kayley (00:11):
It's like you went from being selfish
to being self-aware.
Brian (00:14):
Yeah, that makes sense
Kayley (00:16):
because, and it's, and you were a victim.
Mm-hmm.
RightlyWelcome to the Bible Podcast.
My name is Kayley Bishop.
I'm your host and fun enough.
I am actually in Osaka, Japan.
Never thought that was evergoing to happen, but here I am.
The Lord totally brought me herefor a couple months this summer,
(00:36):
and I was able to meet a reallywonderful gentleman named Brian,
and he is actually a friend ofmine through the church that
I started attending in Osakacalled New Hope international
Fellowship of Osaka, and I wasso torn to pieces, my eyeballs
(00:58):
cried all the tears they couldwhen you shared your testimony
at church last month, and Ijust knew I had to get you on
the podcast to share that storyonce again for everyone to
listen to, not just my audience,but hopefully people here in
Japan far and wide because itis such an incredible story.
(01:19):
And so Brian, first of all,thank you for saying yes
to sharing, and I am justgonna let you take it away.
I want you to start fromthe very beginning of what
God did for you and how heradically changed your life.
Brian (01:33):
Sure.
Well, first off, thanksfor having me and uh, it's
a pleasure to be here.
my name is Brian Shibata.
Um, I am born andraised in Toronto.
my parents areimmigrants to from Japan.
My father is from Hokkaido.
My mother's from Osaka.
Hmm.
and when they came to Canada,they met each other and
they, they built a life there,and that's when I was born.
(01:54):
And I, I spent the first 18years of my life there, and
then I moved to Japan after18 and pretty much my entire
life I was, I was atheist.
I didn't believe in God.
I thought actually peoplewho believed in God
were actually idiots.
And yeah.
Before I talk about my journeyof Christ, just talking about
how I was, uh, born and raised.
(02:16):
But, um, in my, in, in my home,I was, there was no religion.
We didn't practicereligion growing up.
And, um, when I was achild, we were very poor.
Um, we were struggling tomake ends meet and my father
was working all the time andmy mother was a housewife.
And my parents were very,um, they were struggling a
(02:37):
lot to, to just, you know,feed us and everything.
And I think.
Oh, sorry, I'm, I'm gettinga little nervous talking.
Kayley (02:45):
No, you know, that's, that's okay.
Brian (02:47):
yeah, there was a lot of fighting and arguing in the
household and from, from a veryyoung age, uh, from when I was
around four or five years old,my father was quite abusive.
Whenever, whenever I wouldmisbehave or do something
wrong, he would kick meor he would just hit me
and just throw me down thestairs and my mother would.
Always tell me, you know,like, just bury all these
(03:10):
negative thoughts you haveinside you, just don't,
don't talk about them and
Kayley (03:16):
just so, so when you were beat by your father mm-hmm.
Would you run to yourmom to look for help or,
Brian (03:22):
My mom, no, she would, she wouldn't stop.
She would be in the, inthe same room, but she
wouldn't stop the beatings.
'cause, you know, um, I thinkmy, my mother disagreeing
to my father was, was, wassomething that would set
my father more on fire.
So he, she would just lethim do his thing kind of.
Kayley (03:42):
Mm. So you really didn't have anyone that was
rescuing you from those moments.
Brian (03:48):
Yeah.
No.
Kayley (03:49):
And so when she told you you just need to shove
all your feelings down.
Mm-hmm.
When did she tell you that?
Was that after you were beat,she would just come and console
you and tell you that something,
Brian (04:00):
it would happen after the beating.
And you know, once when I was,when my father was, was finished
and I was just in the cornercrying, and then my mother would
tell me, you know, like, justhold it all inside you and just.
Don't, don't ever talk aboutit until you forget about it.
And once you forgetabout it, just continue.
Like repeat that process.
So that was taught at me, thatwas taught at a very young age.
Kayley (04:22):
Wow.
Brian (04:23):
Yeah.
Kayley (04:24):
Okay, so you're raised in a very non-religious home.
Mm-hmm.
Which is standard for Japan.
There's not a lot ofreligion in Japan.
I've heard it's Shinto,uh, which is that a
derivative of Buddhism?
Brian (04:37):
Um, yeah, it's a form of Buddhism.
I would say most Japanesepeople, they would say
that they're Buddhist.
Uh, but they don't practice it.
Like my parents, like, theynever practice Buddhism.
Okay.
But they would alwaystell themselves that
they're Buddhist.
Interesting.
So I think that's very interest.
Yeah.
I think that's verycommon in Japan.
Okay.
Japanese culture.
Kayley (04:53):
Okay.
So keep going with your story.
Uh,
Brian (04:56):
yes.
So, um, yeah, growing up,um, I, I, I was, I was,
it was always at home.
It was always flight or flight.
And, my father was very abusive,but I think I always told
myself that I'm gonna standup for myself, stand up for
what I believe it was, right.
So whenever I would disagreewith something that my
(05:16):
parents would say, myfather would get very mad
and he would be abusive,but I would never succumb
to whatever he was saying.
Like, you know, like,yeah, you'll never
turn out to be nothing.
And I'll be like, no.
Like, I don't believe in that.
But, it was very, um, I, Ialways had to fight for, fight
for my, I, I wouldn't sayright, but like, just basically
(05:37):
fight for my own space.
Kayley (05:38):
Yeah.
Brian (05:39):
And so being at home was very, um, to me it was, I
think when I was around eightor so, I had to, Basically
believing myself that, youknow, in order for me to live
in this household, like I haveto learn to survive on my own.
Kayley (05:53):
Wow.
Brian (05:54):
So, yeah, it, it was, I learned survival
from a very young age.
Kayley (05:58):
Did you have any teachers or any friends
outside of the home thatyou sought refuge in?
Brian (06:04):
Um.
Not really, because I thinkat that age I didn't, I didn't
feel comfortable telling,telling other people what
was going on in the house.
Yeah.
Like I was kindof ashamed of it.
I kind of blamed myself for alot of the abuse that happened.
'cause you know, my fathersalways taught me that, you
know, I'm only abusing youbecause you're misbehaving.
So I kind of took it that,you know, I was in the wrong.
(06:25):
So, yeah.
Yeah.
I never really felt comfortabletalking about it at a young age.
Kayley (06:30):
Okay.
So what precipitatedyour move back to Japan?
Brian (06:35):
My story to coming to Japan when I was 18 was
basically, um, after finishinghigh school, I just, I didn't
know what I wanted to do withmy life, but I realized that
living at home was very toxic.
Kayley (06:47):
Yeah.
Brian (06:48):
Um, so I needed to leave and.
At that time, I thought, youknow, maybe moving to Japan
would be a good idea just to,you know, just hit the reset
button in my life, I was, Iwasn't happy, uh, at school.
I didn't, I didn't have reallymany close friends and, um, I
think one of the biggest thingsfor me was that I just, I just
(07:08):
wanted to get out on my own.
Kayley (07:09):
Yeah.
Brian (07:10):
And I remember when I told my, told my mom.
My mother the first time that,you know, I wanna move to Japan.
She was like, that'sthe dumbest thing ever.
It's like, you're gonna fail.
And when when I told myfather the same thing,
he was like, yeah, like.
Like a spoiled brat.
Like, you won't beable to make it.
You're not gonna, like, you'll,you'll amount to nothing.
And I was like, okay.
So that, that, that just set mymind, that, you know, like it
(07:34):
just re reaffirmed that leavingwas the right decision for me.
Kayley (07:37):
Mm-hmm.
Brian (07:38):
So I told my parents like, I'm gonna go with
or without your blessing.
Yeah.
And if it's without yourblessing, then I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna like, literallycut ends with my parents.
So I was, I, I was prepared to.
That's what I was preparedto do when I came to Japan.
So, and in the end when theyknew I was serious 'cause.
When I said I'm gonnamove to Japan, they didn't
(07:58):
think I was serious.
But then when I told them, youknow, I bought a plane ticket
and I saved enough money tomove to Japan, then that's when
they said, okay, you know what?
You can go to Japan andyou know, we won't give
you our blessings, butyou know, just do whatever
you want with your life.
So
Kayley (08:12):
I'm sure for you, having been in such an abusive,
toxic household, that probablyjust felt like hell to you.
So what, what's scary aboutgoing to some place that
you've never been, and whoknows if you'll survive,
but it's probably betterthan what you've known.
Brian (08:29):
absolutely.
for me, Japan was kind oflike an adventure to me.
Yeah.
'cause I didn't, I didn'tunder, I, I didn't speak
Japanese fluently at that point.
But, um, rather than livingat home, like, just for
me, like I new start wasexactly what I wanted.
So.
Like, there was a lot of thingsthat, that, that was, that I
was worried about if I, if Imoved to Japan, like what am
(08:49):
I gonna do, like with a job,friends, a place to stay?
But just more thanthat was just, uh, the
need to leave home Hmm.
Was I think, strongerthan anything I've ever,
ever assaulted in my life.
Kayley (09:01):
Wow.
So, so how did youget your start here?
Brian (09:04):
So, yeah, good question.
Um, I, I came here with athousand dollars to my name.
And when I came here, I stayedat my, my, my aunt's place.
Okay.
But her place wasvery, very small.
Like she lived with heruncle and her mother, and
they lived in like literallya one room apartment and
(09:24):
it was very small, so Wow.
I immediately needed to finda place to stay on my own.
And, when I was lookingaround, a lot of the, a
lot of the places that wereoffering rent were quite
expensive, like a few thousanddollars just to move in.
And I remember walking around,uh, walking around my, my
aunt's place and I saw, uh,uh, a dorm that was open.
(09:45):
For, for university students.
And I called the placeand I told them, I'm not a
student, but can I move in?
And she goes like,oh no, I'm sorry.
Like, we only allow students.
And I was like, and I waslike, okay, I, I can't
take no for an answer.
I need, I need a place to stay.
So, so I, I told, I toldthe person, it's like, I
came from ge, I came fromCanada and I don't have a
place to stay and I'm 18 andI really need to, I really
(10:06):
need to find a place to stay.
And she was like, what?
Who are you?
And I was like, um, I'm in frontof your apartment right now.
And she was like, hold on asec, let me come visit you.
So she came to see me andwhen I told her my story, she
was like, wow, like you cameto Japan on your own at 18?
And I was like, yeah.
And she was like, okay, so we'llgive you a special exception.
So,
Kayley (10:25):
oh my goodness.
Yeah.
And it was supposed to be acollege dorm and you got in.
It
Brian (10:29):
was, yeah.
Kayley (10:30):
Wow.
Brian (10:30):
And, um, they, they, they waived all
the front fees for me.
And the rent wasonly $200 a month.
So that was somethingI can afford.
So thank God.
So I found a place to stay.
Now the next was to finda job, but I didn't even
know how to find a job.
I couldn't even write a resume.
Like my, my Japanesewriting was so messy.
And, um, I rememberthinking like, what am
(10:52):
I gonna do for a job?
And, um.
when I was reading a magazineat a convenience store, there
was a universal studio Japanwas opening and they were hiring
5,000 staff for their opening.
And I was, okay, maybeI can get this job and
that would be a start.
And I called them and sureenough, I got the job.
So now I have a place to stay.
I have a job, now Ican finally make money.
(11:16):
But, um, my funds werequite short at that time.
Yeah.
So, and when I, when I startedto work, the pay was literally.
I had to wait two monthsbefore I got my first paycheck.
Oof.
So the last 30 days, I thinkI was on a $2 a day budget.
I couldn't even afford to train.
I was walking probably anhour to, or two hours just
(11:38):
to, just to get to work.
So.
Kayley (11:40):
Wow.
Brian (11:41):
Yeah,
Kayley (11:41):
I mean, that's commitment, but I feel like
when you're 18, you've.
You've got the energy to do it.
If there's ever a timeto, to live like that.
Yeah.
It's when you're 18.
Brian (11:50):
Yeah, when you hit rock bottom and you know, you tell
yourself that, you know, like,you're gonna get out of this.
Mm-hmm.
You don't have time to dwellon like what you don't have.
Kayley (11:58):
Yeah.
Brian (11:58):
So it's like, what am I gonna do?
Like what's thatnext step I can take?
And then what's thenext step after that?
So it's like just takingstep after step after step.
Until you finally get to aplace like, okay, finally,
now you can breathe.
So,
Kayley (12:10):
wow.
Looking back, uh, you know,you being a Christian now, can
you see God's hand moving inyour life during that time?
Brian (12:19):
At that time, no.
I, I didn't, I didn'tsee any God inside me.
Like, I think growing up in avery chaotic household, like
I, I had to believe in myself.
So in my mind, I waslike, there is no God.
Like I have to protect myself.
I have to look after myself.
Hmm.
So at that point in my life, Ididn't believe in God and I, I
(12:40):
still thought that at that timein my life, that people who
believe in God were fools, so
Kayley (12:45):
wow.
Yeah.
So when did that change?
Brian (12:47):
It changed at a much, much later day when I was, when
I, when I had, when I hit 40,I think, when I hit 40, 41.
Kayley (12:55):
So you've got about 22 years there.
Brian (12:57):
Yeah.
20.
Kayley (12:58):
Yeah.
So tell me about the momentsthat led up to you finally
giving your life to the Lord orbelieving that there was a God.
Brian (13:07):
Yeah, sure.
Um, so.
Once I came to Japan,I finally, you know, I
settled in and I startedto make a life for myself.
The first job I found afterUSJ, when I was working for
a Japanese company, like theywould always la they would
label me as, you know, like,you are, you're, you're a
Canadian, so you know, you'renot gonna work hard like
a typical Japanese person.
So that was kind of likethe label that was given
(13:28):
to me when I first startedworking, which is around 19.
And at that time I was like,okay, you know what, like, I'm
gonna work harder than, than,than even the, the locals and
the Japanese people because,and, and Japanese people are
really dedicated to their work.
But I was like, I'm just gonnaput myself more into my work.
And I think at a youngage, I knew how to channel
(13:49):
a lot of negative energy.
Like people's disbeliefin me was what, what,
what, what was my fuel?
Wow.
My mother telling me, I'll,I'll amount to nothing.
Or, you know, my fathertelling me I'm worthless.
And those are the things that,you know, kind of propelled
me like, you know what, I'll,I'll tell you otherwise,
like, I will, I'll proveyou wrong kind of thing.
(14:10):
So I use negativity to fuel me.
And, you know, even when I cameto Japan, a lot of people were
like, you know what, you're,you're not Japanese enough.
I would tell them, well, I'mnot because I'm from Canada.
But they would be like, oh,you're so disrespectful.
You should be more, youshould be more Japanese.
I was like, yeah,that's why I'm here.
I'm here to learn.
But like, I just kept tellingmyself that, you know, like I,
(14:34):
I, I, I always found a way tofuel myself through negativity.
Mm-hmm.
Which is, which is theonly way I knew how to do.
And I did that for aslong as I can remember.
And I think when I came intomy late thirties, I was going
through severe burnout, andat that time I think I have
literally done everythingin my own power I could to,
(14:58):
to channel my own negativeenergy in any way possible.
I was addicted to gambling,like very heavily addicted.
what started off as a 1000yen per night at its peak
was I was probably gamblinga million yen a day, and this
went on for years and years.
So I would always find copingmechanisms deal with all the
(15:20):
anxiety and rage that I was justkeep on suppressing in myself.
Yeah.
And yeah, this wenton to the point where.
I, I just, I was completelylost and when I was, uh, I
got married when I was, Ithink 34, 35, and my, uh, I
had a daughter and she wasaround four, and that, that's
(15:41):
when my anxiety hit its peak.
And I just, I, I had somuch rage inside me and I
just, and I would, I wouldfight with my wife a lot
and we would have a lot ofdisagreements and I think.
Every time we disagreed,she, it felt like it
was a trigger to me.
Like a lot of my, I, Iwas, I would remember a
(16:02):
lot of my childhood traumasthat, you know, my parents
never agreed on anything.
They always disagree.
They always fought, theynever, they never worked things
out together and they wouldalways resent each other.
So whenever I had a disagreementwith my wife and she would.
She would not agree withme, it would trigger me to,
to my childhood trauma, andit would just set me off.
(16:23):
It's like, okay, so she doesn'tagree with me, so I'll, what,
what is it gonna take forher to, to agree with me?
And I would just con like,continue to argue with
her until she understoodwhat I was saying.
And you know, we.
That went on for years andyears and we were just fighting
and fighting and fighting.
And it got to the pointwhere it's like, you know,
(16:44):
we, maybe we should divorceif we can't agree on things.
And when we told, when I toldmy daughter that, you know.
Mommy and daddy mightdivorce, but we know this is
none of this is your fault.
And we, and we, and weboth love you so much.
She just couldn't stop crying.
Wow.
And yeah, and she, and she said,you know, daddy, leave it to
me like, like, leave it to me.
(17:05):
I will, I, I will make surethis family stays together.
And that reallyhit me to my core.
So, and, and I told myselflike, is this so important for
me to be right all the time?
I think that was the momentwhere, you know, I just
let go of all the, thepride and ego that I had.
Mm-hmm.
(17:25):
And, I, I, uh, I askedGod to take away my
rage and my anxiety and.
It, it, it, it, it took about ayear for me to really get rid of
a, a lot of my old habits, butI think at that time in my life,
I finally let go of everythingand the next day I told my wife,
you know, I, I, I, I think Isee things differently now.
(17:47):
Mm-hmm.
I just.
I don't need tobe right anymore.
I just wanna besupportive to you.
Kayley (17:52):
Wow.
Brian (17:53):
And yeah, that was, that was really the moment
that I, I, I, for the firsttime more than ever, I felt
God's presence in my heart.
But
Kayley (18:01):
Wow.
Brian (18:02):
Yeah.
It, it, like, I mean, I grewup in a life where, God wasn't
supposed to be in my life.
Like the, the, the life that Ilived, like, you know, I was,
I was for self, like I wasmeant for self-destruction.
But, you know, through thegrace of God, I finally
gave up on my, you know.
I believing in myself.
Mm-hmm.
And the moment when I startedto trust my own thoughts and
(18:23):
I, and I, and I, and I putit in the hands of God, like
all the healing in my heartbegan and a lifetime's worth
of anxiety and rage and allthese negative feelings that
I had inside me just startedto go away little by little.
Kayley (18:37):
Wow.
God is so good.
Brian (18:39):
God is great.
Kayley (18:40):
You know your little girl saying, don't worry,
daddy, I'm gonna fix this.
She was four, five.
Brian (18:46):
Yeah, she was four at the time.
Kayley (18:48):
I feel like there are probably a lot of kids that
are product of divorce thatlikely felt if I would've just
done more, maybe my parentswould still be together.
And so I, I mean, myparents are not divorced.
I grew up with twoloving parents.
I never lacked love, Inever lacked support.
(19:09):
Uh, but I cannot imaginewhat it would feel like
to be a little girl.
With the weight of her parents'marriage on her shoulders.
And I just, I'm in a way likeso glad that it broke you, that
you saw that as, wait a second.
This is not, this is the reverseof, of what it should be.
(19:29):
I actually am responsible formy marriage, not my daughter
who was four years old.
Yeah.
but you said you finallydecided to let God.
have a chance in maybechanging your perspective.
So my question for you is,when did you start allowing
yourself to consider thatGod actually existed?
Because something must haveled you to that place where you
(19:51):
finally left atheism behind andsaid, my life is such a mess.
Maybe there is a God.
Yeah.
When, when did youstart contemplating that
maybe there is a God?
Brian (20:02):
Yeah.
Uh, great question.
I think when my anxiety gotto a boiling point, like
I just, I, I was thinkingtherapy, I was thinking,
you know, what can I do, youknow, self-help, meditate,
uh, cold plunges saunas.
I, I, I tried everything butnothing was working okay.
And that's when, um, uh, Iwatched this YouTube videos
(20:22):
with a guy named Johnny Chang,
Kayley (20:24):
and
Brian (20:24):
he was so articulate with.
How he had met God.
Kayley (20:29):
Hmm.
Brian (20:30):
And it just like what he said, uh, was his whole
life, he trusted himself.
Kayley (20:37):
Hmm.
And he
Brian (20:37):
trusted his own thoughts.
And he was completely miserable.
Kayley (20:42):
Wow.
Brian (20:42):
And that really hit home.
It's like, wow,that's, that's me.
And he kind of grew upin a similar childhood
where there was a lotof, uh, abuse growing up.
Mm-hmm.
So, I really resonated withwhat he said, and, and he,
he articulated in a way thateven, even a nonbeliever
can be like, you know what?
Like that, that makes sense.
(21:02):
Yeah.
And I think I got to thepoint where, in my life
where it's like, I'vedone everything I could.
To get me as far asI could on my own.
Kayley (21:10):
Yeah.
Brian (21:11):
But I was miserable.
Wow.
Like I, I was justcompletely miserable and I
was like, it makes sense.
To not trust myself.
Wow.
If I'm miserable.
Yeah.
So that's, that's actuallywhen I had the courage
to, to email Pastor James.
The very next day, I emailedPastor James, like, why
don't you come into church?
And when I came to see him,you know, like I, I, I told
(21:33):
him about everything I wasgoing through and when I
talked to him, I was kindof hoping for like a, you
know, like, so here's whatyou gotta do, this is what
you have to do to get to God.
And you know, this is astep by step instruction.
So that's what I was.
Wow.
No, that's what I was lookingforward to when I saw him and
when I talked to him aboutmy pain and, you know, when
I was hoping for answers,what he said to me was,
(21:55):
you know, God loves you.
And I, I, I remember it's like.
What, like what am Isupposed to do with that?
Like, yeah.
And at that time, you know,I didn't understand, like
I just, I, I was curiousabout God, but I didn't
understand and I didn't, Ididn't know what that meant
when he said, God loves you.
And I was like, okay, so, so,okay, what am I supposed to do?
(22:18):
And, and
Kayley (22:19):
wow.
Brian (22:20):
But he said it again.
And you know, God loves youjust, just the way you are and.
that really hit me in my heart.
Yeah.
Because I didn't love myself.
I, I hated myself.
Kayley (22:36):
Wow.
Brian (22:37):
And how can God love me when I don't love myself?
Kayley (22:41):
Yeah.
Brian (22:43):
And.
That's when I, that's when,that's when I heard God for
the first time in my life.
I heard God's voice in myheart, and it wasn't loud.
It was a very smallvoice, and he said, I've
always been here with you.
Ugh.
And that, that really,that really hit home to me.
He's like, I'm just,I have flashbacks of
(23:04):
my childhood memories.
You know, when, there was, attimes when I was contemplating
suicide, but there was avoice inside me and he's
like, no, don't do it.
Hold on.
Kayley (23:14):
Wow.
Brian (23:16):
I thought that was my inner conscience.
But those were,those were God's.
Like I remember now, like thosewere God's voices telling me
in my heart, don't give up.
Don't give up.
And
Kayley (23:25):
wow.
Brian (23:26):
And, when he said, what, what do you want?
And I said, I want, I want my,I want my rage and my anxiety to
go away and God said it's done.
That's when, that's when thetransformation happened I
hadn't, I hadn't understoodhow to love myself, and I
didn't know how, becauseyou know, in my mind, my own
(23:48):
parents don't even love me.
And you know, how can I lovemyself when, when nobody that's
supposed to love me loves me?
So I don't know how to do that.
But by accepting God's lovewas the first time in my
life that I had felt peace.
Kayley (24:06):
Wow.
Brian (24:06):
And that really.
I think the very next day, likeI felt a huge weight lifted
off of my back and that reallyjust, it just felt so, I've
never felt so good in my lifebefore and I was like this.
If this is what ChrisChristianity feels like,
if this is what believein God, I feel like I've
been missing out on a lot.
(24:27):
Wow.
So he, he really started toheal my, childhood trauma
and a lot of my pain that Iwas holding in for so long.
But, you know.
'cause I have lived for over 40years as a, as a non-believer.
Like I still clingedonto my old habits.
Yeah.
Even after God told me,you know, he loved me just
(24:48):
the way I am, I was stillarguing with my wife and I was
still having disagreements.
So even, even after God changedmy heart, what I realized that
I didn't truly love myself.
Kayley (24:59):
Wow.
Brian (24:59):
And you know, I was still being prideful.
I was still beingself-righteous and.
That's when, you know, we gotto the point where maybe if, if
we can't agree with each other,then maybe we should divorce.
And that's when, that'swhen my daughter took it on
herself to carry the burdenthat I was supposed to carry.
And that's when I realized that,you know, like I just, I, I had
(25:24):
accepted God's love, but I had,I had not truly loved myself.
So that's why I was stillclinging onto my own pride.
Wow.
That's when I, I, I justsaid, you know what,
just it's not worth it.
And I was confusing a lot of,I was projecting a lot of my
child trauma towards my wifebecause my parents always.
(25:47):
Disagreed on everything,and they never talked
about anything.
So I told myself Iwould do the opposite.
I would, I would talkfor hours and hours and
hours until, until my wifeunderstood my point of view.
Hmm.
But in reality, I wasjust forcing, forcing
her to accept my opinion.
Wow.
And I would, and Iwasn't accepting hers,
(26:07):
so I was actually doing.
I was doing the same thingmy parents were doing.
So, and, and I didn't realizethat because from my whole,
my whole, my mindset was,you know what, I'm not
gonna be like my parents.
I'm not gonna turn out likethem, so I'm gonna do the
opposite of what they're doing.
But, you know, I was stillbelieving I was still
self-righteous I was believingthat I was in the right, and
(26:31):
when my wife would disagreewith me, I would always
tell myself that I'm thevictim because I have to
put up with all this stuff.
So I would create all thesefalse narratives in my mind.
Kayley (26:41):
Wow.
Brian (26:42):
And a lot of it was rooted in because
I didn't love myself.
I was, I was being, I wasbeing angry towards my wife.
I, I think the, the biggestdifference in my heart was
when I told myself, you know,being right or wrong, doesn't
it, you know, if it's notworth it, like if it's gonna,
if it's gonna destroy thefamily that I built and cause
(27:03):
so much harm to my daughter,then, then I don't care about
being right or wrong anymore.
Like.
Kayley (27:10):
Wow.
I just
Brian (27:10):
wanna, I just wanna be the, I just wanna be
the husband I dreamed of.
I wanna be the, the, thefather that, that, you
know, I always wanted to be.
So just letting go of allthat and, you know, without
God's grace and none ofthis would've happened.
So.
Kayley (27:23):
it's, it's think it's really important to mention that
you had an encounter with God.
Mm-hmm.
Before this happenedwith your daughter.
And I think.
If I can just makean observation.
Sure.
What it sounds like happenedis in your humility of
seeking out a church, I'massuming you just looked for
a Christian Church to visit.
(27:45):
Yeah.
And then you find new hope.
Mm-hmm.
You reach out to Pastor James,like that is all humility.
Mm-hmm.
God favors the, the humble,but opposes the proud.
So you decided, okay.
In my humility, maybe thereis a God, and maybe this
could be the way for me.
So you go, you hear God's voice.
Mm-hmm.
You're humbled, yourecognize that he loves you.
(28:07):
All of these old beliefsare starting to fall away.
Mm-hmm.
So that you're able tosee with new eyes Yeah.
The circumstance that you'reliving in and then realize,
this is not how I wanna live.
Yeah.
I just think like.
The revelation of God, ofhearing his voice for the
first time had to happenbefore you recognized the pain.
(28:28):
Yeah.
That your decisions werecausing in, in your home.
God is so good.
Yeah.
He's so good in the timingof how everything can unfold.
Yeah.
So.
Tell me now.
'cause this reallywasn't that long ago.
Was this like a year ago?
Brian (28:41):
yeah, it was really recent.
Like, uh, less than a year ago.
Kayley (28:45):
Less than a year.
Brian (28:46):
Yeah.
Kayley (28:47):
So tell me how your marriage is now.
Brian (28:49):
Oh, it's amazing.
It's, it's 10, I mean, there'salways room for improvement,
but like every day I tellmy wife, you know, you
know how beautiful you are.
Like, and I tell my daughter,you know, like, you're so, like,
you're, you're the most amazing.
Daughter that a fathercan have asked for.
You're perfect in every way.
Kayley (29:08):
Wow.
Brian (29:09):
Yeah.
but like, be before I gave up,before I, I let go of, you know,
always needing to be right.
Like I would alwaysget stressed.
About small things.
Yeah.
Like the small things wouldalways accumulate and then I
would just blow up somewhereand, you know, all that is
completely gone anymore.
Now we still have disagreements,we still have arguments, but
(29:30):
like it's, it doesn't upsetme like it used to before.
'cause it's, you know, I thinkrealizing that, accepting
the fact that I am and Iwill always be imperfect.
And I will have negativethoughts, but you know, I
used to let negative thoughtscompletely take over me.
And now I'm able to distinguishthat, you know, when I
(29:51):
have negative thoughts,it's like, okay, this, this
is Satan talking to me.
This is trying to take over.
He's not, he's notgonna do that anymore.
Wow.
So having, having the, beingable to identify that the
negative thoughts aren'twho you are has been one
of really big processes.
So.
Kayley (30:09):
Oh, that's really powerful.
The negative thoughtsaren't who you are.
Brian (30:13):
Yeah.
And I try to focuson the PO positive.
So like, even, even like when,when we have a disagreement
or something, when I might getupset in my mind immediately,
like I, I would always tellmyself, but, but all the
good things that she does forme, like all the good things
that my wife, she's alwayssupporting me, she's always,
you know, encouraging me.
So, wow.
Even when I get those smallnegative thoughts when we
(30:35):
have disagreements, likeit doesn't bother me.
Nowhere near to what it, Imean, I would literally say
it's probably zero right now.
Like how much it bought, it usedto, it used to be like a 10.
Wow.
Now it's literallyprobably 0.01.
Kayley (30:48):
My goodness.
Yeah.
And this is just therevelation of God loving you.
Brian (30:53):
Yeah.
He, he, he truly changedmy heart and in, in ways I
thought was unimaginable.
Kayley (30:59):
It's like you went from being selfish
to being self-aware.
Brian (31:04):
Yeah, that makes sense
Kayley (31:05):
because, and it's, and you were a victim.
Mm-hmm.
Rightly so
Brian (31:10):
to myself.
Kayley (31:11):
But from, it started when you were a kid, your
parents, you were a victimof abuse from your parents.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And then.
It turned you inwardbecause it was no longer
safe to go anywhere.
Mm-hmm.
To go seek refuge in anyone.
So now you're focused entirelyon yourself of Well, I have
to be my protector then,and everyone that doesn't
(31:31):
agree with me is against me.
Yeah.
So it was a veryself-focused Yeah.
Way of living andway of operating.
And of course, how are youever going to have peace with a
significant other, with a spouseif this is how you're living.
Absolutely.
And who knows what I mean?
You know her background,you know her story.
Yeah.
I don't, but I know yours.
And now I'm hearing someonewho's incredibly self-aware
(31:55):
you are living out.
Romans where it says, takeevery thought captive and
make it obedient to Christ.
Every thought that youknow is not of God,
that it's of the enemy.
You're saying we'recapturing that.
We are submitting it toJesus and saying, I know that
that's the devil speaking.
It's not the Lord, and who amI gonna listen to right now?
Yeah.
And I just think it's soincredibly powerful because.
(32:17):
God says, like, think onwhat is pure, what is lovely,
what is worthy of praise youturning these negative thoughts
you may have about your wifeand remembering the things
that are worthy of praise.
Look at the way my,my wife loves me.
Yeah.
Look at the way my, my wifesupports me and helps me.
That is so godly.
That is godly thinking.
That is good thinking.
(32:37):
That is thinking that'sgoing to lead towards
communion and mm-hmm.
Prosperity and progressand connection.
And so I, I do know thatyour wife is not a Christian.
Mm-hmm.
Yet, yeah.
But I wanna know where thatdynamic may be shifting.
Is she finding herselfmore open to it now?
'cause she's seen atransformation in you.
(32:58):
Where does, wheredoes her faith look
Brian (33:01):
right now?
Um, I mean, she, shebelieves in many gods.
Okay.
And in that God, she believesthat Jesus is one of the gods.
But, um, yeah, she, she, sheknows firsthand how much Jesus
has healed me in ways that even,even to her to this day, it
still shocks her like, you know,like, you've changed so much.
Kayley (33:19):
Wow.
Brian (33:20):
So she knows firsthand how much God
has changed my heart andalso like She encourages
praying before dinners andshe encourages to read the
Bible to, to our daughter.
Kayley (33:31):
Mm. Every now
Brian (33:31):
and then.
So, um, she, she believeswholeheartedly in,
in, you know, Jesus.
Uh, but I think her timewill come naturally to when
she believes that, you know,he's the, he's the one.
Kayley (33:43):
Yeah.
Brian (33:44):
But yeah.
But firsthand, she knowshow much God has helped
with, with everything inmy life, so in our life to,
Kayley (33:51):
and she comes to church with you?
Brian (33:53):
She does.
She's very, very supportive.
Kayley (33:55):
Wow.
I just, that is so good.
Brian (33:59):
But we met when I was a non-believer as well too.
So it's kind of hypo for,it's, it's kind of me being
a hypocrite if I force.
On her.
'cause you know, when Ihad met her, we were both
completely nonbelievers.
So I think it willhappen organically.
Yeah.
Just like my journeyas everything has
happened organically.
So I think it will, it willhappen organically in her time.
Kayley (34:19):
Yeah.
And
Brian (34:20):
I think I just, you know, just continue
to live by example.
Kayley (34:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
Uh, one of the greatestlessons that the Lord taught
me was to be invitational.
Mm-hmm.
And to let him dothe heavy lifting.
Yeah.
Uh, my, I'm just in chargeof being invitational
and inviting people in toconversation, to church, uh,
to talking about the Lord.
And talking about my storyand like what God has
changed and done in my life.
(34:45):
That's the invitation.
Yeah.
And I am not responsiblefor their heart changing.
I can't change their heart.
Mm-hmm.
But God can.
Yeah.
And so if I just open the doorfor them to walk through Yeah.
That's all I'mresponsible to do.
And um, Lord willing, they walkthrough it and Lord willing, God
does something in their life.
Yeah.
And so I'm just really thankfulthat he has done that for you,
(35:07):
that he's radically changedyour heart and I know things are
gonna continue to shift and takenew form in your home and in
your family, and so absolutely.
I'm just really excitedfor your faith journey.
Um, thank you.
I, I just, it's abeautiful testimony.
It's a beautiful story.
It makes me wanna cry.
I have cried alreadyjust from listening.
Brian (35:28):
I, I think like, I really went as far like, I mean, for,
for people who still don'tbelieve in Christ right now,
like I would, I would tellthem, you know, like, just
go to the ends of the earthwith believing in yourself.
Like, wow.
You are gonna hit a limitsomewhere eventually.
'cause you know, it's, it'sreally like, I mean, people
(35:48):
who think that their livesare truly happy without
God, to me, I'll be like,Hey, it's not your time.
Right?
Like, everybody has their timeand God's timing is perfect.
So, you know, like I, Iliterally, honestly from
from the bottom, my, I thinkI went to, I went to the
depth, I went far as I goon my own, you don't, you
(36:09):
can't deny who you are.
And I was able to look myselfin the mirror and say, you
know, I'm completely miserable.
So some people deny thatthey're miserable, so
it's really hard to,
Kayley (36:19):
or they, they get caught up in alcohol or narcotics or,
Brian (36:22):
yeah.
Or they find other copingmed mechanisms and it
just works out for them.
But for me, like I, I. Youknow, the gambling was just,
was just a mask for hiding.
Hiding my anxiety or just,you know, not dealing with
what I needed to deal with.
You're just numbing out.
Yeah, I was literally numbingit out and, you know, for those
people who are able to, youknow, make ends meet by doing
(36:45):
that, and hey, by all means, youknow, but it's not gonna last.
Like yeah, you're gonna hityour limits some somehow.
Yeah.
So what I would say is that,you know, go to your limits.
Go to your limits on your own.
And once you realize, onceyou get to the point where
it's like, you know what,I can't do it anymore.
Kayley (37:01):
Yeah.
Brian (37:02):
Then I think, I think it's, it's much easier to
accept, accept God into yourlife when you have done it.
So, but for most people, withouteven pushing, pushing themself
that far, it makes it that muchharder to truly believe in God.
So
Kayley (37:19):
I think that's a really good point to make because.
Go to the end of yourself.
Yeah.
If you, if you wannalive for yourself.
Yeah.
Do it to the full degree,and then look in your Yeah.
You don't, yeah.
Yeah.
And then look at yourselfin the mirror and ask
yourself, are you happy?
Yeah.
Brian (37:33):
Yeah.
And I did.
Kayley (37:35):
I just love your story so much.
I mean, it, it definitelygets me in the heart
because to go from.
Abuse and to completeself-hatred, to running off
to a, a different country.
Even though you spoke alittle Jap Japanese, you
didn't, you weren't fluent.
Mm-hmm.
Even though you were Japaneseby heritage, by family, the
(37:59):
Japanese people rejected you.
Mm-hmm.
And.
And then to find yourselfangry, full of grief and
anxiety and rage to seeyour marriage crumble.
I mean, to be the gamblingaddict, you really have just
ran the gamut and what atestimony to see God redeem
all of that and heal the partsin in your heart that were
(38:21):
just so s sad and defeated.
And that's just what he does.
He's the great restorer.
He's the great redeemer.
He is pure love.
He's the kind of love thatcasts out all kinds of fear.
Yeah.
And so thank you fortelling me your story, and
I'm so excited to sharethis with the community,
(38:41):
the Bible Bish community.
And so thank you for tuning in.
I hope that you were encouragedby Brian's testimony.
I hope that.
If you see yourself in hisshoes before he gave his
life to the Lord, I hopethat you decide to turn that
rage back to God and say,Lord, can you take this away?
He doesn't.
(39:02):
He has no desire for you to livein rage, to live in anxiety.
He actually wantsthe opposite for you.
Mm-hmm.
He wants you to live in peacethat passes understanding.
He wants you to live in joythat is incomprehensible, and
he has that available to youeven if you are a Christian,
and you're dealing with rageand you're dealing with anxiety.
(39:22):
That is not the storyGod wants for your life.
So can you lay itdown at his feet?
Can you give it over to him?
Can you go to him in humilityand say, Lord, take this away,
because he will, and Brian isthe result of that happening.
So thank you, Brian.
Thank you.
Yay.
(39:43):
All good.
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