Send me a text and let me know what you thought of this episode!
Navigating the tumultuous waters of parenting, I invite you on an exploration of the transformative power that comes with the arrival of new life. Following a period of personal upheaval due to pregnancy complications, my world was forever altered by the birth of my daughter. As you join me in this episode, you'll witness my candid confessionals about shifting from a rigid authoritarian stance to embracing a parenting style that breathes with gentle authority. It's a journey laden with reflection, change, and the desire to cultivate a nurturing environment where the voices of little ones are not just heard, but echoed with respect.
As we peel back the layers of parenting strong-willed children, I recount personal anecdotes that illuminate the societal tightrope we walk. The challenges are real, from managing a spirited toddler in the solemn quiet of a church service to confronting the judgmental glances that often accompany misunderstood youthful exuberance. In sharing these stories, there's hope for a collective sigh of relief and understanding amongst us parents who witness our children's tenacity not as a hurdle but as a promising sign of future leaders. This episode promises to embolden and equip you to foster autonomy in your children, turning what may seem like everyday parenting struggles into stepping stones for growth and mutual respect within the family fabric.
If you like this show and believe in its message, please consider supporting our Patreon. For as little as $3/month, get access to behind the scenes content, early access to podcast episodes and more!
Send any questions or comments to allourlittlemesses@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you guys!
Subscribe to the newsletter here to get periodic updates on blog posts and more!
Buy Me a Coffee!
If you liked this episode, consider buying me a coffee! It'll help keep me awake during late night editing sessions. Thank you!
Follow me on Instagram and Facebook for behind the scenes content and everyday posts about parenting and marriage.
Sounds from Zapsplat.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello and welcome to All Our Little Messes, a podcast
focused on healing throughintentional conversations about
parenting, relationships,religion and more.
I am your host, veronica Winrod, and I'm so happy to have you
here listening in on my thoughtstoday.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hi, welcome back to All Our Little Messes.
It has been almost two monthssince my last episode and before
we get into what this episodeis going to be about, I wanted
to talk a little bit about why Ihad such a long break.
So let's get into that littlestory.
(00:52):
So the reason why I had such along break was because, as some
of you might already know, I waspregnant and let me see, I
think it was gestational week 10or maybe 12, they found a
(01:20):
hematoma underneath my placentaand basically what that was was
just a haemorrhage of bleedunderneath the placenta, and so
they put me on pelvic rest towatch that and to make sure that
it didn't grow and that theplacenta didn't start to detach
from uterine wall, things likethat.
So by week 18 of the pregnancymy body had reabsorbed the
(01:45):
hematoma, everything was lookinggreat, and then I think it was
week like 27, 28 during anultrasound they found what's
called a marginal cordimplantation, where the it's
(02:06):
basically where the cord doesnot implant in the center of the
placenta, it implants on theouter edge, and so they became
concerned about the growth ofthe baby and whether she was
going to be growing fine.
They were also concerned thatduring birth I might hemorrhage,
(02:30):
because I was already at a riskfor hemorrhage because I have
blood problems, and so they wereconcerned that it would
increase my risk of hemorrhaging, because during birth with a
marginal cord implantation,there is also a concern that the
cord would come up, come awayfrom the placenta during labor
(02:51):
and delivery and that poses arisk for hemorrhage for both the
mother and the baby.
So there was that going on, andthen I also had very severe
morning sickness that I was onmedication for.
So like it just became like thishuge thing.
It just and just everything wasjust so much to handle with
(03:12):
that.
I was just like I can't, Imentally cannot deal with a
podcast and a blog on top ofeverything and like, looking
back, I should have, you know,at least done like one last
episode and blog post about,about what was going on and been
like, okay, I'm taking a breakfor two months or whatever, but
(03:33):
I just didn't have a mentalcapacity for that either.
So I just kind of quit and Iwas just like you know, I'll
pick it up again when she, aftershe's born and after I've had a
chance to kind of mentally comeout of all that.
So the birth was actually likesuper easy, super chill.
As far as you know, as far asbirths go.
(03:55):
I say super easy and superchill, like birth is just just
another day, but honestly it'snot.
It's a huge job.
So don't want to downplay that.
But yeah, everything was waspretty easy as far as you know,
as far as birth goes, of course.
And she came out, it was a girl.
(04:16):
She came out absolutely perfect.
There was like zerocomplications.
There was a little bit ofbleeding, but they, you know,
they never turned into anythingsuper scary, anything and they
were able to take care of it andthey were on it right away.
Like they were honestly soprepared there.
I gave birth at my localhospital and so they, they were
(04:38):
so awesome.
My midwife was amazing and likethe labor and delivery nurses
were so prepared and so on it.
And like I had, you know,certain things I wanted to
happen with me and the baby andcertain things I didn't want to
happen, and like they were allso amazing when it came to
accommodating all of that andlike making sure that it
(04:59):
happened and like reminding eachother and like I had my birth
plan and my chart and I had mybirth plan at the nurses station
and like they had it up on myboard on the wall and like
everybody was making sure.
So that was that was really,really awesome.
So, yeah, like it was, it wasprobably it was definitely one
(05:21):
of my better birth experiencesI've I've had three kids now and
so it was, it was definitelyone of the better ones.
Going into it and, you know,coming out with the pediatrician
appointments and everythingafterwards, so yeah, that's kind
of that's kind of what happenedand you know why I took a break
for so long was I had a baby?
(05:43):
So yeah, with with all of that,let's get into this week's
episode.
So this week, I wanted to talkabout, like my own personal
parenting goals as I come out of2023 and going to 2024.
(06:04):
This week, this, this, not thisweek this year has been, has
been huge for us as a familywhen it comes to our parenting
and really solidifying like aplan or an idea of what we want
our parenting to look like andas we go into 2024, like I,
(06:28):
especially over the last coupleof weeks, I've really found
myself thinking about, you know,ways that I can, you know, make
my parenting better for mychildren and because you know,
coming out of you know ahousehold that used
authoritarian style of parentingand corporal punishment, and
(06:49):
you know, moving away from thatand going into parenting that's
more authoritative or gentleparenting, where corporal
punishment is not used, and youknow you, the child is allowed a
voice, and things like that,like it's, it's very difficult,
and so you don't always have thetools for that kind of change
(07:10):
and that kind of shift.
And so I've had to and myhusband also has also had to
teach ourselves through researchand various blogs and articles
and books and things like that.
We've had to teach ourselves alot of these tools, but at the
(07:31):
same time, it's like we'retrying to teach ourselves a
skill at the same time that weteach it to our children, and so
it's very difficult becausewe're reparenting ourselves as
we parent our children, we'relearning alongside our children,
and it's very difficult.
And so, as we're moving intothe new year, I've found myself
(07:54):
thinking, okay, so what can Ichange about my parenting that
can help my children?
And like one of the firstthings that I thought of was the
fact that, as we read theseparenting books and as we follow
all these Instagram pages andthese Facebook pages and watch
(08:16):
all these YouTube videos andthings on authoritative gentle
parenting.
We are caught up in that verypolarizing idea of what gentle
parenting has to be in order tobe correctly labeled as gentle
parenting.
And so, like I have foundmyself caught up in what gentle
(08:40):
parenting should be and what itshould look like, and I have
found myself just absolutely indespair because I am not doing
it right.
I am not doing it according towhat these influencers on
Instagram and YouTube are saying.
I should do it, and so it.
(09:03):
I become very, very discouragedand, like you know, why am I
even doing this?
You know it's not even worth it.
You know I should just give upand I should just move on and I
should go back to what I know,because I know that'll work and
my kids will.
You know, I'll get my kids tobehave that way.
And like it's a daily struggle.
(09:26):
It's a daily struggle gettingcaught up in these things and,
like today, I was thinking aboutit and, as I was actually
nursing my my youngest and I wasscrolling through Instagram,
and I came across this Instagrampost and it really struck me.
I'm actually going to read itto you guys.
Just the post you can raise achild to feel absolutely safe
(09:50):
and sound with voicing how theyfeel and then still be
respectful of the etiquette andmanners you expect from them as
parents.
Do not let anybody tell you anydifferent.
Stop subscribing to theparental polarizing advice out
here, because it's distractingyou from trusting your own
parental instincts and, likethat is something that I
(10:12):
honestly forgot, like I don'thave to follow what everybody
else is doing because really,like, gentle parenting, at least
in my mind, comes down to youknow, right and wrong.
There's a right way to treatpeople and there's a wrong way
to treat people, especiallychildren.
(10:34):
And you know, as parents, we dohave, you know, parental guiding
instincts that you know we'reall supposed to follow when it
comes to, you know, etiquetteand respect in our children.
And you know, when I've got allof these, you know here I am
quoting is, you know, sayingdon't follow the influencers.
(10:55):
And then I just, you know Iread a post from an Instagram
influencer, but it was, it wasjust very struck me as very true
.
Basically, they were sayingdon't follow us, don't listen to
us, listen to your personalparenting instincts, follow what
you think is true and what youthink is right, and you know,
(11:18):
basically it won't.
It won't fail you, like Godwon't fail you, your conscience
won't fail you.
And so, like, that is somethingthat I'm like, that's, that's
my, that's my 2024.
You know, new Year's resolutionis to really take that to heart
, like follow my parentinginstincts.
You know, just because I didn'tdo something the way, you know,
(11:44):
a gentle parenting influencer onInstagram did, it does not mean
that I am failing as a parent.
I am just as good of a parent.
I am the parent that mychildren need and that's why,
you know, god chose me to betheir parents is because God
knew what these kids needed.
(12:05):
And, like I, I mean, yes, Iwill fail some days, I will not
do my best, or I will.
You know, I will lose my temperand I might yell at my kids one
day, but I can still.
You know, I can still try again, I can still apologize to my
(12:26):
kids, I can still mend thebroken bonds and I instill the
parent that you know my kidsneed.
I am the parent that God knowsI can be.
So, you know, ignore that,ignore that advice on Instagram,
because it really does justdrag us down.
It really really does, becauseI don't know about you guys out
(12:52):
there, but it makes me feel likea failure when I read about all
of these, these, these posts,when I read about all of these
things that these gentle parentsdo and all of the Montessori
games and, you know, the floorbeds, and you know, don't
swaddle and don't feed your kidthis and don't yell at your kids
(13:12):
and don't make your kid.
You know, don't have your kidswear this kind of clothes and
they can only play with thesekind of toys and they can only
live in this certain environment.
And you, they can't watchcartoons with bright colors and
they can't watch cartoons thathave, you know, a scene length
of only three seconds.
And on and on, and, on, and onand on and like, honestly, when
(13:36):
I read that stuff, it reallyjust makes me start overthinking
everything I'm doing.
Should they not be watchingCochamilin?
Am I really rotting their brainout?
Am I affecting their attentionspan?
Should they not eat that food?
Am I really affecting, you know, their brain development by
letting them eat that food?
Or you know, my, mythree-year-old eats grapes and
(14:02):
he's never had a problem.
But the other day I startedfreaking out because this one
mom posted a picture of herfive-year-old's meal and the
grapes were cut into quartersand she said she still did that
because she was so terrified ofchoking and she didn't
understand how anyone out therecould not cut the grapes at
(14:22):
least in half.
And so I started freaking outbecause, you know, my
three-four-year-old eats hisgrapes, just eats them.
And that was that's the kind ofthing that I see on social
media that just like makes mesecond guess all of the
parenting that we do and likeare we doing things correctly,
are we doing things right?
And so it just, you know, goesback to my point from before
(14:47):
everything out, there is such apolarizing idea of what
parenting should be.
Everybody has the right ideaand everybody else is wrong and
it completely ignores the factthat God gave us these children
because he knew what thosechildren needed.
(15:09):
Like we all have the potentialto become the parents that these
children need.
Don't ignore your parentinginstincts, ignore social media,
ignore social media.
But we all have the potentialto become, like, the best parent
that our child needs.
We just have to follow ourconscience and our parenting
(15:33):
instincts and and know yourchildren and know yourself and
know your own feelings and know,know what you're good at and
really apply all of that,because that is going to really
help you succeed and like buildthat relationship of trust and
love that is going to help youbecome like the parent that your
children really needs, becauseeverything like parenting is
(15:55):
built on connection right, andso you know, if you know where
you're feeling and you know whatyou're good at, that is also
going to help you build thatconnection between you and your
child which is going to help you, you know, rely on those
parenting instincts and becomethat parent that you know we all
are capable of being and thatyou know God has definitely
(16:19):
created us to be late.
He gave us this job for areason and you know it's really
sad that, like so many of us, atthe end of the day, just, you
know, lie in bed, I mean, I knowI do like just lie in bed and
just think of all of the waysthat we could have been better
(16:40):
that day.
You know I, you know today Iyelled at my four-year-old
because he woke the baby up andlike, looking back, you know,
like I apologized later because,looking back, he was just being
a happy kid and playing withhis brother, like he didn't
(17:02):
realize that his sister wassleeping for one, like I didn't
make an announcement toeverybody, okay, everybody, try
to be quiet, your sister'ssleeping.
I didn't make an announcement,so he had no idea that his
sister was sleeping and he wasjust being a happy, joyful child
playing with his little brother.
And no, there was no fighting,there was no screaming, there
was no yelling.
He was just being happy andkids are loud.
(17:24):
It was being.
There was a lot of loudjoyfulness going on, and like I
lost it because they could hearthe baby start to like move
around, and so I yelled reallyloud and like, looking back, and
I'm just like that was thatthere was no reason for that,
like he didn't do anything wrong.
He wasn't doing anything wrong.
(17:44):
Why did I yell?
Like there was no point.
I was, I was triggered becauseI didn't want to deal with a
crying baby, and so I took thatfrustration out on my son who is
, you know, completelydefenseless and didn't do any
better.
And so, like that, like that'san example of, you know, the
(18:07):
kind of thing that I am tryingto change as I move forward to
2024, like that's something thatI'm actually working on with my
, my therapist.
Actually is like finding toolsto change things about myself
that you know affect myparenting and like learn how to
(18:28):
become a better parent and likelet go of you know control and
things like that.
So, yeah, like, as we moveforward into 2024, I I would
definitely like to invite all ofyou to like look back on this
past year and, you know, thinkyou know about all of the things
(18:51):
that are in our lives that areonly there because of things
we've seen on social media or onYouTube, things like that and
ask ourselves are we doing thisbecause it's for the right
reasons or we're doing thisbecause of peer pressure?
(19:11):
Do I have these ideas?
Or do I think I should do thesethings because social media
says I should?
Or am I doing these thingsbecause it's the right thing to
do and it will actually benefitme and my parenting journey and
my marriage and my children?
Like, is this actuallysomething that God is asking me
(19:34):
to do?
So, before I close this episodeout, I wanted to give a little
bit of encouragement to the momswho, like myself, have a wild
(19:54):
child.
I have a wild child and hechallenges me every single day,
and when I say challenge, I meanhe drives me batshit crazy.
I have.
I don't remember a time where Iwasn't, I wasn't feeling crazy
(20:19):
because of the things this childdoes, says or wants to do.
Yeah, he challenges me everyday.
He is the most independentperson.
I have probably ever met mychild.
He's four years old and thinkshe can do anything, everything
(20:43):
he thinks he can do, and youknow it's it's difficult to hold
him back because he doesn'twant to be held back, because
he's convinced he can doeverything.
So you know there's that aspectof it too and he's also he's
also the one who is because weallow to a certain extent we do
(21:06):
allow our children to, you know,speak their minds here.
So he will tell us when youknow he feels that you know we
have done something wrongtowards him and so that has been
challenging to deal with aswell, because you know I was not
raised with that.
So it is difficult to try tonavigate a child who you know,
(21:32):
even if it's respectfully, istelling you mom, that was not
okay, you should not have donethat.
And you know he has no problem.
You know telling us that he hasno problem.
You know advocating for evenhis younger, you know his
younger brother, if his youngerbrother is being treated in a
way that he sees as unjust.
And you know he's veryprotective, he's very outgoing,
(21:55):
he's very independent, he's he'svery sensitive, he's very he's
a wild child.
He's one of those.
He's one of those people whereI tell others who you know they
see my child in public and Imean I've actually had this
(22:16):
happen to me.
It was actually in church.
I had a.
He was, he was two years oldand he was, he was talking and
we were getting ready to takehim outside so that he could do
we call.
We call it getting our wigglesout.
Where usually before church, onthe way in the walk, on the
(22:40):
walk into church, like from thecard to the church doors, we
tell them okay, it's time to getyour wiggles out, you need to
get all of your yelling outright now.
You need to get all of your.
You're bouncing out right nowon our way to the church doors,
and so you know our toddlers dothat on the way to the church
doors and it actually does helpa lot because you know in their
mind they've gotten theirwiggles out.
(23:00):
Da, da, da, da.
Well, on this particular day itwas just not working.
He was bouncing off the walls.
He was just being the wildchild, right, so my husband was
getting ready to take himoutside and to get some energy
off of them.
This is during the homily atmass and we had an elderly well,
(23:22):
not elderly, just likemiddle-aged woman sitting in
front of us and she like keptglancing to the side, just like
with this irritated look.
Every single time my child wouldmake any noise whatsoever and
he made I don't exactly rememberwhat noise, it was only that it
(23:46):
was really loud and like myhusband automatically like put
his hand over Dylan's mouth soshe like really loudly, like you
can't, you can't yell.
And he started standing up totake him out so he could go yell
outside.
And this woman turned aroundand like went like really loudly
and then sort of shaking herheads at us and then like turned
(24:11):
back around, still shaking yourhead and she'd like the most
awful look on her face and likeI've never forgotten that
because like that is thereaction like any strong-willed
child gets to any kind ofbehavior that society deems as
improper behavior for adults notfor children, but improper
(24:33):
behavior for adults.
So it's improper behavior for aadult to start screaming and
yelling in church, right, if anadult started doing that.
I believe everybody's, everyother adult in the church or the
building or the store orwhatever, would turn around and
would look that at that adultlike they were crazy.
Right, because that is improperbehavior from adult.
(24:55):
So here we have a toddler, achild, behaving like a child,
and the adults are turningaround telling them to please
stop behaving like a child, likeit's, you know, out of the
ordinary.
I like, anytime, you know, mystrong-willed child behaves like
a strong-willed child.
Everybody acts like they're inshock, you know there's they're
(25:17):
shaking of heads and rolling ofeyes and oh, you've got your
hands full or why can't youlearn to control your child?
They've gotten that one beforeand you know it's funny because,
like those, those kinds ofreactions are always on the days
when, like in my mind, my kidsjust acting totally normal like
any other child, those that takea comment so I don't get
(25:40):
comments all the days when he'sreally going crazy.
But yeah, like those, the wildchilds you know get the
reactions in public and you knowthey're very sensitive and
they're they're very stubborn,strong-willed and you know they
don't mind calling you out oninjustices that you know they
(26:03):
perceive in their, their worlds.
Those in my mind are the peoplewho I actually had someone tell
me that they had.
They have a child like this andthey said that she was either
going to lead a gang in prisonor she was going to be the CEO
(26:23):
of a multinational corporation.
And I love that, because thatis my child, tuati.
He's either going to lead agang in prison or he's going to
be the CEO of a multinationalcorporation, because that is
just how he is.
He's, he walks into a room andhe just takes charge.
(26:46):
He's in command of that room,he is in command of the
situation and he is talking toeverybody, telling everybody his
name and telling everybody whathe did that day.
I mean, if, if you know, a gameis being played and nobody's
following the rules, he's goingto make sure that everybody
follows the rules.
Like there is no if, ands orbuts, it's going to happen.
(27:10):
And so I I really been thinkingabout the strong-willed child,
which is what kind of led meinto, you know, thinking about
what I was talking about earlier.
You know changing and reallyyou know, fine-tuning my
parenting going into 2024.
Was parenting my strong-willedchild, was parenting my wild
child, because that's that's thearea I struggle with is, you
(27:32):
know, basically relinquishingcontrol, because that's really
what they need is relinquishingour control and the I mean, in
order for them to thrive, wehave to let go of this idea that
we have that we have to controlour wild child, because in most
(27:55):
cases where we are I'm tryingto control him, he's not
actually doing anything thatneeds to be curbed or stopped.
He's just doing something thatmakes me uncomfortable or annoys
me, but it's not actually wrongbehavior and it's not behavior
that needs to be disciplined.
(28:16):
And so that's something that Ithink a lot of us with
strong-willed children or, youknow, the wild child could do is
, you know, relinquish control.
And I think we'll find that in alot of cases, when we
relinquish control, our child isgoing to relinquish control too
, because they tend to fightback when you know something
(28:41):
fighting against them, and theirautomatic reaction is to is to
fight back.
And so if we go into aparenting situation already
keyed up, they're going to seethat and they're going to feed
into that.
That's their, that's theirautomatic reaction.
And so I think we need torelinquish that control and that
(29:03):
idea and our heads that we haveto control the wild child and
we need to, you know, controlthe stubbornness and we need to
control the strong-willed spiritwithin our child in order for
them to thrive, because that isthe complete opposite of who
they are.
It's because they'restrong-willed, it's because they
have that spirit that they dothrive and that they can and
(29:24):
will thrive.
And if we try to curb that andcrush that, then that's going to
completely curb and crush whothey are and the things that
they could achieve later in life.
And so I mean that that is likethe essence of their
personality, that is the essenceof who they are, and without
that part of themselves, withoutthat tool that God gave them,
(29:46):
then there is no way that theycould succeed.
And so and I've seen this inadults before where you know,
their, their spirits wereabsolutely crushed when they
were children and, you know,growing up like they, I have
this friend who, who alwaystalked about the things that he
wanted to do, but he couldn't dothem because he was always told
(30:10):
no, and he was like any kind ofambition, any kind of ideas,
everything was just alwayscrushed and like that, that
spirit within him was justcompletely obliterated.
And so now he's just, he alwaysguesses himself and he's like
one of the most ambitious and in, like, intelligent people I
know, but he just, it feelscrushed all the time because of
(30:33):
that.
Yeah, and this is like 40 yearslater, after he's I mean after
he's already left the house,like 40 years after he's still
feeling that way, and it justgoes to show that you know so
much of what we say To ourstrong willed, you know our wild
(30:53):
child Really does affect them,and so, like you know, the more
we try to control them, the morethey're gonna fight back until
there is no Fight left, untilwe've absolutely crushed them,
and that is the last thing thatwe would ever want to do to our
children.
And so, like, we need to learnto Let go of our control of
(31:15):
another person, because withoutthat, then our children, our
strong will, children in ourwild child, who just will not
succeed in life.
Thank you for listening to thislatest episode of all our
little messes.
I Wanted to briefly talk aboutas well the next couple episodes
(31:38):
that we got coming up.
We've got quite a few differenttopics coming up.
I've got Holistic mental healthcare.
I've got an episode that I'msure some of you are.
I'm actually not quite sure howthis one's going to be received
.
I have an episode onPornography use within Christian
circles coming up.
(31:59):
I have some episodes on the book, a couple follow-up episodes on
how to feed your child.
I have a couple episodes onparenting and a couple episodes
on marriage as well that I havecoming up in I either have
recorded or Are are in themiddle of being recorded.
So there's also a couple ofguest episodes thrown in there,
(32:22):
a couple of them I'm veryexcited about.
I have a psychotherapist that Ihad brought on To talk about
holistic mental health care.
That I'm very excited aboutbecause she brought in a few
very interesting perspectivesthat I'd never actually heard
from a therapist before.
So I'm very excited for youguys to hear about that one.
(32:43):
I for I also brought in a, aPerson who has spent a good
portion of their life inministry helping, like fellow
Christians and Catholics, fightagainst the bondage of
pornography, and he had a lot ofamazing insight into, you know,
(33:03):
that process and and Also wealso talked a lot about Marriage
and like what a true biblicalmarriage looks like and how it's
affected by, you know, Modernideas on pornography and sin and
things like that.
So yeah, I'm just very excitedabout a bunch of these episodes
(33:23):
that are coming up, so I hopeyou guys will follow along and
Don't forget to hit Subscribe.
I said subscribe, I'm actuallynot sure if it's that subscribe.
Anyways, don't forget to followthe podcast on whatever
platform you're listening to it.
If you're watching this onYouTube, don't forget to hit
(33:43):
subscribe and follow and, if youlike this episode, send it to
as many friends as you thinkwill enjoy it.
I will see you guys all nextweek.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of all our
little messes.
Please let us know how much youenjoyed it below and add any
questions you have about thisepisode.
Also, don't forget to follow uson patreon for amazing
exclusive perks, including earlyaccess to podcast episodes and
bonus episodes every month.
(34:20):
We've also recently added asupport group for all of our
paid patrons.
You could check us out onFacebook and Instagram for daily
updates and insights thatmirror podcast topics.
Thank you for listening andwe'll see you next week.
You.
Hello and welcome to All Our Little Messes, a podcast
focused on healing throughintentional conversations about
parenting, relationships,religion and more.
I am your host, veronica Winrod, and I'm so happy to have you
here listening in on my thoughtstoday.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hi, welcome back to All Our Little Messes.
It has been almost two monthssince my last episode and before
we get into what this episodeis going to be about, I wanted
to talk a little bit about why Ihad such a long break.
So let's get into that littlestory.
(00:52):
So the reason why I had such along break was because, as some
of you might already know, I waspregnant and let me see, I
think it was gestational week 10or maybe 12, they found a
(01:20):
hematoma underneath my placentaand basically what that was was
just a haemorrhage of bleedunderneath the placenta, and so
they put me on pelvic rest towatch that and to make sure that
it didn't grow and that theplacenta didn't start to detach
from uterine wall, things likethat.
So by week 18 of the pregnancymy body had reabsorbed the
(01:45):
hematoma, everything was lookinggreat, and then I think it was
week like 27, 28 during anultrasound they found what's
called a marginal cordimplantation, where the it's
(02:06):
basically where the cord doesnot implant in the center of the
placenta, it implants on theouter edge, and so they became
concerned about the growth ofthe baby and whether she was
going to be growing fine.
They were also concerned thatduring birth I might hemorrhage,
(02:30):
because I was already at a riskfor hemorrhage because I have
blood problems, and so they wereconcerned that it would
increase my risk of hemorrhaging, because during birth with a
marginal cord implantation,there is also a concern that the
cord would come up, come awayfrom the placenta during labor
(02:51):
and delivery and that poses arisk for hemorrhage for both the
mother and the baby.
So there was that going on, andthen I also had very severe
morning sickness that I was onmedication for.
So like it just became like thishuge thing.
It just and just everything wasjust so much to handle with
(03:12):
that.
I was just like I can't, Imentally cannot deal with a
podcast and a blog on top ofeverything and like, looking
back, I should have, you know,at least done like one last
episode and blog post about,about what was going on and been
like, okay, I'm taking a breakfor two months or whatever, but
(03:33):
I just didn't have a mentalcapacity for that either.
So I just kind of quit and Iwas just like you know, I'll
pick it up again when she, aftershe's born and after I've had a
chance to kind of mentally comeout of all that.
So the birth was actually likesuper easy, super chill.
As far as you know, as far asbirths go.
(03:55):
I say super easy and superchill, like birth is just just
another day, but honestly it'snot.
It's a huge job.
So don't want to downplay that.
But yeah, everything was waspretty easy as far as you know,
as far as birth goes, of course.
And she came out, it was a girl.
(04:16):
She came out absolutely perfect.
There was like zerocomplications.
There was a little bit ofbleeding, but they, you know,
they never turned into anythingsuper scary, anything and they
were able to take care of it andthey were on it right away.
Like they were honestly soprepared there.
I gave birth at my localhospital and so they, they were
(04:38):
so awesome.
My midwife was amazing and likethe labor and delivery nurses
were so prepared and so on it.
And like I had, you know,certain things I wanted to
happen with me and the baby andcertain things I didn't want to
happen, and like they were allso amazing when it came to
accommodating all of that andlike making sure that it
(04:59):
happened and like reminding eachother and like I had my birth
plan and my chart and I had mybirth plan at the nurses station
and like they had it up on myboard on the wall and like
everybody was making sure.
So that was that was really,really awesome.
So, yeah, like it was, it wasprobably it was definitely one
(05:21):
of my better birth experiencesI've I've had three kids now and
so it was, it was definitelyone of the better ones.
Going into it and, you know,coming out with the pediatrician
appointments and everythingafterwards, so yeah, that's kind
of that's kind of what happenedand you know why I took a break
for so long was I had a baby?
(05:43):
So yeah, with with all of that,let's get into this week's
episode.
So this week, I wanted to talkabout, like my own personal
parenting goals as I come out of2023 and going to 2024.
(06:04):
This week, this, this, not thisweek this year has been, has
been huge for us as a familywhen it comes to our parenting
and really solidifying like aplan or an idea of what we want
our parenting to look like andas we go into 2024, like I,
(06:28):
especially over the last coupleof weeks, I've really found
myself thinking about, you know,ways that I can, you know, make
my parenting better for mychildren and because you know,
coming out of you know ahousehold that used
authoritarian style of parentingand corporal punishment, and
(06:49):
you know, moving away from thatand going into parenting that's
more authoritative or gentleparenting, where corporal
punishment is not used, and youknow you, the child is allowed a
voice, and things like that,like it's, it's very difficult,
and so you don't always have thetools for that kind of change
(07:10):
and that kind of shift.
And so I've had to and myhusband also has also had to
teach ourselves through researchand various blogs and articles
and books and things like that.
We've had to teach ourselves alot of these tools, but at the
(07:31):
same time, it's like we'retrying to teach ourselves a
skill at the same time that weteach it to our children, and so
it's very difficult becausewe're reparenting ourselves as
we parent our children, we'relearning alongside our children,
and it's very difficult.
And so, as we're moving intothe new year, I've found myself
(07:54):
thinking, okay, so what can Ichange about my parenting that
can help my children?
And like one of the firstthings that I thought of was the
fact that, as we read theseparenting books and as we follow
all these Instagram pages andthese Facebook pages and watch
(08:16):
all these YouTube videos andthings on authoritative gentle
parenting.
We are caught up in that verypolarizing idea of what gentle
parenting has to be in order tobe correctly labeled as gentle
parenting.
And so, like I have foundmyself caught up in what gentle
(08:40):
parenting should be and what itshould look like, and I have
found myself just absolutely indespair because I am not doing
it right.
I am not doing it according towhat these influencers on
Instagram and YouTube are saying.
I should do it, and so it.
(09:03):
I become very, very discouragedand, like you know, why am I
even doing this?
You know it's not even worth it.
You know I should just give upand I should just move on and I
should go back to what I know,because I know that'll work and
my kids will.
You know, I'll get my kids tobehave that way.
And like it's a daily struggle.
(09:26):
It's a daily struggle gettingcaught up in these things and,
like today, I was thinking aboutit and, as I was actually
nursing my my youngest and I wasscrolling through Instagram,
and I came across this Instagrampost and it really struck me.
I'm actually going to read itto you guys.
Just the post you can raise achild to feel absolutely safe
(09:50):
and sound with voicing how theyfeel and then still be
respectful of the etiquette andmanners you expect from them as
parents.
Do not let anybody tell you anydifferent.
Stop subscribing to theparental polarizing advice out
here, because it's distractingyou from trusting your own
parental instincts and, likethat is something that I
(10:12):
honestly forgot, like I don'thave to follow what everybody
else is doing because really,like, gentle parenting, at least
in my mind, comes down to youknow, right and wrong.
There's a right way to treatpeople and there's a wrong way
to treat people, especiallychildren.
(10:34):
And you know, as parents, we dohave, you know, parental guiding
instincts that you know we'reall supposed to follow when it
comes to, you know, etiquetteand respect in our children.
And you know, when I've got allof these, you know here I am
quoting is, you know, sayingdon't follow the influencers.
(10:55):
And then I just, you know Iread a post from an Instagram
influencer, but it was, it wasjust very struck me as very true
.
Basically, they were sayingdon't follow us, don't listen to
us, listen to your personalparenting instincts, follow what
you think is true and what youthink is right, and you know,
(11:18):
basically it won't.
It won't fail you, like Godwon't fail you, your conscience
won't fail you.
And so, like, that is somethingthat I'm like, that's, that's
my, that's my 2024.
You know, new Year's resolutionis to really take that to heart
, like follow my parentinginstincts.
You know, just because I didn'tdo something the way, you know,
(11:44):
a gentle parenting influencer onInstagram did, it does not mean
that I am failing as a parent.
I am just as good of a parent.
I am the parent that mychildren need and that's why,
you know, god chose me to betheir parents is because God
knew what these kids needed.
(12:05):
And, like I, I mean, yes, Iwill fail some days, I will not
do my best, or I will.
You know, I will lose my temperand I might yell at my kids one
day, but I can still.
You know, I can still try again, I can still apologize to my
(12:26):
kids, I can still mend thebroken bonds and I instill the
parent that you know my kidsneed.
I am the parent that God knowsI can be.
So, you know, ignore that,ignore that advice on Instagram,
because it really does justdrag us down.
It really really does, becauseI don't know about you guys out
(12:52):
there, but it makes me feel likea failure when I read about all
of these, these, these posts,when I read about all of these
things that these gentle parentsdo and all of the Montessori
games and, you know, the floorbeds, and you know, don't
swaddle and don't feed your kidthis and don't yell at your kids
(13:12):
and don't make your kid.
You know, don't have your kidswear this kind of clothes and
they can only play with thesekind of toys and they can only
live in this certain environment.
And you, they can't watchcartoons with bright colors and
they can't watch cartoons thathave, you know, a scene length
of only three seconds.
And on and on, and, on, and onand on and like, honestly, when
(13:36):
I read that stuff, it reallyjust makes me start overthinking
everything I'm doing.
Should they not be watchingCochamilin?
Am I really rotting their brainout?
Am I affecting their attentionspan?
Should they not eat that food?
Am I really affecting, you know, their brain development by
letting them eat that food?
Or you know, my, mythree-year-old eats grapes and
(14:02):
he's never had a problem.
But the other day I startedfreaking out because this one
mom posted a picture of herfive-year-old's meal and the
grapes were cut into quartersand she said she still did that
because she was so terrified ofchoking and she didn't
understand how anyone out therecould not cut the grapes at
(14:22):
least in half.
And so I started freaking outbecause, you know, my
three-four-year-old eats hisgrapes, just eats them.
And that was that's the kind ofthing that I see on social
media that just like makes mesecond guess all of the
parenting that we do and likeare we doing things correctly,
are we doing things right?
And so it just, you know, goesback to my point from before
(14:47):
everything out, there is such apolarizing idea of what
parenting should be.
Everybody has the right ideaand everybody else is wrong and
it completely ignores the factthat God gave us these children
because he knew what thosechildren needed.
(15:09):
Like we all have the potentialto become the parents that these
children need.
Don't ignore your parentinginstincts, ignore social media,
ignore social media.
But we all have the potentialto become, like, the best parent
that our child needs.
We just have to follow ourconscience and our parenting
(15:33):
instincts and and know yourchildren and know yourself and
know your own feelings and know,know what you're good at and
really apply all of that,because that is going to really
help you succeed and like buildthat relationship of trust and
love that is going to help youbecome like the parent that your
children really needs, becauseeverything like parenting is
(15:55):
built on connection right, andso you know, if you know where
you're feeling and you know whatyou're good at, that is also
going to help you build thatconnection between you and your
child which is going to help you, you know, rely on those
parenting instincts and becomethat parent that you know we all
are capable of being and thatyou know God has definitely
(16:19):
created us to be late.
He gave us this job for areason and you know it's really
sad that, like so many of us, atthe end of the day, just, you
know, lie in bed, I mean, I knowI do like just lie in bed and
just think of all of the waysthat we could have been better
(16:40):
that day.
You know I, you know today Iyelled at my four-year-old
because he woke the baby up andlike, looking back, you know,
like I apologized later because,looking back, he was just being
a happy kid and playing withhis brother, like he didn't
(17:02):
realize that his sister wassleeping for one, like I didn't
make an announcement toeverybody, okay, everybody, try
to be quiet, your sister'ssleeping.
I didn't make an announcement,so he had no idea that his
sister was sleeping and he wasjust being a happy, joyful child
playing with his little brother.
And no, there was no fighting,there was no screaming, there
was no yelling.
He was just being happy andkids are loud.
(17:24):
It was being.
There was a lot of loudjoyfulness going on, and like I
lost it because they could hearthe baby start to like move
around, and so I yelled reallyloud and like, looking back, and
I'm just like that was thatthere was no reason for that,
like he didn't do anything wrong.
He wasn't doing anything wrong.
(17:44):
Why did I yell?
Like there was no point.
I was, I was triggered becauseI didn't want to deal with a
crying baby, and so I took thatfrustration out on my son who is
, you know, completelydefenseless and didn't do any
better.
And so, like that, like that'san example of, you know, the
(18:07):
kind of thing that I am tryingto change as I move forward to
2024, like that's something thatI'm actually working on with my
, my therapist.
Actually is like finding toolsto change things about myself
that you know affect myparenting and like learn how to
(18:28):
become a better parent and likelet go of you know control and
things like that.
So, yeah, like, as we moveforward into 2024, I I would
definitely like to invite all ofyou to like look back on this
past year and, you know, thinkyou know about all of the things
(18:51):
that are in our lives that areonly there because of things
we've seen on social media or onYouTube, things like that and
ask ourselves are we doing thisbecause it's for the right
reasons or we're doing thisbecause of peer pressure?
(19:11):
Do I have these ideas?
Or do I think I should do thesethings because social media
says I should?
Or am I doing these thingsbecause it's the right thing to
do and it will actually benefitme and my parenting journey and
my marriage and my children?
Like, is this actuallysomething that God is asking me
(19:34):
to do?
So, before I close this episodeout, I wanted to give a little
bit of encouragement to the momswho, like myself, have a wild
(19:54):
child.
I have a wild child and hechallenges me every single day,
and when I say challenge, I meanhe drives me batshit crazy.
I have.
I don't remember a time where Iwasn't, I wasn't feeling crazy
(20:19):
because of the things this childdoes, says or wants to do.
Yeah, he challenges me everyday.
He is the most independentperson.
I have probably ever met mychild.
He's four years old and thinkshe can do anything, everything
(20:43):
he thinks he can do, and youknow it's it's difficult to hold
him back because he doesn'twant to be held back, because
he's convinced he can doeverything.
So you know there's that aspectof it too and he's also he's
also the one who is because weallow to a certain extent we do
(21:06):
allow our children to, you know,speak their minds here.
So he will tell us when youknow he feels that you know we
have done something wrongtowards him and so that has been
challenging to deal with aswell, because you know I was not
raised with that.
So it is difficult to try tonavigate a child who you know,
(21:32):
even if it's respectfully, istelling you mom, that was not
okay, you should not have donethat.
And you know he has no problem.
You know telling us that he hasno problem.
You know advocating for evenhis younger, you know his
younger brother, if his youngerbrother is being treated in a
way that he sees as unjust.
And you know he's veryprotective, he's very outgoing,
(21:55):
he's very independent, he's he'svery sensitive, he's very he's
a wild child.
He's one of those.
He's one of those people whereI tell others who you know they
see my child in public and Imean I've actually had this
(22:16):
happen to me.
It was actually in church.
I had a.
He was, he was two years oldand he was, he was talking and
we were getting ready to takehim outside so that he could do
we call.
We call it getting our wigglesout.
Where usually before church, onthe way in the walk, on the
(22:40):
walk into church, like from thecard to the church doors, we
tell them okay, it's time to getyour wiggles out, you need to
get all of your yelling outright now.
You need to get all of your.
You're bouncing out right nowon our way to the church doors,
and so you know our toddlers dothat on the way to the church
doors and it actually does helpa lot because you know in their
mind they've gotten theirwiggles out.
(23:00):
Da, da, da, da.
Well, on this particular day itwas just not working.
He was bouncing off the walls.
He was just being the wildchild, right, so my husband was
getting ready to take himoutside and to get some energy
off of them.
This is during the homily atmass and we had an elderly well,
(23:22):
not elderly, just likemiddle-aged woman sitting in
front of us and she like keptglancing to the side, just like
with this irritated look.
Every single time my child wouldmake any noise whatsoever and
he made I don't exactly rememberwhat noise, it was only that it
(23:46):
was really loud and like myhusband automatically like put
his hand over Dylan's mouth soshe like really loudly, like you
can't, you can't yell.
And he started standing up totake him out so he could go yell
outside.
And this woman turned aroundand like went like really loudly
and then sort of shaking herheads at us and then like turned
(24:11):
back around, still shaking yourhead and she'd like the most
awful look on her face and likeI've never forgotten that
because like that is thereaction like any strong-willed
child gets to any kind ofbehavior that society deems as
improper behavior for adults notfor children, but improper
(24:33):
behavior for adults.
So it's improper behavior for aadult to start screaming and
yelling in church, right, if anadult started doing that.
I believe everybody's, everyother adult in the church or the
building or the store orwhatever, would turn around and
would look that at that adultlike they were crazy.
Right, because that is improperbehavior from adult.
(24:55):
So here we have a toddler, achild, behaving like a child,
and the adults are turningaround telling them to please
stop behaving like a child, likeit's, you know, out of the
ordinary.
I like, anytime, you know, mystrong-willed child behaves like
a strong-willed child.
Everybody acts like they're inshock, you know there's they're
(25:17):
shaking of heads and rolling ofeyes and oh, you've got your
hands full or why can't youlearn to control your child?
They've gotten that one beforeand you know it's funny because,
like those, those kinds ofreactions are always on the days
when, like in my mind, my kidsjust acting totally normal like
any other child, those that takea comment so I don't get
(25:40):
comments all the days when he'sreally going crazy.
But yeah, like those, the wildchilds you know get the
reactions in public and you knowthey're very sensitive and
they're they're very stubborn,strong-willed and you know they
don't mind calling you out oninjustices that you know they
(26:03):
perceive in their, their worlds.
Those in my mind are the peoplewho I actually had someone tell
me that they had.
They have a child like this andthey said that she was either
going to lead a gang in prisonor she was going to be the CEO
(26:23):
of a multinational corporation.
And I love that, because thatis my child, tuati.
He's either going to lead agang in prison or he's going to
be the CEO of a multinationalcorporation, because that is
just how he is.
He's, he walks into a room andhe just takes charge.
(26:46):
He's in command of that room,he is in command of the
situation and he is talking toeverybody, telling everybody his
name and telling everybody whathe did that day.
I mean, if, if you know, a gameis being played and nobody's
following the rules, he's goingto make sure that everybody
follows the rules.
Like there is no if, ands orbuts, it's going to happen.
(27:10):
And so I I really been thinkingabout the strong-willed child,
which is what kind of led meinto, you know, thinking about
what I was talking about earlier.
You know changing and reallyyou know, fine-tuning my
parenting going into 2024.
Was parenting my strong-willedchild, was parenting my wild
child, because that's that's thearea I struggle with is, you
(27:32):
know, basically relinquishingcontrol, because that's really
what they need is relinquishingour control and the I mean, in
order for them to thrive, wehave to let go of this idea that
we have that we have to controlour wild child, because in most
(27:55):
cases where we are I'm tryingto control him, he's not
actually doing anything thatneeds to be curbed or stopped.
He's just doing something thatmakes me uncomfortable or annoys
me, but it's not actually wrongbehavior and it's not behavior
that needs to be disciplined.
(28:16):
And so that's something that Ithink a lot of us with
strong-willed children or, youknow, the wild child could do is
, you know, relinquish control.
And I think we'll find that in alot of cases, when we
relinquish control, our child isgoing to relinquish control too
, because they tend to fightback when you know something
(28:41):
fighting against them, and theirautomatic reaction is to is to
fight back.
And so if we go into aparenting situation already
keyed up, they're going to seethat and they're going to feed
into that.
That's their, that's theirautomatic reaction.
And so I think we need torelinquish that control and that
(29:03):
idea and our heads that we haveto control the wild child and
we need to, you know, controlthe stubbornness and we need to
control the strong-willed spiritwithin our child in order for
them to thrive, because that isthe complete opposite of who
they are.
It's because they'restrong-willed, it's because they
have that spirit that they dothrive and that they can and
(29:24):
will thrive.
And if we try to curb that andcrush that, then that's going to
completely curb and crush whothey are and the things that
they could achieve later in life.
And so I mean that that is likethe essence of their
personality, that is the essenceof who they are, and without
that part of themselves, withoutthat tool that God gave them,
(29:46):
then there is no way that theycould succeed.
And so and I've seen this inadults before where you know,
their, their spirits wereabsolutely crushed when they
were children and, you know,growing up like they, I have
this friend who, who alwaystalked about the things that he
wanted to do, but he couldn't dothem because he was always told
(30:10):
no, and he was like any kind ofambition, any kind of ideas,
everything was just alwayscrushed and like that, that
spirit within him was justcompletely obliterated.
And so now he's just, he alwaysguesses himself and he's like
one of the most ambitious and in, like, intelligent people I
know, but he just, it feelscrushed all the time because of
(30:33):
that.
Yeah, and this is like 40 yearslater, after he's I mean after
he's already left the house,like 40 years after he's still
feeling that way, and it justgoes to show that you know so
much of what we say To ourstrong willed, you know our wild
(30:53):
child Really does affect them,and so, like you know, the more
we try to control them, the morethey're gonna fight back until
there is no Fight left, untilwe've absolutely crushed them,
and that is the last thing thatwe would ever want to do to our
children.
And so, like, we need to learnto Let go of our control of
(31:15):
another person, because withoutthat, then our children, our
strong will, children in ourwild child, who just will not
succeed in life.
Thank you for listening to thislatest episode of all our
little messes.
I Wanted to briefly talk aboutas well the next couple episodes
(31:38):
that we got coming up.
We've got quite a few differenttopics coming up.
I've got Holistic mental healthcare.
I've got an episode that I'msure some of you are.
I'm actually not quite sure howthis one's going to be received
.
I have an episode onPornography use within Christian
circles coming up.
(31:59):
I have some episodes on the book, a couple follow-up episodes on
how to feed your child.
I have a couple episodes onparenting and a couple episodes
on marriage as well that I havecoming up in I either have
recorded or Are are in themiddle of being recorded.
So there's also a couple ofguest episodes thrown in there,
(32:22):
a couple of them I'm veryexcited about.
I have a psychotherapist that Ihad brought on To talk about
holistic mental health care.
That I'm very excited aboutbecause she brought in a few
very interesting perspectivesthat I'd never actually heard
from a therapist before.
So I'm very excited for youguys to hear about that one.
(32:43):
I for I also brought in a, aPerson who has spent a good
portion of their life inministry helping, like fellow
Christians and Catholics, fightagainst the bondage of
pornography, and he had a lot ofamazing insight into, you know,
(33:03):
that process and and Also wealso talked a lot about Marriage
and like what a true biblicalmarriage looks like and how it's
affected by, you know, Modernideas on pornography and sin and
things like that.
So yeah, I'm just very excitedabout a bunch of these episodes
(33:23):
that are coming up, so I hopeyou guys will follow along and
Don't forget to hit Subscribe.
I said subscribe, I'm actuallynot sure if it's that subscribe.
Anyways, don't forget to followthe podcast on whatever
platform you're listening to it.
If you're watching this onYouTube, don't forget to hit
(33:43):
subscribe and follow and, if youlike this episode, send it to
as many friends as you thinkwill enjoy it.
I will see you guys all nextweek.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of all our
little messes.
Please let us know how much youenjoyed it below and add any
questions you have about thisepisode.
Also, don't forget to follow uson patreon for amazing
exclusive perks, including earlyaccess to podcast episodes and
bonus episodes every month.
(34:20):
We've also recently added asupport group for all of our
paid patrons.
You could check us out onFacebook and Instagram for daily
updates and insights thatmirror podcast topics.
Thank you for listening andwe'll see you next week.
You.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!