August 12, 2025 • 50 mins
My dear friend, Jarrett Hartness, was convinced he was the one God had finally given up on. Abandoned by father figures, swallowed by alcoholism, wrecked by breakups, and crushed by a traumatic brain injury, his faith didn’t just waver… it collapsed.
But the day he threw his Bible and declared, “I’m not a Christian anymore,” God leaned in closer and said, “I will never leave you.”
In this episode, we talk about the silver lining in suffering, what being a tough, manly man really means, and why you can’t run God off.
If you’ve ever wondered if you’ve messed up too much for God to still want you, this episode will give you hope. He does want you. He always has.
Thanks for tuning in to Bible Bish!
Come for the tea, stay for the truth -you just might leave changed. 🕊️
Follow and connect:
Instagram: @biblebish
Facebook: @biblebish
YouTube: @biblebish
TikTok: @bible.bish
Music & more: @kayleybish
Website: www.biblebish.com
💌 Got a testimony or question? Email me at kayley@biblebish.com
In the name of love, this is your Bible Bish reporting for duty. ♡
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jarrett (00:00):
I had done everything I could do for God to leave
(00:04):
me and that I was done.
That was it.
You screwed up.
This is the last straw.
No redemption.
No hope, no joy outta this.
And I had my Bible I threw iton the hood of my mom's car.
And I said, mom, I guessI'm not a Christian anymore.
Kayley (00:21):
Welcome, everybody.
My name is Kayley Bishop.
I am the Bible Bish podcasthost, and I'm just so glad
that you found your way tothis little pocket of the
internet, of the Web, ofiTunes, Spotify, whatever
you're on to watch this.
Listen to this.
And I just want you to knowI care about you, and I know
that sounds cheesy, and you'relike, you don't even know me.
(00:41):
You don't care about me.
But the truth is, I really do.
I care about you so much thatI have thrown my reputation to
the wind in order so that youcan listen to my breakthrough
moments, the good, the bad, andthe ugly, and the breakthrough
moments of my guests, the good,bad, and ugly, because we care
too much for you to be walking,chained up, ashamed, afraid,
(01:02):
all of the things like you.
God, God loves you so muchand Jesus paid it all so
that you could be free.
And so if my story helps youget free and my guest's stories
helps you get free, then that'san answer to my prayer and it's
the reason why we're doing this.
So that being said,welcome to Bible Bish.
And I've gotmy dear friend, Jarrett
Hartness with me.
(01:23):
He is a beautiful songwriter inNashville, Tennessee.
He is a man's man.
He, you know, it sounds likehe's got things sliding out
his mouth when he talks.
He's from Arkansas, heloves hunting and fishing.
He wears cowboy bootsand you know, he's
that kind of man's man.
And so Jarrett, why don't you goahead and tell everybody hello.
(01:45):
And the first thing I want youto say is why you love the Lord.
Jarrett (01:50):
Well, thanks for having me first off.
You know, I, I grew up, um, mygrandpa was a Baptist preacher
and his dad was a Baptistpreacher, and they were both
very well known, uh, preachersdown where I come from, which
isn't hard 'cause it's so small.
We're probably all cousinsto begin with, but, it's
very small, small area.
(02:12):
Um, so I grew up in churchfrom the time as a, as far
back as I can remember.
and I always knew God, Ialways knew God was real.
I mean, when you talkedabout Jesus, for me, it was
like you were just talkingabout someone that was
there in the room with you.
Like I always Oh, that's good.
Always knew that.
And it, at seven, I madea profession of faith.
Um, and then at 13,I was truly saved.
(02:35):
I think at seven, I, there wasmaybe a spiritual connection,
but you're, I think you'reso young at that young point.
You're so young, youdon't really know Exactly,
yeah, the full extent.
But at 13, I washeavily convicted.
Felt like the Holy Spiritwalked me down the aisle.
I'll never forget it.
And it was a lifechanging moment.
so I have always, uh, knownhim and, and as time has
(02:58):
gone on and I've grown in myrelationship with him, I think
that I've, I've come to lovehim for different reasons.
As a, as a kid, it was just'cause Well, it's, it's God.
Yeah.
You know?
And that at, at 13 it's, well,I don't wanna go to hell.
You know, that's Baptist.
Baptist.
Right, right.
And then at, you know, at30 now it's, I've knowing
(03:19):
his grace and knowing hischaracter, that's been a big
thing for me the last few years.
His character.
Yeah.
Who, who is he?
'cause there is a lot of waysthat I was taught coming from
a very strict hellfire andbrimstone Baptist upbringing.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
That sometimes they justmake God sound like a jerk.
Kayley (03:40):
Yeah.
Jarrett (03:41):
And he is not.
Kayley (03:42):
I've been there
Jarrett (03:43):
and that's the thing for where I'm at now is like
learning his character andthat's why I love him now
'cause he is forgiven me.
He's, you know, he's brought methrough impossible situations.
So it seems like thedifferent seasons of life,
I've fallen in love withhim for different reasons.
And I think the last few yearshas just been learning his true
character and his true identity.
(04:04):
Yeah.
Who he truly is.
How he reacts.
'cause it, it's one, like whenyou read the Bible as a, as
a young kid for it, you readit like words on the paper.
Mm-hmm.
The more you get toknow Christ mm-hmm.
You read it as apersonality coming back,
like talking to you.
Right.
So learning thatpersonality, and who he is,
(04:26):
it's so good.
Brings the wordto life even more.
Kayley (04:29):
Yeah.
I actually feel like therewas a definitive moment
between me reading theOld Testament before.
I was born again in a way.
Right.
And then after beingborn again, because when I first
read the Old Testament, I mean,it's a historical, it feels
like a historical masterpiece.
Yeah.
It's so incredible to read.
But I mean, there's death,there's gore, there's
(04:50):
rape, there's like, it'smessy and it's crazy.
Um, and it was kind of shocking.
But when you read the OldTestament, I think the
first impression I had waslike, man, God's like scary.
He's kind of like,he's really hard.
Yeah.
But then the second timeI read it, all I saw
was this theme of mercy.
(05:11):
Wow.
God loves Israel so much,while God loves people so much.
Yeah.
And it's, but you, you readit through a different lens,
I think when you really beginto know the character of God.
Yeah.
When you see his redemptivestory fold unfold in your
life, when you see what he hasrescued you from, and then you
(05:31):
know, you just see that he'salways on a rescue mission.
That's his heart.
He wants to rescue us from.
Uh, from the enemy, butalso from ourselves.
Yeah.
Always.
Jarrett (05:40):
if I read something that Jesus says and, and
when I read it, it seemslike he's being a bit
snarky or a bit of a jerk.
But then I go, that'snot the Jesus I know.
Kayley (05:47):
Exactly.
Jarrett (05:48):
And, and so as you, as you mature in faith and
learning his character, youlearn how to read- the same way
if I text you something Yeah.
And you read it acertain way, yeah.
That doesn't meanthat's how I typed it.
Hearing someone speak it Yeah.
Is different because there'stone and there's depth
Kayley (06:07):
I had this moment actually just yesterday, I don't
know if you're familiar with theparts in scripture, where like
lust and wickedness is oftenused with her like pronouns.
Mm-hmm.
So like she, she will wreck you.
She's the adulteress, she'sgonna come and, you know, be,
be wary of the adulteress.
(06:27):
Like, yeah.
I'm like, okay, I'mseeing wickedness
personified as a woman.
I'm seeing lustpersonified as a woman.
And I was like,what is that God?
Like, why is that?
And the answer I found wasthat just as wickedness
is personified as awoman, so is wisdom per
personified as a woman.
And I think innate towomen, we have this power
(06:51):
to influence and inspire.
Yeah.
And so like, you know, you seelike the idea of an adulterous
woman, a lusting woman, likecoaxing men into a lare.
It's like, well, youknow, like we can either.
We can either seduceor we can sanctify.
Jarrett (07:07):
Yeah.
Kayley (07:07):
Like we have two options here as women just innately
with what we're built to do.
And, um, but anyway, likethat was a moment that I had.
I'm like, God, likewhat is this thing?
Like, are are you mad at women?
Like it goes back to the garden,like, are you mad at Eve?
It's, is it all because of Eve?
Like, because for centuries,uh, the church and just culture
in general has put womeninto this subservient role.
(07:28):
And I know thatthat's not, that's not
necessarily God's nature.
Like he created us equalwith different strengths
and different, differentroles, but equal.
And, um, and so anyway, thatwas, that's an offshoot.
That's probably,uh, another episode.
But anyway, continueon character, the
character of God.
Jarrett (07:46):
Yeah.
I mean, just, just learninghis character and, and
just that he's kind.
Yeah.
I think if I, if that, that'sbeen a word that's really
described him the last fewyears for me is kind and I,
I have my biggest fear wasalways being left and being
Kayley (08:06):
like left behind
Jarrett (08:07):
deserted.
Mm-hmm.
Well, not only leftbehind, but like, God not
being with me in life.
Mm. Like, and I think that alot of that goes back to my
childhood with father figures.
Mm-hmm.
Plural that I had in my life.
Mm-hmm.
and love was, uh, dependenton what you did or how you
performed in certain areas.
Mm-hmm.
(08:27):
And so I think that I relatedmy human experiences to God
and the scripture that standsout to me is God's not a liar.
His man is.
So if he says something, yeah.
That's so good.
That's so if he sayssomething, it's true.
He is, he's, it doesn'tchange his mind.
What he speaks is truth andhe can't tell a lie because
if he told a lie, then hewouldn't be God because
(08:47):
God's character is truth.
So I lived in fear for avery long time that, that
God was going to leave me.
Wow.
Or that I, there was gonnacome a point where you
screwed up for the last time.
I'm done with you.
Kayley (09:00):
Yeah.
people can relate to that.
Both men and women of like theabandonment wound from a parent.
Yeah.
Of like, well, if my earthlyparent leaves me, then surely
that's you, you, you do,you you put that experience
on top of God and God'slike, that's not my nature.
Jarrett (09:17):
And I, and I certainly did it even more so with my
grandpa from a standpointof when we had problems,
he was the preacher, right?
Mm-hmm.
So in my mind as a kid, hewas the closest thing to God.
Mm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
His character,
Kayley (09:32):
yep.
Jarrett (09:32):
Was God's character because how
he acts is how God acts,because isn't that his job?
Right?
Yep.
And the older you get, the moreyou learn that no one's gonna
walk that line, but Jesus,
Kayley (09:42):
no.
We all fall shortof the glory of God.
Jarrett (09:44):
I had a breakthrough a few years ago about that.
I still have days whereit creeps up on me.
But you know, the scripturethat I literally for a year,
every night I read the scripturethat, nothing in all the
creation shall separate usfrom the love of God through
Christ Jesus, our Lord.
Kayley (09:58):
That's so good.
Jarrett (09:59):
My favorite verse in the Bible.
and, and when Paul is writingall that, you know, he says
he's naming off all of these,these different things, life nor
death, nor heaven, nor angels,nor rulers and demons and yeah.
All of these things that he isnaming off shall separate us.
Yeah.
From Christ.
Well, it's like Godcreated everything.
Yeah.
God's the creator.
(10:20):
And he says, nothing in allof creation will separate us.
So that covers everything.
And
Kayley (10:26):
that's so good
Jarrett (10:26):
when he's writing that.
I read it as like,Paul's picking a fight.
Like he, it's a very intensemoment is how I read it, of that
he's the people he's writing to.
It's a very intense momentof I'm telling you now Yeah.
Nothing, nothing, nothing,nothing will separate us.
And that's coming froma guy that was chopping
Christian's heads off.
(10:47):
Yeah.
You know, before he had hisDamascus road experience,
so I guess he choppedChristian's heads off.
I don't know if that'show he did it, but
Kayley (10:55):
Right, right, right, right.
Anyway, he was, he waspersecuting hardcore.
Jarrett (10:57):
Yes.
Yes.
So a terrorist of his,of his time is how I
would describe him.
Kayley (11:01):
But he also doesn't speak for no reason.
I mean, any letter thatyou read of Paul's, he was
specifying the languagetowards a certain demographic,
towards a certain culture.
Yeah.
And so if he was tellingthose people there's
nothing you can do.
Yeah.
To, for, for him to leave you.
Yeah.
They probably had a verydeep seated fear that
God would leave them.
Yeah.
I mean, especially if we'retalking to Jews who are so
(11:24):
fixated on the law rightnow, they're telling, now
they're being told you areno longer under the law.
You're actually under this gracethat God is providing for you.
And that's a hard thingto comprehend when all
you know is, well, if I dothis, then I'll be good.
Jarrett (11:39):
Right.
Right.
But that's,
Kayley (11:40):
but that's anything.
It doesn't haveto be Jewish law.
I mean, even the Gentileshave their own rules and
regulations and laws.
And so I think as humans,we thrive in structure, but
we also get our value frombeing good in that structure.
And God's like, I am on adifferent wavelength than that.
Jarrett (11:58):
Performance does not Yeah.
bring God's love on us.
No.
And that, and that'ssomething that I, I still,
struggle with at times isfeeling like I had to perform
Kayley (12:07):
yeah.
There are times that I'vehad, like, I've,
I've really struggled tohear God and I immediately
thought it was becauseI did something wrong.
Like, oh, God's just nottalking to me because I
didn't forgive this person.
Right.
Or whatever.
And that's so the enemy, theenemy wants us to believe
that because if we startadopting that limiting belief,
(12:28):
then God, then we reallydo shut off God's voice.
Yeah.
'cause we're believing the lie.
Jarrett (12:33):
Yep.
Kayley (12:33):
but I, you know, the, the easy way to fix that is
be like, no, the Lord saidhe's never going to leave me.
The Lord says he cares aboutme and that I'm his daughter.
And why would he treathis daughter that way?
No, he loves
Jarrett (12:46):
me.
Right.
And that's, that'sabsolutely true.
And that's somethingthat performance does not
bring his love even more.
I mean, I think that whenwe do things, he, it makes
him proud, so to say,
Kayley (12:56):
well, it's a byproduct, right?
Yeah.
Faith without Works is dead.
Yeah.
But we do it 'cause we love him.
Yeah.
Like, you love to serveGod because you love him.
Yeah.
'cause he did so much for you.
Jarrett (13:05):
Doing things for him does not earn his love.
No.
And that was alldone on the cross
Kayley (13:12):
That's so good.
So tell me more aboutyour grandfather.
Jarrett (13:16):
Man, you know, he was my best friend and there was
also a lot of trauma from that.
Because he wasn't perfect.
Kayley (13:26):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (13:27):
But I thought he hung the moon.
Kayley (13:28):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (13:29):
And in some ways he still does for me.
Kayley (13:31):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (13:31):
he was a character, true southern jokester.
he grew up, uh, in thesixties and seventies, late
sixties, early seventies inthe hot rod muscle car era.
And him and his buddies, werestreet racers, drag racers,
and they, uh, I mean it waslike a legit or organization
Kayley (13:53):
like they should have been arrested.
Jarrett (13:54):
Oh.
Well, they had to send astate trooper undercover
to, to stop him.
And then they stillkept racing after that.
But like it was, and
Kayley (14:01):
he clearly had a transformation moment
where he's like, oh, I'mgonna be a Preacher now.
Yeah.
Jarrett (14:04):
They, they weren't doing anything bad.
Like it wasn't uhhuh, you know,my grandpa says that one of
the greatest compliments heever got was the state trooper
actually said in court thatthis is the most organized
group of outlaws I've ever met.
They're not hurting anybody.
Wow.
They're just breakingthe street laws.
Right.
And in those days there wasn'ta state troopers down there.
It was just like yourlocal county cops.
(14:25):
They one or two cops.
Kayley (14:26):
Mm.
Jarrett (14:27):
And they couldn't keep up with 'em, man.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, they, they would putit in the paper like drag races
on highway so and so Fridaynight, and the cops would show
up on that highway and they'd beout racing on another highway.
Mm-hmm.
You know, just to throw 'em off.
And so cars for me, I grewup, Jesus and race cars.
That was it.
That's good.
And, when I was 11, his firstcar was a 66 Pontiac GTO.
(14:52):
So my whole life, allI wanted as a kid.
All I talked aboutwas Pontiac GTOs.
And as a 10 or 11-year-oldkid, I could tell you anything
and everything about PontiacGTOs and the Muscle car
era because I just sat andread about it all the time.
(15:14):
So when I was 11,he surprised me.
He had bought a 67 Pontiac GTO.
Mm-hmm.
And it was basically not a car.
It had grass growing through it.
We had to do a completerestoration on it.
But we restored thatcar together cars were
very influential on me.
Kayley (15:31):
It sounds like he was influential.
Yes.
He was like was, he was.
Yeah.
It it's like your livelihood,your interests, your hobbies,
your dreams, everything.
It was all kind of inline with this grandfather
figure of yours.
So like, I want, I, you know,you told me we were writing
a song the other day forall the, y'all listening, he
was telling me about kind oflike a really a dip in the
(15:52):
relationship at one point.
And, and I know it was, it hadto go with your brain injury.
And so I want you to talkabout your brain injury, but
I want you to talk about.
Also like what happenedin that moment where you
were not on speaking termswith your grandfather?
Jarrett (16:04):
Yeah, so I think that when I was 19, we're not sure if
there wasn't some mental stuffgoing on with him as he aged.
Kayley (16:11):
Mm-hmm.
' Jarrett (16:12):
cause he, his and I'm sure that I wasn't just
the most outstanding teenageryou've ever been around.
Mm-hmm.
but I wanted tomove to Nashville.
I wanted to chase music.
Poppy thought that was stupid.
You know, you ought to have afull-time job by the time you're
18 and if you're not gonna goto college or whatever, and
even then you should probablyhave a full-time job too.
(16:32):
Uh, that's kind ofhow he looked at it.
And, and maybe he's right, butI had Nashville on my mind.
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (16:39):
there's just something during that season
that he wasn't happy with me.
Mm-hmm.
And.
there was no mutual respecton either side and we
just, our relationshipreally took a bad turn.
And me being the smart mouth19-year-old kid that I was, I
flew off the handle a coupletimes there about that.
And we had a big falling outand quit talking for, uh, a
(17:02):
couple of years basically.
And that, and that for me wasgoing back to feeling like
God was going to desert me.
That that guy meanteverything to me.
Oof.
So, disowned me, told medidn't ever wanna see me again.
That kind of stuff.
So, ouch.
That destroyed me.
Wow.
So then I moved to Nashvilleand at that point it was
(17:24):
like, man, you think that.
You ever seen hell raised?
I'm about to show youhell raising, like
Kayley (17:30):
so you really just went full rebellion?
Jarrett (17:32):
I just full on rebellion.
Wow.
and that's something Istruggled with was like, man,
was I really trying to rebelagainst God or was I trying
to rebel against my grandpa,but I was just determined
that I was gonna show him.
Mm-hmm.
That he had nocontrol over my life.
Mm. And he, nothing hesaid was going to matter.
And I was going to drink everybottle of whiskey and take
every pill and whatever I hadto, to drown that memory out.
(17:53):
Mm. Didn't matter.
Oof.
became addicted to alcohol.
thankfully God got ahold ofme, really had a revelation
at 22 and, and got sober.
And me and him were talkingon and off at that time.
He did, did not like me.
Was not proud of me in any way.
And over the next few yearsthere, our relationship
was somewhat rekindledto where we were talking.
(18:15):
fast forward to, uh, 21, I hada traumatic brain injury and,
I had to be at home in Arkansasduring that time to recover.
' cause I couldn'ttake care of myself.
I had to learn how towalk and talk again.
Basically, my right sidedidn't work and my speech, I,
I lo I would lose my speech.
Kayley (18:34):
And your vision was impaired too?
Yeah,
Jarrett (18:36):
it was really bad.
Basically the best wayI've heard it put was
that my brain could notprocess what my eyes saw.
Kayley (18:42):
Interesting.
Jarrett (18:43):
Like a computer tries to process Yeah.
Something's wrong with theconnection to a screen.
Yeah.
It just could not processwhat was going on.
Kayley (18:49):
Okay.
Jarrett (18:50):
but during that time, man, poppy got right.
I. And we becamebest friends again.
And it was 100% redemptionand everything I could
have ever asked for.
And when he died, I can sayhe died as my best friend
and that we were right.
Wow.
And it was so special.
And if there's anything, anyreason that I had the brain
(19:15):
injury was so that I could bein southeast Arkansas and be
with my grandpa before he passedand rekindle that relationship.
I firmly believed thatGod put me flat on my back
to spend time with him.
Kayley (19:28):
But it wasn't just like your relationship
with Poppy that changed.
I feel like you're, youcame out of that injury a
different man, like you werespirit filled after that.
Jarrett (19:39):
My life had really changed when I got sober
and I had given everythingto Christ and I was
truly trying to seek him.
I think fear mm-hmm.
Held me back a little bit.
Mm-hmm.
Not a little bit, a lot.
Kayley (19:49):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (19:50):
And then when the injury happened, when you go
from being a normal person
Kayley (19:55):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (19:55):
To one day you wake up and you can't walk or talk, pick
up a cup of coffee or nothing.
Kayley (20:00):
Yeah.
Ugh.
Jarrett (20:02):
Well it's pretty drastic.
Kayley (20:04):
Well, it's humbling
Jarrett (20:05):
pretty quick.
Yeah.
I mean,
Kayley (20:06):
you need help.
Jarrett (20:06):
Yeah.
Kayley (20:07):
Like big time
Jarrett (20:08):
and there wasn't much doctor help going on either.
So it's like at that, at thatpoint is the only thing that's
gonna fix you is Christ.
Kayley (20:15):
Yeah.
Jarrett (20:16):
it is a life changing, humbling bring you
to your knees kind of moment.
Kayley (20:22):
Yeah, totally.
Jarrett (20:23):
and so I think just, just during that time I had
nothing to rely on but him.
So I did grow.
And I think that I just becamemore, um, had more of a fire
Kayley (20:35):
Yeah.
Jarrett (20:36):
To speak out in ways maybe.
Kayley (20:38):
mean, I remember you reaching out to
me 'cause I was just beginningto be a little bit more
vocal about my faith online.
And you were so encouraging.
Like, you just stopped me in mytracks and you're like, Kayley,
I want you to know that whatyou're doing is really needed.
And I'm really proud of it.
Jarrett (20:51):
Yeah.
And it, it matters.
And I know
Kayley (20:54):
I was like, Ooh, something's going on in him.
Like he, he sees it, he gets it.
He knows the Lord
Jarrett (20:58):
well.
And when I got sober too, Iwent from playing drinking songs
Kayley (21:02):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (21:03):
To all of a sudden I was writing songs
about Jesus in sobriety.
Kayley (21:08):
Mm.
Jarrett (21:08):
And I was 22, 23 playing places in Nashville.
Couldn't sing hardly.
Kayley (21:15):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (21:15):
Probably could hardly play guitar, but I knew I
could write songs, but at thattime, I was the only one that,
you know, I wasn't gettingcuts so I had to sing it.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And when you go intoa crowded bar and you're
gonna sing a song calledMy Jesus, or whatever that
song was at that time, thatwas a, a special one for me.
In a crowded bar boy.
I mean, it's scary.
Kayley (21:36):
I've done the same thing.
I've sang some Jesus songs ina crowded bar and I'm like,
people are either gonna hate mefor this or they're gonna love
me because a lot of, a lot ofbars are filled with people that
are just hurt by the church.
And the church then becomesthe bar that they're going to.
Jarrett (21:50):
So during that time, I learned how to be more vocal.
Kayley (21:53):
Mm.
Jarrett (21:53):
But I was, I was living and I was passionate about it.
I knew that that's whatthe songs God was laying
on my heart, what hewanted me to speak, and I
wanted to tell my story.
uh, all of that leading upto the brain injury and then
during the brain injury,I drew even closer to God.
Mm. And, and Ithink going back to.
I thought God would just leaveme one day and be done with me.
(22:13):
There.
There came a point I hadto sit in a dark room with
earplugs in sunglasses on,and the blinds drawn shut
and could hardly watch TVsometimes 'cause it hurt my,
my head so bad for a year.
Kayley (22:29):
Oof.
Jarrett (22:30):
I would go like outside and when I was able
to start driving again, likeI'd be able to drive like 10
miles and then I'd have togo back and sit back inside.
Um, so for a year itwas literally dark.
Kayley (22:42):
Oh my goodness, Jarrett.
And
Jarrett (22:45):
really at some point had convinced myself
that I had done everythingI could do for God to leave
me and that I was done.
That was it.
You screwed up.
This is the last straw.
No redemption.
No hope, no joy outta this.
You're never gonna be the same.
Never gonna be able to getmarried, never gonna be able
(23:05):
to hold a full-time job, notgonna be able to go back to
Nashville and pursue music, youknow, and just this despair.
And there was a specificday where we weren't getting
any answers from doctors.
We weren't getting, anywherealong in the recovery.
And I had my Bibleand I just threw it.
Uh, actually we wereoutside and I threw it on
(23:27):
the hood of my mom's car.
And I said, mom, I guessI'm not a Christian anymore.
Kayley (23:33):
Wow.
At
Jarrett (23:34):
that point I thought, there, that's it.
You're done.
You know?
wow.
And all I got outta thatin return was grace.
Kayley (23:43):
Ugh.
And
Jarrett (23:43):
that day it was like something clicked for me.
It was like, youcan't screw this up.
Like you can't run him off.
Kayley (23:50):
Wow.
Yeah.
That's so good.
You cannot run him off.
Wow.
Jarrett (23:54):
And then I think a week after that we got a
phone call from a neurosurgeonto have a, to see me like
six months before they wereever supposed to see me.
And I went in and turnsout I, my spine was messed
up and he was like, man,we gotta do surgery.
We gotta get you fixed.
And um, they, they got my neckfixed and I was able to, start
(24:15):
getting back moving and gettingmy life right, physically
moved back to Nashville,a few months after that.
And so it's like that, thatday was such a breakthrough
and it healed something insideof me that gave me this like
clarity that like, Hey God's,not your grandpa, God's not
your dad, God's not Joe blowdown the street God's not
(24:36):
your girlfriend God's notwhoever you want to name.
Yeah.
Kayley (24:39):
Yeah, he's
Jarrett (24:40):
there.
You can't screw this uplike you, you're saved,
you're sealed by the blood.
His spirit lives within you.
He can't withdraw that.
Because that would goagainst his character.
Kayley (24:51):
Mm.
Jarrett (24:52):
And from that day forward, it was just my health.
Things changed.
Kayley (24:58):
Wow.
Jarrett (24:59):
And, and life I got back on my feet.
And so it was justa really incredible
breakthrough at that moment.
Kayley (25:05):
Wow.
When you threw that Bibledown on the hood of the
car, I feel like almost whathappened from my standpoint
of listening to that story wasyou decided that you were no
longer gonna be your judge.
Because up until that point,you had deemed yourself,
you had judged yourself.
Jarrett (25:22):
Yeah.
Kayley (25:23):
Unworthy.
I have done everythingpossible to re, to basically
forfeit God's love in my life.
So he should not love me.
And you're being,you are holding the
gavel in saying that.
Jarrett (25:36):
Yeah.
Kayley (25:37):
And then when you realized, wow, like he's
still kind of around.
Yeah.
Then why have I been judgingmyself all this time?
Yeah.
Deeming myselfworthy or unworthy.
Jarrett (25:46):
And our, our unworthiness is what makes
us worthy because he died onthe cross to make us worthy.
Yeah.
It was our unworthiness isthe reason he died on the
cross to make us worthy.
Yes.
And, you know, going throughthat injury and going through
that time, it's like, God,what are, what are you doing?
Like I gave my life to you.
I surrendered everything.
I, I got sober.
I did what you asked of me.
Kayley (26:08):
Wow.
Jarrett (26:09):
I was in a relationship of three years with a woman.
I thought I was gonnamarry that God specifically
told me she's not it.
And I walked away gave it up.
We broke up.
And I, I just went forwardhoping that something good
was gonna come out of that.
And then what I got out ofthat was a brain injury flat
on my back, not being ableto walk or talk or anything.
(26:30):
So for a year and a halfof that time I was like,
God, what are you doing?
Like, like he's trulyleft me this time.
I am screwed.
Ugh.
And I thought my music careerwas done at that point.
Kayley (26:41):
Yeah.
All your dreams.
Um,
Jarrett (26:42):
thankfully because of Zoom and, and honestly
probably manic depressionfrom the brain injury
Kayley (26:49):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (26:49):
And, my chemicals in my head being all jacked
up from the hit, it took, um,I wrote the best music I've
ever written and was stillwriting as much as I could.
Mm-hmm.
I think when I had thehead injury, I had, I had
21 cuts as a songwriter.
And whenever I moved back toArkansas from the head injury,
I was at like 58 or 62 cuts.
(27:09):
So I had like double thetriple the amount Wow.
Of music, of songsbeing cut Wow.
During my injury.
Kayley (27:18):
That's so good.
And
Jarrett (27:19):
So it's like God was showing himself and he was
Kayley (27:22):
Wow.
Jarrett (27:22):
Producing.
Kayley (27:23):
Well, and he was, he, it was an anointed
area of your life.
Yeah.
He's like, I've calledyou into this, I've
gifted you in this way.
And so often we thinkthat our disabilities
are gonna disqualify us.
Jarrett (27:33):
Yeah.
Kayley (27:33):
Or they're gonna stunt our growth or productivity.
I mean, I feel that way too.
It's like when I don't havea voice and I can't sing a
show, I had to go through thatlearning lesson of, well, my
voice is not where my value is.
Jarrett (27:44):
Yeah.
Kayley (27:44):
so if it's gone, that doesn't mean that
I have nothing to offer.
Jarrett (27:48):
Well, and that's something that.
That me and a buddy havetalked about here recently
is that during that timeI learned that my identity
was not a songwriter.
My identity was in Christ,songwriting is a tool.
Kayley (27:59):
Yeah, so true.
Jarrett (28:01):
And, and I still struggle with that because
when I'm not writinglike I wanna be writing,
Kayley (28:06):
well, it's 'cause your gift.
It's like we associate ouridentity with our gift.
Jarrett (28:10):
Right.
if I had come outta that injuryand never been able to write
another song, which when theinjury happened, I remember
being awake and in and outtaconsciousness in the ambulance.
All I could think was, I'vewritten my last song, Ugh.
I'm never gonnawrite another one.
And for me that wasjust like soul crushing.
I
Kayley (28:25):
feel like I wanna cry.
Jarrett (28:27):
I wouldn't do that.
You
Kayley (28:27):
made me wanna cry so many times.
Jarrett (28:29):
so it's just like all our identity is not in our gift.
Mm-hmm.
It's a gift.
It's a tool.
Yeah.
think that God wants to furtherhis kingdom through those tools.
Kayley (28:38):
He does.
He, I mean, he gives it tous for, it's, it's, it's
a relationship buildingthing between me and him.
Right.
The gifts he's given me.
'cause I get to bring,give them back to him, but
then also the use for thekingdom and it bolsters.
It's like when you bring yourgift and I bring mine and
everyone else brings theirs,then we become the body of
the believers because the handcannot do what the head does.
(29:00):
Yeah.
The feet can't dowhat the mouth does.
And that's why we needeverybody coming together
as the church body
Jarrett (29:06):
in comparison.
Don't, uh, somethingI've learned is don't
let comparison kill.
Your dreams of what God'sgiven you or your joy.
Mm-hmm.
Joy is a big word for me.
So like, and, and evenPaul talks about this, I
can't remember what book,it may be Romans, but
he's, he's talking about.
Everyone has theirown specific gifts.
Mm-hmm.
I am not a singer.
(29:26):
I learned that veryon here, very early.
I, I mean, I'll singyour writer's rounds, but
I'm not Kayley Bishop.
Right.
But that doesn't mean that Goddoesn't give me a song that's
meant for you to sing Mm.
Or for us to write together.
Right.
Or, look at the, thisbuilding we're in.
if, if the guy thatbuilt the frame behind
these walls couldn't dodrywall well that's okay.
(29:46):
They had someone comein and do drywall.
Yeah.
His job was to do the frame.
Kayley (29:49):
Yeah.
So
Jarrett (29:50):
everyone's got a different gift.
Kayley (29:52):
Yeah.
Jarrett (29:52):
If I compare my voice to yours and I get upset at
how great you are, and I'llnever be that good, it's
gonna kill my joy, you know?
But it is true.
I'm never gonna sing likeKayley Bishop, and that's okay.
That's not my gift.
My gift is to, to writethe lyrics or whatever
that is that day.
But Everyone's got theirown specific gift that
God weaves together Yeah.
(30:14):
To further his kingdom.
Mm-hmm.
It's like a puzzle piece.
And this person's got thisgift and that fill that piece
and this person's got thisgift and fill that piece.
Mm-hmm.
And we can't see the biggerpicture, but God's the
master architect here.
Yeah.
He is the one thatbuilt the whole puzzle.
He can see it.
Kayley (30:28):
Well, and some people don't know their gifts.
Yeah.
Like I feel like I've hadpeople kind of come alongside
me and trying to imitate me.
Yeah.
And I'm like, no.
Like that's not the,that's not the way.
Like I'm walkingauthentically in who I am.
Yeah.
And what I'm inspiredby and what I feel like
God's gifted me with.
It's like you, everyone isgifted with something and I
think we see the acclaim andthe esteem that certain people
(30:48):
get with their gifts and we'relike, well, we want that esteem.
Yeah.
So we have to mimic andemulate, and the answer is no.
Jarrett (30:55):
Yeah.
Kayley (30:55):
Go in what God is calling you to do and be
put on his identity for you.
Um, because I, I just see somany people fall into that and
then they're frustrated whenthey don't actually get the
acclaim that they're seeking.
Jarrett (31:08):
Yeah.
Kayley (31:08):
They want that attention to do that thing,
but they're just mimicking.
And that's, that's a hard thing.
You find that alot in Nashville.
People mimickingother successful
Jarrett (31:16):
Everyone's chasing the buzz
Kayley (31:17):
Yeah.
It's like, well, it's like, whywould I move to Nashville to
try and be Carrie Underwood?
She already exists.
That's
Jarrett (31:22):
right.
Kayley (31:22):
Like, that's stupid.
That's
Jarrett (31:24):
stupid.
I, I mean, I'vebeen guilty of it.
I think everyone be, I know.
I think we all thinkcould be Everyone I
think is guilty of it.
Yeah.
At some point.
especially in Nashville.
Kayley (31:31):
Yes.
Okay.
I wanna, I wanna switchgears a little bit and I
want you to tell me about thehug that changed your life.
Jarrett (31:39):
All right.
So this was, uh, this wasright before my brain injury.
Kayley (31:45):
Okay.
Jarrett (31:45):
I, well, me and my ex, I talked about it.
I, we had just broke up.
Kayley (31:49):
Okay.
Jarrett (31:49):
And so I was pretty distraught and I was sitting in
a parking lot in Ashland City,Tennessee, just sitting there.
Really struggling atthat point with sobriety.
Really wanted to drink.
That was a reallydifficult time.
and a buddy called justcalled me out of the blue.
And now this guy is a guythat I adore 'cause he is
(32:11):
an incredible artist, andhas some great success.
And so when I first methim, I was always a little
starstruck around him.
Mm-hmm.
And then we becamelike these, I'm
Kayley (32:20):
starstruck, I mean these
Jarrett (32:21):
brothers in Christ together.
Yeah.
Kayley (32:23):
And,
Jarrett (32:23):
and he just calls me out of nowhere and I see he's
calling and I'm like, what theheck is he doing calling me?
And I answer and he'sjust like, Hey man.
Uh.
I feel like Guy wastelling me to check on you
and what are you doing?
And I'm like, well, I'mcurrently sitting in Walmart
parking lot in Ashland City.
And he's like, well, I'm sittingover here in this wall, in
this parking lot in AshlandCity, meet me over here.
So
Kayley (32:43):
he's in Ashland City.
Yeah.
So when he callsyou, that's nuts.
It's just like the Lord, man.
Jarrett (32:47):
We meet at, meet at this, this river there.
And he's like, man, now you,you gotta think too, this was a
time bef pre brain injury and meand my grandpa weren't exactly
in the best place either.
And I think I probably hadthis like man's complex.
Mm-hmm.
They like manly man.
They
Kayley (33:07):
mainly men don't do this.
They Yeah.
They have to act.
They can't cry.
Jarrett (33:11):
and I get outta the truck and he's like, and this
goes back to learning Christ'sidentity and character.
Mm-hmm.
he's like, man, I just feel likeJesus just wants me to hug you.
And let you know that you areloved and that he's standing
here with his arms wide open,wanting to hug you and hold you.
And this dude comes up and justlike grabs me and has like,
(33:33):
got me in this bear hug whereI'm from in southeast Arkansas.
That don't happen.
You know, man, don't go around.
It's a firm handshake.
Yeah.
It's, it's one thing if it'sa side hug or something,
but like you, you're not,you're not squeezing on
grown men together, you know?
And he's just like giving methis hug and it was just like.
I felt this warmth and itwas the Holy Spirit and
(33:56):
this release come over me.
And it's like that daysomething clicked that
like, God, Jesus loves me.
Wow.
And he's not sittinghere with a hammer.
Oh.
And he's not mad at me becauseI'm wanting to go to the
bar right now and get drunk.
So I'm thinking that God'sgoing, ah, I'm gonna knock you
upside your head for doing that.
That's not what he was saying.
He was saying, comehere, I got this.
I already paid for that.
(34:17):
I know what you're going through
Kayley (34:18):
so good.
Jarrett (34:19):
And, um, just gonna cry.
So that, for me was abig, big, big, big moment.
Going back earlier, talkingabout learning God's character
and, uh, and that, thatnight was a special night.
And my buddy, I, I owe him.
So much.
I think that that night was avery pivotal turn in my life.
and the prayers that were prayedover me and just the Holy Spirit
(34:39):
active that night, there wasa lot of healing that night.
Kayley (34:42):
Did it change your course to determine what
really is a manly man?
Jarrett (34:46):
Yeah, I think.
Kayley (34:46):
Did it open you up in other areas too?
Jarrett (34:48):
Yeah, I think so.
I think that it showedme how to be kind and to
not be afraid to, embracepeople's problems with 'em.
Rub a little dirt onit that don't work.
That's just covering it up.
Being tough is a, is differentthan I thought it was.
Yeah, because 'causeI'm, I'm pretty tough.
I mean, I, I have seenmyself go through some stuff.
(35:09):
Mm-hmm.
but I was not tough enough.
To wake up from a braininjury and walk again.
And I was not tough enoughto get through sobriety
on my own, and I was nottough enough to handle
that heartbreak on my own.
Mm. I learned tough and it'snot what I thought it was.
Yeah.
I thought that a real manstood tall, and I think
(35:29):
he does, but a real man'sheart is on his knees.
to be a protector.
I think that's important.
I now, I'm not a softie,
Kayley (35:39):
I'm feeling like a softie.
Gosh.
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
I keep crying, like I'mthinking about my dad.
Like, you know, I, I grewup with such a great father,
but, um, you know, in theselater years, like so much
has changed and I won'tget into much of it, but.
What I see in him is someonethat didn't know how to be
emotionally intimate Yeah.
(36:00):
With people.
And it's like that standtall, like I'm a tough guy.
Like, you don't gothrough sobriety alone.
You don't go through this alone.
It's like, I feel likethe tough guy mentality is
you have to do it alone.
Jarrett (36:10):
Well, then it'll hold you back
Kayley (36:11):
and it holds you back because it makes you an
island that nobody can get to.
And, and it's like, well,you can't get recovery that
way, but you're not gettinglove that way either.
Jarrett (36:20):
Yeah.
Kayley (36:20):
Because you just, you refuse to be relational
and to lock arms with someonethat's better equipped
in that area for you.
Yeah.
And it's that humilityand you know, God doesn't,
God opposes the proudand he favors the humble.
And so with that man's heart onits knees, that's where, that's
where your chin is lifted.
(36:41):
And God's like, I favor this.
Jarrett (36:42):
Yep.
Kayley (36:43):
You asked me for help and I will help you.
Jarrett (36:45):
Yep.
And absolutely.
And that, that night that I wastalking, we were talking about.
My buddy stepping in, Iwasn't going to call him.
I was too proud.
I was too proud to askfor help for anyone
because, and honestly,probably embarrassed yeah.
To call anyone.
But from that night, there'sbeen specific situations
recently in my life where abuddy was going through some
(37:09):
really bad stuff and becauseof what I had been through
and how, how that friendhad treated me during that
time, I was able to help him.
And it was just like fullcircle and giving it back
because man, I know thatGod was working in that.
Yeah.
And I know if I hadn't havegone through that stuff, that
I couldn't help this person.
I think that started a lot ofhealing in my life that night.
And then
Kayley (37:29):
And you've helped other people get healed Yeah.
As a result.
Jarrett (37:32):
Yeah.
It's, it's been
Kayley (37:33):
How's it changed your songwriting?
Jarrett (37:35):
I think I, I write, I wrote from a, uh.
A more thankful heart.
Kayley (37:40):
Mm.
Jarrett (37:41):
For a long time.
'cause I, I felt what it waslike to have it taken away.
Kayley (37:45):
Mm.
Jarrett (37:45):
and that's something I struggle with
so badly in this town.
Kayley (37:49):
Yeah.
Jarrett (37:49):
the industry and the business side of it.
I let get in the way too often
Kayley (37:55):
like what people think, what you think the industry
wants, what radio wants.
Like I've got that.
Just having
Jarrett (37:59):
success that I want to have.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, like letting God
Kayley (38:02):
dictate what success looks like.
Jarrett (38:04):
God, I let my desire to have this success ruin
the success I've already had.
Yo.
Kayley (38:09):
Yeah.
Jarrett (38:09):
when I came out of the brain injury, I'm going, I don't
care if there's one people thereor there's a million people
there, I'm gonna play that show.
And then, you know, now I'mback in a place sometimes going,
gosh, dog, there was only ahundred people here, you know,
or whatever that is, you know.
So, um, I wrote witha more thankful heart.
Yeah,
Kayley (38:28):
that's good.
Jarrett (38:28):
And uh, I was able to get deeper
in depth in my feelings
Kayley (38:33):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (38:33):
And attack some of those areas that I had
been scared to attack.
Kayley (38:37):
Yeah.
Jarrett (38:38):
Or push off or that's too personal.
Mm-hmm.
Or that's too whatever.
Music row ain'tgonna listen to that.
Kayley (38:45):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (38:46):
Don't matter.
honestly, most of the songsthat I have had cut out of
that time, were my best songsoutta that time were songs
that came from a deep place.
Kayley (38:57):
It's 'cause people want that.
They're like, they wantsomething that's gonna
speak to their spiritand speak to their heart.
And my most vulnerablesongs have been those songs
for my audience as well.
And we just can't discount that.
And that's why I think it's,as a songwriter, the best
thing you can do is live life.
Like, live some rich life like.
Don't go out and get abrain injury, but like
Jarrett (39:18):
yeah.
Kayley (39:18):
Those hard challenging places in your life are they
become a well of inspiration.
Yeah.
To write from a placeof offering people hope.
So.
You were telling me, and I'mnot gonna put you on the spot
and I just don't even care.
you are also tellingme that Nicholas Sparks
has played a huge role.
Jarrett (39:36):
I would, I wouldn't in your vulnerable
Kayley (39:37):
side, and
Jarrett (39:38):
I wouldn't say a huge role.
I, I'll say during the braininjury, uh, when you're
sitting in the same placefor a year, you run out of
things to watch pretty quick.
I'll tell you howthis story happened.
So I'm a scroll, I'm abig World War II guy.
All I watch is, uh, worldWar II stuff, uh, for the
majority documentaries.
(39:59):
Man, I love that era.
I love that generation.
I, I look up as a man to thatgeneration of men and women that
went to war and what they did.
And I think that it is a.
A special, special place inhistory and, and the greatest
generation and I, I admire them.
so I watch a lot of that.
So I'm scrolling through AmazonPrime a song actually came out
(40:22):
of this, a really good song.
I'm scrolling through AmazonPrime and I guess because
the Notebook is set in theWorld War II era, it was like
movies we think you'd like,you know, and it's like Saving
Private Ryan and dah, dahdah, band of brothers and dah,
dah, dah and the Notebook.
And I'm like, sh, you don'tknow what you're talking about.
Were
Kayley (40:41):
you by yourself?
Yeah.
Jarrett (40:43):
And so there, you know, I had been asked to
watch the Notebook by numerousgirlfriends in the past, you
know, 'cause it's like theywant to test your emotional
wellbeing or something.
And I guess my emotionalwellbeing wasn't very good
'cause I would never watch it.
And I, I keep scrolling andI'm like, stupid Amazon.
And I think, Jarrett,you know what?
(41:05):
You're a grown man.
You're however many years oldat that point, late twenties.
If you wanna watch the Notebook,you can watch the Notebook.
So I'm like, hell,you had to like
Kayley (41:13):
coach yourself into it.
Jarrett (41:15):
Let's give it a try, you know?
So I go back andwatch it and it, and I had
just come outta that threeyear relationship and was
early on in the brain injury.
So I watched it and Iwas an emotional wreck.
Mm. To be honest withyou, it really wrecked me.
Kayley (41:31):
And you cried.
Jarrett (41:32):
I, I did.
Yeah.
I, I think it's hard to not cry.
Cry.
I didn't cry whenmy grandpa died.
I cried watchingthe notebook shut.
Like, I don't cry.
I do not cry.
I am not a crier.
Don't cry.
Cut my arm off right now.
Probably won't cry,
Kayley (41:49):
but you cried.
Jarrett (41:50):
Seen me go through, but I've seen me go through stuff.
I've, I've seen me break bonesand stitches and all that.
Don't cry.
Don't care.
It's fine.
That's so funny.
Watch the notebook cried.
but then I did, during thattime I did start exploring
other creative sides thatI had never explored.
And I went in and I watchedevery Nicholas Spark movie
(42:10):
and I watched other kinds ofmovies that I had never been
interested in and tried toreally, be inspired by stories.
Kayley (42:19):
it just added colors to your pallette.
Jarrett (42:20):
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
It totally affectedmy songwriting.
It affected, I think how Itreat people and, going through
a traumatic injury like I wasAnd you're watching a movie
that's pretty traumatic.
It made me appreciatedifferent stories more.
Kayley (42:34):
Yeah, sure.
Jarrett (42:35):
And it, it really affected me during
that time of, of feelingsoft enough or man enough
made me man enough, yeah.
To go in and explore areasI'd never explored before.
Kayley (42:47):
so what's your favorite Nicholas Sparks movie?
Jarrett (42:49):
Probably I think the best one's, the Notebook.
Um, but the Choicewas my favorite.
Kayley (42:55):
Why was the choice your favorite?
Jarrett (42:56):
I think for that time, for me, boy, that
this is, this is deep.
In the injury and wondering,coming out of a three year
relationship, going throughthe injury and wondering
if I'd ever be loved again.
Kayley (43:09):
Mm.
Jarrett (43:10):
And if I'd ever be able to love again.
Kayley (43:11):
Mm. And if
Jarrett (43:12):
I'd ever be able to provide, I think that something
about that movie hit home.
Kayley (43:18):
Mm.
Jarrett (43:19):
I guess there was a, a part of my heart that
was yearning to, you know,be loved and, and curious
where my life was gonna go.
Kayley (43:26):
I mean, yeah, like just envisioning you, like you can't
see, you're light sensitive,you're hearing sensitive.
You don't know how you're gonnawork, you don't know how you're
gonna love again or get married.
Like it does feel like there'san ending, there's a life,
there's an end to life asyou know it in that moment.
Jarrett (43:43):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Kayley (43:44):
did it bring on depression?
Oh my
Jarrett (43:46):
God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I didn't be honestwith you, and this is a heavy
statement, but I mean it,and I know the weight of it.
I did not want to live anymore.
I did not.
yeah, it was just anyemotional rollercoaster.
And also like when you, whenyou have traumatic brain
injuries like that, it messesthe chemicals up in your brain.
So a lot of peopleexperience like extreme
anger or extreme sadnessor like manic depression.
(44:10):
And, um, I didn't sleep for,I think the longest I was
up was almost four days.
Couldn't sleep, you know,I had to get on sleeping
medication at that point.
And boy, when you gothree or four days without
sleep, you are crazy.
I mean, but I waswriting some songs, man.
I mean, I was, I was reallydiving into, into depth, into
(44:31):
what I was feeling and gettingthat on, on paper, you know?
, So yeah, I wasdepressed, bottomed out.
And then as that continuedand the injury continued,
it all led up to that daythat I threw the Bible.
Kayley (44:43):
Mm.
Jarrett (44:43):
And just thought that I'd done everything
that I could for,
Kayley (44:46):
you know, it's crazy Jarrett, I did not know this
story when we wrote our onesong Joy in the Morning.
Yeah.
There's a line in there,and I think I, I think I
thought of it, but like, youthrew your Bible on the bed.
Yeah.
Because you thoughthe didn't care.
Jarrett (44:59):
Yeah.
Kayley (45:00):
Like, I'm pretty sure I thought of that,
but that's nuts to mebecause that was your life.
Yeah.
Like, you literallythrew the Bible.
Yeah, I did.
And it wasn't a thing of like,oh God, I'm done with you.
It was, I thoughtGod was done with me.
Mm.
Jarrett (45:12):
You know?
Um, because
Kayley (45:13):
you're convinced he didn't care.
Jarrett (45:15):
Yeah.
Because how can he
Kayley (45:16):
look at your life?
How can he care about you?
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
How can all this happen?
How can it,and this is why we can't live
by our circumstances, I mean
Jarrett (45:23):
mm-hmm.
Kayley (45:24):
God, God doesn't promise us a, a pain-free life.
Because as long as we'realive, as long as we're walking
around on earth, around otherpeople that have also fallen
short of the glory of theGod, I mean glory of God,
like we are born into sin.
And so for us to expect, whenwe get to Jesus and we claim
Jesus for us to have a flawlesslife, that's just not realistic.
(45:47):
You're still on earth.
Jarrett (45:48):
Yeah.
Kayley (45:49):
but what he does give you are these
tools to navigate it.
I mean, when he says, don'tfear 365 times in the Bible,
like, okay, he's givingyou the method to not fear.
So you're not living inanxiety and living in fear
during the days of your life.
You can actually livewith like peace and joy
and hope and kindness andgentleness and self-control.
All these fruits of thebyproduct of knowing
(46:11):
God, of knowing Jesusand walking with him.
And so I love that like youreally are a walking testimony.
I think like I thinkyou're a miracle, a walking
miracle of wow, like Iwent to the end of myself
and God still redeemed me.
Because that's his nature.
He, he's a redeemer.
I'm glad you said
Jarrett (46:29):
end of myself.
I had to go to the end ofmyself to find who he truly was.
Kayley (46:33):
Mm. That's so good.
And I,
Jarrett (46:34):
there's a lot of, um, people that I think reached that
point because really that iswhat becoming a Christian is, is
when we accept him as savior, isthat we we're denying ourselves.
Yeah.
and I physically, mentally,spiritually went there to
the end of myself, you know,didn't, didn't wanna live
anymore, didn't have a purposein life, didn't feel like
I had a purpose in life.
there will be joyin the morning.
(46:55):
That's where thatidea came from.
Joy in the morning.
There will be joy in themorning when I came back to
Nashville and was living onmy own and back on my feet
and working and living life.
And, um, had justmet my now fiance.
We're getting marriedin a few months.
There, there will bejoy in the morning.
Yeah.
That line kept coming to me.
Is that God's gonna redeem this.
Hmm.
Yeah.
He's gonna redeem it.
And then when you'rewalking in those blessings,
(47:18):
um, it's enjoy them.
Kayley (47:21):
I love your story so much.
Every time we get together,I always end up crying and
I mean, I don't think thecamera's necessarily caught my
tears this time, but man, youbrought tears to my eyes like
a few times and that's normal.
It's just par for thecourse for whenever I write
a song with Jarrett or wejust talk about the Lord.
And it's so funny, it'slike the person that
thought God would leave him.
(47:43):
Yeah.
Or anyone would leave him.
It's like you are the walkingrepresentation of like
God being with you always.
Yeah.
Because when you're inthe room, it's like, I, I
sense Holy Spirit in you.
And so it's so funny, you know,the trap that we find ourselves
in, in the faith complex,but you know, we're, we're
at the end of the episode andI just want you to, whatever
Holy Spirit gives you rightnow, I just want you to give
(48:04):
the audience like one lastfinal remark from you based
on everything we've said.
Jarrett (48:09):
Oh, let's see.
God's not a quitter and hedidn't put his son on the cross
to die for our sins and risingfrom the grave and all that
to say I'm through with you.
Yeah.
And once, once you know him asyour Lord and Savior, you're his
Kayley (48:25):
so good.
Jarrett (48:26):
And he put the down payment of
the Holy Spirit in us.
Mm. And it sealed.
Yeah.
And, uh, when he wrote ournames in the book of life,
there wasn't any eraseron the end of the pen.
Kayley (48:36):
Ah.
You know, so, so good Jarrett.
Jarrett (48:38):
I would just say that
Kayley (48:39):
that makes me wanna cry again.
Jarrett (48:41):
And, and it is something I still struggle with.
Like, the devil knowsour biggest fears, like
he knows what gets us.
Yeah.
Like, yeah.
I feel like when I got sober,alcoholism wasn't something
he held over me anymore.
It was, he started puttingfear in place and I'd never
experienced fear like that.
You know?
So there's, the devilknows what to throw at us.
Yeah.
And so it's somethingthat I like, I don't want
(49:02):
people to think that I'm, Idon't deal with that stuff
anymore 'cause I still do.
But it's like,
Kayley (49:07):
but you know the word, you renew
your mind and the word.
Right.
Jarrett (49:09):
And I know, you know, I have to constantly
check myself every day.
If I feel depressed or I feelanxious, or I feel alone, I
have to go back to God's word.
Kayley (49:20):
Yes.
Jarrett (49:21):
And personal experiences.
And oftentimes I'm flat on myface calling out to him and
going, what are you doing?
Mm-hmm.
You know, but there'salways, he always answers
and there's always a reminderthat he will not quit.
Kayley (49:33):
Not a quitter.
Jarrett (49:34):
He will not give up.
So,
Kayley (49:36):
Wow.
Well, y'all, I hope you wereencouraged 'cause I am always
encouraged by this man.
I'm just so thankful for you,Jarret and thankful for you.
Um, where can everybodyfind you real quick?
Jarrett (49:46):
I'm on Instagram at, @jarretthartness, uh, don't
do a lot of social media.
I, I post a picture of abig fish I catch every once
in a while or something.
Kayley (49:57):
But reach out to Jarret, give him a follow.
And also if there's any partof his story that you loved
listening to that reallykind of hit you, especially
if you're a dude and itmade you, you want to let
your heart get on the floor.
Get that kneeling heartcentered, I, I want
you to reach out to me.
Go to biblebish.com, sendme a little testimony.
Send me what, what specificallyhit you today in this episode,
(50:21):
because I wanna celebrate it.
I wanna encourage you, andmaybe I'll even share it on
air, because I think peopleneed to know encouraging words.
They need to know thestories that are giving
wings to their circumstancesand setting 'em free.
So we love you and we hope thatyou go forward today encouraged.
We want it in the name of love.
That's why we're sitting heretalking about all the hard
(50:42):
things, good things, the manlythings, and the soft things.
And so in Jesus' name, mayyou be blessed and encouraged.
And that is all.
Bye y'all.
I had done everything I could do for God to leave
(00:04):
me and that I was done.
That was it.
You screwed up.
This is the last straw.
No redemption.
No hope, no joy outta this.
And I had my Bible I threw iton the hood of my mom's car.
And I said, mom, I guessI'm not a Christian anymore.
Kayley (00:21):
Welcome, everybody.
My name is Kayley Bishop.
I am the Bible Bish podcasthost, and I'm just so glad
that you found your way tothis little pocket of the
internet, of the Web, ofiTunes, Spotify, whatever
you're on to watch this.
Listen to this.
And I just want you to knowI care about you, and I know
that sounds cheesy, and you'relike, you don't even know me.
(00:41):
You don't care about me.
But the truth is, I really do.
I care about you so much thatI have thrown my reputation to
the wind in order so that youcan listen to my breakthrough
moments, the good, the bad, andthe ugly, and the breakthrough
moments of my guests, the good,bad, and ugly, because we care
too much for you to be walking,chained up, ashamed, afraid,
(01:02):
all of the things like you.
God, God loves you so muchand Jesus paid it all so
that you could be free.
And so if my story helps youget free and my guest's stories
helps you get free, then that'san answer to my prayer and it's
the reason why we're doing this.
So that being said,welcome to Bible Bish.
And I've gotmy dear friend, Jarrett
Hartness with me.
(01:23):
He is a beautiful songwriter inNashville, Tennessee.
He is a man's man.
He, you know, it sounds likehe's got things sliding out
his mouth when he talks.
He's from Arkansas, heloves hunting and fishing.
He wears cowboy bootsand you know, he's
that kind of man's man.
And so Jarrett, why don't you goahead and tell everybody hello.
(01:45):
And the first thing I want youto say is why you love the Lord.
Jarrett (01:50):
Well, thanks for having me first off.
You know, I, I grew up, um, mygrandpa was a Baptist preacher
and his dad was a Baptistpreacher, and they were both
very well known, uh, preachersdown where I come from, which
isn't hard 'cause it's so small.
We're probably all cousinsto begin with, but, it's
very small, small area.
(02:12):
Um, so I grew up in churchfrom the time as a, as far
back as I can remember.
and I always knew God, Ialways knew God was real.
I mean, when you talkedabout Jesus, for me, it was
like you were just talkingabout someone that was
there in the room with you.
Like I always Oh, that's good.
Always knew that.
And it, at seven, I madea profession of faith.
Um, and then at 13,I was truly saved.
(02:35):
I think at seven, I, there wasmaybe a spiritual connection,
but you're, I think you'reso young at that young point.
You're so young, youdon't really know Exactly,
yeah, the full extent.
But at 13, I washeavily convicted.
Felt like the Holy Spiritwalked me down the aisle.
I'll never forget it.
And it was a lifechanging moment.
so I have always, uh, knownhim and, and as time has
(02:58):
gone on and I've grown in myrelationship with him, I think
that I've, I've come to lovehim for different reasons.
As a, as a kid, it was just'cause Well, it's, it's God.
Yeah.
You know?
And that at, at 13 it's, well,I don't wanna go to hell.
You know, that's Baptist.
Baptist.
Right, right.
And then at, you know, at30 now it's, I've knowing
(03:19):
his grace and knowing hischaracter, that's been a big
thing for me the last few years.
His character.
Yeah.
Who, who is he?
'cause there is a lot of waysthat I was taught coming from
a very strict hellfire andbrimstone Baptist upbringing.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
That sometimes they justmake God sound like a jerk.
Kayley (03:40):
Yeah.
Jarrett (03:41):
And he is not.
Kayley (03:42):
I've been there
Jarrett (03:43):
and that's the thing for where I'm at now is like
learning his character andthat's why I love him now
'cause he is forgiven me.
He's, you know, he's brought methrough impossible situations.
So it seems like thedifferent seasons of life,
I've fallen in love withhim for different reasons.
And I think the last few yearshas just been learning his true
character and his true identity.
(04:04):
Yeah.
Who he truly is.
How he reacts.
'cause it, it's one, like whenyou read the Bible as a, as
a young kid for it, you readit like words on the paper.
Mm-hmm.
The more you get toknow Christ mm-hmm.
You read it as apersonality coming back,
like talking to you.
Right.
So learning thatpersonality, and who he is,
(04:26):
it's so good.
Brings the wordto life even more.
Kayley (04:29):
Yeah.
I actually feel like therewas a definitive moment
between me reading theOld Testament before.
I was born again in a way.
Right.
And then after beingborn again, because when I first
read the Old Testament, I mean,it's a historical, it feels
like a historical masterpiece.
Yeah.
It's so incredible to read.
But I mean, there's death,there's gore, there's
(04:50):
rape, there's like, it'smessy and it's crazy.
Um, and it was kind of shocking.
But when you read the OldTestament, I think the
first impression I had waslike, man, God's like scary.
He's kind of like,he's really hard.
Yeah.
But then the second timeI read it, all I saw
was this theme of mercy.
(05:11):
Wow.
God loves Israel so much,while God loves people so much.
Yeah.
And it's, but you, you readit through a different lens,
I think when you really beginto know the character of God.
Yeah.
When you see his redemptivestory fold unfold in your
life, when you see what he hasrescued you from, and then you
(05:31):
know, you just see that he'salways on a rescue mission.
That's his heart.
He wants to rescue us from.
Uh, from the enemy, butalso from ourselves.
Yeah.
Always.
Jarrett (05:40):
if I read something that Jesus says and, and
when I read it, it seemslike he's being a bit
snarky or a bit of a jerk.
But then I go, that'snot the Jesus I know.
Kayley (05:47):
Exactly.
Jarrett (05:48):
And, and so as you, as you mature in faith and
learning his character, youlearn how to read- the same way
if I text you something Yeah.
And you read it acertain way, yeah.
That doesn't meanthat's how I typed it.
Hearing someone speak it Yeah.
Is different because there'stone and there's depth
Kayley (06:07):
I had this moment actually just yesterday, I don't
know if you're familiar with theparts in scripture, where like
lust and wickedness is oftenused with her like pronouns.
Mm-hmm.
So like she, she will wreck you.
She's the adulteress, she'sgonna come and, you know, be,
be wary of the adulteress.
(06:27):
Like, yeah.
I'm like, okay, I'mseeing wickedness
personified as a woman.
I'm seeing lustpersonified as a woman.
And I was like,what is that God?
Like, why is that?
And the answer I found wasthat just as wickedness
is personified as awoman, so is wisdom per
personified as a woman.
And I think innate towomen, we have this power
(06:51):
to influence and inspire.
Yeah.
And so like, you know, you seelike the idea of an adulterous
woman, a lusting woman, likecoaxing men into a lare.
It's like, well, youknow, like we can either.
We can either seduceor we can sanctify.
Jarrett (07:07):
Yeah.
Kayley (07:07):
Like we have two options here as women just innately
with what we're built to do.
And, um, but anyway, likethat was a moment that I had.
I'm like, God, likewhat is this thing?
Like, are are you mad at women?
Like it goes back to the garden,like, are you mad at Eve?
It's, is it all because of Eve?
Like, because for centuries,uh, the church and just culture
in general has put womeninto this subservient role.
(07:28):
And I know thatthat's not, that's not
necessarily God's nature.
Like he created us equalwith different strengths
and different, differentroles, but equal.
And, um, and so anyway, thatwas, that's an offshoot.
That's probably,uh, another episode.
But anyway, continueon character, the
character of God.
Jarrett (07:46):
Yeah.
I mean, just, just learninghis character and, and
just that he's kind.
Yeah.
I think if I, if that, that'sbeen a word that's really
described him the last fewyears for me is kind and I,
I have my biggest fear wasalways being left and being
Kayley (08:06):
like left behind
Jarrett (08:07):
deserted.
Mm-hmm.
Well, not only leftbehind, but like, God not
being with me in life.
Mm. Like, and I think that alot of that goes back to my
childhood with father figures.
Mm-hmm.
Plural that I had in my life.
Mm-hmm.
and love was, uh, dependenton what you did or how you
performed in certain areas.
Mm-hmm.
(08:27):
And so I think that I relatedmy human experiences to God
and the scripture that standsout to me is God's not a liar.
His man is.
So if he says something, yeah.
That's so good.
That's so if he sayssomething, it's true.
He is, he's, it doesn'tchange his mind.
What he speaks is truth andhe can't tell a lie because
if he told a lie, then hewouldn't be God because
(08:47):
God's character is truth.
So I lived in fear for avery long time that, that
God was going to leave me.
Wow.
Or that I, there was gonnacome a point where you
screwed up for the last time.
I'm done with you.
Kayley (09:00):
Yeah.
people can relate to that.
Both men and women of like theabandonment wound from a parent.
Yeah.
Of like, well, if my earthlyparent leaves me, then surely
that's you, you, you do,you you put that experience
on top of God and God'slike, that's not my nature.
Jarrett (09:17):
And I, and I certainly did it even more so with my
grandpa from a standpointof when we had problems,
he was the preacher, right?
Mm-hmm.
So in my mind as a kid, hewas the closest thing to God.
Mm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
His character,
Kayley (09:32):
yep.
Jarrett (09:32):
Was God's character because how
he acts is how God acts,because isn't that his job?
Right?
Yep.
And the older you get, the moreyou learn that no one's gonna
walk that line, but Jesus,
Kayley (09:42):
no.
We all fall shortof the glory of God.
Jarrett (09:44):
I had a breakthrough a few years ago about that.
I still have days whereit creeps up on me.
But you know, the scripturethat I literally for a year,
every night I read the scripturethat, nothing in all the
creation shall separate usfrom the love of God through
Christ Jesus, our Lord.
Kayley (09:58):
That's so good.
Jarrett (09:59):
My favorite verse in the Bible.
and, and when Paul is writingall that, you know, he says
he's naming off all of these,these different things, life nor
death, nor heaven, nor angels,nor rulers and demons and yeah.
All of these things that he isnaming off shall separate us.
Yeah.
From Christ.
Well, it's like Godcreated everything.
Yeah.
God's the creator.
(10:20):
And he says, nothing in allof creation will separate us.
So that covers everything.
And
Kayley (10:26):
that's so good
Jarrett (10:26):
when he's writing that.
I read it as like,Paul's picking a fight.
Like he, it's a very intensemoment is how I read it, of that
he's the people he's writing to.
It's a very intense momentof I'm telling you now Yeah.
Nothing, nothing, nothing,nothing will separate us.
And that's coming froma guy that was chopping
Christian's heads off.
(10:47):
Yeah.
You know, before he had hisDamascus road experience,
so I guess he choppedChristian's heads off.
I don't know if that'show he did it, but
Kayley (10:55):
Right, right, right, right.
Anyway, he was, he waspersecuting hardcore.
Jarrett (10:57):
Yes.
Yes.
So a terrorist of his,of his time is how I
would describe him.
Kayley (11:01):
But he also doesn't speak for no reason.
I mean, any letter thatyou read of Paul's, he was
specifying the languagetowards a certain demographic,
towards a certain culture.
Yeah.
And so if he was tellingthose people there's
nothing you can do.
Yeah.
To, for, for him to leave you.
Yeah.
They probably had a verydeep seated fear that
God would leave them.
Yeah.
I mean, especially if we'retalking to Jews who are so
(11:24):
fixated on the law rightnow, they're telling, now
they're being told you areno longer under the law.
You're actually under this gracethat God is providing for you.
And that's a hard thingto comprehend when all
you know is, well, if I dothis, then I'll be good.
Jarrett (11:39):
Right.
Right.
But that's,
Kayley (11:40):
but that's anything.
It doesn't haveto be Jewish law.
I mean, even the Gentileshave their own rules and
regulations and laws.
And so I think as humans,we thrive in structure, but
we also get our value frombeing good in that structure.
And God's like, I am on adifferent wavelength than that.
Jarrett (11:58):
Performance does not Yeah.
bring God's love on us.
No.
And that, and that'ssomething that I, I still,
struggle with at times isfeeling like I had to perform
Kayley (12:07):
yeah.
There are times that I'vehad, like, I've,
I've really struggled tohear God and I immediately
thought it was becauseI did something wrong.
Like, oh, God's just nottalking to me because I
didn't forgive this person.
Right.
Or whatever.
And that's so the enemy, theenemy wants us to believe
that because if we startadopting that limiting belief,
(12:28):
then God, then we reallydo shut off God's voice.
Yeah.
'cause we're believing the lie.
Jarrett (12:33):
Yep.
Kayley (12:33):
but I, you know, the, the easy way to fix that is
be like, no, the Lord saidhe's never going to leave me.
The Lord says he cares aboutme and that I'm his daughter.
And why would he treathis daughter that way?
No, he loves
Jarrett (12:46):
me.
Right.
And that's, that'sabsolutely true.
And that's somethingthat performance does not
bring his love even more.
I mean, I think that whenwe do things, he, it makes
him proud, so to say,
Kayley (12:56):
well, it's a byproduct, right?
Yeah.
Faith without Works is dead.
Yeah.
But we do it 'cause we love him.
Yeah.
Like, you love to serveGod because you love him.
Yeah.
'cause he did so much for you.
Jarrett (13:05):
Doing things for him does not earn his love.
No.
And that was alldone on the cross
Kayley (13:12):
That's so good.
So tell me more aboutyour grandfather.
Jarrett (13:16):
Man, you know, he was my best friend and there was
also a lot of trauma from that.
Because he wasn't perfect.
Kayley (13:26):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (13:27):
But I thought he hung the moon.
Kayley (13:28):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (13:29):
And in some ways he still does for me.
Kayley (13:31):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (13:31):
he was a character, true southern jokester.
he grew up, uh, in thesixties and seventies, late
sixties, early seventies inthe hot rod muscle car era.
And him and his buddies, werestreet racers, drag racers,
and they, uh, I mean it waslike a legit or organization
Kayley (13:53):
like they should have been arrested.
Jarrett (13:54):
Oh.
Well, they had to send astate trooper undercover
to, to stop him.
And then they stillkept racing after that.
But like it was, and
Kayley (14:01):
he clearly had a transformation moment
where he's like, oh, I'mgonna be a Preacher now.
Yeah.
Jarrett (14:04):
They, they weren't doing anything bad.
Like it wasn't uhhuh, you know,my grandpa says that one of
the greatest compliments heever got was the state trooper
actually said in court thatthis is the most organized
group of outlaws I've ever met.
They're not hurting anybody.
Wow.
They're just breakingthe street laws.
Right.
And in those days there wasn'ta state troopers down there.
It was just like yourlocal county cops.
(14:25):
They one or two cops.
Kayley (14:26):
Mm.
Jarrett (14:27):
And they couldn't keep up with 'em, man.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, they, they would putit in the paper like drag races
on highway so and so Fridaynight, and the cops would show
up on that highway and they'd beout racing on another highway.
Mm-hmm.
You know, just to throw 'em off.
And so cars for me, I grewup, Jesus and race cars.
That was it.
That's good.
And, when I was 11, his firstcar was a 66 Pontiac GTO.
(14:52):
So my whole life, allI wanted as a kid.
All I talked aboutwas Pontiac GTOs.
And as a 10 or 11-year-oldkid, I could tell you anything
and everything about PontiacGTOs and the Muscle car
era because I just sat andread about it all the time.
(15:14):
So when I was 11,he surprised me.
He had bought a 67 Pontiac GTO.
Mm-hmm.
And it was basically not a car.
It had grass growing through it.
We had to do a completerestoration on it.
But we restored thatcar together cars were
very influential on me.
Kayley (15:31):
It sounds like he was influential.
Yes.
He was like was, he was.
Yeah.
It it's like your livelihood,your interests, your hobbies,
your dreams, everything.
It was all kind of inline with this grandfather
figure of yours.
So like, I want, I, you know,you told me we were writing
a song the other day forall the, y'all listening, he
was telling me about kind oflike a really a dip in the
(15:52):
relationship at one point.
And, and I know it was, it hadto go with your brain injury.
And so I want you to talkabout your brain injury, but
I want you to talk about.
Also like what happenedin that moment where you
were not on speaking termswith your grandfather?
Jarrett (16:04):
Yeah, so I think that when I was 19, we're not sure if
there wasn't some mental stuffgoing on with him as he aged.
Kayley (16:11):
Mm-hmm.
' Jarrett (16:12):
cause he, his and I'm sure that I wasn't just
the most outstanding teenageryou've ever been around.
Mm-hmm.
but I wanted tomove to Nashville.
I wanted to chase music.
Poppy thought that was stupid.
You know, you ought to have afull-time job by the time you're
18 and if you're not gonna goto college or whatever, and
even then you should probablyhave a full-time job too.
(16:32):
Uh, that's kind ofhow he looked at it.
And, and maybe he's right, butI had Nashville on my mind.
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (16:39):
there's just something during that season
that he wasn't happy with me.
Mm-hmm.
And.
there was no mutual respecton either side and we
just, our relationshipreally took a bad turn.
And me being the smart mouth19-year-old kid that I was, I
flew off the handle a coupletimes there about that.
And we had a big falling outand quit talking for, uh, a
(17:02):
couple of years basically.
And that, and that for me wasgoing back to feeling like
God was going to desert me.
That that guy meanteverything to me.
Oof.
So, disowned me, told medidn't ever wanna see me again.
That kind of stuff.
So, ouch.
That destroyed me.
Wow.
So then I moved to Nashvilleand at that point it was
(17:24):
like, man, you think that.
You ever seen hell raised?
I'm about to show youhell raising, like
Kayley (17:30):
so you really just went full rebellion?
Jarrett (17:32):
I just full on rebellion.
Wow.
and that's something Istruggled with was like, man,
was I really trying to rebelagainst God or was I trying
to rebel against my grandpa,but I was just determined
that I was gonna show him.
Mm-hmm.
That he had nocontrol over my life.
Mm. And he, nothing hesaid was going to matter.
And I was going to drink everybottle of whiskey and take
every pill and whatever I hadto, to drown that memory out.
(17:53):
Mm. Didn't matter.
Oof.
became addicted to alcohol.
thankfully God got ahold ofme, really had a revelation
at 22 and, and got sober.
And me and him were talkingon and off at that time.
He did, did not like me.
Was not proud of me in any way.
And over the next few yearsthere, our relationship
was somewhat rekindledto where we were talking.
(18:15):
fast forward to, uh, 21, I hada traumatic brain injury and,
I had to be at home in Arkansasduring that time to recover.
' cause I couldn'ttake care of myself.
I had to learn how towalk and talk again.
Basically, my right sidedidn't work and my speech, I,
I lo I would lose my speech.
Kayley (18:34):
And your vision was impaired too?
Yeah,
Jarrett (18:36):
it was really bad.
Basically the best wayI've heard it put was
that my brain could notprocess what my eyes saw.
Kayley (18:42):
Interesting.
Jarrett (18:43):
Like a computer tries to process Yeah.
Something's wrong with theconnection to a screen.
Yeah.
It just could not processwhat was going on.
Kayley (18:49):
Okay.
Jarrett (18:50):
but during that time, man, poppy got right.
I. And we becamebest friends again.
And it was 100% redemptionand everything I could
have ever asked for.
And when he died, I can sayhe died as my best friend
and that we were right.
Wow.
And it was so special.
And if there's anything, anyreason that I had the brain
(19:15):
injury was so that I could bein southeast Arkansas and be
with my grandpa before he passedand rekindle that relationship.
I firmly believed thatGod put me flat on my back
to spend time with him.
Kayley (19:28):
But it wasn't just like your relationship
with Poppy that changed.
I feel like you're, youcame out of that injury a
different man, like you werespirit filled after that.
Jarrett (19:39):
My life had really changed when I got sober
and I had given everythingto Christ and I was
truly trying to seek him.
I think fear mm-hmm.
Held me back a little bit.
Mm-hmm.
Not a little bit, a lot.
Kayley (19:49):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (19:50):
And then when the injury happened, when you go
from being a normal person
Kayley (19:55):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (19:55):
To one day you wake up and you can't walk or talk, pick
up a cup of coffee or nothing.
Kayley (20:00):
Yeah.
Ugh.
Jarrett (20:02):
Well it's pretty drastic.
Kayley (20:04):
Well, it's humbling
Jarrett (20:05):
pretty quick.
Yeah.
I mean,
Kayley (20:06):
you need help.
Jarrett (20:06):
Yeah.
Kayley (20:07):
Like big time
Jarrett (20:08):
and there wasn't much doctor help going on either.
So it's like at that, at thatpoint is the only thing that's
gonna fix you is Christ.
Kayley (20:15):
Yeah.
Jarrett (20:16):
it is a life changing, humbling bring you
to your knees kind of moment.
Kayley (20:22):
Yeah, totally.
Jarrett (20:23):
and so I think just, just during that time I had
nothing to rely on but him.
So I did grow.
And I think that I just becamemore, um, had more of a fire
Kayley (20:35):
Yeah.
Jarrett (20:36):
To speak out in ways maybe.
Kayley (20:38):
mean, I remember you reaching out to
me 'cause I was just beginningto be a little bit more
vocal about my faith online.
And you were so encouraging.
Like, you just stopped me in mytracks and you're like, Kayley,
I want you to know that whatyou're doing is really needed.
And I'm really proud of it.
Jarrett (20:51):
Yeah.
And it, it matters.
And I know
Kayley (20:54):
I was like, Ooh, something's going on in him.
Like he, he sees it, he gets it.
He knows the Lord
Jarrett (20:58):
well.
And when I got sober too, Iwent from playing drinking songs
Kayley (21:02):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (21:03):
To all of a sudden I was writing songs
about Jesus in sobriety.
Kayley (21:08):
Mm.
Jarrett (21:08):
And I was 22, 23 playing places in Nashville.
Couldn't sing hardly.
Kayley (21:15):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (21:15):
Probably could hardly play guitar, but I knew I
could write songs, but at thattime, I was the only one that,
you know, I wasn't gettingcuts so I had to sing it.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And when you go intoa crowded bar and you're
gonna sing a song calledMy Jesus, or whatever that
song was at that time, thatwas a, a special one for me.
In a crowded bar boy.
I mean, it's scary.
Kayley (21:36):
I've done the same thing.
I've sang some Jesus songs ina crowded bar and I'm like,
people are either gonna hate mefor this or they're gonna love
me because a lot of, a lot ofbars are filled with people that
are just hurt by the church.
And the church then becomesthe bar that they're going to.
Jarrett (21:50):
So during that time, I learned how to be more vocal.
Kayley (21:53):
Mm.
Jarrett (21:53):
But I was, I was living and I was passionate about it.
I knew that that's whatthe songs God was laying
on my heart, what hewanted me to speak, and I
wanted to tell my story.
uh, all of that leading upto the brain injury and then
during the brain injury,I drew even closer to God.
Mm. And, and Ithink going back to.
I thought God would just leaveme one day and be done with me.
(22:13):
There.
There came a point I hadto sit in a dark room with
earplugs in sunglasses on,and the blinds drawn shut
and could hardly watch TVsometimes 'cause it hurt my,
my head so bad for a year.
Kayley (22:29):
Oof.
Jarrett (22:30):
I would go like outside and when I was able
to start driving again, likeI'd be able to drive like 10
miles and then I'd have togo back and sit back inside.
Um, so for a year itwas literally dark.
Kayley (22:42):
Oh my goodness, Jarrett.
And
Jarrett (22:45):
really at some point had convinced myself
that I had done everythingI could do for God to leave
me and that I was done.
That was it.
You screwed up.
This is the last straw.
No redemption.
No hope, no joy outta this.
You're never gonna be the same.
Never gonna be able to getmarried, never gonna be able
(23:05):
to hold a full-time job, notgonna be able to go back to
Nashville and pursue music, youknow, and just this despair.
And there was a specificday where we weren't getting
any answers from doctors.
We weren't getting, anywherealong in the recovery.
And I had my Bibleand I just threw it.
Uh, actually we wereoutside and I threw it on
(23:27):
the hood of my mom's car.
And I said, mom, I guessI'm not a Christian anymore.
Kayley (23:33):
Wow.
At
Jarrett (23:34):
that point I thought, there, that's it.
You're done.
You know?
wow.
And all I got outta thatin return was grace.
Kayley (23:43):
Ugh.
And
Jarrett (23:43):
that day it was like something clicked for me.
It was like, youcan't screw this up.
Like you can't run him off.
Kayley (23:50):
Wow.
Yeah.
That's so good.
You cannot run him off.
Wow.
Jarrett (23:54):
And then I think a week after that we got a
phone call from a neurosurgeonto have a, to see me like
six months before they wereever supposed to see me.
And I went in and turnsout I, my spine was messed
up and he was like, man,we gotta do surgery.
We gotta get you fixed.
And um, they, they got my neckfixed and I was able to, start
(24:15):
getting back moving and gettingmy life right, physically
moved back to Nashville,a few months after that.
And so it's like that, thatday was such a breakthrough
and it healed something insideof me that gave me this like
clarity that like, Hey God's,not your grandpa, God's not
your dad, God's not Joe blowdown the street God's not
(24:36):
your girlfriend God's notwhoever you want to name.
Yeah.
Kayley (24:39):
Yeah, he's
Jarrett (24:40):
there.
You can't screw this uplike you, you're saved,
you're sealed by the blood.
His spirit lives within you.
He can't withdraw that.
Because that would goagainst his character.
Kayley (24:51):
Mm.
Jarrett (24:52):
And from that day forward, it was just my health.
Things changed.
Kayley (24:58):
Wow.
Jarrett (24:59):
And, and life I got back on my feet.
And so it was justa really incredible
breakthrough at that moment.
Kayley (25:05):
Wow.
When you threw that Bibledown on the hood of the
car, I feel like almost whathappened from my standpoint
of listening to that story wasyou decided that you were no
longer gonna be your judge.
Because up until that point,you had deemed yourself,
you had judged yourself.
Jarrett (25:22):
Yeah.
Kayley (25:23):
Unworthy.
I have done everythingpossible to re, to basically
forfeit God's love in my life.
So he should not love me.
And you're being,you are holding the
gavel in saying that.
Jarrett (25:36):
Yeah.
Kayley (25:37):
And then when you realized, wow, like he's
still kind of around.
Yeah.
Then why have I been judgingmyself all this time?
Yeah.
Deeming myselfworthy or unworthy.
Jarrett (25:46):
And our, our unworthiness is what makes
us worthy because he died onthe cross to make us worthy.
Yeah.
It was our unworthiness isthe reason he died on the
cross to make us worthy.
Yes.
And, you know, going throughthat injury and going through
that time, it's like, God,what are, what are you doing?
Like I gave my life to you.
I surrendered everything.
I, I got sober.
I did what you asked of me.
Kayley (26:08):
Wow.
Jarrett (26:09):
I was in a relationship of three years with a woman.
I thought I was gonnamarry that God specifically
told me she's not it.
And I walked away gave it up.
We broke up.
And I, I just went forwardhoping that something good
was gonna come out of that.
And then what I got out ofthat was a brain injury flat
on my back, not being ableto walk or talk or anything.
(26:30):
So for a year and a halfof that time I was like,
God, what are you doing?
Like, like he's trulyleft me this time.
I am screwed.
Ugh.
And I thought my music careerwas done at that point.
Kayley (26:41):
Yeah.
All your dreams.
Um,
Jarrett (26:42):
thankfully because of Zoom and, and honestly
probably manic depressionfrom the brain injury
Kayley (26:49):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (26:49):
And, my chemicals in my head being all jacked
up from the hit, it took, um,I wrote the best music I've
ever written and was stillwriting as much as I could.
Mm-hmm.
I think when I had thehead injury, I had, I had
21 cuts as a songwriter.
And whenever I moved back toArkansas from the head injury,
I was at like 58 or 62 cuts.
(27:09):
So I had like double thetriple the amount Wow.
Of music, of songsbeing cut Wow.
During my injury.
Kayley (27:18):
That's so good.
And
Jarrett (27:19):
So it's like God was showing himself and he was
Kayley (27:22):
Wow.
Jarrett (27:22):
Producing.
Kayley (27:23):
Well, and he was, he, it was an anointed
area of your life.
Yeah.
He's like, I've calledyou into this, I've
gifted you in this way.
And so often we thinkthat our disabilities
are gonna disqualify us.
Jarrett (27:33):
Yeah.
Kayley (27:33):
Or they're gonna stunt our growth or productivity.
I mean, I feel that way too.
It's like when I don't havea voice and I can't sing a
show, I had to go through thatlearning lesson of, well, my
voice is not where my value is.
Jarrett (27:44):
Yeah.
Kayley (27:44):
so if it's gone, that doesn't mean that
I have nothing to offer.
Jarrett (27:48):
Well, and that's something that.
That me and a buddy havetalked about here recently
is that during that timeI learned that my identity
was not a songwriter.
My identity was in Christ,songwriting is a tool.
Kayley (27:59):
Yeah, so true.
Jarrett (28:01):
And, and I still struggle with that because
when I'm not writinglike I wanna be writing,
Kayley (28:06):
well, it's 'cause your gift.
It's like we associate ouridentity with our gift.
Jarrett (28:10):
Right.
if I had come outta that injuryand never been able to write
another song, which when theinjury happened, I remember
being awake and in and outtaconsciousness in the ambulance.
All I could think was, I'vewritten my last song, Ugh.
I'm never gonnawrite another one.
And for me that wasjust like soul crushing.
I
Kayley (28:25):
feel like I wanna cry.
Jarrett (28:27):
I wouldn't do that.
You
Kayley (28:27):
made me wanna cry so many times.
Jarrett (28:29):
so it's just like all our identity is not in our gift.
Mm-hmm.
It's a gift.
It's a tool.
Yeah.
think that God wants to furtherhis kingdom through those tools.
Kayley (28:38):
He does.
He, I mean, he gives it tous for, it's, it's, it's
a relationship buildingthing between me and him.
Right.
The gifts he's given me.
'cause I get to bring,give them back to him, but
then also the use for thekingdom and it bolsters.
It's like when you bring yourgift and I bring mine and
everyone else brings theirs,then we become the body of
the believers because the handcannot do what the head does.
(29:00):
Yeah.
The feet can't dowhat the mouth does.
And that's why we needeverybody coming together
as the church body
Jarrett (29:06):
in comparison.
Don't, uh, somethingI've learned is don't
let comparison kill.
Your dreams of what God'sgiven you or your joy.
Mm-hmm.
Joy is a big word for me.
So like, and, and evenPaul talks about this, I
can't remember what book,it may be Romans, but
he's, he's talking about.
Everyone has theirown specific gifts.
Mm-hmm.
I am not a singer.
(29:26):
I learned that veryon here, very early.
I, I mean, I'll singyour writer's rounds, but
I'm not Kayley Bishop.
Right.
But that doesn't mean that Goddoesn't give me a song that's
meant for you to sing Mm.
Or for us to write together.
Right.
Or, look at the, thisbuilding we're in.
if, if the guy thatbuilt the frame behind
these walls couldn't dodrywall well that's okay.
(29:46):
They had someone comein and do drywall.
Yeah.
His job was to do the frame.
Kayley (29:49):
Yeah.
So
Jarrett (29:50):
everyone's got a different gift.
Kayley (29:52):
Yeah.
Jarrett (29:52):
If I compare my voice to yours and I get upset at
how great you are, and I'llnever be that good, it's
gonna kill my joy, you know?
But it is true.
I'm never gonna sing likeKayley Bishop, and that's okay.
That's not my gift.
My gift is to, to writethe lyrics or whatever
that is that day.
But Everyone's got theirown specific gift that
God weaves together Yeah.
(30:14):
To further his kingdom.
Mm-hmm.
It's like a puzzle piece.
And this person's got thisgift and that fill that piece
and this person's got thisgift and fill that piece.
Mm-hmm.
And we can't see the biggerpicture, but God's the
master architect here.
Yeah.
He is the one thatbuilt the whole puzzle.
He can see it.
Kayley (30:28):
Well, and some people don't know their gifts.
Yeah.
Like I feel like I've hadpeople kind of come alongside
me and trying to imitate me.
Yeah.
And I'm like, no.
Like that's not the,that's not the way.
Like I'm walkingauthentically in who I am.
Yeah.
And what I'm inspiredby and what I feel like
God's gifted me with.
It's like you, everyone isgifted with something and I
think we see the acclaim andthe esteem that certain people
(30:48):
get with their gifts and we'relike, well, we want that esteem.
Yeah.
So we have to mimic andemulate, and the answer is no.
Jarrett (30:55):
Yeah.
Kayley (30:55):
Go in what God is calling you to do and be
put on his identity for you.
Um, because I, I just see somany people fall into that and
then they're frustrated whenthey don't actually get the
acclaim that they're seeking.
Jarrett (31:08):
Yeah.
Kayley (31:08):
They want that attention to do that thing,
but they're just mimicking.
And that's, that's a hard thing.
You find that alot in Nashville.
People mimickingother successful
Jarrett (31:16):
Everyone's chasing the buzz
Kayley (31:17):
Yeah.
It's like, well, it's like, whywould I move to Nashville to
try and be Carrie Underwood?
She already exists.
That's
Jarrett (31:22):
right.
Kayley (31:22):
Like, that's stupid.
That's
Jarrett (31:24):
stupid.
I, I mean, I'vebeen guilty of it.
I think everyone be, I know.
I think we all thinkcould be Everyone I
think is guilty of it.
Yeah.
At some point.
especially in Nashville.
Kayley (31:31):
Yes.
Okay.
I wanna, I wanna switchgears a little bit and I
want you to tell me about thehug that changed your life.
Jarrett (31:39):
All right.
So this was, uh, this wasright before my brain injury.
Kayley (31:45):
Okay.
Jarrett (31:45):
I, well, me and my ex, I talked about it.
I, we had just broke up.
Kayley (31:49):
Okay.
Jarrett (31:49):
And so I was pretty distraught and I was sitting in
a parking lot in Ashland City,Tennessee, just sitting there.
Really struggling atthat point with sobriety.
Really wanted to drink.
That was a reallydifficult time.
and a buddy called justcalled me out of the blue.
And now this guy is a guythat I adore 'cause he is
(32:11):
an incredible artist, andhas some great success.
And so when I first methim, I was always a little
starstruck around him.
Mm-hmm.
And then we becamelike these, I'm
Kayley (32:20):
starstruck, I mean these
Jarrett (32:21):
brothers in Christ together.
Yeah.
Kayley (32:23):
And,
Jarrett (32:23):
and he just calls me out of nowhere and I see he's
calling and I'm like, what theheck is he doing calling me?
And I answer and he'sjust like, Hey man.
Uh.
I feel like Guy wastelling me to check on you
and what are you doing?
And I'm like, well, I'mcurrently sitting in Walmart
parking lot in Ashland City.
And he's like, well, I'm sittingover here in this wall, in
this parking lot in AshlandCity, meet me over here.
So
Kayley (32:43):
he's in Ashland City.
Yeah.
So when he callsyou, that's nuts.
It's just like the Lord, man.
Jarrett (32:47):
We meet at, meet at this, this river there.
And he's like, man, now you,you gotta think too, this was a
time bef pre brain injury and meand my grandpa weren't exactly
in the best place either.
And I think I probably hadthis like man's complex.
Mm-hmm.
They like manly man.
They
Kayley (33:07):
mainly men don't do this.
They Yeah.
They have to act.
They can't cry.
Jarrett (33:11):
and I get outta the truck and he's like, and this
goes back to learning Christ'sidentity and character.
Mm-hmm.
he's like, man, I just feel likeJesus just wants me to hug you.
And let you know that you areloved and that he's standing
here with his arms wide open,wanting to hug you and hold you.
And this dude comes up and justlike grabs me and has like,
(33:33):
got me in this bear hug whereI'm from in southeast Arkansas.
That don't happen.
You know, man, don't go around.
It's a firm handshake.
Yeah.
It's, it's one thing if it'sa side hug or something,
but like you, you're not,you're not squeezing on
grown men together, you know?
And he's just like giving methis hug and it was just like.
I felt this warmth and itwas the Holy Spirit and
(33:56):
this release come over me.
And it's like that daysomething clicked that
like, God, Jesus loves me.
Wow.
And he's not sittinghere with a hammer.
Oh.
And he's not mad at me becauseI'm wanting to go to the
bar right now and get drunk.
So I'm thinking that God'sgoing, ah, I'm gonna knock you
upside your head for doing that.
That's not what he was saying.
He was saying, comehere, I got this.
I already paid for that.
(34:17):
I know what you're going through
Kayley (34:18):
so good.
Jarrett (34:19):
And, um, just gonna cry.
So that, for me was abig, big, big, big moment.
Going back earlier, talkingabout learning God's character
and, uh, and that, thatnight was a special night.
And my buddy, I, I owe him.
So much.
I think that that night was avery pivotal turn in my life.
and the prayers that were prayedover me and just the Holy Spirit
(34:39):
active that night, there wasa lot of healing that night.
Kayley (34:42):
Did it change your course to determine what
really is a manly man?
Jarrett (34:46):
Yeah, I think.
Kayley (34:46):
Did it open you up in other areas too?
Jarrett (34:48):
Yeah, I think so.
I think that it showedme how to be kind and to
not be afraid to, embracepeople's problems with 'em.
Rub a little dirt onit that don't work.
That's just covering it up.
Being tough is a, is differentthan I thought it was.
Yeah, because 'causeI'm, I'm pretty tough.
I mean, I, I have seenmyself go through some stuff.
(35:09):
Mm-hmm.
but I was not tough enough.
To wake up from a braininjury and walk again.
And I was not tough enoughto get through sobriety
on my own, and I was nottough enough to handle
that heartbreak on my own.
Mm. I learned tough and it'snot what I thought it was.
Yeah.
I thought that a real manstood tall, and I think
(35:29):
he does, but a real man'sheart is on his knees.
to be a protector.
I think that's important.
I now, I'm not a softie,
Kayley (35:39):
I'm feeling like a softie.
Gosh.
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
I keep crying, like I'mthinking about my dad.
Like, you know, I, I grewup with such a great father,
but, um, you know, in theselater years, like so much
has changed and I won'tget into much of it, but.
What I see in him is someonethat didn't know how to be
emotionally intimate Yeah.
(36:00):
With people.
And it's like that standtall, like I'm a tough guy.
Like, you don't gothrough sobriety alone.
You don't go through this alone.
It's like, I feel likethe tough guy mentality is
you have to do it alone.
Jarrett (36:10):
Well, then it'll hold you back
Kayley (36:11):
and it holds you back because it makes you an
island that nobody can get to.
And, and it's like, well,you can't get recovery that
way, but you're not gettinglove that way either.
Jarrett (36:20):
Yeah.
Kayley (36:20):
Because you just, you refuse to be relational
and to lock arms with someonethat's better equipped
in that area for you.
Yeah.
And it's that humilityand you know, God doesn't,
God opposes the proudand he favors the humble.
And so with that man's heart onits knees, that's where, that's
where your chin is lifted.
(36:41):
And God's like, I favor this.
Jarrett (36:42):
Yep.
Kayley (36:43):
You asked me for help and I will help you.
Jarrett (36:45):
Yep.
And absolutely.
And that, that night that I wastalking, we were talking about.
My buddy stepping in, Iwasn't going to call him.
I was too proud.
I was too proud to askfor help for anyone
because, and honestly,probably embarrassed yeah.
To call anyone.
But from that night, there'sbeen specific situations
recently in my life where abuddy was going through some
(37:09):
really bad stuff and becauseof what I had been through
and how, how that friendhad treated me during that
time, I was able to help him.
And it was just like fullcircle and giving it back
because man, I know thatGod was working in that.
Yeah.
And I know if I hadn't havegone through that stuff, that
I couldn't help this person.
I think that started a lot ofhealing in my life that night.
And then
Kayley (37:29):
And you've helped other people get healed Yeah.
As a result.
Jarrett (37:32):
Yeah.
It's, it's been
Kayley (37:33):
How's it changed your songwriting?
Jarrett (37:35):
I think I, I write, I wrote from a, uh.
A more thankful heart.
Kayley (37:40):
Mm.
Jarrett (37:41):
For a long time.
'cause I, I felt what it waslike to have it taken away.
Kayley (37:45):
Mm.
Jarrett (37:45):
and that's something I struggle with
so badly in this town.
Kayley (37:49):
Yeah.
Jarrett (37:49):
the industry and the business side of it.
I let get in the way too often
Kayley (37:55):
like what people think, what you think the industry
wants, what radio wants.
Like I've got that.
Just having
Jarrett (37:59):
success that I want to have.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, like letting God
Kayley (38:02):
dictate what success looks like.
Jarrett (38:04):
God, I let my desire to have this success ruin
the success I've already had.
Yo.
Kayley (38:09):
Yeah.
Jarrett (38:09):
when I came out of the brain injury, I'm going, I don't
care if there's one people thereor there's a million people
there, I'm gonna play that show.
And then, you know, now I'mback in a place sometimes going,
gosh, dog, there was only ahundred people here, you know,
or whatever that is, you know.
So, um, I wrote witha more thankful heart.
Yeah,
Kayley (38:28):
that's good.
Jarrett (38:28):
And uh, I was able to get deeper
in depth in my feelings
Kayley (38:33):
mm-hmm.
Jarrett (38:33):
And attack some of those areas that I had
been scared to attack.
Kayley (38:37):
Yeah.
Jarrett (38:38):
Or push off or that's too personal.
Mm-hmm.
Or that's too whatever.
Music row ain'tgonna listen to that.
Kayley (38:45):
Mm-hmm.
Jarrett (38:46):
Don't matter.
honestly, most of the songsthat I have had cut out of
that time, were my best songsoutta that time were songs
that came from a deep place.
Kayley (38:57):
It's 'cause people want that.
They're like, they wantsomething that's gonna
speak to their spiritand speak to their heart.
And my most vulnerablesongs have been those songs
for my audience as well.
And we just can't discount that.
And that's why I think it's,as a songwriter, the best
thing you can do is live life.
Like, live some rich life like.
Don't go out and get abrain injury, but like
Jarrett (39:18):
yeah.
Kayley (39:18):
Those hard challenging places in your life are they
become a well of inspiration.
Yeah.
To write from a placeof offering people hope.
So.
You were telling me, and I'mnot gonna put you on the spot
and I just don't even care.
you are also tellingme that Nicholas Sparks
has played a huge role.
Jarrett (39:36):
I would, I wouldn't in your vulnerable
Kayley (39:37):
side, and
Jarrett (39:38):
I wouldn't say a huge role.
I, I'll say during the braininjury, uh, when you're
sitting in the same placefor a year, you run out of
things to watch pretty quick.
I'll tell you howthis story happened.
So I'm a scroll, I'm abig World War II guy.
All I watch is, uh, worldWar II stuff, uh, for the
majority documentaries.
(39:59):
Man, I love that era.
I love that generation.
I, I look up as a man to thatgeneration of men and women that
went to war and what they did.
And I think that it is a.
A special, special place inhistory and, and the greatest
generation and I, I admire them.
so I watch a lot of that.
So I'm scrolling through AmazonPrime a song actually came out
(40:22):
of this, a really good song.
I'm scrolling through AmazonPrime and I guess because
the Notebook is set in theWorld War II era, it was like
movies we think you'd like,you know, and it's like Saving
Private Ryan and dah, dahdah, band of brothers and dah,
dah, dah and the Notebook.
And I'm like, sh, you don'tknow what you're talking about.
Were
Kayley (40:41):
you by yourself?
Yeah.
Jarrett (40:43):
And so there, you know, I had been asked to
watch the Notebook by numerousgirlfriends in the past, you
know, 'cause it's like theywant to test your emotional
wellbeing or something.
And I guess my emotionalwellbeing wasn't very good
'cause I would never watch it.
And I, I keep scrolling andI'm like, stupid Amazon.
And I think, Jarrett,you know what?
(41:05):
You're a grown man.
You're however many years oldat that point, late twenties.
If you wanna watch the Notebook,you can watch the Notebook.
So I'm like, hell,you had to like
Kayley (41:13):
coach yourself into it.
Jarrett (41:15):
Let's give it a try, you know?
So I go back andwatch it and it, and I had
just come outta that threeyear relationship and was
early on in the brain injury.
So I watched it and Iwas an emotional wreck.
Mm. To be honest withyou, it really wrecked me.
Kayley (41:31):
And you cried.
Jarrett (41:32):
I, I did.
Yeah.
I, I think it's hard to not cry.
Cry.
I didn't cry whenmy grandpa died.
I cried watchingthe notebook shut.
Like, I don't cry.
I do not cry.
I am not a crier.
Don't cry.
Cut my arm off right now.
Probably won't cry,
Kayley (41:49):
but you cried.
Jarrett (41:50):
Seen me go through, but I've seen me go through stuff.
I've, I've seen me break bonesand stitches and all that.
Don't cry.
Don't care.
It's fine.
That's so funny.
Watch the notebook cried.
but then I did, during thattime I did start exploring
other creative sides thatI had never explored.
And I went in and I watchedevery Nicholas Spark movie
(42:10):
and I watched other kinds ofmovies that I had never been
interested in and tried toreally, be inspired by stories.
Kayley (42:19):
it just added colors to your pallette.
Jarrett (42:20):
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
It totally affectedmy songwriting.
It affected, I think how Itreat people and, going through
a traumatic injury like I wasAnd you're watching a movie
that's pretty traumatic.
It made me appreciatedifferent stories more.
Kayley (42:34):
Yeah, sure.
Jarrett (42:35):
And it, it really affected me during
that time of, of feelingsoft enough or man enough
made me man enough, yeah.
To go in and explore areasI'd never explored before.
Kayley (42:47):
so what's your favorite Nicholas Sparks movie?
Jarrett (42:49):
Probably I think the best one's, the Notebook.
Um, but the Choicewas my favorite.
Kayley (42:55):
Why was the choice your favorite?
Jarrett (42:56):
I think for that time, for me, boy, that
this is, this is deep.
In the injury and wondering,coming out of a three year
relationship, going throughthe injury and wondering
if I'd ever be loved again.
Kayley (43:09):
Mm.
Jarrett (43:10):
And if I'd ever be able to love again.
Kayley (43:11):
Mm. And if
Jarrett (43:12):
I'd ever be able to provide, I think that something
about that movie hit home.
Kayley (43:18):
Mm.
Jarrett (43:19):
I guess there was a, a part of my heart that
was yearning to, you know,be loved and, and curious
where my life was gonna go.
Kayley (43:26):
I mean, yeah, like just envisioning you, like you can't
see, you're light sensitive,you're hearing sensitive.
You don't know how you're gonnawork, you don't know how you're
gonna love again or get married.
Like it does feel like there'san ending, there's a life,
there's an end to life asyou know it in that moment.
Jarrett (43:43):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Kayley (43:44):
did it bring on depression?
Oh my
Jarrett (43:46):
God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I didn't be honestwith you, and this is a heavy
statement, but I mean it,and I know the weight of it.
I did not want to live anymore.
I did not.
yeah, it was just anyemotional rollercoaster.
And also like when you, whenyou have traumatic brain
injuries like that, it messesthe chemicals up in your brain.
So a lot of peopleexperience like extreme
anger or extreme sadnessor like manic depression.
(44:10):
And, um, I didn't sleep for,I think the longest I was
up was almost four days.
Couldn't sleep, you know,I had to get on sleeping
medication at that point.
And boy, when you gothree or four days without
sleep, you are crazy.
I mean, but I waswriting some songs, man.
I mean, I was, I was reallydiving into, into depth, into
(44:31):
what I was feeling and gettingthat on, on paper, you know?
, So yeah, I wasdepressed, bottomed out.
And then as that continuedand the injury continued,
it all led up to that daythat I threw the Bible.
Kayley (44:43):
Mm.
Jarrett (44:43):
And just thought that I'd done everything
that I could for,
Kayley (44:46):
you know, it's crazy Jarrett, I did not know this
story when we wrote our onesong Joy in the Morning.
Yeah.
There's a line in there,and I think I, I think I
thought of it, but like, youthrew your Bible on the bed.
Yeah.
Because you thoughthe didn't care.
Jarrett (44:59):
Yeah.
Kayley (45:00):
Like, I'm pretty sure I thought of that,
but that's nuts to mebecause that was your life.
Yeah.
Like, you literallythrew the Bible.
Yeah, I did.
And it wasn't a thing of like,oh God, I'm done with you.
It was, I thoughtGod was done with me.
Mm.
Jarrett (45:12):
You know?
Um, because
Kayley (45:13):
you're convinced he didn't care.
Jarrett (45:15):
Yeah.
Because how can he
Kayley (45:16):
look at your life?
How can he care about you?
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
How can all this happen?
How can it,and this is why we can't live
by our circumstances, I mean
Jarrett (45:23):
mm-hmm.
Kayley (45:24):
God, God doesn't promise us a, a pain-free life.
Because as long as we'realive, as long as we're walking
around on earth, around otherpeople that have also fallen
short of the glory of theGod, I mean glory of God,
like we are born into sin.
And so for us to expect, whenwe get to Jesus and we claim
Jesus for us to have a flawlesslife, that's just not realistic.
(45:47):
You're still on earth.
Jarrett (45:48):
Yeah.
Kayley (45:49):
but what he does give you are these
tools to navigate it.
I mean, when he says, don'tfear 365 times in the Bible,
like, okay, he's givingyou the method to not fear.
So you're not living inanxiety and living in fear
during the days of your life.
You can actually livewith like peace and joy
and hope and kindness andgentleness and self-control.
All these fruits of thebyproduct of knowing
(46:11):
God, of knowing Jesusand walking with him.
And so I love that like youreally are a walking testimony.
I think like I thinkyou're a miracle, a walking
miracle of wow, like Iwent to the end of myself
and God still redeemed me.
Because that's his nature.
He, he's a redeemer.
I'm glad you said
Jarrett (46:29):
end of myself.
I had to go to the end ofmyself to find who he truly was.
Kayley (46:33):
Mm. That's so good.
And I,
Jarrett (46:34):
there's a lot of, um, people that I think reached that
point because really that iswhat becoming a Christian is, is
when we accept him as savior, isthat we we're denying ourselves.
Yeah.
and I physically, mentally,spiritually went there to
the end of myself, you know,didn't, didn't wanna live
anymore, didn't have a purposein life, didn't feel like
I had a purpose in life.
there will be joyin the morning.
(46:55):
That's where thatidea came from.
Joy in the morning.
There will be joy in themorning when I came back to
Nashville and was living onmy own and back on my feet
and working and living life.
And, um, had justmet my now fiance.
We're getting marriedin a few months.
There, there will bejoy in the morning.
Yeah.
That line kept coming to me.
Is that God's gonna redeem this.
Hmm.
Yeah.
He's gonna redeem it.
And then when you'rewalking in those blessings,
(47:18):
um, it's enjoy them.
Kayley (47:21):
I love your story so much.
Every time we get together,I always end up crying and
I mean, I don't think thecamera's necessarily caught my
tears this time, but man, youbrought tears to my eyes like
a few times and that's normal.
It's just par for thecourse for whenever I write
a song with Jarrett or wejust talk about the Lord.
And it's so funny, it'slike the person that
thought God would leave him.
(47:43):
Yeah.
Or anyone would leave him.
It's like you are the walkingrepresentation of like
God being with you always.
Yeah.
Because when you're inthe room, it's like, I, I
sense Holy Spirit in you.
And so it's so funny, you know,the trap that we find ourselves
in, in the faith complex,but you know, we're, we're
at the end of the episode andI just want you to, whatever
Holy Spirit gives you rightnow, I just want you to give
(48:04):
the audience like one lastfinal remark from you based
on everything we've said.
Jarrett (48:09):
Oh, let's see.
God's not a quitter and hedidn't put his son on the cross
to die for our sins and risingfrom the grave and all that
to say I'm through with you.
Yeah.
And once, once you know him asyour Lord and Savior, you're his
Kayley (48:25):
so good.
Jarrett (48:26):
And he put the down payment of
the Holy Spirit in us.
Mm. And it sealed.
Yeah.
And, uh, when he wrote ournames in the book of life,
there wasn't any eraseron the end of the pen.
Kayley (48:36):
Ah.
You know, so, so good Jarrett.
Jarrett (48:38):
I would just say that
Kayley (48:39):
that makes me wanna cry again.
Jarrett (48:41):
And, and it is something I still struggle with.
Like, the devil knowsour biggest fears, like
he knows what gets us.
Yeah.
Like, yeah.
I feel like when I got sober,alcoholism wasn't something
he held over me anymore.
It was, he started puttingfear in place and I'd never
experienced fear like that.
You know?
So there's, the devilknows what to throw at us.
Yeah.
And so it's somethingthat I like, I don't want
(49:02):
people to think that I'm, Idon't deal with that stuff
anymore 'cause I still do.
But it's like,
Kayley (49:07):
but you know the word, you renew
your mind and the word.
Right.
Jarrett (49:09):
And I know, you know, I have to constantly
check myself every day.
If I feel depressed or I feelanxious, or I feel alone, I
have to go back to God's word.
Kayley (49:20):
Yes.
Jarrett (49:21):
And personal experiences.
And oftentimes I'm flat on myface calling out to him and
going, what are you doing?
Mm-hmm.
You know, but there'salways, he always answers
and there's always a reminderthat he will not quit.
Kayley (49:33):
Not a quitter.
Jarrett (49:34):
He will not give up.
So,
Kayley (49:36):
Wow.
Well, y'all, I hope you wereencouraged 'cause I am always
encouraged by this man.
I'm just so thankful for you,Jarret and thankful for you.
Um, where can everybodyfind you real quick?
Jarrett (49:46):
I'm on Instagram at, @jarretthartness, uh, don't
do a lot of social media.
I, I post a picture of abig fish I catch every once
in a while or something.
Kayley (49:57):
But reach out to Jarret, give him a follow.
And also if there's any partof his story that you loved
listening to that reallykind of hit you, especially
if you're a dude and itmade you, you want to let
your heart get on the floor.
Get that kneeling heartcentered, I, I want
you to reach out to me.
Go to biblebish.com, sendme a little testimony.
Send me what, what specificallyhit you today in this episode,
(50:21):
because I wanna celebrate it.
I wanna encourage you, andmaybe I'll even share it on
air, because I think peopleneed to know encouraging words.
They need to know thestories that are giving
wings to their circumstancesand setting 'em free.
So we love you and we hope thatyou go forward today encouraged.
We want it in the name of love.
That's why we're sitting heretalking about all the hard
(50:42):
things, good things, the manlythings, and the soft things.
And so in Jesus' name, mayyou be blessed and encouraged.
And that is all.
Bye y'all.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.