December 16, 2025 • 33 mins
Ever notice how after the prayers and the crescendo of miracles, the next wave of worry comes to snatch it away? Our family just lived through a medical crisis and a hard-won turn for the better, and we’re honest about the whiplash that followed—insurance calls, care decisions, a home being modified, and the ache of meeting a new reality for a once independent son. Gratitude is real. Grief is real. Both want space. In this episode Besties Angella and Leslie ponder ways to make that space.
Whether you’re navigating recovery, supporting a loved one, or just trying to hold onto good news longer than a weekend, this conversation offers language, practices, and companionship for the middle—where the miracle and the paperwork often meet.
If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for future conversations, and leave a review with one practice that helps you keep joy alive. Your stories help shape what we explore next.
Book a free coaching consultation with Angie here:https://calendly.com/rhythmwigs/more-joy-complimentary-consultation
Want behind the scenes content, Join us on Patreon at $5 or $10 level: https://patreon.com/user?u=83534204Get Angie’s eBook: We’re Too Old for This! The Inquisitive Older Woman’s Guide to Joy http://joystrategy.co/ebook
IG: https://www.instagram.com/blackboomerbestiesfrombrooklynVisit our website www.blackboomerbesties.com
Visit Black Boomer Besties from Brooklyn website for behind-the-scenes extras.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
Hey Anch.
SPEAKER_02 (00:03):
Hey Les.
What's cooking?
It's it's good.
Good.
Thing.
Oh, you're just gonna hold back?
It's good.
It's just wait a minute.
Oh no.
Oh, I don't know what I don'tknow, don't you?
Okay.
So we're here.
Are you gonna invite the peoplein?
SPEAKER_01 (00:22):
I think so.
Welcome to another episode ofBlack Boomer Besties from
Brooklyn.
SPEAKER_02 (00:28):
I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of
almost 50 years.
We are two free thinking60-something-year-old black
women who have decided to bemore joyful and boldful and bold
in our lives.
And we invite you to join us.
We invite you to see how we'regoing about it.
(00:50):
We invite you to start your joyand bold journey.
We invite you to continue.
And we're just here to give yousome um some tips and tricks on
on how you might want to dothat.
Before we get started on today'sepisode, um, well, I'll just
give you a little teaser.
We're gonna be talking aboutpeace and embracing peace and
(01:15):
ways that we don't embrace peaceand what we might, what we might
could do about that.
You all know that Leslie's sonhas been going through going
through it.
And um after about six weeks inthe hospital, we got the news,
(01:36):
miraculous news, that he hadmade a turn for the better, like
a huge turn for the better.
Um we have been prayingearnestly for God's will to be
done and that God's will be tokeep him with us and to help him
(01:57):
to get through this, right?
Um and a few episodes ago youheard about the praise report.
And so over the Thanksgiving umover the last holiday, I I I'm
really challenged withThanksgiving, but uh anyway, I'm
(02:20):
not gonna go there right now.
But anyway, over the holiday, umI was thinking about the fact
that now Leslie is faced withsome with the next series of
decisions that have to be madeabout um his care, right?
Um and we FaceTime each otherover the holiday.
(02:50):
And I saw in her face the theweight of having to make the
next set of decisions.
And it made me think about howquickly we go from celebrating
(03:12):
miracles, celebrating um uhanswered prayer, celebrating an
accomplishment, a de a newdegree, a new home, um, uh a
child's um successful basketballgame, whatever it is, and how
(03:34):
quickly we move from that placeof celebration and thanksgiving
to another set of worries.
Or requests, or requests, or Iwant to say worry, because you
know, it's almost like before itbecomes a request, and we can
actually talk about that rightthere, Les.
(03:57):
The is it is it just anotherrequest, or is it first the
burden that becomes the request?
Do you know what I mean?
And I just thought about theways that we we don't hold on to
our peace, how it could besomething that we've prayed for
(04:17):
sometimes for years, and then wewhen we get it, we quickly move
on from that thing that we'vebeen desiring for so long and
praying for for so long.
And whether there are some waysthat we can because through this
conversation we become moreaware of this, whether there's
(04:39):
some ways for us to hold on tothat piece and give it a longer
tail, if you will.
It's not, we don't want to befake or manufactured about this
stuff, right?
And human nature is what it is.
Yeah.
But if you think about thisthing, like this this big jolt
of, oh my God, that was amazing.
Yes, thank you, God.
(05:00):
And then it having a longer tailthan just the day or the week,
you know, and and how we canextend that.
So that's what we're gonna talkabout today.
We don't have answers on on howto do this, but we're gonna talk
about maybe why it's such achallenge for us to do this as
(05:22):
human beings and and you keepusing that word human, and and I
think that's what that's what Iwas thinking while you were
speaking, that in our humannesswe have desires and we have
needs.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
And when our needs are not met, or we have
difficulty meeting those, that'svery often when we cry out for
help.
And the resolution of one needor the conquering of a need, or
when you obtain what it is thatyou've been praying and asking
(06:03):
for, it's quite natural, Ibelieve, to look at the next
thing on the list.
Yeah.
You know, but I understand whenyou say we forget to rejoice
about the victory.
SPEAKER_02 (06:16):
Yeah.
Well, May, how do we make thatrejoicing last a little longer?
I get it.
And I get it that it's this bigthing because, you know, it's
like an on-off.
It was it was sad and dark andnow it's bright.
Right.
The brightness is still there,though.
It didn't switch off again.
It's still there.
SPEAKER_01 (06:38):
You know, it's so it's so interesting that you
bring this up in the context ofmy son.
Um, I'll say our son, becausehis dad and I have been going
through this together.
Because we had this conversationjust two days ago.
SPEAKER_03 (06:57):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (06:58):
And we were he and I was like on the other side on
opposite sides of this thing.
Whereas for the last six weeks,I've been praying for him to
live through this.
And naturally, I'll I am willingto accept him and love him and
(07:22):
care for him in whatevercapacity I want him to live
through this.
SPEAKER_03 (07:26):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:27):
And when I was faced with making some decisions that
um pertain to management of whatseems like will be a longer-term
disability, it made me sad.
You know, and I talked to um mypartner, you know, his dad about
(07:47):
this, and he looked at theconversation as a joyful one, as
an oh, you know, he has a goodchance, he has good insurance
coverage, and there's a goodfacility for him, and he has the
(08:08):
resources that are available.
But here I am thinking that ourson might need our continued
care going forward.
Whereas before this, he was a anindependent young man.
You know, but but but remember,I prayed for his life.
(08:31):
I didn't pray for his, you know,I didn't pray for everything.
Exactly, exactly.
You know, and it's not up to meor us to decide what in what
form prayers are answered.
Right.
unknown (08:49):
Do that.
SPEAKER_01 (08:50):
Sometimes to the point where we don't realize our
prayers were answered.
And then, you know, Rick and Ihad this discussion, and he had
to remind me that, Les, yourprayers are answered.
Wow.
I look, he says, I looked atthis as a as a good call, and
I'm tearful, and all of this.
SPEAKER_03 (09:07):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (09:08):
Because you know how I am.
I am this sequential, I c I seethe big picture and I I look
further out, and all I thoughtabout was how our child our sons
and our personal relationshipwill change, you know, as a
(09:29):
result of what's going on.
SPEAKER_02 (09:31):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:32):
You know, yeah.
unknown (09:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:35):
Instead of, or or perhaps at the same time, but to
a lesser extent, of just beingthankful and sitting in the joy
of him surviving what could havebeen, you know, uh um a fatal
illness.
SPEAKER_02 (09:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um a few days ago, I wasspeaking to someone about my
first ex-husband.
And in our early 30s, we did,you know, put our money together
and saved, and we built a 4,000square foot home.
(10:13):
A first home.
It was built from the ground up.
Um huge accomplishment.
Um we were very um very uhregimented about how much we
saved and put the money away andso on.
And when we moved in, I wasmaybe I think I was maybe seven
(10:38):
or eight months pregnant withour first child.
And I remember we moved in.
Um prior to that we're in a a asmall apartment and how it felt
when probably the next day, nomore than the next week.
SPEAKER_04 (11:03):
All he could think about was the next house we were
gonna get in Florida.
Like he he couldn't he could notrest in what we had
accomplished.
SPEAKER_02 (11:22):
Um, it was just in my way of seeing it was a
checkbox to the next thing, andI just wondered how could it be
that you can't sit in thisamazing accomplishment for five
(11:47):
minutes before thinking aboutyour next thing, and some people
read that as a lack of ambition.
He did, he read it as me havinga lack of ambition, if you can
believe that.
Yeah, that's how he saw it.
When I saw him as do you notknow how to just enjoy what is
(12:07):
right in front of you?
He did not know how.
And so I when when I noticedwhat was happening with you, I
had talked to, I think I wastalking to um one of my sons
about this thing um with hisfather, and my mind immediately
(12:28):
linked the the two.
And it's not I want to make itclear that um two things.
One is that it's not, well,people are wired like you do
this, and people are wired, it'snot that at all.
The other thing I want to say iswe have to be deliberate about
(12:50):
allowing things to go down deepbefore it's it's it's what the
Bible says.
This is not a perfect analogy,but it reminds me of um the
parable of the sower, right?
And how you can sprinkle theseeds on on rocky soil, they
(13:13):
won't work their way down, butwhen you sprinkle the seeds on
fertile soil, it it goes down.
So that came to mind because howare we allowing this stuff to
really settle into us before itgets snatched on the surface by
the birds because we we just itjust gets snatched by the next
(13:35):
thing before we allowed.
And I I talked, I was like, yougot you get a compliment, and
it's so easy to turn around andsay, oh, it's explain it away.
Right, instead of letting it godown to your toes, you you and
so it's just again bringing someawareness around this so that we
(13:56):
all could be better at lettingthe the the the peace, the
beauty, the joy, the the goodthings have more life within us.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Um I and I love that you put it like that.
I really like that you put itlike that.
I am more like your ex-husbandin many ways in that regard.
Yeah in that and very muchunlike him in all the all the
other ways that meant.
SPEAKER_02 (14:32):
Leslie calls him that man.
SPEAKER_01 (14:38):
He who shall remain nameless, but um, you know, it's
it's like something that wetalked about quite a while ago.
You know, I have this bucketlist, yeah, you know, and
Ricardo on the other hand, he'slike, bucket list?
What are you talking about?
A bucket list?
(14:58):
Of course I don't have a bucketlist.
And I'm like, what kind ofweirdo is that who doesn't have
a list of things that needs tobe done or accomplished, you
know, before you're gone.
And that was just such a foreignconcept to him.
So for me, you know, notspeaking about um our son's
illness in this regard, but ifif we want to acquire a home and
(15:23):
we work so hard to get thishome, then it's like all right,
but life is finite.
So then there's the next thingthat's on the list.
It's almost like next, and thenwe go to this.
But I do understand the need to,it's it's part of it is
(15:44):
gratitude, part of it is is isbeing thankful, but you know, I
also have a hard time justsitting in general, just
sitting.
Yeah, you know, yeah.
And and it's certainly somethingthat I aspire to, you know, to
(16:05):
be a little bit more calm andquiet.
Um the book uh The Rest uh RustMinistry.
SPEAKER_02 (16:15):
Yeah, the rest is resistance and rest.
Rest is resistance.
The Nat Ministry.
Her name is The book is overthere, I can't see it.
SPEAKER_01 (16:27):
But yeah, you know, it's I'm gonna get it my certain
folks like me, I guess somepeople would call it a type A or
whatever, we have difficultyturning it off and resting.
You know, I I you know I'vealways said, you know, I'm
tired, so what?
(16:48):
You know, so what, you know?
But um there's so many benefitsto resting and not just
physically resting, but mentallyresting what you're saying.
And then on the other hand, justkind of looking around and being
so appreciative.
I mean, obviously I've been verythankful about um our son's
(17:12):
progress and and what'shappening with him.
But I believe again in as ahuman being and as a mom,
there's so much more I want forhim.
And there's so much um sadnessabout what's happening.
(17:36):
You know, that it's a little bithard to be grateful for the
thing that I spent the last sixweeks praying for.
You know?
It's a little bit hard to jumpinto that gratitude, although I
do know what to do.
SPEAKER_04 (17:51):
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
I mean, you know, I'm trying not to get, you know,
too sad about this.
But um, you know, we were therewith him today, and as probably
everybody knows, because I mayhave mentioned it a few times,
that we're renovating our home.
And um I was just telling himthat it's really good that we're
(18:22):
designing the shower in the waythat we are, in the likelihood
that he will not be able to usea typical shower, you know, if
he remains, you know, disabledin the way that he is.
So we're grateful that um we'reinadvertently accommodating the
(18:47):
house.
You know, not only for oldpeople.
SPEAKER_00 (18:52):
I said, you know, babe, we may not be able to step
into a shower long either.
SPEAKER_01 (19:00):
You know, but um, but it will serve in that
purpose if we need it to, sothat's something to be grateful
for, you know.
SPEAKER_04 (19:08):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_02 (19:10):
I I I wonder I wonder if, you know, we've
talked about the idea of ourfuture selves, right?
And w what the way that wetalked about it before, one of
the ways is to um imagineourselves in the future and what
(19:35):
is it about, what decisions thatare showing up in the future
that you could be grateful for,right?
So for example, um, let's say Iwant I see myself in the future
as being really strong and andum buff and people saying, Oh my
(19:55):
god, you're how old are you?
You can lift that or whatever.
I like being strong.
I like that feeling of beingstrong.
So that's a part of how I see myfuture self.
And so I'm thanking my futureself is thanking my me now for
making the decision to go andwork out every day, right?
(20:16):
So that you get that result.
And so it's coming up now in mythinking about what as perhaps a
way to give the gratitude, thepeace, the praise, um, a longer
(20:39):
tail is if we could think aboutthe future, and a future that is
always thinking about the nextthing versus the um so in the
future, if you're feeling andliving with your son in this
(21:07):
place of gratitude versus in theplace of, oh, I wish he could do
this, that, and that, or I wish,right?
That maybe that future visioncould be something that helps
you now.
And I say you because we'retalking about him, but help me
too, because this ain't nothingthat I have even come close to
(21:31):
mastering.
I'm just pondering.
I'm just wondering.
I'm just wishing that we had away in our humanness to let um
the good things last as long aswe make the the negative,
painful things last.
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
Yeah, that got a long ass tail.
Especially we so earnestly andhonestly for that, beseech God
for that.
I mean, there are people, Imean, uh on on their knees, on
our knees.
I mean, there are you know,prayer warriors all over this
(22:11):
country, all over this world,you know, praying for them.
And um yeah.
Yeah.
It's it's a thing.
It's a thing, it's a thing.
And whereas his dad was soquickly able to jump into that
(22:35):
comfort and gratitude, yeah, andhe f felt a piece about it to
the point where I was a littleWhere's that coming from?
(23:00):
And and we were on speakerphonewith the people from the house
of the middle.
SPEAKER_00 (23:07):
And I'm like, he did not hear what gosh, last he
said, well and then what Iwanted to say is well, I'm in
the middle of the middle and andand the fact that we both heard
(23:31):
it at the same time in the sameway, but took it in completely
different directions.
He looked at me and like, well,what are you so upset?
SPEAKER_02 (23:41):
And I'm like, why is it something to say can happen?
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:53):
I was a little upset.
I'm like, well, does he care?
I can decide to say no.
You know, but we just Yeah,yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:07):
Listen, we we didn't we did not promise any
resolution.
This is a consider.
Consider how we might move theneedle a little bit on this and
um is it even what does thatsay?
(24:29):
What does that say about how weexperience our faith?
How do we how we experience umour relationship with God in
this place of not being alignedwith the joy, not being aligned
(24:51):
with the peace?
What is that what is thatsaying?
I mean, we can talk about ourhumanness, and of course, yes.
Yeah, um and then, right, in akind of more evolved way, what
are we really saying in that?
You know, what are we saying?
Okay, God, but that's notenough?
Or, you know, um I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (25:21):
I don't I don't I don't have the answer, but it's
it's definitely I mean it almostreeks of ingratitude in a way.
Right, you know and as he knowsmy heart, he he knows that
that's not that's not how I'veinternalized it.
I I think Yeah, yeah, I don'tknow.
SPEAKER_02 (25:48):
Let's just see.
Listen, this is some things areincremental.
Bit by bit by bit.
It's not hey, I have an arm andI can change that.
SPEAKER_01 (26:03):
This is just the last box opened as I'm about to
breathe that last twilight frommy alpha head cuts.
(26:29):
Even we come from this, you comefrom this as a funny.
I'm coming from the light oversomething like trip over
something and the blood checksto us.
SPEAKER_02 (26:53):
No, no, no, no, no.
We're not doing that anyway.
Alright, guys, we got some foodfor thought.
Thank you for being with us.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
And leave some let us know what you're thinking
about this.
This is so this is deep.
SPEAKER_01 (27:09):
It's deep and it's real.
Yeah.
Thanks, pal.
Thanks for for bringing it up.
Thanks for listening.
All right.
This has been another episode ofBlack Boomer Besties from
Brooklyn Brooklyn.
Hey Anch.
SPEAKER_02 (00:03):
Hey Les.
What's cooking?
It's it's good.
Good.
Thing.
Oh, you're just gonna hold back?
It's good.
It's just wait a minute.
Oh no.
Oh, I don't know what I don'tknow, don't you?
Okay.
So we're here.
Are you gonna invite the peoplein?
SPEAKER_01 (00:22):
I think so.
Welcome to another episode ofBlack Boomer Besties from
Brooklyn.
SPEAKER_02 (00:28):
I'm Angela, and that's Leslie, my best friend of
almost 50 years.
We are two free thinking60-something-year-old black
women who have decided to bemore joyful and boldful and bold
in our lives.
And we invite you to join us.
We invite you to see how we'regoing about it.
(00:50):
We invite you to start your joyand bold journey.
We invite you to continue.
And we're just here to give yousome um some tips and tricks on
on how you might want to dothat.
Before we get started on today'sepisode, um, well, I'll just
give you a little teaser.
We're gonna be talking aboutpeace and embracing peace and
(01:15):
ways that we don't embrace peaceand what we might, what we might
could do about that.
You all know that Leslie's sonhas been going through going
through it.
And um after about six weeks inthe hospital, we got the news,
(01:36):
miraculous news, that he hadmade a turn for the better, like
a huge turn for the better.
Um we have been prayingearnestly for God's will to be
done and that God's will be tokeep him with us and to help him
(01:57):
to get through this, right?
Um and a few episodes ago youheard about the praise report.
And so over the Thanksgiving umover the last holiday, I I I'm
really challenged withThanksgiving, but uh anyway, I'm
(02:20):
not gonna go there right now.
But anyway, over the holiday, umI was thinking about the fact
that now Leslie is faced withsome with the next series of
decisions that have to be madeabout um his care, right?
Um and we FaceTime each otherover the holiday.
(02:50):
And I saw in her face the theweight of having to make the
next set of decisions.
And it made me think about howquickly we go from celebrating
(03:12):
miracles, celebrating um uhanswered prayer, celebrating an
accomplishment, a de a newdegree, a new home, um, uh a
child's um successful basketballgame, whatever it is, and how
(03:34):
quickly we move from that placeof celebration and thanksgiving
to another set of worries.
Or requests, or requests, or Iwant to say worry, because you
know, it's almost like before itbecomes a request, and we can
actually talk about that rightthere, Les.
(03:57):
The is it is it just anotherrequest, or is it first the
burden that becomes the request?
Do you know what I mean?
And I just thought about theways that we we don't hold on to
our peace, how it could besomething that we've prayed for
(04:17):
sometimes for years, and then wewhen we get it, we quickly move
on from that thing that we'vebeen desiring for so long and
praying for for so long.
And whether there are some waysthat we can because through this
conversation we become moreaware of this, whether there's
(04:39):
some ways for us to hold on tothat piece and give it a longer
tail, if you will.
It's not, we don't want to befake or manufactured about this
stuff, right?
And human nature is what it is.
Yeah.
But if you think about thisthing, like this this big jolt
of, oh my God, that was amazing.
Yes, thank you, God.
(05:00):
And then it having a longer tailthan just the day or the week,
you know, and and how we canextend that.
So that's what we're gonna talkabout today.
We don't have answers on on howto do this, but we're gonna talk
about maybe why it's such achallenge for us to do this as
(05:22):
human beings and and you keepusing that word human, and and I
think that's what that's what Iwas thinking while you were
speaking, that in our humannesswe have desires and we have
needs.
SPEAKER_01 (05:42):
And when our needs are not met, or we have
difficulty meeting those, that'svery often when we cry out for
help.
And the resolution of one needor the conquering of a need, or
when you obtain what it is thatyou've been praying and asking
(06:03):
for, it's quite natural, Ibelieve, to look at the next
thing on the list.
Yeah.
You know, but I understand whenyou say we forget to rejoice
about the victory.
SPEAKER_02 (06:16):
Yeah.
Well, May, how do we make thatrejoicing last a little longer?
I get it.
And I get it that it's this bigthing because, you know, it's
like an on-off.
It was it was sad and dark andnow it's bright.
Right.
The brightness is still there,though.
It didn't switch off again.
It's still there.
SPEAKER_01 (06:38):
You know, it's so it's so interesting that you
bring this up in the context ofmy son.
Um, I'll say our son, becausehis dad and I have been going
through this together.
Because we had this conversationjust two days ago.
SPEAKER_03 (06:57):
Okay.
SPEAKER_01 (06:58):
And we were he and I was like on the other side on
opposite sides of this thing.
Whereas for the last six weeks,I've been praying for him to
live through this.
And naturally, I'll I am willingto accept him and love him and
(07:22):
care for him in whatevercapacity I want him to live
through this.
SPEAKER_03 (07:26):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:27):
And when I was faced with making some decisions that
um pertain to management of whatseems like will be a longer-term
disability, it made me sad.
You know, and I talked to um mypartner, you know, his dad about
(07:47):
this, and he looked at theconversation as a joyful one, as
an oh, you know, he has a goodchance, he has good insurance
coverage, and there's a goodfacility for him, and he has the
(08:08):
resources that are available.
But here I am thinking that ourson might need our continued
care going forward.
Whereas before this, he was a anindependent young man.
You know, but but but remember,I prayed for his life.
(08:31):
I didn't pray for his, you know,I didn't pray for everything.
Exactly, exactly.
You know, and it's not up to meor us to decide what in what
form prayers are answered.
Right.
unknown (08:49):
Do that.
SPEAKER_01 (08:50):
Sometimes to the point where we don't realize our
prayers were answered.
And then, you know, Rick and Ihad this discussion, and he had
to remind me that, Les, yourprayers are answered.
Wow.
I look, he says, I looked atthis as a as a good call, and
I'm tearful, and all of this.
SPEAKER_03 (09:07):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (09:08):
Because you know how I am.
I am this sequential, I c I seethe big picture and I I look
further out, and all I thoughtabout was how our child our sons
and our personal relationshipwill change, you know, as a
(09:29):
result of what's going on.
SPEAKER_02 (09:31):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:32):
You know, yeah.
unknown (09:34):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:35):
Instead of, or or perhaps at the same time, but to
a lesser extent, of just beingthankful and sitting in the joy
of him surviving what could havebeen, you know, uh um a fatal
illness.
SPEAKER_02 (09:51):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um a few days ago, I wasspeaking to someone about my
first ex-husband.
And in our early 30s, we did,you know, put our money together
and saved, and we built a 4,000square foot home.
(10:13):
A first home.
It was built from the ground up.
Um huge accomplishment.
Um we were very um very uhregimented about how much we
saved and put the money away andso on.
And when we moved in, I wasmaybe I think I was maybe seven
(10:38):
or eight months pregnant withour first child.
And I remember we moved in.
Um prior to that we're in a a asmall apartment and how it felt
when probably the next day, nomore than the next week.
SPEAKER_04 (11:03):
All he could think about was the next house we were
gonna get in Florida.
Like he he couldn't he could notrest in what we had
accomplished.
SPEAKER_02 (11:22):
Um, it was just in my way of seeing it was a
checkbox to the next thing, andI just wondered how could it be
that you can't sit in thisamazing accomplishment for five
(11:47):
minutes before thinking aboutyour next thing, and some people
read that as a lack of ambition.
He did, he read it as me havinga lack of ambition, if you can
believe that.
Yeah, that's how he saw it.
When I saw him as do you notknow how to just enjoy what is
(12:07):
right in front of you?
He did not know how.
And so I when when I noticedwhat was happening with you, I
had talked to, I think I wastalking to um one of my sons
about this thing um with hisfather, and my mind immediately
(12:28):
linked the the two.
And it's not I want to make itclear that um two things.
One is that it's not, well,people are wired like you do
this, and people are wired, it'snot that at all.
The other thing I want to say iswe have to be deliberate about
(12:50):
allowing things to go down deepbefore it's it's it's what the
Bible says.
This is not a perfect analogy,but it reminds me of um the
parable of the sower, right?
And how you can sprinkle theseeds on on rocky soil, they
(13:13):
won't work their way down, butwhen you sprinkle the seeds on
fertile soil, it it goes down.
So that came to mind because howare we allowing this stuff to
really settle into us before itgets snatched on the surface by
the birds because we we just itjust gets snatched by the next
(13:35):
thing before we allowed.
And I I talked, I was like, yougot you get a compliment, and
it's so easy to turn around andsay, oh, it's explain it away.
Right, instead of letting it godown to your toes, you you and
so it's just again bringing someawareness around this so that we
(13:56):
all could be better at lettingthe the the the peace, the
beauty, the joy, the the goodthings have more life within us.
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
Um I and I love that you put it like that.
I really like that you put itlike that.
I am more like your ex-husbandin many ways in that regard.
Yeah in that and very muchunlike him in all the all the
other ways that meant.
SPEAKER_02 (14:32):
Leslie calls him that man.
SPEAKER_01 (14:38):
He who shall remain nameless, but um, you know, it's
it's like something that wetalked about quite a while ago.
You know, I have this bucketlist, yeah, you know, and
Ricardo on the other hand, he'slike, bucket list?
What are you talking about?
A bucket list?
(14:58):
Of course I don't have a bucketlist.
And I'm like, what kind ofweirdo is that who doesn't have
a list of things that needs tobe done or accomplished, you
know, before you're gone.
And that was just such a foreignconcept to him.
So for me, you know, notspeaking about um our son's
illness in this regard, but ifif we want to acquire a home and
(15:23):
we work so hard to get thishome, then it's like all right,
but life is finite.
So then there's the next thingthat's on the list.
It's almost like next, and thenwe go to this.
But I do understand the need to,it's it's part of it is
(15:44):
gratitude, part of it is is isbeing thankful, but you know, I
also have a hard time justsitting in general, just
sitting.
Yeah, you know, yeah.
And and it's certainly somethingthat I aspire to, you know, to
(16:05):
be a little bit more calm andquiet.
Um the book uh The Rest uh RustMinistry.
SPEAKER_02 (16:15):
Yeah, the rest is resistance and rest.
Rest is resistance.
The Nat Ministry.
Her name is The book is overthere, I can't see it.
SPEAKER_01 (16:27):
But yeah, you know, it's I'm gonna get it my certain
folks like me, I guess somepeople would call it a type A or
whatever, we have difficultyturning it off and resting.
You know, I I you know I'vealways said, you know, I'm
tired, so what?
(16:48):
You know, so what, you know?
But um there's so many benefitsto resting and not just
physically resting, but mentallyresting what you're saying.
And then on the other hand, justkind of looking around and being
so appreciative.
I mean, obviously I've been verythankful about um our son's
(17:12):
progress and and what'shappening with him.
But I believe again in as ahuman being and as a mom,
there's so much more I want forhim.
And there's so much um sadnessabout what's happening.
(17:36):
You know, that it's a little bithard to be grateful for the
thing that I spent the last sixweeks praying for.
You know?
It's a little bit hard to jumpinto that gratitude, although I
do know what to do.
SPEAKER_04 (17:51):
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (17:59):
I mean, you know, I'm trying not to get, you know,
too sad about this.
But um, you know, we were therewith him today, and as probably
everybody knows, because I mayhave mentioned it a few times,
that we're renovating our home.
And um I was just telling himthat it's really good that we're
(18:22):
designing the shower in the waythat we are, in the likelihood
that he will not be able to usea typical shower, you know, if
he remains, you know, disabledin the way that he is.
So we're grateful that um we'reinadvertently accommodating the
(18:47):
house.
You know, not only for oldpeople.
SPEAKER_00 (18:52):
I said, you know, babe, we may not be able to step
into a shower long either.
SPEAKER_01 (19:00):
You know, but um, but it will serve in that
purpose if we need it to, sothat's something to be grateful
for, you know.
SPEAKER_04 (19:08):
Right, right.
SPEAKER_02 (19:10):
I I I wonder I wonder if, you know, we've
talked about the idea of ourfuture selves, right?
And w what the way that wetalked about it before, one of
the ways is to um imagineourselves in the future and what
(19:35):
is it about, what decisions thatare showing up in the future
that you could be grateful for,right?
So for example, um, let's say Iwant I see myself in the future
as being really strong and andum buff and people saying, Oh my
(19:55):
god, you're how old are you?
You can lift that or whatever.
I like being strong.
I like that feeling of beingstrong.
So that's a part of how I see myfuture self.
And so I'm thanking my futureself is thanking my me now for
making the decision to go andwork out every day, right?
(20:16):
So that you get that result.
And so it's coming up now in mythinking about what as perhaps a
way to give the gratitude, thepeace, the praise, um, a longer
(20:39):
tail is if we could think aboutthe future, and a future that is
always thinking about the nextthing versus the um so in the
future, if you're feeling andliving with your son in this
(21:07):
place of gratitude versus in theplace of, oh, I wish he could do
this, that, and that, or I wish,right?
That maybe that future visioncould be something that helps
you now.
And I say you because we'retalking about him, but help me
too, because this ain't nothingthat I have even come close to
(21:31):
mastering.
I'm just pondering.
I'm just wondering.
I'm just wishing that we had away in our humanness to let um
the good things last as long aswe make the the negative,
painful things last.
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
Yeah, that got a long ass tail.
Especially we so earnestly andhonestly for that, beseech God
for that.
I mean, there are people, Imean, uh on on their knees, on
our knees.
I mean, there are you know,prayer warriors all over this
(22:11):
country, all over this world,you know, praying for them.
And um yeah.
Yeah.
It's it's a thing.
It's a thing, it's a thing.
And whereas his dad was soquickly able to jump into that
(22:35):
comfort and gratitude, yeah, andhe f felt a piece about it to
the point where I was a littleWhere's that coming from?
(23:00):
And and we were on speakerphonewith the people from the house
of the middle.
SPEAKER_00 (23:07):
And I'm like, he did not hear what gosh, last he
said, well and then what Iwanted to say is well, I'm in
the middle of the middle and andand the fact that we both heard
(23:31):
it at the same time in the sameway, but took it in completely
different directions.
He looked at me and like, well,what are you so upset?
SPEAKER_02 (23:41):
And I'm like, why is it something to say can happen?
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (23:53):
I was a little upset.
I'm like, well, does he care?
I can decide to say no.
You know, but we just Yeah,yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02 (24:07):
Listen, we we didn't we did not promise any
resolution.
This is a consider.
Consider how we might move theneedle a little bit on this and
um is it even what does thatsay?
(24:29):
What does that say about how weexperience our faith?
How do we how we experience umour relationship with God in
this place of not being alignedwith the joy, not being aligned
(24:51):
with the peace?
What is that what is thatsaying?
I mean, we can talk about ourhumanness, and of course, yes.
Yeah, um and then, right, in akind of more evolved way, what
are we really saying in that?
You know, what are we saying?
Okay, God, but that's notenough?
Or, you know, um I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (25:21):
I don't I don't I don't have the answer, but it's
it's definitely I mean it almostreeks of ingratitude in a way.
Right, you know and as he knowsmy heart, he he knows that
that's not that's not how I'veinternalized it.
I I think Yeah, yeah, I don'tknow.
SPEAKER_02 (25:48):
Let's just see.
Listen, this is some things areincremental.
Bit by bit by bit.
It's not hey, I have an arm andI can change that.
SPEAKER_01 (26:03):
This is just the last box opened as I'm about to
breathe that last twilight frommy alpha head cuts.
(26:29):
Even we come from this, you comefrom this as a funny.
I'm coming from the light oversomething like trip over
something and the blood checksto us.
SPEAKER_02 (26:53):
No, no, no, no, no.
We're not doing that anyway.
Alright, guys, we got some foodfor thought.
Thank you for being with us.
SPEAKER_00 (27:01):
And leave some let us know what you're thinking
about this.
This is so this is deep.
SPEAKER_01 (27:09):
It's deep and it's real.
Yeah.
Thanks, pal.
Thanks for for bringing it up.
Thanks for listening.
All right.
This has been another episode ofBlack Boomer Besties from
Brooklyn Brooklyn.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.