May 9, 2025 • 51 mins
This was our very first Mother''s Day episode. I interview my two favorite moms -- Doria and Sharon, two mothers of adult daughters and now both have several grandchildren. I watch as they continue to share with their grandchildren their magical parenting skills.
They share with us their wisdom on creating joyful, respectful relationships with grown children in this special Mother's Day episode. Their insights reveal how bringing a spirit of fun, maintaining connections across distances, and knowing when to offer advice (and when to bite your tongue) creates lasting bonds that evolve beautifully over time.
• Creating fun, joyful experiences forms lasting connections that continue into adulthood
• Modern technology like WhatsApp enables daily connection even with children living far away
• The best conversations focus on daily life details rather than major decisions or judgment
• Offering opinions rather than judgments by asking "What do you think?" after sharing your perspective
• Shifting from leader to supporter as children become adults requires patience and trust
• Wedding planning requires openness, support, and recognition that it's their special day
• Grandparenting brings immense joy while requiring respect for the new parents' choices
• The most important message to consistently convey is unconditional love and acceptance
• Our hearts remain our children's home no matter where we all physically live
Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.
Also remember to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going! Visit our website at biteyourtonguepodcast.com and select SUPPORT US. You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!
The information provided by Bite Your Tongue The Podcast (“we,” “us,” or “our'') or biteyourtonguepodcast.com (the “Site” and our mobile application is for general informational purposes only. All information on the SITE or on the Podcast is for general informational purposes only. All information on the SITE and PODCAST is provided in good faith, however we make no representation or warranty of any kind, expressed, or implied regarding the accuracy, adequacy, validity, reliability, availability or completeness of any information the SITE or the PODCAST. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHALL WE HAVE ANY LIABILITY TO YOU FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE OF ANY KIND INCURRED AS A RESULT OF THE USE OF THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY GUESTS ON OUR PODCAST. YOUR USE OF THE SITE AND PODCAST AND YOUR RELIANCE ON ANY INFORMATION FROM THE SITE OUR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
I have to start off by saying my mom is my best
friend.
However, we could not be moredifferent.
She's the exuberant outgoingidea gal and I grew up loving to
go along with her shenanigans.
I would describe myself as amore quiet, introverted and
loyal follower.
However, when I became a mom,what I really liked is how my
(00:27):
mom clearly accepted me as anadult, making my own choices and
respecting how I would like toparent my child.
I became the leader.
She became the loyal follower.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome to the Mother's Day episode of the Bite
your Tongue podcast.
Today, we're celebratingmothers of adult children and
we're adding a bit of surprisethroughout the episode.
Listen for messagesinterspersed throughout the
episode from adult children totheir parents.
It should be fun, so let's getstarted.
Welcome to the Mother's Dayepisode of Bite your Tongue.
(01:08):
I guess Mother's Day should beone of those days we really
don't have to bite our tongues,but I don't think that's the
case Today.
Ellen's unable to join me, soI'm on my own.
Wish me luck.
For our last few episodes, we'veinterviewed experts in
different fields to talk aboutparenting adult children.
Today, for Mother's Day, I wantto celebrate two mothers I've
(01:30):
admired for many years.
They are real parents of adultchildren who I believe we all
can learn from.
I didn't realize when I thoughtof them that they both are
parents of just girls.
One is a parent of four girlsand one is a parent of three.
So let me introduce them.
Welcome to Doria, a parent ofthree girls.
One is a parent of four girlsand one is a parent of three.
So let me introduce them.
Welcome to Doria, a parent ofthree girls.
Doria was actually mychildren's preschool teacher
(01:51):
many moons ago and also a parenteducator.
Welcome, doria.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Thank you, Denise.
I'm very honored to be herethis morning.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
And welcome to Sharon , who is a mother of two girls
and one set of twin girls, sofour all together.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Thanks, Denise, for asking me to participate.
This is great.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
I'm so excited to have both of you with me today.
So thanks for agreeing to dothis.
And I know both of you arelaypeople, so just your life
experiences is what I'm hopingyou'll share and I think it will
be valuable to all of ourlisteners.
So the reason I selected bothof you is because when I'm with
you, I feel joy.
I see joy in your lives, I seejoy with your families.
(02:35):
Both of you bring a spirit offun and joy to every meeting,
every party.
Even when I'm just hanging outin your homes, I feel as though
this happiness and fun builds agreat relationship with your
adult kids.
If you agree, do you have anysuggestions for our listeners
who might not come by this happyspirit so easily, how they can
(02:58):
more bring this joy when they'revisiting or with their adult
children?
Literally, when I go visit myadult kids, I always think of
both of you and I ask myself orsay to myself be positive,
denise, be happy, denise, bringjoy, Denise.
Don't ask too many questions,denise.
So I just want to hear fromboth of you and you can just
take turns how you bring thisjoy to every situation you're in
(03:21):
.
Don't be shy, go ahead, doria,you go first.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Well, parenting young children can be tough.
I think that in my family wealways tried to bring a little
humor, lots of enthusiasm to getover the tense times, and the
main thing was that we wantedour kids to feel safe and valued
, but we also wanted to have fun, and I think that that kind of
(03:49):
spirit carries through even intoadult children.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Sharon how about you?
I agree, I like to think ourdefault position as a family is
to have fun and laugh and eattogether a lot.
We spent a lot of time playinggames, doing crafts, outdoor
activities, and everybody wasable to be involved at whatever
(04:14):
level they were capable of, andthis led to a lot of spilled
glitter, a cardboard town on ourfront porch, all sorts of
things that bring us back to notso much the messes we made or
seeing them as messes, but howmuch fun we had doing them
together.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
But for someone like me, I bring more seriousness to
situations and I'm alwaysthinking about what I need to do
and what questions I need toask.
How can I bring more joy to thesituation?
Do I talk to my kids beforehandabout planning games, trying to
bring that fun?
Because it's true, when we dodo games and puzzles and fun and
(04:55):
laugh, it does make things morejoyful.
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Well, I think you have to be present, and I know
that sounds a bit tritesometimes, but really being
present at this moment with yourkids is the key, Because we all
know you close your eyes andthe next thing you know they are
young adults.
Day the dirty dishes will last,you know they'll still be there
(05:27):
and just enjoy this moment, andit's not easy, you know.
Trying to have that feeling andthat spirit, I think, is the
most important thing.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Yeah, you know, especially with the, with
younger children, and lots andlots of hugs, lots and lots of
encouragement in maybe not eventhe spoken word, but hugs and
clapping and holding hands andthat kind of thing, it still
holds true.
As adults too, they need hugs,we need hugs.
(05:56):
They need, you know, a smile.
We all need smiles these daysbecause of the masks we're
wearing so much.
Those are the kinds of thingsthat are really.
They translate throughout ourrelationship and the times that
we have together, you know.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Sharon.
We have girls, and it might bedifferent, denise, but I pull my
girls onto my lap every time Isee them because they're always
your children.
And you know, sometimes there'sgiggles and, but they love it,
even though most of and you know, sometimes there's giggles and,
but they love it, even thoughmost of them all three of them
are bigger than me.
But pulling them onto your lapand just confirming that strong
(06:34):
loving bond that you have isnever gets old.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I think that's really special, dori, and I think
you're really fortunate becauseyou at least have two of them
with you in Denver and Sharonhas one.
So both of you are lucky atleast to have some of them
around.
I'm not so fortunate.
Let's move on now.
Now, when your kids are youngand they are living with you,
we're entwined in their lives.
But once they begin living ontheir own, they begin to have
(07:01):
families or significant othersof their own, or they move away.
It becomes harder and harder tofeel engaged in their life
without feeling intrusive.
Do you have any advice on howto create that bond if you can't
pull them onto your lap or youcan't just have them over for an
afternoon to make dinner?
Every visit with them is aformal affair.
(07:22):
You're flying to see them,they're flying to see you, other
than your chats on the phone.
So sometimes, when I'm excitedto see them, I think everything
I need to ask them that Ihaven't asked them for so long,
and then it starts into aquestion session and I try to
avoid that.
So how do you keep that bondalive, even when you're far
apart?
Speaker 4 (07:47):
bond alive even when you're far apart.
Well before COVID, wepurposefully organized things
together trips, especiallyholidays.
We now, with different familiesinvolved, with husbands,
families and that sort of things, we try to work around at least
one of the major holidays alltogether, but I still, you know,
just send them little packages.
And Chinese New Year is reallyimportant to me, so they always
(08:11):
get something at Chinese NewYear or Easter or even
Thanksgiving and definitelytheir birthdays.
So it's just something thatkeeps us connected and
organizing something so we canlook forward to being together.
That's one of the things we do.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
You know, I have to say God bless WhatsApp because I
have a.
We all remember well.
I remember the days when phonecalls were so expensive and they
were such a hard thing to do.
But I have a daughter who'sbeen living in Europe for the
past almost five years and wehonestly talk every day.
(08:48):
We just touch base with eachother.
We've memorized each other'sschedules.
I know what's going on with her, she knows what's going on with
me.
We feel so close.
Our family also has a runningWhatsApp account that everyone
comments on, sends pictures on,and so, although she lives so
(09:10):
very far away, I feel like ourconnection is so relevant and so
close, even though we've gotthose miles between us and my
other two girls.
I don't know if this is normalor not, but we talk every day
too.
How's your day?
How are you feeling?
What'd you wear today?
What'd you do?
You know?
Just silly stuff, but we justhave that close, close
(09:31):
connection.
It's always been that way and II was that way with my mother,
so I can see that continuingwith us and that way, there's no
, there's no big breaks in inour relationship.
So, like I said, god blessWhatsApp.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
How about you, sharon ?
I feel exactly the same.
It goes both ways.
We really are so interested ineach other's lives.
We're so happy or sad.
When we're all happy or sad, wehave this fam thread that gets
a comment every day.
We speak all the time togetherand my daughter with our first
(10:11):
grandchild, has been so generousand calls every morning with
the baby so that she recognizesour faces, and it's really a
lovely, lovely thing, and we areso thrilled about the ability
to do that digitally.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Really, young adults.
Now you're talking to someonewho really doesn't have that
close connection with theirchild.
They're connected.
They speak maybe once a week,once every two weeks.
(10:50):
They love each other very, verymuch but would like to, you
know, increase that bond.
What sorts of you know, ideasor talking points or things they
can bring up that don't soundjudgmental or questioning or
intrusive?
That may open the door for someof these parents.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
I have to admit it starts early and one of the
things that my girls and myhusband and I have talked about
is how we prioritized eating asmany meals, or especially dinner
, together and those times thatwere prescribed and expected
always always allowed forconversation.
(11:30):
And because of the things thatwe were involved with in our
work and in our volunteer lives,my husband and I we brought up
tab.
You know subject matter thatmay have been, may have been
uncomfortable or taboo in otherplaces, but we really were able
to talk to them at relativelyyoung ages about different
things and they appreciate thatnow very much.
(11:51):
And that's some of the startingblocks for when you're together
, where everybody gets asked howtheir day was.
What was the best part?
What was the worst part?
Is there anything special orsad that they wanted to share?
And that was really the seedsfor where we are now.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I agree, Sharon.
I love where you said what wasthe happiest or saddest part
that you'd like to share, andsaying that with a nonjudgmental
tone and a really interestedand empathetic tone or excited
tone for the happy part, Goahead.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Doria.
Oh, I just want to say myfamily is Greek and food is
everything.
So it was exactly the samething in our house Lots of
conversation, lots of discussion, lots of fun, but also lots of
serious things were discussed atthe dinner table, and food is
(12:44):
still unimportant, I have totell you.
My one daughter calls me andshe says Mom, can you walk me
through how to make your saladdressing?
So we're on the phone, talkingabout food, talking about things
, and we're making saladdressing together.
Or I even know two of mydaughters.
They cook together during thepandemic.
(13:07):
So really finding those littleminutiae of life that is so
important it doesn't have to bebig major topics about how's
that job going and are you ableto pay your bills or things like
that, although those areimportant but also just the
little things how are youfeeling today?
(13:28):
And with girls are like mom,what are you wearing?
So just touching base and we'reall alive right now and just
make the moment special, even ifit's a two minute phone call,
make it happy and special.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I really love that.
I love that.
Okay, so we've talked about somany positive things, but if you
had to guess, what are thethings about you that might
drive your young adult childrencrazy?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
How long do we have?
Speaker 5 (14:13):
so I started realizing when I was becoming an
adult and a more capable humanbeing that we as kids see our
parents as adults so much fasterthan our parents see us as
adults.
Our parents see us as adults.
And that misalignment can bereally annoying, because I think
becoming an adult is a lot offun.
You know, you're figuring outhow to do things, you're not
(14:35):
having to ask questions of yourparents all the time and yet at
the same time your parents aregiving you advice all the time.
So I think really the thingsthat might bother me about my
parents sometimes is whenthey're being so
well-intentioned but they mightbe treating me like I'm maybe a
(14:58):
decade younger.
You know, checking in on have Ibrought my car for an oil
change?
Have I done my taxes?
How are finances going?
You know things that it's justthey have a hard time seeing us
kids as adults and maybe notneeding them as much.
(15:20):
So that drives me crazy.
But really what bothers me themost is when it turns out they
do in fact still know more thanme on a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Well, I have to say it's different for each child.
It's different for each childbecause I could ask the most you
know innocuous little questionof one child and then another
one would take, you know,umbrage with it, but I think it.
You know, I definitely couldcome up with things that would
(16:00):
irritate each child and I reallytry not to go there.
It mostly has to do withpersonality differences and you
know, my kids tell me theyadmire my strength and things
that have happened in my life,some losses and things like that
.
So we I feel like we know eachother well enough to not try to
(16:27):
go there, although if there issomething big I feel like
there's no subject that is taboothat we could talk about it.
But yes, you kind of have toread the room and read the kid
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
That's a good, that's really good.
Yep, how about you, sharon?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
I'm going to go with what they admire about me first,
okay, but they know I've gotopinions, but they appreciate
the fact that I've evolved andwe've come to a really healthy
place for many opinions and awillingness to talk about all
(17:05):
sorts of things.
But I would think I actually, inpart of this discourse that we
have in conversation, one of thethings that has driven them
crazy and that we've talkedabout and that they've grown
from and I've grown from, is Iwas raised in a culture where
being nice was everything beingbeing um, oh, I don't always.
(17:34):
I don't want to say submissiveexactly, but but definitely not
on this planet to offend anyone,right.
And I think what they've taughtme from some of the frustration
of that education at home wasthat they actually, not only
(17:54):
being biracial but also beingwomen, their voice counts a lot
outside our home.
It counts tons in our home, butoutside I really wanted them to
be the example of the way I wasraised, guess, but it is
(18:15):
something that I know annoysthem periodically when I'm
saying, oh, were you nice.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And I want to make a note that Sharon is a first
generation Chinese American.
Right, sharon, is that right,yeah, yeah.
So, um, we have two very ethnicladies with me today.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Um, so it's been.
It's been interesting to to beso proud of them finding their
own voices and yet at the sametime, going wait, is that, was
that too aggressive?
And they'll say, no, that's howI got my raise, or that's how I
got my job and I'm good at it,or I'm funny, and those are not
(19:10):
things I would say for myself.
So the whole thing in terms ofannoyance is a compliment to the
way that they've come throughthis.
They've been very nice to meabout it, thank goodness.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
But it doesn't matter .
That makes perfect sense.
That's a really.
That's wonderful, Sharon, Thankyou.
What role do your spouses play,Dori?
I'll move to you, since Sharonjust finished.
It's a team effort that keepsthese relationships healthy, I
assume.
So what role does your spouseplay?
I happen to know Doria's spousequite well and think of him as
(19:50):
a big kid, but I'd like to knowfrom you, Doria, what role your
spouse plays Well.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
I believe the best way to put that is that my
husband, my girl's father and Ishare a lot of the same values.
We, you know, we both have thesame moral compasses and that
we've tried to, you know, passalong to our kids.
But that's where the likenessends.
(20:18):
We are, we are completelydifferent people.
We have completely differentpassions.
He's the fun one taking themout, doing all these fun things
that, gosh, let's jump out of anairplane, let's go do this and
that.
And I'm the one saying, youknow, I wonder if we pulled our
(20:39):
cover over this way, if it wouldmake our bed look nicer when we
made it.
So the way these kids havegrown up has been very diverse,
but I do believe that it workedand they're very close to their
dad.
I'm very blessed to have had apartner that was truly 50-50 in
the raising of my kids.
So that's my story.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
And Sharon.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
I feel just as fortunate I really do.
He is a model of hard work, aswe both are in our own ways.
He loves his girls.
There's no, there's just noquestion.
He's calmer than I am, muchcalmer than I am.
I sort of established thecrafting and studying and dance
(21:25):
and play at home.
I coached their soccer team, soit was a little serious tone
there even though we wererunning around and having a lot
of fun.
But my teammate has been taughtthem to bicycle, to play tennis
and did the whole skiing thing.
Especially important was hetaught them how to drive.
(21:46):
That's where the calm was,because that would not have been
good, because I still clenchwhen he's driving.
So you're kind of getting theidea of how the divisions of
some of the work went.
But we definitely were a teamand only a couple of times
(22:06):
pretty substantial, maybe like apiercing, did somebody get away
with pitting us against oneanother, as it were.
So, other than that, I feelexactly the same way, doria.
We were really fortunate tohave roommates.
Speaker 6 (22:31):
So my mom does a lot of things super well, but one
thing that I'm very grateful foris how interested she always is
in the things I'm mostpassionate about.
She's always willing to divedeep and get very technical in
topics that I know she reallydoesn't have much of a
background or understanding in.
But she's really good at askingquestions and, you know,
allowing me to just conversewith her about the things I care
(22:55):
deeply for.
You know, I think this is ararity in the world and it's
something really special whenyou're able to share that
connection with your mom, andshe's always been a superstar at
cultivating that sort ofrelationship.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Do the spouses ask the tougher questions?
Speaker 3 (23:17):
I think Tom was always a little wary of girl
issues.
He would run it by me.
But you know, as far as thingslike their finances or figuring
out when their tires need to berotated or things like that, he
(23:38):
was always the one that theyturned to for that.
But no, I think I got the toughquestions and I think when you
come out of a generation beingraised by parents that were
raised by Europeans and atraditional family, my kids ask
me and talk to me abouteverything, whether or not I'm
(24:02):
ready for it, very open and Ihave to admit sometimes that's
hard.
I have to make sure that I ammoving with the times but true
to myself and being authentic.
So I think I get the tougherquestions for sure.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
I completely agree, doria.
I really feel like I've gottenthe tougher questions, and one
part that I've made a consciouseffort of is to be sure and
share those with my husband attimes, so that he's not
completely blindsided by notunderstanding what they're upset
about.
We've had a couple of thoseincidences where he doesn't care
(24:47):
about anything and I said, ohmy gosh, he doesn't know
anything.
That's one thing that I dorecommend sharing with spouses,
teammates.
Parenting is information, andcommunication still is the key.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
But if you're asked to keep it confidential, do you
I?
Speaker 3 (25:11):
usually use some judgment there.
You know, I can trust myhusband if I tell him not to
tell him, not to mention it tothe girls, but sometimes I feel
like he needs to be in the loopa little bit.
So and they probably know Itell them Right, right, right,
(25:33):
Sometimes it's you tell dad, mom, I can't tell them Quite
honestly.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
the answer to that is I'm not asked that that much.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh, that's so funny.
Both of you have had harmoniousand warm, open relationships
with your mothers and I'vewatched those relationships.
I feel like I've been privy tothem.
What do you think you learnedfrom your mother that makes you
a better parent of an adultchild?
Sharon, you start this time.
Speaker 4 (25:59):
She was 45 years old and left with six children to
raise alone after my fatherpassed away.
She had kids aged 21 to 20months and he just exuded
kindness and dignity ineverything that that she did,
and I am forever grateful forthat.
(26:22):
She just has this strength ofwill to make life good.
The life experience that she'shad is unbelievable from her war
experiences to moving to a newcountry, to having all of these
kids and having her spouse diemy beloved father.
(26:45):
But she is one of the mostpositive people you'll ever meet
.
It amazes me still.
It just amazes me.
So that's what I take from heris the love and positivity.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
The positivity.
I want everyone to hold on tothat word, because I think that
also mirrors the joy.
It's that positivity that Ihope all of us can work on
bringing to our relationships.
Okay, Doria, I knew your mothervery well and she brought joy
to so many people.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
My mother had a lot of setbacks in her life, a lot
of loss setbacks in her life, alot of loss Growing up during
the depression and havingimmigrant parents.
She had six children.
Money was always tight, but I'msitting here telling you that
(27:36):
my childhood was magical.
Somehow my mother made each ofus kids feel like we were the
most special, unique, perfectpeople in the world.
Everything we did she cheeredus on.
She also was very let us beindependent too and make our own
(27:57):
decisions.
I think what she left me withwas treat other people the way
you would like to be treated.
That was her credo and shealways would say I want to be
better, not bitter, in any typeof situation that we came upon.
And I just felt she loved beinga mother and she loved us
(28:19):
unconditionally.
And when I had kids I was ableto pass that along, and just the
more I'm in the world, Irealize what a true, true
blessing it is to have awonderful mother and we can all
strive to be that example forour children.
Example for our children, and Ithink being present and being
(28:42):
kind and unconditional lovethose are the things that she
brought to me and that I hopeI've passed on.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Could I share a real quick story.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Absolutely.
Sharon has a very, very lowvoice, so we really want to hear
from her.
So I'm going to ask you, sharon, to use your outside voice.
Okay, I'm going to use myoutside voice.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
I do tend to get quieter and quieter as I speak
more.
But my children were inelementary school and my mother
came to visit.
The twins were kindergarten.
But it was one of those liveswhere soccer had occurred in the
morning and a dance class forthe twins was coming up and
(29:31):
somebody had an overnight.
So we were in the car with mymother at least four or five
times, maybe six, that day, andall I could think of was oh my
gosh, she must think this iscrazy, because we spent all our
time outside in the backyardplaying at this age.
We weren't driven to all ofthese different places.
(29:52):
And she turned to me at a stopsign and I'll never forget this
and I hope I don't break outTurned to me and she said you
are a wonderful mother.
She said Because I don'tunderstand these times because
we did it so differently but youare doing a great job with your
(30:17):
children.
I am so delighted I know we'lltalk about this a little later,
but I am so delighted to be agrandmother to be able to tell
my children that someday.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Interesting.
So she could have turned to youand said I'm tired of being in
this car, why aren't your kidsplaying outside?
We never did any of this, andinstead she validated who you
were as a parent.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
Every crazy thing I was doing, and that's exactly
the.
That's actually what was in mymind was she's going to
criticize what was happeningthat day, because the children
didn't seem to actually berunning and playing or outside
at all, but instead shesupported me.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That's amazing, lovely, wonderful, wonderful
story, sharon, wonderful story.
I will hold both of those.
I think from Doria I will hearbetter, not bitter, I will hold
that.
And from Sharon I will hold ifI ever become a grandmother and
will tell my children whatwonderful parents they are,
because we know they are.
Even though times have changed,they have the love that we
(31:23):
shared with them through theirlives.
So pull back from what we knowand validate them for who they
are.
Speaker 7 (31:32):
So I'm newly engaged and one thing that bugs me about
my mom and something that shewas even doing when I was very,
very single would be starting toask me when I was going to have
children, and now that I'mengaged, she is asking me that
question even more, so that kindof bugs me.
And then one thing that Iabsolutely love about my mom is
that she is my biggestcheerleader, she's my biggest
(31:54):
fan, and she always gives me thebest, most sound advice, and
even if I don't follow thatadvice and I make my own
decisions and, you know, even ifthey are the wrong decision,
she's always there to support meand help me through it, and I
love her.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
OK, so both of you have adult children who are
married.
Okay, so both of you have adultchildren who are married.
We recently interviewed awedding therapist and that
episode will actually drop afterthis one, but it's already been
recorded.
What would your top three ortwo pieces of advice be for
adult parents entering thatwedding planning stage?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Well, I happen to know Sharon has some wonderful
ideas.
We, just five years ago, wentthrough a very joyous occasion
and I just I'd like to telleveryone out there it's not easy
bringing two families togethertogether.
(32:54):
Two families might havedifferent spiritual orientations
, might have different ideas,but I learned early to just be
open, be supportive, you know,and it's their special day.
I think kids today they knowwhat they want.
They want it to be their own,they want it to be something
very unique and somethingpersonal.
Being married in the GreekOrthodox Church was not that
(33:18):
experience for me, so I really,just I honestly I enjoyed
watching different ideas and thedifferent things they had, and
they did it together, which Ijust thought was so fun.
So I think, my point being justto be open and be supportive,
you know, even if it's theletting go of the balloons or
(33:39):
the birds or the, whateverpeople do these days, you know
it's different, it's fun, youknow.
But just be joyful with theminstead of trying to micromanage
.
That's my, that's my idea.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
It sounds like you bit your tongue quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
You know I, to be honest with you, I was biting my
tongue more for the generationbefore me out of respect.
You know they had ideas andreligious kind of situations and
yeah, and we had to, really Ihad to explain a lot of that to
(34:18):
the other generation and it wasa little tricky.
I'll be honest, we, you know,we're a loving family and we
worked it through and wediscussed it and everything
worked out really well.
But just know there's going tobe issues.
With love and patience you canget through it.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
And better and not bitter right.
Okay, sharon, speak loudly Okayhere we go.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
It's a bringing together of yourselves, what
we've told our kids.
It's a bringing together ofyourselves and your communities.
These two families are comingtogether, and we know more and
more you don't do it all byyourself.
You want that community tounderstand that they're so
(35:10):
thrilled to be a part of thecommitment that they're making
to one another.
So allow that for yourselves.
And then, in developing yourfamily, your little family, to a
larger family, you get todefine, just like what Dory was
talking about.
They get to define who theirfamily is going to be, including
(35:31):
their blood, family and friendsand all sorts of people that
can support them through thislife together as parents, as any
other capacity.
So one of the things that youknow, besides remembering that
you're bringing your communitiestogether and that you're
developing this family foryourselves, is we really
(35:57):
strongly believe in the wholeidea of some sort of premarital
counseling, whether it be withan organization of faith that
you may be involved with, or aprofessional marriage counselor
or anything.
It's just really nice to beable to talk to an uninvested
person, as it were, about issuesof finances or your love
(36:21):
language or what theexpectations of parenthood or
parents are, and that's three ofthe things that we think about
when our kids get married.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
I think that's a really, really great idea.
I think you know sometimespeople think counseling is for
when you're having problems.
Oh, why are they going tocounseling?
But really counseling can alsobe for building a stronger,
better understanding andforward-marching relationship Am
.
I saying that properly for you.
(36:53):
I don't want to take words fromyour mouth.
You put it much better.
I don't think so.
We're going to go intosomething that everyone asks me
about, and when I started mypodcast, I would say that the
majority of parents who emailedme to ask me what topics should
be covered, this one came up allthe time how to give advice.
(37:15):
How do you give advice andrefrain from being judgmental?
Do you give advice that's notwanted or that is not asked for?
Do you wait to be asked?
How do you deal with thingswhen you see things going awry
or things that you you knowreally need to be addressed, but
aren't sure how to give thatadvice?
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Well, you know, denise, I think that, in a
nutshell, my children come to mefor comfort.
They come to me out ofexcitement to tell me things
that are happening, or they cometo me telling me things are
funny.
I love those parts, I love thejoy in all of that.
(38:00):
I love the people they'vebecome.
I love to celebrate things withthem.
But when they come to me anddirectly ask me questions in my
advice, I feel kind of areverence that they're coming to
me and I'm honored that they'reasking me and I really really
try to stop and think before Ianswer and I try very hard to
(38:26):
see it from their way.
And you know, I find myselfsaying silly things.
Well, from where I'm standingat 62, this, you know this and
this and this and this, but Ireally don't find myself ever
saying you should do this oryou'd be better off if you do
this.
I feel like my role at this timein my life with my adult
(38:51):
children is more of a supportiverole and a comfort role it's.
You know they're in charge oftheir lives, they're all
financially independent, they'redoing their thing.
If I saw something verydestructive or you know
something happening in theirlife, I would be the first one
to bring it up, but I reallytrust them and I really know
(39:14):
them well enough to know whatthey're going through and it's
not a big issue.
Now they might say somethingdifferent and I have blundered.
Trust me, I've blundered and wealways end up laughing or
crying about it the next day.
But it's always discussed.
I would say most of the timeit's more just of a supportive
(39:37):
role.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
So yeah, good, thank you, I love that, doria.
Speaker 4 (39:41):
Sharon, I freely give my opinion, but I try very hard
not to have the opinion feellike a judgment, not to have the
opinion feel like a judgment.
The difference is this is whatI think about it.
What do you think about it?
And that's the most importantpart to me is I have all sorts
of opinions on all sorts ofthings colors and lighters, any
(40:08):
sorts of things but I thinkthere's really a distinct
difference between passing on ajudgment of your behavior and an
opinion about what you see.
And it's a hard exercise andyou got to start young in terms
of letting go of telling themall the time what to do, but
(40:30):
kind of giving options andchoices.
And they've made good ones.
And I'm with Doria.
We have talked about almosteverything and anything for a
long time, you know, startingwith body training and what they
felt, so getting into some ofthe harder issues.
(40:52):
And there are times, withoutquestion, I say to myself zip it
.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Wait a minute, don't you say bite your tongue.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
I'm sorry, I say bite my tongue.
Come on Sharon we got to marketthis.
My mother once told me that shewould try and put a smile on
her face before she told mesomething I wasn't going to like
(41:25):
to hear Interesting.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
Well, and I really liked your follow up.
You know, here's what I think.
What do you think?
Because it sort of brings downyour opinion and raises up
theirs, and I really liked yourfollow up.
You know, here's what I think.
What do you think?
Because it sort of brings downyour opinion and raises up
theirs, and I really like that.
That's terrific.
Speaker 8 (41:41):
Oh man, I think the thing that bugs me the most
about my mom is her lack oftrusting me to make my own
decisions, even though I'm agrown adult.
Me to make my own decisions,even though I'm a grown adult.
That being said, my favoritething about my mom is that she
has my back, whether I make theright decision or the wrong
decision, and even more so whenI make the wrong decision, she's
(42:04):
always there to help me out.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
All right, you guys are so wonderful.
We're going to move tograndparenting, because both of
you are grandparents I am not,so I'm so anxious to hear what
you have to say, and I know bothof you are highly engaged in
the lives of your grandchildren.
Doria has a grandson locally,so I'm going to start with Doria
.
You were a preschool teacher.
(42:29):
You know so much about raisingchildren.
Do you have to bite your tongueall the time?
How do you often offerparenting advice without
sounding critical or judgmental?
Or you just don't do it.
I have a friend who once toldme and I think she's a terrific
mother too and the new thingwhen her child had their first
baby was no pacifiers.
(42:49):
So they were running aroundwith their finger in the child's
mouth all the time and myfriend kept saying, oh, he needs
to suck, he needs to suck, butshe had to bite her tongue.
So how do you deal with things?
Speaker 3 (43:01):
like that In my situation, and this is just with
this child and this firstgrandchild.
I don't know how it's going toplay out in the future, but I
had two young people looking atme going help.
Why is he crying?
(43:21):
So it was different.
They were asking me my opinion,they were begging opinion on
things.
And you know it's, it's thedelivery, it's the compassion
that you use when you see thingsthat you know you think, oh, I
(43:42):
wouldn't do it that way.
You, you know, you have to bringit into the situation with a
lot of love, with a lot ofcompassion for exhausted people
and and just all of that I meanwe really it really has been a
joyful time.
You know, going through mybackground is early childhood
(44:05):
development.
So just watching this littlebeautiful spirit go through
these different stages and doall these things that my, my
daughters honestly never, neveroccurred to them to want to put
anything and everything in themicrowave, but you know it's,
it's.
(44:25):
It has been a wonderfulexperience for us.
So I I just want to tellparents becoming grandparents,
you know, I kind of heard peoplesay in the past oh,
grandparenting is great, you canjust give the kids back at the
end of the day and you don'thave to worry about it, and in a
(44:47):
way that's true there.
I trust that these two youngpeople are doing their best, but
your heart never rests, youknow, after that little one's in
your life.
But so I think, with this oneopinion giving came very easy
and and it doesn't always work,but we try.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Now.
Now for Sharon.
What I want to know is she hasone granddaughter that lives in
another state, and I know whenthe baby was being born, sharon
lived with her daughter andson-in-law.
I thought it was a month, but Ithink you said three months,
sharon, two and a half, two anda half months.
And I just wonder what advicedo you have for parents?
(45:32):
You know when they are stayingwith their daughter and their
son-in-law, or you know youdon't want to be.
Oh my gosh, when's mymother-in-law leaving?
Or, oh my gosh, how long isyour mother staying?
How can you make that aharmonious visit?
Speaker 4 (45:46):
Well, I'm going to start out with my heart explodes
when I think about being agrandmother to my little
granddaughter, our littlegranddaughter.
It is so much fun.
It is so much fun and it is sohumbling to watch my daughter
and my son-in-law we call himson become parents.
(46:10):
It is just a beautiful thing tothink of your child being
someone else's mommy.
It's just a really fun, funthing About living and visiting
with them.
For one thing, my son is a very, very kind and generous soul
(46:30):
and knows, when you get involvedwith my daughters, along come
their sisters and their parents.
We know how close we are andthey are generous to a fault in
embracing us.
So that I give the shout out tomy son-in-law.
(46:51):
I was there to help and tosupport as much as I could, and
when I wasn't doing the thingsthat I knew would help them, I
would ask them and then I wouldreally give them as much space
as I could.
During the times when weweren't just active, because
this was a little family thatwas trying to come into its own
(47:11):
after the delivery, which was alittle rough, and so there was a
lot of all hands on deck wereneeded and appreciated.
So the advice about visiting isdon't take for granted that
you're in their home.
It's not my home, it's theirhome and it's the way they've
(47:32):
got it set up and the waythey're going to live it and
it's marvelous.
Just go in and say this isgreat.
However, it is.
How can I help and give themspace?
Speaker 2 (47:45):
That's terrific, really really terrific.
I feel like I could talk toboth of you for so long, but I'm
going to have to start wrappingit up.
Believe it or not, this hasbeen one of my longest episodes,
so I just I end every episodewith asking my guests to give me
two things that you think youwould like our listeners to take
(48:06):
away from this in parentingadult children.
So, dori, I'm going to startwith you Just two points that
you hope they'll take away fromtoday's episode.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
I think the most important thing in our family
and in my growing up and myraising children is, no matter
how difficult the conversationis and we all have difficult
conversations just make surethat the message of love and
acceptance gets through, becauseno matter what age a child is,
(48:40):
they need to feel safe, theyneed to feel valued, and we were
blessed to have this job ofbeing their parents and were
always their parents.
So don't forget that they needto be treated with love and
respect every day, and it'samazing when you do that, the
(49:01):
respect and the love comes backto you too.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 4 (49:05):
Thanks, Doria, Sharon First we all fall and we can
all be discouraged or struggle,and I just want us to remember
to be kind to yourselves and tobe kind to others and we, just
we, as parents, continue tostrive to consistently provide a
loving and safe heart home.
(49:26):
No matter where we are, ourhearts are your home.
And then the second part.
My husband actually helped mewith this.
He said you know, as parents ofadult children, we need to keep
open to learning and beinghonest in our communication.
And then my final thing isnever, ever, ever, hesitate when
(49:47):
given the chance to say I loveyou, I love you, I love you, I
love you.
Speaker 9 (49:54):
A positive thing that my mom does that I love is
she's very supportive.
She's incredibly supportive ofmy career and believes so
strongly in the work that I doand sees its value and its
contribution to the world.
I feel so honored and lucky.
(50:16):
She's always there to supportin any way that she can.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
And it makes such a huge difference.
Gosh, you guys, I just.
This has been so wonderful andthis is going to drop the day
before Mother's Day, so I wantto wish both of you, from the
bottom of my heart, a wonderful,wonderful Mother's Day, and to
your two daughters, who willalso be celebrating Mother's Day
, and also a special Mother'sDay to all of my listeners.
(50:46):
Thanks for joining us.
Thank you all for joining usfor this Mother's Day episode of
Bite your Tongue.
Mother's Day is tomorrow, as Isaid, so those of you who are
mothers, I hope it's a specialday.
We have a lot more excitingepisodes coming up In two weeks.
We speak with Allie HoustonLyons, a wedding therapist from
(51:08):
Aisle Talk in New York City.
We hope you'll tune in.
And again.
Therapist from Aisle Talk inNew York City.
We hope you'll tune in andagain.
If you're enjoying the podcast,please subscribe and give us
five stars, follow us onFacebook, instagram and Twitter
and remember we really do wantto hear from you.
Let us know what you thought oftoday's episode and give us
some ideas on topics you'd likeus to explore.
Thanks again to Connie Fisher,our hardworking, ongoing audio
(51:33):
engineer, and until next time.
Remember, sometimes you mayjust have to bite your tongue.
I have to start off by saying my mom is my best
friend.
However, we could not be moredifferent.
She's the exuberant outgoingidea gal and I grew up loving to
go along with her shenanigans.
I would describe myself as amore quiet, introverted and
loyal follower.
However, when I became a mom,what I really liked is how my
(00:27):
mom clearly accepted me as anadult, making my own choices and
respecting how I would like toparent my child.
I became the leader.
She became the loyal follower.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome to the Mother's Day episode of the Bite
your Tongue podcast.
Today, we're celebratingmothers of adult children and
we're adding a bit of surprisethroughout the episode.
Listen for messagesinterspersed throughout the
episode from adult children totheir parents.
It should be fun, so let's getstarted.
Welcome to the Mother's Dayepisode of Bite your Tongue.
(01:08):
I guess Mother's Day should beone of those days we really
don't have to bite our tongues,but I don't think that's the
case Today.
Ellen's unable to join me, soI'm on my own.
Wish me luck.
For our last few episodes, we'veinterviewed experts in
different fields to talk aboutparenting adult children.
Today, for Mother's Day, I wantto celebrate two mothers I've
(01:30):
admired for many years.
They are real parents of adultchildren who I believe we all
can learn from.
I didn't realize when I thoughtof them that they both are
parents of just girls.
One is a parent of four girlsand one is a parent of three.
So let me introduce them.
Welcome to Doria, a parent ofthree girls.
One is a parent of four girlsand one is a parent of three.
So let me introduce them.
Welcome to Doria, a parent ofthree girls.
Doria was actually mychildren's preschool teacher
(01:51):
many moons ago and also a parenteducator.
Welcome, doria.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Thank you, Denise.
I'm very honored to be herethis morning.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
And welcome to Sharon , who is a mother of two girls
and one set of twin girls, sofour all together.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
Thanks, Denise, for asking me to participate.
This is great.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
I'm so excited to have both of you with me today.
So thanks for agreeing to dothis.
And I know both of you arelaypeople, so just your life
experiences is what I'm hopingyou'll share and I think it will
be valuable to all of ourlisteners.
So the reason I selected bothof you is because when I'm with
you, I feel joy.
I see joy in your lives, I seejoy with your families.
(02:35):
Both of you bring a spirit offun and joy to every meeting,
every party.
Even when I'm just hanging outin your homes, I feel as though
this happiness and fun builds agreat relationship with your
adult kids.
If you agree, do you have anysuggestions for our listeners
who might not come by this happyspirit so easily, how they can
(02:58):
more bring this joy when they'revisiting or with their adult
children?
Literally, when I go visit myadult kids, I always think of
both of you and I ask myself orsay to myself be positive,
denise, be happy, denise, bringjoy, Denise.
Don't ask too many questions,denise.
So I just want to hear fromboth of you and you can just
take turns how you bring thisjoy to every situation you're in
(03:21):
.
Don't be shy, go ahead, doria,you go first.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Well, parenting young children can be tough.
I think that in my family wealways tried to bring a little
humor, lots of enthusiasm to getover the tense times, and the
main thing was that we wantedour kids to feel safe and valued
, but we also wanted to have fun, and I think that that kind of
(03:49):
spirit carries through even intoadult children.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Sharon how about you?
I agree, I like to think ourdefault position as a family is
to have fun and laugh and eattogether a lot.
We spent a lot of time playinggames, doing crafts, outdoor
activities, and everybody wasable to be involved at whatever
(04:14):
level they were capable of, andthis led to a lot of spilled
glitter, a cardboard town on ourfront porch, all sorts of
things that bring us back to notso much the messes we made or
seeing them as messes, but howmuch fun we had doing them
together.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
But for someone like me, I bring more seriousness to
situations and I'm alwaysthinking about what I need to do
and what questions I need toask.
How can I bring more joy to thesituation?
Do I talk to my kids beforehandabout planning games, trying to
bring that fun?
Because it's true, when we dodo games and puzzles and fun and
(04:55):
laugh, it does make things morejoyful.
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Well, I think you have to be present, and I know
that sounds a bit tritesometimes, but really being
present at this moment with yourkids is the key, Because we all
know you close your eyes andthe next thing you know they are
young adults.
Day the dirty dishes will last,you know they'll still be there
(05:27):
and just enjoy this moment, andit's not easy, you know.
Trying to have that feeling andthat spirit, I think, is the
most important thing.
Speaker 4 (05:34):
Yeah, you know, especially with the, with
younger children, and lots andlots of hugs, lots and lots of
encouragement in maybe not eventhe spoken word, but hugs and
clapping and holding hands andthat kind of thing, it still
holds true.
As adults too, they need hugs,we need hugs.
(05:56):
They need, you know, a smile.
We all need smiles these daysbecause of the masks we're
wearing so much.
Those are the kinds of thingsthat are really.
They translate throughout ourrelationship and the times that
we have together, you know.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Sharon.
We have girls, and it might bedifferent, denise, but I pull my
girls onto my lap every time Isee them because they're always
your children.
And you know, sometimes there'sgiggles and, but they love it,
even though most of and you know, sometimes there's giggles and,
but they love it, even thoughmost of them all three of them
are bigger than me.
But pulling them onto your lapand just confirming that strong
(06:34):
loving bond that you have isnever gets old.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I think that's really special, dori, and I think
you're really fortunate becauseyou at least have two of them
with you in Denver and Sharonhas one.
So both of you are lucky atleast to have some of them
around.
I'm not so fortunate.
Let's move on now.
Now, when your kids are youngand they are living with you,
we're entwined in their lives.
But once they begin living ontheir own, they begin to have
(07:01):
families or significant othersof their own, or they move away.
It becomes harder and harder tofeel engaged in their life
without feeling intrusive.
Do you have any advice on howto create that bond if you can't
pull them onto your lap or youcan't just have them over for an
afternoon to make dinner?
Every visit with them is aformal affair.
(07:22):
You're flying to see them,they're flying to see you, other
than your chats on the phone.
So sometimes, when I'm excitedto see them, I think everything
I need to ask them that Ihaven't asked them for so long,
and then it starts into aquestion session and I try to
avoid that.
So how do you keep that bondalive, even when you're far
apart?
Speaker 4 (07:47):
bond alive even when you're far apart.
Well before COVID, wepurposefully organized things
together trips, especiallyholidays.
We now, with different familiesinvolved, with husbands,
families and that sort of things, we try to work around at least
one of the major holidays alltogether, but I still, you know,
just send them little packages.
And Chinese New Year is reallyimportant to me, so they always
(08:11):
get something at Chinese NewYear or Easter or even
Thanksgiving and definitelytheir birthdays.
So it's just something thatkeeps us connected and
organizing something so we canlook forward to being together.
That's one of the things we do.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
You know, I have to say God bless WhatsApp because I
have a.
We all remember well.
I remember the days when phonecalls were so expensive and they
were such a hard thing to do.
But I have a daughter who'sbeen living in Europe for the
past almost five years and wehonestly talk every day.
(08:48):
We just touch base with eachother.
We've memorized each other'sschedules.
I know what's going on with her, she knows what's going on with
me.
We feel so close.
Our family also has a runningWhatsApp account that everyone
comments on, sends pictures on,and so, although she lives so
(09:10):
very far away, I feel like ourconnection is so relevant and so
close, even though we've gotthose miles between us and my
other two girls.
I don't know if this is normalor not, but we talk every day
too.
How's your day?
How are you feeling?
What'd you wear today?
What'd you do?
You know?
Just silly stuff, but we justhave that close, close
(09:31):
connection.
It's always been that way and II was that way with my mother,
so I can see that continuingwith us and that way, there's no
, there's no big breaks in inour relationship.
So, like I said, god blessWhatsApp.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
How about you, sharon ?
I feel exactly the same.
It goes both ways.
We really are so interested ineach other's lives.
We're so happy or sad.
When we're all happy or sad, wehave this fam thread that gets
a comment every day.
We speak all the time togetherand my daughter with our first
(10:11):
grandchild, has been so generousand calls every morning with
the baby so that she recognizesour faces, and it's really a
lovely, lovely thing, and we areso thrilled about the ability
to do that digitally.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Really, young adults.
Now you're talking to someonewho really doesn't have that
close connection with theirchild.
They're connected.
They speak maybe once a week,once every two weeks.
(10:50):
They love each other very, verymuch but would like to, you
know, increase that bond.
What sorts of you know, ideasor talking points or things they
can bring up that don't soundjudgmental or questioning or
intrusive?
That may open the door for someof these parents.
Speaker 4 (11:07):
I have to admit it starts early and one of the
things that my girls and myhusband and I have talked about
is how we prioritized eating asmany meals, or especially dinner
, together and those times thatwere prescribed and expected
always always allowed forconversation.
(11:30):
And because of the things thatwe were involved with in our
work and in our volunteer lives,my husband and I we brought up
tab.
You know subject matter thatmay have been, may have been
uncomfortable or taboo in otherplaces, but we really were able
to talk to them at relativelyyoung ages about different
things and they appreciate thatnow very much.
(11:51):
And that's some of the startingblocks for when you're together
, where everybody gets asked howtheir day was.
What was the best part?
What was the worst part?
Is there anything special orsad that they wanted to share?
And that was really the seedsfor where we are now.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
I agree, Sharon.
I love where you said what wasthe happiest or saddest part
that you'd like to share, andsaying that with a nonjudgmental
tone and a really interestedand empathetic tone or excited
tone for the happy part, Goahead.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Doria.
Oh, I just want to say myfamily is Greek and food is
everything.
So it was exactly the samething in our house Lots of
conversation, lots of discussion, lots of fun, but also lots of
serious things were discussed atthe dinner table, and food is
(12:44):
still unimportant, I have totell you.
My one daughter calls me andshe says Mom, can you walk me
through how to make your saladdressing?
So we're on the phone, talkingabout food, talking about things
, and we're making saladdressing together.
Or I even know two of mydaughters.
They cook together during thepandemic.
(13:07):
So really finding those littleminutiae of life that is so
important it doesn't have to bebig major topics about how's
that job going and are you ableto pay your bills or things like
that, although those areimportant but also just the
little things how are youfeeling today?
(13:28):
And with girls are like mom,what are you wearing?
So just touching base and we'reall alive right now and just
make the moment special, even ifit's a two minute phone call,
make it happy and special.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
I really love that.
I love that.
Okay, so we've talked about somany positive things, but if you
had to guess, what are thethings about you that might
drive your young adult childrencrazy?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
How long do we have?
Speaker 5 (14:13):
so I started realizing when I was becoming an
adult and a more capable humanbeing that we as kids see our
parents as adults so much fasterthan our parents see us as
adults.
Our parents see us as adults.
And that misalignment can bereally annoying, because I think
becoming an adult is a lot offun.
You know, you're figuring outhow to do things, you're not
(14:35):
having to ask questions of yourparents all the time and yet at
the same time your parents aregiving you advice all the time.
So I think really the thingsthat might bother me about my
parents sometimes is whenthey're being so
well-intentioned but they mightbe treating me like I'm maybe a
(14:58):
decade younger.
You know, checking in on have Ibrought my car for an oil
change?
Have I done my taxes?
How are finances going?
You know things that it's justthey have a hard time seeing us
kids as adults and maybe notneeding them as much.
(15:20):
So that drives me crazy.
But really what bothers me themost is when it turns out they
do in fact still know more thanme on a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Well, I have to say it's different for each child.
It's different for each childbecause I could ask the most you
know innocuous little questionof one child and then another
one would take, you know,umbrage with it, but I think it.
You know, I definitely couldcome up with things that would
(16:00):
irritate each child and I reallytry not to go there.
It mostly has to do withpersonality differences and you
know, my kids tell me theyadmire my strength and things
that have happened in my life,some losses and things like that
.
So we I feel like we know eachother well enough to not try to
(16:27):
go there, although if there issomething big I feel like
there's no subject that is taboothat we could talk about it.
But yes, you kind of have toread the room and read the kid
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
That's a good, that's really good.
Yep, how about you, sharon?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
I'm going to go with what they admire about me first,
okay, but they know I've gotopinions, but they appreciate
the fact that I've evolved andwe've come to a really healthy
place for many opinions and awillingness to talk about all
(17:05):
sorts of things.
But I would think I actually, inpart of this discourse that we
have in conversation, one of thethings that has driven them
crazy and that we've talkedabout and that they've grown
from and I've grown from, is Iwas raised in a culture where
being nice was everything beingbeing um, oh, I don't always.
(17:34):
I don't want to say submissiveexactly, but but definitely not
on this planet to offend anyone,right.
And I think what they've taughtme from some of the frustration
of that education at home wasthat they actually, not only
(17:54):
being biracial but also beingwomen, their voice counts a lot
outside our home.
It counts tons in our home, butoutside I really wanted them to
be the example of the way I wasraised, guess, but it is
(18:15):
something that I know annoysthem periodically when I'm
saying, oh, were you nice.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
And I want to make a note that Sharon is a first
generation Chinese American.
Right, sharon, is that right,yeah, yeah.
So, um, we have two very ethnicladies with me today.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Um, so it's been.
It's been interesting to to beso proud of them finding their
own voices and yet at the sametime, going wait, is that, was
that too aggressive?
And they'll say, no, that's howI got my raise, or that's how I
got my job and I'm good at it,or I'm funny, and those are not
(19:10):
things I would say for myself.
So the whole thing in terms ofannoyance is a compliment to the
way that they've come throughthis.
They've been very nice to meabout it, thank goodness.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
But it doesn't matter .
That makes perfect sense.
That's a really.
That's wonderful, Sharon, Thankyou.
What role do your spouses play,Dori?
I'll move to you, since Sharonjust finished.
It's a team effort that keepsthese relationships healthy, I
assume.
So what role does your spouseplay?
I happen to know Doria's spousequite well and think of him as
(19:50):
a big kid, but I'd like to knowfrom you, Doria, what role your
spouse plays Well.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
I believe the best way to put that is that my
husband, my girl's father and Ishare a lot of the same values.
We, you know, we both have thesame moral compasses and that
we've tried to, you know, passalong to our kids.
But that's where the likenessends.
(20:18):
We are, we are completelydifferent people.
We have completely differentpassions.
He's the fun one taking themout, doing all these fun things
that, gosh, let's jump out of anairplane, let's go do this and
that.
And I'm the one saying, youknow, I wonder if we pulled our
(20:39):
cover over this way, if it wouldmake our bed look nicer when we
made it.
So the way these kids havegrown up has been very diverse,
but I do believe that it workedand they're very close to their
dad.
I'm very blessed to have had apartner that was truly 50-50 in
the raising of my kids.
So that's my story.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
And Sharon.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
I feel just as fortunate I really do.
He is a model of hard work, aswe both are in our own ways.
He loves his girls.
There's no, there's just noquestion.
He's calmer than I am, muchcalmer than I am.
I sort of established thecrafting and studying and dance
(21:25):
and play at home.
I coached their soccer team, soit was a little serious tone
there even though we wererunning around and having a lot
of fun.
But my teammate has been taughtthem to bicycle, to play tennis
and did the whole skiing thing.
Especially important was hetaught them how to drive.
(21:46):
That's where the calm was,because that would not have been
good, because I still clenchwhen he's driving.
So you're kind of getting theidea of how the divisions of
some of the work went.
But we definitely were a teamand only a couple of times
(22:06):
pretty substantial, maybe like apiercing, did somebody get away
with pitting us against oneanother, as it were.
So, other than that, I feelexactly the same way, doria.
We were really fortunate tohave roommates.
Speaker 6 (22:31):
So my mom does a lot of things super well, but one
thing that I'm very grateful foris how interested she always is
in the things I'm mostpassionate about.
She's always willing to divedeep and get very technical in
topics that I know she reallydoesn't have much of a
background or understanding in.
But she's really good at askingquestions and, you know,
allowing me to just conversewith her about the things I care
(22:55):
deeply for.
You know, I think this is ararity in the world and it's
something really special whenyou're able to share that
connection with your mom, andshe's always been a superstar at
cultivating that sort ofrelationship.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Do the spouses ask the tougher questions?
Speaker 3 (23:17):
I think Tom was always a little wary of girl
issues.
He would run it by me.
But you know, as far as thingslike their finances or figuring
out when their tires need to berotated or things like that, he
(23:38):
was always the one that theyturned to for that.
But no, I think I got the toughquestions and I think when you
come out of a generation beingraised by parents that were
raised by Europeans and atraditional family, my kids ask
me and talk to me abouteverything, whether or not I'm
(24:02):
ready for it, very open and Ihave to admit sometimes that's
hard.
I have to make sure that I ammoving with the times but true
to myself and being authentic.
So I think I get the tougherquestions for sure.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
I completely agree, doria.
I really feel like I've gottenthe tougher questions, and one
part that I've made a consciouseffort of is to be sure and
share those with my husband attimes, so that he's not
completely blindsided by notunderstanding what they're upset
about.
We've had a couple of thoseincidences where he doesn't care
(24:47):
about anything and I said, ohmy gosh, he doesn't know
anything.
That's one thing that I dorecommend sharing with spouses,
teammates.
Parenting is information, andcommunication still is the key.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
But if you're asked to keep it confidential, do you
I?
Speaker 3 (25:11):
usually use some judgment there.
You know, I can trust myhusband if I tell him not to
tell him, not to mention it tothe girls, but sometimes I feel
like he needs to be in the loopa little bit.
So and they probably know Itell them Right, right, right,
(25:33):
Sometimes it's you tell dad, mom, I can't tell them Quite
honestly.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
the answer to that is I'm not asked that that much.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Oh, that's so funny.
Both of you have had harmoniousand warm, open relationships
with your mothers and I'vewatched those relationships.
I feel like I've been privy tothem.
What do you think you learnedfrom your mother that makes you
a better parent of an adultchild?
Sharon, you start this time.
Speaker 4 (25:59):
She was 45 years old and left with six children to
raise alone after my fatherpassed away.
She had kids aged 21 to 20months and he just exuded
kindness and dignity ineverything that that she did,
and I am forever grateful forthat.
(26:22):
She just has this strength ofwill to make life good.
The life experience that she'shad is unbelievable from her war
experiences to moving to a newcountry, to having all of these
kids and having her spouse diemy beloved father.
(26:45):
But she is one of the mostpositive people you'll ever meet
.
It amazes me still.
It just amazes me.
So that's what I take from heris the love and positivity.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
The positivity.
I want everyone to hold on tothat word, because I think that
also mirrors the joy.
It's that positivity that Ihope all of us can work on
bringing to our relationships.
Okay, Doria, I knew your mothervery well and she brought joy
to so many people.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
My mother had a lot of setbacks in her life, a lot
of loss setbacks in her life, alot of loss Growing up during
the depression and havingimmigrant parents.
She had six children.
Money was always tight, but I'msitting here telling you that
(27:36):
my childhood was magical.
Somehow my mother made each ofus kids feel like we were the
most special, unique, perfectpeople in the world.
Everything we did she cheeredus on.
She also was very let us beindependent too and make our own
(27:57):
decisions.
I think what she left me withwas treat other people the way
you would like to be treated.
That was her credo and shealways would say I want to be
better, not bitter, in any typeof situation that we came upon.
And I just felt she loved beinga mother and she loved us
(28:19):
unconditionally.
And when I had kids I was ableto pass that along, and just the
more I'm in the world, Irealize what a true, true
blessing it is to have awonderful mother and we can all
strive to be that example forour children.
Example for our children, and Ithink being present and being
(28:42):
kind and unconditional lovethose are the things that she
brought to me and that I hopeI've passed on.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Could I share a real quick story.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Absolutely.
Sharon has a very, very lowvoice, so we really want to hear
from her.
So I'm going to ask you, sharon, to use your outside voice.
Okay, I'm going to use myoutside voice.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
I do tend to get quieter and quieter as I speak
more.
But my children were inelementary school and my mother
came to visit.
The twins were kindergarten.
But it was one of those liveswhere soccer had occurred in the
morning and a dance class forthe twins was coming up and
(29:31):
somebody had an overnight.
So we were in the car with mymother at least four or five
times, maybe six, that day, andall I could think of was oh my
gosh, she must think this iscrazy, because we spent all our
time outside in the backyardplaying at this age.
We weren't driven to all ofthese different places.
(29:52):
And she turned to me at a stopsign and I'll never forget this
and I hope I don't break outTurned to me and she said you
are a wonderful mother.
She said Because I don'tunderstand these times because
we did it so differently but youare doing a great job with your
(30:17):
children.
I am so delighted I know we'lltalk about this a little later,
but I am so delighted to be agrandmother to be able to tell
my children that someday.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Interesting.
So she could have turned to youand said I'm tired of being in
this car, why aren't your kidsplaying outside?
We never did any of this, andinstead she validated who you
were as a parent.
Speaker 4 (30:41):
Every crazy thing I was doing, and that's exactly
the.
That's actually what was in mymind was she's going to
criticize what was happeningthat day, because the children
didn't seem to actually berunning and playing or outside
at all, but instead shesupported me.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That's amazing, lovely, wonderful, wonderful
story, sharon, wonderful story.
I will hold both of those.
I think from Doria I will hearbetter, not bitter, I will hold
that.
And from Sharon I will hold ifI ever become a grandmother and
will tell my children whatwonderful parents they are,
because we know they are.
Even though times have changed,they have the love that we
(31:23):
shared with them through theirlives.
So pull back from what we knowand validate them for who they
are.
Speaker 7 (31:32):
So I'm newly engaged and one thing that bugs me about
my mom and something that shewas even doing when I was very,
very single would be starting toask me when I was going to have
children, and now that I'mengaged, she is asking me that
question even more, so that kindof bugs me.
And then one thing that Iabsolutely love about my mom is
that she is my biggestcheerleader, she's my biggest
(31:54):
fan, and she always gives me thebest, most sound advice, and
even if I don't follow thatadvice and I make my own
decisions and, you know, even ifthey are the wrong decision,
she's always there to support meand help me through it, and I
love her.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
OK, so both of you have adult children who are
married.
Okay, so both of you have adultchildren who are married.
We recently interviewed awedding therapist and that
episode will actually drop afterthis one, but it's already been
recorded.
What would your top three ortwo pieces of advice be for
adult parents entering thatwedding planning stage?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
Well, I happen to know Sharon has some wonderful
ideas.
We, just five years ago, wentthrough a very joyous occasion
and I just I'd like to telleveryone out there it's not easy
bringing two families togethertogether.
(32:54):
Two families might havedifferent spiritual orientations
, might have different ideas,but I learned early to just be
open, be supportive, you know,and it's their special day.
I think kids today they knowwhat they want.
They want it to be their own,they want it to be something
very unique and somethingpersonal.
Being married in the GreekOrthodox Church was not that
(33:18):
experience for me, so I really,just I honestly I enjoyed
watching different ideas and thedifferent things they had, and
they did it together, which Ijust thought was so fun.
So I think, my point being justto be open and be supportive,
you know, even if it's theletting go of the balloons or
(33:39):
the birds or the, whateverpeople do these days, you know
it's different, it's fun, youknow.
But just be joyful with theminstead of trying to micromanage
.
That's my, that's my idea.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
It sounds like you bit your tongue quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
You know I, to be honest with you, I was biting my
tongue more for the generationbefore me out of respect.
You know they had ideas andreligious kind of situations and
yeah, and we had to, really Ihad to explain a lot of that to
(34:18):
the other generation and it wasa little tricky.
I'll be honest, we, you know,we're a loving family and we
worked it through and wediscussed it and everything
worked out really well.
But just know there's going tobe issues.
With love and patience you canget through it.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
And better and not bitter right.
Okay, sharon, speak loudly Okayhere we go.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
It's a bringing together of yourselves, what
we've told our kids.
It's a bringing together ofyourselves and your communities.
These two families are comingtogether, and we know more and
more you don't do it all byyourself.
You want that community tounderstand that they're so
(35:10):
thrilled to be a part of thecommitment that they're making
to one another.
So allow that for yourselves.
And then, in developing yourfamily, your little family, to a
larger family, you get todefine, just like what Dory was
talking about.
They get to define who theirfamily is going to be, including
(35:31):
their blood, family and friendsand all sorts of people that
can support them through thislife together as parents, as any
other capacity.
So one of the things that youknow, besides remembering that
you're bringing your communitiestogether and that you're
developing this family foryourselves, is we really
(35:57):
strongly believe in the wholeidea of some sort of premarital
counseling, whether it be withan organization of faith that
you may be involved with, or aprofessional marriage counselor
or anything.
It's just really nice to beable to talk to an uninvested
person, as it were, about issuesof finances or your love
(36:21):
language or what theexpectations of parenthood or
parents are, and that's three ofthe things that we think about
when our kids get married.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
I think that's a really, really great idea.
I think you know sometimespeople think counseling is for
when you're having problems.
Oh, why are they going tocounseling?
But really counseling can alsobe for building a stronger,
better understanding andforward-marching relationship Am
.
I saying that properly for you.
(36:53):
I don't want to take words fromyour mouth.
You put it much better.
I don't think so.
We're going to go intosomething that everyone asks me
about, and when I started mypodcast, I would say that the
majority of parents who emailedme to ask me what topics should
be covered, this one came up allthe time how to give advice.
(37:15):
How do you give advice andrefrain from being judgmental?
Do you give advice that's notwanted or that is not asked for?
Do you wait to be asked?
How do you deal with thingswhen you see things going awry
or things that you you knowreally need to be addressed, but
aren't sure how to give thatadvice?
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Well, you know, denise, I think that, in a
nutshell, my children come to mefor comfort.
They come to me out ofexcitement to tell me things
that are happening, or they cometo me telling me things are
funny.
I love those parts, I love thejoy in all of that.
(38:00):
I love the people they'vebecome.
I love to celebrate things withthem.
But when they come to me anddirectly ask me questions in my
advice, I feel kind of areverence that they're coming to
me and I'm honored that they'reasking me and I really really
try to stop and think before Ianswer and I try very hard to
(38:26):
see it from their way.
And you know, I find myselfsaying silly things.
Well, from where I'm standingat 62, this, you know this and
this and this and this, but Ireally don't find myself ever
saying you should do this oryou'd be better off if you do
this.
I feel like my role at this timein my life with my adult
(38:51):
children is more of a supportiverole and a comfort role it's.
You know they're in charge oftheir lives, they're all
financially independent, they'redoing their thing.
If I saw something verydestructive or you know
something happening in theirlife, I would be the first one
to bring it up, but I reallytrust them and I really know
(39:14):
them well enough to know whatthey're going through and it's
not a big issue.
Now they might say somethingdifferent and I have blundered.
Trust me, I've blundered and wealways end up laughing or
crying about it the next day.
But it's always discussed.
I would say most of the timeit's more just of a supportive
(39:37):
role.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
So yeah, good, thank you, I love that, doria.
Speaker 4 (39:41):
Sharon, I freely give my opinion, but I try very hard
not to have the opinion feellike a judgment, not to have the
opinion feel like a judgment.
The difference is this is whatI think about it.
What do you think about it?
And that's the most importantpart to me is I have all sorts
of opinions on all sorts ofthings colors and lighters, any
(40:08):
sorts of things but I thinkthere's really a distinct
difference between passing on ajudgment of your behavior and an
opinion about what you see.
And it's a hard exercise andyou got to start young in terms
of letting go of telling themall the time what to do, but
(40:30):
kind of giving options andchoices.
And they've made good ones.
And I'm with Doria.
We have talked about almosteverything and anything for a
long time, you know, startingwith body training and what they
felt, so getting into some ofthe harder issues.
(40:52):
And there are times, withoutquestion, I say to myself zip it
.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Wait a minute, don't you say bite your tongue.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
I'm sorry, I say bite my tongue.
Come on Sharon we got to marketthis.
My mother once told me that shewould try and put a smile on
her face before she told mesomething I wasn't going to like
(41:25):
to hear Interesting.
Speaker 2 (41:27):
Well, and I really liked your follow up.
You know, here's what I think.
What do you think?
Because it sort of brings downyour opinion and raises up
theirs, and I really liked yourfollow up.
You know, here's what I think.
What do you think?
Because it sort of brings downyour opinion and raises up
theirs, and I really like that.
That's terrific.
Speaker 8 (41:41):
Oh man, I think the thing that bugs me the most
about my mom is her lack oftrusting me to make my own
decisions, even though I'm agrown adult.
Me to make my own decisions,even though I'm a grown adult.
That being said, my favoritething about my mom is that she
has my back, whether I make theright decision or the wrong
decision, and even more so whenI make the wrong decision, she's
(42:04):
always there to help me out.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
All right, you guys are so wonderful.
We're going to move tograndparenting, because both of
you are grandparents I am not,so I'm so anxious to hear what
you have to say, and I know bothof you are highly engaged in
the lives of your grandchildren.
Doria has a grandson locally,so I'm going to start with Doria
.
You were a preschool teacher.
(42:29):
You know so much about raisingchildren.
Do you have to bite your tongueall the time?
How do you often offerparenting advice without
sounding critical or judgmental?
Or you just don't do it.
I have a friend who once toldme and I think she's a terrific
mother too and the new thingwhen her child had their first
baby was no pacifiers.
(42:49):
So they were running aroundwith their finger in the child's
mouth all the time and myfriend kept saying, oh, he needs
to suck, he needs to suck, butshe had to bite her tongue.
So how do you deal with things?
Speaker 3 (43:01):
like that In my situation, and this is just with
this child and this firstgrandchild.
I don't know how it's going toplay out in the future, but I
had two young people looking atme going help.
Why is he crying?
(43:21):
So it was different.
They were asking me my opinion,they were begging opinion on
things.
And you know it's, it's thedelivery, it's the compassion
that you use when you see thingsthat you know you think, oh, I
(43:42):
wouldn't do it that way.
You, you know, you have to bringit into the situation with a
lot of love, with a lot ofcompassion for exhausted people
and and just all of that I meanwe really it really has been a
joyful time.
You know, going through mybackground is early childhood
(44:05):
development.
So just watching this littlebeautiful spirit go through
these different stages and doall these things that my, my
daughters honestly never, neveroccurred to them to want to put
anything and everything in themicrowave, but you know it's,
it's.
(44:25):
It has been a wonderfulexperience for us.
So I I just want to tellparents becoming grandparents,
you know, I kind of heard peoplesay in the past oh,
grandparenting is great, you canjust give the kids back at the
end of the day and you don'thave to worry about it, and in a
(44:47):
way that's true there.
I trust that these two youngpeople are doing their best, but
your heart never rests, youknow, after that little one's in
your life.
But so I think, with this oneopinion giving came very easy
and and it doesn't always work,but we try.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
Now.
Now for Sharon.
What I want to know is she hasone granddaughter that lives in
another state, and I know whenthe baby was being born, sharon
lived with her daughter andson-in-law.
I thought it was a month, but Ithink you said three months,
sharon, two and a half, two anda half months.
And I just wonder what advicedo you have for parents?
(45:32):
You know when they are stayingwith their daughter and their
son-in-law, or you know youdon't want to be.
Oh my gosh, when's mymother-in-law leaving?
Or, oh my gosh, how long isyour mother staying?
How can you make that aharmonious visit?
Speaker 4 (45:46):
Well, I'm going to start out with my heart explodes
when I think about being agrandmother to my little
granddaughter, our littlegranddaughter.
It is so much fun.
It is so much fun and it is sohumbling to watch my daughter
and my son-in-law we call himson become parents.
(46:10):
It is just a beautiful thing tothink of your child being
someone else's mommy.
It's just a really fun, funthing About living and visiting
with them.
For one thing, my son is a very, very kind and generous soul
(46:30):
and knows, when you get involvedwith my daughters, along come
their sisters and their parents.
We know how close we are andthey are generous to a fault in
embracing us.
So that I give the shout out tomy son-in-law.
(46:51):
I was there to help and tosupport as much as I could, and
when I wasn't doing the thingsthat I knew would help them, I
would ask them and then I wouldreally give them as much space
as I could.
During the times when weweren't just active, because
this was a little family thatwas trying to come into its own
(47:11):
after the delivery, which was alittle rough, and so there was a
lot of all hands on deck wereneeded and appreciated.
So the advice about visiting isdon't take for granted that
you're in their home.
It's not my home, it's theirhome and it's the way they've
(47:32):
got it set up and the waythey're going to live it and
it's marvelous.
Just go in and say this isgreat.
However, it is.
How can I help and give themspace?
Speaker 2 (47:45):
That's terrific, really really terrific.
I feel like I could talk toboth of you for so long, but I'm
going to have to start wrappingit up.
Believe it or not, this hasbeen one of my longest episodes,
so I just I end every episodewith asking my guests to give me
two things that you think youwould like our listeners to take
(48:06):
away from this in parentingadult children.
So, dori, I'm going to startwith you Just two points that
you hope they'll take away fromtoday's episode.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
I think the most important thing in our family
and in my growing up and myraising children is, no matter
how difficult the conversationis and we all have difficult
conversations just make surethat the message of love and
acceptance gets through, becauseno matter what age a child is,
(48:40):
they need to feel safe, theyneed to feel valued, and we were
blessed to have this job ofbeing their parents and were
always their parents.
So don't forget that they needto be treated with love and
respect every day, and it'samazing when you do that, the
(49:01):
respect and the love comes backto you too.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 4 (49:05):
Thanks, Doria, Sharon First we all fall and we can
all be discouraged or struggle,and I just want us to remember
to be kind to yourselves and tobe kind to others and we, just
we, as parents, continue tostrive to consistently provide a
loving and safe heart home.
(49:26):
No matter where we are, ourhearts are your home.
And then the second part.
My husband actually helped mewith this.
He said you know, as parents ofadult children, we need to keep
open to learning and beinghonest in our communication.
And then my final thing isnever, ever, ever, hesitate when
(49:47):
given the chance to say I loveyou, I love you, I love you, I
love you.
Speaker 9 (49:54):
A positive thing that my mom does that I love is
she's very supportive.
She's incredibly supportive ofmy career and believes so
strongly in the work that I doand sees its value and its
contribution to the world.
I feel so honored and lucky.
(50:16):
She's always there to supportin any way that she can.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
And it makes such a huge difference.
Gosh, you guys, I just.
This has been so wonderful andthis is going to drop the day
before Mother's Day, so I wantto wish both of you, from the
bottom of my heart, a wonderful,wonderful Mother's Day, and to
your two daughters, who willalso be celebrating Mother's Day
, and also a special Mother'sDay to all of my listeners.
(50:46):
Thanks for joining us.
Thank you all for joining usfor this Mother's Day episode of
Bite your Tongue.
Mother's Day is tomorrow, as Isaid, so those of you who are
mothers, I hope it's a specialday.
We have a lot more excitingepisodes coming up In two weeks.
We speak with Allie HoustonLyons, a wedding therapist from
(51:08):
Aisle Talk in New York City.
We hope you'll tune in.
And again.
Therapist from Aisle Talk inNew York City.
We hope you'll tune in andagain.
If you're enjoying the podcast,please subscribe and give us
five stars, follow us onFacebook, instagram and Twitter
and remember we really do wantto hear from you.
Let us know what you thought oftoday's episode and give us
some ideas on topics you'd likeus to explore.
Thanks again to Connie Fisher,our hardworking, ongoing audio
(51:33):
engineer, and until next time.
Remember, sometimes you mayjust have to bite your tongue.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.