Parents Are People Too: Life Lesson Part 1

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Ever look back and wonder how you got here so quickly? At 67, I've been reflecting on the swift passage of time and the insights that come with it. In this episode of "Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older," I share a personal revelation that's resonated deeply with me: understanding our parents as real people.

Remember those youthful days when you felt invincible, and you believed that your parents were too? Age brings a shift in perspective, a more cautious mindset, and a deeper appreciation for the intricacies of life.

Join me as I explore the lesson of seeing our parents in a new light—beyond the roles we assigned them as kids. They, too, had dreams, fears, and flaws, and recognizing this can transform our relationships with them. I open up about my personal journey and invite you to reflect on yours. Let's connect—whether it's through email or text—and share our stories as we navigate the complex, rewarding journey of aging together.

This episode is dedicated to Howard Lurie. R.I.P., Howie, You did good.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older.
I'm your host, bill Monty,welcome back.
Things have gotten a little bitbusy in the podcasting world
here and I apologize for thetime between episodes, but one
of the things I've looked atwith this podcast and kind of
tweaking things, was theepisodes that I received the

(00:21):
most comments on, the ones thatpersonally I like the best and
ones that have been talkingabout experiences of growing
older.
To that end, I started thinkingabout well, what are the
lessons that I know now as anolder person?
When you're younger, you thinkyou'll live forever.
I don't believe that.

(00:42):
That's actually what was in theforefront of my mind, but I
know that when I do things now,the realization that I could get
injured or possibly die seemsto come right up front with
should I do this?
I was telling someone the otherday that when I was younger I
used to scuba dive and of coursethey looked at me at my age and

(01:02):
not being in the best physicalcondition and went really and I
said, oh yeah, you know, backthen I didn't worry about things
like you know, being eaten by ashark or attacked by a
jellyfish or barracuda, ordrowning or anything else like
that I just wanted the adventureof scuba diving, and so that's

(01:24):
what I did.
Now, of course, I don't do thatanymore, and I know I could.
I know there are people mucholder than I that still do that,
but it's not something now thatI think I could do anymore,
because mentally, I'm in adifferent place, because life
has taught me lessons, andthey're lessons that have

(01:46):
actually really become moreapparent in the past year of my
life.
So you know, I'm 67 years old.
I turned 67 a few months ago.
So, yes, you're not talking tosomeone who's 80.
Not yet, but it feels like 80will be here in a couple of
weeks, because I'm not sure howI got to 67 as fast as I did and
I started thinking about well,what are some of the lessons

(02:09):
that aging has taught me?
For the next several episodes,we're going to be looking at
some of these lessons and I'lljust give you my perspective on
them, and then I encourage youto share with me your thoughts
on these lessons or if these arerelevant to you.
You can do that by writing meat BillMonte04 at gmailcom, or

(02:33):
if you scroll down in the shownotes, you'll find a place that
says text me a message and youcan just do that on your
computer you don't have to do iton your phone or anything like
that and it sends me a messagethat then I can post up on the
website or I can read and I cancomment on later.
What is the first of theselessons I want to talk about
today?
The first of these lessons isyour parents are people too.

(02:56):
That one seems obvious to menow, but when I look back at my
attitude towards my parents whenI was younger and I'm not
talking even just about being akid or a teenager, I'm talking
about as a young adult I thinkthat I was of the belief that
they should have all the answers.
When my daughter was born, mywife and I joked well, where's

(03:18):
the manual that teaches us whatto do now, about how to be
parents?
I don't know why.
I assumed that my parentsactually had that manual, so
they made mistakes.
Both of my parents were verygood people, but, like all of us
, they were also flawed people.
I'll be honest with you and Idon't say this with any amount
of pride I was not veryunderstanding of that as a

(03:40):
younger person, because whenyou're younger, especially when
you're a kid, we just see ourparents as our parents.
It's only later that weeventually realize that they
have their own hopes and theirown fears and their own dreams.
We only learn to see them ascomplex individuals with their

(04:01):
own life stories later in life,and this shift in perspective
often leads to really a moremature relationship with our
parents.
My father passed away when hewas 60.
So I didn't have time, as I wascoming to that understanding,
to have that type ofrelationship.
My father and I did not have astrained relationship when I was

(04:22):
younger, but he was not ahugger, I'm going to put it that
way.
He was a caring individual.
He loved his family very much.
He loved his a hugger, I'mgoing to put it that way.
He was a caring individual.
He loved his family very much.
He loved his sons very much,but my father had a wall, and I
think that's something that weall need to realize.
So if you're someone who is in20s and 30s now, or maybe 40s

(04:43):
and 50s, and you don't realizeit yet, no-transcript.
The times that we grew up in.
My father was born in the early1930s, so he was a product of
that time, of the world being atwar, of there being rations on

(05:04):
things that you can do and onmen being expected to behave a
certain way and to accomplishand do certain things.
I was pretty critical of thatas I became a young man in the
70s and I never really gave himthe benefit of the doubt that
that's just what his generationwas like.

(05:25):
He wasn't wrong.
He was wrong to me at the time,but he wasn't wrong because
that's all he knew.
Now I came of age in the 70sand the 80s.
My daughter was born in theearly 90s, but I find now that
I'm 67, I am really a product ofthe times.

(05:45):
I'm having a hard timeadjusting to the attitudes of
the 2000s and especially of the2020s.
Things that I used to be able tosay as a joke are now
considered inappropriateattitudes or behaviors towards
someone of a different sex orrace.

(06:06):
Even if you're very, very closewith them, you can't say what I
used to say and do back in the70s, which at the time, was very
accepted.
No one got offended.
It was funny, it was a joke, itled to perhaps a date or
amorous proceedings, so to speak.
Whatever it might be Longfriendships.

(06:27):
We laughed about things backthen, and this generation and
this time, for better or forworse, no longer laughs at those
things.
People are very sensitive now.
I find myself falling into thesame trap if someone makes a
joke about older people, or evenolder white guys, which I am.

(06:48):
So we are a product of ourtimes, so let's try and be a
little more understanding and alittle more forgiving of those
who might seem different than us.
We are so divided now as acountry and as a society and as
a culture, and a littleunderstanding could go a very
long way into making thingsbetter.

(07:09):
That's one of the things thatI've learned in getting older.
I'm not a perfect person and thepeople around me are not
perfect people.
My expectations of them arelower and I try not to be as
judgmental and I hope they'renot as judgmental of me and my
words and my actions and mydeeds.

(07:30):
I can no longer do some of thethings I used to be able to do.
Names come a little bit slower,but let's remember of your
parents.
They too are people.
They too had hopes and fearsand dreams, and one of the
things that's harder to get towrap your head around as you get

(07:54):
older is that maybe some ofthose dreams are never going to
come true.
Now Go back and listen to one ofmy last episodes, called One
Day, to understand that betterand be a little supportive.
If they're your parents, youshould love them and you should
help them, and you shouldrealize that one day the hand

(08:15):
that used to hold yours will nolonger be there, and that day is
probably closer than it isfarther away.
Take the time to appreciate andlove your parents.
That's lesson number one ofAging with Bill Monte.
My friends, please do me afavor.
If you enjoyed this episode,please hit that like button,

(08:37):
make a comment, share it withyour friends and your families,
and please subscribe.
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episodes are being released.
Until next time, my friends,we'll move on to our aging tip
number two.
This is Bill Monti, with BillMonti's Guide for Getting Older.

(09:00):
As always, please be safe andbe kind.
What to do without a friendlyshoulder?
You're not alone, so startfeeling bolder.
Welcome to Bill Monty's Guidefor Getting Older.