November 7, 2024 • 30 mins
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What if the collective trauma we experience could be transformed into a tool for empowerment and change?
This miniseries confronts the profound emotions and societal challenges that have intensified following recent U.S. election outcomes. Through heartfelt discussion and historical insights, we delve into the concept of collective trauma, emphasizing its generational impact on marginalized communities. We will walk through through the five stages of grief, illustrating how each phase manifests and the vital role they play in processing trauma. This episode is a call to action, urging brilliant, ambitious women, especially Black women, to harness their collective strength and forge the futures they deserve.
***Subscribe and share this episode to inspire others to join this supportive and transformative conversation.***
For more information, visit https://excelatconsulting.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Black Girls Console 2
podcast.
I'm your host, dr AngelinaDavis, and today I want to
really just bypass all theformalities, all the standard
ways that we're taught to starta podcast episode transparent
and, I would say, intimateconversation with you today,
(00:32):
because there has been a lotgoing on in our country.
If you live here in the US, ifyou're outside of the US, I'm
sure you probably have seen alot of what has been happening
on your news sites and whatnot.
So we recently completedanother election cycle and, to
(00:55):
many of our surprise, especiallyif you are a Black woman there
was an outcome that you morethan likely felt, I won't even
say uncomfortable with, but youdreaded.
And what I noticed online isthat, as I would scroll from
(01:15):
site to site, I just saw thefear and the anxiety and the
anger and the frustration andjust all these emotions pile on,
one after one after one as Imove through the content, and I
think that speaks to the factthat in our modern world we tend
(01:38):
to use social media as anoutlet.
It's a way for people to beable to voice their deepest
feelings and concerns.
Sometimes people do this in away where they are more
anonymous and we see them astrolls on different sites, but
in all honesty, it does speak tosome reality that's there and a
(02:01):
lot of the feelings andemotions that exist.
And actually I do think thatthat is one of the reasons why
we see the outcome of theelection as we do today, because
, depending upon what circleyou're in, the type of
information that you'reconsuming, it's going to dictate
how you view many of theoutcomes that we recently saw.
(02:23):
Now I don't want to keeptalking in circles, so I want to
be just very blunt and say thatfor those who were troubled by
the outcome, who are fearfulabout what lies ahead, who are
frustrated and angry about whathas happened and feel a
determination to keep fightingand pushing forward, no matter
(02:43):
what, then this conversation isfor you.
And it's for you because when Iwas thinking and processing all
these feelings for myself and Iwill say that I have been
moving through the stages ofgrief we're going to talk about
the stages of grief as we moveforward but when I was thinking
about the various stages ofgrief and I could step outside
of myself and see myself goingthrough each stage, I think that
(03:07):
the one thing I've landed uponvery recently is how I can begin
to turn what is somewhat of avery confusing and disappointing
time to one where I'm able totransform the grief that I'm
(03:28):
experiencing, and that many ofus are experiencing, into
meaning and purpose.
Because when you think aboutyour responsibility as a coach
and definitely this is aresponsibility of a therapist if
you are seeing a therapist orif you've ever seen a therapist,
I'm not a therapist.
Or if you've ever seen atherapist, I'm not a therapist,
(03:52):
I am a coach, meaning that I'mlooking at it on a higher level.
I can't get into theintricacies of all that we're
going to be discussing, but whenyou consider the impact of a
collective trauma of which thisexperience is more of a
collective trauma then we areoften forced to navigate a
process of grief, especiallywhen that trauma has occurred
(04:13):
and it's caused us to seeminglylose something that was very
important.
And your responsibility as acoach is to help others find
meaning and purpose in theirloss.
And I thought about thisbecause if you're a coach, if
you're a therapist or whatnot,you do a lot of work on yourself
to coach yourself throughdifferent thought processes and
(04:37):
issues and circumstances thatyou find yourself in, the same
as you would do for your clients.
And as I begin to do this workeven in the short timeframe,
because after a while you kindof get used to running through
these practices very swiftly theone thing that I landed upon is
how can I turn this moment,this feeling moment, this
(05:02):
feeling, this grief that I'mexperiencing, into greater
meaning and purpose?
And it was a no brainer for me,because really a lot of what my
business is built on, what Iteach, what I have shared for
years now centers around thefact that, as women, as black
(05:28):
women especially and I've oftensaid women of color but I do
think that there's some caveatsto that, that there is one
reality that's true, and thatreality is that you live a
different experience andexistence in this country.
That is beyond obvious when youlook at the exit polls from our
(05:51):
recent election, when you lookat how skewed the view is for
Black women.
That signals that there issomething that is significantly
different from what othersexperience.
And it is because of thissignificant difference and what
has caused that significantdifference that you can't look
at your business journey thesame way as others do, when we
(06:16):
are taught to focus on followingthe steps and the patterns and
the tactics that many of theseother people typically cisgender
, white males have followed inour industry, we are going to
come up short.
I have been saying this fromthe beginning of time, and what
I thought in this moment is thatyou know what, angelina?
(06:37):
You need to say this louder,you need to communicate this
message louder.
And not only do you need tocommunicate it, because it's not
about just identifying what thedifficulty or the challenge or
the problem is, but it's aboutfinding solutions.
It's not about us sitting hereand thinking about why this
trauma has occurred, how we arestuck in this pattern of grief
(06:59):
and loss, but it's rather, howcan we take this moment and
build resilience around it andturn this experience into a
triumph.
And that's what I am focused onmoving forward in a much
greater way than I have in thepast.
So if you follow this podcastin the past and you felt as if
(07:23):
the information was not speakingas intimately as you'd hope,
it's going to get a shift now,and one of the reasons why I
want to do this is because Irecognize the importance of us
being able to navigate theseexperiences in a healthy way and
being able to take what isbecoming all too common for many
(07:44):
of us as an experience, thistrauma that we've experienced
over and over and over and overagain collectively, to take that
and actually make sure that wecreate an environment where we
can thrive, because one thing isevident at this point is that
we need to be able to supportone another in order to move
(08:06):
forward, and this is for anyonethat resonates with this message
.
The one thing that I want theupcoming episodes to do and I'm
dedicating a series to this.
I don't know how many episodesit will be, but I do know that
for a while, I want to focus onthis aspect of trauma, grief and
(08:31):
resilience, because we aregoing to have to be resilient in
order to achieve the successesthat we need to build the wealth
that will allow us to havegreater options and opportunity.
The one thing I walked awayfrom this whole experience
thinking, the one thing that weare seeing more clearly than
(08:56):
ever is how deeply money andpower shape safety, opportunity
and well-being.
We're seeing that right beforeour eyes, and so when we see
that it's shaping a future thatdoes not resonate with us, or
(09:16):
maybe our experience or what wedesire to have in the world,
then we have to do somethingabout it, and one way of being
able to attack that is to buildmore wealth in our communities,
to build more wealth for ourfamilies, to give ourselves more
options so that we can beprepared to make any type of
(09:40):
change that we want to make andnot be reliant on what is
occurring in the economicclimate.
But we have to do that now.
It takes time, so your businesshas to survive.
Your business has to not justsurvive, excuse me.
Your business has to thrive,and that is my focus is to help
your business thrive.
(10:01):
So what does this mean?
I think one of the first thingsthat I want to address in this
particular episode and, like Isaid, this will stretch over a
few episodes, so don't worry, Iwon't make this super, super
long but I think that one thingthat we have to talk about in
general is just what it means toexperience a collective trauma.
(10:23):
Oftentimes, when we think aboutcollective trauma, we're
thinking about instances in ourhistory where we have
experienced something that hasbeen maybe on the scale of a
global epidemic, where there'ssomething that has occurred in
society that is extremelyhorrific, that has caused a loss
of life, and therefore you'rein crisis in that moment.
(10:46):
Those are indeed collectivetraumas, but as a people, as
women of color, but, mostimportantly, as Black women, we
have experienced a collectivetrauma from many of the
systematic processes in oursociety, meaning that the system
(11:12):
itself has created a number ofinstances over time that are
traumatic events that weexperience collectively and, in
all honesty, this most recentelection cycle has been one of
them, and it's not the firsttime.
This has been an ongoing cycle,ongoing thing, and the topic
(11:34):
may change right Depending uponwhat the trauma is, but it all
still centers around the factthat there is a question as to
our capability, our strength,our intelligence and whether or
not we deserve to have theopportunities that others have.
(11:56):
This trauma causes us at timesto become stuck in a place where
we are not playing as big as weshould, we are not dreaming as
big and bold as we should.
We are not dreaming as big andbold as we should.
We are not feeling as powerfulas we actually are in terms of
(12:20):
moving forward.
So until we're able to trulyaddress this trauma collectively
, it's going to be a problem.
You know, when you look at thedefinition itself, collective
trauma really just refers topsychological reactions to a
traumatic event that affect anentire society.
Although this is not affectingan entire society, this is
(12:48):
affecting an entire group.
I don't know if I can do this,since I am not an expert in this
area, but I would still saythat this is a collective trauma
that we're experiencing.
It is going to be somethingthat we experience together but
then have memory of in a veryindividualistic way.
We're going to see this timedifferently based upon our lived
(13:11):
experiences, but overall, wehave the same wounds right, and
the wounds are what we have toaddress in order to move forward
.
When we think about how we gothere, it didn't start with just
something that occurred in ourlifetime.
(13:31):
A lot of this trauma has beenpassed down.
It's been something that ourancestors experienced and this
is a dynamic that has beenpresent for many, many years.
And I you know, I was talkingvery recently to a colleague and
we were having a discussionaround grief and trauma and
(13:55):
things like that.
The one thing I was stating isthat, when you actually think
about the trauma that we haveoften experienced that surrounds
our worth as a person, or ourconfidence as women, especially
Black women A lot of it has beendependent upon what has
(14:19):
occurred throughout history,it's the reinforcement of
certain narratives that causedthe problem, and it's the
acceptance that, although manyof us may have hoped that this
would not be something we wouldlive for a lifetime, that it
possibly is, and so it shiftsour mind from the belief that
(14:43):
one day that this will not existto the acceptance that this is
where we are right and, insteadof solely just thinking about
how our future can be different,focus on the power that we have
in the moment to actuallychange what the future will look
(15:06):
like.
So moving from hope to change.
So moving from hope to change,and that's a the opportunity to
(15:43):
do so.
There are a lot of feelingsthat wrap into one's existence
and the existence of thisproblem, so I was thinking how
do we approach it?
And my take on situations likethis is that, instead of
recreating the wheel, just goback and look at history.
(16:04):
History is such a great way toproblem solve, because a lot of
what we do as consultants ingeneral, when you think about it
, is finding patterns.
Right, we're looking atpatterns over time, being able
to assess those patterns anddetermine what steps to take
next.
We need to do the same thingright now.
There are a number of answersthat are out there in ways that
(16:28):
we can move forward and takethese steps.
If we just look back at whetheryou're thinking about something
like the Holocaust, which isconsidered to be a collective
trauma of the 20th century, thisis something that we have to
think about what people wereable to do in those moments to
(16:52):
survive, and then also how thattrauma is very unique and
created various blessings thatwere learned that begin to
transform society as you moveforward.
One of the reasons why variouscollective traumas are so
powerful in bringing peopletogether around a certain belief
(17:14):
or thought or culturallyderived teachings is that many
times, the trauma fosters thecollectiveness itself.
It fosters the sense and needto be around others that
identify with their concerns,identify with their beliefs,
identify with their beliefs,identify with their values, and
(17:35):
this sense of support, or desirefor support, rather, is
something that increases thecohesiveness of the group, which
is why, when you look at someof the results, especially from
this most recent election, youlook at people voted in a block.
That block was so significantbecause of the repeated traumas
that have existed and thepassing down of various
(17:56):
teachings, traditions, about thethreat that it definitely
presents.
We've seen this play out overand over and over again in some
shape, form or fashionthroughout history.
Now, as we think about movingforward, we have to begin to
analyze what worked in thosepast scenarios and then how we
break free and move forward fromthis point with those teachings
(18:20):
and using those to ouradvantage so that we know how to
navigate this new challengethat we're facing.
So I know you're thinkinglisten, this is a consulting
podcast.
Why in the world are we gettinginto all this?
We're getting into this isbecause you have to be able to
be your most resilient self inorder to show up and be the most
(18:44):
effective consultant in yourmarketplace and to be able to
build a business that thrivesand build the wealth that you
need so that you have choice andfreedom.
That's why we're talking aboutthis Now.
In order for us to get to thatpoint, we have to work through
stages of grief, right, becausetrauma leads to a grief response
(19:04):
.
We are going to feel as ifsomething is lost, and that is
so natural.
Feel as if something is lost,and that is so natural.
I mean, this is something thatwe are going to experience
naturally, because there is asense of mourning about what no
longer exists.
There is a sense of sadnessbecause we perceive a danger now
(19:30):
exists that we can't change,and so you know we are going to
feel this grief and that griefis natural.
It is normal and I think thebetter we understand what grief
is in terms of, like, how weprocess grief and how we move
through the stages, the easierit's going to be for us to
navigate that space.
(19:51):
But then also we need to getthrough it grief, and how we
move through the stages, theeasier it's going to be for us
to navigate that space.
But then also we need to getthrough it so we can get to the
point where we can take greateraction.
So my goal in introducing allof this and having this
conversation and thinking aboutthe conversations I want to have
in the future, is to help usget through this period of grief
to the other side so we canbegin to take more action and
(20:11):
more focus and effective actionin the climate that we find
ourselves in today.
So now there are five stages ofgrief.
They are denial, anger,bargaining, depression and
acceptance.
And let me tell you I am onethat when, with the recent
events, denial was the firstthing that I had.
(20:33):
You know, as you begin to seethings unfold, you're like nope,
this is not happening.
Nope, nope, nope, this is nothappening.
That denial is, first andforemost, the feeling that you
often get.
You want to be able to tellyourself that this has not
happened, that somehow what youare experiencing is not real,
that it has not happened, thatsomehow what you are
experiencing is not real, thatit is not true, that there's
(20:56):
some other reason for thesethings happening.
And there are a lot ofanalogies I can pull from
politics especially.
I don't want to lean too heavilyon this, but when we think
about how results come in, Ithink there is a trend that you
see and there are differentdefinitions that people may have
(21:19):
for things such as like the redmirage, et cetera, that we see
coming in and we think, you knowwhat?
This is just not, this is nottrue.
This is just going to happeninitially and it's going to
disappear.
And I mean this is a truephenomenon, but not in the way
that it showed itself in ourmost recent cycle.
We were in, if you felt thisway, we were in denial, and that
(21:40):
denial can be strong.
It keeps you, it makes you stop, really for a period of time,
because you're just like I can'tbelieve this is happening.
That's more of a copingmechanism.
Your mind is trying to protectyourself from all the emotions
that are about to ensue becauseit's telling you that things are
(22:01):
okay.
It's okay, it's okay, thingsare what they were, they're what
you desired, they are positive,and so that period of denial
sits in.
But the reality is that even ifwe deny it, it doesn't change
what has actually occurred.
So therefore, we are forced tothen move into the next stage,
(22:22):
which is anger.
Now anger, for some people canbe short lived, and then for
others it can take hold and itcan not let go unless you pry
loose right.
It is an emotional and physicalsymptom of the grief.
Is the grief physicallymanifested?
(22:43):
I want you to think about itlike that.
So there is this sense that anunfairness has occurred and
because of this unfairness, itevokes emotion, intense emotions
, and we find ourselves in thatanger period.
And if you're there right now,for whatever reason, sit there,
(23:05):
allow it to be fully experienced, not so that you take action in
that moment, but that you areable to recognize that it exists
, that you are able to moveyourself through this phase by
not bottling it up and keepingthat closed off, and then one
(23:25):
day down the road it just popsout.
No, we don't want to do that.
We want to process grief in ahealthy way.
So moving through this anger ispart of allowing the physical
manifestation of the grief thatyou're experiencing to occur.
And then, after that, the periodof bargaining.
That's where, in this period,you likely spend a lot of time
(23:46):
trying to figure out how thishappened and how you can change
it.
It's more so about you tryingto reverse what has occurred.
If we experience the loss orthe death of a loved one,
there's a lot of bargaining wemay do with God.
We may pray and wish thatthings had not occurred the way
(24:08):
that they occurred, and we maypray for God to bring them back.
And so the difference here inbargaining and with something
like negotiation because theseare different experiences and
different processes Withbargaining, what you're actually
doing is that you're trying tochange a situation that has
already been made permanent,meaning that the situation can't
(24:32):
change.
The circumstances will notchange.
Unlike with negotiation, thecircumstances can change In this
process of grief, we're tryingto negotiate with God, we're
trying to negotiate with thesystem.
We're trying to create a change,despite the fact that there is
no opportunity for the outcomethat we desire.
(24:55):
That's where negotiation isdifferent from bargaining, so
it's not negotiation.
In our mind, we're tellingourselves we're negotiating,
we're trying to work this out,we're going to make it right,
and I like to stress this partbecause I feel like, as women in
general, we tend to sit in thisphase a lot longer than others,
because, by nature, we arealways trying to solve problems.
(25:16):
We're trying to provide thisnurturing.
That's just part of ourfeminine power, feminine energy,
and because of that, we spend alot of time in this bargaining
trying to figure out what wecould have done differently and
how things can change in orderto be a better situation, and so
(25:37):
it takes us a bit of time, manytimes, to move through the
bargaining phase.
But once we do and this is whatour mind has feared as we, as
it's been fighting this griefprocess is that we get to the
point of depression, and at thispoint, there's immense sadness
about what has occurred, whetherthat's the loss of a loved one
(26:01):
in this case, the loss of anelection, or in the loss of a
job.
Whatever it may be, it's a loss.
It's something that has changedthat you cannot rectify.
It's a negative outcome thatyou cannot rectify.
It's a negative outcome thatyou cannot rectify.
You become acutely aware of howpermanent this is.
(26:25):
You realize that you know what.
This isn't changing.
This is a new reality andthat's hard to accept.
It's really hard to accept whenyou had hopes for something
different.
And so when you're in thisdepression, in this depressive
(26:45):
phase of grief, it keeps youfrom taking action.
You don't feel like doinganything.
You want to throw your hands upand be done with it.
You want to sleep all day.
You don't have the energy tofight anymore.
You don't want to have tobattle.
You don't want to have to domore work that you feel maybe
(27:08):
futile.
So for us, when it comes torunning a business and trying to
grow and build a consultingbusiness, this takes you off
task, and the longer you remainin this period of depression as
you move through grief, thelonger it's going to take for
you to be able to build abusiness that will actually be
(27:29):
used as an asset to create alife that is better for you, an
asset to create a life that isbetter for you.
So, although we have to processgrief effectively, we have to
move through this phase.
We want to make this phase asshort as possible, as
short-lived as possible.
So if you find yourself needingto talk to somebody, please do.
(27:51):
Please talk to somebody.
If you find that tuning into apodcast episode like this helps
you navigate through and feel asif you are supported and you're
not alone, please tune in.
That's one of the reasons whyI'm doing this.
I want to have this communityserve its purpose and for me,
the purpose is to help you bemore resilient and more
(28:13):
successful.
So I know, in order for us toget there myself included we got
to move through this griefprocess effectively.
We need to move through itswiftly, and I want you to sit
with the feelings that you have,but then be able to proactively
move and navigate through themso that you get to that final
stage.
And that final stage isacceptance.
(28:35):
And acceptance is not the factthat you're accepting that this
is how it will always be, orthat you are limited and that
things won't change and thatyou're doomed.
No, that is not what I mean byacceptance.
Acceptance is when theexperience of grief begins to
(28:57):
dissipate.
It's not that this grief evergoes away completely, because
there are certain things aboutour society especially that we
continue to grieve, because weknow that these are continual
issues Bigotry, racism, sexism,ageism, misogyny all these
things are continued issues inour society, so we grieve those
(29:18):
things on an ongoing basis.
They will cycle through.
However, when we get to thispoint of acceptance, this is
where we are able to turn thistraumatic event and everything
that came along with it into alesson and we learn how to begin
(29:38):
to move forward.
And this is where I want us tobe, because once we can get to
this point of acceptance, thenwe can get a game plan and a
pathway that is going to lead usto the future that we desire
and deserve.
And, as a brilliant,intelligent, ambitious Black
(30:01):
woman and woman in general, youdeserve more.
You deserve more and, I bedarned, we're going to get it
All right.
Guys, like I said, thisconversation is going to
continue.
If you're interested, pleasesubscribe and follow along.
(30:21):
If you know somebody else thatwould be interested in also
hearing these episodes and more,then share it with a friend and
I'll talk to you soon.
Hello and welcome to the Black Girls Console 2
podcast.
I'm your host, dr AngelinaDavis, and today I want to
really just bypass all theformalities, all the standard
ways that we're taught to starta podcast episode transparent
and, I would say, intimateconversation with you today,
(00:32):
because there has been a lotgoing on in our country.
If you live here in the US, ifyou're outside of the US, I'm
sure you probably have seen alot of what has been happening
on your news sites and whatnot.
So we recently completedanother election cycle and, to
(00:55):
many of our surprise, especiallyif you are a Black woman there
was an outcome that you morethan likely felt, I won't even
say uncomfortable with, but youdreaded.
And what I noticed online isthat, as I would scroll from
(01:15):
site to site, I just saw thefear and the anxiety and the
anger and the frustration andjust all these emotions pile on,
one after one after one as Imove through the content, and I
think that speaks to the factthat in our modern world we tend
(01:38):
to use social media as anoutlet.
It's a way for people to beable to voice their deepest
feelings and concerns.
Sometimes people do this in away where they are more
anonymous and we see them astrolls on different sites, but
in all honesty, it does speak tosome reality that's there and a
(02:01):
lot of the feelings andemotions that exist.
And actually I do think thatthat is one of the reasons why
we see the outcome of theelection as we do today, because
, depending upon what circleyou're in, the type of
information that you'reconsuming, it's going to dictate
how you view many of theoutcomes that we recently saw.
(02:23):
Now I don't want to keeptalking in circles, so I want to
be just very blunt and say thatfor those who were troubled by
the outcome, who are fearfulabout what lies ahead, who are
frustrated and angry about whathas happened and feel a
determination to keep fightingand pushing forward, no matter
(02:43):
what, then this conversation isfor you.
And it's for you because when Iwas thinking and processing all
these feelings for myself and Iwill say that I have been
moving through the stages ofgrief we're going to talk about
the stages of grief as we moveforward but when I was thinking
about the various stages ofgrief and I could step outside
of myself and see myself goingthrough each stage, I think that
(03:07):
the one thing I've landed uponvery recently is how I can begin
to turn what is somewhat of avery confusing and disappointing
time to one where I'm able totransform the grief that I'm
(03:28):
experiencing, and that many ofus are experiencing, into
meaning and purpose.
Because when you think aboutyour responsibility as a coach
and definitely this is aresponsibility of a therapist if
you are seeing a therapist orif you've ever seen a therapist,
I'm not a therapist.
Or if you've ever seen atherapist, I'm not a therapist,
(03:52):
I am a coach, meaning that I'mlooking at it on a higher level.
I can't get into theintricacies of all that we're
going to be discussing, but whenyou consider the impact of a
collective trauma of which thisexperience is more of a
collective trauma then we areoften forced to navigate a
process of grief, especiallywhen that trauma has occurred
(04:13):
and it's caused us to seeminglylose something that was very
important.
And your responsibility as acoach is to help others find
meaning and purpose in theirloss.
And I thought about thisbecause if you're a coach, if
you're a therapist or whatnot,you do a lot of work on yourself
to coach yourself throughdifferent thought processes and
(04:37):
issues and circumstances thatyou find yourself in, the same
as you would do for your clients.
And as I begin to do this workeven in the short timeframe,
because after a while you kindof get used to running through
these practices very swiftly theone thing that I landed upon is
how can I turn this moment,this feeling moment, this
(05:02):
feeling, this grief that I'mexperiencing, into greater
meaning and purpose?
And it was a no brainer for me,because really a lot of what my
business is built on, what Iteach, what I have shared for
years now centers around thefact that, as women, as black
(05:28):
women especially and I've oftensaid women of color but I do
think that there's some caveatsto that, that there is one
reality that's true, and thatreality is that you live a
different experience andexistence in this country.
That is beyond obvious when youlook at the exit polls from our
(05:51):
recent election, when you lookat how skewed the view is for
Black women.
That signals that there issomething that is significantly
different from what othersexperience.
And it is because of thissignificant difference and what
has caused that significantdifference that you can't look
at your business journey thesame way as others do, when we
(06:16):
are taught to focus on followingthe steps and the patterns and
the tactics that many of theseother people typically cisgender
, white males have followed inour industry, we are going to
come up short.
I have been saying this fromthe beginning of time, and what
I thought in this moment is thatyou know what, angelina?
(06:37):
You need to say this louder,you need to communicate this
message louder.
And not only do you need tocommunicate it, because it's not
about just identifying what thedifficulty or the challenge or
the problem is, but it's aboutfinding solutions.
It's not about us sitting hereand thinking about why this
trauma has occurred, how we arestuck in this pattern of grief
(06:59):
and loss, but it's rather, howcan we take this moment and
build resilience around it andturn this experience into a
triumph.
And that's what I am focused onmoving forward in a much
greater way than I have in thepast.
So if you follow this podcastin the past and you felt as if
(07:23):
the information was not speakingas intimately as you'd hope,
it's going to get a shift now,and one of the reasons why I
want to do this is because Irecognize the importance of us
being able to navigate theseexperiences in a healthy way and
being able to take what isbecoming all too common for many
(07:44):
of us as an experience, thistrauma that we've experienced
over and over and over and overagain collectively, to take that
and actually make sure that wecreate an environment where we
can thrive, because one thing isevident at this point is that
we need to be able to supportone another in order to move
(08:06):
forward, and this is for anyonethat resonates with this message
.
The one thing that I want theupcoming episodes to do and I'm
dedicating a series to this.
I don't know how many episodesit will be, but I do know that
for a while, I want to focus onthis aspect of trauma, grief and
(08:31):
resilience, because we aregoing to have to be resilient in
order to achieve the successesthat we need to build the wealth
that will allow us to havegreater options and opportunity.
The one thing I walked awayfrom this whole experience
thinking, the one thing that weare seeing more clearly than
(08:56):
ever is how deeply money andpower shape safety, opportunity
and well-being.
We're seeing that right beforeour eyes, and so when we see
that it's shaping a future thatdoes not resonate with us, or
(09:16):
maybe our experience or what wedesire to have in the world,
then we have to do somethingabout it, and one way of being
able to attack that is to buildmore wealth in our communities,
to build more wealth for ourfamilies, to give ourselves more
options so that we can beprepared to make any type of
(09:40):
change that we want to make andnot be reliant on what is
occurring in the economicclimate.
But we have to do that now.
It takes time, so your businesshas to survive.
Your business has to not justsurvive, excuse me.
Your business has to thrive,and that is my focus is to help
your business thrive.
(10:01):
So what does this mean?
I think one of the first thingsthat I want to address in this
particular episode and, like Isaid, this will stretch over a
few episodes, so don't worry, Iwon't make this super, super
long but I think that one thingthat we have to talk about in
general is just what it means toexperience a collective trauma.
(10:23):
Oftentimes, when we think aboutcollective trauma, we're
thinking about instances in ourhistory where we have
experienced something that hasbeen maybe on the scale of a
global epidemic, where there'ssomething that has occurred in
society that is extremelyhorrific, that has caused a loss
of life, and therefore you'rein crisis in that moment.
(10:46):
Those are indeed collectivetraumas, but as a people, as
women of color, but, mostimportantly, as Black women, we
have experienced a collectivetrauma from many of the
systematic processes in oursociety, meaning that the system
(11:12):
itself has created a number ofinstances over time that are
traumatic events that weexperience collectively and, in
all honesty, this most recentelection cycle has been one of
them, and it's not the firsttime.
This has been an ongoing cycle,ongoing thing, and the topic
(11:34):
may change right Depending uponwhat the trauma is, but it all
still centers around the factthat there is a question as to
our capability, our strength,our intelligence and whether or
not we deserve to have theopportunities that others have.
(11:56):
This trauma causes us at timesto become stuck in a place where
we are not playing as big as weshould, we are not dreaming as
big and bold as we should.
We are not dreaming as big andbold as we should.
We are not feeling as powerfulas we actually are in terms of
(12:20):
moving forward.
So until we're able to trulyaddress this trauma collectively
, it's going to be a problem.
You know, when you look at thedefinition itself, collective
trauma really just refers topsychological reactions to a
traumatic event that affect anentire society.
Although this is not affectingan entire society, this is
(12:48):
affecting an entire group.
I don't know if I can do this,since I am not an expert in this
area, but I would still saythat this is a collective trauma
that we're experiencing.
It is going to be somethingthat we experience together but
then have memory of in a veryindividualistic way.
We're going to see this timedifferently based upon our lived
(13:11):
experiences, but overall, wehave the same wounds right, and
the wounds are what we have toaddress in order to move forward
.
When we think about how we gothere, it didn't start with just
something that occurred in ourlifetime.
(13:31):
A lot of this trauma has beenpassed down.
It's been something that ourancestors experienced and this
is a dynamic that has beenpresent for many, many years.
And I you know, I was talkingvery recently to a colleague and
we were having a discussionaround grief and trauma and
(13:55):
things like that.
The one thing I was stating isthat, when you actually think
about the trauma that we haveoften experienced that surrounds
our worth as a person, or ourconfidence as women, especially
Black women A lot of it has beendependent upon what has
(14:19):
occurred throughout history,it's the reinforcement of
certain narratives that causedthe problem, and it's the
acceptance that, although manyof us may have hoped that this
would not be something we wouldlive for a lifetime, that it
possibly is, and so it shiftsour mind from the belief that
(14:43):
one day that this will not existto the acceptance that this is
where we are right and, insteadof solely just thinking about
how our future can be different,focus on the power that we have
in the moment to actuallychange what the future will look
(15:06):
like.
So moving from hope to change.
So moving from hope to change,and that's a the opportunity to
(15:43):
do so.
There are a lot of feelingsthat wrap into one's existence
and the existence of thisproblem, so I was thinking how
do we approach it?
And my take on situations likethis is that, instead of
recreating the wheel, just goback and look at history.
(16:04):
History is such a great way toproblem solve, because a lot of
what we do as consultants ingeneral, when you think about it
, is finding patterns.
Right, we're looking atpatterns over time, being able
to assess those patterns anddetermine what steps to take
next.
We need to do the same thingright now.
There are a number of answersthat are out there in ways that
(16:28):
we can move forward and takethese steps.
If we just look back at whetheryou're thinking about something
like the Holocaust, which isconsidered to be a collective
trauma of the 20th century, thisis something that we have to
think about what people wereable to do in those moments to
(16:52):
survive, and then also how thattrauma is very unique and
created various blessings thatwere learned that begin to
transform society as you moveforward.
One of the reasons why variouscollective traumas are so
powerful in bringing peopletogether around a certain belief
(17:14):
or thought or culturallyderived teachings is that many
times, the trauma fosters thecollectiveness itself.
It fosters the sense and needto be around others that
identify with their concerns,identify with their beliefs,
identify with their beliefs,identify with their values, and
(17:35):
this sense of support, or desirefor support, rather, is
something that increases thecohesiveness of the group, which
is why, when you look at someof the results, especially from
this most recent election, youlook at people voted in a block.
That block was so significantbecause of the repeated traumas
that have existed and thepassing down of various
(17:56):
teachings, traditions, about thethreat that it definitely
presents.
We've seen this play out overand over and over again in some
shape, form or fashionthroughout history.
Now, as we think about movingforward, we have to begin to
analyze what worked in thosepast scenarios and then how we
break free and move forward fromthis point with those teachings
(18:20):
and using those to ouradvantage so that we know how to
navigate this new challengethat we're facing.
So I know you're thinkinglisten, this is a consulting
podcast.
Why in the world are we gettinginto all this?
We're getting into this isbecause you have to be able to
be your most resilient self inorder to show up and be the most
(18:44):
effective consultant in yourmarketplace and to be able to
build a business that thrivesand build the wealth that you
need so that you have choice andfreedom.
That's why we're talking aboutthis Now.
In order for us to get to thatpoint, we have to work through
stages of grief, right, becausetrauma leads to a grief response
(19:04):
.
We are going to feel as ifsomething is lost, and that is
so natural.
Feel as if something is lost,and that is so natural.
I mean, this is something thatwe are going to experience
naturally, because there is asense of mourning about what no
longer exists.
There is a sense of sadnessbecause we perceive a danger now
(19:30):
exists that we can't change,and so you know we are going to
feel this grief and that griefis natural.
It is normal and I think thebetter we understand what grief
is in terms of, like, how weprocess grief and how we move
through the stages, the easierit's going to be for us to
navigate that space.
(19:51):
But then also we need to getthrough it grief, and how we
move through the stages, theeasier it's going to be for us
to navigate that space.
But then also we need to getthrough it so we can get to the
point where we can take greateraction.
So my goal in introducing allof this and having this
conversation and thinking aboutthe conversations I want to have
in the future, is to help usget through this period of grief
to the other side so we canbegin to take more action and
(20:11):
more focus and effective actionin the climate that we find
ourselves in today.
So now there are five stages ofgrief.
They are denial, anger,bargaining, depression and
acceptance.
And let me tell you I am onethat when, with the recent
events, denial was the firstthing that I had.
(20:33):
You know, as you begin to seethings unfold, you're like nope,
this is not happening.
Nope, nope, nope, this is nothappening.
That denial is, first andforemost, the feeling that you
often get.
You want to be able to tellyourself that this has not
happened, that somehow what youare experiencing is not real,
that it has not happened, thatsomehow what you are
experiencing is not real, thatit is not true, that there's
(20:56):
some other reason for thesethings happening.
And there are a lot ofanalogies I can pull from
politics especially.
I don't want to lean too heavilyon this, but when we think
about how results come in, Ithink there is a trend that you
see and there are differentdefinitions that people may have
(21:19):
for things such as like the redmirage, et cetera, that we see
coming in and we think, you knowwhat?
This is just not, this is nottrue.
This is just going to happeninitially and it's going to
disappear.
And I mean this is a truephenomenon, but not in the way
that it showed itself in ourmost recent cycle.
We were in, if you felt thisway, we were in denial, and that
(21:40):
denial can be strong.
It keeps you, it makes you stop, really for a period of time,
because you're just like I can'tbelieve this is happening.
That's more of a copingmechanism.
Your mind is trying to protectyourself from all the emotions
that are about to ensue becauseit's telling you that things are
(22:01):
okay.
It's okay, it's okay, thingsare what they were, they're what
you desired, they are positive,and so that period of denial
sits in.
But the reality is that even ifwe deny it, it doesn't change
what has actually occurred.
So therefore, we are forced tothen move into the next stage,
(22:22):
which is anger.
Now anger, for some people canbe short lived, and then for
others it can take hold and itcan not let go unless you pry
loose right.
It is an emotional and physicalsymptom of the grief.
Is the grief physicallymanifested?
(22:43):
I want you to think about itlike that.
So there is this sense that anunfairness has occurred and
because of this unfairness, itevokes emotion, intense emotions
, and we find ourselves in thatanger period.
And if you're there right now,for whatever reason, sit there,
(23:05):
allow it to be fully experienced, not so that you take action in
that moment, but that you areable to recognize that it exists
, that you are able to moveyourself through this phase by
not bottling it up and keepingthat closed off, and then one
(23:25):
day down the road it just popsout.
No, we don't want to do that.
We want to process grief in ahealthy way.
So moving through this anger ispart of allowing the physical
manifestation of the grief thatyou're experiencing to occur.
And then, after that, the periodof bargaining.
That's where, in this period,you likely spend a lot of time
(23:46):
trying to figure out how thishappened and how you can change
it.
It's more so about you tryingto reverse what has occurred.
If we experience the loss orthe death of a loved one,
there's a lot of bargaining wemay do with God.
We may pray and wish thatthings had not occurred the way
(24:08):
that they occurred, and we maypray for God to bring them back.
And so the difference here inbargaining and with something
like negotiation because theseare different experiences and
different processes Withbargaining, what you're actually
doing is that you're trying tochange a situation that has
already been made permanent,meaning that the situation can't
(24:32):
change.
The circumstances will notchange.
Unlike with negotiation, thecircumstances can change In this
process of grief, we're tryingto negotiate with God, we're
trying to negotiate with thesystem.
We're trying to create a change,despite the fact that there is
no opportunity for the outcomethat we desire.
(24:55):
That's where negotiation isdifferent from bargaining, so
it's not negotiation.
In our mind, we're tellingourselves we're negotiating,
we're trying to work this out,we're going to make it right,
and I like to stress this partbecause I feel like, as women in
general, we tend to sit in thisphase a lot longer than others,
because, by nature, we arealways trying to solve problems.
(25:16):
We're trying to provide thisnurturing.
That's just part of ourfeminine power, feminine energy,
and because of that, we spend alot of time in this bargaining
trying to figure out what wecould have done differently and
how things can change in orderto be a better situation, and so
(25:37):
it takes us a bit of time, manytimes, to move through the
bargaining phase.
But once we do and this is whatour mind has feared as we, as
it's been fighting this griefprocess is that we get to the
point of depression, and at thispoint, there's immense sadness
about what has occurred, whetherthat's the loss of a loved one
(26:01):
in this case, the loss of anelection, or in the loss of a
job.
Whatever it may be, it's a loss.
It's something that has changedthat you cannot rectify.
It's a negative outcome thatyou cannot rectify.
It's a negative outcome thatyou cannot rectify.
You become acutely aware of howpermanent this is.
(26:25):
You realize that you know what.
This isn't changing.
This is a new reality andthat's hard to accept.
It's really hard to accept whenyou had hopes for something
different.
And so when you're in thisdepression, in this depressive
(26:45):
phase of grief, it keeps youfrom taking action.
You don't feel like doinganything.
You want to throw your hands upand be done with it.
You want to sleep all day.
You don't have the energy tofight anymore.
You don't want to have tobattle.
You don't want to have to domore work that you feel maybe
(27:08):
futile.
So for us, when it comes torunning a business and trying to
grow and build a consultingbusiness, this takes you off
task, and the longer you remainin this period of depression as
you move through grief, thelonger it's going to take for
you to be able to build abusiness that will actually be
(27:29):
used as an asset to create alife that is better for you, an
asset to create a life that isbetter for you.
So, although we have to processgrief effectively, we have to
move through this phase.
We want to make this phase asshort as possible, as
short-lived as possible.
So if you find yourself needingto talk to somebody, please do.
(27:51):
Please talk to somebody.
If you find that tuning into apodcast episode like this helps
you navigate through and feel asif you are supported and you're
not alone, please tune in.
That's one of the reasons whyI'm doing this.
I want to have this communityserve its purpose and for me,
the purpose is to help you bemore resilient and more
(28:13):
successful.
So I know, in order for us toget there myself included we got
to move through this griefprocess effectively.
We need to move through itswiftly, and I want you to sit
with the feelings that you have,but then be able to proactively
move and navigate through themso that you get to that final
stage.
And that final stage isacceptance.
(28:35):
And acceptance is not the factthat you're accepting that this
is how it will always be, orthat you are limited and that
things won't change and thatyou're doomed.
No, that is not what I mean byacceptance.
Acceptance is when theexperience of grief begins to
(28:57):
dissipate.
It's not that this grief evergoes away completely, because
there are certain things aboutour society especially that we
continue to grieve, because weknow that these are continual
issues Bigotry, racism, sexism,ageism, misogyny all these
things are continued issues inour society, so we grieve those
(29:18):
things on an ongoing basis.
They will cycle through.
However, when we get to thispoint of acceptance, this is
where we are able to turn thistraumatic event and everything
that came along with it into alesson and we learn how to begin
(29:38):
to move forward.
And this is where I want us tobe, because once we can get to
this point of acceptance, thenwe can get a game plan and a
pathway that is going to lead usto the future that we desire
and deserve.
And, as a brilliant,intelligent, ambitious Black
(30:01):
woman and woman in general, youdeserve more.
You deserve more and, I bedarned, we're going to get it
All right.
Guys, like I said, thisconversation is going to
continue.
If you're interested, pleasesubscribe and follow along.
(30:21):
If you know somebody else thatwould be interested in also
hearing these episodes and more,then share it with a friend and
I'll talk to you soon.
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