Empathy and Isolation: Life Lessons Part 5

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What if empathy was your secret superpower? Join me on this special episode as I share personal reflections on the profound lessons aging imparts, including how learning to view the world through others' eyes can transform relationships and diffuse conflicts. Over the years, I've come to realize that empathy isn't just about understanding others—it's about questioning our assumptions and recognizing our roles in the challenges we face. By sharing anecdotes from my own journey, I hope to inspire you to cultivate this skill, fostering deeper connections and making our divided world feel a little less isolating.

We also pay tribute to the late Marina Keegan, whose collection "The Opposite of Loneliness" challenges us to reconsider the barriers that keep us from truly connecting with one another. Her poignant essays continue to resonate, urging us to embrace our shared humanity and the power of empathy to alleviate loneliness. Her insights remind us that true human connection is about more than love or community; it's about knowing we're all in this together, even when times are tough.

NOTE: Quotes used in this episode are from the essays of Marina Keegan as published in the Yale Daily News and the book, The Opposite of Loneliness: Essays and Stories by Marina Keegan, Emily Woo Zeller, et al. Neither the host, producer nor program benefits financially from any purchase made using the above link, nor is any liability assumed for any issues relating to purchases using said link.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello and welcome everyone to Bill Monty's Guide
for Getting Older, and thank youfor joining us for Life Lessons
those lessons that agingteaches us.
These lessons help prioritizewhat is important, what used to
be important, and how ourattitudes towards this
importance changes.
Today, I want to talk aboutempathy and loneliness.

(00:31):
Empathy well, some couldconsider that a superpower.
As we mature, we learn to seesituations from others'
perspectives.
We discover that empathy candiffuse conflicts and deepen
relationships.
This skill can help us navigatecomplex social situations,

(00:53):
become better friends, partners,colleagues, workmates, human
beings.
It's something, though, that hasto be learned, especially in
this day and age.
I don't know how empathetic Iwas as a younger man I like to
think I was very much so but Ican remember times when my words

(01:14):
and my actions did not conveythat.
I find now that, as I've gottenolder, I'm much more
understanding of other people'splace in the world and their
attitudes, and I hope it hasmade me more tolerant and
forgiving of others.
Yes, listen, I'm going to behonest.

(01:35):
I have a quick temper, so Imaybe could use a little more
learning in this life lessoncategory about empathy, but it's
really important, no matterwhat age you are, to begin
thinking that because someoneisn't necessarily like you in
the way you would like them tobe.

(01:56):
Maybe their political views aredifferent, maybe they have
different views about religionor about the universe as a whole
, maybe their attitude towardstheir fellow man does not match
yours.
Maybe we could be asking thequestion why.
Someone once said that tounderstand a person, you must
walk a mile in their shoes.
I used to think that was just anice catchy phrase to say

(02:20):
something out of the 60s and 70s, but I understand it now.
Say something out of the 60sand 70s, but I understand it now
.
I recently had a situation atwork where a co-worker was
slightly irritating, shall wesay.
But I began to think why isthat my attitude?
What is happening in thisperson's life that might make
them behave the way that they do?

(02:41):
And if I knew what that was,would I be more understanding of
this person's actions?
And once I started looking atit from that point of view, then
my coworker became a humanbeing again to me and our
relationship changed for thebetter.
And if there was a problem withit before I realized, I might

(03:03):
have been the problem.
So if empathy is a superpower,maybe that day I was able to fly
a little bit off the ground.
Understanding what people aregoing through is so important.
I've mentioned this before.
We live in a divided world.
It's getting sometimes harderevery day to feel as one with

(03:27):
your fellow citizen, the personyou work with, your neighbor.
We're becoming so isolatednowadays and I think there's a
little more understanding wemight not feel that pang of
loneliness that maybe makes usfeel this way Empathy and

(03:51):
loneliness our own lonelinessand that of others.
I read an interesting essay thata friend of mine turned me on
to.
It was written back in 2012 bya young lady named Marina Keegan
.
Marina Keegan was a student atYale.
She graduated magna cum laudein 2012.
She had written a series ofessays that got published,

(04:14):
unfortunately, most of themafter her tragic death, only
five days after she graduatedfrom Yale at the very young age
of 22.
What a light we lost.
But she wrote in one of heressays, and that's called the
Opposite of Loneliness Essaysand Stories by Marina Keegan.

(04:34):
I urge you to buy this.
I get no compensation for it,but I'm going to put a link in
the show notes to where you canfind out more information about
Marina Keegan.
What a fascinating young womanshe was and her thinking, the
way that she thought aboutherself and her relationship
with the world was so amazing.

(04:57):
She wrote and this is a directquote I worry sometimes that
humans are afraid of helpinghumans.
There's less risk associatedwith animals, less fear of
failure, fear of getting tooinvolved.
She also said it's not quitelove and it's not quite
community.

(05:17):
It's just this feeling thatthere are people, an abundance
of people, who are in thistogether, who are on your team
when the check is paid and youstay at the table when it's 4 am
and no one goes to bed thatnight with the guitar.
That night, we can't rememberthat time.
We did, we went, we saw, welaughed, we felt.

(05:37):
And she also wrote we don'thave a word for the opposite of
loneliness, but if we did, Icould say that's what I want
with my life.
What we have to remember isthat we can still do anything.
We can change our minds, we canstart over.
We must not lose this sense ofpossibility because in the end,

(06:02):
it's all we have.
I want enough time to be inlove with everything.
What wonderful words, wonderfulthoughts.
There is no word for theopposite of loneliness, and yet
it's what we all strive for sohard, and maybe the way that we

(06:25):
get there is just through a good, healthy dose of empathy.
This is Bill Monte.
Thank you so much for joiningus for this episode.
If you have any comments, youcan scroll down in the show
notes and just click on the linkthat says you can leave a
comment.
It'll take you to another pageit's called SpeakPipe as a tool,

(06:47):
and you'll have 90 seconds toleave your comment, and I do so
appreciate it.
I do so appreciate that youtake the time to listen to these
episodes, and I hope that youget as much from them as I get
from putting them together andthen putting them out there in
the universe.

(07:07):
Until we talk again, my friends, I urge you, be kind and be
safe.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
If it's warm outside but you're feeling cold, you're
not sure what to do.
Without a friendly shoulder,you're not alone, so start
feeling bolder.
Welcome to Bill Monty's Guidefor Getting Older.