May 1, 2022 • 18 mins
Toni takes a few moments to share her private thoughts about the tough lessons she's had to learn about love. This episode also includes some excerpts of poetry from her best-selling poetic memoir, LET IT GO: Queens Gotta ****, Too!
This week's episode of Black Family Table Talk podcast/blog is sponsored by Frans Body Care.
For more information about our guests, special offers, and discounts, please click the link below to sign-up for a free subscription on our website!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Toni Henson (00:03):
Hey family, I am talking today to you one on one.
I've got something to share withthe young women of today. I hope
you stand by and listen becauseI know that my daughters and my
nieces, and my little sistersneed to hear this. And the truth
(00:26):
is, I found true love. I havefound the one whom my soul
loves. My soul mate. Listen up.
And when you're finishedlistening, I'm asking you to
share it. Share it with yournieces, your sisters, your
sister friends. I trust and Ipray that it lands where it
(00:47):
needs to land. And it's heard bywho needs to hear it.
Tony (00:54):
Welcome to Season Six of Black Family Table Talk. We are
your host, Toni and Tony. Listenin weekly as we share unique
stories that inspire, build andgive voice to strengthen black
families.
Toni Henson (01:08):
This season is sponsored by Fran's bodycare.
These are handmade products madefrom organic ingredients. I
personally recommend you tryFree Me deodorant, it really
works. And it's free of aluminumtaupe perfumes and other harmful
pore clogging substances. Youcan shop these and other black
(01:29):
owned businesses on our websiteat BlackFamilyTableTalk.com.
I'm here today by myself becauseI just wanted to share some
thoughts. My heart has beenheavy lately about what's
happening in our world. And I'vecome to the point where I can't
even look at the televisionanymore. I don't know about the
(01:50):
news. If another injusticehappens in this world, I think
I'm gonna scream. I'm just so,it's like stop the world. I want
to get off and frustrated andworked up. But I want to talk to
young women today. The youngsisters, my baby sisters, my
(02:11):
nieces, my daughter's, themillennials - I want to talk to
you today. And I pray that mywords land in a way that you
feel there may be a sense ofhope. Listening to these men on
YouTube and social media, justtry to Father these women or act
(02:35):
like fathers. I feel likethey're pimps exploiting women.
You have these men that come onand they have these women who
have no clue. They need to findtheir space and their place in
this world. And they're in their20s. Most of them are in their
20s. They come on to these thesepodcasts and they allow
(02:59):
themselves to literally bedemeaned by men, because they
want to be validated, they wantto be affirmed.
I had a talk with my baby girlnot too long ago and I said to
her, you don't have to beperfect to be successful. You
(03:21):
don't have to be perfect to besuccessful. And I heard the air
come out of her her body, sheliterally felt so much relief
that I could hear the sigh. Ithink that we have set a
standard in this culture that isa grind and die. You gotta
(03:48):
grind, you got to have a man,you got to have this and I'm not
saying you shouldn't be married.
I'm talking about just wholenessas a woman, being whole as a
woman o On your own. Standing onyour own, in your purpose,
centered, focused. And havingthe ability to say, I'm Okay. We
(04:12):
are trying, we're killingourselves, go into Central and
South America for Brazilian ButtLifts. We're having liposuction,
trying to change our bodies tolook like magazine or Instagram
models. It's just so too much.
(04:41):
And I know me as an artist, Iknow that I'm hypersensitive,
and I feel things. The gift thatGod has given me is to feel
things and feel them powerfully.
And I think that's the gift thatwe get as artists. And we have
to bring it out, we have to actexpress it the way it needs to
express it, and we turn it intosomething beautiful. So we
(05:03):
express it in the form ofpaintings and sculptures, and
books, and poems, and God hasgiven me the gift of poetry. So
I want to share this poem. Andthis poem is for you, Queens. I
just wrote this the other day,and honestly, when it came to
(05:24):
me, it flooded through, it cameto me like a burst of beauty.
And I thank God for allowing meto be the vessel. And it's
called a mother Psalm.
She is a queen, a true warrior/She is not perfect, but answers
(05:44):
to the Masters call to purpose/She is often broken, but by
God's grace, still standing/ Sheis striving to be nurturing,
beautiful, loyal, courageous andwhole/ Tending to her children
and our children's children ashidden figures in the shadows of
others, less deserving, yetcraving the light/ Arresting
(06:10):
crown and sweating brow, butstill rising in faith/ Patiently
waiting for her turn to rain.
That's what I feel like allwomen are. I really do believe
that there are so many women outhere that are waiting for their
(06:31):
turn to rain. So I want to sharewith you my journey over the
last two years when I reallysaid to myself, and admitted to
myself that I'm not perfect. AndI stopped presenting this
(06:52):
picture of perfection andstarted saying, Okay, what is my
purpose? Why am I here, and stoplooking outside of myself to
define it. I started lookinginside myself, and looking to
God, so that I could see himlike he saw me in his image. And
(07:15):
what I saw, as he began toreveal to me what he sees, I saw
beauty, I saw love, I saw goodheart, a sharp mind, a talented,
creative person. But I also sawsomeone who was critical. I saw
(07:37):
someone who was judgmental, andstarted working on those things.
So I've traveled in the last 18months, I've traveled to Europe,
Africa, three times, I'vetraveled to Central America
twice, and South America. But Iwant to share why I started
(07:59):
traveling me how this journeycame about. And it's important
for me to impart on you that theBible is my guide book, but I
had a revelation, think aboutthat it may be a time to do a
cleanse, I did a cleanse, I dida relationship cleanse. And I
(08:20):
decided that I would first startwith my vertical relationship,
my relationship with God. And Iwould work on strengthening
that, and building, andbuilding, and getting as close
to him as I possibly could. AndI became obsessed with it
studying the Bible, talking tohim, being quiet, and silent in
(08:40):
myself. I began to get stronger,and more self assured, and more
confident in my purpose. Andthen God began to reveal things
to me, and gave me ideas andstarted expanding my horizon and
my vision. And the more Iprayed, the more I became
silent, the more grounded Ibecame, the more sure that I was
(09:04):
in divine will and divinepurpose. Then I started working
on those horizontalrelationships. I looked around
as if I had a panoramic view ofmy life. And God showed me, the
people in my life who are kindand loving and supportive. But
he also showed me the people inmy life that were toxic, and
(09:28):
judging me, and condemning me. Imade a conscious decision that I
would cut those people out of mylife. And what hurts me is some
of those people were very closerelatives. But I needed to do
that.
I realized that in order for meto survive the next chapter of
(09:49):
my life, that I had to guard myheart and I had to guard my
mind. In order to do that, I hadto focus on God, so it was like
a fast and only allow the peoplewho are supportive and nurturing
to come in. What I realized isthat, that was the beginning of
(10:11):
healing. Once I made it clear tothe people that I wanted in my
life, and they understood andaccepted the terms under which
we would be in relationship,that's when I started to nurture
those relationships. Because aslong as they could give that to
(10:33):
me, I knew that I could givethat to them back. But we began
to nurture them. And I thinkthat we came to a place of
understanding. And theyunderstood where I was coming
from, and I understood wherethey were coming from. And we
started to build, and it hasbeen the most beautiful time of
(10:53):
building, I love them so much. Ithank God for giving me them.
It's a safe space for me. SoI've created a safe space for
myself. I didn't depend on otherpeople to do that. I define the
terms very firmly, but lovingly,but I also listened. I listened
(11:17):
to how we got to where we were.
I listened to my faults, andshortcomings and what I did with
my critical spirit, and how Ipoisoned the relationship and
promised that I would spend therest of my life being to them
what I wanted them to be to me -and that would be affirming, and
(11:39):
loving and supportive andcaring.
I continue to pray for thoserelationships. I think about it,
I get emotional, because thelove is so real. It is
unconditional withoutexpectation. As long as there
are no expectations, what I dois I find myself opening door,
(12:02):
the door to appreciation, so ifdon't get a card, I get a call
and I'm okay with that. As amatter of fact, I'm grateful for
it. I'm grateful for thegestures and how they show up.
And they show up in the lovingcapacity that they are able and
I don't fault them or short thembecause they are not meeting
(12:26):
some idealistic standard of love- what I have romanticized in my
own head. They just show up theway they are and who they are
with what they have to give. Andsometimes it's a pint size
portion, and sometimes this agallon portion. But either way,
(12:47):
I'm just grateful to receive it.
And I give the way I see it. SoI give without the expectation
of reciprocation. I give becauseI'm giving an overflow, not
because I need anything back tofill me up, because I'm already
full. God gives me the love thatI need to be full. That's what
comes with being centered andfocused. So now I can give to
(13:10):
them at an overflow, and itdoesn't deplete who I am. It
doesn't take anything from who Iam. Then when I feel like my cup
is getting a little bit light, Igo back to the beach, and I
travel, and I find my peace inmy space. I immerse myself in
the colors and the culture andthe art that is that special
(13:34):
place. I commune with God torefill my cup, and then I come
back again. And I'm able to loveand love on them and hear them.
Those relationships are sospecial so I hope that my story
is one that can help many to seeif you find yourself in a place
(13:58):
in a space that's frustratingwith relationships, with people
that are not giving you what youneed, that are not nurturing,
that are not supportive, becauseat the end of the day, not
everyone is healthy enough tolove you or be in a relationship
with you.
(14:20):
You have to love them at adistance. You got to fill your
cup up, you got to fill it upand the only one that exists
that can fill your cup to thepoint of satisfaction because
you can drink and still bethirsty. The only one that can
fill your cup to the point andthe place of satisfaction is
creator, Almighty God theFather, the Son, the Holy
(14:43):
Spirit, Jesus. I would like youto close your eyes and listen to
a poem that I wrote calledImagine. One of the things that
I realized is that if we areconsumed with how we look on the
outside and we are lookingoutside of ourselves for
validation, then we can never befree. So this poem is dedicated
(15:07):
to you, my beautiful queens.
Imagine being free/ Imaginebeing free to be all that you
can be to be butt naked, joyfuland carefree/ Just imagine/
Imagine being awakened alive,free to grow and fully thrive,
not a slave to a nine to five/Just imagine/ Imagine versus
(15:34):
flowing free to writer's blockpure poetry, mine connected to
divinity/ Just imagine/ Imaginewalking along the shore, not
craving slaving or wanting moretime not waiting, nothing to
wait for/ Just imagine/ Imaginehaving a butt or chest that's
(15:58):
flat, just enough no excess fatand just being satisfied with
that/ Just imagine/ Imaginespending your remaining years
just letting go of all yourtears worry free and free from
tears/ Just imagine/ imagine ifyour assignment from above was
(16:21):
making friends memories and lovemaking more than you could ever
dream/ Just imagine/ Imaginebeing sworn to secrecy that the
world was dying from indecency,but the decent ones would be set
free/ Just imagine/ Imagineswimming with the sea, creating
(16:46):
strangers who crave to be asfree and careless, carelessly/
Just imagine/ Imagine freedomfrom all that stuff, not always
trying to measure up, notwandering but knowing you're
good enough/ Just imagine.
That's Black Family Table Talk.
I hope you hear me. I love you.
Tony (17:17):
That concludes this week's talk. We hope you found some
tools to add to your strongblack family toolbox. And be
sure to sign up for a freesubscription at
BlackFamilyTableTalk.com forspecial discounts and product
offers reserved exclusively foryou.
Toni Henson (17:35):
Don't forget to tell a friend about our weekly
podcasts and blogs available onApple pod, Google, Pandora,
Spotify and everywhere podcastsare heard. Under Section 107 of
the Copyright Act 1976.
allowance is made for fair usefor purposes such as criticism,
comment, news reporting,teaching, scholarship and
(17:56):
research. fair use is a usepermitted by a copyright statute
that may otherwise beinfringing. The news and
opinions expressed on blackfamily tabletop do not
necessarily reflect variousplatform hosts. All topics are
for entertainment purposes onlydiscretion to strongly advise
and all commentary is allegedThis is a Micah six eight media
(18:18):
LLC production.
Hey family, I am talking today to you one on one.
I've got something to share withthe young women of today. I hope
you stand by and listen becauseI know that my daughters and my
nieces, and my little sistersneed to hear this. And the truth
(00:26):
is, I found true love. I havefound the one whom my soul
loves. My soul mate. Listen up.
And when you're finishedlistening, I'm asking you to
share it. Share it with yournieces, your sisters, your
sister friends. I trust and Ipray that it lands where it
(00:47):
needs to land. And it's heard bywho needs to hear it.
Tony (00:54):
Welcome to Season Six of Black Family Table Talk. We are
your host, Toni and Tony. Listenin weekly as we share unique
stories that inspire, build andgive voice to strengthen black
families.
Toni Henson (01:08):
This season is sponsored by Fran's bodycare.
These are handmade products madefrom organic ingredients. I
personally recommend you tryFree Me deodorant, it really
works. And it's free of aluminumtaupe perfumes and other harmful
pore clogging substances. Youcan shop these and other black
(01:29):
owned businesses on our websiteat BlackFamilyTableTalk.com.
I'm here today by myself becauseI just wanted to share some
thoughts. My heart has beenheavy lately about what's
happening in our world. And I'vecome to the point where I can't
even look at the televisionanymore. I don't know about the
(01:50):
news. If another injusticehappens in this world, I think
I'm gonna scream. I'm just so,it's like stop the world. I want
to get off and frustrated andworked up. But I want to talk to
young women today. The youngsisters, my baby sisters, my
(02:11):
nieces, my daughter's, themillennials - I want to talk to
you today. And I pray that mywords land in a way that you
feel there may be a sense ofhope. Listening to these men on
YouTube and social media, justtry to Father these women or act
(02:35):
like fathers. I feel likethey're pimps exploiting women.
You have these men that come onand they have these women who
have no clue. They need to findtheir space and their place in
this world. And they're in their20s. Most of them are in their
20s. They come on to these thesepodcasts and they allow
(02:59):
themselves to literally bedemeaned by men, because they
want to be validated, they wantto be affirmed.
I had a talk with my baby girlnot too long ago and I said to
her, you don't have to beperfect to be successful. You
(03:21):
don't have to be perfect to besuccessful. And I heard the air
come out of her her body, sheliterally felt so much relief
that I could hear the sigh. Ithink that we have set a
standard in this culture that isa grind and die. You gotta
(03:48):
grind, you got to have a man,you got to have this and I'm not
saying you shouldn't be married.
I'm talking about just wholenessas a woman, being whole as a
woman o On your own. Standing onyour own, in your purpose,
centered, focused. And havingthe ability to say, I'm Okay. We
(04:12):
are trying, we're killingourselves, go into Central and
South America for Brazilian ButtLifts. We're having liposuction,
trying to change our bodies tolook like magazine or Instagram
models. It's just so too much.
(04:41):
And I know me as an artist, Iknow that I'm hypersensitive,
and I feel things. The gift thatGod has given me is to feel
things and feel them powerfully.
And I think that's the gift thatwe get as artists. And we have
to bring it out, we have to actexpress it the way it needs to
express it, and we turn it intosomething beautiful. So we
(05:03):
express it in the form ofpaintings and sculptures, and
books, and poems, and God hasgiven me the gift of poetry. So
I want to share this poem. Andthis poem is for you, Queens. I
just wrote this the other day,and honestly, when it came to
(05:24):
me, it flooded through, it cameto me like a burst of beauty.
And I thank God for allowing meto be the vessel. And it's
called a mother Psalm.
She is a queen, a true warrior/She is not perfect, but answers
(05:44):
to the Masters call to purpose/She is often broken, but by
God's grace, still standing/ Sheis striving to be nurturing,
beautiful, loyal, courageous andwhole/ Tending to her children
and our children's children ashidden figures in the shadows of
others, less deserving, yetcraving the light/ Arresting
(06:10):
crown and sweating brow, butstill rising in faith/ Patiently
waiting for her turn to rain.
That's what I feel like allwomen are. I really do believe
that there are so many women outhere that are waiting for their
(06:31):
turn to rain. So I want to sharewith you my journey over the
last two years when I reallysaid to myself, and admitted to
myself that I'm not perfect. AndI stopped presenting this
(06:52):
picture of perfection andstarted saying, Okay, what is my
purpose? Why am I here, and stoplooking outside of myself to
define it. I started lookinginside myself, and looking to
God, so that I could see himlike he saw me in his image. And
(07:15):
what I saw, as he began toreveal to me what he sees, I saw
beauty, I saw love, I saw goodheart, a sharp mind, a talented,
creative person. But I also sawsomeone who was critical. I saw
(07:37):
someone who was judgmental, andstarted working on those things.
So I've traveled in the last 18months, I've traveled to Europe,
Africa, three times, I'vetraveled to Central America
twice, and South America. But Iwant to share why I started
(07:59):
traveling me how this journeycame about. And it's important
for me to impart on you that theBible is my guide book, but I
had a revelation, think aboutthat it may be a time to do a
cleanse, I did a cleanse, I dida relationship cleanse. And I
(08:20):
decided that I would first startwith my vertical relationship,
my relationship with God. And Iwould work on strengthening
that, and building, andbuilding, and getting as close
to him as I possibly could. AndI became obsessed with it
studying the Bible, talking tohim, being quiet, and silent in
(08:40):
myself. I began to get stronger,and more self assured, and more
confident in my purpose. Andthen God began to reveal things
to me, and gave me ideas andstarted expanding my horizon and
my vision. And the more Iprayed, the more I became
silent, the more grounded Ibecame, the more sure that I was
(09:04):
in divine will and divinepurpose. Then I started working
on those horizontalrelationships. I looked around
as if I had a panoramic view ofmy life. And God showed me, the
people in my life who are kindand loving and supportive. But
he also showed me the people inmy life that were toxic, and
(09:28):
judging me, and condemning me. Imade a conscious decision that I
would cut those people out of mylife. And what hurts me is some
of those people were very closerelatives. But I needed to do
that.
I realized that in order for meto survive the next chapter of
(09:49):
my life, that I had to guard myheart and I had to guard my
mind. In order to do that, I hadto focus on God, so it was like
a fast and only allow the peoplewho are supportive and nurturing
to come in. What I realized isthat, that was the beginning of
(10:11):
healing. Once I made it clear tothe people that I wanted in my
life, and they understood andaccepted the terms under which
we would be in relationship,that's when I started to nurture
those relationships. Because aslong as they could give that to
(10:33):
me, I knew that I could givethat to them back. But we began
to nurture them. And I thinkthat we came to a place of
understanding. And theyunderstood where I was coming
from, and I understood wherethey were coming from. And we
started to build, and it hasbeen the most beautiful time of
(10:53):
building, I love them so much. Ithank God for giving me them.
It's a safe space for me. SoI've created a safe space for
myself. I didn't depend on otherpeople to do that. I define the
terms very firmly, but lovingly,but I also listened. I listened
(11:17):
to how we got to where we were.
I listened to my faults, andshortcomings and what I did with
my critical spirit, and how Ipoisoned the relationship and
promised that I would spend therest of my life being to them
what I wanted them to be to me -and that would be affirming, and
(11:39):
loving and supportive andcaring.
I continue to pray for thoserelationships. I think about it,
I get emotional, because thelove is so real. It is
unconditional withoutexpectation. As long as there
are no expectations, what I dois I find myself opening door,
(12:02):
the door to appreciation, so ifdon't get a card, I get a call
and I'm okay with that. As amatter of fact, I'm grateful for
it. I'm grateful for thegestures and how they show up.
And they show up in the lovingcapacity that they are able and
I don't fault them or short thembecause they are not meeting
(12:26):
some idealistic standard of love- what I have romanticized in my
own head. They just show up theway they are and who they are
with what they have to give. Andsometimes it's a pint size
portion, and sometimes this agallon portion. But either way,
(12:47):
I'm just grateful to receive it.
And I give the way I see it. SoI give without the expectation
of reciprocation. I give becauseI'm giving an overflow, not
because I need anything back tofill me up, because I'm already
full. God gives me the love thatI need to be full. That's what
comes with being centered andfocused. So now I can give to
(13:10):
them at an overflow, and itdoesn't deplete who I am. It
doesn't take anything from who Iam. Then when I feel like my cup
is getting a little bit light, Igo back to the beach, and I
travel, and I find my peace inmy space. I immerse myself in
the colors and the culture andthe art that is that special
(13:34):
place. I commune with God torefill my cup, and then I come
back again. And I'm able to loveand love on them and hear them.
Those relationships are sospecial so I hope that my story
is one that can help many to seeif you find yourself in a place
(13:58):
in a space that's frustratingwith relationships, with people
that are not giving you what youneed, that are not nurturing,
that are not supportive, becauseat the end of the day, not
everyone is healthy enough tolove you or be in a relationship
with you.
(14:20):
You have to love them at adistance. You got to fill your
cup up, you got to fill it upand the only one that exists
that can fill your cup to thepoint of satisfaction because
you can drink and still bethirsty. The only one that can
fill your cup to the point andthe place of satisfaction is
creator, Almighty God theFather, the Son, the Holy
(14:43):
Spirit, Jesus. I would like youto close your eyes and listen to
a poem that I wrote calledImagine. One of the things that
I realized is that if we areconsumed with how we look on the
outside and we are lookingoutside of ourselves for
validation, then we can never befree. So this poem is dedicated
(15:07):
to you, my beautiful queens.
Imagine being free/ Imaginebeing free to be all that you
can be to be butt naked, joyfuland carefree/ Just imagine/
Imagine being awakened alive,free to grow and fully thrive,
not a slave to a nine to five/Just imagine/ Imagine versus
(15:34):
flowing free to writer's blockpure poetry, mine connected to
divinity/ Just imagine/ Imaginewalking along the shore, not
craving slaving or wanting moretime not waiting, nothing to
wait for/ Just imagine/ Imaginehaving a butt or chest that's
(15:58):
flat, just enough no excess fatand just being satisfied with
that/ Just imagine/ Imaginespending your remaining years
just letting go of all yourtears worry free and free from
tears/ Just imagine/ imagine ifyour assignment from above was
(16:21):
making friends memories and lovemaking more than you could ever
dream/ Just imagine/ Imaginebeing sworn to secrecy that the
world was dying from indecency,but the decent ones would be set
free/ Just imagine/ Imagineswimming with the sea, creating
(16:46):
strangers who crave to be asfree and careless, carelessly/
Just imagine/ Imagine freedomfrom all that stuff, not always
trying to measure up, notwandering but knowing you're
good enough/ Just imagine.
That's Black Family Table Talk.
I hope you hear me. I love you.
Tony (17:17):
That concludes this week's talk. We hope you found some
tools to add to your strongblack family toolbox. And be
sure to sign up for a freesubscription at
BlackFamilyTableTalk.com forspecial discounts and product
offers reserved exclusively foryou.
Toni Henson (17:35):
Don't forget to tell a friend about our weekly
podcasts and blogs available onApple pod, Google, Pandora,
Spotify and everywhere podcastsare heard. Under Section 107 of
the Copyright Act 1976.
allowance is made for fair usefor purposes such as criticism,
comment, news reporting,teaching, scholarship and
(17:56):
research. fair use is a usepermitted by a copyright statute
that may otherwise beinfringing. The news and
opinions expressed on blackfamily tabletop do not
necessarily reflect variousplatform hosts. All topics are
for entertainment purposes onlydiscretion to strongly advise
and all commentary is allegedThis is a Micah six eight media
(18:18):
LLC production.
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