Bible Stories for Atheists
Your guides to the miraculously macabre stories literaly literarily littering the bible.
Episodes
This is a special episode with two special guests. Ministers Bendr Bones and Luis Cypher, co-heads of the Satanic Temple - West Michigan.
Recently, they made news by having the AUDACITY to deliver the opening invocation at an Ottawa County board meeting. And when the Ottawa County board were forced to allow the invocation local Christians lost their damn minds.
Invocation Video:
https:/...
We read a selection of Psalms suggested by AI to figure out if this ancient book of songs holds up to the hype.
It doesn't.
Despite Josh's warnings that we might find the material repetitive and dull, we plunge ahead with open minds, only to discover that the Psalms are boring as Pshit.
I don't have anything more to say about it. Why don't YOU have something to ...
The kingdom of Israel splits into two separate nations after the death of King Solomon. His son Rehoboam ascends to the throne and when the people ask him to not be a dick like his dad. But his friends goad him into doubling down on his dickishness. He should have listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no to peer pressure!
So Jeroboam comes back from Egypt to take control of the northern kingdom of I...
David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto.
It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his father. Weird...
God grants Solomon a...
“Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast – https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-A
Crucifying Tony Stark – https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120
Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up.
Also, Jesus is asked important questions such as if a woman clearly kills 7 brothers, all of wh...
We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different.
The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and tries to gather support by t...
Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all!
We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles.
Oh yeah! And the bible talks about aliens! We'...
We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart.
2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact perfect, we are left with the only obvious conclusion...
Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit.
- Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long.
- David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul.
- MOAR GIANTS!!1!
- And some politically charged poetry
Hearts and kisses, my dear. Hearts. And ki...
Happy holidays all you war on CHRISTmas warriors!
We're kicking back and watching that time honored 2017 classic Christmas movie, The Case for Christ. Based on the book of the same name, this follows former "journalist" Lee Strobel as he proves that the path to Christianity is paved with stupid questions.
Oh yes, it makes complete sense when you set out on a quest to disprov...
We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon.
A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport.
We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus.
We talk about the most important woman to never get any attention in ...
We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels.
Judas gets replaced.
The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire.
And the early church starts getting persecuted simply for yelling at everyone that they killed Jesus.
David's been kicked out of his kingdom by his son and returns to the wilderness. Luckily his son seems to have really bad advisors.
We get some crazy propaganda. As always.
And the feud between David and his son is resolved. David definitely had nothing to do with it.
This is our last episode for about a month and a half and I'm just ready to be done with this episode desc...
Ugh uhhh ugh. Ughg ghgggh uggghhh ughg guhg. Ugh ghhhgh ugh God ughg. Ugh ugh ghgugh ugh bible bullshit.
Ughg ugh uhghghg ghg ugh. Ugh gugh ugh David. Ugh ugh ghgugh fucked up rich kids.
Ughghghg ugh ghughg ugh runs like a wuss. Ugh gghgu ugh gugh incest rape. Ugh ghgh uguhg the speaker of the national house of representatives gets his moral guidance from this book.
Ugh. Just fuckin...
Welp, talk about a roller coaster. We start with David getting God's promise to have a descendant on the throne forever (fingers likely crossed), to adultery, murder and divine infanticide. But dudes in dresses reading children's books, that's the problem?
It's the story of Bathsheba. And by the story of Bathsheba, I mean she was present for some events that David was pretty much ...
Like with all the other enemies of David, things really fall apart for Saul's son, Ishbaal. I won't spoil anything but he dies and David becomes king of the entire land of Israel and Judah.
We start really getting into 1 Chronicles and talk about where the book came from and the differences with the books of Samuel and Kings.
We find out that David really can't stand the bl...
We kick off 2 Samuel with David "mourning" for his dead "friends" that he "didn't have killed".
And actually immediately we start with a completely different version of how Saul died. Which kicks off the bullshit parade of David being absolutely perfect and having no malice for his enemies who just happen to keep dropping dead as soon as he leaves the room.
Between Linz having a migraine and our self isolating due to a COVID exposure, this episode was doomed to be amazing.
This is the third installment of our 4 part series on the Book of Acts and it starts with a freakin' wizard! A wizard named Bar-wait for it-Jesus! In the middle of cursing the wizard, Saul changes his name to Paul and will never be called by his dead name again.
We find...
We're taking a break from the bible to learn a little about some ancient superstitions. Well, OTHER ancient superstitions.
Have you ever had a baby give you menacing grimace? Has an ex-lover given you a chilling side-eye? Have you ever been some where in public and possibly had someone look at you even without your knowledge? THEN YOU MAY BE CURSED! But don't worry. I have a charm to sell y...
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