July 28, 2025 • 21 mins
This is the final part of our 3-part series on the 21 things every anxious teen needs to hear—and these last seven will stay with you.
In this episode, Jessica Davis (licensed therapist + creator of the C.O.U.R.A.G.E. Method) dives into the deeper truths teens and young adults often wrestle with silently—like people-pleasing, self-love, setting boundaries, and what it actually means to rest or start over.
If you've ever felt like you're trapped by who others expect you to be or like you've missed your chance to feel better—this episode reminds you: you are never too late to begin again.
🔍 What You’ll Learn:
- Why labels and expectations from others can keep you stuck—and how to let go of them
- What happens when you try to please everyone (and how to stop)
- The truth about rest: why you don’t have to earn it
- Why challenging yourself in small ways can change everything
- How loving yourself impacts every area of your life
- That you’re allowed to change your mind—and your direction
- The power of starting again, even after mistakes
🌟 Resource Highlight: Sherri S. Wick, LCPC | Divine Continuing Education
If you’re a therapist looking for meaningful continuing education that actually prioritizes YOU—your peace, your healing, and your whole self—check out divine-ce.com.
Sherri S. Wick, LCPC, speaker and founder of Divine Continuing Education, is on a mission to redefine rest, reclaim your voice, and equip mental health professionals through training rooted in the Eight Dimensions of Wellness. Her work is honest, refreshing, and grounded in what really matters.
👉 Therapists, this is your sign to sign up and hear her speak: divine-ce.com
Got a question or feedback? Text us and share your thoughts—we’d love to hear from you!
RESOURCES:
Get your FREE Anxiety Survival Toolkit to help you when your anxiety is overwhelming!
Grab your FREE 90-Day Courage Challenge Cheat Sheet and start building confidence today.
📱 Follow Us:
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🎙️ Presented by Davis-Smith Mental Health
This podcast was created by Davis-Smith Mental Health, offering counseling for teens & young adults in Illinois (only). We accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and self-pay clients.
⚠️ Disclaimer: Block Out the Noise provides personal insights and practical strategies to help manage anxiety and self-doubt. The content is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional mental health care, advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate assistance, please contact emergency services or a trusted mental health professional immediately.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jessica Davis (00:07):
You don't have to change who you are to grow.
You just have to stop believingthe lie that you're stuck.
These last seven lessons arethe ones I come back to again
and again in sessions with teensand young adults.
They're the kind of truths thatshift how you see yourself and
remind you that it's never toolate to try again, to set a new
(00:27):
boundary or to start showing upfor you.
So if you've ever felt likeyou're trapped by who people
expect you to be, or like you'vemissed your chance to feel
better, this episode is for you,because sometimes the most
powerful thing you can do isbegin again.
Hi, and welcome back.
(00:55):
To Block Out the Noise the go-topodcast for teens and young
adults who are ready to quietanxiety, self-doubt and
overthinking.
I'm your host, jessica Davis, alicensed therapist and mindset
coach for teens and young adultsand the creator of the Courage
Method.
This episode is part three of apowerful series 21 Things I
(01:16):
Wish I Could Tell Every TeenWith Anxiety.
If you haven't listened toparts one and two yet, go back
and check those out.
But this one can stand on itsown too, especially if you've
ever felt like you're carryingthe weight of other people's
expectations, constantlypleasing others, or if you're
unsure of how to get back upafter a hard moment.
(01:36):
Before we dive in, I want togive you this quick reminder
this podcast is here to supportand guide you, but it is not a
replacement for talking tosomeone in real life.
If you're struggling with yourmental health, please reach out
to a therapist, and if you're ina crisis, contact emergency
services or a local helpline.
You don't have to go through italone.
(01:57):
All right, let's cut throughthe noise and get started.
Fifteen, let go of who I wantyou to be.
We are a label happy world.
We all want labels and I thinklabels are popular because they
make us feel defined, they makeus feel seen.
But sometimes labels can reallylead us to shrink and to not
(02:20):
feel as if we know who we arebecause we're allowing other
people's labels to define us,labels that people are putting
on us, not us figuring out forourselves.
So for the people who feel likeI'm the person who is always
seen as shy, or the person whois always seen as introverted,
or the person who is smart andthat's how I'm labeled and I
(02:44):
can't go outside of that and befunny, or I can't have a bad
grade because I'm supposed tokeep up this view of who they
think I am.
Drop those labels.
Those labels are boxes andthey're boxing you in.
They're not allowing you togrow.
You can be smart and you canalso have room for other things,
(03:05):
room to do more, be more.
You're not just one thing.
We're made up of multitude ofthings.
I can be smart and silly andcreative so many other things
right.
I can be athletic in one pieceof my life and in another part
of my life I cannot be.
I can focus in on differentthings.
You're not required to stay howthey remember who you are.
(03:28):
You are able to change.
You're able to expand andsometimes I get that.
Often a lot of teens feel liketheir parents won't listen when
they want to shift and dosomething different.
But work to help them to see it.
Work to help them to feel howyou're feeling so that they
understand.
Oftentimes parents are worriedthat their kid is going to be
left with regret and so theypush and push and push.
(03:51):
But most parents will say, okay, I get it If they see what
you're feeling in or what isdoing to you, so that they can
say, okay, makes sense, I'm onboard.
I see it now and I'm fine withthis shift.
Take that opportunity, though,and even if they don't because,
right, we're living in a worldwhere some parents, some people
(04:13):
with the best intentions can dothe wrong thing.
That's just life.
So if someone's not seeing itand you are struggling and
they're not getting it, thatdoesn't mean still that you
can't pursue other things.
Still work to try and buildthat network for yourself.
Build the community, ask and doresearch.
Show that your intention isthat you really are excited or
(04:36):
passionate about this area sothat they eventually will get
there.
But don't stop pursuing becausesomeone else said no, keep
pursuing, no matter what.
16,.
Trying to please everyone willbreak you.
This is so important.
You cannot please everyone.
There are going to be somepeople who like you and some
people who don't.
Some people who will see yourgifts and talents and some
(04:59):
people who won't, and I thinkone of the beautiful things
about sports is it teaches youthat really early on, you have
different coaches and yourealize, wow, this coach really
saw my potential and that helpedme grow exponentially.
Where you have other coacheswho won't and you find yourself
playing smaller or not playingas well, because their
confidence in you, changes whoyou see, who you are, changes
(05:20):
how you show up.
No, no more.
If you're a teen and you are sofocused in on trying to please
everyone, you're pleasing no oneand, honestly, you can't please
everyone.
Not everyone is going to get it.
One person can say, hey, dothis, and another person could
say, no, do that.
And now you're torn in twodifferent directions, not
knowing where to go, and you'restill stuck, and oftentimes
(05:43):
that's anxiety feeling stuck,feeling like you can't move,
feeling like there's nowhere togo.
Start working on pleasing whoyou are.
Start being comfortable withdisappointing people.
Disappointment is actually abeautiful thing when we really
think about it, when we reallydive deep into what
disappointment means.
It means they care right.
(06:04):
It means that they wantedsomething and it didn't happen,
but they actually were sad aboutit.
It shows intention, it showslove, it shows care.
When we're disappointed,disappointment also could be on
your end.
If I followed someone else'sview of what my life should be
and they are disappointed that Ididn't go down that road.
(06:24):
Well, I would be disappointedfor not honoring myself,
honoring what I think is bestfor me, and there's only one me.
No one else is inside of here.
No one else gets what I'm goingthrough.
No one else understands it.
So it is vital sometimes that Isay, hey, I get that you feel
this is the path.
But I have to listen to myself.
(06:45):
I have to honor and not say yes.
Or you know what?
Hey, my friends want to go outand they want to party or they
want to drink or they want toget high, and I know that's not
me.
They're going to bedisappointed and that's on them.
It's not my job to makeeveryone feel happy.
That is not the goal in life.
I have to stay true to myselfso that I can live with me,
(07:08):
because I'm stuck with me.
At the end of the day, I'm withmyself all the time.
As Kathy said, everywhere you go, there you are.
So you better get comfortablewith who you are and what
decisions you make for you.
If you don't want to drink,don't drink.
If you don't want to smoke,don't smoke.
If you don't want to go out,don't go out.
(07:28):
And again, I know you'rethinking.
Well, you just said pushyourself outside your comfort
zone, yes, but on things thatalign with who you are.
There's nothing wrong withgoing out to a party if you feel
comfortable.
But I would never tell someonego out to a party where you feel
like you're going to be takenadvantage of or you don't feel
safe or you don't feelcomfortable.
That is not the goal.
That's not the intention.
No, the goal and the intentionis learning how to listen to who
(07:51):
you are and trust yourdecision-making, and trust that
your instincts aren't pushingyou outside of what you would
want to do for yourself, thatyou see growth in that decision.
There's a difference.
There's a major difference.
Don't feel bad about makingchoices that you want to make.
I chose not to drink.
Someone else may choose todrink.
(08:13):
In fact chose not to drink.
Someone else may choose todrink.
In fact, my friends drank a ton, loved them, still love them,
doesn't matter, right?
If they can accept me for mechoosing not to drink and I can
accept them for choosing todrink, then we should be fine.
There's nothing wrong.
But if I chose to drink when Iknew it didn't align with myself
and my goals, then I would havebeen miserable, I would have
(08:35):
felt unhappy, I would have feltdisappointed, I would have felt
like I wasn't staying true tomyself and then I would have
been left with that internalguilt, that internal struggle
while they just move on abouttheir lives.
So make decisions that you'recomfortable with, that you can
handle, and if someone tries topush you outside of that, you
get to say no.
(08:56):
You get to set that boundary.
17,.
You don't have to earn rest andrest is important to define.
I have a friend, sherry, shoutout to you on rest.
I hope that anyone who'slistening, who's a therapist,
checks out your website and goesto it.
I actually should link it below.
But she taught me about restand my age which I'm not going
(09:19):
to communicate, how old I am butshe taught me the importance of
rest and rest we thinksometimes is the same as sleep
and it's not.
Rest is restorative.
Rest makes you feel energizedand comfortable and sometimes we
do need to take a break andthat will allow us to restore,
to feel rested, feel better.
(09:40):
But often teens, you guys, arekind of the worst at taking any
kind of rest because you guyswill do almost the polar
opposites on both ends.
Right One end, you're sleepinga ton and thinking that,
wondering why you're not feelingrested, which is funny and then
on the other end, we havepeople who are constantly out
and doing and working andpursuing and doing so much that
(10:03):
they're burning themselves outand they haven't even hit 19
years old.
Find the balance, also one ofthe ones above.
Find the balance.
Yeah, go back to number five.
You need a rendition, but yeah,it's important.
Rest is key, and I think too,we're in a time where we feel
like everything needs to befilled, that you can't take time
(10:23):
for yourself, you can't take abreak.
You just move from thing tothing to thing and it can just
be exhausting, especially forkids with anxiety, because they
feel like a packed schedulehelps them to not concentrate on
their negative thoughts.
It helps them to feel liketheir intrusive thoughts or the
overthinking cuts down becausethey're so busy doing that it
(10:44):
doesn't lend time for theanxiety to really show until the
night, but then it shows up atnight and they're still unable
to sleep and so they're notgetting restored.
You have to put in time, andit's interesting too, because as
a business owner, as aclinician, one of the things
that I have found is theimportance of taking time.
We think that if we just book,book, book, see more clients,
(11:07):
especially for mental healththerapists, we have to schedule
so many people in order to makea livelihood.
There's so many programs nowteaching the importance of rest
and teaching the importance oftaking time off, especially for,
you know, mental healththerapists and business owners
and entrepreneurs, but it's nottalked about enough during the
teenage, young adult time period, where you know oftentimes they
(11:30):
have more time to fit in rest.
But it's not happening becausethere's this view that you have
to chase your dreams and findyour dreams at 16, 17, 18, 19
and be successful by that age.
And by success that definitionbeing working a ton or having
this financial security, whenmost people don't have that
(11:51):
until their 40s or 50s.
But yet we're chasing it atsuch a young age.
And I'm not one to say I don'twant people to pursue their
goals.
I do, but I think that you canpursue them in a way that's
healthier for yourself andpursue them in a way that still
allows for you to rest.
Before we keep going, I want toremind you.
(12:12):
If you've ever felt stuck withanxious thoughts or overwhelmed
by life, this is just for you.
It's called the AnxietySurvival Toolkit.
It's free and it's packed withcoping strategies, courage calls
and tools that you can use inthe moment when anxiety takes
over.
Head to the show notes to grabyour copy.
It could make all thedifference.
(12:32):
Your copy, it could make allthe difference.
18.
Challenge yourself in every waypossible.
We can all get comfortable inlife and comfort makes us feel
at ease and life is set up sothat we build routines and
habits that will allow us to becomfortable.
But I'm a firm believer inchallenging yourself.
Challenge yourself in everyaspect of your life, challenge
(12:55):
yourself on your routines,challenge yourself to try
something new, challenge,challenge, challenge.
Because the more you challengeyourself, the more you grow, the
more you learn, the more you'reable to think outside of you
and feel more comfortable andstretch yourself even more.
It's interesting because whenwe think about challenge, we
(13:16):
often think of sports or wethink of big things, but really,
you know, sometimes we can justchallenge ourselves to get
through the day.
Or we can challenge ourselvesto go to school when we feel
like you know, today's been hardor I don't want to attend,
especially, again, anxious teensand young adults.
(13:38):
There's this piece where youdon't want to challenge yourself
.
You want to just stay in yourcomfort, and stay in the
comfortness of like a warmblanket in your bedroom and not
leave because it feels safer.
But challenge yourself to dosomething, move.
Move in a way that will alignmore with how you want to live
(14:00):
your life, and the more youchallenge yourself to do that, I
think, the more growth you'regoing to have.
19.
Loving yourself changeseverything.
This one is by far my heart andI feel as if for not even just
anxious teens, teens and youngadults in general, there's not
enough of loving yourself.
Loving yourself through thedifficult decisions you make.
(14:23):
Loving yourself when you feelas if you're not a good person.
Loving yourself when yournegative thoughts are playing
horrible things and sayinghorrible things.
It is so crucial to loveyourself.
When you learn to love yourself, you learn who you are, you
learn what you're capable of,you learn the beauty of life.
(14:47):
It's almost as if things becomemore colorful.
Life has more meaning.
When you learn to love yourself, you end up making better
choices, you end up healthier,you end up setting better
boundaries, you have betterpeace.
Life, literally, is enhancedwhen you learn to love yourself.
(15:08):
And for the person asking,where do you even begin with
that?
It doesn't have to be bigaction to start to love yourself
.
It can just be small windows.
For instance, before I evenstarted recording this, there's
this piece of me that waspicking myself apart and
thinking oh my gosh, you don'tlook how you want to look.
And I just looked at myself onthe camera and I said you look
(15:30):
beautiful.
I don't really care if peopleagree or disagree with that
statement or not.
I believe it and it felt better.
I feel stronger, I feel moreconfident, I felt more
comfortable to get on the screenand do it by just saying one
nice thing to myself on an areawhere maybe I was feeling a
little bit more insecure abouttoday, because ultimately, we're
(15:52):
all insecure about differentthings.
Insecurity doesn't go away.
It is literally part of living.
It's part of being alive.
The difference is, even thoughI have these insecurities, I
don't have to make them stop mefrom doing.
I don't have to leave theseinsecurities to be my defining
(16:13):
or definition of who I am,because they're not.
I find myself beautiful.
You should find yourselfbeautiful, handsome, gorgeous.
However, you want to claim it.
Claim it because you are andsomeone will see that, but you
have to see it in yourself first.
So start small, pick somethingthat you want to work on in
terms of your self-love andstart saying it.
(16:35):
Start doing it and you'll seethe change Twenty.
You're allowed to change yourmind.
You're not stuck in any versionof you.
You're allowed to change yourmind and go to different things,
and I know that sometimes whenyou're a teen, it feels like the
world is your oyster, and sothere's a thousand things you
wanna do and try, and sosometimes it can be a lot,
(16:57):
because one minute you're intophotography and the next minute
you're into writing and the nextminute you want to travel the
world and I all four, all ofthose things right, but for an
adult, looking in, it can belike, okay, can you just pick
something?
That's what I feel like aparent would say Just settle on
one thing.
But maybe you shouldn't.
Maybe we're the problem, theolder generation, where we need
(17:18):
to be open to you trying newthings and exploring new things,
as long as it's within reasonand as long as it's not causing
them to go bankrupt becauseyou're trying to change things
every single day and everysingle moment.
I do believe in financialsecurity, but as a teen, you're
allowed to change friend groups.
You're allowed to decide thatthis day I want to cut my hair
(17:42):
or tomorrow, you know, I want totake a break from social media,
and so you cut off social mediacontact for 30 or 60 days or
you know what, in this moment inlife, I want to be edgier, and
so you change your clothes tofit that style, and all of these
things are valid.
All of these things are waysfor you to try to connect with
(18:04):
you, and there's nothing wrongwith that.
You don't owe anyone anexplanation for wanting to
change those types of things,except maybe your parents.
21,.
You can always begin again.
I love this because I thinksometimes we think that it's too
late or we messed up and wecan't go back, and sometimes,
right, we really can't.
(18:25):
We can't undo things we've done, but we can always make another
decision to move forward andtry something new or try again.
There's no expiration date on afresh start.
Start where your feet are at,plant your feet to the ground
and choose to move forward.
Choose to try again.
Choose to repair things thatyou have damaged.
(18:47):
Choose to try something thatyou felt like I tried a while
ago and I didn't think I wasgood at it, but you know, now I
have a different perspective andI want to try again.
Choose to forgive yourself forthings that you have done or not
done.
Every moment is a new chance.
Every moment is a new choicethat you get to make.
So make them, and make them ina thousand different ways for
(19:10):
yourself.
Choose to begin again.
If no one has told you lately, Iwant you to know something you
are not broken.
You are not behind.
You do not need to becomesomeone else to be worthy of
peace, joy and love.
These lessons aren't aboutchanging who you are.
They are about uncovering thepieces of you that are blocked
(19:31):
from the noise and the fear andthe pressure that life puts on
you are already enough.
The world will never fullyunderstand what it feels like to
be in your mind, but thatdoesn't mean you're alone.
We see you, we need you, and Ihope you carry at least one of
these with you.
Here's your courageous momentthis week.
Choose the one lesson from thisseries that you keep thinking
(19:54):
about and turn it into action.
Maybe that means restingwithout guilt.
Maybe it means settingboundaries, or maybe it means
saying something kind toyourself in the mirror.
Whatever it is, don't just hearit, live it.
These 21 lessons, they aren'trules or checklists.
They're invitations to trustyourself a little bit more, to
(20:17):
be a little bit kinder toyourself and to build a life
that actually feels like yours,and if this episode or series
helped you feel seen, supportedor just a little bit less alone.
Please like, follow, leave acomment or review.
Also, please share this withsomeone who needs it, someone
who's been caring more than theyshow.
(20:39):
And don't forget to downloadthe free anxiety survival
toolkit linked in the show notes.
It is there to help you keepthis momentum going and be there
for moments when you arestruggling the most.
Thank you so so much forlistening.
Until next time, keep movingforward, trust yourself and
never forget you have what ittakes to block out the noise.
You don't have to change who you are to grow.
You just have to stop believingthe lie that you're stuck.
These last seven lessons arethe ones I come back to again
and again in sessions with teensand young adults.
They're the kind of truths thatshift how you see yourself and
remind you that it's never toolate to try again, to set a new
(00:27):
boundary or to start showing upfor you.
So if you've ever felt likeyou're trapped by who people
expect you to be, or like you'vemissed your chance to feel
better, this episode is for you,because sometimes the most
powerful thing you can do isbegin again.
Hi, and welcome back.
(00:55):
To Block Out the Noise the go-topodcast for teens and young
adults who are ready to quietanxiety, self-doubt and
overthinking.
I'm your host, jessica Davis, alicensed therapist and mindset
coach for teens and young adultsand the creator of the Courage
Method.
This episode is part three of apowerful series 21 Things I
(01:16):
Wish I Could Tell Every TeenWith Anxiety.
If you haven't listened toparts one and two yet, go back
and check those out.
But this one can stand on itsown too, especially if you've
ever felt like you're carryingthe weight of other people's
expectations, constantlypleasing others, or if you're
unsure of how to get back upafter a hard moment.
(01:36):
Before we dive in, I want togive you this quick reminder
this podcast is here to supportand guide you, but it is not a
replacement for talking tosomeone in real life.
If you're struggling with yourmental health, please reach out
to a therapist, and if you're ina crisis, contact emergency
services or a local helpline.
You don't have to go through italone.
(01:57):
All right, let's cut throughthe noise and get started.
Fifteen, let go of who I wantyou to be.
We are a label happy world.
We all want labels and I thinklabels are popular because they
make us feel defined, they makeus feel seen.
But sometimes labels can reallylead us to shrink and to not
(02:20):
feel as if we know who we arebecause we're allowing other
people's labels to define us,labels that people are putting
on us, not us figuring out forourselves.
So for the people who feel likeI'm the person who is always
seen as shy, or the person whois always seen as introverted,
or the person who is smart andthat's how I'm labeled and I
(02:44):
can't go outside of that and befunny, or I can't have a bad
grade because I'm supposed tokeep up this view of who they
think I am.
Drop those labels.
Those labels are boxes andthey're boxing you in.
They're not allowing you togrow.
You can be smart and you canalso have room for other things,
(03:05):
room to do more, be more.
You're not just one thing.
We're made up of multitude ofthings.
I can be smart and silly andcreative so many other things
right.
I can be athletic in one pieceof my life and in another part
of my life I cannot be.
I can focus in on differentthings.
You're not required to stay howthey remember who you are.
(03:28):
You are able to change.
You're able to expand andsometimes I get that.
Often a lot of teens feel liketheir parents won't listen when
they want to shift and dosomething different.
But work to help them to see it.
Work to help them to feel howyou're feeling so that they
understand.
Oftentimes parents are worriedthat their kid is going to be
left with regret and so theypush and push and push.
(03:51):
But most parents will say, okay, I get it If they see what
you're feeling in or what isdoing to you, so that they can
say, okay, makes sense, I'm onboard.
I see it now and I'm fine withthis shift.
Take that opportunity, though,and even if they don't because,
right, we're living in a worldwhere some parents, some people
(04:13):
with the best intentions can dothe wrong thing.
That's just life.
So if someone's not seeing itand you are struggling and
they're not getting it, thatdoesn't mean still that you
can't pursue other things.
Still work to try and buildthat network for yourself.
Build the community, ask and doresearch.
Show that your intention isthat you really are excited or
(04:36):
passionate about this area sothat they eventually will get
there.
But don't stop pursuing becausesomeone else said no, keep
pursuing, no matter what.
16,.
Trying to please everyone willbreak you.
This is so important.
You cannot please everyone.
There are going to be somepeople who like you and some
people who don't.
Some people who will see yourgifts and talents and some
(04:59):
people who won't, and I thinkone of the beautiful things
about sports is it teaches youthat really early on, you have
different coaches and yourealize, wow, this coach really
saw my potential and that helpedme grow exponentially.
Where you have other coacheswho won't and you find yourself
playing smaller or not playingas well, because their
confidence in you, changes whoyou see, who you are, changes
(05:20):
how you show up.
No, no more.
If you're a teen and you are sofocused in on trying to please
everyone, you're pleasing no oneand, honestly, you can't please
everyone.
Not everyone is going to get it.
One person can say, hey, dothis, and another person could
say, no, do that.
And now you're torn in twodifferent directions, not
knowing where to go, and you'restill stuck, and oftentimes
(05:43):
that's anxiety feeling stuck,feeling like you can't move,
feeling like there's nowhere togo.
Start working on pleasing whoyou are.
Start being comfortable withdisappointing people.
Disappointment is actually abeautiful thing when we really
think about it, when we reallydive deep into what
disappointment means.
It means they care right.
(06:04):
It means that they wantedsomething and it didn't happen,
but they actually were sad aboutit.
It shows intention, it showslove, it shows care.
When we're disappointed,disappointment also could be on
your end.
If I followed someone else'sview of what my life should be
and they are disappointed that Ididn't go down that road.
(06:24):
Well, I would be disappointedfor not honoring myself,
honoring what I think is bestfor me, and there's only one me.
No one else is inside of here.
No one else gets what I'm goingthrough.
No one else understands it.
So it is vital sometimes that Isay, hey, I get that you feel
this is the path.
But I have to listen to myself.
(06:45):
I have to honor and not say yes.
Or you know what?
Hey, my friends want to go outand they want to party or they
want to drink or they want toget high, and I know that's not
me.
They're going to bedisappointed and that's on them.
It's not my job to makeeveryone feel happy.
That is not the goal in life.
I have to stay true to myselfso that I can live with me,
(07:08):
because I'm stuck with me.
At the end of the day, I'm withmyself all the time.
As Kathy said, everywhere you go, there you are.
So you better get comfortablewith who you are and what
decisions you make for you.
If you don't want to drink,don't drink.
If you don't want to smoke,don't smoke.
If you don't want to go out,don't go out.
(07:28):
And again, I know you'rethinking.
Well, you just said pushyourself outside your comfort
zone, yes, but on things thatalign with who you are.
There's nothing wrong withgoing out to a party if you feel
comfortable.
But I would never tell someonego out to a party where you feel
like you're going to be takenadvantage of or you don't feel
safe or you don't feelcomfortable.
That is not the goal.
That's not the intention.
No, the goal and the intentionis learning how to listen to who
(07:51):
you are and trust yourdecision-making, and trust that
your instincts aren't pushingyou outside of what you would
want to do for yourself, thatyou see growth in that decision.
There's a difference.
There's a major difference.
Don't feel bad about makingchoices that you want to make.
I chose not to drink.
Someone else may choose todrink.
(08:13):
In fact chose not to drink.
Someone else may choose todrink.
In fact, my friends drank a ton, loved them, still love them,
doesn't matter, right?
If they can accept me for mechoosing not to drink and I can
accept them for choosing todrink, then we should be fine.
There's nothing wrong.
But if I chose to drink when Iknew it didn't align with myself
and my goals, then I would havebeen miserable, I would have
(08:35):
felt unhappy, I would have feltdisappointed, I would have felt
like I wasn't staying true tomyself and then I would have
been left with that internalguilt, that internal struggle
while they just move on abouttheir lives.
So make decisions that you'recomfortable with, that you can
handle, and if someone tries topush you outside of that, you
get to say no.
(08:56):
You get to set that boundary.
17,.
You don't have to earn rest andrest is important to define.
I have a friend, sherry, shoutout to you on rest.
I hope that anyone who'slistening, who's a therapist,
checks out your website and goesto it.
I actually should link it below.
But she taught me about restand my age which I'm not going
(09:19):
to communicate, how old I am butshe taught me the importance of
rest and rest we thinksometimes is the same as sleep
and it's not.
Rest is restorative.
Rest makes you feel energizedand comfortable and sometimes we
do need to take a break andthat will allow us to restore,
to feel rested, feel better.
(09:40):
But often teens, you guys, arekind of the worst at taking any
kind of rest because you guyswill do almost the polar
opposites on both ends.
Right One end, you're sleepinga ton and thinking that,
wondering why you're not feelingrested, which is funny and then
on the other end, we havepeople who are constantly out
and doing and working andpursuing and doing so much that
(10:03):
they're burning themselves outand they haven't even hit 19
years old.
Find the balance, also one ofthe ones above.
Find the balance.
Yeah, go back to number five.
You need a rendition, but yeah,it's important.
Rest is key, and I think too,we're in a time where we feel
like everything needs to befilled, that you can't take time
(10:23):
for yourself, you can't take abreak.
You just move from thing tothing to thing and it can just
be exhausting, especially forkids with anxiety, because they
feel like a packed schedulehelps them to not concentrate on
their negative thoughts.
It helps them to feel liketheir intrusive thoughts or the
overthinking cuts down becausethey're so busy doing that it
(10:44):
doesn't lend time for theanxiety to really show until the
night, but then it shows up atnight and they're still unable
to sleep and so they're notgetting restored.
You have to put in time, andit's interesting too, because as
a business owner, as aclinician, one of the things
that I have found is theimportance of taking time.
We think that if we just book,book, book, see more clients,
(11:07):
especially for mental healththerapists, we have to schedule
so many people in order to makea livelihood.
There's so many programs nowteaching the importance of rest
and teaching the importance oftaking time off, especially for,
you know, mental healththerapists and business owners
and entrepreneurs, but it's nottalked about enough during the
teenage, young adult time period, where you know oftentimes they
(11:30):
have more time to fit in rest.
But it's not happening becausethere's this view that you have
to chase your dreams and findyour dreams at 16, 17, 18, 19
and be successful by that age.
And by success that definitionbeing working a ton or having
this financial security, whenmost people don't have that
(11:51):
until their 40s or 50s.
But yet we're chasing it atsuch a young age.
And I'm not one to say I don'twant people to pursue their
goals.
I do, but I think that you canpursue them in a way that's
healthier for yourself andpursue them in a way that still
allows for you to rest.
Before we keep going, I want toremind you.
(12:12):
If you've ever felt stuck withanxious thoughts or overwhelmed
by life, this is just for you.
It's called the AnxietySurvival Toolkit.
It's free and it's packed withcoping strategies, courage calls
and tools that you can use inthe moment when anxiety takes
over.
Head to the show notes to grabyour copy.
It could make all thedifference.
(12:32):
Your copy, it could make allthe difference.
18.
Challenge yourself in every waypossible.
We can all get comfortable inlife and comfort makes us feel
at ease and life is set up sothat we build routines and
habits that will allow us to becomfortable.
But I'm a firm believer inchallenging yourself.
Challenge yourself in everyaspect of your life, challenge
(12:55):
yourself on your routines,challenge yourself to try
something new, challenge,challenge, challenge.
Because the more you challengeyourself, the more you grow, the
more you learn, the more you'reable to think outside of you
and feel more comfortable andstretch yourself even more.
It's interesting because whenwe think about challenge, we
(13:16):
often think of sports or wethink of big things, but really,
you know, sometimes we can justchallenge ourselves to get
through the day.
Or we can challenge ourselvesto go to school when we feel
like you know, today's been hardor I don't want to attend,
especially, again, anxious teensand young adults.
(13:38):
There's this piece where youdon't want to challenge yourself
.
You want to just stay in yourcomfort, and stay in the
comfortness of like a warmblanket in your bedroom and not
leave because it feels safer.
But challenge yourself to dosomething, move.
Move in a way that will alignmore with how you want to live
(14:00):
your life, and the more youchallenge yourself to do that, I
think, the more growth you'regoing to have.
19.
Loving yourself changeseverything.
This one is by far my heart andI feel as if for not even just
anxious teens, teens and youngadults in general, there's not
enough of loving yourself.
Loving yourself through thedifficult decisions you make.
(14:23):
Loving yourself when you feelas if you're not a good person.
Loving yourself when yournegative thoughts are playing
horrible things and sayinghorrible things.
It is so crucial to loveyourself.
When you learn to love yourself, you learn who you are, you
learn what you're capable of,you learn the beauty of life.
(14:47):
It's almost as if things becomemore colorful.
Life has more meaning.
When you learn to love yourself, you end up making better
choices, you end up healthier,you end up setting better
boundaries, you have betterpeace.
Life, literally, is enhancedwhen you learn to love yourself.
(15:08):
And for the person asking,where do you even begin with
that?
It doesn't have to be bigaction to start to love yourself
.
It can just be small windows.
For instance, before I evenstarted recording this, there's
this piece of me that waspicking myself apart and
thinking oh my gosh, you don'tlook how you want to look.
And I just looked at myself onthe camera and I said you look
(15:30):
beautiful.
I don't really care if peopleagree or disagree with that
statement or not.
I believe it and it felt better.
I feel stronger, I feel moreconfident, I felt more
comfortable to get on the screenand do it by just saying one
nice thing to myself on an areawhere maybe I was feeling a
little bit more insecure abouttoday, because ultimately, we're
(15:52):
all insecure about differentthings.
Insecurity doesn't go away.
It is literally part of living.
It's part of being alive.
The difference is, even thoughI have these insecurities, I
don't have to make them stop mefrom doing.
I don't have to leave theseinsecurities to be my defining
(16:13):
or definition of who I am,because they're not.
I find myself beautiful.
You should find yourselfbeautiful, handsome, gorgeous.
However, you want to claim it.
Claim it because you are andsomeone will see that, but you
have to see it in yourself first.
So start small, pick somethingthat you want to work on in
terms of your self-love andstart saying it.
(16:35):
Start doing it and you'll seethe change Twenty.
You're allowed to change yourmind.
You're not stuck in any versionof you.
You're allowed to change yourmind and go to different things,
and I know that sometimes whenyou're a teen, it feels like the
world is your oyster, and sothere's a thousand things you
wanna do and try, and sosometimes it can be a lot,
(16:57):
because one minute you're intophotography and the next minute
you're into writing and the nextminute you want to travel the
world and I all four, all ofthose things right, but for an
adult, looking in, it can belike, okay, can you just pick
something?
That's what I feel like aparent would say Just settle on
one thing.
But maybe you shouldn't.
Maybe we're the problem, theolder generation, where we need
(17:18):
to be open to you trying newthings and exploring new things,
as long as it's within reasonand as long as it's not causing
them to go bankrupt becauseyou're trying to change things
every single day and everysingle moment.
I do believe in financialsecurity, but as a teen, you're
allowed to change friend groups.
You're allowed to decide thatthis day I want to cut my hair
(17:42):
or tomorrow, you know, I want totake a break from social media,
and so you cut off social mediacontact for 30 or 60 days or
you know what, in this moment inlife, I want to be edgier, and
so you change your clothes tofit that style, and all of these
things are valid.
All of these things are waysfor you to try to connect with
(18:04):
you, and there's nothing wrongwith that.
You don't owe anyone anexplanation for wanting to
change those types of things,except maybe your parents.
21,.
You can always begin again.
I love this because I thinksometimes we think that it's too
late or we messed up and wecan't go back, and sometimes,
right, we really can't.
(18:25):
We can't undo things we've done, but we can always make another
decision to move forward andtry something new or try again.
There's no expiration date on afresh start.
Start where your feet are at,plant your feet to the ground
and choose to move forward.
Choose to try again.
Choose to repair things thatyou have damaged.
(18:47):
Choose to try something thatyou felt like I tried a while
ago and I didn't think I wasgood at it, but you know, now I
have a different perspective andI want to try again.
Choose to forgive yourself forthings that you have done or not
done.
Every moment is a new chance.
Every moment is a new choicethat you get to make.
So make them, and make them ina thousand different ways for
(19:10):
yourself.
Choose to begin again.
If no one has told you lately, Iwant you to know something you
are not broken.
You are not behind.
You do not need to becomesomeone else to be worthy of
peace, joy and love.
These lessons aren't aboutchanging who you are.
They are about uncovering thepieces of you that are blocked
(19:31):
from the noise and the fear andthe pressure that life puts on
you are already enough.
The world will never fullyunderstand what it feels like to
be in your mind, but thatdoesn't mean you're alone.
We see you, we need you, and Ihope you carry at least one of
these with you.
Here's your courageous momentthis week.
Choose the one lesson from thisseries that you keep thinking
(19:54):
about and turn it into action.
Maybe that means restingwithout guilt.
Maybe it means settingboundaries, or maybe it means
saying something kind toyourself in the mirror.
Whatever it is, don't just hearit, live it.
These 21 lessons, they aren'trules or checklists.
They're invitations to trustyourself a little bit more, to
(20:17):
be a little bit kinder toyourself and to build a life
that actually feels like yours,and if this episode or series
helped you feel seen, supportedor just a little bit less alone.
Please like, follow, leave acomment or review.
Also, please share this withsomeone who needs it, someone
who's been caring more than theyshow.
(20:39):
And don't forget to downloadthe free anxiety survival
toolkit linked in the show notes.
It is there to help you keepthis momentum going and be there
for moments when you arestruggling the most.
Thank you so so much forlistening.
Until next time, keep movingforward, trust yourself and
never forget you have what ittakes to block out the noise.
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