And now if you could please rise and recite the Craig Bierko inspired anthem "Failing Upwards." Repeat after me: (Intro) Sitting at home... but I’m not alone... No I’m in the zone... Silenced my phone... No ringtone... Not going to be rude... Chilling with my dude... Ordered us food. Just to conclude... The guy’s a big deal... No I can’t conceal... His major mass appeal... One and only living legend you know... Goes by the name: Craig... Bierko. (Chorus) Need to find me? Know where I’ll be... Just kickin’ back... Me and Craig Bierko!!! That’s where it’s at. We’re drinking beers... Got a few snacks. Watch “The Thirteenth Floor“... While we relax... We keep ‘em cold... super ice cold... Keep them beers cold. Super ice cold. Everything about us is just so ice cold... (First Verse) Yes, I must confide... I’m swelling with pride... Cause it’s Bierko and I... And he’s a cool guy... Don’t even try... But still they saying Bierko only know that bad luck... But I don’t gives a fuck... Yeah, ultimate alternate Chandler Bing. Lost the part to Matthew Perry... Bet that really sting... Hollywood got Bierko on second string... But Craigie stay stealing scenes... Special guest star on “Nip/Tuck”... and “Wings.” (Chorus) Need to find me? Know where I’ll be... Just kickin’ back... Me and Craig Bierko!!! That’s where it’s at. We’re drinking beers... Got a few snacks. Watch “The Thirteenth Floor“... While we relax... We keep ‘em cold, super ice cold... Keep them beers cold. Super ice cold. Everything about us is just so ice cold. (2nd Verse) From Larry David... to David Zucker... You know my man CB, always be... Working with... realest mother fuckers... It’s so surreal... Closest to an award Bierko got... Being cast in “UNREAL.” LifeTime won that Peabody... But all credit goes to the bold Bierko... And characters he embody... And the results are surmounting. 82 roles in counting... SAG/AFTRA best recognize ya bitches... Or the motivation for this day player’s next role... leave you in stitches... Ain’t nothing comes between the Bad Boy Bierko and his riches. (Chorus) Need to find me... Know where I’ll... (Re-re-remix!!!) Hanging with the Bierko! THAT CRAIG BIERKO... He ain’t taking any of your shit though... OH HELL NO! Fuck with CB and he be ripping off your dick bro... Yeah you be saying “But why’s it gotta be my dick though?” But before you know it there your dick go... And you ain’t getting no more info. Not from... SILENT VIOLENT BIERKO... Cause you been told... He’s ice cold... (like our beers!) Type of killer you can’t hold... While your hating it’s just grown old... Like ten fold... Aging faster than a ripped off dick molds... Yeah, in case you didn’t realize... You ain’t got no dick left homie... Just two balls all sad and lonely... Yeah I know you didn’t think bright eyed Bierko would... Separate ya from your wood... But now he’s shown he could... So therefore it should... Be completely understood... If you don’t want bleed out and die... Ya best try and see eye to eye... Because god damn! Crazy Craig Bierko... One batshit wild-man... Then again, it’s not like I know him personally... He could very well be a pacifist... But I wouldn’t BET MY DICK ON IT. (Final chorus) Need to find me? Know where I’ll be... Just kickin’ back... Me and Craig Bierko!!! That’s where it’s at. We’re drinking beers... Got a few snacks. Watch “The Thirteenth Floor“... While we relax... We keep ‘em cold... super ice cold... Keep them beers cold. Super ice cold. Everything about us is just so ice cold... (Fade Out.) Follow us @bigboyspodspot
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