Finishing up cannibal month strong, we're bringing you a very modern day story of horror. One that begs the question, "aren't we all kinda cannibals when you stop and think about it???"
The horrifying true tale of, Anabel Gómez López, the tamale maker of death!!!!
But that's not all, oh no, this week we are so excited to be joined by the one and only Jonathan Perez Galvan. Representative of Latinos Against Spooky Shit (#LatinosAgainstSpookyShit).
If you like our show, you will LOVE his work! So please, show some self love and give him a follow! https://beacons.ai/latinosagainstspookyshit you'll be so glad you did!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
For a fourth and final episode of Cannibal Month, we'd like to
present to you a little snack, adessert if you will, one that
will undoubtedly haunt your dreams just as much as it will
your daily diet. Now, as someone who loves to dig
in and research the dark, diabolical and disturbing, I
must admit upfront there is not a whole lot of information
(00:22):
currently available about today's topic.
But, and with that said, I assure you the aftertaste will
last much longer than the meal. I didn't see you there.
Something big is going on here. From Hunting, Ghost to Bigfoot,
Paranormal Ufo's, True Crime andmore.
We won't just be spouting articles.
I was researching for your entertainment.
(00:42):
Beginning of the New World. The best fuck you'll ever
fucking. True story.
It's basically like one day you walk outside and you see that
the ants are playing with matches this.
Is the. Blackout report.
See you on the other side. Hello, everyone, and welcome to
episode 56 of The Black Cat Report.
My name is Gil, and I'll be yourwaiter this evening.
(01:04):
Now if you follow me this way, your friends Joey and Betsve are
already seated. Hola.
Hey. And it was just about to tell
them that we have a very specialguest chef joining us tonight.
The social media badass we all love and follow, awesome human
being and international representative of #Latinos
Against Spooky shit. Jonathan Perez Galvan.
(01:28):
Jonathan, thank you so much for joining us.
How the hell are you doing tonight?
I'm doing good. What an intro.
My God, I'm hungry and terrified.
I can't wait to give you some more.
Can't wait to give you some more.
Are you ready to be mild to severely traumatized?
(01:49):
You mean growing up in a Hispanic household?
Yeah, I'm for it, dude. Born for it.
Let's go. Let's go A store takes place in
the mid to late 2000, tens on the bustling platforms of Indios
Verde subway station in Mexico City.
Located just blocks away from universities, residential
neighborhoods, city parks, and thriving businesses, the subway
(02:11):
station is crawling at all hourswith commuters as they come and
go, consumed by the constant circus of life's demanding
schedules. Has anyone here ever spent time
in this area? Ever been to Indios Verde subway
station in Mexico City? I have not.
No one is owning up to. That's based on how this is
(02:31):
starting. I don't want to.
Yeah, Why would I? That's good.
That's very good. I was going to stop the episode
right now and get you on better help or something if you happen.
Well, OK. Thanks.
Well, Needless to say, the patrons waiting for transfers
(02:53):
and racing to obligations have always welcomed a quick snack, a
small meal to make the distance to their destinations a lot
shorter. So with Mexico's long cherished
history of St. vendors, it comesas no surprise local
entrepreneurs, young and old, found willing customers in the
thousands craving any and all oftheir delicious homemade goods.
(03:18):
From tacos and enchiladas to paletas to elote, churros and
panadas are my favorite, with the history dating back
thousands of years. Tamales.
Dude. Pronunciation on.
Point Good for you. Thank you.
He's been practicing. You're welcome.
Just in the mirror. Nonstop tamales.
(03:39):
Tamales. Tamales.
No. I know this one.
Trust me, but. But, but but no.
(04:09):
That's just me. But honestly, God bless da
Balitas for spending hours spreading masa and corn husk
before spooning in the meat, rolling them up and steaming
them to perfection. I don't know about you, but I
always need to grab at least twodozen so I have 12 for my family
when I get home. And by family I mean my cats.
And when I say for them I mean myself.
But that's just. Yes, and Betsave when she comes
over, which I'm sorry, we only have two left.
No, it's important to note here,and I really, really want to
make a point of this. Street vendors represent an
honest, necessary profession. Love the world over by billions
of people, some craving a Taste of Home, others just looking to
(04:32):
try something new, but all experiencing centuries of
closely held family recipes thatkeep culture alive every time
someone takes a bite. I really want to emphasize that,
and this is by no means an exaggeration, because what you
might not know is that archaeologists have used
hieroglyphics to trace the Tamale as far back as 5000 to
(04:56):
8000 BC. Tamales have literally been
around for seven to 10,000 years.
That means their history goes back two to three times farther
than the construction of the Egyptian pyramids.
Which, if you've ever take the time to actually make tamales at
home, you know is more difficultthan building a pyramid Hashtag.
(05:18):
Ancient alien Tamaleras. Yes, So on a point.
That, I mean, it makes sense cuzit takes forever to make.
So yeah, I just thought that wasfucking fascinating, right?
That's interesting. It is.
Yeah, literally. Yeah, hieroglyphics.
(05:39):
Like that shit ends. Yeah, And it probably took less
time to make the hieroglyphic than the fucking tamales.
Right, Yeah. The tamales we're eating right
now are actually 5000 years old.They've just been making them
for that long. Actually one of us has an Abuela
that is about 5000 years old that was there when we made the
Hydro Griphics. Yes, my father.
(06:02):
Yes, yes, it's. It's.
Been a life for that long. It's funny you should say that,
because I did come across when Iwas kind of digging in a little
bit into the history of tamales,right, that there's an Aztec
legend that claims the 1st 20 tamales were made by the
grandmother of a God whose name I can't pronounce from the meat
(06:24):
of her grandchild, whose name myOhio raised ass also cannot
pronounce. I've I've ripped you down that
way. Try please try.
Please try. God damn it.
What did I put it in italics below it on?
The Oh fucking shit. That's a weird name.
Pronounce it pretty well since the middle the grandmother of
(06:49):
the ancient God Chico Mehchito. I tried.
I tried. I'm from.
I can't, I can't see how it's spelt.
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna say you're right.
I can't say otherwise. Yeah.
Wait, wait. Send it to me.
I wanna read it. I'm curious, you're not doing
that right now about today. I'm not.
Why don't you do it? Or Because I'm gonna have to
(07:09):
type this out and I don't know how to add the accents on my
keyboard. That's fair.
That's I'll give them that one. No, I still don't know how to
add. Nobody needs.
Nobody needs to hear me being like.
And wait, is that a skit? Note control FF9 and that's you
need. 9 fingers to be able to doit properly.
(07:30):
On one hand, yes, yes. Well, with all that said, as
we'll soon discover, some traditions should change, as is
the case with Annabelle Gomez Lopez, aka Latamalera de la
Muerte. Wow.
Just saying, after a few thousand years, mix it up.
(07:55):
That's a luchador name if I've ever heard it.
Not anymore. Maybe a punk band, but yeah.
Well, born in 1974, not much is actually known about the early
(08:15):
years of Annabel Gomez Lopez, although it can be assumed that
by the time her career began as a Tamalera, a person who makes
and sells tamales, life had not offered her much academic and
financial privilege. What is known, however, is that
Annabella was an unbelievably hard worker with an incredible
talent as a chef and a knack forbeing a savvy marketer.
(08:40):
She was always there first thingin the morning, often before
dawn, selling her tamales by thedozen to the busy locals as they
rushed to catch their train at the Indios Verde subway station.
Impossible to miss. The unique way she shaped and
wrapped her tamales had the promotional effect of seeing
people walk by with a Starbucks cup.
(09:00):
They were Oval with the Starbucks cup.
So like, think about it like, you know.
If you're at a mall, this was 2020 15/20/17.
Oh, this was recent. Oh no, this is really like I
said at the beginning, late twenty 10s?
(09:29):
Yeah. No, no, no.
This. This is why I asked if anybody's
been there recently. Because this was like 5-6 years
ago. Oh.
Wow. Putting that in the 70s, Putting
that in perspective. Oh yeah, but I could. 20 tens
was like the first lock. I just figured that been like
the 20s, like 19. No, no, no.
I heard twenty 10s, but I figured, like, that's when the
story first like the the urban legend of this.
No, this is a legitimate 2010. Fuck me.
(09:50):
OK, cool. Yeah, No, if you're if you're
old enough to listen to this episode, you might have been
there. Like there is a good chance you
might have been there. So yeah.
I heard Starbucks. I was like, wait.
Yeah, yeah, No, but. But I, but I point that out.
(10:10):
I point that out because becauseif you think about if you're at,
if you're at a hospital, if you're at a mall, and if you're
in some city, wherever the hell you're at, you recognize the
Starbucks cup from far away frompeople walking with the
Starbucks. Like it has that.
Unfortunately, yes. Yeah.
It has that distinctive vibe to it.
Like you're like, oh, there's a Starbucks nearby, you know,
(10:30):
automatically, right. And this is where her savvy
marketing came in, which honestly, if she hadn't have
ruined it. You know, kind of like the the
1/4 central mustache, that somebody we won't name Charlie
Chaplin ruined, but like it. Was so stylish too.
It was so genius. And for an ANSI fascist to get
(10:52):
labeled like that anyways. But so, so I did.
I want to point this out. This was the as somebody who
grew up eating tamales, loves tamales.
What she did was fucking genius,right?
So to describe him a little bit,they were plump, They were Oval,
and they had bright green corn husks that you could peel back
(11:13):
and hold while you traveled around on your morning routine.
So it wasn't just like a peel from the side, peel from the
side, eat, get it all over your hands, kind of thing.
Like, these were folks that wereon their way to work.
It's like a wrap. Yeah, she, like had it like a
wrap. Like, like almost.
Like a Japanese rice ball. Exactly.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fucking brilliant. This is fucking.
(11:35):
That is brilliant. Wow.
But most of all, they were cheapand delicious.
Well, without fail, the smell, appearance, and smile on the
holder's face would lead to others asking where they got
them. And so business for Annabelle
quickly became booming, obviously.
(11:56):
I mean, fucking killing it with marketing, Killing it with
appearance, Killing it with Price, Killing it with just
straight up functionality while you're on your way to work,
right? God, it's huge.
Little too much emphasis on the killing it.
I don't like where this is going.
I don't want to spoil it, but this is.
The juxtaposition here? Well, where it is?
(12:20):
It sounds too good to be true. Well, where it is that on
average, Annabelle would sell over 100 tamales a day in just
two hours. Now I've done the math here and
it comes out to about .8 tamalesa minute like just boom boom
(12:43):
boom boom like she is just they are flying out of the, I'm
assuming a cooler because that'sthe only place I've ever seen
somebody just selling tamales you.
Know. Yeah, yeah.
Which I hope a cool the best. Yeah, I hope so.
Honestly though, with a 2 hour sale time, like she don't even
need a cooler, but she's. But that's it.
So she's she's crushing it. She's crushing it well for at
(13:08):
least two years. Life as a Tamalera for Annabelle
Gomez. Lopez was going great.
Honestly, she had quite the routine down, always selling out
of tamales within hours of stepping foot onto her favorite
street corner, then spending therest of the day hitting up
markets for ingredients around town before finally going home
and cooking up a fresh batch forthe next day.
(13:31):
Local chef with local ingredients.
I know the I mean it's it's fucking hard ass work.
But like that fact that she had that salad routine and she had
that solid income from being like a street vendor.
Like that's. You know it's.
Been two hours working and calling it a day.
It's crazy. But she did go home and make
hundreds of tamales, so like sheworked.
Two hours. You know, she's got her kids and
(13:54):
everybody else working on that wizard.
There's no way that was on her own.
Yeah, the whole family's working.
Never seen a middle-aged woman actually make Yeah.
It's definitely not just it's a grandma.
It's true. It's somebody on Social
Security, right? It's an older, it's an older
person. Or is somebody in preschool?
(14:14):
Those are the only two options. When there's no in between,
there's no in between. It's like that kid.
Remember the kid we saw on the beach that had like a huge
Instagram following? And he was, he was selling like
empinatas, I think. Yeah.
But he spoke like French, German, yeah.
(14:35):
He spoke like every language. Yeah.
He he spoke everything. Yeah.
And so, like he he was great. Yeah, this was in Was this in
Acapulco? That sounds like some Puerto
Vallarta shit. I'm not gonna lie, that sounds
like something from Puerto Vallarta I.
Think that's where. Where it was, Yeah, can't
remember that. Yeah, yeah, it probably was not.
Disrespect Acapulco, but you? Know.
(14:57):
Yeah. That was his life.
Yes, they're the West Virginia of Mexico.
It's OK, baby. Oh, did I land that shot?
I just took a shot. I don't know if it's true
(15:18):
getting. Some of the dogs.
It's the Myrtle Beach. Yes, it's the Myrtle Beach, OK,
Again, I'm from Ohio. I'm going to say some fucked up
shit. OK?
I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.
Cuz Puerto Vallarta is more likeCharleston.
You know that. Area.
Yeah, Puerto is the Disneyland for.
Yeah, certain demographic of people to go down to Mexico.
(15:41):
Thank you for respecting our listenership.
I appreciate that, Jonathan. Very professional.
Yeah, no, I know where I'm at. I've navigated this minefield,
tell us where to go, because we still haven't.
All right. But but yeah, so so you know,
(16:02):
she's she's she's a local chef with local ingredients, selling
to locals. But at least one of her
ingredients was more local than the others you see the very
first day. Please tell us you know you're
about to be told on the very first day.
The very first day Annabelle decided to start her business,
(16:25):
she ran into a bit of a dilemma.After spending all of our
investment money on gear and supplies, she realized she
didn't have enough pesos left tobuy meat.
No. So you know what?
What? What is 1 to do in that
(16:45):
situation? Well, according to Annabelle, as
luck would have it, quote, I found a girl who got lost and
was looking for her parents. I took her to my house because
from there she was going to calltheir parents so that they could
pick her up in her backpack. She'd brought the numbers and
(17:09):
her parents address, but the devil is the devil.
And I said to myself, Annabelle,there's meat for your tamales.
End Quote. The fact that that's a direct
quote, no. That she had, yeah.
(17:30):
I can't believe this is a directquote.
Wow. It's so poetic though.
It's very poetic. Yeah, you know, she was thinking
about that when she did it too. She was just like HM.
Yeah. This is gonna be.
Good. This is free.
This is free for me. This is, yeah, my profit margin
(17:50):
on this is literally 100%. Yeah, there's so many kids
walking to school. This is yeah, I found a new way.
Ohh. Man.
I just I just cannot believe this is 2010.
Right, it's wild. It's so wild.
All I imagine though is a like. Looney Tunes vignette.
(18:12):
Vignette of like her having likea net outside her house and just
drinking it up to catch kids. Yeah, just a box.
Let's send a little can. Just a box.
Yeah, just a box. And Unta Marindo, yeah.
You know, an anvil with Acme on it with a rope.
A giant piano like, Oh my God, just a little spicy tamarind
(18:34):
candy. Just like sitting there.
Like a chickle eater. Just like it.
Just like, yeah. Well if the hammer hits them, it
makes her job easier cuz the hammer just already smushes.
Them when it hits right. Oh my God.
Right into that small and she already puts down.
She already puts down the corn stalks.
So that like as soon as like. Soon as they.
(18:55):
Fam. She just wraps them.
It's like see. Yeah, there's no, yeah.
She's got a whole production line.
Yeah, yeah. And then the like her her
youngest kid just rolls them up and then she just like puts them
into. It What's that?
What's that thing? A Rube Goldberg machine?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is just one thing
happens and just keep setting itall off.
(19:16):
Hammer comes down, rolls her up,kid.
Yeah, just like giving one free Tamale away every day to the
same kid and dropping an air tagin their backpack.
Just like, what is she? Doing oh wow.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but it is widely known.
(19:38):
It is widely known that livestock is getting fed with
the same livestock in this country.
So like, not a stretch. I'm sorry, that is well there.
Was that whole mad cow thing fora while there?
That's fair. Just a hot minute.
I'm surprised we haven't gotten mad kid from.
(20:05):
Yeah, and. Wait, so how old is this lady?
Ohh she ohh shit. I did the math at one point, but
I also failed math in school. I think she.
Was between 45 to 54. There was a 5 and there was a
four somewhere. She Middle, middle age ish,
(20:26):
right? So 45.
So 45. So in in real human years, she's
like 20. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now it is. But.
Yeah, we age differently. I don't know she.
I mean, she was, I guess. Was she eating her own tamales?
So I was gonna, I was gonna ask that, is she getting full on her
(20:47):
own supply? You know, like you got to if
they're that fucking delicious, you know what I'm saying?
She had to have known. She has to try to know they're
that good. Oh, yeah.
Oh. Yeah, like there's no way you
can avoid this chef. Now.
Did she think it to her family? I don't know if she had a
family. Because it's like, oh shit, it's
like Quinceanera the mean. Like, if there's a quinceanera
(21:07):
coming up, what is she going to do?
Not bring her famous tamales, right?
Well, that's how she's getting her supply too.
The problem I yeah, the problem.Is there's kids there?
Bet. Oh yeah, I can come this
Saturday. No, no, no, you don't need to
pay me anything. Don't worry, don't worry, it
(21:29):
pays for itself if you think about it.
Yeah, I mean, she's the, I mean,she's the one coming with all
the Tupperware. It's like super easy for her.
She's already got her Tupperwarethere, so.
She's just coming there. You know that.
Well, I know. Your mom.
So. Yeah, the Tupperware, of course.
None of the lids are right. They're all fitting wrong.
(21:50):
Yeah, half of them got Scotch tape on the.
Machine. Yeah, some of them aren't
Tupperware. They're just like the margarine
containers that are empty. Yes.
Yes, I know we know. Yeah, I know my mom.
So, like, you know my dad who raised me Mexican, right?
My mom moved here from Germany. Almost identical.
(22:10):
I'm just going to say almost I identical substitute beans for
potatoes. That's like literally that is
the same. It is 100% the same.
It's like you have it is a minefield opening up the
refrigerator. You have no clue what the fuck
you're going to find, and there's no room for anything.
Like it's just like Poosh. Half the pans are in the oven.
(22:31):
Three kids. Just Tetris in there.
Yo Hansel. Hansel and Gretel.
Hansel and Gretel. I'm just gonna say what that
happen. Fuck, I can't.
I can't put the 4th kid in thereor completes a whole line and
the rest disappear. Yeah, yes.
She's also a Tetris. Man, she's also, yeah, world
(22:53):
record holder, actually in the kids division.
So is she only killing kids or? Adults to to, to the extent that
information is available, right?Which I really feel like this is
one of those episodes we can like cover again in like 5 years
(23:16):
when the police finally releasedmore information.
Because let's be real, the police and I never want to give
them credit for anything, reallyshouldn't be releasing this
information to the public right now.
Like no, no, no. When you hear I did some
massive. Clothes to comfort?
Yeah, why not? It's been.
(23:38):
Like, but it's the problem with it, at least from my
perspective. Copycats.
Yeah. It's been 6.
It's been 6 what? No.
So you said she started in 2010,she gets arrested in 2017?
Ohh oh, it's been six years. Y'all, it's only been six years.
(24:03):
Wow, this is recent. How did I not hear this?
I need to do better with the time that I tell people at the
intros of these episodes. No, no, I'm sure you told it
right and we just suck. We did math.
We pretty. Much just like it's just me.
It's not you. It's me.
Yeah. I mean, you know me like, yeah.
(24:25):
Yeah, we do. We do so.
I'm just I was enthralled by like the beginning into and I'm
like fuck, I'm here dude, let's do it.
And I didn't even hear the time.I'm just captivated by the chaos
that is this tiny. I'm assuming no bigger than. 5
for one numbers, that's, yeah. Yeah, I honestly think we're
just too close for comfort food right now.
I think this would nice, nice, good job, Well, well.
(24:50):
So human meat became the main ingredient in them bows famous
tamales, and it would continue to be used for years.
Well, you might be asking yourself, Gil, how did it all
end? How did it all end?
Gil and Skill how did? It all end, Gil.
(25:13):
Thank you. Thank you, Beth Sabe, the only
one listening it was March 17th,20/17/2017 around noon can.
You please repeat. But it was around noon when the
phone rang at the sleepy neighborhood fire station.
It wasn't shit going on, right? And it was when one of the
(25:37):
firefighters answered that they heard a frantic woman on the
other line. She was scared to death because
there was a strong smell of natural gas coming from her
neighbor and the Bell's house. Whoa.
Must spend all the rice and beans in it.
God, it was Even so much. Well, the smell was apparently
(26:00):
so strong that there was a legitimate concern that a single
spark might blow up half of the block.
It was the racing. Means wow.
And so the firefighters rushed to the scene.
(26:24):
They corded off the surrounding streets and evacuated the nearby
houses before making their way carefully to the empty home of
Annabel Gomez Lopez. Well, if you're trying to knock
on the door for some time with no answer, it was eventually
decided they needed to break it in.
They needed to bust down the door, right?
This gas leak in the house mightliterally blow up the
(26:45):
neighborhood. Like, we'll figure out legal
shit later. OK, fair.
That is totally fair. Well, once inside, the
priorities quickly changed by the scene laid out in front of
them. And at this point I want to say
I don't know if the gas leak wasever attended to of.
(27:05):
Course, yeah, that makes sense, yes.
Bodies of young children lying on the counter with partially
exposed skeletons. Human meat in the there's
photos. If you look up her name, you'll
see them. You don't want to see them, but
they will be one of the first photos.
You see human meat in the fridge.
(27:27):
And eventually, and there's photos.
Full fingers found inside of some of the tamales.
No. Do you think anybody ever got
one of those? Fingers I was.
Going to say do you think anybody got a finger and just
went? Just, you know, what?
(27:49):
Like they're looking at it. They're like, I'm late for work.
I don't have time right now to deal with this.
Like it'll sort itself out, you know?
My wife was yelling at me. My kids were late to school.
The finger in this Tamale is thelast thing I have to worry about
this day. Yeah.
You know shit. Or they're just like, wow, it
(28:09):
still tastes good, So I mean. Whatever.
I mean, you lick all 11 fingers clean after every Tamale, man.
That's true. I mean it was really bad cuz on
the sign it said. Fingers feel appreciate that.
Fingers. I like that one.
Ohh, that was good. Yeah, my mom always gets at me
(28:30):
for licking my fingers, so I understand.
I mean, you're not licking somebody else's fingers, I mean,
so it's OK. You can tell that if you were
eating dinner and licking a finger you found in the plate as
well. Yeah, it's not supposed to be
somebody else's fingers. No, it's just my fingers.
(28:50):
It'd be bad to be for playing with my food.
They're already playing with their selves.
My God. I can count to 12, geez.
Fuck well. I mean, like, wouldn't you
notice like when you, if you buyone of the tamales and there's a
(29:13):
finger in it, never cooks so good?
Like the bone of the finger? No, no bones are.
Moved. Listen, when a Tamale is that
good, it's true. I might be willing to turn
another eye. I don't care.
Like if I found a finger in my Starbucks, I'd say, you know
what? I paid 15 bucks for this.
Fuck. You just use it to stir the
Starbucks drink. I'm sorry.
(29:37):
I'm sorry about that. That's.
Disgusting. But in all honesty though, like
who? Who goes more than two or three
bites on a Tamale? Like, honestly, like, I don't.
You kidding? Me like, I looks like, I look
like when I'm eating a Tamale. I look like those documentaries
(29:57):
I've seen on those websites thatend with the letter X.
You know what I'm saying? Like and and they have hubs in
their food hub and Tamale hub. You know, like I'd be going in
like 2 Max 3 bites. It's down my throat.
Okay. I'm just being honest.
All silent. OK, well, that's me.
(30:19):
Yeah. What can you eat it?
All right. Well, you know, Yeah.
And especially like you said, cuz they had it built to like be
unwrapped and eaten on the go. Yeah.
It's not like you're cutting it with a fork.
If you're cutting with a fork, you'll find a finger, but if
you're just mowing it down really quickly, OK, but that
that is a testament to her skills with masa like.
When she's putting it down because when you get a shit
(30:39):
from. Congratulator, don't fucking
give her kudos. When you get a shit Tamale, you
take a bite. People and die kill.
Thank you for reminding him. Did it say what part was like
the most used, like the butt cheese or like this?
(31:00):
I don't want to see this. I don't need that on my
computer. We're asking no.
Tell the FBI. Just listen for science
purposes. If one were to be making
tamales, what was the best part used?
Asking for a friend. Thank you asking.
Yeah, she had a good business overhead after this episode of
(31:23):
That is what gets me in trouble for Googling this is.
What does it Yo, the NSA is fucking up.
Y'all just come in, do whatever you want.
They are not paying attention, OK?
No, listen, don't hate the player.
All right. All right.
Well. You're just a message.
Yeah, So, So obviously at this point, firefighters quickly
(31:46):
called the police. And after confirming the
horrifying situation because apparently they needed to, they
learned from shocked neighbors who had found out by now where
Annabelle and where Annabelle was and in very little time took
her into custody. All right, success, right?
(32:08):
They did something. They looked at the Tamale next
to her and be like, I'm pretty hungry.
Like it's about lunchtime, isn'tit, guys?
Yeah, I was good. And they're.
Pretty honestly, I would not be surprised.
In Mexico? Yeah, in Mexico.
I heard about these no in certain parts of western Germany
(32:29):
from last week's episode. Well, they are the same.
Yeah, yeah, literally. Well, eventually she had come to
fully admit to her crimes, confessing to have killed, cut
up, and sold at least 50 people before.
In her words, 5050 at least 5055zero, right?
(32:59):
Oh my God, this middle-aged woman killed 50 people to make
that. Matter.
She's like, I got to get over the amount of people of my age.
So I think she was 49, so she got to 50 and she's like, I'm
good now. Yeah, well this was all before
in her own words. Getting caught only because,
quote of the stupid gas pot she had just changed.
(33:24):
Always the gas pot it would have.
Gone away with it, too, if it went for you and Madeleine
neighbors it was. Right now, go look up the quote,
she literally said. I would have gotten away with it
if it hadn't been for that stupid gas pot that I had just
changed. That is why.
(33:44):
And it and it's funny to think the neighbors didn't smell
anything. Didn't I mean, I guess it
smelled like a. It smelled like meat making.
Yeah. Me cooking.
Yeah. So.
So nobody would ever have guessed it otherwise.
And I'm guessing that she kept everything like well enough
wrap. Yeah, except for the child's
body. On the table that literally,
like from here down, was the skeleton and the rest was meat,
(34:06):
because that's the photos you can find, yeah.
Imagine if you got like an eye and you're like and you're
Tamale. Yeah, yeah, Jello now.
Except to say I don't like this now, hey?
(34:28):
I mean, I now, if you're my sister, you might be asking
yourself, Gil, how many tamales can you make from one person?
This is a real conversation. Well, good foresight, Gil.
It is. It is.
I was already working on it. Right?
Well, according to my friend Laura, the average lost child in
(34:50):
Mexico City probably has about 60 pounds of usable meal, 60
pounds of usable meat on them. Multiply that by the 50
confessed murders and that comesout to about £3000 of meat.
What? OK, so then we averaged that out
(35:14):
to about a half pound of meat per dozen tamales.
So we got 6000 dozen 6 * 1236 thousand human tamales.
Give her a dig, just a little bit.
I mean, she could have just madebeans.
(35:35):
Honestly, she could have. She could have reduced her cost
by mixing a little bit of regular meat in with it and
eventually weaning off. She could have just not made she
got her money. I mean, she also could have just
not murdered people. True.
Well, there's also that, look, I'm thinking from a business
perspective. No, no, solid, solid.
(35:55):
I I was breaking down the math here.
I'm with you on this SO. You were bringing down the math.
She was bringing down the bodies, you know.
Well, I I just figured it out how much she saved.
Would you guys like to know? Yes, please.
How much? She saved.
So if you look at it as like. 6.70 per pound of meat, right?
(36:15):
So that's like. Per pound, you know, you're
looking at 6000 pounds of meat, right?
That's how much she had. She saved $40,500 in U.S.
dollars. So in pesos I think it's about
16. That's no, it's more.
It's double out of 0. So about 800,000 pesos, cuz it's
about 20 pesos to a dollar rightnow.
(36:37):
More than enough to actually buymeat.
Yeah, I'm just saying. He said at some point her
savings had to have caught up with her and be like, hey, you
know what, I could stop. But that school bus that drives
by every day? It's just so full of kids.
(36:58):
It's just full of kids. It just hits that one pothole.
A kid falls out the back? Yep.
Who keeps putting these potholesright in front of my house?
Turn in the middle of the night digging that bitch deeper, Tink
Well. Yeah, she couldn't stop.
(37:23):
You have to keep. Going like commitment to the
bit. Good for her, yeah.
No, she she had a she had a bit.She had a routine.
You're. Right, full send.
I think it's crazy that she got away for the got away with this
for three. Like nobody went Hey Mike for
six. Years, yeah.
The last place I saw her was walking over towards this box
(37:45):
that had tenured in it and then she disappeared.
It's like they disappeared from the reality in a different site
and they were just like, it's fine.
I got 7 other kids and. So yeah.
But like, whatever. Yeah, this was, I mean.
OK, but this is sad, but it's ohthis.
Is they didn't notice because people?
(38:05):
Go missing so much in Mexico that before case, but this seems
like a little bit much for. One neighborhood like like if an
adult went missing, I get it. Adults, they travel, they
disappear, they live their own lives, whatever a child and what
are like, do they give an age range of these children?
Oh, these were like little kids.Like these were like little
(38:26):
kids. I mean with the with the first,
her first victim, right? The little girl.
She literally had like her parents, phone numbers and
address in her backpack. Like I'm assuming in one of
these little paper packs, she was -, 3.
I don't know. She was super young, OK?
She was unborn. An unborn child, As veal as you
(38:51):
can get, OK? You got to think like between
the ages of like 6 and 10. Yeah, yeah, I would imagine
that. Honestly.
You'd think though. As she got through her business
and she started doing her business plan, she got her
Google Excel sheets out and she's marking up how much her
costs are. And she was like, you know what
would actually be a little better?
(39:12):
Maybe if I get a little older, Igot a little more meat.
I have to kill a little less people and, you know, they might
have more meat. Eventually that graph that curve
would even out. Yeah, Yeah.
You got the graph. Yeah.
And to me, I guess she just didn't get to the profit margin
loss part of her business beforeshe got caught.
You know, she's just like stayedwith the kids.
(39:33):
Unless the kids she maybe killedsomebody, killed an older one,
didn't have the same taste as the younger one, you know,
that's what Kroll said. And she was like.
I wonder if it also did she pickfrom specific neighborhoods?
Cuz I wonder if she also like, you know, like this street
tastes better than this street. You know, she was making upwards
(39:53):
of 100 tamales. Actually, Speaking of making,
wait, hold on, wait, hold on. No, no, no, wait, please go
ahead. What?
How much is how much is she selling these tamales for I?
Have no idea. Just a handful of pesos.
The parent cuz like a hot like ahot.
(40:13):
A Costco hot dog in in Mexico isTrenta Pesos and that's one of
their Polish dogs. That's a pretty hefty size.
That's a half pound, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I can't imagine she would sell for less than.
I don't know. No, probably more.
That seems to be something the police have left out of the
(40:34):
reportings. I don't know why.
These are facts we need. To turn in, these are the
numbers. I'm turning in a goddamn
business plan at the end of thisweek and I need these.
Numbers. Goddamn it.
Yeah. No, this is this lady is so.
Hard to find information on I want to emphasize this I so
(40:54):
something I often do with some of these cases especially the
difficult ones is I will dig into the the masters and the
doctorate papers of like university students right.
Who like it's their full time job to dig into whatever the
fuck I'm researching that week right.
You know, thank you for your tuition costs and so I will dig
into it and and I have a certainset of sources.
(41:17):
I came across one. And after delivering all the
facts that yeah, no, no, no, no,her Wikipedia sucks even worse
than this episode, we never do Wikipedia, so we never do
Wikipedia, I came across a research paper.
The end of the research paper literally said I I'm not
(41:37):
kidding. This is all the information I
could find on her. Professor, please don't funk me.
So I'm just saying to y'all that's I'm giving you a doctor
level of research, yeah, yeah. Yeah, as she's scarfing down a
Tamale. Yes, God damn it.
(41:59):
So anyways, I started hacking, right?
Well, but yeah, so, so, but, butmath and murder aside and
honestly, all jokes, A quick PSA.
I always try to buy my tamales from a random person, selling
them from a cooler out of the back of a minivan, and never
from a hipster taqueria. I really stand by that.
(42:21):
That is not a joke in that one area.
Fuck the motherfucker selling them in white establishments and
all this other bullshit, all right?
Not a fan of that. Always go for the person selling
them out of a minivan. Out of a cooler.
No, don't let one crazy. That's that legit shit.
Don't let one crazy asshole. Asshole.
Yes, thank you. Thank you, Jonathan.
(42:42):
This is why I brought you on. Wait till you see the the place
in your in the place where you live.
Open up and say we're making tamales just like we did back
home. You know what?
Just I'm going to open up a I'm going to put up a Tamil Adia
right next to an orphanage. You know, hey, little kids
gotta. Eat.
Little kids gotta eat. Hey, farm to table and we're
(43:05):
bringing it straight to them. I'm feeding the orphans, not the
other way around. Jesus.
Fucking monsters. Farm to table, Table to farm.
All right. Full circle.
Circle of life. Circle.
That's as much as we can sing without getting DCMA, Yeah.
(43:28):
Yeah, that's it. That is it for this week's main
Body episode. Now, now, Jonathan, this is the
part of the show. This is the part of the show
where we where we have run out of meat and we turn our focus
over to you. How are you holding this?
(43:50):
Is this because I'm a bigger guy?
Fuck you. We can't even see you.
Yeah, we can't even see you. God, that that was that was a
lot to digest. So many jokes.
(44:13):
So many jokes. Yeah, just the her cost ratio,
man. Arm and the leg, huh?
But anyways, no, this is a lot. This is fucking wild.
These stories. How?
How did you end up choosing thisone?
I I came across it on a Spanish language TikTok.
That was it just it was just twofolks talking about it.
(44:35):
That's I I really remember 1 chick that used to sell kids and
tamales that. Wow.
OK. It was it was like a minute and
a half TikTok and I was like told her he was.
He seriously was like, dude, so like this lady, she was like.
Sending to me. But they were made of people.
Based on that impression, I knowwhich chick Doc, you're talking
(44:55):
about. Yes, yeah, I know the guys.
You know what I'm talking about.He sit there and he was like a
dude, OK, so like, this lady, bro, she was like selling this.
And I was just like, yo, there has to be more to this story.
There literally wasn't there. That was the most full story.
They delivered it, honestly. So solid.
But yeah, that that's how it came across it.
(45:18):
Are they from California? No fucking clue.
I think they're from TikTok. I don't know.
That's just a country at this point.
I don't. Know TikTok is a country.
Now it is its own. Place.
It's its own place, but but yeah, man.
How are you holding up? How's your business plan coming
along? What's what's the word?
(45:39):
You had a little bit of a hitch on the meat department, but
we'll get there. Okay.
Yeah, we we got some idea we're gonna veinarians now we're
looking at the Humane Society next.
So we're we're shifting gears smart.
Yeah, you know, actually think that's probably legal.
Honestly, we'd help out. There's a huge, like, kitten and
dog population problem after COVID cuz people would buy pets
(46:01):
and now the covid's kind of overthey're releasing them again.
So I'm doing my part. So you're gonna release a bunch
of COVID meat tamales into the? What he's actually doing is he's
feeding the kids to the cats. He's getting cat food and dog
food, so he's feeding the kids. It's a circle of life.
(46:22):
Wow. Just speeding shit up.
My God. You what?
What? Y'all aren't mad about climate
change, but you're mad about this.
Come on, this is where we draw the line.
This is where we don't. Mess with pets, weird hill to
die on, but OK. It's better to die on a hill
(46:44):
than to die in a VAT of tamales.I also like that one.
But yeah, Jonathan, please, if if you would, if you would tell
the listeners a little bit aboutyourselves, we know why we love
you, okay and we will. If you don't include it, we
(47:05):
will. So but just just what do you do?
What are you into lately? What do you have planned?
What's what's going on in the world of Jonathan?
So for those that do know me allI want to start this My name is
Jonathan. Your local representative
Latinos Against Spooky shit and giving you all the old school
(47:28):
advice on how to avoid loses, spookies with some tried and
true Hispanic and Mexican remedies.
Elvicks, La Chanklas, The Brown Jesus Candles, Las Covicas, the
fabuloso. Everything.
Yeah, dude. Heartburn, scrapes, cuts,
heartache, whatever you got, Vicks will fix it.
That's what it's for. I don't know, I I been doing
(47:52):
that. I've been really, really
fortunate to be to be doing a lot of new projects and a lot of
fun stuff. I've started dabbling more on my
nerdier side of things. Yeah, so I'm doing more
streaming. I'm doing more tabletop
role-playing game content, which, check it out, I've got
some stuff on my on my links that I've been a part of with
some awesome, awesome creators. So check that out.
(48:14):
But otherwise. I'm just trying to show notes.
Yes Sir. Other than that, I'm just
keeping my head clear of spooky shit, dude.
Now it seems like as folks who are fanatics.
About The Phantoms. About the about the spooky shit.
You keep coming up in our feed. And that's that's how we found
you. You know the time of the era.
(48:35):
She brought you to us as something to feed on.
You know you're in our feed. No, no.
But but I I will say, I will saysomething that I absolutely
love. So like we cover this content is
spooky. It's creepy, it's dark, it's
yada, yada, yada. You just.
God damn it. Please, folks, just go go check
(48:58):
his content out from from content creators on our end.
This Jonathan, you are the person that we go to for comedy.
You are fucking hilarious. You were selling yourself short
right now. All right, so Mike, like some
human mate tamales out there. You are way too cheap, OK?
Way too cheap and way too delicious like.
(49:20):
Something that Jonathan does, that I want to give a shout out
to is that all of these trendingvideos about this is a new
spooky thing that came out, or this is an apparent skinwalker
in a field or Ohio's fucked up again.
You know, like all this shit like that.
Like within an hour Jonathan haslike one of the funniest fucking
videos I've ever seen with some shit that 5 seconds earlier was
(49:43):
stopping your heart, but now it's stopping your heart with
laughter Like he is just. Unbelievably hilarious.
And so, like, just everything that we dream to be in terms of
like delivering humor to very dark topics, like it's
fantastic. It's one of those things where I
I feel like you have to laugh atit or else you're just consumed
(50:05):
by it. I remember.
Do you guys remember Paranormal Activity?
The first one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when that movie first came out, you know I I hadn't
embodied Latinas against spooky shit quite yet because I was
years ago. But we went and watched it.
Fucking terrifying. And I remember at the end of
that film they hit you with the based on true events like right
before the credits. Fucked me up, Fucked me up so
(50:27):
badly. Go home that night, I'm in bed
and I'm tossing and turning and I happen to look down at the
feet of my bed, at the foot of my bed, and I see a silhouette
of like a person, shoulders, head and I'm like.
You're not going to get me today, motherfucker.
Not today. Just the smell of tamales came
in the room. Just the smell.
Tamales slowly wafting into my room.
(50:48):
Small child singing. So so I I stared this fucking
thing down for 8 hours until thesun came up.
It was my coat. It was the coat that I left on
the back of my chair. Yeah, but but like, it was then
that I realized, oh shit, I really am a little bitch.
Like I'm not about to fucking deal with any of this.
(51:09):
Fuck this. And so no, it it, and even even
the Latinos against spooky shit thing, it was accidental.
I wish I could say that I came up with this incredible business
model plan to like, market this.No, absolutely not.
It was one video, one take improv, and the first thing that
came out of my mouth was Latinosagainst spooky shit.
And there it goes. It was.
(51:32):
That's great. Which is better than my other
viral video. My first viral video was me
flipping an egg and I was like, fuck, I'm the egg guy.
God damn it. I don't want to be that guy.
So no, it's it's been a while. What was that?
Better than being the Tamale guyor the Tamale lady.
Listen, yeah, there's there's worse things to be known for for
(51:53):
sure. But no, it's it's been fun.
And I just think some of these videos are so absurd and like,
people put themselves in these fucking scenarios.
And I'm like, why? Like like the one that I haven't
commented on yet? Because I'm trying to find a
way. It's it's because it it it
fucking gives me anxiety. It's not scary in terms of like
(52:14):
something paranormal. It's those fucking people that
go Spelunky and cave exploring and they're in like 3 inches of
open space and like I have to exhale to shimmy and then they
try to fucking crawl through andI'm like, you're 6 miles beneath
the earth. In what fucking world does that
make any sense? Is there?
Unless there's a pot of gold at the end of this little rainbow,
(52:36):
there's no good reason. The, I think one of the ones I
was watching today, it came out fairly recently, but you know,
it's a video of some folks goingup to a cave in Utah, right?
And there was the gates. On the outside of The Cave.
And then of course some shit pops up out of the shadows and
you see some white eyes like like running up on it and you
(52:57):
were like yo, like the fence is there to keep shit from getting
out, okay. It's not from keeping you in,
but yeah, people, self preservation is not a thing.
No, no, no, no, no. But like, Salem, MA just made
like the world's biggest Ouija board.
Like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
(53:18):
Yeah, 2023 is going so great so far.
Let's fucking open up this cat of worms.
Let's. Get those.
Let's get those times back. I believe that's probably the
best thing we can, right? They've they've always made
great decisions in Salem, MA. I believe that's on a bump
historically, yes. Yeah.
Nothing's ever gone wrong. Honestly, honestly though, folks
(53:42):
like you, you have to check out Jonathan's page.
You have to check out his accounts.
It's it. You'll be giving yourself a
treat every day. Every time he's posting
something, it'll always make youlaugh.
I guarantee you. That is why we've been so
excited about bringing him on the show is like we just wanted
an excuse to share him with withy'all.
(54:03):
Like please, please, please please.
It takes 5 seconds. Follow the links will be in the
show notes. Jonathan, I don't want to ask
like what do you, what do you have planned?
What do you have coming up, boy?I've got a trip to Gencon where
I'm just going to be appearing as a as a guest at a couple
different little meet and greetswith people here in August,
(54:25):
meeting with your folks. Jennifer Lawrence Convention.
Yes, that is where we all dress up as Jennifer Lawrence.
That's the con, is that none of us are Jennifer Lawrence and we
I'm going to charge you $15 for a picture.
That's smart. And it's a Kodak too.
It's one of those old wine ones.And you get to keep that, and
you get to keep it. Have fun figuring out how to get
(54:46):
that developed. That's the other part of the
code. Yeah, so we're doing that.
My VI should say Monsters of theWeek tabletop RPG series that
I'm a part of is still releasingepisodes.
Episode one was released a couple weeks ago, still going
live, still going strong, so feel free to check that out.
That's in my links, and I'm going to be part of another
(55:08):
campaign for D&D coming out soon.
It's actually going to be a Callof Cthulhu game to be determined
on announcing cast and whatnot, but that is about it really the
only other thing. If I can hit a milestone, if I
can hit a special milestone, it's gonna be a paranormal
investigation in the works. So.
(55:28):
Do you have somebody to. So we'll see if potentially
okay, but we know a bunch of people.
We know what if folks need to be?
I mean, we'll talk, cuz I can always double down.
There we go. Yeah, there we go.
Hell yeah, I'll have my Chunkle and my VIX.
That's. All you need.
(55:51):
That's all you need. That's all you.
Yeah, it's not even for the ghost, or she's gonna hit the
guy with the Follow me with the camera, leaving him behind.
Yeah, yeah, Psych bitch. But we're.
Detecting some static. Awesome, man.
Well, seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you so much for coming on the show.
(56:12):
It's it's been an absolute blastand we've been waiting.
And yeah, everybody here can back me up on this.
We've been waiting for weeks. To get you on the show, we've
been super, super excited about it.
It's it's it's been fucking awesome and and I do want to ask
is one last favor please. Before you go, do you mind
telling our listeners where theycan find and follow you?
(56:34):
Just just name drop, just drop all your pluggables, everything
at all. And they will also be in the
show notes. Absolutely.
And before I do that, I just want to say thank you for having
me on. This has been an absolute blast.
I loved every second of this andI would love to come back.
This has been incredible and funand wild and so fucking cool.
(56:57):
Y'all can find me Latinos against spooky shit on every
single one of my platforms except the Bluebird app.
That one's going to be against spooky because Latinos against
spooky shit is way too long for them to have on there.
But twitch, Instagram, TikTok, Latinos against spooky shit.
You guys can follow me there, keep up to date with all the
stuff coming up and interact with me as well.
(57:20):
Awesome. Thank you so much man.
Thank you. Thank you for listening to the
Black Cat Report in episode 56 on the Tommelera de la Muerte
with our special guest, Jonathanfrom Latinas against spooky
shit. Thank you so much for coming on
(57:40):
and gracing us with your wit andhumor.
We'll have you back again sometime.
Please, like, review and follow us.
And if you haven't followed him,follow Latinas against spooky
shit. You can find him on all the
socials and he might spit out your drink laughing.
So we'll see you next week.
For a fourth and final episode of Cannibal Month, we'd like to
present to you a little snack, adessert if you will, one that
will undoubtedly haunt your dreams just as much as it will
your daily diet. Now, as someone who loves to dig
in and research the dark, diabolical and disturbing, I
must admit upfront there is not a whole lot of information
(00:22):
currently available about today's topic.
But, and with that said, I assure you the aftertaste will
last much longer than the meal. I didn't see you there.
Something big is going on here. From Hunting, Ghost to Bigfoot,
Paranormal Ufo's, True Crime andmore.
We won't just be spouting articles.
I was researching for your entertainment.
(00:42):
Beginning of the New World. The best fuck you'll ever
fucking. True story.
It's basically like one day you walk outside and you see that
the ants are playing with matches this.
Is the. Blackout report.
See you on the other side. Hello, everyone, and welcome to
episode 56 of The Black Cat Report.
My name is Gil, and I'll be yourwaiter this evening.
(01:04):
Now if you follow me this way, your friends Joey and Betsve are
already seated. Hola.
Hey. And it was just about to tell
them that we have a very specialguest chef joining us tonight.
The social media badass we all love and follow, awesome human
being and international representative of #Latinos
Against Spooky shit. Jonathan Perez Galvan.
(01:28):
Jonathan, thank you so much for joining us.
How the hell are you doing tonight?
I'm doing good. What an intro.
My God, I'm hungry and terrified.
I can't wait to give you some more.
Can't wait to give you some more.
Are you ready to be mild to severely traumatized?
(01:49):
You mean growing up in a Hispanic household?
Yeah, I'm for it, dude. Born for it.
Let's go. Let's go A store takes place in
the mid to late 2000, tens on the bustling platforms of Indios
Verde subway station in Mexico City.
Located just blocks away from universities, residential
neighborhoods, city parks, and thriving businesses, the subway
(02:11):
station is crawling at all hourswith commuters as they come and
go, consumed by the constant circus of life's demanding
schedules. Has anyone here ever spent time
in this area? Ever been to Indios Verde subway
station in Mexico City? I have not.
No one is owning up to. That's based on how this is
(02:31):
starting. I don't want to.
Yeah, Why would I? That's good.
That's very good. I was going to stop the episode
right now and get you on better help or something if you happen.
Well, OK. Thanks.
Well, Needless to say, the patrons waiting for transfers
(02:53):
and racing to obligations have always welcomed a quick snack, a
small meal to make the distance to their destinations a lot
shorter. So with Mexico's long cherished
history of St. vendors, it comesas no surprise local
entrepreneurs, young and old, found willing customers in the
thousands craving any and all oftheir delicious homemade goods.
(03:18):
From tacos and enchiladas to paletas to elote, churros and
panadas are my favorite, with the history dating back
thousands of years. Tamales.
Dude. Pronunciation on.
Point Good for you. Thank you.
He's been practicing. You're welcome.
Just in the mirror. Nonstop tamales.
(03:39):
Tamales. Tamales.
No. I know this one.
Trust me, but. But, but but no.
(04:09):
That's just me. But honestly, God bless da
Balitas for spending hours spreading masa and corn husk
before spooning in the meat, rolling them up and steaming
them to perfection. I don't know about you, but I
always need to grab at least twodozen so I have 12 for my family
when I get home. And by family I mean my cats.
And when I say for them I mean myself.
But that's just. Yes, and Betsave when she comes
over, which I'm sorry, we only have two left.
No, it's important to note here,and I really, really want to
make a point of this. Street vendors represent an
honest, necessary profession. Love the world over by billions
of people, some craving a Taste of Home, others just looking to
(04:32):
try something new, but all experiencing centuries of
closely held family recipes thatkeep culture alive every time
someone takes a bite. I really want to emphasize that,
and this is by no means an exaggeration, because what you
might not know is that archaeologists have used
hieroglyphics to trace the Tamale as far back as 5000 to
(04:56):
8000 BC. Tamales have literally been
around for seven to 10,000 years.
That means their history goes back two to three times farther
than the construction of the Egyptian pyramids.
Which, if you've ever take the time to actually make tamales at
home, you know is more difficultthan building a pyramid Hashtag.
(05:18):
Ancient alien Tamaleras. Yes, So on a point.
That, I mean, it makes sense cuzit takes forever to make.
So yeah, I just thought that wasfucking fascinating, right?
That's interesting. It is.
Yeah, literally. Yeah, hieroglyphics.
(05:39):
Like that shit ends. Yeah, And it probably took less
time to make the hieroglyphic than the fucking tamales.
Right, Yeah. The tamales we're eating right
now are actually 5000 years old.They've just been making them
for that long. Actually one of us has an Abuela
that is about 5000 years old that was there when we made the
Hydro Griphics. Yes, my father.
(06:02):
Yes, yes, it's. It's.
Been a life for that long. It's funny you should say that,
because I did come across when Iwas kind of digging in a little
bit into the history of tamales,right, that there's an Aztec
legend that claims the 1st 20 tamales were made by the
grandmother of a God whose name I can't pronounce from the meat
(06:24):
of her grandchild, whose name myOhio raised ass also cannot
pronounce. I've I've ripped you down that
way. Try please try.
Please try. God damn it.
What did I put it in italics below it on?
The Oh fucking shit. That's a weird name.
Pronounce it pretty well since the middle the grandmother of
(06:49):
the ancient God Chico Mehchito. I tried.
I tried. I'm from.
I can't, I can't see how it's spelt.
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna say you're right.
I can't say otherwise. Yeah.
Wait, wait. Send it to me.
I wanna read it. I'm curious, you're not doing
that right now about today. I'm not.
Why don't you do it? Or Because I'm gonna have to
(07:09):
type this out and I don't know how to add the accents on my
keyboard. That's fair.
That's I'll give them that one. No, I still don't know how to
add. Nobody needs.
Nobody needs to hear me being like.
And wait, is that a skit? Note control FF9 and that's you
need. 9 fingers to be able to doit properly.
(07:30):
On one hand, yes, yes. Well, with all that said, as
we'll soon discover, some traditions should change, as is
the case with Annabelle Gomez Lopez, aka Latamalera de la
Muerte. Wow.
Just saying, after a few thousand years, mix it up.
(07:55):
That's a luchador name if I've ever heard it.
Not anymore. Maybe a punk band, but yeah.
Well, born in 1974, not much is actually known about the early
(08:15):
years of Annabel Gomez Lopez, although it can be assumed that
by the time her career began as a Tamalera, a person who makes
and sells tamales, life had not offered her much academic and
financial privilege. What is known, however, is that
Annabella was an unbelievably hard worker with an incredible
talent as a chef and a knack forbeing a savvy marketer.
(08:40):
She was always there first thingin the morning, often before
dawn, selling her tamales by thedozen to the busy locals as they
rushed to catch their train at the Indios Verde subway station.
Impossible to miss. The unique way she shaped and
wrapped her tamales had the promotional effect of seeing
people walk by with a Starbucks cup.
(09:00):
They were Oval with the Starbucks cup.
So like, think about it like, you know.
If you're at a mall, this was 2020 15/20/17.
Oh, this was recent. Oh no, this is really like I
said at the beginning, late twenty 10s?
(09:29):
Yeah. No, no, no.
This. This is why I asked if anybody's
been there recently. Because this was like 5-6 years
ago. Oh.
Wow. Putting that in the 70s, Putting
that in perspective. Oh yeah, but I could. 20 tens
was like the first lock. I just figured that been like
the 20s, like 19. No, no, no.
I heard twenty 10s, but I figured, like, that's when the
story first like the the urban legend of this.
No, this is a legitimate 2010. Fuck me.
(09:50):
OK, cool. Yeah, No, if you're if you're
old enough to listen to this episode, you might have been
there. Like there is a good chance you
might have been there. So yeah.
I heard Starbucks. I was like, wait.
Yeah, yeah, No, but. But I, but I point that out.
(10:10):
I point that out because becauseif you think about if you're at,
if you're at a hospital, if you're at a mall, and if you're
in some city, wherever the hell you're at, you recognize the
Starbucks cup from far away frompeople walking with the
Starbucks. Like it has that.
Unfortunately, yes. Yeah.
It has that distinctive vibe to it.
Like you're like, oh, there's a Starbucks nearby, you know,
(10:30):
automatically, right. And this is where her savvy
marketing came in, which honestly, if she hadn't have
ruined it. You know, kind of like the the
1/4 central mustache, that somebody we won't name Charlie
Chaplin ruined, but like it. Was so stylish too.
It was so genius. And for an ANSI fascist to get
(10:52):
labeled like that anyways. But so, so I did.
I want to point this out. This was the as somebody who
grew up eating tamales, loves tamales.
What she did was fucking genius,right?
So to describe him a little bit,they were plump, They were Oval,
and they had bright green corn husks that you could peel back
(11:13):
and hold while you traveled around on your morning routine.
So it wasn't just like a peel from the side, peel from the
side, eat, get it all over your hands, kind of thing.
Like, these were folks that wereon their way to work.
It's like a wrap. Yeah, she, like had it like a
wrap. Like, like almost.
Like a Japanese rice ball. Exactly.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fucking brilliant. This is fucking.
(11:35):
That is brilliant. Wow.
But most of all, they were cheapand delicious.
Well, without fail, the smell, appearance, and smile on the
holder's face would lead to others asking where they got
them. And so business for Annabelle
quickly became booming, obviously.
(11:56):
I mean, fucking killing it with marketing, Killing it with
appearance, Killing it with Price, Killing it with just
straight up functionality while you're on your way to work,
right? God, it's huge.
Little too much emphasis on the killing it.
I don't like where this is going.
I don't want to spoil it, but this is.
The juxtaposition here? Well, where it is?
(12:20):
It sounds too good to be true. Well, where it is that on
average, Annabelle would sell over 100 tamales a day in just
two hours. Now I've done the math here and
it comes out to about .8 tamalesa minute like just boom boom
(12:43):
boom boom like she is just they are flying out of the, I'm
assuming a cooler because that'sthe only place I've ever seen
somebody just selling tamales you.
Know. Yeah, yeah.
Which I hope a cool the best. Yeah, I hope so.
Honestly though, with a 2 hour sale time, like she don't even
need a cooler, but she's. But that's it.
So she's she's crushing it. She's crushing it well for at
(13:08):
least two years. Life as a Tamalera for Annabelle
Gomez. Lopez was going great.
Honestly, she had quite the routine down, always selling out
of tamales within hours of stepping foot onto her favorite
street corner, then spending therest of the day hitting up
markets for ingredients around town before finally going home
and cooking up a fresh batch forthe next day.
(13:31):
Local chef with local ingredients.
I know the I mean it's it's fucking hard ass work.
But like that fact that she had that salad routine and she had
that solid income from being like a street vendor.
Like that's. You know it's.
Been two hours working and calling it a day.
It's crazy. But she did go home and make
hundreds of tamales, so like sheworked.
Two hours. You know, she's got her kids and
(13:54):
everybody else working on that wizard.
There's no way that was on her own.
Yeah, the whole family's working.
Never seen a middle-aged woman actually make Yeah.
It's definitely not just it's a grandma.
It's true. It's somebody on Social
Security, right? It's an older, it's an older
person. Or is somebody in preschool?
(14:14):
Those are the only two options. When there's no in between,
there's no in between. It's like that kid.
Remember the kid we saw on the beach that had like a huge
Instagram following? And he was, he was selling like
empinatas, I think. Yeah.
But he spoke like French, German, yeah.
(14:35):
He spoke like every language. Yeah.
He he spoke everything. Yeah.
And so, like he he was great. Yeah, this was in Was this in
Acapulco? That sounds like some Puerto
Vallarta shit. I'm not gonna lie, that sounds
like something from Puerto Vallarta I.
Think that's where. Where it was, Yeah, can't
remember that. Yeah, yeah, it probably was not.
Disrespect Acapulco, but you? Know.
(14:57):
Yeah. That was his life.
Yes, they're the West Virginia of Mexico.
It's OK, baby. Oh, did I land that shot?
I just took a shot. I don't know if it's true
(15:18):
getting. Some of the dogs.
It's the Myrtle Beach. Yes, it's the Myrtle Beach, OK,
Again, I'm from Ohio. I'm going to say some fucked up
shit. OK?
I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.
Cuz Puerto Vallarta is more likeCharleston.
You know that. Area.
Yeah, Puerto is the Disneyland for.
Yeah, certain demographic of people to go down to Mexico.
(15:41):
Thank you for respecting our listenership.
I appreciate that, Jonathan. Very professional.
Yeah, no, I know where I'm at. I've navigated this minefield,
tell us where to go, because we still haven't.
All right. But but yeah, so so you know,
(16:02):
she's she's she's a local chef with local ingredients, selling
to locals. But at least one of her
ingredients was more local than the others you see the very
first day. Please tell us you know you're
about to be told on the very first day.
The very first day Annabelle decided to start her business,
(16:25):
she ran into a bit of a dilemma.After spending all of our
investment money on gear and supplies, she realized she
didn't have enough pesos left tobuy meat.
No. So you know what?
What? What is 1 to do in that
(16:45):
situation? Well, according to Annabelle, as
luck would have it, quote, I found a girl who got lost and
was looking for her parents. I took her to my house because
from there she was going to calltheir parents so that they could
pick her up in her backpack. She'd brought the numbers and
(17:09):
her parents address, but the devil is the devil.
And I said to myself, Annabelle,there's meat for your tamales.
End Quote. The fact that that's a direct
quote, no. That she had, yeah.
(17:30):
I can't believe this is a directquote.
Wow. It's so poetic though.
It's very poetic. Yeah, you know, she was thinking
about that when she did it too. She was just like HM.
Yeah. This is gonna be.
Good. This is free.
This is free for me. This is, yeah, my profit margin
(17:50):
on this is literally 100%. Yeah, there's so many kids
walking to school. This is yeah, I found a new way.
Ohh. Man.
I just I just cannot believe this is 2010.
Right, it's wild. It's so wild.
All I imagine though is a like. Looney Tunes vignette.
(18:12):
Vignette of like her having likea net outside her house and just
drinking it up to catch kids. Yeah, just a box.
Let's send a little can. Just a box.
Yeah, just a box. And Unta Marindo, yeah.
You know, an anvil with Acme on it with a rope.
A giant piano like, Oh my God, just a little spicy tamarind
(18:34):
candy. Just like sitting there.
Like a chickle eater. Just like it.
Just like, yeah. Well if the hammer hits them, it
makes her job easier cuz the hammer just already smushes.
Them when it hits right. Oh my God.
Right into that small and she already puts down.
She already puts down the corn stalks.
So that like as soon as like. Soon as they.
(18:55):
Fam. She just wraps them.
It's like see. Yeah, there's no, yeah.
She's got a whole production line.
Yeah, yeah. And then the like her her
youngest kid just rolls them up and then she just like puts them
into. It What's that?
What's that thing? A Rube Goldberg machine?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is just one thing
happens and just keep setting itall off.
(19:16):
Hammer comes down, rolls her up,kid.
Yeah, just like giving one free Tamale away every day to the
same kid and dropping an air tagin their backpack.
Just like, what is she? Doing oh wow.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but it is widely known.
(19:38):
It is widely known that livestock is getting fed with
the same livestock in this country.
So like, not a stretch. I'm sorry, that is well there.
Was that whole mad cow thing fora while there?
That's fair. Just a hot minute.
I'm surprised we haven't gotten mad kid from.
(20:05):
Yeah, and. Wait, so how old is this lady?
Ohh she ohh shit. I did the math at one point, but
I also failed math in school. I think she.
Was between 45 to 54. There was a 5 and there was a
four somewhere. She Middle, middle age ish,
(20:26):
right? So 45.
So 45. So in in real human years, she's
like 20. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now it is. But.
Yeah, we age differently. I don't know she.
I mean, she was, I guess. Was she eating her own tamales?
So I was gonna, I was gonna ask that, is she getting full on her
(20:47):
own supply? You know, like you got to if
they're that fucking delicious, you know what I'm saying?
She had to have known. She has to try to know they're
that good. Oh, yeah.
Oh. Yeah, like there's no way you
can avoid this chef. Now.
Did she think it to her family? I don't know if she had a
family. Because it's like, oh shit, it's
like Quinceanera the mean. Like, if there's a quinceanera
(21:07):
coming up, what is she going to do?
Not bring her famous tamales, right?
Well, that's how she's getting her supply too.
The problem I yeah, the problem.Is there's kids there?
Bet. Oh yeah, I can come this
Saturday. No, no, no, you don't need to
pay me anything. Don't worry, don't worry, it
(21:29):
pays for itself if you think about it.
Yeah, I mean, she's the, I mean,she's the one coming with all
the Tupperware. It's like super easy for her.
She's already got her Tupperwarethere, so.
She's just coming there. You know that.
Well, I know. Your mom.
So. Yeah, the Tupperware, of course.
None of the lids are right. They're all fitting wrong.
(21:50):
Yeah, half of them got Scotch tape on the.
Machine. Yeah, some of them aren't
Tupperware. They're just like the margarine
containers that are empty. Yes.
Yes, I know we know. Yeah, I know my mom.
So, like, you know my dad who raised me Mexican, right?
My mom moved here from Germany. Almost identical.
(22:10):
I'm just going to say almost I identical substitute beans for
potatoes. That's like literally that is
the same. It is 100% the same.
It's like you have it is a minefield opening up the
refrigerator. You have no clue what the fuck
you're going to find, and there's no room for anything.
Like it's just like Poosh. Half the pans are in the oven.
(22:31):
Three kids. Just Tetris in there.
Yo Hansel. Hansel and Gretel.
Hansel and Gretel. I'm just gonna say what that
happen. Fuck, I can't.
I can't put the 4th kid in thereor completes a whole line and
the rest disappear. Yeah, yes.
She's also a Tetris. Man, she's also, yeah, world
(22:53):
record holder, actually in the kids division.
So is she only killing kids or? Adults to to, to the extent that
information is available, right?Which I really feel like this is
one of those episodes we can like cover again in like 5 years
(23:16):
when the police finally releasedmore information.
Because let's be real, the police and I never want to give
them credit for anything, reallyshouldn't be releasing this
information to the public right now.
Like no, no, no. When you hear I did some
massive. Clothes to comfort?
Yeah, why not? It's been.
(23:38):
Like, but it's the problem with it, at least from my
perspective. Copycats.
Yeah. It's been 6.
It's been 6 what? No.
So you said she started in 2010,she gets arrested in 2017?
Ohh oh, it's been six years. Y'all, it's only been six years.
(24:03):
Wow, this is recent. How did I not hear this?
I need to do better with the time that I tell people at the
intros of these episodes. No, no, I'm sure you told it
right and we just suck. We did math.
We pretty. Much just like it's just me.
It's not you. It's me.
Yeah. I mean, you know me like, yeah.
(24:25):
Yeah, we do. We do so.
I'm just I was enthralled by like the beginning into and I'm
like fuck, I'm here dude, let's do it.
And I didn't even hear the time.I'm just captivated by the chaos
that is this tiny. I'm assuming no bigger than. 5
for one numbers, that's, yeah. Yeah, I honestly think we're
just too close for comfort food right now.
I think this would nice, nice, good job, Well, well.
(24:50):
So human meat became the main ingredient in them bows famous
tamales, and it would continue to be used for years.
Well, you might be asking yourself, Gil, how did it all
end? How did it all end?
Gil and Skill how did? It all end, Gil.
(25:13):
Thank you. Thank you, Beth Sabe, the only
one listening it was March 17th,20/17/2017 around noon can.
You please repeat. But it was around noon when the
phone rang at the sleepy neighborhood fire station.
It wasn't shit going on, right? And it was when one of the
(25:37):
firefighters answered that they heard a frantic woman on the
other line. She was scared to death because
there was a strong smell of natural gas coming from her
neighbor and the Bell's house. Whoa.
Must spend all the rice and beans in it.
God, it was Even so much. Well, the smell was apparently
(26:00):
so strong that there was a legitimate concern that a single
spark might blow up half of the block.
It was the racing. Means wow.
And so the firefighters rushed to the scene.
(26:24):
They corded off the surrounding streets and evacuated the nearby
houses before making their way carefully to the empty home of
Annabel Gomez Lopez. Well, if you're trying to knock
on the door for some time with no answer, it was eventually
decided they needed to break it in.
They needed to bust down the door, right?
This gas leak in the house mightliterally blow up the
(26:45):
neighborhood. Like, we'll figure out legal
shit later. OK, fair.
That is totally fair. Well, once inside, the
priorities quickly changed by the scene laid out in front of
them. And at this point I want to say
I don't know if the gas leak wasever attended to of.
(27:05):
Course, yeah, that makes sense, yes.
Bodies of young children lying on the counter with partially
exposed skeletons. Human meat in the there's
photos. If you look up her name, you'll
see them. You don't want to see them, but
they will be one of the first photos.
You see human meat in the fridge.
(27:27):
And eventually, and there's photos.
Full fingers found inside of some of the tamales.
No. Do you think anybody ever got
one of those? Fingers I was.
Going to say do you think anybody got a finger and just
went? Just, you know, what?
(27:49):
Like they're looking at it. They're like, I'm late for work.
I don't have time right now to deal with this.
Like it'll sort itself out, you know?
My wife was yelling at me. My kids were late to school.
The finger in this Tamale is thelast thing I have to worry about
this day. Yeah.
You know shit. Or they're just like, wow, it
(28:09):
still tastes good, So I mean. Whatever.
I mean, you lick all 11 fingers clean after every Tamale, man.
That's true. I mean it was really bad cuz on
the sign it said. Fingers feel appreciate that.
Fingers. I like that one.
Ohh, that was good. Yeah, my mom always gets at me
(28:30):
for licking my fingers, so I understand.
I mean, you're not licking somebody else's fingers, I mean,
so it's OK. You can tell that if you were
eating dinner and licking a finger you found in the plate as
well. Yeah, it's not supposed to be
somebody else's fingers. No, it's just my fingers.
(28:50):
It'd be bad to be for playing with my food.
They're already playing with their selves.
My God. I can count to 12, geez.
Fuck well. I mean, like, wouldn't you
notice like when you, if you buyone of the tamales and there's a
(29:13):
finger in it, never cooks so good?
Like the bone of the finger? No, no bones are.
Moved. Listen, when a Tamale is that
good, it's true. I might be willing to turn
another eye. I don't care.
Like if I found a finger in my Starbucks, I'd say, you know
what? I paid 15 bucks for this.
Fuck. You just use it to stir the
Starbucks drink. I'm sorry.
(29:37):
I'm sorry about that. That's.
Disgusting. But in all honesty though, like
who? Who goes more than two or three
bites on a Tamale? Like, honestly, like, I don't.
You kidding? Me like, I looks like, I look
like when I'm eating a Tamale. I look like those documentaries
(29:57):
I've seen on those websites thatend with the letter X.
You know what I'm saying? Like and and they have hubs in
their food hub and Tamale hub. You know, like I'd be going in
like 2 Max 3 bites. It's down my throat.
Okay. I'm just being honest.
All silent. OK, well, that's me.
(30:19):
Yeah. What can you eat it?
All right. Well, you know, Yeah.
And especially like you said, cuz they had it built to like be
unwrapped and eaten on the go. Yeah.
It's not like you're cutting it with a fork.
If you're cutting with a fork, you'll find a finger, but if
you're just mowing it down really quickly, OK, but that
that is a testament to her skills with masa like.
When she's putting it down because when you get a shit
(30:39):
from. Congratulator, don't fucking
give her kudos. When you get a shit Tamale, you
take a bite. People and die kill.
Thank you for reminding him. Did it say what part was like
the most used, like the butt cheese or like this?
(31:00):
I don't want to see this. I don't need that on my
computer. We're asking no.
Tell the FBI. Just listen for science
purposes. If one were to be making
tamales, what was the best part used?
Asking for a friend. Thank you asking.
Yeah, she had a good business overhead after this episode of
(31:23):
That is what gets me in trouble for Googling this is.
What does it Yo, the NSA is fucking up.
Y'all just come in, do whatever you want.
They are not paying attention, OK?
No, listen, don't hate the player.
All right. All right.
Well. You're just a message.
Yeah, So, So obviously at this point, firefighters quickly
(31:46):
called the police. And after confirming the
horrifying situation because apparently they needed to, they
learned from shocked neighbors who had found out by now where
Annabelle and where Annabelle was and in very little time took
her into custody. All right, success, right?
(32:08):
They did something. They looked at the Tamale next
to her and be like, I'm pretty hungry.
Like it's about lunchtime, isn'tit, guys?
Yeah, I was good. And they're.
Pretty honestly, I would not be surprised.
In Mexico? Yeah, in Mexico.
I heard about these no in certain parts of western Germany
(32:29):
from last week's episode. Well, they are the same.
Yeah, yeah, literally. Well, eventually she had come to
fully admit to her crimes, confessing to have killed, cut
up, and sold at least 50 people before.
In her words, 5050 at least 5055zero, right?
(32:59):
Oh my God, this middle-aged woman killed 50 people to make
that. Matter.
She's like, I got to get over the amount of people of my age.
So I think she was 49, so she got to 50 and she's like, I'm
good now. Yeah, well this was all before
in her own words. Getting caught only because,
quote of the stupid gas pot she had just changed.
(33:24):
Always the gas pot it would have.
Gone away with it, too, if it went for you and Madeleine
neighbors it was. Right now, go look up the quote,
she literally said. I would have gotten away with it
if it hadn't been for that stupid gas pot that I had just
changed. That is why.
(33:44):
And it and it's funny to think the neighbors didn't smell
anything. Didn't I mean, I guess it
smelled like a. It smelled like meat making.
Yeah. Me cooking.
Yeah. So.
So nobody would ever have guessed it otherwise.
And I'm guessing that she kept everything like well enough
wrap. Yeah, except for the child's
body. On the table that literally,
like from here down, was the skeleton and the rest was meat,
(34:06):
because that's the photos you can find, yeah.
Imagine if you got like an eye and you're like and you're
Tamale. Yeah, yeah, Jello now.
Except to say I don't like this now, hey?
(34:28):
I mean, I now, if you're my sister, you might be asking
yourself, Gil, how many tamales can you make from one person?
This is a real conversation. Well, good foresight, Gil.
It is. It is.
I was already working on it. Right?
Well, according to my friend Laura, the average lost child in
(34:50):
Mexico City probably has about 60 pounds of usable meal, 60
pounds of usable meat on them. Multiply that by the 50
confessed murders and that comesout to about £3000 of meat.
What? OK, so then we averaged that out
(35:14):
to about a half pound of meat per dozen tamales.
So we got 6000 dozen 6 * 1236 thousand human tamales.
Give her a dig, just a little bit.
I mean, she could have just madebeans.
(35:35):
Honestly, she could have. She could have reduced her cost
by mixing a little bit of regular meat in with it and
eventually weaning off. She could have just not made she
got her money. I mean, she also could have just
not murdered people. True.
Well, there's also that, look, I'm thinking from a business
perspective. No, no, solid, solid.
(35:55):
I I was breaking down the math here.
I'm with you on this SO. You were bringing down the math.
She was bringing down the bodies, you know.
Well, I I just figured it out how much she saved.
Would you guys like to know? Yes, please.
How much? She saved.
So if you look at it as like. 6.70 per pound of meat, right?
(36:15):
So that's like. Per pound, you know, you're
looking at 6000 pounds of meat, right?
That's how much she had. She saved $40,500 in U.S.
dollars. So in pesos I think it's about
16. That's no, it's more.
It's double out of 0. So about 800,000 pesos, cuz it's
about 20 pesos to a dollar rightnow.
(36:37):
More than enough to actually buymeat.
Yeah, I'm just saying. He said at some point her
savings had to have caught up with her and be like, hey, you
know what, I could stop. But that school bus that drives
by every day? It's just so full of kids.
(36:58):
It's just full of kids. It just hits that one pothole.
A kid falls out the back? Yep.
Who keeps putting these potholesright in front of my house?
Turn in the middle of the night digging that bitch deeper, Tink
Well. Yeah, she couldn't stop.
(37:23):
You have to keep. Going like commitment to the
bit. Good for her, yeah.
No, she she had a she had a bit.She had a routine.
You're. Right, full send.
I think it's crazy that she got away for the got away with this
for three. Like nobody went Hey Mike for
six. Years, yeah.
The last place I saw her was walking over towards this box
(37:45):
that had tenured in it and then she disappeared.
It's like they disappeared from the reality in a different site
and they were just like, it's fine.
I got 7 other kids and. So yeah.
But like, whatever. Yeah, this was, I mean.
OK, but this is sad, but it's ohthis.
Is they didn't notice because people?
(38:05):
Go missing so much in Mexico that before case, but this seems
like a little bit much for. One neighborhood like like if an
adult went missing, I get it. Adults, they travel, they
disappear, they live their own lives, whatever a child and what
are like, do they give an age range of these children?
Oh, these were like little kids.Like these were like little
(38:26):
kids. I mean with the with the first,
her first victim, right? The little girl.
She literally had like her parents, phone numbers and
address in her backpack. Like I'm assuming in one of
these little paper packs, she was -, 3.
I don't know. She was super young, OK?
She was unborn. An unborn child, As veal as you
(38:51):
can get, OK? You got to think like between
the ages of like 6 and 10. Yeah, yeah, I would imagine
that. Honestly.
You'd think though. As she got through her business
and she started doing her business plan, she got her
Google Excel sheets out and she's marking up how much her
costs are. And she was like, you know what
would actually be a little better?
(39:12):
Maybe if I get a little older, Igot a little more meat.
I have to kill a little less people and, you know, they might
have more meat. Eventually that graph that curve
would even out. Yeah, Yeah.
You got the graph. Yeah.
And to me, I guess she just didn't get to the profit margin
loss part of her business beforeshe got caught.
You know, she's just like stayedwith the kids.
(39:33):
Unless the kids she maybe killedsomebody, killed an older one,
didn't have the same taste as the younger one, you know,
that's what Kroll said. And she was like.
I wonder if it also did she pickfrom specific neighborhoods?
Cuz I wonder if she also like, you know, like this street
tastes better than this street. You know, she was making upwards
(39:53):
of 100 tamales. Actually, Speaking of making,
wait, hold on, wait, hold on. No, no, no, wait, please go
ahead. What?
How much is how much is she selling these tamales for I?
Have no idea. Just a handful of pesos.
The parent cuz like a hot like ahot.
(40:13):
A Costco hot dog in in Mexico isTrenta Pesos and that's one of
their Polish dogs. That's a pretty hefty size.
That's a half pound, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I can't imagine she would sell for less than.
I don't know. No, probably more.
That seems to be something the police have left out of the
(40:34):
reportings. I don't know why.
These are facts we need. To turn in, these are the
numbers. I'm turning in a goddamn
business plan at the end of thisweek and I need these.
Numbers. Goddamn it.
Yeah. No, this is this lady is so.
Hard to find information on I want to emphasize this I so
(40:54):
something I often do with some of these cases especially the
difficult ones is I will dig into the the masters and the
doctorate papers of like university students right.
Who like it's their full time job to dig into whatever the
fuck I'm researching that week right.
You know, thank you for your tuition costs and so I will dig
into it and and I have a certainset of sources.
(41:17):
I came across one. And after delivering all the
facts that yeah, no, no, no, no,her Wikipedia sucks even worse
than this episode, we never do Wikipedia, so we never do
Wikipedia, I came across a research paper.
The end of the research paper literally said I I'm not
(41:37):
kidding. This is all the information I
could find on her. Professor, please don't funk me.
So I'm just saying to y'all that's I'm giving you a doctor
level of research, yeah, yeah. Yeah, as she's scarfing down a
Tamale. Yes, God damn it.
(41:59):
So anyways, I started hacking, right?
Well, but yeah, so, so, but, butmath and murder aside and
honestly, all jokes, A quick PSA.
I always try to buy my tamales from a random person, selling
them from a cooler out of the back of a minivan, and never
from a hipster taqueria. I really stand by that.
(42:21):
That is not a joke in that one area.
Fuck the motherfucker selling them in white establishments and
all this other bullshit, all right?
Not a fan of that. Always go for the person selling
them out of a minivan. Out of a cooler.
No, don't let one crazy. That's that legit shit.
Don't let one crazy asshole. Asshole.
Yes, thank you. Thank you, Jonathan.
(42:42):
This is why I brought you on. Wait till you see the the place
in your in the place where you live.
Open up and say we're making tamales just like we did back
home. You know what?
Just I'm going to open up a I'm going to put up a Tamil Adia
right next to an orphanage. You know, hey, little kids
gotta. Eat.
Little kids gotta eat. Hey, farm to table and we're
(43:05):
bringing it straight to them. I'm feeding the orphans, not the
other way around. Jesus.
Fucking monsters. Farm to table, Table to farm.
All right. Full circle.
Circle of life. Circle.
That's as much as we can sing without getting DCMA, Yeah.
(43:28):
Yeah, that's it. That is it for this week's main
Body episode. Now, now, Jonathan, this is the
part of the show. This is the part of the show
where we where we have run out of meat and we turn our focus
over to you. How are you holding this?
(43:50):
Is this because I'm a bigger guy?
Fuck you. We can't even see you.
Yeah, we can't even see you. God, that that was that was a
lot to digest. So many jokes.
(44:13):
So many jokes. Yeah, just the her cost ratio,
man. Arm and the leg, huh?
But anyways, no, this is a lot. This is fucking wild.
These stories. How?
How did you end up choosing thisone?
I I came across it on a Spanish language TikTok.
That was it just it was just twofolks talking about it.
(44:35):
That's I I really remember 1 chick that used to sell kids and
tamales that. Wow.
OK. It was it was like a minute and
a half TikTok and I was like told her he was.
He seriously was like, dude, so like this lady, she was like.
Sending to me. But they were made of people.
Based on that impression, I knowwhich chick Doc, you're talking
(44:55):
about. Yes, yeah, I know the guys.
You know what I'm talking about.He sit there and he was like a
dude, OK, so like, this lady, bro, she was like selling this.
And I was just like, yo, there has to be more to this story.
There literally wasn't there. That was the most full story.
They delivered it, honestly. So solid.
But yeah, that that's how it came across it.
(45:18):
Are they from California? No fucking clue.
I think they're from TikTok. I don't know.
That's just a country at this point.
I don't. Know TikTok is a country.
Now it is its own. Place.
It's its own place, but but yeah, man.
How are you holding up? How's your business plan coming
along? What's what's the word?
(45:39):
You had a little bit of a hitch on the meat department, but
we'll get there. Okay.
Yeah, we we got some idea we're gonna veinarians now we're
looking at the Humane Society next.
So we're we're shifting gears smart.
Yeah, you know, actually think that's probably legal.
Honestly, we'd help out. There's a huge, like, kitten and
dog population problem after COVID cuz people would buy pets
(46:01):
and now the covid's kind of overthey're releasing them again.
So I'm doing my part. So you're gonna release a bunch
of COVID meat tamales into the? What he's actually doing is he's
feeding the kids to the cats. He's getting cat food and dog
food, so he's feeding the kids. It's a circle of life.
(46:22):
Wow. Just speeding shit up.
My God. You what?
What? Y'all aren't mad about climate
change, but you're mad about this.
Come on, this is where we draw the line.
This is where we don't. Mess with pets, weird hill to
die on, but OK. It's better to die on a hill
(46:44):
than to die in a VAT of tamales.I also like that one.
But yeah, Jonathan, please, if if you would, if you would tell
the listeners a little bit aboutyourselves, we know why we love
you, okay and we will. If you don't include it, we
(47:05):
will. So but just just what do you do?
What are you into lately? What do you have planned?
What's what's going on in the world of Jonathan?
So for those that do know me allI want to start this My name is
Jonathan. Your local representative
Latinos Against Spooky shit and giving you all the old school
(47:28):
advice on how to avoid loses, spookies with some tried and
true Hispanic and Mexican remedies.
Elvicks, La Chanklas, The Brown Jesus Candles, Las Covicas, the
fabuloso. Everything.
Yeah, dude. Heartburn, scrapes, cuts,
heartache, whatever you got, Vicks will fix it.
That's what it's for. I don't know, I I been doing
(47:52):
that. I've been really, really
fortunate to be to be doing a lot of new projects and a lot of
fun stuff. I've started dabbling more on my
nerdier side of things. Yeah, so I'm doing more
streaming. I'm doing more tabletop
role-playing game content, which, check it out, I've got
some stuff on my on my links that I've been a part of with
some awesome, awesome creators. So check that out.
(48:14):
But otherwise. I'm just trying to show notes.
Yes Sir. Other than that, I'm just
keeping my head clear of spooky shit, dude.
Now it seems like as folks who are fanatics.
About The Phantoms. About the about the spooky shit.
You keep coming up in our feed. And that's that's how we found
you. You know the time of the era.
(48:35):
She brought you to us as something to feed on.
You know you're in our feed. No, no.
But but I I will say, I will saysomething that I absolutely
love. So like we cover this content is
spooky. It's creepy, it's dark, it's
yada, yada, yada. You just.
God damn it. Please, folks, just go go check
(48:58):
his content out from from content creators on our end.
This Jonathan, you are the person that we go to for comedy.
You are fucking hilarious. You were selling yourself short
right now. All right, so Mike, like some
human mate tamales out there. You are way too cheap, OK?
Way too cheap and way too delicious like.
(49:20):
Something that Jonathan does, that I want to give a shout out
to is that all of these trendingvideos about this is a new
spooky thing that came out, or this is an apparent skinwalker
in a field or Ohio's fucked up again.
You know, like all this shit like that.
Like within an hour Jonathan haslike one of the funniest fucking
videos I've ever seen with some shit that 5 seconds earlier was
(49:43):
stopping your heart, but now it's stopping your heart with
laughter Like he is just. Unbelievably hilarious.
And so, like, just everything that we dream to be in terms of
like delivering humor to very dark topics, like it's
fantastic. It's one of those things where I
I feel like you have to laugh atit or else you're just consumed
(50:05):
by it. I remember.
Do you guys remember Paranormal Activity?
The first one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when that movie first came out, you know I I hadn't
embodied Latinas against spooky shit quite yet because I was
years ago. But we went and watched it.
Fucking terrifying. And I remember at the end of
that film they hit you with the based on true events like right
before the credits. Fucked me up, Fucked me up so
(50:27):
badly. Go home that night, I'm in bed
and I'm tossing and turning and I happen to look down at the
feet of my bed, at the foot of my bed, and I see a silhouette
of like a person, shoulders, head and I'm like.
You're not going to get me today, motherfucker.
Not today. Just the smell of tamales came
in the room. Just the smell.
Tamales slowly wafting into my room.
(50:48):
Small child singing. So so I I stared this fucking
thing down for 8 hours until thesun came up.
It was my coat. It was the coat that I left on
the back of my chair. Yeah, but but like, it was then
that I realized, oh shit, I really am a little bitch.
Like I'm not about to fucking deal with any of this.
(51:09):
Fuck this. And so no, it it, and even even
the Latinos against spooky shit thing, it was accidental.
I wish I could say that I came up with this incredible business
model plan to like, market this.No, absolutely not.
It was one video, one take improv, and the first thing that
came out of my mouth was Latinosagainst spooky shit.
And there it goes. It was.
(51:32):
That's great. Which is better than my other
viral video. My first viral video was me
flipping an egg and I was like, fuck, I'm the egg guy.
God damn it. I don't want to be that guy.
So no, it's it's been a while. What was that?
Better than being the Tamale guyor the Tamale lady.
Listen, yeah, there's there's worse things to be known for for
(51:53):
sure. But no, it's it's been fun.
And I just think some of these videos are so absurd and like,
people put themselves in these fucking scenarios.
And I'm like, why? Like like the one that I haven't
commented on yet? Because I'm trying to find a
way. It's it's because it it it
fucking gives me anxiety. It's not scary in terms of like
(52:14):
something paranormal. It's those fucking people that
go Spelunky and cave exploring and they're in like 3 inches of
open space and like I have to exhale to shimmy and then they
try to fucking crawl through andI'm like, you're 6 miles beneath
the earth. In what fucking world does that
make any sense? Is there?
Unless there's a pot of gold at the end of this little rainbow,
(52:36):
there's no good reason. The, I think one of the ones I
was watching today, it came out fairly recently, but you know,
it's a video of some folks goingup to a cave in Utah, right?
And there was the gates. On the outside of The Cave.
And then of course some shit pops up out of the shadows and
you see some white eyes like like running up on it and you
(52:57):
were like yo, like the fence is there to keep shit from getting
out, okay. It's not from keeping you in,
but yeah, people, self preservation is not a thing.
No, no, no, no, no. But like, Salem, MA just made
like the world's biggest Ouija board.
Like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
(53:18):
Yeah, 2023 is going so great so far.
Let's fucking open up this cat of worms.
Let's. Get those.
Let's get those times back. I believe that's probably the
best thing we can, right? They've they've always made
great decisions in Salem, MA. I believe that's on a bump
historically, yes. Yeah.
Nothing's ever gone wrong. Honestly, honestly though, folks
(53:42):
like you, you have to check out Jonathan's page.
You have to check out his accounts.
It's it. You'll be giving yourself a
treat every day. Every time he's posting
something, it'll always make youlaugh.
I guarantee you. That is why we've been so
excited about bringing him on the show is like we just wanted
an excuse to share him with withy'all.
(54:03):
Like please, please, please please.
It takes 5 seconds. Follow the links will be in the
show notes. Jonathan, I don't want to ask
like what do you, what do you have planned?
What do you have coming up, boy?I've got a trip to Gencon where
I'm just going to be appearing as a as a guest at a couple
different little meet and greetswith people here in August,
(54:25):
meeting with your folks. Jennifer Lawrence Convention.
Yes, that is where we all dress up as Jennifer Lawrence.
That's the con, is that none of us are Jennifer Lawrence and we
I'm going to charge you $15 for a picture.
That's smart. And it's a Kodak too.
It's one of those old wine ones.And you get to keep that, and
you get to keep it. Have fun figuring out how to get
(54:46):
that developed. That's the other part of the
code. Yeah, so we're doing that.
My VI should say Monsters of theWeek tabletop RPG series that
I'm a part of is still releasingepisodes.
Episode one was released a couple weeks ago, still going
live, still going strong, so feel free to check that out.
That's in my links, and I'm going to be part of another
(55:08):
campaign for D&D coming out soon.
It's actually going to be a Callof Cthulhu game to be determined
on announcing cast and whatnot, but that is about it really the
only other thing. If I can hit a milestone, if I
can hit a special milestone, it's gonna be a paranormal
investigation in the works. So.
(55:28):
Do you have somebody to. So we'll see if potentially
okay, but we know a bunch of people.
We know what if folks need to be?
I mean, we'll talk, cuz I can always double down.
There we go. Yeah, there we go.
Hell yeah, I'll have my Chunkle and my VIX.
That's. All you need.
(55:51):
That's all you need. That's all you.
Yeah, it's not even for the ghost, or she's gonna hit the
guy with the Follow me with the camera, leaving him behind.
Yeah, yeah, Psych bitch. But we're.
Detecting some static. Awesome, man.
Well, seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you so much for coming on the show.
(56:12):
It's it's been an absolute blastand we've been waiting.
And yeah, everybody here can back me up on this.
We've been waiting for weeks. To get you on the show, we've
been super, super excited about it.
It's it's it's been fucking awesome and and I do want to ask
is one last favor please. Before you go, do you mind
telling our listeners where theycan find and follow you?
(56:34):
Just just name drop, just drop all your pluggables, everything
at all. And they will also be in the
show notes. Absolutely.
And before I do that, I just want to say thank you for having
me on. This has been an absolute blast.
I loved every second of this andI would love to come back.
This has been incredible and funand wild and so fucking cool.
(56:57):
Y'all can find me Latinos against spooky shit on every
single one of my platforms except the Bluebird app.
That one's going to be against spooky because Latinos against
spooky shit is way too long for them to have on there.
But twitch, Instagram, TikTok, Latinos against spooky shit.
You guys can follow me there, keep up to date with all the
stuff coming up and interact with me as well.
(57:20):
Awesome. Thank you so much man.
Thank you. Thank you for listening to the
Black Cat Report in episode 56 on the Tommelera de la Muerte
with our special guest, Jonathanfrom Latinas against spooky
shit. Thank you so much for coming on
(57:40):
and gracing us with your wit andhumor.
We'll have you back again sometime.
Please, like, review and follow us.
And if you haven't followed him,follow Latinas against spooky
shit. You can find him on all the
socials and he might spit out your drink laughing.
So we'll see you next week.
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