16 | The Fear of Saying the Wrong Thing - Social Anxiety Series: Part 1

Ever typed out a message… then deleted it?
 Rehearsed what to say 10 times before actually saying it—
 Or stayed quiet altogether because the risk of messing it up felt too high?

You’re not the only one.
 And no, it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

This episode kicks off our 3-part Social Anxiety Series with a deep dive into the everyday anxiety that slows you down—not the kind that stops you completely, but the fear that keeps you second-guessing every text, word, or response.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How the pandemic disrupted social development for teens and young adults
• The difference between clinical social anxiety and anxious overthinking
• Why you fear saying the wrong thing—even when it’s a low-risk conversation
• 4 powerful skills to help you trust your voice, even if it’s shaky
• Why admitting you're nervous often builds deeper connections
• How to evaluate social situations based on facts—not just feelings

The most powerful takeaway?
 You don’t need the perfect words. You just need to speak.
Because silence might feel safe—but it won’t help you grow.

Got a question or feedback? Text us and share your thoughts—we’d love to hear from you!

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🎙️ Presented by Davis-Smith Mental Health

This podcast was created by Davis-Smith Mental Health, offering counseling for teens & young adults in Illinois (only). We accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and self-pay clients.

⚠️ Disclaimer: Block Out the Noise provides personal insights and practical strategies to help manage anxiety and self-doubt. The content is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional mental health care, advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please contact emergency services or a trusted mental health professional immediately.

Episode Transcript

Jessica Davis (00:07):
You want to say something, but your mind goes
blank.
What if I say something weird?
What if they think I'm annoying?
What if I mess it all up andthey never talk to me again?
If you've ever overanalyzed atext before sending it,
rehearsed a message in your head10 times before saying it out
loud, or avoided speakingaltogether because the risk of

(00:30):
saying the wrong thing felt toohigh, this episode is for you,
because today we're talkingabout the fear of saying the
wrong thing, why it shows up,how it keeps you stuck and how
to move forward through itwithout needing someone else to
tell you what to say.

(00:52):
Hi, and welcome back to Blackoutthe Noise the go-to podcast for
teens and young adults who areready to quiet anxiety,
self-doubt and overthinking.
I'm Jessica Davis, a licensedtherapist, mindset coach for
teens and young adults and thecreator of the Courage Method.
This is the first episode inour three-part social anxiety

(01:14):
series, because social anxietyisn't just about the fear of
public speaking or big crowds.
It can also be that mentalnoise that makes you second
guess everything you say ordon't say Before we dive in.
This podcast is here to supportand guide you, but it is not a
replacement for talking tosomeone in real life.

(01:35):
If you're struggling with yourmental health, please, please,
reach out to a therapist and ifyou're in a crisis, contact
emergency services or a localhelpline.
You don't have to go through italone.
Also, feeling overwhelmed byanxiety and not sure what to do
next, grab the Anxiety SurvivalToolkit.

(01:56):
It's free and it's packed withpractical tools to help you calm
your mind, challenge negativethoughts and take control in
those tough moments, whetherit's a school presentation, a
social situation or just one ofthose days when everything feels
like it's too much.
This is the resource you needto get through it.
Don't keep struggling silently.

(02:16):
Get the tools you need.
The link is in the show notes.
Al right, let's cut through thenoise and get started.
I've sat with so many teens andyoung adults who tell me I just
don't want to say the wrongthing.
It's not that they don't haveanything to say.
It's that they're scared of theconsequences being
misunderstood, judged,embarrassed or worse, losing

(02:39):
someone they care about, losingsomeone they care about.
They'll come to sessions sayingI typed out the message but I
deleted it, or I wanted to speakup but I was afraid it would
make things worse or awkward.
Some, even with the iPhonecheck the message before they

(03:01):
actually click, that they readit so that they can have enough
time to practice what they wantto say or think about it ahead
of time.
And then there's those whoscreenshot the messages and send
it to their friends, family,whoever they can, to double
check that they're saying theright thing.
It's not because they don'tknow how to talk, it's because
they don't trust themselves yet,and honestly, I don't blame

(03:22):
them.
So many teens and young adultswere in the middle of high
school or even middle schoolduring the pandemic.
This is when socialopportunities disappeared
completely overnight and thenormal ways of learning how to
navigate conflict, buildingconfidence or just being
yourself in social spaces wereput on hold.

(03:44):
Now, as things have clearlyopened back up, it's like trying
to be thrown into socialsituations they were never
really able to practice orprepare for, and anxiety is
filling in the gaps withself-doubt, overthinking and
constant pressure to get itright.
Here's the thing I want to beclear.
We're not talking aboutclinical social anxiety here.

(04:05):
We're talking about theeveryday version, the kind that
doesn't stop you from livingyour life completely, but that
slows you down, keeps you stuckand makes you question
everything you say Another quoteby Dr Becky Kennedy.
She said you don't need to beperfect to be accepted, you just
need to be real.

(04:26):
So if you've ever worried thatone wrong sentence could ruin a
friendship, or that you willalways need someone else to
approve your words before youspeak them, keep listening,
because we're going to go overfour skills to help you say what
you mean, even if you're scared.
You don't need a script to beunderstood.
You need trust and practice.

(04:47):
Let's talk about how to buildboth.
One notice when you're tryingto control the outcome.
If your brain is runningthrough all the possible ways,
something could go wrong.
Pause, ask yourself.
Am I trying to make sure thisgoes perfectly or just trying to
avoid any risk?
Letting go of the outcome letsyou focus on showing up as

(05:10):
yourself.
Two get comfortable with pauses.
You don't have to speakinstantly.
Take a breath, give yourselfspace to think, say that's a
good question.
I need a second to think aboutit.
It's a powerful way to staycalm and connected.
As therapists, we are taught tosit with pauses and silence.

(05:35):
It doesn't mean that there'ssomething wrong.
The fact that we are taughtthis, though, shows how much we
are all uncomfortable withsilence and pausing.
The more, though, we pause, themore we're giving a client
space to think, to consider, andit doesn't mean that there's
something wrong.
It just means that they'reactually thinking.
I also think communicating youdon't know what to say leads to

(05:59):
understanding, as everyone hasfelt that way at some point.
It's not a cop-out.
It's just giving yourself spaceto be vulnerable enough to say
I don't know what to say, andsometimes you really don't.
Three speak from curiosity, notperformance.
Instead of worrying aboutsounding perfect, try to stay

(06:22):
curious.
Ask follow-up questions, sharesomething small.
Conversations aren't auditions.
They're invitations.
Right, it's an invitation toget to know someone more.
I had a client once say I don'twant them to know I'm like this
.
But I said that's part of whoyou are.

(06:43):
If they don't get to find outthat you have this reserve side
or that you're shy when that'sreally how you present, then
they're missing out on some ofthe most beautiful parts of
getting to know you in thebeginning.
That's just who you are, that'sa piece of you, and I think
that's authentic.
That's authentic when you'refirst starting to open up to

(07:06):
someone and you're nervous andyou're afraid of saying the
wrong thing.
I don't think it's wrong tocommunicate.
Hey, I am nervous, I'm afraidI'm saying the wrong thing.
They will understand becausemost likely they are also
nervous and they are also afraidof saying the wrong thing.
So by putting that out there,you actually open yourself up to

(07:29):
a deep connection.
Four, reflect on what actuallyhappened, but not just how you
felt After a conversation.
Your anxiety might try toconvince you that it was
terribly wrong.
Right, but what really happened?
Did the person respond?
Did they smile?
Were they flirtatious throughthe message?

(07:51):
Did it take them their usualtime to respond?
All these different piecesright, can give you hints on
what actually happened versuskind of coming up to your own
conclusion based off of yourfeelings.
Try to focus on evidence, notassumptions.
This is basically another wayfor us to say the you and the

(08:12):
courage method.
Understand that fear isn't factIf you haven't, go back and
listen to episode five to get afull breakdown of the courage
method.
Now let's just recap.
I know it's only four for thisepisode, but sometimes I feel
like if you give too many skillsall at once, then none of them
are tried.
So for this episode, butsometimes I feel like if you
give too many skills all at once, then none of them are tried.

(08:36):
So from this framework it'sfour, but really all you have to
do is start with one.
One of them could be noticewhen you're trying to control
the outcome.
Two, get comfortable withpauses.
Three, speak from curiosity,not performance.
Four, reflect on what actuallyhappened, not just how you felt.
If you've ever felt like yourwords aren't good enough, you're
not alone, but tools can help.

(08:58):
Download the Anxiety SurvivalToolkit.
It is linked in the show notes.
It is free, but it is avaluable resource.
It has coping strategies andemergency reset.
It has courage, calls andprompts to help you get through
these moments when you'refeeling really anxious.
It's there for the moments whenyour brain won't slow down and

(09:19):
you just need someone orsomething to help you take the
next step.
Grab it now.
Don't wait.
I'm serious.
Go get it Now to the courageousmoment this week.
Speak up without asking someoneelse's opinion on what you want
to say.
It doesn't have to be deep orperfect.
Just say something that younormally would ask someone else

(09:43):
as advice on what to say.
It's not about finding theright words.
It's really about finding yourown voice.
You don't have to be polished,it's just honestly being brave,
taking small steps to just beyou.
The fear of saying the wrongthing won't disappear overnight.
Trust me, I get that.
But every time you choose tospeak, even if your voice is

(10:07):
shaky, you're choosing growth.
You're reminding your anxietythat it doesn't get to make the
rules.
You're allowed to be imperfectand I truly believe we're all
imperfectly perfect in our ownways.
You're allowed to take up space.
You're allowed to say what's onyour mind, even if it doesn't
come out how you want it to comeout.

(10:28):
Say what's on your mind even ifit doesn't come out how you
want it to come out, becausesilence might feel safe, but it
won't help you grow.
Your voice matters.
Thank you so much for listening.
Stick around for part two ofour social anxiety series
dropping next week.
Until next time, keep movingforward, trust yourself and

(10:49):
never forget you have what ittakes to block out the noise.