December 4, 2024 • 19 mins
For the first time, our CEO, Verena Hefti MBE, takes the mic solo in this special, bite-sized episode of the Leaders Plus: Big Careers, Small Children podcast.
As the season draws to a close, Verena shares heartfelt reflections on balancing the magical yet demanding holiday period, offering powerful strategies for:
- Prioritising yourself amidst the chaos
- Creating a meaningful holiday without burning out
- Sharing family responsibilities equitably
Drawing on gold nuggets from past episodes and her own experiences, Verena encourages us to reassess, set boundaries, and say "no" to the non-essential as we wrap up the year.
Tune in for an empowering and time-efficient conversation that will leave you ready to take on the holiday season with clarity and courage.
We hope you enjoy the conversation, and we’ll be back in January with a brand-new series of episodes!
Show Notes:
- Learn more about the Leaders Plus: Big Careers, Small Children podcast and explore additional resources at leadersplus.org.
- Follow Leaders Plus on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Bluesky.
- Connect with our CEO, Verena Hefti MBE on LinkedIn.
- Find out more about the work of Leaders Plus by signing up to our Newsletter.
In this episode you will learn:
- During the busy holiday season, it's important to prioritise self-care and make brave decisions.
- Discussing family responsibilities openly can help distribute the mental load more equitably.
- Using frameworks, like the STAR framework, can guide us in making better decisions about opportunities.
- Setting boundaries and saying no can lead to more meaningful opportunities aligned with our values.
- Recognising that the mental load often disproportionately affects women can prompt important discussions at home.
- Leaders should model work-life balance to create a supportive environment for their teams.
Our multi-award-winning Leaders Plus Fellowships support parents committed to career growth while enjoying family life. Expertly designed to keep parents on the leadership path, our programme tackles gender pay gap issues and empowers parents to thrive. Learn more here: Leaders Plus Fellowship.
BCSC Episodes Mentioned in This Podcast:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(02:28):
Great to have you tune in tothis episode, which is a special
episode to celebrate the endof this series. I wanted to share
some of my reflections onmanaging the mental load in this
incredibly busy pre-holidayseason time and some of the highlights
and things that I personallyhave taken away from the previous
(02:51):
episodes and things that havechanged my view and my thinking.
I hope you enjoy theconversation. I find from my experience
that Christmas period is quiteintense for many of us working parents
and especially if you live ina country that does have Christmas
plays, Christmas activities,Christmas performances that you need
(03:14):
to attend and schedule and atthe same time you want to make the
Christmas period magical. Ihave to say though, my youngest definitely
thinks that Christmas equalschocolate, so I'm not sure he gets
the meaning yet. But there'ssometimes a lot of pressure that
we put on ourselves duringthis time and I think I just wanted
(03:36):
to hopefully send a nonpatronising supportive message to
say it's absolutely okay toprioritise yourself and also to make
brave decisions. So for me, Ialways love doing podcast episodes.
I hate having long breaks, butI have taken a brave decision to
finish a few weeks earlybefore Christmas so we can finish
(03:57):
some exciting planning and getthe brilliant CEO series ready for
you to start in January again.And I think sometimes that that those
are the decisions that thatmatter and that makes work exciting.
Mental load is a big topic. Idon't know if you are buying Christmas
(04:18):
gifts or Hanukkah gifts or anyother gifts at this time of the year.
There's a lot of work andthinking. It's quite often invisible.
It's one of our fellows saysit's the stuff that I'm keeping in
my mind that needs to getdone. And it is, it is. Actually
(04:41):
it's really important work. Ifthat resonates with you, you're definitely
not alone. Research shows thatthe mental load disproportionately
falls on women, especially indual career households, although
I'm sure that many of the menlistening also carry a significant
role. If you might want tohave a look at episode, My episode
(05:03):
with Anna Catalana Weeks whereshe shares about the research on
the mental load and howactually in dual career households
that are in a heterorelationship, men have taken a lot
more time to do actualpractical work over the last few
decades, which is amazing. Butthe mental load still sits disproportionately
(05:26):
with women. And so this Iwould say is a clear message that
it is absolutely okay and alsorecommended to have a discussion
about who leads on whichaspects of the family administration.
One really practical tip thatwas shared in our episode with Sally
(05:50):
and Matt Ham was the need tohave almost like a family admin meeting
to go through what's comingup, what do we need to do, and how
do we deal with it so that theresponsibility doesn't just sit with
one partner. That's episode193. And Sally and Matt have four
children, one of them being atoddler, and they both are Harvard
(06:12):
academics and practicalclinicians. So I found it really
helpful actually to hear theirstory about how they make that mental
load work. Actually, if youare looking for resources around
the mental load, there'splenty on our website, leadersplus.org/mentalload,
(06:32):
there are checklists, ticklists, further podcast episodes,
and hopefully some veryhelpful strategies to help you share
the load equitably at home andwork. Setting boundaries can be quite
important at this time of theyear. And we in our fellowship, we
(06:54):
use a framework called theSTAR Framework, which I want to share
with you. And this is verymuch focused on requests that you
receive because you willreceive opportunities, requests to
get involved in things. And itinvolves star. So analysing does
this does your gut tell youthat this request aligns with your
(07:16):
ideal North Star, what you'retrying to achieve? And if it doesn't,
do you have to say yes to it?Or could you actually delay it? Tomorrow,
If this opportunity wastomorrow, would your future self
be grateful if you said yes?Opportunity cost - What are you giving
(07:37):
up by saying yes? And pause-Can you bide time to respond? Because
we are all hardwired and I'vedone an interesting podcast with
Vanessa Bones about this. Wewere all hardwired to say yes and
we're actually twice as likelyto say yes to things than we think.
(07:59):
So just putting small breaksinto before you respond to an opportunity
that can help, especially ifyou are someone who always is the
first person to jump in. Andyou might remember from the episode
with Lori Ann C. Cart thatthe. Sorry, Laurie Ann Weingart,
(08:20):
that the people who take on alot of the office housework or the
community housework, let's sayorganising the Christmas party and
so on, that if those are thesame type of people and you just
take on these extra tasks thataren't going to help you to develop
(08:41):
your career, it's somethingyou have to keep an eye on. I'm not
saying of course you do needto. You know, we all need to work
together as a community tomake life beautiful and to have a
Christmas tree. For example,if you do celebrate Christmas but
at the same time, we need tomake choices about how to spend,
spend our time and make surethat it's fair. There's some really,
(09:07):
I guess podcast episodes havereally changed my thinking. One of
them was with Tom Shaw, who'salso senior leader mentor on the
Leaders Fellowship programthat we run and you're welcome to
apply to. He is talking aboutmaking tough decisions to prevent
burnout. He shares very openlyabout having caring needs for a child
(09:30):
with additional needs and howat different points in his career
he actually did decide toprioritise his family. And yet he
still managed to get to avery, very senior, very impressive
role at the Economist. And Ithink his story really made me think
(09:52):
about seeing a career in wavesand embracing that. There are moments
where it is absolutely okay tonot be on the gas pedal and then
other moments where you say,actually I'm going to give everything.
And I do want to have thatexecutive director role. And I think
(10:12):
if we do want more people withcaring responsibilities in senior
roles, we must make, make itpossible to have that non linear
squiggly career. So definitelylisten to Tom shaw in episode 194.
Can't believe we've done200ish episodes. I mean, that's quite,
(10:35):
quite a lot now I think of it.There's another one which you might
enjoy reflecting on, which iswith Brigid Schulte on overcoming
overwork with strategies for abalanced life. And she shares very
practical, actionable advicearound reducing overwork and finding
(10:56):
that balance. And one of themost powerful pieces of advice there
was to identify where is itthat you make you've added the most
value in the last three monthsand consequently, where are you going
to add the most value in thenext three months? And possibly those
things are not the ones thatare keeping you busy in the hamster
(11:19):
wheel. So really focusing onthe value add, we've had a really
powerful workshop, a CEO Clubas part of the Senior Directors Fellowship
program. And it was powerfulfor me actually, because I'm a CEO
and I used the excuse to hearfrom other CEOs and we had the CEO
(11:42):
of Varian, you might know themas Kantar Public, CEO of the NCT
and the CEO of London Partnersall share their experience of combining
a big career with youngchildren and what they've learned.
And I think the big shift inmy thinking this year, which was
(12:04):
consolidated in that CEO club,was that everyone or most people
do feel guilt about combininga big career with young children.
Even CEOs and even people fromthe outside look like they are the
perfect parent. Which, spoileralert, I've never met a perfect parent
(12:24):
and I definitely am not onemyself. But I, I think just understanding
that that's part of your,it's, you know, it's just part of
how, how we're built. AndBrigid Schulte said in her episode
(12:44):
that guilt is often a signthat we deeply care and it's absolutely
okay to sit with it withoutletting it to define us. And I absolutely
love that. And the other thingthat came out of a really powerful
insight from the seniordirector workshop day was around
the setting boundaries. Sojust to shifting, shifting the thinking
(13:09):
from saying no to lots ofstuff and therefore just being a
mean person. But actually it'sabout saying yes to what truly matters.
One fellow really brought itto the point by saying, I realised
when I say no to things thataren't aligned with my values and
my priorities, I'm saying yesto more meaningful opportunities.
And that's exactly it. If Ithink the flip side to the mental
(13:35):
load is also thinking aboutthe people in your team and many
of you listening are leaders.I've recently written an article
on addressing the linemanagement lottery. So this problem
that we have, it reallydepends on if you have a good line
manager or not and howsupported you feel. And there were
(13:57):
two really importantprinciples in this article that received
quite a lot of feedback. As inpositive feedback. I'm almost about
responding right in the momentbecause it's that response in the
moment when a tree has justfallen onto the nursery and you have
to pick up your child, that'swhat makes you feel supported, not
(14:18):
necessarily the policy that isburied somewhere on the Internet.
So if someone on your teammentions a family commitment, show
them that you're willing tohelp to make it possible. And then
secondly, to always considerthe impact that you modelling work,
life balance or the lackthereof has on the rest of the team.
(14:40):
So the way I do that is I tryto be open about my own boundaries.
For example, leaving to go toa child's nativity. And the team
is much more likely to feelempowered if you do the same. Just
being a parent is not going tomake other working parents in your
team feel more at ease. Butyou sharing how you manage it might
(15:04):
do that. So before we wrap up,I know I'm always asking my guests
to come up with a small fiveminute challenge for you. So this
week I will encourage you tosay no to two things that you wouldn't
usually do and to replace thetime that you would have done that
(15:28):
you would have used to dealwith those things with something
that is good for youpersonally and that gives you rest
in this busy period. And youcould use our STAR framework to decide
what aligns with your values,what you can let go. As one of our
facilitators said, saying nois a muscle and the more you use
it, the stronger it gets. Soas we wrap up, I want to thank each
(15:51):
of you for being part of thebig Career Small Children community.
Thank you so much for yourstories. Thank you for sharing your
reflections on LinkedIn. Ialways read your comments and I always
enjoy them. If you're lookingfor more tips and resources, especially
also on the mental load we arereleasing today when this newsletter
(16:13):
when this podcast goes out,we're also releasing the newsletter
with a real theme of themental load and how to manage it
so you can sign up to that onleadersplus.org newsletter. We also
for those of you who like tohave a real life community of people
to support, we always havedifferent programs running regardless
(16:34):
of what level of seniorityyou're at. If you're unsure which
program might be right foryou, if you head to leadersplus.org
and go to fellowship, there'sa quiz you can do to find out which
program be right for you. Andthank you so much for supporting
(16:56):
us and being part of thisjourney and I really appreciate it
and I can't wait to shareseason 14 with you. We have another
CEO series with amazing seniorleaders to share with you. We have
we're going to kick off withan episode that is all about applying
for jobs that are full timebut making negotiating for them to
(17:20):
be flexible during the jobhunting process. And I'm hoping that
we can give you as muchvaluable support as possible. And
thank you for listening. Andalso let me know what you think about
having the solo reflectionepisode. This is the first time I've
done it, so I always valueyour feedback. Have a wonderful Christmas
(17:40):
if you're celebrating or otherholidays if you celebrate those and
see you in the new year.
Great to have you tune in tothis episode, which is a special
episode to celebrate the endof this series. I wanted to share
some of my reflections onmanaging the mental load in this
incredibly busy pre-holidayseason time and some of the highlights
and things that I personallyhave taken away from the previous
(02:51):
episodes and things that havechanged my view and my thinking.
I hope you enjoy theconversation. I find from my experience
that Christmas period is quiteintense for many of us working parents
and especially if you live ina country that does have Christmas
plays, Christmas activities,Christmas performances that you need
(03:14):
to attend and schedule and atthe same time you want to make the
Christmas period magical. Ihave to say though, my youngest definitely
thinks that Christmas equalschocolate, so I'm not sure he gets
the meaning yet. But there'ssometimes a lot of pressure that
we put on ourselves duringthis time and I think I just wanted
(03:36):
to hopefully send a nonpatronising supportive message to
say it's absolutely okay toprioritise yourself and also to make
brave decisions. So for me, Ialways love doing podcast episodes.
I hate having long breaks, butI have taken a brave decision to
finish a few weeks earlybefore Christmas so we can finish
(03:57):
some exciting planning and getthe brilliant CEO series ready for
you to start in January again.And I think sometimes that that those
are the decisions that thatmatter and that makes work exciting.
Mental load is a big topic. Idon't know if you are buying Christmas
(04:18):
gifts or Hanukkah gifts or anyother gifts at this time of the year.
There's a lot of work andthinking. It's quite often invisible.
It's one of our fellows saysit's the stuff that I'm keeping in
my mind that needs to getdone. And it is, it is. Actually
(04:41):
it's really important work. Ifthat resonates with you, you're definitely
not alone. Research shows thatthe mental load disproportionately
falls on women, especially indual career households, although
I'm sure that many of the menlistening also carry a significant
role. If you might want tohave a look at episode, My episode
(05:03):
with Anna Catalana Weeks whereshe shares about the research on
the mental load and howactually in dual career households
that are in a heterorelationship, men have taken a lot
more time to do actualpractical work over the last few
decades, which is amazing. Butthe mental load still sits disproportionately
(05:26):
with women. And so this Iwould say is a clear message that
it is absolutely okay and alsorecommended to have a discussion
about who leads on whichaspects of the family administration.
One really practical tip thatwas shared in our episode with Sally
(05:50):
and Matt Ham was the need tohave almost like a family admin meeting
to go through what's comingup, what do we need to do, and how
do we deal with it so that theresponsibility doesn't just sit with
one partner. That's episode193. And Sally and Matt have four
children, one of them being atoddler, and they both are Harvard
(06:12):
academics and practicalclinicians. So I found it really
helpful actually to hear theirstory about how they make that mental
load work. Actually, if youare looking for resources around
the mental load, there'splenty on our website, leadersplus.org/mentalload,
(06:32):
there are checklists, ticklists, further podcast episodes,
and hopefully some veryhelpful strategies to help you share
the load equitably at home andwork. Setting boundaries can be quite
important at this time of theyear. And we in our fellowship, we
(06:54):
use a framework called theSTAR Framework, which I want to share
with you. And this is verymuch focused on requests that you
receive because you willreceive opportunities, requests to
get involved in things. And itinvolves star. So analysing does
this does your gut tell youthat this request aligns with your
(07:16):
ideal North Star, what you'retrying to achieve? And if it doesn't,
do you have to say yes to it?Or could you actually delay it? Tomorrow,
If this opportunity wastomorrow, would your future self
be grateful if you said yes?Opportunity cost - What are you giving
(07:37):
up by saying yes? And pause-Can you bide time to respond? Because
we are all hardwired and I'vedone an interesting podcast with
Vanessa Bones about this. Wewere all hardwired to say yes and
we're actually twice as likelyto say yes to things than we think.
(07:59):
So just putting small breaksinto before you respond to an opportunity
that can help, especially ifyou are someone who always is the
first person to jump in. Andyou might remember from the episode
with Lori Ann C. Cart thatthe. Sorry, Laurie Ann Weingart,
(08:20):
that the people who take on alot of the office housework or the
community housework, let's sayorganising the Christmas party and
so on, that if those are thesame type of people and you just
take on these extra tasks thataren't going to help you to develop
(08:41):
your career, it's somethingyou have to keep an eye on. I'm not
saying of course you do needto. You know, we all need to work
together as a community tomake life beautiful and to have a
Christmas tree. For example,if you do celebrate Christmas but
at the same time, we need tomake choices about how to spend,
spend our time and make surethat it's fair. There's some really,
(09:07):
I guess podcast episodes havereally changed my thinking. One of
them was with Tom Shaw, who'salso senior leader mentor on the
Leaders Fellowship programthat we run and you're welcome to
apply to. He is talking aboutmaking tough decisions to prevent
burnout. He shares very openlyabout having caring needs for a child
(09:30):
with additional needs and howat different points in his career
he actually did decide toprioritise his family. And yet he
still managed to get to avery, very senior, very impressive
role at the Economist. And Ithink his story really made me think
(09:52):
about seeing a career in wavesand embracing that. There are moments
where it is absolutely okay tonot be on the gas pedal and then
other moments where you say,actually I'm going to give everything.
And I do want to have thatexecutive director role. And I think
(10:12):
if we do want more people withcaring responsibilities in senior
roles, we must make, make itpossible to have that non linear
squiggly career. So definitelylisten to Tom shaw in episode 194.
Can't believe we've done200ish episodes. I mean, that's quite,
(10:35):
quite a lot now I think of it.There's another one which you might
enjoy reflecting on, which iswith Brigid Schulte on overcoming
overwork with strategies for abalanced life. And she shares very
practical, actionable advicearound reducing overwork and finding
(10:56):
that balance. And one of themost powerful pieces of advice there
was to identify where is itthat you make you've added the most
value in the last three monthsand consequently, where are you going
to add the most value in thenext three months? And possibly those
things are not the ones thatare keeping you busy in the hamster
(11:19):
wheel. So really focusing onthe value add, we've had a really
powerful workshop, a CEO Clubas part of the Senior Directors Fellowship
program. And it was powerfulfor me actually, because I'm a CEO
and I used the excuse to hearfrom other CEOs and we had the CEO
(11:42):
of Varian, you might know themas Kantar Public, CEO of the NCT
and the CEO of London Partnersall share their experience of combining
a big career with youngchildren and what they've learned.
And I think the big shift inmy thinking this year, which was
(12:04):
consolidated in that CEO club,was that everyone or most people
do feel guilt about combininga big career with young children.
Even CEOs and even people fromthe outside look like they are the
perfect parent. Which, spoileralert, I've never met a perfect parent
(12:24):
and I definitely am not onemyself. But I, I think just understanding
that that's part of your,it's, you know, it's just part of
how, how we're built. AndBrigid Schulte said in her episode
(12:44):
that guilt is often a signthat we deeply care and it's absolutely
okay to sit with it withoutletting it to define us. And I absolutely
love that. And the other thingthat came out of a really powerful
insight from the seniordirector workshop day was around
the setting boundaries. Sojust to shifting, shifting the thinking
(13:09):
from saying no to lots ofstuff and therefore just being a
mean person. But actually it'sabout saying yes to what truly matters.
One fellow really brought itto the point by saying, I realised
when I say no to things thataren't aligned with my values and
my priorities, I'm saying yesto more meaningful opportunities.
And that's exactly it. If Ithink the flip side to the mental
(13:35):
load is also thinking aboutthe people in your team and many
of you listening are leaders.I've recently written an article
on addressing the linemanagement lottery. So this problem
that we have, it reallydepends on if you have a good line
manager or not and howsupported you feel. And there were
(13:57):
two really importantprinciples in this article that received
quite a lot of feedback. As inpositive feedback. I'm almost about
responding right in the momentbecause it's that response in the
moment when a tree has justfallen onto the nursery and you have
to pick up your child, that'swhat makes you feel supported, not
(14:18):
necessarily the policy that isburied somewhere on the Internet.
So if someone on your teammentions a family commitment, show
them that you're willing tohelp to make it possible. And then
secondly, to always considerthe impact that you modelling work,
life balance or the lackthereof has on the rest of the team.
(14:40):
So the way I do that is I tryto be open about my own boundaries.
For example, leaving to go toa child's nativity. And the team
is much more likely to feelempowered if you do the same. Just
being a parent is not going tomake other working parents in your
team feel more at ease. Butyou sharing how you manage it might
(15:04):
do that. So before we wrap up,I know I'm always asking my guests
to come up with a small fiveminute challenge for you. So this
week I will encourage you tosay no to two things that you wouldn't
usually do and to replace thetime that you would have done that
(15:28):
you would have used to dealwith those things with something
that is good for youpersonally and that gives you rest
in this busy period. And youcould use our STAR framework to decide
what aligns with your values,what you can let go. As one of our
facilitators said, saying nois a muscle and the more you use
it, the stronger it gets. Soas we wrap up, I want to thank each
(15:51):
of you for being part of thebig Career Small Children community.
Thank you so much for yourstories. Thank you for sharing your
reflections on LinkedIn. Ialways read your comments and I always
enjoy them. If you're lookingfor more tips and resources, especially
also on the mental load we arereleasing today when this newsletter
(16:13):
when this podcast goes out,we're also releasing the newsletter
with a real theme of themental load and how to manage it
so you can sign up to that onleadersplus.org newsletter. We also
for those of you who like tohave a real life community of people
to support, we always havedifferent programs running regardless
(16:34):
of what level of seniorityyou're at. If you're unsure which
program might be right foryou, if you head to leadersplus.org
and go to fellowship, there'sa quiz you can do to find out which
program be right for you. Andthank you so much for supporting
(16:56):
us and being part of thisjourney and I really appreciate it
and I can't wait to shareseason 14 with you. We have another
CEO series with amazing seniorleaders to share with you. We have
we're going to kick off withan episode that is all about applying
for jobs that are full timebut making negotiating for them to
(17:20):
be flexible during the jobhunting process. And I'm hoping that
we can give you as muchvaluable support as possible. And
thank you for listening. Andalso let me know what you think about
having the solo reflectionepisode. This is the first time I've
done it, so I always valueyour feedback. Have a wonderful Christmas
(17:40):
if you're celebrating or otherholidays if you celebrate those and
see you in the new year.
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