February 21, 2025 • 24 mins
Grace was sitting across from me, with her hands wrapped around a mug of tea. Our session was first thing in the morning for both of us, and I could imagine that the rain that I could see falling so consistently in gentle waves outside my office window was falling just outside the window in her office too.
“It’s disorienting” she was saying. “This new feeling is disorienting.”
She was describing the change that has happened inside of her over the past couple of years in the Bloom Room and coaching one-on-one with me, as she’s become more and more clear on who she is and what she wants.
“All of the sudden”, she said, “there are things that I can’t follow through on, even if I want myself to. Because I know they’re not true for me. All of the sudden my clients are asking me for things, and I hear myself saying that I’ll only use materials that are ethically and sustainably sourced, and that don’t bring microplastics that will impact people’s health…into their homes.
I’ve never said that out loud to a client before. I don’t even really know what happened- I just said no.”
“All of the sudden, if it’s a no for me, I know it. Clearly. And I can’t ignore it anymore.
And that feels really good and amazing, and also…NOW what do I do?”
This has been a progression for Grace and for so many of my clients as they find the ways that they’re not listening to themselves. As they see how they’re overriding their instinct and internal guidance, and once they see them, as they begin to make different choices. But what happens when we start being able to hear our hell no’s more and more clearly? What do we do when are hands are full of no’s?
That’s what today’s episode is all about.
What you’ll learn on this episode:
- Why knowing your list of no-go’s in life is incredibly valuable
- Why we are more likely to know our no’s than our yeses
- How a list of no’s can become the big idea you want to make real in the world
- Why the ideas that come from a “no” are sometimes the most authentic ones
- How our list of no’s turned inside out becomes a project plan
- Three ways you can get support turning your Big Idea into a real thing
How to connect with Marie:
- On the Web | The Local Bloom
- Instagram: @the.bloom.coach
- All Things Marie on LinkTree
JOIN THE BLOOM ROOM!
We'll take all these ideas and apply them to our lives. Follow me on Instagram at @the.bloom.coach to learn more and snag a spot in my group coaching program!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified CoachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Hello, my friends, Welcome toepisode number 115 of the Bloom
(00:38):
your Mind podcast.
I'm wearing a bright pinksweater with big pink hoops
because I'm recording this onValentine's Day and it was so
fun today to go to school andsee all of the pink and the red
that everybody was wearing.
I also have these platform DocMartin boots that I wear
sometimes and I lace them upwith pink ribbons today.
How you like that Going for it?
(01:01):
I'm helping in my child'sValentine's Day party classroom
today, so I thought why notdress for it?
Huh, I have a funny story foryou before we get in today's
content, which I'm reallyexcited about because it's been
really helpful for my peoplelately.
So we all know that it's reallyimportant for our mental health
(01:21):
to practice gratitude, andthere's more and more
information coming out.
When we are making an idea realin our lives, we are so much
more likely to find success.
Whether that's a project or ahabit change or a relationship
change or a perspective changein ourselves, we are so much
more likely to make that changewhen we practice gratitude for
(01:45):
the things around us and when wepractice recognizing the
progress that we've made overand over and over again.
So I'm a big fan of things inmy life that trigger me to
practice gratitude.
So my son made bracelets forall of his classmates for
Valentine's and the braceletshad words on them.
(02:06):
And so words like joy, wordslike peace, calm his favorite
one was good vibes and there wasone that said grateful and he
was making these bracelets and Itold him you know, I tend to
like lay out the word and thenput the letters on from the end
of the word first.
And he was doing that and hewas like are you sure?
And I said yeah, and I wasmaking a bracelet with him and
(02:29):
he said are you really sure,mama?
And I said yeah, and then hesaid but mama, look, and he
holds up the bracelet with thebeads on it and I look over at
it and it says Lufa Targ.
And my daughter and my son andI all looked at it and realized
(02:51):
that it was the word gratefulspelled backwards and we started
laughing so hard and saying theword out loud and I was
laughing so hard I was crying,and so he turned that bracelet
fail into a bracelet for me thatI am wearing that says Lufa
Targ, because now I have areminder, not only to practice
(03:14):
gratitude all day long, butsomething that really makes me
laugh when I look down at it andI'm so excited to show it to
people and see if anyone canfigure out what this word is.
This child, when he was a smallchild, he used to say, instead
of I'm dead serious, he wouldsay I'm hot serious.
So we say that when we'rereally serious I'm hot, serious
(03:34):
about that.
And now we will say I'mpracticing Lufa Targ today for
all the things that I'm gratefulfor.
Maybe those things will makeyou laugh too.
So I have a story for you tointroduce today's topic.
I was sitting across from GraceI say that meaning that we were
sitting across the Zoom screenfrom one another, and some of my
(03:58):
clients and I meet in person,some meet over Zoom.
And so here we were, over Zoom,and she had her hands wrapped
around a mug of tea.
Our session was first thing inthe morning for both of us.
And so here we were, over Zoom,and she had her hands wrapped
around a mug of tea.
Our session was first thing inthe morning for both of us and I
could imagine that the rainthat I could see finally falling
so consistently in these likegentle waves outside my office
(04:19):
window, I could imagine thatthat was probably falling also
just outside the window in heroffice too.
That was you know what she waslooking out at behind her screen
, because we live in the samecity.
So there's this rain falling.
It's morning, we're holding teaand coffee and she said it's
disorienting.
(04:39):
That's what she was saying.
This new feeling, she said, isdisorienting.
That's what she was saying.
This new feeling, she said, isdisorienting.
What she was describing is thechange that has happened inside
of her over the past couple ofyears, during her work in the
bloom room and coachingone-on-one with me, as she's
become more and more clear onwho she is and on what she wants
(05:01):
.
She's more and more clear onwhat her yeses are and what her
no's are.
All of a sudden, she said thereare things that I can't follow
through on, even if I wantmyself to, because I know that
they're not for me, they're nottrue for me, they're a no, and I
used to be able to push pastthat feeling and I literally
can't anymore.
(05:21):
And here I am sitting acrossthe screen and I got chills when
she said that All of a suddenshe said my clients are asking
me for things and I hear myselfsaying things like I'll only use
materials that are ethicallyand sustainably sourced and that
don't bring microplastics thatwill impact your family's health
into your home.
I've never said that out loudto a client before.
(05:42):
She said I just all of a suddensaid no because I can't say yes
anymore.
All of a sudden it's a no forme and I know it clearly and I
can't ignore it anymore.
And that feels really good andamazing and also disorienting.
What do I do next?
(06:03):
Now?
I know a lot of things that area no for me.
Now what do I do?
As I said, this gave me thechills because I have gone
through this exact process andit is so amazing.
What happens is the more clearyou get on your yeses and your
no's and the more you progresstowards being able to hear them
(06:26):
more clearly and act on them andhonor them, the cleaner your
life becomes.
You're only doing things thatyou actually want to be doing
and you are not doing thingsthat you do not.
You only say things that aretrue for you.
The manipulation, or trying tomake people feel a certain way,
(06:47):
goes away.
Even the good, you know, themanipulation that we call good
Like I'm just trying to makesomeone feel good All of those
things go away, and the morethey leave you, the more they
shed off of you.
Then synchronicities in lifebegin to happen.
Things feel like magic.
(07:08):
Things become easy becauseyou're clean and clear.
You know exactly where you'regoing and what your goals are.
You're taking actions towardthem that feel flowy and easy.
You're in this natural,authentic flow state all the
time, or most of the time.
For my client, this has been aprogression for Grace and for so
(07:28):
many of my clients, of findingways that they're not listening
to themselves one by one andsort of chipping them off.
They're not overriding theirinstinct and their internal
guidance anymore and once theysee the ways that they have been
overriding those yeses and noes, they begin to make different
(07:49):
choices.
So, as we're doing this work,what happens when we start being
able to hear all of our hellnoes start setting boundaries
and we look down and we have ourhands out in front of us, right
, and our hands are full of nose.
What do we do with them?
Well, that's what today'sepisode is all about, because
(08:10):
you can take your nose and dosomething really special with
them that leads to exactly whereyou want to go.
So I'm going to give you anexercise to do today.
That's super simple.
That really helps my people andhelps me.
Take all of your no's.
Take a piece of paper andactually divide it with one line
down the middle.
(08:30):
Or, if you're on a document,you can create two columns and
on one column yeah, a document.
On the computer you can listall of your no's.
Now, these can be about aproject that you're working on,
a relationship, a vision thatyou have for your life, a
business you're starting,whatever.
List all of your no's.
(08:51):
So for Grace, it was no tomicroplastics in the home.
No to the alienation that comesfrom having no idea who or what
or where the materials orhistory of the objects in my
home came from.
The materials or history of theobjects in my home came from.
No to things breaking andfalling apart because they were
(09:12):
made with fast production.
No to what that fast productionrepresents for the lives of the
people who make things that arenot made well and that have a
huge environmental footprint forlarge shipping distances, and
we don't know what the laborlaws are for the people who made
them.
So now we have all these no's,what do we do?
(09:33):
We put them all together.
You sew all of your no'stogether into a patchwork quilt,
because when you flip thatquilt over, do you know what you
have?
You have a quilt of all of youryeses, just like that, and
those yeses become the map toyour future.
It's like the panels of apainting all coming together and
(09:56):
all of a sudden you can see thefull picture.
All of your yeses become theidea that you want to make real
in the world.
They can be this beautifulcompass pointing to what's most
important to you in life or inany specific thing.
That points you to what yourvision is for that thing or for
(10:20):
your life, for that relationship, for that project, for that
business, for that book, forthat community, for your life.
All of your yeses lined upcreate your vision that you turn
into the idea that you'remaking real.
It's the idea for your life,the contribution you want to
make, the impact you can have inthe world.
(10:41):
That idea is the combination ofyour deep passions, your yeses,
what you stand for, what youstand for your longing, meeting
what the world needs.
Because our no's are superimportant to help us see that.
That picture of all your yeses,that picture that all your
(11:08):
yeses make that's your big idea.
We don't have to start from theno's but but often nose are
what our brain gives us.
Naturally we don't want toignore those.
They're super important.
This is a productive thing todo with your nose.
Here's some different thingsbefore we get into some examples
of how to do this and close outhere.
(11:29):
First of all, the tuning in tothe yeses and the nos takes work
.
Many of us have been told toignore and tune out our nos,
especially people socialized aswomen in our culture in the
United States.
I know people are listening tothis all over the world, but
that is the perspective that Iam speaking from, so I will
speak from that, and I know thatthat aligns with how women are
(11:53):
socialized in a lot of differentcultures, in different ways
that we are told to ignore andoverride, tune out, talk
ourselves out of the things thatare a hard no for us.
So it takes work to tune backinto those no's and that work in
areas where we have theprivilege to be able to act on
(12:15):
those no's and and you know, wecan all listen to them.
And if we live in a country andin a place where we have enough
privilege to be able to act onthe no's, that becomes a pathway
to freedom.
Just hearing those no's, nomatter where we are, is the
beginning of this pathway.
And no's, like I said, come moreeasily to us because our brains
(12:39):
are wired for negativity.
They have an 85% negativitybias and we are constantly
scanning for threats.
Depending on which brain ishoused in your body, you might
have a brain that scans even youknow, really scans for threats
all the time, based on whateveryour lived experience has been
and what your personality islike, or a brain that scans for
(13:00):
threats a little bit less, butin general, all of us do so.
No's are a thing to celebrate.
They tell you what's not inline with your authentic,
authentic self, your desire,your values.
So here's the exercise foranything, for a project, a life
choice, an idea you're building,a relationship you're calling
in, we can leverage our brain'snegativity bias instead of
(13:23):
fighting against it.
When we have a lot of no's inour mind.
We have clarity.
We just need to work with thoseno's.
So start, like I said earlier,by listing all of your no's in a
column.
They are your golden tickets.
Knowing your no's is sovaluable.
Look at them, appreciate them,understand them when you can.
And now, next to your list ofno's, when they're all out there
(13:47):
, related to whatever it isyou're thinking about, all out
there, related to whatever it isyou're thinking about, whatever
that topic is your whole lifeor a specific topic.
Now we're going to ask, foreach one of those no's, what is
your yes?
For every no, you have a yes.
You flip the coin over and youhave the things that are in line
with your values, yourauthentic and highest self and
(14:09):
your true desires line with yourvalues, your authentic and
highest self and your truedesires.
On the other side of that coin.
That no coin is a yes thatrepresents what you stand for.
So if, for example, for myclient Grace, if the no's are no
to microplastics in the home,then the yes is to natural
fibers and materials that arehealthy for the body to be
(14:30):
around.
If there's a no to alienationthat comes from having no idea
who or what or where, thematerials or history the objects
in a home came from.
The yes is filling homes withobjects and furniture that has a
clear history, that we know whomade it, we know where it came
from.
If it's a no to things breakingand falling apart, then the yes
(14:52):
is a yes to maybe vintagethings or reused things,
recycled objects that are madewith more solid materials.
Let's take another couple ofexamples.
Let's look at an example.
I'm going to take threeexamples here.
The first one is the example offamily culture.
(15:15):
If I were going to do turningthe no's into yes's exercise for
my family culture and I were tobegin to list the things that
are no's for me, for my familyculture, I might list things
like no to fighting.
You know arguing, fighting andharsh tones with one another.
So my yes might be learningcommunication norms that
everybody agrees to.
(15:35):
Around navigating conflict, weall get to say, hey, try that
again, or I'm going to walk away, or let's sit down and use a
talking stick.
If the no is no to all being indifferent rooms on different
screens, growing up in a familyculture where we're just like
kind of separate and siloed,then the yes is I say yes to a
(15:57):
home that doesn't have TVs in it.
I say yes to my kids not havingtheir own iPads that are
available to them when they'rein the house, and I say yes to
games and really likeconsciously creating activities
where we're together.
If my no is being too busy tosee each other, then my yes is
saying is actually planningclear calendars where we
(16:19):
prioritize the family beingtogether, where we prioritize
the family being together.
If my no is no to judging oneanother and no to parenting
where the kids learn a lot aboutwho you want them to be, then
my yes is parenting in a waywhere we get really excited
about what our kids areinterested in and we support
their interests and we're reallycareful not to project onto
(16:42):
them.
So our yes for not projectingis real mindfulness as we're
talking to our kids andcompassion with ourselves
because we're going to mess up.
So that's the big idea.
It becomes this thing that's afamily space that's
non-judgmental, that's connected, that is slow and we really
(17:04):
honor each other with ourcommunication.
So that's my big idea and now Ican break it down into steps
and start working towards it.
Okay, two more examples.
If my example is a new career,I might list out all the things
that I don't want.
It's fine to start from theyeses, too, for today's practice
we're really just talking about, if your brain is full of no's,
(17:24):
how to make those valuable.
No to overworking and burnoutWell then my yes would be
finding a job or changing my jobso that I have very clear work
hours and boundaries times thatI come in and leave work, lunch
breaks and times where, and areally clear differentiation
(17:45):
between what is on my phone thatis going to pop up during
non-work hours.
If I have a no to powerdynamics with bosses that don't
feel good, then my yes isfinding a workspace or working
to sort of like evolve myrelationship at work so that I
can manage up and talk to myboss, sharing feedback about
(18:07):
what feels good, what doesn'tfeel good and the changes that
I'd like to see to feel moresupported.
Or, if I am a boss, I'm gonnabe those things right.
No to feeling like I'm underpaidWell then my yes is to
advocating for my own payequality and making sure that
I'm in a role where I amfinancially valued at the same
level that I'm giving out.
No to feeling out of integrity.
(18:29):
Well, that's just going to be ano to some roles.
My yes is to finding a role,finding work that feels like I'm
spending the hours of my dayand my life doing something that
I'm proud of.
All of those together becomethe vision for the changes I
want to make to my current roleor to the job that I'm looking
(18:50):
for, the career change that I'mlooking for Now.
My confirmation bias, myopportunity bias these are all
going to kick in to help me findwhat I'm looking for, to help
me recognize opportunities tosay yes that are in line with
that thing, and help me standfast in my nose when things are
not in line with what I'mlooking for.
(19:10):
And then, lastly, this exampleis very real.
This is my own example.
This is an example about thesort of relationship between
people that I want to see in theworld and community and what I
want to happen for the humanbeings around me and in the
world.
I have a no to being in silosand feeling like we're going
(19:31):
through it all alone.
I'm a big no to people beingless and less comfortable being
seen for who they are by thepeople around them.
I'm a big no to people livingout expectations made on them by
their family, their social andeconomic systems and never
really becoming who they want tobe.
I'm a no to people being soafraid to fail that they keep
(19:54):
their brilliant ideas in theirheads and never act on them.
I'm a no to people feelinganxious, unfulfilled, burned out
and depressed.
No to chronic pain and illness,no to tribalism and people
othering each other and spendingtheir free time fighting online
.
I'm a no to that and I'm a noto people being disempowered.
Out of all those no's, Iflipped them over and turned
(20:21):
them in yeses and I came up withthe bloom room Just like that,
the vision for this thing thathas become what I'm putting all
my work and love into and thatfeels so good.
It's so in line with my valuesand my vision for what I want to
contribute to the world.
It's a yes to people feelingconnected and like they're not
going through it alone,normalizing the challenges that
we face.
(20:41):
It's a yes to people beingcomfortable, being seen and
being vulnerable.
A yes because they do it in theroom and that normalizes it and
they realize they can bethemselves.
I'm a yes to people finding outwhat expectations they've been
living out that are not theirs,and I'm a yes to people becoming
who they want to be, not what'sexpected of them.
(21:03):
I'm a yes to people developingfailure tolerance so that they
can put their brilliant ideasinto the world and the world
becomes a better place.
I'm a yes to people Limitingtheir feelings of anxiety and
having tools to be able tomanage those.
I'm a yes to boundaries.
I'm a yes to people saying yesto things that regenerate their
(21:24):
energy.
I'm a yes to people settingthose boundaries in such a way
that they lessen or lose,actually, their chronic pain.
And I'm a yes to peoplesearching for the commonalities
between us and the bridges,instead of othering each other.
I'm a yes to people beingempowered, so I put my daily
work into that.
That's an example of how youcan do this in a big way with
(21:48):
what do I want to see in theworld, and it can turn into
something very tangible, like itdid for me.
So no's are so valuable.
Love them up and look at them,list them out related to
anything, and then flip themover to the other side of your
coin and you will find all ofyour yeses.
If you get all those yeses andyou have a big idea, you want to
(22:09):
have help making your big ideareal, get into the Bloom Room.
We will help you.
If you want help in theday-to-day, want some systems to
help you stay productive andmoving forward, I have a daily
planner that goes for a year,starting any day in the year,
(22:30):
working around 90-day goals thatis coming out in the next
couple of weeks that you can buyand use every single day.
That is a tool that's availableto you.
If you have a big idea that youwant to make real a business or
a book or a whole life change,get on the wait list for the
Moxie Mastermind.
This is a six month program tosupport your big idea.
It's a small group of peoplestarting businesses, moving
(22:51):
their lives, their careers,changing careers, writing books,
starting nonprofits, startingcommunity gathering spaces,
creating albums, online courses,starting families or just
changing their self-conceptentirely.
A bigger, multi-step idea thatyou want to make real, come on
into the Moxie Mastermind.
(23:12):
We start with an in-personretreat and we work together for
six months in a more intimatesetting with my eyes on your
project plans, tools that I giveyou to make those ideas real,
small group, weekly coaching andreally high touch support.
So when you have a big ideathat you're ready to make real.
I got you.
Just contact me morethebloomcoach on Instagram for
(23:34):
any of details on any of these.
This is what I've got for youthis week your yeses, your no's,
how both of those, hand in hand, lead you to your big idea and
contributions that you want tomake to the world, or changes
you want to make to your lifethat are in line with your
values and who you are.
(23:57):
All right, everybody.
That's what I've got for youthis week and I will see you
next week.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you gotta come
(24:18):
and join us in the Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the Bloom room.
Welcome to the Bloom your Mind Podcast, where we take
all of your ideas for what youwant and we turn them into real
things.
I'm your host, certified CoachMarie McDonald.
Let's get into it.
Hello, my friends, Welcome toepisode number 115 of the Bloom
(00:38):
your Mind podcast.
I'm wearing a bright pinksweater with big pink hoops
because I'm recording this onValentine's Day and it was so
fun today to go to school andsee all of the pink and the red
that everybody was wearing.
I also have these platform DocMartin boots that I wear
sometimes and I lace them upwith pink ribbons today.
How you like that Going for it?
(01:01):
I'm helping in my child'sValentine's Day party classroom
today, so I thought why notdress for it?
Huh, I have a funny story foryou before we get in today's
content, which I'm reallyexcited about because it's been
really helpful for my peoplelately.
So we all know that it's reallyimportant for our mental health
(01:21):
to practice gratitude, andthere's more and more
information coming out.
When we are making an idea realin our lives, we are so much
more likely to find success.
Whether that's a project or ahabit change or a relationship
change or a perspective changein ourselves, we are so much
more likely to make that changewhen we practice gratitude for
(01:45):
the things around us and when wepractice recognizing the
progress that we've made overand over and over again.
So I'm a big fan of things inmy life that trigger me to
practice gratitude.
So my son made bracelets forall of his classmates for
Valentine's and the braceletshad words on them.
(02:06):
And so words like joy, wordslike peace, calm his favorite
one was good vibes and there wasone that said grateful and he
was making these bracelets and Itold him you know, I tend to
like lay out the word and thenput the letters on from the end
of the word first.
And he was doing that and hewas like are you sure?
And I said yeah, and I wasmaking a bracelet with him and
(02:29):
he said are you really sure,mama?
And I said yeah, and then hesaid but mama, look, and he
holds up the bracelet with thebeads on it and I look over at
it and it says Lufa Targ.
And my daughter and my son andI all looked at it and realized
(02:51):
that it was the word gratefulspelled backwards and we started
laughing so hard and saying theword out loud and I was
laughing so hard I was crying,and so he turned that bracelet
fail into a bracelet for me thatI am wearing that says Lufa
Targ, because now I have areminder, not only to practice
(03:14):
gratitude all day long, butsomething that really makes me
laugh when I look down at it andI'm so excited to show it to
people and see if anyone canfigure out what this word is.
This child, when he was a smallchild, he used to say, instead
of I'm dead serious, he wouldsay I'm hot serious.
So we say that when we'rereally serious I'm hot, serious
(03:34):
about that.
And now we will say I'mpracticing Lufa Targ today for
all the things that I'm gratefulfor.
Maybe those things will makeyou laugh too.
So I have a story for you tointroduce today's topic.
I was sitting across from GraceI say that meaning that we were
sitting across the Zoom screenfrom one another, and some of my
(03:58):
clients and I meet in person,some meet over Zoom.
And so here we were, over Zoom,and she had her hands wrapped
around a mug of tea.
Our session was first thing inthe morning for both of us.
And so here we were, over Zoom,and she had her hands wrapped
around a mug of tea.
Our session was first thing inthe morning for both of us and I
could imagine that the rainthat I could see finally falling
so consistently in these likegentle waves outside my office
(04:19):
window, I could imagine thatthat was probably falling also
just outside the window in heroffice too.
That was you know what she waslooking out at behind her screen
, because we live in the samecity.
So there's this rain falling.
It's morning, we're holding teaand coffee and she said it's
disorienting.
(04:39):
That's what she was saying.
This new feeling, she said, isdisorienting.
That's what she was saying.
This new feeling, she said, isdisorienting.
What she was describing is thechange that has happened inside
of her over the past couple ofyears, during her work in the
bloom room and coachingone-on-one with me, as she's
become more and more clear onwho she is and on what she wants
(05:01):
.
She's more and more clear onwhat her yeses are and what her
no's are.
All of a sudden, she said thereare things that I can't follow
through on, even if I wantmyself to, because I know that
they're not for me, they're nottrue for me, they're a no, and I
used to be able to push pastthat feeling and I literally
can't anymore.
(05:21):
And here I am sitting acrossthe screen and I got chills when
she said that All of a suddenshe said my clients are asking
me for things and I hear myselfsaying things like I'll only use
materials that are ethicallyand sustainably sourced and that
don't bring microplastics thatwill impact your family's health
into your home.
I've never said that out loudto a client before.
(05:42):
She said I just all of a suddensaid no because I can't say yes
anymore.
All of a sudden it's a no forme and I know it clearly and I
can't ignore it anymore.
And that feels really good andamazing and also disorienting.
What do I do next?
(06:03):
Now?
I know a lot of things that area no for me.
Now what do I do?
As I said, this gave me thechills because I have gone
through this exact process andit is so amazing.
What happens is the more clearyou get on your yeses and your
no's and the more you progresstowards being able to hear them
(06:26):
more clearly and act on them andhonor them, the cleaner your
life becomes.
You're only doing things thatyou actually want to be doing
and you are not doing thingsthat you do not.
You only say things that aretrue for you.
The manipulation, or trying tomake people feel a certain way,
(06:47):
goes away.
Even the good, you know, themanipulation that we call good
Like I'm just trying to makesomeone feel good All of those
things go away, and the morethey leave you, the more they
shed off of you.
Then synchronicities in lifebegin to happen.
Things feel like magic.
(07:08):
Things become easy becauseyou're clean and clear.
You know exactly where you'regoing and what your goals are.
You're taking actions towardthem that feel flowy and easy.
You're in this natural,authentic flow state all the
time, or most of the time.
For my client, this has been aprogression for Grace and for so
(07:28):
many of my clients, of findingways that they're not listening
to themselves one by one andsort of chipping them off.
They're not overriding theirinstinct and their internal
guidance anymore and once theysee the ways that they have been
overriding those yeses and noes, they begin to make different
(07:49):
choices.
So, as we're doing this work,what happens when we start being
able to hear all of our hellnoes start setting boundaries
and we look down and we have ourhands out in front of us, right
, and our hands are full of nose.
What do we do with them?
Well, that's what today'sepisode is all about, because
(08:10):
you can take your nose and dosomething really special with
them that leads to exactly whereyou want to go.
So I'm going to give you anexercise to do today.
That's super simple.
That really helps my people andhelps me.
Take all of your no's.
Take a piece of paper andactually divide it with one line
down the middle.
(08:30):
Or, if you're on a document,you can create two columns and
on one column yeah, a document.
On the computer you can listall of your no's.
Now, these can be about aproject that you're working on,
a relationship, a vision thatyou have for your life, a
business you're starting,whatever.
List all of your no's.
(08:51):
So for Grace, it was no tomicroplastics in the home.
No to the alienation that comesfrom having no idea who or what
or where the materials orhistory of the objects in my
home came from.
The materials or history of theobjects in my home came from.
No to things breaking andfalling apart because they were
(09:12):
made with fast production.
No to what that fast productionrepresents for the lives of the
people who make things that arenot made well and that have a
huge environmental footprint forlarge shipping distances, and
we don't know what the laborlaws are for the people who made
them.
So now we have all these no's,what do we do?
(09:33):
We put them all together.
You sew all of your no'stogether into a patchwork quilt,
because when you flip thatquilt over, do you know what you
have?
You have a quilt of all of youryeses, just like that, and
those yeses become the map toyour future.
It's like the panels of apainting all coming together and
(09:56):
all of a sudden you can see thefull picture.
All of your yeses become theidea that you want to make real
in the world.
They can be this beautifulcompass pointing to what's most
important to you in life or inany specific thing.
That points you to what yourvision is for that thing or for
(10:20):
your life, for that relationship, for that project, for that
business, for that book, forthat community, for your life.
All of your yeses lined upcreate your vision that you turn
into the idea that you'remaking real.
It's the idea for your life,the contribution you want to
make, the impact you can have inthe world.
(10:41):
That idea is the combination ofyour deep passions, your yeses,
what you stand for, what youstand for your longing, meeting
what the world needs.
Because our no's are superimportant to help us see that.
That picture of all your yeses,that picture that all your
(11:08):
yeses make that's your big idea.
We don't have to start from theno's but but often nose are
what our brain gives us.
Naturally we don't want toignore those.
They're super important.
This is a productive thing todo with your nose.
Here's some different thingsbefore we get into some examples
of how to do this and close outhere.
(11:29):
First of all, the tuning in tothe yeses and the nos takes work
.
Many of us have been told toignore and tune out our nos,
especially people socialized aswomen in our culture in the
United States.
I know people are listening tothis all over the world, but
that is the perspective that Iam speaking from, so I will
speak from that, and I know thatthat aligns with how women are
(11:53):
socialized in a lot of differentcultures, in different ways
that we are told to ignore andoverride, tune out, talk
ourselves out of the things thatare a hard no for us.
So it takes work to tune backinto those no's and that work in
areas where we have theprivilege to be able to act on
(12:15):
those no's and and you know, wecan all listen to them.
And if we live in a country andin a place where we have enough
privilege to be able to act onthe no's, that becomes a pathway
to freedom.
Just hearing those no's, nomatter where we are, is the
beginning of this pathway.
And no's, like I said, come moreeasily to us because our brains
(12:39):
are wired for negativity.
They have an 85% negativitybias and we are constantly
scanning for threats.
Depending on which brain ishoused in your body, you might
have a brain that scans even youknow, really scans for threats
all the time, based on whateveryour lived experience has been
and what your personality islike, or a brain that scans for
(13:00):
threats a little bit less, butin general, all of us do so.
No's are a thing to celebrate.
They tell you what's not inline with your authentic,
authentic self, your desire,your values.
So here's the exercise foranything, for a project, a life
choice, an idea you're building,a relationship you're calling
in, we can leverage our brain'snegativity bias instead of
(13:23):
fighting against it.
When we have a lot of no's inour mind.
We have clarity.
We just need to work with thoseno's.
So start, like I said earlier,by listing all of your no's in a
column.
They are your golden tickets.
Knowing your no's is sovaluable.
Look at them, appreciate them,understand them when you can.
And now, next to your list ofno's, when they're all out there
(13:47):
, related to whatever it isyou're thinking about, all out
there, related to whatever it isyou're thinking about, whatever
that topic is your whole lifeor a specific topic.
Now we're going to ask, foreach one of those no's, what is
your yes?
For every no, you have a yes.
You flip the coin over and youhave the things that are in line
with your values, yourauthentic and highest self and
(14:09):
your true desires line with yourvalues, your authentic and
highest self and your truedesires.
On the other side of that coin.
That no coin is a yes thatrepresents what you stand for.
So if, for example, for myclient Grace, if the no's are no
to microplastics in the home,then the yes is to natural
fibers and materials that arehealthy for the body to be
(14:30):
around.
If there's a no to alienationthat comes from having no idea
who or what or where, thematerials or history the objects
in a home came from.
The yes is filling homes withobjects and furniture that has a
clear history, that we know whomade it, we know where it came
from.
If it's a no to things breakingand falling apart, then the yes
(14:52):
is a yes to maybe vintagethings or reused things,
recycled objects that are madewith more solid materials.
Let's take another couple ofexamples.
Let's look at an example.
I'm going to take threeexamples here.
The first one is the example offamily culture.
(15:15):
If I were going to do turningthe no's into yes's exercise for
my family culture and I were tobegin to list the things that
are no's for me, for my familyculture, I might list things
like no to fighting.
You know arguing, fighting andharsh tones with one another.
So my yes might be learningcommunication norms that
everybody agrees to.
(15:35):
Around navigating conflict, weall get to say, hey, try that
again, or I'm going to walk away, or let's sit down and use a
talking stick.
If the no is no to all being indifferent rooms on different
screens, growing up in a familyculture where we're just like
kind of separate and siloed,then the yes is I say yes to a
(15:57):
home that doesn't have TVs in it.
I say yes to my kids not havingtheir own iPads that are
available to them when they'rein the house, and I say yes to
games and really likeconsciously creating activities
where we're together.
If my no is being too busy tosee each other, then my yes is
saying is actually planningclear calendars where we
(16:19):
prioritize the family beingtogether, where we prioritize
the family being together.
If my no is no to judging oneanother and no to parenting
where the kids learn a lot aboutwho you want them to be, then
my yes is parenting in a waywhere we get really excited
about what our kids areinterested in and we support
their interests and we're reallycareful not to project onto
(16:42):
them.
So our yes for not projectingis real mindfulness as we're
talking to our kids andcompassion with ourselves
because we're going to mess up.
So that's the big idea.
It becomes this thing that's afamily space that's
non-judgmental, that's connected, that is slow and we really
(17:04):
honor each other with ourcommunication.
So that's my big idea and now Ican break it down into steps
and start working towards it.
Okay, two more examples.
If my example is a new career,I might list out all the things
that I don't want.
It's fine to start from theyeses, too, for today's practice
we're really just talking about, if your brain is full of no's,
(17:24):
how to make those valuable.
No to overworking and burnoutWell then my yes would be
finding a job or changing my jobso that I have very clear work
hours and boundaries times thatI come in and leave work, lunch
breaks and times where, and areally clear differentiation
(17:45):
between what is on my phone thatis going to pop up during
non-work hours.
If I have a no to powerdynamics with bosses that don't
feel good, then my yes isfinding a workspace or working
to sort of like evolve myrelationship at work so that I
can manage up and talk to myboss, sharing feedback about
(18:07):
what feels good, what doesn'tfeel good and the changes that
I'd like to see to feel moresupported.
Or, if I am a boss, I'm gonnabe those things right.
No to feeling like I'm underpaidWell then my yes is to
advocating for my own payequality and making sure that
I'm in a role where I amfinancially valued at the same
level that I'm giving out.
No to feeling out of integrity.
(18:29):
Well, that's just going to be ano to some roles.
My yes is to finding a role,finding work that feels like I'm
spending the hours of my dayand my life doing something that
I'm proud of.
All of those together becomethe vision for the changes I
want to make to my current roleor to the job that I'm looking
(18:50):
for, the career change that I'mlooking for Now.
My confirmation bias, myopportunity bias these are all
going to kick in to help me findwhat I'm looking for, to help
me recognize opportunities tosay yes that are in line with
that thing, and help me standfast in my nose when things are
not in line with what I'mlooking for.
(19:10):
And then, lastly, this exampleis very real.
This is my own example.
This is an example about thesort of relationship between
people that I want to see in theworld and community and what I
want to happen for the humanbeings around me and in the
world.
I have a no to being in silosand feeling like we're going
(19:31):
through it all alone.
I'm a big no to people beingless and less comfortable being
seen for who they are by thepeople around them.
I'm a big no to people livingout expectations made on them by
their family, their social andeconomic systems and never
really becoming who they want tobe.
I'm a no to people being soafraid to fail that they keep
(19:54):
their brilliant ideas in theirheads and never act on them.
I'm a no to people feelinganxious, unfulfilled, burned out
and depressed.
No to chronic pain and illness,no to tribalism and people
othering each other and spendingtheir free time fighting online
.
I'm a no to that and I'm a noto people being disempowered.
Out of all those no's, Iflipped them over and turned
(20:21):
them in yeses and I came up withthe bloom room Just like that,
the vision for this thing thathas become what I'm putting all
my work and love into and thatfeels so good.
It's so in line with my valuesand my vision for what I want to
contribute to the world.
It's a yes to people feelingconnected and like they're not
going through it alone,normalizing the challenges that
we face.
(20:41):
It's a yes to people beingcomfortable, being seen and
being vulnerable.
A yes because they do it in theroom and that normalizes it and
they realize they can bethemselves.
I'm a yes to people finding outwhat expectations they've been
living out that are not theirs,and I'm a yes to people becoming
who they want to be, not what'sexpected of them.
(21:03):
I'm a yes to people developingfailure tolerance so that they
can put their brilliant ideasinto the world and the world
becomes a better place.
I'm a yes to people Limitingtheir feelings of anxiety and
having tools to be able tomanage those.
I'm a yes to boundaries.
I'm a yes to people saying yesto things that regenerate their
(21:24):
energy.
I'm a yes to people settingthose boundaries in such a way
that they lessen or lose,actually, their chronic pain.
And I'm a yes to peoplesearching for the commonalities
between us and the bridges,instead of othering each other.
I'm a yes to people beingempowered, so I put my daily
work into that.
That's an example of how youcan do this in a big way with
(21:48):
what do I want to see in theworld, and it can turn into
something very tangible, like itdid for me.
So no's are so valuable.
Love them up and look at them,list them out related to
anything, and then flip themover to the other side of your
coin and you will find all ofyour yeses.
If you get all those yeses andyou have a big idea, you want to
(22:09):
have help making your big ideareal, get into the Bloom Room.
We will help you.
If you want help in theday-to-day, want some systems to
help you stay productive andmoving forward, I have a daily
planner that goes for a year,starting any day in the year,
(22:30):
working around 90-day goals thatis coming out in the next
couple of weeks that you can buyand use every single day.
That is a tool that's availableto you.
If you have a big idea that youwant to make real a business or
a book or a whole life change,get on the wait list for the
Moxie Mastermind.
This is a six month program tosupport your big idea.
It's a small group of peoplestarting businesses, moving
(22:51):
their lives, their careers,changing careers, writing books,
starting nonprofits, startingcommunity gathering spaces,
creating albums, online courses,starting families or just
changing their self-conceptentirely.
A bigger, multi-step idea thatyou want to make real, come on
into the Moxie Mastermind.
(23:12):
We start with an in-personretreat and we work together for
six months in a more intimatesetting with my eyes on your
project plans, tools that I giveyou to make those ideas real,
small group, weekly coaching andreally high touch support.
So when you have a big ideathat you're ready to make real.
I got you.
Just contact me morethebloomcoach on Instagram for
(23:34):
any of details on any of these.
This is what I've got for youthis week your yeses, your no's,
how both of those, hand in hand, lead you to your big idea and
contributions that you want tomake to the world, or changes
you want to make to your lifethat are in line with your
values and who you are.
(23:57):
All right, everybody.
That's what I've got for youthis week and I will see you
next week.
If you like what you're hearingon the podcast, you gotta come
(24:18):
and join us in the Bloom Room.
This is a year-round membershipwhere we take all of these
concepts and we apply them toreal life in a community where
we have each other's backs andwe bring out the best in each
other.
We're all there to make ourideas real, one idea at a time.
I'll see you in the Bloom room.
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