April 17, 2024 • 23 mins
Bleach Bros Podcast had a thriving podcast hosted by two buddies, B-Word and Jake the Hater. While the podcast folded in late 2023, they are still amazing friends.
Now that the podcast is done, we wanted to share our Patreon episodes with our audience.
"Hippo Happy Hour," was set on the premise of two buddies bantering at the local watering hole, Sal's Tavern. “The Stain Remover,” wass a satirical parody of two guys working at a radio station. B-Word and Jake host K-SALT’s flagship program, "The Stain Remover."
Bleach Bros Podcast is a B-Word Media Group podcast. B-Word Media Group is a collection of Spreaker Prime podcasts. For more information:
https://try.spreaker.com/prime-program/
For more B-Word Media Group podcasts, check out The Hateful Gnome's Music Hut, Two Guys In A Dart, Raunchy Regret Podcast, and Unfiltered Discussions.
Now that the podcast is done, we wanted to share our Patreon episodes with our audience.
"Hippo Happy Hour," was set on the premise of two buddies bantering at the local watering hole, Sal's Tavern. “The Stain Remover,” wass a satirical parody of two guys working at a radio station. B-Word and Jake host K-SALT’s flagship program, "The Stain Remover."
Bleach Bros Podcast is a B-Word Media Group podcast. B-Word Media Group is a collection of Spreaker Prime podcasts. For more information:
https://try.spreaker.com/prime-program/
For more B-Word Media Group podcasts, check out The Hateful Gnome's Music Hut, Two Guys In A Dart, Raunchy Regret Podcast, and Unfiltered Discussions.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
M m hey. So yeah,by Sal, I brought Jake in with
(00:40):
me this time. Sal, aren'tyou proud we didn't arrive separate the time.
We came at the same time.Like ro Ron Jeremy's sperm, we
did. He he come? Healways came on demand. I don't know
that to be a fact, butI know that we came at the same
time. I know he would countdown pornos. And the reason I learned
that is the Travesty used to puton his porno's a lot, because the
(01:03):
Travesty was all about quantity over quality. I remember he would go we would
go to that adult shop near thewarehouse, the one on Trump Cannon near
the In and Out. He usedto take us. There's a giant but
isn't the adult superstore or something likethat. That's it, Yeah, the
adult superstore. Yeah, And sohe'd take us there, and I remember
(01:23):
the Travesty would be like, we'dbe like looking for a movie or whatever,
right, and he'd buy because rememberthe Travesty had that giant suitcase that
he carried for in me. Yeah, I remember you telling me about that,
right, And I remember one timehe's like, I was like looking
at one I was like, Hey, I'm gonna get this one. I'm
gonna buy this one, you know, like like I don't know that.
I know that not every bro doesthat, but that's just how we and
(01:44):
him worked, right, Like it'slike, I'm buy this corno and then
we're gonna go home. And becausehe watched them like regular movies, right
And I look over and he goes, Jake, why would you buy that
one when this one has seven anda half hours of footage? And he
would go, it's only three ninetyand I get seven a half hours.
You're over. There's been a ninebucks for an hour and a half.
And I just went, that's why. And there were a lot of Ron
(02:07):
Jeremy scenes and I remember he woulddo that countdown thing. You'd be like
five four three two, like thelittle Hedgehogy was squirting everywhere. Well,
I now, you know, probablythe most embarrassing porn that I ever purchased
was one night in Paris. Itwas the Paris Hilton one. You bought
that it did because you're dumb,Because I was dumb. Yeah, because
(02:30):
at the time, like I didn'trealize how much of an ass she didn't
have and how much yeah, youknow, like her tits are fine to
me, Like, I don't needbig titties, but she didn't have an
ass whatsoever. But I have Ihave a question for you because as men,
we are you know, like weget involved in certain things. Right,
(02:50):
So, like every dude at somepoint, in my opinion, gets
involved in porn, right, Andwe talk about how porn makes like like
creates a unrealistic expectation or something ofthat nature, right when it comes into
sex and into pacy and that sortof stuff. So my question is for
you, like how have you separatedthose two? So, like, how
(03:15):
is it that you can like lookat something on the internet or whatever and
then like go to your wife andnot have it like involve her, if
that makes sense. Remember we've talkedabout this in the sense that I jerk
off to age appropriate porn or something, right, Like, it's like I
look for women that look like mywife. I do. I don't care.
(03:38):
I know what I like. I'mnot venturing for other things. I'm
a very happy man, and soI'm like, okay, that one.
I could see it all right,it's close or like features right, like
features my white have. I'm I'mlike Okay, I can look at that,
and so that that's how I treatit. I don't go for like
the crazy weird stuff, and youknow, it's maybe it's not weird to
(04:00):
somebody else, but you know,I'm not. There's a lot of things
I'm just not into. And it'sbecause I've been around the block and I've
tried some of those things and I'mlike, not for me doesn't get me
going. Also, I don't wantto fall down that like weird, terrible
path. I remember I was livingin college with Shut Your Air and Yap,
and his roommate at the time wasthis kid named Tex. The first
(04:23):
time we met, and they livedin the dorms that you and are,
and text would was that dirty guy, like you know the sense like just
nasty, like scratches everywhere, what'sup scroungey, yeah, like, but
he would he would say things likeI brush my teeth with whiskey and just
just a fucking weird And I'll neverforget the time we walked into his room,
him and Errands and he was watchingporn and I look over and I
(04:46):
go, what the hell is that? He goes, Oh, unless there's
periods or a horse cock, don'tget me involved. And I just thought
to myself, like, you haveto be on another level to want that,
and so I I just went,no, no, I'm never going
to be that dude. I'm nevergoing to be that dude. So the
reason why I asked this question isbecause, like a couple of reasons.
(05:09):
So as somebody who is getting towardquote unquote middle aged brushing up against forty.
So a lot of the ads thatare advertised to me are like blue
chew or hymns. I was right. So it's like they're all talking about
a rectile dysfunction. Now I don'thave a problem getting a woodie, okay,
(05:31):
nor do I have a problem keepinga woodie. But I will tell
you, like I've seen other documentariesand such, like you know, there
was there was the Playboy stuff todo with Hugh Hefner, and Hugh Hefner
had a problem getting aroused after acertain point because he had done everything that
now he needed to involve animals,or now he needed to involve certain types
(05:55):
of drugs or you know, stufflike that. So when it comes into
that, like I like, firstoff, if anybody who's listening to this
has like ed like I don't.I don't judge you in any way,
shape or form, But do youthink that that the the the consumption of
porn and the rejection aspect, likemaybe dudes are afraid to ask women out
(06:20):
or they go to porn because pornnever says no kind of thing. Do
you think that that plays into likesome of this ed stuff, like just
in your opinion, Yeah, ittotally does. It totally does in a
sense. I do believe like it'seven that thing, like you eventually you
might not be able to get offunless you're doing it yourself. Right,
(06:41):
there's that like it's like that thatfear that men have. And I don't
know. I've talked to women andit's like when they have toys, it's
like sometimes that's all they can donow toy and a man will never satisfy
in the same way, right,And you know you always hear that it's
a little different, but you knowyou can still get off that way,
but maybe you can't. I do. It was funny because I actually came
into this tavern I was going totalk to you about the same thing.
(07:02):
On the different side of it.I was looking at blue Shoe and him
ads because they're hitting me up allthe time. But the one I see
is the last five times longer.Who the fuck needs that? Who?
I understand people have problems, butI have never been told in my life,
please please, I wish you couldgo longer. I normally get the
hey, are you done because I'mdone type of thing, like fat boy,
(07:27):
will you hurry up? Like I'veheard that a couple of times.
Like you know, normally it's justthe will you finish already? Like I
remember, dude, I like therewas an intimate moment right right with my
ex fiance and I don't remember whatthe occasion was. I don't know if
there was some sort of occasion ornot. But we're we're getting into it
and we're we're slapping the pickle andwe're we're doing the things, and I'm
(07:53):
trying to like not come so thatway she can get hers, you know
what, I'm trying to finish heroff yet yeah, and so in doing
so, and I was probably notas adept to like understanding the woman's body
and like you need to kind ofkeep the same repetitive motion when they say
it feels good type thing. Yeah, you don't change it up. You
(08:15):
don't. Yeah, you don't changegears because the moment you change gears,
you just start over, right.So but I'm doing my best and I'm
trying to like get her there,and it's it's not that she hadn't gotten
there before, it's just that we'rein the middle of it and I'm trying
to get her there, and Iguess I kept switching gears too much.
And she goes, hey, I'mjust done. Are you done? Have
you came yet? Dude? Youwant to talk about a shot to the
(08:37):
ego? Bro, I was justlike, Nah, I'm done, I'm
done. I'm getting off. Thankyou. No. I mean because I
look at it like like I've hadit. I've had all the moments,
right, we all have, Likeyou'll be a liar if you're saying you
have it. Like I've had themoment where it's like, can you please
hurry up? And then I've hadthe moment Like my favorite is when when
you're new in the couple, likeyou know, new in the relationship,
(09:00):
and the it's like the the shewants to have the let's finish at the
same time thing, and it's justlike I'm not Ron Jeremy it's not gonna
happen like on cue, like it'sjust gonna happen when it happens. Now,
I I do say, I doenjoy it, quickie. I'm not
good at them, so I guessI need the opposite pill, Like how
can I last five times less?Like you know, and I'm not saying
(09:20):
I take forever, but you knowthere's like there's like, what do you
think the golden time is? Likethe No Ten fifteen minutes? Maybe that's
yeah, like you know, Ithink of twelve to seventeen. Yeah,
yeah, somewhere in that vicinity.But you know what's funny is is you've
got these four hymns and the Bluechoos and all that sort of stuff,
and they're they offer more than justthe ED pills, so you've got the
(09:43):
longer lasting stuff. They'll do stuffwith like hair follicles and all that sort
of stuff. Right. The onethat's funny, and I see this more
onlike porn sites, is is theywill have these pills that make you increase
your like I don't know if itcan have more common out more come and
they do it like the gop milkcommercial and they'll fill the glass with it.
(10:05):
Ah, Like there's a point whereI'm coming where it's too much,
right. Like what I mean bythat is is that you have the feeling
like you have the orgasm. You'regood, but there's a point where the
where the dick gets tender, right, And like if you ever have that
(10:26):
like like where you just came andlike she's she's playing with it again and
you're like it's not gonna work rightnow kind of thing, like it's spent
right. So when it when itcontinues to spooge over and over and over,
I just feel like at some pointmy dick's gonna cramp and it's like
just gonna do a thing like Ijust don't know why that was Yes,
(10:48):
lazy dick, Yes, yes Ido. I do kekels as mites.
I think it's fine. Well,so I do like like like when I'm
in or something like ill, Yeah, I'll flex it. I'll do all
that sort of stuff, like whenit's hard, I'll flex it. Like
you know, I don't really helicopterit all that much because I don't have
(11:09):
much the helicopter. It's like tryingto spin around a fucking toothpick. But
like there's there's things on it rightas far as like like tasks or things
that you can do to try toenable I just feel like, like a
certain at a certain point, you'rejust done. That's a fetish thing,
I think. I think some dudesare just into a massive amount copious amounts
of calm. Yeah. I'm notlike I think because it's like, you
(11:31):
know, the gold rule. There'sa porn for that, right, Like
if you can imagine it, theywill. Yeah, So there's there's dudes
out there that want that, LikeI think. I think it's it's weird
a to change though, because itused to always be the just the dick
and margement pills, and now it'slike, hey, just make more spooge.
Yeah, Like where did we gowrong as a society? So two
questions Number one, have you evertaken a gas station pill? Yeah?
(11:56):
And did you have a talk acton that? I don't know. I
was all messed up though. Itook that horny goat weed. I've taken
a bunch of them. I've takenlike golden antlers, I've taken there's a
whole bunch of random ones. Somethingwas like horny toad some something and Arizona
I found I am one of those. I love buying those things and trying
them out. I'm probably fucking upmy whole body, but I think it's
(12:18):
hilarious just to see if any effecthappens. But I've realized this beeward.
I am a horny little motherfucker.Okay, I like my penis. I
know my wife likes my penis.So it's like I want to use it
as much as possible before it dies, before it's like out of juice and
doesn't want to work anymore. That'show I treat it. So if I
find something that's gonna do it,yeah, I'm gonna take it. I'm
gonna try it. I've tried biagrabefore. That was interesting. I'm just
(12:41):
I don't know. I don't reallyneed much but those pills, I don't.
I don't. I think it's morejust a placeble effect, Like it's
a mind effect. Like the guythat needs it, good for him,
go buy it. But I meanalso, like how that's an awkward look
you're gonna get like when you're buyingthat, Like it's like, you know,
remember when we used to play inninth grade, uh leisure shuit Larry's
(13:03):
lounge Lizards in class and it waslike the condom buying scene like Zigzag or
this and that. This guy's buyinga magnim size zig zag black and white
condoms and it's like, I rememberbuying condos was embarrassing. Yeah, and
it's like the stupidest thing to beembarrassed about. You're like, you're buying
You're you're obviously going to have sex, but you're like, I can't.
I can't buy this in front ofpeople because they're gonna know I'm having Like
(13:26):
who cares? Who fucking cares.It's like it's like in middle school when
you would take a shit. Youcouldn't take a shit because somebody walk in
and goes a crap in here.It's like, yeah, everybody poops,
it's awesome. Like I'm at leastgetting laid if I'm buying a condom.
Now, mind you, I willask you this P word because I'm a
weirdo. I I used to jerkoff with condoms on just to see did
you ever do that? Yeah?I did it twice. I did it
(13:48):
twice. I did it actually afteruh. I did it when I was
a teenager because I wanted to knowwhat the difference, you know, was
you know, before I actually likegot sexually active. And then the other
time that I did it was afterI got married or after I got divorced,
because again, while I was married, like it was, there's no
raincoat there, so now I'm goinginto the wild. They needed to have
(14:09):
protection, and we're talking you know, five six years where I didn't have
that. So I had to tryto see like what that feeling was,
and it it's like, the theonly thing that I can say about condoms
because I don't think that there's anymen out there that like condoms. I
really don't. I don't know thatthere's any anybody who's like, yes,
please suffocate my penis and tell methat I can't feel like yeah, and
(14:33):
like the the the analogy that Iuse is like your pet and a bear
with a glove on, like youjust don't feel the fur right and so
like, while you get the sensations, it's all, it's all great and
stuff. But yeah, no,I did that twice and both times were
unsatisfactory. Like, you know,I would much rather go without the raincoat
than with the raincoat, if thatmakes sense, like all things considered,
(14:54):
but of course, with a newpartner, circumstances or whatever. You have
to take the appropriate circumstances to makesure that you're not getting diseases and you're
also not spreading anything. I'm stillwhen you have something, so yeah,
so did you. And that's thefunny thing too, because I think there's
two guys, two rules of thoughtfor that, right. Some guys go
with it, I don't want todisease. Other guys go, I don't
want a baby. And I alwayshad the condom thing for the baby thing.
(15:16):
I never had the fear of likesomeone's gonna wrap my dick off.
I don't know. I'm just andI'm not saying it's right. I'm not
saying that's a correct thought, butit's weird because I think guys think that
way. I think it's like,Okay, this is why I'm wearing it.
I don't want to it, andthen the other guy, this is
why I'm wearing it. I don'twant to have a little atom like you
know what I mean? And thatthat is weird. Uh No. When
I did it, I did itto see how much I could fill it
(15:37):
up. I was having a contestwith myself. And then also just like
the feeling because like that was thetime. I remember when I used to
wear it all the time. Ijust hated it, Like I just never
could get to that the finish line, you know what I mean, It
just just felt horrible and I neverThey don't really ever fit right there.
It's just a fucking mess. Theystink, you stink, Yeah, they
(15:58):
do. They do. But youyou were talking about actually that you know,
they're especially being new in a relationship, you're like, oh, let's
finish at the same time. Right, Like, there was a girl that
I was with, She's like,oh, let's finish at the same time.
And this was the first time thatI faked an orgasm. So so
she's she's sitting there and we're goingShe's like right there, right there,
right there, and all of asudden, she does the the I mean,
(16:18):
and I could feel it, right, She's going through an orgasm,
and I'm like, oh, yeah, high five, like yeah, let's
do this. And then she waslike, oh was that great for you?
And I was like, yeah,it was fantastic, Like that's awesome,
so proud, That's what I feltlike, dude. I was just
(16:40):
like, oh, this is right, yeah, fuck me right, But
yeah, dude, it's just aweird concept. I mean, I know,
getting older, like I'm gonna geta RP fucking mailers and I already
get the Social Security mailers and allthat sort of stuff now. So it's
like, I just don't like froma bodily function thing and also from a
real relationship aspect. I you know, I don't know how good porn is
(17:03):
just in general long term. Ithink if you look at porn, you
know, there's one thing. Butif you if you are using it in
place of, you know, arelationship, I think that that could be
pretty detrimental. But and you know, I hope that people, you know,
write anything. Anything in mass quantitiesis bad, right, So I
(17:25):
just hope that people make good decisions. But let me ask you this.
Would you rather have to take apill for ED for the rest of your
life or have to wear a condomevery time you fucked? Oh, pill
for ED one hundred percent? AndI would, dude, I would.
I would use popsicle sticks in arubber band just to make that thing hard
like I would. Yeah, No, Bobby from two guys in a dart
(17:45):
and put over everything simple Bobby,Yeah, yeah, absolutely no. I
took my buddy omp he had.He had a script for cialis and he
he was like, hey, yeah, you want one, And I was
like yeah, I mean I'll tryit, you know, blah blah blah.
And then the lady who was supposedto come over on a Friday,
(18:06):
when I took the pill right beforeshe was supposed to cover, she was
sick and throwing up, like violentlythrowing up. And I couldn't force her,
you know, to do that.That was just wrong, dude.
I was making peanut butter sandwiches inthe most sensual way, bro, for
that weekend. I was spreading thatpeanut butter. I was like, yeah,
you get it. I was sohard, dude. I fucking beat
(18:27):
myself fucking all week in long dude, I was. I was so I
was chafed, bro, like itwas. It was like a carpet burn.
It's funny though, too, because, like, you know, I've
been in a long term relationship,like I've been married to my wife for
a while, and like, youknow, we have that great sex life.
But it's like funny in the senselike things change, right. It's
(18:48):
like you don't need to have likesex like fifteen times a day, like
you know, when you're young ina relationships like, oh, we should
allay, It's like we could doit once. I'm like, that was
awesome. Everybody's happy. We cango on with our day probably a few
days and we're fine. And thatthat's my favorite part, is when you
start to learn that stuff and youknow, and it's a healthy thing,
but it is. It is interestingthough, because I was I was watching
(19:08):
I was watching another show, alittle podcast, and they were talking about
why why there's a whole stereotype,like why guys can have sex more than
girls, right, like be aslut essentially, and and it makes sense.
And I used to tell a standup joke like this too, Like
I can go into a bar andyell out I want to fuck, and
every girl in the bar's trying togo no shit. But if a girl
(19:30):
walks into the bar and says Iwant to fuck, everybody's gonna buy her
a drink. And I do thinkthere's some truth to that. And I'm
not trying to say I'm, youknow, misogynistic or anything, but there
is some there is some truth thatmen do have to work a little harder
for it, in the sense thatwe should impress when we should word for
those things, right, And I'mnot saying women don't have to work for
sex, but it's like, tobe honest, be if we were both
single, we went into a barand a hot that he walks over and
(19:52):
goes, hey, you want towhat do you think you're gonna say?
Yeah, I forgot my don't know. Yeah yeah, I mean me in
high school, I would have Iwas a dumb as I was like,
I know, yeah, I wantto go play NBA jam and eat biscuits
and gravy. But yeah, no, sh But you know what I mean,
Like, Yeah, it's it's athing like do you feel that men
get unfair or women get unfair treatmentbased on that? I mean, yes,
(20:15):
I feel like that the stereotypes arecorrect as far as like men can
be or at least are more acceptedas being a slut than women are.
Like I think that those just anobservation in society. Those are correct.
However, I guess I'm gonna goback to this, like there's appropriate masculinity
(20:40):
and there's appropriate femininity, and themasculinity and femininity of being a slut is
not appropriate and neither one. However, I will say that women are more
attracted to men with confidence than theyare without men or with men with no
confidence. And so what I meanby that is is that women don't want
a chick with a dick, andand not to say that women aren't lesbians
(21:06):
are attracted to people who are transsexualor whatever. They don't want a friend
with a penis because really that's allthat you are. At that point,
You're the equivalent of a gay dudein the friend circle. They want a
man to be a man and tobe confident within himself, but also treat
her with respect and dignity and allthose things open the door for her and
support her and value her and thosesort of things. And I would say
(21:29):
that with that you are. Ithink men have a challenge where they're not
emotionally grown as fast as a womanis, and unfortunately, I think for
that, men have to take timeto get to know themselves better and usually
that involves dragging their dick through themud. And I'm not advocating for that,
(21:52):
like I'm not saying that that's appropriateand a woman trying to do the
same as not. I just thinkthat that's where that's at. As women
are more into intimacy than they arejust the physical act of sex, at
least in my experience, and sowith that there's more of the emotional connection,
whereas men men would fuck a couch, Like we've talked about that before.
(22:15):
So it's it's really about like thedifferences between men and women. So
as far as like if it's ifit's correct in a sense of observation,
yeah, I would say observationally it'scorrect. Does it make one of the
two, you know, better thanthe other. No, I wouldn't say
that either. But you know,men and women are just genetically different,
dude, Like like we're built differentand we we don't we think different ways,
(22:37):
and it's just it's not the same. I agree, my man,
I agree. I enjoyed this talk. Now I'm gonna go take a sialis
and go see my wife. Crunchypeanut butters from the moment you can spread
the nut, Yeah, you spreadthe nut, You make the nut,
creamy. Dude, you're putting inwork, why? Yeah, So I'm
(23:02):
sucking out of here. I guessthe bill's mind. South. Well,
we'll see you next month.
M m hey. So yeah,by Sal, I brought Jake in with
(00:40):
me this time. Sal, aren'tyou proud we didn't arrive separate the time.
We came at the same time.Like ro Ron Jeremy's sperm, we
did. He he come? Healways came on demand. I don't know
that to be a fact, butI know that we came at the same
time. I know he would countdown pornos. And the reason I learned
that is the Travesty used to puton his porno's a lot, because the
(01:03):
Travesty was all about quantity over quality. I remember he would go we would
go to that adult shop near thewarehouse, the one on Trump Cannon near
the In and Out. He usedto take us. There's a giant but
isn't the adult superstore or something likethat. That's it, Yeah, the
adult superstore. Yeah, And sohe'd take us there, and I remember
(01:23):
the Travesty would be like, we'dbe like looking for a movie or whatever,
right, and he'd buy because rememberthe Travesty had that giant suitcase that
he carried for in me. Yeah, I remember you telling me about that,
right, And I remember one timehe's like, I was like looking
at one I was like, Hey, I'm gonna get this one. I'm
gonna buy this one, you know, like like I don't know that.
I know that not every bro doesthat, but that's just how we and
(01:44):
him worked, right, Like it'slike, I'm buy this corno and then
we're gonna go home. And becausehe watched them like regular movies, right
And I look over and he goes, Jake, why would you buy that
one when this one has seven anda half hours of footage? And he
would go, it's only three ninetyand I get seven a half hours.
You're over. There's been a ninebucks for an hour and a half.
And I just went, that's why. And there were a lot of Ron
(02:07):
Jeremy scenes and I remember he woulddo that countdown thing. You'd be like
five four three two, like thelittle Hedgehogy was squirting everywhere. Well,
I now, you know, probablythe most embarrassing porn that I ever purchased
was one night in Paris. Itwas the Paris Hilton one. You bought
that it did because you're dumb,Because I was dumb. Yeah, because
(02:30):
at the time, like I didn'trealize how much of an ass she didn't
have and how much yeah, youknow, like her tits are fine to
me, Like, I don't needbig titties, but she didn't have an
ass whatsoever. But I have Ihave a question for you because as men,
we are you know, like weget involved in certain things. Right,
(02:50):
So, like every dude at somepoint, in my opinion, gets
involved in porn, right, Andwe talk about how porn makes like like
creates a unrealistic expectation or something ofthat nature, right when it comes into
sex and into pacy and that sortof stuff. So my question is for
you, like how have you separatedthose two? So, like, how
(03:15):
is it that you can like lookat something on the internet or whatever and
then like go to your wife andnot have it like involve her, if
that makes sense. Remember we've talkedabout this in the sense that I jerk
off to age appropriate porn or something, right, Like, it's like I
look for women that look like mywife. I do. I don't care.
(03:38):
I know what I like. I'mnot venturing for other things. I'm
a very happy man, and soI'm like, okay, that one.
I could see it all right,it's close or like features right, like
features my white have. I'm I'mlike Okay, I can look at that,
and so that that's how I treatit. I don't go for like
the crazy weird stuff, and youknow, it's maybe it's not weird to
(04:00):
somebody else, but you know,I'm not. There's a lot of things
I'm just not into. And it'sbecause I've been around the block and I've
tried some of those things and I'mlike, not for me doesn't get me
going. Also, I don't wantto fall down that like weird, terrible
path. I remember I was livingin college with Shut Your Air and Yap,
and his roommate at the time wasthis kid named Tex. The first
(04:23):
time we met, and they livedin the dorms that you and are,
and text would was that dirty guy, like you know the sense like just
nasty, like scratches everywhere, what'sup scroungey, yeah, like, but
he would he would say things likeI brush my teeth with whiskey and just
just a fucking weird And I'll neverforget the time we walked into his room,
him and Errands and he was watchingporn and I look over and I
(04:46):
go, what the hell is that? He goes, Oh, unless there's
periods or a horse cock, don'tget me involved. And I just thought
to myself, like, you haveto be on another level to want that,
and so I I just went,no, no, I'm never going
to be that dude. I'm nevergoing to be that dude. So the
reason why I asked this question isbecause, like a couple of reasons.
(05:09):
So as somebody who is getting towardquote unquote middle aged brushing up against forty.
So a lot of the ads thatare advertised to me are like blue
chew or hymns. I was right. So it's like they're all talking about
a rectile dysfunction. Now I don'thave a problem getting a woodie, okay,
(05:31):
nor do I have a problem keepinga woodie. But I will tell
you, like I've seen other documentariesand such, like you know, there
was there was the Playboy stuff todo with Hugh Hefner, and Hugh Hefner
had a problem getting aroused after acertain point because he had done everything that
now he needed to involve animals,or now he needed to involve certain types
(05:55):
of drugs or you know, stufflike that. So when it comes into
that, like I like, firstoff, if anybody who's listening to this
has like ed like I don't.I don't judge you in any way,
shape or form, But do youthink that that the the the consumption of
porn and the rejection aspect, likemaybe dudes are afraid to ask women out
(06:20):
or they go to porn because pornnever says no kind of thing. Do
you think that that plays into likesome of this ed stuff, like just
in your opinion, Yeah, ittotally does. It totally does in a
sense. I do believe like it'seven that thing, like you eventually you
might not be able to get offunless you're doing it yourself. Right,
(06:41):
there's that like it's like that thatfear that men have. And I don't
know. I've talked to women andit's like when they have toys, it's
like sometimes that's all they can donow toy and a man will never satisfy
in the same way, right,And you know you always hear that it's
a little different, but you knowyou can still get off that way,
but maybe you can't. I do. It was funny because I actually came
into this tavern I was going totalk to you about the same thing.
(07:02):
On the different side of it.I was looking at blue Shoe and him
ads because they're hitting me up allthe time. But the one I see
is the last five times longer.Who the fuck needs that? Who?
I understand people have problems, butI have never been told in my life,
please please, I wish you couldgo longer. I normally get the
hey, are you done because I'mdone type of thing, like fat boy,
(07:27):
will you hurry up? Like I'veheard that a couple of times.
Like you know, normally it's justthe will you finish already? Like I
remember, dude, I like therewas an intimate moment right right with my
ex fiance and I don't remember whatthe occasion was. I don't know if
there was some sort of occasion ornot. But we're we're getting into it
and we're we're slapping the pickle andwe're we're doing the things, and I'm
(07:53):
trying to like not come so thatway she can get hers, you know
what, I'm trying to finish heroff yet yeah, and so in doing
so, and I was probably notas adept to like understanding the woman's body
and like you need to kind ofkeep the same repetitive motion when they say
it feels good type thing. Yeah, you don't change it up. You
(08:15):
don't. Yeah, you don't changegears because the moment you change gears,
you just start over, right.So but I'm doing my best and I'm
trying to like get her there,and it's it's not that she hadn't gotten
there before, it's just that we'rein the middle of it and I'm trying
to get her there, and Iguess I kept switching gears too much.
And she goes, hey, I'mjust done. Are you done? Have
you came yet? Dude? Youwant to talk about a shot to the
(08:37):
ego? Bro, I was justlike, Nah, I'm done, I'm
done. I'm getting off. Thankyou. No. I mean because I
look at it like like I've hadit. I've had all the moments,
right, we all have, Likeyou'll be a liar if you're saying you
have it. Like I've had themoment where it's like, can you please
hurry up? And then I've hadthe moment Like my favorite is when when
you're new in the couple, likeyou know, new in the relationship,
(09:00):
and the it's like the the shewants to have the let's finish at the
same time thing, and it's justlike I'm not Ron Jeremy it's not gonna
happen like on cue, like it'sjust gonna happen when it happens. Now,
I I do say, I doenjoy it, quickie. I'm not
good at them, so I guessI need the opposite pill, Like how
can I last five times less?Like you know, and I'm not saying
(09:20):
I take forever, but you knowthere's like there's like, what do you
think the golden time is? Likethe No Ten fifteen minutes? Maybe that's
yeah, like you know, Ithink of twelve to seventeen. Yeah,
yeah, somewhere in that vicinity.But you know what's funny is is you've
got these four hymns and the Bluechoos and all that sort of stuff,
and they're they offer more than justthe ED pills, so you've got the
(09:43):
longer lasting stuff. They'll do stuffwith like hair follicles and all that sort
of stuff. Right. The onethat's funny, and I see this more
onlike porn sites, is is theywill have these pills that make you increase
your like I don't know if itcan have more common out more come and
they do it like the gop milkcommercial and they'll fill the glass with it.
(10:05):
Ah, Like there's a point whereI'm coming where it's too much,
right. Like what I mean bythat is is that you have the feeling
like you have the orgasm. You'regood, but there's a point where the
where the dick gets tender, right, And like if you ever have that
(10:26):
like like where you just came andlike she's she's playing with it again and
you're like it's not gonna work rightnow kind of thing, like it's spent
right. So when it when itcontinues to spooge over and over and over,
I just feel like at some pointmy dick's gonna cramp and it's like
just gonna do a thing like Ijust don't know why that was Yes,
(10:48):
lazy dick, Yes, yes Ido. I do kekels as mites.
I think it's fine. Well,so I do like like like when I'm
in or something like ill, Yeah, I'll flex it. I'll do all
that sort of stuff, like whenit's hard, I'll flex it. Like
you know, I don't really helicopterit all that much because I don't have
(11:09):
much the helicopter. It's like tryingto spin around a fucking toothpick. But
like there's there's things on it rightas far as like like tasks or things
that you can do to try toenable I just feel like, like a
certain at a certain point, you'rejust done. That's a fetish thing,
I think. I think some dudesare just into a massive amount copious amounts
of calm. Yeah. I'm notlike I think because it's like, you
(11:31):
know, the gold rule. There'sa porn for that, right, Like
if you can imagine it, theywill. Yeah, So there's there's dudes
out there that want that, LikeI think. I think it's it's weird
a to change though, because itused to always be the just the dick
and margement pills, and now it'slike, hey, just make more spooge.
Yeah, Like where did we gowrong as a society? So two
questions Number one, have you evertaken a gas station pill? Yeah?
(11:56):
And did you have a talk acton that? I don't know. I
was all messed up though. Itook that horny goat weed. I've taken
a bunch of them. I've takenlike golden antlers, I've taken there's a
whole bunch of random ones. Somethingwas like horny toad some something and Arizona
I found I am one of those. I love buying those things and trying
them out. I'm probably fucking upmy whole body, but I think it's
(12:18):
hilarious just to see if any effecthappens. But I've realized this beeward.
I am a horny little motherfucker.Okay, I like my penis. I
know my wife likes my penis.So it's like I want to use it
as much as possible before it dies, before it's like out of juice and
doesn't want to work anymore. That'show I treat it. So if I
find something that's gonna do it,yeah, I'm gonna take it. I'm
gonna try it. I've tried biagrabefore. That was interesting. I'm just
(12:41):
I don't know. I don't reallyneed much but those pills, I don't.
I don't. I think it's morejust a placeble effect, Like it's
a mind effect. Like the guythat needs it, good for him,
go buy it. But I meanalso, like how that's an awkward look
you're gonna get like when you're buyingthat, Like it's like, you know,
remember when we used to play inninth grade, uh leisure shuit Larry's
(13:03):
lounge Lizards in class and it waslike the condom buying scene like Zigzag or
this and that. This guy's buyinga magnim size zig zag black and white
condoms and it's like, I rememberbuying condos was embarrassing. Yeah, and
it's like the stupidest thing to beembarrassed about. You're like, you're buying
You're you're obviously going to have sex, but you're like, I can't.
I can't buy this in front ofpeople because they're gonna know I'm having Like
(13:26):
who cares? Who fucking cares.It's like it's like in middle school when
you would take a shit. Youcouldn't take a shit because somebody walk in
and goes a crap in here.It's like, yeah, everybody poops,
it's awesome. Like I'm at leastgetting laid if I'm buying a condom.
Now, mind you, I willask you this P word because I'm a
weirdo. I I used to jerkoff with condoms on just to see did
you ever do that? Yeah?I did it twice. I did it
(13:48):
twice. I did it actually afteruh. I did it when I was
a teenager because I wanted to knowwhat the difference, you know, was
you know, before I actually likegot sexually active. And then the other
time that I did it was afterI got married or after I got divorced,
because again, while I was married, like it was, there's no
raincoat there, so now I'm goinginto the wild. They needed to have
(14:09):
protection, and we're talking you know, five six years where I didn't have
that. So I had to tryto see like what that feeling was,
and it it's like, the theonly thing that I can say about condoms
because I don't think that there's anymen out there that like condoms. I
really don't. I don't know thatthere's any anybody who's like, yes,
please suffocate my penis and tell methat I can't feel like yeah, and
(14:33):
like the the the analogy that Iuse is like your pet and a bear
with a glove on, like youjust don't feel the fur right and so
like, while you get the sensations, it's all, it's all great and
stuff. But yeah, no,I did that twice and both times were
unsatisfactory. Like, you know,I would much rather go without the raincoat
than with the raincoat, if thatmakes sense, like all things considered,
(14:54):
but of course, with a newpartner, circumstances or whatever. You have
to take the appropriate circumstances to makesure that you're not getting diseases and you're
also not spreading anything. I'm stillwhen you have something, so yeah,
so did you. And that's thefunny thing too, because I think there's
two guys, two rules of thoughtfor that, right. Some guys go
with it, I don't want todisease. Other guys go, I don't
want a baby. And I alwayshad the condom thing for the baby thing.
(15:16):
I never had the fear of likesomeone's gonna wrap my dick off.
I don't know. I'm just andI'm not saying it's right. I'm not
saying that's a correct thought, butit's weird because I think guys think that
way. I think it's like,Okay, this is why I'm wearing it.
I don't want to it, andthen the other guy, this is
why I'm wearing it. I don'twant to have a little atom like you
know what I mean? And thatthat is weird. Uh No. When
I did it, I did itto see how much I could fill it
(15:37):
up. I was having a contestwith myself. And then also just like
the feeling because like that was thetime. I remember when I used to
wear it all the time. Ijust hated it, Like I just never
could get to that the finish line, you know what I mean, It
just just felt horrible and I neverThey don't really ever fit right there.
It's just a fucking mess. Theystink, you stink, Yeah, they
(15:58):
do. They do. But youyou were talking about actually that you know,
they're especially being new in a relationship, you're like, oh, let's
finish at the same time. Right, Like, there was a girl that
I was with, She's like,oh, let's finish at the same time.
And this was the first time thatI faked an orgasm. So so
she's she's sitting there and we're goingShe's like right there, right there,
right there, and all of asudden, she does the the I mean,
(16:18):
and I could feel it, right, She's going through an orgasm,
and I'm like, oh, yeah, high five, like yeah, let's
do this. And then she waslike, oh was that great for you?
And I was like, yeah,it was fantastic, Like that's awesome,
so proud, That's what I feltlike, dude. I was just
(16:40):
like, oh, this is right, yeah, fuck me right, But
yeah, dude, it's just aweird concept. I mean, I know,
getting older, like I'm gonna geta RP fucking mailers and I already
get the Social Security mailers and allthat sort of stuff now. So it's
like, I just don't like froma bodily function thing and also from a
real relationship aspect. I you know, I don't know how good porn is
(17:03):
just in general long term. Ithink if you look at porn, you
know, there's one thing. Butif you if you are using it in
place of, you know, arelationship, I think that that could be
pretty detrimental. But and you know, I hope that people, you know,
write anything. Anything in mass quantitiesis bad, right, So I
(17:25):
just hope that people make good decisions. But let me ask you this.
Would you rather have to take apill for ED for the rest of your
life or have to wear a condomevery time you fucked? Oh, pill
for ED one hundred percent? AndI would, dude, I would.
I would use popsicle sticks in arubber band just to make that thing hard
like I would. Yeah, No, Bobby from two guys in a dart
(17:45):
and put over everything simple Bobby,Yeah, yeah, absolutely no. I
took my buddy omp he had.He had a script for cialis and he
he was like, hey, yeah, you want one, And I was
like yeah, I mean I'll tryit, you know, blah blah blah.
And then the lady who was supposedto come over on a Friday,
(18:06):
when I took the pill right beforeshe was supposed to cover, she was
sick and throwing up, like violentlythrowing up. And I couldn't force her,
you know, to do that.That was just wrong, dude.
I was making peanut butter sandwiches inthe most sensual way, bro, for
that weekend. I was spreading thatpeanut butter. I was like, yeah,
you get it. I was sohard, dude. I fucking beat
(18:27):
myself fucking all week in long dude, I was. I was so I
was chafed, bro, like itwas. It was like a carpet burn.
It's funny though, too, because, like, you know, I've
been in a long term relationship,like I've been married to my wife for
a while, and like, youknow, we have that great sex life.
But it's like funny in the senselike things change, right. It's
(18:48):
like you don't need to have likesex like fifteen times a day, like
you know, when you're young ina relationships like, oh, we should
allay, It's like we could doit once. I'm like, that was
awesome. Everybody's happy. We cango on with our day probably a few
days and we're fine. And thatthat's my favorite part, is when you
start to learn that stuff and youknow, and it's a healthy thing,
but it is. It is interestingthough, because I was I was watching
(19:08):
I was watching another show, alittle podcast, and they were talking about
why why there's a whole stereotype,like why guys can have sex more than
girls, right, like be aslut essentially, and and it makes sense.
And I used to tell a standup joke like this too, Like
I can go into a bar andyell out I want to fuck, and
every girl in the bar's trying togo no shit. But if a girl
(19:30):
walks into the bar and says Iwant to fuck, everybody's gonna buy her
a drink. And I do thinkthere's some truth to that. And I'm
not trying to say I'm, youknow, misogynistic or anything, but there
is some there is some truth thatmen do have to work a little harder
for it, in the sense thatwe should impress when we should word for
those things, right, And I'mnot saying women don't have to work for
sex, but it's like, tobe honest, be if we were both
single, we went into a barand a hot that he walks over and
(19:52):
goes, hey, you want towhat do you think you're gonna say?
Yeah, I forgot my don't know. Yeah yeah, I mean me in
high school, I would have Iwas a dumb as I was like,
I know, yeah, I wantto go play NBA jam and eat biscuits
and gravy. But yeah, no, sh But you know what I mean,
Like, Yeah, it's it's athing like do you feel that men
get unfair or women get unfair treatmentbased on that? I mean, yes,
(20:15):
I feel like that the stereotypes arecorrect as far as like men can
be or at least are more acceptedas being a slut than women are.
Like I think that those just anobservation in society. Those are correct.
However, I guess I'm gonna goback to this, like there's appropriate masculinity
(20:40):
and there's appropriate femininity, and themasculinity and femininity of being a slut is
not appropriate and neither one. However, I will say that women are more
attracted to men with confidence than theyare without men or with men with no
confidence. And so what I meanby that is is that women don't want
a chick with a dick, andand not to say that women aren't lesbians
(21:06):
are attracted to people who are transsexualor whatever. They don't want a friend
with a penis because really that's allthat you are. At that point,
You're the equivalent of a gay dudein the friend circle. They want a
man to be a man and tobe confident within himself, but also treat
her with respect and dignity and allthose things open the door for her and
support her and value her and thosesort of things. And I would say
(21:29):
that with that you are. Ithink men have a challenge where they're not
emotionally grown as fast as a womanis, and unfortunately, I think for
that, men have to take timeto get to know themselves better and usually
that involves dragging their dick through themud. And I'm not advocating for that,
(21:52):
like I'm not saying that that's appropriateand a woman trying to do the
same as not. I just thinkthat that's where that's at. As women
are more into intimacy than they arejust the physical act of sex, at
least in my experience, and sowith that there's more of the emotional connection,
whereas men men would fuck a couch, Like we've talked about that before.
(22:15):
So it's it's really about like thedifferences between men and women. So
as far as like if it's ifit's correct in a sense of observation,
yeah, I would say observationally it'scorrect. Does it make one of the
two, you know, better thanthe other. No, I wouldn't say
that either. But you know,men and women are just genetically different,
dude, Like like we're built differentand we we don't we think different ways,
(22:37):
and it's just it's not the same. I agree, my man,
I agree. I enjoyed this talk. Now I'm gonna go take a sialis
and go see my wife. Crunchypeanut butters from the moment you can spread
the nut, Yeah, you spreadthe nut, You make the nut,
creamy. Dude, you're putting inwork, why? Yeah, So I'm
(23:02):
sucking out of here. I guessthe bill's mind. South. Well,
we'll see you next month.
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