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Ever felt trapped in a web of repetitive patterns that seem to haunt your family? The ones that you swore you wouldn't repeat, yet find yourself unconsciously mirroring? You are not alone. We're taking a brave expedition into the heart of generational curses - the invisible shackles that bind us to our family's past mistakes and struggles. It's a difficult and emotionally fraught journey, one that often invites criticism and resistance from the older generation. Yet, it's a journey that the millennial generation, with all its challenges and perceived brokenness, must undertake for the sake of our children.
Change is hard, especially when it involves confronting deeply ingrained family traditions and values. But don't let that stop you. This episode is about standing up against beliefs that no longer serve us, about questioning and reshaping patterns of behaviour that have been passed down through generations. It's about finding strength and guidance in the gentle nature of Jesus towards children - a beacon of hope in our endeavour to create a better life for our kids. We invite you to join the conversation, to find solidarity and understanding, and hopefully, inspiration to break free from the chains of your generational curses.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello and welcome to All Our Little Messes, a podcast
focused on healing throughintentional conversations about
parenting, relationships,religion and more.
I am your host, veronica Winrod, and I'm so happy to have you
here listening in on my thoughtstoday.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Hello and welcome back to AllOur Little Messes.
(00:33):
This week we're taking a littlebreak from talking about purity
, culture and obligation sex andwe're just going to be
discussing the problems, likethe emotional issues, that
(00:55):
people who are breakinggenerational curses face on a
daily basis.
This episode is just going tobe kind of just a, you know, an
episode kind of focused onsolidarity and trying to build
(01:16):
camaraderie among us, because itis very, it is very hard and
it's a daily struggle for us andit's a daily struggle that a
lot of us have to hide in orderto, you know, put on that that
brave front of we've got it alltogether, we've totally got this
(01:37):
figured out.
You know we're doing this andit's not easy and sometimes we
don't got this.
Sometimes we just feel likewe're falling apart and you know
we're facing problems within.
You know our family structuresand our family dynamics are
changing and that's, you know, abig struggle for us there.
(01:59):
And then, you know, we'refacing our own emotional turmoil
as well, because we're goingagainst years and years of
internal programming, trying tochange things for ourselves or
for our kids or for you know,for whatever reason, and so this
is kind of an episode, justthat we'll talk about that and
(02:24):
kind of bring all of that outinto the open, because, again,
it is very hard and it's astruggle that a lot of us seem
to try to hide in order to, youknow, look strong to the outside
world.
So, in order to talk aboutgenerational curses, I feel like
(02:46):
it's important that weunderstand what exactly they are
.
So when I, you know, when I'veGoogled what is a generational
curse, the first definition thatpopped up was a generational
curse is a pattern of negativeor sinful behavior that is
passed down from one generationto another, and it's a.
(03:11):
It can be anything from youknow, a pattern of behavior, or
you know religion, or anythinglike violence, you know domestic
violence, or or divorce, or youknow poverty, you know or
(03:34):
alcoholism, or drug abuse,anything like that.
It is passed down from onegeneration to the next, and so
and it just becomes, you know,almost a part of the family's,
their legacy.
It's their legacy, basically,and so when we are breaking that
(03:57):
you know they call us the we'rebreaking the generational
curses, and so we're like thecurse breakers, right.
So that is.
That is kind of like thedefinition, the generally
accepted definition, of what agenerational curse is, and so
(04:17):
that's, that's the definition ofwhat a generational curse is.
They are extremely difficult todeal with for a lot of different
reasons.
You have psychological andemotional reasons that they're
very difficult to deal with, onboth the individual level and
then within the family dynamicas well.
What I've noticed on anindividual level, at least for
(04:43):
myself, is a lot of thegenerational curses that I'm
trying to break for my familyare more behavioral than
anything else.
I was very blessed to grow upin a family that didn't have any
(05:05):
kind of drug abuse or divorceor any kind of alcoholism or
anything like that.
My parents had a very stablerelationship and a stable
marriage.
I didn't experience any ofthose types of generational
curses that a lot of peopleexperience.
When I speak of thegenerational curses that I'm
(05:32):
breaking for my family, I'mthinking more of things that
pertain to religion and marriagestructure and how I'm raising
my children, because thosethings are so personal to an
(05:55):
individual psyche, into ourpersonalities.
They become such an integralpart of our personalities in
some cases because they're sopersonal to us as individuals.
It is very emotionally taxingon a daily basis to try to
change those things and toactively take on that burden on
(06:19):
a daily basis.
It becomes especiallyemotionally taxing when you have
your family or friends.
Sometimes we'll have adifficult time understanding why
(06:42):
you want to change those things, why you're changing the way
your marriage is structured orwhy you're raising your kids
first.
This is something that I seeall over the internet and in
comment sections.
(07:03):
I've said to me we raised youthis way and you turned out okay
.
It's something that the formergeneration says to us on a daily
basis.
In a lot of cases we're notokay, we did not turn out okay.
(07:27):
I would say that the millennialgeneration is a generation of
some of the most broken people Ihave ever come across.
We are the generation that isnow raising kids and we are
struggling so, so hard becausewe have so much emotional
(07:49):
baggage from how we were raised.
We have baggage from theeconomy crashing, different wars
that the US has gone through.
Us as a generation has gonethrough so many different eras
(08:09):
and it's insane and we are notdoing okay.
I forget what the rate was ofmillennials that actually own
their own home, but it isabysmally low.
It is so low.
(08:30):
But we're still the generationwho is getting married and
having kids.
Right now we're trying tochange some of those patterns
that we found ourselves in askids.
So it's an emotionally taxingthing to daily hear oh, you
(08:56):
turned out okay.
When most of us are in therapy,most of us are depressed, most
of us suffer with anxiety.
There's more and more of usbeing diagnosed with ADHD every
day.
For millennial mothers, therates of postpartum depression
(09:18):
are absolutely through the roof.
We did not turn out okay, weare not okay and we're really
we're taking an active role intrying to change that for our
kids, and so it's very it's hardfor us to decide that we're
going to build a better life forour kids, we're going to raise
(09:43):
our kids in an emotionallyhealthy way, in a physically
healthy way.
It's hard for us to make thosedecisions and then hear from the
former generation that, oh, youturned out okay.
You're just being sensitive bysaying this.
The things that you sayhappened didn't actually happen.
You're just we're being toosensitive and so you know it's
(10:06):
hard, it's hard and it'semotionally, it's daily,
emotionally taxing and it takes,like it takes, a physical toll
on the body as well.
Just like that added, not onlyjust the emotional stress, but
the emotional stress kind oftranslates into physical stress
for a lot of us.
And so just that constant stressof fighting against our own
(10:31):
internal programming, becauseyou know, when you're raised a
certain way, all of thosepatterns and behaviors that you
were raised with you, a lot oftimes a person will take on as
(10:52):
basically a form of survival.
So you have, say, you have achild who is yelled at
constantly, who is, who grows upin a very, just, very high
stress household.
There's a lot of physicalpunishment, there's just,
there's just a lot all the time.
(11:14):
Right, that child is going totake on a lot of those traits
that he was shown on a dailybasis as a matter of survival
basically.
So people treat him withdisrespect in order to survive
and understand the world aroundhim.
(11:34):
He is going to start treatingthe world around him with
disrespect, to the people aroundhim, with disrespect as well.
And so we, without evenrealizing it, I mean like in
these, because, because thesepatterns of behavior start, you
know, very, very young and likeI can see it happening with my,
(11:58):
with my four year old, and it'sterrifying to me because, like I
, I'm at therapy, I'm, you know,actively reading all of the
books and doing all of thestudying, trying to break
patterns of behavior that I have, and it's a struggle to break
those patterns behavior and atthe same time, prevent them from
(12:21):
being passed on to the next kid.
And so there's like some thingsthat I haven't successfully
broken that my four-year-old isstarting to pick up, and it's,
it's terrifying Because I'm justlike I do not want you to have
that, I don't want this, and soit's.
It's, you know, we, he's onlyfour years old, but he's already
starting to pick up likecertain patterns of behavior, so
(12:42):
like certain things About usand about our personalities that
we don't even realize Are there.
We've picked up from anextremely young age, so young
that you they're not even reallypatterns of behavior anymore,
they're just like a part of ourpersonalities after a certain
(13:04):
point.
And so we're raised with, withall of these patterns and
behaviors that have been passedon to us.
And Now we're finding ourselves, you know, with, you know being
parents and spells as husbandsor wives trying to break these,
(13:26):
these patterns for our kids, andit's hard.
It's hard and Like it'semotionally and physically
taxing, on a daily basis tryingto.
You know when you're, when yourchild or your spouse does
(13:49):
something, your automaticresponse is you know a certain
type of behavior that you havehad from your childhood and you,
you you're at a certain pointin your, your mental health
journey that you know the, thepattern is there, you know the
(14:11):
behavior is there, and so, butyou aren't far enough along yet
that you Can stop it or thatit's no longer a behavior that
you have.
And so you know, when somethingtriggers it, you just
automatically respond that way.
And then, after you'veresponded that way, you're just
(14:33):
like, oh shoot, I did it again.
And then and like for mepersonally, that's where you
know those feelings of guiltjust start piling in, like, oh
no, I did it again.
And it's like this constantcycle of, okay, you know, try
again.
And then you get triggered, andthen you fall into that pattern
(14:55):
again, and then you're justlike okay, so then you try to
fix the situation.
It's just like over and overand over.
And I will say, though, that,like as the first step to
breaking those, those cycles andbreaking these generational
curses is recognizing thatthey're there in the first place
and actually like taking thesteps to break them.
(15:16):
And so, you know, being beingin therapy to has has helped
immensely, because I, the longerI'm in therapy, the more tools
I acquire to break patterns ofbehavior in myself, such as, you
know it, just anger and thingslike that.
And it gets easier Over timebecause I try to think of it as
(15:44):
like breaking a bad habit, forexample, because you can't just
break a bad habit overnight,because it just doesn't happen
that way.
Like to me, breaking a badhabit is Is, like you know,
building a good one, except ittakes twice as long and it's
twice as hard Because it's sohard to let go of, because it's
(16:09):
so ingrained into us.
But, yeah, these, thesepatterns are so hard To get rid
of and so hard to get past.
And then a lot of times they'rethey're not only difficult
because of how we've held on tothem, but they're also difficult
(16:33):
because of, you know, the therole of, like family traditions
and family values and beliefs inperpetuating the patterns and
behaviors.
And so we a lot of times, forexample, if you're trying to
change a certain parts ofparenting, that you know a
(17:02):
certain way you were parented.
You're trying to switch fromthat to you know a different
methods, and you have yourfamily, your, your, your birth
family I'll just say the birthfamily telling you that you know
you're doing it wrong, you'refailing, and they believe that
(17:25):
you know this is the wrong wayto go about things.
And you have all of that inyour mind at all times because
you know we're all hardwired towant and need our family's
approval.
It's, it's something that isjust ingrained into a human
(17:46):
beings DNA is just part of whowe are, and so when we're trying
to change things from the wayour families did it when we were
growing up and we're trying todo better, but you have your
entire extended family, or justeven to certain individuals,
(18:08):
telling you that you're wrongand you're going to fail and you
know you're being a bad parent.
It's very disheartening,especially when you believe with
all your heart that this is thebest way to raise your kids.
(18:31):
It is so disheartening to hearfrom you know the people that
are supposed to love you themost and support you the most.
It is so disheartening to hearfrom them that they believe that
you are failing and that youare a bad mother or father, like
it just it's soul crushing andheartbreaking and it's really
(18:54):
sad, and so that's like another.
You know, that's another aspectof like the emotional toll that
I mentioned earlier theemotional toll of like changing
things that our family, that ourfamilies did, of basically
breaking family traditions,breaking family values and
(19:15):
breaking family beliefs andchanging things for what we see
as the better, because a lot oftimes, like these, these
patterns and behaviors are soentwined in and their values and
beliefs that they have becomeone in the same.
So when you challenge thesepatterns and behaviors, they see
(19:38):
it as, oh, you're challengingus, you're challenging what we
believe in, and it becomes likethis personal insult to them and
it's this, it's this fight, andso in order to hang on to their
, their pride and their familyvalues and their beliefs, they
have to challenge you to not dowhat you're trying to accomplish
(20:01):
.
And so it makes it even moredifficult to to carry on with,
like you know, our familymission in creating a better
life for our children and and inbreaking generational curses.
And you know, marriages andwithin families and, yeah, it
(20:25):
can become very emotionallytaxing, like I mean, I myself
have experienced this all thetime, all the time, and it's,
it's just one of those thingsthat I am constantly praying for
strength for.
(20:46):
There's, you know, there's acouple Bible verses that I have
that I I read over and over andover, that really help encourage
me to, you know, keep going andto always, you know, seek the
truth and always speak the truthand to never just to never give
(21:06):
up, because you know somethings are wrong and that that
will never change.
Like you know, there's just,there's something that has
always stood out to meespecially is that Jesus was, he
was very gentle towards,towards children, and he was, he
(21:30):
was very just, he was gentle,and that was that.
That's something that hasalways stood out to me in the
Bible and, like you know, thereare instances where he did
express just anger towards thosewho were blaspheming God, and
you know situations like that,but he was always so gentle
(21:52):
towards towards children andtowards women, and that is
something that I really hold onto.
When I, when I start to doubtwhat I'm saying and what I'm
trying to tell people is, I tryto remember what Jesus stood for
and what he was fighting forand how he treated, you know,
(22:15):
the woman at the well and MaryMagdalene, and how he treated
little children.
He he said let them come to me.
And you know how he spoke abouttheir innocence, how it would
be better that we would be castinto the sea with a millstone
about our neck rather than harmone of those little ones.
You know it was its instanceslike that where I remember and I
(22:38):
try to keep in mind how, howgentle he was towards, towards
women and towards children, andand it really, it really helps
me.
It helps me keep going,especially when you know I have,
I have people from you knowaround me on the internet and
(22:58):
within my like my daily life andstuff telling me I should
basically stop because I don'tknow what I'm talking about.
Or you know I shouldn't bechanging things and the fact
that I am changing things justmeans that I'm too sensitive or
the things I say happened didn'tactually happen.
I'm making it up, you justthings like that.
Or I've been told I I got anemail the other day, yeah,
(23:23):
someone I didn't know they must,so they must have just watched
I've read, not read listened toone of the podcast episodes and
got my email from the podcast,but emailed me letting me know
that you know I was a feministand you know I was unbiblical
and I was ruining.
I was ruining marriages and Iwas letting women take control
(23:49):
and, like the, the feminist part, I mean I feel like the term
feminist has been twisted intosomething to mean something
totally different than what itactually was originally intended
for.
Being called unbiblical is like,okay, whatever, call me
unbiblical, whatever I you knowI read the Bible every day and I
(24:12):
try to live my life accordingto what it says.
So if you want to call meunbiblical, it kind of makes me
doubt that you've ever read theBible.
And but the whole thing abouthow, oh goodness, I'm having a
river trying to let women liketake control or take over or
whatever it was, I was just likeit made me.
(24:35):
It made me kind of laugh and itjust made the whole email just
absolutely ridiculous andludicrous because I was just
like I, I don't want women totake control.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
And the fact that you know youthink I'm trying to advocate for
women taking control overanything is just insane.
(24:56):
It kind of makes me wonder ifyou have actually listened to
any of the podcasts, rather thanonly listening to five minutes
and then becoming personallyoffended and freaking out.
And so, like I said, like I justyou know, are there certain
verses in the Bible and there'scertain parts of the Bible that
I read all the time and you knowI take cramford and knowledge
(25:18):
really in Jesus's life and howgentle he was towards towards
children and towards women andhow he always seemed to seek to
empower children and empowerwomen, like the things he did
and the things he said.
I mean, nobody did things likethat.
Nobody approached prostitutesand spoke to them.
(25:41):
Nobody did, nobody talked aboutwomen like they were on an
equal plane with men.
But Jesus did.
And so, like I try to, I try toremember that when I'm, you
know, talking about obligationsex, or I'm talking about, you
(26:01):
know, submission in marriage, orI'm talking about gentle
parenting, and or I'm talkingabout books that advocate us to,
you know, beat our kids with a,you know, a PVC pipe or a
plumber's pipe no bigger than aquarter inch in diameter, and
yes, I am quoting a bookdirectly there and I am planning
(26:25):
on doing a podcast episode onthat book actually in the future
.
But yeah, I just.
The Bible is is huge when itcomes to helping me carry on on
a daily basis with breakingthese generational curses that
I'm I'm trying to break, and Ithink it's really important that
(26:48):
all of us find that thing inour lives that can help us carry
forward and continue on ourfamily mission.
Thank you all for tuning intoday.
I really appreciate it.
(27:09):
I will be getting back into theshort series on purity culture
and obligation sex and a littlebit on, you know, purity culture
and its impact on differentaspects of parenting as well.
I have also have a couple ofexciting guests coming up that I
(27:30):
will be announcing on myInstagram and Facebook as well,
so keep an eye there for anykind of announcements for
upcoming podcast episodes.
Thank you all for listening andI will see you guys next week.
Thank you for tuning in to thisepisode of all our little
(27:53):
messes.
Please let us know how much youenjoyed it below and add any
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(28:16):
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Thank you for listening andwe'll see you next week.
Hello and welcome to All Our Little Messes, a podcast
focused on healing throughintentional conversations about
parenting, relationships,religion and more.
I am your host, veronica Winrod, and I'm so happy to have you
here listening in on my thoughtstoday.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
Hello and welcome back to AllOur Little Messes.
(00:33):
This week we're taking a littlebreak from talking about purity
, culture and obligation sex andwe're just going to be
discussing the problems, likethe emotional issues, that
(00:55):
people who are breakinggenerational curses face on a
daily basis.
This episode is just going tobe kind of just a, you know, an
episode kind of focused onsolidarity and trying to build
(01:16):
camaraderie among us, because itis very, it is very hard and
it's a daily struggle for us andit's a daily struggle that a
lot of us have to hide in orderto, you know, put on that that
brave front of we've got it alltogether, we've totally got this
(01:37):
figured out.
You know we're doing this andit's not easy and sometimes we
don't got this.
Sometimes we just feel likewe're falling apart and you know
we're facing problems within.
You know our family structuresand our family dynamics are
changing and that's, you know, abig struggle for us there.
(01:59):
And then, you know, we'refacing our own emotional turmoil
as well, because we're goingagainst years and years of
internal programming, trying tochange things for ourselves or
for our kids or for you know,for whatever reason, and so this
is kind of an episode, justthat we'll talk about that and
(02:24):
kind of bring all of that outinto the open, because, again,
it is very hard and it's astruggle that a lot of us seem
to try to hide in order to, youknow, look strong to the outside
world.
So, in order to talk aboutgenerational curses, I feel like
(02:46):
it's important that weunderstand what exactly they are
.
So when I, you know, when I'veGoogled what is a generational
curse, the first definition thatpopped up was a generational
curse is a pattern of negativeor sinful behavior that is
passed down from one generationto another, and it's a.
(03:11):
It can be anything from youknow, a pattern of behavior, or
you know religion, or anythinglike violence, you know domestic
violence, or or divorce, or youknow poverty, you know or
(03:34):
alcoholism, or drug abuse,anything like that.
It is passed down from onegeneration to the next, and so
and it just becomes, you know,almost a part of the family's,
their legacy.
It's their legacy, basically,and so when we are breaking that
(03:57):
you know they call us the we'rebreaking the generational
curses, and so we're like thecurse breakers, right.
So that is.
That is kind of like thedefinition, the generally
accepted definition, of what agenerational curse is, and so
(04:17):
that's, that's the definition ofwhat a generational curse is.
They are extremely difficult todeal with for a lot of different
reasons.
You have psychological andemotional reasons that they're
very difficult to deal with, onboth the individual level and
then within the family dynamicas well.
What I've noticed on anindividual level, at least for
(04:43):
myself, is a lot of thegenerational curses that I'm
trying to break for my familyare more behavioral than
anything else.
I was very blessed to grow upin a family that didn't have any
(05:05):
kind of drug abuse or divorceor any kind of alcoholism or
anything like that.
My parents had a very stablerelationship and a stable
marriage.
I didn't experience any ofthose types of generational
curses that a lot of peopleexperience.
When I speak of thegenerational curses that I'm
(05:32):
breaking for my family, I'mthinking more of things that
pertain to religion and marriagestructure and how I'm raising
my children, because thosethings are so personal to an
(05:55):
individual psyche, into ourpersonalities.
They become such an integralpart of our personalities in
some cases because they're sopersonal to us as individuals.
It is very emotionally taxingon a daily basis to try to
change those things and toactively take on that burden on
(06:19):
a daily basis.
It becomes especiallyemotionally taxing when you have
your family or friends.
Sometimes we'll have adifficult time understanding why
(06:42):
you want to change those things, why you're changing the way
your marriage is structured orwhy you're raising your kids
first.
This is something that I seeall over the internet and in
comment sections.
(07:03):
I've said to me we raised youthis way and you turned out okay
.
It's something that the formergeneration says to us on a daily
basis.
In a lot of cases we're notokay, we did not turn out okay.
(07:27):
I would say that the millennialgeneration is a generation of
some of the most broken people Ihave ever come across.
We are the generation that isnow raising kids and we are
struggling so, so hard becausewe have so much emotional
(07:49):
baggage from how we were raised.
We have baggage from theeconomy crashing, different wars
that the US has gone through.
Us as a generation has gonethrough so many different eras
(08:09):
and it's insane and we are notdoing okay.
I forget what the rate was ofmillennials that actually own
their own home, but it isabysmally low.
It is so low.
(08:30):
But we're still the generationwho is getting married and
having kids.
Right now we're trying tochange some of those patterns
that we found ourselves in askids.
So it's an emotionally taxingthing to daily hear oh, you
(08:56):
turned out okay.
When most of us are in therapy,most of us are depressed, most
of us suffer with anxiety.
There's more and more of usbeing diagnosed with ADHD every
day.
For millennial mothers, therates of postpartum depression
(09:18):
are absolutely through the roof.
We did not turn out okay, weare not okay and we're really
we're taking an active role intrying to change that for our
kids, and so it's very it's hardfor us to decide that we're
going to build a better life forour kids, we're going to raise
(09:43):
our kids in an emotionallyhealthy way, in a physically
healthy way.
It's hard for us to make thosedecisions and then hear from the
former generation that, oh, youturned out okay.
You're just being sensitive bysaying this.
The things that you sayhappened didn't actually happen.
You're just we're being toosensitive and so you know it's
(10:06):
hard, it's hard and it'semotionally, it's daily,
emotionally taxing and it takes,like it takes, a physical toll
on the body as well.
Just like that added, not onlyjust the emotional stress, but
the emotional stress kind oftranslates into physical stress
for a lot of us.
And so just that constant stressof fighting against our own
(10:31):
internal programming, becauseyou know, when you're raised a
certain way, all of thosepatterns and behaviors that you
were raised with you, a lot oftimes a person will take on as
(10:52):
basically a form of survival.
So you have, say, you have achild who is yelled at
constantly, who is, who grows upin a very, just, very high
stress household.
There's a lot of physicalpunishment, there's just,
there's just a lot all the time.
(11:14):
Right, that child is going totake on a lot of those traits
that he was shown on a dailybasis as a matter of survival
basically.
So people treat him withdisrespect in order to survive
and understand the world aroundhim.
(11:34):
He is going to start treatingthe world around him with
disrespect, to the people aroundhim, with disrespect as well.
And so we, without evenrealizing it, I mean like in
these, because, because thesepatterns of behavior start, you
know, very, very young and likeI can see it happening with my,
(11:58):
with my four year old, and it'sterrifying to me because, like I
, I'm at therapy, I'm, you know,actively reading all of the
books and doing all of thestudying, trying to break
patterns of behavior that I have, and it's a struggle to break
those patterns behavior and atthe same time, prevent them from
(12:21):
being passed on to the next kid.
And so there's like some thingsthat I haven't successfully
broken that my four-year-old isstarting to pick up, and it's,
it's terrifying Because I'm justlike I do not want you to have
that, I don't want this, and soit's.
It's, you know, we, he's onlyfour years old, but he's already
starting to pick up likecertain patterns of behavior, so
(12:42):
like certain things About usand about our personalities that
we don't even realize Are there.
We've picked up from anextremely young age, so young
that you they're not even reallypatterns of behavior anymore,
they're just like a part of ourpersonalities after a certain
(13:04):
point.
And so we're raised with, withall of these patterns and
behaviors that have been passedon to us.
And Now we're finding ourselves, you know, with, you know being
parents and spells as husbandsor wives trying to break these,
(13:26):
these patterns for our kids, andit's hard.
It's hard and Like it'semotionally and physically
taxing, on a daily basis tryingto.
You know when you're, when yourchild or your spouse does
(13:49):
something, your automaticresponse is you know a certain
type of behavior that you havehad from your childhood and you,
you you're at a certain pointin your, your mental health
journey that you know the, thepattern is there, you know the
(14:11):
behavior is there, and so, butyou aren't far enough along yet
that you Can stop it or thatit's no longer a behavior that
you have.
And so you know, when somethingtriggers it, you just
automatically respond that way.
And then, after you'veresponded that way, you're just
(14:33):
like, oh shoot, I did it again.
And then and like for mepersonally, that's where you
know those feelings of guiltjust start piling in, like, oh
no, I did it again.
And it's like this constantcycle of, okay, you know, try
again.
And then you get triggered, andthen you fall into that pattern
(14:55):
again, and then you're justlike okay, so then you try to
fix the situation.
It's just like over and overand over.
And I will say, though, that,like as the first step to
breaking those, those cycles andbreaking these generational
curses is recognizing thatthey're there in the first place
and actually like taking thesteps to break them.
(15:16):
And so, you know, being beingin therapy to has has helped
immensely, because I, the longerI'm in therapy, the more tools
I acquire to break patterns ofbehavior in myself, such as, you
know it, just anger and thingslike that.
And it gets easier Over timebecause I try to think of it as
(15:44):
like breaking a bad habit, forexample, because you can't just
break a bad habit overnight,because it just doesn't happen
that way.
Like to me, breaking a badhabit is Is, like you know,
building a good one, except ittakes twice as long and it's
twice as hard Because it's sohard to let go of, because it's
(16:09):
so ingrained into us.
But, yeah, these, thesepatterns are so hard To get rid
of and so hard to get past.
And then a lot of times they'rethey're not only difficult
because of how we've held on tothem, but they're also difficult
(16:33):
because of, you know, the therole of, like family traditions
and family values and beliefs inperpetuating the patterns and
behaviors.
And so we a lot of times, forexample, if you're trying to
change a certain parts ofparenting, that you know a
(17:02):
certain way you were parented.
You're trying to switch fromthat to you know a different
methods, and you have yourfamily, your, your, your birth
family I'll just say the birthfamily telling you that you know
you're doing it wrong, you'refailing, and they believe that
(17:25):
you know this is the wrong wayto go about things.
And you have all of that inyour mind at all times because
you know we're all hardwired towant and need our family's
approval.
It's, it's something that isjust ingrained into a human
(17:46):
beings DNA is just part of whowe are, and so when we're trying
to change things from the wayour families did it when we were
growing up and we're trying todo better, but you have your
entire extended family, or justeven to certain individuals,
(18:08):
telling you that you're wrongand you're going to fail and you
know you're being a bad parent.
It's very disheartening,especially when you believe with
all your heart that this is thebest way to raise your kids.
(18:31):
It is so disheartening to hearfrom you know the people that
are supposed to love you themost and support you the most.
It is so disheartening to hearfrom them that they believe that
you are failing and that youare a bad mother or father, like
it just it's soul crushing andheartbreaking and it's really
(18:54):
sad, and so that's like another.
You know, that's another aspectof like the emotional toll that
I mentioned earlier theemotional toll of like changing
things that our family, that ourfamilies did, of basically
breaking family traditions,breaking family values and
(19:15):
breaking family beliefs andchanging things for what we see
as the better, because a lot oftimes, like these, these
patterns and behaviors are soentwined in and their values and
beliefs that they have becomeone in the same.
So when you challenge thesepatterns and behaviors, they see
(19:38):
it as, oh, you're challengingus, you're challenging what we
believe in, and it becomes likethis personal insult to them and
it's this, it's this fight, andso in order to hang on to their
, their pride and their familyvalues and their beliefs, they
have to challenge you to not dowhat you're trying to accomplish
(20:01):
.
And so it makes it even moredifficult to to carry on with,
like you know, our familymission in creating a better
life for our children and and inbreaking generational curses.
And you know, marriages andwithin families and, yeah, it
(20:25):
can become very emotionallytaxing, like I mean, I myself
have experienced this all thetime, all the time, and it's,
it's just one of those thingsthat I am constantly praying for
strength for.
(20:46):
There's, you know, there's acouple Bible verses that I have
that I I read over and over andover, that really help encourage
me to, you know, keep going andto always, you know, seek the
truth and always speak the truthand to never just to never give
(21:06):
up, because you know somethings are wrong and that that
will never change.
Like you know, there's just,there's something that has
always stood out to meespecially is that Jesus was, he
was very gentle towards,towards children, and he was, he
(21:30):
was very just, he was gentle,and that was that.
That's something that hasalways stood out to me in the
Bible and, like you know, thereare instances where he did
express just anger towards thosewho were blaspheming God, and
you know situations like that,but he was always so gentle
(21:52):
towards towards children andtowards women, and that is
something that I really hold onto.
When I, when I start to doubtwhat I'm saying and what I'm
trying to tell people is, I tryto remember what Jesus stood for
and what he was fighting forand how he treated, you know,
(22:15):
the woman at the well and MaryMagdalene, and how he treated
little children.
He he said let them come to me.
And you know how he spoke abouttheir innocence, how it would
be better that we would be castinto the sea with a millstone
about our neck rather than harmone of those little ones.
You know it was its instanceslike that where I remember and I
(22:38):
try to keep in mind how, howgentle he was towards, towards
women and towards children, andand it really, it really helps
me.
It helps me keep going,especially when you know I have,
I have people from you knowaround me on the internet and
(22:58):
within my like my daily life andstuff telling me I should
basically stop because I don'tknow what I'm talking about.
Or you know I shouldn't bechanging things and the fact
that I am changing things justmeans that I'm too sensitive or
the things I say happened didn'tactually happen.
I'm making it up, you justthings like that.
Or I've been told I I got anemail the other day, yeah,
(23:23):
someone I didn't know they must,so they must have just watched
I've read, not read listened toone of the podcast episodes and
got my email from the podcast,but emailed me letting me know
that you know I was a feministand you know I was unbiblical
and I was ruining.
I was ruining marriages and Iwas letting women take control
(23:49):
and, like the, the feminist part, I mean I feel like the term
feminist has been twisted intosomething to mean something
totally different than what itactually was originally intended
for.
Being called unbiblical is like,okay, whatever, call me
unbiblical, whatever I you knowI read the Bible every day and I
(24:12):
try to live my life accordingto what it says.
So if you want to call meunbiblical, it kind of makes me
doubt that you've ever read theBible.
And but the whole thing abouthow, oh goodness, I'm having a
river trying to let women liketake control or take over or
whatever it was, I was just likeit made me.
(24:35):
It made me kind of laugh and itjust made the whole email just
absolutely ridiculous andludicrous because I was just
like I, I don't want women totake control.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
And the fact that you know youthink I'm trying to advocate for
women taking control overanything is just insane.
(24:56):
It kind of makes me wonder ifyou have actually listened to
any of the podcasts, rather thanonly listening to five minutes
and then becoming personallyoffended and freaking out.
And so, like I said, like I justyou know, are there certain
verses in the Bible and there'scertain parts of the Bible that
I read all the time and you knowI take cramford and knowledge
(25:18):
really in Jesus's life and howgentle he was towards towards
children and towards women andhow he always seemed to seek to
empower children and empowerwomen, like the things he did
and the things he said.
I mean, nobody did things likethat.
Nobody approached prostitutesand spoke to them.
(25:41):
Nobody did, nobody talked aboutwomen like they were on an
equal plane with men.
But Jesus did.
And so, like I try to, I try toremember that when I'm, you
know, talking about obligationsex, or I'm talking about, you
(26:01):
know, submission in marriage, orI'm talking about gentle
parenting, and or I'm talkingabout books that advocate us to,
you know, beat our kids with a,you know, a PVC pipe or a
plumber's pipe no bigger than aquarter inch in diameter, and
yes, I am quoting a bookdirectly there and I am planning
(26:25):
on doing a podcast episode onthat book actually in the future
.
But yeah, I just.
The Bible is is huge when itcomes to helping me carry on on
a daily basis with breakingthese generational curses that
I'm I'm trying to break, and Ithink it's really important that
(26:48):
all of us find that thing inour lives that can help us carry
forward and continue on ourfamily mission.
Thank you all for tuning intoday.
I really appreciate it.
(27:09):
I will be getting back into theshort series on purity culture
and obligation sex and a littlebit on, you know, purity culture
and its impact on differentaspects of parenting as well.
I have also have a couple ofexciting guests coming up that I
(27:30):
will be announcing on myInstagram and Facebook as well,
so keep an eye there for anykind of announcements for
upcoming podcast episodes.
Thank you all for listening andI will see you guys next week.
Thank you for tuning in to thisepisode of all our little
(27:53):
messes.
Please let us know how much youenjoyed it below and add any
questions you have about thisepisode.
Also, don't forget to follow uson patreon for amazing
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(28:16):
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