A Conversation w/ Tigest Beyene

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When Tigest Beyene speaks about her journey from the throes of domestic violence to the empowering embrace of faith and authorship, you can't help but be moved. Her story, captured in the poignant pages of "Love, Sex, and Sorrow," resonates with a chorus of courage, showcasing the profound strength of the human spirit. In our conversation, Tigest opens up about surviving trauma, holding onto her faith, and the transformative power of healing. Join the conversation!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey y'all, I'm Janelle Yarbrough, and welcome
to Blockers and Friends.
This is your podcast fordiscussions around relevant
topics and experiences thatresonate with the culture.
For those of you who roll withme, you know we talk a lot about
embracing the possibility ofchange.
We'll continue to touch on thatand lots more.
Sound good Work.

(00:24):
Let's get into it.
Hey, hey y'all.
Thank you for being here withus today.
I hope that you are all startingoff the new year with a
rejuvenated sense of focus, asharper vision and a new wind.
We're going to get right to ittoday, as we're sharing space

(00:46):
with a special guest, but beforewe do, I want to take a few
seconds to do what we always doShout out the locations where
our listeners are tuning in from.
Shout out to Marbella, malaga,spain.
Clinton Township in Michigan,miami, florida, warnville,
illinois, nizny Novgorod inRussia, the Republic of

(01:10):
Singapore, east Dohwich,southwork, london, england, and
Munich, bavaria, germany.
Thank you all for tuning in,both new and returning listeners
.
As usual, I am grateful thisepisode's guest author, tiges
Biené, is joining us to shareher story, one of survival,

(01:34):
faith, perseverance andcommunity.
Tiges was able to turn thetrauma of domestic violence into
a liberating and therapeuticbody of work when she released
her book Love, sex and Thoreau.
In our conversation, wediscussed the ways with which
she was able to keep her faithduring such a challenging time,

(01:56):
her ability to balancemotherhood and her healing, the
village that covered her and heropenness to trusting and loving
again.
Bloggers and Friends podcast iscommitted to supporting mental
health and well-being.
Therefore, I would like to givea trigger warning that some
details surrounding the violencetickets experienced will be

(02:17):
shared and the content of thisepisode may be emotionally
challenging.
If you or someone you know is avictim of domestic violence,
please call the NationalDomestic Violence Hotline for
resources and support.
You can reach them at1-800-799-7233 or text the word

(02:39):
START-S-T-A-R-T to 887-888.
I hope that her storyencourages and if this episode
falls on the ears of someone whois fighting to save themselves,
may her story give youinspiration, and if you are
fighting to save someone youlove, may it give you hope.

(03:01):
Enjoy All right, friends.
Thank you for joining us today.
It's always a treat when I amable to bring folks on to share
their stories and steps of theirjourney.
Today, we are joined by theauthor of Love, sex and Sorrow.
To guest BNA.
Did I say your last name, right?

Speaker 2 (03:21):
I got it.
I got it.
Yeah, you did my last name goodyeah.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
I was like I can say this, one after the other.
Let me get my life together onthis Awesome Well, thank you for
joining us today.
They get to hear me talk andrun my mouth all the time on my
own, so I love having people on.
Yeah, I love having people on.
This is what this community isabout is just bringing people

(03:49):
together to share their storiesand encourage one another.
So thank you for joining us.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, thank you for having me.
This was exciting.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
So tell us a little bit about your background and
the events that led you up towriting your book.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
So yeah, so my book is based on a true event that
happened here in SeattleWashington.
I was involved in arelationship that obviously
didn't turn out right, but theaftermath of it wasn't happened.
I got shot by my ex fianceeafter we broke up.
Weeks passed and then theincident happened.

(04:28):
It wasn't like a breakup Boom.
It kind of was like a timeframethat it all happened.
So I decided to write a book,but the book actually was really
like a therapy session thingfor me, just writing out my
thoughts and my therapist likeyou should do this, do this.
So did all that.
And I was actually.

(04:49):
I had a second child and Ithought I was going into the
therapy session and talk about Igot two kids and two baby
daddies.
Yeah, I'm single now and youknow, so she's like, okay.
So she asked me questions likeyou know, what was your past
relationship?
And then I told her oh well, no, it's okay, she's like, okay,

(05:10):
she was like.
And then what happened?
I was like well I have shot.
She was like by the man.
I was like, yeah, Hold on.
She was like you're coming infor the wrong thing.
I think she was like let'sunpack something, yeah, and
going on, because she was like Ithink you, I think you need to
fix some mills, yeah, and I waslike no, no, that's gone, that's

(05:32):
done.
And she was like you know, it'snot.
And that's when I was like, oh,okay, hold on.
I thought I was both kind ofbypassing it.
You know, you bypass throughlife and you hide everything,
yeah.
And then they say, right, sothat's how the book came out.
I wrote up you know, likedifferent people I was with how

(05:53):
I had my first child and thatled up to the situation.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
So you were going to therapy because you were like
I'm at this place where I'mhaving a second child and you
had my second child.
You had your second child andyou were like, let me gather
life and my thoughts.
And she's like hold on.
That was your journey leadingup to therapy.
Because, you know, listen, justculturally, like it's it's.

(06:18):
It's not what we're encouragedto do.
I think we're just right now,with this place in society where
people are like encouraging andpushing what brought you to the
place, that said, I'm going todo it.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
So I've done it before but it wasn't like real,
like not saying real.
Therapy was more like I talkedto somebody about my incident,
what happened to my doctor was.
So the doctor was bringing acounselor in my visit.
And that's when I was like oh,okay, they think that's enough
of it.
But this one I like I said Iwas going in because I was

(06:50):
ending a relationship with mysecond daughter's father, and it
wasn't because of that.
It was more like what am I,what am I doing with myself?
and here, Me and him have agreat relationship with
co-parent grade, all that goodstuff.
But it was more like this youknow, like something ain't right
, Like you know, and I wasn'tgoing to do it and I wasn't

(07:11):
going to cool, cool, but I hadsome questions that I'm thinking
Listen, what am I supposed todo with these kids?
Like, how am I supposed to likeokay, I want to do school, I
want to finish, I had all thisstuff and she was like uh, yeah,
you started to say this.
I don't really say this, but Ithink you hear for the wrong
reasons.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Isn't it a trip how we're just like programmed, I
think, sometimes as a people,but I think specifically as
women.
Isn't it a trip how we'reprogrammed to just like get over
it and go, especially whenthere's kids involved.
Right, you're just like.
I don't got time to be, I don'tgot time to be stuck here, I
don't got time to sit and rollaround in that like keep it

(07:51):
moving, going forward.
I can relate to that.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
That's how I was thinking.
I was like, okay, I just needyou to give me a plan.
Like I just mind the calendar.
I didn't know what you'retrying to you talking about some
stuff I don't even know.
Yeah, yeah, you were trying toget your life in order and she
was like hold up, I thought thatwas like a life coach, yeah.
This was not no life.
Hold on now, what are youasking me?

(08:16):
And she, like I was stuck to meand I was like no, she was
waiting and took.
Are you processing what you'resaying?
I was like yeah, but I don'tthink you're processing what I'm
saying.
I'm not here to talk about that.
She's like you need to talkabout it.
She's because it's reflecting,and I was, but it was been so.
It was years, yeah, 10 years.
Now, 10 years was this pastSeptember and I was going.

(08:40):
You know, my book came outabout two years ago.
I was going in then.
So I'm like what are youtalking about?
Like time has passed on.
You know I'm 30, like, what areyou talking about?
This type of one was 25, likewhat are you talking?
about and yeah, that's how itall happened.
And then I just like, and eventhe title and my documentary
doesn't match, but it matches.

Speaker 3 (08:59):
I was sitting back and I had a really thing about
it.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
I was like, okay, it is okay, walk by, Okay, they
could find it, Yep, yep they'llfind it.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
they'll find it, oh wow.
So usually I think aboutwriters and I think about, like,
either writers write becausethey love their craft, they love
to write, or they are peoplewho have a message they want to
give to the world.

(09:28):
Did you have an affection forwriting or were you like I've
got to get this out Was it, wasthe writing of it kind of
parallel to your therapy, wherethey hand in hand, like how did
you come into writing the book?

Speaker 2 (09:44):
So I wrote it.
I have journals and stuff andeverybody has a journal, so when
everybody's got journals man,those things we love.
A good journal over here, thatjournal, come on, come on.
It tells some things that youdon't even want your best friend
to know.
Come on.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
You know what?

Speaker 2 (10:01):
I'm saying Come on, you and the Lord have a journal.
Yeah, so I was always writingmy journal.
But when I was younger, I likedpoetry.
I liked Little Rhimes, I don'tknow, I liked Riddles, that's
what it was.

Speaker 3 (10:16):
it was weird yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
And I really liked just writing, like freestyling,
telling funny stories.
I always know that I always Ilove music.
I used to write like some music, like I had little lyrics, but
I didn't really take it thatseriously.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
And.

Speaker 2 (10:34):
I think I had to go through like a transitional
change in my life, like you know, what do, finally, what you
want to do.
That's literally how the bookcame out and I had that book in
my laptop for years.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah, and one of my coworkers.
She was like, let me see it.
And I was like see what she waslike you're always writing
something when I'm.
She'll FaceTime me, we'llFaceTime.

Speaker 3 (10:59):
Now.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
I'll be on my laptop, just like here, and she was
always writing something whydon't you let me see it?
And I was like no.
And she was like, come on, letme see it.
And I sent it to her and shewas like, okay, I need to know
what happened next.
And I was like, oh no, no, I'mjust playing around.
And she was like, no, this isyou, this is your story, but I
have people in it.

(11:19):
But I switched the names andreversed.
So that's then I was like, and Isent it to a publishing company
another writer who I know,another author, sorry, he had a
couple of books out and herecommended me a publishing
company to edit and all thatgood stuff.
And they're like okay, well, wetake about a couple of weeks,

(11:40):
you know, if we wanna publishyour book or edit, we'll see if
they willing to do it.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
They have to read it.
So I sent them like a couple ofchapters and within like 72
hours she was like so yeah, canwe talk about what we wanna do
with you?
And I'm like okay, yes.
Yeah, so yeah, that's awesome,that's awesome.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
So when you were writing that book and I have to
imagine just kind of likereliving or regurgitating that
story, what well, let me say Ican't imagine what that might've
been like for you.
Was it therapeutic to get itout in black and white?

(12:30):
What was that process like foryou?

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, it was very therapeutic.
It was also did I really justsay that?

Speaker 3 (12:39):
I took out a lot of things too because I didn't want
to like hurt.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I don't wanna hurt people like feelings, but it
wasn't coming off like like Iwas angry at them or it was just
more like this was then.
So that's why, even you know, Italked about my you know
relationship with my family.
My mother didn't know a lot ofthings.
Oh, like it was a lot of truefeelings.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
I didn't really, and so she was like, oh, I didn't
know, you know when your mamastarted reading the book and you
don't really see it and I thinkyou know we come to this
country and you know we're thehope and the dream and she's
reading this book and she's likeI read your book and I was like
okay, Are you first generation?

Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Ethiopian, and you know I was.
I mean she reads like she lovesher, michelle Obama, don't get
her, come on.
She said, don't play about her.
Yeah, when I saw that I waslike, okay, I'm Michelle Obama
here.
So she read the book, my book,and she was like I could tell it
was the lowest fifth, you know.

(13:55):
But I mean we talked about itand she just didn't know.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, we protect the people we love from the parts of
us that are hurt because wedon't want them to hurt for us,
right, right, exactly, and sowhen they come into it, it's a
whole process for them to thinkabout us going through those
things even without them, rightExactly Could they have been
there more?

(14:19):
Is there something they couldhave done?
How did they miss?
This or that Like it's a whole,you know reckon with themselves
about like hold on, how didthis get past me?

Speaker 2 (14:32):
You just feel like oh , my husband really feels like
that.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
Yeah, my kids I have two kids and my oldest one, her
and I have.
She's at an age where she'smore vocal just about kind of
her process and her life and her, you know my youngest one is
still living her best lifecollege Right but you know I

(14:57):
want them to know that.
You know we live a lot of lifeand as you're continuing to heal
through life which should be alifelong process because we live
so much life we have to stopsometimes and just kind of
process what you know the leg ofthe journey that we just came
through.
And if there's anything about me.
I was never perfect, nevergoing to be perfect.

(15:19):
People just aren't perfect.
But if there's anything thatyou need to shake down with me,
to talk to me or talk, you know,through with me, I'm here for
it.
Like I want you to be free, Iwant you to be, I want you to
continue healing, and sosometimes that work has to be
done with our parents, right.

Speaker 3 (15:39):
So sometimes it just is we live our home.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
We grow up with them, people Right.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
I think a lot of people like some people be like
oh yeah, we just, you know, andit also is a culture thing too.
You know you don't really talkabout like you talk about.
You know the struggles andthey're more like the struggles
you know, you know my family ismore like you want another
struggle to move to anothercountry.
I just like okay, that's a mind, that's a struggle.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Right, right.
I remember my mom saidsomething to me one time and,
bless her heart, my mom hasseven kids and so she was the do
all right, and she's like gether done.
We're going to get it done.
Like life happened and and shehad made a comment one time

(16:32):
about she used to take her kidsall the time, every place and
I'm like, yeah, but youshouldn't have had like, you
shouldn't have had to do allthat.
All that you did, you did andyou did that Right.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Like you did that, you did them kids, but you
shouldn't have had to.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
So don't carry that forward and put that on someone
else because someone shouldn'thave to do.
Yeah, of the things that youhad to do, make it and raise
your kids Like.
I love you and respect you forthat, but some don't pass that
on to nobody else, okay.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, leave that one Right, don't do that.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Right.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
I'll call you what it is.
Or they'll just fight.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
I'll be.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
I'll be kind of going crazy.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
I'm like oh, oh yeah, it's my, my business.
Yep, yep, yep, cause I think weare what our parents hope.
We would be in in that ourparents want us to do better
than what they did, and that'snot to say they didn't do good
for themselves.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
That same we all, even as a parent, I'm like my
kids are going to be so muchbetter than me.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
You know so much more .
They don't flip so much better.
They have better tools, theyhave better knowledge, right,
yeah, and I had that opportunitybecause my mom wanted that for
me, I want that for my kids andwe hope that.
So don't disrespect, but, yeah,leave that there.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah, yeah, I know that's, I have to learn.
I was like, oh, here we go.

Speaker 3 (17:54):
Yeah, when I both came out.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
I was really scared.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
Yeah, yeah, I was really scared.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
I didn't know what.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
I didn't know what was going to be the outcome.
Did you find yourself, as youwere writing that, also
protecting people you wereharmed by?

Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, and then I also didn't want to make that the
family in a bad light, becauseit's not them.
You know what I'm saying.
Of course you're going tosupport your siblings whether
they do good or bad either way,but I didn't want the light to

(18:34):
be on them in a negative waybecause we were all good friends
.
You know what I'm saying and Ialways say that I'm like I know
it will.
I wish nothing.
Even if one of them walked pastand said hi, I would say hello
Because you know our communityis small, so it's like everybody
kind of knows everybody.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
And so for me that's a lot what is that like Right,
it's a lot In such a close knitsmall community when something
like that happens.
Like how do you still find I'mgoing to call it the courage,
for lack of a better word but tomaneuver in that community with

(19:20):
your chin up?
How is?

Speaker 2 (19:22):
that for you.
You know I'm going to be honestwith you.
I feel like that was like adream, because now that I look
back on my, where was I when?
I was thinking because I wentto work after it all happened,
like 10 days later, and I justnavigate through life.
I was like I was 25.

(19:43):
So I was like okay you know,I'm alive, but I could.
I look back now and I could tellwhere my mind was.
I wasn't, I don't think I waslike.
I know my body was present butI just wasn't like mentally
present.
But no, I know a lot of people,you know, we had close friends.
We all used to hang out.
They threw, they had like alittle my best friend little

(20:05):
barbecue at her house with allof our mutual friends.
So, like his friends might like.
We were all friends, we had agroup and you know they sent me,
they wrote a card and, you know, got me something and this was
showing love, like you know, weall, and that's when I kind of

(20:25):
was like oh okay, this is nice,and I was happy I got to, even
though I was getting out of thehouse.
I was getting out of the housewhere, like you know, like okay,
it was only nearby, but Ididn't realize it was close by
where it happened.
So I was like okay, but I just,you know, and now that I think
about it, I don't even thinkthat I was really present during

(20:46):
all that time.
You know, some of my friendswould be like I don't even know
how you want to do it.
Because everybody knowseverybody in our community.
Like we all know who you had ababy with.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
Yep, yep.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
Oh no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was a little communitywhen we came here, and then
it's like growing with those,like everybody you know look out
for each other some type of way.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
So yeah, wow it was crazy.
Yeah, I'm just thinking, tryingto put myself and I will never
be able to, but like, justthinking about, like, wow, that
happened to you and you justwere like okay, I was like la,

(21:27):
la, la, la la, and that's why Ineeded to go to therapy.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yes, I was just like I didn't have like a snapping
moment, I think once I wasdriving the car that I shot in
and I don't know what happened.
I made a turn somewhere and Iwas just doing my daily routine
because I only had one child atthe time and I will get like

(21:55):
this, like anxiety but cringe.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
Like my body would just be like and I remember I
went to my doctor's appointment.
They had to like check me outand my mom came with me and she
was like take a picture, gethere.
And I was like I drove.
And she was like the car.
I was like, yeah, I drove thecar.
Like what am I supposed tobelieve it?
Like I need to go to work, Igot things I have to do and my

(22:22):
doctor was like I think you'rehaving PTSD because you know, I
was like I didn't know that.
I was like I'm telling you itwas like a blur.
It was like I feel like it wasjust like when people say
unicorns and ice cream.
I was like don't talk about Lala.
I didn't know what it was andevery time I was in the car it
was like but back then I didn'tknow what that was.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
Like I didn't, you know, I'm like I don't know what
that is.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
I don't know what trauma, like my body was going
through a trauma.
I'm having anxiety.
I'm just like.
I was just always like kind oflike shaking a little bit when I
don't know why.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:57):
If somebody was following me more than 10
minutes, I will like pull to theside.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
I didn't know all that like self-consciously,
right.
So my mom and my stepdad.
My mom was like, hey, I'm goingto take your car.
And then we got another carbecause the doctor was like I
don't think it's safe for her.
So I don't know what yourfinancial thing, my doctor oh my
God, I had her.
I know ourselves 18.
So she's like my family.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Oh yeah, that doctor don't play.
She said, if I have to help you.
So we're going to figure thisout and you know, cause you know
my kid and you know she's mykids.
Now, like Can we just pause onthat?

Speaker 1 (23:42):
like healthcare, working for someone Like can we
just pause that you trusted yourprovider, that your provider
poured into you and protectedyou and stood for you and like
that is so uncommon.
It's so uncommon right now.
And she's and she's like comelisten.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
So she was not playing.
Yeah, so one time she was notplaying.
She was not playing.
When it happened she I rememberwhen I went for my checkup she
was like do we need to make youdisappear?
I was like no, and then she'slike okay, so what kind of
therapy we need?
What kind of this are you?
What are you doing, you know?
And I was like what?
She was like no, she taught mewhat to, how to advocate for

(24:22):
myself.
She's like, you know, becauseshe's a woman of color.
You guys, I'm sorry to say itLike she broke it down to me she
knew.
She knew.
She knew yeah, I love this.
She knows that woman is whatshe's all the way away.

Speaker 1 (24:34):
Yeah, she said all the way away, she's all the way
open.
She's like, oh what?

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Like she don't play.
Yeah, like I think like twoyears ago maybe me, my youngest,
I'm a drunk driver hit me, ohno, and yeah, and thank God
everything worked out.
I mean we're all good and stuff.
But she hooked me up with acounselor at the hospital to
talk about my anxiety while I'mdriving, because she remember

(25:02):
last time I was driving a bigtrauma happened and I got
triggered.
Yes and I didn't know that, soshe just write it.
Hey, I have this therapistwhere she's a, you know it's
more of a psychological like getyour mind tools to help you
like not have an anxiety effect.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yes, that's all.
That's amazing.

Speaker 2 (25:23):
So I got another car and that's what happened.
So I had to get me a new car.
My family you know my mom andmy stepdad, I love them they're
like hey, you got to switch upthis car situation and yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
So I still have the car too.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, yeah, because I just, you know, and I think I
didn't want to let go of myfirst car because I bought it
with my own money Because it wasyours.
Yeah, it was mine.
So my uncle helped me get it,got it, yeah, and I was resting
my soul, he helped me pick it up, and you know.
So I was like no, I'm notletting this go, this is my car,

(26:01):
but my mom actually drove it,yeah, and then that was it.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
Shout out to that covering that you had.
I want to harp on that for asecond longer because I work in
healthcare.

Speaker 2 (26:13):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
And I just know how rare it is for people to feel
protected by their own,Protected by their providers,
and so I think that that isespecially today.
We hear all the horror storiesyou know for black women and
other women of color that we'rejust not protected, we're
overlooked.
Yes, you know all of the things, and so I think that is so

(26:36):
amazing One that you had thissame healthcare provider for
years.
So you've been able to buildthat rapport, that trust, that
relationship, and that's rarebut that that they also believed
you, that they covered youprotected you, educated you,
informed you, guided you.
I think I got to shout that out.

(26:58):
That's amazing.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
That's amazing.
And to this day, she's alwayslike hey, what are we?

Speaker 3 (27:04):
doing.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
What's going on and I'm more like oh, okay, and if I
get you know, if I just need amental health, say, she was oh,
yeah, you do.
How many weeks do you want?
I was like oh, same, like a day.
I'm like take what you need.
She was like nothing, youshould do about that.
Yeah, Like what she was.
Yeah, she was like life isalways going to keep going.

(27:25):
She's like honey he's alwaysbeen there and it is like school
me.
So to this day I'll be like, oh, I ain't liking today, oh, good
, I ain't liking it either.
Yes, you know.
But yeah, so that's a lot.
That was a lot of again likethe circle or people trying to
help me and that she was one ofthem really guided me.

(27:45):
But it was really hard to talkabout my situation.
You know, I didn't talk aboutit for a while.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
Even with close friends.
I did for a little bit, but Ifelt like maybe I was doing it
too much, like maybe they'reaffected by it.
But I just, I just kept quiet.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Won't we just take to the grave protecting other
people, man, yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
And I feel like that's disrespectful to us.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yes, yes, and.
And the people who love us andwant to be there for us.
Sometimes, like I've hadfriends go through things before
and they don't want to be ininconvenience, and I've
experienced that too.
I've gone through certainthings in life that I've just
gotten through on my own becauseI'm like I don't want to
inconvenience anyone else.

(28:30):
But then I think about howirritated I fussed my friends
out when I'm like don't you gothrough that by yourself?
Like don't you feel I'm hereLike a real one, like I'm a B.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Like I'm not going to take on more than I can.
I have good boundaries.
Like we got to trust this.
Like you don't have to burdenany.
Some people have to go throughprocesses or portions of a
process on their own in order tobring other people in, but, but
man like yeah, I feel like youfeel for yourself.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
So that's it.
And you have to have a goodgroup of like my.
Actually there are on thedocumentary.
I talked to them abouteverything, but it's a safe zone
, it's a.
I could say what I want to say,like what I really want to say,
cause I usually I usually nowthat I'm learning I usually just

(29:24):
kind of step back and you know,you know, sometimes I let, I
let them, I let, when thingshappen, I let it be like a bully
to me.
If that makes sense, like okay,I'll just take it.
But now I must say what I wantto say and if I feel that you
know, you're being very not niceor certain things like I speak

(29:52):
up now Before I would speak up,but it wouldn't be like in a
calm way, it's more like youknow.
But that's the fact.
Like you know, yeah, yeah, yeahyeah.

Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, you getting the honey.
It's zero to a hundred.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Yeah, it's just like that's it you know, and I had to
like check myself.
Yeah, yeah, you know my mouth.
My sister always tell me oh,girl, your mouth.
I was like I know.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
Now I'm just like, okay, I'm gonna say it, but I'm
a.
Yeah, I'm gonna still read you.
Yeah, there's a lot of tone.
Yeah, it's a lot of art, it's agood tone.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
I feel that I'm a, I'm a baby sister, so I'm a baby
girl.
I have brothers under me, butI'm the baby girl and so I've
had a mouth in my younger days.
And it's something that I'mlike strong mind, strong will.

Speaker 3 (30:45):
You know, you know talker, like it's it's.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
it's good to have that.
You have to have somebody toteach you how to fine tune it so
that it works for you, becausemy old personality was if I
could talk, I'm a talk.
I'm a talk faster, louder, like, and it's going to be daggers
You're going to get all thisfire yeah yeah.
And I taught how to fine tunethat so that people could really

(31:10):
hear what it is that I have tosay and that it was a real
conversation versus if we goingit's on, that's it.
That's right.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
Yeah, you might get a different language in it.
Like we don't know.
We don't know what's going togo out, but my business now, you
know she always tell me.
Ok, I want to address thisperson that says she like OK, I
want you to try the sandwichmethod, and I was like oh, what
is this?
So I had to learn the sandwichmethod.
I had to learn you know certainthings and it's good.

(31:42):
I mean it's still work inprogress.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
You know, yeah, yeah.
Well, let's talk about thedocumentary Walk by Faith right.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
And it released.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
It just premiered, on January 13th.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
And it premiered in Seattle.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
By the.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
Columbia City Theater .

Speaker 1 (31:59):
Yeah, what was that like?
Like seeing your story, yourpart of your journey, just you
talking about it.
Sounds like you had others init talking about it with you.
What was?
That like seeing it on screen.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
I think coming to see it come to life, because you
know, obviously I was recordingback in October, so it was kind
of like OK, this is happening,and that that took a little toll
on me while I was recording.
How to take like a few breaksor like put on, because I was
like let me catch myself.
But seeing it on the screen Iwas nervous.

(32:34):
That whole day was crazy.
Oh my God, it was just like alot.
But you know what, when there'sa little, there's a way, and if
he is meant for you to havethis premiere this day come on,
we'll give it to you, come on.
But if you ask for it, you'regoing to have some bump.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
But for you, you will have.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yeah, you will have it and it's going to mess you up
that day, but it's.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
It was a lot of stress.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
There's a lot of stress, oh my God, yeah it was
the whole thing out and then itwas cold and I'm fine, but you
know what the people that showedup came out.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (33:11):
And they supported.

Speaker 3 (33:14):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Excuse me, and it was just like Seeing it.
I even got a little catchy ofcertain things.
I was like, oh my God, that didhappen to like you know, it's
like.
And then seeing my, my, myfriends on it, three of them.
They got to, they agreed tointerview and seeing them

(33:35):
support me and really hear themon their side of like, like what
their mind is, it was pretty,it was pretty dope.
I was like, oh, that's what youwant to see.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
So was the premiere your first time seeing it all,
or were you, did you view itbefore a premiere?

Speaker 2 (33:49):
No, I viewed it, but it was more Okay.
Okay when you view somethinglike you want to make sure any
edits.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
So my mind wasn't really like focusing on like.
Oh, I was like, ok, this soundsgood.
I don't like that.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
Yep, yep.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
And then when I really just and then I seen it,
I approved it I was like, ok,this looks good it in dawn to me
Later I'm sitting there and I'mseeing it on the screen and I
was like, oh my God, I'm on thescreen, like yeah, and you're
really taking it all in in themoment, in the experience with
other people, and it is what wasthat like for you.

(34:30):
It was.
You know, I'm still it's onlybeen a week, so it's still for
me kind of like I haven't hit meyet.
People are like how do you?
Feel and I'm like you know, Idon't know.
I got to go take care of theskin.
I feel well.
I lost my boy Like I'm overhere trying to get my life.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
Yeah, and it hasn't really hit me.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Yet I didn't even really like like the girlfriend
I was on there.
She's like OK, let's celebrate,you know you just don't like
how many of us know that we needdocumentary and?
I was like yeah, but when doyou want to do that Like?
I'm kind of like like I'm likewe could just eat somewhere in
our pajamas and she was likewhat?
And I'm like, yeah, and it wasjust super cold.

(35:08):
So I haven't really like hit me, hit me for watching it.
Like, sit with the others, Iwas like looking at people with
their you know, and the feedback.
I was really in shock with thefeedback.
You know, sometimes you'll getpeople like, oh yeah, this was
great, I like it you know, butyou don't know if they really
like it.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
You know, yeah, yeah, but from trusted people you got
good feedback.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
Yeah.
And even my.
I got messages that peoplewatched on YouTube.

Speaker 3 (35:34):
And.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
I'm happy you got to talk about it and they went
through nothing similar likemine, but have some things that
they talked about and they'relike I'm happy.
She was like I feel.
One girl said I feel morecomfortable now talking and I
was like, oh, she was like, yeah, I never felt comfortable, but
I like that.
That was like the kind ofthings I like to hear.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Yeah, and did you guys do?
I think I read you guys aredoing a panel at the end like
the Q and A.
Did that happen?

Speaker 2 (36:05):
So we did a Q and A.
Some of you asked me questions.
We had Sister House on therefor domestic violence so we
bring awareness there for womenand men to as well.
So yeah, we had, we had themcome to, we had representative
of their team come and we hadanother therapist.

(36:28):
She did a video and she talkedabout you know trauma and you
know what to do with it.
So a lot of Black women justfound like just talking.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, that had to be beautiful
community to be in.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
that it was it was, it was, it was, and you know the
DJ was hot and I was a Blackgirl rocking it.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, it wasgood.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
Mm hmm, I love that.
Um, how were you the title ofthe documentary Walk by Faith?

Speaker 3 (37:02):
Mm, hmm.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
How were you able to keep your faith during those
difficult moments in life?

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Honestly, it was like really hard, like I, just
because I still was likesearching for church after I was
trying on.
Like you know, my sister and Iwill call it church hopping,
searching, searching I end up atchurch by the side of the road
Um in Sequoia Washington.
It's not that far from where Ilive at and um, and I felt more

(37:37):
comfortable in talking like topeople there to get advice and
stuff and that's literally.
It's still a journey.
There's some day.
I just be like, ok, I don't wantto do this, like I just want to
, but I know I have to likebuild that routine up for my
mind.
You know, and that's literallyhow I got it together.

(37:57):
I was just joining differentgroups, going to Bible study and
not being like the whole, likeyou know Bible somewhere,
because I don't know.
People will assume I know theBible, I do not know the Bible.
I know certain stories in theBible.
I could probably give you ascripture you, you have your own
relationship with God.
Yeah, I don't think that heknow.

(38:17):
I'm wrong Because I can't quotenone, don't.
Now people will assume what Isay Be in the Bible.
Tell us.
No, I'm telling you.
Listen, I'm going to a fewstories.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Listen you know, I am one of those people.
I I have, I have a relationshipwith that right.
It's my foundation but, I'm not.
I'm not someone I have a lot of.
I have a lot of issues with thechurch today and and how they
really embrace people, but myrelationship with God is solid,

(38:53):
mm, hmm.
And so I'm not someone whofeels like you have to put on
the performance, and it's not aperformance for everyone.
I'm not.
It don't come from me, folks.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
I'm not saying.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
I'm saying that for some is the performance.
And I'm just, I'm just not.
I'm just not here for theritual of feeling like you
showing up means that you'reliving in, doing right and that
your relationship with God justbecause you're in the pew, you
know, three, four times a weekleading choir.
I mean nothing in Bible study,but shout out to those of you

(39:25):
who do that.
I'm not knocking you.
I'm saying that that is noteveryone's path and that that
does not at all determine ordefine each individual's
relationship with God.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
So yeah, I feel like your own.
Your personal relationship isyour own personal relationship.
And at the end of the day,that's what he wants.
He wants you to go to himanyway.
You know you go to Bill, Boband John all you want.
But you better go to him likecome on it.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
You know, I see it.
We see how the word is beinghijacked these days for yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
So I just feel like you know I go and that's my time
to just pray here.
Good work, I like the pastor.
Yes, you know, take my ownnotes and just try to do my own
thing with it.
But you know, I think my, mywalk by faith it's very it's not
like I just want to shake thecharge and there is more Faith.

(40:22):
Walk could be a lot of otherthings.
Yes, you know it could fall notjust spiritually, emotionally,
mentally, physically you know,to make sure.
Ok, I might look good on theoutside.
I'm fixing the inside.
I want to make sure I lookpresentable.
Now more for myself and morefor representing you know, for
just in general, Because I'd be.
I'd be looking crazy, Probablywhy I'm so single.

(40:44):
I'll be like I'll be like youknow my homegirl, like see, I
told you that Love you.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
Sad you got dressed today, huh.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
You know like I'm not here, but you know, I also know
, like OK, it is what it is, youknow, and that and that world
of being.
But yeah, yeah I just thinkthat I just be at home.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
Yeah, hmm, what do you?
What do you hope other peopleand survivors get from your
story?
Get from you sharing your story?
What do you hope that they walkaway with?

Speaker 2 (41:31):
I hope they walk away with a sense of peace for
themselves A lot of things,actually so I want them to just
make sure you check on yourfriends, men and women, and I
think check on them, like whenthey always check on the strong
one definitely do, because I'm apeople like they're so strong.

(41:52):
I'm actually weak, Like youknow.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
I've come to a place where I don't even take that
word as a compliment anymore,because there's an expectation,
especially with black women,that comes with the word that
we're supposed to be able toendure and take, and I think you
know we heard this wave overthe last year about women
identifying what their softerside right With that soft life.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Oh yeah, that's right .
I don't like that life.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
Tapping into their vulnerability.
But we should want that forourselves, like we should want
to.
But it's the expectation thatwe be strong and we endure these
things and we don't take thetime to heal, that we get over
it.
I'm sitting here just as you'retalking about your life and
your story and I'm like thishappened to her right, like this

(42:43):
.
This happened to her and shecarried on like wow, like wow.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, that's why I always want to say like people,
like check on them, you know,and like check on them to really
make sure that you give yourfriends, whoever is in your
circle, a safe space.
Like listen, you might not liketo talk about something, that's
fine, or you might not, youjust want something to listen.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
And I'm not saying every relationship beginning to
some not saying that at allright, because it is ups and
downs.
But you know, really, just askthem like, hey, how are you
doing?
You know, like that happened toyou, like, did you?
You know, did you, did you wantto talk like you know?
Okay, you know it's a safespace.
I'm just I'm letting thathappen Like and I think
sometimes we need to hear itLike you know you could talk to

(43:28):
me or you know I'm here.
Open the floor to it for them,or because they might not
receive that, they might notknow, but, girl, I don't know,
yeah, and so sense of peacetalking, I would also want them
to really be like it's okay tonot be okay.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Yeah, that is okay.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
That's okay.
You having a bad month or ayear, that's okay.
There was time I took time off.
I think it was like year.
Last year I took 10 days out.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
Mm, hmm.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
I just needed it.
Just just the little ones goingto kindergarten.
This one's in high school.
I'm just like you know, I justneed it.
Yes, and they are my bestfriends.
She's like thank.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
God, he does that.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yeah, she said you needed that.
I just needed a mental I youknow, and you know take care of
yourself you know, whatever thatlooks like, if you want to take
yourself out to eat, takeyourself out to eat.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
I come on they all the time, all the time All the
time.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Yeah, I am romantic.
Yeah, I'll be loving on me.
I love that.
I don't care, you know likereally just, you know, have a
sense of peace and be kind toyourself.
Yeah, like you know, like bekind and to really be open to
you.
Know different scenarios, bemindful you know and also love

(44:45):
people.
I want people to love people.
It's not like that, Be aware ofyou know, yeah, but it's more
like, hey, this happened, butyou know, what?
Look what I did.
I was like.
I was like.
I was like.
I was like.
I was like.
I was like look what I did.
I still pushed through.
You went through something.
You're going to get through itand when you're done with it,
that's when you really going tofeel it.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Yeah, yeah, it's the on the other side, the other
side.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
Right, it's the other side.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
I tell people is like just when you think that you
can't take any more of whateverlife is dishing you, you're
ready, you're almost to theother side.
Like, like, just when you thinkthat, like why and what?
You feel like you want to giveup on things like that is your.
You're right there, thedoorknob is in your hands,
you're about to be to the otherside of it and then, when you

(45:36):
are to that other side, you'llbe able to look back and see
what you've come through andunderstand this new layer of
yourself, that that you'vediscovered, and it's just these
different levels, and layers ofself discovery Right.
And you don't have to be like.
You know you're not going to beable to believe in yourself

(45:59):
without what is in you, whatyou're made of.
And I don't say that in theform of strength you do need.
I mean, I don't want to, Idon't want to mislead people.
Yes, you do need strength, youdo need perseverance, you do
need all of these things to makeit through tough scenarios, but
you also have to have thattrust and belief in yourself
that you can do it.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
And sometimes that's that's where people feel like I
don't got it, like I don't know.
So, like you know, if we gotpeople, if you have dreams and
you want to do like you know Iwanted to do, I have a lot of
girls, girls and men actuallymean, but you know what I wanted
to do this, I wanted to writethis, I wanted to start a
podcast and I see you they allthought I had podcasts or

(46:38):
something.
I don't know.
I was like, no, I'm getting on.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
I'm getting on.
That's part of the book.
You're busy, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
I'm just on them, but I could.
I could guide you to people whostart off.
I don't know.
I'm like, if that's your dream,then do it.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
You know, like it's okay you know and be open to
things you know.
So I'm still open to love.
A lot of people think like Ishut down and it's like no, no,
I'm just chilling, yeah, I'mjust you know, yeah, so there's,
there's, a there's.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
I do want to.
I do want to get into that lanea little bit because I think
that people will makeassumptions about you, know,
going through something thattraumatic, like I said.
I mean, if you're listening tothe story, I'm sitting here
listening to it and I'm like Ican't imagine, right, like.
I it's hard to put yourself.
You could put yourself insomebody's shoes as much as you

(47:32):
can, but that's just a scenariono one can imagine for
themselves, right, yeah?
And so the idea of, of ofopening up your heart and your
your your life to a person inthe future.
Yeah, I'm single also, but Ilive in the lane of God,
preparing me Right, like that'show I think about it Like the.

(47:54):
When it's time it will be, itwill be here, right, I will see
him, he will see me.
It will be what it's supposedto be.
What is?
What is that lane for you?
Do you feel like if someonepresented you are in a space
where you could receive, or areyou still healing to get to that
point?

Speaker 2 (48:15):
So a lot of people might know like I had a whole
second child, so I was open toit even after and we were
together for five years.
We didn't you know different,different past, you know, and
we're actually actually goodfriends, that's one of my good
friends.
Love that you be hanging outwith your baby.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
That's the home you need to be in.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
Yeah, good people.
I actually learned a lot inthat relationship because how we
got together so soon after mysituation, so sometimes I'd be
feeling bad, I'm like dang.
He had to go through all ofthat with my mind, wasn't even
you know.
But then you know, obviously weboth, you know, not suitable,
but I mean compatible, but itwas okay.
Yeah, but now that you knowit's been like I've been single

(49:04):
now like six years.
I'm open, but then again I justget you know I, I love the
whole purpose of love.
Yes, like I like real,unconditional love.

Speaker 1 (49:16):
Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Because love doesn't have conditions and I'm like you
.
You know he'll bring me when I,when he knows I'm ready for it,
because he probably knows Iain't ready because my mouth is
like oh, this is not right.
Good to be with you.
But no, I'm like you know andpeople will actually see that,
like these are on dates and I'mlike I communicate, you know

(49:38):
communication, you know how youtalking to people sometimes.
You know I communicate buthonestly, like I I'll forget it.
You know, and it's not onpurpose, but it's more like, if
you're not consistent, yeah,yeah, yeah, I'm going to be
consistently somewhere else.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
Yeah, but no.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
I'm open, I I go back and forth on it a lot Like do I
?
Do I see myself married?
Honestly, I'm okay.
I'm content where I'm at rightnow.
I am comfortable, so I don'tknow if that's a good thing, but
I am like, I'm like yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
But also, there's time, you know you got to get
that person time, so I don'tknow if I could do that.

Speaker 1 (50:22):
Yeah Right, it's timing Like the person who who's
able to fit into this space inyour life, like, yeah, when we
meet the right person, we makespace for them.
Right, and they have shownthemselves to be someone who is
worthy of that space.
We create space for them.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
And so it's timing.
It's timing, and I'm such a,you know I need to but but is
that because you've had to be?

Speaker 1 (50:52):
it's all good.
You know what you know.
What I found out about myselfis that not found out about
myself.
But what I tell people aboutmyself, yeah, and what I find
out about myself is that I Imight present as this boom, boom
, boom.
You know, get it going, ducksin order, this going this, this,

(51:14):
this way, this, that way.
But that's cause I've had to bethat way, right.
But let me tell you about me,the first sign that I get to be
able to hand that off tosomebody else, right, baby, you
got it.
That's the life I want to live.
It's the life that I'm happy,Right.
So I'm happy to pass that offand and and and back off of that

(51:37):
personality when I get theopportunity.
But, but I feel you, I'm, I'malso that way, Um, but I'm happy
to hand that thing off thesecond I get a chance to.
Real quick, Real quick Like.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
and then what?
What when we do finally get it?
The question is if we'rewilling to accept it and receive
it.
I don't know if I can I don'tknow when someone is showing you
you'll, you will, I think Ithink.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
I think that's what it is for for for women with
that mindset is that we've.
We've had to live that.
We've had to own it, we've hadto carry it and to be in a space
that we are trusting to handthat off to someone.
They have to have shown thatthey are capable of it Like it's
it's they've had to.
They've had to show upconsistently as that so that we

(52:25):
know that it's a safe space toright To hand off them bags.
That well, that's how I think.
I'm not going to put that onyou, but that's how I think
about it.
You got it, I got to know.
Yeah, no, I completely agree.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
That's why I be, I be listen.

Speaker 1 (52:41):
Otherwise.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
I love you.
That's the only two things thatbe my head.
This is it.
This is how you got.
I love you.
I love you, I love you.
This is it.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
This is how you do it yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
Yeah, but no, I I'm up at when the time comes it
will happen for me.
You know, I mean people assumeright, like oh no, she will
never get you know aftereverything happened Like no, no.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
I, I want somebody.
Yeah, and I think that'sencouraging it for people to
hear.
I mean, I'm thinking aboutpeople who their wounds might be
fresh right now, listen to thisand think that that's not in
the cards for them in the future.
I think, hearing you say no,I've been in relationship and I
was able to receive and growfrom that relationship.

(53:30):
It wasn't my foreverrelationship.
That person is still someonewonderful in my life.
But, yes, I am also open tohaving a partner in life.
I think that has to beencouraging for someone who
feels like, for someone who hasbeen through a DV situation, who
might feel like they're stillgathering maybe their self-worth

(53:55):
or their place in life, andhearing you talk about the
promising nature of your abilityto love and have partnership
and companionship, I thinkthat's encouraging for them.

Speaker 2 (54:09):
Yeah, and I think you have to heal, though too.
I say that in my documentaryabout making sure you heal first
before you jump into anything,because if you're going to be
going through that process,whatever your healing journey is
and you have, you meet somebodyand that person you know that
person can't be your.

(54:29):
You know like that real helpwhen you're meeting them, but
like you can't dump it offbecause your relationship now is
gonna be based on pain orHealing not the other part.
Then met you in a healingprocess.
So now somebody meets me and youknow, wants to get to know me.
All this stuff I've alreadydone all that stuff.

(54:50):
I mean obviously healing is aprocess, changes the lifetime
right, yeah, yeah, but.
I Think you're gonna now.
You know they're meeting me nowlike, oh, this is Tegas, now
this is, you know.
Okay, this is ten years past.
Take it, this is.
You know she's now on adifferent mindset, you know, you
know, just handling things Ineed to take care of and I'm

(55:11):
this, I'm that you know nowthat's who they're meeting.
But if it was long time ago,yeah, so we're.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
I mean, and we're talking, sorry, I sweat.
I sweat the thought of timing,right, that is a Patience that
that you have to carry withyourself To, to give yourself
the time to receive the thingsthat, yes, that are meant for
you and it's not necessarily inthe moment that you feel like it

(55:42):
should be, but in the time thatguy says it's meant to be.
So that's beautiful to hear ofyou.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
I love that, Thank you.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
We're so grace you know, yeah, yeah, oh man.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Listen, you're so grace cuz we'd be trifling to
ourselves.

Speaker 3 (55:58):
Right.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
We'll sit and figure out how to be good for everybody
else but be the worst toourselves.
I mean and by that I mean justnot giving ourselves the things
that we need to be.
Oh exactly and well, and, and sowhen I hear you talking about
even that, you know You're, youtake these, these this time off
for yourself, for your ownemotional you know mental

(56:23):
wellness, then I think that's soimportant to even develop that
awareness of yourself, to saythat this is what I hear, this
is what I feel, this is what myenergy is telling me that I need
for myself right now, and I'mgonna do it Right because I have
to value myself and feel that Iam worth you know, taking care

(56:44):
of in that way and sometimesthat's hard for other women
Specifically, yep, mothersspecifically, yeah, and, and so
I think that's really importantand allowing yourself the
ability to Grow through thingsand not blame yourself, for you

(57:07):
know that you've experienced,but recognized I Say recognized,
not taking ownership of someoneelse's actions, but taking
ownership of, maybe, how you gotnot you specifically, but
people in general, how we got inSituations to be able to a

(57:28):
family and make better decisions.
Moving forward, yeah, but butnot blaming yourself to a place
where you don't trust yourselfmoving forward.
Sometimes it's sometimes youhave to, you know, get to know
yourself all over again andestablish new trust for yourself
, but that's part of being ableto go into relationships.

(57:49):
Moving forward is being able totake ownership and and forgive
yourself for For your own stuff.
Now somebody else's your own.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Exactly, it's like that, right, and you gotta hold
yourself accountable.
Yeah, we need to hold itourselves accountable, except
for like accountability, notjust on other people, that we're
telling them like, nope, I'mgonna hold her accountable, I'm
holding no.
Are you holding yourselfaccountable?
Right, that's another humanprocess.
What did you do?

Speaker 1 (58:19):
You know what I think people have a hard time doing
that because they think thatit's taking away.
But, but them, but them, andI'm like but, but we're not
talking about them right now.
People have a hard time.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Talking about yourselves, right.
Yeah, it's hard.
I had to learn that.
I learned that therapy shoesLike are you holding yourself
accountable?
I was like what do you mean?
What did I do?
Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm.
She was like you're me toyourself.
Mm-hmm, I was like oh, so itwas just like a lot, you know
and I think you know that'sanother healing process and I
want my documentary to reallylike.

(58:53):
You know, people hear me saylike give yourself grace, heal,
because you can't hurt people,hurt people, and if you're hurt,
you're gonna lash out on thatperson.
That person then look at youlike Hold on, now you talking to
me like I was the person thathurt you and because we'll have
a vivid face and it's justlaughing on and that's not good,

(59:14):
you know.
And then also like to check onyour friends.

Speaker 3 (59:17):
Check on your people.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
You know, make those safe space, you know, and if you
don't feel comfortable talkingto your circle, then you should
ask yourself Okay, who do I feelcomfortable with?

Speaker 1 (59:29):
I want to, I want to interject even further into that
.
I would say then, let's talkabout how you even allow these
people in your space, becausethat part, the village that you
hold, is a direct reflection ofyourself.
And if I am not trusting, ofthe people who are supposed to
have their hands on me, lift me,hold me, cover me.
You know, give me a softlanding, like all of the things,

(59:54):
if I can't trust those peoplewith the most Sensitive and
vulnerable parts of myself, likewhy are we here?

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
Yeah, I agree, you know.
And it's like wait a minute,but it's if you're, if you're
showing up is what's important,right?
Not, you know, showing up in away of whatever that looks like
for you you know yeah.
And that's why I could be opento those certain girls that I
you know that that was on thedocumentary.
Yeah, we knew each other 10plus years, but we, there's some

(01:00:27):
things going on, you know, andnow they are so excited that
they could be there for me.
Because I've always been therefor them.
I'm like hold on.
I got you hold on and now theysee me vulnerable and they see
me talking and they see me go dosome things.
They're like oh my god, we'reso excited.
Yeah, because, I'm just likeyou know, and if you show up,
that's how you really know.

(01:00:48):
You know, and if you're notcomfortable with that group, you
gotta ask yourself why yeah andthat goes for men too, a lot of
men, you know they don't talk.
Yeah, it's like no talk, tellme what happened?
What do you feel you said?

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
Yeah, and and it's, and it's okay, like you're not
any less of a man because you'resad or because you know you're,
you're Feeling a certain waythat society might not label as
manly.
Like we gotta get away fromthat.
Like, give me in the space tobe soft also.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Yeah, the black man there, just yeah you know cuz
you see, you see the Caucasianman, that they be crying and
they be ready.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
You know, they've been given the space to save
space to do that.
I think the experiences thatwe've had, much like, you know,
black women, it's like you don'thave the time to be that, like
you can't get caught up in thatemotion Like you got.
Keep pushing, keep being strong, be this man, be this woman, be
right, like it's theexpectation that's been placed
on us and and I think we've gotto do a better job To and for

(01:01:51):
each other in being that spacefor one another.
This is my two cents.
But listen, I am a talker and Iwill talk your ears off for a
whole other hour, so I'm gonnawrap this up for you, so you but

(01:02:18):
this is a fun interview.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
I like it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I really appreciate you beinghere and I really appreciate you
sharing your story and you knowyour steps and in your journey
and healing and Coming to theother side of that story and it
not being the thing that definesyou, but you being able to use
it as a powerful tool to helpand serve and encourage other

(01:02:41):
people Through their situationas well.
So what I'm hoping is that forthe people in our community here
at bloggers and friends podcast, that hearing your story is
Giving them encouragement and,if they are relating to this in
any way, shape or form, thatthey are are feeling in

(01:03:04):
Community, that they are feelingnot alone, that they have hope
for what lies ahead for them inthe future, and knowing and
understand that they're not bythemselves there's a whole life
ahead of them and that they canchampion this in their own way
it doesn't have to look like theway that you came through it,
but in their own way and andthat you know, you've given them

(01:03:26):
some advice and as to the toolsthat you you had at your
disposal to, to to walk throughthis.
So I appreciate you.
Tell the people where they canfind you, to give them your IG
handle, your, if there'swebsites, oh, yeah he's on
YouTube like tell the peoplewhere they could, where they can

(01:03:46):
find you Documentaries onYouTube.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
Yep, documentaries on YouTube.
Walk by face.
My IG is love to get 25 on thatprofile.
Be me my Doing finishedtouch-ups on the website right
now, where we have merch onthere as well, so, like hoodies
and cups and little journalswith pads, you could keep sake,

(01:04:10):
you know T-shirts just havemotivational things on there.
I'll have different clips onthere of my Q&A's.
My book is on Amazon, which isawesome on there.
So, yeah, love tickets, 25.
That's definitely Copy yourselfa book and what your
documentary and you'll.
You'll find the connection.
I love that.
Definitely, definitely find theconnection, yeah well, hit her

(01:04:32):
up.

Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
Y'all make sure to go follow her on IG and go check
out our documentary on YouTube,and I will post the links to
those things as well.
So Thank you for joining us andbeing here with us today.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
We appreciate you.
I love it.
I'm still next time.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
That was fun.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
If you liked this episode, be sure to subscribe so
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You can stay connected betweenpodcasts by following us on
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You can also join our page onFacebook at fear not the journey
, or you can subscribe to ourwebsite and blog by visiting

(01:05:17):
wwwfearnotthejourneycom.
Thank you for joining us forthis episode and until next time
, be well.