March 13, 2025 • 38 mins
In our first Series 15 episode of the Big Careers, Small Children podcast, Verena Hefti MBE speaks with Dan Reed, Director, Head of Digital at KPMG UK, about why being a parent doesn’t have to hold back your career, and how embracing authenticity at work can actually propel you forward.
Dan shares his journey of juggling career progression with fatherhood, how therapy helped him overcome guilt and set boundaries, and why he refuses to hide his parenting role in the workplace. He also discusses why being open about family life has strengthened his leadership and career confidence, rather than limiting opportunities.
Together, they explore:
- Why working parents shouldn’t have to choose between career success and family.
- The importance of setting work-life boundaries before burnout hits.
- How openly integrating parenthood into your professional identity can lead to leadership opportunities.
- The impact of finding “your tribe” and why mentoring matters.
- Why authenticity builds career confidence and can lead to promotions.
- Whether you’re navigating career growth, dealing with guilt, or looking for practical ways to set work-life boundaries, this episode is packed with honesty, inspiration, and actionable advice.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✔️ How to be authentic at work without fear of judgment.
✔️ Why setting work-life boundaries early prevents burnout.
✔️ How being open about parenthood can create leadership opportunities.
✔️ The role of therapy, communication, and mentorship in career success.
✔️ How to build a career that fits your life, and not the other way around.
Show Notes:
- Connect with Dan Reed on LinkedIn
- Follow Dan on TikTok – Career Dad on TikTok (42,000+ followers)
- Learn more about the Leaders Plus: Big Careers, Small Children podcast and explore additional resources at leadersplus.org.
- Follow Leaders Plus on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Bluesky.
- Connect with our CEO, Verena Hefti MBE on LinkedIn.
- Find out more about the work of Leaders Plus by signing up to our Newsletter.
Our multi-award-winning Leaders Plus Fellowships support parents committed to career growth while enjoying family life. Expertly designed to keep parents on the leadership path, our programme tackles gender pay gap issues and empowers parents to thrive. Learn more here: Leaders Plus Fellowship.
More BCSC episodes you might love:
Episode 194: How to Create Counterbalance in Your Life & Career
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to the Big CareersSmall Children Podcast. My name is
Verena Hefti. I believe thatno one should have to choose between
becoming a CEO and enjoyingtheir young children for much too
long. Amazing people like I'msure you listening right now have
found themselves stuck on thecareer ladder when they have children
(00:22):
and that leads to genderinequality in senior leadership because
because those people don'tprogress to senior leadership and
the same stale, often male,middle class people leading our organizations.
We must change this togetherand I hope that many of you listening
right now will progress to themost senior leadership roles that
you like where you can makethe decisions that make our world
(00:43):
a better place. Outside of thepodcast. I am the CEO and founder
of the Social enterpriseLeaders Plus. We exist to help working
parents progress their careersto senior leadership in a way that
works for you and for yourfamilies. We have free events and
resources on leadersplus.orgwhere you can download helpful toolkits
(01:04):
such as on returning frommaternity leave, share parental leave,
securing a promotion, dealingwith workload challenges, or managing
as a dual career couple. Wealso have an award winning fellowship
community which is global forworking parents who have big dreams
for their careers but don'twant to sacrifice their family. You'll
join an absolutely wonderfulgroup of people, a very tight knit,
(01:29):
supportive group of parentswho have your back. Together. You'll
explore what your careeraspirations are and you'll get advice
from senior leaders who arealso working parents about how to
achieve those aspirations.You'll get new ideas to combine your
hopes for your careers withyour hope for your family. And you
are supported by people whoare experiencing what you're experiencing
(01:50):
yourself. I'm really delightedthat a larger majority of our fellows
have made tangible changesfollowing the program, be that becoming
more senior in their roles,working shorter hours, having better
flexible working arrangement.They always impress me so much with
the courage that they instillin each other to do what is right
for them without apologizingfor having a family or apologizing
(02:14):
for wanting that top job.Details are on leadersplus.org/Fellowship.
Today I'm chatting to Dan Reedabout his story of showing up with
his authentic self at work,about setting boundaries and about
(02:35):
how he managed to progress hiscareer whilst still being present
with his young children. Enjoythe conversation.
Thank you so much for invitingme. So I am Dan Reed. I currently
am head of Digital Servicingat Barclays for the Global Transaction
Bank. So that's all around howdo we provide excellent digital servicing
(03:02):
platforms for small businessesright up to large corporates to basically
self serve. I'm actually in anotice period, so I'm going to be
moving roles, which I'm surewe'll come on to. And in my family
is my wife Fiona, my 10 yearold son Theo, and my 5 year old daughter
(03:24):
Xanthi.
Lovely. What beautiful names.Can you share one thing that you
used to believe aboutcombining a big career with young
children that you've changedyour mind on?
So before we had. My wife andI had children and we met at university,
so we've been together a longtime. I. I thought in my early 20s,
(03:46):
do I want to either doubledown on my career and kind of get
that kick started and thenwe'll have kids later, or do I, and
I say this and it probablywill come out much worse than. I
mean it. Do we kind of getkids out of the way and do that and
then as they're a little bitolder then double down and focus
(04:07):
on the career? Probably in mykind of mid-30s, 30s to 40s. And
that's something that I thinkI used to believe that that's the
choice that I had to make. AndI decided to do both at the same
time, have kids relativelyyoung and also push my career at
the same time.
And how did that go? Youthought at the time it wasn't possible,
(04:30):
but how did it go in reality?
How did it go? And so on thatat the time I didn't think it was
possible. I think that'sbecause that was the role modelling
that I had growing up both inmy household, but also just in wider
society. It was very much andto some extent still is patriarchal.
(04:51):
Men go out to work and womenstay home and look after kids. And
so that's what I thought.That's the route that we had to take.
How I found it was incrediblyhard. And the reason for that is
because it was the time thatmy son was born, when my promotion
started to happen relativelyquickly. I got two promotions, the
(05:15):
first one within 18 months andthe second one within two years.
So went from a analyst juniorrole to a senior manager within four
years. And that was a longtime ago. And that meant that I had
to be. This is pre Covid. Soyou're working in offices a lot more.
And I was working in London alot. I don't live in London. I'm
a two hour commute each wayfrom Canary Wharf. So four hours
(05:38):
round trip. And I was theremore days than not. And as my son
was growing up, I felt a bitlike a weekend father and was really
tired as well, because I wasjust commuting all the time. And
that actually led to a lot ofguilt, anxiety, feeling really selfish
about, well, hang on, I'mpushing this career forward. I was
(06:01):
really clear in my youngeryears that I wanted to have a family
and keep that family together.My parents divorced when I was quite
young. I was quite keen tobook that trend and I saw a version
of myself doing something thatwas at odds with how I wanted to
set up my work and my career.So I really struggled with it. I
(06:25):
ended up going to therapy forabout 10 months just to kind of deal
with that guilt and anxietyand that really, really helped. But
then, and we can go into thisin a little bit more detail, but
it just kind of fell intoplace when I started being just authentically
who I am. And pushing the workwasn't some horrible thing that I
(06:48):
had to endure so that I couldthen live a life, but work was actually
part of life and I enjoyed it.That really helped to then also set
those boundaries and to knowthat if I was saying, for example,
I'm leaving the office earlyto go to my son's Christmas play,
it's not some excuse that I'vegot a dentist appointment, so no,
(07:10):
I'm going to do this thing.And I found that that kind of open
and honest authenticity hasreally helped make me feel like I'm
a present father in my kidslives and a co parent with my wife
as opposed to a secondsupport. But also I truly think has
(07:31):
actually helped my career aswell, which was a little surprising.
The number of careerconversations that I've had where
family has come up and thatauthenticity has played a big role
in particularly moving intomore very senior leadership roles.
Interesting you mentioned thewords. It fell into place. I'm curious
(07:56):
and just I guess for thelisteners who, some of whom might
feel they are in that placewhere there is this pressure and
never ending guilt.
Yeah.
What happened for you there?What did you change if anything?
Or was it literally just, oh,I don't know how it happened, but
somehow it did.
When I say fell into place,that's probably me looking back with
rose tinted glasses. Whathappened and the therapy was, was
(08:20):
a huge catalyst for this isI'd got to the point where I wasn't
really doing anything formyself in that. So I've got a lot
of hobbies, a lot ofactivities and you know, I'd have
a friend say to me, hey, doyou want to come to Milton Keynes?
We're going to go snowboardingfor the evening and grab Some food.
(08:42):
And I'd say I can't even askmy wife if that's okay to do because
I'm never at home because I'malways working. And that's just one
example. But it got to thepoint where I didn't feel like I
could even go for a drink atthe pub with a friend because how
selfish of me, because whendoes my wife ever get any time? So
(09:05):
anytime that I'm not working,I should be at home helping and giving
her a break. But I neverbrought this up with her. So this
was just all internal. And itkind of got to a boiling point where
I almost. I wouldn't say Ibroke down, but I definitely burst
into tears just in the middleof the office one day because I just,
(09:26):
I just didn't know how to dealwith all of this emotion. And so
that was a real wake up callto start therapy. Which then led
to very honest conversationswith my wife, whose response is probably
as you'd imagine. Why the hellhave you not spoken to me about this?
Of course you can go, go anddo those that you're allowed a life
as well. And it just felt likethis huge weight had been lifted
(09:50):
off of my shoulders and that Icould breathe again. And so that's
when I started to, you know,not, not be super absent. But I wasn't
as afraid to say, could I havesome time for me? Because I was almost
seeing that four hour commute.Well, I'm not, I'm not doing anything
in that time. I'm watchingsomething on Netflix, I'm reading
(10:11):
a book. Surely that's my time.And so then my wife and I kind made
sure that we both had time forourselves and time for each other.
So on a, on a Saturday morningwhen it was just my son, we'd wake
up, I take him into town, wego get breakfast and I get a coffee
and stuff and we just liketake some toys to a little cafe and
(10:32):
play. And that was great forme and him, but also for my wife.
Like she had three hours justuninterrupted by herself to do whatever
she wanted. And so by, I guessbeing honest with myself and also
communicating and speakingvery openly with a professional,
that then started to make merealize that the blockers that I
(10:57):
thought were there, I'd putthere, no one else had put them there.
And being able to work throughthat then, as I say, removed that
kind of shroud so that I couldstart to feel comfortable with who
I am and who I was and what Ifeel I stand for. Which then paved
(11:17):
the way to, I guess, where Iam now, which is just such a different.
And this is, you know, I'mgoing back nearly. This is the course
of nine, ten years, but justsuch a different place that I truly
elated to be in.
And you mentioned settingboundaries at work. How did that
(11:39):
come about?
So I live in Northampton,which for particularly international
listeners that might not havean in depth UK geography knowledge,
it's about 60 miles north ofLondon, so it's relatively. It takes
about an hour on the train toget in central London, but working
in financial services, that'sall in Canary Wharf, which is nearly
(12:00):
another hour to get to. Andagain, pre Covid, what I found is
living and working inNorthampton, the centre of power
of those leaders has oftenbeen in London. So I've often had
to spend time in London. Andwhen I was then going down three
or four days a week, that justgot too much. And so part of me wanted
(12:23):
to be there because it was thehubbub and it was fun and it was
exciting. But then what I gotto was a re. And again, pre Covid,
a really nice working patternwhere I said, I'll do two days in
the Northampton office, whichis about 20 minutes drive from where
I live, I'll do two days inLondon and I'll do one day from home
(12:45):
and obviously I'll flex it asneeded on an ad hoc basis. But that
is generally my setup. Andthis was around 2017, 2018. That
boundary was the best thingthat happened because it meant that
then my London days was superpacked. You know, sometimes the laptop
wasn't getting open becauseall I was doing was meeting people,
(13:06):
taking notes, catching up,doing that. Northampton was my kind
of get work done days. Butalso most of my team, my actual team
were based in Northampton soit was one to ones and you know,
relationship building withwider stakeholders. And then my day
from home was just deepthinking strategy, but also putting
(13:27):
a wash on and taking my son toschool. So that when the weekend
came around, we weren'tspending five or six hours doing
chores, we're actually havinga weekend. And then obviously Covid
came along and we're allfamiliar with how that played out.
But I think that was thebiggest boundary for me was just
to say, I really want, youknow, the tagline that I used to
(13:48):
use to try and sum this up ismy career is super important, but
being a dad is also superimportant. So yes, I want to go to
Germany for that meeting, butI also want to do the school run,
like not on the same day. Butthat kind of ethos don't think that
either isn't important becausewhat you're seeing is the other being
important. To me, they're bothincredibly important.
(14:11):
I'm so glad that you'rechallenging the status quo. That's
exactly why I set up oursocial enterprise. It's exactly this
idea that actually we shouldbe able to do it differently and
we shouldn't have to have thatchoice. But the issue is, I guess
we don't have a blueprint yetof how to do both. Which is why it's
(14:32):
so important to have peoplelike you who came through it in their
own riddly way sharing thestories and get people to think about
what might work for them. Iwas intrigued by that authenticity
point and that you actuallysaid how it helped you to get promotions.
I have to say I was a bitsurprised by that and curious. Can
you tell me more about it?
(14:53):
Yeah, I can give you one veryspecific example. So I work at Barclays.
It's actually my second timeat Barclays. I was there for about
eight years. I then left andthen I came back and I'm leaving
again. But the first time thatI left was to go and work for Adobe
to do strategic consultancy.And I'd gone through a series of
(15:13):
interviews and presentationsand all of that good stuff. And then
the final interview was withthe big super sales guy, the guy
called Mark. And I remembersitting down with him and the first
thing he said to me isobviously, hi, Dan, thanks, thanks
for being here. He said, dan,I must say I've seen everything that
(15:34):
you do with career dad, whichis something that I used to be very,
very involved in a few yearsago, which was just this notion of
I want to have a career, but Ialso want to be a dad. He said, I
absolutely love it. My kidsare much older now, but everything
that you say really resonates.I wish that I'd had the equivalent
years and years ago. So justlet's talk about that for a little
(15:56):
bit and how great, because itwas a really good way to build rapport.
It's shown that he done alittle bit of work and looked into
who I am and what wasimportant to me. But it was really
easy for me to get across myvalues of work is clearly important.
That's why I talk about thecareer side of it. That's not at
(16:17):
the expense of the dad side ofit. And that is also really, really
important. So when my normalcalendar, you know, my work day,
I put in meetings or eventswith Myself that are picking the
kids up, going to school,parents evening or going for a run,
you know, whatever it is,because I want to, I don't want to
(16:39):
hide these things. This islife, this is where I am. And if
you can't get hold of mebecause I'm on a treadmill, this
is why I'll be back in 15minutes. But that was a really specific
example of someone saying, Isee what you're doing, it really
resonates with me. But alsothe fact that you're doing it gives
(17:00):
me insight into who you areand that's the type of person that
we want at our company.
(21:14):
And to translate this storyfor the listener, sorry, that sounded
more authoritarian than Imeant. But I'm interested. Just what
are the implications for it ifa listener is listening to this and
thinks, well, actually I wouldlike to use my life, both being a
parent and the leader, I wouldlike to use that to also shape my
(21:35):
career in a positive way. Isthere any practical advice that you
can think of?
There's a few things I'd sayand it's easy for me to say and also
slightly easy for me to dobecause I've done it for so long.
If you're starting, it may beharder, but the biggest thing I'd
say is just start to beunashamedly vocal about what it is
(21:59):
that you're doing in yourcareer from a family perspective,
but also vice versa. And whatI mean by that is I really, really
dislike the whole 9 to 5concept or 8 to 6, or whatever it
is that people work becausethere is no way I can switch off
that part of my brain to dowith family between nine and five
(22:23):
and there's absolutely no waythat I can switch off that work bit
between then 5 and 9. And sofor me it's all about ebbs and flows.
So I will be checking emailswhile I'm having breakfast, but then
I'll also be going to do theschool pickup and in the summer holidays
going to the ice cream parlorwith the kids at 3:00, half four,
(22:43):
you know, in the afternoon. Soit's have a real think individually
about what is important to youand then where are you now and how
big is that gap? And in anideal utopian world, what would need
to happen to be able to bridgethat gap? So if it is, for example,
(23:03):
I would love to go to more ofmy kids things at school, but feel
like I can't. Okay, so whatwould need to happen to be able to
make you feel like you can andwould that be a conversation with
a line manager? Would that beseeing and hearing from role models
or other people atorganizations doing the same thing?
(23:25):
And when you know what thatgap is. And I think this is something
that's often forgotten. Whoare the younger generation coming
up who might be looking at youand seeing, well, actually if they
just role modelled a littlebit more and then that person's wanting
to see their superiors rolemodel a bit more and they might be
wanting to see their superiorsrole model a little bit more. So
(23:46):
it's what can I do that I feelcomfortable with that is meaningful
and authentic to me todemonstrate that I'm willing to go
against what has been thetraditional norm. And it could be
as simple as on a Thursday, Idon't have any meetings before 9:30
because I like to go swimming.And I'm just going to tell my team
(24:09):
that.
Or if you don't have a team,I'm just going to tell people I work
with, please don't put ameeting in before 9:30 because I'll
be getting dried and dressedat the swimming pool. How great is
that?
Absolutely. I've been swimmingthis morning as we speak. So your
example resonates very good.So you've been very vocal. When someone
checks you out on LinkedIn,then they will see that this is what
(24:31):
you stand for. Have you everhad a backlash and people actually
judging you and not giving you opportunities?
Well, so not givingopportunities, I don't know. I've
definitely had because I'vebeen. Before COVID I was a huge,
flexible, working advocate.And that's where some of my more
(24:51):
probably controversial postson LinkedIn would go viral. Like
set several examples of, youknow, between 2 and 10 million views
viral. And I would getcomments from particular actually
some senior males at work whowould say, what's your angle here?
Or oh, here he is, Dan Reed,the brand is in the office and things
(25:15):
like that. And I'd like tothink it was meant in good humor.
I think some of it was, someof it wasn't. I did have a line manager
once say to me, just becareful that you don't become a caricature
of yourself. Think about themessage and the brand that you're
putting out there. And Ithought, well, of course I am, that's
why I'm doing this. It's justthat my version of what I think is
(25:38):
good is different to you andthat's fine. So it's something that
I have dealt with thatpushback and I've also had completely
Random people as well. Likesome of the comments I used to get
on LinkedIn and some of theprivate messages as well were pretty
abhorrent and very just notnice to read. How I dealt with that
(26:00):
is. And again, I kind of havea romantic view of the world. So
I think that no happy personwants to try and make someone else
feel bad. So if someone istrying to make someone feel bad,
that's actually more aboutthem than it is about the person.
So there was actually oneindividual who used to really, over
the course of months, used toleave the most hurtful and hateful
(26:21):
comments. And I ended upgetting into a private direct message
with him over LinkedIn just tocheck he was okay because it was
just so raw. And again, that'snot everyone's approach. But yeah,
I've definitely had to dealwith that kind of backlash and it
did actually stop me postingfor a while on LinkedIn for about
nine months or so because Ijust thought, I don't want to deal
(26:43):
with this. And then when I didstart posting again and the comments
came in, I'm so glad thatyou're back and that is really refreshing.
And I thought, yes, screweveryone else who doesn't agree with
this. Like, if this isimportant to me, that should be the
most important factor as towhether I do this or not, not how
someone might perceive me.
And can you remind listenersor what a period where you've been
(27:05):
really vocal about actuallywanting both to be a present dad
and to have an ambitiouscareer. What was the impact on your
career? So you did mentionthat you did get two promotions.
Where are you now compared towhere you started?
Oh yeah. And I think I'llpackage up the me being vocal with
(27:26):
the whole family, flexibleworking thing. I'll package that
along with being my authenticself. When I started the particularly
banking, when I started thecorporate world, I thought I had
to be this quote unquotecorporate face. What you can't see,
and obviously listeners can'tsee, is I'm absolutely covered in
(27:48):
tattoos. I'm an ex rock androller and my kind of personality
is I'm a little bit goofy anda little bit off the wall, but I
take my work incrediblyseriously. So again, it's, you know,
I don't take myself veryseriously. But my work and what we
achieve, I'm very passionateabout and achieving high performing
(28:09):
results. And so when I gotcomfortable with, well, I'll let
the work speak for myself andI will just be who I am. That almost
opened up the door for me togo yeah, okay. Actually, and this
is me and my family and thisis what's important. So if I package
that together I would then saythat was the turning point for my
(28:30):
career to take off. So upuntil that point, yeah, my background's
marketing, so my degree,master's marketing, English related.
I'd done entry level marketingassistant roles, marketing exec roles
that had been over the courseof maybe three to five years. I then
joined Barclays and in a kindof junior exec role, really felt
(28:55):
I could be myself very quicklythere and as I say, within 18 months
had a promotion to amanagerial role. Two years later
had a promotion to a seniormanager role. Now I've done a number
of head of roles within bothmarketing and digital space and now
and again throughout all thistime have been very authentically
(29:16):
me both internally andexternally. And now just about to
start a role with KPMG astheir new director of digital marketing
and technology transformationfor the uk. So a huge role. Super,
super excited about that. Butagain, I remember one of the final
(29:36):
interviews and it was apresentation, 10 minute presentation
and I was kind of advised thateight of those 10 minutes should
be about who you are as aperson, what is important to you,
morals, ethics, who is Dan?And I thought I've had a lot of practice
at this, I feel like I can hitthe mark. And again the feedback,
(29:59):
obviously yes, I was offeredthe job which was great, but the
feedback was we love howauthentic you are and we know that
Dan, who we meet by the coffeemachine is going to be Dan who is
in the meeting, who ispresenting to the board or you know,
whatever it is, it's the sameperson. So I, whether family is your
(30:21):
thing, whether it's health andfitness, whatever your thing is,
I think it's really hard totry and truncate yourself into these
different people. Just bringyour whole self and that allows you
to focus your energy on whatyou want to do instead of how do
I have to act in front ofcertain people.
(30:41):
That's really interesting andI think it would be fascinating now
you've been quite a while atBarclays to see how you're going
to take that into a neworganization with a different culture.
So we have a fellowshipprogram with a community of leaders
who also have children, whosupport each other, who have mentors
and go through a nine monthprogram to help progress their career.
(31:03):
But in a way that isn't aboutjust sticking to the breadwinner,
you know, working hundredhours a week approach, but one topic
that comes up again and againIs at that moment of changing jobs
is a real opportunity to shapehow your work life is going to be.
Yeah.
And at the same time, a newjob. I don't know how you found it,
but most of my new jobs arealways in the first three months.
(31:24):
It's really tough. It's hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just how are you approachingthis? How are you setting yourself
up? Well, and if you'd rathercut this out and pretend I've never
asked.
No, it's fine. One thing thatI am eternally grateful for is that
my wife and I are such a team.And so when I told her that I've
(31:46):
been offered the job and shesaid, oh, you did it. You made it.
And I said, no, no, we did it.Like, I would not be able to do what
I do and be on where I'm atwithout her full support and partnership.
So. And I, you know, for fulldisclosure, she works part time.
She works three days a week.And that really helps what we want
(32:09):
as a. As a family. I thinkwhere I have this real drive for
career as well as family. Shewants a job that she can go into,
do a really good job and bereally proud of that work that she
does. But she is not, andshe's much smarter than I. She's
just not interested in kind ofclimbing that career ladder. So our
(32:29):
setup really works for us. ButI also do not take for granted what
that also helps me and allows me.
Could you share with ourlisteners three practical pieces
of advice that someone who islistening, who is a new or soon to
be, that could apply asthey're trying to navigate both that
(32:50):
father role and their bighopes for their careers?
Yeah, I will do my best. Andfirstly, I'd say, and I've just had
someone in the wider teamwho's about to become a father. And
he said to me yesterday in theoffice, what's your number one piece
of advice about becoming adad? And I said, my number one piece
of advice is that everyonewill have an opinion on how you should
(33:13):
parent your child. And most ofthem unsolicited. Basically, screw
what anyone else tells you anddo whatever works for you because
there's going to be a ton ofdifferent ways that you can do it.
So that that would be my mainpiece of advice is don't do anything
just because someone tells youthat that's how they did it. I think
(33:34):
as well, in a work capacity,it's hard, but try and find your
tribe, try and find otherparents, other dads who want to help.
And there are some dads. Itried this very early on and there
were some dads that told me,just suck it up. This is what life
(33:56):
is like now. That doesn'treally help. So just try and find
those people that want tosupport you. And I'm a real big fan
of parental mentoring in theworkplace. It's something that I
don't think he's done enoughand something that KPMG in particular,
I'm going to be, if it doesn'texist, I'm going to be very vocal
(34:18):
about getting it set up. Sothat is a really good opportunity.
And thirdly, I'd say you'regoing to get things wrong and you're
going to feel like you'reletting work down or that you're
letting your family down.Potentially at some point you might
feel one of those two thingsand just give yourself a bit of a
(34:40):
break. And that's where Ithink talking either with a professional
or with a group of peers andparticularly your partner, is really
important. Just to vocalizewhat's going on in your head and
try and make sense of that.Because the echo chamber inside one's
head can be one of the mostterrifying places to be.
(35:03):
I could not agree more andthank you for saying all these things.
If someone listening islooking for a mentor who is also
a senior leader and believesin the things that we just talked
about and has children, thenhave a look at the Leaders plus Fellowship
or one of our other programsbecause I think that's quite a valuable
(35:25):
thing. And also there are lotsof places where you can get support.
Maybe you're lucky enough thatyou have some amazing senior leaders
in your NCT group. Should youdo something like NCT again? With
Leaders plus Fellowship youcan get groups of people who want
to have big careers who reallyare ambitious but also have children.
I'm just thinking. Orobviously your workplace parent networks,
(35:45):
if they do exist, is a greatplace. Or just asking people for
a one off coffee chat if youknow there's a senior leader. That's
a very useful way of startinga mentoring conversation because
once that coffee chat has gonewell, you can then say, oh, would
you mind being my mentor forsix months? And you'd be surprised
how many people say yes,absolutely. If people want to connect
with you, find out more aboutyou, where should they go?
(36:08):
So LinkedIn more than happy ifpeople just. If people type Dan Reed
Career dad, that's probablythe easiest way. Dan Reed Barclays
if it's after March. Dan ReedKPMG. But yeah, LinkedIn is the easiest
place and that would be read Rdouble ed. And also if people are
TikTok fans, Dan Reid, careerdad is also on TikTok with about
(36:29):
42,000 followers, so there isdefinitely a need to talk about this
in the TikTok space as well.
Excellent. Well, I might haveto then overcome my aversion to the
TikTok and have have a, have alook. Thank you so much for everything
you do. It's been veryinspiring. I shall be in contact
and try to headhunt you as asenior leader mentor. I know you
might say no because you arebusy with your new exciting move
(36:54):
and best of luck with the move.
Thank you so much. Yeah,definitely. That sounds really interesting
so we'd love to stay in touchon that.
Fabulous. I really appreciateyou listening. Thank you so much
and I always love to hear fromour listeners. If you want to connect
with me on LinkedIn, just goto Verina Hefti and I'd be delighted
to hear your feedback and yoursuggestions or just have you say
(37:18):
hi. Likewise, if you do feelpassionately about about gender equality
and you want to support afemale led podcast, then please do
leave a review and share itwith a friend. Just because at the
moment podcasting is still avery very male dominated environment.
Most of the top chartingpodcasts are led by men. I really
(37:39):
love all the people who'vejoined from the podcast our fellowship
program and if you want to dothe same then please head over to
leadersplus.org/Fellowship inorder to get access to a community
of support to help you combineambitious career with young children
together with people who haveyour back. See you next week.
Welcome to the Big CareersSmall Children Podcast. My name is
Verena Hefti. I believe thatno one should have to choose between
becoming a CEO and enjoyingtheir young children for much too
long. Amazing people like I'msure you listening right now have
found themselves stuck on thecareer ladder when they have children
(00:22):
and that leads to genderinequality in senior leadership because
because those people don'tprogress to senior leadership and
the same stale, often male,middle class people leading our organizations.
We must change this togetherand I hope that many of you listening
right now will progress to themost senior leadership roles that
you like where you can makethe decisions that make our world
(00:43):
a better place. Outside of thepodcast. I am the CEO and founder
of the Social enterpriseLeaders Plus. We exist to help working
parents progress their careersto senior leadership in a way that
works for you and for yourfamilies. We have free events and
resources on leadersplus.orgwhere you can download helpful toolkits
(01:04):
such as on returning frommaternity leave, share parental leave,
securing a promotion, dealingwith workload challenges, or managing
as a dual career couple. Wealso have an award winning fellowship
community which is global forworking parents who have big dreams
for their careers but don'twant to sacrifice their family. You'll
join an absolutely wonderfulgroup of people, a very tight knit,
(01:29):
supportive group of parentswho have your back. Together. You'll
explore what your careeraspirations are and you'll get advice
from senior leaders who arealso working parents about how to
achieve those aspirations.You'll get new ideas to combine your
hopes for your careers withyour hope for your family. And you
are supported by people whoare experiencing what you're experiencing
(01:50):
yourself. I'm really delightedthat a larger majority of our fellows
have made tangible changesfollowing the program, be that becoming
more senior in their roles,working shorter hours, having better
flexible working arrangement.They always impress me so much with
the courage that they instillin each other to do what is right
for them without apologizingfor having a family or apologizing
(02:14):
for wanting that top job.Details are on leadersplus.org/Fellowship.
Today I'm chatting to Dan Reedabout his story of showing up with
his authentic self at work,about setting boundaries and about
(02:35):
how he managed to progress hiscareer whilst still being present
with his young children. Enjoythe conversation.
Thank you so much for invitingme. So I am Dan Reed. I currently
am head of Digital Servicingat Barclays for the Global Transaction
Bank. So that's all around howdo we provide excellent digital servicing
(03:02):
platforms for small businessesright up to large corporates to basically
self serve. I'm actually in anotice period, so I'm going to be
moving roles, which I'm surewe'll come on to. And in my family
is my wife Fiona, my 10 yearold son Theo, and my 5 year old daughter
(03:24):
Xanthi.
Lovely. What beautiful names.Can you share one thing that you
used to believe aboutcombining a big career with young
children that you've changedyour mind on?
So before we had. My wife andI had children and we met at university,
so we've been together a longtime. I. I thought in my early 20s,
(03:46):
do I want to either doubledown on my career and kind of get
that kick started and thenwe'll have kids later, or do I, and
I say this and it probablywill come out much worse than. I
mean it. Do we kind of getkids out of the way and do that and
then as they're a little bitolder then double down and focus
(04:07):
on the career? Probably in mykind of mid-30s, 30s to 40s. And
that's something that I thinkI used to believe that that's the
choice that I had to make. AndI decided to do both at the same
time, have kids relativelyyoung and also push my career at
the same time.
And how did that go? Youthought at the time it wasn't possible,
(04:30):
but how did it go in reality?
How did it go? And so on thatat the time I didn't think it was
possible. I think that'sbecause that was the role modelling
that I had growing up both inmy household, but also just in wider
society. It was very much andto some extent still is patriarchal.
(04:51):
Men go out to work and womenstay home and look after kids. And
so that's what I thought.That's the route that we had to take.
How I found it was incrediblyhard. And the reason for that is
because it was the time thatmy son was born, when my promotion
started to happen relativelyquickly. I got two promotions, the
(05:15):
first one within 18 months andthe second one within two years.
So went from a analyst juniorrole to a senior manager within four
years. And that was a longtime ago. And that meant that I had
to be. This is pre Covid. Soyou're working in offices a lot more.
And I was working in London alot. I don't live in London. I'm
a two hour commute each wayfrom Canary Wharf. So four hours
(05:38):
round trip. And I was theremore days than not. And as my son
was growing up, I felt a bitlike a weekend father and was really
tired as well, because I wasjust commuting all the time. And
that actually led to a lot ofguilt, anxiety, feeling really selfish
about, well, hang on, I'mpushing this career forward. I was
(06:01):
really clear in my youngeryears that I wanted to have a family
and keep that family together.My parents divorced when I was quite
young. I was quite keen tobook that trend and I saw a version
of myself doing something thatwas at odds with how I wanted to
set up my work and my career.So I really struggled with it. I
(06:25):
ended up going to therapy forabout 10 months just to kind of deal
with that guilt and anxietyand that really, really helped. But
then, and we can go into thisin a little bit more detail, but
it just kind of fell intoplace when I started being just authentically
who I am. And pushing the workwasn't some horrible thing that I
(06:48):
had to endure so that I couldthen live a life, but work was actually
part of life and I enjoyed it.That really helped to then also set
those boundaries and to knowthat if I was saying, for example,
I'm leaving the office earlyto go to my son's Christmas play,
it's not some excuse that I'vegot a dentist appointment, so no,
(07:10):
I'm going to do this thing.And I found that that kind of open
and honest authenticity hasreally helped make me feel like I'm
a present father in my kidslives and a co parent with my wife
as opposed to a secondsupport. But also I truly think has
(07:31):
actually helped my career aswell, which was a little surprising.
The number of careerconversations that I've had where
family has come up and thatauthenticity has played a big role
in particularly moving intomore very senior leadership roles.
Interesting you mentioned thewords. It fell into place. I'm curious
(07:56):
and just I guess for thelisteners who, some of whom might
feel they are in that placewhere there is this pressure and
never ending guilt.
Yeah.
What happened for you there?What did you change if anything?
Or was it literally just, oh,I don't know how it happened, but
somehow it did.
When I say fell into place,that's probably me looking back with
rose tinted glasses. Whathappened and the therapy was, was
(08:20):
a huge catalyst for this isI'd got to the point where I wasn't
really doing anything formyself in that. So I've got a lot
of hobbies, a lot ofactivities and you know, I'd have
a friend say to me, hey, doyou want to come to Milton Keynes?
We're going to go snowboardingfor the evening and grab Some food.
(08:42):
And I'd say I can't even askmy wife if that's okay to do because
I'm never at home because I'malways working. And that's just one
example. But it got to thepoint where I didn't feel like I
could even go for a drink atthe pub with a friend because how
selfish of me, because whendoes my wife ever get any time? So
(09:05):
anytime that I'm not working,I should be at home helping and giving
her a break. But I neverbrought this up with her. So this
was just all internal. And itkind of got to a boiling point where
I almost. I wouldn't say Ibroke down, but I definitely burst
into tears just in the middleof the office one day because I just,
(09:26):
I just didn't know how to dealwith all of this emotion. And so
that was a real wake up callto start therapy. Which then led
to very honest conversationswith my wife, whose response is probably
as you'd imagine. Why the hellhave you not spoken to me about this?
Of course you can go, go anddo those that you're allowed a life
as well. And it just felt likethis huge weight had been lifted
(09:50):
off of my shoulders and that Icould breathe again. And so that's
when I started to, you know,not, not be super absent. But I wasn't
as afraid to say, could I havesome time for me? Because I was almost
seeing that four hour commute.Well, I'm not, I'm not doing anything
in that time. I'm watchingsomething on Netflix, I'm reading
(10:11):
a book. Surely that's my time.And so then my wife and I kind made
sure that we both had time forourselves and time for each other.
So on a, on a Saturday morningwhen it was just my son, we'd wake
up, I take him into town, wego get breakfast and I get a coffee
and stuff and we just liketake some toys to a little cafe and
(10:32):
play. And that was great forme and him, but also for my wife.
Like she had three hours justuninterrupted by herself to do whatever
she wanted. And so by, I guessbeing honest with myself and also
communicating and speakingvery openly with a professional,
that then started to make merealize that the blockers that I
(10:57):
thought were there, I'd putthere, no one else had put them there.
And being able to work throughthat then, as I say, removed that
kind of shroud so that I couldstart to feel comfortable with who
I am and who I was and what Ifeel I stand for. Which then paved
(11:17):
the way to, I guess, where Iam now, which is just such a different.
And this is, you know, I'mgoing back nearly. This is the course
of nine, ten years, but justsuch a different place that I truly
elated to be in.
And you mentioned settingboundaries at work. How did that
(11:39):
come about?
So I live in Northampton,which for particularly international
listeners that might not havean in depth UK geography knowledge,
it's about 60 miles north ofLondon, so it's relatively. It takes
about an hour on the train toget in central London, but working
in financial services, that'sall in Canary Wharf, which is nearly
(12:00):
another hour to get to. Andagain, pre Covid, what I found is
living and working inNorthampton, the centre of power
of those leaders has oftenbeen in London. So I've often had
to spend time in London. Andwhen I was then going down three
or four days a week, that justgot too much. And so part of me wanted
(12:23):
to be there because it was thehubbub and it was fun and it was
exciting. But then what I gotto was a re. And again, pre Covid,
a really nice working patternwhere I said, I'll do two days in
the Northampton office, whichis about 20 minutes drive from where
I live, I'll do two days inLondon and I'll do one day from home
(12:45):
and obviously I'll flex it asneeded on an ad hoc basis. But that
is generally my setup. Andthis was around 2017, 2018. That
boundary was the best thingthat happened because it meant that
then my London days was superpacked. You know, sometimes the laptop
wasn't getting open becauseall I was doing was meeting people,
(13:06):
taking notes, catching up,doing that. Northampton was my kind
of get work done days. Butalso most of my team, my actual team
were based in Northampton soit was one to ones and you know,
relationship building withwider stakeholders. And then my day
from home was just deepthinking strategy, but also putting
(13:27):
a wash on and taking my son toschool. So that when the weekend
came around, we weren'tspending five or six hours doing
chores, we're actually havinga weekend. And then obviously Covid
came along and we're allfamiliar with how that played out.
But I think that was thebiggest boundary for me was just
to say, I really want, youknow, the tagline that I used to
(13:48):
use to try and sum this up ismy career is super important, but
being a dad is also superimportant. So yes, I want to go to
Germany for that meeting, butI also want to do the school run,
like not on the same day. Butthat kind of ethos don't think that
either isn't important becausewhat you're seeing is the other being
important. To me, they're bothincredibly important.
(14:11):
I'm so glad that you'rechallenging the status quo. That's
exactly why I set up oursocial enterprise. It's exactly this
idea that actually we shouldbe able to do it differently and
we shouldn't have to have thatchoice. But the issue is, I guess
we don't have a blueprint yetof how to do both. Which is why it's
(14:32):
so important to have peoplelike you who came through it in their
own riddly way sharing thestories and get people to think about
what might work for them. Iwas intrigued by that authenticity
point and that you actuallysaid how it helped you to get promotions.
I have to say I was a bitsurprised by that and curious. Can
you tell me more about it?
(14:53):
Yeah, I can give you one veryspecific example. So I work at Barclays.
It's actually my second timeat Barclays. I was there for about
eight years. I then left andthen I came back and I'm leaving
again. But the first time thatI left was to go and work for Adobe
to do strategic consultancy.And I'd gone through a series of
(15:13):
interviews and presentationsand all of that good stuff. And then
the final interview was withthe big super sales guy, the guy
called Mark. And I remembersitting down with him and the first
thing he said to me isobviously, hi, Dan, thanks, thanks
for being here. He said, dan,I must say I've seen everything that
(15:34):
you do with career dad, whichis something that I used to be very,
very involved in a few yearsago, which was just this notion of
I want to have a career, but Ialso want to be a dad. He said, I
absolutely love it. My kidsare much older now, but everything
that you say really resonates.I wish that I'd had the equivalent
years and years ago. So justlet's talk about that for a little
(15:56):
bit and how great, because itwas a really good way to build rapport.
It's shown that he done alittle bit of work and looked into
who I am and what wasimportant to me. But it was really
easy for me to get across myvalues of work is clearly important.
That's why I talk about thecareer side of it. That's not at
(16:17):
the expense of the dad side ofit. And that is also really, really
important. So when my normalcalendar, you know, my work day,
I put in meetings or eventswith Myself that are picking the
kids up, going to school,parents evening or going for a run,
you know, whatever it is,because I want to, I don't want to
(16:39):
hide these things. This islife, this is where I am. And if
you can't get hold of mebecause I'm on a treadmill, this
is why I'll be back in 15minutes. But that was a really specific
example of someone saying, Isee what you're doing, it really
resonates with me. But alsothe fact that you're doing it gives
(17:00):
me insight into who you areand that's the type of person that
we want at our company.
(21:14):
And to translate this storyfor the listener, sorry, that sounded
more authoritarian than Imeant. But I'm interested. Just what
are the implications for it ifa listener is listening to this and
thinks, well, actually I wouldlike to use my life, both being a
parent and the leader, I wouldlike to use that to also shape my
(21:35):
career in a positive way. Isthere any practical advice that you
can think of?
There's a few things I'd sayand it's easy for me to say and also
slightly easy for me to dobecause I've done it for so long.
If you're starting, it may beharder, but the biggest thing I'd
say is just start to beunashamedly vocal about what it is
(21:59):
that you're doing in yourcareer from a family perspective,
but also vice versa. And whatI mean by that is I really, really
dislike the whole 9 to 5concept or 8 to 6, or whatever it
is that people work becausethere is no way I can switch off
that part of my brain to dowith family between nine and five
(22:23):
and there's absolutely no waythat I can switch off that work bit
between then 5 and 9. And sofor me it's all about ebbs and flows.
So I will be checking emailswhile I'm having breakfast, but then
I'll also be going to do theschool pickup and in the summer holidays
going to the ice cream parlorwith the kids at 3:00, half four,
(22:43):
you know, in the afternoon. Soit's have a real think individually
about what is important to youand then where are you now and how
big is that gap? And in anideal utopian world, what would need
to happen to be able to bridgethat gap? So if it is, for example,
(23:03):
I would love to go to more ofmy kids things at school, but feel
like I can't. Okay, so whatwould need to happen to be able to
make you feel like you can andwould that be a conversation with
a line manager? Would that beseeing and hearing from role models
or other people atorganizations doing the same thing?
(23:25):
And when you know what thatgap is. And I think this is something
that's often forgotten. Whoare the younger generation coming
up who might be looking at youand seeing, well, actually if they
just role modelled a littlebit more and then that person's wanting
to see their superiors rolemodel a bit more and they might be
wanting to see their superiorsrole model a little bit more. So
(23:46):
it's what can I do that I feelcomfortable with that is meaningful
and authentic to me todemonstrate that I'm willing to go
against what has been thetraditional norm. And it could be
as simple as on a Thursday, Idon't have any meetings before 9:30
because I like to go swimming.And I'm just going to tell my team
(24:09):
that.
Or if you don't have a team,I'm just going to tell people I work
with, please don't put ameeting in before 9:30 because I'll
be getting dried and dressedat the swimming pool. How great is
that?
Absolutely. I've been swimmingthis morning as we speak. So your
example resonates very good.So you've been very vocal. When someone
checks you out on LinkedIn,then they will see that this is what
(24:31):
you stand for. Have you everhad a backlash and people actually
judging you and not giving you opportunities?
Well, so not givingopportunities, I don't know. I've
definitely had because I'vebeen. Before COVID I was a huge,
flexible, working advocate.And that's where some of my more
(24:51):
probably controversial postson LinkedIn would go viral. Like
set several examples of, youknow, between 2 and 10 million views
viral. And I would getcomments from particular actually
some senior males at work whowould say, what's your angle here?
Or oh, here he is, Dan Reed,the brand is in the office and things
(25:15):
like that. And I'd like tothink it was meant in good humor.
I think some of it was, someof it wasn't. I did have a line manager
once say to me, just becareful that you don't become a caricature
of yourself. Think about themessage and the brand that you're
putting out there. And Ithought, well, of course I am, that's
why I'm doing this. It's justthat my version of what I think is
(25:38):
good is different to you andthat's fine. So it's something that
I have dealt with thatpushback and I've also had completely
Random people as well. Likesome of the comments I used to get
on LinkedIn and some of theprivate messages as well were pretty
abhorrent and very just notnice to read. How I dealt with that
(26:00):
is. And again, I kind of havea romantic view of the world. So
I think that no happy personwants to try and make someone else
feel bad. So if someone istrying to make someone feel bad,
that's actually more aboutthem than it is about the person.
So there was actually oneindividual who used to really, over
the course of months, used toleave the most hurtful and hateful
(26:21):
comments. And I ended upgetting into a private direct message
with him over LinkedIn just tocheck he was okay because it was
just so raw. And again, that'snot everyone's approach. But yeah,
I've definitely had to dealwith that kind of backlash and it
did actually stop me postingfor a while on LinkedIn for about
nine months or so because Ijust thought, I don't want to deal
(26:43):
with this. And then when I didstart posting again and the comments
came in, I'm so glad thatyou're back and that is really refreshing.
And I thought, yes, screweveryone else who doesn't agree with
this. Like, if this isimportant to me, that should be the
most important factor as towhether I do this or not, not how
someone might perceive me.
And can you remind listenersor what a period where you've been
(27:05):
really vocal about actuallywanting both to be a present dad
and to have an ambitiouscareer. What was the impact on your
career? So you did mentionthat you did get two promotions.
Where are you now compared towhere you started?
Oh yeah. And I think I'llpackage up the me being vocal with
(27:26):
the whole family, flexibleworking thing. I'll package that
along with being my authenticself. When I started the particularly
banking, when I started thecorporate world, I thought I had
to be this quote unquotecorporate face. What you can't see,
and obviously listeners can'tsee, is I'm absolutely covered in
(27:48):
tattoos. I'm an ex rock androller and my kind of personality
is I'm a little bit goofy anda little bit off the wall, but I
take my work incrediblyseriously. So again, it's, you know,
I don't take myself veryseriously. But my work and what we
achieve, I'm very passionateabout and achieving high performing
(28:09):
results. And so when I gotcomfortable with, well, I'll let
the work speak for myself andI will just be who I am. That almost
opened up the door for me togo yeah, okay. Actually, and this
is me and my family and thisis what's important. So if I package
that together I would then saythat was the turning point for my
(28:30):
career to take off. So upuntil that point, yeah, my background's
marketing, so my degree,master's marketing, English related.
I'd done entry level marketingassistant roles, marketing exec roles
that had been over the courseof maybe three to five years. I then
joined Barclays and in a kindof junior exec role, really felt
(28:55):
I could be myself very quicklythere and as I say, within 18 months
had a promotion to amanagerial role. Two years later
had a promotion to a seniormanager role. Now I've done a number
of head of roles within bothmarketing and digital space and now
and again throughout all thistime have been very authentically
(29:16):
me both internally andexternally. And now just about to
start a role with KPMG astheir new director of digital marketing
and technology transformationfor the uk. So a huge role. Super,
super excited about that. Butagain, I remember one of the final
(29:36):
interviews and it was apresentation, 10 minute presentation
and I was kind of advised thateight of those 10 minutes should
be about who you are as aperson, what is important to you,
morals, ethics, who is Dan?And I thought I've had a lot of practice
at this, I feel like I can hitthe mark. And again the feedback,
(29:59):
obviously yes, I was offeredthe job which was great, but the
feedback was we love howauthentic you are and we know that
Dan, who we meet by the coffeemachine is going to be Dan who is
in the meeting, who ispresenting to the board or you know,
whatever it is, it's the sameperson. So I, whether family is your
(30:21):
thing, whether it's health andfitness, whatever your thing is,
I think it's really hard totry and truncate yourself into these
different people. Just bringyour whole self and that allows you
to focus your energy on whatyou want to do instead of how do
I have to act in front ofcertain people.
(30:41):
That's really interesting andI think it would be fascinating now
you've been quite a while atBarclays to see how you're going
to take that into a neworganization with a different culture.
So we have a fellowshipprogram with a community of leaders
who also have children, whosupport each other, who have mentors
and go through a nine monthprogram to help progress their career.
(31:03):
But in a way that isn't aboutjust sticking to the breadwinner,
you know, working hundredhours a week approach, but one topic
that comes up again and againIs at that moment of changing jobs
is a real opportunity to shapehow your work life is going to be.
Yeah.
And at the same time, a newjob. I don't know how you found it,
but most of my new jobs arealways in the first three months.
(31:24):
It's really tough. It's hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just how are you approachingthis? How are you setting yourself
up? Well, and if you'd rathercut this out and pretend I've never
asked.
No, it's fine. One thing thatI am eternally grateful for is that
my wife and I are such a team.And so when I told her that I've
(31:46):
been offered the job and shesaid, oh, you did it. You made it.
And I said, no, no, we did it.Like, I would not be able to do what
I do and be on where I'm atwithout her full support and partnership.
So. And I, you know, for fulldisclosure, she works part time.
She works three days a week.And that really helps what we want
(32:09):
as a. As a family. I thinkwhere I have this real drive for
career as well as family. Shewants a job that she can go into,
do a really good job and bereally proud of that work that she
does. But she is not, andshe's much smarter than I. She's
just not interested in kind ofclimbing that career ladder. So our
(32:29):
setup really works for us. ButI also do not take for granted what
that also helps me and allows me.
Could you share with ourlisteners three practical pieces
of advice that someone who islistening, who is a new or soon to
be, that could apply asthey're trying to navigate both that
(32:50):
father role and their bighopes for their careers?
Yeah, I will do my best. Andfirstly, I'd say, and I've just had
someone in the wider teamwho's about to become a father. And
he said to me yesterday in theoffice, what's your number one piece
of advice about becoming adad? And I said, my number one piece
of advice is that everyonewill have an opinion on how you should
(33:13):
parent your child. And most ofthem unsolicited. Basically, screw
what anyone else tells you anddo whatever works for you because
there's going to be a ton ofdifferent ways that you can do it.
So that that would be my mainpiece of advice is don't do anything
just because someone tells youthat that's how they did it. I think
(33:34):
as well, in a work capacity,it's hard, but try and find your
tribe, try and find otherparents, other dads who want to help.
And there are some dads. Itried this very early on and there
were some dads that told me,just suck it up. This is what life
(33:56):
is like now. That doesn'treally help. So just try and find
those people that want tosupport you. And I'm a real big fan
of parental mentoring in theworkplace. It's something that I
don't think he's done enoughand something that KPMG in particular,
I'm going to be, if it doesn'texist, I'm going to be very vocal
(34:18):
about getting it set up. Sothat is a really good opportunity.
And thirdly, I'd say you'regoing to get things wrong and you're
going to feel like you'reletting work down or that you're
letting your family down.Potentially at some point you might
feel one of those two thingsand just give yourself a bit of a
(34:40):
break. And that's where Ithink talking either with a professional
or with a group of peers andparticularly your partner, is really
important. Just to vocalizewhat's going on in your head and
try and make sense of that.Because the echo chamber inside one's
head can be one of the mostterrifying places to be.
(35:03):
I could not agree more andthank you for saying all these things.
If someone listening islooking for a mentor who is also
a senior leader and believesin the things that we just talked
about and has children, thenhave a look at the Leaders plus Fellowship
or one of our other programsbecause I think that's quite a valuable
(35:25):
thing. And also there are lotsof places where you can get support.
Maybe you're lucky enough thatyou have some amazing senior leaders
in your NCT group. Should youdo something like NCT again? With
Leaders plus Fellowship youcan get groups of people who want
to have big careers who reallyare ambitious but also have children.
I'm just thinking. Orobviously your workplace parent networks,
(35:45):
if they do exist, is a greatplace. Or just asking people for
a one off coffee chat if youknow there's a senior leader. That's
a very useful way of startinga mentoring conversation because
once that coffee chat has gonewell, you can then say, oh, would
you mind being my mentor forsix months? And you'd be surprised
how many people say yes,absolutely. If people want to connect
with you, find out more aboutyou, where should they go?
(36:08):
So LinkedIn more than happy ifpeople just. If people type Dan Reed
Career dad, that's probablythe easiest way. Dan Reed Barclays
if it's after March. Dan ReedKPMG. But yeah, LinkedIn is the easiest
place and that would be read Rdouble ed. And also if people are
TikTok fans, Dan Reid, careerdad is also on TikTok with about
(36:29):
42,000 followers, so there isdefinitely a need to talk about this
in the TikTok space as well.
Excellent. Well, I might haveto then overcome my aversion to the
TikTok and have have a, have alook. Thank you so much for everything
you do. It's been veryinspiring. I shall be in contact
and try to headhunt you as asenior leader mentor. I know you
might say no because you arebusy with your new exciting move
(36:54):
and best of luck with the move.
Thank you so much. Yeah,definitely. That sounds really interesting
so we'd love to stay in touchon that.
Fabulous. I really appreciateyou listening. Thank you so much
and I always love to hear fromour listeners. If you want to connect
with me on LinkedIn, just goto Verina Hefti and I'd be delighted
to hear your feedback and yoursuggestions or just have you say
(37:18):
hi. Likewise, if you do feelpassionately about about gender equality
and you want to support afemale led podcast, then please do
leave a review and share itwith a friend. Just because at the
moment podcasting is still avery very male dominated environment.
Most of the top chartingpodcasts are led by men. I really
(37:39):
love all the people who'vejoined from the podcast our fellowship
program and if you want to dothe same then please head over to
leadersplus.org/Fellowship inorder to get access to a community
of support to help you combineambitious career with young children
together with people who haveyour back. See you next week.
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