Bible Stories for Blasphemers

Blessings upon all ye blasphemers, for we are back from summer vacation!!! This is one of the BEST Bible stories we've gotten to cover so far as we continue in the Book of Judges with the stories of Othniel, Ehud, and also Shamgar was there. Most of the time we focus on the story of Ehud and his diabolical scheming, and how he secures victory for Israel. In the pop corner we talk about the origins of the phrase 'familiari...

Happy Bible! 
We've finally said goodbye to Joshua and are entering our Biblical Folk Hero Era. With no successor named by Joshua, the nation of Israel continues on without a conduit to God. A generation has passed and it turns out God's not really popular anymore. And so God didn't take that well . He essentially sees Israel as though it is his adult son who just said that he's not going to go college... an...

Welcome to church sweet flock! This week Youth Pastor Dan (YPD) tells us the story of Joshua again..but faster this time. Think of it like the notes someone gave you about the key takeaways of the reading assignment. There's some extra flavor that's added along the way, but this ep rounds off the Book of Joshua as he dies at the age of 110, naming no successor. Then in the Pop Corner, we visit the Music Room to gush about...

Hello again to all our precious Blasphemers! This week we learn about a very interesting event that  could only be explained by a divine act…. Sort of. Joshua commands the sun to stand still, which helps them while they save Gibeon (which they have to do because of their tricksy covenant.) Then after a short detour, we head back to the Music Room. Everett comes to the table with analysis of the lyrics written by the band Knocked Lo...

Happy Episode day, blasphemers!! This week Dan teaches us about how the Gibeonites made the diabolical choice to deceive the Israelites in order to secure their protection against being slaughtered… the audacity!!! After that, in the pop corner, our conversation resembles a bouncy ball set loose in a long linoleum hallway. Also some spoilers as we plan content for our forthcoming Patreon page which totally for sure definitely reall...

Blessed hump day congregation! In this week’s installment of The Bible, our valiant heroes raze the city of Ai, leaving no survivors. They then immortalize its king forever in what can only be described as… gross. And then in the Pop Corner aka Music Room, in celebration of Dan’s many achievements, Mariah reads to him the lyrics of Dysphoria Hoodie by Laura Jane Grace.

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek...

Blessed Wednesday to all of God's monsters... but especially you, dear listener. We have an inspirational story in store for you this week. All about the conquest of the city of Ai, and also a quick detour to discuss the stoning of Achan. Doesn't that sound lovely? In the pop corner, Mariah and Dan gush about grammy winners and parasocial-besties of the pod, boygenius. And, of course, Mariah celebrates the new Taylor Swif...

And it came to pass that a new episode was released! Behold! We're back again this week with the second mass circumcision event of the Old Testament.  Just before invading Jericho, Joshua realizes he and his army must NOT forget to get rid of that cumbersome foreskin. Plus - special guest appearance by A Man. Then, in the Pop Corner, we discuss the Veggie Tales episode titled "Josh and the Big Wall - A Lesson in Obedience...

This week instead of your regularly scheduled sermon, we have a Very Special Episode featuring the Disclaimer Voice himself… that’s right kids, we’ve got Henry Rogland in the pulpit this week!!  Henry joins us to discuss his experience growing up  in Calvinism, the concept of T.U.L.I.P., and the Classic Christian School education. Basically it’s a generous helping of shame, a delightful little acronym that appeals to the youth of t...

This week we dive into The Book of Joshua, involving Rahab's deal with the Israel spies sent to Jericho. More importantly, however, we provide our in depth analysis of the VeggieTales episode entitled Josh and The Big Wall: A Lesson in Obedience. Don't miss it. 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@...

BEHOLD, the miracle of resurrection!!! We are BACK, and unholier than ever! 

In this episode we discuss our rounding out of our Holy Trinary by bringing on our new producer, Everett Kemper! And rather than a bible story this week, we touch on Mariah's upbringing in Scientology, and Dan's pre-college education at a Creationist school. 

Don't forget to email or DM us your questions about Scientology f...

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, it's... "Previously, in The Bible" in this Dragon Ball Z-esque pseudo-recap episode in which Dan recounts the Book of Deuteronomy.  So grab your salt, get in your Impala, queue up "Carry On My Wayward Son", and join us. 

Also: Remember to send us your Scientology questions & strange religious encounters!

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, a...

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers: we're done with the book of Numbers! Couldn't get through it without a few war crimes there at the end. Then in the Pop Corner, we go on a long and spoiler-full review of Knock at the Cabin, which (spoilers) we have some REAL bones to pick about.  

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited ...

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers: GETTING THROUGH THE NUMBERS. There's a lot of names and laws in here folks, but don't worry, we have opinions to add to them, and Mariah has just found out that God eats food. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss the DEEPLY important new Hozier EP, Eat Your Young. 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

This week it's a special episode for everyone in the flock! We talk to the infamous Robin, our hot Catholic friend! We cover her religious upbringing in Catholicism, and cover her journey to realizing why she didn't believe it anymore. We also dive into Mariah's many, many, many questions, including but not limited to:  "What can and can't you give up for Lent?" ; "What's with the obsession w...

Welcome to Wednesday Youth Group! Will Dan manage to tell the story in a reasonable amount of time while navigating Mariah's tangents, jokes, and questions?? Who's going to prison??? And, most importantly: what rooms will be added on to the Podcast House?????  Find out in this week's episode of Bible Stories for Blasphemers! Part of a complete breakfast.

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, an...

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, Balaam makes a bunch of prophecies, and we go off on a bunch of weird tangents. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss two deeply uncomfortable religious Superbowl commercials. 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "H...

We got a big juicy one for y'all this week, kiddos! Strap into your high chair, put on your bib, and get ready to dig in to the delicious nonsense that is Number of Numbers, Two of Twos. For dessert we have a Pop Corner in which we explore and expand on our podcast house using our feelings. Don't miss it.

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane....

This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, we talk about two stories: one where Moses hits a rock, and one where Moses deals with some snakes. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss the most meta TV show that we've ever seen.  

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme s...