Bible Stories for Atheists

Bible Stories for Atheists

Your guides to the miraculously macabre stories literaly literarily littering the bible.


September 11, 2022 62 min

We’re taking a short break from our series on the book of Acts this week to talk with Lilac, a teenager who was kicked out of her home because of religious issues with her Jehovah’s Witness family.

The first part of the episode, I’ll explain to Linz how I found out what was going on with Lilac and get Linz’s reaction.

And in the second part we have a call with Lilac.

If you’re interested in helping out Lilac, here is her Go Fund Me...

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We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon.

A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport.

We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus.

We talk about the most important woman to never get any attention in bible.

And Herod die...

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We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels.

Judas gets replaced.

The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire.

And the early church starts getting persecuted simply for yelling at everyone that they killed Jesus.

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We wrap up our 18 part series on Jesus and the gospels with his bouncy ball burial. You just can’t keep this dude down.

While there’s some discrepancies among the gospels on the burial, that’s nothing compared to the resurrection. None of them can agree wtf happened. How many angels were there? Were they men or boys? Were there solders there? Did the women run off and not tell anyone what happened?

It’s a big mess, but we’ll lay it...

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This is it folks. The crucifixion. The grand climax. Where God’s Holy Spirit comes on all of us.

But first we find out what happened to Judas, who realized what a Judas he had been to Jesus. But of course, no one can say for sure what happened to him.

Jesus is put on trial before Pontius Pilate who oddly comes across as a pretty decent dude. Too decent, mayhaps. And Jewish people seem to be suspiciously too eager to have Jesus ki...

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July 3, 2022 76 min

We start off by asking the ultimate question… What are the nuts in your life? But then we start talking about Jesus.

Jesus goes to the garden of Gethsemane where he keeps praying and his disciples keep falling asleep. Even when an angel shows up and scares Jesus so bad he starts sweating blood.

Judas does what he does best and betrays Jesus. He comes up with a suspiciously specific signal to point Jesus out to the crowd.

His arrest...

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Jesus is about to have his last supper and he uses his apparently psychic abilities to tell the disciples how to get it set up.

Then Jesus strips down and washes his disciples’ feet. I don’t know why he had to get naked for it, but there you go. Unless he’s not naked. Unless there is an opposite to “outer” clothing that we can’t think of.

Linz finds out that Judas was the treasurer of the disciples and we realize that they’re just ...

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June 5, 2022 86 min

“Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast

Crucifying Tony Stark –

Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up.

Also, Jesus is asked important questions such as if a woman clearly kills 7 brothers, all of whom she married, ...

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Zacchaeus the Tax Collector

What does it take to get Jesus’ attention when you’re vertically challenged? Hope you’re good at climbing trees. If you are, hope you have space for Jesus to invite himself over for the night.

Parable of the Ten Minas / Bags of Gold

We discuss prosperity gospel cultists’ favorite parable about needing to gain interest on your money in order to win God’s love.

Jesus Comes to Jerusalem

We arrive at the fir...

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May 8, 2022 96 min

It’s a Mother’s Day episode! Josh’s mom, Jill, and Lindsay’s son, Connor, join us.

Speaking of mothers, we dig into the questions around Mother Teresa’s work. Was she actually helping people or just raising money for the catholic church?

We cover the parable of The Prodigal Son, the Shrewd Manager, and the Unmerciful Servant.

Jesus randomly drops a “don’t get divorced” line between stories.

And we analyze the story of the Rich Man ...

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Rejuvenating Jesus mud, a rich fool, 50% of people going to heaven, and 10 virgins. What more could you want from a podcast?
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April 10, 2022 77 min
Don't look it up. Let's see how well you remember it. Try to complete this sentence, "Our Father, who art in heaven…"
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March 27, 2022 88 min
Have you ever wondered when Jesus went from a middle eastern person to a white Anglo-Saxon? No… it doesn't just stem from German Protestant racism. It was the Transfiguration! When God bleaches Jesus's clothes white and "transforms his face".
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March 13, 2022 65 min
Remember when the apostles all left to minister to Israel and Jesus said they wouldn't be done before he returns? Well they're done… awkward. Jesus throws his own Fyre Festival where 5,000 people show up and no one thought through logistics of buying food, or probably showers and toilets.
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February 27, 2022 81 min
It's a parable filled episode and we dig into the storytelling of Jesus. Is he a great storyteller like Homer or Aesop? Or more like a Blue's Clues reject writer, getting pissed off when the kids don't understand what the hell the mustard seed means?
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February 13, 2022 85 min
This was an interesting one, folks. We find out how one major character's traditional backstory is complete bullshit. But first, the BIG sermon.
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January 30, 2022 62 min
We kick off this episode hearing a miraculous story about two blind men somehow being able to follow Jesus as he dodges their pleas for help. After he relents he's suddenly stopped by the most pointless demon ever to exist.
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January 16, 2022 52 min
These days to get famous you just need good looks and a smartphone. But people forget that to get famous in biblical times you needed to cure leprosy and paralysis. But life is tough when you become a religious influencer. You get crowded. And there's probably other problems.
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Jesus' first miracle, whipping religious profiteers, a lady by a well, and a demon or two. It's a fun episode!
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Ho ho ho all you sinners and sodomites! We're jumping the shark with a Christmas special! Made even more special by Josh's mom, Jill, who stopped by as our first guest.
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