Episode Transcript
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Jessica Davis (00:07):
Lunch is supposed
to be a break.
For some teens it feels like abattlefield.
Picture this You're walkinginto the cafeteria, your heart
speeds up, palms sweat your eyes, scan the tables.
You pretend to check your phone, hoping someone invites you
over.
Maybe you've eaten yoursandwich in the bathroom stall
just to avoid the sting ofsitting alone.
(00:29):
I read someone's experienceonline that stuck with me.
Someone said it's not that I'mnot hungry, I just can't face
sitting there by myself.
If you've ever felt that way,this episode is for you.
That way, this episode is foryou.
(00:53):
Hi and welcome.
To Block Out the Noise a spacefor teens and young adults who
are ready to quiet the noise ofanxiety, self-doubt and
overthinking and start buildinga life filled with confidence,
courage and purpose.
I'm Jessica Davis, a licensedtherapist, mindset coach and the
creator of the Courage Method.
I specialize in helping teensand young adults with anxiety,
overthinking and low self-esteem.
(01:13):
Today, we're talking aboutsocial anxiety at lunch,
something many people don'trealize is a big deal until
they're living it Before we divein.
Remember this podcast is hereto support and guide you, but it
is not a replacement fortalking to someone in real life.
If you're struggling with yourmental health.
(01:34):
Please reach out to a therapistand if you're in crisis,
contact emergency services or alocal helpline.
You don't have to go through italone.
Also, please download theAnxiety Survival Toolkit.
It is there to help you whenanxiety hits.
You can grab it for free in theshow notes.
All right, let's cut throughthe noise and get started.
(01:55):
I've had clients cry over lunchbecause they felt so anxious
about where did they sit.
Parents have rearranged entireschedules to make sure their kid
isn't eating alone, even if itmeans giving up a class that
they love.
Some teens skip lunch entirelybecause the anxiety of where do
I sit feels too big.
(02:16):
Lunch isn't about food, it'sabout belonging.
When your brain says you don'tbelong anywhere, that moment can
breed shame, panic and dread.
And those feelings aren't justin your head.
When you perceive danger, ournervous system triggers fight,
flight, freeze or fawn responses.
Your heart races, yourbreathing speeds up, your
(02:39):
muscles tense and your thoughtsfeel like they're spiraling.
That's your body trying toprotect you.
Knowing your body is trying tokeep you safe is the first step
to change.
First let's bust a myth thisisn't just shyness.
Social anxiety disorder is arecognized mental health
condition.
People with social anxiety feelintense fear in situations
(03:01):
where they may be judged orscrutinized.
Hence fear in situations wherethey may be judged or
scrutinized Everyday.
Things like eating in front ofothers, answering questions in
class, talking to a cashier cantrigger anxiety.
Physical symptoms can includeblushing, fast heartbeat
(03:23):
trembling, sweating and feelinglike your mind has gone
completely blank.
Those sensations aren'tweaknesses.
They're your body's survivalsystem at work.
I'm going to walk you throughseven tools to help you take
your power back at lunch.
You don't have to use them all.
Pick one and see how it goes.
Number one anchor yourself.
Before you walk in, before youstep into the cafeteria, give
(03:43):
yourself a moment to getcentered, not just with your
breathing, but with your wholepresence.
Picture yourself walking inwith steady, competent energy.
Imagine your shoulders relaxing, your head lifting your eyes,
looking forward and set it down.
Feel your feet pressing intothe ground like you're rooting
yourself in the moment.
(04:03):
Breathe in deeply through yournose for four counts.
Hold for four and exhale slowlythrough your mouth for six.
Let each breath tell your bodyI'm safe.
Now choose a power phrase,something that speaks to you.
It could be I belong here.
(04:23):
I've got this.
Or I choose courage, which, ofcourse, you know is my favorite.
Repeat it in your head as youtake those first steps in.
One college student shared thatshe used to freeze at dining
hall doors, but when she startedpairing her breathing with her
I've got this mantra she didn'tjust feel calmer, she felt more
(04:44):
in control of how she showed up.
Tool number two bring a prop anduse it as a bridge.
A prop isn't a clutch, it's atool.
Bring something that feelsnatural to you, like a book, a
sketch pad or even a crosswordpuzzle.
The goal isn't to hide behindit, it's to give your hands and
(05:05):
eyes something steady to focuson, which can take the edge off
of the feeling of being watched.
And sometimes that prop canopen doors to connection.
Someone might ask you what areyou reading?
Or, wow, did you draw that?
One teen said she startedbringing her sketchbook to lunch
.
Within a few weeks, classmatesbegan sitting with her.
To draw A prop can be bothcomfort and an invitation.
(05:28):
It can help you feel groundedwhile creating a natural way for
others to start a conversation.
Number three choose your spaceintentionally.
The cafeteria isn't your onlyoption, of course.
I'm hoping that eventually youwill feel comfortable and
confident to go have lunch inthe cafeteria, but if it feels
(05:49):
overwhelming, ask a teacher orcounselor if there's a quieter
space where you can eat.
Maybe it will be a classroom, acorner in the library or a
staff monitor hallway.
You're not hiding, you're justgiving your nervous system a
break.
Choosing a calmer space canhelp you feel less
overstimulated so you canactually enjoy your food and
(06:11):
reset before the rest of the day.
Another student once sharedthat she started eating lunch in
the art room with the teacher'spermission.
Over time, other students whoalso found the cafeteria
stressful began joining her.
They ended up creating theirown art lunch club, spending
their lunch period relaxing,talking and working on projects
together.
If you're looking for practicaltools to manage your anxiety
(06:34):
throughout the day, not just atlunch, download the free Anxiety
Survival Toolkit.
It is packed with scripts,exercises and audio messages
that can help you calm yourthoughts and feel more in
control.
You can find the link in theshow notes.
Number four start or join asupportive program.
Lunchtime can feel like it'sone of the hardest parts of the
(06:57):
day when anxiety is high.
That's why finding or evencreating a safe, supportive
space to connect with others canmake all the difference.
It doesn't have to be anythingbig.
Conversation starters, simplegames or a small group activity
can make it easier to talk andfeel included.
There are programs like no OneEats Alone, where they help
(07:19):
students build confidence andfriendships through activities,
group projects and peerleadership opportunities.
If your school doesn't havesomething like this, ask your
counselor about starting one.
Even a small weekly lunch groupcan give you a place to belong
and practice connecting withothers without the pressure of a
crowded cafeteria.
One mom said that her son usedto dread lunch until his
(07:42):
counselor invited him to lunchpunch.
I didn't make the name.
They played Uno, shared jokesand talked about their favorite
video games.
Over time his confidence grewand he started reaching out
beyond the group.
That's what we're looking forJust some starts that you feel
confident and comfortable totake a leap yourself.
(08:04):
Number five use tech or justyour voice to find a friendly
table.
There's an app called Sit WithUs that was created by a
16-year-old who ate lunch alonefor an entire year.
She built it so studentswouldn't have to feel the same
kind of isolation.
The app allows people to signup as ambassadors and post open
(08:26):
tables so no one has to sitalone unless they want to.
But even if your school doesn'tuse the app or doesn't even
allow phones at lunch, themessage behind it still matters.
You're not weird or needy forwanting to sit with someone.
You don't have to wait for aninvitation to belong either.
If there's someone you talkedto before, or even someone who
(08:48):
seems kind, try asking hey,would it be cool if I sat with
you at lunch today?
Yes, it's vulnerable, but it'salso brave.
If you're not ready to reachout to someone, try this instead
.
Pick one person who seemsapproachable and smile at them
every day for a week.
Familiarity builds connection.
(09:08):
Whether it's tech orface-to-face, the goal is the
same to find your people.
Even one kind of connection canmake lunch feel a little less
lonely.
Number six try, gentle,rejection therapy.
Now, this isn't something youneed to do every day, but it can
build confidence in a way youmight not have expected.
(09:30):
Rejection therapy is the ideaof intentionally asking for a
small thing, even when there's achance that the answer might be
no.
The funny thing is, before Ieven heard of this therapy, I
realized that as a kid I used todo this all the time.
So at home I would ask myparents after pretty much not
(09:52):
eating my dinner, I would stillask can I have dessert?
And I know the risk, right,it's a 50-50 chance on if I get
a yes or no, and sometimes Iwould get no and sometimes I
would get yes, but I would stillfeel nervous about asking.
But I knew what I wanted morethe ice cream.
So sometimes you just have toput yourself out there to try
(10:15):
something, even though you knowyou might get rejected, and you
do it with things that are lowstakes, right?
Ice cream isn't life or death.
If I get it that night or not.
The same thing here.
It's not about setting yourselfup to fail, it's about showing
your brain hey, I can survivehearing no.
Here's how to start.
Ask a teacher if you can turnin an assignment late.
(10:37):
Ask a classmate if they want totrade snacks.
Ask someone if they'd be up forstudying together, even if
you're not sure what they'll say.
I'm sure there's a thousandother ones you can do.
Asking to borrow a pencil fromsomeone when you probably
already have one, just topractice it, seeing if you could
walk in the hall with someone.
There's so many different waysyou can do this, tailored to
(11:00):
what feels comfortable for youand feels low stakes as well.
If they say no.
Yeah, it might sting, but itwon't break you.
I found a situation online wherea team used to shut down
completely at the thought ofrejection.
So they made a list of tinychallenges, like asking a free
(11:22):
refill at a coffee shop ortexting a friend to hang out,
even if she wasn't sure what theanswer would be.
By week three she said it stillfeels awkward when someone says
no, but it doesn't crush meanymore.
That's the win.
Discomfort stops feeling likedanger.
You realize you can be told noand still keep moving.
(11:44):
Number seven know when to getsupport.
You don't have to do this alone.
Let's talk about somethingreally important.
Sometimes anxiety doesn't feellike just a moment or a wave.
It feels like a storm you can'tget out of, like no matter how
hard you try tools, it's stillthere waiting for you at lunch,
(12:05):
in the classroom or before bed.
And when it feels bigger thanwhat you can handle on your own,
that's not a sign that you'refailing.
It's a sign that it's time tobring in some extra support.
Getting professional help isn'ta last resort.
Extra support, gettingprofessional help isn't a last
resort.
It's one of the strongestthings you can do.
Therapists can help you figureout what's really going on
(12:26):
underneath the anxiety and giveyou tools that are tailored to
you.
You don't have to keep guessingor trying to fix it all alone.
Support also can come fromschool counselors, a trusted
teacher or even a peer groupthat understands what you're
going through.
Sometimes, just knowing there'sa safe space where you can talk
and feel seen makes a hugedifference.
(12:49):
And if you tried some thingsand they haven't worked out,
don't give up.
There are different approaches,different tools and different
people who might be the rightfit.
The key message is you're notsupposed to do this all by
yourself.
Now for the courageous moment.
This week, just pick one smallthing you can do differently at
(13:09):
lunch, one step that moves youcloser to feeling at ease.
It could be practicinggrounding yourself before you
walk in, or bringing asketchbook or a book to settle
into a quieter spot.
It could even be sending a textto a friend asking if you can
join them at lunch.
You don't have to changeeverything at once.
Courage isn't the absence offear.
(13:31):
It's choosing to move forwardeven when fear is there.
Every time you take that step,you're proving to yourself you
can, and the more you practice,the stronger and braver you'll
feel the next time.
You're not the only one who'sever circled the cafeteria
scanning for a place to sit.
You're not weird, you're notbroken.
You're human.
(13:51):
Every time you face momentslike this, you grow, even if it
doesn't feel like it right away.
One day you'll look back andrealize that you didn't just
survive lunch.
You found your voice, yourplace and your people.
Remember fear doesn't get thefinal say.
Courage does.
As Napoleon Hill said, whateverthe mind can conceive and
(14:14):
believe, it can achieve.
Thank you for spending thistime with me today.
I truly appreciate it.
Until next time, keep movingforward, trust yourself and
never forget you have what ittakes to block out the noise.