Episode #69: Louie Patrone (w/ Joe The Bull Guy)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Big Hoss's tailgate. That shuffle was I'm leaving

(00:23):
that. I'm leaving that shot.
In there, I'm leaving it in there.
I have that on three different angles right now and the ground
version do we? Do we still?
Do America's Funniest 10 videos Can we win 10 grand?
I'm just saying we could split three ways.
We wouldn't win 10 grand for that, I don't think, but it was
a funny shuffle. If I would have fell, it would

(00:43):
have made. I definitely yo if you fell it
would have been even epic. If you would have broke my table
I would have laughed my ass off but I I would have been dying
laughing the whole time. The point I'm getting at is we
could with those 3 angles throw that on a tick tock that will
definitely go. We're going to try.
We're going to try. We're going to make me TikTok
famous. Catches speed.
Yeah. Hoss the Hermes of the future.

(01:08):
Hoss the new flash the. New flash I've already read.
Listen, you and me, it's like flash diabetes.
Let's be the only thing that's moving is our A1C real quick.
I know it's terrible. We're speed running to getting
our feet cut off It's fine. Dude, I can run though, you
know? That's the fucked up heart.
I get speed and I can move. I'm agile as fuck.

(01:31):
Stoppings the problem. I feel that.
Stopping's a fucking problem. It's right, 'cause once, once
you're a big dude and you just start barrel like you start
barreling down the sidewalk, dude, like you try to put the
brakes on your concrete's getting pushed up when you saw.
Your your knees, the cartilage are just horrendous.
Oh yeah, yeah. And you see how you see how it
does in the heat, man, I start getting hydraulic leaks in my

(01:54):
knees. Fucked down in Austin.
Fuck the. Remember that?
Why? Are you sweating from the knee
of your gene instead of the Volkswagen Beetles?
The Volkswagen Diabetes. Nice, I like that.
I got the new diabetes mark. 2 So if anyone wonders why it's

(02:17):
like, hey, why do we have three people on the pod?
Well, this is like a special a special occasion.
Yeah, because Mr. Louis Petrone,lead of Abstract Theory, here.
Drop the new album. Yeah, yeah.
Hell yeah. And I got to be a guest in the
music video of one of the songs in that album.

(02:38):
Yeah, that was pretty fun. That was, that was a fun day.
Yeah, 'cause like you text me the night before and you're
like, you want to be in a music video?
I'm like, when? And you're like tomorrow.
And I'm like, yeah, I I can makethat work.
He's not in a bikini. Oh that, that would have been a
great idea. It is weird though, it was like
my first hip hop video and I waslike it figures there'd be no

(02:58):
bitches here. Like it was just all dudes.
Oh, dude, it's like, I was like,all right, man, there's going to
be women in my face twerking andthrowing money.
Nah, it was just Justin Gilkey smoking in front of.
Me just blowing smoke in your face, yeah.
Blowing smoke and be like hoss, come on, we know you're racist

(03:19):
dude. I'm like, really?
The women are CGI then that's for their protection.
I'm just saying AI. No, no HR lawsuits.
You know AI doesn't go oh God, he made me feel funny.
Oh, isn't that I? I could have went on with.
A You got that AI girlfriend, man.
Dude, no, but I know somebody who got one of them robotic

(03:39):
fucking girlfriend things. Have you seen this shit?
Do you know what I'm talking about?
It's like a fucking like doll, big ass doll that hi, how are
you? Ah and it heats up is fucking
and he picked the color of hair and everything.
How much? I'm not even kidding.
If Haas got one, it would be like, why do you only use me for

(04:01):
one thing? She's like, I could help you
clean around your house. You're like, no, no, no.
I could help you order all of your groceries.
No, no, no, that's fine. Would you like me to order 10
more gallons of spit? Like yes, yes, please get all
the saliva as possible. Why do you only want me to have

(04:21):
blow jobs for you ready as soon as you get home?
Dude be as soon as I get home. If it's a robot it's as soon as
I get home. Like pants are like it's tear
away pants time when I come. Oh my God, he said.
The fucking MC Hammer button pants for Kmart blue light
special. Let's go.
Dude, blue light special? No, that's going to be an

(04:41):
outdated reference for a long time.
Now this dudes on TikTok what this sex doll thing like he
doesn't put it on but he talks about it every time it cost them
$32,000. Listen, that's a lot of cocaine
and a lot of other things. Like I could be buying for
$32,000. Shit, maybe a Dick enlargement
with my 9 sixteenths of an inch.So like on my my podcast

(05:04):
Instagram page, like I only use that just to post like for the
podcast. And that's it really.
And I went through my explore page on there and Oh my God, I
don't know who I'm following or what it's like picking up, but
like I was getting like reels oflike how they make those dolls
and I'm like, I don't look anything up remotely that gets.

(05:25):
Closer to search history. Listen, Incognito mode.
It's not supposed to read on that.
It's not supposed to read on that.
The government is fucking watching.
You know this. Tin foil on your head, man.
Tin foil on the I'm gonna. Wrap my phone Every time I watch
porn I want to wrap my phone in cell in like aluminum foil to
stop them from like the. Algorithm.

(05:50):
Aluminum, the real sperm aside. That's how you make it shiny.
Yeah, it's like, sorry ladies, you don't need an IUD.
Just ball up some aluminum foil and just up there.
The the Android would be like, oh it should be on compliment
Rd. She's like, I see why they call
you big hoss. Because you've broken my

(06:14):
circuits multiple times from relative things.
You really fry my circuit board.Please turn compliment mode up
to 100%. Yeah, the best part is it only
gets like a 5 seconds of use every day 'cause it's like I'm
done, I just go to sleep. At least you're a warranty

(06:34):
though. I don't know.
If I had one of those sex dolls,I probably wouldn't leave my
house. I'd probably just be that's
that's it. I don't need anything else.
No more podcasts? Yeah.
Oh, he would do a podcast. She'd just be blowing them from
underneath the desk. Yeah, he'd just see me talking
about like. Malfunction.
Malfunction. Yeah.
Thanks for the Rose. Like what?
I don't know, I wouldn't be afraid to use like a sex doll

(06:56):
because like, no fucking. Terminator.
Dude, think about if something like brakes on it, like it locks
up and then you're like I can't get out like.
Look, it's the Terminator. It's lit with AI and all this
shit going oh, it's a fucking Terminator, like Skynet's real.
And then you just gave it a pussy.
Were you fucking dumb? Yeah, you think about it, you
put your Dick in there, it's going to have like blades in

(07:17):
there and it's just going to chop it off.
And it's like, that's how we and.
God, could you imagine being that poor bastard?
Yeah, like it would be me. That's what I said.
It would be me. It would get me immediately.
I don't I give yourself credit. I don't think you actually there
you got we could find you. We can go Hagen later Hagen big
Haussen Hagen. I mean, I got it was it was

(07:39):
either that or after I don't I go to just it's inappropriate.
That's Alabama. We just start calling too
Haussen Hagen. No, no.
No, no. No.
You guys will be the Haagen Dazs.
You 2 fucks are the Haagen Dazs.It's got to be.
A fudge ripple, though, got. To be fudge ripple.

(07:59):
Damn. Because you're always getting
fucking squirts from everything the Haagen Dazs.
Dude, I think there's bras. There has to be no worse shit I
think than Eaton if you got likefudge ice cream and then you
were last lactose intolerant too.
Dude, I've been like. Double fudge in your pants.
Literally. Yeah, he.

(08:21):
Said hit 40. Hit 40, it's coming.
I'm not lactose intolerant but it will fuck me up.
Yeah, dude, I've been farting hard because I've been eating
these these Ice Cream Sandwich cookies from Trader Joe's.
Dude, they make my shit. Oh my God.
I'll I'll sit there and RIP a like a a three second or just a.
Dude, Dairy Queen is like me putting like like hydrochloric

(08:46):
acid down my toilet. Like that's just, it just
destroys it. Like Dairy Queen destroys it.
It doesn't matter what. First of all, I worked at Dairy
Queen years ago and I still havemy my uniform in there.
It's a real tree camo Dairy Queen hoodie.
Fun fact. Oh I'm not putting that fucking
thing on. I said I would never put that
on. I wear it hunting if it gets
blood on it, big deal. I'm a Dairy Queen, but.

(09:12):
Hey baby, you want my dilly bar?Look, I'm eating a dilly bar and
I just shot a dough. Is that a dildo?
I had to work that in there somewhere.
That's what she said. No, I forgot what the fuck I was
going to say. God damn it.
It was about the Dilly Bar, not dairy.
No, it was before. Oh, Dairy Queen.
OK, yeah, I'm a Dairy Queen. No, so the like any milk now,

(09:35):
right? Like so I could eat cheese no
problem, right? I could eat a fuck ton of cheese
still shit regular. I eat anything that is 1 ounce
of fucking cream in it or milk and I'm running to that fucking
bathroom and it's coming out of me like an Olympiad at the
Olympics. Gold and gold.
Like usually I end that joke a little different, but I figured
I'd be polite on your podcast. Yeah, I do.

(09:57):
I think you're still like one ofmy dirtiest episodes, I think.
I was your dirtiest episode. Who the fuck you have on here?
No, I said you, yeah, I said youhad to be the, I think the
dirtiest one because we were talking about eating ass and all
that stuff. Yeah.
I don't do that. You don't eat ass.
I don't. I don't eat ass at all.
Why? Don't.
Why doth the not eat the? Ass because I don't want to

(10:18):
taste her corn from six years ago.
It's a it's, it's not bad. It's like rubbery.
I'm good. Here's my thing though.
I'm. Not like you ever chew on an
asshole. No, no, nothing.
I like. I literally have a tattoo back
there that says exit only. Like I don't, we don't, I don't
do it. Look, I'll play in the mud, but
I'm not putting my mouth in the mud.
I just got 2M's on each cheek. That because it says mom.

(10:43):
I honestly thought it was because you were peanut butter
filled and you. Were nice.
Damn you walked you open and fucking.
Then then it's like then if you have like, you know, a lot of
peanuts that day, you have peanut M and.
M's I, I feel like I, I can see you being your asshole, being
filled with peanut butter and then going up to a bear be like,
hey, I know bears love peanut butter.

(11:06):
Yikes, bear sex is just messy. A bear.
Dude. Oh, it's not like, huh?
It's a lot like. Cleaning gum out of a carpet.
Haas would know. Dude, I love when I say that.
Like I think I said it at the slam show and like you could
feel the audience go, I'm like, hey, you all support.
That woman in the back was dyingin that corner.

(11:28):
Yeah, I see that dude going likehe's cracking up.
He's going. Look, I said I might be gay and
that one guy looked at me and I was like, oh, this is not going
to hit. This is not going to hit.
Meanwhile, I was talking about the, you know, the the finding
inspiration on the TV for good jerk off session.
But the point is like she was dying laughing and then you go,
yeah, bear sex is dirty and she's like him and she just

(11:52):
ratted him out. She just pointed to him like
it's him. God, I don't know.
I couldn't do that. I I am morally fixated way too
much. I like pussy.
I couldn't. I couldn't.
It's no. Orally fixated, but.
I don't eat. It's a hygiene thing.
I don't know, like how look, I know what comes out of my ass,

(12:12):
right? So like I would never want the
person I care about to eat my ass.
He's got a good point because I've I've unleashed some demons.
I mean dude if trust me imagine being the woman that would had
to eat my ass after. That New York, I'm not saying,
I'm not saying they eat your ass, hoss, but you eat their
ass. I know, but I'm thinking like.

(12:32):
Shower first. What if she goes into like?
Doesn't clean it inside. That cleans the outside.
Yeah, you take a shower. Yeah, yeah.
Listen. She bearing.
COVID We all remember how they made toilet paper cheap as fuck,
right? Yeah, OK.
Like my finger went through that.
You know how many times I. You finger fucked, yes.
You're fat, you're reaching, you're like trying to get there.

(12:54):
It's it's like gymnastics. Wait, hold on.
You reached? Are you wiping back to front?
You can't go. You got shit balls.
No, I don't have shit. Balls.
No. I'll tell you what you guys want
to hear. You guys want to hear something
fucked. Let me tell you some people that
actually is. Going to be.
No, there's some people that stand and wipe their ass.

(13:14):
Yeah, that's weird. There there's actually.
I've tried that, it's weird. Yeah.
How do you do that? I can.
Tell you this though from being OK so a lot of people don't know
like I I was in a car accident years ago.
I got thrown from the car fuckedup was in a hospital bed for two
years and then at home for a year in bed never to walk again.
Obviously I can, but all the muscle went to gelatinous shit

(13:35):
over three years hands, you know, Fat Joe, the bull guy.
But when you have to wipe your ass, you don't get like, I had a
fucking stick that gripped the toilet paper that you went from
the front that as it angled up, it would clean your ass.
So that's why I'm saying like, Ilook, I get it.
Like I had nurses that had to come in and clean me, right?

(13:56):
Like I was bad, but like it's never clean enough, right?
Like I would rather lick that fucking floor over there that I
probably washed three months ago.
No, actually, I do it every week.
But the point is, I'd rather like that than a booty hole.
Just I'm afraid of getting shit in my mouth.
Have you guys had your ass eaten?
No. I've had my ass eaten once and I

(14:17):
was like my my foot was up on the edge of the the shower and I
looked back. I said Sir, please, please.
And. This is uncomfortable.
He's like, I do not go to PlanetFitness ever again.
Listen. I was just about to.
Now I go back to Planet Fitness all the time.

(14:38):
There's a judgement free zone. Judge.
Judge. That's true.
Imagine walking in someone goes judgement free zone.
You're like get the fuck out of here, eat my ass.
Eat. My.
Ass Look, you know what? I might I have a membership.
I might Oh, I was going to ask you because I thought you were
actually talking about like you had some chick behind you.
I was going to be like, how did you feel manly with your leg up

(14:58):
on the fucking thing? The other leg down looking back
at her and she's just, you know,into that.
You know what I mean? Like, I get it, but what what
happens? I know what I put my leg up.
I fart like that's how pink I have is just right in there yeah
like I could fart on come in 40 man it's it sucks your.
Asshole is just wide open. Dude it's like, I swear it's

(15:20):
like shit and fucking pancakes. Like sometimes like you just
whop you're like what the fuck? What?
Imagine though, seriously, something to think about here.
You could put a funnel in there and it would make it echo like,
think about it. Yeah, because the funnel has
like perfect. Like it has it's get it, you
know, gets real skinny and gets.Like Enya Echo or we talking

(15:42):
like Beastie Boys Echo? We're talking about it.
It might sound like one of thosedidgeridoos in Australia.
It's. Throat singing.
What if that's all that the Mongolian throat singing is just
those guys fart and they're justlike, yeah, we sing.
Listen, now we have. To have just get where hoss

(16:04):
farts into a funnel. I'm down.
I'm down for. That I'm down out.
Of a funnel out of. A funnel.
But you know what though? That's going to sound like a
Honda Civic with a with a 10K onthe back.
But you, you, you, what you do is you do it early morning on
Mount Washington. So it sounds like a you're
sounding the Trump. Hoss's ass is so wide it just
sounds like a Prius. Someone needs to say Rico.

(16:26):
I listen. I have Leader Hosens that I
still fit into. I'll sit there and say Rico.
I as you fart into the mist. I'm down.
I'm down. You said we got to do it on
Mount Washington though. Like just even better.
The whole. City fog behind it.
So like just as we start, like basically next month, we could
do this. Have the fog over the city.

(16:47):
You will build one of those. It takes no time at all to build
something to look like that and you just fart down the tube.
We'll even echo it. I don't know, you know, we'll
figure it out, but we'll make ita reco like commercial.
We'll get sued, but why not? Have we got to we got to put
your mic the the close up shirt mics on the edge of the funnel
it. Gets louder just like I'm just.

(17:11):
Going to drink a shit ton of milk beforehand just so it gets.
The look Do you think we could get Gilkey to dress up as a goat
with a bell? Maybe, maybe maybe.
Why? Who?
Could we get? Because that's in.
The real It'd be funny. It'd be funnier if it was Chuck
because he's bigger. The go hilarious.
The bigger the go you. Think he would do it I.

(17:32):
Don't know, maybe. We got to find one of those old
cowbells though, so that he could shake it.
Just a year bomong bom bong at the end of it.
I'm just saying that I could seethis happening.
This is this is fucked up, but this could go viral.
Yeah, it could go viral. It could be just just the
echoing fart among. This it was like you see that
that fat red guy that shit out or farted out of a funnel and

(17:59):
the guy screamed V cola afterwards.
Everyone's like I don't want no shit cough drops.
I'll be honest with you, I'm going to bring that fart spray
and we're just going to spray itas he goes to fart just so I can
watch him ball. We go live.
Best part is if you have like a couple or or like sitting over

(18:20):
the city having a nice night andit's just that hammer pans and
you just see me. We can set that up.
We can set. That up it gets easy enough.
I could get AI could get us a hot girl, just that they're all
dressed up next to a dude. Just look over and be like, what
the fuck? That's how it.
Starts they're they're at a table with candle candlelit
dinner on one of the Mount Washington little outlooks yeah
and then it pans from them to your ass just.

(18:44):
With. By the way, this is all
trademarked by Big Hoss Joe the Bull guy, Louis Petrone.
For legal purposes, do not replicate this.
You will be contacted by alert and I do have one Bull Media.
Let's go. Next thing you know, it's like
SNL, there's going to be a skit about it and we're like, fuck.
Oh, Fallon's. Done.
No, We're, we're, we're doing this.
We're doing this next week. We'll get a fog machine.

(19:09):
Did the cops pull up? He's just going with a leaf
blower. All of a sudden you're we have a
act in progress on Mount Washington. 2 fat guys are blown
into something in the water smoke.
I think that's some weed. Camera pans over, it's just
Julian going what the fuck? With his legs up in the air on
his soul since he was hitting myass.

(19:33):
Dude, him doing that. He's the couple.
We get him with a chick and he just pans back over.
His legs are up in the air. Like what?
He just does. Disappointed black guy.
He's just. I feel like every time I do
something he just lets me. Just me ordering a McDonald's.
Just. He did look at you that way when

(19:56):
we were at the chicken place in Southside.
He did look at you. I mean, that was that was a
crazy night. But he did look at you like all
jacked up because you were like,I'll take an A piece, I'll take
this, I'll take a chicken sandwich.
And I'm like, I'm looking at you.
Meanwhile, I'm like, I don't know what the fuck I'm getting.
You come out with a tray and he just looked at you and went and

(20:20):
that was it. That was like the second
interaction I had with him. It makes me sad that I have that
effect on my friends though sometimes.
And I think it was worse that when we were at Permani
Brothers. No, that wasn't too bad.
It happens. It's just gentle.
It's just gentle. We're being among friends.

(20:40):
Oh, thank you. You're a little spitter.
I. Get listen.
OK, I got a little bit of dry mouth.
OK, it's a it's a medical condition.
Leave me alone. Medical condition.
Medical condition someone. 'S medical WAMP WAMP wamp
anyway. For a legal purpose, I do not do
anything that is not legal. About what are you talking
about? We are 100% law abiding citizens

(21:01):
here. No one here has ever been in
trouble with the law. Well.
That you know of. Yeah.
But Joe and I murdered somebody.Just like.
Well, I am not going to call. Joe, now lean back.
I'm the rapper. Lean back lean.
Back Lean. Speaking of rap though, that

(21:23):
song that is that the one you'redropping?
Oh no, that's that's a new one, right?
That's a new one. I I made that 2 days ago.
See that? I like that.
Please make sure you send me that, OK?
Yeah, I if we can get you on, you don't have to do it right
now, man. Let's here, let's see if we.
Can do the best part about having friends that are going up

(21:46):
to the oh, it'll play shake the.Crowd with your body making the
city is OK hit them I'm like youknow what they want saying jump
shut off the jump jump jump shake the clown with your body
making it 4 the city is OK hit them I'm like you know what they
want at the clown with the ain'tno ego came like a credo.

(22:08):
It's like a depot Aquino going super Saiyan off the credo's
most people want it but they ain't like medo.
Good cards in my school sister make it sound like all these all
put my head to the feet like a morning.
I'll fuck the parties. They kick it in a can't play boy
in the game like a Cordy. Jump jump jump jump.
Shake the crowd with your body. Make it so.

(22:30):
Listen, it's OK. Hit them.
I'm gonna kill what they want. Said that's a taste.
Don't leave them. All of it.
Wipe out of the cow. Hit the cow if you get the milk
for free, right? Yeah.
But no, that's a new one. And yeah, I want to have next
week. I'd like to record a music video
for it. I need as many people as
possible because I want to be for one scene that I have in my

(22:51):
head. I want to be in a mosh pit.
Everybody's pushing me around, but I'm rapping at the same
time. Everybody's moshing.
Can I wear my Viking helmet? Yes, yeah, we can be as silly as
as we want. I have a poncho to.
Prepare my Viking helmet. Go get that Viking.
Yeah, go get the Vulcan helmet. Oh.
Sweet. If he doesn't come in here like
Elmer Fudd, I'm going to be pissed.
Kill the rabbit. Kill the rabbit.

(23:14):
I know Joe will remember this because Joe's older.
Thanks for calling me. No.
So do you hear this song? It's like a metal song.
What's Elmer Fudd? And he's like, And I killed the
webet. It was like, What was it from?
It was from Ebaum's world. No, I haven't heard that one.

(23:35):
Oh, dude. It was hilarious because it's
like Elmer Fudd and he's just, it sounds metal.
Like it's pretty. It's pretty metal.
I was like holy shit. Yeah, dude, you got to wear that
in a mosh pit for the music video.
Yeah, I think it was. You look like.
You're going to bomb Palestine? Flame a flame I just need.

(24:00):
A big oh shit. Did you lose the horns?
And you have an Afro. Yeah, you look like you're going
to bomb Palestine. No, no, no, no, my friend.
My friend. My friend, my friend, come over
here. Come here.
Come. Here I give it to you.
No problem. No problem, we friends.
Habibi, habibi. Heavy metal to the next and

(24:26):
they're live and this black Leonard hunting elf with with a
shotgun guitar with spice comingout of it.
Ozzy. Fun rabbit rabbit.
Slayer in the dead of night, a shimmering wide queen of a
blade, And the double was made. When the axe comes down, that's.

(24:54):
Funny. It's hilarious.
And I killed a webhead. It was like, yeah, we need more
of that. Did you?
Ever listen to The Simpsons Yellow Album?
No. My favorite one was Bart
rapping. It's good.
The Bart man. No, it was Bart rapping.
Dude, they have a video of it's,it's like they actually made a
real music video called Doing the Bart Man.

(25:14):
And it's just Bart like it's a music video and everything like
for the 90s and like it could only happen in the 90s.
Like South Park can't just put on a music video right now.
Well, you know what they can. They just got even bigger.
They. Chocolate balls by chef.
No, I mean, I think they do thatnow.
That was wrong, because South Park did make a comeback.
That new episode they dropped was fucking hilarious.
Yeah. Did you see it?

(25:36):
No, you're you want to know? You you ready for this shit?
Yeah. I have never watched an episode
of South Park. Never.
Never. Not.
Watch Well, you know what you'regoing to watch today.
No, you're going to watch. Definitely not.
I've won 40 years without sayingthat and I've only watched a
handful of episodes from The Simpsons you never seen.
When I grew up, we weren't allowed to watch that shit.

(25:57):
I grew up in a very strict Italian Catholic.
Yes. So like there were certain
things, like if it was on certain stations, we could watch
it. But like The Simpsons was one of
the ones that they didn't like us to watch.
There's a lot of shit. We I was Italian Catholic
household man. Like I heard you in there with
your, with Vito and what'd you say?

(26:17):
Guido? Vito and Guido, Listen, that's
my uncle and my aunts. Like, I mean, Jesus, Yeah, I
said aunt because she's now a dude.
No. I'm kidding.
No, she's not. No, no.
Are you kidding me? A strict Italian Catholic
household Fucking. Like man, especially being in
the mob dude, damn that's that'sgreat.
We're not in the mob. We've seen what happened to Vito

(26:38):
when he did that. Well, that was, you know,
Corleone, but. Actually it is time for me to go
check the camera real quick. I got like a minute 30 left.
Go check, yeah. Go check the camera real quick.
We're still, we're still. We got we got three other angles
that we saw you twinkle toes. Look, here goes the shuffle
again. Here it goes, Here it goes, here

(26:59):
it goes. Oh oh oh shit.
He Choo choos with his fists. I'm not going to lie though,
like, tell me he doesn't look like the Yukon Cornelius.
He took up a third of that camera.
He moved away. That was he took off.
The third there's a whole lot ofarse.

(27:21):
And we're back. Yeah, we're keep going.
Bin bag. Yeah, we should just left it
going the whole time we. Did it?
I mean, if your camera overheated then we write Canon
and we tell them fuck you like we get two of those bitches.
Did you buy it at Best Buy? I did.
No, I did at Amazon. Aw you fucked up.
Anytime you get electronics, getit from Best Buy.
If it fucking breaks, their return policy is great.

(27:43):
All you do is buy the The Geek Squad.
Thing, yeah, but it was hard to find that camera.
They also cover water damage too.
Yeah, but you also got to go buyfrom the Jews and get from
BNHBNH is the shit. B&H, yeah.
B&H is great for camera stuff. He chose that.
They're like, you're getting me in trouble.

(28:06):
And that Viking didn't look so very good.
Now, now, come on, come on. We're going home.
Dang, I thought you were. No, you thought I was going?
To somewhere else with the. Fuck, I did.
I didn't think you were regardless with it because I'm
like, because you could pass, man.
You could you have that. You could be that operator, that
you could be Armenian, Armenian.Yeah, and look.

(28:28):
Like terrorists. That's the.
Problem. Yeah, like, I mean, but Action
Bronson's Armenian. Yeah, you could be Armenian.
Look at you, you slick looking motherfucker.
Do. You realize that I'm supposed to
be on an airplane on Friday, Yeah?
Yeah, he's going to get on watchlist now.
Are you fucking? Kidding me?

(28:49):
He's going to what? Look bro, I come into the
airport literally with my hood up.
This is what I wear to the airport.
It's my comfort airport hoodie. Look at this shit.
Look, I don't give a fuck. You could say whatever you want,
but you're on a plane and you don't want to talk to nobody.
Fuck you all. They're like he's.
Going to bomb everything. Dude, look at this.

(29:10):
I have all of it. I don't need a.
Backpack. I got pockets everywhere.
Here's a There's a pipe bomb in each pocket, I mean.
But what I'm saying is when I come into the airport and I'm
looking like this, right, and I have my sunglasses on, obviously
not these gold ones, but for, you know, comedic effect will
wear these bitches. Usually it's my Oakley's, right?

(29:30):
And I'm walking into the airport, first thing they look
at is like, oh, he might smoke. Nope, he's got a bomb over here.
So like and then I'm literally up against the wall while
they're patting me up and it's been 7 years.
I keep you all think it's a a joke when I say it.
That's real. Seven years.
I haven't been late in seven years.
So they get a little too close. I'm going to come, just like

(29:51):
Trump said. Sir, what is this?
Those are my nuts. What is this?
What is this wet liquid? It's like, oh God, it's my eye.
Dude, the what? I keep thinking you have an idea
in your head and you're like, I don't know if I could say that
to my friend or not. If he's going to hate me or be
like, what the fuck dude? I was going to say, how many

(30:12):
kids have confused you for OogieBoogie from before Christmas?
Just I'm just saying with the outfit and everything, would
they put that up? I was just like, wait for him,
like. OK, so actually none yet because
I just got this from comfort, but by the way, links in my bio,
I'm just saying I'm going. To it does look comfy as fuck.

(30:34):
They're a mental health company,actually.
Like, I know, yeah, I do look like Oogie Boogie, I'm not going
to lie. But they're a mental health
company and they're waited for depression.
So like, it's like getting a hug.
Exactly, and like their whole company is centered around
mental health. Dude, Pedro Pascal needs one of.
Those it doesn't look like it's depressing anything.
Have you seen the videos from the fantastic Oh Nice I.

(30:56):
Like that and. You can't really hide this
category. Dude thank God I I want to buy
one. Why is this like hating on
Pedro? Dude the video I saw she hugged
them hard afterwards. Yeah.
Yeah, first of all, I'm like penis.
I think it probably has a big penis.
He like you look at him, he's got big pecker energy.

(31:18):
He. Does.
It's the mustache too. It's the.
Quiet pecker energy. Though yeah, the quiet.
He doesn't go around like the rock.
Like he oh, here's my Dick, right?
Like he just literally sits there and just like, Yep, there
it is. Yeah, I just went out for the
rock. What are you going to say?
Go ahead. Hey, the man tried to take over
DC Comics so I can't really go after it yo.

(31:38):
I mean, I'm not fucking with therock.
I mean, let's be realistic. Oh no, I'm not going to mess
with him in person like he's going to throw me down the
stairs. That's how that's going to
happen. But.
That sounds like the girl you were just last dating.
Whoa, Dang, no, we can't. We ain't talking about that on
the pod. No, no, that shit will bite.
Come back to bite me for what? What are?
You you're not with. Her teeth marks.

(32:00):
Come on, let's. She threw you down the steps.
No, she hit you, Hoss. No, she hit you.
This. Is the international symbol that
I need help? Yeah.
No, it's. Yeah, yeah, no, it's just weird.
It's like, you know, hey, maybe don't go with the person that
you met at a concert. Maybe maybe that one.
I haven't told you about this person yet.

(32:20):
I'll have to tell you off the record.
Let me know. Yeah, this will be an off the
pod one. Man, make the podcast.
The person gave me a ton of material.
Look, look, for I'm going to putthis here.
No. No, no, it's vicious.
Yeah, well, you know she. Was beating you too hard?

(32:43):
Yeah, hard. Well, he called me one day.
He goes, listen, man, she just hit me with a frying pan, threw
me down my own steps. She told me she wanted 6 inches
to make it hurt and then she made me hurt.
No, I'm kidding. He never said that.
But the point is, I mean, I could look some of the girls
that we talk about that you go after you, you need like

(33:03):
questionable. It's like restraining order
shit. Well, I was telling my one, I
was talking to my one buddy about it.
He goes, dude, you are spiralingright now.
Like your life is out of he goes.
You're making decisions that like the OG would be like
ashamed because you, the old G would be ashamed of yourself.
And I'm like, don't get me wrong, I still am ashamed of

(33:24):
myself, but a part of me is like, I think I'm just living
for the for the material at thispoint.
You took living for the gram to life.
Literally, I'm living. For comedy at this point,
because the material that came from that is gold.
I don't disagree. With you, but at one point,
look, you kind of self sabotage in a little bit, man.
Like, look, you're not an ugly dude.

(33:45):
And no, no, you know, not getting that.
What? No homo.
No, it's called pause. Oh, pause.
I don't know. OK, I'm.
Old that's the that's the PC waynow I'm saying saying that.
But OK, like I'm just saying like sometimes you could swing
for the fence and try to get thefence.

(34:07):
Stop picking that one. Yeah, that was, I don't know,
that was one of those Somebody, Pat, someone was like, hey, what
the. Rashes trap, Bitch.
That one's funny as fuck. You heard about this one?
The sprinkler. Is that the the piss?
Sheet No. The ratchet trap.
Like that, but that's after a real girl.
Yeah. OK, so this bitch look, so I

(34:29):
hear this right. But I mean, but it could be fun
though. Who doesn't like a water slide?
But he she literally looks at him and goes go get the ratchet
traps. And he looked at her.
He goes what he calls me and goes she said get ratchet
straps. I'm like legally you should be
fine if she's consent right? He goes and gets some straps are
down to the bed and she just shot the wall.

(34:50):
It almost broke the wall. You know those water picks that
take the plaque out? This bitch is identifies as a
water pick. Dude, listen, I there's no
comment. There's so much I want to say
and I'm just not he almost. Drowned twice in that
experience. Look, you remember when you were
a kid, you went under the Slurpee machine and you just

(35:12):
literally sit there and let it pour into your mouth?
That's what he did. Just.
Have you ever had No, no, no, I don't drink piss.
It's not piss. It's piss.
It's. Piss.
It's scientifically proven that it's.
Listen, hold the fuck on. Hold on.
Now, do you have a problem with that?
But you don't have a problem with licking a booty hole.

(35:32):
Listen. I'm not going to.
I'm not going to drink, drink. I'm not gonna drink Squirt.
OK? I mean, I'll drink the soda.
Squirt. Squirt's pretty good.
But not. Like, but like, I'm not gonna
drink the squirt. OK, yeah, that's just asking
for. Too much.
It burned my eyes. Yeah, it's piss.
Yeah, it's. Piss if it burns your eyes.
Asparagus, man. No, I'm kidding.

(35:55):
The point of the matter is though, you will lick a fucking
asshole that could have corn from four years ago or gum from
middle school, but you? But you won't let a girl squirt
on your face on. My face, yeah, but not in.
My face. Oh, I'm not saying I'm going to
like just a lot. No, no one's saying that, right?
Did you? No.
That look, that look you just gave, like I'm so wish I had the

(36:21):
body camera on right now, No. OK, so think about this one
though. Have you ever met a girl that
and she was like, I want you to go down there, but you're just
like. Why does it smell or?
What's going on? What?
What, what what? What does the look?
Now there's some things like, you know, there's I think we can

(36:41):
agree you're not a lip guy things.
Are you not a lip guy? You like Indies instead of
alleys? Hold up.
I like I like Amal House, but I am a big lip guy.
I'll suck on a labia just. Yeah, I don't.
I don't know about that. Stretch it as far as possible.
Yeah, we do it with our nuts. Listen, look, unless it looks
like an RV sandwich and that should only be eaten at 3:30 in

(37:03):
the morning after being drunk, you go the fuck to pound town on
that Look, Here's my question toyou.
You and I are both bigger dudes,right?
OK, When we can't be. Choosing No.
One's saying about begging. I listen, I pull some fucking
gorgeous women. There is no begging here.
And with a small Dick. The point I'm getting at,
though, we are both larger men. If we both walk into a Chinese

(37:26):
buffet, what's the first thing you're running towards?
The fucking dumplings, right? Right.
You're going to fucking tear through those like it owes you
fucking money, right? Yeah, like Louie had a girl's
ass. I'm kidding.
I don't know about that. The finger was great.
I don't. I don't.
Know, but the point I'm saying is you're telling me you won't
go down there and fucking munch rug and chew on it?
Just saying there's some women, not all women you can go down

(37:48):
on. I think.
We can agree with. That census thing, like a smell
thing usually. Yeah.
And then there's sometimes. I mean, there's a personal
preference. Like I don't like my vagina
eating. She's lying to you, by the way.
Tell. Me something.
If you went to Taco Bell and ordered a Taco and it looked
like shit, would you still eat it?
Yes. No.
No, I don't think so, no. Then you've never been to Mexico

(38:09):
and got St. tacos that you have not eaten real tacos.
He's eating Taco Bell, that's what.
This is I do like street tacos, but anyway, no like trust me, I
looked down there and I just went.
If it looks like chipped ham, that's been out, what did?
It look like that you wouldn't eat her vagina.
I just looked at him as like, you know what?
Did it have teeth? That's.

(38:29):
Your first mistake. I'm good.
I'm good at other areas. I don't need this man.
What you good at? Don't worry about what I'm.
Listen, you and I are both big individuals.
The best thing we do is fucking use our mouths, OK?
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
You, you go hunker the fuck downand you eat that like you're
special with bath salts. Like, are you fucking kidding?
Like you're licking the fucking window on that short bus.

(38:51):
Get to it. You eat it.
Like Kobayashi eats hot dogs. Exactly.
Is that that is that the is? The world champion hot dog what?
Do you thought that was Joey Chestnut?
No. Joey Chestnut lost he.
Lost the last time, yeah. Sad RIP.
Yeah dude, imagine if Joey Chestnut went on a zempic and
like that BA is ultimate handicap.

(39:11):
Dude he weighs like 180. That's how they should test if
it really works. Just give it to Joey Chess.
Eaters that aren't are not fat. You know that, right?
A lot of them are not fat, actually.
A lot of them are like super tiny people and it's like, how,
where are you stuffing that? You see it, They look pregnant.
Good point, I would hate to poopafter that.
They probably just have to throwit up.

(39:32):
Here's my thing, though. Like, you know, like all the
salt, nitrates and all the fucking garbage that's in a hot
dog, right? Yeah, like even when they're all
beef, they're still how many? How many?
Spiders. Do you think they've aged?
Do you ever see that? Listen, if they're kosher, then
there's no spiders is they have to be made a certain way, not
like the coat. Listen, if it says kosher on the
package, you know that shit's clean and that is the highest

(39:54):
quality shit you're getting because they don't play fuck
around when it comes to their food.
I'm just, I don't. Well, I mean, yes, if you're
talking about a hot dog, then sure.
Yeah. I've also eaten scrapple.
Like that noise. Oh.
OK, so this. Shit.
So it's it's from Delaware and Pennsylvania and it's basically.

(40:14):
I have a funny story about scrapple.
Could I tell him what it is first?
OK, so scrapple is basically, they'd make a joke that it's
everything but the snout in the tail that goes into it.
And it's no, I don't like it, but some people like it.
It just, you know, it's, it's like eating ass.
Everybody has a preference. So scrapple basically comes out

(40:35):
looking like Spam. It's Gray, but it's all pork and
you slice it and it's this is the way.
It's like brined and whatnot. And then you fry it in a pan in
slices and eat it. Now it's highly salty.
If you don't know what's in it and you just think, OK, it's a
little salty, maybe mix it with potatoes, something to cut the
salt. But other than that, like it's,

(40:55):
it's like I don't like spam. It's like worse than spam I.
Don't. Like spam, Yeah, it's a texture
thing for me. Like if that's what the vagina
looked like, I could see him turning away from it.
So what did her vagina? Look.
Like, So what did her vagina look?
Like it just didn't look appetizing, let's put it that
way. What do you What do you mean no
vagina looks appetizing, my friend.

(41:15):
Well, hers really did. Yeah, cock and balls are just I.
Understand that, but I was just saying like in the situation I
was in, I was like first of all,what I was getting that equaled,
that wasn't that great. So I was like.
So you got the rock, you got 2 moves, you got the rock and then
jaw, jaw movement. What it what it what?

(41:37):
Yeah, no. No, no, no.
Do you want to know? You want to learn a secret that
that literally I I can make themback up that bed like it's a
Blair Witch Project. Is it the alphabet?
No, I, well, sort of. So you remember the book
Bernstein Bears? Yeah.
OK. Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
I spelled that book out letter by letter, page by page, with my
tongue. I haven't memorized.

(41:58):
It was the best thing I learned in college.
I was sitting there and I was doing a good job, and this girl
looked at me and she's like, listen, I want you to do it to
the beat. She was a freak, by the way.
OK, let's just start that there.We're not going to talk about
you with your lovely hunter greens, Camaro.
You know who you are, bitch. Anyway, I miss you anyway.

(42:18):
That she was crazy, but she would.
She read the bear and seen bear.So I started memorizing it just
to make it easier so I didn't hear her say it so I could
concentrate. And I'll tell you what, it works
every fucking time. That and a well placed thumb.
Bro, there's nothing worse than when like you meet somebody like
this is a lot of fun, but this, this ain't going to work.

(42:38):
You told us we can't talk about the last.
One, I know, I'm just asking like, have you guys ever had
that you? Still want to hear about the
last one dude? You're skipping the top over the
pod, like, because trust me, it's it's insane, man.
Crazy. Yeah.
Man, come on, just come on. No, we're not mentioning any
names straight. Jack No, because I no, because

(42:58):
I'm worried that that person's going to listen to it and
they're going to be like, what the fuck?
She's not listening to your pod hoss.
She is. Oh shit.
She'll find you all. Right.
And for the record, I actually know the person as well for
years past. Not a bad person.
Yeah, they just were not good together.
It's just one of those things where it's like this, this was

(43:19):
not meant to last. Yeah, it was fun while it.
Lasted. Yeah, you had.
You go there for fun and then that's it.
Like this isn't going to be. So is is this piss sheets?
I can't confirm nor deny, OK? I mean, because, because that,
because that because, listen, whoever it is understand

(43:40):
something, whoever, whoever pissshe is, whoever that is, whoever
piss she is, they're going to have a different story of events
than I am. They're they're not going to
lot. Yeah, their story is going to be
a lot different than what I say.Their story is the truth.
Their story is wrong. Let's get that straight.

(44:01):
Their story is wrong. I don't care what is wrong, Bob.
Yeah, because I was there. I know what happened.
That person wasn't there that day.
Now. Do you understand why I have a
consent form that I literally have them sign and do it on
camera to make sure that when this shit goes down I'm covered

(44:24):
legally? I'm just saying.
Like what are you going to change some whips you got to get
them to do a consent form? I mean, some people like certain
shit. I don't know.
I mean, I have an Andrew's crossunderneath the bed.
It pops right up. That's.
True. Where do you draw the line?
Because it's like me. Or just in.
General Well, no, because it's like, OK, so like there is
people that are into that hole like I want you to whip me and

(44:45):
like I want I want blood. Listen, here's my that's my
person. No, no, no.
First of all, we listen and we don't king shame.
That's the first thing, first and foremost.
And no, you don't king shame because some of those people are
like the nicest people you ever meet and they just like to get
their freak on. You might like to do a
missionary and they might like to bend you over barrel and make
you, you know, it's just why is it?

(45:07):
Here's the thing though, pain and pleasure is a fine line,
right? And I'm going to be honest with
you. There is something to be said
like, yeah, my ex and I like thevegan.
Yeah, we'll say she wanted to play test the waters with this.
So we got to experiment with a lot of weird shit and and some
things you like, some things youdon't.
I don't like hot wax poured on me.

(45:28):
I have hair. I'm a fat guy.
This is not my thing. She liked it.
OK, cool. It is what it is.
She liked having things eaten off of her.
She liked to be tied up. She liked to have handcuffs.
Whatever. The point of the matter is is
you don't king shame him becauseif it's your person, you'll do
whatever you want. Like he eats ass for her, right?
OK, fine, he'll go down and chowdown.

(45:51):
Fine, that's his business. You just made the greatest
excuse for the Joker, 'cause he's just getting Batman to beat
the shit out of him. He's just coming all the time.
That's why he's laughing. That's why he wears the face
paint, did you not? Do you just getting that now
I'm. Just now understanding that the.
Purple, the green hair, the facepaint like.
Yeah. The movie came out fucking.

(46:13):
The only way you could come is like, I have to break.
I have to break my leg like because you get off on the pain.
That's a that that's not that, that's not BDSM, that's just a
sociopath. That's a there's a difference.
These these are normal people that just that, that, that,
yeah, that that's like some fucking like, you know, I have a
set of skills and I could find you and, you know, like Liam

(46:34):
Neilson, shit like that. CIA water boarding.
Yo, by the way, I did see that new Naked Gun.
It's fucking hilarious. You saw the movie, Yeah.
I don't know, man. Like Leslie is probably way
better than. It's perfect.
It's I will say the ending is little.
Little He's not silly enough, Liam.
No, it's pretty silly. It's.

(46:55):
Fucking silly I'm. Just pissed about.
There was a scene in there but. That's what I'm pissed.
About So you've seen the trailer, right?
Yeah, it didn't seem funny. So you know, that trailer, the
scene, the trailer where the guy's watching him through the
thermal vision and looks like she's blowing him, but she's
cleaning the oven? Yeah, that scene goes a lot
further and a lot raunchier thanI thought that they would go.

(47:17):
And I went to go see that movie with my 82 year old dad.
That is you talk about awkward because I he's not, he doesn't
laugh at dirty shit and stuff. And so the entire theater is
dying watching this scene and they're laughing their ass off
and I have to hold it in. I look like Violet from they're
like, oh, welcome. I look like it was going to

(47:39):
explode, like trying to hold up.I have two questions for you.
One, you have to have older siblings.
I do. OK, because because I am 40, you
are. My sibling, My siblings are
older than you, Joe. OK, because when you said 85, I
was like damn, House is not getting it.
He got a younger girl and everything.

(48:00):
Let's go. The second thing is my dad's
just like that. I don't give a fuck.
I just burst out laughing. Right?
You did you. No, I held that in because I do
not want to have to explain to him why I'm laughing because
he'll do that. That's the that's the game they
like to play. Is that my dad?
Like if you, let's say you said something dirty and my dad
overheard you, like, you know, like let's say I said.

(48:21):
Something we talked about PamelaAnderson stits and Louie's
pants. If I said something about like
oh man she had great tits or something.
If my dad was in earshot, he'd go over and say holes are
sticking, get excited over thereand be talking about my dad.
It's weird. Hosh.
'S 80 year old father dude. Dude like.
How old's your mom? She's I'm trying 20. 20 She's

(48:45):
having a goldsmith's age. She's she'll be 74 this year.
So he did go for a young girl. Let's go.
Yeah, but Hoss's dad. Is getting it.
Pimp. That's why I think when they
when they got married, she was 18.
My dad was, I think my mom was 18.
No. Cadillac Nobody 'cause Hoss's

(49:07):
dad is a motherfucking. PILPI think my my dad was 27, my
mom was 18 when they got married.
My dad is getting it. But it was also the 60s, so.
Yeah, free love and all that. It was 60.
But like my mom, 60. 9 and. Oh, but I think my.
Nowadays is 96 because of inflation.

(49:27):
But I I think for like my, my grandparents, like my mom's
side, I think she was like 16 and my.
Grandfather's. 24 or something. Going back like my my
grandparents were young when they got married, they were like
15 and 17. But you have to understand two
different people get mad or like, oh, it's a different time.
Like yeah, but people died at 50like.
Yeah. No, I get you on that one.

(49:48):
I was just making the joke that you had one for the trophy wife,
that's all. I can't go he.
Goes. My mom's not a trophy wife.
That's not true. No, no, no, no.
My mom's the same. My mom.
No, no, no. It's a back trick.
They're their story. I have a shovel in the other

(50:10):
room. Do you need it clear?
My throat. No, no, no, I was not a trophy
wife. No, no, no, dude, you know this
is all. In love, man I.
Love you. No, no, no.
I love you. No.
I'm just sad. You just.
Did your mom dirty you like? It's one of those things where

(50:31):
it's like, you can't like, do you ever start looking in the
story how your parents met and you're like, listen, you know
what, We're not going to. Why?
You don't want to think that youwere going to see you doing
downward dog. No, it's just on a trip.
It's too much small town shit that you're just like, this is
too. No, this is too quiet.
No, I'm not going to. We're not going to tell that
story. Listen, son, we, we went over
there, that pine tree over thereand your mom and I like, do you

(50:56):
think that's what was really funny?
'Cause like, 'cause like it's weird, 'cause all my nephews and
stuff and like niece fair, like my like oldest nephew is like 16
or no youngest nephew is 16. My oldest nephew is like 31.
He's like right underneath me and.
That was only allowed in Alabama.

(51:16):
Yeah, I, I walked into that one a little bit.
Dang, I keep like. Take up the drink, man.
Jesus, I don't know where the where did you put it's?
I know it's a teeny bottle, but Jesus it.
Is a tiny bottle. It is.
You know why? Because it fits in regular.
Size bottle is just hostage. Just so big.
This is how you smuggle things on the plane just.

(51:38):
No, actually it's this hoodie with all these zippers is how I
smoke a little on the plane but no.
Hey, be happy you don't have to take your shoes off anymore.
I got rid of that. Listen, yeah, it's gone now and
you don't have to take things out of your pockets anymore.
And the machines, like the last time I went to Miami, which was
just recently, and I did, I did a couple shows down there which

(51:58):
were bomb as fuck. We need to take it.
We all need to take a trip to Miami because.
Trying to go to Austin again. I, I want, I've never been to
Austin to do it and I want to. What are Terry Blacks and?
Fucking Oh my God Terry Blacks. The most expensive meal, but
also the best. I went four times, they were all
sleeping. We only went once together
again. That's true.
I got I went twice a. 4 LB brisket.

(52:21):
It was like 160 for a 4 LB brisket.
What are you going to eat? Dude, that first of all that
food is amazing. Mac and cheese at Terry Blacks,
dude. Dude, that banana pudding.
Look, I did you ever heard of the the big Texas Challenge?
The big steak. Yeah, I actually was.
I actually stayed at that hotel.I've done that challenge and

(52:43):
I've eaten the gristle. I've eaten the gristle anyway.
No, but. It's lips.
Just not assholes. No, no, I'd rather the wristle.
Is as chewy as an asshole is. Listen, all I know is I've eaten
Arby's at 3:30 in the morning drunk out of my fucking mind,
and it's the best taste in Arby's.

(53:04):
I don't know why you still don'teat.
I still want to know what. I like Arby's.
I don't. Like.
Arby's. I don't really like Arby's.
I really don't like Arby's either.
I'm just comparing it to the vagina.
Why he won't eat? I want to know what this?
Yeah, what did it look like? I don't know.
I'll tell you what I think most Did you ever notice that most
vaginas do look like predator? All right, listen, you're doing

(53:25):
the whole Trump thing and weaving what did the vagina look
like, Trump? Thing that is a Biden thing.
Biden couldn't stand up to save his life.
Like the weaving, the weaving thing, the weaving dog.
And literally weave I. Mean you mean like the Epstein?
Like dodging the Epstein. So so so hoss.
What did it look like? Describe it.

(53:47):
Listen, I'm not going to go intographic detail.
It just was not. It just wasn't appealing.
OK, Did it curve like it with a slight little bell at the
bottom, look like a little heartwith inviting little hole there
that was moist just with that little boat at the top with the
little man in it that you had topull back?
Or was it a big honking fucking guy in a boat and the rowboat

(54:09):
was real small and had a little bit of a drapey look to it?
Did it flip in? Did it flip out?
Was it a moose knuckle? Was it a camel toe?
We look at the 40 year old virgin thing, he's like, he kind
of feels like a bag of sand. I you know, I want to know what
this looks like that made you not want to eat.
It, it just, it just, it didn't look appetizing.

(54:30):
It didn't. Have you ever eaten a burrito?
For most. I just looked at it and was
like, yeah, I can't. Why?
How old was she? How dare you Wait, wait, wait,
wait. This wonderful blessed lady.
It probably didn't look like an orchid.
A Lily, a rose. It was just.
Peonies. It's a dog, isn't it?
No, that's a flower. Weeping Willow.

(54:52):
Oh, that bitch will take. Your I got to watch because it's
like, I know because it's like in case she's listening, maybe.
Oh my. God, like she's going to know by
the description of her vagina. Is it?
Was it that recognizable? She's like.
Wait, it could be. Hold on.
That's my vagina. He described my left labia
perfectly it. Had a friend.
Oh God no. It just, it was just like not,

(55:14):
it just didn't look good. Did it look like it didn't look
good? What was his name?
Bovachev. Gorbachev.
Gorbachev. Gorbachev with the shit staying
on his head? Is that what it looked like
above it? No, it just.
It just didn't. I was just.
Like OK, OK, OK, it looks. Doesn't like eating pussy.
Sorry ladies. Louis will eat your ass though.

(55:35):
Yeah, I'll. Eat everything he volunteers as
tribute. I eat.
Everything, toes and all. Toes and all.
Damn. Yeah, dude, you must love
Wendy's. That's yeah, I gotta check the.
Camera that's a Dahmer shit you?Don't like some toes?
I mean, I've not, I've not, not put toes in my mouth, but it's,
it's not something like a run to, it's not like feet run.
To the cost. Is he's still bizarre.

(56:00):
Again. Is it OK?
It's OK. It's fine.
Don't worry about it. You still good?
How much time do you have left on your pod?
It is 7:00. Maybe until 7:30.
That's right. We do.
All right, Let's let's, let's talk, though.
Yeah. Did you like the doing the music
video? Dude, the music video was so
much fun. Yeah, like, that was.

(56:20):
It was so cool because I just had to, like, sit there and act
cool. Yeah, you know, I'm not.
It's fun. You guys going to come to the
other one? Yeah, yeah, let.
Me know. When I'm going to try to do.
It's not this weekend. Right, No, this weekend I have
to go to my one of my best friends is getting married.
So we're going to do like a little like trip for the
bachelor party, taking a trip toI think it's West Virginia.

(56:42):
It's like an hour and 40 something away.
I could be wrong about what's Yeah so.
You're going to a resort near Jill's.
I don't know, it's like a cabin or something.
We all rented it going like going paintball in mini golf and
shit like that. No naked women for the bachelor
party. No, no.
None. No clubs I have well.

(57:05):
I invited Hoss and they you. Trying to get my male titties.
That's why you. Wanted my stripper pole.
Yeah, dude, I was trying to makean extra, you know, 500.
Yeah, so like next next week I would like to get some shots.
I'm going to dress up like in a a track suit and stuff like
that. Pay homage to like LA Cool J and
BC boys and stuff. Like that.
Oh, sweetie, I like that, Yeah. Like get a a brown furry kangal

(57:27):
just. I got dressed a certain way.
Go. To lids.
Lids. Lids has them, yeah.
I think I'm gonna wear a cut off.
Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that hat.
The camera pointed upwards with the the fisheye and like wrapped
into it. It's so nice.
I need to find a boom box. I had one but I don't know what
happened to it. I like when the blue store like

(57:48):
the red, white, blue. Store.
They have them all the time. They might not work, but it
gives a shit. Yeah, it's a prop.
It's funny, we were sitting there and it was a Julian was
just like talk associate people and like we're just because we
were all standing around, we didn't know what to do.
And they're like, shove him and we're like, all right.
And I just launched him to go again.
And I was still rapping while doing it.

(58:09):
I was like. Fucking yeah.
He's like, still. This one's going to be like, I
want to get like 30-40 people just in one tiny area.
Just go to an open mic dude. Open mics have 5 people.
That's true. The ones that sign up, you know,
dude, open mics is like, open mics have been rough lately.
Like people just haven't been coming out.

(58:30):
That's how LA, Miami, like I even fucking Idaho.
Yeah, like I've been to now likeseveral other states outside.
It's Pittsburgh, man. Yeah, man, Pittsburgh.
You know, some of my favorites are in Rhode Island.
There's a lot of comics that go to the Rhode Island mics.
Oh, really? Yeah, I feel.
Like I would get in trouble there.
No, you're good. Yeah.

(58:51):
Think of Cantu. No, Yeah, you're good.
There was only 1 mic. You weren't allowed to say like
one word. OK, fair.
Yeah. Yeah, I think there was like,
like Austin is pregame. Austin.
'S Austin was almost so bad. Like it was weird.
It's kind of like it was you. Didn't say it.
You're going to get booed off the.
Stage It was one of those like, no.
It's almost cliche to say it nowdown there.

(59:11):
Yeah, like it's one of those, like, you'd have people saying
it and it was just like, that was their whole thing.
And it was like, oh, OK. See, I don't like the low
hanging fruit like that. Like it like OK to do a punch
line, right? Like let's say the punch is
saggy balls, whatever. Fine, right?
You say it once, cool, you say it all the time.

(59:31):
Come on, could you find something else?
Like I don't have to talk about a small pecker.
Every fucking joke I make, I make it once.
Everybody knows it so it plays off.
So when I miss set up a situation of walking in the
airport and I'm like, oh, I'm going to come.
They're thinking of a small Dickanyway.
I don't have to say small Dick again.
But you keep going after it. It's like the self deprecation
shit. I never liked that.

(59:52):
Like it's it's OK to poke fun a little bit like your joke.
Not to take away from the music video and I will be there with
my helmet, but you make that joke about the.
Like, do I look fat to you? Like Walmart fat?
And like, that's funny because it's not like I can't read, I
can't write. I'm just a fat, lazy piece of

(01:00:13):
shit. Like it.
You can make the audience pop with it.
Oh yeah, but good. Sorry.
Yeah, it's kind of funny. It's all on how you deliver that
one because it's like I usually pulled like the best response
site for it was when I actually forgot like what to say next.
And then I just that popped in my head and it was just like, do
I look fat? And just that the pause made

(01:00:33):
that moment. Yeah, sick.
I was kind of hyped about it make.
A song about it was. Epic.
Don't take it, it causes cancer.Yeah, it.
Causes a lot. Of shit out anyways, sorry yeah.
New album out. Yeah, dude, that thing.
Did you listen to it? I did, yeah.
I was listening to it on the wayhere.
Yeah. Yeah, I like tidal waves.

(01:00:54):
Yeah, Fuck yeah. It is called tidal waves.
I did, yeah. I was listening, I listened to
the title track and then I was listening to the one and I was
like, oh, this is the music video.
Did you know that's only half ofan album?
Only half Only. Half Yeah.
The four albums called Tidal Waves and Wildfires.
Wildfires will come out October.Is it like an edgier?
Like he said, whoa, whoa, OK, Like, did you?

(01:01:20):
OK, like a. Little kid opening what he
wanted for Christmas. Wow, no, I I didn't know if it
was like like what Hardy did, like where he did like 1/2 it
was like country and then the other half was like rock and
then he just like like the rock stuff was edgier than the
country. Stuff.
They're they're companions to each other.
OK, Yeah. Sweet.
Yeah, like, so tidal waves is like the things that are huge

(01:01:44):
and they affect you hugely, likein your life and they like,
either crush you or you like come out like stronger from it.
That's what that whole meeting is.
And then wildfires is like how Ilook at relationships where like
and look at it as a fire. You either stoke it and it
maintains or goes out, or sometimes it becomes out of
control like piss sheets and yeah, like the plug and it

(01:02:07):
becomes out of control and that's a wildfire.
That makes sense. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I like what I heard so far.
Like everything sounded pretty good.
And and I was like, yeah, this is all music I'm probably going
to use in posters later. Sick.
Because I love using that for the pod.
Like I just, I like sneaking it in there just to see who
notices. Yeah, yeah.
I like that. After there was a couple,

(01:02:27):
because I there were some people, I was like, I don't even
know what that person likes. So I'm like, fuck it, I need
something that's hip. That sounds pretty badass.
Abstract theory. Throw it on.
Dude, I've seen you live. It's I've seen you live a couple
times. I've seen you Spirit Hall.
That was fucking awesome. You got to come to all right.
I'm probably doing a album release party for Tidal Waves,

(01:02:48):
but I'll. I'll probably make some.
Some. I would.
No, no, I want to do it at the Government Center.
I did my first album release at the Government Center.
Oh, where's that? Pretty good.
It's in Northside. OK.
Yeah. It's a album store on one side,
then there's a coffee shop in the middle, and then there's a
bar at the end. Yeah, I got to tell you about.
It's like 3 rooms. I got to tell you about the new
job I got. There's like a really cool

(01:03:11):
opportunity there. I think they could be really
badass, so we got to talk about it.
So I have that. I might open for this band
called The Dip. I'm hoping at Thunderbird,
that's on August 31st. The album release is hopefully
on September 13th. And then I'm doing a music
festival in Bellevue, Bellevue Music Festival on the 27th of
September. Sweet, you have three chances.

(01:03:33):
Well, Bellevue, you're close to me.
Yeah, Yeah. I mean, like, I live on that
side of the city and. Hush, you act like you're
walking to these. No, we just.
Regardless or Ubering. That's true.
I'll Uber because I'm like, trust me.
Because if I want to have a drink or two, then you know, I
Uber home. That's all.
Yeah, yeah. You should try to do something

(01:03:53):
at the forge. The forge is a nice.
Venue. I'm sure we can.
Yeah, if you ever wanted. To do a release there.
I'm sure we could talk to Michael.
Yeah, my friends the Come Up Boys did a release at the Forge.
Oh, did they? Yeah, I filmed a lot of it, made
a music video out of it. It's out.
I'll take a look at it. Yeah.
Sweet. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

(01:04:14):
Yeah, I mean how how? I mean, have you gotten a lot of
good feedback from the album? Everybody that listened to it
likes it. It's just like now getting more
people to listen to it. I'm annoying with like, hey, did
you listen to it yet? Yep.
Well, I mean, if you think aboutit, though, you just got to get
it out there. That's the whole thing.
So submit it to like the radio stations, see what they can do.

(01:04:35):
I mean that one that we were listening to earlier that you
put the headphones on, why wouldn't DVD play that?
Yeah, I have to blank out a few terms.
I don't think you would. Yeah, fuck.
Yeah. I they have software to do that.
You would have to, I would, I would talk to them because they
play explicit tracks. If they tell you you need an
editor one, then you just have to just make a funny noise for

(01:04:57):
it. Yeah, or something that goes
along with the beat. But you should be able to do
that. That shouldn't be an issue,
yeah. But then I mean, doesn't your
stuff get added to like radio, like Internet radio stations
and. Stuff like mine, I've had stuff
on college stations in California.
Station WYP has played the most of my stuff, 7 songs and then

(01:05:18):
*100.7. Well, yeah, *100.7 in Pittsburgh
has played Caught in the Deep. Nice.
Yeah, that's pretty cool. Dude, we got to sneak some
tracks into like the clubs and stuff to start throwing it in
there. Yeah, I'm trying to make like a
more like youthful album, which is what you heard.
Yeah, earlier. So it'll be like all stuff like

(01:05:40):
that. Like when Benyama will be on it.
I don't know if you've listened to that.
There's a song called Freeze that'll be on it.
Rockstar will probably be on it.Senorita will be on it, and
there's all singles that are already out.
I have a song called Dog Pound Ihaven't released yet.
Put that on there. Yeah, I I like been playing

(01:06:01):
around with the name. I might call it the dark.
Bizarre like. Not bizarre, but bizarre like
the market. OK, Yeah, yeah, that, that
sounds pretty sweet. Yeah.
Hell yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, OK. What would you like want to do?
Like if you could do anything like musically like what would
your like? What would like you hit peak.

(01:06:22):
OK, what do you? So what was your?
What would be your peak? Me playing places like Coachella
and Lollapalooza, Nice. That'll be sick.
But it's me working with certainpeople.
I really want to work with Damonfrom the Gorillas.
Oh OK. I want to work with Hiatus
Coyote, The Roots and my peak. Peak would be working with

(01:06:46):
Madlib. Oh, OK.
Yeah, he produces like all Freddie Gibbs stuff.
Produce a lot of MF Doom stuff. He made an album with Mac
Miller. It's called Maclib.
But it'll probably never be released.
Damn, Why? It's just like, that's the state
and stuff like that. It's just like, yeah, it's
probably not going to ever be released.
Oof. That's what he said in an

(01:07:07):
interview. Damn, you think they would just
finish it up? Like, you know, just.
Put it up. I think it's finished, it's just
it's probably not possible. Damn, yeah, that's crazy.
We might get it like. 50 years from.
Now, yeah, something crazy, but like, yeah.
Like we're getting like the. Yeah, if I can like meet him and
be like, yo, let me. Let me listen to that.
I want to listen to it. Yeah, he's like, let me.

(01:07:27):
Just turn. On my iPhone, but don't pay
attention. Yeah, Madlib doesn't have any
technology. He like makes all his beats off
an iPad. Well, isn't there like a Wu Tang
album like you can't listen to? Oh, there's only one of them.
Yeah, it's, like, worth millionsof dollars.
Some guy bought it and then the police confiscated it.
So it's like, damn, yeah. Like the guy was doing some

(01:07:48):
fucked up shit, yeah. Oh yeah, it was the dude that
it's like. All like silver and stuff like
that. It's.
Like, yeah, wasn't that the dudethat killed or he was the one
that like raised all the age drugs and stuff and like
everyone hated him. I don't know anything about him,
so I don't want to say yes. Yeah, there was like some guy
like there was like some medicine for AIDS and he like
jacked the price up like 50%. That sounds right.

(01:08:08):
Fuck you guys. And I was like, damn.
That's what they all do. Yeah, and then he like when they
asked him about it in court, he was just like laughing about it
and just like smiling the whole time.
And I was just like, I hope you get aid, Sir.
Here's my only thing with that, and I'm sorry, I'm not to
detract this, but think about this.
I grew up in like the aids, like, you know, shit AIDS, AIDS,
AIDS, It was everywhere, right? You had to be very careful,

(01:08:31):
super vigilant. Magic Johnson still fucking
going. Explain that.
I don't know, that's weird. Sorry I just high random
thought. Magic Johnson, what do you
think? Yeah, do.
You know what I mean? Like he, he was, he was, he had
AIDS, he no problem. And like the motherfucker's

(01:08:53):
still living. But you heard about when we were
growing up. Like it kills you instantly. 3
years Max. He also had millions of dollars.
Maybe he has all the drugs that they use it now he has a tester.
There you go. It's like, no, man, we got to
keep basketball going. We can't have this guy die.
But I also have another album that's all live band album.

(01:09:15):
Damn, you're just like sneaking like live live.
It's started live. It's all like live instruments
from my band. All the other stuff is like me
and producers. I don't know.
I get that. I didn't know if it was like a
live venue. Concert, I have stuff like that.
I have stuff like that, but there's, every time I've done
it, for some reason, something'sgone wrong with the USB and I

(01:09:37):
only have like half of the shit.Yeah, there was a live album
that it worked once. It's Garfest, it's on my
Spotify. It's not my favorite thing that
I put out, but it was pretty cool to have.
You know, the guys that did it were really good, but I don't
know, I fucked up a bunch of stuff.
Where do they get the recording from?
What like when you're doing a live album is like the is it?

(01:10:00):
They take, they have this huge mix board and you can plug USB
into the mix board, OK, and it just records straight to USB.
Oh nice. It's just you guys like up
there. Yeah, it's all the tracks
individually I. Didn't know if they had like a
separate like recording system that set up.
Yeah, it's usually just like they have this huge mix board
and I think it's like AX something, I forget what it's
called. There's a ton of different ones.

(01:10:21):
But yeah, you'll see them. You'll see them like next time
you go to a venue, you'll see them in the back and there's a
bunch of lights and shit like that.
It's that it's like. It's probably as big as this
table. Do you ever see somebody that's
like, like you, like, you listento their music, they sound good,
Then you see him on TV and they sound like shitty and then you
see him like live and it's like,oh, he sounds just as good as a
recording, like what happened onTV.

(01:10:45):
Nerves or yeah, listen, not the right, I don't know, just a ton
of things yeah 'cause like. Brad I can always sounds weird
when he's on TV. Like some songs I sing and I can
do them in the booth because I'mrelaxed and I take multiple
takes. But on stage, it really takes a
lot for me to relax 'cause I have to relax, 'cause I suck at
singing. Yeah.
For me to get, like, certain, like, notes and stuff like that.

(01:11:08):
So it could be that too, yeah. What do you like doing more?
Comedy or music? Music.
Music. You can tell.
Yeah, Listen to his shit. Yeah, the music is like fucking
banging, dude. Well, you heard him.
In there you heard his his heartinto that.
Oh yeah, you got me wrong. Well, I've I've seen you on, you
know, do stand up and shows and and I think you're fucking

(01:11:28):
hilarious, but you can tell the difference.
Oh my God the baby animal bit fucking had me die.
Remember we it was that? That was a funny farm.
I heard that one. What the baby legs?
Yeah, the baby leg animal. Yeah, I was trying to make that
a joke and then it never like went anywhere.
No, man, it it like crushed withfunny farm because it was like

(01:11:48):
when you were doing the baby legs thing, it was like, did you
ever see a human baby? And it was just.
Yeah, human babies aren't ready for anything, and immediately in
the wild they just come out running and they're flopping
around and shit like that. Yeah.
Yeah, it's like, you ever see a human baby try to get it at the
walk and it's all like, what thefuck?
I was laughing so hard because like, damn, he's right.
And I was sitting there like, that was awesome.

(01:12:09):
Yeah, bring that shit back. I'll try it again.
Yeah, I try every time I go to the funny farm.
I try to have a new five every week.
Oh, every week. Yeah, there's been like 2 weeks
that I did like an A different bit that I did before, but it
had an extra tag on it. Yeah, but I try to do something
new every time I go there. Oh yeah, I mean, I'm trying.
To like, there's a lot of the people that are there, you can

(01:12:30):
tell that they haven't worked onanything new.
It's just the same bits. Yeah, a lot of it's like, you do
hear a lot of the same stuff. And I was like, it was funny
because I went up there and I did go with my, my usually like
my show stuff. And then it's I was talking to
like Chris Kreba afterwards and he's just like, that's cool.
He's like, do something new now.Yeah, that's what Chris told me.

(01:12:50):
Damn. Now I'm like, now I need all new
shit. Yeah.
I mean, but it's kind of cool, like to have that guy to be
like, like, that stuff's good. You know, it's killing now go do
some new stuff and it's like, all right, nice.
Like I am glad that somebody said it.
Question for you. Yeah, you have this stuff on
TikTok, right? And your music?

(01:13:11):
I do but it like it gets like a few 100 views.
Well, do you got to start going the one?
Why don't you do it live? The one thing I the one thing
that was like concerning to me, like I put out the first half of
this song called Word Salad. It was fine.
And I put out the second-half and then the audio got muted.
Yeah, Carrabba, because they thought that it was unlicensed.

(01:13:34):
But if you hold the license for it, I mean you just create it,
you can get it on there. It's an original sound.
You could go live and do live performances.
Yeah, but like how, how do they think it was unlicensed just
because the song came out and. They were, no, probably because
the AI picked up something that sounded like Thunderstruck and
they missed and they confused it.
So you appeal it. Like there's processes.

(01:13:55):
I could walk you through all that stuff, but there's but.
That's happened multiple Times Now.
Yeah, there's ways around it. We could work with that.
But I I think you going live anddoing the music and playing the
instruments and doing doing it will bring recognition.
Like that last song that you did.
If you set yourself up in a booth with a camera go live, I

(01:14:17):
wouldn't doubt that you would have at least 1000 people.
Shit, I sit in there with that wig on in the fucking helmet and
I have 1000 people in there. OK, I'll try to go live every
every week now to while I'm recording stuff.
Yeah, we'll talk. I'll help you out because I'll
be like. All right, now that takes
socked. Well, but here's the thing
though, like that's that song that I heard and I'm you have to

(01:14:39):
remember like I'm worked in country music for most of my
life. I grew up in New York.
I listen to rap my whole life, right?
Like I have a very, I listen to everything, but when I really
like something, I, there's very few things that I go.
I'd listen to that again, right.So that reminded me of the
Beastie voice style, which I like.
It reminded me of like like a rock kind of theme, but it

(01:15:02):
wasn't rock. It was more like Limp Bizkit
instead of just regular rock like we were talking about
earlier. So like that it hits different
age brackets where some of the newer music only hits the
younger generation, right? This was more palatable for a
lot of people. So getting that out there and
doing that live and I'm watchingit now shows what skill you have

(01:15:25):
and what not. I, I really like that song.
I think you need to get it out there more and some and the
songs I've listened to, I've actually, you know, have the
similar feeling to but that one particular.
I think that's my favorite at this point.
Yeah, I'm trying to get like more of if you're not youthful,
it makes you feel youthful. And then if you are youthful,

(01:15:47):
you're like, this is what? Van Halen, Joe.
This is what I'm. Yeah, this is what I'm like here
for, You know, one thing cool that happened?
I didn't, I wasn't even performing.
I went down to the LawrencevilleArt Crawl this past weekend.
I was watching my friends, the BB guns and this guy come up to
me. He tapped me on the shoulder.
He goes, hey, I was like, what'sup, man?
He goes, are you abstract theory?

(01:16:08):
I was like, yeah. And then he goes, aw, my
daughter knew it. And he pointed to, he's like,
she pointed you out from a mile away.
And he pointed over to her and she's like 8 years old, Nine
years old. She's like hiding behind her
mom. I was like, come here.
And I shook her hand and stuff like that.
And I was like, it's nice to meet you.
And she goes, it's nice to meet you.
And then he goes, yeah, she, we saw your stuff and we really

(01:16:30):
like it. And I was like, all right, I'll
send you guys some merch and like the CD and stuff like that.
But I was sick. She's like 8.
So but here's my question to youbecause this happens to me like
randomly and I fucking hate it sometimes.
I always pretend like I'm not. When I was younger, when Zach
and Mirror make a porno were outhere, I had my beard was a lot

(01:16:52):
shorter and I got confused for Kevin Smith a lot.
And this girl asked me for an autograph and he was in the
restaurant. That's How I Met him, him and
Seth Rogen. And I was sitting there and I
signed it. I am not Kevin Smith because I
told them I wasn't Kevin Smith. The mom insisted I was.
I'm like, I am not. Meanwhile, he's like a few 100
yards in another booth, just just further down in the comma.

(01:17:14):
But now right, like it was just like he should have.
I wish he would have stood up and was like, here, here's your
autograph. But he just let him roll.
And I ended up running into him again because I was dating one
of the strippers in that movie. But now people are like, you're
Joe the bull guy. And I'm like, no, I'm not.
Meanwhile, I wear my own fuckingmerch.
I have my big ass head, you know, like it says Joe the bull

(01:17:36):
guy and I'm like, no, I'm just some fat dude that likes him.
And they're like, no. And it's weird because you want
to be like, yeah, cool. But then sometimes you're like
like the curl the the late year old.
I would have that would I would be eating that shit up.
That would have been great. You know what I mean?
I get guys my hour like my age, your age, his age.
And they're like, dude, you're Joe the bull guy.
And I'm like, where do you know me from?

(01:17:57):
They're like TikTok and I'm like, great, fuck me.
Why? And they're like, oh, you do.
Thanks for a tone. And I'm like, fuck, like you
shook your ass for a corgi. I'm like, you know, thanks.
Like, you know. But then they were, you know,
like, hey, you're for the mentalhealth and stuff.
And it humbles you because you're like, it makes you feel

(01:18:17):
appreciative of what you're doing.
I guess that was the point I wastrying to make is like,
sometimes you're like, please just send me the fuck alone.
I just want to get my fucking eggs and leave.
But then you're like, wait a second.
Like they actually, they recognized me because they
walked like you're like, holy shit, you know, like this is
crazy. But it's fun when you see their
smile and they're like, you mademe laugh.

(01:18:39):
You made me, you know, You know,I empathize with that song
because I was going through something and it hit me like,
that's the whole point of this. Like even the podcast write
comedy music. It's to elicit that feeling.
Sorry, I didn't mean to. It's a fucking medical
condition. I'm kidding.
But you know, that's what it's meant for.

(01:19:01):
So the fact that like, and I'm old and I'm 40 years old.
I'm not that old, but I'm old, right?
So like a lot of music, like thefirst thing I said to you was
please tell me it's not mumble rap and I'll listen to it and
you're like, it's definitely notmumble rap.
And I'm like, thank God. So like the fact that you can
have somebody who has a difference in music and

(01:19:22):
different genres that they listen to.
Like I still that's a record player over there with a set
player. I play Frank Sinatra on that
every Sunday. Like, but then I could sit there
and jam out to your song. So it's I guess what I'm trying
to say is you did a good job on it and keep doing it.
Can't wait to can't wait to hearmore about it.
Yeah, so also, I actually got recognized for comedy this week.

(01:19:46):
Yeah. I was walking around the
friendship yard sales and I saw this one girl and she passed by
and she was like staring at me. I was like, OK, And I went to
other yard sales and we like, I was walking by a yard sale on
another St. She goes, do you do I know you
from somewhere? I was like, I don't know.
I work at Trader Joe's. Most people recognize me from
Trader Joe's. And she goes, no, you do comedy,

(01:20:09):
don't you? I was like, yeah, she goes, I've
seen you do comedy. I was like, oh, no, it wasn't
bad, was it? She goes, no, it's good.
All right. Thank God you saw one good one
dude. There's I remember, there's I
remember like, like when you do comedy, like you go through
spurts where you're like, I'm not fucking funny.
Why am I doing this? Like this is the stupidest thing
I do. Like, you know what I mean?
And it's like, I had that happen.

(01:20:30):
Like you. I walked into Scarps and there
was like a dude sitting like by the bar and he's like, hey, he's
like, I've seen you. Like you do comedy, right?
I'm like, yeah, he's like, dudes, I've seen you like me and
my girlfriend saw you like last week.
He's like, you were really fucking funny, man.
I was like, that felt good. Like just to hear that
sometimes, like especially like scarps you, you could be hit or
miss. You write it either.
Scopes is hard room. Either you're going to kill or

(01:20:52):
you're going to eat shit. And yeah.
Yeah, I get it. Hell yeah.
What time you have to go? Yeah, because it's 730 now. 735
Yeah, we wrap it up, wrap it up.Yeah, man, so like the.
Cross doesn't pulls out as this couch.
Hey, man, just you know. The only thing that pulls out is

(01:21:14):
my card from ATM What's up? What?
What? Anyway, so yeah, man, I was
listening to the album. I think the album's great.
Yeah. Like, I love the vibes.
I'm glad like. At Abstract Theory, official on
Yeah, Spotify. Too.
Abstract theory on Spotify. Is it on Spotify and Apple

(01:21:37):
Music? Apple Music, YouTube, Amazon,
everything. Hell yeah yeah, Most of my
streams are on Spotify. Everybody listens to Spotify so.
Heck yeah, and the and the musicvideos that are going to hit
YouTube and Yep, hell yeah. I also have.
A crop. Top dude, I would love him to
just be shirtless, yeah. I'm just going to be in a sumo

(01:21:57):
costume. Go Joe the Bull.
Guy crop top. Hoodie I want him for.
Girls, I'll get the largest sizewe can get.
Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, I want him to have
like a spiked collar and then like super thick eyeliner too.
I'm down. Yeah, are.
You down? Would you wear?
It probably not. Probably not.

(01:22:17):
No. I'll I'll go shortly.
Dude, you'll get, you'll get, you'll get so much pussy.
Dude, are you? Sure about that.
Or are you? I'm just going to get hit on by
a a lot of bears. That's that's kind of pussy.
That's pussy. Pussy.
Yeah, not the pussy I'm looking for.
I just met him. Looking for pussy then.
These aren't the pussies you were looking for.

(01:22:39):
Yeah, all right. Yeah, So abstract theory and
they can follow you on your. Yeah, you do.
Photography too. All that shit.
Yeah, I have like a video, one that I barely use now, but yeah.
Yeah. And then Joe tell everybody
where they can find you, which, I mean, you're more famous than
me. So you there people are are
you're more famous than both. Of us combined.

(01:23:01):
I'm not I'm just did you you seewhere I live like the famous
Maya and I just have a good following.
I have a great community that I built.
But Joe the bull guy on any social media platform, if I'm
not on there, it means I don't have that and know my spicy link
to get shut down. But we might be reopening it.
Nice you have. A spicy link.

(01:23:21):
I had, I had AI had a spicy linkback during COVID, my corporate
job that I had they put a policyin that I couldn't, I couldn't
have that. Well, no, yeah, you couldn't.
You couldn't have that platform.Like they specifically told like
I couldn't have discord either. Yeah.
Now I can because I don't no longer work there.
But it was funny. Some woman just wanted me to

(01:23:41):
wash my beard and say her name and she sent me $200.
That's true. I but but it's true though, like
and I had 12 people before I ended the statement of I have an
OF and they literally I had almost 12 people.
I think it was 13 at $200 a pop.Dang.

(01:24:02):
Yeah, I should restart that again.
But yeah, Joe the bull guy on all socials, not Clapper.
Fuck that lap, I said it. Heck yeah.
Make sure you follow everybody. And if you're if you came here
because of these guys, follow meon Big Hoss comedy.
Big Hoss is tailgate pod Joe theBull.
Guy podcast, too. Yeah, some of those.
Yeah, I've been in some of those.

(01:24:23):
Those are fun episodes. You got to do that one.
It's it's a lot of fun. Yeah, he he personally likes the
street Walker Diaries. Dude my my favorite part is he
just goes all right there's onlygoing to be 1/2 hour episode 3
hours later up till like 2 in the morning you.
You, me and Jim were drinking that.
It was fun. OK, we had a blast and then we

(01:24:44):
had over 200 people watching that live stream.
That was a lot of fun, yeah. Street Walker Diaries.
What's that? So Nicole, who's one of the one
of the Co hosts that I have on the pod, it's me, Jim and and
Nicole. And we're actually starting to
spin off called the three Italians coming up.
It's me, my friend Jackie and mybestie Casey.

(01:25:06):
And we're going to just talk about like Italian life and what
not growing up Italian Catholic,but the regular podcast we just
get fucking wasted. Well, I do respectively and
Nicole is sober. She does a sober podcast and
she's our recovery person and she does Streetwalker Diaries
because when she was under active addiction she would go

(01:25:28):
and these are all real stories. So like, one of them was maggots
out of a girl's vagina. Like she pulled it open and
yeah, maybe if that was the pussy you didn't eat, I'd
understand. But that everybody would
understand. But she had maggots and she's
telling this story and he's fucking over here like dying or

(01:25:48):
what was some of the other? What was the?
I can't remember. There was one.
She was. Telling him she's like he came
in her eye and he's like what? And then there was this woman in
the comments that just kept going.
For oh, don't say woman, he knows.
Vern, I know you. There for Vern.
Oh no you weren't. We went to IHOP after the first

(01:26:08):
forge open mic that we had and we were all sitting there.
Doyle was there and Cantu was there.
Like there was everywhere. We all went for breakfast and
here came Vern. She drove 3 hours to come see me
on stage. She watches me on TikTok and
Haas had been fucking with her for like a week, week and 1/2
she brought her daughter, which everybody was gawking over.

(01:26:30):
Yeah, I'm talking about you, spicy red.
Anyway, so the point is, Vern comes up to him.
Put a bra on his. No, she puts a She puts panties
in my shirt pocket as I. As he walks up on stage.
Do describe who this woman is. From Ohio and Vern has no filter

(01:26:53):
and very sexually driven for herage.
Not that she's old or anything, but she.
She showed me a video that I'd have to go on the dark dark web
are. You talking about her swallowing
the double ended dildo that was hanging from her string that you
don't have to go on the dark webfor that.
That's sold at Walmart shelves now.
It's called caught up. It's a new book by Yvesa Allen

(01:27:15):
on you on TikTok, but there's a shameless plug there.
I I do spicy book readings on weekends.
You'd be surprised. The women subscribe to my
channel for that, solely for that it's.
It's I might do that for only fans.
Read a spicy book in Matthew Mcconaughey's voice.
You're going to get sued for that.

(01:27:36):
Of course. Me, I just, it's my voice.
And I just, I used the Logitech mic and I'm just like, OK,
ladies, we're going to read Caught Up by Naveessa Allen.
And they're like, Oh my God. And they're like, it's just
fucking hysterical. But yeah, Vern wanted to bang
the shit out of him and he said no.
What? The fuck is wrong with you?

(01:27:56):
Hot hot how many bitches are throwing pussy your way?
Why are you denying pussy? Not.
See, there's just air balls. And shit up No no, no.
She how? How old was she?
I. Think she's like 55.
What the fuck are you doing? She.
Would teach you. Something I know there would be

(01:28:17):
things that but like it's when Istarted talking to her, I was
like, I know this person, I knowthis person, I grew up around
these people I know do. You want to know one thing that
was cracking me up? She put a chew in bigger than
him. Yeah, yeah.
Hoss. Listen.
Hoss, next time she's around, I guarantee you, you take her back

(01:28:41):
home, buddy. You treat you treat her like a
lady, but you give her the business.
She would suck the Chrome off ofyour trailer hitch and lay.
Back that chug a. Beer.
It is that chug a beer. While sucking the Chrome off
your trailer hitch. And with that, we're going to
wrap the episode up there. Anyway, guys, that's been the
episode. Say say goodbye you fuckers.

(01:29:05):
Goodbye. Hey, listen to the album Tidal
Waves. That's your theory.
Thank you. Look for the music video What's?
It'll be called Avarice. It's for the song Avarice.
It's on the album. Big Hoss will be in it.
Look for me, don't. Fucking do it.
I'll never mind. I can't make those kind of
threats, but I'll find you. Yep.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode #69: Louie Patrone (w/ Joe The Bull Guy)

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

Episode #69: Louie Patrone (w/ Joe The Bull Guy)

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal