Episode #71: Colten Buzard

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Big Hoss's Tailgate. And we're go.

(00:26):
We're good to go now. Heck yeah.
Start. What up there, Sir?
I'm just setting the timer. You can keep.
Go ahead. I'm with special guest Colton
Buzzard. I don't know why it blanked.
That's why you don't smoke weed anymore.
Did you already smoke? Did you already smoke?
Nah, you're not going to. Nah, I'm going to be good

(00:48):
because if I do it's it's just going to be a weird episode.
It's going to be a weird one. Yeah, I'd be like if I was
blackout drunk and it was like, hey, this is a fucking.
I love the puzzie. Dude.
Oh that's the worst thing in it when I don't know.
I've had some fun ones where we get drunk.
I had Adam and Zach on. Yeah, and they were.

(01:09):
Everyone was hammered. So it was one of those like,
yeah, we started drinking wine, like bottles of wine.
Start getting turned on. Yeah, wine drunk is.
You got to be careful with the boys getting wine drunk.
Oh yeah, we The thing is, we were giggling and laughing the
whole time. Like now.
I don't understand why women do this.
Oh yeah, it's so much fun. Yeah, your hormones get going

(01:30):
when you're on the wine. It's an aphrodisiac.
So that's interesting. You guys, you got wine drunk
with the boys. Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, it's, well, I'm just, I'm making this up, but there's.
Definitely. Not like it's not on like the
certified FDA list of aphrodisiacs, like, you know,
oysters and stuff, but there's acertain kind of drunk you get

(01:50):
with wine or you just like, wantto use your penis on something.
That's yeah. I'll tell you what, I have that
with tequila. Tequila does that to me.
It's either you want to fight orhave fun, or you want to fuck
all the time with tequila. Is that why you asked me to take
a shot when I came? In I did, I did.
I was like, damn it, he didn't fall for it.
I was hoping. Dude these liquid death teas are

(02:12):
awesome. Yeah, they're sick, dude.
They're they're dangerous because they're expensive.
Like the I always thought liquiddesks were dumb as shit because
the marketing is so over the top.
Oh yeah, I'm like, oh, you want to be edgy while you drink a
fucking water out of a can? But the seltzers dude especially
is someone who doesn't drink. Yeah.
Seltzers are like the Alcoholics, like K2.

(02:36):
It's like a substitute. Yeah, it's just you need that
carbonation. I think that's what it is.
Just like, oh, it's fizzy and like, you know, I can pretend,
you know, I mean, like you're drinking like the lime one.
That's the same thing as drinking like a vodka lime, but
you don't have that weird alcohol taste.
Yeah, it's in my little treat. Yeah, You know what I mean?

(02:57):
Like. That was a good boy.
Yeah, exactly. And if I don't have it, then I
will actually want a beer or something.
I did used to have like I had like on a shipment so it'd show
up to my house like liquid deaths.
I would get 'cause we were, I started getting those ones and I
liked them and I was trying to drink more water and be healthy.
Good way to get in there. And then I found the teas and my

(03:19):
one buddy was like, he's trying to cut sugar out and stuff.
I'm like, dude, you got to get the teas, man, 'cause they're
only like, this one's like only 30 calories for a can you go get
a brisk tea? That's probably what, 500 maybe?
I don't know, I'm exaggerating. It is like dude, it's like 203
hundred. It's like almost all of your
100% capacity of your sugar for the day.

(03:41):
It'll fuck you up. I understand why.
Like we used to get them all thetime as kids.
Like, we go up to the gas station at night, go get a bunch
of Arizona teas, peace teas, like back in there, $0.99.
And bro, you don't realize you're drinking just straight
sugar. Yeah, and it's no wonder all
these kids are like 300 lbs. I know dude, those are I used,
I'll tell you what, the Arnold Palmers for some reason the

(04:03):
lights were better than the regular.
I don't know why like for some but like that was my go to and
I'm like how did I not have likekidney stones 'cause that was
all I drank. Yeah, I hadn't coffee like the
number one cause of them. I never got them either and
that's all I would drink is liketea growing.
Up. Yeah.
You're kind of like, thank God, because I've heard the horror

(04:24):
stories and I'm just like, I'm good.
Yeah, I'd rather have a hemorrhoid in my ass than a
kidney stone in my in my pee hole.
Yeah, how about this? My buddy got a kidney
transplant, right? Damn.
He starts having real bad pain like a month afterwards.
How about the kidney that he got?
Had a kidney stone in it. That's amazing.

(04:45):
What the? Fuck like he was just like this
isn't even my problem like he got it from like the dead person
they gave you know he got the kidney from.
That is amazing. That is like the curse beyond
the grave. Like you can have my kidney
stone kidney for a price. Yeah, it's like leaving someone
a house and it's haunted. That happens all the time in
fucking movies too. Oh, this is the cabin my

(05:08):
grandfather left me. And yet there's haunted by like
the ghosts of the people he killed and just never told
anybody. All the time.
So bro got a haunted kidneys? Yeah, that's what I'm hearing.
Every time you pee you just hearBoo Boo coming out of his Dick.

(05:28):
His cum is white. Yeah, very ghost like.
Coming on the sheets, dudes, Youlike a horror movie guy?
You seem like the type that goesto the movies and be like, yeah,
I want to watch all that horror shit.
No, see I date girls that are into the horror shit.
I could give a fuck. Less I can't, I can't like

(05:49):
disagree with that at all because I do like those those
goth chicks. Like there is something about a
goth chick that's into horror movies all the time.
It's not, it's not goth chicks. It's like chicks that are
traumatized and like they don't feel so they try to get
something out of like horror movies where reality horror

(06:09):
movies will like put them to sleep.
They're like they find comfort in like horror.
It's so these girls are so weird, bro.
It's all that I'm always drawn to.
Which is weird because I don't. I feel no comfort.
I in fact, I feel a lot of fear.Like over probably more fear
than what a man should feel watching a horror movie like.

(06:31):
And it's like the stupidest onestoo.
Like there was this movie that came out when I was in high
school called The 4th Kind. Have you ever heard of it?
Daily. Movie.
Yeah, we, I watched that in the theatre by myself.
I was sitting around like I'm like in the theatre like this,
slunched, slumped down the chair.
I'm freaked out. I'm telling my buddy about it

(06:53):
and here we go and rent movies from my red box like a couple
months later and there's the movie.
So I make him watch it. He he goes.
Dude the hair on the back of my neck was standing out.
He was freaking the fuck out like watching this movie.
But have you seen That is reallyfunny.
Wait, were you at the movie theater?
By how old were you? I was like 1718 by.

(07:17):
Yourself at the movies? Damn, that's some grown man
shit. Yeah, I was just 'cause I was
like, I always wanted to go to the movies, but like all my
friends, like always had other shit going on or like nobody was
ever available. So I'm like, well, screw it,
I'll go by myself. I do that about with everything.
If I want to go to a concert like Hardy, I have tickets to go
see Hardy at Burgerstown and I'mlike, no one's going like that,

(07:42):
I know of really. So I'm like, screw it, I'll just
go by myself and I'll probably run.
I'll meet friends when I get there.
Yeah, it's awesome. See, I've grown up.
I could never do that even up till like 2 years ago.
Oh really? I had such a hard time like
doing things by myself to the point that my therapist was
like, you need to go on a solo trip and.

(08:03):
It's fun. I used to go to Nashville all
the time by myself because like I went down with a couple people
like my or was I went down with my brother before and going down
with him, you can kind of get a lay of the land, like you know
what I mean? Like, oh, where to, where to go,
what bars to hit, what you know,restaurants are.
And after a couple times of going down there, I kind of
figured out like, oh, I kind of know my way around here.

(08:26):
So then I was like, all right, I'm gonna go by myself.
And I was freaked out. But then my brother's just like,
no, like it's not that big of a deal.
Like just don't go down there and be dumb.
What were you freaked out by? They're like some Cowboys were
going to wrangle you up if he like.
Oh, no. It's just like you're going to
do an area where you don't know anybody.
Like there's no backup. You're just going into the big

(08:47):
city by yourself. It's kind of hard.
Like, you know, how do you? Yeah, it's kind of freaky.
Yeah, I think I think that was my problem is I was just
especially or I just look like this huge ass cross country road
trip. So like the big fear which is
related to that is like I don't know what the safe and not safe
areas are. The news is so political and

(09:12):
like you hear about California, it's like Black Lives Matter
riots, Palestine riots, it's wildfires.
You hear about Texas and it's like this homeless problem,
people getting shot, thugs in like Dallas.
And it's like for the longest time I was like, I don't want to
go anywhere. I'm like worried that if I go
somewhere I'm going to get shot because I'm not in the right
area. Shit like that.

(09:33):
It's like, dude, I get that entirely.
But now that I've travelled and I've been there, every area has
like a bad spot of town, you know what I mean?
Like Pittsburgh, it's the South side.
Don't fuck around the South sideafter like midnight.
It's like generally pretty much any area where you see barred up
liquor stores and A basketball court in use past midnight.

(09:54):
100%. Just stay out of that.
Fucking area. Yeah.
It's like anymore like I would go to Nashville and like find
like the Airbnb's, I'd find the cheaper ones.
And then when I get there, like the the guy dropped me off would
be like, hey, make sure like when if you get any more Ubers
that they meet you at the door kind of thing.
And like why? And you're like, you don't want
to be caught out in this neighborhood.

(10:17):
I was like, seriously? He's like, yeah, this is not a
very good neighborhood. I'm like, well, thanks dude.
I I appreciate you telling me this now.
Like after the I'm booked and can't leave.
Oh, the host will tell you that.Yeah, it's like nobody will tell
you until like you're already there.
Then like you message the host and be like, hey, any heads up?
And they're like, oh, no, it's not that bad.

(10:39):
Like only one person gets shot aday.
Not, you know. It's like when guys go on dates
and they don't tell the girl to like 4 dates in that they don't
have a job and don't have a car and that they have a fucking
felony. Yeah, like surprise.
Everything's good, it's just. They're hoping that they if you
like them, then it's like, maybeyou can accept the bad stuff.

(11:01):
Yeah, that's what this Airbnb host is doing.
Yeah, the apartment's pretty nice.
And you're kind of just like, you know what, I just 'cause I
don't want to move. I'll just take the chance, yeah.
But you don't want to move. Oh, it's a.
Different area. Yeah, yeah.
I just don't want, I don't want to repack everything up and I'm
already here. I've already clogged your

(11:21):
toilet. So justice has been served.
Oh dude, I fucking love revenge.Oh, yeah.
I mean, dude, I, yeah, I had some, I had this thing like
right when I was like kind of learning how to drink when I
would go down to Nashville and like party too hard and like had
this there for a while there. There was a tendency of I just

(11:42):
had this habit of throwing up a couple times, threw up in the
hotel like. Oops in the toilet or you just
saying just anywhere? Well, one time I passed out on
the bed and then woke up throwing up in the bed.
That was a that was a good one. This is.
When you would go by yourself? That time I was with my brother

(12:02):
and he was like, are you fuckingkidding me?
It was his credit card that was on.
The because he's blowing bubblesin the puke.
That's how bad it was. Yeah, it's we went hard because
the goal is you go hard the first night and then ride the
wave and it's yeah, I've done some, I've done some damage to
my body by doing that for sure. That is, you're right, that's

(12:25):
the best way to do it is get fucking hammered the first night
and then, I don't know, after a night out of drinking, dude, and
I get in like the zone and I'm just talking to everyone and
having a great time. That next morning, you just so,
like, I don't give a fuck. You put your sunglasses on.
You're kind of, like, miserable with breakfast, but you like it.
Yeah. You know, I mean, you feel like
such a fucking cool dude. You don't give a fuck about

(12:46):
anything. You got drunk as shit the night
before. You had the greatest night of
your life, and now you're just whatever.
I don't give a shit what we're doing.
The day I'm eating brunch I may be having a mimosa.
Yeah, you're kind of like, I could do nothing and I'm be fine
all day. Like all is right in the world
right now sometimes. And then there's other days
you're just like, what is wrong with me?

(13:08):
The regret, yeah. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, I've done that a couple oftimes.
You just look in your mirror andgo, what is wrong with you?
Like go get help. My first what is wrong with you
moment I think was in college. Like the first night I double
dipped. Oh, yeah.
And I was like, dude, they weren't like, like nasty girls

(13:31):
or anything, but it was just like, you can't be double
dipping, bro. Yeah.
It was like I went to one girl'sapartment, hooked up with her,
walked back to my apartment, caught another girl.
I had previously looked up because I was hammered.
So you want to come over and she's like, yeah, double dipped.
No condom either, which is really fucked up.
Man, that's you're just playing.That sounds like.

(13:54):
Yeah, never mind. I was going to sit now I was
going to incriminate myself. But anyway, I was just going to
say like, Dang, dude, that's just wow.
You were just playing Russian roulette there, buddy.
Yeah, firing off, you know, shots on.
Fire playing with your Dick on fire, yeah.

(14:15):
What's life without a few risks?Honestly dude life is so much
funner whenever you're like damnI barely made it out of that or
I can't believe I did that. Yeah, I want to know who The
Dirty fucker was that spread allthe STD's 'cause it's like
everybody else. Like no, think about it, at one
time no one had that problem. Just saying listen bro, no one

(14:37):
had that problem at one time. Who's that nasty?
Fucker, I have had the same thought for 15 years.
So dude, we had this conference in in the gym room and they had
all these booths set up. Yeah.
And this lady's there and she's like, you can't be having sex
without a condom, even if you have the same partner because

(14:58):
you don't know who they've been been with.
I'm like, but if you're in a committed relationship and the
two you were just having sex with each other, I'm like, where
does the STD come from? So I agreed, had to be some
nasty ratchet bitch. That's what I'm saying.
Who? Who started Chlamydia?

(15:19):
Yeah. It had to be someone who wasn't
washing and then was like, now I'm going to go venture out.
It's like, stop, what are you doing?
No, that was the thing I think of both people.
Yeah. Because it had to be somebody
dirty. It had to be someone who didn't
wash themselves like. We never washed.
That's the thing. That's the thing where people

(15:41):
who lived in a society without running water for so long and
you had to fuck your wife without her showering.
You know what I mean? You're going to be a man.
You're going to go home after playing in the field.
You're going to fuck your unshowered wife.
Yeah, like, you know, water was only meant to drink then we're
we're assuming caveman times like.
No, I'm talking like 1800s. Bro Oh yeah, for sure.

(16:04):
Like those guys are working on the Prairie, Yeah.
Your wife with her bonnet and she would open up her skirt and
it's just like a forest of hair and like little like cotton
things, you know, the little wince, like everywhere.
Yeah, the one dude was just like, dude, I just seen one of
those roll up, roll past me on the way out here.
Like I see where those roll pastme, dude.

(16:25):
She got tumbleweed pussy. Yeah, dude.
So my thing is like, I like watching, like when you like
watching Westerns and stuff and it always shows like they go to
like the brothel and stuff and they always show like gorgeous
women in there. Then you look at historical
photos, nothing like that. Like it looks, they look like me

(16:48):
shaved. And everybody was like, man, I
can't because you figure you've been riding 500 miles, you're
dirty, you hadn't had nothing todrink, you're starving.
And you roll into town and for adollar you can go have some fun.
But it looks like me. I think they just took what they

(17:11):
could get at that point. That might be true, but Old West
towns, if they were big enough, you know, maybe they had a
spearmint rhino and maybe they had a cheerleaders or a Rick's
Cabaret, you know? Yeah, and small towns didn't
have nothing. Oh yeah, small towns like baby
back gorilla. Yeah, that's why they would

(17:32):
always hide out in the river andlike, try to catch somebody or
something. That's why that's all they could
have. Think about it.
They lived out. You lived in a small town.
There was nothing, nothing. You're.
Like yeah, fuck the broth, I'm just going to go rape a bitch.
That's not me. I said that.
You just said it. You're like I'm a hot out in the
river and rainbow bitch. Oh no, I meant like they were

(17:53):
like spying on people. They didn't have a strip club so
they would just go watch from the the river.
So you're, yeah, they'd watch people bathe naked.
That was their strip club because they didn't have nothing
else. Oh, that was much more wholesome
than I thought you were. Going to Yeah, yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We went hard on that.
Well it's not a strip club. Old West brothels.
You go there to fuck horse. That's true.

(18:15):
And then, like in the big cities, they had like, you know,
nice ones, I guess. Cabarets.
Yeah, that they're called burlesque.
Burlesque shows. Yeah, they're like flinging
their meet in the air. Yeah, so I have a dark mind,
dude, I legit. I feel that.
I felt that right there. I was like, I was like, Jesus, I

(18:36):
mean, I'm sure that happened too, but like, it wasn't like,
I'm not going. You know?
What's weird is that I was watching like a lot of these
Mountain Men documentaries. Those guys didn't have nobody
like they were just out in the mountains by themselves.
They were you at the movie theatre.
Yeah, they would just go off by themselves.

(18:56):
But however they did things like, unlike me when I went to
the movie theatre, is that I didn't get lonely and would just
like, look at the guy next to me, like, hey, you want to?
Because that's what they would do all the time.
They were just like, you know what?
I don't have anybody else like it's like kind of like a, a
Brokeback Mountain situation. Do not scourge the name of
mountain men. I don't have to, they did it

(19:17):
themselves. Where you get Where are your
sources saying that all this gayfucking was happening?
At History Channel. Oh, The History Channel.
I've never, I've never seen thaton History.
I've seen ancient aliens. I've heard the aliens fucking
each other. I've never heard of mountain
men. Oh yeah, for sure.
I feel like a mountain man wouldrather fuck one of the animals
before another man. I was watching this.
There was one movie, it was called, it's called, it's a mini

(19:40):
series, like a 24 hour mini series.
Ridiculous. It was back in the 70s, but
shows these mountain men, like they had this retreat where all
the mountain men would gather like once a year or whatever and
have this big party and trade fur and all that stuff.
Well, here they'd have this. It's a bunch of dudes.
Well, here they wanted to dance and have fun.

(20:01):
So one person had to wear a yellow apron and dance, and that
was the girl that would dance with all the guys.
So the guys had felt like they were dancing with a woman.
Not my thing. That's what they did.
You're saying it went past dancing though?
Probably. I would assume after a while
you're like, you know what? He's a pretty good dancer.

(20:22):
But they're dance. Men can dance together, man.
Yeah. For you to say.
No, no, you didn't. You guys see the context of the
dance in here? Oh, they're grinding like middle
school dance. Oh, it was.
It was like ringing around the Rosies because it's the 1800s.
They didn't have grinding. But eventually, you know.
Wait, so you think because they were ringing around the rosieing

(20:42):
that they were fucking? I don't think, probably
guarantee that's what happened. Do you think about you ever
drinking whiskey all night? They're dancing around each
other. There's a bunch of dudes out
there. Hey.
And this, this doesn't work. And they look, you're alone in
your apartment, right? I'm not like, hey big hoss,
really lonely out there in the fucking apt #3.

(21:06):
You wait till I have to go checkthe camera.
You're just going to come back and you're just going to say
help. Turn it off.
I think you're about due, aren'tyou?
20 minutes? We got another 7.
August at 29. Damn.
OK, good. Yeah, I go to like 28 just to be
on the safe side because it it'll shut right off at 30.

(21:28):
Yeah, the cans do that, bro. Because I used to when I was
filming concerts all the time. That's what would happen.
I'd only have 30. So I'd film like headliners who
like dudes. I got some really big bands like
I did August Burns Red 10th yearreunion show in Pittsburgh.
I've done like Beartooth, other really big like metal bands.

(21:50):
Oh nice. And all the cameras we.
She did stage AE. Stage AES and then preserving
underground in New Ken where I grew up.
I'm wondering if I've if I've seen you at stage AE and didn't
realize it because I used to go to stage AE for like a lot of
country shows and stuff. See I don't do country, I would
only like I was metal niche. Dang, you should have went to
Hardy then. Dude I don't like Hardy.

(22:11):
All he talks about is waking up in the back of his truck.
Listen, that's what I want to do, OK?
Leave me alone. No, that's cool.
But see I don't that doesn't resonate with me.
I don't want to wake up in a truck.
Well, I see he's coming with thepeople he's coming with Steven
Wilson Junior, which I've heard good things.
I haven't really listened to hima lot.
And trying to think of the otheroh Co Wetzel, Co Wetzel's like

(22:35):
country. It's too I like.
I use it for like walk up music when I go up.
Oh, nice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You said you had me use. Yeah, he was pretty good.
I liked what I heard. Yeah, it's a great, like, hype
song. And then like all of his stuff
is like just it sounds more likerock, like grungy rock.
But it's from Texas, so it has like that Stevie Ray Vaughan

(22:58):
influence with it. Yeah.
So. Southern Grunge.
Yeah, I'm rock. I'm down with it.
That's pretty cool. Think about that.
For years we had southern rock in the 70s.
Now we have southern grunge. Sad cow was.
Fuck yeah, dude, I love, first of all, that emo cowgirl shit.
Let me tell you something. That shit's pretty hard.

(23:21):
Have you heard that? Is emo cowgirl like these girls
that are like farm girls but dressed like in all golf?
It's like it's like women with southern accents singing about
how guys fucked him over. Like what?
Like Shania Twain and. Kind of like it like Megan
Maroney. Yeah.
And she looks like Barbie, like dad, who's she's, she's

(23:45):
basically our country version ofSabrina Carpenter.
Now I'm, I have to like keep that thought in the back of my
head. Now I have to remember that.
What that? Megan Roney's Sabrina Carpenter.
I've seen the locked in my subconscious for later.
Yeah, think of her, but on Sabrina's album cover with the

(24:06):
The Leash. Did you hear about that?
I did not. OK, I heard about it.
I didn't see the count the cover.
Oh, it's pretty. It's actually pretty hot.
So Sabrina's like on all fours. She has a dog collar on her
neck. And this guy's like, pulling the
leash. And like, all these feminists,
bro, freaked out. They're like, what the fuck,
Sabrina? You set women back like 20

(24:26):
years. Like what are you doing?
I would be kind of like wait a minute aren't you the same type
that got mad at people for calling out only fans models and
when they were shaming that but now you're literally doing the
same shit. That's the thing bro, they don't

(24:49):
know what your. Values are, that's what I'm
saying. If you're going to maintain,
like if you're going to maintaina stance, maintain a stance.
Like if you're hard, no drugs, no drugs at all, that means no
weed for you. But if you're going to be like,
you know, ah, well, you know, sometimes I like a little bit of
a mushroom. Like no, you said nothing.
Nothing. Yeah, be consistent.

(25:09):
Like if you're like, hey, I'm pro sex work.
If someone's making a smart filmor a snuff film even you should
be supportive of that if they'reproducing it.
If you're if you're sex trafficking women and you're
making good money from this sex,you should be supporting that.
You should be all in. Yeah, I guess.

(25:31):
If you think it's cool to drink alcohol, just fucking drink and
drive If you think that, yeah, Iagree.
Like, it's, that's The thing is everyone just loves the bitch,
bro. Everyone just has to complain

(25:52):
about something. Oh yeah.
Oh, that just doesn't sit right with me, you know?
And like with Sabrina, it's like, dude, some women like to
have their fucking hair pulled and be dragged around the house
on a leash. Yeah, so here, here's my thing.
Like I'll, I'll bust everybody out with those ancient proverbs.
All right, I bust them out. I bust down those ancient

(26:14):
proverbs for people. So if you're someone who, let's
say there is like you're offended that someone out there
is an only fans model and they're doing sex and that's not
Christian or whatever. Listen, there's also like there
comes a thing where it's like you shouldn't offend.
You shouldn't go out of your youshouldn't do if you do something

(26:35):
that offends somebody, you should stop.
Like, you know, it's better for you to like not offend somebody
than to keep doing something. So there's that like good moral
logic, right? Then there's the flip side of
that coin where it says, hey, don't be easily offended.
Same like in the same book it says that don't be easily

(26:58):
offended. So I think the people that are
using the Christian values that argue they're offended of her
stuff need to really look back and say, hey, maybe you
shouldn't be easily offended. Like, hey, they're doing that.
That's on them. Go ahead.
Not my problem. I'm not subscribed.
Who cares what they do? Like, oh, Sabrina Carpenter did

(27:21):
that this whole album cover. Cool.
You don't have to listen to her music.
You could be like, hmm, I don't like that.
Just not go there no more. Well, that's the thing.
I think it's it's a part of her fan base that is upset.
So like they did like her beforewhere she's like, this boy's a
piece of shit. I don't like them.
I'm my own woman. I'm empowering.

(27:43):
Yeah. How's it taste to be licking his
lips? That were on my push.
That's one of her songs. It's called Taste and.
I jam out to that song and I don't even realize that's what
it's about. Oh yeah, you really do Sabrina
songs. So I don't either.
I just jam. I think they're like the cutest
things ever and they're sick. They're catchy, but my
girlfriend knows the lore on thesongs.

(28:05):
So like, what you need is a girl, even if it's a girlfriend,
a girl pal, you know, to really learn you a thing or two about
what she's talking about. Bro and jokes on them because
I'm double down and I'm listening to it more now that
you've told me that. Dude, it's sick.
Yeah. Like one of the the songs is Bed
Chem is pretty good. There's one like, please,

(28:27):
please, please yeah, don't embarrass me or whatever, you
know, don't cheat on me. Turns out that guy did cheat on
her with this other like well known pop star.
Yeah, Who was that? It's the guy that plays the
Joker in like the Robert Pattinson Batman.
Yes, that guy. Very Irish dude which looks like

(28:47):
a weirdo anyway Like he looks like those stereotypical Irish
dudes you saw like in like the 50s movies that they drank so
much that their eyes were the other faces were swelled like
that's what his face looks like stereotypic.
I can say that I got ginger. I can loud.
Yeah, well, that's, that's what's weird dude is like,
you'll see a lot of celebrities date people, but you're like,

(29:09):
they don't look like. Oh God.
Yeah, give me one second. I checked the camera and we'll
be right back. And we have returned.
Yeah, set the timer back up. Yeah.
I need a Clapper. I need, I need like a I don't
know, it's weird. I think I need like one more guy
like running the scenes and stuff, but that's it.

(29:32):
Like other than that, like it's kind of cool to do this one man
set up. Yeah, you can do one, man.
So yeah, what was you saying about the celebrities?
Oh, OK, celebrities. You'll notice there's a lot of
celebrities, dude. And there's these girls that get
passed around in celebrity circles and they're like really
mid looking bitches. And you're like, you ever see
like an actor? And you're like, I would expect
him to be banging a much hotter bra than that.

(29:53):
You know what I mean? But these girls, like a lot of
these guys are so successful, dude.
They don't go out like they're not going to go out to a bar and
meet a girl. Yeah.
You can't meet it. How are you supposed to meet
anybody? Exactly.
So they meet these girls that are already infiltrated into
these celebrity and fame circles.
So like this happened with Dale Earnhardt Junior.

(30:14):
Dale Earnhardt Junior is banginga girl or is married to her.
She's been passed around like four NFL players got divorced
from this dude. And so the way they met was
she's a realtor for celebrities,people with money, because her
husband was AI think, a linebacker for the Falcons.
So she was in Atlanta, right? And she came out to Dale's place

(30:38):
and was like selling him a houseor like, she might have been
like renovating house. You know what I mean?
Remodeling or something. She's like interior designer or
some shit like that. Either that or she's selling.
I can't remember, but so she infiltrated his thing when he
was like, Oh my God, I'm gettingdivorce from my husband.
I really like you, Dale. So like I feel like really

(30:59):
people you would be like, I'm not even, I don't even know how
they're with these people. They're just in the circles, you
know what I mean? And so much of like the game of
life is being around the right people.
And a lot of these Broads, that's what they do.
And these guys, like you said, they're like, oh, he's just an
actor. He's around these other actors
and he ends up married to a celebrity.
Yeah, and even though you think he looks like a 50s drunk

(31:21):
Irishman, that's like all swollen.
Yeah, because you're just datingpop stars.
It's like fame, you know, it's money goes to money.
It's the reason why you never like.
That's why it's always a fairy tale when it's oh, Cinderella,
the Prince is going to save the poor, yo, the beautiful poor
rich girl. Like, no, it doesn't go the

(31:42):
other way around. Like the hot supermodel never
falls for like, you know, you don't get that the Kevin James,
you don't get the hitch thing. Even then, like he was in the
circle. He was working for her.
Yeah, it's the thing. He was in the circle.
So I think even if you're broke,but if you're around the right
people and you're in the right crowds, you're doing the right
things. You're going to be around other
people. And if you meet their level of

(32:03):
attractiveness, then you're in. You know what I mean?
The thing is, is like, bro, there's some hot fucking girls
working at Chipotle. Yeah, they're a waitress at
Applebee's. And who are they dating?
The line cook at Applebee's, youknow what I mean?
And it's like, if that girl was in the celebrity circles, Oh my
God, she'd be dating, you know, Dale Earnhardt, junior.

(32:24):
Yep, because that's one of the things is my brother used to
work in a restaurant and same deal.
Like he everyone banged everybody in the restaurant.
Like that's just how how it worked.
Even if they had a boyfriend or a girlfriend outside the
restaurant, you still were banging people in the
restaurant. Like that's why I was kind of
like, I knew a guy he was datingor he was married to a girl and

(32:50):
she worked in a restaurant or whatever.
And I was like, this is this ain't going to go well.
And everybody's like, why? I'm like, I've worked in the
restaurants. I know how this is going to
happen. And sure enough, she end up
cheating on him. With manager.
I don't know, there's just some dude that was there or whatever
and I think it turned out to be like, and the best reason was

(33:13):
given that whole, Oh well, he makes me laugh.
To be fair. Very, very plain individual.
This guy was like, definitely like, not a guy that wanted to
have fun. Oh, so you're saying he's not
even that funny? Yeah, he, no, he just wasn't
fun. Like, he's just like, hey, you
want to come hang out? Nah, I'm good and like, all

(33:35):
right. Boy that got cheated on.
Yeah. Oh, OK, OK.
Yeah, I was kind of like, well, you can't really complain, man.
You brought that on yourself. Like, yeah, like, yeah.
She still saw. Like, you know, she shouldn't
have just left. But that's my thing.
Is it? Like, I I don't know.
So what you've been up to? I was trying to think of

(33:57):
something. No, I so I agree with that bro.
That's one of the the parts of growing up and maturing is
learning how to get out of relationships you shouldn't be
in because what kids do is they'll stick around, which is
what I did. And I was in relationships I
shouldn't have been and I wasn'thappy.
And instead of just being like, hey, this isn't working.
I start looking elsewhere outside of the relationship.

(34:19):
And that's not fucking cool. Cuz it's in my eyes, a
relationship is literally, This is why cheating is considered
like so messed up in society. Cuz to me, a relationship is a
contract. And the two of you have defined
the terms of your relationship. Yeah.
And if you cheat, what you're doing is you're saying fuck your
contract and fuck you. I'm going to go outside of this.

(34:40):
And basically it's the same thing as stealing in, in, in my
mind. You know what I mean?
In, in terms of like ethics. So like, to be a man, bro, is to
be able to be like, listen, we are not meant to be together
because women have a really hardtime doing this.
Yeah, the man is the one that has to be like, listen, this
isn't working. We either need to figure this
out. Here's what's wrong.
This needs to be fixed. Or like, we can't be together.

(35:02):
And in in most men. Instead, they want to keep the
consistent pussy and they want to stay in a relationship, be
like, oh, I have this kind of hot girlfriend or really hot
girlfriend. She's a fucking bitch though,
and I don't really like being with her, but that's consistent
pussy. And then I can go outside of the
relationship and look for like my actual wife.
You know what I mean? That's just like it's child shit
and it's like just unethical to be like that.
Yeah. And it's, yeah, I've, yeah, I

(35:26):
agree with that 100% because yeah, definitely because.
And then you have those people that are just like, oh, I'm just
in an open relationship. And that's that's I've had a
couple people like, yeah, I wantto do that.
And I'm like, Nah, it's not for me.
Like I was a selfish kid growingup.
I don't share. It's just, it's not happening.

(35:47):
You don't get to be a big guy bysharing anyway.
Like, it's, I don't know, like apart of me is like, it's just
too weird, too weird for me justbecause it's like, I don't know,
I feel like I'm doing the guy. Yeah, I'd be doing the guy
dirty. Like, hey, man.
And even if he was like, no man,it's cool.
I'm like, that is it, though? It's like, dude, it's like I
come over your house, I'm driving your car.

(36:09):
It's not. You'd be like what the fuck?
So are you? Are you saying you've been
propositioned to be 1/3 or fucking 12 as the bull?
No, I knew guys that were like, I knew one guy that was in a
that was a swinger that I used to work with and I was like, we
stayed away from that guy because he would like slip
something in your drink and thenbe like, I feel funny and then

(36:29):
wake up at his house. I'm good.
Not good. Yeah, not good at all.
I don't know if this guy actually did that.
We just, it was joked around enough that it and there was
some evidence that was like, I'mgood.
Yeah, well that's the thing. You get a vibe from someone and
you're like I know bad things happen if I befriend.
You or get close to you. Yeah.
And then he'd always come in andhad like, sores on his hands.

(36:51):
So it's like you're not even, you're swinging, but it's not
even going. Like you're not even doing it.
You're not even doing it right, man.
You're just getting sick all thetime.
Sores on his hands like STDs on his hands.
Yeah, like you made it go out ofyour way, but like, whose gloves
are those? Oh, that's so and so's.
I'm not using his gloves becauseyou don't know what the fuck I'm
going to catch. Like every time I see his

(37:14):
gloves, he'd be like, well, my gloves disappear.
Would you just throw them away? Not touching those.
Medical gloves are like a yard work gloves.
No, these are work gloves like. You turn, those things are like
fucking 20 piece. That's funny.
Yeah, I was like, Nope. Damn to have warts and STD's on
your hands bro. Yeah, like open sores and like
he'd have like constantly like cold sores on.

(37:36):
Yeah. And we're like, don't touch me.
Like everyone was like he'd shake your hand, like go to
shake your hand. Like, Nah, I'm, I'm good.
Oh, I'd rather have poop on his hands than open sores on his
hands. Yeah, my hand.
Yeah, like woo. Yeah.
And you're just like, I'm good. Like.
And he yeah. Like it was one of those.

(37:57):
Like, he was almost like when you talk to him too, he wasn't
the brightest bulb. So like, I think he had like the
Capone thing where he had syphilis so many times.
Like the brain was eating his brain.
Yeah. Dude that's did you see a movie
about that? Capone.
Yeah, Tom Hardy plays Capone. That's dope and Tom Hardy.
He's pretending it's, well, likeit's later in his life, like

(38:20):
when the syphilis was like eating his brain.
So like he would just be sittinghere and talking to her like
Capone, waste the money you head.
Where's the money, you head boss?
And he'd just be sitting there going with a cigar and just shit
himself. Shit himself.
And like, supposedly Tom Hardy did it for real because he's a
meth and dude would you shit himself?

(38:43):
That's funny. Damn.
So that's so that's probably a really good rule for him because
it's he's like playing a guy that's declining mentally and
throughout the movie you can seehim acting out that.
Oh yeah. It's hilarious though, because
like, they'll be talking to him,like having a serious
conversation. He'd just look over and go and
he'd just shit himself. That's how Bieber.

(39:06):
That shit is so funny. And part of me is like, at that
point, if I know I'm that mentally gone, that's where I
want to be in my life. Like I don't want to be aware
that it's happening, but I'd like to just fuck with like
inconvenience other people. See I'm the opposite bro.
Because I feel like, you know, part of me is like, life has
been fucking me over so much that you're like, you know what?

(39:27):
At this point I want to be old and not be aware of what's going
on and shit myself and make somebody else clean it.
So are you saying you're kind ofyou're not aware at all or you
like you're aware of it, but you're like, I'm going to shit
myself? Like you're just so far out of
it you have no idea what's happening.
Oh OK, that's sad. So it's like I'm not even
consciously aware that I shit myself.

(39:47):
OK damn, so you're like just make me brain.
Dead. Yeah.
Yeah, see, I feel like I'm goingto beat it.
So I have CTE really bad from college football and a bunch of
other shit. That's why I had to quit playing
when I like my senior. I quit because I got a back
concussion dude. My mom got a really bad
concussion that summer, tried tokill herself, fucking went
crazy. And I was like this isn't
anything to play with like at all at all at all.

(40:11):
And I was like, I'd like that whole summer where I was
visiting her at Western psych grippy socks and like meeting
all her fucking like crazy like schizophrenic friends.
It was wild, but. Dude, isn't it weird?
OK, no disrespect to anybody that this who's actually been in
there, but if you've ever had togo into like the psych ward of
any type of like hospital, scariest feeling in the world in

(40:35):
my opinion, because like I'm so like on edge because it's like,
how do you know that person overthere with coloring books right
now isn't going to try and stab me in the eye with that green
crayon? I have no idea.
I had to go in there one time. We had a friend that had a
mental break and had to call like, and so we went in to go
see him and visit him. And here it was during visiting

(40:57):
hours. Well, here's something actually
popped off during visiting hoursthat they had to kick us all out
and lock it down because someonehad a, had a, it had a session
or whatever. Freakiest feeling in the world.
Do you ever have that? Like, do you ever have to be
involved in that? Well bro, I was in EMT for a
little bit and a firefighter forthis was back when I like the CT

(41:21):
shit was happening with me and my mom.
And that's probably the number one concern I had bro.
Especially if you work near the city is you just have people
that are so mentally incapacitated that they are
harming the people around them and they don't even know they
are. They're like people that are
normally normal nice people. They're either in some kind of

(41:43):
psychosis because of drugs. They're having like a
schizophrenic break. That's where I see a lot of the
times in news and like the localarea, like EMT is dying, people
getting injured, like it's really people that are going
through mental health issues andthat's that's when it gets
scary. Yeah, I had AI knew of a
situation where some kid took like bad acid and he and him

(42:06):
getting lit up by like police like lived, but then they want
to blame the Police Department. Like no, your son took acid like
but still like he's freaky because like this is a young kid
like had his whole life ahead ofhim.
He lived but still was like, damn, like that'd be freaky.
Like to come on a scene like that 'cause you're like, you
can't even reason with the person 'cause they're not there.

(42:30):
And I've watched a few like TikTok body Cam videos.
Those those freak me out man. Like the a lot of times it's
cops being like stop, you know what I mean?
And it's such a blurred line, dude, because even the cops know
they're like, this is a normal person.
Most likely they're in just sucha bad state of mind.

(42:51):
And a lot of the times they'll call it like excited delirium,
especially if they're autistic. And it's like, I don't want to
hurt this person, but at the same time, I have to do
something. He's either going to hurt me or
hurt someone else. Well, people argue like, oh, why
don't you use the Taser and stuff?
Well, sometimes here's what happens.
Do you remember? I think it I think it was like

(43:12):
2011, 2012, there was a video that happened to PNC Park.
This dude was like 6 foot 6 and they had the batons and they're
cracking that dude in the back of the legs, cracking him in the
face and it's not fazing this dude.
He didn't go down. And even then when they cracked
him with the Taser, they had to hit him twice because like he

(43:33):
just did it would like he just went like this the first time
and just kept coming like freakyman.
Well. At least at like PNC Park, you
don't have weapons usually. So like, that's why I always say
like, bro, I love going to airports and sporting events.
Yeah, there's no guns. It's fair play.
I talk so much shit at an airport.
I talk so much shit at a Penguins game, bro, because it's

(43:56):
just hands, you know what I mean?
Yeah, Out in public, I see someone in the gas station being
an asshole. I turn the other way.
Yep. Because we didn't go through a
security line again in the gas station.
But PNC Park bro, that's where you shouldn't shoot someone
because they don't have a gun. Yeah, because they're.
Oh well, if it got in here, how the hell, like how the hell did
we get in here? The gun.

(44:17):
Yeah, like any concert or anything, like, I don't know,
sometimes like it's weird, like my brother was telling me like
or I had my brother-in-law was telling me like before like 911.
He goes like they'd go to concerts out Burgerstown stuff.
My brother-in-law was a cop, so he'd just walk in with his, had

(44:38):
his service weapon on him. No one ever said nothing because
it was, you know, before 911. They said after 911 that he
couldn't even walk in, even though he was a cop, couldn't
have a gun on him. Nothing.
He's like, I'm not even drinkingtonight.
Like Nope. Like nothing in here.
Yeah, but The thing is, bro, I never really understood that

(44:59):
because out in the parking lot after everyone's getting out of
the concert, you're in this hugemass of people, everyone leaving
at the same time. If I were to do a mass shooting
event that it's going to be there like my school in high
school, bro, they had metal detectors because we were in the
hood and to get into the school you had to go through the metal
detectors. But The thing is they want to
open them up until like 10 minutes after all the buses got

(45:20):
there. So you just have a mass of
students all in one area waitingto go through the metal
detectors. And I'm like, this defeats the
purpose of the metal detector. Yeah, it's weird.
Eventually we're going to get tothe point where they just scan
people and write. This person has like weapons or
like they'll be able to scan youjust by looking at you.

(45:41):
Yeah, the cops do it now. Yeah.
They they scan you if you're under a certain darkness.
They can. They can.
Oh Dang, they do. They do.
The Family Guy, one where you'relike him, like, Oh no, you're
good. Yeah.
Or was it the worst? I think the worst example that
was when Peter kept talking shitto the cop in the South and he
kept hitting Cleveland. He's like, Peter shut the fuck

(46:04):
up. Like he's so pissed because he
just kept saying he's like stop please.
Oh I fucking love OG Family Guy dude.
Dude, I they just dropped that new season of King of the Hill.
Have you watched it? It's perfect, perfect.
Like it's one of those like theypick up like because they didn't

(46:26):
really tell you like when the show was set like the original
show. So this one, they just know that
it's after COVID. That's it.
Like they it's enough that they referenced the pandemic.
That's it. But everything else is like, and
it's just them trying to adjust to life now, but they but like
they don't go too preachy with it.

(46:46):
Like, it was funny because, like, Dale's doing this one,
like they're going to the Bush Museum and Dale's explaining
like the real history of the event.
And here the people were actually believing Dale because
most people believe conspiracy theories.
And I think it was like, I forget Dale made something up

(47:06):
about Obama. And he goes, it's bad.
And Hank goes it's bad enough hewas born in Hawaii.
You don't have to make up facts to make say.
That's why people didn't vote for him.
Like, he was almost like Hank's like, yeah, I don't like it
either, but don't make up shit. Like, it was kind of like him,
like going against the disinformation stuff while also

(47:27):
still being his character. And I was like, oh, this is the
most realistic depiction of someone who's like a middle of
the lane kind of person. Like someone who's like, yeah, I
can change if you if what you'resaying actually makes sense.
But if what you're saying doesn't make sense, I'm still
saying who I am. Like you can't reason with Hank
Hill about why Charcoal's better.

(47:50):
Yeah, that's why Hank Hill works, bro.
It's just like he doesn't have anegative bone in his body, but
he's still so stuck in his ways.And at work I could see some
clips from it, like him trying to use his phone, him adjusting
to like social media. Did you see when he went to the
bathroom, he's trying to figure it out and he couldn't tell by

(48:10):
the signs. And they, the one person walked
by goes, it's OK, they're all gendered.
And he walked, gets back in the car.
He goes, Peggy, are we all gendered?
Like you didn't know how to answer.
You didn't get, I'm like, that'sme.
I completely understand that. I don't get half what's going
on. Yeah, he's just a normal dude
and the things going on around him, they're just like, what the

(48:33):
fuck? One of the best lines that come
out of there is Bobby takes him like this football camp where he
can pretend to play, be pro. He is.
Well, Dad goes, he's look at youmilking it up, still trying to
act like you're pro goes. I did GoPro, Bobby propane and I
was like that is that was made for us because everybody who

(48:55):
comes up with the propane jokes,that's made for us.
That's hilarious bro. You have such a good handkell,
it's crazy. Oh that just weird just watching
it all the time. I binge the whole series.
It was just there's so much new shit out there and the half,
it's doesn't like interest me, like all the House of the

(49:17):
Dragon, like Game of Thrones shit.
None of that interests me. And I'm kind of like over
saturated by like action shows on TV.
Like there's the terminal list on Amazon.
There's like how many fucking shows on Netflix there?
But it's like, oh, you got to check this show out.
I'm like, I can't handle all this cerebral mind fuck all the

(49:37):
time. I did watch the Penguin though,
did you check that out? No.
Is it good? Colin Quinn is like the Penguin.
Colin Farrell. Colin Farrell.
Sorry, not Colin Quinn. Yeah, he's another dude bangs
Scarlett Johansson. Dude, Colin Quinn.
No. Isn't that Colin Quinn the guy?
From No, Colin Quinn's the Well,that's a different guy.
You're thinking about Colin Jost.

(49:58):
Colin Jost. That's the guy I.
Messed up my Collins dude. Yeah, Colin Quinn, It's weird.
Did the same job at Saturday Live.
Oh, is that why I'm confused? Yeah, because they both did
Weekend Update. Just one was the more sarcastic
one. This one's more.
Straight and arrow. Yeah, suit guy.
What are they going to do when those guys leave them doing

(50:20):
this? The joke swap is the best, like
some of the best material they've done on that show.
Yeah, everything got to move on bro.
You used to have Norm on. SNL kicked him off.
Who do you think is the best Weekend Update host?
I should not tell you, brother. Cuz you had Chevy Chase, but he
only did it for one year and it was meh.

(50:43):
Then you had Dan Aykroy like yeah, cuz then you get I always
like Tina Fey. Those those guys were, well,
girls were pretty great. What era was she doing SNL?
Like 2007, 2012 maybe? Oh, that's probably why I didn't
have cable growing up. Yeah, I didn't even have
Internet. So like SNL was not a.

(51:04):
Well, dude, that wasn't a cable.That wasn't a cable show.
SNL wasn't. No, it's on NBC late at night.
Oh, so I wouldn't have never gotit.
Yeah, if you no, it's like a wait you.
Saying like local broadcast. Yeah, yes, it's like Channel 11,
put it on Channel 11 like it's, I think it's like 1130 on
Saturdays. That's SNL.

(51:25):
That's too busy playing Call of Duty with my friends.
That's fair. In in my rundown house.
That's the bad part is like SNL is good for you like when you're
in a teenager, not as an adult because everyone's doing shit on
Saturday nights. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, no one's going to be like,hang on for a second.
Stop partying. We're going to watch Saturday
live, then we're going to go back to partying.
No one's doing that. I feel like in general it's

(51:48):
falling off bro. Like we used to have so much or
so many cultural events that like as a society, we would
gather around, experience it allat the same time, talk about it
the next day or the next week, you know what I mean?
Like South Park used to be like that when we were growing up.
It's like, oh shit, did you see the new episode of South Park?
Well, people are kind of gettingback to that.

(52:08):
Have you watched the new episodes?
The new Paramount stuff. Oh my God, yeah.
They're the first of all. Making Trump Saddam Hussein was
hilarious. Doubling down on it the next
week. Was it like the next episode
that he doubled down on? It made JD Vance like the little
the little guy in Fantasy Island.

(52:29):
Yeah. That was genius Bath.
The ice plane has landed and they're like shap shap stupid
and he kicks him at one point. Bro, I've been saying that for
months. JD Vance is literally the like
evil sidekick to the main villain that he's just like shut
the fuck up bitch. And he slaps him.
I don't know because like every time I see him like in things

(52:52):
I'm like well he doesn't look like that bad of a guy.
He always seems seems like supernice and every time I see him in
podcasts and interviews and stuff it just seems like a no
nonsense guy. He's such a bitch dude.
You got to watch back whenever the Zelensky shit was happening.
Oh yeah, I did see that. They brought Zelensky and strong
armed them and he was like, you're you better say thank you

(53:14):
to Donald Trump for what he's done and what this country's
done for. You're so disrespectful and it's
just like sidearm couch. Like no one fucking asked you
shut the fuck up. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like
Donald was kind of like he's like, listen, I'll, I'll call on
you when I need. You.
That's what I mean bro by like. That's what happened.
That's what I mean. Donald Trump is like the evil
villain in like the Austin Powers movie, and JD Vance is

(53:38):
like the annoying sidekick or like Gronk.
And he's like Gronk, shut up, shut up.
Dude, I, I, I'll keep him as Gronk because it makes him still
likable because I feel like he'slike a lovable doof.
I don't get that vibe at all dude really.
And I'm not even a Lib tard and I think he's such a.
Bitch, I don't know, I feel likeI I would drink a beer with him

(53:59):
just to see what he's like and be like.
All right, man. He doesn't even live anything
like you dude, I'm telling. You, he's a guy.
I think that he would tell me that there was aliens, like I
could get him, I could be friends with.
I could get in there, be friendswith him, and he would like me
so much that he'd be like, all right, dude, seriously, dude,
check this out. And he would snitch, I guarantee

(54:20):
it. You just got to be friendly with
him. Maybe I haven't seen him on any
podcast. Can't go in.
Oh him on. Theo Von's one of the funniest
things. Oh, he's on Theo.
That could check out. That's why that's a very human
podcast. Yeah, like the Rogan 1 he
doesn't like, he's still more like professional and stuff.
But when he's on Theo's, you could tell he's having so much
fun. And it's like, oh, that.

(54:42):
That's that's why OK. Maybe I'll watch that one.
I'll get a different perspectiveon JD.
Vance yeah, I feel like he wouldget, he would leak out the
Epstein list. Bro until the Epstein list is
like released, Trump is just officially a pedophile.
Oh for sure. There's no way I.
Completely agree with that. Like that, that's where I'm at
with it. This is kind of like like it was
one of those he was funny and then when he started acting that

(55:04):
way, I'm like, oh dude, you're on the list 100%.
But then again, it's one of those like, how can you?
Maybe they're afraid to release the list.
And like, hear me out. This is me playing devil's
advocate. Maybe they're afraid to leak the
list because maybe the list is mostly like people who were just
there that didn't actually partake on shit.

(55:24):
Like maybe that was like a secret part.
Like maybe that was a night timething.
Like no one knew about it. But then there's, yeah, there's
too much weird shit. Yeah.
See, I lose my devil's advocate argument because once I start
seeing the photos of George Bushplaying with the twin tower
blocks and Bill Clinton in the blue shit.
You didn't see that photo, dude.It's a painting he has in his

(55:46):
in, in the Epstein house. No, there was a painting of Bill
of Bill Clinton pointing at the camera like this and he's in a
blue dress sitting here. No, it's 100% a painting that's
in Epstein's on Epstein island. And then there's one with George
Bush sitting on the floor playing with blocks, and it
looks like the Twin Towers. And it's that could have been.

(56:07):
A painting like a something he paid for that to have painted.
I get it. But it's like, but why?
Especially when you're having all these famous, you're having
the man himself show up to the island like Bill Clinton's been
on, like confirmed hanging out with you.
Was that painting commissioned after he hung out Bill Clinton?

(56:29):
Maybe he's like Bill Clinton's aPansy.
I'm going to make him in a blue dress.
Yeah. But then again, it's like,
that'd be like if I was a billionaire, you don't think I'd
have Commission, like paintings Commission of all my buddies
that were fucked up. Yeah.
Like, just have like Nick Doyle riding like a a pony or
something, like a Unicorn. I'd have that in my house.
Why not? And I think he would be OK with

(56:50):
it. Absolutely.
Yeah, we actually got to go check the camera again.
So give me one SEC and we're back Right on.
Your Clapper. So yeah, the reason why I had
you on is 1 and I see I ran intoyou all the time at Mario's and

(57:11):
then I seen then you were gone for a couple of months and you
started. Well, no.
You hosted a mic first. Yeah, I started hosting
Sidelines in February. Yeah, because I was like, dude,
as a comic, especially newer comic, all that matters is reps.
That's all anyone talks about. Like reps, reps, reps, reps,
reps. The thing is, bro, when you're
doing open mics, you go out to an open mic and you're on a

(57:33):
list, You're there for sometimes4 hours.
Like it's crazy. You're out there for four hours
to get at some mics for like scarps, 2 to 3 minutes.
Yeah, because there's so many comics that sign up.
It's. Crazy.
And it's like, this is so not worth my time to be here for
four hours unless I'm networking.
And I don't even like half the fucking comics in Pittsburgh
anyway, so it's like, what am I networking for?

(57:55):
I don't make friends with these motherfuckers.
So I came to a point where I waslike, I just have to host my own
thing and then I can get as muchtime as I want.
I can put on comics I like. I can put together a room where
people can actually do whatever the fuck they want.
Yep I see that. I remember when I first started
doing comedy I was like so like when do you like start getting
booked and stuff? And at the time they were like

(58:16):
oh usually it's like 2 years before someone gets their own
show. They said unless and they said
but they said if you want to getbooked they said start your own
thing. They said start your own mic.
They said once people see you'redoing it for a while, you'll
start getting asked to do shows.Then it'll be like, oh, hey, you
have a show. Cool.
Can I do your show? And you'll do, I'll have you do

(58:37):
mine. It's like, oh, sweet.
And I was like, so that's how itstarts.
So I think it's it's awesome to see like you started like, oh, I
know I have to go like start my own thing.
Yeah. And then because then gigs come
out of that. That's true.
I feel like 1, you start to knowpeople a lot better when you
host. Like people come out and they're
like, oh, I love the room you'reputting together.

(58:57):
Like I could tell you put a lot of effort into it.
I feel like I have one of the best like foreign open mic
presentations. Oh, for sure.
Like do you have the camera whole the whole camera set up
and things like that? And like there's decent, like
the lighting's good, sounds good, the room's fun.
The room. I was there last week.
That or well, at the time of recording probably a couple
weeks ago, but we had a lot of fun.

(59:19):
Yeah, which is crazy, dude. Like I was saying that room was
dead for like compared to what we usually get like when when
the fire happened dude. Yeah, I was there for the fire
night. I was.
I think I went up for. Did I go up before or after I?
Don't even think you got to go up.
Yeah, because it was. I hosted.
Pradeep went up first. Pradeep caused the fire.
Yeah. And dude, there's people

(59:40):
standing in the back of the room.
It was so packed. I was standing in the bar and
all of a sudden the bartender come running out and she's like
fire, fire. And then a part of me was like,
should I pull that fire alarm? Because like everybody was
because everybody walked past itand I'm like, no one's hit this
yet. And a part of me was like, this
was my one opportunity and I didn't pull it because I didn't

(01:00:01):
want to like pull it and then belike, why did you pull it?
Like we had it contained in 5 minutes and it was like, Oh
well, I don't know how bad it was.
Did anybody have video of the actual like flames?
I might be able to pull it from the security camera.
I want to see how big it was, ifit would have just been like a
like the rad caught on fire and that was it.

(01:00:22):
I've been upset. No, it was like a ball of fire
dude. Like a huge grease fire like.
Dang, I wonder what happened. Just like.
Apparently the way they had their kitchen when they
remodeled it, there's the grill here and they have a metal
sheet, like there's flat sheet metal on the wall in the back.
It didn't go all the way to the bottom of the floor.

(01:00:42):
So all this grease that accumulated from years prior and
over time, we're still sitting there and I guess they dropped
something that was on fire, something really hot behind the
grill and it caught that up and it went up and behind that, oh,
wow, up into the wall. So when the firefighters came,
they were still like kindling and fire, still up in the wall,

(01:01:02):
and they had to knock it all outto finally put it out.
Dang. But now they're like, you know,
it took a couple months. They finally got it back
together. Now your mic's back weekly.
Yeah, sweet. Because it was like every other
week before. Yeah, I was kind of like dipping
my toes in a little bit and it'sa really good room.
And dude, now that I've been on the road, which is like, I
recommend any comic, like go to as many cities as you can and

(01:01:25):
you'll kind of feel out how Mikeshould be ran.
And I really want to move to LA now.
Oh really? Was you out there?
Yeah, I made dude. We made it all the way to LA
like we were on the road. I was on the road 3 1/2 months
in the van. Nice.
Kaylee made it to LA with me. We had all the way to the West
Coast, which I've never been ever like that far West, like I
was truly adventuring for the first time in my life.

(01:01:49):
I wish I could do that. I wish I could just take time
off and just go do things like that because you you guys at
least took a couple months like the like basically the summer
almost right? Yeah, well, I work remote, so
like I was working on the road. While I.
Was out, which has kind of been on my I'm like very intentional,
or at least I was very intentional with the way I like

(01:02:10):
set up my life. And that was always like #1 is
like get a remote gig and then be able to tour.
So you if even if it was with music or now comedy, it's like I
just want to have a reason to beon the road and be able to make
money while I'm while I'm out there.
Yeah, yeah. Like I said, like I said, when
you're, I mean, it was just you 2, right?

(01:02:32):
Yeah. So it's like when it's just you
2, you'd be amazed at the stuff that you can get into.
It's crazy because like when you're like, I've realized when
I was by myself, like going on vacation and stuff, I'd meet all
kinds of people and like people that I would never meet if I was
with a group of people. Like you would never do things

(01:02:54):
by your, you would never, you will do things by yourself that
you would never do if you were with people.
And that's what it makes vacation way better because you
don't have to. You don't have to deal with an
itinerary. I hate that shit.
Don't tell me what I'm doing first thing when I wake up until
when I go to bed. I'm just here to have fun and if
we hit, if we do things cool, ifnot, we just had fun.

(01:03:16):
Yeah, I have friends that do that.
They're like a very itinerary driven friends or like friend
group. And then I have friends who do
like, I don't even like going out with because I feel like I
have to babysit them. And it's like if we go out to
the bars, they kind of like wanteveryone to stand around the
same corner and fucking I feel like I have to keep the energy
up And it's like, this sucks. I mean, me like, I like going to

(01:03:37):
bars and like just like meeting randoms, talking it up with
whoever. And my some of my friends aren't
like that. They're kind of the opposite
where they're like standoffish with new people.
And I'm like, you suck to go outwith because you're not going to
meet anyone. Then you wonder why you're
alone. It's because you're like this to
strangers. Yeah, I love like going to a
dive bar and like sitting there and like you're talking to like
the old guys there and you. That was what I would go.

(01:03:59):
I'd go midday and just sit and talk with like people who just
hang out at the bar because they're like retired or whatever
and they tell you stories and stuff.
You'd learn all kinds of shit and you meet interesting people
that you can like, oh, I'm goingto remember that as a character
or something and you can use it your stand up later.
Yeah, I met one dude. He sounded just like Larry the

(01:04:20):
Cable Guy and he was just a truck driver just driving
through Nashville and he just talked like, what's that you got
going on there? I'll tell you what, man, that's
kind of crazy over and that's just how he would talk.
That dude was not bullshit. And that's just who he was.
And I was like, respect. I love that.
Yep, that's like I got to base something off that guy one time.

(01:04:41):
You, you got a good Hank kill. You got a good Larry, I think.
I've been, yeah, I've been working on the voices, the
Matthew McConaughey one everyonelikes.
When you break that out in the stand up, fuck yeah.
I don't even think that. I don't even think it has a good
punch line. Like that's basically the punch
line is me doing the accent. Yeah, for sure.
People love that shit. Yeah, 'cause you ever hear the
math? Yeah, I think you've heard the
Matthew McConaughey before. Now I have to.

(01:05:06):
Now I have to pay attention whenever I see your stand up.
Yeah, the. Thing is that I'm hosting.
That's the thing. I don't really see a lot of
people's sets. Same, I it's hard for me to
watch other people's sets. Like it's not that I don't want
to, it's just my brain's 1000. Like there's 1000 things
bouncing through my head. It's hard for me to focus.

(01:05:26):
Which I later found out was likeapparently was ADHD.
Kind of, I mean, bro. So that's another thing like
being on the road. Yeah, we're comics, brother.
We want to be up there talking. We're there to work really and
get reps. And that's like my whole thing
with this room is like, that's why I do the online sign ups
now. It's like, you know, you're
going to go around 9/29/30 wherever you signed up.

(01:05:48):
You can get in, get the fuck outif you want to go do get more
reps You're not. I'm not forcing you to come here
so you can be an audience member.
You're a comic. Come here and get your reps in
and leave if you want or just hang.
I noticed that like I like how you give the option like hey, do
you want a longer set or do you want a not to?
And I was like, when I seen thatfirst time, I was like, you know
what, I kind of want to go to the longer set, but I want to be
because it's your first time, Like I don't want to be that

(01:06:10):
guy. I let somebody else take it.
Now, if I'm telling you, do you want more time, it's because not
enough comics signed up and there's more time to kill.
OK, so that's the best thing about this room, bro.
I don't know what it is. I feel like I got on the wrong
some people's bad sides. Like early on when I was doing
comedy in Pittsburgh and they got really weird with me when I

(01:06:30):
go to Mike's. I think some of it too was when
I came back after like a month out.
No one told me about the Chuck thing and I did one of Chuck's
mics and then all of a sudden, bro, none of them would talk to
me. They wouldn't put me on their
open mics. They would ignore me if I was
like hey spot. No one fucking told me that.
Like this whole thing was going on.
So at that point I was like, youknow what?

(01:06:50):
Fuck you. Same.
I, I found out about it like later and it was just like, I'm
just going to stay away from this because I don't like, yeah,
yeah. But yeah, I I think I rubbed
people the wrong way and honestly, some of these
motherfuckers, I just don't likebro, like their personalities,
they're very clicky and shit like that.
So what's nice is like not a lotof people come out to the

(01:07:12):
sidelines Mic, at least people Idon't like.
Like it's generally all the boys.
That's the best part about having like a mic that's further
out, is that you're catching just the people who live around
that side of town. Like, you're going to catch
Blake because Blake lives from Newcastle and he's like, well,
screw it, I'm coming down that way anyway, why wouldn't I?

(01:07:33):
Scruva doesn't live too far fromthere.
Aliquippa. Yeah, sorry, not the docks
everyone. Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's yeah in the. Stands on a shirt, literally.
Aliquippa mascot. Yeah, but I'm just saying like,
you know, like you're all like kind of close.
Yeah, I'm good. Nice storming outside.
Bro, I'm nesting hard right now with the baby coming.

(01:07:54):
Kaylee's nesting. Oh yeah.
My favorite thing to do is sit on the porch and watch a storm.
Is it not the best? We just bought this egg chair,
dude. It's like a swinging chair, but
it's like egg shaped. It's like it just makes me feel
so at home. I always want to sit in a
swinging chair, but as a fat guy, I have that fear, the
bolts. I know.
I don't trust American engineering.

(01:08:16):
Dude. I get nervous on toilets, man.
Those toilets that you go in themall, when I was bigger like
that, when I was hitting that 420 numbers and you'd sit on,
sit on those toilets where they hang off the wall.
You hear that? You sit down and you hear that.
You're like, listen, I know thisthing has to have a little give,
but if it starts giving too much, we're fucked.

(01:08:37):
Damn, but you were up to 420, Yeah.
Blaze it for the exact those exact reasons.
I was smoking a lot of weed at the time and ordering DoorDash.
I just depressed man. It's just, you know, COVID.
It's COVID wet. Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, I was wearing shirts upto 5X.
Wow, yeah. Did you?

(01:08:57):
Were you a bigger kid growing up?
Or is it? I was always a bigger kid.
Like I mean my family's everyone's always been on the
heavier side. Like we're all stocky.
Like if I wasn't like fat, I would be stocky.
Like I'd still be like I everybody, everybody always said
like, man, if I had a chest likeyours, I'm like, what the fuck
does that mean? Like, 'cause I don't realize

(01:09:18):
what I have like and everybody'slike no, like you're built for
like working out and stuff. I'm like, yeah, if only I had
the work ethic, man. Like I'd love to hit the gym and
be like jacked. I just, there's times I'm like
I'm fucking tired. Yeah, it's hard bro.
Like, Oh yeah, if there weren't any health benefits suit, I
wouldn't be doing that shit ever.

(01:09:38):
Yeah, as I'm struggling now to get to the gym because I'm
locked in with a with a girlfriend.
I used to only lift because I wanted to look good.
Now, well, now I have the problem.
It's like I want to go to the gym, but then it's like I have
two. There's so much going on in my
day. It's like I have to, I have to
lift, then I get sweaty. I have to take a shower.
Well, that's more laundry I got to do.

(01:09:59):
So it's like, like, it's like, do I want to do laundry more
often or less? So it became an economic thing
for a while too. You have time and financially,
yeah, yeah. Because you're just like, I need
to get the most out of my time. But The thing is, there's things
in your life, bro, you could cutto make it a priority.
That's the thing. Like if you're like kind of

(01:10:19):
sitting around smoking weed, playing DoorDash, playing
DoorDash, ordering DoorDash, playing video games, that's what
a lot of people don't realize isyou For me, like bro, I only
need like 10 to 20 minutes. And like, I'm the same way.
I dread doing the shit dude. But if you just set a timer on
your phone, you're like shit, 10minutes.
I'm going to do this push up workout or I'm going to walk
around the block for 10 minutes.You can fit it in.

(01:10:42):
See, that's all my thing. That's what I need to start
doing. Like do like the mini stuff that
I can skid it in because I'm so used to thinking about when I go
to the gym, do 45 minutes at thegym lifting weights and doing a
workout like that, 'cause I always wanted to like lift.
I always wanted that. You know, everybody wants that
Arnold. That's the lone bill that that

(01:11:04):
yeah, it's not funny. That's the bad part.
There are no funny Jack comics. Joe Rogan.
There's a reason he's not funny,dude.
It's because he squats so much he doesn't have brain capacity
to be funny. I swear to God, when I have
heavy squat weeks, bro, I don't want to do nothing.
I can't be funny because I'm so miserable from lifting heavy ass
weight. Yeah, it's a real thing.
Squats are insane. Like squats are fun, but they

(01:11:28):
also like will destroy your calves.
Like your calves will look like shredded chicken afterwards.
They're not fun. I can't agree with that.
I fucking hate squatting. They're so necessary.
They raise your test levels. You turn into a real man after
you squat for real. Oh, really?
Oh yeah, lifting heavyweight, dude.
That's why all these little shrimp boys that like are like,
Oh my God, fucking women defend their rights or like they look

(01:11:51):
the way they do. It's because they don't squat.
I swear to God, it's it. Get in the fucking weight room,
liberals. That makes sense.
But but yeah, dude, so that's The thing is like, you can't put
yourself in a box. And I do this a lot too.
Or like even in my like career and personal life, I'm like, I
have to do this, this certain thing.
I have to post 10 videos a week,I have to do it this way.

(01:12:13):
And like, I was the same, like, Oh my God, I had to go to the
gym and work out for 50 minutes and you know what I mean?
But The thing is, you put so many barriers up on like your
time and your availability to dothat shit, you just end up not
doing it because you, you put itat such a high level and you're
like, I can't get there right now.
I can't get up there, you know what I mean?
But if you're like, do I have 5 minutes?
You're like, yeah, could you brush your teeth?

(01:12:34):
You know what I mean? So like, do I have 5 minutes
right now to stretch before bed?And it's like, fuck, I really
don't want to, but it's 5 minutes.
I can just knock it out real quick.
Yeah, You know what I mean? I think that's the best way to
do. It I need to find those
decompression workouts 'cause I always feel like you're back and
stuff. It's like, I love that.
There was a machine where I usedto go to the strongman gym where

(01:12:54):
you'd hang. I see Rogan posted about it one
time or talked about on his pod where it's like you lay on a
table and like you and there's aweight on your leg and it pulls
your leg like it's supposed to pull your back out and
decompress your back while all those strengthening your legs
'cause you have to lift the weight up.
It's like, it's like you lay it 90° and then the weight's here

(01:13:18):
and then you swing your leg likethat.
And it decompresses your. Back yeah, it's supposed to pull
all your like it's supposed to pull on your spine and pull your
like. You can hear like your back
popping and stuff from it Yeah, it's the most it's the best
workout ever. Soon as you do it, you're like,
oh thank God. Yeah, but I bet so a lot of
people, a lot of people realize like it carrying around so much

(01:13:41):
weight, dude, it's probably so hard on your body, 100.
Percent your knees and stuff like and as soon as you lose the
weight you start feel like it. It does feel like a weight
lifted off you. I mean, I lost 135 lbs.
Granted, yeah, granted, some of that was Ozempic, but I'm not
mad about that. You're on the zombies.

(01:14:02):
Yeah, dude. Well, you hit that, you hit that
part, you plateau. And it's like, I can't, I don't
understand what I'm doing. Like I'm not, I'm doing the
right stuff. Why?
And so this is like, oh, now I don't want to eat as much.
And it also saves you on your grocery bill because you're not
eating as much. Yeah, it's fucking your

(01:14:23):
insurers. Yeah, you know how much Olympic
is. It's like $1500 which is
ridiculous to me. I don't understand how this
stuff is that crazy expensive and insurance is a scam because
if you're you're telling me I can only pay that much then why
can I pay that much all the time?
Wait, you only pay? What are you saying?
Sorry. No, I'm I only have to pay like

(01:14:44):
25. Yeah, you pay like next to
nothing. Yeah, insurance pays for that.
So do you have employer based healthcare?
Yeah, yeah. So your employer paying that.
So like my job, bro, my day job so many of our clients like we
work with like Google, like big mother efforts.
Yeah, and they are complaining so much about Ozempic, bro,

(01:15:04):
because so many of their people are getting on it and it's like
just bankrupting their health plan because it's so much money,
dude. Like it's so much money that
legit insurers could hire everyone, personal trainers and
nutritionist full time with the amount of money you spend on
Ozempic. It's crazy.
Really. Yes, it's so dude. 1500 a month
you could have a personal trainer and nutritionist.

(01:15:25):
Hey, I'd be like, well, I mean, I'd rather have that.
Yeah, that's what they should bedoing.
They should be doing lifestyle intervention type shit.
Instead they're like, oh, just take this pill, but we're not
going to pay for you to have like a trainer pay for your own
gym. Fat ass.
Fuck you. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Doesn't. It doesn't.
It's bullshit. It's just said I would love and
besides, like lifting weight is so much fun.

(01:15:47):
It's so much fun to like to go to a gym and like work out and
lift heavy shit. Like people act like Oh no, it's
just a tea. Like no, trust me, the feeling
you get from it, like you do feel like you could throw a car.
Like that's why I always like, that's why I got the thing
tattoo, man. That's my thing.
That's my thing. Like I always liked it because
he's like this nice guy, but youknow, he's a big ugly rock

(01:16:10):
monster and he's strong. He beat the fuck out of people.
Like I always like I was like, that's that's what I want to be.
I want to be that guy. And it'd be big, ugly and nice.
Yeah, well, I always thought I always felt like big and ugly.
So that's why I always thought about that.
Then like you have your friends go.
No man, you're you're a handsomeguy.
I'm like, that's I was like, yeah, if you say that, always
trick your friends into doing that.

(01:16:31):
Like fish for the compliment, then insult them.
Insult them. Immediately, yeah, hit him with
that. And then columns things you're
not allowed to say in public. Just I'm just kidding.
I don't do that. The thing really is a sad story
though. Oh, it is.
I mean, there's this, there's one story where like he this
girl like falls like, you know, makes him think he cares about

(01:16:52):
her. And then like he overhears her
talking here. She just wanted a piece of like
him to study. Like she didn't actually feel
anything for me, like he's just a specimen.
So he just looks at her and justtears a piece of him off and
goes here you go and just walks away from her.
Like if that's all you cared about, here you go.
Damn, how symbolic is that? Yeah, I'm going to tear a piece

(01:17:13):
off of me because you, you did. You literally just hurt me so
bad. It was easy.
Tore a piece of me. Off yeah, it was easier for him
just to RIP a piece off of himself than what she the pain
she caused him. Wow.
Yeah, some of those writers did.As comic book writers.
Wow. But The thing is so fucked up
because it didn't isn't like Mr.Incredible like his best friend
and he put him in this tube and like fucked him up.

(01:17:34):
Yeah, that's The thing is like the that that and you kind of
like you don't see that as much in the new movie, like the new
Fantastic Four one I've seen they kind of just like he kind
of takes a back seat and is morejust accepting of the fact that
he's this way. Like he still sees himself and
he's like, that's what I used tobe, but what am I going to do?

(01:17:55):
Like he's been stuck like this for at the in the movie like 4
years. So he's like, I've already been
this way. It's not going to change.
And then like you could see, like it still bothers Mr.
Fantastic because he wants to like he wants to fix him, but he
doesn't know how. And then like they, they
actually wrote it into the storythat the reason why he never

(01:18:18):
wants to like he never can be cured is because deep down he
doesn't want to be cured becausethe woman that loves him is a
blind woman. And he worries that if he goes
back that she won't love him forthat.
She won't love him anymore. So that's why he stays that way.
So he does have a partner. It's almost like a mental thing,
like he doesn't want to change because he found someone that

(01:18:40):
accepts him and he worries that if he gets back she won't accept
him. Oh, interesting.
And I was like, oh, I like how they wrote.
I like how the writers always find a way.
Sometimes it's a good way. And then sometimes you get the
Spider Man clone saga and it's shit.
Learn me about the Spider Man clone saga.
Oh, it's, it's just a bunch of like you couldn't, There was 2

(01:19:01):
Peter Parker's at one time and then one said, oh, he didn't
know. He thought he was the clone, but
turned out he wasn't a clone. It was just a bunch of back and
forth, like stupid shit. They drug it out for so long and
people hated it. Yeah, anytime you get into
cloning, multiverse, different versions of people, it gets very
confusing. It do but I love the multiverse

(01:19:23):
shit. Honestly something just
resonates with me bro. Like time travel and like I was
always I think it's just like a childhood thing.
It's like I was always a perfectionist and like it really
fucked me up in social interactions and stuff because I
was very quiet because I was always like, I'm going to say
the wrong thing and this is going to go so.
Bad. That is how I think.
That is how I think. That's how I do my podcast.

(01:19:44):
I'd say I do the same thing. Like I'm in my head, like I had
this Nashville songwriter on thepodcast and the whole time I am
on edge because I don't want to say something like being myself
and him be like, what the fuck, dude?
And be like, that's what I'm thinking of the whole all the
time. Yeah, damn, what was I saying

(01:20:07):
about fucking? Oh, about being a perfectionist
in your head. I don't know why I was bringing
that up. There was a reason for it.
We're talking about writing and like being a time travel.
Multiverse time travel, yes, in that I so always wanted the
ability to just go back 5 or 10 seconds and just like fixing

(01:20:29):
things, you know what I mean? And like when I played video
games, bro, I'm like the worst type of player because if I play
RPGs, I fuck something up, I pause it and I would go back and
restart wherever I fucked it up.I had to get this dialogue
perfect, all that kind of. Stuff.
I do that, yeah. Because if they didn't plan out
the way I wanted to or somebody got killed in the way, I was
like, oh, I didn't want them to die.
Reload. Remember Madden?

(01:20:51):
It was Madden 09 had the rewind.Yes, dude.
I watched my buddy ruined a little kids day because he
called back a touchdown and he scored on him.
It was the one touchdown that kid scored.
He took it away. He took it away from me.
I watched it. The kid like scored and he was
talking so much to you, the kidslike yeah, yeah.
And he called it back and I watched that kid throw like just

(01:21:12):
look at him. The tears start to form and him
throw the controller and walk away.
I was like, dude, you know you were a Dick for that.
He's like what a Dick for that? He's like fuck that kid.
He's like I learned. I'm like.
Fuck you, that's hilarious dude.Yeah, it made me think of that.
When you're like, I want that rewind button where you could
just go, just go back. Dude, yes, I was always like

(01:21:34):
that girl. I think some of the twos, my mom
was a fucking stickler for everything and like everything
had to be perfect or like she would blow up.
And over the years I've had to learn to like love the process
of fucking up and that it's OK and it's what makes us human.
And if you're so worried about being perfect, you're just never
going to be yourself. I think, I think I'm in the

(01:21:56):
process of accepting it. Like I haven't accepted it yet
because it's still like it stillbothers me to fuck up like so
much. Like when the moment I fuck up
something like for instance if some if let's say I put an
episode out and someone will message me like hey the audio is
only coming out the left side. I immediately feel like shit

(01:22:18):
because I it's one of those likeI was in a rush to get an
episode out, I didn't check it and that it sounded good at the
time. Fuck.
And it just makes me feel stupidand it just it bothers me.
It's. The criticism that bothers you?
Exactly. Yeah, I've had to learn how to
deal with some of that, dude, especially with the type of
comedy I do, you get a lot of people that are like you're like

(01:22:39):
the racist uncle at the at the like at the comments are crazy,
dude. Like any of my my dark comedy,
like people are always commenting like you're just a
racist piece of shit. Some people just don't want
their like the age of like Andrew Dice Clay comedy is over
this. You need to stop.
It's like, what are you talking about?
But it's like, there's a lot of people they had to find that.
They had to make the dark jokes and get the angry reactions

(01:23:01):
before they event. Like, think about Bill Burr.
How much shit do you think he pissed people off with at first
before he realized, oh, there's a way to do this?
And not because it's like, yeah,because there's like, Anthony,
was it Anthony Jeselnik? Same deal like he's like an edgy
comic but he found a way. Like he sucks you in like oh you

(01:23:21):
like him and then boom it hits you with the dark shit.
Well, the bring it full circle, bro.
There's always going to be a hater.
Even if they do figure it out ina way that's like this works and
it's not actually, he's still telling rape jokes.
He's going to piss off a ton of women.
There's going to be people who are fans of Sabrina Carpenter
bitching that they didn't like her album cover, You know what I
mean? And it's like the most loved
people in the world are also themost hated.

(01:23:43):
It's just a fact of life, bro. Trump, Daddy, These
motherfuckers hate him and then you have these dudes who worship
him. You.
Know what I mean? And it's just like that's part
of being liked and being yourself.
You're going to have haters, bro.
What I said I did a solo episode.
Yeah, I watch it. I like that one a lot.
I was freaked out because I didn't know if I wanted to post

(01:24:04):
or not because I was like I said, a lot of like some stuff.
It's like that's just how I feelabout things.
It's like, I'm not saying it's right on how I'm feeling right
now. It's just, this is how I think
of it. Am I wrong or what do you think?
Like, you know what I mean? Like, this is just how I feel
Like, yo, because society's fucked up.
And then I was telling like another comic about I was like,
yeah, I recorded this episode. I don't know if I want to post

(01:24:26):
or not because people might get upset.
He's like, man, fuck him. He's like, your audience will
find you. Like, don't worry about trying
to be something for an audience.And I was like, that's a good
point, Trying to see where we'reat.
Oh, I got 20 seconds where I have to check the camera.
We'll do one more, one more, onemore, and we'll wrap it up.

(01:24:47):
All right. Yeah, yeah.
Sounds good. Perfect 9:30.
And we have returned sweet. Sorry, am I not supposed to be
clapping? I know it's good for syncing.
No, I always do that. And we're back every time.
And like, people complain and we're back, like making fun.
And I was like, yeah, but that'swhere I used to, like, sync up
my audio and we're back. It's the best.

(01:25:09):
And you're always gonna have haters, is what I was saying.
And brother, it'd be your own people that do the most hating.
It'd be the mother fuckers that don't do anything.
They sit in their house, they'reon their fucking computer.
They're low lifes, they don't doanything with their own life.
But they got the most opinions and they're doing the most
fucking hating because they've never lived it.
I have to make sure I have to have met like checks in my head

(01:25:30):
sometime to make sure I'm not hating.
OK, Did you ever notice that? Like, do you ever have that
problem? Like I'm not acknowledging a
character flaw that I have. Like I see something like one of
your friends might get somethingthat you're like, what the fuck?
Like I've been working hard. Like how come I And then you
have to like put yourself, remind yourself like, what are

(01:25:50):
you doing? What are they doing?
Like, yeah, they're doing something cool and they got
something cool from it, but you're also doing something
cool. You're doing a podcast.
Like you have to like check yourself.
Like, oh, you can't have everything everybody else has
because you do other shit like you're doing things that they
aren't. So it's like I have to remind
myself of that. So you get envious it sounds.

(01:26:11):
Like sometimes. Where you're like, oh, they are
doing this thing and you're like, I'm not even close to that
in my life. Yeah, well, I think what it is,
I came up like I had a friend growing up where he was like a
golden child, like every like everybody always wanted to hang
with that guy, not you. So that's I always had that

(01:26:32):
stuck in my head. So like, and there's times like
it, I, I go through it like I'llbe out and I'm like, no one here
likes me. Like I'm not a faint, like, you
know, no one's, no one's ever like fawning over me kind of
thing. And it's, it's weird.
Like you see other, it happened to other people and like you
kind of want that for yourself, but not in like a negative way

(01:26:55):
where like you want to do it, like to like you're better than
people. You know what I mean?
Like you want it. I want it's one of those I'd
like to do that and still be able to help people.
Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, sometimes it's
nice to be recognized for what you do.
For sure. Yeah, absolutely, dude.
But I, I go through the same thing.
I have very actually, that's whyI started staying up as I had a

(01:27:17):
severe social anxiety and like crippling negative thought
patterns that would just fuck upmy mental.
And like, I couldn't go out, dude.
There's times I'd go out, I'd immediately go home.
Even if I was going out with my friends, Yeah, I'd get so
anxious. I feel like everyone's looking
at me, everybody's judging me and nobody likes me.
I'm a fucking idiot. I'm ugly and I'm more of a
burden than like a good time. That's what I think of it.

(01:27:39):
Yeah, So what I've had to do, bro, thank thank God I started
therapy when I was like like 2 years ago, three years ago now
is you have to audit your own thoughts.
And this is, this is like CBT therapy, like cognitive behavior
therapy where you are going to be like you're talking about
checking yourself, being a haterto other people.

(01:27:59):
Bro. You have to audit the way you
talk about yourself because you will fuck yourself up and put
you again, put yourself into a box by think just about your own
thoughts will do it where you'relike, I'm ugly, nobody likes me.
Then that shit becomes true because when you go out, you act
that way. You act like I'm fucking ugly.
Nobody likes me. Bro.
Some of the funniest and most charismatic people on earth are

(01:28:21):
ugly as fuck and that's OK. You know what I mean?
And so like I've had to like overcome that shit is be like,
none of this is true. When I have the thought pattern,
I'm like, that's not true. And then you have to come up
with a list of the reasons that's not true to work your way
out of it. Yeah, I mean, that's like my
therapist was like, write down 10 good things about yourself.

(01:28:42):
I had struggled with that. Like, Pete, that's a hard thing
to do because everything I wouldthink of in my head, I would
always hear in the back of my mind, like, you're not being
humble. You're not, you know what I
mean? You're being cocky, you're being
this. So then it's like it goes, it
put it put kicks yourself back down and it's like you're trying

(01:29:04):
to think about like, where did that thought pattern come from?
Where like, you know, where did it come from?
Like how did we get this way? Like I start thinking about that
shit because like that's the stuff I'm interested in.
It's like, well, how did I get this way of thinking?
Like that's something I don't know, that's weird shit I get
interested in tonight. It's like you want to talk about

(01:29:25):
that, but it no one, not a lot of people want to talk about
that because it's like, I don't that's too open and being
vulnerable. And it's like, no, I'm just
curious. Like am I the only one that
struggles with that? Like, so it's it's weird.
It's nice whenever you hear someone else tell that and
you're like, oh OK, like not it makes sense.
Yeah, I'm dude. I think a lot of people struggle

(01:29:47):
with it. And The thing is, is that
instead of being open with it, they will deflect or reflect
back onto you and make you feel bad about yourself and kind of
go that way about it. Or a lot of people will, instead
of having, like, an open conversation, auditing their own
thoughts, they just want to get drunk and get high because then
they don't have to think about it at all.
You know, It's like a coping mechanism.

(01:30:08):
Yeah. Because this shit is so hard to
like, actually deal with. And I still do that.
Like there's still times when like if I have a really bad day,
it's like I'm not going anywhere.
I just, I need to stay. I'm staying home.
I need to like, it's like I can't think it's weird to
overwhelm me sometimes. It's sad, like I think about it
a lot, bro. Like especially with how siloed

(01:30:30):
we are and like there's so many people that are just like in
their own head hating their lives for kind of like no reason
really. And it's just like the age that
we're born and growing up in, right?
I feel like people are in these like just negative thought loops
their entire life and the shit they read online helps
perpetuate those. The people in their lives,

(01:30:52):
whether it's like a bitch mom orlike a bad friend, perpetuate
them. Then you just end up fucking
hating your life. Yeah, living in the first world.
Yeah. And then, well, then you start
thinking about like, like, then you're like looking at your,
like, you know, let's say you look at where it's coming from
and you're kind of like, why do they do?
Why are they acting that way? Like, why do they think this

(01:31:14):
way? And it's like, you start, then
you start finding a generationaltrauma shit.
Yeah. Where it's like, you know, you
start talking, you know, you start openly, you know, opening
up to people and explaining stuff.
And then it's like, yeah, but you're the only one with that
problem. You're the only one that has
that problem. No one else does.
No, I think we all have that problem and no one's talking

(01:31:36):
about it. I think that's what it is.
Yes, but that's what fixed my I used to hate my mother and
resent her very much to the point that it was awkward when I
had to have conversations with her.
And that's something I had to work on in therapy.
And it came back to generationaltrauma.
And there's a therapist, he's actually from Pittsburgh named

(01:31:57):
Mark Wallen, and he has a book called It didn't start with you
overcoming like generational trauma or something like that.
But at first, I thought that shit was so woo woo.
Yeah. Like, the way he talks about it
is like one of his patients, their grandmother was in the
Holocaust, and she was like, self harming.
The his patient is self harming and like, burning herself.

(01:32:20):
And they traced it all the way back to her grandmother having
survivor's guilt from the Holocaust.
Yeah, Dang, like that's just saying you don't realize what
people went through. Like, like, for instance, like
they're a lot of my like in someof my family, like, you know,
they grew up in the country and stuff.
So there's a lot of like harsh views on people.

(01:32:43):
And it all stems back to like, like, I heard the story one day
where it was like, Oh yes, somebody's family member was
killed by a person that looked like this and that's what kicked
it off. And that invade and that
trickles down to a whole generation of people.
And you're like, why are we actually saying it?
Like why is anyone actually saying any of this stuff?

(01:33:04):
Like why is anyone actually being like, you're saying all
this, you know, problematic shit, whatever, you know, for
what reason? And it all comes back to like,
oh, because of 1 traumatic incident.
And that's why everybody's beingall weird.
And it's like, I went very vaguewith what I was talking about
because I don't want people to listen to it and be like, what

(01:33:26):
the fuck you got weird family that like that?
It's like, yeah. I'll say it, I do bro.
My like the shit I had to figureout was going on with like the
generational trauma from my family's insane, especially with
my mom. And that's what that's what
completely fixed my relationshipis me understanding that she is
just generally A flawed human being.
None of it is personal. And that the shit she had to

(01:33:47):
deal with and the shit she's currently dealing with in her
own head is really fucked up. And instead of like it being
awkward to me resenting her and taking it personal, it's very
much like you are who you are. And now I understand why you are
the way you are. Because it's like I think about
my grandmother and the way she treated my mom and the fact that

(01:34:07):
my mother, my grandpa, my mother's dad was like never
there. Like her birthday is right
around Father's Day. If they lined up on the same day
he was at the bar drinking for Father's Day and not for her
birthday, you know what I mean? And like, you start to see like
your mother and like other people, like whoever it is in
your life that you have this issue with as like a human.

(01:34:27):
And once you identify that, bro,you could start seeing it in
yourself. And that shit is so healing.
Like when I realized why my mom is like so manic and like
irresponsible and makes irresponsible decisions is
because there's a gaping hole inside of her that she feels
like her life isn't enough. And she's so desperately trying
to feel it. She wants to be good enough for

(01:34:48):
her mom and her dad, and she still deals with that.
Once I realized that was her thing and I identified with it,
Bro, my mom was like, I fucking love my mom.
Yeah, that's like my best friend.
I get it. It's like one.
Yeah. It's, it's, it's weird that it
takes so long to understand. And it's like some people never
got to do that. They never got to understand

(01:35:11):
people like, like, I like my parents now.
Like they're older. Like my dad's in his 80s, my
mom's in her 70s. And they're not changing.
Like it's one of those like, I can go to therapy and and
understand and learn a lot. The moment you try to relay it
back and be like, oh hey, this is what you learned, a

(01:35:32):
conversation goes nuclear real quick.
You tell them like, hey, have you thought about how you're
fucked up because of this? Well, it's well, you're just
like, OK, like for instance, like you find out you have ADHD
from your therapist. OK, this one is the fucking nuke
button actually. This is a nuke.
Tell a grandpa you got ADHD. Well, it's like, so you find out
about it because it's like, why is it like, you know, I've

(01:35:55):
always, because my dad always like stop fidgeting, stop doing,
you know, like what are you doing?
Like can't you sit still? Then you find out, oh shit, now
I understand. Like, you know, and most of us
worked blue collar jobs. We weren't like school wasn't
always our best thing. Well, yeah, because everyone's
dealing with this undiagnosed thing and it's all generation,

(01:36:18):
you know, because it says, Oh yeah, you can get it from your
parents. So my dad wasn't that great in
school. Same deal.
Like, and even him, he cannot sit down like at 80, some years
old, he'll get up and go do and what are you doing?
I just he'll just go and start looking at something.
What are you doing? Like sit down like.

(01:36:40):
That's funny. He and then like can strike a
conversation with a stranger, like being Walmart, talking to
somebody. You know that guy.
I have no idea what that guy is.I have the same problem.
As I said, it just comes, it goes, it follows you.
And it's like, but yeah, like one of the things that were like
for the ADHD thing, one of the things, like, I was listening to

(01:37:03):
this book about adult ADHD and like, do you have a lot of
household projects that never got finished?
There's like, my dad would buy, like he'd buy a riding tractor
because he was going to fix it up and never got fixed up.
Like it was like I said, there'sa lot of these, like, ideas and
ready to do it and then like, itjust didn't happen.
Like whether it's too busy, you know, get working all the time.

(01:37:25):
But it's like, do you not see where the pattern is this, you
know, we're starting to notice something here.
And yeah. So you try to bring it up to, I
try to. Explain it like, hey, do you
think maybe this sounds a lot? And then it's like it
immediately turned it. No, you're the only one that has
that problem. That's funny.

(01:37:46):
It's like, I get it. Fuck you.
I was like, all right, noted. And I just then you just have to
just admit defeat and just be like, Yep, this, this ain't
going to change. You just have to be like
whatever. Yeah, you accept them.
Well, there's something really cathartic about it because I I
do believe you are the accumulation of whether it's
nature or nurture, your parents and your family.

(01:38:09):
You are a product of your environment.
Yes. But then you can also adjust.
I think even genetically, like beyond just environment, like
the nature part, I really do believe the you are a huge piece
of like what your parents are like genetically, yeah.
It's it's funny, I was OK, so I don't know if you've seen any
movies lately, but there's a OK,so this scene hit me hard and I

(01:38:32):
think I understand now explaining like, you know, this
conversation kind of helped me explain, understand this scene
that happens more. I went to go see the new
Superman and there's a I'm goingto spoil the fuck out of this.
I don't care. Yeah, I don't care.
So there's a big twist in the movie where Superman finds out
the message that he thought was hopeful from his parents, like

(01:38:53):
space parents. Turns out his his culture was
warlike. And he they said, we're going to
send you there. You're going to conquer the
Earth. And this isn't like, oh, we
thought it was going to be like A twist and like, oh, no, it
turned out to be a lot. No, that's what the story is
like. They confirm it four times in
the movie. Like, no, this message is real.
He sent here to conquer us and it fucks with him because he's

(01:39:18):
like all my life, I, you know, most of my life I've learned to
help people and want to help. And now I find out that it's all
a lie. And so it's, it breaks him.
So his dad comes out and sits next to him and.
Super dad or a human dad? Human dad and like sees that
it's bothering or whatever and he sits next to him and he's

(01:39:38):
like, we give you, we're supposed to give you the tools
to make you for you to make a fool out of yourself.
We're not supposed to tell you who you're supposed to be.
We're just supposed to equip youwith everything to go out in
life and forge and then you figure out who you are.
And it was like just the way that thing like.

(01:39:59):
And then, you know, he says he'sso proud of him and shit.
And I'm like, I'm in the theatergoing, you know, like trying to
keep it together. I'm bawling like.
Getting by yourself watching Superman.
Exactly. I did it once and then I went to
go see it with my dad and my dadI seen him at the same park kind
of go, which is code for I'm getting emotional right now,
which without saying, I got emotional like it's that whole I

(01:40:21):
didn't cry a man. But you noticed you changed your
I noticed you changed your position during that same scene
that I'm emotional at. Yeah.
Wow. But I kind of get it now once
you explain it that way, where it's like you're a product of
your environment, your parent, like basically you're leaving

(01:40:41):
the factory as a tool. It's how you get out and how
that tool is used determines what that you know if it was a
good tool or not, I think. Yeah, it'd come out of tool bag.
Yeah, I that's the thing bro. This is also would help me with
empathy for like, fuck ups and like pieces of shit.
I believe in determinism very much.

(01:41:02):
I think we're all on a set path.You didn't choose what family to
be born and what country. We could be fucking Indians
right now, stinking and working the streets.
You know what I mean? Fighting Pakistan.
True. And a lot of these, like, pieces
of shit, honestly, they weren't raised right.
Yeah. And there's a piece of me that
is like, that is so sad. I'm not going to go near you

(01:41:22):
because you're going to ruin my life.
But I do not hold you. Yeah.
As like, although like the devilor anything, you know what I
mean? Because you are, like, the
product of what your parents made you.
Well. Think about like there's that
dude, like the Idaho guy that killed all his women or
whatever. The sorority?
Yeah, I just watched that, Yeah.Imagine them being like, like
think about what his parents feel like.

(01:41:45):
Where did I like what happened? And I know, I know that they're
probably going through that because my, you know, I've seen
my like my family go through thesame stuff where like, you know,
someone neither is on drugs or they've got done something.
It's like, where did I go wrong that you fucked up?
Like, you know what I mean? Like they blame themselves for
it, but it's like, no, you gave them the tools to go out and do

(01:42:07):
shit. They evidently made that
decision. Like you didn't fuck up.
It's just you. You made it.
The person like, you know, sometimes, like, yeah, you are
going to get a bad product, but you know, a person who's a bad
product of their environment, but like, I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, there's an environment outside of the
family structure, too, which thepeople you befriend at school,

(01:42:28):
some of it is like genetic, likethey do from Idaho.
My cousin is the same way. He was born.
I knew from the moment he was three years old that he was
going to be a psychopath. Crazy.
I could just see it when he was that little and there's kids you
grow up with when you went to school with, you're like that
kids a piece of shit. He's going to end up in jail by
the time he's fucking 18. Like this one kid, not going to

(01:42:50):
name him piece of shit used to bully like be an asshole all the
time. His dad was an asshole because I
met his dad later. I'm like, you're just like your
dad. He's a piece of shit too.
And it's so crazy how young you could sense when someone's going
to just grow up to be a dirtbag.And sometimes you can't do
anything about it bro. I met a couple kids in school
that I knew like just growing uplike, oh, that kids going to be

(01:43:12):
a piece of shit. He's going to be a Dick or
whatever. And some people surprise you.
Like they start off that way andthen eventually like they turn
their whole life around. It's it's insane.
Like how you know how much they've changed.
And then like, there was one kidI went to school with and he was
always like an asshole, like just mean for no reason, all

(01:43:33):
that stuff, and just was a Dick.And like, even when you try to
be like, hey man, how's it going?
Like just fucking douchebag. It's not even like a month after
we graduate, news gets out. They found him.
He hung himself. No.
Yeah. And like, I'm not proud of my

(01:43:54):
first reaction because I was very much like, well, fuck him
because, you know, this kid was a Dick to me all throughout
school and then and just nasty. Like, why do I care?
And then then you start hearing the story where they were like,
oh, like he grew up in a shitty situation and it was real bad.
And like, it was more of a sad story.

(01:44:16):
But then you're like, but then there's a part of me he's like,
yeah, but this guy was a Dick. You know what I mean?
Like a part of he's like, this guy was a Dick, but then a part
of he's like, I do kind of feel bad for him.
I hate that with like then you start caring about people and
it's like ah. Enough of that.
Yeah. Then you're just like, ah, like,
why do I feel bad? Like now I feel bad because it's
like, ah, now you kind of wish you could have helped him, but

(01:44:37):
it was like there was no help init.
It was just a sad, like you'd almost had to go in as a kid, as
a like when he was a kid and changing and you weren't.
It just wasn't going to happen. That's where I think it has to
happen. You got to get to these kids
when they're young and really, really change that path or help
them out somehow, bro. Yeah.
Because you can't change adults,Yeah.

(01:44:58):
Once you get them into adult things, like you're not going to
learn unless something really bad happens to you at that point
because most people, they don't change until something really
bad happens. Yeah.
Like whether it's somebody like,you know, how many times you see
people, they have a DUI and theydon't stop drinking until they
kill somebody. And then they kill somebody and

(01:45:18):
their whole life changes like because they got, you know, it's
weird. Like people just don't learn.
That's why it's like we have jail.
And then they go to jail and they get worse because they're
around other pieces of shit. Right.
Or they don't. Or they get born again Christian
and they're like, Oh my God, Godhas to love me and I'm going to
change, which is cool. Do it if you're going to be a
better person. Yeah, my brother's a he's a

(01:45:41):
prison guard and he's told me some some horror stories about
shit that he sees. Like he's like he goes.
I have to watch because what he actually said it sounds bad out
of context. OK.
But it's one of those, I understood what he was saying.
He's just like these people. There's no rules in there.

(01:46:02):
Like he is the stuff they do. He's like, because they're
throwing shit at the wall, they because they put shit and piss
in a cup and then mix it up and throw it at you and stuff.
And because then the medicine you have to take to combat the
ill, like what you could get from that make is worse than any
flu that you could ever have. Like I said, it fucks your body

(01:46:23):
up. And I was like, damn.
Like I do not like those guys. Do them get paid enough for what
they do and they're not allowed to smoke weed or nothing?
So like you're going to you're getting PTSD every day and can't
do shit about it My. Girlfriend's brother's Aceo.
Oh yeah. Yeah.
And it's he's very much now he'sthat personality type of ACO.

(01:46:45):
Yeah, which is? The shit they deal with every
day and. They have such a fucked up sense
of humor now, like coming out ofit because they see so much bad
shit. And he's like, there's sometimes
he's like, he's like, you know, he's like you got, he goes, you
get these inmates, he's like, you got to put the yeah, the
bows to them like, you know whatI mean?
Because he's like, you can't punch him.

(01:47:07):
He's but these guys won't stop. He's like one guy tried to kill
himself. He said the guys were kept like
inmates were fucking with him and just kept telling him jump,
jump. Like they, they do that because
they just, they're fucking evil people in there.
Yeah, and they're bored. Yeah, and they're bored.
They want to see something happen.
So here the guy went and jumped on the railing, was going to

(01:47:28):
jump off, and my brother's this big dude just grabbed him by his
belt and yanked him off the railing to stop him.
He he said somebody from like one of the inmates from down
below saw it. They said it looked like a
cartoon character. They said all you see him is
hands and feet. When they yanked him down, he
was like, what the fuck? Like, yeah.

(01:47:51):
So it's like you're around that all the day.
It's like, and for them to come,like to get out of prison and
for them to go back to a normal life, the hoops they got to go
through is insane. So it's amazing to me.
Like when you see guys like, yeah, this guy's been in jail
three times. It's like, dude, how did you get
back on like? On the straight and.
Narrow. Yeah, like, how did you even do

(01:48:12):
that? Like.
Yeah, it's like going to the jungle and having to live with
the wolves. Kill for your own food and then
you're back in an Uber. And then most people, they can't
adjust when they come out of that because you're in survival
mode all the time. You come back into society,
you're still in survival mode. You just can't punch out people
in the coffee shop to start dominance.

(01:48:34):
You can't do that. You can't fight the big the
biggest guy at the Starbucks, you're going to kill him.
The biggest guy at the Starbucksis fucking never mind.
The biggest guy that's Starbucksis usually me in the corner,
like, you know, eat those, thosebreakfast wraps that are fucking
like. They're the best.

(01:48:54):
Don't those make you shit, dude?That'd be.
Shit 100% but like when you're 2:30 in the morning and it's
you're at the casino in Pittsburgh and the only thing
that's open is Starbucks. Thanks.
Get that in a double espresso and now you're ready to go.
You'd be gambling. I don't, no.
Dude, I got an addiction when I went to Vegas.
Oh really? So I've been trying to lure
people to the casino with me. So just saying, if you're going

(01:49:17):
to lose money on blackjack one night we got to go to the
casino. No, I'm one of those.
I'll go and then hang out the part, the bar where they had the
bands and stuff. Oh, it's cool.
OK, Yeah, it's always a good time you're been down there when
they have a band. Yeah, I didn't hang out.
That's when I was younger and I was too cool for that kind of
shit. Oh, dude, I love going down
there and when they have a band and stuff because like you can,
it's fun watching people dance. It's hilarious to watch the old

(01:49:40):
people just out there and they're they're getting and then
they start drinking too and thenthey start grinding on each
other. It's even funnier.
You're watching all the Gen. Xers out there like.
Oh, Darla, we used to have fucked her this song.
Yeah, there's going to be a whole new generation.
It's all fucked up from all these geriatric, geriatric
pregnancies, and it's all going to be people just grinding at

(01:50:02):
the casino, man. But yeah, we've been going.
Yeah, we're almost an hour, 40 minutes.
Yeah, we can call it. We should go to the casino
sometime. Yeah, that'd be fun. 100% be
down for that. Let's do it.
If anything, just get Starbucks.I'm an addict bro.
I was there before I came here. That's what I do all my work.

(01:50:23):
Oh, really? Yeah.
I got to get out of my fucking house.
I work from home. Like Get Me Out of this house.
I'm here 8 hours a day. Yeah, I was.
I had to work from home today and I was just like just I, I
was catching up on a lot of comedy stuff.
Yeah, just. Doing outside work, beating off
Yep and watching reels 100% that's the life of a work from
home or. Yeah, then you're playing.

(01:50:45):
Sometimes you're like, you know,I'm gonna play Call of Duty for
four hours instead of work skidding.
Bro you know what I did today? I was playing Balloons Tower
defense 6 on my phone when I wasin a bullshit meeting.
I'm addicted to that. I get really in the the games
bro once I'm locked in, so I'm going to play Bloons tower
defense until I have until I'm up at 3:00 AM one night.
I'm like, what am I doing with my life?
And then I'll delete it. Bubble bubble shooter.

(01:51:05):
And then there's a game where you stack tiles up.
Oh. Yeah, dude.
And you win. Yeah, because then so because
you watch them like they jump over and they're all multi
colored and it's yeah, you get it's very stimulating for the
eyes. Yeah, but yeah, man, tell people
to check out, you know, tell me where they can find you.
Check out check you out. Oh, yeah.
Hello, everybody. I forgot we were talking to you.

(01:51:28):
Yeah, I'm Colton Buzzard. Like the Bird.
I have a show I do weekly. I'm going to start my own
podcast, by the way, Sweet. It's called Coltie's Crash Out.
Sweet. So check that out.
I'm probably going to go around the country again.
If you guys want tips on like how to fucking travel and do
comedy. I'll tell you what, what sucks,

(01:51:49):
what doesn't, the best parts of that.
And then I run local comedy shows in Pittsburgh.
Sweet. And yeah, I'm trying to think of
anything. Else oh and I have we have our
vlog from our trip too so ColtonBuzzard on YouTube.
You could see all the shit me and my girlfriend got into.
She got pregnant. We didn't really talk about that
today but I knocked her up. We've only been together like
two or three months officially, which was wild.

(01:52:11):
Hey, you know what, How many times you hear that story where
like the grandpa's, like I've seen your, your, your grandma at
the dance and she was looking good and I said I'm going to
marry her. Dude, I knew it.
I did. When I met her, I was like, this
is going to be the one I married, so if I knocked her up,
it's OK. There you go.
Yeah, but yeah, I checked that out.

(01:52:32):
We're posting all of our shit from that.
We went to Austin, saw all thosefucking crackhead homeless
people. We made it all the way all the
way to LA, dude, she saw Skid Row and then flew by home.
Nice. Yeah, it's a good.
It's like a wholesome Gabby Petito story.
Right on. Yeah.
Yeah. Where?
Like, you know, no, the only thing that got killed was I was

(01:52:56):
going to say hopes and dreams. I was going to say hopes and
dreams because you have a kid now, but that sounds dark.
I'm worried about that, bro. I'm worried about it, but we're
going to see what life brings us.
Heck yeah. So yeah, I'll say I'll post all
your links in the podcast so everybody can find you.
Cool. So alright guys, see you.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode #71: Colten Buzard

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

All Episodes

Episode #71: Colten Buzard

NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal