Blood Suckers

Blood Suckers

This is the Blood Suckers Podcast. We make a lot of fart jokes, discuss treatment of the female character, and analyze the hell out of every vampire film we can get our fangs into. Suck it. @bloodsuckerspod

Episodes

February 12, 2024 52 mins

Someone smarter has written something about this somewhere, but all we know is that sexy anime with creepy tall vampire boys titillates Sarah-Marie, infuriates Kacey, and we both loved it. 

Things We Learned:

  • SM wouldn't last one day in the Night Academy because of white uniforms. 
  • Kacey won't have it, people. 
  • Love is an idiot.


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Was this the 80's? Was this hazing accurate? Is Australia this terrible to it's LGBTQ+ Community? We're confused!

Things We Learned:

  • SM recorded the audio from Australia, where apparently things are terrible. Which is why the pod sounds this way this week. 
  • Samuel L Jackson has a purple Lightsaber and some vams get amazing eye colors
  • Making a movie, getting feedback, it's really hard! Soooooore harrrrd. 
Sup...
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How's your blood portall today? Lost your face? How about a broken toilet of cake during your fire drill? If none of this makes sense, WELCOME TO PERPETRATOR. 

Things We Learned:

  • Forevering is the dumbest way to say immortal. 
  • Menstrual Discs are AMAZING and #flexdisc should sponsor us please and thank you
  • Alicia Silverstone is trying to ruin vampires for us like she ruined that carpet. 
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December 4, 2023 56 mins

Dracula 2000 (2000) has a whole loaf of milk toast choices in it. *This message sponsored by virgin (but not really)

Things We Learned:

  • Judas is Dracula?! 
  • KC wasn't even born here ya'll!
  • Mardi Gras death metal is a terrible choice. 
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November 13, 2023 54 mins

In celebration of releasing Blood Sisters over on the Little Renegade Films youtube, we're taking this week off of the pod to share with you an OLDY BUT A GOODY (as Sm's mom would say). We love you and would get addicted to your blood any day!

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This week we watched 1995's The Addiction and it was as much fun as putting on a pair of jeans after two years in a pandemic. Like, we like these jeans, ...

Mark as Played
November 6, 2023 51 mins

Vamps (2012) sure did try to be Clueless but it sure didn't have Jane Austen to bolster it up. No stakes for ep 73 of the pod. No garlic either. Lame.

Things We Learned:

  • KC doesn't see sub-genre apparently. She has a condition. Un-Sub-Genre-Itis
  • Was it a good adaptation? Or just a copy-cat who copies? Tell us in the discord cause we're STILL fighting about Clueless. 


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October 30, 2023 58 mins

Fright Night (1985) has the sexiest Humperdink we've ever seen.

Things We Learned:

  • SMC and Kacey think Taylor loves Now and Laters (she does), but what they meant was Hi-chews. 
  • Hi-chews are like… the Lacroix of Starbursts.
    • Also, Now and Laters are called this because they’re made of a soft taffy on the outside with a harder center that’s not hard candy but like… firmer taffy and it takes longer for it to dissolve. So the ...
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October 23, 2023 43 mins

El Conde (2023) is the first vampire film we've liked IN AN ETERNITY OF TIME even though that nun was terrible at her job, we'll have a teacup of blood with Margret Thatcher any ol' night of the week.

Things We Learned:

  • Margaret Thatcher was *not* an author. She was the first female British Prime Minister and the longest-serving Prime Minister of the 20th century.
  • KC loves black and white films now. We did it you gu...
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October 16, 2023 57 mins

Nightbreed (1990) is not or is or isn't or but is it a vampire film? You be the judge. All we know is that he stuck those blood covered fingers aaaaaall the way down his throat. 

Things We Learned:

  • The ultimate in body horror is dropping a sloppy pastry on the ground
  • Cop Rock! https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098772/
  • "There's a vampire boyfriend out there who will say 'I love you' back." 
  • Lori holds her mi...
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October 9, 2023 46 mins

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) was a tumor on a tumor on a tumor of some very decent bones from a deep cut chapter of Dracula AND SOMEONE IS FURIOUS ABOUT IT. (Hint: it's not KC)

Things We Learned:

  • Demeter was the Goddess of Harvest and Dracula is the harvester of stupid movies that could have been good.
  • Dracula is an excellent example of an epistolary novel. A form of literature where the story is told in the form of ...
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October 2, 2023 47 mins

Blacula (1972) was educational for film history and fashion for sure, but not great for the exploitation of black culture.  NOTE TO LISTENERS: We bailed out of Ganja & Hess (1973) and then watched Blacula instead. We talk about both at the same time! You are patient and sweet and we thank you for your understanding in this confusing matter. 

Things We Learned:

  • SM is convinced Blacula is very different than Dracula. 
  • SM is conv...
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September 25, 2023 47 mins

Vampir (2021) is a confusing time that we didn't hate, despite the abysmal blood score. Three cheers for weird serbian vampire villagers!

Things We Learned:

  • Nothing. We were confused the whole time. 


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Please leave a review, like, subscribe, comment below, bite a friend, drink some blood and thank you for being our immortal lover. Later Suckers!...

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September 18, 2023 55 mins

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) is about titties and the twisting of them. Truly, the masterpiece of our time. 

Things We Learned:

  • KC would gladly own and operate the Titty Twister if she could have that fire show every night. 
  • SM will come to Burning Man if you get her an airstream trailer (donation link in the notes below!)
  • So many KC & SM feets are featured on the video pod. (Become a monthly subscriber to see full ep vids!)
...
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September 11, 2023 43 mins

We watched what Kacey believes to be THE BEST Nicholas Cage film ever made. And if Renfield (2023) wasn't the best, she's never going to watch Leaving Las Vegas anyway so the point is moot. SIGH.

Thing we Learned:

  • You gotta spread those cement dracula flesh cubes around a bit
  • SM has no idea how to hate a dreamy dracula
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September 4, 2023 47 mins

We're doing it! We're in season two baybee!!! And to kick things off, we've made a terrible mistake and watched 2003's Underworld. 

Thing we Learned:

  • Selene is not a strong female character
  • SM has really cute bangs right now
  • KC has a negative beagle bias and is therefore incapable of understanding John Wick. 

Later Suckers, 

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June 26, 2023 49 mins

It's the season finale while we hide from the sun and film some projects! We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 5/6/7 and STILL wanted more boy butts and kisses and instead got assaults and eye contacts. BOO. But yay for season two of both Interview with the Vampire, AND Blood Suckers! Hide from the sun and we'll see you soon!

We Also Learned… Daniel is Still a Fuckwad. The end. 


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May 22, 2023 61 mins

We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 3/4 and wanted more boy butts that we did not get. But we loved discussing all the differences in the book and this adaptation, including tiny red sunglasses and another tit!

We Also Learned

  1. Tattoos are confusing
  2. Eric Baloney is bad at his job
  3. Hi Kelly Hassnerdsnsnsnsns!
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May 15, 2023 38 mins

We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 2 and learned to watch more than one episode at a time for the pod from now on. She's short and sweet and she'll show you her tit! And we love you, thanks for listening. 

We Also Learned

  1. We learned how thoughts work 
  2. To stay close to your humanity, eat glue!
  3. What would YOU do with a drunken sailor?



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May 8, 2023 53 mins

We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 1 and saw man butts! MAN BUTTS AND MAN KISSES AND DREAMY EYEBALLS and we're watching the whole thing as soon as vampirically possible. Unless there's not more man butts. No more man butts and we're out. 

We Also Learned

  1. It is NOT KC's destiny to educated young (of legal age) boy butts on how to be lovers.
  2. We're learning that we're learning that we&apo...
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May 1, 2023 51 mins

We watched The Transfiguration (2016) and were entranced, amazed, disturbed by the film and distracted by the newest member of the Curry fluff brigade. Don't get your prions in a twist when you watch this sad and lovely thing. Make sure you have a kitty to cuddle!

We Also Learned

  1. SM wants a pen knife
  2. Troma Films are a genre
  3. Broadway is just a street with theaters on it
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