November 26, 2023 • 67 mins
On this Very Special Episode of Black Magic Treehouse, Jose regales Eric with a tale of his own creation: a little ditty crafted in childhood that bears more than a passing resemblance to Goosebumps, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, and, needless to say, Mortal Kombat. Evil Mirror tells the story of a boy's horrific (and surprisingly action-packed) encounter with his shadow self. Tune in for a heartfelt moral about how sometimes, the things we fear the most have been less than twenty steps away from us the entire time.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
RANG AUST're the most important.
(00:23):
Oh, I just realized now I should probably get some water.
God damn it.
And it's recording too.
This is perfect.
Keep this in.
Oh, bury me now on the Grand Prairie.
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Oh, Lone Prairie.
Hold on.
Let me look up the lyrics.
Oh, bury me not.
Oh, I always thought it was, oh, bury me now.
Bury me not on the Lone Prairie.
These words came low and mournfully.
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From the pallid lips of the youth holy.
On a dying bed at the close of day.
Oh, you're back.
What were you singing?
Well, I thought it was bury me now on the Grand Prairie, but when I looked at the lyrics,
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it's bury me not on the Lone Prairie.
So I was wrong on two counts.
Yours sounds like it could have been like, you know, I just thought of like Zachary cutting
a record.
It's like, let's make some spoofs.
It's a song I know from the Munsters.
(02:01):
So pretty close.
My influences on my sleeve.
Man, pretty darn close.
All right.
Hello and welcome to Black Magic Treehouse, the podcast that digs into the creepy kid
culture of the past one bargain bin item at a time.
My name is Jose and I am one of your hosts and I'm joined today with our co-host of the
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hour, Eric.
I'm your co-host, Eric.
Oh, of the hour.
Oh, dear.
Yep.
I'm always so afraid I'm going to get cut from this podcast and I'm going to find out
about it on air.
That's right.
I started the timer and we're going to see how you do and we will be back with our evaluation
in the next episode.
Oh, dear.
(02:49):
Yes.
Pop quiz time.
Oh, yeah.
So what this podcast is all about.
Nothing after that.
That's it.
My witticisms ended.
I came to a stuttering halt right there.
They sure did start strongly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they ended.
(03:10):
So if you say the tagline.
Oh, you know what?
I'm ashamed of the tagline.
I'm just going to know.
I really had nothing because the our subject of today's episode is just so close to home.
I didn't know how to be witty about myself.
I guess one thing I could have said was this is the podcast where the nightmares of your
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childhood are just one school folder away from being unlocked and unleashed upon the
world.
Hey, that'll do.
And that's like the big.
Yeah, that's the best that I could do.
Thank you, farmer.
McDonald.
I don't remember what his name was.
But, yeah, I mean, that seems at first glance, maybe close to the subject of today's episode.
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But I feel like it could also just be a generalization for all the stuff that we talk about up here
in the treehouse because let's not get too heady about it.
Jose, we have a subject to cover here.
I mean, I'm just being honest.
I feel like that's the first step of this relationship that we're building with our
listeners, whether you're a first time listener or a longtime listener or on episode, I don't
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know, 36 of the podcast, something like that.
It's actually 14 anyway.
14.
And I was disappointed because that our last episode, we did not acknowledge that it was
episode 13.
Oh, and that episode and that episode was wasn't that last?
OK, last episode was episode 13.
Oh, that would have been too perfect if episode 13 was our Halloween special episode.
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But you know, the stars can only align so far, I suppose.
Yep.
All right.
Yep.
Your mic was muted, so I don't know what I was waiting for.
I guess just that.
And today's a little bit of a cheat because the works that we are examining are not ones
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that were traditionally published.
You could say that they were self published because they were written by a young me.
You say cheat.
I say delightful treat.
Delightful treat and no trick, right?
So yeah, we are going to take a little glance at some stories, some creepy stories that
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I wrote when I was in elementary school.
Oh, are there multiple?
There are multiple.
I didn't realize that.
Yeah, there's one in particular that's kind of like the headliner of today's episode that
we're going to get into in just a little bit.
But I have a whole and I'm being honest here, readers, this is a goose.
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I just called you all readers.
This is a podcast.
It's late and I'm tired.
Excuse me.
This is a genuine school folder that I had back in the day.
And wouldn't you know it?
It's not just any school folder.
But believe it or not, I had a Goosebumps school folder.
Doesn't have any of the characters on it.
It's just kind of a cool, almost like screen saver type background.
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It's got some spooky eyes peering out at you and it's bedecked with these light, bright
spiders just kind of hanging out all over the place.
And it says open if you dare.
And then there's a little banner in the corner there that says reading as a scream.
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And I don't know.
It looks like that little sticker down there at the bottom looks like it's something that
you would have seen on the books.
But I don't know if I've ever seen it on anything else.
So that's my opinion on that.
And a fascinating opinion it was.
Wasn't it?
Keep it in.
Keep it in.
That's the kind of the deep dive, deep cut stuff that the people are clamoring for and
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I'm going to deliver it to them.
Man, that is a thick folder though.
But this folder.
For the listeners who want to hear the visual of it.
It's like a Kafka-esque, like when you go into some kind of office and they're like,
just fill out these few forms and then like wham, they set down this gigantic pile of
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paper on the table.
Yes.
I like how you described it as Kafka-esque.
To be honest, some of these artifacts are a little bit more recent and vintage.
Like I have a program here for a play that I wrote and that our high school drama club
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did mount and boy, what a shocker folks.
Guess what?
It was a horror anthology.
Five short plays written by yours truly.
So we got a little program with that there with some spooky tragedy and comedy masks
adorning the front.
It was called Nightmare Theater because I was fresh out of creative titles, I guess.
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There's another one in here.
Let's see.
This would have been from middle school and it was written not by Jose Cruz, yours truly.
It was written by Joe Cruz because at that point in time I had not become woke, I guess,
and started addressing myself by my birth name.
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But it was Language Arts, period two, and Technology, period three.
It was a collab, I guess you'd say, because we wrote the story in Language Arts and then
we typed it out in what program?
I have no idea.
Word, I guess, and Technology.
Then we got the chance to add a cool little, what's it called, clip art to the title page.
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This story is called The Different One and it's got a little picture of just your typical
gray alien and the different one and some, I don't know what you'd call that.
That's like some 70s-esque fonts, like something you'd see, I don't know, on a Grateful Dead
program or something.
It's all wavy and pixely.
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So I could pilfer through all the contents of this folder right here and now, but I don't
want to do that just yet because I know in this episode I'm going to be doing a lot of
the talking, sharing these stories.
I did want to take some time initially, though, Eric, to ask you before I got into it, was
this something that you did back in the day?
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Were you a scribe in elementary school?
I was not that prolific judging by the thickness of the folder, but I don't have anything saved
from that period, unfortunately.
The oldest thing that I have on my computer is a fantasy novel that I started in probably
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eighth grade when I was 13.
For some reason, that saved and stuff that I know that I wrote later did not save.
But pre that time, I think I was writing everything longhand.
So the two very much Goosebumps inspired projects that I very quickly abandoned.
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Actually, no, I finished one of them because it was a school assignment.
One of them was called The Stuffed Tiger, and it combined my love for Goosebumps and
Calvin and Hobbes.
Basically the premise was like, what if Hobbes was evil?
So I drew up a little cover for that of a stuffed tiger, basically slappy-like, sitting
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in the middle of a bedroom with everything torn to shreds around him and him sitting
there looking innocent like, was it me who did that?
I'm not going to tell you.
My memory of that one, I don't know if I ever got beyond writing the teaser on the back,
is that I had no idea how to come up with the last name.
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So I think I was like, I'll just keep adding syllables and eventually it'll sound like
a surname.
So I think the main character's last name was like the Blending Field Dins or something
like that.
I was half expecting like the Mixle Pitalix were busy one day.
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Oh, those were their next door neighbors.
Oh, okay.
Good, good.
I'm going to tie in Superman.
The other one that I remember is for school, I wrote a short story about a kid who's out
sledding and then he finds, actually he doesn't just find it, he rides over it and it flips
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his sled over and he goes to investigate and finds like a claw sticking up out of the ground
and he digs it up and there's this awful little creature that he decides to keep as a pet
and then it like eats his pet hamster and things like that.
And I don't recall, I think that one may have actually been a little bit more inspired
by Ghost of Fear Street, which is funny because I remember not liking that series at all,
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but I kept reading it.
But I feel like there was like a sea monkey one or something where they like put it in
like a jar and then like duct taped it and hid it in the closet because it needed water
or something.
So it just like dried up into a powder.
So I think the solution to my story might've been something in that area, like keeping
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it in the closet.
I think it was called either Knight or Attack of the Aqua Apes.
That might've been it, yeah.
Which maybe we'll cover on this podcast someday.
I kind of gave up on Ghost, I think I mentioned this before on the podcast, but I gave up
on Ghost of Fear Street spiritually.
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I kept reading them, but around the time with the one that was like the ooze that turns
me stupid or whatever.
Yeah.
I remember you talking years ago about that and laughing just as hard then because it's
like I did not read that one and I might've given up on that series too had I encountered
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it earlier, which is not to say that some of the other entries were better by any real
significant margin.
But that's Ghost of Fear Street for you.
I can't remember if I actually read the one called The Boy Who Ate Fear Street or I just
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remember looking at the cover and being like, oh.
No thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But anyway-
Please now.
Just to finish up my short story because I know everybody's dying with anticipation.
I didn't know how to write an ending, so I just did what R.L.
Stein does 80% of the time and just had him out sledding again later after all the horrible
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events have finally been set aside and he can begin life anew and then his sled flips
over and he finds another creature in the snow.
Do you remember what kind of creature it was?
No.
I think I just made up something with a lot of claws and hair.
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Okay.
And did the second one revealed at the conclusion differ?
Like do you recall how it differed?
I don't know if we found out.
I think it just ends with the sled flipping over and he sees another claw sticking out
on the snow.
I don't think he digs it out in time to tell the reader what it might be.
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That was supposed to sound really cool.
Like you said, these are longhand stories as is mine that I'll be reading today.
So yeah, the only way one could retain those is if you actually hold on to the hard copy.
So a little moment of silence for those two.
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My parents might have the stuffed tiger lying around somewhere, which again, I think literally
might just be a cover and then like a teaser on the back.
But I don't know if they do or not.
Well perhaps the stuffed tiger.
Yes, citation needed.
Well perhaps the stuffed tiger will make a...
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Oh boy.
It's like processing, processing, whatever words.
We'll make a comeback right here on the podcast in the future.
That would be a cool twist.
For now though, we do have, speaking of Goosebump copycats, we do have today's headliner, which
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is a longhand story I wrote in fifth grade called Evil Mirror.
I've heard so much about it.
Yes.
And I know you cannot see this dear listener, but I'm showing Eric via webcam.
And I explained previously when I teased this to him.
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I wrote the story, but for whatever reason, I wasn't confident in my own abilities to
mimic the drippy, goopy Goosebumps font.
And so I asked a friend to write the name of the title of the story, Evil Mirror, in
that same kind of font.
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And I must say they did a pretty admirable job.
We got some slime or, I don't know, looks like little lightning bolts shooting off some
of the letters there and the Rs are looking pretty pimply and shuddery.
And I think it just conveys to the audience what you're about to get into.
I could almost read it as Eric Mirror.
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Yeah, Eric Mirror.
That would have been creepy.
I'm sure I did write quite a few stories with characters named Eric, because I always thought
that name was cool.
And weird.
And I know, and then I met you and there went that idea.
Yeah, sorry I ruined it for you.
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Well, you could say you saved me.
But in any case, what say you?
Shall I dive into this?
Is this the main course or is this one of the appetizers?
This is the main course.
I figured, you know, as is our standard, our episodes tend to go on.
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So after we got through this, it depends on if everybody who heard the story still had
their senses intact.
If you thought you could handle more, then perhaps we will dive into that here in this
episode or perhaps we'll save a few of them for the future just to kind of string you
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along.
But yes, we will dive into the main course here, which is Evil Mirror, which is perhaps,
I think the oldest of my stories that I still have in its entirety.
So this is an historical moment here in the treehouse.
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If I have your blessing, I think I will dive into this.
Dive in like it's a pool.
All right.
So here we go.
Oh, there.
I thought I heard you.
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It's children of foot.
Haunted nursery.
It's been that kind of thing.
Haunted nursery.
Next episode.
All right.
Evil Mirror.
Just a trigger warning of sorts.
This story begins with some onomatopoeia.
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So what you're about to hear is not me having a seizure.
It is the story beginning.
Crack, whiz, boom.
Give up Major Connors.
Your fortress is doomed.
Think again, Commander Brazelton.
I picked up a sparkler, lit it and threw it at Fort Stephen.
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Take cover, Stephen yelled.
Stephen.
Okay, pause.
But what I was saying is I think I have to do a little on air editing because I just
realized I guess I also had an issue or just a lack of knowledge when it came to last name
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specifically using the first and last names of people I knew in fifth grade.
So I'm like, hmm, that is the first and last names of real people.
So I think we're going to change that a little bit.
So we're just going to refer to them by their first names to avoid lawsuits.
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All right.
It's good that you were thinking about lawsuits at such a young age.
Well I wasn't thinking about lawsuits at such a young age.
I'm thinking about them now.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So and yeah, I just couldn't come up with different names back then.
Who knew?
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All right.
So boy, how do I want to start this?
All right.
So this is Evil Mirror.
And just a disclaimer that this story begins with some onomatopoeia.
So I just wanted to forewarn the listener that what you're about to hear is not me having
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a seizure.
It is sounds being described as we start our story.
Crack whiz.
Boom.
Give up Major Anthony.
Your fortress is doomed.
Think again Commander Steven.
I picked up a sparkler, lit it and threw it at Fort Steven.
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Take cover, Steven yelled.
Steven ducked, but he wasn't quick enough.
The sparkler flew through the air and slid down Steven's shirt.
Ow!
Steven shot up and danced around my backyard like a monkey.
Steven finally grabbed, grabbed, one B. Grabbed the sparkler and threw it on the ground.
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Maybe you won the battle Anthony, but you haven't won the war.
Hey Anthony, Sammy said walking into my backyard.
Hey Steven, Sammy said in a dreamy voice and batting her eyelashes as she saw Steven.
I think she has a crush on him.
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Shown not told.
Yes.
But also told even when I was showing.
Amazingly.
I think she has a crush on him.
I best be getting home for dinner.
This is going to be fun.
I best be getting home for dinner, Steven said.
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Because apparently he was 50 years old.
I'll come with you, Sammy said.
Oh that's weird.
Oh brother.
Steven and Sammy left and I was left alone.
Oh that's interesting.
I thought Sammy was Anthony's younger sister, but I guess I'm wrong.
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My memory has deceived me.
All the twists and turns already.
Yeah.
We got three characters we were just introduced to.
Hang on tight.
Can I ask real quick?
Yes please.
Being that these are based on real people, are the relationship dynamics also true to
life?
I can't recall.
I'm pretty sure I fabricated these.
I just kind of took the people and you know the thing you do or the thing that you know
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your sister or other people you knew did when they take the Barbies and they're like kiss.
That was me with people that I knew.
But thankfully I was doing it through fiction.
Oh man.
I was Tina Belcher before there was a Tina Belcher.
I just realized that's cool.
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All right, Stephen and Sammy left and I was left alone.
I suddenly saw my 70 year old neighbor, Mrs. Brewster come out to get her newspaper.
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It's not every day you suddenly see a 70 year old person.
This is me talking now.
Oh boy, the word choice is our choice.
These are the things you do when you have a limited vocabulary people.
I guess it's because I didn't know elderly and I didn't use the word old, but I guess
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I just really wanted to drive it home to the reader that this neighbor is 70 years old.
Exactly.
I need you to know that I know that 70 is an old age and that is what I want to communicate
to you now.
And she's still spry like a cat.
She just springs out of nowhere.
Like, whoa, all of a sudden.
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Jumps for that newspaper.
Damn, Mrs. Brewster, ate your Wheaties this morning.
Mrs. Brewster came out, come out to get her newspaper.
A plan suddenly hatched in my head.
I'm sorry, I know I'm like pausing after every sentence, but it's just like dawning on me
that I don't know.
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I guess I didn't realize how interesting rereading this after so many years was going to be because
I haven't read this in forever, even though it's been in my possession.
So I'm just like thinking back to like when you read like forever from Paul Jennings collection.
It's like maybe I should have read this beforehand just to just to work out all the giggles.
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But you know what?
Here we go.
We're forging ahead.
All right.
So Mrs. Brewster is coming out to get her newspaper.
70 year old Mrs. Brewster, a plan suddenly hatched in my head.
I grabbed a popping firecracker, lit it and stuffed it in the newspaper.
Wow, presumably quick enough and sneaky enough not for the spry Mrs. Brewster to see him.
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But there you go.
When Mrs. Brewster picked up the newspaper, it exploded in a thousand popping sounds.
I'm so curious if we're going to find out that she's like a haggie old lady who deserves
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this or if she's just a sweet old lady who's being tormented by this awful protagonist
for no reason.
I have a feeling it's the latter because I don't recall Mrs. Brewster having a part in
the story beyond this short sequence here.
I don't know.
I guess, you know, reading all of Oriel Stein's Goosebumps books, there was always like some
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kind of relationship or interaction with like an older neighbor or just older people.
Like I'm thinking, you know, the drill sergeant next door and Revenge of the Law Gnomes.
And you know, just like the kids in those books, their general disdain, either implicit
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or explicit for anybody with gray hair.
So I guess it manifested in that way.
Because this is certainly not anything that I, sweet little Jose, would have ever dreamt
of doing to somebody.
But here is here is my hero ostensibly, my ostensible hero doing such in this story.
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All right.
The newspaper exploded in a thousand popping sounds.
Ah, Anthony, you get back here.
Mrs. Brewster yelled, waving her cane in the air.
How evocative I could absolutely picture it happening.
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As hacky as that might be, you can't sit there and tell me that after I said that line of
dialogue, you did not immediately picture either a cane or a walker being shaken furiously
in the direction of this delinquent child.
It's like I was there.
I was seeing it so vividly.
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Okay, I was about to run.
Okay, I was about to run, tripped and fell.
So I guess what I was trying to say was I attempted to run and then I tripped and fell.
But I wrote I was about to run, tripped and fell, which conjures a very different image.
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It just conjures the image of Anthony standing there thinking about running, tripping over
nothing and falling.
I knew exactly what happened.
Tina, ha ha ha ha ha, my little sister laughed.
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I'm going to kill you, I yelled.
Mommy, Tina yelled running into the house.
Uh oh.
Better hide.
Man, playing the Goosebumps drinking game and I'm already wasted.
Yeah, no kidding.
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Eric and I were chatting a little bit before the recording about just writing in general
and how in my adult life, previous stories that I have written have not really shown
the types of stories that I've read or loved.
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And he's like, I think that's a good thing because a lot of authors really do wear their
influences right on their sleeve and it kind of tells in a jarring way.
But boy, howdy, that was not the case when I was in fifth grade.
Man, I should have rang up good old Bob Stein and been like, hey, I hear you're tapping
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Ghost Riders for some of these books.
I think I got a handle on your formula, Mr. Stein.
Listen to this smashing opening sequence.
I've got a fake out adventure with kids playing in their front yard, a cruel prank played
on an elderly person for absolutely no reason, and an annoying younger sibling.
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Bob's like, I've never been that efficient in my life.
You've got the job, kid.
Or better yet, in some alternate universe, I wrote this prior to any Goosebumps books
being published.
And I traveled back in time, Marty McFly style, and I call up Bob Stein in between Fair Street
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books and I'm like, hey, Bob, you know that new kind of scary book for kids you've been
thinking about?
Well, listen to this.
And then I just hold up the phone to myself reading this story.
That's your cousin, Jovial Bob Stein.
Exactly.
Hey, what a great name.
I can't wait until we get to the cartoonishly inattentive parents.
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Oh, you know what?
I think, yeah, I think mom and or dad may be making appearance sooner than we think.
All right.
So yes, Anthony is now on the run for tripping over his sister's leg.
I guess that's just the logic kids run on.
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Okay.
Uh oh, better hide.
Our backyard was next to a patch of forest.
I ran into the forest.
I hadn't taken 20 steps when I saw a shack.
I guess 20 steps meant something different to me back then.
(32:03):
Oh, it's just our tool shed.
I was getting all worked up over nothing.
Well, yeah, that that occurs to me now, Eric, but I don't think it occurred to fifth grade
Jose that 20 steps is really not all that much.
It practically is your backyard.
Twenty steps or less, because I remember hearing you hadn't even gone 20 steps.
(32:25):
Yeah.
So he could have just gone 10.
He might have just passed the swing set.
Okay.
I hadn't taken 20 steps when I saw a shack.
I opened the door and shut it behind me.
The shack was crammed with gardening tools, a lawnmower and a beat up couch.
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I noticed there was an I noticed there was an object.
I noticed there was an object.
My specificity with numbers is what's causing me to have a little trouble here because first
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we had first we had 70 year old neighbor.
Then we had not even 20 steps.
Now we have I noticed there was an object about seven feet tall with a canvas over it.
Looks like I might have two sentences kind of merged here.
I noticed there was an object about seven feet tall with a canvas over it was kneeling
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against againist.
That's what's written againist the wall next to me.
I walked over to it and took the canvas off.
Okay, I got to pause again.
I know I'm like laughing at all, you know, the silly things that I wrote, but I got to
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admit I'm surprised that I knew some of the words that I did back then.
Like I'm honestly surprised that I knew what the word canvas was in fifth grade.
So that's that's me giving a little pat on the back to little Jose.
I walked over to it and took the canvas off.
It was a mirror.
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It had dusty glass and golden metal surrounding it.
It had dusty glass and golden metals surrounding it in a fancy way.
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Here I just congratulated myself for saying canvas.
Actually I was not familiar with terms like molding or gilded.
So we had to settle for golden metal surrounding it in a fancy way.
You fill in the rest, dear reader.
(34:57):
I wiped some of the dust off and peered into it.
Yes, he wiped some of the dust off and peered into the dust.
I saw my same old face.
Then I noticed something strange.
The face in the mirror winked at me.
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Hello, Anthony, it said.
Whoa.
I'm imagining a Keanu Reeves like Martin Short Clifford style playing this role.
Whoa, dude, totally gnarly.
(35:41):
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
Page one.
Is that my bodacious reflection I see before me?
Whoa, how did that happen?
(36:03):
There's something super natural going on here.
Oh, man.
So before I go further and so I can regain some of my composure and my breath, I'm pretty
certain that this story had as its inspiration the final book from the Goosebumps series
(36:23):
2000, number 25, Ghost in the Mirror.
I don't think at the time that I wrote this I had actually read that one yet.
I think it was just a case where I had seen the cover.
It's like that kind of alien webbed claw dipping out of the mirror.
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I was just enchanted by that idea.
I guess I thought it was neat that it was called Ghost in the Mirror, but it had a kind
of monstery vibe on the cover.
I'm like, I like that.
I like the melting of those two things.
Did you ever read that one?
Do you recall?
No.
I read one Goosebumps 2000 book.
Really?
Only one?
(37:07):
Yeah.
And there was a tornado of cats in the end.
So I was like, okay, done with this series.
Yeah, Cry the Cat.
Yeah, I don't recall liking that one that much.
Some of the other ones were pretty good.
I think so.
At least, yeah, definitely.
Because there are a couple of them that I do remember quite fondly.
(37:31):
Like the kind of, oh god, I know I say the word vibe over and over again.
But the tone of that series seemed at the time like it was trying, not in any kind of
like really forced or drastic way, just kind of by like a couple degrees, but a couple
(37:52):
appreciated degrees.
It seemed to be going for a slightly edgier vibe.
You can kind of tell that I think with like the covers to those books.
You know, they were trying to walk away at least a little bit from some of the sillier
aspects of the original 62 and go for, you know, stories, I think, where the characters
(38:20):
felt to the reader like they were at least a little more threatened than they were in
some of the original 62 Goosebumps books where it was just kind of, you know, where you'd
have things like how I learned to fly or don't go to sleep or it's like, well, I really don't
expect any or, you know, chicken chicken.
I don't really expect anything too bad to be happening to these characters, just really
(38:44):
dumb or silly.
Whereas Goosebumps 2000, there were a couple of them where, yeah, it seemed like, oh god,
I think I think these these kids may be in actual danger.
What a concept, you know, I'm thinking of ones like there was Attack of the Graveyard
(39:07):
Ghouls was kind of like, you know, it felt like a proper zombie story.
Jekyll and Hyde, so kind of, you know, edgy.
I don't know, I could go on and on.
We'll have to maybe rediscover one of those in the future.
They were fun.
(39:28):
I remember.
Yeah, we got a whole podcast where we can explore things.
Right.
All right.
So now back to my ghost in the mirror, evil mirror.
Hello, Anthony, it said.
Whoa, I said, I stumbled to the floor.
I got back up and looked in the mirror again.
(39:49):
Say me, how did that happen?
Anthony, time for dinner, squirt.
My little sister, my little sisters, I guess I left out voice.
My little sisters echoed in my head.
It's interesting that she has a little sister would call him squirt, but I was flipping
(40:09):
the script, I guess.
That's OK.
I thought I'll just come back early in the morning when everyone's asleep.
I quickly oh boy, I got your number, Bob Stein.
I quickly ate my spaghetti and went into my room.
Am I the only one who remembers this thing?
(40:32):
Like I feel like I've heard like other I feel like.
Oh, shoot.
What are they called?
Teen Creeps.
I feel like they've talked about this in an episode where one of the Fier Street books
like there was a spaghetti dinner.
I felt like that was always like the fancy dinner, the sit down dinner that you would
(40:56):
see families engage in in Goosebumps books.
Like I feel like one of the Night of the Living Dummy books, it's like, hey, you know, come
on, it's dinner time.
We're having spaghetti.
So that was me once again, channeling my mentor.
Yeah, I can't say that I remember a preponderance of spaghetti and Goosebumps unless there were
worms inside it or something.
(41:18):
Yeah, it's entirely possible.
Yeah.
So I quickly ate my spaghetti and went into my room.
I set the clock for eight o'clock.
Wow.
Late sleepers.
Oh, and here I clarified that my family doesn't get up till nine.
(41:42):
Once again, I need you the reader to know this.
It's like, wow, he's setting his clock for eight.
Well, he quickly clarifies my family doesn't get up till nine.
When the alarm clock started to buzz, I shut it off, pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, slipped
on my sneakers and headed out the door.
God, I can't feel like I read a passage like that 80 times in Goosebumps.
(42:04):
So the kid absconding away and slipping on the sneakers.
So is this protagonist like Goosebumps age protagonist that you were writing when you
were younger than that age?
No.
Well, Goosebumps protagonists are like what?
12?
Yeah.
(42:24):
Yeah.
So I feel like he would have been my age, you know, 10, 11.
Okay.
You were 10 when you wrote this.
Okay.
I was imagining that you were like six.
Okay.
And like trying to project like this is what I wear when I'm a teenager.
Yeah.
In a t-shirt.
That's what they do.
It's just it's like their second skin.
(42:45):
Now I wrote this in fifth grade.
So it would have been a contemporary of mine.
I opened the door to the shack and went in.
I stood in front of the mirror and waited for something to happen.
Finally the reflection.
Oh boy.
Finally.
(43:06):
Finally the reflection gestured for me to come.
And I'm just going to let that sit there.
All right.
Let's let it sit there.
Yep.
Anthony, it's oh boy.
Anthony, it said in my voice only a little more dreary.
(43:26):
Anthony, it repeated.
Come with me.
I have something to show you.
Come.
It held out a hand toward me.
Sammy talks to Stephen.
Yeah.
After they, oh well best be getting home to dinner.
(43:50):
It held out a hand toward me.
I couldn't take it.
That's interesting.
You could read that.
I was going to say masterful writing.
Yeah.
I can.
Well operating on two levels here.
He couldn't take the pressure.
He couldn't literally take the hand.
Boy.
Dostoevsky over here.
(44:12):
I ran.
I ran out the shack and into my house.
Come back Anthony.
The reflections dreary voice called.
I wasn't looking where I was going.
Bam.
I collided right into Sammy.
Sorry, I said helping her up.
(44:35):
What's the matter with you?
Sammy asked.
It looks like you just seen a ghost.
Nothing, I said wiping sweat off my forehead.
Stephen asked me if you would like to play with the firecrackers again.
(44:55):
Presumably Sammy talking there.
Yeah, sure, I said.
You sure you're okay?
Sammy asked.
Positive, I said.
That afternoon didn't go too good.
I couldn't concentrate on the game.
I ended up with two sparklers in my shirt and a popping firecracker in my jeans.
(45:18):
These kids just like ravaging each other with firecrackers daily.
During their summer break.
Mom's just like in there doing the dishes.
Like, oh, what the fuck ever.
(45:40):
Nobody's coming to these children's aid.
Sounds like there's gunfights in the street.
Oh my god.
All right.
I ended up with two sparklers in my shirt and a popping firecracker in my jeans.
Who's the man?
Stephen asked.
(46:03):
You are, I said.
So is the game just to harm each other?
To kill each other, I guess.
A slow death by sparklers and popping firecrackers to use my verbiage.
What a fun game.
Oh boy.
(46:24):
Okay, I'm going to have to back up.
Who's the man?
Stephen asked.
You are, I said.
You are, Sammy said in that dreamy voice.
I got to say, for as cliche as some of these things are, I do take some delight in like,
(46:51):
there's a little bit of craft here.
I mean, just like, you know, that's, that could, as silly as it is, that could just
as well be like that exchange there.
I could fully picture seeing something like that.
And I'm not really complimenting myself here, I guess, when I say this, but I could fully
(47:14):
see that happening in like an episode of iCarly or something like that.
Like some kind of Nickelodeon sitcom.
Yeah, very much so.
So I guess what I'm saying is, you just have to be a fifth grader to write for those shows.
And apparently I was there.
You are, Sammy said in that dreamy voice.
(47:36):
Later that day, I went back to the shack.
I stood in front of the mirror.
A torn shredded man.
Five minutes past.
Again, specificity with those numbers.
Five minutes past when suddenly the reflection gestured for me to come.
(47:58):
Anthony, the reflection said in its dreary voice.
Come with me, Anthony.
Come, I have something to show you.
I wasn't thinking.
I just exploded.
No!
He yells.
Then it happened.
(48:19):
The reflection's eyes turned blood red.
They were so creepy.
You're coming with me, whether you like it or not, it screamed.
Before I could scream, oh, excuse me, before I could move, two arms reached out and brung
me into the mirror.
(48:42):
Showing some of my Long Island upbringing.
The arms, they just brung me, you know?
I was suddenly surrounded by coldness.
I looked around me and saw purple water making waves.
It's the abode of Prince.
Yeah.
Dearly beloved, I was floating in a tunnel surrounded by purple water.
(49:09):
What could happen next?
I was laying out the reader's thoughts right there.
Is this the start of a new chapter or is it just like the end of the paragraph?
So yes, even though that this is a Goosebumps copycat, it is just one long running story.
(49:32):
I do not have creepy cliffhangers or chapter breaks of any kind, although you can maybe
impose those as you see fit.
I was floating in a tunnel surrounded by purple water.
What could happen next?
I didn't have to wait long.
(49:53):
A blinding white light flooded over me.
The next thing I knew, I was in a cave.
There was a putrid smell in the air.
Wow, putrid.
Good for you.
I noticed I was surrounded by skeletons.
I was about to hurl when something else caught my sight.
(50:18):
It was my reflection.
He put his hands on his head and tore off its skin.
Underneath was a giant reptile that stood on its hind legs.
It doesn't get any crazier than this, folks.
Getting into some dangerous territory here.
(50:41):
I was going to say, yeah, hoo boy.
Hello Anthony, my name is Q and I have some truth to tell you about this world.
Let me tell you about the true elite that runs this world and your society.
(51:02):
It was a giant reptile that stood on its hind legs.
It had green scaly skin with an enormous snout with two slits for nostrils.
His teeth were as sharp as daggers and so I guess I meant to say and he had a forked
(51:23):
tongue but it reads as his teeth were as sharp as daggers and a forked and a forked tongue
because forked tongues are famously sharp.
You're like there's some Mortal Kombat creeping in here.
Yeah, I think you are right.
He had gigantic black wings the size of sheets and the same blood red eyes.
(51:49):
So that whole passage there comes both from R.L. Stein's Proclivity to describe the monstrous
thing and lots of detail.
And my love for R.L. Stein describing the monstrous thing and lots of detail.
Those were always like my favorite parts of the book.
(52:10):
I like the wings being as big as sheets.
Yes, biggest sheets.
That's some crazy sheet right there.
Anthony, the thing hissed.
No one has stopped by my mirror since the 14th century.
(52:30):
Even though I'm in a shack now 20 steps from your backyard.
Oh my God.
No one has used that lawnmower since St. Thomas Aquinas.
Oh, that's good.
(52:52):
What's also good is that I have a low battery and my charger is not working.
So boy, we're going to power through this.
No one has stopped by my mirror since the 14th century.
The others forced me to kill them.
(53:13):
How?
Why?
That's what all murderers say.
They forced me to do it.
And monstrous reptiles say the same.
Hopefully you will be much easier to handle.
Anthony, I want your body.
(53:36):
I was in total shock.
Much like I, the author, am now.
Now be a nice little boy.
Oh my God.
No.
I don't even want to make a joke about this.
(53:58):
Yeah.
Oh, now be a nice little boy and hold still.
Folks, I'm just going to say that I guess this is a sign of just how sheltered I was
of the world.
(54:20):
And you know, as sheltered as I think any fifth grader should rightfully be.
But there you have it.
You know, to me at the time that was just a line of dialogue.
To me now, the story is quite different.
Okay.
And I'm not going to repeat that line.
The creature started to walk toward me.
I got up and punched him right in the nose.
(54:45):
It's a real Madea response.
I think that was also like me wanting like the Goosebumps books to have more of that.
It's like, why don't these kids just punch these monsters in the nose?
(55:05):
Like vampire breath would have gone so much differently if somebody just clocked that
vampire right in the face.
Okay.
I got up and punched him right in the nose.
Blood dripped from his slits.
You fool it hissed.
(55:35):
I'm really trying to power through this because of my battery.
He threw his head back and I heard a noise in his throat.
What he's going to do is not going to be good.
I noticed a skeleton was holding a shield with short blades on it.
(55:59):
Oh yeah.
Eric called it.
There it is.
There it is folks.
Mortal Kombat plagiarism as I live and breathe.
I grabbed it and held it up.
The thing's mouth opened wide and fire.
Wow.
Fire.
I couldn't have made it like venomous booze.
Jesus.
Boy, this is like shot for shot.
(56:20):
Johnny Cajun scorpion.
My God.
The thing's mouth opened wide and fire shot out.
The shield had saved me.
I wonder if he's going to use the blades to slice off the reptile's head.
Only one way to find out.
I jumped in the air and cut the thing's arm with the blades.
(56:43):
Blood poured out everywhere just like the tears are pouring out of my face right now.
I noticed a skeleton was holding a spear.
How fortunate.
Boy, it's like the ideas were just pouring out of me.
(57:05):
I noticed the skeleton was holding a spear, picked it up and threw it at the creature.
The spear pierced through the thing's chest.
Suddenly the blinding white light erupted and I was back in the shack.
Evil Mirror 2 back in the shack.
(57:28):
I raced home and never wanted to return.
Then I thought I should go back and destroy it.
Very quick progression.
Then I thought I should go back and destroy it.
This is me just wanting to be done with this story.
When I went inside I saw Tina in front of the mirror.
(57:51):
She must have followed me.
Tina, get away from that mirror!
I yelled.
Tina turned around.
She had blood red eyes and a wide grin on her face.
So I used the lawnmower to chop her face off.
(58:16):
Just as Joan of Arc had done in the days of old.
And that dear friends is Evil Mirror.
Yay!
Clap, clap, clap, clap.
I apologize for the obnoxious laughter.
Not so much for the story.
The story was a joy, minus one or two unfortunate lines.
(58:40):
Wow.
That can get worse.
Yeah, true enough.
Thoughts, Eric?
Well I could not have seen the way in which that story was going to develop.
Me neither and I don't think I did as I was writing it.
In true writer fashion perhaps.
(59:01):
Man, I'm really stuck for an ending.
What happens in this Evil Mirror world?
You know what else I like?
Mortal Kombat!
Yeah, there we go.
Something is on the TV right now.
Maybe this will inspire me.
Me and my pencil and notebook paper just scribbling furiously before that scene ends.
(59:25):
Yep.
Kind of deadline as we fell.
Yep.
Oh wow.
Thanks for sharing it, Jose.
Hey, thank you for enduring it.
You're on an adult-rated entertainment.
Yes, indeed, indeed.
(59:48):
You know folks, normally it's our proclivity to go on and on, but I don't know what else
can be said that hasn't already been said.
What can be said?
About Evil Mirror.
Yeah, what can be said?
Everything is there in the text.
(01:00:08):
It was all on my sleeve.
Then I noticed a skeleton holding a sandwich and I ate it.
Something so funny about the idea of a skeleton just happening to sit there holding a thing
that you need to advance the story.
Then I noticed the skeleton had a map of Illinois.
(01:00:34):
One skeleton had one.
Evil Mirror for Dummies book.
Oh my God.
Wow.
As I said, that folder does hold some other treasures.
I got to admit the majority of them, and I think I might have alluded to this in our
(01:00:54):
whatever we ended up calling it, the Monster Kid books, Monster Encyclopedias for Kids
episode.
Something I did, speaking of getting inspiration from the movies and things I saw on TV, most
of the things in there are just like little picture books of my retellings of movies I
(01:01:15):
watched.
That is why it's as Kafka-esque thick as it is.
All of them are longhand original quote unquote stories written by me.
Lots of them are just recounting some movies that I watched because I guess I've just always
(01:01:37):
been compulsive in that way.
There are other stories like that.
You heard me mention a couple at the top, like the different one.
There are some other typed treasures in there waiting to be told.
But since that one was such a rollicking roller coaster and my battery is slowly but surely
(01:02:01):
dying, I think it may be safe to call it a day here in the treehouse.
It feels so weird saying that, having just talked about one thing and one thing only
as we have, it just doesn't feel right, Eric.
I don't know.
Do you have something for us before we say goodbye?
(01:02:24):
Oh, like should I talk more about your story?
Is that what you're saying?
I don't know.
Or related topic?
I don't know.
I like that the big bad…
If only you had something.
Like I said.
Well, I can tell you that I enjoy that the big bad reptile guy very cockily or arrogantly
(01:02:50):
was like, you fool, and then just immediately got defeated.
Like man, that guy talked a big game, but didn't really put up much of a fight with
my spinning shield jump kick.
I guess he didn't know that I was a 12 year old who was trained in the martial arts.
(01:03:12):
Uh oh.
Well, Jose just disappeared.
I think his battery died.
Oh well.
Hi there, gang.
This is Jose.
You were just listening to Eric and I laughing a lot in that episode, weren't you?
And now you're not anymore.
Reason for that is because we were experiencing some technical difficulties throughout the
(01:03:35):
recording of the Evil Mirror episode, and they came to such a head that it resulted
in the episode just ending abruptly right at that point there.
I know.
Very sad.
So I'm just here to say please pardon our dust.
Apologies that we couldn't prattle on and do our normal long drawn out conclusion that
(01:04:00):
you've all become so accustomed to.
But I did just want to pop back in here to say that we had a blast with the Evil Mirror
episode.
As you can tell, it was a lot of fun rediscovering a story that I had written in my youth, and
we'd love to do episodes like this again.
I know I have some other stories kind of shuddering around in my goosebumps folder and other nooks
(01:04:25):
and crannies of my house.
But I also wanted to say that if there's anybody out there who also has some artifacts from
their time as an elementary school scribe, if you've ever written a creepy story or honestly
any kind of story that you still have from those bygone days, I would absolutely love
(01:04:52):
to hear those if you're able to excavate them.
And I don't want to ask anybody to do more work than they already are, especially when
you have to put up with listening to us.
But if you feel so moved, so inclined, please, if you will, transcribe that and send it to
the show.
And if you feel comfortable with us taking it a step further, we would love to read them
(01:05:16):
on the show.
The creepier and the weirder the story is, the better.
So if you have anything like that hanging around, whether it's in a goosebumps folder
or Lisa Frank folder or I don't know, a Good Burger folder, whatever it is, just send it
on in.
And if you grant us your permission, we would love to read that on the show.
(01:05:40):
But if but whether you have anything like that or you don't, we always enjoy hearing
from you.
You can always write into the show at blackmagictreehousepod at gmail.com.
And that's the same handle where you can find us on Instagram.
And we'd love to hear back from you there.
And I don't think we've mentioned this in a signing off before.
(01:06:02):
But if you've been listening to the show, if you've even mildly enjoyed or just been
kind of intrigued by what we're doing here with Blackmagic Treehouse or perplexed by our
personalities, either one or all of the above, it would be so appreciated if you took the
time even just to give us a quick rating on Apple podcasts.
(01:06:26):
If you had it in your heart to write a line or two in the form of a review, that would
be so awesome.
And really, we just want to know that, you know, somebody's listening to the show.
I'm being just going to be honest about that.
It would be great to know that somebody out there was listening, that any of this was
connecting with you.
And if it isn't connecting with you yet, if there's some territory that you'd like us
(01:06:49):
to explore that we haven't gotten around to, please make your voices heard.
We'd love to expedite any title or series or author in particular that you'd like us
to cover in the future.
So once again, you can find us at Blackmagic Treehouse pod on Instagram, and you can email
us at blackmagictreehousepod.gmail.com just to let us know your thoughts, let us know
(01:07:14):
your stories.
And in the meantime, please be wary of any dusty, evil mirrors that you may find lurking,
not even 20 steps outside your backyard, in a shed that you never knew was there before.
(01:07:34):
And from both Eric and myself, stay well and stay spooky.
RANG AUST're the most important.
(00:23):
Oh, I just realized now I should probably get some water.
God damn it.
And it's recording too.
This is perfect.
Keep this in.
Oh, bury me now on the Grand Prairie.
(00:55):
Oh, Lone Prairie.
Hold on.
Let me look up the lyrics.
Oh, bury me not.
Oh, I always thought it was, oh, bury me now.
Bury me not on the Lone Prairie.
These words came low and mournfully.
(01:17):
From the pallid lips of the youth holy.
On a dying bed at the close of day.
Oh, you're back.
What were you singing?
Well, I thought it was bury me now on the Grand Prairie, but when I looked at the lyrics,
(01:40):
it's bury me not on the Lone Prairie.
So I was wrong on two counts.
Yours sounds like it could have been like, you know, I just thought of like Zachary cutting
a record.
It's like, let's make some spoofs.
It's a song I know from the Munsters.
(02:01):
So pretty close.
My influences on my sleeve.
Man, pretty darn close.
All right.
Hello and welcome to Black Magic Treehouse, the podcast that digs into the creepy kid
culture of the past one bargain bin item at a time.
My name is Jose and I am one of your hosts and I'm joined today with our co-host of the
(02:27):
hour, Eric.
I'm your co-host, Eric.
Oh, of the hour.
Oh, dear.
Yep.
I'm always so afraid I'm going to get cut from this podcast and I'm going to find out
about it on air.
That's right.
I started the timer and we're going to see how you do and we will be back with our evaluation
in the next episode.
Oh, dear.
(02:49):
Yes.
Pop quiz time.
Oh, yeah.
So what this podcast is all about.
Nothing after that.
That's it.
My witticisms ended.
I came to a stuttering halt right there.
They sure did start strongly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they ended.
(03:10):
So if you say the tagline.
Oh, you know what?
I'm ashamed of the tagline.
I'm just going to know.
I really had nothing because the our subject of today's episode is just so close to home.
I didn't know how to be witty about myself.
I guess one thing I could have said was this is the podcast where the nightmares of your
(03:36):
childhood are just one school folder away from being unlocked and unleashed upon the
world.
Hey, that'll do.
And that's like the big.
Yeah, that's the best that I could do.
Thank you, farmer.
McDonald.
I don't remember what his name was.
But, yeah, I mean, that seems at first glance, maybe close to the subject of today's episode.
(04:01):
But I feel like it could also just be a generalization for all the stuff that we talk about up here
in the treehouse because let's not get too heady about it.
Jose, we have a subject to cover here.
I mean, I'm just being honest.
I feel like that's the first step of this relationship that we're building with our
listeners, whether you're a first time listener or a longtime listener or on episode, I don't
(04:26):
know, 36 of the podcast, something like that.
It's actually 14 anyway.
14.
And I was disappointed because that our last episode, we did not acknowledge that it was
episode 13.
Oh, and that episode and that episode was wasn't that last?
OK, last episode was episode 13.
Oh, that would have been too perfect if episode 13 was our Halloween special episode.
(04:51):
But you know, the stars can only align so far, I suppose.
Yep.
All right.
Yep.
Your mic was muted, so I don't know what I was waiting for.
I guess just that.
And today's a little bit of a cheat because the works that we are examining are not ones
(05:13):
that were traditionally published.
You could say that they were self published because they were written by a young me.
You say cheat.
I say delightful treat.
Delightful treat and no trick, right?
So yeah, we are going to take a little glance at some stories, some creepy stories that
(05:38):
I wrote when I was in elementary school.
Oh, are there multiple?
There are multiple.
I didn't realize that.
Yeah, there's one in particular that's kind of like the headliner of today's episode that
we're going to get into in just a little bit.
But I have a whole and I'm being honest here, readers, this is a goose.
(05:58):
I just called you all readers.
This is a podcast.
It's late and I'm tired.
Excuse me.
This is a genuine school folder that I had back in the day.
And wouldn't you know it?
It's not just any school folder.
But believe it or not, I had a Goosebumps school folder.
Doesn't have any of the characters on it.
It's just kind of a cool, almost like screen saver type background.
(06:22):
It's got some spooky eyes peering out at you and it's bedecked with these light, bright
spiders just kind of hanging out all over the place.
And it says open if you dare.
And then there's a little banner in the corner there that says reading as a scream.
(06:43):
And I don't know.
It looks like that little sticker down there at the bottom looks like it's something that
you would have seen on the books.
But I don't know if I've ever seen it on anything else.
So that's my opinion on that.
And a fascinating opinion it was.
Wasn't it?
Keep it in.
Keep it in.
That's the kind of the deep dive, deep cut stuff that the people are clamoring for and
(07:07):
I'm going to deliver it to them.
Man, that is a thick folder though.
But this folder.
For the listeners who want to hear the visual of it.
It's like a Kafka-esque, like when you go into some kind of office and they're like,
just fill out these few forms and then like wham, they set down this gigantic pile of
(07:29):
paper on the table.
Yes.
I like how you described it as Kafka-esque.
To be honest, some of these artifacts are a little bit more recent and vintage.
Like I have a program here for a play that I wrote and that our high school drama club
(07:50):
did mount and boy, what a shocker folks.
Guess what?
It was a horror anthology.
Five short plays written by yours truly.
So we got a little program with that there with some spooky tragedy and comedy masks
adorning the front.
It was called Nightmare Theater because I was fresh out of creative titles, I guess.
(08:14):
There's another one in here.
Let's see.
This would have been from middle school and it was written not by Jose Cruz, yours truly.
It was written by Joe Cruz because at that point in time I had not become woke, I guess,
and started addressing myself by my birth name.
(08:37):
But it was Language Arts, period two, and Technology, period three.
It was a collab, I guess you'd say, because we wrote the story in Language Arts and then
we typed it out in what program?
I have no idea.
Word, I guess, and Technology.
Then we got the chance to add a cool little, what's it called, clip art to the title page.
(09:05):
This story is called The Different One and it's got a little picture of just your typical
gray alien and the different one and some, I don't know what you'd call that.
That's like some 70s-esque fonts, like something you'd see, I don't know, on a Grateful Dead
program or something.
It's all wavy and pixely.
(09:29):
So I could pilfer through all the contents of this folder right here and now, but I don't
want to do that just yet because I know in this episode I'm going to be doing a lot of
the talking, sharing these stories.
I did want to take some time initially, though, Eric, to ask you before I got into it, was
this something that you did back in the day?
(09:51):
Were you a scribe in elementary school?
I was not that prolific judging by the thickness of the folder, but I don't have anything saved
from that period, unfortunately.
The oldest thing that I have on my computer is a fantasy novel that I started in probably
(10:14):
eighth grade when I was 13.
For some reason, that saved and stuff that I know that I wrote later did not save.
But pre that time, I think I was writing everything longhand.
So the two very much Goosebumps inspired projects that I very quickly abandoned.
(10:37):
Actually, no, I finished one of them because it was a school assignment.
One of them was called The Stuffed Tiger, and it combined my love for Goosebumps and
Calvin and Hobbes.
Basically the premise was like, what if Hobbes was evil?
So I drew up a little cover for that of a stuffed tiger, basically slappy-like, sitting
(11:00):
in the middle of a bedroom with everything torn to shreds around him and him sitting
there looking innocent like, was it me who did that?
I'm not going to tell you.
My memory of that one, I don't know if I ever got beyond writing the teaser on the back,
is that I had no idea how to come up with the last name.
(11:21):
So I think I was like, I'll just keep adding syllables and eventually it'll sound like
a surname.
So I think the main character's last name was like the Blending Field Dins or something
like that.
I was half expecting like the Mixle Pitalix were busy one day.
(11:42):
Oh, those were their next door neighbors.
Oh, okay.
Good, good.
I'm going to tie in Superman.
The other one that I remember is for school, I wrote a short story about a kid who's out
sledding and then he finds, actually he doesn't just find it, he rides over it and it flips
(12:02):
his sled over and he goes to investigate and finds like a claw sticking up out of the ground
and he digs it up and there's this awful little creature that he decides to keep as a pet
and then it like eats his pet hamster and things like that.
And I don't recall, I think that one may have actually been a little bit more inspired
by Ghost of Fear Street, which is funny because I remember not liking that series at all,
(12:27):
but I kept reading it.
But I feel like there was like a sea monkey one or something where they like put it in
like a jar and then like duct taped it and hid it in the closet because it needed water
or something.
So it just like dried up into a powder.
So I think the solution to my story might've been something in that area, like keeping
(12:50):
it in the closet.
I think it was called either Knight or Attack of the Aqua Apes.
That might've been it, yeah.
Which maybe we'll cover on this podcast someday.
I kind of gave up on Ghost, I think I mentioned this before on the podcast, but I gave up
on Ghost of Fear Street spiritually.
(13:12):
I kept reading them, but around the time with the one that was like the ooze that turns
me stupid or whatever.
Yeah.
I remember you talking years ago about that and laughing just as hard then because it's
like I did not read that one and I might've given up on that series too had I encountered
(13:35):
it earlier, which is not to say that some of the other entries were better by any real
significant margin.
But that's Ghost of Fear Street for you.
I can't remember if I actually read the one called The Boy Who Ate Fear Street or I just
(13:55):
remember looking at the cover and being like, oh.
No thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But anyway-
Please now.
Just to finish up my short story because I know everybody's dying with anticipation.
I didn't know how to write an ending, so I just did what R.L.
Stein does 80% of the time and just had him out sledding again later after all the horrible
(14:21):
events have finally been set aside and he can begin life anew and then his sled flips
over and he finds another creature in the snow.
Do you remember what kind of creature it was?
No.
I think I just made up something with a lot of claws and hair.
(14:45):
Okay.
And did the second one revealed at the conclusion differ?
Like do you recall how it differed?
I don't know if we found out.
I think it just ends with the sled flipping over and he sees another claw sticking out
on the snow.
I don't think he digs it out in time to tell the reader what it might be.
(15:06):
That was supposed to sound really cool.
Like you said, these are longhand stories as is mine that I'll be reading today.
So yeah, the only way one could retain those is if you actually hold on to the hard copy.
So a little moment of silence for those two.
(15:28):
My parents might have the stuffed tiger lying around somewhere, which again, I think literally
might just be a cover and then like a teaser on the back.
But I don't know if they do or not.
Well perhaps the stuffed tiger.
Yes, citation needed.
Well perhaps the stuffed tiger will make a...
(15:49):
Oh boy.
It's like processing, processing, whatever words.
We'll make a comeback right here on the podcast in the future.
That would be a cool twist.
For now though, we do have, speaking of Goosebump copycats, we do have today's headliner, which
(16:14):
is a longhand story I wrote in fifth grade called Evil Mirror.
I've heard so much about it.
Yes.
And I know you cannot see this dear listener, but I'm showing Eric via webcam.
And I explained previously when I teased this to him.
(16:34):
I wrote the story, but for whatever reason, I wasn't confident in my own abilities to
mimic the drippy, goopy Goosebumps font.
And so I asked a friend to write the name of the title of the story, Evil Mirror, in
that same kind of font.
(16:54):
And I must say they did a pretty admirable job.
We got some slime or, I don't know, looks like little lightning bolts shooting off some
of the letters there and the Rs are looking pretty pimply and shuddery.
And I think it just conveys to the audience what you're about to get into.
I could almost read it as Eric Mirror.
(17:17):
Yeah, Eric Mirror.
That would have been creepy.
I'm sure I did write quite a few stories with characters named Eric, because I always thought
that name was cool.
And weird.
And I know, and then I met you and there went that idea.
Yeah, sorry I ruined it for you.
(17:40):
Well, you could say you saved me.
But in any case, what say you?
Shall I dive into this?
Is this the main course or is this one of the appetizers?
This is the main course.
I figured, you know, as is our standard, our episodes tend to go on.
(18:02):
So after we got through this, it depends on if everybody who heard the story still had
their senses intact.
If you thought you could handle more, then perhaps we will dive into that here in this
episode or perhaps we'll save a few of them for the future just to kind of string you
(18:23):
along.
But yes, we will dive into the main course here, which is Evil Mirror, which is perhaps,
I think the oldest of my stories that I still have in its entirety.
So this is an historical moment here in the treehouse.
(18:45):
If I have your blessing, I think I will dive into this.
Dive in like it's a pool.
All right.
So here we go.
Oh, there.
I thought I heard you.
(19:06):
It's children of foot.
Haunted nursery.
It's been that kind of thing.
Haunted nursery.
Next episode.
All right.
Evil Mirror.
Just a trigger warning of sorts.
This story begins with some onomatopoeia.
(19:30):
So what you're about to hear is not me having a seizure.
It is the story beginning.
Crack, whiz, boom.
Give up Major Connors.
Your fortress is doomed.
Think again, Commander Brazelton.
I picked up a sparkler, lit it and threw it at Fort Stephen.
(19:53):
Take cover, Stephen yelled.
Stephen.
Okay, pause.
But what I was saying is I think I have to do a little on air editing because I just
realized I guess I also had an issue or just a lack of knowledge when it came to last name
(20:14):
specifically using the first and last names of people I knew in fifth grade.
So I'm like, hmm, that is the first and last names of real people.
So I think we're going to change that a little bit.
So we're just going to refer to them by their first names to avoid lawsuits.
(20:34):
All right.
It's good that you were thinking about lawsuits at such a young age.
Well I wasn't thinking about lawsuits at such a young age.
I'm thinking about them now.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So and yeah, I just couldn't come up with different names back then.
Who knew?
(20:54):
All right.
So boy, how do I want to start this?
All right.
So this is Evil Mirror.
And just a disclaimer that this story begins with some onomatopoeia.
So I just wanted to forewarn the listener that what you're about to hear is not me having
(21:17):
a seizure.
It is sounds being described as we start our story.
Crack whiz.
Boom.
Give up Major Anthony.
Your fortress is doomed.
Think again Commander Steven.
I picked up a sparkler, lit it and threw it at Fort Steven.
(21:40):
Take cover, Steven yelled.
Steven ducked, but he wasn't quick enough.
The sparkler flew through the air and slid down Steven's shirt.
Ow!
Steven shot up and danced around my backyard like a monkey.
Steven finally grabbed, grabbed, one B. Grabbed the sparkler and threw it on the ground.
(22:05):
Maybe you won the battle Anthony, but you haven't won the war.
Hey Anthony, Sammy said walking into my backyard.
Hey Steven, Sammy said in a dreamy voice and batting her eyelashes as she saw Steven.
I think she has a crush on him.
(22:26):
Shown not told.
Yes.
But also told even when I was showing.
Amazingly.
I think she has a crush on him.
I best be getting home for dinner.
This is going to be fun.
I best be getting home for dinner, Steven said.
(22:48):
Because apparently he was 50 years old.
I'll come with you, Sammy said.
Oh that's weird.
Oh brother.
Steven and Sammy left and I was left alone.
Oh that's interesting.
I thought Sammy was Anthony's younger sister, but I guess I'm wrong.
(23:09):
My memory has deceived me.
All the twists and turns already.
Yeah.
We got three characters we were just introduced to.
Hang on tight.
Can I ask real quick?
Yes please.
Being that these are based on real people, are the relationship dynamics also true to
life?
I can't recall.
I'm pretty sure I fabricated these.
I just kind of took the people and you know the thing you do or the thing that you know
(23:34):
your sister or other people you knew did when they take the Barbies and they're like kiss.
That was me with people that I knew.
But thankfully I was doing it through fiction.
Oh man.
I was Tina Belcher before there was a Tina Belcher.
I just realized that's cool.
(23:54):
All right, Stephen and Sammy left and I was left alone.
I suddenly saw my 70 year old neighbor, Mrs. Brewster come out to get her newspaper.
(24:14):
It's not every day you suddenly see a 70 year old person.
This is me talking now.
Oh boy, the word choice is our choice.
These are the things you do when you have a limited vocabulary people.
I guess it's because I didn't know elderly and I didn't use the word old, but I guess
(24:40):
I just really wanted to drive it home to the reader that this neighbor is 70 years old.
Exactly.
I need you to know that I know that 70 is an old age and that is what I want to communicate
to you now.
And she's still spry like a cat.
She just springs out of nowhere.
Like, whoa, all of a sudden.
(25:01):
Jumps for that newspaper.
Damn, Mrs. Brewster, ate your Wheaties this morning.
Mrs. Brewster came out, come out to get her newspaper.
A plan suddenly hatched in my head.
I'm sorry, I know I'm like pausing after every sentence, but it's just like dawning on me
that I don't know.
(25:22):
I guess I didn't realize how interesting rereading this after so many years was going to be because
I haven't read this in forever, even though it's been in my possession.
So I'm just like thinking back to like when you read like forever from Paul Jennings collection.
It's like maybe I should have read this beforehand just to just to work out all the giggles.
(25:47):
But you know what?
Here we go.
We're forging ahead.
All right.
So Mrs. Brewster is coming out to get her newspaper.
70 year old Mrs. Brewster, a plan suddenly hatched in my head.
I grabbed a popping firecracker, lit it and stuffed it in the newspaper.
Wow, presumably quick enough and sneaky enough not for the spry Mrs. Brewster to see him.
(26:13):
But there you go.
When Mrs. Brewster picked up the newspaper, it exploded in a thousand popping sounds.
I'm so curious if we're going to find out that she's like a haggie old lady who deserves
(26:33):
this or if she's just a sweet old lady who's being tormented by this awful protagonist
for no reason.
I have a feeling it's the latter because I don't recall Mrs. Brewster having a part in
the story beyond this short sequence here.
I don't know.
I guess, you know, reading all of Oriel Stein's Goosebumps books, there was always like some
(26:58):
kind of relationship or interaction with like an older neighbor or just older people.
Like I'm thinking, you know, the drill sergeant next door and Revenge of the Law Gnomes.
And you know, just like the kids in those books, their general disdain, either implicit
(27:18):
or explicit for anybody with gray hair.
So I guess it manifested in that way.
Because this is certainly not anything that I, sweet little Jose, would have ever dreamt
of doing to somebody.
But here is here is my hero ostensibly, my ostensible hero doing such in this story.
(27:40):
All right.
The newspaper exploded in a thousand popping sounds.
Ah, Anthony, you get back here.
Mrs. Brewster yelled, waving her cane in the air.
How evocative I could absolutely picture it happening.
(28:04):
As hacky as that might be, you can't sit there and tell me that after I said that line of
dialogue, you did not immediately picture either a cane or a walker being shaken furiously
in the direction of this delinquent child.
It's like I was there.
I was seeing it so vividly.
(28:26):
Okay, I was about to run.
Okay, I was about to run, tripped and fell.
So I guess what I was trying to say was I attempted to run and then I tripped and fell.
But I wrote I was about to run, tripped and fell, which conjures a very different image.
(28:47):
It just conjures the image of Anthony standing there thinking about running, tripping over
nothing and falling.
I knew exactly what happened.
Tina, ha ha ha ha ha, my little sister laughed.
(29:07):
I'm going to kill you, I yelled.
Mommy, Tina yelled running into the house.
Uh oh.
Better hide.
Man, playing the Goosebumps drinking game and I'm already wasted.
Yeah, no kidding.
(29:29):
Eric and I were chatting a little bit before the recording about just writing in general
and how in my adult life, previous stories that I have written have not really shown
the types of stories that I've read or loved.
(29:50):
And he's like, I think that's a good thing because a lot of authors really do wear their
influences right on their sleeve and it kind of tells in a jarring way.
But boy, howdy, that was not the case when I was in fifth grade.
Man, I should have rang up good old Bob Stein and been like, hey, I hear you're tapping
(30:12):
Ghost Riders for some of these books.
I think I got a handle on your formula, Mr. Stein.
Listen to this smashing opening sequence.
I've got a fake out adventure with kids playing in their front yard, a cruel prank played
on an elderly person for absolutely no reason, and an annoying younger sibling.
(30:34):
Bob's like, I've never been that efficient in my life.
You've got the job, kid.
Or better yet, in some alternate universe, I wrote this prior to any Goosebumps books
being published.
And I traveled back in time, Marty McFly style, and I call up Bob Stein in between Fair Street
(30:59):
books and I'm like, hey, Bob, you know that new kind of scary book for kids you've been
thinking about?
Well, listen to this.
And then I just hold up the phone to myself reading this story.
That's your cousin, Jovial Bob Stein.
Exactly.
Hey, what a great name.
I can't wait until we get to the cartoonishly inattentive parents.
(31:22):
Oh, you know what?
I think, yeah, I think mom and or dad may be making appearance sooner than we think.
All right.
So yes, Anthony is now on the run for tripping over his sister's leg.
I guess that's just the logic kids run on.
(31:42):
Okay.
Uh oh, better hide.
Our backyard was next to a patch of forest.
I ran into the forest.
I hadn't taken 20 steps when I saw a shack.
I guess 20 steps meant something different to me back then.
(32:03):
Oh, it's just our tool shed.
I was getting all worked up over nothing.
Well, yeah, that that occurs to me now, Eric, but I don't think it occurred to fifth grade
Jose that 20 steps is really not all that much.
It practically is your backyard.
Twenty steps or less, because I remember hearing you hadn't even gone 20 steps.
(32:25):
Yeah.
So he could have just gone 10.
He might have just passed the swing set.
Okay.
I hadn't taken 20 steps when I saw a shack.
I opened the door and shut it behind me.
The shack was crammed with gardening tools, a lawnmower and a beat up couch.
(32:47):
I noticed there was an I noticed there was an object.
I noticed there was an object.
My specificity with numbers is what's causing me to have a little trouble here because first
(33:08):
we had first we had 70 year old neighbor.
Then we had not even 20 steps.
Now we have I noticed there was an object about seven feet tall with a canvas over it.
Looks like I might have two sentences kind of merged here.
I noticed there was an object about seven feet tall with a canvas over it was kneeling
(33:32):
against againist.
That's what's written againist the wall next to me.
I walked over to it and took the canvas off.
Okay, I got to pause again.
I know I'm like laughing at all, you know, the silly things that I wrote, but I got to
(33:53):
admit I'm surprised that I knew some of the words that I did back then.
Like I'm honestly surprised that I knew what the word canvas was in fifth grade.
So that's that's me giving a little pat on the back to little Jose.
I walked over to it and took the canvas off.
It was a mirror.
(34:14):
It had dusty glass and golden metal surrounding it.
It had dusty glass and golden metals surrounding it in a fancy way.
(34:35):
Here I just congratulated myself for saying canvas.
Actually I was not familiar with terms like molding or gilded.
So we had to settle for golden metal surrounding it in a fancy way.
You fill in the rest, dear reader.
(34:57):
I wiped some of the dust off and peered into it.
Yes, he wiped some of the dust off and peered into the dust.
I saw my same old face.
Then I noticed something strange.
The face in the mirror winked at me.
(35:19):
Hello, Anthony, it said.
Whoa.
I'm imagining a Keanu Reeves like Martin Short Clifford style playing this role.
Whoa, dude, totally gnarly.
(35:41):
Oh, my God.
Oh, boy.
Page one.
Is that my bodacious reflection I see before me?
Whoa, how did that happen?
(36:03):
There's something super natural going on here.
Oh, man.
So before I go further and so I can regain some of my composure and my breath, I'm pretty
certain that this story had as its inspiration the final book from the Goosebumps series
(36:23):
2000, number 25, Ghost in the Mirror.
I don't think at the time that I wrote this I had actually read that one yet.
I think it was just a case where I had seen the cover.
It's like that kind of alien webbed claw dipping out of the mirror.
(36:46):
I was just enchanted by that idea.
I guess I thought it was neat that it was called Ghost in the Mirror, but it had a kind
of monstery vibe on the cover.
I'm like, I like that.
I like the melting of those two things.
Did you ever read that one?
Do you recall?
No.
I read one Goosebumps 2000 book.
Really?
Only one?
(37:07):
Yeah.
And there was a tornado of cats in the end.
So I was like, okay, done with this series.
Yeah, Cry the Cat.
Yeah, I don't recall liking that one that much.
Some of the other ones were pretty good.
I think so.
At least, yeah, definitely.
Because there are a couple of them that I do remember quite fondly.
(37:31):
Like the kind of, oh god, I know I say the word vibe over and over again.
But the tone of that series seemed at the time like it was trying, not in any kind of
like really forced or drastic way, just kind of by like a couple degrees, but a couple
(37:52):
appreciated degrees.
It seemed to be going for a slightly edgier vibe.
You can kind of tell that I think with like the covers to those books.
You know, they were trying to walk away at least a little bit from some of the sillier
aspects of the original 62 and go for, you know, stories, I think, where the characters
(38:20):
felt to the reader like they were at least a little more threatened than they were in
some of the original 62 Goosebumps books where it was just kind of, you know, where you'd
have things like how I learned to fly or don't go to sleep or it's like, well, I really don't
expect any or, you know, chicken chicken.
I don't really expect anything too bad to be happening to these characters, just really
(38:44):
dumb or silly.
Whereas Goosebumps 2000, there were a couple of them where, yeah, it seemed like, oh god,
I think I think these these kids may be in actual danger.
What a concept, you know, I'm thinking of ones like there was Attack of the Graveyard
(39:07):
Ghouls was kind of like, you know, it felt like a proper zombie story.
Jekyll and Hyde, so kind of, you know, edgy.
I don't know, I could go on and on.
We'll have to maybe rediscover one of those in the future.
They were fun.
(39:28):
I remember.
Yeah, we got a whole podcast where we can explore things.
Right.
All right.
So now back to my ghost in the mirror, evil mirror.
Hello, Anthony, it said.
Whoa, I said, I stumbled to the floor.
I got back up and looked in the mirror again.
(39:49):
Say me, how did that happen?
Anthony, time for dinner, squirt.
My little sister, my little sisters, I guess I left out voice.
My little sisters echoed in my head.
It's interesting that she has a little sister would call him squirt, but I was flipping
(40:09):
the script, I guess.
That's OK.
I thought I'll just come back early in the morning when everyone's asleep.
I quickly oh boy, I got your number, Bob Stein.
I quickly ate my spaghetti and went into my room.
Am I the only one who remembers this thing?
(40:32):
Like I feel like I've heard like other I feel like.
Oh, shoot.
What are they called?
Teen Creeps.
I feel like they've talked about this in an episode where one of the Fier Street books
like there was a spaghetti dinner.
I felt like that was always like the fancy dinner, the sit down dinner that you would
(40:56):
see families engage in in Goosebumps books.
Like I feel like one of the Night of the Living Dummy books, it's like, hey, you know, come
on, it's dinner time.
We're having spaghetti.
So that was me once again, channeling my mentor.
Yeah, I can't say that I remember a preponderance of spaghetti and Goosebumps unless there were
worms inside it or something.
(41:18):
Yeah, it's entirely possible.
Yeah.
So I quickly ate my spaghetti and went into my room.
I set the clock for eight o'clock.
Wow.
Late sleepers.
Oh, and here I clarified that my family doesn't get up till nine.
(41:42):
Once again, I need you the reader to know this.
It's like, wow, he's setting his clock for eight.
Well, he quickly clarifies my family doesn't get up till nine.
When the alarm clock started to buzz, I shut it off, pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, slipped
on my sneakers and headed out the door.
God, I can't feel like I read a passage like that 80 times in Goosebumps.
(42:04):
So the kid absconding away and slipping on the sneakers.
So is this protagonist like Goosebumps age protagonist that you were writing when you
were younger than that age?
No.
Well, Goosebumps protagonists are like what?
12?
Yeah.
(42:24):
Yeah.
So I feel like he would have been my age, you know, 10, 11.
Okay.
You were 10 when you wrote this.
Okay.
I was imagining that you were like six.
Okay.
And like trying to project like this is what I wear when I'm a teenager.
Yeah.
In a t-shirt.
That's what they do.
It's just it's like their second skin.
(42:45):
Now I wrote this in fifth grade.
So it would have been a contemporary of mine.
I opened the door to the shack and went in.
I stood in front of the mirror and waited for something to happen.
Finally the reflection.
Oh boy.
Finally.
(43:06):
Finally the reflection gestured for me to come.
And I'm just going to let that sit there.
All right.
Let's let it sit there.
Yep.
Anthony, it's oh boy.
Anthony, it said in my voice only a little more dreary.
(43:26):
Anthony, it repeated.
Come with me.
I have something to show you.
Come.
It held out a hand toward me.
Sammy talks to Stephen.
Yeah.
After they, oh well best be getting home to dinner.
(43:50):
It held out a hand toward me.
I couldn't take it.
That's interesting.
You could read that.
I was going to say masterful writing.
Yeah.
I can.
Well operating on two levels here.
He couldn't take the pressure.
He couldn't literally take the hand.
Boy.
Dostoevsky over here.
(44:12):
I ran.
I ran out the shack and into my house.
Come back Anthony.
The reflections dreary voice called.
I wasn't looking where I was going.
Bam.
I collided right into Sammy.
Sorry, I said helping her up.
(44:35):
What's the matter with you?
Sammy asked.
It looks like you just seen a ghost.
Nothing, I said wiping sweat off my forehead.
Stephen asked me if you would like to play with the firecrackers again.
(44:55):
Presumably Sammy talking there.
Yeah, sure, I said.
You sure you're okay?
Sammy asked.
Positive, I said.
That afternoon didn't go too good.
I couldn't concentrate on the game.
I ended up with two sparklers in my shirt and a popping firecracker in my jeans.
(45:18):
These kids just like ravaging each other with firecrackers daily.
During their summer break.
Mom's just like in there doing the dishes.
Like, oh, what the fuck ever.
(45:40):
Nobody's coming to these children's aid.
Sounds like there's gunfights in the street.
Oh my god.
All right.
I ended up with two sparklers in my shirt and a popping firecracker in my jeans.
Who's the man?
Stephen asked.
(46:03):
You are, I said.
So is the game just to harm each other?
To kill each other, I guess.
A slow death by sparklers and popping firecrackers to use my verbiage.
What a fun game.
Oh boy.
(46:24):
Okay, I'm going to have to back up.
Who's the man?
Stephen asked.
You are, I said.
You are, Sammy said in that dreamy voice.
I got to say, for as cliche as some of these things are, I do take some delight in like,
(46:51):
there's a little bit of craft here.
I mean, just like, you know, that's, that could, as silly as it is, that could just
as well be like that exchange there.
I could fully picture seeing something like that.
And I'm not really complimenting myself here, I guess, when I say this, but I could fully
(47:14):
see that happening in like an episode of iCarly or something like that.
Like some kind of Nickelodeon sitcom.
Yeah, very much so.
So I guess what I'm saying is, you just have to be a fifth grader to write for those shows.
And apparently I was there.
You are, Sammy said in that dreamy voice.
(47:36):
Later that day, I went back to the shack.
I stood in front of the mirror.
A torn shredded man.
Five minutes past.
Again, specificity with those numbers.
Five minutes past when suddenly the reflection gestured for me to come.
(47:58):
Anthony, the reflection said in its dreary voice.
Come with me, Anthony.
Come, I have something to show you.
I wasn't thinking.
I just exploded.
No!
He yells.
Then it happened.
(48:19):
The reflection's eyes turned blood red.
They were so creepy.
You're coming with me, whether you like it or not, it screamed.
Before I could scream, oh, excuse me, before I could move, two arms reached out and brung
me into the mirror.
(48:42):
Showing some of my Long Island upbringing.
The arms, they just brung me, you know?
I was suddenly surrounded by coldness.
I looked around me and saw purple water making waves.
It's the abode of Prince.
Yeah.
Dearly beloved, I was floating in a tunnel surrounded by purple water.
(49:09):
What could happen next?
I was laying out the reader's thoughts right there.
Is this the start of a new chapter or is it just like the end of the paragraph?
So yes, even though that this is a Goosebumps copycat, it is just one long running story.
(49:32):
I do not have creepy cliffhangers or chapter breaks of any kind, although you can maybe
impose those as you see fit.
I was floating in a tunnel surrounded by purple water.
What could happen next?
I didn't have to wait long.
(49:53):
A blinding white light flooded over me.
The next thing I knew, I was in a cave.
There was a putrid smell in the air.
Wow, putrid.
Good for you.
I noticed I was surrounded by skeletons.
I was about to hurl when something else caught my sight.
(50:18):
It was my reflection.
He put his hands on his head and tore off its skin.
Underneath was a giant reptile that stood on its hind legs.
It doesn't get any crazier than this, folks.
Getting into some dangerous territory here.
(50:41):
I was going to say, yeah, hoo boy.
Hello Anthony, my name is Q and I have some truth to tell you about this world.
Let me tell you about the true elite that runs this world and your society.
(51:02):
It was a giant reptile that stood on its hind legs.
It had green scaly skin with an enormous snout with two slits for nostrils.
His teeth were as sharp as daggers and so I guess I meant to say and he had a forked
(51:23):
tongue but it reads as his teeth were as sharp as daggers and a forked and a forked tongue
because forked tongues are famously sharp.
You're like there's some Mortal Kombat creeping in here.
Yeah, I think you are right.
He had gigantic black wings the size of sheets and the same blood red eyes.
(51:49):
So that whole passage there comes both from R.L. Stein's Proclivity to describe the monstrous
thing and lots of detail.
And my love for R.L. Stein describing the monstrous thing and lots of detail.
Those were always like my favorite parts of the book.
(52:10):
I like the wings being as big as sheets.
Yes, biggest sheets.
That's some crazy sheet right there.
Anthony, the thing hissed.
No one has stopped by my mirror since the 14th century.
(52:30):
Even though I'm in a shack now 20 steps from your backyard.
Oh my God.
No one has used that lawnmower since St. Thomas Aquinas.
Oh, that's good.
(52:52):
What's also good is that I have a low battery and my charger is not working.
So boy, we're going to power through this.
No one has stopped by my mirror since the 14th century.
The others forced me to kill them.
(53:13):
How?
Why?
That's what all murderers say.
They forced me to do it.
And monstrous reptiles say the same.
Hopefully you will be much easier to handle.
Anthony, I want your body.
(53:36):
I was in total shock.
Much like I, the author, am now.
Now be a nice little boy.
Oh my God.
No.
I don't even want to make a joke about this.
(53:58):
Yeah.
Oh, now be a nice little boy and hold still.
Folks, I'm just going to say that I guess this is a sign of just how sheltered I was
of the world.
(54:20):
And you know, as sheltered as I think any fifth grader should rightfully be.
But there you have it.
You know, to me at the time that was just a line of dialogue.
To me now, the story is quite different.
Okay.
And I'm not going to repeat that line.
The creature started to walk toward me.
I got up and punched him right in the nose.
(54:45):
It's a real Madea response.
I think that was also like me wanting like the Goosebumps books to have more of that.
It's like, why don't these kids just punch these monsters in the nose?
(55:05):
Like vampire breath would have gone so much differently if somebody just clocked that
vampire right in the face.
Okay.
I got up and punched him right in the nose.
Blood dripped from his slits.
You fool it hissed.
(55:35):
I'm really trying to power through this because of my battery.
He threw his head back and I heard a noise in his throat.
What he's going to do is not going to be good.
I noticed a skeleton was holding a shield with short blades on it.
(55:59):
Oh yeah.
Eric called it.
There it is.
There it is folks.
Mortal Kombat plagiarism as I live and breathe.
I grabbed it and held it up.
The thing's mouth opened wide and fire.
Wow.
Fire.
I couldn't have made it like venomous booze.
Jesus.
Boy, this is like shot for shot.
(56:20):
Johnny Cajun scorpion.
My God.
The thing's mouth opened wide and fire shot out.
The shield had saved me.
I wonder if he's going to use the blades to slice off the reptile's head.
Only one way to find out.
I jumped in the air and cut the thing's arm with the blades.
(56:43):
Blood poured out everywhere just like the tears are pouring out of my face right now.
I noticed a skeleton was holding a spear.
How fortunate.
Boy, it's like the ideas were just pouring out of me.
(57:05):
I noticed the skeleton was holding a spear, picked it up and threw it at the creature.
The spear pierced through the thing's chest.
Suddenly the blinding white light erupted and I was back in the shack.
Evil Mirror 2 back in the shack.
(57:28):
I raced home and never wanted to return.
Then I thought I should go back and destroy it.
Very quick progression.
Then I thought I should go back and destroy it.
This is me just wanting to be done with this story.
When I went inside I saw Tina in front of the mirror.
(57:51):
She must have followed me.
Tina, get away from that mirror!
I yelled.
Tina turned around.
She had blood red eyes and a wide grin on her face.
So I used the lawnmower to chop her face off.
(58:16):
Just as Joan of Arc had done in the days of old.
And that dear friends is Evil Mirror.
Yay!
Clap, clap, clap, clap.
I apologize for the obnoxious laughter.
Not so much for the story.
The story was a joy, minus one or two unfortunate lines.
(58:40):
Wow.
That can get worse.
Yeah, true enough.
Thoughts, Eric?
Well I could not have seen the way in which that story was going to develop.
Me neither and I don't think I did as I was writing it.
In true writer fashion perhaps.
(59:01):
Man, I'm really stuck for an ending.
What happens in this Evil Mirror world?
You know what else I like?
Mortal Kombat!
Yeah, there we go.
Something is on the TV right now.
Maybe this will inspire me.
Me and my pencil and notebook paper just scribbling furiously before that scene ends.
(59:25):
Yep.
Kind of deadline as we fell.
Yep.
Oh wow.
Thanks for sharing it, Jose.
Hey, thank you for enduring it.
You're on an adult-rated entertainment.
Yes, indeed, indeed.
(59:48):
You know folks, normally it's our proclivity to go on and on, but I don't know what else
can be said that hasn't already been said.
What can be said?
About Evil Mirror.
Yeah, what can be said?
Everything is there in the text.
(01:00:08):
It was all on my sleeve.
Then I noticed a skeleton holding a sandwich and I ate it.
Something so funny about the idea of a skeleton just happening to sit there holding a thing
that you need to advance the story.
Then I noticed the skeleton had a map of Illinois.
(01:00:34):
One skeleton had one.
Evil Mirror for Dummies book.
Oh my God.
Wow.
As I said, that folder does hold some other treasures.
I got to admit the majority of them, and I think I might have alluded to this in our
(01:00:54):
whatever we ended up calling it, the Monster Kid books, Monster Encyclopedias for Kids
episode.
Something I did, speaking of getting inspiration from the movies and things I saw on TV, most
of the things in there are just like little picture books of my retellings of movies I
(01:01:15):
watched.
That is why it's as Kafka-esque thick as it is.
All of them are longhand original quote unquote stories written by me.
Lots of them are just recounting some movies that I watched because I guess I've just always
(01:01:37):
been compulsive in that way.
There are other stories like that.
You heard me mention a couple at the top, like the different one.
There are some other typed treasures in there waiting to be told.
But since that one was such a rollicking roller coaster and my battery is slowly but surely
(01:02:01):
dying, I think it may be safe to call it a day here in the treehouse.
It feels so weird saying that, having just talked about one thing and one thing only
as we have, it just doesn't feel right, Eric.
I don't know.
Do you have something for us before we say goodbye?
(01:02:24):
Oh, like should I talk more about your story?
Is that what you're saying?
I don't know.
Or related topic?
I don't know.
I like that the big bad…
If only you had something.
Like I said.
Well, I can tell you that I enjoy that the big bad reptile guy very cockily or arrogantly
(01:02:50):
was like, you fool, and then just immediately got defeated.
Like man, that guy talked a big game, but didn't really put up much of a fight with
my spinning shield jump kick.
I guess he didn't know that I was a 12 year old who was trained in the martial arts.
(01:03:12):
Uh oh.
Well, Jose just disappeared.
I think his battery died.
Oh well.
Hi there, gang.
This is Jose.
You were just listening to Eric and I laughing a lot in that episode, weren't you?
And now you're not anymore.
Reason for that is because we were experiencing some technical difficulties throughout the
(01:03:35):
recording of the Evil Mirror episode, and they came to such a head that it resulted
in the episode just ending abruptly right at that point there.
I know.
Very sad.
So I'm just here to say please pardon our dust.
Apologies that we couldn't prattle on and do our normal long drawn out conclusion that
(01:04:00):
you've all become so accustomed to.
But I did just want to pop back in here to say that we had a blast with the Evil Mirror
episode.
As you can tell, it was a lot of fun rediscovering a story that I had written in my youth, and
we'd love to do episodes like this again.
I know I have some other stories kind of shuddering around in my goosebumps folder and other nooks
(01:04:25):
and crannies of my house.
But I also wanted to say that if there's anybody out there who also has some artifacts from
their time as an elementary school scribe, if you've ever written a creepy story or honestly
any kind of story that you still have from those bygone days, I would absolutely love
(01:04:52):
to hear those if you're able to excavate them.
And I don't want to ask anybody to do more work than they already are, especially when
you have to put up with listening to us.
But if you feel so moved, so inclined, please, if you will, transcribe that and send it to
the show.
And if you feel comfortable with us taking it a step further, we would love to read them
(01:05:16):
on the show.
The creepier and the weirder the story is, the better.
So if you have anything like that hanging around, whether it's in a goosebumps folder
or Lisa Frank folder or I don't know, a Good Burger folder, whatever it is, just send it
on in.
And if you grant us your permission, we would love to read that on the show.
(01:05:40):
But if but whether you have anything like that or you don't, we always enjoy hearing
from you.
You can always write into the show at blackmagictreehousepod at gmail.com.
And that's the same handle where you can find us on Instagram.
And we'd love to hear back from you there.
And I don't think we've mentioned this in a signing off before.
(01:06:02):
But if you've been listening to the show, if you've even mildly enjoyed or just been
kind of intrigued by what we're doing here with Blackmagic Treehouse or perplexed by our
personalities, either one or all of the above, it would be so appreciated if you took the
time even just to give us a quick rating on Apple podcasts.
(01:06:26):
If you had it in your heart to write a line or two in the form of a review, that would
be so awesome.
And really, we just want to know that, you know, somebody's listening to the show.
I'm being just going to be honest about that.
It would be great to know that somebody out there was listening, that any of this was
connecting with you.
And if it isn't connecting with you yet, if there's some territory that you'd like us
(01:06:49):
to explore that we haven't gotten around to, please make your voices heard.
We'd love to expedite any title or series or author in particular that you'd like us
to cover in the future.
So once again, you can find us at Blackmagic Treehouse pod on Instagram, and you can email
us at blackmagictreehousepod.gmail.com just to let us know your thoughts, let us know
(01:07:14):
your stories.
And in the meantime, please be wary of any dusty, evil mirrors that you may find lurking,
not even 20 steps outside your backyard, in a shed that you never knew was there before.
(01:07:34):
And from both Eric and myself, stay well and stay spooky.
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